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How Is Fontainian Babby Formed?

Summary:

"Nahida," Furina stage-whispers, "What's wrong with that person?"
Nahida blinks. "You mean the pregnant woman?"
Furina's mind goes blank. "What," she says. "Pregnant? Like an animal?"

 

In which I take Neuvillette's explanation of where Fontainian children came from way too literally on purpose, ft. Nahida adopting Furina into her support group for traumatized 500-year-old divinities.

Notes:

"Divinity" is probably not the correct word for what Scaramouche and Furina are but I didn't wanna type out "divinity-adjacent beings" or "divine creations" and I didn't wanna leave Nahida out because she is also a traumatized 500-year-old you know... *overthinking as usual*

Anyway, I was going to post this as a oneshot but it just kept getting longer, and I was starting to get impatient to share some of it so I'm breaking it up into chapters.

This fic is very silly, and quite different from what I usually write, but the idea just grabbed me and it wouldn't let go. Most of what I write are angsty character studies, and a liiiittle bit of that flavor slipped in here (hence the Mild Hurt/Comfort tag) but overall it is just a silly fluffy fic.

I didn't put this in my "scara brainrot" series because it is more Furina-centric than anything, but my Scara bias probably did shine through lol. This is the first fic I wrote where he's solely referred to as Wanderer and my fingers slipped and wrote Scaramouche like ten times in the first draft but I thiiink I fixed all those in editing.

Warning for brief mention of miscarriage, nothing too bad.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Sumeru is Furina's first stop on her journey of self-discovery. It makes sense from a logical standpoint, being the closest nation to Fontaine in terms of distance. It ends up being the best choice she could have made.

Buer's retainer, who goes only by the Wanderer, intercepted her soon after she entered the nation; she spent the entire time faintly terrified as he herded her to the capitol. Her pleas that she was not, and in fact never had been, a rival god only got her funny looks and huffs of breath and eventually she stopped complaining and decided to see where fate would take her. Anyway, after the utter terror of believing even for a moment that the prophecy had been fulfilled, every other fear paled in comparison and she fancied herself rather serene by the time she was finally ushered into the Sanctuary of Surasthana to meet the Dendro Archon.

Buer took one look at her and then gave the Wanderer an exasperated look. "You didn't explain anything to her, did you, Hat Guy?" she asked.

'Hat Guy', Furina mouthed to herself.

The Wanderer crossed his arms over his chest. "All you told me to do was 'retrieve' her," he said. "If you wanted me to play extra nice, you should have asked."

Buer turned to her. Furina looked into the all-knowing eyes of the Dendro Archon and felt an old thrill of fear and despair: How in Teyvat will I hide everything from a real god? before her conscious mind remembered she no longer had to.

"I'm, ah, sorry," Furina fumbled. "I'm technically a regular citizen of Fontaine now, and as far as I know there's an open border between our countries, so I didn't know, um, uh..."

She trailed off as the god's patient, placid expression gave her absolutely nothing to work with.

"I see we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I'm sorry about him," Buer said sincerely. "I hope you like sweet things, because I've prepared some candied ajilenakh nuts for us. Won't you have a chat with me?"

*

One hour later and she was sobbing into the tiny archon's shoulder. It only took a few sweet smiles and gently prodding words from the Dendro Archon before Furina was spilling her entire life story. Nahida- she's been given the privilege of calling her Nahida- pats her on the back and coos soothingly into her ear. Hat Guy/Wanderer - who is also there for some reason - stands in the corner with his hat tilted down to hide his expression.

"Grown quite fond of picking up strays, haven't you, Buer," he says, but his tone lacks the sneer that the mean-spiritedness of the words would seem to suggest.

"Oh, hush, you know you'll always be my favorite," Nahida says, which is quite bold for someone who still has Furina's tears soaking into her dress.

"You-!" Wanderer snaps, reddening.

"You're my- what is it the children are saying these days- my special little pogchamp," says Nahida seriously.

"NO," the Wanderer shrieks.

Somehow the patent absurdity of the situation gets to Furina, and she burbles out a little laugh, surprising not just her company but herself: it's the first one she's had since her nation flooded-but-failed-to-flood.

*

So Furina has been taken entirely under the Dendro Archon's wing, and is at least tolerated by her- shadow? ward? bodyguard?- her Wanderer. She finds they have a lot to talk about, for all three of them have recently started over at the ripe old age of five hundred years old, although she knows little about the Wanderer's circumstances in particular. Nahida has been taking her on tours around the city, seeming to enjoy playing host.

All of this brings her to her current dilemma: they have passed by the Bimarstan and Furina is trying not to get caught staring at what appears to be a woman with a grotesquely bloated stomach. Neither the woman nor the doctor attending her appears the slightest bit distressed, even though it simply must be a fatal condition; in fact the woman looks content, even happy, as the doctor examines her belly. Furina would expect rather more horror from all involved.

Finally she decides to ask about it, as Nahida has been exceedingly indulgent of her curiosity so far. Furina has never had the luxury of freely asking questions- she always had to appear on top of everything, beyond the need for help- and it still makes her anxious but she is slowly starting to enjoy being able to do so. Like a baby chick testing its wings, Nahida called her, and the Wanderer rolled his eyes and assured Furina that the metaphor would feel less insulting after the sixth or seventh time she heard it. She stoops down to tug on the archon's sleeve like a child, which looks quite silly given their respective heights but still feels like the most appropriate way to get her attention.

