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The moment Dong Haitang placed a gentle hand on Hao Jia’s arm, the weight of the touch full of heartbreak and sympathy, was also the moment the realisation crashed in on Hao Jia herself. A year ago, even a few months ago, this realisation would have made her ecstatic; it would have been proof that she had achieved everything she set out to do.

Now, the weight of the realisation sank to the pit of her stomach, making her stagger - as the baby eventually would do, but had neither enough form nor substance to manage just yet.

“Hao Jia Jiejie?” Li Wei’s tentative voice calling her name seemed to be forcing its way through some enormous distance, some wall as thick as that of the Second Young Lord’s palace that was already beginning to close itself around Hao Jia, suffocating her. “Jiejie!”

Hao Jia lifted her eyes and found herself staring into Li Wei’s tearful eyes. It made Hao Jia want to cry as well. But all her tears seemed to be frozen deep inside her now. She could not even bring herself to feel…

“Sit down,” Haitang said gently. Her grip on Hao Jia’s arm only seemed to be firmer than before, and in that moment, Hao Jia felt like that touch was the only force holding her upright.

“Should we call for a physician to confirm this?” Yuan Ying asked, ever practical. “Not one of the imperial physicians, surely, if we want to keep this quiet for now. But it would help to know exactly what we are working with.”

“I’ll get Lidong,” Shuangjiang said quickly, making her way out of the room.

“Even calling for a common physician might be tempting trouble,” Haitang explained to everyone else in the room. “After all of Lao San’s ruckus, people more or less know the owners of this restaurant are connected to the young lords. If it ever gets out that one of us here is with child, that secret would never keep. Lidong used to be an apprentice to a midwife at a common people’s clinic. She was out helping to provide medical treatment to some refugees displaced by flooding when wretched Lao San brought her home. She’s been making sure all our contraceptive pills are in order all these years and faking illnesses when Lao San needs a distraction because she knows how to just make herself ill enough. She should be able to tell if Hao Jia really is…”

Hao Jia heard these words, but they nevertheless all swirled around her, barely making sense. The only thing she knew was that Li Wei was holding her hand tightly, and Shuangguan Jing was behind her, her strong hand firm on Hao Jia’s shoulder, as if she was afraid that Hao Jia would somehow fade away if she didn’t hold on. Hao Jia felt like she could. She wished she could.

“Hao Jia Jiejie, it will be all right,” Li Wei said softly. “No matter what, we’re all here for you, whatever you decide to do.”

“Decide?” Hao Jia’s own voice sounded disconnected from her, as if someone had taken over her body. “What is there to decide? If - if it is true, I cannot - “

“Let’s just see if it’s true, first,” Bailu said soothingly when Hao Jia’s voice broke and she couldn’t continue.

At that moment, the door opened again and Shuangjiang returned with Lidong beside her. Everyone who had so far been gathered in a circle around Hao Jia as if to protect her now found their seats as Lidong pulled up a chair next to Hao Jia.

“Hao Jia,” Lidong said, taking her free hand but not taking her pulse. “Do you want to talk about this in private?”

Hao Jia looked numbly around, and saw only concern looking back at her. How was it possible such care from her sisters both warmed her heart and cut her anew with realisation of how much ice she had been drowning under all this time? For how long had she struggled to breathe without realising it?

What was the point of hiding now? Hao Jia already knew what Lidong’s eventual conclusion would be. She didn’t think she could move from her current seat at all as it was. She was just glad both Li Wei and Shangguan were still holding on to her like all their lives depended on it.

Looking back at Lidong, Hao Jia shook her head.

“Are you sure?” Lidong pressed, and Hao Jia nodded.

There was no miracle, of course. Lidong was so close, Hao Jia could see the moment her eyes darkened and her contemplative expression fell into resignation. As Lidong met her gaze, Hao Jia didn’t need the verbal confirmation at all. As it was, it took all her strength to not throw up again, for real this time, for a completely different reason than whatever havoc this baby was wreaking on her body.

No…it wasn’t the child’s fault. It was no one’s fault but Hao Jia’s. Every step she had taken that had her arriving here had been her own. Hao Jia had no one to blame but herself.

“This doesn’t change anything!” Shangguan said, moving from where she had been standing behind Hao Jia to take a seat beside her. “Hao Jia Jiejie, you don’t have to tell anyone else outside this room this news. You can still get away.”

Hao Jia laughed bitterly. Surely Shangguan was joking. “How could I ever get away now?”

“Of course you can,” Yuan Ying said. Insane as it seemed, neither she nor Shangguan looked like they were joking at all. “If anything, Hao Jia, you deserve to get away from him more than ever now. Your child deserves it. Do you really think he would truly be a good father to this child, given how he treats you?”

