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I was sitting on the window of my room - my eyes stuck deep in the landscape of the sea, blindly in love with what I was seeing. It was late April, almost May, so the air felt rather refreshing than freezing. I let the wind play with my hair and closed my eyes. I don't usually allow myself moments like this, but this one time, for a few minutes, I let myself be free.
As I opened my eyes, the sun was already setting. Realizing how late it's gotten, I closed the window and decided to head to the bathroom. My room wasn't particularly tidy. There were books and papers laying all over my desk, and even the wrapping, I used for Anri's birthday present, was still on the floor, despite her party taking place a week ago. "I'm going to clean this up sometime - I thought to myself - sometime, but not now". I had more important things on my mind at that moment. Besides, unlike some in this household, I never really bothered to let my surroundings get in the way of my productivity. Although, if I am to talk about myself, I believe I should property introduce myself first.
My name is Scarlett Eyler. I grew up in a rather small apartment with my mother and my twin brother - Charles. Our mother never payed too much attention to us growing up; I can't say she's uncaring, rather just busy. We haven't seen our father since we were little, so we could just imagine what he's like. For the most, it's been just the two of us.
Charles is a wonderful person, unfortunately I'm not always the most wonderful sister. He always seemed extremely introverted and lonely, and always struggled with his self-esteem. Mother showing a clear favoritism towards me, didn't help in that regards.
I am an athlete and unrivaled beauty, who always gets what she wants. An ideal person, some might say. And in reality, I'm not even half as special as I would like to believe. I'm very aware of that. As far as our family is considered, my brother is the most special person I know.
Our bathtub is still stained from the dye, I used to dye my hair. I should probably clean it up, but not right now; I have more important things to focus on.
As I walked back to my room, I stopped by Charles' door. For once, I've decided to be a wonderful sister.
- Charles - I knocked on his door - Charles, I'm coming in.
Unlike mine, his room was very put together. He's always been obsessed with keeping things in place, and in a way, I admired that.
My brother was sitting in front of his computer, absorbed in the text on it's screen.
- What is it, Scarlett? - pulled his eyes away from the monitor and smiled at me. It was clearly a forced smile.
- Nothing. I was just checking on you. - I smiled back - What are you reading?
- Aether Almanac just updated - he seemed slightly more amused.
- That internet novel, you're obessed with?
- It's really good! - he responded with enthusiasm.
- It's mediocre at best.
- Have you even read it?
- I have and I didn't like it. The writing is alright, but nothing outstanding, and the story is just otterly depressing.
I lied. I liked how the story was written. C is clearly a very gifted writer, I can't deny that. However, my point about the it being depressing still stands.
- I have to disagree with you. - Charles jumped in to defend his favorite author - C's writing is objectively great; even Anri admits that. As for the story, it's heavy focus on the topic of loneliness is something many resonate with. On top of that, the protagonist is likable and relatable in her motivation, which makes the entire story a great source of inspiration.
- Don't compare your fanfiction to his work again...
- Hey! I'm not comparing it, and technically it's not a fanfiction - he seemed offended.
- It's the same story template, just with slight changes and different characters. The cast is boring, maybe aside from the main character; who's mentally disabled anyway. Overall, the story is extremely cliché.
- See? This is why I prefer talking to C over you or Anri. - Charles responded, reasonably offered - Unlike the two of you, he never insults my writing.
- He's just being polite.
- Maybe. Even if so, at least he has the decency to be kind.
- I still think you should focus more on your actual life. Your school and girlfriend. Things that are real.
He looked away.
- Goodnight, Charles. Don't stay up too late - I sighed and left the room.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on his work. I just can't help but worry about him. His pure adoration of this false god is nothing but alarming. However, now, I'm afraid, I hurt him.
Struggling to accurately show my care for others had always been a fatal flaw of mine, I suppose.
.
I'm not necessarily the most popular person at school. Being the top student and president of the student council, many find me intimidating. I tend to spend the recesses alone.
As I was waiting for the student council meeting to begin, in a neraly empty hall, a girl approached me.
