Chapter Text
Remus stirred his sickly sweet porridge around and around, staring listlessly past Sirius’ shoulder. Today was Classification Day. He’d completely forgotten until James woke them up bright and early at 7am shouting it at the top of his lungs. He seemed so excited by the whole ordeal, he couldn’t fathom why. Remus had never given classification much thought, always concerned more with his lycanthropy more than anything else, but now that the day was here, he really wished he’d thought about it more so he would feel more prepared. He felt like he was going in blind. There had been a lesson on the topic the week before but it had been the day after the full moon and he had yet to catch up on the reading. Regardless, they’d have their exam and spell conducted today to provide them with their classifications of: Neutral, Caregiver or Little.
“I hope I’m a Caregiver. Preferably, a parental one.” James sighed wistfully, resting his chin on his palm. “What if Lilly and I are both Caregivers? We could get our own Little!”
“Merlin help any Little that has you as a Caregiver.” Sirius scoffed.
“Like you could do any better, Mr. I Don’t Know How To Do My Own Laundry.” He replied.
“That was second year! And it’s because we always had the bloody house elves. In any case, I’d rather be a Neutral, thanks. I don’t want another thing my parents can hold over me. Blacks have always been Neutrals.”
James grimaced. “I didn’t think about that. You gonna be okay with the results?”
“I’ll be a Neutral, prongs. Don’t stress. Non-Neutral statuses are rare.”
“What about you, Pete?” James asked.
“Neutral, I guess…you don’t think I’ll be Little do you?” Peter blanched.
“I’ve never met a more Neutral wizard in my life, you’ll be fine.” Sirius teased, a little harshly.
“Thanks – hey, wait. Was that an insult?”
Sirius stuck his tongue out and Peter gave him the middle finger.
“What about you, Moony?” James asked.
“Hm?” Remus turned to face him, blinking slowly.
“Your classification status. What do you think you’ll be?”
“Uhh…Neutral, I hope. I’ve got enough excitement in my life with my furry little problem. And can you imagine a werewolf as a Caregiver? I think I’d traumatise the Littles for life.” He joked self-deprecatingly.
“COUGH UP A GALLEON!” Sirius yelled.
“I haven’t got a bloody galleon!”
“Then you should have thought about that before triggering the ‘Moony Self-Depreciation Tax’.”
Remus punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Just speaking the truth.”
The marauders sighed dramatically.
“Hopeless.” James groaned.
As they walked to the exam hall, Remus’ skin prickled with anxiety. What if he wasn’t a Neutral? What would that mean for him, especially as a werewolf? If he was a Caregiver, no Little would want him and he’d have to suffer without satisfying his Caregiving tendencies. Or worse, what if he was a Little? What if he was so young that he couldn’t even take care of himself? Who would even want to look after him? What would happen in that case? Would he be forced to quit Hogwarts and be looked after by his poor mum? Merlin...as if she hadn’t suffered enough. He sighed.
As they entered the hall, each student was given a small vial of a special weaker strand of veritaserum, which was used as a failsafe so they couldn't cheat on the exam.
Remus grimaced as he swallowed down the concoction, which totally screwed his plans to tweak his answers in his favor.
He sat down at his desk with dread. McGonagall led the exam and as soon as she instructed them all to begin, papers immediately rustled in a flurry. Instead of immediately starting the paper, his eyes scanned the packed room. He spotted Sirius two seats to the left with a little crease between his eyebrows as he chewed on the end of his pen. James and Peter were sat at the back, seemingly perfectly content with filling in the questionnaire.
Remus sighed and read the first question: What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?
What an odd question. He couldn’t see how his answer could be relevant to his diagnosis. He began to write ‘spending time with my friends’ but felt a strange compulsion, which must have been the veritaserum, to write “cuddling with Sirius”. He flushed crimson as he saw what he wrote and cursed the damn potion.
The other questions were seemingly unrelated, some personal, some abstract. It was towards the end of the exam that he truly felt dread.
He read: “Within the last 5 years, have you experienced any incontinence issues?”
There was absolutely no way he was answering that question, he refused. He knew that the only person reading his results would be Pomfrey but wasn’t this too invasive? He skipped the question and plowed on.
Eventually, the sound of paper rustling eventually grew quieter and quieter, until just a couple of students were still filling in their papers, Remus included. James was throwing little paper notes to Peter, while Sirius leaned back in his chair precariously, eyes closed.
Remus rubbed his temple and set his quill down. He was not going to be answering any more questions. The test was merely a formality anyway. From what James had told him, there would be a spell to accurately determine your classification. The written part of the test was just to ensure there were no discrepancies.
Once the papers were collected, the students were called one by one in alphabetical order, to receive the Aetatis Divisio spell.
Sirius, with his surname being Black, was one of the first to be called up. He threw a wink at Remus, causing his heart to skip a beat, and swaggered out the room into Pomfrey’s office.
Remus grimaced. He had been so selfish, worrying only about himself and his own classification that he had barely spared a thought to Sirius’ own stresses. He was concerned with how his parents would react. He hoped Sirius was a Neutral for his sake. Remus chewed on the nail of his thumb and waited anxiously.
