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Dread. Pure dread is what you are feeling at this moment.
Christmas being around the corner wasn’t the issues here, it was new years eve. God you hated it, it wasn’t because of the celebrations for a new year but what came during it.
Fireworks.
It was hell on earth, loud banging, multiple times, everywhere you turned, it was the worst thing anyone could experience, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t remind you of what Hydra did to you as a kid.
You were sold off by your parents to them at a very young age, apparently money was more important than you. You hated your parents throughout your life until Nick Fury took you in to become the Avenger.
At first you were skeptic, how couldn’t you be? They were a group of people who went out of their way to save the word without really expecting any rewards but with Hydra you had to earn good stuff, like eatable food.
The fact that you didn’t have to go out on a mission and come back thinking you are able to get scold for knocking out 2 men instead of 5 like they wanted, it was a real shock.
You never thought there would be people who would relate to you, but there was, Natasha Romanoff was one of them. When you first joined there was a spark of interest in her at the sight of you, you seemed timid and afraid every time your name would be called out.
She never really spoke to you until the two of you went on a spy mission together..
3 Years ago..
“Okay, Romanoff as you’re the best spy in here, I am assigning you for mission with-” Steve paused as he looked around the room to see who he can send with the Russian.
You were late to the meeting, it wasn’t intentional, the meeting was scheduled in the morning and you knew about it but for some reason your alarms didn’t go off.
You walked in and Steve smiled “Y/n”
You looked up at him with slight fear at your lateness “I am sorry for being late-”
Before you could finish, he continued “You’ll go with Natasha for the spy mission together tonight”
It was as if your words disappeared from your brain as you tried to process what just happened, Natasha rolled her eyes at you “Just don’t be late”
You swallowed hard, she was cold towards you since you joined, you never understood why and even though you tried to be as polite as you could get, she was just cold.
Everyone reassured you that it takes some time for her to warm up but you weren’t stupid, she just didn’t like you and no matter how nice you could be to her, she just couldn’t stand you.
You nodded at her and took a chair that was empty as Steve continued to brief you and the team about the mission just in case it went wrong which only gave you more anxiety.
Natasha was known to never fail missions and that what was getting to you, you always managed to missed a detail which nearly blew the whole mission but you were always saved and you knew if that happened Natasha would only hate you more.
As the meeting was ending, you stood up when everyone dismissed and started to make your way towards your room so you could get some of your stuff ready for the mission.
Carol caught up to you “Hey Y/n”
You turned around as you looked back slightly taken back until your eyes laid on Carol “Oh hey Carol”
She smiled brightly at you “I know you’re going on a mission but do you know if you’ll be free after?”
“Uh, probably, It will be a while till they assign me another mission so yeah, why?” You asked, not catching on her tone.
She rubbed the back of her neck with a shy smile “I was wonder if you wanted to go out with me for dinner after?”
You were stunned, it was so unusual for someone to ask you out that you forgot that it even existed, your silence only made Carol more nervous.
“It’s okay, if you don’t want to” She reassured.
You smiled at her “Uh, sure, I don’t mind”
She smiled as nervous left her body and nodded “We can talk about it more after you come back, is that okay?”
You nodded “Of course, now if you don’t mind, I need to get ready for the mission before I am late and Natasha murders me”
“Right, well ran along” She laughed, letting you and you nodded as you started to walk off, whilst she stared at you with a victory smile.
After not giving a second thought to what happened with Carol, you managed to actually be quite early and pretty ready for the mission, you loaded your stuff on the jet as you disassembled your bracelet on the jet, waiting for Natasha to show up.
The bracelet was a quicker way to get into your suit and you were grateful for Tony to use your idea to make that, it was much more easier to fight in the suit without changing.
You did end up learning a thing or two about fixing it when it was acting up and that’s what you were doing at the moment, Natasha rushed in knowing she was late but hoping that you would be later than her.
You looked up at her and then back at the bracelet as you continued to do your thing, she rolled her eyes “Don’t say anything”
You weren’t going to let her treat you so badly when you never did anything to her “I don’t care”
She raised her brow at you but decided against it since she was going to be stuck with you for couple long days, the silence on the jet was definitely loud and since it was on autopilot, Natasha didn’t have much to do.
“What are you doing?” She asked as she sat opposite you.
