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Zhongli has one problem.
And tht is when he climaxes the earth shakes. Which is why he hasn’t gotten that snezhnayan bussy yet.
It is one fine afternoon, when Zhongli invites Childe Ajax Tartaglia up to his house for a fine cup of oatmeal, that which he sourced ingredients high and low for. Oats from mondstadt, water from qingce, and honey from natlan. Fontaine’s bulle fruit as a side dish.
He tasted the oatmeal. Hmm, something was missing. (Is it sugar?? Like any normal person would think but nah nu-uh)
Thinking it needed a final touch, he grabbed his peepaw out from his pants and performed Rapid Emergency Cumming (REC) over the bowl. He thought of Childe’s triangle of skin that day when they went fishing. Amongst the slopes of Qingyun peak, the revelation of the ecchi belt and triangle made itself known. His beloved smiling and laughing at the act of catching a fish. Ah, what could be better than that? Afterwards, sharing a jug of rice wine on the peak. Retired life was never better…
A knock rings at the door and snaps Zhongli out of his reverie. Childe! He exclaims internally as his measured expression grows a curve on his lips.
Gingerly, Zhongli gives the oatmeal to him, watching for Childe’s reaction. Childe took up the spoon, teasing him, “Xiansheng, you look so anxious its funny”, before closing his eyes and giggling. “Hmmm, do you have any more of that nice earthy coconut milk?” Childe asks, twirling his spoon in a deliberate manner. Childe smiles knowingly at Zhongli, licking the curve of the spoon - his tongue peeking out.
Zhongli slaps his shlongli (binghe 1meter length, snake-like) out on the table.
Creamy white syrup drips from his shlong like a leaky faucet. Childe swallows. Very very loudly.
“Er, zhongli, wow haha how er big” *gulp* his eyes dilating as he looks at the big shlong. Like our beloved Shen Qingqiu, this man was thinking: wow protagonist cock will be in my ass *chuckles in danger*
Zhongli smirking as he be wowing Childe with his shlong. The shlong first, heart later! Then he’ll have Childe as his wife forever and ever mwahahah… (he laughs internally, looking off into the distance while his erect pillar(s) twitched)
Mind you, this man slapped his dick out on the dinner table.
Anw, our dear cutie malewife Childe begun sucking rapidly on the dick like a man desperate for the last coconut noodle in a coconut shake drink.
Thick sperma came thru and splashed on his lips. ‘Ah, the refreshing taste of Zhongli coconut shake!’, Childe thought, smiling impishly.
Zhongli rumbled in satisfaction, and the gold nugget sitting on his elaborate shelf fell out.
Zhongli looked at that smile, and his double dongslings became even twitchier, growing to a Mo Ran (20cm) length. Childe, desperate to fight this archon, continued to attack (suck) this man’s big straw.
Ergh, Zhongli yelled like his getting hit voice line in english.
Cum exploded out of the two bicep-like lengths and splashed exceptionally well on Childe, staining his tempting placed triangle of skin, along with almost showering him in thick white, gooey slime. Childe was indeed, a frosted orange pound cake. The ground was, cracked.
Childe was truly delighted by this turn of events. The milkslut (onlee for one man!) in him was fired to get this mans two badonkerdonks into his tight bussy. That snezhnayan bussy was dripping with hydro (courtesy of a certain manual by a certain man on lubrication and the importance of water tasting) - Childe wanted a taste of that big twongs and a gallonful in his bussy’s wet second mouth.
Zhongli, being the pervert that he was smelled his wife’s (in his head) arousal and carried Childe over to his bed, flipping him missionary style like a pancake - making Childe yelp involuntarily into his ear.
The two shlongs now stood unafraid to venture deep into the caverns of snezhnaya’s greatest idol - pressing at the entrance begging to be let in as though the gates of celestia were Childe’s bussy.
“Ah! Xiansheng! Not so rough…” Childe suddenly grew uncharacteristically shy, even blushing like a tomato while looking at those bowling pins - when he had been craving those with pressing persuasion.
“Mm, Childe? What’s the problem?” Zhongli asked, stopping his grand entrance. The grandpa could not resist tapping his badonks onto that wet buss, emitting a moan from Childe.
It was truly the crème de la crème of bangers and mash. Ah but there was one problem…that bussy had not been pierced by any pillar and was rather inexperienced, what if Zhongli wasn’t satisfied?
At that moment, seeing his wife hesitate, Zhongli whispered into Childe’s ears, “Baobei, I’ll take care of you, don’t worry-“
“But what if I don’t do a good job?”
Indignant for the greatness of Childe’s allure, Zhongli kabedoned Childe to the bed, defiantly protesting that “No matter what you do, baobei, I will love it. I love you, after all.”