Lilly was one of the next to be called up, which had both Snape and James snapping their heads to attention. Remus could almost imagine their imaginary dog tails wagging in unison at the mere sound of her name.
Unfortunately, a few minutes later, it was Remus’ turn. He stood on wobbly legs, grabbed his paper and deliberately avoided what he was sure was James and Peter’s reassuring gazes.
He opened the door to Pomfrey’s office and took a tentative step inside, making sure to shut the door firmly behind him. Inside the cozy little room were three armchairs. Pomfrey sat on one and smiled warmly at him, gesturing to the chair in front of her.
“Welcome, Remus. Let’s take a little look at your test, shall we?” She said, gently taking the papers that he reluctantly held out to her.
Pomfrey quickly scanned the exam and hummed to herself. “Any particular reason you didn’t fill in all the questions?”
“Uhh…no?” Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
“Well, it won’t be a problem. I think I have enough information to go on.”
Remus blanched at that. What could that possibly mean?
“I have an inkling of what you might be, but before we go into it, do you have any ideas or hopes for your classification?”
“I just want to be a Neutral. Please.” He practically begged.
“You do realize that there’s nothing wrong with any of the classifications, hm? I know that some results may seem like the end of the world to a teenager, but really they’re just natural biological changes. Nothing wrong with that. Especially nowadays, we live in a modern society with plenty of support available and –”
“I know!” Remus snapped. “I know, alright? Just, please.” He said, big eyes boring into hers.
Pomfrey sighed. “Well, let’s get on with it then, shall we? Remember that your classification is out of my control, it’s simply your biological designation.”
Remus pursed his lips.
“First, I should inform you that there are three parts to the spell, which we must conduct. The first is to determine whether you’re a Neutral, the next is to see whether you’re a Caregiver and which kind, and the third is for Littles and will determine the age of the headspace.” She began.
Remus waited impatiently, tapping his fingers on the armrest.
“Furthermore, I should remind you that the majority of the wizarding population are Neutrals at 70% with Caregivers at 25% and Littles at a mere 5%. Caregivers can be classified with Parental or Babysitter type roles. And as for Littles, they can have ages between newborn and 16 years of age. There are babies, toddlers, children, middles and teens. Newborns are the rarest classification, with toddlers and teens a close second. Children and middles make up the majority of the Little population. The teen classification is part of the reason we conduct these tests at 16, because some Littles with a teen presentation cannot present until they turn 16. Once we administer the spell, it will unlock your classification. There is no reversal process and repressing your headspace is highly discouraged as it can lead to severe health issues. If we do not conduct the spell, it can have lasting damage on neural tissue. Understood?”
Remus pursed his lips and gave a barely there nod. The mention of damaged neural tissue and newborn headspaces was terrifying. But luckily, Littles were only 5% of the population, which almost put his mind at ease.
“Right, we best get on with it then...shall we?” Pomfrey said with an air of cheeriness that Remus thought was entirely unnecessary.
She murmured Aetatis Divisio Neutralis and swished her wand in a long swoop in front of his body. He tensed like the strings of an over-tuned guitar and scrunched his eyes closed.
There was silence for a few seconds until Pomfrey suddenly hummed to herself. He peeled his eyes open and she smiled reassuringly at him. “No golden glow.”
“What does that mean?” he asked nervously.
“You’re not a Neutral.”
Remus’ heart sank.
“Now, for the next stage…” she muttered to herself, then swished her wand again with a murmur of “Aetatis Divisio Curantis ”.
He could practically feel the blood pumping through his neck. His tongue felt dry and heavy in his mouth.
“No glow here either…”
“No…” Remus gasped, almost inaudibly. His vision swam before him and his stomach lurched violently. “I think I f-feel…I feel sick.”
“Oh, dear.” Pomfrey said, her eyes widened slightly as she accio’d the bin closer, holding it out to him just in time before he suddenly gagged, vomiting his breakfast.
“Not to worry, that’s a perfectly normal reaction. The classification spell causes a lot of stress on the body.” She said with professional composure, vanishing the contents of the bin.
“Just one more test and you’re free to go. Alright?”
Remus barely acknowledged her, he simply stared down at his shoes, resigned to his fate. In his mind, his thoughts were in overdrive. How could he possibly be a Little? Were there signs that he had missed? Half his life was already out of his control due to his lycanthropy. How could this possibly be fair? He already had to live with the nickname “Loony Lupin”. How was anyone going to respect him now?
“Relax, dear. Your classification isn’t a punishment. Many Littles get a teen or middle presentation and they live quite independent lives. Even those of a child age get by relatively easily on their own. Don’t worry too much, alright?” Pomfrey reassured.
Remus grimaced.
“I will have to warn you though that the spell will trigger a drop, because it will pull forward your headspace so that we can classify it. Because of this, I am required to have a Caregiver present in the room. Even if you classify as a teen, it is important to have one present for your first drop, as it can help foster a comforting and safe environment. I myself am a Neutral. Do I have your consent to bring in an additional person into the room?” Pomfrey asked.
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Remus scoffed.
“You do, but it would be highly inadvisable.”
