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Chapter Text

The night was cold and dark, and damp. The humidity hugged his skin like a wet rag, but Lucas refused to take off his jacket. He couldn't. He wasn't allowed to.

He entered the run-down apartment building through the front door. There was no security; anyone who was here didn't want anyone to know. He swung the door to the stairwell open, the sound echoing around the tile floor and narrow hallway, and he took the steps two at a time, the only sound the thumping of his footsteps. On the third landing, he opened the door and slid out into the hallway, the overhead fluorescent lights flickering above him. The walls around him were begging for a new coat of paint, and forget about the doors. They were thin and worn down, but the locks were solid.

Lucas turned the corner in the apartment building and his eyes zeroed in on his door, just slightly ajar. Pulling the gun from the back of his jeans, he cocked it and nudged the door.

Stepping in, he peered around the corner of the entryway in the dark, mentally clearing every room until he came to the living room and froze at the shape of a person sitting in his chair.

"Who are you?" He asked lowly, his gun trained at the shadow of their head.

"God, you're such an idiot, Friar," the person sighed, as she snapped on the light and he came face to face with Maya Hart.

He narrowed his eyes, not lowering his gun, even though he knew he wouldn't shoot her. It wasn't only that he couldn't, by law. He couldn't, by history. The history he would never forget. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What, you thought I didn't know you weren't dead?" She snorted. "Drop the damn gun, Lucas. You're not going to shoot me."

He clenched his jaw, but after a second he lowered his weapon and tucked it into the back of his pants again. To Maya's credit, she looked well. She wore formal clothes, a fancy rich red dress that reached her knees, panty hose, and a long black coat. Her face was done up with makeup and a red lipstick, and her hair flowed out around her shoulders, blonde beach waves just messy enough to give the impression of sexy.

Lucas knew exactly where she had been.

She stood up, her black heels clicking on the wood floor as she crossed the room to him. She crossed her arms and stared up at him expectantly.

"Why are you here, Maya?" He asked, voice tight.

"It's Riley," Maya confessed, and Lucas's mind began to soar back. "She's been compromised, and she needs our help."

Chapter Text

Part One: The Academy

Chapter Text

("Let's go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming up tails.
Heads on a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy.
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Take me back to the start.")

- Coldplay, "The Scientist"

August - December, 2013

"You need to learn that there are other people, people you work with."

Maya wrapped her hands in tape, shaking them out a little before tying her long blonde hair up as tight as it would go.

"Collaborative training missions are supposed to be where you learn how to work with other people."

She moved over to one of the punching bags, winding herself up as she moved her torso, feeling each muscle.

"You're not supposed to do it all alone, Hart."

"I work best alone," Maya muttered under her breath as she pulled her fist back and sent it pummeling into the bag.

She couldn't get her commanding officer's voice out of her head, berating her for failing the training mission, declaring that if she didn't learn she would never be a field agent, and she would fade into the distance like all the other dropouts.

Maya Hart was not a dropout.

Maya was sick and tired of people underestimating her, pitying her for her childhood. Pity was the worst reaction and she hated it. Sure, her mother had been a drug addict. Sure, she had dropped her off at military school when Maya was twelve. And then, yeah, her mother relinquished her parental rights without even telling her.

But it had all made Maya stronger. She didn't need anyone else to take care of her. She didn't need anyone, period. She was better off alone.

Which was why she had blown up at her commanding officer for telling her she had failed the collaborative training mission.

As punishment, Maya was delegated to an hour more in the gym. Which she didn't much see as a punishment, if she was being honest.

Well, until that sickly sweet girl walked in.

Maya had seen Riley Matthews around the academy; she walked with a skip in her step and a smile on her face. She was innocent, pretty, happy, incompetent. She obviously wasn't cut out for the elite operative agent academy that Maya had been recruited for from her military school after one year, and Maya had no idea how this girl had gotten in.

"Hi," Riley said, approaching her and grabbing the other side of the punching bag to hold it steady for Maya. (Maya punched harder).

"What do you want, Matthews?" Maya grunted, her jaw clenching as she focused on throwing her body weight into the hits.

"I came to find you," Riley replied, and Maya rolled her eyes.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"I'm your new partner," Riley explained. "Assigned by our CO."

"Oh, great," Maya groaned. "My worst nightmare."

Riley ignored the insult. "He said that you've got a shell that's holding you back, and I can break through it."

Yeah, that sounded like her CO. Insults and criticism under the guise of advice and teaching.

"I know you don't like me," Riley informed her, and Maya pursed her lips.

"Now why would you think that?"

"You don't like anyone," Riley deadpanned.

Maya couldn't help but laugh. "Fair point," she admitted, punching the bag again.

"You know, I know who you are, your story," Riley said.

"Oh yeah," Maya blew hair off her forehead, "what's my story?"

"Your mom was a drug addict, she sent you to military school, and our CO recruited you from there," Riley said.

Unfortunately, that was Maya's story. "How did you figure that out?"

"It's a pretty common story in operations," Riley said.

"How many other kids' mom's relinquished their rights to be a parent?" Maya shot back.

"More than you think," Riley said softly. She peered around the bag. "Strength is born through hardship, and no one knows that better than a student in operations academy."

Maya snorted, pausing before hitting again. "And what was your hardship?"

"My mother hates me," Riley stated matter-of-factly.

Maya stared at her for a second, before nodding. "So did mine."

"Just like twins, then," Riley observed, and Maya snorted.

"Oh yeah, we had the same life." She punched the bag, hard, hearing Riley grunt. "One of us grew up with a mother who was never there and a father who abandoned her, and one of us grew up with a stay-at-home military father and a mother who's the director of the operations academy. But, you know, same thing."

Riley's face peered out from around the bag, and Maya seriously considered punching her perfect face right there. "My life isn't as great as you think it is."

"Really," Maya drawled sarcastically. "I'm sure you've had it real rough. Things must have just been awful for you; how did you ever survive?"

"You wanna know my story?" Riley offered.

"Not particularly," Maya returned, throwing another punch at the bag.

She was satisfied when Riley didn't say anything else, until she heard the gym doors slam and realized Riley had left.

If there was one thing that Lucas Friar hated more than anything, it was roommates.

He dropped his duffle bag down on the bed, and stared across the room at the brown headed guy who was sitting on the other bed. The guy didn't even look up.

Lucas couldn't help but ask, "Your name?"

"Josh," Josh said, still not looking up from whatever it was he was reading.

"Lucas," Lucas said back, when Josh didn't ask.

"We're not going to be friends," Josh said.

"Good," Lucas replied.

He pulled out the four pairs of clothes he had been given when he arrived at the academy, and shoved them into a dresser drawer. Next came his photograph of his sister, folded in half, which he placed on the desk. Toiletries went into the box on top of the dresser, and then he was completely unpacked.

"Where did you come from?" Lucas asked, itching to know.

"We're not going to be friends," Josh repeated, finally looking up.

"I want to know where they'll send you back when this doesn't work out," Lucas replied, and he saw what he almost thought was a smile flash over Josh's face.

"Good old fashioned nepotism," he said. "My mom is the Dean. Where did you come from?"

"Prison," Lucas declared, and Josh nodded.

"You kill someone?"

"None of your business," Lucas said, and the two of them dropped into silence.

Riley made her way through the front lobby of the school, her footsteps echoing around the high ceilings. Her phone buzzed, and she pulled out to see the time, and the message.

9:42pm.

Director Matthews: You missed bed check in.

Riley huffed.

Riley: My CO told me to find Maya Hart.

Director Matthews: Not an excuse. I'm tired of getting notifications of rule cuts from you and your brother.

Riley: Yes Ma'am.

She shoved her phone back into her pocket, and crossed her arms as she headed towards the living quarters. If her mom wasn't so strict, she would have told her how she really felt - she was sick of being monitored more than a 'regular' kid.

Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply to calm herself, and looked down at her heart monitor on her wrist.

121 bpm.

She was a failure. One of the first lessons they were taught is to control your emotions. Emotions were weak, and useless, and they took attention and effort away from the mission at hand. And they were supposed to see everything as a mission.

Right now, her mission was to not get told off by her mother tomorrow.

She swallowed, counted her breaths until her bpm went down, and stepped onto the elevator.

Their wristbands were the first things they were given upon being admitted to the academy, but Riley had been given hers when she was eight. She had been monitored and trained and taught, but she never got the disapproving glare off of her back. She wasn't like her brother, she was too emotional and naive. At least, for her mother.

She was weak. She was a failure. She was not cut out for operations, but her mother had forced her into operations academy.

"No child of mine will be in Administrations or Communications."

Topanga Matthews was a success, she won at everything, she was perfect at everything. And maybe her brother Josh had gotten their mom's genes, but Riley had gotten her dad's. The feeling genes. The ones that made her weak, in the eyes of her mother.

Her mom had tried to pound into Riley's head the ideas of discipline, and focus, and seeing the world as it was - cold, ruthless. But while she had been growing up, her dad had been there to protect her.

She knew her mom had just been waiting until she turned thirteen and would be entering the operations academy, where she would live. She had been waiting until her dad couldn't shelter her from the world, and then she would push Riley harder.

Honestly, Riley missed being twelve.

She knew all her peers saw her as naive and useless, and the result of nepotism. They knew she never would have gotten into this school on her own, and she knew it too. She didn't even want to be here.

She just wished her mom could see that

Josh rolled over and sat up, glancing at the clock to see that it was 5am. Of course it was 5am. That was when he woke up, every day.

He didn't even need an alarm. His body clock was set to wake up at 5am, every day.

He moved to turn on the light, but then noticed Lucas on the other side of the room, and groaned internally. Before he had a roommate, he would turn on the lights and begin his morning, but obviously that wasn't his roommate's schedule.

Josh really wanted to just turn on the light, and not care.

But unfortunately, he had a conscience.

He got up and rummaged in his dresser quietly, pulling on a shirt and changing his pants. He brushed his teeth and grabbed his bag, and headed out the door towards the gym.

He went straight for the light panel, and flipped all the right switches, watching as the lights slowly blinked on across the large room. Then he startled as he saw a short girl with blonde hair on the other side of the gym, newly visible in the light.

The girl looked up at the lights, and then over to Josh. She shook her head and turned back to the weights.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Josh called across the gym.

"Why the hell do you care?" The girl scowled at him, as Josh got closer and dropped his bag on the floor with a thump.

"It's 5am," he stated, crossing his arms. He was frustrated, he liked having the gym to himself in the early mornings.

"Then you shouldn't be here," the girl said.

He studied her, and her identity clicked in his mind. "You're Maya Hart."

"Thanks for telling me," Maya replied sarcastically. "I love being mansplained to about my own identity."

"You're my sister's new partner," Josh stated, moving over to a shelf and grabbing a set of barbells.

"You don't say," Maya replied.

"So why are you in the gym at 5am?" Josh asked.

"Why are you?" Maya replied, glaring at him.

"I wake up early to work out alone, and apparently, you've taken that away from me," Josh replied crossly.

"Well, get used to disappointment," Maya declared.

Josh glared over at her; he disliked this girl more and more as the minutes went by. "You're a real piece of work, huh."

"You know, in order for you to insult me," Maya punched the bag, hard, "I'd have to value your opinion. Nice try though."

"I'm not insulting you," Josh said. "I'm describing you."

"Never heard that one before," Maya drawled sarcastically. "Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?"

Josh could feel his anger rising in his chest, but he turned over his wrist to see his heartbeat at 98 bpm. Picking up his bag and dumbbells, he said, "I'll be on my side of the gym. Stay out of it."

Chapter Text

("Some legends are told
Some turn to dust or gold
But you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
And just one mistake is all it will take
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries."

"Come on, come on and let me in
Bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints
And this is supposed to match, the darkness that you felt
I never meant for you to fix yourself.")

- Fall Out Boy, "Centuries"

September, 2013

1st year, age 13

"You met Hart, right?" Josh asked as he ducked under the bar and grabbed it with both hands.

"Last night," Riley agreed. "She doesn't like me."

"Someone doesn't like Riley Matthews?" Josh mock-gasped. "Something must be wrong with her."

"I'll get through to her," Riley dismissed, holding her hands under the bar to spot as Josh lifted it into a bench press. "Shouldn't you be doing this with someone else? I can't guarantee I'll be able to catch this weight if it falls on your face."

"You're stronger than you want people to believe," Josh stated, his face twisting as he grunted with the effort to lift the barbell.

"Tell that to Mom," Riley muttered.

"She doesn't hate you as much as you think she does," Josh added, doing another rep.

"Oh yeah? And when was the last time you talked to the director?" Riley pointed out.

"She messaged me that you had missed bed check last night," Josh informed his sister, and Riley rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that. You know she's just looking out for you."

"Then why does it feel like all she does is berate me?" Riley muttered.

Josh set the barbell back on the stand and sat up, stretching his arms out. "She probably wants you to be just as good as her."

"Yeah, like that's going to happen," Riley scoffed. She moved around the bar to lug weight plates off the ends of the barbell.

"Hey," Josh grabbed her arm before she could pull off another weight plate, "you can do this level."

Riley glanced down at the weight that was still on the bar. "No way. I can't do 95, Josh, that's insane."

"If I can do 180, you can do 95," Josh stated, crossing his arms.

"Girls do 75% of body weight for a medium level," she pointed out, "that's about 80 for me, I weigh 110."

"And I did 125% of my body weight," Josh said.

"You're a guy," Riley said.

"You want Mom to be proud of you?" Josh countered.

"I'd rather not die in the process," Riley shot back.

Josh just raised his eyebrows, and Riley finally groaned.

"I hate you."

Riley pulled the strap tighter over her sports bra, glaring at the nurse, who was just doing his job.

"Three weeks," he said, handing her a pill and a cup of water.

"Thanks," she grumbled.

She hopped off the table as the nurse drew the partition back so she could leave, bending over to grab her jacket with her good shoulder. She never should have let Josh talk her into overextending herself.

She hated the infirmary; it was always chilly and had a draft that she couldn't figure out the origin of, and it smelled like medical equipment - like alcohol and metal. But there was another reason she avoided the infirmary like the plague - besides the atmosphere.

"Damn, what happened to you?"

Riley almost kept going. She didn't want to have any interaction here and wasn't a fan of other students knowing she had gone to the nurse; knowing she was weak and had hurt herself because she was an idiot.

But Riley wasn't an asshole, so she stopped and turned to see the guy sitting on the table, the partition to his room drawn back as he waited for an attendant. Upon first glance over, the main thing Riley couldn't get her focus off of was how handsome he was. Like, movie-star handsome. He was fully clothed in regulation uniform - week one standard outfit, the clothes that first-years are required to wear for the first week here. However, he looked older than her, and even if he was a first-year like her, it wasn't week one.

Once she got past that though, another look gave her no indication of why he was in the infirmary. His face was unmarked, no visible lacerations or bruises on his arms, and he appeared relaxed.

"Shoulder injury," she answered his question. She looked him over again, and, unable to help herself from curiosity, asked, "What happened to you?"

"Routine check-up," the guy answered, leaning back on his hands as his legs swung over the end of the table. "Got kicked in the ribs a few weeks ago and they're still recovering."

"Who kicked you in the ribs?" Riley asked incredulously. No one here would be cruel enough to kick a peer when he's down, neither would they be stupid enough to break rules - because they would be kicked out.

"A couple guys who didn't like the fact that I wasn't in a gang," the guy snorted.

Riley blinked, before it clicked in her mind. This kid had been in prison recently. "So why were you in juvie?" She asked, beginning to pull her jacket on over her sports bra and new brace, feeling the chill of the ward over her bare skin.

"Why do you care?" He flashed a grin.

Before Riley could answer, two nurses came barging through the ward hallway with a patient on a gurney, heading right for her.

"Out of the way!" The nurse closest to her yelled, and Riley darted into the boy's room, nearly falling over into his lap as the two nurses rushed by with the gurney.

"Sorry," she said, standing up quickly, her face flushing red.

"It's alright," he grinned again. "I'm Lucas."

"I'm late for class," Riley mumbled , rushing away with her head down, too humiliated to spend another second in that room.

Riley ducked into her dorm to grab a long-sleeved shirt before rushing to her academic math class. She sped through the halls, nearly running across the large entryway of the academy that she had walked through the night before. Now, it was crowded with administrators, teachers, trainers, and students, and Riley had to dart between people to get to the other side.

"Ms. Matthews, late!" Her math teacher, Mr. Peterson called as Riley entered the classroom.

She maneuvered her way through the aisle to the front of the lecture hall to give him her infirmary note, and he frowned.

"I expect this shoulder injury won't affect your work," he ordered, and Riley nodded, keeping her head down as she moved to her seat near the front of the room.

"You're never late," her friend whispered as she sat down next to him and pulled out her laptop. "You didn't have an academic class this morning, what were you doing?"

"Shh," Riley smiled, opening a document to take notes. "I need to catch up, Farkle, now be quiet."

"I'll catch you up later," Farkle dismissed. "Where were you?"

"Infirmary," Riley finally conceded. "Tore something or strained something in my shoulder lifting weights this morning with my brother."

"This is why I'm not in operations," Farkle stated, turning back to face the teacher again, and Riley rolled her eyes.

From first year to fourth year - from age thirteen to sixteen - all of the academy students from all programs attended the same academic classes in the academic building on campus. For fifth and sixth year - seventeen and eighteen year olds - students were separated into classes that put their academics into the frame of their certification path. Everyone knew that it was an attempt to socialize students as if they were normal kids, and help them gain connections and networks and, well, friends. However, most students gravitated to their own cliques in their own schools; their friends were all from the same certification path and they didn't like to mingle.

Riley was not one of those students.

Riley had been told that her academy operated like a university - there were different schools under one academy name, all on the same campus. Each school - Operations, Science & Technology, Administrative, and Communications - had their own main area on the campus, with their own buildings and their own training facilities and their own dorms. Operations had gyms, and obstacle courses, and mock mission sites, whereas Science & Tech had laboratories and testing facilities. Like a college, students had academic courses that an adolescent would require to graduate from a regular high school - math, English, history, science, health, etc. These courses were taken in the academic building, in the center of the campus.

Balancing academic schedule and certification path schedule was difficult - especially for operations students. Generally, academic classes were held after lunch, from about 1pm to 4pm. Their courses switched off on different days. From 8am to 12pm, they had certification path courses, and from 5pm to 6pm, operations students had mandatory physical training - whether it be combat, strength, agility, or, in fifth and sixth years, mock missions. After that, students had dinner and flexibility time, where they were permitted to do whatever they felt like - many choosing to do academic homework or more training. By 9pm, students were required to check into their dorms and then have lights out at 10pm.

Generally, there were serious consequences for missing bed check, although in operations, those who did were usually training and got an extension from their instructor.

There wasn't really 'cutting class' or 'rebelling'. Students in the academy either wanted to be there, or had no other choice - or rather, their other choices were much worse, so they would follow the rules to not get kicked out.

Students who did break rules were subjected to a panel of the Director and four other Assistant Directors who heard their case and decided their fate. The Director, of course, being Riley's mother.

Not to say that there wasn't a social life on campus - there were lounges, cafes as well as the dining hall, and bars that served non-alcoholic versions of common cocktails and provided a dance floor and music. Students had plenty of places to hang out with each other, and had a monthly allowance from the school to pay for clothing, food, drinks, and other necessities, in addition to anything their families sent them.

Riley and Josh, lucky as they were to have two parents who supported them (or, in Riley's case, forced her into) being in this academy, had a rather large allowance from their parents in addition to their school allowance, and they had never felt like they lacked in anything they needed. Riley knew, though, that there were plenty of students who had no families to send them anything, and fully depended on the school's money.

There was no 'tuition' to any of the schools in the academy; each school had their own way of selecting students to be admitted, and the only requirement upon admission was that, after they graduated their certification, they served three years in their program with a similar monthly allowance as pay. After that, they could choose what they wanted to do, and if they chose to stay with their program, they had options to advance positions and were offered a much more lucrative salary. Most of the school's funding came from the government and from private donations.

Riley had no doubt that she would be required to stay in her program for as long as possible, that this was her life career path whether she liked it or not. Her mother had chosen this for her long before she had been born.

"I knew you'd get hurt at some point," Maya Hart accused, stopping in her pull-ups and dropping to the ground as soon as Riley took off her jacket. "What happened? Lift more than 15 pounds?"

"95," Riley corrected, and was a little satisfied when Maya's eyes widened just a little bit in surprise before she quickly straightened her expression once again.

"What are you doing in the gym then?" She asked, sitting down to start crunches.

"I told you," Riley reminded her, coming to sit and hold Maya's feet. "We're partners. We're supposed to train together. I'm supposed to get through to you."

"And I told you," Maya returned, grunting as she came up again, her nose two inches from Riley's, "that I don't want to be your partner."

Maya didn't, however, reject Riley's knees pressing on her feet, which Riley took as a small victory.

Chapter Text

("Soldier keep on marchin' on
Head down 'til the work is done
Waiting on that morning sun
Soldier keep on marchin' on."

"Head in the dust, feet in the fire
Labour on that midnight wire
Listening for that angel choir
You got nowhere to run."

"Quiet now, you're gonna wake the beast
Hide your soul out of his reach
Shiver to that broken beat
Dark into the heat.")

- Fleurie, "Soldier"

January, 2014

3rd year, age 15

It had been months of working out in the gym in the early morning, before it was even light out the windows. Josh had thought that eventually, Maya Hart would get tired of waking up at 5am to work out in the gym. Girls were like that, right? They do something for like fifteen minutes and then decide they don't have the motivation.

But Maya Hart had beat Josh to the gym every morning without fail for the past three months, and he was starting to get the idea that this girl was here to stay.

How long did it take for habits to take again?

Josh dropped his bag on the floor, making his way over to the floor mats to sit and stretch. He threw his gaze over to the tiny blonde lifting weights and tried to make out how much she was actually doing. From the size alone, he guessed maybe 50lb dumbbells.

He dropped his gaze back to his legs when she glanced up to see him staring.

"You are probably the least flexible person I've ever met," her voice came echoing through the large gym, and he groaned, cursing himself for acknowledging she was even there.

"Males and females have different body structures," he reminded her, not looking back.

"Flexibility is important for fighting," Maya returned, her voice getting louder as she came closer. "Can you spring back after getting kicked down? Flip over an incoming attack?"

"Can you?" Josh asked, before realizing his mistake.

"Yeah," Maya smiled, coming to sit in front of him and stretching her legs out to make a nearly straight line. She leaned back and put her palms flat on the ground behind her, her head upside down, and pushed herself up and over on her arms until her legs hit the ground and she was standing.

"I don't see how that helps you win a fight," Josh stated, getting up to stretch his arms. "Maybe if you were in a rhythmic gymnastics competition."

"Well let's see then," Maya offered, following him as he left the mat.

"See what?" Josh clarified, uncapping his water bottle.

"Whether I can beat you using my flexibility skills," she stated simply, crossing her arms.

Josh snorted. "Yeah, because a 5 foot tall, 90 pound, thirteen year old girl is going to beat me in a spar. Dream on."

"Hand-to-hand, no weapons," Maya pushed. "Why not try? Unless you're scared you'll lose."

Josh closed his eyes and felt his heart beating, trying not to let his frustration get the better of him. He opened his eyes to see that smirk on the tiny girl's face, knowing she was berating him, pushing him. Maybe she wanted to see how far she could go before Josh went off on her.

"If I win," Josh said, and Maya grinned, knowing she'd gotten him, "you stop working out here in the mornings. I want my gym time back."

"And if I win," Maya agreed, "you tell me how to get your sister off of my back."

"Fine," Josh agreed. He had absolutely no idea how to reign Riley in - he had never been able to do it himself - but he had no doubt he wouldn't need to. Maya was about half a foot shorter than him and probably a good 40 pounds lighter. Not to mention the fact that she was two years younger than him, and he had been training basically his whole life. There was no way she could win a spar against him.

"Rules?" Maya asked, as she took a defense stance and Josh stepped back onto the spring-floor mat.

"Basic friendly fight," Josh stated, "no cheap shots, no head, no groin or," he gestured to Maya's chest, and Maya snorted.

"You can say 'breasts' dude," she said, "it's not a bad word."

"Surrender word is yield," Josh continued, "and since we don't have a facilitator," he referenced the school rule that stated that all spars had to have an instructor present, "remember the first rule of fight club."

"Obviously," Maya shrugged. "Are we gonna do this?"

"You asked for it," Josh muttered under his breath.

The two teens circled the floor, sizing each other up, before Josh made the first move, throwing a hook at Maya's face, which she avoided by literally doing a back handspring and using her leg to knock his arm to the left, throwing him to the left with it. He circled back around, this time pulling his leg up to kick her side, throwing her off balance, although she just dipped her torso forwards and pulled her leg all the way up in the air and around to kick again.

"You use your legs too much," Josh stated, throwing and landing a hit to her shoulder.

"And you don't use yours enough," Maya shot back, leaping into the air and spinning around to knock him off his feet with her own foot. She dropped to the ground and took hold of his arm to flip him onto his stomach.

Josh flipped around and pinned her the other way, their faces two inches from each other. "You're going to want to yield," he commanded, but Maya only smirked.

She pulled her legs up between Josh's and twisted them, forcing Josh to turn so that his knees wouldn't break, and she took the opportunity to turn his leg even further, flipping up and pressing her knee to his back, his leg forced almost all the way around and up above his other thigh, effectively trapping him and nearly breaking his knee again.

"Yield," he coughed out, and Maya stood up, crossing her arms and smiling.

Josh turned over, clenching his jaw in anger.

"That wouldn't have happened if you were more flexible," Maya pointed out, and Josh sprang up, advancing on her.

He wasn't even sure what he was going to do when he got to her, but Maya darted back as he got closer, seeing the anger radiating off of him. He clenched his fists, not bothering to look at his wrist to see that his heart was beating way out of control.

All he could think was, 'weak'. She had won against him. He had lost against a thirteen year old girl. This wasn't right. This had to be fixed.

"Matthews," Maya said, backing up, fear beginning to show on her face, which gave Josh some sick satisfaction.

'Good, be afraid, you should be afraid of me.'

"Matthews!" Maya said again, quickening her pace as Josh quickened his. Her fear was getting more evident, but all Josh could see was red.

"Josh!" The yell came from behind him, and he jerked to a stop, his vision clearing as he became harshly aware of what had just happened.

His sister darted forward, coming around into his view and he shook himself, eyes landing on Maya, whose eyes were wide and face was white. He could see the sweat on her brow and on her neck that had not been there during their fight, and some part of him jarred.

"What the hell is going on here?" Riley asked, glancing back and forth between Maya and Josh, as they stared intently at each other, not breaking eye contact.

Maya didn't speak, although Josh knew what she wanted to say, and he was very glad she wasn't going to say it. He had no idea what he would do to her if she did.

"Maya?" Riley asked, going to Maya's side as Maya finally broke Josh's gaze and focused on Riley next to her.

"Nothing, we're fine," Maya said cooly, not looking at Josh again as she walked over to her bag and picked it up, fleeing from the gym.

Riley looked back at Josh, her eyes wide. "What the hell did you do to her?"

"Nothing," Josh stated, flicking his wrist over. 154 bpm.

Technically, that wasn't a lie. She had beat him. And he hadn't done a damn thing about it.

Yet.

"What were you going to do, if I hadn't…?" Riley asked, her voice going quieter as she stared up at her brother.

"Nothing," Josh stated, his voice getting colder as he looked down at her. "Now get the hell out of here, Riley."

Riley's eyes widened, evidently wondering if she was brave enough to disobey him when he said it in such a dangerous voice. She swallowed, and nodded, walking away quickly, as Josh stared down at his wrist and tried to control himself.

Josh showered, pushing his face into the hot water, and tried to figure out how he was supposed to keep up his end of the bargain. How was he supposed to get Riley to leave Maya alone? How was he supposed to get Riley to do anything, after what she had just seen in his face?

"God, I hate academic classes," Josh groaned, staring down at his history homework. He was flashing back to when his dad had been his teacher in grade 7. Everything had been so different back then.

"Sorry to hear it," Lucas snorted from the other side of the room where he was sitting at his own desk doing who knows what.

"Yeah it's always so easy for guys like you," Josh glared at Lucas.

"You've got your strengths," Lucas pointed out.

"Anyone can go to the gym," Josh said.

"I meant fighting," Lucas corrected. He looked up at Josh and raised his eyebrows.

Josh leaned his head back. "Who told you?"

Lucas looked back down. "Told me what?" He asked.

Josh narrowed his eyes. "Fine."

He didn't really enjoy talking to his roommate, after all. It had been a few months since Lucas got to the academy, and although he and Josh hadn't had many conversations, they had learned how to work around each other. When Lucas got up in the morning, Josh was already at the gym, and when Josh went back in the afternoon, Lucas was usually in the library doing homework. They both preferred time alone, and so, without talking about it, they had organized their schedules so that they were rarely in the room at the same time, except for the few hours they were asleep.

Riley had used to make fun of Josh for being a "cool detached loner boy cliche", but she had stopped when she started to take on that personality herself. Josh knew that somewhere inside of her, she was still that sweet and happy twelve year old girl, but operations was cut throat and she had been forced to adapt or not survive.

Parts of him wondered how much had been forced on her from their peers, and how much of it had been pressure from their mom.

Josh dropped his bag on the floor and chose a section of the gym that was as far away from the blonde as possible, and began his daily workout. He hadn't spoken to Maya in weeks; not since their spar. Maya hadn't spoken to him either, which Josh was glad about for more reasons than one.

He did not want to talk to Maya. He did not want to think about Maya. He did not want anything to do with her. But she showed up in the gym, without fail, every morning.

But did he not want anything to do with her because she annoyed him? Because she had beat him, frustrated him?

He glanced over to her, watching as she blew some of her blonde hair out of her eyes.

Or because he was afraid of what he had almost done?

Chapter Text

("All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse."

"We don't deal with outsiders very well
They say newcomers have a certain smell
Yeah, trust issues, not to mention
They sayin they can smell your intentions."

"You'll never know the freak show sittin next to you
You'll have some weird people sitting next to you
You'll think, 'how'd I get here sitting next to you?'
But after all I've said, please don't forget.")

- Twenty-One Pilots, "Heathens"

August - November, 2014

2nd year, age 15

Lucas had mixed feelings about the academy.

On the one hand, even a year in, he was behind on all of his academic courses. Despite the fact he had been held back from the start, repeating the year he had struggled through in juvie, he still felt like everyone was doing great and he was just in a perpetual loop of catching up. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that half of his study group were Science & Tech students, so they were quite literally there because they were smart. On the other hand, Lucas had been a good student back in Texas, but when he was sentenced to prison, he tried and failed to learn with their school system. Basically, he had had almost a year of no instruction or practice, and it showed on his grades. Even though he had repeated the equivalent to 7th grade, he was struggling.

He knew he could ask his study group if one of them would work with him one on one, but he was too embarrassed to admit that they moved too fast for him. He was smart; he just had gotten the short end of the stick.

On the other hand, Lucas loved training. He was strong naturally, so working out was easy for him. Fighting was allowed - granted, it was consensual fighting supervised by a teacher, but it helped him center and get his energy and stress out in a way that wouldn't cause him to end up in jail. He spent several hours a day in the gym, excelled in his certification path courses, and was easily one of the best students in the class. He seriously enjoyed combat and agility training, and even did well in his under-cover skills courses, which were currently impersonation/acting and Russian and German language classes.

So as they got further and further into their second year, he knew his academic grades were slipping. He knew he was struggling. But he just hoped he could slide by enough to stay.

There was always summer school; God knows he wasn't going home anyways.

"Mr. Friar, please stay back a moment," the teacher requested, and Lucas nodded to his group, as they left for whatever class they had next.

"I'm disappointed in you, Mr. Friar," the teacher frowned, glancing over her grade book and what Lucas assumed was his school file. "You passed the IQ test with flying colors and did relatively well in the entrance exams. But you barely passed finals last term. I believe you can do better than this."

Lucas bit the inside of his cheek. "M'am, I did well in courses at my middle school in Texas, but fell behind when I left school for a year."

"I'm going to ask that you attend a support course. It's 45 minutes every day, right after academic classes end at 4pm but before your mandatory operations training. It will just help you to catch up; the teachers there will help you through homework and extra practice assignments."

"M'am, that cuts into my free time-" Lucas began, but the teacher cut him off.

"If you want to stay in this school you need to get your grades up by midterms. Once you average out at a B level, you're free to leave the course. Until then, however, this is a requirement," she stated, handing Lucas a piece of paper and a late slip to his next class.

He felt a mild panic running through his stomach; if he failed out of the academy, he would be sent back to prison for the rest of his five year sentence, a circumstance which he would rather avoid. Turning away as he surveyed the paper, he scanned the course description and the teachers, and groaned internally. He was reading further as he moved towards the door, and literally bumped into her as she was in his path.

"Sorry," he mumbled, looking up to see Riley Matthews.

"It's alright," Riley nodded.

"Ms. Matthews," the teacher called, and Riley headed toward her desk, leaving Lucas behind.

As Lucas went out the door, he heard something that interested him and he hung back right outside the door frame.

"Ms. Matthews, the director requested that you meet her in her office after academic courses. The administrative panel has an assignment for you."

"Thanks," Riley said calmly, although Lucas could hear the curiosity in her voice. "I'll report to her at 4pm."

Riley's footsteps traveled toward the door, and Lucas sped down the hallway, trying to seem like he had been walking away the whole time.

Riley came up behind him and fell into step with him as they made their way to the History class that they were both in. She didn't say anything, but she did sneak a glance that Lucas caught out of the corner of his eye.

Riley was part of his study group, and had been for the past year, but neither of them really spoke to each other. They conversed as needed to answer questions in their study sessions and group work, but outside of that, they didn't talk.

"I didn't know you were failing math," Riley spoke up, and Lucas's jaw clenched.

"I'm doing fine. She's exaggerating."

"You got a 62 on the last exam," Riley pointed out, and Lucas frowned.

"How could you possibly know that?" He asked, biting his tongue from telling her to get lost.

"Farkle and I would have helped if you asked," Riley offered, instead of answering his question. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I don't need your help," Lucas stated coldly. "I do fine. And I would appreciate it if you didn't broadcast my personal marks to people."

"I don't," Riley assured him. She glanced up at him and pursed her lips. "I get that you don't want friends, and neither does Maya Hart, or my brother, but allies are a good start."

Lucas sighed internally, knowing that he couldn't deny that allies were important; especially in their line of work. "I don't want to give you any hopes of friendship."

"Oh dude," Riley smiled a little, "I lost all hope a while ago."

Lucas was sitting at his desk working when a knock sounded on his door. He frowned and glanced at his watch; it was too late for visitors. He crossed the room to pull open the door, a little surprised when it revealed Riley Matthews's face.

"Josh isn't here," Lucas said. "Try the gym." He started to close the door, but Riley stopped him.

"I'm actually here for you," she said. Pushing her way into the room, she went to sit on her brother's bed and crossed her arms.

"What do you want?" Lucas asked, annoyed but also a little curious.

"I had a proposition for you," Riley suggested, folding her hands in her lap. "You're easily one of the best students in our combat and strength classes, and I admit that I could use extra practice with someone who knows what they're doing."

"You seem to do well enough," Lucas objected, crossing his arms.

"An act," Riley offered, shrugging a little as she kept eye contact.

"Josh-" Lucas started to suggest, but Riley cut him off.