Childe, flushed a deeper red and immediately responded to Zhongli’s cheesy declaration of love by sitting on his beloved’s dong (one for now), causing his unprepared bussy to expand wider than it ever did before. He yelled and panted, before hugging (with crippling strength) Zhongli, nuzzling against his washboard abs. Childe murmured an almost silent but sturdy “And i love you too” into those beloved beautiful breasting boobily breasts - and Zhongli, the old man that he was came with the full force of a tsunami. Childe gasped as he felt that gigantic pillar twitch in him, before erupting at the entrance of his womb. It was a truly huge flood of milk that slowly trickled out from the sides of his bussy, bubbling at the base of shlongli.
Zhongli was overjoyed!! His wife!! Loves him!!! Hugging Childe, he exclaimed (dick still twitching in wet cavern), “oh, Childe, how i longed for those words! I love you too!”
He thrust his over sensitive badong into Childe, fucking a overwhelmed Childe of his little “hi! Hie! Hieiei!” sounds.
Childe’s brain was overloaded, the man he loved started spraying his cum all over his wet cavern, the singular dong knocking at the front door of his womb, trying to enter in order to ensure maximum hentai breeding efficiency.
“Xiansheng! -sheng! Slower pleaseeese” his pleas broke off into whines as tears gathered in his eyes at the immense pain-pleasure he was feeling. Part of him was absurdly proud of his masochistic tendencies but another part was screaming that Zhongli was going to get him pregnant just from the force and speed of his thrusts. Speaking of which, would normally paralyse a normal human, but Childe was no mere mortal. He could withstand this!
Well, he could not - his voice was tittering on the brink of devestation, vocal cords tired of screaming. But, just at this moment, Zhongli finally broke through that barrier and begun fucking his womb.
Childe’s mind went blank, his eyes rolled back and mouth open, drooling with un -swallowed cum, emitting just the smallest puffs of air (and more spittles of cum). His whole body was filled with the adepti’s glowing white milk. And he hungered for more. The earth shook hard, as Childe’s juicy tartussy squeezed hard on Zhongli, making him cum all over again into Childe’s awaiting womb. Satisfied, Childe let out a sigh of contentment, looking down at the bump. Unconsciously, his hand gravitated to it, unable to comprehend the amount that Zhongli piped into him. So much cum…!
However, Zhongli was not yet done with his male wife. His singular cock slid out, almost prolapsing his poor wife’s buss. It glistened red, with white gathered around it, even oozing from the entrance like an overfilled piping bag. Now, it was time for the double dong extravaganza.
Exhausted, Childe was defenceless and limp as his legs were raised up high, accidentally making his sensitive walls touched and creating a lurid mess as he squirted all over the bed. His legs were pressed together, and blinking through satisfied tears, he could see that evil smirk on Zhongli’s face.
“W-wuht are you doing?” Childe asked, with heavy cream still in his mouth. Zhongli pressed his two peens at the entrance, testing the give of Childe’s gaping pussy; the squelching sounds and smacking of those two sausages on his bussy getting Childe aroused. But he had taken one and that almost destroyed him - what would happen with two? Childe internally panicked as it grew closer.
And then, folding Childe into a mating press, Zhongli slathered his meat(s) with more than adequate slick and begun slowly pressing the two into Childe.
“Childe, you’re still so tight”, Zhongli played with his clit, as Childe yelped, shouting “too good, my mind is crumbling~” into the void of a perverted Zhongli.
But unexpectedly, Childe jolted forward, impaling himself on those two sausages, driving them straight into his already opened womb, his mouth opened wide from the shock of instinct. Zhongli groaned in pleasure, it was so tight, fleshy and warm. The already red bussy became even redder as Zhongli moved his shlongs in and out of Childe - the latter being willingly mindbroken into submission by those two dongs. Childe looked down and felt his mind shatter even more. They formed a remarkably large bulge in his stomach, widening his womb to the extent of a early pregnancy. He was shocked, gasping, “how is this possible?” Zhongli, replied with a deep french kiss, before caressing the bulge.
“Oh baobei, you’re perfect. Look how well you take me in,” the two shlongs twitched, as though on command from the ex-archon. Those simultaneous twitches evicted a choke from Childe, as he could feel them getting impossibly active in his two holes. Zhongli bucked his hips deeper into Childe’s warmth, slowly moving back and forth, enjoying the squelching sound of cum being forced out by his thrusts and pre-cum moving in.
Then, he started moving his hips unwittingly, prompting Zhongli to carefully pull Childe onto his shlongs fully. The throbbing pillars were swallowed up by the plush red mouth of Childe’s bussy, and followed by the gaping ring of his womb. That was it. The final penetration - and Zhongli let out a sigh of relief. His old bones could still keep up with his virile wife. Puss soaked in milk, the greedy mouth moved forward and backwards, unprompted by Zhongli, who moaned freely.
By this time, the bed was soaked with their fluids, and the cream between their legs was churning to form into butter. Husband and husband worked together to achieve this true orgasm, gritting their teeth as immeasurable pleasure bloomed - all spots being hit and the creamy remains of their mutual release lubricating the way through. The world whited out with that climax, and Zhongli fell forward to embrace Childe.
As the two lovebirds cuddled, a brick fell off Zhongli’s beautiful house.