“Just bring them in.” he huffed.
Pomfrey peaked her head outside the door, leading to the Little’s Playroom and said, “Molly, would you be a dear and join us please?”
Just then, a short, curvy woman with curly ginger hair and rosy cheeks bustled her way inside. The tightness of the robes around her middle had Remus wondering if she was pregnant.
“Remus Lupin, meet Molly Weasley. Molly, Remus.” She introduced. “Molly here used to be a Gryffindor student just like you. She started working as the official Hogwarts Caregiver this year.”
“Poppy, I haven't been a student at Hogwarts for years. I’ve got my own sprogs now, you know. Bill is turning 3 next month and Charlie’s due in 4 months.” she replied, hand resting gently on the curve of her stomach.
“Time really does fly.”
“Can we just get on with it, please?” Remus snapped, immediately feeling guilty. He just couldn’t take the stress of waiting any longer.
“Oh, sorry dear. This must be very stressful for you.” Molly said as she sat down in the armchair beside him and patted his shoulder in an attempt at comfort.
Remus noted begrudgingly that he did feel more relaxed in her presence.
“Alright, here we go.” Pomfrey said, gripping her wand.
Remus whimpered slightly, causing Molly to stroke his arm gently.
“Aetatis Divisio Liberi.” she swished her wand for the final time.
Remus’ eyes glazed over as the spell pulled his headspace to the front of his mind. He seemingly stared at nothing for 10 seconds while Molly held his hand. He blinked, then blinked again.
“Remus, you with us honey?” Molly asked tentatively.
His gaze flicked between the two women, his lower lip wobbling. His fingers twitched.
Molly glanced at Poppy in surprise. “Poppy, you don’t think he’s a…?”
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to check. The forced drop is a stressful experience, so it’s hard to say based on his reaction alone.” she answered, furrowing her brow. Poppy took a step closer to Remus and asked, “Remus, dear. How old are you?”
Remus stared at her unblinking, looking worried as he slipped his index finger into his mouth and started nibbling on it.
“Does that mean he’s…?” Molly asked.
“Still can’t be sure. He might just be shy. But from his reactions, I’m guessing under 5…” Pomfrey said as she searched through the draw in her desk and pulled out some big flashcards.
She approached Remus and held up one with the word KITTEN written on it in large bold letters.
“What does this say, Remus? Can you read it?” She asked.
Remus made an unsure sound and leaned back in the armchair.
“What about this?” she said as she showed him the word DOG.
He blinked at her, seemingly uncomprehendingly.
Molly watched with rapt attention as Poppy placed the flashcards down and took a block letter out of a toy bin in the corner and held up the letter A for him to see.
“What about this, Remus?”
Remus whined, looking confused and unhappy.
Molly rubbed her thumb against the palm of his hand and smiled at him reassuringly. He reached out and tugged on one of her red ringlets.
“Ow.” Molly chuckled, gently prying his hand open and pulling her head away. “No pulling hair, sweetie.”
Pomfrey dug through the toy box again and pulled out a teddy bear.
“Remus, dear, can you look at me please?” she called out.
His big eyes immediately fixated on her again.
“What’s this?” she asked, showing him the toy.
He didn’t reply.
“Come on, you can do it. What’s this toy?”
“’eddy?”
“Teddy, good boy.” Molly beamed, petting his hair.
He smiled shyly back at her.
“And this?” Pomfrey asked, taking an apple from the fruit bowl.
“Apple.” he replied, slightly louder this time.
“Well done!” Molly clapped.
Remus began to wriggle in his seat in excitement, getting more and more happy and confident.
“And this?” Pomfrey said, pointing to the large painting of a sheepdog on the wall.
“Big dog! Biiiiiig doggy!” He squealed, holding his arms out to show just how big it was.
“Wow, you’re so smart!” Molly said.
“More. More!” Remus bounced in his chair.
Pomfrey gave Molly a look and held up two fingers, indicating Remus’ age. Molly nodded and turned to the boy.
“How about a snack, instead? You’ve earned it.”
“‘Nack?” He echoed, looking at her with his big brown eyes.
“Yes. What kind of snack would you like, lovely?” Molly asked.
Remus continued to stare at her. Meanwhile, Poppy was writing down her findings in his patient records.
“How about some pumpkin juice and a choccy biscuit?”
“Ch-Choclit?” He repeated.
“Yes! There’s one in the Little’s Playroom with your name on it!”
“Emus!” He exclaimed, patting his chest.
“Oh yes, that’s right. Your name’s Remus. Clever thing. Let’s go, shall we?”
Molly held her hand out and Remus wiggled down from the chair and cautiously slipped his hand into hers, eyeing her nervously. His legs were a little unsteady, so he clutched onto her a little bit more tightly and stuck to her side like glue. Molly led him slowly out of the office and gave Pomfrey a reassuring smile.
As soon as they left, Pomfrey sighed to herself. “A toddler at Hogwarts? We haven’t had one of those in a long time…and with lycanthropy at that. Merlin.” She muttered, tutting to herself. “A little troublemaker, that one.” she couldn’t help but smile to herself with fond exasperation.