"I've been training with Josh since I was eleven, and it's a lot more difficult than you think," she confessed. "He pushes me farther than I should go and guilts me, doesn't teach well. I think that a new partner may be a better match."

The word partner was what Lucas caught. "I don't need a training partner," he rejected.

"No, but I do," Riley pointed out. "And you need a study partner." She stood up. "So help me and I'll help you. Teach me to succeed in training; I'll help you with studies. Maybe by midterms, we will have improved enough that our teachers won't bother us anymore."

"I thought Hart was your training partner," Lucas recalled.

"We train together, but there's no helping or teaching involved," Riley sighed.

Lucas paused, studying her expression. She seemed genuinely hopeful that he would help her, and part of him itched to agree. It might be annoying to have a girl training with him, but the facts were that she needed help, and she was asking him. Also, he needed help with his studies, and he hated the idea of going to the support course and letting whatever other kids in the class know that he was stupid.

This seemed like a relatively good solution; they would both improve, and Lucas wouldn't feel like a burden asking for a tutor when he would be the expert in another area for her.

"I'll try it out," Lucas agreed, and saw a flicker of a smile across Riley's face. "But only a few weeks. If it doesn't work, we stop. And one rule - no one knows we're tutoring each other. Got it?"

"Definitely," Riley agreed. "I don't want any peers knowing that I'm not doing well in training any more than you want your peers to know you're struggling in academics."

"Then it's a deal," Lucas nodded, reaching out to shake her hand as she stepped forward. "Now go away, I'm studying."

"No you're not," Riley accused as she left the room, the door closing behind her before Lucas could object.

Lucas didn't seriously think that he and Riley would be a good fit for partners. And he didn't want to admit it when they both began to improve with each others' help. Riley did academic homework with him in her room - since she didn't have a roommate, of which the reason Lucas was still trying to figure out - and they trained together during their 5pm-6pm gym hours, mostly working out combat and strength.

Lucas enjoyed working with Riley, but she was a very pushy person. She asked a lot of personal questions that Lucas didn't want to answer, and he just did his best to deflect. He had told her from the start that they weren't going to be friends, but she seemed to be testing that limit.

Within a few months, Lucas's grades had gone from D's to high B's, and Riley had gone from benching 80 to benching 130 easily, and she had significantly improved in combat, even 'beating' Lucas a few times - although he would never admit to it.

"You improve fast," Lucas noted as he and Riley wound up to mock again, after getting permission from the gym instructor.

"I have a good teacher," Riley complimented. "And you're not so bad yourself."

Lucas made the first move, coming at Riley for a head hit which she deflected with an arm. He moved again, this time landing a strike to her side, but she brought her leg up to kick him in the calf before he could strike again. He used the floor to his advantage and swung a leg under her feet to cause her to lose her footing, but she turned and did an aerial flip as his foot swung just under the place her feet had been.

She came up with her hair flying behind her and immediately threw a hit to his stomach, and he grunted, turning around to get momentum as he spun and kicked his leg up, striking her hard on the shoulder. She went down and didn't get back up.

"Yield!" She called, grimacing.

Lucas stopped, dropping down to the floor next to her. "Injury?"

"I'm fine," Riley dismissed, her expression trying to imitate nonchalance, although Lucas could see the pain written on her face in the scrunching of her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching out to help her up with the arm she wasn't currently clenching.

"Don't be; you won fair," Riley said, sucking in her breath so harshly that it made a hissing sound, as she made it into an upright position.

"We need to get you to the infirmary," Lucas declared, and Riley shook her head hard.

"I'm fine Lucas," she countered, and Lucas frowned.

"No, you're hurt, and I'm taking you to the infirmary," he commanded. "This isn't up for debate."

Riley tried to shake her head again, but as she moved her arm she yelped a little.

"Let's go," Lucas ordered in a voice that left no room for argument, taking her other arm and guiding her out the gym doors.

"Ms. Matthews," the nurse said, entering the partitioned room where Riley was sitting on the exam table, sulking, and Lucas was standing next to her. "I need you to come with me; we need X-Rays."

"I'm fine, Lucas," Riley said, sliding down off the table. "You can go back to your dorm or the gym or whatever."

"I'd rather stay," Lucas objected. He felt bad; had he hit her too hard? It seemed like a fairly normal kick, the same force that they had been using for months. It had never hurt her this bad - they were always sore but not so much that ibuprofen and ice baths didn't fix it.

In the twenty agonizing minutes that Lucas spent waiting for Riley to come back, he thought back over every fight they had had in the last few months. How bad was the damage? Would Riley want to stop training with him? Did she blame him for hurting her?

When Riley and her nurse returned to her room, she seemed genuinely surprised that he was still there. "I thought you would have gone by now."

"We need the room," the nurse said, before Lucas could answer.

He closed his mouth and drew back the partition, walking down the hall a little where he could still hear the nurse. Whether or not it was prying or an invasion of privacy, Lucas couldn't help it. He needed to know; he was worried.

"Your arm is fractured again," the nurse was saying.

Riley said something back, but her voice was too quiet for Lucas to catch.

"You were fighting on an old injury, you hadn't fully healed yet," the nurse scolded frustratedly. "You need to stop for a while; you need to let your body heal."

Lucas could feel the mix of negative emotions starting to fill his mind. Betrayal - she was supposed to tell him when they went too far. Concern - she had rebroken a bone and would have healing time; painful healing time. Fear - his roommate would not be happy.

"I'm writing you a prescription for orthopedist regeneration assisters; they'll speed up the bone's healing process. But for this to work," the nurse said seriously, in a tone that made Lucas wonder what history Riley had with this sort of thing, "you're out of training for at least two weeks. Totally. After that we'll revisit and consider returning."

"That will put me behind," Riley said, in a voice loud enough that Lucas could hear. "Can't you give me something stronger? Speed it up?"

"Without this medicine it would take you a minimum of six to eight weeks to heal," the nurse stated. "I'm doing you a favor by even giving you these. Don't abuse them. Just because it doesn't hurt doesn't mean it's not still broken."

When the nurse drew the partition back and revealed Riley pulling her shirt back on over her sports bra and new brace, Lucas was waiting with his arms crossed.

"You need to stop listening to my conversations," Riley bit out, pushing past him on her way down the hall and out the door. Lucas followed her.

"You were fighting on an injury and didn't tell me?" Lucas steamed. "How could you be so damn stupid, Matthews?"

Riley didn't answer, speeding up. Lucas could tell she was heading for the girls' dorms and would try to lose him there, but he wasn't planning on letting her get away with hurting herself.

"This is dangerous! Permanent damage, Riley!" Lucas almost yelled. "Why would you risk that?"

Riley flipped around, her eyes flashing. "I'm fine, Friar. Don't tell me what I can or can't handle."

"It's not a question of strength, it's a question of anatomy!" Lucas shot back in disbelief. From what he had learned in the past year and a half of knowing her, he had thought she was smart, self aware. Ignoring her body's breaks was quite possibly one of the stupidest things an operations student could do.

"I can't afford to fall behind on training or show weakness," Riley stated, glaring up at him. "You don't get what that's like; you went to prison for heck's sake. No one doubts that you deserve your spot."

"I think we all know you deserve your place in this class," Lucas objected. "But if you keep breaking your body past its survival point, you won't be able to stay."

"I think we all know the real reason that I'm in this class, and it's certainly not because I deserve it," Riley stated harshly as she approached the girls' dorms with Lucas on her heels. "I'm good at what I do because I push myself, I don't show weakness, and I don't give in to my body's whining. And I don't need you to tell me what to do. I don't need some guy to tell me how to use my body!"

"Then why did you ask me to be your training partner?" Lucas challenged, and Riley's expression darkened.

"You needed an academic tutor and I had an assignment," she stated shortly, before entering the girls' dorms and leaving Lucas to wonder what the hell she meant by that.

Chapter Text

("I was broken from a young age
Taking my sulking to the masses
Writing my poems for the few
That look at me, took to me, shook me, feeling me
Singing from heartache, from the pain
Taking my message from the veins
Speaking my lesson from the brain
Seeing the beauty through the
Pain.")

- Imagine Dragons, "Believer"

May 2015

2nd Year, age 14

"So, how many times have you gotten hurt this year?" Maya asked accusingly, as Riley made her way towards her with her arm in a sling.

"I'm fine," Riley dismissed.

"That's what you get for training with that nutjob," Maya muttered.

"And you train with my brother, so who's the real nutjob?" Riley pointed out, pulling out her notebook.

"I don't train with your brother," Maya corrected. "In fact, I do my absolute best to stay away from your brother."

"If you were really trying to avoid him, you wouldn't go to the gym at the same time as him," Riley stated. "You don't fool me, Hart. I see right through your shell; I'd have to after knowing you for over a year."

Maya shut her mouth and looked down at her own notebook as the teacher walked into the room. She knew that Riley was partially right; she had, after weeks of being followed around, gotten used to Riley and taken advantage of her being there. Riley talked to her, Maya listened. Riley spotted her, counted jumps, prepped for evals with her. Riley was the one person that had consistently been in Maya's life for the longest time of everyone she had known.

Which said a lot about her, now that she thought about it.

It wasn't that Maya had immediately opened up to the girl; it was more that she was just always there, and she was so chatty that it was hard not to talk to her. Riley seemed to know everything too, and she was so good at knowing the exact right thing to say and the right thing to use to get others to open up. Maya, for all her experience, had a difficult time just trying to handle Riley.

Then there was the other thing.

Maya's CO had been (regrettably) right. Riley pushed her way under Maya's skin like a nagging splinter that she had no way of removing. Riley knew her now, could anticipate her words and her actions, and so they could work together. Work like partners, like she had been assigned to do.

"You need to understand that there are other people, people you work with."

Maya grimaced as her CO's words from last year wormed their way into her head again.

She hated to admit it, but working with Riley did make it easier.

Maya received a message from administrations on her birthday, just before lunch hour. She made her way across the campus to the administrations building, anticipation bursting in her chest. What could they possibly want with her? Had she done something wrong? Was she being kicked out, sent back to military school?

She checked in with the secretary and stood waiting, unable to sit down. She turned around and glanced out at the campus; the glass doors viewed the training grounds for operations, and several older students were running a mock.

"Ms. Hart," a voice came from behind her, "thank you for meeting me."

Maya turned and startled to see Director Topanga Matthews for the first time in person. She had known that Josh and Riley's mom was the director, but she had never met the woman. Riley didn't talk about her at all, and Josh didn't talk, period.

"If you'll follow me," Director Matthews ordered, turning on the ball of her feet to head back to her office, not bothering to check if Maya was actually following.

The woman was actually fairly short, but her long flat hair and black outfit made her appear taller, especially in combination with her tall heels. It was her posture that really made her appear in control; she was so straight that Maya was sure she had a pole against her back or something. It made Maya straighten a little too, unconsciously.

"Sit," Director Matthews ordered, and Maya obediently sat in the chair in front of her desk, her knee bouncing in jittery nerves.

She didn't speak; she didn't know if she should. This was the woman who ran the entire academy. All of it. She had the power to kick Maya out if she chose to. She had the power to do anything, and Maya was terrified, for the first time, of this woman.

"You train with my daughter, and have sparred with my son Josh, is that correct?" Director Matthews confirmed, in a voice that made clear she wasn't really asking. What really interested Maya, however, was how she said 'daughter' and 'son' differently, and didn't even actually say Riley's name. No wonder Riley didn't talk about her mom; she had been right when she said her mother hated her.

"Yes, Ma'am," Maya replied, folding her hands in her lap. "Although I don't spar with him anymore."

"And why is that?" Director Matthews asked, looking down on her nose.

"I beat him and he wasn't happy about it," Maya informed her bluntly, and immediately wondered if she had made a mistake with her honesty as the woman frowned.

"You beat my son?" She questioned, her expression unreadable as Maya felt sweat begin to break out under her hair.

"It was just one time," Maya backtracked.

"I assume that this fight wasn't cleared nor supervised." She moved over to her desk, but stayed standing as she looked over the file on her desk.

Maya had never been good at reading upside down, but she knew the file was about her. There was a photo of her from when she first was admitted into the category, and she could see several numbers that she assumed were her identification numbers, as well as what looked like Katy Hart's signature.

"It was early, we didn't have a teacher in the gym," Maya began to justify, as the woman looked up from the file and straight into her eyes. "I'm sorry, I know it was wrong, but no one got hurt."

"You beat a boy two years and several weight classes above you," Director Matthews said, seeming to not care about Maya's excuses. "We've put you through several mid-year evals and they show that you are far above the top of the class. Your combat teacher recommended you skip year three, but your academic teachers disagree."

Maya's heart lept in her throat with pride, and she controlled a smile from showing on her face. Her teachers had praised her, and recommended she skip a grade? She had known she did well, but not that well.

"In Operations, we select students who excel in certain areas and evaluate if we believe they would succeed on an elite team."

Two words focused in Maya's mind: 'elite' and 'team'. She was being considered for an elite position, something she never would have expected a few years ago. But she was also being considered for a team, something she certainly didn't think she would succeed in. Even her CO had told her she was a terrible teammate.

"This is not a common occurrence, and it is a very high honor that the administrative panel has selected you as a member of this potential team. We've seen your success and your progress with my daughter and we have agreed to put you on this assignment." Director Matthews raised her eyebrows. "This assignment will require you to attend exclusive training sessions with your teammates and instructors, and have mock missions in team settings, similar to fifth and sixth year students. It is a huge responsibility and we have never chosen a second year student for a team, before this year."

"I understand, Ma'am," Maya assured her. "I'd like to thank you for this opportunity."

"I expect you'll succeed, and that's all the thanks I will need," Director Matthews returned. "Report to the gym at 8pm. You'll have clearance for extended dorm check in." She handed Maya a piece of paper, and Maya barely had time to glance down at it before Director Matthews said, "You're dismissed."

Maya walked into the gym ten minutes before 8pm, and set her bag down as she flicked her wrist to see her heart rate. 124 bpm. She was nervous.

"Now you're here at night too?"

Maya turned, startled, to see Josh Matthews entering the gym with his own bag and an annoyed expression on his face.

"Don't you train in the morning?" Maya asked.

"Don't you?" Josh shot back.

Maya bristled. "I'm here for-"

"Alright, I get it," another voice joined the group, and both Maya and Josh turned to see Lucas Friar coming towards them. He glanced between the two teens. "So who's our fourth?"

"Mr. Matthews, Ms. Hart, Mr. Friar," a teacher that none of them had met before addressed them, raising his eyebrows. "Meet your teammates."

"Teammates?!" Maya and Josh asked at the same time, shooting a glare to each other.

"Why else did you think we were here?" Lucas asked. He directed his attention at the teacher. "Who's our fourth?"

"I'm here," Riley called, out of breath as she hurried into the room. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Matthews?" Lucas looked stunned. He glanced over at his roommate, who was still glaring at Maya.

"Riley, what the hell are you doing here?" Josh broke Maya's gaze to groan at the sight of his little sister.

"I was picked to be on this assignment too," Riley said, frowning. "You're not the only capable one in the family."

"Wait a minute," Lucas's eyebrows furrowed and he looked betrayed. "Assignment?"

Riley opened her mouth, but before she could speak the teacher cut in.

"Now that we are all here, let's get started."

Riley avoided both Lucas's and her brother's gazes, but met eyes with Maya. She came around to stand next to her, her arm still held up in the sling. How and why she was on this team while she couldn't even train was beyond Maya, but she guessed it had something to do with her mother.

"You have all been chosen for this team because your strengths have been evaluated to complement each other. I'm going to be your trainer, evaluator, instructor, teacher, and advisor from here until you graduate the program," the man informed the four. He met eyes with each of them. "Basically, you're being pulled from several of your classes to do the same coursework in this private group with me. You can call me Eric; we'll be working closely together for the next several years and I believe first names build trust."

Maya snuck a glance to Lucas, who was staring intently at Eric. Josh was looking at the ground.

"I believe this team will succeed and I'm here to make it happen. I report directly to Director Matthews and her administrative board, and if I believe a member is failing to work with the team, that member will be reported to the board and they will run evaluations to decide if they should be removed." Eric picked up a tablet sitting on the table in front of him. "I assume you all know each other."

"Yeah," Lucas was the only one who agreed.

Maya figured that this had been put into place from the moment they all arrived at the academy - or at least, from the moment her CO paired her and Riley as training partners. This had been the underlying reason for several events that she was now adding up in her head.

Josh was the one outlying factor. What was he doing here? He wasn't even in their year.

"You'll be expected to report to me in the training grounds for several classes each day," Eric said, looking down at his tablet. "We'll be training together to encourage teamwork and help the four of you learn how to work together and use each of your strengths to overcome your weaknesses. This assignment will require you to become very close and build trust, and I know that several of you will struggle with that. However, if you want to succeed, you will learn to see each other as extensions of yourselves." He glanced up. "Any questions?"

"Yeah," Maya crossed her arms. "Why us?"

Eric smiled. "I'm glad you asked, but I won't answer your question. In the coming years you will see why each of you were chosen for this team, and how you all match. It may not seem like it right now," he leaned forwards, "but you have potential."

"What comes after graduation?" Josh asked, narrowing his eyes.

"You'll be sent into the field on specialized missions as an elite team, to accomplish goals that would be unlikely to succeed with individual agents. Growing up together and training together will give you the bond that agents paired together for single missions would not otherwise have."

"How many teams have there been before us?" Riley asked.

"Three," Eric stated. "The first included Agents James, Jennings, Yu, and Travis, who completed the Somalia job."

Maya noticed Riley's eyes widen, and she wondered what the hell the Somalia job had been.

"Agent Jennings instructed the second team after her retirement, which included myself, Director Matthews, and Agent Moore. Three years ago, six students were selected into an elite team, but only four were able to work together and graduate. Those were Agents Ross, Wilson, Greene, and Miller. The most recent team was the only all female team in history. They are still in the field."

Riley and Josh glanced at each other, but Riley was the one to ask, "Our mother was on an elite team with you?"

"I'm surprised she didn't tell you," Eric said, glancing between Riley and Josh. "She retired the team when she became pregnant after eight years of field work. We were the longest running elite team and completed the highest number of missions."

"Is that why we were chosen?" Josh asked.

'Probably,' Maya thought smugly.

"You four were recommended by your instructors. The administrative board confirmed the nominees." Eric raised his eyebrows. "Any more questions?"

The four looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Good," Eric clapped his hands, "then you are dismissed. You'll find your new schedules in your emails. I'll see you tomorrow."

Eric left the gym as Maya picked up her bag, glancing down at her watch. She would still be able to make her bed check if she wanted to.

"So this was your 'assignment'?" Lucas asked, and Maya glanced up to see him staring at Riley, who had stopped a few feet from the door.

She turned slowly, meeting his eyes. "Yes."

"Did you even need a training partner?" Lucas asked in disbelief.

"You can't tell me you didn't improve with my help," Riley stated.

"That wasn't an answer to my question," Lucas pointed out lowly.

Something about Lucas's tone didn't sit well with Maya, and, apparently, with Josh either.

He stepped between Lucas and Riley, turning his glare on his roommate. "Watch yourself. She had an assignment and she did it."

"She lied to me and tried to gain my trust by it," Lucas stated.

"And you broke her arm, so I think you might be even," Josh countered. He glanced at Riley, who was looking down at the floor.

"She was fighting on an injury and didn't bother to tell me," Lucas said. "So much for trust."

"Wait," Maya cut in. She glanced at Lucas, and then Riley. "You broke her arm?"

"I'm fine," Riley said.

"I don't care," Josh said, now fully facing Lucas. "You broke my little sister's arm."

There was a flash in Josh's eyes that Maya recognized from that morning last year. Her stomach began to grow cold as she realized how this might play out.

"She made the choice to-" Lucas began, but Josh began his stalk forward, balling his fists, and Maya's eyes widened, recognizing the fear in Lucas's eyes.

"Matthews," she darted forward as Lucas moved back, trying to get in between them.

"Stay out of this Hart," Josh growled. "Get out of my way."

"Do you want to get kicked off the team?" Maya challenged, but Josh wasn't listening.

"I said stay out of it!" Josh barked, shoving her hard to the side, and Maya stumbled back, nearly falling over.

"Josh, don't!" Riley ordered from behind them, and Josh's steps hesitated, his body tight and wavering. "Don't make me report you."

"He," Josh repeated in a low, cold voice. "Broke. Your. Arm. Riley."

"It was a fair fight and I didn't tell him I had fractured it before," Riley declared.

Maya could hear the traces of fear in Riley's voice too, and her eyes flicked between Riley and Josh. She knew Riley couldn't see her brother's face, but Maya could. The pure anger in his expression made the hair on the back of Maya's neck rise.

"It's not his fault," Maya added, jumping back when Josh turned to her.

"I said stay out of this, Hart!" He flamed.

"Josh, get out," Riley ordered, her voice shaking just a tiny bit.

"I don't answer to you," Josh shot back, not turning away from Lucas.

"No, but you'll answer to Mom, and you're only angry at him because you're protective of me," Riley observed. "So get out before you do something that will get you kicked out."

Josh wavered, and Maya watched the expression on his face flicker before he groaned. "You're damn lucky she's here," he warned Lucas before grabbing his bag and stalking out of the gym.

"So he'll listen to you," Maya noticed after Josh had left.

"If there's one thing he gives a damn about," Riley shrugged, bending over and letting her breath out, "it's actually my safety, believe it or not."

"For the record," Lucas began, and both girls looked to him, "I am sorry I broke your arm."

"I know," Riley assured him. She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry I lied to you. And Maya," Riley turned to her, "I'd never let him hurt you."

"What makes you think I need you to-" Maya began, but Riley cut her off.

"That day in the gym," she recalled, "he was going to hurt you. I'm glad I got there."

Maya closed her mouth, clenching her jaw. She was a little embarrassed to admit she had been afraid of him that day, and didn't know what she would have done if Riley hadn't shown up.

It was actually one of the things that made her trust her.

"What is it about you?" Lucas asked as he picked up his bag and followed the two girls out of the gym.

"What do you mean?" Riley asked.

"The power you have," Lucas suggested.

"I'm trustworthy. It's not the kind of power I want," Riley sighed. "But it is the power I have."

"You manipulate us," Maya realized.

"Call it what you want, but I am to people what they need me to be," Riley explained. "You needed a friend. Lucas needed a tutor. Josh needs someone to hold him back." She smiled a small smile. "It's what I do."

And for the first time in her life, Maya started to depend on someone.

Chapter Text

"Tell me your secrets
I won't repeat them
This tug in my chest makes it hard to get rest
And I think that I'm better off dead."

"Tell me you mean it, give me your pieces
This hole in my heart makes it hard to restart
And I think that I'm falling apart."

"God only knows why
It comes and it goes
And gets lost on me
I'm scared that it shows
And I, I'm scared to believe."

"Tell me it's over, at least I'm closer
This weight on my neck makes it hard to connect
And I'm staring at my feet again
I don't think they know it, how bad I'm broken
The colors you see have become lost on me
And I can't find the route of the bleed."

- Chelsea Cutler, "Sometimes"

August, 2015

3rd year, age 15

Riley, Maya, Lucas, and Josh spent all summer in the accelerated program. Maya and Lucas would have been staying at the academy anyways, but Riley and Josh, who had every previous summer gone home to live with their families, stayed too.

It was brutal to be away from her dad and her little brother Auggie, but Riley knew that telling her mom she wanted to go home was the best way to get reprimanded and see that look in her eye that told her just how disappointed in her she was.

Honestly, she didn't see how spending the summer training had done much for them.

Lucas held back every time she and him sparred, and she could tell he was always scanning her for some hint that she was lying. About anything. She had caught him following her on more than one occasion, but whenever she asked him about it, he denied everything.

Maya and Josh were a totally different problem. They avoided each other as much as possible, tried not to say a word to each other, and basically refused to work together. Riley could tell that Maya didn't trust Josh at all, and Josh seemed to dread being around her altogether.

It wasn't only that. Maya hated training together, helping her partner when they did 2v2 combat spars, whoever was her partner. She tried to do everything herself and refused to help anyone, which Riley found exhausting.

Josh, too, tried to do everything himself. It completely undermined the point of training together in a team - learning to work together with a single mind. The fact that their formation had named Josh as the team head only made him more difficult to work with.

No one wanted to work together or trusted anyone else, besides Riley. And even she was having trouble attempting to keep blind faith when nobody would tell her the truth.

The only good thing Riley felt came out of the summer programs were that she didn't have to do academic classes, and could take on more program courses. They took extra combat and weapons classes, even starting gun and rifle training, which were usually started during year five. They worked on staff and knife training, too, and kept up their strength and agility courses, moving up in track, weight lifting, weightless strength training, flexibility, and tumbling. They also began a personality building course, and some medical training.

Riley had finished her year one/year two language courses - Mandarin, Spanish, and Hindustani - and started her year two/year three language courses - Arabic, Malay, and Russian. She used the summer to get ahead in her year three courses, so she wouldn't have to handle so much when she took on her year three/year four courses - Bengali, Portuguese, and French.

Technically, the only required language courses were English, Latin, Russian, and Spanish. Those were the languages that agents most often used on missions, and Latin was a base to have a general understanding of most other languages. However, universal language proficiency was an elective program that her mother had completed, and in an insane attempt to impress her mother, Riley had committed to taking it too. It was a fast paced program, with each course running for two years and taking three to six languages per year, and she wasn't sure how anyone survived it, but she was succeeding with B-averages. It focused on the fifteen most commonly spoken languages: English, Mandarin, Spanish, Hindustani, Arabic, Malay, Russian, Bengali, Portuguese, French, Hausa, Punjabi, German, Japanese, and a choice of either Bulgarian or Italian. Agents who passed the proficiency tests every year along with their other evaluations had a higher clearance level and a much larger choice of missions, since they could understand the language in almost any country.

Maya had entered into the half program, which only taught Mandarin, Spanish, Arabic, Russian, Portuguese, German, French, and a choice of Japanese or Bulgarian. They took only three courses per year, and graduates of that program only had to demonstrate basic understanding of each language - being able to understand the points of the conversation and get your own points across - instead of full proficiency.

Josh (their mother's golden boy) had tested out of a few of the languages already, and was learning some of them on his own time.

So the summer had not been wasted. But Riley wasn't sure that the 'team' - if one could even call it that - had benefited as a whole from training together. If anything, it seemed to just hold them all back.

"Ms. Matthews."

Riley glanced up, her leg bouncing in anxiety as she twisted the papers in her hand - her assignment report for the last year.

"Please follow me," the receptionist requested, and Riley got up to trail behind him as he led her into the conference room, where three adults were sitting behind a bench that looked similar to - and just as imposing as - a court bench. She stood, her hands at her side still clutching her papers, as tall as she could, resisting the urge to fidget her tight skirt and blouse.

"Ms. Matthews," the man on the far right said, "thank you for joining us. Please begin your assignment report whenever you're ready."

Riley swallowed and held up her paper, taking a deep breath to calm her heart beat as she glanced down at her notes. "AIC Riley Matthews, Academy ID number 2019154, current assignment report. I was assigned to gain the trust of AIC Lucas Friar, AIC Maya Hart, and AIC Joshua Matthews to help them cooperate into an elite team. In the past year, I have made progress with AIC Maya Hart, and we are able to train together with a basic level of cooperation. In the past year, I have not made significant progress with AIC Joshua Matthews, nor with AIC Lucas Friar." Riley stopped her script before the customary, 'I request authorization for continuation of assignment'.

The three adults waited for her to finish, but when it became clear to them that Riley was not going to say the last bit, they turned to each other to speak quietly for a moment. Riley tried not to focus on the woman in the center, but her approval was all she could think about, and it made her even more nervous with every second they whispered.

"Ms. Matthews," the woman on the left began, "do you believe your progress has been significant enough to justify your placement on this assignment and in this team?"

Riley hesitated, thinking over the question. She had been prepared for any possible questions about her report, but when the woman questioned her competence, she seriously took a double take.

"I believe that I have done the best I can given the components and information I was given," Riley decided. "I do not believe that my placement on this team and assignment was a mistake."

"Are you not requesting continuation on this assignment?" The man on the left questioned.

Riley directed her attention to him. "I'm unsure how much more progress I can make that I have not made in the past year. An incident at the end of the last year, and the formation of the team stalled progress I was working towards with AIC Lucas Friar. The familial connection I have to AIC Joshua Matthews presents a unique challenge to my progress with his trust."

"Ms. Matthews," the woman in the center said, reading what Riley was not saying, "why do you believe you cannot make this team cooperate?"

"Madam Director Matthews," Riley began carefully, "I was placed in a team with three other members who have decided they will never work with anyone else. Putting one loner in a group of four is one thing - putting three loners is nearly impossible to make the team function."

"Ms. Matthews," the man to her mother's right said, "we've evaluated each of the members placed in your team, and we believe it absolutely is possible for this group to succeed. If you would like to challenge the decisions of this administration-"

"Excuse me," Topanga interrupted, studying Riley with a frown. "I'd like to know why you believe this team will never work together."

Riley took a breath. "Maya Hart refuses to work in a team with other students. She doesn't trust and feels like they hold her back. Joshua Matthews sees many others as only a threat, to either his own safety, or to his mission's success, and refuses to acknowledge other points of view. Lucas Friar is not truthful, which makes it nearly impossible to trust him."

Topanga looked down at her file, flipping through the sections on each member as Riley reviewed. "We've acknowledged these flaws and believe that working in a team in a training environment can make them better agents individually. The strengths that each team member possesses can make the entire team thrive, if they learn how to click them together as a puzzle."

"And if they never learn?" Riley questioned. "How can you teach a group to combine their strengths if they refuse to try to work together?"

"That's where you come in, Ms. Matthews," the woman on Topanga's other side said. "We've told you that your strengths can click together and render your weaknesses irrelevant, and it's up to you to guide them to that."

"Madam Assistant Director," Riley asked, beginning to feel as if she was running in circles, "how am I to complete this mission? You ask me to be a guide to this team while you've made Joshua Matthews the team head."

"One of Joshua Matthews's weaknesses, as you pointed out, is his unwillingness to consider other points of view," the man stated. "To even consider him working in a team, we need to put him in a place of authority to start out - there's no way he would have accepted any other student giving him orders. However, sub orders you will be guiding the group, not necessarily in direct actions but in small choices."

Riley felt a headache begin between her eyes. "I feel that these students would work better if split into other groups with more willing participants. If four members are all pulling in opposite directions, the team will break; whereas, if most of the team is pulling in one direction and only one is-"

"Ms. Matthews," the man interrupted, "are you asking to challenge this panel's choice in team placement?"

Riley pursed her lips, her fingers twisting into each other behind her back. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"Then we will discuss it and notify you of our report," he stated. "You are dismissed, Ms. Matthews."

Riley clenched her jaw, turning away to head toward the exit of the room, frustrated that her point had not been made and irritated at the way the panel had even acknowledged her.

Like she was a little girl. Like she didn't know anything.

This simple assignment report had turned into something much larger, and she had no idea where this would go from here.

She could feel her heart speeding up as her frustration built, and she was so focused on trying to calm herself and waiting for the elevator that she didn't notice her mother until she tapped her arm.

"Riley," Topanga said, and Riley turned, her eyes widening.

"Mom," she greeted her hesitantly, wondering if she should still call her 'Madam Director', even after they had left a formal meeting.

The elevator opened, but neither moved to enter it.

"I wanted to let you know that I will be denying your request for replacement," her mother said, and Riley took a controlled breath.

"I respect that decision, Ma'am." She moved to push the button for the elevator again, but Topanga stepped into her way.

"You don't want to know why?" She prodded, and Riley turned her eyes back on her, warily.

"If you are inclined to tell me," she suggested.

Topanga opened her purse. "This is definitely against the agency codes, but I'd like you to look this over." She handed Riley the file that she had been reading over the entire meeting, and Riley took it, hesitantly.

"You're giving me my teammates evaluations?" She asked cautiously.

"This report lists your evaluations and the goals and expectations of this project," Topanga informed her. "If you're going to succeed in this mission, Riley," she glanced around, "I think some insight into what we see in you may be necessary."

Topanga walked away briskly, and was gone before the elevator opened again.

Riley's eyebrows furrowed as she glanced down at the file, and then back up at where her mother had disappeared back into the court. Then she tucked the file under her arm and stepped onto the elevator.

Her mother didn't break rules - especially the rules she herself was supposed to make. Topanga Matthews never did the wrong thing, so whatever was in this file must be crucial for Riley to know.

But she couldn't help but feel it was somehow a trap. The fact that her mother had done something she wasn't supposed to do, for Riley, after she had just denied Riley's request for reassignment, felt like mixed messages coming her way, and it had been too long since Riley had tried to decode her mother's actions.

Unable to wait until she left the building, she opened the file, just to skim the first page.

'Advise Riley Matthews into this team as a way to bond the participants… R. Matthews is trusting and positive and collaborative… may be the succeeding factor in said team…

… J. Matthews requires leadership position to enter team… M. Hart advised to be paired with R. Matthews to give M. Hart a sense of trust in a single person outside of herself…

… This panel believes that L. Friar may be best suited with an honest student to push him to be honest in return… this panel believes that this team may succeed as a unit by pairing R. Matthews with J. Matthews, M. Hart, and L. Friar to use her strengths to strengthen their weaknesses.'

Riley flipped the file shut as she exited the elevator, her mind spinning.

Riley was weak. Riley was the weak one, right? That's what her mother had always told her. But in this file, the file that her mother had been a part in creating, listed Riley as the strongest person on this proposed team.

Suddenly, Riley had a renewed motivation to do her best to make this team work.

Chapter Text

("It's harder to see through the eyes of a stranger.
It's easy to love when the world doesn't hate you.
When you try to sing out but nobody hears a word.
It's safer to swim when the tide's not against you."

"(You've been here before)
I know that I've been here before
(Never letting go)
Giving up is letting go
(Never fight alone)
But you don't have to fight alone."

"I'll shed a tear for you
Open your eyes, I'm by your side
I'm never leaving you
Darkness to light, stay through the night
I'm walking in your shoes
So you know that it's the truth
When nobody's here for you
Let me make it clear
That I'll shed a tear.")

- Kodaline, "Shed a Tear"

August - December, 2015

3rd year, age 15

The school year started out easily enough - taking the summer program definitely put her in a head start with many classes - but as their elite classes with Eric started up again, Riley had to admit that she missed being in the mainstream classes, with more students who actually would work together. Every time Eric put them through a drill, it never went as planned because everybody seemed to work against each other, instead of with.

"Riley, hang back a moment," Eric requested as the team filed out after a particularly difficult partner spar.

Josh was already out the door, but Lucas and Maya both slowed at the call, Lucas glancing back, but Maya not turning. Riley finished drinking from her bottle and wiped the sweat out of the eyes with the back of her hand.

She wanted a shower, desperately, before she went to academics. She was willing to sacrifice lunch for it.

"Sure," she agreed, groaning internally.

Maya left, and after a moment of hesitation, Lucas left too. But Riley had no doubt he was probably just outside the door still.

"How's your assignment going?" Eric probed, sitting down on a training block - one of the ones they positioned around a combat floor to use as props in a spar.

"Can we talk quieter?" Riley asked, dropping her voice as her eyes flicked to the doorway.

"Why?" Eric asked, frowning.

"Because I think Lucas is listening to our conversation," Riley admitted quietly.

Eric sighed. "That's actually what I wanted to discuss," he said, dropping his own voice so it only traveled between them. "I had hoped the summer would kick you guys into starting to cooperate and collaborate, but it didn't seem to have the desired effect."