Henrietta Warhol, or Anri as she insisted, and I never had much in common. Aside from both of us experiencing a level of pressure from our families, we are two extremely different individuals. She never had it easy. Anri got bullied a lot in middle school, and to my knowledge, her homelife wasn't great either. All of that lead her to developing a horrible attitude. Her and Charles started talking due to their shared interest in art, and he's likely been the first person to ever show her genuine kindness, even in spite of her not always returning it. I wasn't a fan of her at first, in fact, I would even go on as far as to say I hated her. However, as she started dating my brother and the two of us were forced to see each other more often, I slowly grew to like her and understand her. Anri may not always show it, but I know she cares about Charles deeply. As much as I hate to admin that, she's probably the closest thing I've ever had to a friend.
- What are you doing here this late? - Anri asked as she approached me.
- Student council meeting - I replied.
- I'm honestly impressed you still care about those meetings, it's almost the end of the year.
- Someone has to.
- I suppose... - Anri said.
- So - I tried to change the subject - are you coming over this weekend?
- Perhaps - she answered - Charles and I are going on a date on Saturday.
- That's nice! - I smiled - See you around then.
- See you - Anri said and left.
I watched her slowly disappear in the depths of the hallway.
The meeting begun a few minutes later.
The attendance for the past few weeks had been terrible, especially among the older members. We still had to complete one important project, before the exams, and only one other student showed up today - a kid named Vincent. He was the in same grade as me, but he just joined the student council this year, so I never really got the chance to talk to him. Extremely polite, even formal at times, smiling the entire time, yet something about him felt off, almost as if he had some kind of mysterious aura surrounding him. In simple words, he was insufferable. While discussing the project, despite seeming focused, something about him remained oddly distant. He didn't seem like someone who would have many friends. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Charles. I'm sure Charles would have loved him.
There was however one thing I have to give Vincent credit for - he was an amazing writer. We agreed on him writing the official version of the text. I also had to admit that he's rather hardworking and, despite his personality, pleasent to work with.
.
The rest of this week wasn't anything special. I worked on my part of the project and waited for Vincent to finish his, we agreed on Sunday to be the deadline.
Charles went to see the movies with Anri on Saturday and to a café on Sunday. I was glad to see them hang out more often. I feel like she understands him much better than I do. Although, she also complained about not being sure if she knows him at all.
Sunday came and I still haven't heard a word from Vincent. He has't sent his assignment and kept ignoring my messages. I got frustrated.
Charles came back from his date with Anri visiably tired and went straight to his room. He said, he wants to study.
I decided to interrupt him, I don't even know why. I suppose, I wanted to give him attention, to show him that I'm here for him and want to understand him. After all, I am his sister.
Upon knocking on his door, I received no answer.
I knocked again.
- Scarlett, I can't talk right now!
He sounded upset. I decided to let myself in.
- Scarlett, what part of "I can't talk right now" don't you understand? - he was close to tears.
- Charles? - I took a few steps forward - What's going on?
- I can't... it's urgent... - he panicked - C... he's going to...
I was visiably confused. He pulled me in front of his computer and showed me the last message he received from C; it said: "I'll be leaving to the Heavenly Kingdom soon". I froze. Does he really mean he's going to...
- What am I supposed to tell him?! - Charles said with tears in his eyes.
Just at this moment I realized how much this person means to him, even despite the two of them never meeting.
- Charles, focus - I put my hands on his shoulders - You're not going to be able to help him if you don't calm down first.
He took a few deep breaths and wiped away his tears.
- It's not something you would tell anyone - I tried to stay as logical as possible - Him telling you that must mean that you're at least somewhat important to him. Charles, I believe you can save him, you just need to talk to him.
- But, Scarlett... - I didn't let him finish.
I hugged him, for the first time in forever.
- If anyone can help him now, that person is you, Charles. - I smile at him - Now, don't waste any more time and talk him out of this.
He smiled back at me as I was leaving the room. It wasn't an honest smile.
I spent the next hour walking back and forth across the corridor, checking my phone's notifications every two minutes in hopes of a message from Vincent. It wasn't as much about the deadline as it was me wanting to put my mind to something else. "0 new messages" - I felt like throwing my phone out off the window.