You wanted to ignore her but what good would that do you “I’m trying to fix this”
“Can I have a look?” She asked with slight shy tone that if you weren’t paying attention you would’ve missed it.
You nodded as you passed it over to her, she smiled slightly as she took it in her hands and with couple swift movements, it was fixed. You raised your brows when you looked at her as she handed you the bracelet back.
“There you go” She leaned back when you took it from her.
“That’s it?” You asked as you couldn’t believe it.
She rolled her eyes “Believe it or not, but I do pay attention to what Tony is doing most of the time”
You shot her a smile as you fitted the bracelet back on your wrist “Thanks anyway”
She nodded and the conversation fell silent, but she was quick to speak up again “So you and Carol?”
You looked up from your hands at her with slight confusion and then it clicked “What about me and Carol?”
“Didn’t she ask you out?” She asked, with slightly raised brow.
“Yeah” You answered simply as your eyes were glued to her, curiosity brewing inside you as million questions swam around in your head.
“Are you going to..?” The question might’ve had curious tone to it but there might’ve been slight jealousy coming out of it.
You shrugged “I don’t know, maybe. Carol is cool, besides is not like anyone else is interested in me”
There, it could’ve been Natasha’s moment, to tell you but she swallowed her words and gave you a shy smile before the two of you were dropped off by the place that you were suppose to camp out.
As you walked inside the room, you were told it was an apartment big enough for the two of you, so initially you thought there will be two rooms but that wasn’t what they meant.
You walked inside the bedroom as you looked around and then frowned, you walked out and looked at the hallway which only had one more door, you approached it and opened it to only reveal a bathroom.
You walked back into the kitchen where Natasha was already making herself a coffee “Dibs on the couch”
Natasha turned around to look at you with a confused look “Why?”
With a timid smile you looked over at her “Because there is a one bed and you should take it”
In the redheads eyes, you just couldn’t be any more perfect, you easily could’ve made her sleep on the uncomfortable couch but you didn’t, you let her have the bed whilst you suffered.
She smiled and without saying anything else just nodded, you got the couch ready for sleep to be prepared for the morning, even if it wasn’t so late you always had trouble falling asleep so might as well start now.
Natasha turned around with a cup in her hand “Do you want to go out for dinner?”
You looked up at her, slightly shocked that she even cares if you ate anything, you looked away for a split second “Sure, what do you have in mind?”
“I saw some Chinese place not far away from here” She spoke after taking a sip of whatever she was drinking.
You nodded “Okay, I’m starving anyway so Chinese sounds good”
You placed your bag on the couch to unpack later and took your wallet with you as you walked over to the front door, you opened it and looked back to see if she was coming.
She was just in her long sleeve shirt “Are you sure you aren’t going to be cold?”
She shook her head “I can stand a little bit of cold, I’m sure I will be okay”
You shrugged and just let her walked out first before following her, you didn’t want to seem like you were forcing her so you just continued on.
But in the end you were right, it was cold like really cold and even you were clinging onto your coat as shivers were running up and down your spine, you could see Natasha was way more freezing than you.
You sighed “Didn’t I say you would be cold?”
She rolled her eyes, she was stubborn, she knew she should’ve taken something but she wanted to show off for some stupid reason and now she was freezing her ass off.
“Maybe I should’ve listened to you..” She admitted which was rare for her but it was you, she felt like she could be herself with you around.
You smirked at her admitting it, with a click of a finger, your sweater from underneath your coat appeared in your hand, you handed it to her and she was fast to put it on, it was still warm and she never felt so desperate to feel warmth.
“Thank you..” She mumbled as she looked away with slight blush across her cheeks, she was just glad she was warm again.
You smiled and nodded “Of course, next time take something with you”
She nodded and you both finally walked inside the Chinese place that you both have been waiting outside so long for. The day ended on a nice note, you both had some conversation about the team and some crazy missions, for once Natasha seemed like a friend to you rather than an enemy.
Maybe there could’ve been a chance between you and Natasha but she switched up really quickly, as soon as the mission was over she was back with her walls taller than ever.
As yous stepped into the compound, the first couple days were okay until Carol appeared from her mission, she was excited to tell you about hers and hear about your success.
Natasha for a moment forgot that your attention wasn’t just on her, no matter how much she wanted it, she knew she couldn’t get it. She liked you but she didn’t have the courage to tell you, you looked happy with the blonde, the way you would laugh with Carol was different to how you would laugh with Natasha.
