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For as long as Towa could remember, he had always known he was a boy. It didn't matter what everyone else said. He wasn't a girl. He was a boy. Even at such a young age, he knew.
No one had ever really listened to him. A lot of the other members of the tribe laughed at him or thought it was some game he was playing. His parents even just smiled and nodded, but still called him a girl.
Towa still remembered the first time his statement was actually taken seriously. To anyone else it probably seemed like just a basic conversation but to him it meant a lot. To have finally been heard.
"Nii-san... I'm a boy like you, right?"
While Towa had grown used to everyone playing along like this was a fantasy, there was something about how Bamba reacted that made him feel safer talking about this stuff with him.
"Humor your sister in her little delusion. She'll realize soon enough she's too old to be playing pretend like this." The words he had heard his mother once say to Bamba rang in his mind as he waited for an answer.
"Of course you are." Bamba replied, giving the young Towa a soft smile. "You're my little brother."
Hearing those words made Towa smile brightly. There was a voice deep inside trying to tell him that was said just to appease him, but Towa refused to listen to it. He trusted his older brother to not lie to him like that. Bamba had always been the one he looked up to the most.
...
The most defining moment came after his parents had died. It was a sad time, but Towa felt relief at the same time. He didn't have them to keep forcing him to be something he was not.
"Nii-san? Why can't I look more like a boy? Why do mom and dad get mad when I ask?"
"They don't understand. Once you're older, you don't have to listen to them anymore."
This definitely wasn't quite how either brother had expected the freedom to happen, but it was here now. Once some time had passed and the mourning was over, Towa began starting to change his appearance.
It began by asking Bamba if he could get his hair cut short. Bamba had, of course, agreed. He did it himself, seeming to not trust anyone else to try it.
Once it was done, Towa felt so much better. His parents had always forced him to have long hair even though there were girls in the tribe with short hair too.
"Towa, I understand you want to start acting like yourself, but please be careful. You know most of the tribe also doesn't understand anything going on with you. I can't always be there to protect you from them." Bamba told him.
"I know..." Towa mumbled.
He hated that fact. Hated that no one else but his brother seemed to understand. Why didn't they get that he was a boy? Why did everyone insist he was a girl when he kept telling them he wasn't? It was frustrating beyond belief.
"I promise someday it'll get better." Bamba said.
Towa really hoped so. He just wanted to be himself. That was all he had ever wanted. Was that really too much to ask for?
...
Towa grew used to being hated. He didn't know if hated was the right word, but that's what he called it. He knew most of the people calling him a girl still just didn't get him. They weren't inherently trying to be malicious.
He had been quite worried when Bamba had started training with Master Black. What if his existence made things harder for him? No one in the tribe particularly liked the fact Bamba was letting him do all of this stuff.
He had actually ended up eavesdropping on a conversation about him the two of them were having.
"Why does it matter? If it makes him happy, why shouldn't I let him do this?" Bamba was defending his stance.
"Are you sure this isn't going to just make things worse in the future? What if this is just a phase of some sort?"
"You never saw how depressed he was until he got to have control of his life. Whether it is a phase, right now it's what's making him feel better. I can't stand to see him so upset again."
"If you insist this is the path to take, I won't stop you."
"You're not going to harass Towa, are you?"
"I'll treat him as you wish. I suppose he could use another person in his life who doesn't look down on him. I may not understand anything going on, but I'll trust he knows what he wants."
This wasn't the way Towa had expected the conversation to go. He had been fully prepared for another person to reject him as a boy. Though, it only seemed like it was happening because Bamba wasn't budging on his stance on the matter.
...
A lot of time had passed. Towa had grown. He became a lot more confident in himself. So long were the days he had let everyone put him down. He had reached the point where he no longer cared for anyone's opinion on if his existence this way was valid. It was to him and that was all that mattered.
Most of that had come from the outrage at him being allowed to train toward becoming a Ryusoulger. Not many liked the fact Master Black had let him join in on training. Everyone thought his confusion with his gender identity would cause issues with his job.
Towa was proud to say he had proved them all very wrong. He had adapted fast and was growing better every day. It was a bit of a shame that Bamba had said they were leaving the tribe to go off on their own. Now none of them got to see how good he had become.