"I know," Riley agreed. "I observe their behavior towards each other and towards me. I've tried to get them to open up and at least trust me, but they won't let me in."

"At least Maya seems to have gotten closer to you," Eric suggested. "She works better with you than with Lucas or Josh, and her cooperative levels have increased significantly since her first year evaluations."

Riley smiled a little triumphantly. She had been wary of Maya in the beginning; she didn't know if she would be able to get close to Maya. However, the more time they spent together the closer they seemed to get, and Riley actually liked Maya now. She thought Maya might even like her, too.

"Try to get closer with Lucas," Eric urged. "Do your best. I'd like to put you guys in partner training - you and Lucas, and Maya and Josh. Those seem to be the pairs that clash the most."

Riley knew he was right. "Please don't," she begged. "We're not ready yet. It will only make things worse."

"I think it will at least get something flowing," Eric disagreed. "I think it would be for the best."

Riley sighed. "I hope you're right."

As Eric got up to prep for his next class, Riley picked up her bag and headed for the door, hoping she still had time for a shower and maybe a light snack. But she wasn't surprised when she entered the hallway and saw Lucas walking a little ways down.

She lightly jogged to get next to him, and stepped in front of him. "Stop spying on me," she ordered, staring him down (well, up).

"You have a high opinion of yourself," Lucas said with a smirk, attempting to step around her.

"Well either you're a very slow walker, or you're listening to my conversations," Riley accused, side-stepping to keep in his way.

"Fine," Lucas crossed his arms, "then what's your new assignment?"

"Tell me why you were in prison," Riley suggested.

Lucas's eyes narrowed. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"You give a little, I give a little," Riley offered. "It's called compromise."

Lucas's eyes studied her, and Riley felt a little shudder ripple down her spine at the intensity of his gaze.

"Well?" She prodded. "If you don't want to know, I have to go back to my dorm and take a shower."

"I nearly killed someone," Lucas let out, his eyes leaving Riley's to stare at the wall across the hallway.

"Why?" Riley asked.

"He tried to hurt a friend," Lucas stated simply. "I didn't mean to permanently damage his spine, but that was what was left when the red vision cleared. Didn't know my own strength. Judge ruled assault and battery and I was sent to juvie." He swallowed. "He'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life."

"Do you regret it?" Riley questioned, her voice going softer as things started being put into place.

"Yes," Lucas stated without hesitation. "I regret that it went that far, but I don't regret protecting my friend. I just didn't know how much I had hurt him until… after."

"So when you broke my arm," Riley trailed off, chewing her lip as she felt a burst of pride that she had gotten through to him.

"I thought I had really hurt you," Lucas admitted, glancing down. "I thought that I didn't have any control over my own strength and I had no idea how to get control. That scared the life out of me, Matthews. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea what kind of damages I had done to you." He shrugged limply. "I hated the idea of hurting you. I hated the idea of you being hurt, and if I had no control over you being hurt, especially if you did stupid things," he narrowed his eyes at her, "then there was no way I was taking that chance again."

Riley nodded a little, moving back. "My new assignment was my old assignment. Get close to you guys. Be friends. Gain trust."

"Trust goes both ways," Lucas pointed out.

"You're right," Riley agreed, smiling a little. "So if I tell you the truth from now on?"

"I'll tell you the truth too," Lucas promised. "Just don't do anything stupid."

"I don't want permanent damage any more than you do," Riley laughed.

Riley wasn't sure that Lucas would actually keep up with his promise, but she stopped noticing him following her around, and when they sparred he actually seemed to put all in. What was really different, however, was how he didn't seem to be against her anymore. Sure, he still seemed to avoid working with Josh and seemed indifferent to Maya, but Riley had gotten through to him. He didn't ignore her opinions or challenge her ideas anymore. He genuinely listened to her and worked with her, and it amazed her that, somehow, one tiny interaction had changed their entire relationship.

Within a couple of weeks, the entire dynamic of their group flipped - even if it was just concerning Riley.

"I don't know how you do it," Maya admitted when Riley opened her door. Maya pushed through past Riley, and Riley let the door hang open as she turned to keep her gaze on the blonde.

"Come in?" Riley mumbled.

"I mean, it's not like they're easy to work with," Maya continued.

"Do what?" Riley cut in to clarify Maya's first statement before she could continue to ramble on.

"Work with people," Maya deadpanned. She turned in Riley's small room to look around, seeing Riley's desk, covered in language books, and her twin sized bed with purple blankets. The posters on her wall were all positive, encouraging quotes, like "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream!" and "Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try!" and "Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken!"

Riley began to itch with uncomfort as Maya's gaze fell back on her, and she waited for her to say something. Riley tried very hard to keep her 'happy, positive, smiley' personality down, and there was a reason she never let anyone in her room. It was her secret haven away from her fake serious school personality, the one she despised so much.

But instead of making fun of her for her ridiculous posters, Maya asked, "Why don't you have a roommate?"

Surprised, Riley balked for a moment. "Uh…"

"Like, I can understand you having your own bedsheets," Maya gestured to her bed, which was covered in sheets and blankets that were definitely not the academy provided standard (they were allowed to have their own things, but a significant portion of the student body just didn't have the money or care), "but aren't you supposed to have a roommate? There's not even another bed in here."

"My mom pulled strings to get me a single," Riley confessed hesitantly, a little embarrassed to admit that she had gotten special treatment. "I take more courses and study more, so I needed a space where I didn't have to agree with a roommate on bedtimes and study habits."

Maya frowned, but moved on. "I don't get how you can work with them when they're so… frustrating."

"I learned how to deal with Josh a long time ago, and Lucas and I are building trust," Riley explained. "And I got through to you, didn't I?"

"Why is it so easy for you?" Maya asked exasperatedly, and Riley laughed out loud.

"You think it's easy for me?" Riley asked incredulously. "Building a friendship with you was really hard, especially when you didn't even like me from the beginning. I just did the thing you do with traumatized animals, where you sit in the same room and wait for them to realize you're not a threat so they come out and start to trust you."

"You treated me like a traumatized animal?" Maya asked, narrowing her eyes. After a moment though, the two girls burst out into laughter. "Alright fine, I have to admit it was a good strategy."

"You think?" Riley grinned at her. "You were kind of a traumatized animal."

"Trauma comes in all different flavors," Maya pointed out. "You seem to have experienced some of your own."

Riley tipped her head, wondering where that observation had come from. In her two years of knowing her, she hadn't known Maya to take notice of other people's emotions and issues. "I may not be my mom's favorite, but she is what she is. You do what you can to survive in this life, right?"

Maya smiled a little, unconsciously, as her gaze studied Riley. "I never thought you, of all people, would end up being my friend," she confessed.

Riley smiled a little too. "Honestly," she admitted, "me neither. But I'm glad you are."

The two took a step forward towards each other at the same time, and they both laughed a little as Riley's eyes met Maya's.

"Also," Riley said, "mind keeping this room's… decor a secret?"

"Whatever you want," Maya shrugged, grinning a little as the two locked eyes again and felt the connection begin to grow.

Honestly, it was nice to have a real friend.

Their courses only got more and more intense as the months went on, and Riley knew that it wouldn't get any easier. At least they weren't doing mocks yet - she had no doubt that would break them all.

The only outlying factor in her plan was her brother. Josh made it hard to work with, with anyone, and the fact that Riley was his sister didn't actually help as much as she thought it would. Eric swapped them out for each other with partner spars, mixing up the teams as much as he could. He kept Riley in the loop of his plans, and pushed them further in their program courses. They had monthly evals, and Riley was proud whenever she saw a note from her mother on her reports.

It wasn't until December that Eric revealed their course plans for the next semester, and Riley was in the student lounge with an apple, annotating the reports when Lucas sank down next to her on the couch.

"Riley Matthews reading?" He observed in a mocking-shocked tone.

Riley glanced up and narrowed her eyes, punching him lightly on the arm. "I read. I read all of my textbooks and homework. You just only see me in program courses with you now."

"I just meant that you're always on your feet," Lucas smirked. He leaned over to glance over what she was reading. "Your course list?"

Riley nodded, taking another bite of her apple as she continued down the list.

Language: Level 1.2
Bengali
Portugese
French

Language: Level 2.2
Arabic
Malay
Russian

Combat: Level 3.2
Hand-to-hand
Blade
Gun training

Strength: Level 3.2
Track
Weight lifting
Flexibility
Tumbling
Climbing

Undercover prep: Level 1.2
Impersonation
Personality building
Medical basics
Data collection basics
Computer hacking basics

"How are we supposed to fit all of these courses and academics into the week?" Lucas asked.

"We switch off days and give up some free time," Riley answered absentmindedly. "You wanted to be in this elite accelerated program."

"I didn't know it would be like this," Lucas admitted. "You may have been raised into it but I didn't even consider this kind of school or work until I was fourteen."

"Sorry," Riley said, looking up. "Sometimes I forget."

"It's alright," he assured her. "How are your language classes coming?"

"Āmi bāṅālira sāthē laṛā'i karachi, kintu partugija bhāṣāẏa bhāla karachi," Riley said in Bengali, and smiled at Lucas's blank look before translating, "I'm struggling in Bengali, but doing fine in Portuguese."

"I don't know how you guys learn so much in so little time," he confessed. "It's honestly amazing."

"I do my best," Riley downplayed, looking back down at her annotations.

"When do you spend time for yourself?" Lucas asked.

"'Time for myself'?" Riley asked, her turn to look blank as she stared up at him.

Lucas gestured around at the other students in the lounge, laughing and eating snacks with each other in their free hour - it was about 7pm. "Fun, relaxation, friends?"

"You're my friend," Riley pointed out. "So is Maya."

"You're really kind of isolated, huh?" Lucas observed, frowning.

Riley stayed silent, focusing down on her paper again. She didn't want to admit that he could be right - she had no social life. Another reason she missed mainstream classes, or perhaps public school. She missed her dad, too, and her little brother. But she had no time to go home, especially not now.

"Alright, put away the paper," Lucas ordered, and Riley glanced up in surprise.

"What?"

"We're going for a work-free dinner," Lucas declared, and Riley snorted.

"No we're not," she rejected. "I have way too much work to do."

"You can spare an hour," Lucas suggested.

"I really can't," Riley countered. "In an hour I could finish my personality profile, medical write up, English essay-"

"You'll burn out," Lucas replied. He crossed his arms. "You need a break."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," Riley scoffed. "Unfortunately, not a luxury I can afford if I want to go home for winter break."

"Your parents won't let you come home if you don't finish your work?" Lucas asked, stunned.

"My dad might, but even if my mom agreed, she'd act disappointed in me the whole time," Riley answered. She shook her head and looked down. "I don't know your family situation, Friar, but mine is complicated. And I need to succeed if I don't want it to get even more complicated."

Lucas hesitated, but eventually snatched the paper from her hands and darted away.

"Lucas!" Riley shrieked, jumping up to follow him. "Give it back!"

"Work free dinner," Lucas ordered, holding it up higher than she could reach as she jumped for it. "Work free dinner and I'll give it back."

"You're making a scene!" Riley accused, glaring at him as she gave up.

"Actually," Lucas grinned devilishly, "you're making the scene."

Riley huffed in annoyance before groaning. "Fine. If I get a 'work free dinner' you'll leave me alone?"

"Yup," Lucas promised.

Riley rolled her eyes and shook her head as he handed her back the paper and she went back to grab her bag and stuff it in. She crossed her arms exasperatedly and nodded to him to follow her. "Dining hall?"

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

("All those years on a tightrope.
Did it waste your time?
I was born on the same road.
Did we fall in light?"

"And I won't fight it.
Lost sight of you and I know it.
Hard to see this through.

I won't let go.")

- Jeremy Zucker, "Glisten"

June - July, 2016

Rising 4th year, age 17

Since last December, Lucas had been noticing little changes in Riley. It was like she became more consciously withdrawn about something, but she was very good at hiding it. She worked with the team and appeared normal. She did everything right.

It was obvious she was getting closer with Maya, and it was helping Maya come out of her shell. It had amazed Lucas how much Riley had changed Maya - or at least, brought out a different Maya. She was still relatively guarded around Lucas and Josh, albeit less guarded than before, but around Riley, she was much more open. It made all the difference when working with the team.

His roommate needed to work on his people skills, but he had definitely improved since they had met in Lucas's first year. He didn't like having a roommate, but the more time they spent together on the team, he began to realize that Josh wasn't a bad guy. He was just a loner, not a social person. But at the same time, he obviously cared about his sister more than anything. Whether or not he tried to hide it, just the fact that he had been willing to punch the lights out of Lucas when he fractured Riley's arm meant that she was his emotional weakness.

Since December, he had made it his mission to do for Riley what she was trying to do for everyone else. Her insane course load made it hard for her to do anything but study, but Lucas was able to pull her away sometimes. That was how he had been able to notice the change in her.

And it scared him.

Truth, they had agreed, was the only way for them to trust each other, and it had been working well - she hadn't apparently been hiding any of her activities. But he realized somewhere over the past year that maybe she wasn't telling them the truth about her own thoughts and emotions. She was always so busy, too, that sometimes she seemed to just be automatically going through the motions of her work. It seemed dangerous to him. But, then again, Lucas had been the one who let his own emotions get the better of him and land him in prison, so what authority did he really have to say about emotional control?

"Eric wants us in the academic lounge tomorrow morning," Riley informed him, joining him as he made his way across the campus from where he had been in the main medical lab for his Basic training course, the one that Riley was also in.

"It's a Saturday," Lucas pointed out, frowning, "we have Saturday mornings off."

"Not tomorrow morning," Riley shrugged.

"Do you know what he wants?" Lucas questioned.

"We're meeting a new contact," Riley stated vaguely, as they spotted Josh and Maya a few steps away

Maya was coming from Floor work - a course that focused on weightless strength training, tumbling, and flexibility. Josh, on the other hand, had had Tech basics, which focused on introductory data collection and computer hacking - it was a course that all students took for the basic knowledge, but most of the time, that sort of activity was taken care of by the Science & Tech, who were much more trained for it.

It was one of the few periods during the week that the team didn't have all together, and although they came from different ends of campus, they all somehow met up on their walk back to the operations buildings. It was sort of an unconscious thing they had done, not really talking or planning it.

"Eric wants us to meet him in the academic lounge tomorrow morning," Riley notified the others, and Josh frowned, looking down at his wristband.

"I didn't get a message," he said.

"He's sending it out later, I just thought you guys might want to know now," Riley clarified. She nodded to Maya. "We have that personality profile to work on, are you free to do it now?"

Maya nodded, going off with Riley as they headed towards the girls' dorms, leaving the two boys to walk alone.

"I still don't know how she does that," Lucas commented, knowing Josh would get what he was talking about without having to clarify. They watched Riley and Maya walk away. "And it seems like she knows everything."

"No she doesn't," Josh contradicted, rolling his eyes. "She knows people. People in Administrations, people in Science & Tech, especially in weapons development - basically, if they're important but not very social, Riley knows them. People that don't have many friends are like a magnet for her."

"Why?" Lucas asked warily.

"They're probably like a pet project for her," Josh suggested. "She's a little social butterfly who likes bringing people out into the world and it makes her powerful, because they like her and they'll talk to her about things they work on." He snorted. "Like Minkus."

"What's a Minkus?" Lucas asked, frowning.

"Not a what, a who," Josh corrected. "Farkle Minkus, he works in Science & Tech. He's basically in love with Riley, so he talks to her about whatever it is he's working on and gives her info about all the new stuff."

Lucas didn't hear the last part of the sentence. "Is she in love with him too?"

Josh glanced over at Lucas and his face fell. "Oh no. Nope. Don't go there."

"Go where?" Lucas shot back.

"Relationships aren't a thing here, remember? Especially not in operations. We literally just finished this unit." Josh crossed his arms.

"It's dangerous, and you could get in trouble."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lucas stated. "It was a question, I like to know who I'm dealing with."

"Don't get involved with my sister," Josh warned. "Riley will just get reprimanded because our mom is the dean, but you'll get sent back to prison, Friar."

"Why would I compromise the team and my spot at the academy?" Lucas reminded him.

They continued their walk in silence, as Lucas strained to pick the brunette and blonde pair out of the crowd heading into the girls' dorms.

He wasn't stupid enough to waste this chance - this chance to be something in the world. He would follow the rules and do what he was supposed to do, because he wasn't interested in going back to the life he had left almost three years ago. It wasn't like he had left much behind, anyways. And what he had here, he was much more afraid to lose.

But he wasn't going to leave this alone, either. Besides, he had all summer to figure out what Riley was keeping from them, and he was planning on using it.

He had usually been dependent upon the extra hour he got to sleep in on Saturdays, so he wasn't happy when Josh shoved him and reminded him that they had a meeting. He did force himself out of bed and into clothes, though, and made the walk to the academic building in the middle of campus. At 8am on a weekend, there was much less activity on the grounds between the different buildings, and Lucas couldn't help but feel odd at how empty it felt.

Lucas and Josh met the girls outside of the academic lounge, where Maya looked as awake as Josh was and Lucas realized that they might have both been in the gym that morning. Riley, on the other hand, looked as tired as he felt, although it was only noticeable in the creases around her eyes and the fact that she blinked for just a moment too long every time.

"Sorry for the early start, guys," Eric apologized as they met him and another guy near the entrance of the deserted lounge.

"Hiya everyone," a dark-skinned guy greeted them with a friendly smile and a wave. "I'm Isaiah, but y'all can call me Zay."

"Zay is your communications liaison," Eric clarified when the four teens looked to him in confusion. "Think of him like a case manager, or an assigner. He does the things that you don't do around the edges of a mission."

"Yeah, I'll be scheduling you on the assignments that I get from up top, organizing your mission load, getting you the information files you'll need," Zay began to list, "all the fun stuff that a communications program does. I'll also be managing your public relations if you get into some type of media mess, organizing and submitting your mission reports and paperwork, and taking over interrogation of anyone you bring in. I do the stuff here, so you can do the stuff there." He gestured to them, and Lucas smiled a little.

"I thought we did our own interrogations," Maya said.

"That would be a waste of time for an operations agent," Eric informed them. "You guys are in the field, taking care of missions that are time sensitive. Once you bring back a subject, Zay takes over the interrogation - he's trained much more thoroughly for it. He'll convey any information he gets out of the subject to Administrations and you guys, if it's relevant to your assignment."

"Great," Lucas agreed. If this meant he wouldn't be doing any tedious paperwork, he was all for it. Besides, the guy seemed cool.

"I gotta get to my class," Zay apologized, and Eric nodded. "Good meeting y'all! I'll talk to you real soon."

"So do we have any other special members of our team?" Josh asked Eric as Zay headed for the door.

"You'll have a Science & Technology contact," Eric confirmed. "They'll be assigned to your team specifically so that you can get the personalized tech and information you need faster than going through the system and getting dropped onto someone's case load. They're fast, but a designated contact will ensure you'll have what you need when you need it. This way, you'll also get protective gear that fits you without having to submit measurements every time."

"Sounds great," Maya admitted. "We've got everything now." She raised her eyebrows, speaking for the group, "Are we dismissed?"

"Ah, one other thing," Eric added. He pulled out a stack of papers and handed them out. "This fall we start mock missions."

Riley frowned. "Isn't that a fifth/sixth year program?"

"You're doing mostly fifth year courses," Eric stated bluntly, and Riley, Lucas, and Maya all looked up at him.

"What?" Maya was the first to check.

"You've all been in much more intense courses than mainstream, you had to have noticed that," Eric said, looking around at their surprised expressions. "Your program is way more accelerated, especially with summer courses, and I reorganized some parts to keep you paced as closely to Josh's year as possible. You'll be graduating at the end of 2018 - Josh will obviously be graduating this coming year, but he'll stay on campus as a TA while you guys finish."

Lucas shut his eyes, trying to work his mind around this. He had thought he had three more years - this coming year, fifth year, and sixth year. Now, he was graduating next year.

"You guys really didn't know?" Eric asked, dumbfounded. "I guess I need to make things more clear. I'm sorry."

"Thanks for letting us know," Riley said, her voice seeming distant to Lucas, and he glanced over at her with a frown.

"Now are we dismissed?" Maya pushed, and was satisfied with Eric's nod, although Riley had already begun the walk towards the door.

Lucas jogged to catch up, moving around in front of her like she had done to him. "Hey, you good?"

Riley's eyes opened wide, and she nodded, her expression serious and centered - nothing like the distant voice he had heard her speak in moments ago. "Why, are you?"

Lucas blinked. "Yeah."

He had thought he had gotten to know her during the last semester, when they had worked on the undercover romance and been partners for many of the assignments. Now he was questioning how much he did know, as he watched her step around him and walk away calmly, briskly, heading to wherever it was she needed to go, and whatever it was she needed to do.

Chapter Text

("Sometimes I still think it's coming but I know it's not
Tryin' to breathe in and then out but the air gets caught
Cause even though I'm older now and I know how to shake off the past
I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have you holding my hand."

"I don't wanna lose control
Nothing I can do anymore
Tryin' every day when I hold my breath
Spinnin' out in space pressing on my chest

I don't wanna lose control.")

- Zoe Wees, "Control"

August - September, 2016

4th year, age 16

Riley had been through anatomical health class and medical basics. She had done psychiatric counseling and career path, learned about sleep cycles and nutritional chemistry, and did physical exams every two months, just like everyone else. She'd watched kids burn out and drop out, but Riley wasn't one of those kids.

Riley was a hard worker. She completed all her classes and work and got good grades. She aced physical tests and program evaluations, and the better she did, the better she felt about herself. But in the back of her mind, somehow she knew the edge was coming. But what was she supposed to do?

She worked harder.

Things had changed so much since first year. In first year, she was just a happy, bouncy, positive little kid who everyone knew was only there because of nepotism. Slowly, she had learned to put a serious facade on, kept her positivity to herself, and only let herself out when she was in the safety of her bedroom, where she could laugh and smile and dance and sing and talk to herself. Lately, though, she just hadn't had time for that. She did physical training and coursework from the morning till the night, through meals and right up to the second she turned off her light. She read her language textbooks while drying off from showers and putting her clothes on, brushing her teeth and braiding her hair. She worked on profiles and write ups during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And at all other times, she just straight up worked.

At least she slept well. Every night she was so exhausted that she was out the moment her head hit the pillow at 10pm, and slept so deeply she didn't even dream until her alarm woke her up at 7am. Coffee was her lifesaver, though, and it kept her going along with the endorphins she figured she had to be pumped to the brim with, spending six hours a day doing straight physical training. She did take advantage of her endurance, and was proud of how fit she was, and specifically planned out her meals weeks in advance to calculate the nutritional values and times to maximize their benefit to her body. She was the epitome of health.

But her academic teachers were concerned about her mental health, which Riley found to be an unnecessary thing to focus on. She didn't have time to be sad anyways; she was too busy. (She knew mental health wasn't just 'sad', but she didn't want to admit that she was so stressed out her teachers had reason to worry).

Riley just needed to keep going, finish work, do what she needed to do, and get through the week. Every week. After all, this was all a means to an end, right?

Riley had been in the library for two hours since she'd finished dinner at 6:30, and she'd planned to be there another hour, but her French paper and personality profile had taken much less time than she'd thought, so she had an hour to spare.

She pushed herself through each step back towards her dorm, falling back into auto-mode to conserve energy in the hopes she could just be alone. She had been around people all day, in her mainstream classes, academic classes, her study group with Farkle and the two other students in their class. She was tired of being around people.

"When was the last time you talked to Dad?" Josh asked, falling into step beside her, although Riley didn't register him or his words at first, until he repeated the question.

"Um," Riley shrugged, closing her eyes for a beat.

Riley just wanted to go back to her dorm, where she could take off her hard shell and let herself fall back into a place where she could rest. She was exhausted, always keeping her guard up, and she just wanted to stop for a bit, and… rest.

"Riley," Josh repeated, and stopped walking.

Riley stopped too, turning to face him and his worried expression.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Riley asked, forcing herself to regain her school persona for just a few more minutes.

"That's not an answer," Josh pointed out, crossing his arms. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm fine Josh," Riley said, turning away to begin walking again. She just wanted to be alone.

"Hey," Josh grabbed her arm, "it's me. Your big brother? You know you can talk to me."

Riley sighed, debating with herself, and losing to her school personality. "I promise I'm fine. Just a little tired," she laughed, knowing it sounded forced.

Josh frowned, but he began walking again, and Riley was relieved when he didn't speak again. They made their way to the girls' dorms and Josh stopped in front of Riley's door as she touched her wristband against the magnetic lock and pushed open the door.

Josh followed her inside. "Now we can talk," he said pointedly, and Riley was conflicted at the fact that he had read that she didn't want to talk in public, versus his manipulation.

She sat down on her bed, and put her face in her hands for one beat before pushing her hands up through her hair.

"You are tired," Josh observed, and Riley laughed again.

"Too many hours in weapons training," she gave an excuse.

"I remember when you were ten and I was twelve," Josh began out of nowhere.

Riley wondered how he had read her mind; thinking about her past personality.

"You were always so happy," he recalled. "We called you smiley-Riley, because you were always smiling. You always saw the good in the world and didn't want to believe that things were actually as bad as Mom said they were." He sat down on the desk chair in front of her and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "You had such a huge heart, and so many emotions, and now…"

"I grew up," Riley pointed out. "It's been six years."

Josh gave her a look that said, 'I know when you're bs'ing me.'

Riley stared into his eyes for a few moments, and then looked down, mumbling the words out, part of her hoping he wouldn't even hear them. "You know how they say 'fake it till you make it'?"

Josh nodded.

"When do you stop having to fake it?" She asked seriously, and Josh frowned.

"Fake what?"

Riley paused, glancing around the room, before stating simply, "This." When he tipped his head in confusion, she sighed. "It's just… it was so hard in the beginning. People teased me for months for being… happy. For smiling, and for being who I am. And then I figured out how to imitate people around me. I molded a personality to match my peers," she explained, a little timidly. "And they stopped teasing me to my face, but I know they still thought I was too weak and innocent and emotional and not cut out for this. And maybe they were right, so I pushed myself to become the best, and I pushed down my… me…" she waved a hand at the room, the purple bedding and the posters on the walls, "and then at some point it became instinct. But it's still exhausting, Josh."

Josh hesitated. "I didn't know things were this hard for you. You should have told us; we're your team. We're supposed to be one mind."

"I didn't want people to know," Riley pointed out. "I did it all to hide the fact that those things were hard for me. But what at point does my fake personality… become my real personality?"

"In my experience," Josh said after a moment, "your fake personality never becomes your real personality. If your real personality changes, then it changes. People change. You do grow. And if you want to go back, just reverse the process, right?"

That didn't really answer Riley's question, but she just wanted to be alone, so she smiled. "I guess you're right." She glanced over at her clock. "It's late, I need to sleep."

After Josh left, Riley sat silently on her bed, staring down at her palms.

The easier it became - the more automatic it became - to put on her perfectly crafted school personality, the more scared she became. Scared of losing herself to a person she had never wanted to be in the first place.

"Farkle," Riley greeted her friend and the girl next to him in surprise, entering the elite team's designated classroom for their weekly briefing - where they met early on Monday mornings for an overview of the next week's assignments and class plans. "What are you doing here?" She glanced over at the brunette who was sitting on the table behind him, wearing a floral skirt and a dark blue blazer, her hair falling in dark ringlets past her shoulders and brushing against her glasses. It was an odd outfit for someone in this academy, but she guessed students could wear whatever they wanted when not in classes with a dress code.

"I-" Farkle began.

"Hey Farkle, what are you doing here?" Lucas asked, entering the room behind Riley. He glanced over at the brunette. "Who're you?"

The brunette slid off the table and held out her hand curtly for a single shake. "Isadora Smackle. You may call me Smackle. It's nice to meet you." She nodded at Riley. "You too."

Riley nodded back hesitantly, throwing her quizzical gaze over to Farkle again, but before he could start again to explain, the rest of the team and Eric arrived.

"Farkle, Smackle," Eric looked down at his watch, "you're early."

"Were we not supposed to be early?" Smackle asked, concerned as she looked back at Farkle.

"No, no, you're fine," Eric assured her. "Guys, this is your Science & Technology contact. Or, these are your contacts, I guess. Farkle Minkus and Isadora Smackle. They're a pair, they come together."

"Science," Farkle said, raising a finger.

"Technology," Smackle added, volunteering their own specialties.

"Cute," Josh snorted. "Aren't you guys a little… young?"

"Age is just a number," Farkle dismissed.

Smackle frowned, turning to Farkle. "Well, no, age determines our biological-"

"It's an expression, Smackle," Farkle cut in before she could ramble.

"Right," Smackle's face flushed, "an expression."

"You can see why they're a pair," Eric offered, smirking. He moved past them to go to his desk at the front of the room and set up their brief.

"No, but seriously," Josh pushed, glancing between the two. "You seem really young. What year are you?"

"We are fourth years," Smackle answered for the both of them. "However, Farkle skipped second year-"

"And Smackle skipped first and third," Farkle finished.

"So you're…" Josh started to do the math.

"I'm fifteen," Farkle supplied.

"Fourteen," Smackle added her own age.

"Child prodigies?" Maya guessed.

"It's in our genetics, we were pulled from advanced academies for this," Farkle explained.

"I should have known you'd be on our team," Riley shook her head, smiling a little.

"This all seems like nepotism to me," Lucas added. When Maya frowned, he explained, "Farkle's dad worked in Science & Tech, back when Director Matthews was on a team."

"Oh, so it's all nepotism," Maya observed, laughing a little.

"It's only nepotism if you're chosen solely because of a familial-" Smackle began.

"We're joking, Smackle," Farkle interrupted, and she pursed her lips.

"Sorry," she apologized, "I'm not good with people."

"You're fine," Riley assured her, meeting her eyes with a smile.

Smackle smiled back in relief, and Riley felt a little better knowing that she had helped someone with her kindness. Then she flashed back to the night before, and the conversation she and Josh had had. She felt her smile slipping from her face.

Was it possible that she could reverse her process? Did she want to?

"Riley," Lucas touched her arm, and Riley snapped back to the present, brushing a stray hair from her braid out of her eyes.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," she mumbled.

"Are you okay?" Lucas asked, and Riley narrowed her eyes.

"Why do you keep asking me that? Don't you trust me?"

Lucas raised his eyebrows, evidently a little taken aback by her mild outburst. "I was just-"

"I don't need you to take care of me," Riley stated, forcing her school persona back into place and feeling the pressure of all her emotions holding tight in her chest.

Why was she pushing him away? She had grown much closer to Lucas in the past months, they'd built trust, he seemed to genuinely care about her.

Riley froze internally. He cared about her.

That was why. It was her instincts, the ones built into her from her mom, protecting her from an emotionally compromising situation. Lucas could care about her physical safety - that was what their team was about. Emotions were not part of the equation. They were not allowed. They would compromise the team. Wasn't that the whole point of last year's emotional disconnection unit?

"I have no doubt of your competence," Lucas assured her, studying her in a way that made Riley want to turn away. "You're one of the best in our class. It's just when-"

"I'm taking care of my health, I'm not overworking my bones, I'm fine," Riley stated, purposefully leaving out anything that could give him a wrong idea. She didn't realize their conversation had broken out of a quiet tone until she noticed Maya, Josh, Farkle, and Smackle all staring at them.

Riley winced. This was the whole point of her school persona - avoiding this type of situation that made her appear as weak as her mother thought she was.

"Riley?" Josh questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm fine," Riley repeated quietly, holding her breath after the last word to keep her emotions in check.

She needed to keep herself under control. She couldn't lose control.

Chapter Text

("If the monsters in you get too real
I would take on the night for you
If it cuts so deep it just won't heal
I would take it and die for you."

"When you think the writing's on the wall
When the only way out is to fall
When it's you and me against it all.")

- The Girl and the Dreamcatcher, "Gladiator"

September - October, 2016

6th year, age 18

"You cannot be worried about her mental health," Josh stated as soon as Lucas entered their room, crossing his arms. Everything about the statement felt wrong, though; against his nature. He had seen how much she had been struggling lately. He knew why she had blown up at Lucas. The more time he had spent with her after that conversation, the more he began to notice her guard up.

Josh cared about Riley - every part of Riley. Her physical health, her mental health, everything. But that was different; he and his sister had been put on the same team despite a potentially compromising familial relationship, with that in mind when the administrators confirmed them.

Lucas was not in that same plan, and it would be a problem. They had been assigned a job to do, and they had to do it.

Lucas just sighed, putting down his bag and rubbing a hand over his face. "Just don't."

"You'll compromise this team," Josh continued despite Lucas's objection. "Don't throw all this work away. Don't ruin it for the rest of us too."

"Don't you think I know that?" Lucas glared at him. "I'm not starting anything with your sister. But you can't blame me for noticing how her personality has changed. I'm worried; I can't help it. But I won't do anything to compromise our team."

"I'll take care of it," Josh promised, more himself than Lucas. "I can deal with her mental health better than you can, and without the potential emotional problems that you might develop with her. I'm her brother, and I'm the team leader. This is my job."

"I can't just stop worrying about her," Lucas argued, narrowing his eyes.

"Well you'd better learn how to," Josh ordered, "because nothing-"

"Matters more than the job," Lucas finished the second rule.

Josh stared at him for a moment. "And you know the rest of the rules."

Distance yourself from the fight.

Actions are only motions.

There is no meaning and no reason to let feelings cloud your thoughts.

Keep your heart beating steady.

Stay focused.

"Yeah," Lucas agreed, staring him in the eye. "I do."

Josh met the team at the operations training grounds at 10am, after his first class had been canceled and he had instead been sent to talk to his mom. It had mostly been her explaining how his graduation would work, what would happen the year after, and an overview of information about their future as a team. All things that he needed to know if he was going to direct this team.

"Josh," Lucas greeted him, and Josh nodded to him.

Lucas had been gone when Josh left that morning, and Josh had no idea where he had been so early, but he didn't really want to know.

He glanced at Riley and Maya, who were talking quietly a few feet away. Riley glanced up and nodded at him, not smiling, but that wasn't abnormal. She looked clear eyed and focused, though her expression was unreadable to what he wanted to know.

He had thought he had helped his sister in those first years, where he taught her how to hide her emotions and thoughts from her classmates, just like he had learned. He thought it had been a good thing that she was blending in with her peers. The same as their mom. But now, it seemed, Riley might have gone too far, and Josh was rethinking his entire conduct surrounding her.

He had never thought his little sister would need to hide her emotions and thoughts from him.

"Good morning," Eric smiled, meeting them in the hall to the indoor area of the training grounds. He motioned his head. "Follow me."

The four teens trailed after their teacher as he led them through the halls towards a wing that only fifth and sixth year students usually went - Mock Missions. As they made their way into the entrance to the wing, which seemed similar to a foyer, Eric stopped and swiveled around to face them.

"Welcome to Mocks," he grinned. "This is our first day, so we're just going to go over the basics - no real mock today. There's a lot of training that goes into even being able to step foot into a mock mission course, but we're going to fasttrack. First things first." Eric stepped over to the wall directly across from the door, which held twelve touch pads mounted, each with a screen labeling them by number and currently either lit up red or green. "There are twelve mock mission course grounds, which in my opinion, really just looks like a convention center with a minor obstacle course scattered around. The grounds aren't meant to be the point; the system is much more technologically advanced." He looked over the screens and chose number four, which was lit up green. He tapped and held the screen, then entered in a six digit code and pressed enter. The screen changed to red. "You need a training instructor to be in a mock ground at all times, so you'll never be able to enter one without one of our codes. Grounds are available when their screen is green; if they're red, you won't even be able to try to get in." He motioned to them. "This way."

