Chapter Text
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
In Shisui's eyes, you were heaven-sent - even though the beginning was not the easiest.
When his mother talked to him about the possibility of taking you home, he was slightly perplexed. You weren't from the clan - in fact, you weren't even a ninja; just a regular child, a complete stranger. His mother may have known yours in the past, but to everyone else you and your relatives were completely unfamiliar.
His father was not happy about the idea as well.
'This is a rash decision, Haruko. One that you can't just make by yourself.'
'I can't leave the girl. Her mother used to be like family to me. I shouldn't have casted her aside...I owe her that.'
Shisui knew that his father would eventually relent. He may have been the decision-maker in the house, but he also loved his wife; and one thing that Shisui was sure about was the fact that this was truly important to her.
On the other hand, there was excitement. He would lie by saying he wasn't somewhat envious of children who had siblings. Now, he would also have someone to play with and boast about.
Your arrival, however, was a clash with reality.
You may have not been a ninja, but you weren't a regular child either; you were an orphan, and you behaved accordingly.
Estabilishing any sort of contact with you proved to be difficult as you were usually silent and preferred to play alone. You did everything you were told to, but in a mechanical manner, often casting wild glances at everyone in the house, unsure how to act in this new enviornment. You were small and scrawny - when Shisui saw you for the first time, he thought you were younger. In reality, you were 4, making you 3 years his junior. The difference between you and your peers was rather shocking.
Shisui's mother tried her best to get through to you somehow; his father, on the other hand, distanced himself from you almost completely, not knowing how he could possibly improve the situation. Besides, there were whispers about the possible conflict threatening the village; a vision of war becoming more real with each passing day.
As for Shisui himself, he observed you carefully, trying to learn more about your quirks and habits; looking for anything that could make you come out of your shell.
Eventually, he managed to do it.
The thing he noticed was your fondness of animals - you ran after wild doves, cooed at stray cats and smiled at dogs. One day, as you were playing in the garden, he decided to show you a trick; something he learned a while ago.
After he made sure you were not able to see it, he pierced his index figer with a sharpened kunai; a small drop of blood appearing in an instant. The jutsu was performed effortlessly; soon enough, a huge crow was sitting on Shisui's arm.
The animal's sudden appearance piqued your curiosity, so you jumped off the ground and made a few steps towards it, clearly fascinated by how accustomed it seemed to be to human's presence.
'You don't have to be afraid of it,' Shisui said with a smile.
Your eyes were glued to the crow, admiring the way its feathers seemed to shine with a bluish tint. Then, you reached your hand towards it and stroked the animal in the most delicate way, as if it was made of glass. It turned its head slightly, looking at you with its black, beady eyes.
'It likes you,' Shisui grinned at the sight of your growing smile. At first, your beaming expression was directed at the bird, but soon enough you were smiling at him as well.
Mission accomplished, he though.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
The shell was finally cracked; from now on, you started opening up - not just to him, but to everyone else in the house.
You were bright and full of character, though easily distracted and prone to having your head in the clouds. You collected rocks and spent hours reading anything that fell into your hands, often raving about the characters and fantasy worlds later on. Shisui would show you the jutsus he learnt, and you looked at him all starry-eyed, as if he was some kind of miracle-maker. The two of you would constantly spend time together, often embarking on various adventures all across the compound. You brought light and warmth into the family; even Shisui's father grew fond of your presence.
Every minute invested in you was gold, but Shisui would fully understand it only after everything got complicated - only when the war finally came.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
Few people were spared from the pain and suffering brought by the conflict between nations. For many, it was the definitive ending of the lives they knew up until this point.
For Shisui, it was also the definitive ending of childhood, as well as the beginning of his darkest years; the time marred by loss and death.
Due to the war, his father lost a leg and became bedridden. Having just graduated from the academy, Shisui was tasked with providing for the entire family. Missions were often long and draining, taking him away from the comfort of home; away from the people he cared about. During one of such assignments, he witnessed a friend die in combat. Although the event led him to awake new powers, his life became inevitably spoiled by guilt - something he tried to bury somewhere deep inside of his mind.
It was hard and debilitating, but he had a purpose; no matter where the missions took him, Shisui always remembered that you were out there, living a secure life, hidden away from the brutality of war.
He took comfort in knowing it was because of him. He had to make sure it stayed that way.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
The moment he would come back, you ran towards him, elated to see him alive and well. There were hugs and tears, and the two of you would become unseparable again.