Her smile fell as Carol approached you and she was quick to make an exit, not wanting to hear you agree to go out with her. The whole mission you thought there was a way to be with the Natasha you gotten to know, the Natasha that was kind and loveable.
But she managed to change within couple of seconds and that only pained you more. The whole three weeks you spent pouring out your insecurities to her only to get shut down again, but there was nothing you could really do, even if you wanted to.
You managed to finally find her, she took a mission the second she saw you and Carol together so locating her was hard for couple days until she was back, she didn’t even rest after, she was already in the training room.
You walked in a little nervous, you two haven’t had a conversation since you could remember, you cleared your throat and that caused the redhead to look over at you.
She didn’t even smile or greet you but instead she reached for her water and turned away, you walked a little bit closer and spoke up instead “Hey Nat..”
No answer.
Your gaze was stuck on her even if she wasn’t looking at you “Uh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go grab something to eat with me?”
She placed the water down, facing you but not looking at you “No thanks”
Her response was short and simple yet cut through you like knives “Oh, okay sure, well I was just wondering because Carol asked me-”
This time she looked at you “Look I don’t care about you or your pathetic love life, do whatever you want”
It stung, way more than any wound you ever had, couple weeks back her comments wouldn’t effect you but spending time with her and seeing her smile and laugh with you melted that wall you had.
She turned away to not look at your hurt expression, she didn’t even know why she was this mean to you, she wanted to be the one to make you laugh and smile but maybe she just wasn’t ready for that yet.
You let out a breath that you held in at her comment and felt tears coming up but you managed to keep them in “Right..”
You turned around as you hang your head low and spoke out before walking out “I’m not sure what I did to you Natasha for you to be this mean to me but I’m sorry, just know that it hurts”
It hit Natasha in her soft spot, she was way too harsh on you, before she could apologise to you and try to even fix this, you were gone, she couldn’t believe that you apologies to her for her being mean to you, she really didn’t deserve you.
Ever since that day you and Natasha didn’t really speak unless you had to, she was somewhere else whilst Carol had your time and attention all the time.
It has been a whole year since that and you felt somewhat happen with Carol even if you felt that something was missing but you went along with it, Carol was sweet and kind and everything you could want in someone but she was also slightly boring.
She would rather just sleep on her day off than do something with you, you gotten used to it after sometime, at least Wanda was there for you when you needed her and visa versa.
You were grateful for her company and wouldn’t do anything to change it, as you sat on the stall that was in the kitchen, looking down your phone as someone walked in.
You thought it was Wanda “Hey Wands, what do you think-”
When you looked up, it wasn’t the tiny little redhead but rather the more muscular Russian “Oh”
She didn’t even give you a second of her attention before she walked out after grabbing a bottle of water, your feelings for her settled when Carol started to fill that empty place.
You sighed as you shook your head and this time Wanda walked in with a huge smile “Y/n/n!”
You smirked “There you are Tiny”
She rolled her eyes playfully “I don’t understand why you call me tiny, you are just couple inches taller than me”
You shrugged as you stood up from the stall “It suits you”
“Whatever, I was looking for you because we have to get ready for Tony’s new year eve party tonight”
You could feel your anxiety raise up “New years eve party?”
She nodded “Yeah, did you forget? Today is 31st of December”
You pulled out your phone and she was right, you missed how fast the week must’ve went by “I must’ve not noticed today’s date”
“Of course you did! This year you’re going to be at the party, last year you disappeared before the fun even started so tonight you’re staying” She spoke through a huge smile as she dragged you to her room.
She wasn’t wrong, you always disappeared before the count down happened, you locked yourself away as you put a pillow over your head to muffle the banging sounds.
You hated fireworks, they triggered you so badly that you could feel your heart in your ears and your palms would be so sweaty as if you were wearing rubber gloves all day.
As time flied through the day, you and Wanda were almost ready for the party, you already had a plan for the sneaking out and with fingers crossed you hoped it would work.
As you appeared with Wanda, the team welcomed you and the party started off pretty nicely, with quite chilling music and drinks being given out.
You had a good time until you didn’t, you looked down at your phone and saw that it was nearly midnight, you put your phone back into your pocket and looked around for the less crowded exit, you managed to find one and slowly processed towards it.
But you were stopped by Wanda “And where do you think you are going? The fireworks are about to start”
You nervously chuckled “Fireworks?”