Eric led them all through a hallway and punched in a different code on a door's screen, entering the room with Josh, Lucas, Riley, and Maya following.

The ground was huge; very similar to a convention center. The minor obstacles appeared miniscule to Josh, although there were tons of them around the large room, from halls to run through and structures to scale, to what appeared to mimic vents or some other crawlway, in addition to doors and gates with locks.

"This is just the layout," Eric assured them. He went to the wall and plucked a small device about the size of a ping pong ball, but flat like a coin. He handed one to each of them to look over, and held up one of his own. "This is where the real program is."

The device was about the weight of a dollar coin or something. Josh turned it over in his hand and was surprised to see that there appeared to be hundreds of tiny hooks or something on the back of it. "This is going to attach to our bodies, isn't it?" He questioned, looking up.

"Yep," Eric confirmed, "but it doesn't hurt at all." He turned around to show them his own back, and he pressed the device to the base of his skull, where it stuck into his skin. "I'm not Science & Technology, so I can't explain how it works," he chuckled. "But if you've ever heard of VR, that's the basic gist."

"Virtual reality?" Lucas clarified.

Eric nodded. "This device - we call it a stimulator - makes contact with your nerves and your brain stem, which can make you see and feel things that aren't actually there. This is how we can turn this," he gestured out to the wide open space, "into any landscape and mission we need to. The landscape matches up to the real obstacles in the mock, so all of those things will be real, they'll just look a little different."

"You said feel," Riley repeated. "Feel what?"

"Pain," Eric stated bluntly. He chuckled at the alarmed expressions on everyone's faces. "If you get hurt in the field - shot, stabbed, broken - you're going to feel it. In mocks, we want you to prepare for that situation, and test your own limits to see what you can handle - especially in a situation where you aren't actually going to sustain any physical damage. You're going to see other people in your mocks - you're going to fight people that aren't actually real, with weapons that the program gives you that aren't real. But when they hit you, you'll feel it. It won't be bad enough to really hurt you, but it will be enough to feel real. And if they stab you, or shoot you, you'll feel a muted version of that too."

"How long does the pain last?" Josh asked.

"For the rest of the mission," Eric said. "Just like if you were hurt in the field. However, as soon as you take off your stimulator, you feel nothing. No lasting effects; you're the same as you were before you put it on. But if you sustain too much injury, the mock terminates your role in the mission. You die." He glanced around at each of them. "In the event that you die, your stimulator will fade out. You'll slowly see the real room again, and your teammates will see you fade and leave the mock. Once you're dead, you can't contact them and they can't contact you until they leave the mock too."

"Will we be able to see the rest of the mock like them?" Maya asked.

Eric nodded. "I control the mock. I design and program it, initiate it, terminate it, and I can see everything you see up on that screen." He nodded to the wall behind them.

"If you ever need to leave the mock by choice at any time, simply remove your stimulator and you'll be out," Eric explained. "If you can't reach it or access it, yell out 'tradite'. It's the program's immediate trigger to remove you from the mock. It means-"

"Yield," Riley smiled. "In Latin. Clever."

"So, instead of going through a real mock today," Eric said, "we're going to get your bodies connected to the system and go through some stuff. When you put those on," he motioned to the stimulators, "I'll start a mock program and your vision will completely change. It can be disorienting, which is why we're just trying it out today. I'm going to take you through three or four different programs and we'll walk through the room so you can see how each obstacle is actually accessible in the fake environment. Each of you will cut yourself on the forearm so that you'll know what to expect in the event of injury. I'm going to show you the people you may meet in the mocks so you don't get surprised at what they are like in a real mock. And we're going to leave the mock by yelling the termination code." He raised his eyebrows. "Everyone ready?"

The four teens looked at each other, and all nodded, reaching behind themselves to attach the stimulator to their neck, and enter the virtual reality together.

Josh didn't sleep much the night after their first real mock, so around 5:30am he gave up and got dressed to go to the gym and work his stress out. He needed to hit something, and think through his own problems while doing it.

But when he entered the gym, the lights were on and a tiny blonde was running on the indoor track around the perimeter of the large room. Josh frowned.

"I didn't know you still did mornings," he called out to her, and she stopped running, slowing to a walk as she wiped sweat from her eyes.

"I don't," she admitted, making her way over to the weight benches where she had dropped her bag and her water bottle. "I just couldn't sleep." She took a long sip of water and nodded at him. "I didn't know you worked out in the mornings still."

"I don't," Josh confessed in agreement. "There's just a lot on my mind and I needed the punching bag."

Maya nodded, and both fell silent, Maya turning away, but Josh stayed still, studying her. It had been a long time since that first day they had met in this gym; they had both grown so much.

Well, mentally, at least. Maya was still short.

Last year, while they were partners for assignments, he had realized that she had an advantage over him - she knew his mind. She could predict his moves. So, solely to even the field, he did his best to accomplish the same thing.

The biggest thing she had learned about her was that she replaced complicated emotions with two choices - either anger, or a game. Making fun of people, pushing their buttons, being annoying and smirking. It was easy to see through once he realized it, and all he had to do was look for visible psychological cues to see what she was actually feeling and hiding.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Josh asked, and Maya turned towards him again, wary.

"Why couldn't you?" She countered back, and Josh took the answer to gauge her current state.

Her eyes were narrowed, shoulders tight, her chin a little higher than usual - although that might just be because she was talking to him, and he was taller. Her voice was a little lower than usual, but her tone went up at the end, as if pushing him to admit something instead of opening up herself. He glanced down at her hands - her fingers were clenching and unclenching. Those were all symptoms of fear or anger, which meant that Maya was probably-

"You're worried," Josh guessed, and Maya hesitated for a moment, confirming his theory.

She put her hands on her hips and leaned forwards. "Trying to read me, are you?" She observed back, and Josh snorted.

"Trying to avoid answering my question, are you?" He mimicked her tone. She was now slipping into her second replacement-emotion - games.

"You really need some practice," Maya suggested, smirking a little. "You think I'm worried because - what? My fingers? My tone? My facial expression?" She stalked up to him and clipped him across the chest without enough force to actually hurt him, and he took the hit without comment. "You want to know what I'm feeling?"

Josh held back a smirk; she probably wasn't even realizing she was giving away her whole thought process, which meant he was ahead for once. He was predicting her.

"I'm annoyed," Maya declared, staring up at him with all the intensity of someone who felt much more than 'annoyed'.

Her body was so close to his that he could feel the heat coming off of her; closer than they had ever been of their own volition - instead of being forced to work together for assignments, she was choosing to get into his personal space. She was asserting dominance and showing aggression. She was protecting herself by putting herself in a very vulnerable position.

It impressed Josh, honestly. She was so confident in her ability to get to Josh that she was willingly placing herself into a situation where she could be hurt. Even if Maya was currently first in her class, Josh was older and physically stronger; it was just anatomy. They both knew that Josh had an advantage if he wanted it.

But where had that advantage gotten him three years ago, when he had almost lost control with her? It had gotten him the opposite of what he needed - her distrust. Now, he was trying to worm his way through her brain so he could be team leader - so he could be better. He needed to control his thoughts about whatever she was trying to push on him, and not let her get to him. He couldn't afford to let himself get frustrated and angry with her - feelings could not cloud thoughts, especially when they might dictate actions. He had grown since that morning where she beat him in spar all that time ago.

He stepped back, out of Maya's circle, and she smirked, her hands dropping back to her waist. It made Josh's heart beat faster and he gritted his teeth, knowing Maya now thought he was afraid of her - or at least, afraid to be that close to her.

When it was in fact, the opposite; Josh was letting her believe she didn't have reason to be afraid of him. It was all a means towards the ends, the ends where she trusted him and he could manipulate his own image, see into everyone's minds, and direct a team perfectly. He was working a much larger plan than just this conversation and what Maya believed he had given up.

Maya may have won the first battle, but Josh was playing the long game.

Chapter Text

("Lately I've been reminded, they say time's of the essence
You pulled me deep from the trenches, I guess we're here for confessions
I know you're unsure if you're worth, I know how deep that can cut
He broke you down, so you don't feel much, there's forty thousand strings
Holding back our past precautions not often I let you in."

"It's not often you let me in, I get it, I mean why would you to
Take a chance on me? Then I get, I mean why should you?"

"Someday I'll change for you
Right now I'm tryna get better
Old flames still burn like new
Sometimes they're hard to sever
And these walls don't lie, all they speak is truth
In this empty room, all I see is you
Someday I'll change for you
Right now I'm tryna get better.")

- Witt Lowry (feat Dia Frampton), "Lately"

November, 2016

4th year, age 16

"Riley, I'll meet you in the northwest corner. Get up into the vent and make the second right and then the first left after that. You should end up at the end of the vent in a corner. Drop to the floor."

"Copy."

"Maya, how's that lock coming?"

Maya grimaced, turning around with the device she was using to break into the building's locking mechanisms. "I need more time."

"You have 30 seconds," Josh ordered over their coms, and Maya blew out her breath in frustration, finally pulling open the locking mechanism and scanning it, looking for that wire that she had been taught to move to a different place. She pushed hair back from her face and held her lock pick in her teeth as she moved to get a better view of the place she was looking for.

"Maya," Josh warned.

"One sec," Maya gritted out through the lock picks in her mouth.

She pulled one wire and tugged out another one, leaving the second wire hanging as she shoved the first wire into its place. She shut the mechanism and tapped the screen, relieved when it lit up. She slid the bar and tapped in the override code, jumping up when she heard the loud clicks from all the doors around her - the unlocking.

"You're good," she told Josh over her coms, pulling open the door in front of her and running down the hallway. Her second meet up was Lucas.

"Josh, I'm at the northwest corner, where are you?"

"I'm on my way, just got through the locks. Hang tight."

Darting around the corner, Maya startled when she spotted four guards - and they spotted her. "Problem," she stated into her coms, backing up.

"What?" Josh asked.

"If they didn't know we were here," Maya grimaced, taking a fighting stance as the guards headed for her. "They do now."

"Maya, where are you?" Lucas demanded.

"Um," Maya glanced around frantically. "South wing, hall B section 4."

"I'm on my way to you."

"Great," Maya grunted, ducking under a swing and kicking a man into a wall.

"No, Lucas," Josh ordered, "stay your course. We need you to open the doors and trigger the alarms in the engine room. If you don't we're all screwed."

"But Maya-"

"Maya can handle herself. Stay your course," Josh barked, and Maya groaned.

She fought her way around the group, using the walls around the narrow hallway to jump off of vantage points, trying to minimize her height disadvantage. She knocked one out by choking him out, but in the process she was slammed against a wall. Eric had been right; when they hit her, it hurt. But he had also programmed weapons.

She pulled her dagger from her hip and flipped it in her hand, and when one guard swung to hit again, she sliced his forearm wide open. He yelled out and fell back, and Maya only took a second of realizing she had just cut someone for the first time (even if he wasn't real) before she shook it off and flipped her knife the other way, running at the wall and jumping up and off of it, coming down behind another guard and stabbing him in the side just below his sixth rib from the top, pulling it out as he fell to the ground in pain. She turned, her braid swinging around her head as she took stock of the last standing guard, and he grinned, pulling a knife from his own belt.

She rolled her eyes. "I know you're not real, but you're really starting to piss me off," she muttered. She ran at the man, but just before she would have slammed into him, she ducked and slid between his legs, holding her arm, and dagger, up as she sliced deep at his crotch. He collapsed as she stood up behind him, smirking a little.

"Problem solved," she declared into her coms. "Lucas, I'm on my way."

"Actually I'm good here; Josh is with me," Lucas said.

"Get to the exit, Maya," Josh ordered. "Once we trigger the alarms we have about 30 seconds to get out before everything locks up again. The more people out the fastest the better."

"Do you and Riley have the hostage?" Maya checked, moving towards their exit point.

"I've got her," Riley confirmed.

Maya frowned. "Her?"

"Turns out I didn't need Josh with me to get the hostage out," Riley said, just before she turned the corner and Maya caught sight of the child in Riley's arms.

"I thought we were grabbing an adult male?" Maya said in disbelief, walking towards Riley as she cradled the little girl to her chest. "What is she, like one?"

"I don't know; she's a baby," Riley admitted. "Babies all look the same to me."

The sound of the locks on the doors in front of them clicked open, and the alarms started up. Josh and Lucas came running down the hallway.

"Get out, now!" Josh yelled.

Maya pulled open the door, holding it open for Riley to run through and then keeping it open so Josh and Lucas didn't have to stop. She slammed it shut behind her, and turned to see the program around her fading away, along with the child in Riley's arms.

"You guys did very well," Eric approved from the front of the room, tapping the last few things on the controls to shut down the program. "Riley and Josh, you adapted to the change in hostage situation, and Maya, you handled your surprise guards perfectly. Good leadership Josh, especially in telling Lucas to keep his course. Everything went well." He smiled. "I'll have your evaluation reports to you within the hour. You guys have earned the afternoon off. Go relax."

The group pulled off their stimulators and put them on the wall as they filed out, making their way to the outdoor training grounds.

"You know, I wish he would just tell us what to expect in the mock, instead of throwing in random surprises left and right," Maya admitted.

"No you don't," Josh contradicted. "You love the rush of the surprise."

Maya turned to look at him incredulously. "What makes you think that?"

"You're calm right now," Josh observed.

"Everyone is calm after a workout," Lucas pointed out.

"Yeah, but she's never calm unless it's after rushes of adrenaline," Josh said. "She lives on it. She's an adrenaline junkie."

Maya turned to fully face him, furious. "I am not a junkie. Get that in your head, Matthews. I'm not addicted to anything."

"You're addicted to the rush of surprise and satisfaction that comes after succeeding," Josh contradicted.

"I am not," she stalked up to him and shoved him, "addicted to anything."

"Maya," Lucas darted forward to grab her and pull her back towards Riley, putting himself in between them as Riley touched Maya's arm.

Josh seemed to be studying her, a little triumphantly, and she realized he had very deliberately forced an emotional reaction from her.

"You're such an asshole," Maya bit out to him, swiveling around and heading away.

"Maya," Riley called after her, jogging to keep up, "he didn't know."

"Bullshit." Maya didn't turn around, keeping her eyes ahead. "He knew. He's your brother. He's our team leader. He knows everything. He provoked me."

"Not maliciously," Riley protested, and Maya stopped, nearly causing Riley to bump into her.

"You can't be the voice of reason and empathy every time, Riley," she said. "Can't you just admit that your brother is a self-absorbed jerk that tries to get into everyone's head?"

"No," Riley shook her head, frowning. "Because he's not. He wants to understand you, but you don't let anyone in."

"There's a reason for that," Maya snapped.

"You need to learn to trust us, Maya," Riley explained softly. "You need to understand us, and we need to understand you, otherwise this team will never work. We're not trying to hurt you."

Maya pursed her lips. "Maybe you're not, but he's certainly doing a damn good job of it."

When Maya opened her dorm door after taking her shower and putting on clean clothes, she wasn't surprised to see Josh standing in front of her. She shut the door.

Josh knocked again. "Maya, let me in," he ordered.

"We're off the clock, so you're not my boss," Maya explained smugly.

"We need to talk."

"We did talk. Where did that get us?" She pointed out.

"I want to say I'm sorry."

Maya stopped, frowning. Josh Matthews, apologizing? This she had to hear. She pulled open the door and crossed her arms.

"Riley told me that I need to apologize to you," Josh began.

"Not a great start," Maya informed him, snorting.

"I was not trying to hurt you," Josh insisted. He seemed to be studying her, looking for her reaction, like he always was, and Maya was sick of it.

"Then please, tell me what you were trying to do?" Maya suggested, turning around so he couldn't see her face as she walked further back into the room.

"I need to know your emotional stability," Josh admitted, following her into her bedroom. "I'm sure you've noticed me trying to understand you for the past few months."

"Yeah, trying to read my mind and see my thoughts," Maya agreed.

"Trying to understand you," Josh objected. He stopped a few feet away from her, but Maya still didn't turn around. "I've done my best to be a good leader to this team for the past two years. I've done my best to get everyone on the same page. But for some reason, you don't trust my judgement, and you don't trust me. I've done my best to show you I'm not a threat; I've worked with you on projects and assignments and spars, but you don't seem to get it."

Maya stared at the wall ahead of her. "So you've tried avoidance, collaboration, manipulation, and now, what? What strategy is this?"

"Honesty," Josh suggested.

Maya rolled her eyes and turned around to face him. "You're not seriously going to suggest that the way you're talking to me right now is honesty."

"Honestly, you are probably the most annoying person I've ever met, and you make my life harder in every way," Josh stated, and Maya fought back a smile.

"Oh, so we're doing real full honesty then?"

"But you took the acting project seriously and fixed our problems, which I couldn't have been able to do by myself," Josh continued. "I know I'm not a people person; that's just not one of my strengths. You're obviously not a people person either, but you figure it out. We both know I'm physically stronger than you and you see me as a threat-"

"No, I don't," Maya contradicted.

"Yes, you do," Josh stated. "You see me as a threat right now. You're on alert, ready to act, in case I physically attack. And you're closed up, in case I emotionally attack. I know we didn't start out the right way. I'm sorry for that morning when I lost control. I've grown."

"I'm sure you have," Maya rolled her eyes.

Josh took a controlled breath, obviously getting frustrated. "I'm not going to pretend that we're ever going to be friends. But we need to work together, and you make our team better. So either figure out a way to trust me, or get off of my team."

"There's the Josh I know." Maya tipped her head. "It doesn't take much for you to drop a facade of caring to show us the real you."

"Maya," Josh took a deep heaving breath, "you infuriate me sometimes, but I don't distrust you."

"You infuriate me all the time," Maya countered. "And if you keep playing games with me, I'll never be able to trust you. Let it down, tell me what you're actually feeling."

"I am," Josh insisted. "You're my sister's best friend, you're on my team, and I need you to trust me. Those are the facts."

"I don't want facts, I want feeling," Maya pushed.

"I'm feeling like you're getting on my nerves," Josh glared at her.

Maya studied him, wondering what he really wanted, and what he would do to get it. "You know how Riley got Lucas's trust?"

"He told her a secret, and she told him one," Josh recalled. "So what do you want to know?"

"Really?" Maya leaned forward, interested. "You're really willing to play this game with me?"

"I always win games," Josh warned.

"Always is a strong word," Maya countered. "And this game isn't one to win. Six questions, three each," she suggested, "and if you tell me every answer, I'll tell you mine."

Josh studied her, then shook his head and sighed. "I'll play."

"Promise to answer every question?" Maya pressed. "You can't go back if you don't like one."

"I'm a man of my word," Josh promised.

"Well then," Maya smiled. "How old were you when you really hurt someone for the first time?"

"I was seven," Josh said. "My mom took me out of martial arts classes that day; the teacher said I took things too seriously."

"I was five," Maya returned. "My mom brought home a guy I didn't like, so I hit him in the balls. With the tip of a butter knife."

"Have you ever been abused?" Josh asked his question.

"Depends on your definition," Maya explained. "My mom never hit me, but some boyfriends were less than friendly. Especially when I got into something they brought home for her. You?"

"My mom used to," Josh confessed slowly. "Not enough to leave any lasting damage, but if I did something wrong, she'd slap me. I learned pretty quickly not to do anything wrong."

Maya squinted at him when she realized he wasn't lying. "Does Riley know that?"

"No," Josh stated. "And she's not going to. Does she know you were abused?"

"No," Maya copied. "And she's not going to."

"What do you really think of me?" Josh asked.

"That's loaded," Maya warned.

Josh shrugged. "We are playing a game you suggested."

Maya pursed her lips. "I think you didn't care about anyone else here except Riley. You thought everyone was just a problem, would get in your way, and would be collateral damage. You certainly didn't trust anyone else. And you absolutely hated me because I was better."

"And now?" Josh asked.

Maya tipped her head a little. "I think you're doing your best to do the job you were given, whatever it takes. Even if it takes changing who you are to do it."

"I think that you didn't see a point to getting close to anyone in your life because you were afraid that they would either hurt you, or leave you. So you shut the world out, which worked well for a while, until you were put on this team, where you have to trust people." Josh shook his head. "We're a lot alike, Maya, and that's why we clash. But we have to agree to trust each other. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I don't want to hurt you either," Maya admitted. She stared at him for a few moments, before realizing it was her turn, but Josh glanced down at his wrist band.

"I just got a message; I have to go," he explained.

"We each still have one question left," Maya protested.

"Save them," Josh suggested, before he let the door shut behind him.

Chapter Text

"Will you hold the line?
When every one of them has given up and given in, tell me
In this house of mine
Nothing ever comes without a consequence or cost, tell me
Will the stars align?
Will heaven step in, will it save us from our sin, will it?
'Cause this house of mine stands strong."

"That's the price you pay
Leave behind your heart and cast away
Just another product of today
Rather be the hunter than the prey."

"And you're standing on the edge face up
'Cause you're a natural
A beating heart of stone
You gotta be so cold
To make it in this world
Yeah, you're a natural
Living your life cutthroat
You gotta be so cold
Yeah, you're a natural."

- Imagine Dragons, "Natural"

December, 2016

4th year, age 16

"Stop it," Riley was repeating to herself as she walked around her room, rubbing her forehead. "Stop."

Riley had been trained from day one - for what? To be this. Unfeeling, do what she's told, actions are meaningless, etc, etc, etc. She had finally accomplished that, right? She had finally started to get praise from her mother. She'd worked her whole life to be what her mother wanted.

Don't emotionally compromise yourself.

Nothing matters more than the job.

Distance yourself from the fight.

Actions are only motions.

There is no meaning and no reason to let feelings cloud your thoughts.

Keep your heart beating steady.

Stay focused.

But it had been so long since she had felt… content. Cared about. She shook her head, words bouncing around in her brain.

It had been so long since she had felt anything.

Don't emotionally compromise yourself.

Riley breathed, flicking her wrist over to see her heartbeat steady at 94 bpm. At least she could say this wasn't riling her up.

She had one semester and one year left before she graduated. She could survive that long in this academy, doing what she was told. But after that…

She shook her head again. No looking forward. Only think about now.

Her wrist buzzed and she glanced down at the message she had received from Josh, sent to all of them.

Josh Matthews: Meet in my dorm in ten minutes.

She frowned.

Riley Matthews: Why?

Josh Matthews: We need to talk.

Maya Hart: About?

Josh Matthews: Ten minutes. Be here.

Riley heaved in a breath and headed for her bathroom, where she stared at her red-rimmed eyes in the mirror. This wasn't Topanga Matthews' daughter.

Ducking down, she splashed water over her face, rubbing her eyes hard, and then came up and grabbed a towel.

"Control yourself," she ordered her reflection, half disappointed when it didn't answer back. She turned away from the mirror to head back into her room. "I can control myself," she muttered to herself.

She was the last to show up to her brother's dorm, and entered the room with all eyes on her. She glanced around; Maya was sitting on Lucas's bed with one knee up and elbow resting on it, while Lucas was standing next to the bed. Josh was pacing in front of his bed.

This wasn't the kind of situation Riley wanted to be in; it was so minor, yet would have significant connotations. Sit next to Maya, on Lucas's bed? Sit on Josh's bed?

'You're being stupid,' Riley thought, briskly walking over to Maya and perching next to her, avoiding Lucas's gaze as she fought to keep her heart rate down.

"So?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I got our performance reports for the semester," Josh explained. He looked down at the papers he was holding in his hands. "And our team outline."

"What does that mean?" Lucas clarified.

"Every agent has a different type of job after graduation, and it dictates their entire life - where they live, who they can see, what they do at any point in time. We need to discuss this." He handed a paper to each of them, and Riley scanned it.

Elite Peach

Operations agents:
Josh Matthews - Team leader/Combat specialist - Lethality
Lucas Friar - Combat specialist - Charm
Maya Hart - Agility specialist - Seduction
Riley Matthews - Cover specialist - Naivety

Science agent:
Farkle Minkus - Biochemistry specialist

Technology agent:
Isadora Smackle - Engineering specialist

Communications agent:
Isaiah Babineaux

Operational safe house: Undetermined

"Wait, hold on," Maya was staring down at their categories, "how am I an agility specialist? I fight better than Lucas and Riley."

"And you use your agility to do it," Josh pointed out.

"And what the hell does 'seduction' mean?" Maya asked, raising her eyebrows.

Josh fell silent, looking uncomfortable.

"You're sexy," Lucas suggested bluntly. "You're blonde, you're fit, you've got," he gestured to her chest, and Maya smirked. "You're a cliche blonde beauty."

"How am I supposed to seduce someone if I'm a virgin?" Maya asked.

"I don't think you're supposed to actually sleep with them," Riley offered. She glanced down at her paper again. "Why am I noted as 'naivety'?"

"You look innocent and harmless," Lucas observed, and Riley glared at him.

"I've beat you in combat," she reminded him.

"Your harmless appearance is an asset, you can get into places you wouldn't normally be, you can catch them off guard," Lucas guessed.

"And, charm?" Riley questioned.

"I'm handsome," Lucas suggested, and Maya snorted.

"This is all very blunt, Josh," she stated.

"I didn't write them," Josh admitted. "It was sent from the top. The administrative panel, directors."

"Director," Riley murmured, staring down at her name. Her mother thought she was naive. Or at least, appeared naive.

There is no meaning and no reason to let feelings cloud your thoughts.

"As far as I can tell," Josh interrupted her thoughts, "after we graduate we're sent to a safe house off grid. We spend off days - time we aren't on assignment - at the safe house."

"Wait, hold on," Lucas interrupted, "is nobody going to address the fact that our team is named Elite Peach?"

"Well they're not going to call us 'elite specialist team of agents who are going to take you down'," Maya scoffed.

"Yeah, but Peach?" Lucas asked, crinkling up his nose.

Riley smiled a little, unconsciously. "I like it." She glanced down at her paper again. "It doesn't give us a code phrase."

"Peaches," Maya suggested. "Look, a bird."

"A pretty bird," Riley added.

"Seems too… innocent," Lucas frowned.

"Isn't that the point?" Josh pointed out.

"So, peaches?" Riley asked, and Maya smiled.

"Look at the pretty bird."

"I don't like this," Smackle informed them nervously as she shifted back and forth, pursing her lips. "I do not like this at all."

"I'm going to be watching you the whole time," Farkle promised, grabbing her hand.

"But I will not be able to see you," Smackle pointed out.

"You can hear me though," Farkle reminded her.

"What if I get hurt?" Smackle turned to Eric, who was currently calibrating her stimulator to her nerves and vitals.

"That's what Riley and Lucas are for," Eric said, not looking up.

"But how do I know that they will be able to protect me?" Smackle fretted.

"Smackle," Lucas assured her, "you'll be fine. Just focus on what you need to do, and we will do all the rest."

Riley glanced up at Lucas from where she was on the floor, zipping up her boots and shoving the legs of her pants into them.

"What about Josh and Maya?" Smackle questioned. "Where are they?"

"This is a three person mission; we don't have extraction for five," Eric explained. "And Riley and Lucas are just as well trained; they can handle it. You'll be perfectly safe." He tapped her stimulator. "Besides, you just need to remember that it isn't real. None of it is. If you ever feel really unsafe, either pull off that thing or yell out tradite. You'll immediately stop seeing and feeling the program and be out of the mock."

"But if it is not real, why do you need extraction?" Smackle protested.

"Smackle," Riley asked in disbelief, standing up, "aren't you in the department that created the mocks system?"

"I did not create the mocks system!"

"Calm down," Eric ordered, finally looking up. "Do your job."

"My job was supposed to be in a laboratory," Smackle turned to Farkle, her eyebrows creased.

"And it usually will be, but there will be times when we'll need you to disable a system, or build something in real time; something you can't do over coms. The operation agents only have a basic knowledge of science and technology courses, while you were trained specially for this type of work." Eric raised his eyebrows. "Where it might take Lucas a few days to learn how to do something and a few hours to do it in the field, you could take care of it in minutes. Think about it from an efficiency viewpoint."

"It would be more efficient," Smackle agreed uncertainly, obviously distracted by a science-y term she recognized.

"So your mission," Eric began, throwing a diagram of some machine up on the large screen from the tablet he had in his hands, "is to infiltrate an enemy base to disable their mainframe straight from the source. Riley, Lucas, you will be guarding Smackle and leading her through the base, with instructions from Farkle on coms, who will have your locations and the base layout. You will encounter enemy agents, so do your best to skirt them, or knock them out. Do not kill them; this mission is nonlethal, and once you get out of the base, strike teams will gas, raid, and take prisoners - we'll need information from them. But for the teams to access the base, you will need to disable their mainframe and place a drive into their system that will allow us to control it remotely. Smackle, you know how to disable this system and place the drive, correct?"

Smackle frowned. "Of course, sir, that is a very basic model of-"

"Great," Eric interrupted her. "Riley, Lucas, the program will give you weapons including tranquilizer guns. This is the first time you've had guns in a mock, so be prepared to use them."

Riley nodded. For the past few years, the team had done weapons training - knife, staff, arrows, and guns - but all their gun training had been with blanks and targets that moved on tracks.

"Smackle, the program will give you all of the tools you'll need to do your part as well." Eric looked each in the eye. "Ready?"

Riley took a deep breath as the room around them began to fade into the program, and she looked around to grab her bearings as she tapped her ear. "Farkle, can you hear us?"

"Loud and clear," Farkle confirmed over the coms. "You're in the back entrance of the base, you'll need to get to the basement center; that's where all their controls are housed."

Farkle guided the three teens through hallways, trying to skirt them around enemy agents, and Riley was relieved when they successfully made it to the controls.

"This is you, now, Smackle," Lucas reminded her, and she bent down and opened her bag of tools.

"I'll need some time," she notified them as she pulled open the front of the machine and scanned the wires and computer chips that were lined inside.

"We'll give you as much as we can," Lucas promised. "Riley, stay here, I'll go keep watch and be the first wall."

"Why me?" Riley couldn't help but ask. They hadn't clarified who the leader was on this mission; since Josh wasn't here, there hadn't been one.

"Because you can calm Smackle down if she starts freaking out," Lucas said, as if it was obvious. "You can calm anyone down."

Riley's mind went blank for words, but Lucas headed away before she could even think to answer. She watched him head down the hall towards the first blind corner, then she turned to see Smackle working quickly, her fingers fluttering around the internal mess that looked all the same to Riley. Smackle, though, seemed to know exactly what to unplug and cut and repurpose, and it was obvious that focusing on what she knew how to do was keeping her from getting anxious.

"How's it going?" Riley asked, keeping her eyes on the door.

"I am disabling the alarm system first and organizing a trojan horse so that their computer systems will appear to be functioning normally," Smackle explained, her dark eyebrows crinkled as she focused on the machine. "And then I will disable all systems and replace the trojan horse with this drive, after which their mainframe will stop working entirely and reset with controls remotely taken by our teams."

That made very little sense to Riley; but then again, that was why she wasn't in technology.

She paced back and forth, her hand settled on her waist where her weapons were, as her eyes flicked from Smackle to the corner where Lucas was waiting for anyone who may come their way.

"I am replacing the trojan horse now," Smackle said, "we will have about six and a half minutes while their mainframe resets, until our teams can take over controls."

There was a yell from around the corner, and Smackle jumped, her face whipping towards the corner.

"Focus on replacing the drive," Riley ordered calmly. "I'll take care of anything that might stop you."

"Lucas-"

"Lucas is our first wall, and he can stop as many as he can, but I'm your second wall." Riley pulled her tranquilizer gun out of her holster. "Replace the drive, Smackle."

Smackle whimpered a little, but she turned back to her work, her hands flying even quicker than before.

"Is it done?"

Smackle didn't answer for a second, and Riley dared a glance over to her, as she shoved something into an outlet and slammed the door shut.

"Smackle," Riley pushed.

Smackle looked up at Riley. "Done."

The lights flickered out, plunging Riley and Smackle into darkness, the only light illuminating them the various buttons on the machines around them.

"Smackle?" Riley asked.

"I didn't know the mainframe controlled the lights!" Smackle insisted frantically. "What do we do?!"

Riley closed her eyes, focusing all her senses on hearing. There were two agents heading towards Lucas; she could hear their boots on the floor. She could hear Smackle's breathing getting quicker and quicker as she began to panic.

"Smackle, calm down," Riley ordered. She opened her eyes and focused in on Smackle's, which were just barely visible under tiny blue and green lights flickering around them. "Breathe; we're getting out of here." She reached out and grabbed Smackle's hand, and when Smackle's fingers clung desperately to hers, Riley remembered how young she was.

Eric had really sent a fourteen year old into a program meant for seventeen and eighteen year olds. No wonder she was freaking out.

"Lucas," Riley said into her coms, "status?"

"Two agents heading my way, two are down. What happened to the lights?"

"They went down with the mainframe. Get out as soon as you can and meet us at the extraction point," Riley ordered. "Farkle, we're blind, can you guide us to our exit?"

"Yeah, I can do that. Go forward, I'll give you cues on when to turn," Farkle answered.

"Alright, listen to me, Smackle," Riley ordered, turning back to the girl and trying to make sure Smackle could see her eyes. "We're going to follow Farkle's directions. I'm going to make sure nothing happens to you, and whatever happens to me, you get out of the base. Do you understand?"

Smackle nodded, terrified.

Riley kept Smackle's hand clasped in hers as she moved forwards, hoping there was nothing she could trip over as she and Smackle left the controls and headed into the opposite direction that Lucas had gone, hoping to avoid the agents.

"In twenty or so feet you're going to turn left," Farkle informed them. "Then the hallway ends and you'll need to turn right about ten feet after that."

Riley pulled Smackle along behind her, one hand holding her tranquilizer gun and the other making sure Smackle didn't get lost. Amazingly, they got out without encountering anyone. However, when they met the light of day, Lucas was nowhere to be seen.

"Lucas, status?" Riley asked, pulling Smackle into a hiding place as she waited to hear back.

"Did you get Smackle out?" Lucas asked.

"We're out," Riley confirmed.

"Good. If the extraction is here, go now."

"Where are you?" Riley demanded, looking down at Smackle.

"I'll be fine; Smackle is the priority. Either I'll make it out on my own or I'll be knocked out and taken in by the strike team. Either way, I'll get out." When Riley hesitated, Lucas said, "Riley, did you hear me? Get Smackle out."

Riley cursed under her breath. "Keep me updated on coms."

"Don't we need Lucas?" Smackle asked, looking up at Riley nervously.

"Lucas is a combat specialist," Riley explained. "We need to trust his instincts that he can get out on his own." Spying the helicopter coming towards them, she nodded to Smackle. "Come on, let's go."

As she and Smackle ran towards it, the helicopter dropped a ladder and hovered. Riley pushed Smackle onto the ladder before her, watching as she climbed up into the safety of the helicopter. She sighed in relief.

Holding onto the ladder with one hand, she put her other to her ear and looked back at the base. "Lucas, status?"

"Farkle is guiding me out, but there are enemy agents around me and I'm running out of tranq bullets," Lucas explained, his breath short as he was obviously running. "We have less than three minutes until the raid, get Smackle out of here!"

"She's in the helicopter."

"Then get in with her and fly away before the strike teams go in," Lucas said. "We don't know what their attempts at defense will be."

"Lucas," Riley whispered, her eyes glassing as she stared at the base that he was still inside of us.