As unbelievable as it was, being around you made him feel at peace, even despite the harsher parts of reality he had to face on a regular basis. Regardless of the things he was forced to do or endure, the ability to come back home and spend time catching up with you kept him motivated.
'Shisui!' You yelped, alerting him straight away. The two of you were sitting on the ground in his room, a purple journal sprawled open in front of you. It contained a growing collection of pressed flowers; a new hobby you picked up during his last mission and were eager to show him.
'What?' He didn't try to hide the worry in his voice.
'Your eyes are red!'
He blinked, concern on his face morphing into surprise. He wasn't aware of the fact that his sharingan was activated.
'Oh, that's nothing,' he said, giving you a reassuring smile. 'Just a way for me to record good memories, so I can always come back to them.'
The starry-eyed look that he knew so well was back on your face instantly.
'You can really do that? So cool!'
He nodded with a grin, ruffling your hair and enjoying your laugh that followed.
'If I could do that, I'd record every moment you are home,' you said in a soft voice.
He sighed, unable to give you anything but an apologetic smile in return.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
The older he got, the less time Shisui seemed to have outside of his duties. Still, he tried his best to involve you as much as he could, part of witch included asking you to tag along to his training sessions. You agreed with eagerness, although not without a tiny hint of doubt as well.
'What if your friend doesn't like me?' You asked with a scowl.
'That's simply impossible. Anybody would like you,' he said before leaning over to you with a mischievous smile on his face. 'And if anyone dares to disagree, I say we ditch them."
You cheered up on the spot, grinning at the playful wink he gave you.
'In all seriousness, you have nothing to stress about. Itachi is not the type of person to dislike anybody. I'm sure you will like him too,' Shisui said with an absolute certainty.
His statement turned out to be even more correct than he could have predicted - it was easy to tell by the faint blush that appeared on your cheeks when Itachi introduced himself politely.
'I heard a lot about you, [name]. It's good to finally meet you.'
You fidgeted with your hair before responding; something that earned you a raised brow from Shisui.
'It's good to finally meet you too, Itachi.'
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
Years were passing by - each one seemingly faster than the one before.
After joining Anbu, Shisui found himself spending even less time at home, often being away for months. It was a well-known fact that he was a valuable asset for the village - strangers whispered about his abilities, referring to him as Shisui of the body flicker; an alias that came from his mastery of the technique of the same name.
He enjoyed the title, although his fondness was hidden underneath a layer of humility. He worked hard, driven by his goal of providing for the ones he loved, treating each time he could come back to you as a reward.
The thing he started noticing though, was that you were changing while he was gone.
The longer the mission, the more different you appeared when he came back home. Sometimes, the changes were purely physical; you got taller, had a new hairstyle, or experimented with clothes. On the other hand, there were changes of the character as well, such as a newfound wit to your comebacks or lack of shyness he always associated you with.
In the beginning, he found that completely normal and was truly happy for the way you were able to flourish and live your life to the fullest.
Only then, he started having doubts.
Nothing reminded him of the way he was missing out more than you did. Sure, you would always welcome him with open arms and euphoria seemingly impossible to be put into words, but he felt as if you were doing equally fine when he was away - and something about that thought made him unwillingly anxious.
You grew up to be an absolute rock for the family, helping around the house and supporting his mother as well as you possibly could; especially when Shisui's father started getting sicker.
You also had your secrets. Apparently, you often wondered around the compound, the intended destination not exactly clear.
He found the jealousy he felt rather distasteful, especially during the happier times you shared; after training with Itachi, on a stroll together, eating out in that one place you were especially fond of...
As much as he wanted to push such thoughts away, he started feeling as if it was only temporary; as if you'd leave one day, and he would be unable to stop you, because he wouldn't even be there to try.
Then, something else happened - something that made him feel even more conflicted about you.
One day, he noticed a particular thing about your flower collection.
There, among the common dandelions and hydrangeas, was a single aster.
There was only one place he saw those flowers grow - up in the highest points of the mountains; in the place where shinobi trained, but civilians had no access to.
Someone brought you this flower.
The realization weighted upon Shisui like heavy clouds, and it took a great toll on him because he finally understood something.
He shouldn't have all those feelings towards you, and yet they were here.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
The following time was full of uncertainty and pent up frustration. Years were passing by as fast as they used to, but everything else seemed to change.