Maybe I should go check on him? What if that's just going to make everything worse? I was never great at comforting people, yet I could tell that comfort is exactly what Charles needs right now. If only I was a different person. Someone like Vincent, perhaps. He probably would've known what to do in a situation like this.
I couldn't fall asleep that night. Obsessively checking my phone's notifications.
.
Next morning I finally heard back from Vincent. "Good morning :> Here's the text you asked for. I'm sorry for sending it just now, but I had a bit of an incident yesterday, nothing serious. Anyway, sorry again and see you at school". I didn't have the energy to get mad at him for missing the deadline, so I only replied with a simple "Thanks".
I could barely look at Charles this morning. I was dying to talk to him, yet everytime we managed to catch eye contact, I averted my eyes and chose to remain silent. Just as both of us were leaving for school, I managed to get enough courage to break the silence.
- So - I started - how was it?
- How was what? - his voice sounded confused and extremely neutral; in a way, almost emotionless.
- The talk you had with C yesterday...
- Oh - he seemed like he just woke up - it went well.
- What do you mean "well"? - I began to get frustrated.
- I mean... he is alive...
- And that's really all you have to say?
- Scarlett, I'm really not in the mood to talk about it right now. - he said in a more serious tone.
- Ohh... fine.
We spent the rest of our route to school in silence.
.
As I was putting my books back into my locker before leaving for home, I felt someone's hand patting my shoulder. I turned around just to see Vincent smiling at me.
- Hello, Miss Eyler - he said in a warm tone - Have you read the text I sent you?
- I have and it was alright. Luckily, it didn't require much corrections.
I lied. The text was written flawlessly. Vincent probably deserved some level of praise for it, yet I chose to keep him humble. Or perhaps I didn't want to admit how good his writing was. Vincent seemed like a very special person, much more special than I could ever dream of being. I didn't want to think of him that way.
- Well, I am relieved to hear that - he smiled.
- We're going to finish and submit the project on the next meeting and that should be it for our activities this year.
- Sounds about right - he responded - It was a pleasure working with you, Miss Eyler. See you on Friday!
- See you - I said in a forced serious tone I tried to keep the entire conversation.
.
The next few weeks were a blur. Anri moved to a different town, resulting in her and Charles breaking up. We passed our exams. Both me and Charles got invited to the award ceremony for exceptionally gifted students. During the ceremony I noticed that Vincent is also there. When he noticed me he looked my way and smiled, in the same irritating way he always did. I didn't smile back.
Charles got accepted into the med school he dreamt of. I decided to take a gap year, unsure of what to do next. Who would've known that out of the two of us, he would turn out to be the more successful one. His university was located on the opposite side of the town, so he had to move into a dormitory for convince purposes, and I was forced to stay with mother. Not like I necessarily minded that, I liked it there; I always loved the sea.
Charles still came to visit us every weekend and we went on long walks across the beach. He talked about his new university life and I didn't talk much. I have to admit, I was a bit ashamed of how pathetic he made me look in comparison. Both of us kept in touch with Anri and, as I later found out, he was still talking to C. Well, for a while he was. Then talking everyday turned into once a week, then into once a month, and eventually they stopped talking at all. As harsh as it sounds, I believe that as Charles slowly became less troubled, he no longer needed him. C also went his own way, becoming more and more well-known and respected. Sometimes during our our walks I would ask him "Have read C's new novel?" or "Do you still talk to him?" and the answer was always negative. "I don't have the time to think about him now" or "I can't enjoy his work anymore" were common way for him not to admit, that the real reason he tries to forget him, is because he doesn't want to be taken back to the times when a boy he never met saved him, while no one else could. "I don't like C's writing - he would often say - It's good but I don't like it. It's way too hopeless for my liking" I knew exactly what he meant, yet I still remembered how much he used to adore that very hopelessness.
.
Mother died the same year that Charles left for med school. He didn't take it well and begun to isolate himself, as he had a habit of doing. He hadn't spoke a single word during her funeral. Anri was also there, it was the first time I actually got to see her since her family moved out. Everytime I tried to talk to Charles after that, he would tell me that he needs some time alone, so I decided not to pressure him. Besides, I felt like I needed to get away from this commotion as well.