"Go, Riley!"

Riley's eyes flicked from the building to the helicopter above her, and the ladder she was still hanging onto. She stared back at the building, fighting her instincts.

'Get Smackle out. She's a kid. She's the priority. Lucas can handle himself.'

'Stay. You care about him, you need him. Stay. Stay.'

'Trust Lucas. Don't risk an emotional complication.'

Riley shook her head, her thoughts bouncing around once again.

We're a team.

"You're going to make it," Riley declared. Switching to single line communication, she spoke to Smackle, "Tell the pilot to go when I tell you. As soon as I say go, you go. Whether or not I or Lucas are in."

"Why wouldn't you be in?" Smackle asked, confused. "You're right here."

"I'm going back for him," Riley said, as she let go of the ladder and charged across the cement towards the base. She switched to double line with Lucas and Farkle. "Lucas, what hall are you?"

"He's four turns from the exit point," Farkle informed her.

"No," Lucas's breath cut short, "I need another way out. The hall you want me to go down is packed with agents; I only have two tranqs left."

"There's no other way out, Lucas, any other way would take you more than ten minutes and you have less than two."

Riley swallowed, racing across the cement with the sun beating down on her. "Hold out. Push through as many as possible and I'll be there in fifteen seconds." As she crossed into the dark base, she ran as fast as she could, following Farkle's directions. When she came upon the hall that Lucas was supposedly in, she stopped cold.

There were ten, maybe twenty men in the hallway, and although three or four were already down, Lucas was being attacked from all angles

Riley cursed under her breath and pulled out her tranquilizer gun, aiming at the nearest guards and firing, hitting each one squarely in the back of the neck. She took down a good five or six before they started to realize she was there, but she was too far in to run. Already, they were turning away from Lucas and focusing on her.

"Riley, what the hell are you doing here?" Lucas demanded.

"Shut up and watch your six," she called over the agents' heads, and he did as told.

Taking down the agents was actually much easier than she thought, and when there were only a few left she reached out and grabbed Lucas's arm, pulling them away from the hall and leading him out as fast as she could. When they reached the exit, they took off on a dead sprint towards where the helicopter was still hovering.

"Strike teams go in in ten seconds," Farkle warned. "We don't know what their defense attempts will be."

Riley switched to all lines. "Smackle, we're almost there. Hold on."

"Hurry!"

As they reached the ladder Riley shoved Lucas in front of her, but he grabbed her and pulled her up onto the ladder in front of him in a way that left no room for discussion. As she began to climb, Lucas grabbed her gun from her waist above him and stayed hanging on the bottom of the ladder, his hand latched onto the rungs.

"Smackle, tell the pilot to go now!" He ordered, as Riley climbed into the helicopter and they rose up into the sky, Lucas still hanging down on the ladder, aiming and shooting at various targets.

The program began to fade away, and Riley found herself on top of one of the platforms with Smackle sitting beside her, Lucas a little ways down on the ladder that was anchored to the side of the block.

"Well done," Eric called, and Lucas jumped down from the ladder, reaching up to help Smackle down as she began to climb towards the floor.

Riley followed, and as Smackle ran towards Farkle, who was sitting near the front of the room, Lucas grabbed her waist and set her down on the floor, skipping the last few rungs.

Riley blew some hair out of her face, glancing down at her wristband. 108 bpm.

She looked back at Lucas, who stared at her with a little frown between his brows.

"I told you to go, Riley," he reminded her as he began to walk towards Eric, her following.

"You were trapped," Riley pointed out, "and we're a team."

"Your priority was Smackle, she's just a kid," he disapproved.

"Smackle was safe," Riley returned indignantly. "You don't leave a team member behind. I knew I could get to you in time, and I knew you needed me. I trusted my instincts."

"And it was the right thing to do," Eric praised as they approached him. He glanced between them. "You kept your priority, but also followed your instincts and didn't leave your partner behind. You also predicted Lucas's thoughts and actions, used real-time potential risk and outcome analysis, and completed your mission. You all did very well."

Riley pulled off her stimulator and placed it on the wall as she left the mock course, Lucas following.

"You didn't leave me behind," Lucas repeated Eric's words as he came up behind her, jogging to keep up.

"No, I didn't," Riley agreed, not looking at him.

But had she gone back for him because it was the right thing to do for the mission?

Or because there was an emotional string beginning to tie itself between them?

Chapter Text

("I'm not bulletproof when it comes to you
Don't know what to say when you make me the enemy
After the war's won, there's always a next one
I'm not bulletproof when it comes to you."

"Maybe I'll crash into you
Maybe we'll open these wounds
We're only alive if we bruise
So I'll lay down this armor."

"I will surrender tonight
Before we both lose this fight
Take my defenses, all my defenses
I lay down this armor.")

- Landon Austin, "Armor"

January, 2017

6th year, age 18

"There's a bomb on a plane that is heading for a city, where it will be dropped." Eric explained, throwing the specs of the plane up on the large screen from his tablet as the team prepared for their next mock mission. "The pilot, engineers, and several guards are still on the plane. You'll need to take control of the craft, get the bomb from where it is waiting to be released, and release it early into the ocean so that it doesn't explode in a city or on the plane."

"Smackle and I will be on coms guiding you through the craft and helping you fly the plane and use the controls after you take control of it," Farkle informed them.

"What are our delegations?" Lucas inquired, adjusting his stimulator.

"That's up to your team leader," Eric gestured towards Josh. "He's guiding the whole mission this time."

This was news to Josh, but he had been trained for these kinds of surprise decisions. He glanced around at the whole team, who were staring at him expectantly. "Alright." He considered a moment. "So it looks like we'll need three teams. One to take out the pilot and take control of the plane, one to get to the controls and take over from the engineers, and one to get to the cargo hold and release the bomb. And we have a time limit, so it will all have to be done efficiently. Can I see that?" He took the tablet from Eric and looked down at it, turning over the specs of the plane and viewing the different areas. "It looks like if we start in the center of the plane, we can split into pairs. Riley, you know how to pilot, right?" He asked, knowing that his sister had taken a flight elective. "You'll take out the pilot and take control of the aircraft. Lucas, you'll take care of the engineers and take the control room. You two will start out together and then split off. Maya," he turned to the blonde, "you and I are on the bomb release. We'll need to get to the cargo hold to let the bomb drop before we get to land and before it goes off. Lucas will need to open the doors and lower the ramp from the control room."

"What's our extraction?" Riley asked.

"Parachutes," Josh suggested.

"But if we're over the ocean-"

"I assume we'll have extraction pick up?" Josh turned to Eric.

"For the purposes of the mock, yes," Eric agreed. "Just get out of the plane."

"Farkle, Smackle," Josh directed his attention to the Science & Tech pair, "Farkle will need to guide us through the plane. Smackle, you'll be on specs to help Riley or Lucas with the piloting or controls." He looked around at his team. "Everyone clear?" When the group nodded, he looked to Eric. "Put us in."

As the room around them began to fade into the program, Josh took a deep breath, closing his eyes to orient himself.

"Riley, Lucas, you're going to want to go north towards the stairwell. Maya, Josh, go the opposite way down the hall."

Josh headed the way that Farkle had directed him, Maya on his heels. "Lucas, you'll need to get the doors open before we get to the cargo hold."

"Doing my best, I'll let you know when I'm in."

Josh and Maya turned a corner, following Farkle's directions, and froze, startled, at the four men in front of them.

"I don't like surprise guards," Josh grunted, and Maya rolled her eyes.

"Get to the cargo hold," she said, staring straight at the approaching guards as she grabbed her switchblade from her hip.

"Maya," Josh disbelieved, "you can't handle-"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," Maya said, eyeing him out of the corner of her vision. "I've done this before and I can do it again. You get to the cargo hold and release the bomb. You know that I don't have the strength to hold it up, but I can-"

"Maya," Josh glared at her, as the guards headed for them. "Don't do something stupid."

"This is our mission and you're the leader," Maya reminded him. "Make the hard choice for the job, Josh. I can handle myself."

Josh stared at her for a second and then cursed, backing up to head around the corner. "Meet me in the cargo hold as soon as possible!" He held a hand to his ear and ordered Farkle, "Find me another way into the cargo hold, our way was compromised."

"Another way in?" Farkle asked incredulously. "I can't just find you- oh. Uh. Yeah."

"Farkle," Josh ordered, "guide me. Where am I going?"

"Turn right, you're going around the back way and you'll be able to drop into the wheel well and climb between through to the wall of the hold, but you'll have to get through the wall."

"Not a problem," Josh agreed, curving right as he listened to their science member's instructions from where he was stationed with Smackle.

"Josh."

Josh stopped at the tone of voice in his ear. "Maya?"

"He's got a gun."

"What?!" Josh asked, turning around as he began to sprint back down the hallway towards where he had left Maya. "Lucas, redirect, I need you to release the bomb from the cargo hold. Smackle-"

"I'm stuck at the controls," Lucas said. "I can't get there in time."

"Josh, keep going!" Riley said. "You're the only one who can get there! I'll head back around as soon as I can."

"Maya," Josh asked desperately, "are you alright?" Part of him was screaming 'go to the cargo hold, this is your mission, nothing matters more than the job'. The other part of him was imagining Maya stuck in that hallway with an armed guard shooting her down. He was frozen solid in place, trying to think of his next move, when the sound of a gunshot echoed loud over their coms.

"Maya?" Riley asked frantically. "Josh, I can't get there now!"

The second gunshot went off, and Josh sprang into action, racing back down the hallway towards Maya. "I'm going back, I've got her. Lucas, get to the cargo hold!" He held a hand to his ear, hoping to hear Maya's voice. "Maya?!"

"I'm fine Josh," Maya's voice was breathless, her breathing ragged and harsh, "get to the damn cargo hold and finish the mission."

"Tell me you weren't shot," Josh ordered, not going back as he continued his sprint towards Maya.

Maya didn't answer, and it made Josh's stomach drop as he turned the corner and saw her sitting against the wall, her hand pressed against her torso.

Covered in blood.

"Maya!" Josh rushed towards her and crouched down. "How bad is it?!"

Maya yelped when Josh touched her, and she jolted away, her jaw clenching as she shook. "Get to the damn cargo hold, leader!" She hissed.

Josh swallowed hard, frozen in place as he watched Maya's hand getting redder and redder as more blood spilled out.

"Get to the cargo hold!" Maya growled. "I can take care of myself! Do your job!"

"Josh, that bomb is going off in three minutes and either we, or an entire city are all going to be blown up if you don't release it," Riley urged.

"You can make it if you go now," Farkle said. "I'm rerouting you through the hall you were originally supposed to go down if the guards are gone."

Josh cursed, and stood up. "I'll be back for you," he promised her. As he charged down the hall, he said into his coms, "Riley, get to Maya as soon as you automate the flight path to the target area."

"I will," Riley assured him. "I'll get to Maya in four minutes tops."

As he approached the cargo hold doors, they opened before him, and he silently thanked Lucas. He hurried down the ramp, grabbing the active bomb off the floor as he said, "Lucas, I need the cargo hold to open now."

"Lowering it," Lucas said, and the ramp began to lower, letting freezing cold whipping air into the hold.

Josh held on to the wall as he let go of the bomb, watching it roll down the ramp and get caught by the wind, and gone, into the ocean. "Released," Josh said, and he heard Lucas and Riley both sigh in relief.

"Okay, we need to get to the parachutes and get out of here," Lucas said.

"Riley, Maya, what's your status?" Josh asked, heading back towards where he had left the blonde.

"Josh," Riley informed him hesitantly, "Maya is gone."

"What?!" Josh asked, breaking into a run as he turned the corner and Riley came into view, standing over a puddle of blood where Maya used to be. He blinked at her, frantic. "She was right here!"

"We need to get out of here," Lucas's voice took on a tone of urgency. "This plane is going down whether or not we're still on it."

"Damn it!" Josh punched a hand against the wall, frustrated. He glared down at the puddle of blood, and then raised his eyes to his sister. "There's nothing we can do. We need to get to Lucas."

"No, get to the cargo hold," Lucas said. "I'm leaving the ramp down and bringing the chutes to you guys. Meet me there in 30 seconds."

"Come on," Josh ordered, and he and Riley set on a dead sprint back down to where Josh had just been. Lucas met them at the door, and the team pulled on the parachutes. Josh slammed the door open and they all sprinted towards the open ramp, where the wind was whipping and ready to take them down into the sky. But even before they had reached it, the program and their parachutes started to fade away.

Josh, Riley, and Lucas found themselves in the back of the large mock room, panting as they slowed to stop, and Josh looked towards the front of the room where Maya was standing with her arms crossed, next to Eric, who had just ended the mock.

"You completed your mission," Eric called across the room. "Well done."

As the group headed towards the front of the room and got closer to Eric and Maya, Josh noticed two expressions. Eric was conflicted; Maya was pissed.

"You need to work on some things, but I'll have your reports written up within the hour and you can go through them on your own this afternoon," Eric informed them. "Go back to your dorms; shower, rest."

Maya turned on her heel and stalked away, pulling her stimulator off her neck and placing it on the wall as she passed, to the exit. Josh followed, ignoring the look that Lucas and Riley were giving each other. He pulled off his stimulator and put it on the wall as he hurried to catch up to Maya. They had made it out to the entryway of the Mocks building before Josh grabbed her arm to stop her. She turned, her eyes blazing.

"You died?!" Josh fumed, and Maya narrowed her eyes at him.

"You nearly failed the whole damn mission because you thought I couldn't handle myself!" She argued. "I can handle myself, Josh! I'm best in my damn class, I don't need-"

"You DIED, Maya!" Josh roared, furious. "That doesn't qualify as 'handling yourself' in my book, and I'm the leader here."

"That's right, you are the leader," Maya shot back. "You're the leader of the whole team and the whole mission. You nearly killed everyone because you couldn't let me do what I needed to to succeed in the mission!"

"I'm not going to leave you to die! That's not what we do, we're a team!" Josh barked, clenching his fists. He was doing his damn best to not grab her and shake her - shake some sense into her. "You were reckless, and stupid. You should have run as soon as you saw that gun-"

"You were reckless!" Maya steamed, poking her finger at his chest. "You nearly killed everyone! Nothing matters more than the job! Especially not one member for the other three!"

"This is not a game of 'who will be the first sacrifice'," Josh declared, glaring down at her. "This isn't a game of 'who is more important to the team'. I'm the leader, and I'm not leaving any of you to die!"

"Then do your damn job!" Maya nearly shrieked. "I don't need you to try to save me, Josh! I'm not some child, I'm not a little girl. I'm the best in my class - not the best girl, the best. I'm better than Lucas and Riley, and I don't need you to risk everything to save me like I'm some damsel in distress." She whipped around to head for the door to the main training grounds.

"Maya, don't you dare walk away from me," Josh growled.

"What are you going to do?" Maya challenged as she opened the door. "Handcuff me to a radiator?" She snorted as she left the entryway and walked outside, heading towards her dorms.

Josh felt his arms flexing as he worked to slow his heartbeat, and he turned to see Riley and Lucas staring at him. "Don't," he warned, before heading out the door to his own dorms.

Riley found him in the auditorium, where he was sitting alone in a sea of empty seats. Her feet echoed loudly around the room on the stairs, and Josh tried to feel the ripple of sound moving around his head.

"I've been looking for you," she informed him from the aisle, not bothering to squeeze through seats to where he was, in the middle of the row.

"You've succeeded in your mission," he snorted, not looking up from his papers.

"Why are you in here, anyways?" She questioned, looking around at the high ceiling and the large stage.

Josh considered lying to her; but what was the point of that? She was his little sister, his teammate, and she had long given up on tattling on him.

"I'm reading my eval," he admitted. "You know how we let Maya get killed during the last mock?" He snorted. "Well, according to the instructor, that was the right thing to do in order to succeed in our mission. She was an 'acceptable casualty' in a 'successful mission'."

"It was a training exercise," Riley pointed out. "We're not really going to let Maya be killed."

"But it's good to know that we won't be held accountable if we do," Josh stated sarcastically. He closed the file and finally looked up at his sister. "What are you doing here?"

"Maya needs you," Riley informed him, and he frowned.

"Last time we talked, she made it pretty damn clear that she didn't need me."

"Just…" Riley paused. "Just trust me, okay? She needs you."

Josh groaned internally, cursing whatever it was inside of him that tugged him to go to her. It was that one little string that was hanging on and building strength; a string he was not supposed to have.

He got up, maneuvering down the row and pushing past his sister to start up the aisle.

"You know, you don't fool me, Josh," Riley called to her brother, and Josh didn't turn around.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do care," she said, and Josh stopped.

"Caring is a disadvantage," he reminded her, his voice stoney.

"Good speech," Riley clapped her hands a few times, "who taught you that one - Mom? The one who has a husband and kids?"

He heaved an annoyed breath, starting to remember why he didn't usually willingly spend time with his little sister. He turned around and stalked the quick ten steps to stop right in front of her.

"Don't provoke me, Riley," he warned, and Riley rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure that works on all those other kids who see you as the 'cool detached lonely boy', but seriously," she raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms, "I think we all know you don't have the guts to hurt me."

'It's not the guts,' he thought, 'it's the attachment.'

"If they keep poking a bear, eventually it will even hurt it's young."

"Mhmm," Riley rolled her eyes again. "I'll take my chances."

Josh closed his eyes for a beat and clenched his jaw, breathing deeply to control himself before turning away and blocking out anything else she said, as he left the auditorium.

Josh stopped in front of Maya's door, considering knocking. But, if, like Riley had said, she really needed him, she probably wouldn't open the door for him.

So he pushed the door open himself and entered the room.

The blonde girl was sitting in her desk chair, faced away from Josh. Whatever it was she had been doing before this seemingly unprovoked emotional shut down was thrown on her bed, and her head was bent down, as if defeated.

"I told Riley I didn't want you," Maya said, a hint of a sniffle underlying her words.

"Then I'll leave," Josh agreed. He turned to go, but groaned and cursed himself internally, realizing Riley's choice of words had been very deliberate; she had said need, not want. So instead of leaving, he shut the door behind himself and moved to lean against Maya's dresser, a few feet from where she was still crunched in her chair.

"I thought you were a man of your word," Maya reminded him, "and you just straight-up lied to me."

"I'm not going until you tell me what's wrong," Josh declared.

Maya's head came up, but she didn't turn around. "Then it's going to be a long night for you, Matthews."

He glanced around her room, at the mess of clothes on the floor, blanket crumpled and pushed down to the foot of the bed, the desk covered in papers and colored pencils.

"What if I guess it right?" Josh suggested, knowing Maya didn't usually shy away from a game.

She heaved a deep sigh, and finally turned to face him. Her hair was mussed around her face, and her nose was a little pink - the only sign that she had been holding tears in.

"Ten questions," Maya agreed reluctantly. "And if you don't get it right, you leave."

Josh nodded, thinking through his options. "Is it your period?" He guessed first.

Maya rolled her eyes. "I hope not all your questions will be this stupid."

"Is it related to school?" Josh continued, taking her answer as a no.

"No," Maya answered, picking up an elastic band that was on her desk and beginning to tie her hair back in a braid.

"Is it related to friends?" He guessed, and Maya shook her head.

"What friends? Riley? Lucas?" She snorted. "I don't have enough friends to have a problem with."

"Is it related to family?" Josh continued.

Maya hesitated, reluctant to give an answer, which Josh knew was a yes.

"Is it your mother?" He asked.

She pursed her lips. "I don't want to play anymore."

"You agreed to ten questions," Josh reminded her. "That means I get five more questions."

She closed her mouth, swallowing in an annoyed way. "Fine. Yes, it has to do with my mother."

"Is she sick?" Josh asked, and Maya laughed a little, in a bitter way.

"Nope."

"Did you have an argument?"

"I haven't talked to my mother in five years," Maya reminded him. "That's a no."

"She's not sick…" Josh stopped, not wanting to ask the question, but needing to finish the game. "Is she… is she dead, Maya?"

Maya's face twisted, and she swiveled her chair back around to face the wall.

Josh quieted. He had won the game… but had he wanted to win the game?

Maya was silent, facing away from him so that he couldn't see her face. Her braid was abandoned, half done and not tied at the end, and her hair shook a little with her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Maya," Josh said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Maya said, nodding her head hard. "I'm fine. My mother didn't care about me at all. She relinquished her rights to me when I was twelve. She decided then that she didn't want to be my mother anymore."

"Just because she wasn't a good person, or you didn't care for her," Josh explained, "doesn't mean you can't be sad about her death."

"Yes it does," Maya bit out, her voice wavering. "I hated her. She was awful and she wasn't my mother. I can't be sad about someone I hated being dead."

"She was still your biological mother; she still raised you until you were twelve," Josh pointed out, seeing right through Maya's anger.

He'd known Maya long enough, and well enough, to understand that she often replaced more complicated emotions with anger - whether it be grief, embarrassment, even love. They were easier to control and use, if they were anger.

Josh knew that firsthand.

"Do you know how it happened?" He asked.

"She took a hot shot," Maya stated shortly. "Who knows who gave it to her, or if she was just stupid enough and drugged up enough to not care what went into her body anymore."

"She made poor decisions in life," Josh observed. "But Maya, you didn't continue that cycle of violence. Look where you are now. You're on your way to being one of the most highly ranked elite agents in the country - and you've come a long way socially too."

"I'm not a damn psychology project," Maya snapped.

"You started here with no friends, no allies, closed up inside of yourself and terrified of being hurt," Josh responded. He took a step forward. "But look how far you've come with Riley, Lucas, even me. Look how far I've come with you, too."

Maya pursed her lips, her blue eyes flickering up to his.

"I know that I can't fix the death of your mother or figure out your conflicting feelings surrounding her," Josh took a breath, "but I'm here for you, to help. That's what a team does."

Josh watched her as her eyes fell to the floor. He wasn't trying to read her mind right now; he didn't want her to feel exposed. He wanted her to feel safe.

He nodded to her, and turned towards the door to leave her alone. "I'm here whenever you need me."

"Can you stay?" Maya asked, her voice so soft and timid that Josh almost didn't hear it, or recognize it at first. It was so unlike Maya, but he turned to see her staring at him intensely.

He nodded, but didn't speak, just went to sit down on her bed, letting her be.

As they sat together in silence, in companionship, Josh felt the string on his heart get stronger.

An emotional complication.

But how was he supposed to control it?

Chapter Text

("I love everything
Fire's spreading all around my room
My world's so bright
It's hard to breathe but that's alright
Hush."

"I wanna taste your content
Hold your breath and feel the tension
Devils hide behind redemption
Honesty is a one-way gate to hell
I wanna taste consumption
Breathe faster to waste oxygen
Hear the children sing aloud
It's music 'till the wick burns out
Hush.")

- Sub Urban, "Cradles"

February, 2017

4th year, Age 17

"I don't see how this is relevant, nor necessary," Riley complained nervously. She bit her lip, and Lucas glanced over to see her playing with the ends of her hair.

"Your hair is down," he noticed, trying to remember if he had ever seen it not in braids or a ponytail. It fell in loose, dark princess curls down over her shoulders, completely free of anything that may hold it back. It looked soft; Lucas resisted the urge to reach out and touch it. His eyes flicked down to the ground when he realized he'd been staring at her hair for longer than was normal.

"I thought I was going to sleep," Riley said, blushing. "I was going to sleep. It's like 11pm."

"I didn't know this was happening until a few hours ago," Lucas apologized.

"What about Maya?" Riley asked, pulling the long sleeve of her sweatshirt down further to cover her hands as they walked down the halls towards the entryway of the girls' dorms. "And Josh? Are they coming?"

"Why couldn't you tell us this before we went to bed?" Maya asked crossly, as she and Josh joined them, answering Riley's question for her. "I wouldn't have changed if I had known."

"Because I wanted to wake you up and make you miserable," Josh said sarcastically. "Obviously we didn't know a few hours ago."

"Who even told you this?" Maya questioned. "And where are we going?"

"A sixth year guy in the gym, and we're going to the top of the main operations building," Josh answered. "Now shush."

"Don't shush me," Maya said crossly, swatting his hand away.

"I don't understand why this is necessary," Riley repeated, turning back to Lucas, her eyebrows creasing.

"Because apparently, it's a tradition, and we need to have some fun," Lucas suggested. "Come on, you never have fun."

"I have fun," Riley contradicted.

"No you don't," Josh agreed with Lucas, and Maya nodded in agreement.

"I'm going to go back to my dorm," Riley frowned as she turned around.

"Come on," Maya grabbed her arm, dragging her along with them. "We're just messing around."

"You're insulting me," Riley argued.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said. He caught her gaze, and marveled at how deep he could see into her brown eyes. "Just come with us. For me?"

She pursed her lips, but stopped fighting Maya and hugged her arms around her body as she walked.

It was this sort of body language that Lucas had been taught to recognize - and he knew Riley had been taught to avoid. So why was she doing it? Was it a subconscious cry for help? Was it a conscious cry for help?

As the four teens crossed the dark campus, skirting supervisors, Lucas felt his heart speeding up in anticipation. He had barely spent any time with his mainstream peers - or, really, done anything that wasn't focused on his elite program. He had no idea what he was expecting as they followed their team leader blindly into the building, hurrying up the stairs to the roof. Josh knocked on the door that led out, and a voice on the other side muttered: "Code word."

"Spearhead," Josh returned, and the door opened just enough for the four of them to slip in, one after another.

As Lucas came out onto the roof, his eyes adjusted to the dim lights from lanterns hanging above them. It was a fight club party.

There were three rings on opposite sides of the roof - which was about the size of an entire block - and on the fourth side, several tables with different snacks and alcoholic drinks, with the middle being a loose dance floor. The lip that ringed around the edges of the roof was only about a foot high, and Lucas was a little nervous about fight rings where they could fall off of a ten story building, but all of them were a good twenty or thirty feet from any edges. After all, they were operations students; living for the rush of danger.

As Maya and Josh split from the group to head towards a fight ring, Lucas realized that one ring was female on female, one was male on male, and the last was female on male. It was probably an elimination game.

"Lucas," Lucas turned to see Riley rubbing the bridge of her nose, "what am I doing here?"

He smiled. "Having fun," he suggested. "You never have fun."

"Oh please," Riley sighed, crossing her arms and tipping her head. "I have lots of fun."

"Come on, Riles," Lucas grabbed her arm and tugged her towards him, "prove it. Dance with me."

"Lucas," Riley groaned, although he could see her struggling to say no.

He winked, pulling her towards the center of the roof, where teens moved in waves of dancing. Reluctantly, Riley followed him, and he pulled her close to him and moved her hands up around the back of his neck, as he placed his hands at her hips.

"Reminds me of the emotional disconnection unit," he said, smiling a little.

"Reminds me of the ballroom dance unit," Riley countered, flicking her head a little to get some of her hair out of her eyes. She really wasn't used to having her hair down.

"You liked both," Lucas reminded her, and Riley bit her lip.

"Not the way you think," she admitted.

"Then how?" Lucas asked, when she didn't elaborate after a few moments.

Riley stayed silent, looking down at their feet. Then she looked up, and her face fell. "Oh great."

Lucas turned to follow her line of vision, and spotted Maya in the female on female fight ring, sizing up an opponent. "She'll be fine."

"Yeah, but the other girl won't," Riley predicted, her eyes not leaving the ring as the fight began.

"Maya doesn't fight dirty," Lucas pointed out, and Riley looked at him with a bizarre look on her face.

"She doesn't need to fight dirty to send that girl to the infirmary."

"Should we stop her?" He asked.

"You think we could?" Riley snorted. She glanced around. "That girl's only hope is Josh."

Lucas spotted the guy on the other side of the ring, watching the fight with a frown on his face. "It looks like he's endorsing it," he said, pointing to Josh as Riley's eyes fell on her brother.

"I knew I should have stayed in bed," she declared, rolling her eyes.

"You don't want to join the elimination rounds?" Lucas asked. "You're third in your class, you could probably make it through most of the fights."

"I don't fight for fun," Riley reminded him. She glanced up at his eyes, and Lucas tipped his head, a little frown between his brows.

"You-"

"I don't like hurting other people," Riley clarified. Her eyes went back to the fight, where Maya's opponent was limping away with the help of another girl. Maya caught Riley's gaze and flashed a grin at her. "If I could make it through my life without hitting another person, I would."

"Then what are you doing in an Operations academy?" Lucas asked.

"I didn't have a choice," Riley confessed, a little softly.

Lucas frowned deeper, confused, and he waited for Riley to elaborate again. But, just like last time, she didn't.

"I need a drink," Riley muttered, leaving Lucas on the dance floor as she headed towards the tables.

Interested to see Riley Matthews drink alcohol, Lucas followed. He took a drink of his own and watched Riley pour herself something and then down it in one gulp, and then cough.

"Who put tequila into a vodka bottle?" She asked crossly.

"You can tell the difference?" Lucas asked, amused. "I didn't know you drank."

"You don't know anything about me," Riley said, pouring herself another shot of the tequila-in-a-vodka-bottle. She downed it again and coughed again, setting the cup aside as she reached up to rub circles on her temples.

"How much do you weigh?" Lucas asked, trying to remember how to calculate levels of drunkenness.

"That's one question you never ask a woman," Riley said, and she pushed past him.

Lucas turned to watch her walk away, studying her body and the way she was walking just the tiniest bit off balance. She couldn't be more than 130 pounds, and she had just taken at least two shots of hard liquor. Her BAC had to be at least 0.1. And that meant that if she took another drink, she would be easily stumbling-drunk.

He sighed and followed her, determined to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

"You never answered my question," Lucas reminded Riley as they sat on the floor next to the edge of the roof, the lights twinkling above them and the music muted behind them.

The elimination rounds were all but finished, and those who were invested were crowded around the last fights to see who would become champ. Riley and Lucas being on the other side of the roof, they could talk and hear each other easily.

"What question was that?" Riley asked, closing her eyes and lifting her face up to the sky.

"What are you doing in the Operations academy?"

Riley's face soured, but she didn't open her eyes or move her face. "My mother hates me."

Taken aback, Lucas assured her, "I'm sure that's not true."

"No," Riley insisted, opening her eyes. "It's true. I'm not what she wanted in a daughter and she's tried to make me into what she did want for my whole life. I would be much better in Communications. Or Administrations. But my mother forced me into Operations. And if I had a choice, I would have chosen public school."

"Really?" Lucas asked. He glanced at her face, still looking up at the sky.

"Nobody ever cared what I wanted," Riley whined, dropping her face.

She was definitely drunk.

"My mom hates me, and my dad and my brothers are scared of her," Riley said, sighing. "No one cared enough, and I stopped caring too. What the hell was I supposed to do?" She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Why did you have to show up?"

Lucas frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Not caring is easier after you get used to it," she said. "I don't want to care about you."

"You care about me?" Lucas asked, feeling his heart start to beat.

"You care about me," Riley said. "You're the only one. But I'm not supposed to care about you." She rested her forehead in her hands and stared down at the cement. "I was better at lonely."

Lucas considered what to say; he knew if Riley was outing all her secrets, she probably would not remember it tomorrow. This was probably the only time he could get a real, honest answer from her.

"If we were both normal kids, in normal public school," he asked, "what would you do right now?"

Riley raised her face and stared at him, and Lucas felt a jolt in his chest as he wondered if Riley really was drunk enough to answer a question that bold. They sat in silence, staring at each other for a few moments.

"I would eat a quesadilla," she finally said, bluntly, and Lucas smiled, resigned to not getting an answer.

"I could go for a quesadilla too."

Chapter Text

("Some days I can't get out of my head
That's just the dark side of me
Some nights, it's hard for me to fall asleep
That's just the dark side of me
If you ever ever call my name, name
You will find out that we're both the same
When the lights go out, I need to know
Are you afraid of the dark?
I'm not afraid of the dark.")

- Future and Ty Dolla Sign, "Darkside"

March, 2017

4th year, Age 17

"Seduction," Maya murmured to herself, staring at the mirror. She puckered her lips, reaching up to thread her fingers through her own hair. She pulled a hand down to twist the ends of her hair between her fingers as she smirked at the mirror and tipped her head. "I can do that."

She couldn't do that. She had absolutely no experience in this field that she was supposedly the specialist in. The extent of her exposure was in the 'emotional complications in undercover romance' unit, where she had been paired with Josh, Lucas, and Riley as romantic partners. Faking a relationship had been impossible with Josh, relatively easier with Lucas, and not very difficult with Riley. It all depended on the willingness of the partner.

Seduction, she guessed, would also depend on the willingness of her target.

She needed practice, though, on a partner who wasn't in on the game. A real target.

She turned from the mirror and unbuttoned her formal blouse a few down her chest, just enough to expose her bra. Then she slipped out of her suit pants and turned back to the mirror, messing up her hair a little as she examined her 'sexy persona'. Frowning, she went back to the dresser and opened it, scanning over her clothes.

Almost all of her clothes were training uniforms. Sports bras, leggings, sweatpants, tank tops, long sleeves that were moisture wicking and flexible. She had a few jackets that she could put over her training clothes, and the single set of formal clothes - pale blue button down blouse, black blazer, black suit pants, black heels, and a nude colored 'normal' bra that swooped down between her breasts and was held up by thin straps - this was the bra she was wearing at the moment. All of her socks and underwear were black. All of her hair accessories were hairbands. Even her pajamas were academy standard; she had loose black pajama pants and loose black pajama shorts, and a loose short sleeved shirt.

In other words, absolutely nothing sexy.

Groaning, she turned back to the mirror and surveyed herself again; pale bare legs that were topped by black underwear, formal flowing blouse just barely hiding a nude bra. It wasn't that bad, but it certainly wasn't aiming to be sexy.

"Maya," a knock sounded on the door and Maya's stomach dropped as she dashed towards her pants, "you were supposed to meet us in the lounge half an hour ago."

"Sorry," she rushed out, hurriedly pulling on her pants and buttoning up her shirt as fast as she could. She opened the door to see Josh, who frowned, looking her up and down.

"Where have you been?" He asked slowly, crossing his arms. He peered a little into the room, but Maya held the door a little more closed around her.

"I had a meeting this morning, and I totally forgot about ours in the lounge. Just let me change into something more comfortable," Maya apologized.

"Nothing is as comfortable as naked," Josh smirked, and Maya flushed red.

"Why the hell would you say that?" She demanded, and Josh reached out a hand towards her.

Part of her screamed to move away, but she was frozen in place, feeling the heat of his fingers nearing her chest. She tried to control her heartbeat, but could feel the blood rushing as Josh grabbed hold of the front of her blouse, where she had buttoned them completely wrong.

"Someone in there with you?" He suggested, obviously trying to hold back a laugh. "Or were you just-"

Maya slammed the door in his face, humiliated as she pulled off her shirt and pants haphazardly and grabbed the first pair of training clothes she could see on her floor. She made sure to put them on correctly this time.

"Let's go," she ordered, opening the door and swiftly brushing past him, knocking his shoulder with his.

He took the hit and followed her, but she did her best to stay three feet ahead of him the whole way to the lounge.

After their academic classes, Riley caught up with Maya on their way back to the girls' dorms for break.

"Hey," Maya greeted her, glancing over at Riley.

"Hey," Riley replied, then hesitated. "So Josh told me-"

"What?" Maya interrupted, freezing in her place as she narrowed her eyes. "What the hell did he tell you?"

"...that you had a meeting yesterday morning," Riley finished slowly, confusion lacing her expression. "What did you think he told me?"

"Nothing," Maya muttered, starting to walk again.