"Nahida," she stage-whispers, "What's wrong with that person?"

Nahida blinks. "You mean the pregnant woman?"

Furina's mind goes blank. "What," she says. "Pregnant? Like an animal?"

Many Fontainians keep pet dogs and cats, who of course reproduce through pregnancy; Furina is aware of the concept in general. But to suggest it could be applied to a human is simply absurd.

Nahida holds a fingertip to her chin, spinning out into thought. "Well a human is a type of animal, from a certain point of view-"

"No no no," Furina interrupts, with a faintly rising hysteria. "I mean- that's not how it works for humans. There's no- there's no such thing as a pregnant human!"

The Wanderer breaks into loud, raucous laughter, startling her badly as he has been skulking behind them so quietly that she almost forgot he was there. "What are you talking about," he gasps, bent nearly double from laughter, "I was a stupid kid but even I knew how reproduction worked by the time I was a few decades old!"

He is starting to draw attention. Furina feels torn between impulses: she doesn't know whether to quail from the judgmental eyes or puff herself up and become indignant. "That's not- no," she stammers, flustered. "They don't- couples go to the fountain to pray!"

Nahida looks up at her, pity shining in those big green eyes. "Is it possible you didn't get out much?" she asks gently and Furina-

"I'm not lying!" she screams, and then bursts into tears, because she's a liar, that's all she is, and everyone knows now, and no one will believe her, and then her people will be doomed and everyone in Fontaine will be dissolved in the flood-

By the time she has calmed down, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a slice of cake put in her hands, one thought is nagging at her mind. The Fontainians would have dissolved, she repeats to herself, and no, not just because of her unresolved trauma. Because she knows there is something obvious she is missing.

They would have dissolved, but they didn't, because Neuvillette pardoned their sins. What was their sin? Existing as humans. Why? Because Egeria made them from the oceanids. From the oceanids. From-

"They were oceanids!" Furina shouts, leaping to her feet.

"What are you on about now?" Wanderer asks, annoyed. The three of them are jammed in the corner of a hole-in-the-wall cafe while Furina recovered from her breakdown. Nahida has been nibbling a pastry while the Wanderer sips black coffee.

Furina reddens and sits back down. "They were oceanids," she stresses. She knows she went over this part of the story with them once, though not in great detail. "They didn't- really, they didn't get pregnant. If a couple wanted to be parents, they would pray at the Fountain of Lucine, and eventually another oceanid would descend in the form of their child."

They are both staring at her again though not, thankfully, with the looks of disbelief they had given her previously.

"Wait," says the Wanderer. "You mean to tell me that no one in Fontaine has ever gotten pregnant?"

"Why did they never realize they differed from other humans physiologically if there was such an obvious difference?" Nahida asks.

"No, they haven't, and I don't know," says Furina. "I mean, if they ever heard about human pregnancy from anyone they probably just assumed the foreigners were pulling their leg. That's what I thought for a second, when you told me."

"But Fontainians go abroad too," Nahida insists. "Surely they must have seen pregnant humans while traveling to other nations?"

"Well it's not usually considered polite to comment on a stranger's deformity," Furina says helplessly. "Listen, I'm not saying it's not weird, but up until last month-"

"Wait," says the Wanderer slowly, a funny look on his face. "Do Fontainians know they can get pregnant now?"

Furina and Nahida exchange dawning expressions of horror.

*

"I must return to my nation," says Furina, frantically packing her things back at her accommodations in the Akademiya.

"You could just send a letter," says the Wanderer, unimpressed.

"I must warn my people of this grave danger!" Furina declares, slipping a bit into her old persona simply from the stress of the moment.

"Even if no one knows yet, anyone who's fallen pregnant will only be a few weeks along," Nahida reasons with her from where she's sitting on the bed.

"Yes, and they'll all start having miscarriages because they don't know they're not allowed to drink," the Wanderer drawls, completely contradicting his stated lack of urgency.

Nahida glares at him. "That is not helpful!"

The Wanderer shrugs. "Maybe they already know about pregnancy," he says as if to walk back his statement. "Maybe it's common Fontainian knowledge that reproduction works differently for the rest of Teyvat and Furina is just out of touch. Wouldn't be the first god to be," he adds in a mutter.

Furina's shoulders go up to her ears. "Was never a god!" she remarks shrilly.

Nahida reaches over and pats her on the hand. "It's okay, Furina," she says. "We'll go with you to make sure it all goes smoothly."

Wanderer eyes her. "We will?"

"Of course," says Nahida, swinging her legs happily. "I've been looking for an excuse to travel outside of Sumeru anyway!"

Notes:

as you can see, this is mostly just me exploring a ridiculous concept as an excuse to push my nahida-scara-furina besties agenda.

(i didn't realize how much i missed writing nahida tbh... high empathy, high emotional intelligence, little to no social skills queen <3 i almost edited out the special little pogchamp line but then i was like no i'm writing crack rn and it's too funny. it can stay)

Anyway, final chapter count is an estimate, I honestly might end up with 4. Send help.