She nodded with a silly smile “Of course, you been acting so strange lately, it’s just fireworks”
You laughed with anxiety going through the roof even though you were standing already on the roof of the building “Right right, sorry”
She took your hand into hers and pulled you in the direction where everyone was gathered, they had a timer on display and this time you couldn’t do anything.
You gulped as you desperately looked around when it was only 20 seconds left, you could feel your hand shake slightly, you were glad that Wanda let go of your hand to cheer.
Tony smirked as he shouted “Time for fireworks”
Natasha usually wasn’t bothered but something inside her was not sitting right, she scanned the room and everything seemed to be in place until her eyes found your terrified face.
“Wait Tony-” Before she could stop him, he already lit the end of the fireworks and made a run for it, she saw you close your eyes as your hands held onto you so tightly.
She ran over to you as fast as she could but it was a lot more harder with nearly a hundred of people gathering, the loud high pitched sound coming from the front and following up to the sky, milliseconds before exploding into multiple colours.
Natasha managed to reach you as she covered your ears at the same time as the bang made itself known in the sky, you shot open your eyes only to be met with her green piercing eyes.
There was a soft small smile across her lips as she mouth “I got you Y/n”
You let couple tears roll down your face as you stared into her eyes, distracted from the anxiety and ignoring the poorly muffled bangs but she remembered.
That’s what mattered to you, she remembered that little stupid detail you told her a year back, you didn’t know when your hands travelled to her back as you cling onto her as if she was the only help you could get.
Her eyes never left yours for even a split second, as the fireworks died down, she removed her hands and let her thumb wipe off the fallen tears, leaning into her touch felt so right and familiar, your feelings were back and this only made it more real.
“It’s okay.. everything is okay” She spoke softly offering you a small polite smile.
This was the Natasha you knew, the gentle happy woman that you were privileged enough to meet, before you could completely calm down, Carol marched over tearing you away from Natasha.
“What the fuck is going on here” She asked obviously being angry over this.
Your brain didn’t even register when you was dragged inside the building with Natasha following right behind “Let her go!”
Carol stopped, finally letting you go as your heart rate was only slowly picking back up when couple of fireworks banged here and there.
“What the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend?” Carol asked as she crossed her arms.
“I wasn’t doing anything-” Natasha tried to tell her the truth.
“Bullshit, I saw you with my own eyes, you were close to kissing her!” She raised her voice, as she narrowed her eyes.
She turned towards you “Y/n you better tell me what the hell have you been doing with this asshole!”
Your breathing was getting heavier, you never reacted like this, you always managed to keep your panic attacks to yourself but today wasn’t that day.
“Hey leave her alone-” Natasha once again tried to say something but was only met with anger.
“Shut the fuck up Romanoff” Carol turned on her hill as she pointed her finger towards the Russian.
“Hey don’t fucking raise your voice at me, all I did was help Y/n whilst you were too fucking busy checking out the bar lady” Natasha narrowed her eyes as she walked over to the blonde.
“No I wasn’t! I was thinking about another drink- I don’t have to explain myself to you” She spoke as she turned to face you “But you!” She pointed “You better explain yourself”
You could feel your heart close to exploding, you couldn’t stand it anymore so when Carol shouted again “You better pick now! Me or Natasha!”
You looked up at her, with tears and sweat dropping down your face, your breathing heavy “Leave me the fuck alone!”
You shouted as you ran out and managed to lock yourself in the bedroom before fully breaking down. Your body shook violently as you held yourself and letting out quiet sobs, jumping from time to time at the still on going bangs outside.
Somewhere during the night you managed to calm enough to fall asleep, you didn’t leave your room until late afternoon and you assumed that with what happened yesterday, it was quick to make itself known around the compound hence why no one bothered to ask if you were okay.
You dressed up just like your mood represented you and walked out of your room, instead of heading to the living room as usual, you darted your way towards Wanda’s room.
She was sat on her bed, book in hand but as soon as she heard the door open and close, she stood up rather quickly, when she noticed you, she launched herself towards you as she held you.
“I am so sorry Y/n/n” She whispered into your ear as you let tears quietly run down your face.
You pulled away and wiped them away “It’s okay, you didn’t know”
She shook her head “I should’ve figured it out, it wasn’t the first time you disappeared at the mention of fireworks”
You waved to dismiss her as you placed yourself on the bed “It’s okay, really”
She sat herself beside you, facing you but before she could ask you anything, you looked at her slightly confused “Why aren’t you in the living room with the team?”