Riley frowned, but moved on. "What was your meeting about?"

"Administrations asked me if I wanted to go to my mother's funeral or grave, and I said no," Maya explained shortly.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that," Riley confessed. She glanced at Maya out of the corner of her eye, but Maya's eyes stayed focused ahead of them as they walked. "How are you doing… with that?"

"Frankly, Riley," Maya answered, glancing at her, "I don't care. She gave up her parental rights to me when I was twelve. She hasn't been my mom for over five years, and I haven't talked to her since then either. It doesn't affect me at all, so why don't you just drop it?"

Riley swallowed, but closed her mouth. As they approached Riley's dorm, she tapped her wristband against the electronic lock and opened the door, but hesitated. She turned halfway back towards Maya and met eyes with her. "I'm here for you, if you need me." She disappeared into her room before Maya could tell her she wouldn't.

For a few weeks since getting their team outline, Eric had been putting them through mocks that were more undercover and impersonation based. And that meant that their specialties were put to the test. Riley had been used as the distraction a few times, which usually involved acting naive and oblivious to a target, asking for help with something, before taking them down. Maya and Lucas had been paired up to steal a hard drive, and their original plan had been for Maya to seduce the target and Lucas to get in and out - but that had changed when they figured out that the target was gay. They had gotten used to Eric throwing in surprises to catch them off guard and test their ability to think on their feet, but that one had been a bit of a… shock. Whenever Josh was in a mock with a partner or the team, his sole focus was fighting while his partner was the distraction - and Maya was not a fan of being paired with him alone, when she had to be the distraction. She missed the old mocks, where it was all action based.

"Graduation is in a few months," Riley commented, as the four left a mock to head towards the dorms. "You'll be free."

"Free is a relative term," Josh snorted, and Maya glanced over at him.

"You won't be constrained by a class schedule," she suggested.

"I'll be a TA," he reminded them. "I'm still attending some classes."

"But as a teacher," Lucas pointed out.

"Speaking of teachers, I really hope Eric will get out of this trend of cover mocks." Maya pulled her hair down to redo her ponytail.

"I prefer impersonation," Riley admitted. "I don't like fighting." Before Maya could question the statement, Riley bid them adieu and heading towards her dorm.

"Have you guys noticed-" Lucas began, but both Josh and Maya nodded in agreement before he could finish, as they all stared at Riley, moving across the campus.

"It's like she's shut down," Lucas said.

"Robotic, automatic," Maya added.

"That's what she was trained into," Josh stated shortly.

Maya looked over at Josh's face again, trying to read his expression. Blank. Flat. Her gaze drifted down to his shoulders, watching for tightness, and down to his hands, which were relaxed at his sides. But as he tipped his head up a little, Maya could tell how he was deliberately masking his emotions.

"Both of you," she deduced, and Josh's fists clenched, although he didn't look at her.

"We were raised into this life; it's all Riley knows and she's shut off her personality to fit into the mold," Josh explained.

"I need to get to a meeting with a teacher," Lucas said, breaking off from the pair to head towards the academic buildings.

"And what about you?" Maya asked Josh, as they became the last two.

Josh finally looked down at her. "You can try to get into my head all you'd like, but it won't work."

"I'm good at challenges," Maya smirked.

"Want to play a game?" Josh suggested, pivoting towards the operation gyms.

Maya followed. "I always win games," she reminded him.

As they entered the operations gyms, Josh dropped his bag on the floor. He nodded towards the rock wall on the far end of the gym. "How are you at climbing?"

"I'm the agility specialist," Maya grinned. "You really want to go against me on a rock wall?"

She dropped her bag and pulled off her jacket, leaving herself in only leggings and a sports bra, as she took off across the gym. It was fairly empty; most normal students had academic classes right now.

After chalking up her hands, she turned towards the wall, and nearly choked at Josh, coming toward her, shirtless.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked as Josh nonchalantly chalked up his hands and headed towards the other side of the wall.

"I'm hot," he shrugged, smirking at her expression. "You're allowed to go around in just a sport bra, so I'm allowed to go shirtless."

Maya turned away, cheeks burning a bit as she realized she had been staring at his perfectly toned muscles and smooth skin. "Fine."

To be fair, she beat Josh by almost fifteen seconds, and as she sat on top of the wall, she stared at him coming up towards her.

He had been testing her in a distractive environment. Testing her ability to focus. Testing her interest in him.

Two could play at that game.

Maya swallowed.

A real target.

Chapter Text

("This is how to be a heartbreaker
Girls they like a little danger
We'll get her falling for a stranger
A player
Singing I love love love you
(At least I think I do)."

"We do whatever it will take
Cuz we don't want our hearts to break
In two
So it's better to be fake
Can't risk losing
In love again babe.")

- Marina and The Diamonds, "How to Be a Heartbreaker"

April 2017

6th year, age 18

The last semester of his time at the Operations Academy was flying by and Josh was keeping busy. And productive.

Sure, Eric had tests and evaluations for all of them - physical, mental, you name it. But he couldn't test their social abilities with each other, and that was the information Josh needed. As the team leader, of course.

He knew Riley; he knew her like the back of his hand. He didn't like what she had become, but he knew her, and he couldn't change her.

Lucas seemed to wear everything on his face, which made him appear trustworthy. Josh had learned, though, how to see past it and poke at his real personality. After all, they had been roommates for years.

It was Maya that was the wild card.

He had tried to see how well she could fair up against a distraction, and, although she hadn't been distracted enough to fail, she had definitely been distracted. She had clearly changed in the past two years; whether that change would be a positive on their team or a negative, he wasn't sure. And he needed to figure it out, especially before he graduated.

But it seemed that Maya was on a mission to annoy him.

All month she had deliberately pushed him, irritated him, during their spars, during their classes, during their mocks. She seemed to be testing his limits, and he was getting tired of it.

He had no idea what he was going to do about it, though, until the day that he finally lost his cool.

"What's wrong with you?" Riley asked, falling into stride with him as he made his way towards the gym that evening.

"It's been a bad day," Josh grunted, not looking over at his sister. "Don't test me right now."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Seems more like a bad week."

"Try bad month."

"So what's wrong with you?" Riley asked, quickening her pace to match his as he sped up, hoping to lose her.

"I've been criticized by Mom, slept poorly, and I am not looking forward to graduation," he stated shortly, clenching his fists. "Not to mention the increased number of kids in the gym and Maya's apparent mission to annoy me."

"Maya's noticed the same thing as we have," Riley said, glancing over at him as they approached the gym doors. "But you're team leader and you're almost an adult, so get it together and control your emotions like we were taught."

Josh clenched his jaw and stepped in front of her as they got to the gym door. "How about you don't follow me? I need to punch something and I don't want it to be you."

Riley rolled her eyes again, and Josh felt his fists balling. She tried to push past him, but he had had enough and he grabbed her arm and stalked towards the hall that led to the girls' dorms. Riley ripped her arm out of his grasp and glared up at him, her anger evident.

"Don't ever do that again," she bit out, but Josh was having none of it.

"Don't test me when I tell you not to," he shot back at her. "I don't want to hurt you, so leave me alone and go back to your room." He left before she could retort.

After several hours punching his anger and stress out, he dragged himself out of the now empty gym. He was exhausted and he wanted a shower and he wanted to be alone, but that wasn't what he was about to get.

When he felt her presence behind him, he swiveled around and came face to face with the exact person he didn't want to see right now.

"Not today, Maya," he warned. Any other day he could control himself and his mood, but it had been an especially bad day, he was exhausted, and he was still stressed out. His time in the gym hadn't fully expelled his barely controlled emotions and he didn't want to have anyone caught in the crossfire like his sister had nearly been.

The blonde smirked, and Josh clenched his jaw and turned back around, heading quickly to his dorm, hoping to lose her and ignore her before she did everything in her power to set him off.

"I was talking to Riley," Maya said, just behind him attempting to keep up, but Josh was fast.

"Go away, Hart," he gritted out.

"You need to stretch more, loosen up," Maya suggested.

"No, I need you to stop getting on my nerves," Josh shot back.

Maya stepped in front of him, smirking as she faced him, walking backwards. "No matter how much time we spend together, you can never beat me."

"You want to spar right now?" Josh suggested, glaring down at her. His frustration was building up and he knew he would need an outlet soon if she continued testing him. His muscles were flexing under his shirt as he attempted to control himself, but Maya wasn't going to make things easy for him.

"Not until you get your act together," Maya said. She followed him as he opened his dorm door, and slid in behind him. "Riley says you need to get your act together and relax instead of making us all miserable."

"Would you shut up?!" He yelled. "Your voice is always in my head, nagging me! Be quiet!"

"Make me," Maya challenged, leaning her chest forward, her shoulders pushed back, and that was the last straw.

He didn't even know what he would do to her, but he was out of control and his instinctive actions shocked himself just as much as her.

Josh advanced on her, grabbing her by the waist as his lips crashed onto hers. She reached her arms up to hold around the back of his neck, raising up on her toes to keep herself fitted into his form.

Maya's lips were warm, and just as soft as he'd imagined. His skin burned hot where her fingers grabbed hold of him, seeming to pull him close enough to meld the two teenagers together into one.

He could barely breathe as he moved his hands up to her cheeks, holding her close. Nothing could describe the heat he was feeling bursting in his chest, his heart beating wildly out of control, the sweat on the back of his neck. A fog was clouding his mind; the only thing clear was the image of that beautiful blonde girl.

She broke the kiss, catching her breath. She stared up at his eyes, still holding his neck to keep him close enough to touch. Smirking, she bit her lip and said, "Took you long enough."

Josh growled in frustration, shaking his head as he leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers again, pulling her close by the hips. He knew this was wrong and he needed to stop, but his rational mind had left him and his body was being controlled by his emotions. He couldn't have stopped it if he wanted to.

Her shirt rode up a little above her jeans, and Josh's hand touched bare skin.

God, her skin was smooth and soft, warmer than his hands were, and he wondered if that meant his grasp was chilling her. The bigger part of him didn't care at all, as he pushed his hands further up her body.

"Maya," he groaned, feeling the heat between them getting too hot to bear.

She pushed away from him, her skin leaving his grasp as gravity let her shirt fall back to cover her stomach. The lack of contact left both teens craving more, but they knew they couldn't.

"163," Maya panted, glancing down at her heart monitor.

Josh raised his wrist, flipping it over to see his own heart rate. "147," he said, and Maya nodded, her skin flushed as she pushed her hair back from her face.

"We can't-"

"Do this," Josh finished, and Maya nodded, wiping sweat off her forehead.

"Not-"

"Right now," Josh agreed, and the flash of a smile flitted across her expression. "Maybe-"

"Later?" Maya finished the sentence this time, but she didn't give Josh a chance to start a new one before she was out the door, the only thing left behind her scent, imprinted on Josh's skin.

Chapter Text

("Boys, they're handsome and strong
But always the first to tell me I'm wrong
Boys try to tame me, I know
They tell me I'm weird and won't let it go."

"No, I'm fine, I'm lying on the floor again.
Cracked door, I always want to let you in.
Even after all that shit, I'm resilient."

"A princess doesn't cry
A princess doesn't cry
Burning like a fire, you feel it all inside,
But wipe your teary eyes."

"'Cause princesses don't cry.")

- CARYS, "Princesses Don't Cry"

May 2017

4th year, age 17

"Where have you been, lately?" Riley asked, throwing a punch at the foam pads Josh was holding on his hands.

"Watch your footwork," Josh noticed, not answering. "Your hips are frozen."

Riley twisted her body, loosening up her waist, before planting her feet and throwing her shoulder into her next punch. "I feel like I haven't seen you all month."

"I've been in meetings with administration, prepping for graduation and stuff," Josh dismissed.

"All the time?" Riley accused, narrowing her eyes as she threw another punch and then flipped around to swing a kick.

"I've been training with Maya in the mornings," Josh added. "Homework in the afternoons. Things keep getting faster, I've only got a month left." He threw the pads up to block his face when Riley swung another kick a little higher.

"I don't see Maya a lot anymore either," Riley recalled, thinking back over the past month. "Just in mocks and class sessions."

"Let's spar," Josh suggested, changing the subject as he put down the pads on a bench and began to stretch out his body. "I need the exercise."

"Do you remember that day in the gym in my first year?" Riley asked, stepping onto the sparring mat as Josh pulled off his sweatshirt.

"You're going to have to be way more specific," Josh pointed out, "considering we had about 365 of those in your first year."

"The day you pushed me to overextend myself," Riley clarified, straightening as Josh stepped onto the mat. "You made me do 95 when I should have been doing 80. Then I ended up in the infirmary."

"You were in the infirmary a lot in your first year," Josh pointed out, pausing in his speech as they began to spar and he took first shot offense, "you can't blame me."

"First year I was just trying to survive without looking like the weakling nepotism charity case," Riley argued, dodging a kick by turning around Josh and hitting him from behind.

"And now look at you," Josh said, grinning as he watched Riley plant a hand on the ground and flip under his raised leg before he could land a kick. He swiveled around to keep his eyes on her as she came up behind him, but before he could reorient, Riley had twisted his arm under him and pulled him around on the floor. He grunted at the position and seemed to mentally run over his options, before deciding on, "Yield."

Riley released his arms and sat back on her knees, brushing her hair out of her eyes and wiping sweat off her brow. Josh sat up, massaging his upper arm as he raised an eyebrow at his sister.

"Maya teach you that move?"

"Probably, last year or something." Riley considered a moment. "We haven't been sparring a lot recently. She always seems busy, I don't know."

Truthfully, Riley felt that Maya was hiding something from her. She and Maya had never had secrets from each other - just like she and Lucas didn't - because it hindered her ability to trust and their ability to work together. And Riley knew Maya didn't lie to her - it wasn't so much that Maya was a bad liar or a good liar, Riley just had a way of knowing when someone was being flat out untruthful. Sometimes it was an asset. Sometimes, a curse.

So even though Maya wasn't lying to her outright, something was off with her. Riley didn't doubt that she had homework and specialist training, but she always had. Riley and Maya used to do those together. They were opposites and held different strengths and weaknesses, which was why they worked so well together.

Riley tried not to think about it too hard; she and Maya didn't have to be together all the time, and she was probably just being paranoid. Maya was a hard worker, she always had been.

Plus, Maya seemed happier, and less stressed than she had been in past years. Their team was clicking well. They excelled in all their operations mocks, had passed recent mock separated interrogations, and Eric was just as happy as Riley at the fact that each of them were growing to know each other so well that they could predict their moves and words without hesitation. As for Farkle and Smackle, they never disappointed with their knowledge and competence in the moment of need. Riley had noticed them maturing, and though they still had some… social challenges, they didn't hinder their ability to be just what the team needed.

Everything was going perfect. Everyone was succeeding, everyone was getting along, everyone was accomplishing exactly what the intention of their team had been.

And so of course, that's when everything started to fall apart.

"I thought there was supposed to be some kind of ceremony," Lucas admitted, examining Josh's new badge before passing it over to Riley. "Like a high school graduation or something."

Opening the badge, Riley glanced inside to see Josh's photo and identification: "Supervisory Special Agent Joshua Matthews, ID number 2017002, Clearance level 8, Elite Peach".

"That's not really the Operations Academy's style," Josh admitted, taking the badge back.

The four were walking across campus back to their dorms to discuss their summer training and course plans in a private room after watching Josh receive his 'diploma equivalent'. Lucas seemed disappointed at the letdown, though Riley hadn't really expected much. They didn't go to a public school; they didn't even go to an actual high school. They were all there to be trained for one job, and once they were, they were immediately released into the system for assignments on a communications agent's caseload. It wasn't like there was an interview or a grace period, something else they had to do to become full agents. They had their clearance and they got the same assignments that older agents got.

"How does it feel to be a fully-fledged government spy, Supervisory Special Agent Joshua Matthews?" Maya asked teasingly, nudging his arm.

Josh snorted. "Honestly? Not that different from being an AIC."

"Not much change to look forward to then," Riley muttered, glancing away. There weren't many people out on the common grounds at the moment; most were either preparing to leave campus for the summer, receiving their badges, or just going about business as usual.

Lucas was right; it felt unceremonial to Riley. She didn't know why she expected some big change. And it was starting to feel like graduating and passing exit exams next year was just going to be like every year.

She wasn't going to feel any different - she wouldn't feel some sense of accomplishment, purpose. This was it.

It made her feelings on the future feel dull.

"Well, I think we need a celebration of our own," Maya announced, and Riley looked over at her best friend, taking her eyes off of her feet, that she had been focused on. The blonde looked around at the other three. "Anyone else in?"

Riley wasn't really in the mood for a celebration.

"Sorry, I have to go to the library to get the assigned books for my courses," Lucas apologized. "Summer classes start tomorrow. And I'm taking way too many. What are you taking again?"

"Just some tech and medics courses," Maya said. "I'm going to spend most of my time training. I did sign up for some special skill master classes though - aircraft piloting and aquatic vehicle operation."

"So you can take us anywhere," Riley suggested, smiling a little. "I'm just doing a few courses in my weakest languages. It's mostly online and independent coursework though."

"Then you can train with me," Maya suggested, grinning as she moved over to hook Riley's arm on her own.

Riley smiled briefly; maybe the future wasn't so bleak after all.

"I graduated," Josh reminded them bluntly, when they looked to him for his answer.

"Which brings me back to my original question," Maya lit up, "Riley, you up for celebration?"

"Mmm," Riley hummed, thinking it over. "I'm not really in the mood, and I've got some stuff to do. I'm sorry. You two have fun, though."

"Just you and me, then, Agent Matthews," Maya said, looking up at him. "Get ready for fun!"

"Oh great," Josh groaned as Maya pulled him away from the group towards whatever she had planned.

Now alone with Lucas, Riley kept her stride steady and tried not to make any moves to engage. Although they had been working fine together, they didn't talk much on their own outside of their classwork and training. Actually, Riley had been trying to keep her distance, emotionally. Letting herself go unchecked at the operations rave had been a mistake, and she didn't want to give Lucas the wrong impressions.

She had to keep herself from getting attached in the wrong ways.

Don't emotionally compromise yourself.

Nothing matters more than the job.

Distance yourself from the fight.

Actions are only motions.

There is no meaning and no reason to let feelings cloud your thoughts.

Keep your heart beating steady.

Stay focused.

"Do you want to come to the library with me?" Lucas offered, breaking the silence and pulling Riley out of her intense focus on the rules on repeat in her brain.

"Huh?"

"The library," Lucas gestured to their left, "it's this way."

Riley immediately realized that they had arrived at the place where they were to split up - the library was to their left, while the dorms were to the right. She was at a literal crossroads, and she wasn't going to make the wrong choice - the choice that could put herself at unnecessary risk.

"Actually, I have some things to finish in my room," Riley apologized. "But good luck."

Turning away before she could dwindle on his poorly hidden disappointment, she glanced down at her wristband to see her heart beating at 110 bpm.

'You're slipping, Matthews.' She clenched her jaw.

"I don't slip," she whispered to herself, speeding up in her walk towards her room. "I'm not weak, I'm not emotional, I focus."

'Then why is your heart beating so fast?' Her inner voice, which sounded suspiciously like her mother, berated her.

Choosing not to answer so she wouldn't look like a crazy person, she just bit her lip and moved. Actions are only motions.

She knew the rules.

She didn't break the rules.

She could pretend that it was her phone that had woken her up, but it wasn't, really. She had been sort of awake for a few hours; the emptying summer school campus made her feel less steady, somehow, and she hadn't been sleeping well since the academic year ended.

Her mom's name on the screen genuinely surprised her though; her mom didn't message her very often, and if she was messaging her it was something important. Not to mention how early it was. Sliding the message open, her eyes flitted over the words, and her eyes widened, as she sat up and flicked on the light.

'Riley,

August had a case of appendicitis yesterday and your father took him to the emergency room, where they removed it. He's doing fine; recovering well as expected. If you'd like to send him a message, I will relay it.

- Mom'

Something so invasive had never happened before, and considering how young Auggie was, Riley was worried. And she hated being worried. She wanted to go home to see him, make sure he was alright, but there was no way her mom would allow it. What the hell was she supposed to do?

She grabbed a sweater and left her room.

Riley hesitated in front of Maya's door, wondering if she was even awake yet. It was just shy of 5am, and she knew that, in the past, this was when both Maya and Josh had gone to the gym in the mornings.

She chewed on her lip as she contemplated whether or not to knock. Pulling her long sleeved sweater down further over her hands, she sighed and leaned her head against the wall next to Maya's door. She'd never felt this isolated before, and that was saying a lot.

But considering her recent feelings towards Lucas and Maya being busy all the time, it was kind of her fault.

"Definitely… trouble…"

Riley frowned at the words she was able to make out just faintly through the wall in Maya's voice. She pressed her ear closer, hoping to figure out who she was talking to at 5am.

"...if administration… the team?"

She wished Maya would speak louder, but she knew that was unlikely given the time. But the next voice she heard nearly made her heart stop.

"Team is too… administration isn't stupid," Josh said.

Riley's lips parted, her heart pounding in her chest, thinking of all the possibilities that could explain why her brother was in Maya's room at 5am, and only coming up with one that made sense.

"...need to go back to your room before…"

Riley jerked away from the wall at Maya's words, realizing they were about to step outside and see her. She glanced around, wondering if there was any place to hide, and quickly deciding that, no, she didn't want to hide. She wanted to get this out in the open. She wanted them to know that she knew.

So when the door opened and her brother stepped out into the hallway with his hair mussed, same t-shirt and jeans from yesterday, she stood plainly, staring up at the guy she had known her whole life, who had the most stunned expression that she had ever seen on him.

"Riley," escaped his breath, as a hand came up to rub over his mouth, his eyes wide.

"What?" She heard Maya ask from further into the room, as her footsteps traveled towards them until she appeared in the doorway behind him, her face going white.

In her peripheral vision, Riley took in Maya's messy just-woke-up hair and her thin short sleeved pajama t-shirt and shorts, but she didn't move her gaze from Josh's face. It felt like forever, that they all stood there silently, Riley only a few feet from the pair.

Riley had forgotten all about why she had come, and it didn't matter anymore anyways. She turned sharply on her heel and began to walk down the hallway towards her own dorm.

"Riley, wait!" She heard Maya's call and her footsteps running after her, but she didn't stop, not until Maya grabbed her arm.

"I knew you were hiding something from me," Riley accused, trying to keep the betrayal out of her voice as Maya stepped around in front of her to face her.

"I can explain, Riley, please," Maya begged.

Riley had never seen her friend so vulnerable, desperate. But she brushed it aside.

"You want to sleep with my brother? Great," Riley bit out. "Have fun, really. But I'll warn you about him only once. Because when he gets tired of this, whatever this is," she waved her hand up and down at Maya's outfit, "and starts to question if you're really worth throwing away his entire life's training for, don't come crying to me about a broken heart. If you really want to go down this path, don't be surprised when it ends on a cliff. Because there's no happy ending here. Certainly not with him."

"We didn't mean for this to happen," Maya tried.

"I don't want to hear it," Riley cut her off coldly. She and Maya stared face to face, eye to eye, as they traced each other's expressions that they were supposed to read like a book. Her best friend.

To her credit, Maya looked devastated. But that didn't mean she regretted it.

"How long have you been-"

"This is the first time, I swear," Maya answered the question before she could finish. Her eyes pleaded with Riley to understand. "We didn't plan it, it just happened."

"So you're going to stop then?" Riley pointed out, watching as Maya's face flickered in conflict. "Right."

Maya swallowed. "Riley, I just-"

"I hope it's worth it," Riley offered, brushing past Maya to continue down the hallway.

Maya didn't follow.

She was packing, for the first time in a long time. It had been years since she stayed at home for more than a week, and she knew that almost all her clothes left at home wouldn't fit her anymore, so she would need her leisure clothes from school. She'd probably have to go shopping when she got home, too, for some clothes that really fit her. Summer clothes.

She heard the knock on her door, but she didn't stop packing. "Go away, Josh."

"Open the door, Riley," Josh ordered, his voice muffled through the door.

"Why?" Riley snorted, picking up her toiletries and stuffing them into her bag.

"We need to talk," he replied.

Riley considered a moment, wondering what he would do if she simply ignored him. Would he stay there until she left the room, no matter how long it took?

"Riley," Josh warned, and Riley clenched her jaw before crossing the room and pulling open the door.

"You're not my mother," Riley stated, glaring up at him.

"And you're not mine, but we always do this, don't we?" Josh pointed out. "I got Mom's message. I assume that's what you were coming to tell Maya this morning?" He frowned, looking at the mess in the room and the half-packed bags. "Where are you going?"

"Home," Riley stated shortly.

He shook his head in a 'I'm tired of your over-dramatic reactions' expression. "You're not going home."

"Watch me," Riley shot back. She turned around to continue packing.

"Mom wouldn't let you go home for the entire summer," Josh challenged.

"What is she going to do?" Riley argued. "Chain me to a desk? Expel me? She needs me on this team, she's not going to throw away two years of work over one summer."

Josh pursed his lips. "About Maya, then."

"You want to make sure I'm not going to go and tattle on you?" Riley clarified sharply, purposefully using child words. "You jeopardize our team and you want me to keep quiet?"

"I'm calling in my favor," he declared, staring her in the eye.

"Favor," Riley shook her head. "That was over a year ago."

"And I'm calling it in now," Josh asserted, his arms crossing across his chest. "Don't tell the administration. Don't tell Lucas."

"Administration, fine," Riley agreed. "But Lucas is a member of our team."

"I don't care," Josh ordered. "This is my favor. Don't tell anyone."

A moment of silence passed before Riley shook her head slowly. "I wouldn't have expected this from you."

"Expected what?" Josh shot back.

"Breaking the rules, succumbing to an emotional complication," she said. "This isn't you. You're the perfect detached subject that Mom raised."

"You pushed me towards this," Josh said. "I never meant to get involved with her, but you told me that I needed to connect."

"This isn't what I meant," Riley disagreed.

"No, but it's what happened," Josh returned. "And I can't go back now. I can't forget what happened between us. I can't stop feeling this time." He turned to go, but Riley spoke.

"I thought I knew you."

Josh turned back halfway. "I did too."

"Riley. Grace. Matthews."

Riley knew that her mother was most dangerous when her voice went cold and slow, and she was expecting to get some sort of angry conversation with her mother when she got home, but she had reached a point where she didn't care. She needed to be home.

But here was Topanga Matthews, standing in front of her, radiating rage.

"What on earth," she asked, her jaw clenched, "makes you think that it's okay for you to leave campus without permission?"

"It's summer," Riley began to list, "I'm almost seventeen years old, and my brother was sick. He needed me." She stood up in front of her mother, using her height as a subconscious advantage over the woman. She was only about five inches taller than her, and with Topanga's tall heels, the advantage was more like one. But just the fact that Riley was taller than her mother would be enough.

"Stop this tantrum and go back to work," Topanga ordered. "You're not a little girl. You want to be an adult? Do your assignment."

"My assignment says nothing about a requirement to stay at school all summer," Riley argued. "I've read through all the papers. You know whose signature is on the bottom of them?"

"Yours," Topanga interrupted, narrowing her eyes. "You have a job to do. Do it."

"Topanga," a call came from across the room, and both women turned to Cory. "We really need to talk."

"Not now," Topanga shot him down, focusing back on Riley.

"Now," Cory objected, getting up. "Let's go. Our room."

Topanga wavered, obviously not wanting to leave the situation until she had gotten what she wanted. She was Topanga Matthews. She always got what she wanted.

Riley let her gaze fall to the ground, giving her mother the release from the argument she needed to push her towards her husband.

"This conversation isn't over," she declared, before leaving the room to follow her husband.

Riley took a deep breath in and out, before gently perching down on the couch again. She put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands, and counted her heartbeats, not needing to look at her wristband to know that she was way out of control.

She had thought she had a handle on her emotions. But her mother always seemed to remind her that no matter how long she tried, she would never face up to Topanga Matthews.

She didn't care this time though. Auggie needed her, she didn't need to be on campus for her courses, and she needed space from the bombshell that Josh and Maya had dropped. She didn't want to be caught in the debris. She didn't want to add to it.

There was nothing for her at school right now, and she was staying home this summer.

Chapter Text

("Girls, so pretty and poised,
And soft to the touch.
But god made me rough.
Girls, so heavy the crown,
They carry it tall.
But it's weighing me down."

"A princess doesn't cry.
A princess doesn't cry.
Over monsters in the night, don't waste our precious time
On boys with pretty eyes."

"I'm fine, I won't waste my time.
Keep it in a jar and we'll leave it for the next one.
I'm fine, I won't waste my time.
Keep it in a jar and we'll leave it for the next one.
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm lying on the floor again.")

- CARYS, "Princesses Don't Cry"

June 2017

5th year, age 17

"What do you mean, she left?" Maya asked, bewildered. "She doesn't leave the academy. Ever."

"She's freaked out, Maya," Josh groaned, rubbing his palm over his face. "And she's being dramatic. She'll get over it."

"She's furious with me," Maya pointed out softly. She stared down at her bare feet, legs pulled up to her chest as she sat on her bed watching Josh pace through her room. Josh didn't seem too worried - more annoyed.

Maya was terrified. Not that she would be caught for breaking the rules, or because she was doing something crazy by sleeping with her team leader. She was terrified that Riley would never forgive her for this.

Rubbing her temples with her fingers, she closed her eyes as she tried to stop an oncoming headache that would definitely be coupled with nausea. She couldn't get Riley's face out of her mind. She didn't even look really furious. It would be better if Riley would yell at her, scream, be mad. Instead, Riley had looked betrayed, hurt, and disappointed, and instead of a real confrontation, she had left the school to avoid her.

Why did it hurt so much more?

She knew that the reason Riley was reacting like this was because this was who she was, and Maya had betrayed her where it hurt. Riley's biggest personality trait - the thing that made Maya love her - was her love and trust for people, all the chances she gave, despite the things people did. And Maya had taken advantage of it - the benefit of the doubt that Riley always gave her.

It made her feel awful inside.

And Riley leaving for the summer was part of her personality too - she didn't like confrontation, she didn't like being angry. Rather than give Maya the cold shoulder or yell at her, she had simply decided to leave altogether.

But Riley was Maya's best friend - only friend, really. Sure, Lucas was great and he was part of her team, but Maya didn't spend time with Lucas on their own except for partner work. And Josh…

She squeezed her eyes tighter, watching the shapes swirl inside her lids.

"Maya."

Opening her eyes, she stared up at Josh, who was standing right in front of her.

"What are you doing?"

Maya sighed, letting her legs slip down to hit the ground. "I'm thinking." She stood up and pushed past him to the other side of the room. "I'm stressed. Riley and I… she's like everything to me. You couldn't really understand."

"She's going to be fine, Maya," Josh sighed, "I promise. I've known my little sister for seventeen years, and she takes time to process things but then she's fine."

"Was this a mistake?" Maya almost whispered, her eyes flicking to Josh's.

Josh's eyebrows creased down. "I don't think so. It's not like we're really jeopardizing the team, right? We're not creating an emotional complication. You and I get out the hormones that hold us back."

"We've both been much more productive in the last few weeks," Maya agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"This is normal, it's healthy, it's a stress relief that's a lot more effective for me, at least," Josh admitted. He met eyes with her. "But if you think it's a mistake, it doesn't have to happen again. No hard feelings; no strings attached, right?"

"Right," Maya mused softly, chewing her lip.

This physical relationship was impacting her emotions too, but she wasn't quite sure how, yet. She didn't know if what she felt about Josh emotionally was that of a friend, a coworker, a teammate, or something more. And she didn't want to stop before she found out.

"Riley will be fine, I promise," Josh repeated, seeming to read her mind.

Maya had to let herself believe that. Because if she didn't, she was making a mistake, and she couldn't accept that.

"This is stressing me out," Maya decided, pulling off her sweater. "Let's do something about it, please."

Josh frowned, crossing his arms. "Maya, are you-"

"Now," Maya repeated firmly, pushing him backwards and feeling herself start to ramp up at the change in Josh's eyes.

She needed this.

He needed this.

A net positive activity couldn't be bad.

Right?

"I went to ask Riley if she wanted to spar this morning," Lucas informed Maya over their lunch, "but she wasn't in her room."

Maya hesitated in her eating, turning the statement - which was really a question - over in her mind, before deciding on, "Yeah, her brother was sick so she went home."

"Oh," Lucas replied in surprise. "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"I don't," Maya stated shortly, putting a bite of food into her mouth.

Lucas studied her for a moment, his expression somewhere between worried and confused, and Maya resisted the urge to shrink under his gaze. She tried to think of something else to say to remove some suspicion, but she knew how complicated this situation was.

If she told Lucas what was going on between her and Josh, he might tell administration - he seemed the type, and even though they'd been working together for years, she couldn't actually predict what he would do about the serious rule break they were committing. And if he did tell administration, they might suspend her and Josh, or expel them, or remove them from their team. On the other hand, if she didn't tell Lucas, she was deliberately lying to her team member and he might find out anyways, on his own. Riley might even tell him. And it could severely damage their trust in the team.

"Do you know where Josh is?" Lucas asked, moving on without another accusation. "He didn't tell me he was missing lunch."

"Back to back meetings with instructors and administration," Maya answered, taking another bite of her lunch.

"I can't believe we graduate next May," Lucas mused, taking a bite of his own lunch. "It feels like just yesterday we were assigned to this team."

"Time goes by fast when you're super busy," Maya agreed.

Maya was just hoping the summer went by fast too.

Maya had never paid much attention to other students - the team were her only real peers since so much of their course track was team-focused and private training. Not that she had had any friends before joining the team. She had done group work in academic classes, and that was pretty much the extent of her teamwork.

Until Riley Matthews was assigned as her training partner, and she was placed on this team.

This family.

Maya was staring down at the photos she had locked in her phone, the few records she still held from the life before this. A total of four pictures with happiness and parents she could barely remember. Had it even been real?

In the first, Maya was a day old. She was curled in her mom's arms, and Katy was staring down at her with a shine in her eyes that Maya had always felt left her right after. Her hair was frazzled and her face was exhausted, but the pure joy in her gaze as she stared at the baby in her arms was so raw that it felt like something out of a movie.

In the second, Maya was five. Blonde hair wild around her face, she was laughing at something her dad had said, as he held her up above his head, probably in the middle of spinning her around, or tossing her in the air. Like a normal dad, in a normal family.

The third, Maya could actually remember being taken. It was in the final days before her dad left, and it was the last photo she had ever taken or seen of him. She was seven, and although she was sitting on a bench between both her parents, whose arms were hugged around her, she could see the fractures in their smiles. Maybe she had known back then or maybe she hadn't, but everything broke. Her family broke.

The last photo, Maya had taken herself. She had been eleven, and she wanted proof so she would never forget. Her mom sitting on the kitchen floor, dazed and high, bruises on her face and arms that she could obviously no longer feel - not with the amount of drugs in her system. Her blonde hair was stringy around her thin face, and Maya had taken the picture, not caring if her mother knew it was being taken. She had wanted to remember what her mother looked like at her lowest point. She wanted to make sure she never looked that way herself.

It really did feel like a different life.

Maybe Maya had been close with her family at one point in her life. Maybe she had been a happy child. Or maybe it had all just been an illusion that she couldn't see through until she was old enough.

Maya had hardened to it all the moment that her mom dropped her off at that military school. She'd held everything on her shoulders for her mother while she just deteriorated and didn't care, and then in the end, Katy abandoned her completely. No second thought, no visits or calls or letters.