Bamba had been his biggest support through all of this. He had let him do as he pleased to feel more like himself. He never acknowledged there was a time when Towa hadn't been his little brother. It was nice. He had even been so helpful as to find something similar to that of a binder for Towa to wear to hide his chest.
Towa was grateful his voice was low enough he could convince people he was a boy. Before, his high pitched voice as a young child always gave it away that something was amiss here.
And then it came the day they met the other Ryusoulgers. Towa had been quite nervous for as confident as he had acted when they met. What if they found out that he hadn't been born a boy? Would they reject him?
"Nii-san?" Towa decided to voice his worries that night with Bamba.
"Yes?"
"Do you think... they'd accept me if they knew I wasn't born a boy...?"
Bamba took a while to respond. "I don't know, Towa. We hardly know them. It's hard to say just from that little meeting."
"I hope they wouldn't hate me too..." Towa mumbled, his gaze downcast.
"If they do, I won't let them off easy for what they say."
Towa cracked a smile. "I'm glad to have you with me, nii-san."
"All I want is for you to be happy with yourself."
...
Towa had managed to keep his identity a secret from everyone for quite some time. While he had grown to believe that they all would probably accept him, it was still nerve-wracking to think about. He hadn't ever really told anyone so formally before. Everyone he had told had been when he was a little kid insisting he was a boy. He had no idea how to tell someone now.
Unfortunately, that time may have come before he was ready. It had just been a normal day. For once there was no minosaur or druidon or anything causing problems in the area. Everyone was having a nice day out, enjoying the weather.
That was when his chest started to hurt. Towa was no stranger to that feeling. He wore his binder longer than he knew he should often. But now was not a good time to have to change out of it. Everyone was here. They would... notice. Right?
Towa had managed to pull Bamba away from the others and they hid in an empty area.
"What's wrong?" Bamba picked up on his distress easily. He knew him too well.
"My chest hurts..." Towa mumbled. "But... everyone is... here."
"You can't really keep hiding this forever, Towa. I know it's hard but this is not going to be the only time you come close to being exposed." Bamba said.
"I'm scared..."
"I know. But you have to do something."
"I know..."
"If you want, for now we can just say we're going off on our own. But, you will have to really consider telling them. Next time I might not be here or we can't leave."
"Okay..."
...
The next day, Towa had resolved to trying to tell them. He had little to no idea exactly how to do that, but he would try. He didn't want to keep hiding this from everyone. He wanted them to know.
Everyone was hanging out at the house, including Ui and her father. It was still the morning. There wasn't much to do at this time of day. Not unless something went wrong. That would be quite ironic if they got interrupted during this talk because a minosaur appeared again.
"Um..." Towa finally spoke up after there was a pause in the conversation. "Can I... say something?"
Everyone gave him their attention. Towa gulped. He didn't like the attention even though he had called it onto himself.
"I... wanted to... to tell everyone something..." Towa mumbled. He was struggling to figure out the next words to say.
His sudden change in demeanor was throwing everyone off. Towa could see that easily. No one seemed to know what to make of him becoming to hesitant suddenly.
"I... I um... I wasn't... born a boy... but I am one now. But... I wasn't born that way..." Towa fumbled to explain.
"You were born a girl but are now a boy?" Melto was the first to speak.
Towa nodded. He couldn't find his voice anymore. The fear of how everyone would react was getting to him.
"That's a thing?" Asuna questioned. "Never heard of that before."
"It's quite common actually!" Ui interrupted. "We call that someone being transgender. Basically your body is one gender but your brain is another so it conflicts. Hormone imbalance is a basic explanation of what happens."
"There's a term for it?" Towa's eyes widened at the news. He wasn't crazy? This was something that other people went through?
Ui nodded. "Yep."
Towa managed a smile. "Glad to know I'm not actually crazy for feeling like this..."
"I can show you some resources later to help you understand it better, if you want."
"I'd like that."
"So..." Bamba said, "Everyone is okay with this, correct?"
"Of course."
"Why wouldn't we be?"
"Good." Bamba nodded.
"I'm glad I finally have friends who understand me..." Towa whispered.