She awkwardly smiled at you “Well.. since yesterday things around there haven’t been the best, Natasha and Carol are constantly at each others throats and no one seems to manage to calm them down”
You sighed, knowing that this will only cause more issues “What’s going on Y/n? Are you not happy with Carol?”
You looked at her “That’s not it, I am happy with her but she’s just not Natasha, Wands. No matter how long I can push my feelings down, they will eventually come out and it will end up hurting Carol all over again”
She nodded as she listened “So it is true that you both kissed?”
You shook your head “No, she didn’t even lean it, she just covered my ears before I could even go into panic mode”
She nodded “Well to me it sounds clear as a crystal who you should pick but Y/n/n” She reached for your hands as she gave them a light squeeze “Who are you going to pick?”
You looked at her “It must be her, she’s been here since day one Wands, as much as Carol was good for me, Natasha is much more than that, I- I think I love her but I’m scared she will hurt me again”
Wanda nodded as she pulled you into a hug with a delicate smile “I know you are but I think this would be something you would talk with Natasha”
You nodded against her shoulder, maybe it was time to finally come to terms with what you been feeling for the Russian, you pulled away “First I need to talk to Carol”
“Do you want me to be there with you?” She asked after nodding.
You shook your head with a polite smile “No, I think I can manage, thank you for offering though”
She returned the smile as you gotten up “So.. I’m getting living room?”
She answered with a small chuckle and you nodded as you processed to walk out and head towards the living room where you could practically hear the redhead and the blonde.
You sighed as you walked inside, just as you walked in, Tony was walking out, he sighed with relief at the sight of you all well “Oh thank god Y/n”
“Hey Tony” You answered shyly.
“I’m glad you’re all well and everything but please shut those two up, they have been going at each other for hours now” He spoke with exhaustion all over his face.
You fidgeted with your sleeve as you nodded “Yeah okay”
You were about to walk towards the two women but Tony stopped you as he placed his hand on your shoulder “I just wanted to say sorry about yesterday, if there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know I’m here for you Y/n”
You gave him a small smile as you pulled him into a hug “Thank you, it means a lot”
He nodded and proceeded to go away from them two shouting at each other, you sighed, taking a few deep breaths and walking further inside of the living room.
“You are unbelievable, I turn around for couple minutes and you are all over Y/n, how many times do I have to tell you, you would never be enough for her! She ended up with me not you, so stop trying” The blonde spoke up really loudly, with her back towards you, not knowing you walked in.
Natasha noticed you “Really?”
“Yes! Really, you will never be enough for her, she doesn’t even need to tell you” The blonde was really expressive with her anger, you never knew this side of Carol.
Natasha raised her brow with a slight smirk as she crossed her arms “Well why don’t we find out from Y/n herself”
Carol looked confused “What?” but as soon as she saw that Natasha was looking behind her, she knew you were standing there.
She turned around as her eyes were met with yours, you looked tiny and timid, not the usual confidant self, but as soon as she looked at you, the confidence was back.
“When did you become this mean Carol?” You asked the million dollar question.
Before she could even try to form an answer, you spoke up again “I don’t like it, I don’t like that you think I am something not someone, you don’t own me and for you information, I was freaking the fuck out yesterday and Natasha was the only person who jumped in to help me”
Now the anger on Carol’s face disappeared and was replaced with guilt, you continued on “Where even were you? You were suppose to be with me the whole night”
Natasha butted in as she sat down, hooking her leg over the other one with a smug smile “She was flirting with the bar lady”
You raised your brow at Natasha who shut up almost instantly and looked back at Carol “Is that true?”
She could’ve lied but seeing how you looked so helpless and scared, she couldn’t do that to you, so she just nodded, not wanting to say anything.
You scoffed “So you’re making a big deal over a supposed kiss that never happened but you were flirting with someone else, now you are unbelievable”
You pointed your finger to stop her from trying to say something “Oh and don’t you dare tell anyone if they are enough for me or not, that’s for me to decide”
“Y/n, I- I didn’t mean it like that” She finally spoke up, trying to somehow get out of this.
You shook your head “I’m done with this Carol, you wanted me to pick so I pick her”
Natasha’s smug smile fell as she stood up, taking a step forwards “What?”