I applied to a university in a different town and got accepted. By pure coincidence, that school happened to be the very same one that Anri attended, so we became roommates. I majored in Pedagogy and she majored in Arts. Anri was a good roommate.
I called Charles every once in a while to check on him, but our talks never lasted long. He never called me.
.
Next September, right after the semester started, Anri and I went to a nearby bookstore in search for cheap textbooks. To our surprise there was some event taking place there. It didn't look like an ordinary book premiere, so I decided to ask the staff what's going on.
- It is indeed not an ordinary premiere - said the young lady behind the counter. She was barely a few years older than us. Her hair was dyed teal and she seemed like a kind person - It's the last novel written, by the bestseller author - Vincent Fennell, before he passed away recently.
- Vincent Fennell...? - this name felt familiar.
- He went by the pen name "C" - she handed me a copy of the book - but he insisted for this novel to be published under his real name. He never let anyone know why.
- Tale of The Paper Princess... - I read what the cover said.
- It's a sad story, about a princess trying to help her loved one, without realizing that she's actually beyond help, and ending up hurting everyone else she loved and letting her kingdom fall as a consequence - the girl explained - Honestly, I can understand why so many people hated Vincent's stories with how hopeless they are.
- And yet the hopelessness could resonate with many - I surely knew someone who would count as said "many".
- Exactly, that's what made those stories so great. After all they did come from a place of genuine emotions.
- Did you know Vincent? - I asked - Were the two of you close?
- Well, we were friends - she sounded uncertain - but I don't think anyone ever truely knew Vincent.
I started examinating the book closely.
- You know what - the girl suddenly spoke - Vincent managed to sign a few copies before his death. Almost all of them already sold out, and the one you're holding right now is the last one. I planned on keeping it for myself, but after giving it a second thought, I don't think I actually want it anymore. Since you seem like someone who resonated with the hopelessness of his stories, maybe you would be interested in keeping it.
I had no heart to tell her, that I'm not necessarily the target audience for C's work, besides the moment she handed me the copy of the book, I already knew what to do with it. Anri and I left the bookstore with some of the textbooks we were searching for and a limited signed copy of Tale of The Paper Princess, and that very evening I booked a train to my hometown.
.
The day after, I was standing in front of my brother's dorm's door with a book in my bag, trying to figure out what I'm going to say.
- Scar... - I didn't let him finish and hugged him as tight as I could. We stood like that for a minute.
- Well, that's one way to greet your brother - he said after I finally let go of him - Anyway, what brings you here? Haven't your semester just started?
- I know, I just... - I paused and looked in his eyes - I missed you, Charles.
- I see... - he seemed disoriented.
- Well - I said after a minute of silence - There's actually one more reason why I'm here.
I took the book out of my bag and handed it to him. He started at it for a while, almost as if he was surprised.
- Scarlett - he frowned - I told you I'm no longer interested in his work.
- I know. I know what you told me - I began to sound desperate - I know that you find his work "too depressing" and you no longer look up to him. However, I also know you lie by saying you're no longer interested in it.
He stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact.
- Charles - I was close to tears - I know how much you suffered from the loss of mother, and now you lost him as well. I know the two of you have never actually met, but he still meant so much to you. I know you l o v e d him. So please stop trying to avoid thinking about him.
I struggled to calm myself down. Maybe what I was doing was wrong. Maybe shouldn't have come here in the first place. I just wanted to understand him.
- Would you mind going for a walk? - he looked at me for the first time since I started my monologue - I missed you too, Scarlett.
We walked across the beach for about an hour; neither of us said a single word. As the sun begun to set, we sat down in the sand to rest.
- So... - I spoke after a while - Are you planning to read it?
Charles took the book out of his bag and started examinating it. After a minute of close inspection he finally opened it and started reading the first page, and then his eyes begun to tear up.
I looked over his shoulder to see what caused this reaction in him. The first page said:
"I've met many people across the span of my short life, and thanked them for all they've done for me at many occasions. This once I want to do something different, so thank you, Charlotte - the one I've never met."