At first, Shisui did his best to stifle whatever he felt when it came to you, but it was completely pointless. Even worse - it felt as if the less he tried to think about you, the more he ended up doing so. The assignments became insufferable; he may have been as dedicated and precise as ever, but at nights he wondered what was going on in your life and who could you possibly be with.
He had his predictions, but no definitive answers. He was also torn between not wanting to pry, but feeling simultaneously restless about it.
Still, he tried his best not to let you know for a while, scolding himself in his mind for doing so at the same time.
You deserved to know; it felt deceitful to keep something like this from you.
It was a dangerous line of thinking - one that made him hug you a bit tighter than usual when he got back home; one that also made his fingers entangle with yours during walks, and one that made his hand find your knee under the table during mealtimes.
He knew the confrontation was coming.
• ━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━ •
One night, as he was about to go to sleep, he picked up the faint sound of the door to your room being opened. Almost involuntarily, he channeled the chakra towards his ears, enhancing his hearing in the process.
Your footsteps were careful and unsure; you were clearly avoiding making too much noise, second-guessing every movement you made. Shisui could tell that you were holding your breath at times, and he imagined you biting your lower lip while doing so - something that would always help you focus on a task at hand. Despite the hesitation, you kept going forward, each shaky step taking you closer to his room. When you reached the door, you finally stopped, and it felt as if the time has stopped with you.
Shisui was already up and on the other side of the door, waiting for your next move. The air was heavy with anticipation; his heart was beating so fast, he almost felt as if you could hear it too. He was certainly able to hear yours.
And yet, you weren't moving any further.
The wait was almost unbearable, and he could sense your doubts grow larger with any passing second. He knew that he couldn't let it get too far and have you succumb to those incertainties; both of you needed this conversation urgently.
With that in mind, he opened the door, instantly picking up on the way your body tensed up behind it. A small tinge of some primal type of satisfaction hit him, and he couldn't help but chastise himself for it in his thoughts.
You stood there in your nightgown, wide-eyed like a cornered deer; caught red-handed. He gestured for you to come inside, and so you did, closing the door as you entered.
For a while, the two of you stayed still and looked at each other. It almost felt as if there was nothing besides this moment; nothing apart from this room and the tension that filled it.
Then, you finally spoke.
'Sorry...,' you whispered shakily. No matter how quiet you tried to be, it still felt too loud. 'I had to talk to you, because I feel like I'm going insane.'
Shisui kept looking into your eyes, and the way you seemed to be begging him with your stare made him feel terrible.
'You are not. Nothing's wrong with you...,' he whispered back in order to comfort you somehow, yet knowing that his words couldn't offer you any consolation.
'But that would mean that you're doing it on purpose...,' you shook your head as if you didn't want to believe that. 'Why?'
He felt a wave of resignation wash over him as he wondered if there were any words that could make you understand as little as fraction of the feelings he had towards you. Were you truly completely unaware?
'I know it looks bad, and I hate the fact that you're hurting because of it', he stopped, trying to articulate the point that seemed almost forbidden to speak out loud. 'But trying to pretend like those feelings aren't there would be unfair to you.'
Your distress was turning into frustration as he spoke; he could tell that you were gritting your teeth.
'As far as I am concerned, you should have done just that, Shisui. How could you even think that the way you approached this was right? We were supposed to be family...'
And yet, you were not. You happened to be much more to him and he would trade anything for you to somehow come to terms with that.
'That wouldn't solve anything, [name]. You would have to learn eventually,' he sighed with resignation.
'And what does whatever you've been doing solve? Aside from destroying what we had before?'
'It was never my goal,' he said, fighting the urge to take you in his arms. Despite the flaming anger in your eyes, you looked as if you've never needed it more. 'But whatever we had before was bound to be changed. It couldn't be ignored anymore.'
You closed your eyes as if you tried to distance yourself from his words. No matter how uncomfortble the truth was, he knew he had to continue; it would all be in vain if he stopped.
'I think about you when I'm gone. I wonder how do you feel, what are you doing, who are you seeing,' he failed to hide the hint of passion as he spoke. 'And there's nothing family-like about it. It's suffocating, in a way.'
You drew in a long breath, but said nothing, instead letting him carry on.