And so she bottled every feeling she ever had about that woman in a jar and tried to lock it somewhere up inside where it couldn't be found. She tried to pretend it was all fake and gone and none of it mattered.

But her team, her real family, it wasn't fake. It mattered. It was everything.

Riley was everything.

This was the first time she had cared so deeply and wrecked it all. And she had no idea how to handle it. After all, they were taught not to care about anything, see everything as a mission, have no emotional attachments.

But then they were put on a team and expected to grow up together, and learn each others' minds so well that they could predict anything they would do. It all felt like a trick, a game of some kind.

And she was losing it.

Chapter Text

("Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year
And terrors don't prey on
Innocent victims
Trust me, darling, trust me, darling."

"So look me in the eyes
Tell me what you see
Perfect paradise
Tearing at the seams
I wish I could escape
I don't wanna fake
Wish I could erase
Make your heart believe."

"But I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know
Now you know
I'm a bad liar, bad liar
Now you know, you're free to go.")

- Imagine Dragons, "Bad Liar"

July 2017

5th year, age 17

"This is definitely against the rules," Farkle reminded Lucas as he tapped on his computer keyboard, his eyes flicking lightning fast across the screen. "I could get in trouble."

"Come on Farkle," Lucas sighed, leaning over him as he looked at whatever it was that Farkle was doing to get into the records system. "It's not like you're doing something illegal. You're just retrieving an address. Easy, right?" Lucas paused. "I could have asked Smackle; she's the tech expert-"

"Leave Smackle out of this," Farkle cut in annoyedly, not looking up from the screen.

Lucas raised one eyebrow but didn't say anything. In the mock missions and meetings that the team had had with their Science & Tech contacts, he had definitely noticed how Farkle seemed to be incredibly protective of his female counterpart - although whether that was because of her age, her social oblivion, or something else, Lucas wasn't sure.

"Why not just ask Josh?" Farkle pointed out. "It's his home too."

"He's not going to approve of me leaving campus," Lucas reminded him, amazed at how quickly Farkle could do this. "But I gotta know what's going on."

"How will you even get there?" Farkle asked.

"Bus," Lucas shrugged. "I'm willing to make the trip. Besides, she got there didn't she? It can't be that far."

"You're going to make this mistake and I can't stop you," Farkle sighed, resigned as he clicked something and Lucas felt his wrist buzz. "Sent the address to your phone and wrist band. Good luck."

Lucas frowned down at the line of text. "This can't be right," he muttered, before looking up at Farkle. "This address is like a twenty minute walk off campus."

Farkle shrugged. "That's the address on file for Riley and Josh."

Lucas stared down at his phone. "Then I don't know why…" He left the statement hanging as he picked up his bag and headed for the door out of Farkle's dorm. "Thanks Farkle."

"If I get caught I'm selling you out!" Farkle called just before Lucas closed the door.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Lucas scanned the line of names next to call buttons, noticing 'Matthews' next to 3B. So he clicked 3A - 'Irene Johnson'. Irene was a pretty old name.

"Hey, I'm supposed to come see my aunt but I lost my key, she's not answering and I'm worried, can you buzz me in?" Lucas lied in a rush, profiling the woman as a trusting elderly who cared for others.

"Oh, yes, of course," came the reply through the intercom. "Please come up, I hope she's alright!"

As the buzzer went off and the door clicked open, Lucas slipped in, feeling slightly guilty for taking advantage of an old woman - but also a little proud that his psych profiling training had worked. He took the steps two at a time, and before he was actually ready he found himself in front of the Matthews' apartment door.

Now that he was here, he was seriously thinking twice about this. This behavior was dangerously close to stalker activity - not to mention going behind Josh's back, and getting Farkle to break the rules for him.

But he was already here, so he rang the doorbell and glanced down at his rapidly increasing heartbeat. When the door opened, Lucas realized, one second too late, that there was a chance he would come face to face with Director Matthews.

When Riley's face stared back at him instead, he felt relatively better. Relatively.

"What the hell are you doing here, Friar?" Riley accused, her eyes wide at seeing him, of all people, on her doorstep.

Lucas felt like three seconds lasted hours as he stared at Riley, his mind taking in a flash of her appearance and analyzing causes and effects.

Riley Matthews was wearing a dress. A yellow, sun dress with a tight bodice and loose short sleeves, and a skirt that fell in soft folds down to her knees. Her hair was loose too, much longer than Lucas would have expected - it fell all the way past her bosom. Lucas felt like he was looking at an opposite twin of his teammate, not the girl he'd known and learned everything about for the past three years.

"You left me hanging with no explanation," Lucas pointed out, coming out of his short lived observing haze to answer her question. "You also didn't really answer any emails." He'd meant the statements to come out neutral or as an implied question, but he realized quickly that the words he'd used sounded like an angry accusation.

Apparently, Riley agreed. Her eyes narrowed a little. "It was a fast decision; when I heard my little brother was sick I left that day."

A pause strayed between the two.

"I didn't realize your family lived so…" Lucas glanced around the room, "close."

Riley's eyes fell to the floor, the slight anger dissipating.

"I guess, the way you always talked about home, it seemed so far away," Lucas suggested.

"Not far, just… distant," Riley explained quietly, hugging her arms around herself. "Auggie isn't allowed to come to the academy until he's admitted, and my dad is a middle school teacher. And when he's not working, he's the full time parent for a nine year old, so, you know."

"They're busy," Lucas concluded. "When Maya told me your little brother was sick, I kind of expected you would be back soon."

"I decided to stay here for the summer," Riley admitted vaguely.

When she turned to lead Lucas further into the house, he followed, ending up in her bedroom, to his shock. The room seemed so different from the Riley he knew; the serious Riley was a total contrast to the bright, happiness of her home bedroom. The walls were a pale purple that matched her bedding - also printed with flowers. The curtains around the large window were a pastel orange color, the vanity was an odd purple and green combination, the shaggy carpet was a teal green, and even the desk chair was a bright blue color. The colors weren't the only thing that was shocking; the decoration was so exciting and comforting at the same time that Lucas almost felt at home. Patterned throw blankets and pillows, art and photos of her and her family and friends when she was younger on the walls, little tchotchkes on her desk and jewelry on top of her dresser all made the room have a personality that Lucas just didn't see in Riley.

Of course, Riley hadn't really lived in this room since she was a preteen, so it would make sense that it had a preteen-style. It would make sense her personality had changed, but the room had not changed to match.

"Your room is really nice," Lucas said, and Riley flushed red.

"We're only in here so we can talk privately," she insisted, evidently humiliated for some reason. "Nothing you see here can leave the room."

Lucas frowned. "You mean metaphorically, right? Because I wasn't going to steal-"

"Metaphorically." Riley stared in his eyes. "You can't talk about my home life or my room or family when we're at school. Got it?"

Bewildered at her adamant insistence, he nodded. "Why would you care who knew about your childhood bedroom?"

"It's not just…" Riley trailed off, shaking her head as her eyes fell to her hands, resting in her lap over the skirt of her yellow sun dress.

Lucas really looked at her, then, past the initial shock of her different look, and saw the things he didn't before. The flared sleeves of the dress. The bright colors she was wearing. The curls in her hair, for once let down out of a tie. The layered necklaces and stud earrings, the pale pink color on her glossed nails, it all was too detailed for her to just throw on a dress from a few years back. Riley had worked hard on this outfit, cared about the little details of what she was wearing, and just that fact made her seem both more relaxed, and more anxious at the same time.

"This is who you really are," Lucas realized slowly.

Riley shifted uncomfortably. "Not… not fully. I have a mild dissociative identity disorder - not like two different people, but two drastically different versions of the same one. I developed the one who you know over a few years of… struggles." She seemed to be struggling to find the right words, and she still hadn't looked up from her lap. "Sometimes it feels like that version of me really is a different person, though. Psychology class says that girl protects this one," she added, referring to her current self, "from everything I put myself through at the academy."

"That does not sound healthy." Truthfully, Lucas was struggling to get what she was talking about. He couldn't imagine being two different people - two different personalities - with the consciousness that he was one of two.

"I didn't deal well with change, so I created someone who did - someone who could change and mold, separate from me," Riley said slowly. "So I didn't… lose me."

"You never evolved." Lucas blinked. "You never grew up. At least, this you didn't."

"And that's why I hide her," Riley pointed out softly.

Riley was now using 'her' to refer to two different sides of herself, and it was mixing up in Lucas's head - although he understood, at the very least, that Riley was actually opening up to him, with something she was terrified of exposing. It was more than he had ever seen in her, especially since, in the last few weeks, she seemed to have been withdrawing into herself. As if she were hiding.

On the verge of a psychotic break.

And suddenly, Lucas understood why Riley had decided to move home for the summer. She needed time to let her mind go through this and reset, without having to force herself into the… Lucas thought a moment. The dark Riley, he realized. The one he knew was the dark version of herself, in pretty much every sense of the word.

"Please say something," Riley whispered, and Lucas realized that he had been staring silently at the floor for several minutes. "You think I'm crazy." She rose quickly, moving away from him.

"No, I don't," Lucas rushed to assure her, standing to grab her arm and halt her. "You're…" Now he was struggling to find the right words. "You reacted to the situation you were put in. Not by choice, none of this was by choice. Not the situation, not the school, not the reaction. You…" he paused, "you had no control, so you created something you could control."

"Now you're just reciting psychology texts," Riley cracked a smile, and Lucas's chest lifted a little in relief.

Relief that he had made her feel a little less crazy, at the very least.

"Well what are those classes for anyways?" He pointed out, smiling back. He paused to think for a moment. "You're not crazy, Riley, you're strong. I've known that since the first time I met you, the girl who didn't give up, manipulated me into accepting your help. Sure, you made some stupid decisions," Lucas thought back to Riley sparring on broken limbs, "but they were all to protect you, your personalities. This isn't coming out right," he realized, closing his eyes.

"Lucas," Riley murmured, and Lucas opened his eyes to see Riley's two inches from his. "I… I have to admit something."

Lucas couldn't breathe; this was the first time he had been this close to Riley, face to face, not in a sparring or acting exercise, but real. He could feel the warmth coming off her body and smell the vanilla scent of her hair, and looking into her eyes he could see a girl he realized he was just now getting to know.

"I… wasn't that drunk."

Immediately understanding, Lucas's mind shot back to the night of the Operations party.

"My mom hates me, and my dad and my brothers are scared of her. No one cared enough, and I stopped caring too. What the hell was I supposed to do? Why did you have to show up?"

"What do you mean?"

"Not caring is easier after you get used to it. I don't want to care about you."

"You care about me?"

"You care about me. You're the only one. But I'm not supposed to care about you. I was better at lonely."

"You wanted me to know," Lucas said softly, just loud enough for the words to carry the few inches between them.

"You were the only one who cared enough to listen," Riley repeated, her eyes staring deeply into his, so deep he was sure she could see into his soul.

"I needed to make sure you were okay," Lucas insisted, breaking eye contact to let his gaze fall down. "Ever since I broke your arm. I told you about why I was sent to prison, Riley. I didn't know what I was doing that day, and the moment I thought I didn't know what I was doing with you I was scared you'd get hurt." He took a deep breath. "That fear hasn't gone away. The longer we spend together, working together, growing together, the more I want to know about you - to make sure all of you is okay."

"Lucas." When he looked into her eyes, he could see them glassing over. "I'm not allowed to emotionally complicate myself."

"I know."

"You have to go back to the academy."

"I know."

He could almost see the numbness setting back in; the Riley he knew, the one who didn't let anyone in was coming back, and it was his fault. He had come here, he'd brought the academy with him. And it seemed like there was nothing he could do; just watch as the girl in the yellow sun dress began to fade away. He had to break this loop.

He moved slowly, to not startle her, to not shock her into whatever change was happening. Her eyebrows furrowed as the seconds stretched into hours, his eyes begging her to just trust him. And the last bits of the girl in the yellow sun dress did, understanding what he was intending, what he was trying to do, the moment that his lips brushed softly against hers.

He was desperately hoping that doing something that would never happen at the academy would distance her, and him, from the mindset she was falling into. All he could do was hope as he closed his eyes and fitted his mouth to the shape of hers, feeling the relief and comfort in what he now realized he'd been aching to do. He felt like he was on the right path, when her right hand came up to rest on his shoulder and her palm pressed lightly against the fabric of his shirt, a grounding motion.

This was against all the rules of the Operations academy.

But they weren't at the academy right now.

As he broke contact and moved his head back, he could feel the worry set back in as she stared at him. If he had just made the wrong move, done something that would damage her, he'd never forgive himself. It felt like hours until Riley finally spoke.

"This isn't allowed," she whispered softly, before rising up on her toes and touching her lips to his again.

He felt every emotion he'd been lacking since the day he nearly killed that boy flooding through him all at once, and it was all he could do not to push more. Her hand was shaking a little, and he knew that she was probably experiencing too many emotions right now too.

And then he realized he hadn't let go of her hand, this whole time.

Chapter Text

("It's just me, myself, and I
Solo ride until I die
Cause I've got me for life."

"I don't need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul."

"I don't need anything
To get me through the night
Except the beat that's in my heart
Yeah it's keeping me alive."

"I don't need anything
To make me satisfied
Cause the music does me good
And it gets me every time.")

- G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha, "Me, Myself & I"

August - October, 2017

5th year, age 17

Coming back to the academy was one of the worst decisions she didn't get to make, and she dreaded it all summer.

Spending time with her dad and Auggie all summer, feeling comfortable and relaxed and like her old self, felt like a breath of fresh air that she had been craving since before she'd been placed on the team. She and her mom skirted each other somehow; her mom was at the academy every day working and being the director, and whenever she was home, Riley did her best to stay out of her way. She knew her mom was still seething about Riley's little act of rebellion, but when she was with her dad and her brother, she was able to push it from her mind.

Push everything - her mom's anger, Josh and Maya's… thing, the thought of going back to school - out of her mind, even if it was just temporarily.

But the one thing she couldn't seem to push out of her mind was Lucas.

Riley had no experience with relationships - she was too young to even think about it when she had been in public school, and it was forbidden at the academy. She realized that it was unlikely that every student in the entire school was completely celibate, and many were probably breaking the rules in secret, but she had never really cared, nor considered it herself. She was too busy pushing herself as hard as she could - taking extra classes, extra training, working every minute of every day until her head hit the pillow. She had no time to even think about it.

But, no, that wasn't true. She had been thinking about Lucas for a while - enough that she did her best to not think about him.

So when she was forced to return to the academy, she knew Lucas would want to talk. And Maya would want to talk. And Josh would want to talk.

Basically, she was walking into the most stressful few weeks of her life, and for once, it wasn't about school work.

Her dorm room was the only place she allowed herself to talk to herself, because even though it helped her work out her own feelings and thoughts, she looked crazy when she did it in public.

"I don't need Lucas, or Maya, or Josh," she murmured to herself as she unpacked her duffle bag and put things away in drawers. "I can't control them or what they do. I can only control me. I only need me."

She stilled when she pulled out a dress that she had meant to leave behind. Walking briskly over to the dresser, she balled it up and shoved it deep under her clothes. She wasn't able to go back home, so it would just have to hide in her room.

"You're not here, you're not allowed here," she berated the 'other side' of herself quietly, continuing to unpack her things. "You stay at home, and your feelings about him stay at home too."

A knock came at her door and she jumped, knocked out of her self dialogue. Her feet carried her to the door without too much direction on her part, and she came face to face with the first of three conversations she had to have: Lucas.

"I emailed, I texted," was Lucas's first statement, and Riley took a controlled breath.

"I was trying not to think about the academy, I got busy with my family."

"But you couldn't even shoot me a simple text?" Lucas protested, following her into her room. She could feel his eyes studying her, probably putting together her clothes and tied back hair and realizing that 'school Riley' was back. "We kissed."

"No we didn't," Riley shook her head, "we're not allowed to."

"Riley, you can't seriously play the 'you kissed an entirely different version of me' thing," Lucas groaned. "You are you, and you kissed me. I need to know what you're thinking about."

"I'm thinking that we're not allowed to do anything like that ever again," Riley stated shortly, trying to seem busy as she picked up things on her desk and put them down again. "We weren't at the academy when it happened, so we went through a loophole and I don't think we'd get in trouble if administrations found out, but it happened, and it's done, and it's not happening again."

He studied her again, seeming to look through her and she could almost see the gears turning in his head.

"I can't get in trouble, I can't break the rules, and neither can you." Riley dropped her eyes to the floor.

"I don't want to get expelled, not when we're so close to graduation," Lucas agreed. Another breath of silence passed. "So I'm not going to break the rules."

Riley's eyes flicked up; she had been expecting something more complicated, an argument perhaps.

"But."

There it was.

"I can't focus on school and training if I'm worrying about ambiguity," Lucas pressed. "So I'm going to say this, and I don't expect you to answer."

Riley waited, her heart beating hard and increasing in speed. She flicked each finger against her thumb, over and over again, a calming technique.

"I've spent the last several years pushing myself in the same way that you have. Pushing myself to be better, to get stronger, faster, smarter than anyone else in this school. But we were put on this team together, and your assignment was to gain our trust, and you did. You got close to each of us individually, emotionally, intellectually. We all trust you. If it came down to it, I'd trust you with my life."

Riley let out a tiny breath, her eyes meeting his as she waited for him to continue.

"But at the same time you shut yourself down to any emotions or connections, and I've watched it happen. You don't fully trust any of us - not when you can't feel anything. I've spent the last few years trying to understand you, and help you open up the way you helped each of us, and in the process I've broken the first rule. I've emotionally compromised myself regarding you, and psychologically, it means that my first instinct will be to put you ahead of any of the others on our team, which is exactly why that rule is in place. So I'm going to force myself to ignore it, and I'm going to graduate, and I'm going to be a member of this team." His eyes bored into hers, and she almost felt like she couldn't blink; if she did, he might stop. "But you need to know that I care about you, and I'll always be here to help you, and I won't stop trying to help you. You don't have to be afraid I'll break the rules, because I won't. But," he took a breath, taking one step forward, "when we graduate and we're no longer on campus, you'll know I'll do anything you'll ask regarding us. You're the first and only girl I've ever cared about in this way, and I don't see that changing any time soon. So Riley, I'll wait as long as it takes. Until the time is right."

Riley took in a deep shuddering breath, becoming abruptly aware that her own arms were hugging tightly around her body. But by the time she looked up again, Lucas was gone.

"I'll wait too," she whispered to the empty room around her.

Conversation two: Maya.

She avoided being alone with Maya for as long as she could - three weeks and two days, to be exact. She worked out on her own at odd hours, never lingered around after classes and team meetings, and ate alone in her room. It was a relief that she didn't have to worry about Lucas trying to get close to her or break the rules, but even when they worked together she could feel the tension in the air.

He didn't know how she felt about him, because she didn't want to know how she felt about him. And he attempted to act like nothing had happened between them, even as Riley felt the sexual tension between Josh and Maya thickening in a much more intense way.

She couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite, but she kept clinging to that mantra of 'it wasn't at the academy, we didn't break the rules' in her mind. It was all she had left.

The class focuses were laid out a week in advance, with spar partners and mock sessions planned out so each team member knew when they needed to be somewhere, and Riley and Maya were scheduled for a mock together. Alone, together.

She showed up early, alone, and stuck her stimulator to the back of her neck before leaning down to adjust her boots. Eric, standing a few feet away programming the mock, watched.

"I don't know what's going on with you guys, but whatever it is-"

"There's nothing going on with us," Riley interrupted, not looking up.

Eric narrowed his eyes. "As your instructor, I have to be able to read between the lines with all of you. I don't know what happened, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to. But I need to make sure you can still do your job while whatever it is plays out - you need to be productive even as you work through internal things."

"I understand," Riley replied quietly, standing up as Maya entered the room and pulled her stimulator from the wall.

"Thanks for joining us," Eric said. He threw the screen from his tablet in his hands up to the large monitor above him, and both Maya and Riley studied the floor plan of the mock. "Unlike previous mocks, in this one you'll be costumed."

"Costumed?" Maya asked blankly.

"When you're working at public events, you'll need to be able to complete missions in various outfits," Eric explained. He opened the cabinets behind him and pulled out some dresses from the many outfits hanging on racks.

"Did you know that was there?" Maya asked Riley, and Riley didn't answer.

"All of these clothes are meant for mocks, and they're tailored to your sizes," Eric explained. He handed the long red dress to Maya, and she took it distastefully, heading towards the prep room to change.

"This one is yours," Eric said, handing Riley a body-con dress in a purple color.

Riley was not looking forward to trying to run and/or fight in this.

When Maya came out of the prep room wearing the dress, Riley felt that somehow they were matched in their unfortunate wardrobes. Maya's dress was tight at the bodice, but the skirt fell all the way down to her ankles and was held out by some under-skirt.

"Please tell me we're not wearing heels," Maya begged.

"You'll be barefoot for this mock, but in the next few weeks we will be starting more formal training," Eric informed them.

After Riley had changed, Eric handed them their cover profiles, and both their stares zeroed in on the phrase on top: domestic couple.

Riley and Maya had played a lesbian couple before in the emotional disconnection unit and in other cover building and acting courses, but now was the worst time for them to have to play this part in a mock.

"This is a New Year's Eve party mock," Eric began to explain. "A technology company has one of our scientists captured and being forced to work with them. You've gotten intel that the agent is being held off site and the only way to find his location is through a server located at the company's headquarters - where a ball is being held in celebration of the New Year for all employees and various stockholders and partners. Find the server, place the trace you'll have in your coat, and our technology agents will hack the server wirelessly from the base."

"So we're not rescuing a hostage?" Maya clarified.

"No, but you'll have to get through some security and skirt guards to get into the right room. This mock is low-contact, mostly cover building. Good luck."

The room faded into the mock, and Riley closed her eyes for a moment to orient herself, before opening them to view the room. They were in a line, waiting to get through security to get into the party, and as Riley took off her coat to put in the basket before going through the metal detector, she felt the pocket for the trace. Hopefully it wasn't made of metal.

Luckily, they got through security without any problems, and Riley watched as hers and Maya's coats were taken to the coat check.

"We'll have to get the trace back from my coat," Riley muttered to Maya.

"We should locate the general area of the server first," Maya replied.

"Let's split up," Riley suggested, heading away from Maya before she could respond.

Riley made her way towards the bar, using her peripheral vision to scan for headsets and earpieces. There was no way that she and Maya were the only people working this party, and sure enough, she spotted several earpieces on dress-clad women, only slightly covered by their hair. Security guards were posted at doors leading out of the large ballroom, and Riley counted four exits, not including the door she and Maya had come in through.

The first hallway she went down led only to bathrooms; she hadn't really been expecting to find something in a hallway that wasn't closely guarded anyways. That left three other exits, and she needed to figure out which was the correct one without checking each one.

She had picked up a drink from a nearby waiter and was casually watching the room around her, noting who went where and when. Two guards came out of the doors farthest from her, and she put her drink down to focus on what they were doing.

Then someone grabbed her arm and swept her onto the dance floor.

She was just as versed in the waltz as Maya, but the sudden start made her fumble a little as she stepped around her big skirt. Maya tipped her head towards her shoulder, reminding Riley to put her hand there, and Riley did.

As they twirled on the dance floor, Riley's hand clasped in Maya's, their heads moved closer together, foreheads meeting to speak quietly.

"Someone was watching you," Maya murmured, and she spun them a different way, flicking her eyes towards a man near the drinks.

Riley glanced at him for one moment. "What did you find out?"

"Exit on the far right is most likely what we're looking for."

Riley nodded. That had been the door she was eyeing too. "Too many guards to enter. You have a plan?"

Maya lifted her head to look at the door again before they spun away around another couple. She came back down and pressed her cheek against Riley's, so her lips were against her ear. "I'm going to start a small fire."

Riley's eyes widened, and she whispered back against Maya's ear. "Where?"

"Drinks table." Maya pressed Riley back the other way.

Riley nodded. "I'll give you a few minutes to start the fire and draw attention."

"And then I'll meet you in the hall."

The pair broke off in sync, Maya heading for the drinks table and Riley moseying along the other direction. It didn't take long for the yell to come, and in the rush of people, Riley slipped into the previously guarded exit.

She walked briskly, intending to look as though she was supposed to be there, if she encountered anyone. As she passed doorways, she flicked a glance into the windows, not stopping her pace until she found the correct one. She nearly missed the room, though, and she turned back on her heel to open the door and find a room of halls and halls of machinery. Great.

She was wishing she had Smackle, right about now.

"I got the trace, it has a code on it," Maya muttered, showing up next to Riley.

Riley grabbed it and studied the code; it was more like a location. She looked up at the room again. The room was divided into numbered aisles, with lettered sections. It didn't take her long to find the correct place, but as she studied the server, Maya's head snapped towards the doorway.

Footsteps became clear, coming closer - security. Riley and Maya glanced at each other for a split second, before Maya swept her skirt around the equipment to hide it as she took Riley by the face and pressed her lips to hers. As if on cue, the bells began to ring for midnight, and the security person's footsteps got louder, entering the room as Maya adjusted her movements, one hand on Riley's lower back and the other on her shoulder. Riley reached up to hold Maya by the back of the neck as their lips moved in sync, selling the make-out session like their lives depended on it.

Anyone looking on the outside would believe that Riley and Maya were the most in-love couple at this ball, and Maya pulled Riley's body closer to hers, eyeing the security guard who had come into view. Riley got her look at the slack-jawed security guard as Maya adjusted her position to press kisses down Riley's neck. Riley breathed hard, mocking arousal, and smirked at the security guard.

"Do you mind? We came in here for some privacy," she raised her eyebrows, and just as she had expected, the security guard turned away reluctantly, apparently attempting to be professional despite his job to protect the server or whatever.

Once they could no longer hear the footsteps, Maya let go of Riley's back and moved away, keeping her eyes on Riley. Riley avoided her gaze, bending down and moving Maya's skirt out of the way to place the trace in the correct place. She watched it, hoping her cheeks weren't burning as hot as she felt.

When the lights blinked green, she stood up and nodded to Maya. Mustling their hair up a bit to sell the make-out session purpose, they exited the room and darted down the hallways to enter the main ballroom.

"Coats," Riley said, and Maya took the ticket to the coat check as Riley weaved her way towards the exit to proceed to security. As she reached the front of the line, Maya met her with their coats. Before they could make it into the security process, though, the mock began to fade out, and Maya and Riley found themselves in the center of the mock room.

"Well done," Eric called as they headed towards the front of the room. "You completed your mission and anticipated each other's actions in response to challenges. I'll have your reports written within the hour."

Riley changed in record time and placed her stimulator on the wall as she exited the mock course. She had almost made it out of the building when Maya caught up to her.

"I knew you were good, but not that good," Maya smirked.

Riley didn't look at her. "We all took the same acting classes, Hart."

"Sure, Matthews."

Riley increased her pace, knowing that Maya would just follow her anyways.

"We do need to talk," Maya began, and Riley stopped abruptly in the middle of the commons to meet Maya's gaze, finally.

"I don't want to talk about whatever the hell you are doing with my brother, Maya," she ordered firmly. "Because I don't want to think about, or acknowledge whatever the hell you are doing with my brother. Do your job. Don't wreck the team. Josh used his favor, and I have to honor that, so I won't tell administration or Lucas. But you know that if Lucas finds out on his own, he'll be pissed you didn't tell him yourself." She turned away to continue towards the girls' dorms.

"So if we don't talk about it?" Maya called, and Riley clenched her jaw. "If we have a don't-ask-don't-tell philosophy on this team, you're fine with that?"

"I can't control what you do," Riley stated. "And even though I don't trust that you'll tell me everything anymore, I still trust your ability to do your job, and I trust that you will succeed in missions. I anticipate your actions, and that's all that matters right now, in this team."

Maya raised her eyebrows.

"Do whatever you want, on your personal time," Riley offered. "But if it doesn't directly concern our work, don't tell me about it."

"So we're just coworkers now?" Maya asked in disbelief.

"You chose this path, so keep your secrets," Riley reminded her. "But learn how to do it better, for god's sake."

She left Maya on the commons, and didn't turn back.

Chapter Text

("As a child you would wait
And watch from far away
But you always knew that you'd be the one
That works while they all play."

"In youth you'd lay
Awake at night and scheme
Of all the things that you would change
But it was just a dream."

"Here we are, don't turn away now,
We are the warriors that built this town
Here we are, don't turn away now
We are the warriors that built this town
From dust."

"Farewell, I've gone to take my throne above
But don't weep for me
'Cause this will be
The labor of my love.")

- Imagine Dragons, "Warriors"

January - May 2018

There was something about working out with Maya, and it was distracting now.

It was like she was always in heat. Either she was frustrated and needed a release she couldn't get from punching something, or she was just turned on and couldn't focus. Josh knew what post-sex clarity was like, and he enjoyed it just as much as she did, but something about how much libido she was displaying was almost concerning to him.

Don't get him wrong; Josh was a teenage boy, and his hormones were through the roof like any guy. He couldn't get his mind off her at night either, and sometimes the imagery running through his head was so intense that he had to get up and distract himself.

She always seemed to initiate the contact, but the struggle for dominance always ended in Josh's favor. Not that she couldn't beat him if she wanted; Josh was just pretty sure she didn't want it. She liked the game and the struggle, but in the end, Josh's actions over her were better than the satisfaction she could get from being in charge. And Josh felt the same way.

He wouldn't complain about their dynamic as a teenage boy, but as a team leader he needed to think about more than her body. He needed to know she was mentally stable and could do her job. He needed to know if her increased libido was a symptom of an underlying issue that could interfere with her focus. His physical desires came second.

He asked her about it once, somewhere in the post-sex glow when she was picking up her bra from his floor and searching for her other clothes that had been thrown randomly around the room in their fever. He'd asked her if he should be worried about her, and she hadn't given him a direct answer.

She'd stared at him for a second, her bra hanging from her fingers. When Josh was about to repeat the question, she spoke.

"Actions are only motions."

The fourth rule of the academy.

Josh had frowned from where he was sitting on the bed, mulling over her answer as she strained to clasp her bra and finished dressing.

"I'm more than your team leader, Hart," he'd reminded her as she headed for the door.

She'd paused with her hand on the knob, before smiling tightly. "Nothing matters more than the job."

The second rule.

"Give me a good reason we should keep doing this," Josh requested, phrasing it as an order from her superior, and she dropped her hand from the doorknob.

Raising her eyebrows, she walked towards him like a cat stalking prey, and Josh recalled her specialist title.

She stopped in front of him, staring down at him silently as he raised his face to hers. Those blue eyes, damn it. The blonde waves cascading over her chest and tickling his nose. Her smirk.

She sank down a bit, and Josh's heart started to beat faster. He knew if she initiated, he could go again.

Taking hold of his shoulders, she straddled him, her ankles hooking around his calves, and he automatically reached around to stabilize her lower back.

Her eyes stared at his, her smile tugging a little, before she finally lowered her face and brushed her lips against his.

He was craving more, an addict to her touch, but she moved her face down to his ear instead, grinding her core forward in the process, as Josh held back a groan, desperate to focus.

"Give me a good reason we should stop."

When she was a child, Maya had never expected anything of anyone. She learned from a very young age that people weren't going to give her anything for free. She learned that people were cruel and they would think about their happiness before anyone else's. And she took from example.

No one else around her affected her actions. She'd work for what she wanted. At the cost of whatever it took.

She never asked for more than she was given.

She respected authority.

She didn't break the rules.

All she knew was a single goal: succeed.

Somewhere along the way her values and morals got switched up, and she made space in her life for people; people with whom she was ordered to develop a relationship. She did what she was told.

She lost focus.

Her last year seemed to fly by. They had no academics, no basics classes, just specialist courses. They trained all day, every day, six mocks a week with different combinations of the team. When she wasn't scheduled for a mock, she was training in the gym. The only time she wasn't physically active was when she was eating and when she was sleeping.

Even her downtime was physically active.

But she didn't care, because the exhaustion was worth it. For once she prioritized herself, and she loved it.

It wasn't like she particularly even liked Josh. They'd never been friends, and she doubted they ever would be. But she trusted him, and that was what mattered.

She knew she had an emotional connection to him, but she couldn't define it. Not like she could define the emotional connection between her and Riley, and between her and Lucas.

Lucas was easy. Lucas was kind, and protective, and a friend. She cared about his wellbeing as much as she knew he cared about hers.

Riley was her best friend. No matter what had happened between them, Riley seemed to have moved past it after the summer alone. Their friendship would never be the same, but as long as neither of them brought up Maya's sexual life with Josh, their connection appeared to be just as it had been the years before.

They trained together, worked on write-ups together, spent off-time together. As long as they avoided the topic that could break them, they were fine.

And Maya was depending on that, because she knew that the other shoe would eventually drop. And whether it be tomorrow, a year from now, or a decade from now, she would need her best friend when it did.

"Ms. Matthews."

Riley stood quickly when the director's secretary addressed her, and followed the man's outstretched arm towards the hall that led to the office she knew by heart.

"Ms. Matthews," the director addressed her as Riley closed the door behind her and turned to face her mother.

Whenever they had a formal meeting, Riley was used to her mother addressing her by her last name, but even if she was used to it, it did sting somewhere inside her. Her mother had been cold towards her ever since her unauthorized summer trip home, but as they neared graduation, Riley could tell she was anxious for peace. For what reason, Riley was unsure. But she was willing to comply. Peace was all she ever wanted.

"Madam Director," she nodded, taking a seat in front of her already-seated mother.

"Do you know why I asked you here today?" Topanga asked, and Riley shook her head. "We're going to discuss your role on the team following the completion of your coursework and training."

"Okay," Riley prodded, when her mother stopped talking.

"I've spoken to your brother and will speak to the other members of your team, but this meeting is about you." She opened the file on her desk, and Riley spotted her name, academy ID number, and her original academy photo - taken when she was thirteen - on the first page of the file before her mom flipped the page. "Your midterm evaluations show top marks, just as usual. Your lowest score is a 9.64 in archery, which, as you know, agents rarely use."

Riley held back a triumphant smile. She never got over the pride she felt at being praised by her mother - especially since it so rarely happened.

"Your specialist classification on this team is naivety, and you know that that will outline the role in missions that your team leader will assign on a case-by-case basis. Your missions will be assigned as the need for them arise, and you will receive all information and travel plans from Agent Isaiah Babineaux, your communications contact." Topanga pulled a few papers from the back of the file and handed one to Riley, and she glanced down over it to pick out keywords. "Your safehouse has been acquired by the organization and prepared for your team. It's located in Rhode Island, on a waterfront five acre plot. The plot has spaces designated for training and recreation, and is a considerable distance from other residences. You'll have groceries delivered on a weekly basis and are expected to cook your own meals. All other items, like hygiene product refills or clothing, must be requested three days in advance and will be delivered to you once approved. You can expect to be assigned to anywhere between three and twelve missions per month, and your breaks will not be scheduled, so take advantage of them. Do you have any questions?"

"We're expected to be confined to the property when not on missions?" Riley asked.

"You'll want to be, trust me," Topanga admitted, surprising Riley with the drop in formality. "Missions can be incredibly mentally and physically draining, and you won't want to waste the off time you'll have."

"What about visits? What's the procedure for requesting a trip?" Riley asked, looking over the paper in her hand.

"You mean to see family and friends?" Topanga waited for Riley's nod. "Just as is the standard for many jobs, you'll be expected to submit vacation requests three weeks in advance, and they will be reviewed and approved. Once approved, you may plan your trip and request transportation from the organization."