“Do you even hear yourself Y/n? How can you pick her?” She asked with disbelief in her voice.
“Oh I hear myself loud and clear, she always been here for me Carol, you would rather spend your days sleeping than even bother couple hours of your day with me” You spoke as you narrowed your eyes at her.
“Okay yeah that might’ve been my fault but she spend a year ignoring you, how was she there for you” She asked with curiosity, she never noticed anything between the two of you.
This time you looked over at Natasha, finally looking into her eyes they always grounded you when you had trouble “She never had to use her words to help, her eyes held everything I needed”
You remembered the times you would be send to missions as a small group and there would be things that would trigger you easily, usually you would manage to keep it to yourself but there was one time where you decided to stay back a little as they walked on further.
Taking a couple of breaths before re-joining, Natasha managed to notice that so she kept an eye out for anything that couple approach you from behind, when you came back, the two of you shared a gaze which told you everything you needed.
You could read her easily when she wanted to be vulnerable with you, it was those moments that gave you hope but that was quickly shut down when everything went back to her being cold and distant to you.
Natasha gave you a small gentle smile, wanting to just pull you into her but Carol spoke up behind her body could move towards you “You know what? I don’t even care anymore, just do whatever you want, just don’t come back to me when she fucks you over again”
You watched as the blonde walked out still pretty pissed but that didn’t matter in this moment, as you looked back at Natasha, she was ready to give you her heart but you weren’t, not yet.
You raised your hand to stop her “Not yet, we will talk about this properly but just not yet”
She closed her mouth and just nodded, you turned around and headed towards the exist, before you fully disappeared she spoke up in the end “I will wait for you”
You looked back and was met with a wide smile and the most delicate look anyone ever gave you, you smiled back and nodded “I know..”
Couple days has passed since that conversation, Carol and Natasha didn’t argue anymore and the team was more than grateful for that, they could finally sit down on the couch without hearing some stupid comments they made towards each other.
You spend those couple days getting mentally ready for the conversation you are still suppose to have with Natasha, it was going to be hard but at least it was going to be different after that.
You were about to leave your room to find her when you opened the door, there she stood with a nervous smile across her lips “Oh, I was just going to look for you”
She smiled at what you said “I know we didn’t talk about this” She pointed from you to her “But if we have it right now I can take you somewhere I wanted to for some time now”
“Well I was going to look for you so we can talk so come on I guess” You were quite shocked, this was quite random.
She was hesitant but she walked in when you moved to the side, as soon as you walked in further she didn’t waste any time to at least somehow be physically attached to you.
Her hand found yours and for a moment you forgot what you were going to say “Right! the talk”
Natasha smiled at the effect she was having on you, she liked it which meant she had a big advantage over this, but she kept herself quiet so you can calm down enough to talk.
“Have you spoke to Carol ever since?” you asked, letting yourself calm down slowly.
She only shook her head so you continued “Nat, you hurt me a lot, you were the only person I told everything about, not even Wanda knows most of the things I told you”
Her smile fell and she looked away for a second behind looking back at you “I-I know I guess I let my emotions win over what I wanted”
There was a brief moment where you paused as you searched her eyes if she was saying the truth “And what did you want?”
Your voice was almost above a whisper but she heard you “You, it was always you, I am deeply sorry for what I did but please let me make it up to you, I really want another chance to finally be with you”
“I-I don’t know, you didn’t even say hi to me let alone looked towards my direction, it was way too painful and I don’t ever want to go through that” You spoke with a little bit of doubt, you were scared and you had the right to be.
She nodded, understanding your fear “Just give me one chance Y/n/n, if I mess it up, that will be on me fully”
There was still sound doubt which she noticed easily “Please”
You sighed “Okay, one chance Romanoff and that’s it”
Her smile was more than any smile you witnessed, it help victory and you simply playfully rolled your eyes “Now let’s go, I want to show you something”
She pulled you along by the hand she was still holding, it was new and fresh, maybe this was the start of something but you needed to go slow for now, cautious.
After couple of months that passed, everything seems to be okay between you and Carol, she understood her mistakes and apologised for them, still she had hope that you would get back with her but you knew that was impossible, your heart belonged with the redhead Russian.
Tonight would mark the 3rd month forgiving Natasha and giving her a chance for yous, maybe it could be a mistake or not but you needed to try, you practically longed for her, it was impossible to walk away.