'It's almost maddening to be around you sometimes,' he whispered, hoping you'd understand the severity of this confession without him having to share more than you'd probably be comfortable with. 'Which is why I had to let you know. It would be dirty to keep you in the dark. I care about you too much, I couldn't do that to you.'
He wasn't lying, but his words weren't the full truth either. He wanted what's best for you, but there was a part of him that wanted something good for himself as well - at least this one time. He couldn't stop himself from trying, even despite the consequences.
There was the silence again. The frustration was gone from your face, replaced by something akin to defeat. Your eyes were now open, but you weren't looking at him; in fact, it felt as if you were purposefully avoiding his stare.
'I'm sorry, [name]. I really do...and I mean it when I say I care. You have no idea how much...I'm going to keep it in check and give you all the space you need, though.'
At this point, he would give you everything you asked for; anything that would make it all somehow right. He even shamelessly thought about offering to use his sharingan on you - make you forget about it all and give you the peace of mind that you craved for.
He would be left with the opposite, though.
'The thing is...,' your voice was weak and quiet. 'That it may be too late.'
Shisui's eyes widened in surprise. He remained silent, instead waiting for you to finish your thought. You were still looking away, trying to escape his gaze.
'Because of the things you've been doing, I...started thinking about you as well.'
He could tell that it wasn't easy for you to admit. You bit your lower lip, searching for the right words to sound out what was bothering you.
'...not in any way I should...'
Shisui felt as if his heart was going to burst out of his chest. You, on the other hand, were evidently struggling, ashamed of the foreign feelings you've been experiencing.
'...and I was hoping for you to tell me that there was something wrong with me, but I honestly think there must be something wrong with both of us...'
A single tear fell down your cheek. Almost instinctively, he raised his hand in order to wipe it with his thumb. He only proceed to do so after seeing the lack of protest from you.
'As I told you...,' he said in a whisper, still caressing your cheek gently. 'There's nothing wrong with you, or me for the matter. Nothing wrong with us...'
He had this talk with you countless of times in his mind. He knew that his final argument would probably hurt you, but he had to use it. If there was anything to lessen your guilt, Shisui was willing to take the chance - even if he had to become the devil's advocate in the process. He could only hope that you'd eventually see that he was sincere; that it would all be worth it. He would give you the world if you'd let him.
'We're not even related by blood, and I'm not saying this to hurt you. You are important to me - more than you could ever imagine...but not as a family. Not anymore.'
You finally faced him, and your eyes told him more than your words could ever do. Anger and betryal were shining in your stare, and he was preparing himself for you to rightfully snap.
However, the fiery emotions seemed to quickly shift into something reminiscent of disbelief. Once again, you were beginng him with your eyes; pleading for anything to imply that this was just a sick joke and not reality - and once again, he wasn't able to give you that.
Finally, there was resignation - along with something else that he couldn't quite name.
And then, you moved closer. A shadow of doubt flashing on your face was the last thing he registered before he felt your lips on his own; the realization of what was actually happening making his hearbeat accelerate.
The kiss was delicate and unsure, as if you were merely testing the waters, questioning your choices as you did so. He let you do it freely, holding back the need to show you the full potential of the desire he held towards you. He knew you had to be the one to set the pace - it had to be your call to make.
Slowly, you started letting yourself get lost in the kiss, becoming more demanding with each passing second; as if it was an outlet for all this hidden, unwanted passion that was awoken in you. Shisui was more than eager to repay your fervour; the moment your palms found their way to his hair - your fingers running through them, grasping at the dark locks - his hands immediately started exploring the line of your waist. He brought you closer, embracing you as if to prevent you from disappearing from his arms.
There was hunger and urgency in your actions - something he wouldn't expect from you, but welcomed with pleasure. When the two of you found themselves on his bed, Shisui couldn't tell who was the leading force; was he the one who coaxed you, or you the one who pushed him?
He relished the way you bit back a moan as he left a trail of kisses on your neck, down to your collarbone.
You were perfect - he adored you so much, anything else seemed insignificant in comparison.
As he looked at you, the same desire clouding his vision appearing in your half-lidded gaze, he noticed something that bothered him.
Lust and love were clear in your eyes, but along with it, he saw a tinge of melancholy - notalgia, even.
He wondered what may have caused it, but the answer became clear soon enough.
After all, as he focused on his own reflecion in your darkened irises, he was met with the red flashes of his sharingan.