"Will we have… supervisory check-ins?" Riley questioned hesitantly.

"You're approaching adulthood, and will be treated as adults in legal employment," Topanga reminded her. "Whatever you choose to do on your off time in your safehouse is of no concern to the organization." When Riley paused again, Topanga raised her eyebrows. "Anything else?"

"Just…" Riley hesitated. "You were on an elite team. Do you… have any advice for me?"

The soften in her mother's expression was unexpected, but Riley supposed it made sense; Riley was requesting advice and comparing herself to her mother, and Topanga probably saw that as a connection to her daughter.

"Riley," Topanga said, stunning Riley with the use of her first name, "you've spent the last five years training for this purpose, and you've done well. I believe you could not be more prepared for this job, and I expect nothing less than the peak of your potential from you." She paused. "You've followed the strict rules of this organization and trained non-stop, and you deserve freedom to choose your own schedules and off time activities. I hope you take advantage of it." She nodded at her daughter, meeting her eyes, and Riley stood up, realizing her cue to leave.

"I'm proud of you, Riley."

The last sentence startled Riley, and she turned back to her mother, her eyes wide. "Thank you, Mom," she stammered, and Topanga nodded once, before looking down to continue her work.

Lucas wasn't sure what he was expecting at the end of his time at the academy; maybe a graduation ceremony, commencement, celebration? Instead, though, he was given a file, an ID badge, and instructions on moving out of his dorm.

As he left the office, he couldn't help but pause in the hallway to flip open his badge and see "Agent Lucas Friar, ID number 2018002, Clearance level 6, Elite Peach". He smiled to himself a little, feeling some burst of pride that he, a kid who started out in prison, was now a very high ranking agent at only eighteen. Second in his class.

He didn't go back to his room; instead, he showed up at Riley's dorm, where she let him in silently when he knocked, a very conflicted look on her face. He entered to see Maya sitting on the bed with her legs crossed under her, staring down at a file identical to the one he was given, while Josh leaned against the wall on the other side of the room. Riley went back to sit next to Maya on the bed.

"What's going on?" Lucas questioned. "Shouldn't we be celebrating?"

"We leave for the safe house tonight," Maya informed him, looking up when neither Josh nor Riley spoke.

"I thought we had a few more days, could see our families or something," Lucas disbelieved, flipping open his own file to see that Maya was right.

"No," Josh grimaced, "we leave in a couple of hours. We've got a helicarrier taking us straight there and then we settle in and wait for our first assignment."

Lucas pursed his lips, realizing why Josh and Riley looked so sullen. They must have assumed that they would be able to say goodbye to their parents and brother.

"Are you okay?" Lucas directed his question to Riley, and she nodded, wincing as she twisted her fingers together and pulled her sweater sleeves further down over her hands.

"This is what we trained for," she reminded them all, looking between the other three. "This is what we've been working towards." She met eyes with him for just a split second before her gaze drifted back to Maya. "We're ready."

Maya smiled comfortingly at her. "We are."

"We are," Lucas echoed, feeling like it was the right thing to say.

"You guys are like a cliche movie," Josh groaned, and all three of them smiled. He shook his head and snorted a little when his sister stared him down pointedly. "Fine. We're ready." He looked each one in the eye, the team leader. "We are."

Chapter Text

Part Two: The Safe House

Chapter Text

("I was told when I get older
All my fears would shrink
But now I'm insecure
And I care what people think."

"My name's Blurryface and I care what you think
My name's Blurryface and I care what you think."

"Wish we could turn back time
To the good old days
When our momma sang us to sleep
But now we're stressed out.")

- twenty one pilots, "Stressed Out"

June 2018

Age 18

Lucas had never been on a helicarrier, at least, not in real life. He'd ridden in small helicopters in mocks, but that couldn't compare to the intense feeling when he walked up the ramp into the helicarrier that felt like the size of a small town. People were moving up and down the ramp, driving vehicles and unloading equipment and supplies into the belly of the aircraft. Sounds around him, people yelling into headsets and over beeping and engines, seemed to bleed into his ears as the cold wind whipped around him and he stared up at the sky, visible behind blinding flood lights illuminating the tarmac.

"Out of the way!" Yelled a man directing the traffic up and down the helicarrier ramp, and Lucas darted back as a truck rolled up the ramp.

He gripped the straps of his duffle bag tighter, trying to figure out where he should go.

"Come on," Josh ordered loudly from behind him, and Lucas turned in surprise, but Josh didn't stop as he brushed by Lucas on his way up the ramp. Not wanting to be left behind, Lucas hurried to follow his team leader.

"What was all that?" He asked as Josh led him into the passenger bay of the aircraft and dropped his duffle bag on the floor to shove it under a seat.

"You thought this thing was just taking us to the safe house and going back?" Josh snorted. "We're on a bus that's on a twelve hour route and we just get off at one of the stops."

"So buckle up," Maya agreed, dumping her duffle bag on the floor and kicking it under her seat. "Because I heard on the ramp that they're doing last system checks and are closing up."

"Where's Riley?"

"I'm here," Riley came up from behind them, dropping her bag on the floor and kicking it under a seat. "The director had some last minute notes for me. They closed the ramp, we're taking off in five."

Riley sat down in a seat and strapped herself into the four-point harness before leaning her head back to stare up at the ceiling of the passenger bay, and the few lights that illuminated the otherwise dim, windowless space.

Taking the cue, Josh strapped himself in next to his sister, and Lucas sat down next to Maya against the opposite wall of the bay. He watched as Josh muttered something to Riley, and Riley's face snapped down to his, slightly alarmed. She murmured something back, and Josh nodded slowly in understanding.

Lucas felt the helicarrier start to move and heard the white noise of being in a plane begin to fill his ears, and he took a deep breath, bracing himself for what came next.

The team touched down on an airfield in Rhode Island just before 11pm, and were boarded into a small helicopter that flew them directly to their safe house, landing on a helipad on the outskirts of the enormous property. They darted through the field as the helicopter lifted back into the air, and Lucas stared at the sky, stars more visible than ever in the pitch black field.

Josh flicked on a flashlight. "You'd think they would have left the lights in the house on for us." He swung the flashlight around, getting a sense of the area until they spotted the house in the distance.

"How big is this property?" Lucas muttered in disbelief as they started the trek to the house.

"Five acres," Riley answered absently, and Lucas's eyes widened as they snapped to hers.

"Is that a lot?" Maya asked, and Lucas glanced over at her.

"Think about it this way," Lucas suggested as they trudged closer and closer to the house, which appeared to sit a little further than the middle of the property. "Three football fields is about the same size as four acres. And we have five."

"Damn," Maya muttered. "Real estate must be cheap out here."

"...Relatively," Riley agreed hesitantly.

As they rounded the house towards the front door, Josh pulled a key from his jacket pocket and held the flashlight in his mouth as he slid it into the lock.

"Let's hope they paid the electric bill," Maya joked.

Somehow the house felt even more silent than the deserted property had been, and Lucas got an intense feeling of loneliness as he found the light switch and snapped the first light on.

Josh turned off his flashlight and set it down on a shelf near the entryway, as they fanned out into the different areas of the house to turn on lights. Lucas found his way into the large kitchen and opened the refrigerator curiously, slightly surprised to find it full of regular perishable food items. He opened a few cabinets too, finding dishware and cookware, as well as nonperishable food.

There was a stove, a microwave, an oven, and a toaster along with the refrigerator, and Lucas was reminded of his parents' home, which he hadn't seen in a long time.

Leaving the kitchen, he went to explore the rest of the house, and bumped into Riley as he passed through the dining room.

"Hey."

"Hey." She hugged her arms over her body. "There's a bathroom downstairs and one upstairs too. Four bedrooms upstairs, they're all pretty much identical."

"Living room has a television!" Maya called from a few rooms over, and Lucas followed the sound of her voice to find the living room, which, indeed, had a television, along with several chairs and a couch.

"This place is nice," Lucas commented, and Maya nodded.

"A thousand times better than the places I've lived before."

Making their way up the stairs, the four found that there were, indeed, four identical bedrooms connected by one hallway - two doors on one side of the hallway, and two on the other.

"Choose your room," Maya suggested, snorting, as they all stood awkwardly. "They're all the same."

"Then it doesn't matter," Josh observed, heading for the room closest to him on the right side of the hall.

Maya shrugged and headed for the door opposite Josh's, pushing open the door to drop her things.

Lucas held out a hand, as if to say, 'ladies first', towards Riley, and she shrugged too, opening the door next to Maya's room, leaving the room next to Josh's for Lucas.

It was late, and he could feel exhaustion setting in as he dropped his bag on the floor and switched on the light. The room was incredibly similar to his dorm room at the academy - but for the fact that there was only one set of furniture, for one occupant. Sitting on a white frame, the twin-sized bed had simple light gray sheets and two pillows with the same color pillow cases, but the duvet was a darker blue. The desk and chair were also white wood, set under the window that was currently pitch black with the night. He had a real closet, with both hanging space and a dresser holding five wide drawers. He had no idea who would have enough clothes for that much space, but he quickly organized his clothes into different drawers based on pajamas and underclothes, casual clothes, training clothes, and the two custom made mission suits he had been given. His meeting suit was hung up in the closet.

Intending to unpack the rest in the morning, he changed into his pajamas and threw his used clothes on the desk chair. He left his room to head for the bathroom and brush his teeth, but found Riley having had the same idea.

She met eyes with him in the mirror, finishing brushing and rinsing her mouth before turning to face him. "Sorry, I'm done." Lucas stood back to let her leave, eyeing her as she passed him, searching for psychological cues.

Head bent down, breathing deeply, walking deliberately. She was probably just tired; they all were.

That didn't stop him from worrying, nor from flashing back to their conversation last August. He had promised her he'd always try to help her; he'd promised he'd do whatever she wanted regarding them. He was just anxious to know what that was, now that they'd left the academy.

"Goodnight," Riley said, pausing at her bedroom door to call to Lucas across the hallway.

Lucas smiled a little. "Goodnight."

Chapter Text

("Trying not to take too much
I'm in over my head
Over love, oh, I over trust
Give me the chance to pick up the pieces
You left me in, why did I let you in?
Overzealous, I'm over this
Oh, I'm over us."

"Over and over
I let you under my skin and it's over
I promised never again you'd come over
Something takes over me
I can't control this hallucinogen."

"Oh, and I overdose
Boy, I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down.")

- Alessia Cara, "Overdose"

July - September 2018

Age 19

Year 1, Supervisory Special Agent

The safe house was very quiet.

That was what Josh noticed, all the time. He had never been in a house with so few people; even his home had five living there. And the last seven years he had always been surrounded by other students. Now, it was just the four of them on a giant property in the middle of nowhere, in a house that one could hear a pin drop in.

The team spent their days mostly apart; Maya spent most of the time on the training grounds on the far end of the property, Lucas started a garden in downtime (he said it reminded him of home), Riley was in and out of the house sporadically to Josh, and he spent a lot of time reading language books to keep up his skills or training on the grounds, sometimes sparring with Maya, sometimes matching with Lucas or Riley.

He had thought that they would all feel cramped together, and eventually get sick of the company. But mostly, everyone stayed out of everyone else's way.

In the first few weeks their assignments were slow coming; they only had two real missions handed down, and one of them was just Maya and Lucas. During those few days while they were gone, Josh killed time sparring with his sister and practicing knife skills.

Riley just seemed to appear places, sometimes. He could never figure out where she was at any given moment, but whenever he went looking for her she was somehow right next to him. He'd known how intuitive she was to his emotions and anyone else's needs, but being in the safe house with all of them seemed to have amplified that skill to an almost superhuman level.

"How do you do that?" Josh asked, as he turned around to see Riley entering the kitchen, where he was currently finishing up dinner for the two of them.

"Do what?"

"You're always where I need you to be, like you can read my mind," Josh observed, pulling plates out of the cabinet. "It freaks me out."

Riley shrugged. "I'm just hungry."

"Not just now," Josh elaborated. "All the time."

"Have you talked to Auggie recently?" Riley changed the subject, pulling utensils out of the drawer to put on the table with his food.

"I've written emails to him and Dad, Mom doesn't want us to talk on the phone."

"She's really paranoid," Riley observed.

"I think she has some backstory that we haven't unlocked yet."

Riley smirked over at him as she sat down at the table. "What level do you think we have to be?"

"There's no levels in this game, Riles," Josh sighed. "She's who she is and we'll never know her except the exact way she wants us to."

"In the true special agent fashion."

Their third mission was in the middle of August, and it was a complete failure.

They went in with the objective to steal a stolen illegal asset. Lucas posed as a buyer to meet with the seller, and the idea was to have Maya and Josh shadowing, and Riley on sniper. As soon as the asset exchanged hands, they were supposed to jump in and take him into custody.

Instead, the seller arrived with three companions with evident military training, and Riley was forced to take out all three at a distance. By the time the dust cleared, the seller and the asset were gone.

The helicopter ride back to the safe house was silent.

Riley, obviously shaken by her first time taking a real life, went to work out on the training grounds, and, noticing how angry Josh was about the failure, Lucas was the one who went after her to make sure she was okay. Josh felt like punching something too, but he refused to work out with Riley in the vicinity when his mind and body were this riled up. He didn't know what kind of damage he could do to her.

"You have way too much pent up energy," Maya observed, her eyes scanning his face, body, arms as she followed him into the house.

"Maya, I don't need this right now," he warned.

"You're not going to hurt me," Maya declared, and Josh held back the response that he wanted to contradict.

"I really don't want to," he growled. "So leave me the hell alone."

"You need to find a way to expel all this energy, right?" Maya suggested, her blue eyes staring up at his, straight to his core. "Stamina pulsing through you with no outlet?"

"Don't do this," Josh hissed. He knew that if he let her continue, he couldn't control himself. He would not be able to stop himself from doing whatever his body chose.

She stepped forward and slid her hands around the back of his neck, making his skin shiver at her warm grasp, as she pulled his head down to hers, and latched her lips to his mouth. As her tongue licked its way over his lips, he pressed harder, passionately, his hands finding her waist and clutching desperately to the fabric of her shirt.

"Shit," he pulled away, putting distance between them as he walked briskly to his bedroom door - going against every beg his body was giving him.

Maya followed.

"Stop," he ordered, with all the authority of a team leader, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Maya assured him.

"I don't know that," Josh said, his heartbeat speeding up as he felt the frustration that she wasn't listening to him mixing with the already intense anger and hostility burning in his chest.

"I do," Maya declared, her eyes devouring him hungrily as she took hold of his doorknob and pushed him inside his bedroom. The dim light from the setting sun through the window was just enough for him to see her skin, her eyes. The sun reflected off the blue and played over her soft cheeks.

Now was not the time.

"You need to get all this anger out," Maya pushed, her voice smooth as she reached out and traced the top of his waistband with her finger.

"Maya," he warned. "This is your last chance. If you don't stop right now-"

"Take me," she breathed, cutting him off, and it was the last straw.

He grabbed her by the waist and pushed her up against the wall, relishing the look of surprise and arousal he detected in her face as he pressed his lips to hers, hard, before leaving her mouth and traveling down her neck. Her gasps drove him crazy, and he bit at her skin, grinning at her yelp. Pushing his hands down, he found her wrists and pulled them up, pinning them against the wall above her with one fist as his other hand worked at the clasp of her pants.

"Let me help," Maya begged, squirming in his grasp.

"Shut up," he growled, pressing his mouth to hers to enforce the order. As he got them undone and slid his hand under her waistband, he muttered against her ear, "I'm in charge."

Unsatisfied at the position, he pushed his knee in between hers and used his leg to push hers apart, opening her up to him as she gasped, feeling his fingers reach their target.

All Josh could feel was that energy - coursing through him, expelling as he felt her squirming against him, pushing her wrists against the wall, kissing her mouth, her neck. It wasn't romance, this time; it wasn't comfort. It was pure passion, fed by their experience in all areas - all the times they sparred from a young age, all the times they had met in her dorm to release tension, all the times they had been in life and death situations where they'd pressed to each other, depended on each other, trusted each other for safety and protection.

Trust.

Josh shoved away from her, dropping her wrists as he moved to the other side of the room.

"What's wrong?" Maya asked, her face flushed red and hair mussed, seeming almost disappointed at the loss of contact.

Josh didn't look at her. "You're… manipulating me. Somehow."

"I'm not," Maya contradicted automatically.

"Yes, you are," Josh insisted, struggling to order his thoughts in a straight line. "Or I'm manipulating you. I'm using you to… calm." He shook his head, hard, trying to shake out his brain. "Maya."

"Josh," Maya echoed. "Look at me."

Josh stared at the ground, knowing that if he did, he would lose the control he was desperately holding onto at this moment. "No."

"I'm not manipulating you," Maya insisted, stepping forward but halting when Josh held up a hand at her movements in his peripheral vision. "Not any more than we manipulated each other for sex for the last few years. That's what this is, right?"

Josh kept his gaze trained at the ground.

"The only difference between all the other times and now is that you're much higher on adrenaline and can't think straight, and this," Maya gestured between them, "will fix that."

"Maya," Josh gritted his teeth, "I'm not going to use you like that."

"Why not?" Maya asked, frustration beginning to seep into her voice.

"It's like… having sex while drunk," Josh tried to find something to compare, to explain, why this felt wrong, "you don't know what you're agreeing to. You can't consent," he said, finally finding the right word.

"I know exactly what I'm agreeing to," Maya insisted. "I'm agreeing to the same thing we've done over and over again for years. This isn't the first time, Josh. I know what I want, and I know what you want." She stepped forward. "I want you, Josh."

"I can't control myself," Josh pleaded, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Maya repeated again, softly this time, as she reached him and wrapped her arms around his body, rocking and pressing her skin as tightly to his as she could get. "I want this just as much as you need it, so please," she smirked up at him, "stop making me beg for you."

Josh finally met eyes with her, feeling his body begging for hers, the heat and blood rushing to his arousal as she fitted her body to his, pushing every part of her exactly where it needed to go to drive him insane.

"Maya," he groaned, and Maya's smirk grew.

"Surrender word is yield," she suggested, giving him a safety she knew he needed.

He shut his eyes tight, trying one last time to fight against his body's instincts to take her, take her right now.

He lost.

As his head bowed down again to meet her lips, he felt the heat exploding between them, and he knew all sense - all control - was gone. He slid his arms around under her and hitched her up into his arms, as her legs hooked behind his waist. He pushed her back against the wall, devouring her neck and down her chest with his mouth, soaking up all the involuntary sounds she was making. Her hands slid up to grab his hair as her back arched, and he groaned at the heat pooling in his stomach.

"Josh," Maya nearly whined, pulling her lips away from his, "I need it."

He ignored her pleas, his hands sliding up her body to pull off her shirt, playing with the lace on her bra and fumbling with the clasp that was still pressed to the wall. Growling in frustration, he put her down and tugged at the clasp, finally getting it off in his heightened, surreal state. He yanked his own shirt off next, and advanced on her as she backed up, finally hitting the desk. He scooped his hands under her knees and hoisted her onto the flat surface, her legs hooking around him again as their lips never broke apart, their skin to skin contact almost too much for him to bear. He needed more.

Somehow, they ended up in his bed, bare limbs tangled together as he rocked against her, pounding hard, and heard her gasps in his ear, as he continued to kiss down her neck, muffling his own breathlessness.

The heat between them was almost unbearable - sweat slick on their skin, the scent of her shampoo drowned him, her velvety skin enveloped him. She was everywhere - she was everything.

Threading a hand through her long hair, he gripped tightly as he felt the heavy pit of anger and frustration he had been feeling earlier releasing into something much more intense. And as he let it go, he heard her softly moaning, obviously trying to control the volume of their activities. As he turned and laid down beside her, he felt her turn and curl into his side, resting her cheek on his chest as her eyelashes tickled his skin. His arm was just in the crook of her neck, and he reached up a hand to thread back into her blonde locks.

"Did it help?" He heard her ask quietly.

He swallowed, not trusting his own voice. In answer, he leaned his head down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and he felt her relax against his body.

"It helped me too," she admitted, and her smile was a stamp into his skin.

Chapter Text

("Who's in the shadows?
Who's ready to play?
Are we the hunters?
Or are we the prey?"

"There's no surrender
And there's no escape
Are we the hunters?
Or are we the prey?"

"This is a wild game of survival.")

- Ruelle, "Game of Survival"

October - December 2018

Age 18

Year 1, Special Agent

Over the next couple of months, their missions evened out to an average of three or four days on the job out of the week. A couple of times, their missions were long, and they didn't come back to the safe house for multiple days. Overall, their missions succeeded in exactly what they were assigned to do, and Riley could tell that everyone was satisfied that all their work had paid off.

She was appreciating the purpose of the elite team; to grow up together, learn together, predict each other's actions. The bond that the team shared by the years spent with each other was clear to all of them, whether or not they acknowledged it. They all seemed to know their roles on all the missions whether or not Josh delegated them as team leader, and the only times that their missions were unsuccessful were because of bad intel or unexpected events.

Multiple times, they were called in as a back-up team for a solo agent, several missions required acquisitions or the placement of a piece of tech, and they rescued four hostages over three separate missions.

But more and more, Riley found herself missing being around people. It wasn't that she didn't like her team; she did. They were great people. She knew them well. She loved her brother, she and Maya were best friends, and Lucas was…

Lucas was just Lucas, right now.

"We're on protection detail for a freelance translator between the CIA and the Kurdish military force," Josh explained, pulling up a file photo as the team sat around the kitchen table reading through their assignment. "Fatemah Ahmadi has been working as a neutral for several months but extremists have put a target on him. We have to tail him until the CIA can get him somewhere safe."

"Does he know we're going to be following him?" Maya clarified, looking up from her tablet.

"No, they didn't want to freak him out. He doesn't even know he's been targeted."

"That would freak me out too," Lucas snorted.

"We land in Kurdistan and locate him, and then just follow him and monitor any threats. We don't engage unless he's attacked," Josh ordered.

"Seems simple," Riley agreed, turning off her tablet.

"Good. Get your gear; our transport will be here in fifteen."

"Com check," Josh stated, and each sounded off. "Lucas?"

"Copy."

"Riley?"

"Copy," Riley confirmed, adjusting the com link in her ear.

"Maya?"

"I can hear you fine, Matthews."

"Ahmadi is in the office building right now," Josh said. "Maya, stay outside the doors to establish a perimeter. Lucas, do you see that building across the way?"

"Yeah?"

"Find a high spot and eagle for us."

"Copy."

"Riley, you're with me inside."

As Maya lingered outside the doors and Lucas took off to scale the building, Riley and Josh fell into step side by side as they headed inside. As soon as they were through the doors, they were hit with the crisp blast of air conditioning, and Riley realized just how hot and muggy it was outside.

"We need eyes on him," Josh said, and Riley nodded.

"Do you have visual?"

Josh held a finger to his ear as Riley spotted the man they were tailing. "We've got him in sights," he informed Maya.

"So what do we do now?" Riley asked.

"Follow him," Josh said as the man came out of the office he had been in and brushed by them.

They waited until he was far enough away to not hear them, and then Riley and Josh split up to cover either side of Ahmadi.

"Maya," Josh said into the coms, "he's coming out. He'll be on you in a minute."

"I'll stay high," Lucas informed them, "building jump. You guys stay on the ground and I'll notify you of wide patterns and threats."

"Good," Josh approved.

"I see him," Maya notified them, just as Riley turned a corner to keep Ahmadi in her sights and spotted Maya, shuffling away from the door to appear nonchalant.

"Trail," Josh ordered. "He's probably going home. That's south."

"I'll go ahead," Maya suggested, "predict patterns of transport and scout threats."

"Riley and I will stay behind to tail," Josh said, nodding to Riley, as she took off on a brisk walk towards the opposite side of Ahmadi's back, while Josh kept on his left side.

They tracked him across the city as he walked a predictable path back to his house, a building on a corner, a ways from the main city buildings. As the man entered the house, Riley held back, noticing Lucas crouching on the roof of the building across the street.

"So do we just wait here, or-?" Maya began, and Josh cut her off.

"We'll watch the house, make sure no one enters or leaves."

"Hey guys," Lucas began, "there's-"

Riley felt the explosion in her bones about a half second before it happened, and she felt her heart stop a moment as she was blasted backwards about twelve feet, her arms automatically coming up to her head to protect it as she rolled to minimize the damage from her momentum of hitting the ground. Her ears were ringing as she carefully unfolded herself, wincing at a mild pain in her back, crawling up onto her hands and knees as she looked around wildly for her team.

"Oh my god," she whispered. "Oh my- Lucas?!"

"Josh is under debris!"

"Where?" Riley asked, desperately scanning what was left of the building for her brother.

"Your two o'clock, about twenty steps," Lucas's voice sounded breathless, he was probably making his way to the ground.

"Maya?" Riley asked as she began to sprint in the direction Lucas had pointed her to.

"I'm fine, I'm following you," Maya said, and Riley felt only a second of relief before she reached where she could see Josh's leg.

"Maya, find Ahmadi," Riley ordered. "Lucas will help me with Josh."

Riley could hear the panic in her voice. "But Josh-!"

"Our mission is Ahmadi," Riley barked as she crouched down to see him. "Find him!"

Maya didn't protest a second time, and Riley heard Lucas's feet crunching through the debris as he sprinted towards her. She touched Josh's leg, breathing a sigh of relief when it twitched.

"Josh?"

"My arm is trapped," he grunted. "My coms are gone, they must have fallen out. Is Ahmadi-?"

"Maya's finding him, Lucas is coming to help me get you out," Riley said, standing up to survey the best way to get the debris off him, as Lucas arrived next to her.

"Grab that pipe," Riley ordered, and Lucas obeyed, seeing where she was going with it as he wedged it under the heaviest part over Josh.

Riley found a large brick and slid it under the pipe to make a fulcrum, as Lucas began to push the lever down. Riley dropped to her stomach to see Josh reaching his right arm out towards her, and she reached out to grab it, slowly pulling him towards her.

"He's gone," Maya said.

"Where are you?" Lucas asked as Riley pulled Josh out and he sat on the ground, brushing dirt from his body.

"Injuries?" Riley asked Josh, and he shook his head.

"Unbelievably, I think I'm fine."

"Ahmadi's not," Lucas informed them as he spotted the blonde about fifty feet away, standing over their target.

"Maya, stay with him," Riley ordered. "Lucas, radio administration and Drew and report this, request back up, medical, and extraction immediately. Josh-"

"I'm combing with you," Josh declared, coming up next to her as she began to slowly trek around, searching for any signs of life.

She had only walked a couple feet when she heard the cry, and she immediately darted towards the sound. It was coming from under a pile of wood and fabric that must have been a bed, and as she dropped down to the ground, a terrified face stared back at her.

Josh jogged up next to her, seeing Riley on the ground, and took hold of the debris on top of the little girl, picking up wood and tossing it away, as Riley reached to grab the kid.

"I've got you," Riley murmured as she pulled the kid into her arms, sitting down on the ground as she held her tightly, comforting in the only way she knew how.

"Ahmadi had a five year old daughter," Lucas informed them, and Riley looked up at Josh.

"We found his daughter, she's alive," Riley said. "I need medical now."

"It's on its way."

When the girl had stopped shaking, Riley pulled back to meet eyes with her as she spoke in a low voice, not to scare her. "Do you speak English?"

The girl said something in a language Riley didn't fully recognize, and she looked up at Josh.

Josh bent down, trying Arabic to say, "Do you understand?"

The girl said another string of words, but Riley caught a few roots.

"Do you understand?" She said in Persian, and the girl, obviously recognizing some sounds, turned back to Riley.

"Persian is closest to Kurdish," Josh mused.

"Your name?" Riley asked in Persian, and the girl responded.

"Atarah."

"Medical and extraction are here, we're taking her to a safe shelter," Maya informed them.

"Where?" Riley asked.

"The main city."

"We're not taking her with us?"

"We can't; she's a Kurdish citizen." Maya sounded vaguely concerned too.

Riley looked down at the girl, thinking through the best words. "Safe. We go to safe." She pointed towards where she could see Lucas and Maya in the distance.

Atarah seemed to understand, or at least accept what Riley was saying, but she whimpered and clung to Riley when Josh attempted to take her to carry her.

"I've got her," Riley assured him, and he retracted his grasp, leading them towards 'safe'.

The helicopter ride home was fairly quiet. Atarah had panicked when Riley tried to put her down at the safe shelter, but after holding her and trying to calm her down as long as she could, Riley had to leave. It felt wrong as she headed for the door, the little girl's whimpering tugging at her heart strings.

An orphan at five, in an explosion.

Riley couldn't imagine what that must be like, and she knew this would stick with her.

Chapter Text

("I long for you
Just a touch (does that scare you?)
Of your hand
You don't leave my mind
Lonely days, I'm feeling
Like a fool for dreaming."

"As I wander down the avenue, so confused
Guess I'll try and force a smile."

"Solo shadow on a sidewalk
Just want somebody to die for
Sunshine livin' on a perfect day
While my world's crashing down
I just want somebody to die for."

"I just want somebody to die for (to die for)
I just want somebody to die for
(Does that scare you?)
(I don't wanna be alone).")

- Sam Smith, "To Die For"

January 2019

Age 18

Year 1, Special Agent

As the team dragged themselves into the living room of the safe house and dropped their gear bags, Lucas looked over at Josh. "Please tell me we have some time off."

"Right now, we don't have a set mission," Josh confirmed. He glanced around at the other three. "I call the first shower upstairs."

"Like hell you do," Maya snorted, and before they realized she had already flown up the stairs.

"Maya!" Josh yelled irritatedly, chasing after her.

Lucas unwound the handle of his duffle bag from around his wrist, turning around to ask Riley, "Do you want the-"

But she was gone. Somehow, Riley had gotten to be the best at silent slipping away, and when he turned she had disappeared. Shaking his head, he moved through the house toward the other bathroom to see if she had gone to claim the other shower. As he approached the door, he noticed it was slightly ajar, and as he tapped it open, he saw Riley with her shirt off, straining to see her back in the mirror.

He was frozen in his place, parts of himself conflicting. On one hand, she wasn't wearing a shirt. Her sports bra had been removed too, and the back of her underbra had been pushed low to give her better access to whatever she was trying to see. On the other hand, he had seen her like this before, and it also wasn't out of the ordinary for them to have to play the part of a couple.

He didn't want to betray her privacy.

Then she moved a little to the side, straining to look over her shoulder, and he caught sight of the long red gash carved into her back just under her shoulder blade.

No longer caring about privacy, he pushed the door open and took her arm, catching her by surprise as he turned her around to examine the injury on her back.

"Lucas," she gasped, "what the hell?"

"Why didn't you tell us you got hurt?" Lucas asked crossly, leaning over to make sure the muscle hadn't been severed at all.

"I don't need your help."

"You're going to sew up the cut you can't see?" Lucas pointed out, heading over to the medical shelves to grab the supplies he needed to treat her.

"I'll get Maya to do it," Riley protested, but she took the towel that Lucas tossed towards her and wrapped it around her front, leaning over into it.

"Maya's taking a shower, and I have steadier hands and more experience," Lucas rejected, laying out the supplies on the counter and sitting down on the closed seat of the toilet as he positioned Riley in front of him, facing away.

"It's not that bad," she mumbled.

"There's a six inch gash on your upper back and you're really lucky it missed your rhomboideus major," Lucas corrected, pulling her a little backward toward him to get a closer look at the cut. Part of the lower half of the cut was hidden behind the straps of her bra, so he unclipped the hooks holding the bra on Riley's body and pushed them out of the way, to her sides, brushing her skin in the process. He wasn't paying attention to the sharp intake of breath of surprise Riley made when he unclipped her bra; he was too busy treating the wound.

He held a towel under the cut as he poured antiseptic over her back, and she hissed sharply before biting her tongue and tensing her body.

"It hurts," Lucas confirmed. He dabbed the cut dry with clean paper towels and sterilized a needle to thread.

"It's fine," Riley dismissed, but she still jolted a little as Lucas made the first stitch and anchored the end around the end of the cut.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said, as he swiftly sewed up the cut in neat, minuscule stitches. After a few minutes, he anchored the end of the line and cut the excess string.

"How do you do it so fast," Riley mused, swallowing hard as she straightened a little.

"I'm going to put antibiotic cream and gauze on it, and I'll help you wrap tape around it," Lucas said, not answering Riley's question. "It's too big a cut to just bandage your back, you'll have to wrap around your midsection and over one shoulder."

"I think I should take a shower first, before dressing it," Riley said, turning a little to see his face. Her back was still bare, and she still held the towel pressed over her front and under her arms to cover herself, but she still seemed embarrassed. "Thanks for the help."

Lucas knew she was just trying to get him out of the bathroom, and although he wanted to make sure he had finished the job of treating her wound correctly, he knew that she wanted space.

As she bent over to turn on the shower, the towel held against her front slipped forward a bit, unknowing to Riley, and Lucas quickly turned before he could see too much. He didn't look back as he headed for the door.

"I'll tell Maya to come…" He could almost feel her staring at his back as he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob.

There was nothing he wanted to do more than to just turn around and help her, fix all her injuries and take her pain and make sure she was safe. But there was no way Riley was going to let him do anything more to help her.

"I'll ask Maya to help me wrap the wound," Riley finished his sentence. Another moment passed silently, but as Lucas opened the door, he heard Riley softly say, "Thanks, Lucas."

The door shut behind him as he heard the shower turn on, and he breathed deeply, realizing how hard his heart had been beating the entire time.

It felt like Riley avoided him for weeks after the day in the bathroom. They had over a week off from missions, and then Riley and Maya were sent on a mission alone, for which they were gone a few days.

Lucas planted some strawberries.

Finally, he bumped into her leaving the kitchen one night around 11pm, and before she could brush around him, he grabbed her upper arm.

"How's your back?"

"Fine," Riley mumbled. "No infections. Maya checked yesterday."

"Good," Lucas said. "You scared me again, with that. Why didn't you tell us? You're supposed to tell us when you get hurt."

"I didn't really realize until we got in the helicopter," Riley made excuse. "Adrenaline."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Riley appeared taken aback at Lucas's rebuttal, and Lucas glared down at her.

"You knew something was wrong with your back. You were stupid to ignore it. You were stupid to spar on a broken arm. I thought you'd changed."

Riley's lips were parted as she listened to his accusal, but she frowned as she shook her head. "We're not at the academy anymore. I thought you'd gotten over that."

"One of the scariest days of my life? No, I haven't," Lucas contradicted. "You scare me, Riles."

"I can't help your fear," Riley muttered. "You just have to trust that I know what I'm doing."

"I do trust that you know what you're doing. You know what you're doing is stupid."

"Stop it." Riley rubbed her forehead tiredly. "Just… stop. I'm your teammate, don't patronize me."

"I'm not patronizing you," Lucas stated, softening a bit as he watched her eyes, which were not meeting his. "I can't watch you get hurt. Please… please don't make me."

She fell silent for a few moments, looking at the floor. When she finally looked up, he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. "We could ruin the team."

He immediately knew what she was talking about. She was talking about them, finally.

"I've put so many years into this team, I can't fail," Riley said. "My mom would never forgive me."

"Then don't ruin the team." Lucas's fingers twitched towards hers. "We can do our jobs. We can ignore emotions during missions."

"I don't think I can," Riley whispered, finally looking up. "Not with you. So please," she mumbled, sliding around him to go upstairs, "please don't make me."