It was evening and you haven’t been able to locate Natasha all day, you really wanted her to pull you into her gentle embrace and tell you how much she wanted to spend her day with you rather than listen to Steve all day long.
You just needed her but you couldn’t find her, you managed to find Bucky who looked like he was waiting for you, you frowned at him but proceeded to walk towards him.
“Have you seen Natasha…?” Your sentence was long forgotten when he stood next to a hanger full of clothes for you.
“What is this?” You asked, as you eyed the room, it didn’t have anything different, expect the huge amount of clothes hanging.
“Pick and run along to change” He spoke, not giving any hints of what this all way about.
“I wont do it until you tell me” You crossed your arms not moving from your place.
He smirked “Fine then I will find you something and have Wanda force you”
You sighed in defeat, it seemed like everyone was on this weird plan, so you walked up to the hanger and looked through clothes until you stopped on this nice long black dress, it had a cut down the leg.
You pulled it off and he just pointed towards a little wooden wall so you could change, and so you did, as you walked out all dressed up, Bucky was no where to be found but now Sam stood there.
“Lets go” He spoke as he extended his hand towards you and you took it, knowing that if you were to question, nothing would be given to you anyway.
He led you to a room and took a blind fold out, now that caused you to take a step back “Okay no, you are not putting it on my head, I don’t even know what is going on”
He chuckled “Trust me Y/n, It’s nothing bad”
You hated being blinded but you took a deep breath and just nodded, turning your back towards him and letting him put the black cloth over your eyes.
You muttered “I hate you guys for this”
That’s when you felt a soft hand over your hand and you were being pulled, being blinded and practically vulnerable, you let yourself be led towards wherever.
Soon the cloth was off and you were met with those piercing green eyes, a huge smile across her lips, if you thought that she looked pretty before, it definitely changed when you saw what she was wearing.
“I always knew you looked stunning but today, you look like the a diamond, worth everything to get it” She spoke through a slight blush across her cheeks.
“I can say the same about you” Your eyes were on her all the whole time, forgetting about the surroundings until you felt a breeze across your exposed back.
You looked around and noticed that yous were on top of the roof with a blank screen near by and some candles that were not lit just yet “What is this Nat?”
You could practically hear her smile when she spoke “This is the new years eve you deserved to have детка (Baby)”
You looked at her with a confused frown “It’s the middle of March, what are you doing?”
She shrugged “And? Just take a hand and let me show you”
She extended her hand and awaited for you to take it, you took it without hesitation and she pulled you close to her as a timer was displayed behind yous on the blank screen.
“I spent the last couple months, proving to you that I am worth the chance you gave me and I promise you that I will continue to do that until we both die” She spoke as the timer started to count down.
“I know you didn’t get your new years kiss and if you do me the honours and share that with me, it would make me the happiest woman alive but if you’re not ready for that just yet, I am okay with that too, we can just hold each other”
You smiled at her being so open with you, your eyes darted to the screen, there were seconds before it finished and you had to take your decision now, your hands reached for her face, placing them on each side, and pulling her in to meet your lips.
She froze for a second but quickly matched the pace of your lips moving against hers, there was a smile across her lips, you could feel it as you pulled away, your eyes caught something colourful.
You looked away from her still closed eyes and noticed the silent fireworks, your eyes filled with tears, no one has ever gone to that extend to let you relive something to hated so much.
And here you are, standing in Natasha’s embrace as the beauty of the fireworks displayed on the huge screen, Natasha’s gaze was on yours waiting for to look back at her.
When you did, you couldn’t hold yourself together, you didn’t need to say anything else, this moment was everything you wanted, this time her thumb wiped the one fallen tear with a smile across your lips, not fear displayed across your features.
You looked up, trying your best to make the tears go back in “I can’t believe our first kiss was this corny”
She laughed as she snaked her arm around your waist “I will do anything to see that smile as long as you are happy”
You shook your head with a chuckle “I love you”
Natasha’s smile only grew “Now look who is corny, saying I love you on new years eve”
“It’s March” You spoke as you placed one of your hands on the back of the Natasha’s neck.
She chuckled “I love you too Y/n/n, I don’t think I could ever stop”
This time she pulled you in for another kiss, you let yourself melt into her touch, wanting all of her, not just her lips but you knew you had to keep it together, you were more than grateful for this.
She was everything you ever needed.