Hao Jia did not know the answer to this question. She didn’t know anything anymore. Everything she thought she knew, everything she had gambled away and only resulted in her current failure seemed only to be mocking her now, with how naive she had been all this time.

“Hao Jia, if the Second Young Lord knows about this child, he will preserve you now until the child is born,” Haitang said. “If it is a boy, perhaps he will treat you a little better, but he already has two daughters born from his concubines. They might as well not exist for all anyone cares. But Hao Jia, you know what kind of man he is. Lao San is merely neglectful and a fool, but the Second Young Lord is another type of cruelty altogether. I know - I know, as Yin Song's son, perhaps the end goal of the throne of Xinchuan is in the child's grasp, but think how many ways he would suffer - perhaps not physically, but in many other different ways - before he could ever get there…”

“For this child to have the throne, then one day Yin Song must have it,” Hao Jia said, more to herself than anyone else. “How many else would also suffer on the way?”

No one answered her, but they all knew.

Hao Jia wished she could cry. She had thought herself so smart, but in the end, maybe she was just the dumb, foolish girl that her father and official mother had always deemed her to be. After all, how could she have calculated it all so wrong? She never wanted any of this. She only ever wanted a life that was her own.

And now, her sisters were offering her a chance to truly have a life of her own, where she would only need to answer to herself, and no one else. Could she take it? Could she be brave enough?

Hao Jia looked around her and saw earnest faces looking back at her. Just as she was beginning to feel dizzy with hope, almost all at once, the reality of it all crashed in on her.

“I still cannot run away. I cannot be so selfish. I cannot bring disaster down on my family.”

“You do not have to worry about your family, Yin Song would not dare do anything to them,” Yuan Ying said.

Hao Jia didn’t know how she could speak with such confidence or authority. Was it only because it was not her own family’s lives at stake?

Perhaps Hao Jia’s thoughts showed on her face, because Yuan Ying explained, more gently, “The rules about how young lords’ concubines are not permitted to send letters home extend to the young lords themselves, as well. The whole point is to limit the influence of the young lords’ wives’ families and of other states on the young lords of Xinchuan. Do you think it is only the young lords who watch closely who their wives and concubines communicate with? The Lord of Xinchuan keeps an eye out for undue outside influences on his sons as well. The Second Young Lord will not be able to take any action, for good or for ill, against your family or Yanchuan without drawing the ire of his father. You are not a big enough reason for the Lord of Xinchuan to tolerate the Second Young Lord reaching out to demonstrate his power.”

Hao Jia trusted that Yuan Ying understood the world of politics enough that her words could be taken as reasonable. And yet, she still could not be entirely at ease. “It is not just my family. So many other people might be hurt and affected by this, like my servants, like you all. I cannot save myself and leave everyone else to bear the consequences.”

Li Wei shook her head and squeezed Hao Jia's hand almost painfully. “No, Hao Jia Jiejie, you do not have to worry about all of that. We can make arrangements for ourselves, you have to trust us on that. You have to know that if you want to get away, we will all help you. And it is not just your safety you must consider. You must think of the baby's future too. There are ways to save both of you, and anyone else who you think might be harmed by your leaving. You just have to believe it. You just have to want it and say the words, and even if we have to turn over heaven and earth to make it happen, we will!”

When Hao Jia returned to Yin Song that day, she told him nothing of what she and her sisters had discussed. For a moment, she was almost afraid the heightened colour in her cheeks, the result of the day’s planning, would give him suspicion that something was afoot. Thankfully, in the end, he only dismissively waved her away from his study when she could report nothing about the Delicacies of the Nine States that he did not already know.

“The important thing is, of course, to protect yourself physically without letting him suspect why,” Haitang reminded her before she left the restaurant. “As distasteful as it can be, if you can, try to be as agreeable to him as you can be, until you can get away. He…is not usually rough in bed with you, is he?”

No, at least in that aspect, he never had been. Or perhaps, if he had been, Hao Jia might have been clued to his true nature earlier. Nevertheless, she was still relieved when he made no sign that he would impose his presence on her that night.

For the first time in a long time, Hao Jia thought she could breathe.

Hope, she realised, could be a dangerous drug indeed, if this all fell apart in the end.

The only other person Hao Jia dared to confide her plans to was Luming.

“In a way, it is a good thing that the Second Young Lord has reduced the numbers of servants in my quarters to just you,” Hao Jia said to her maid in the depth of the night, when she could be sure no one but the heaven and earth, herself and Luming could hear.

He certainly would only have himself to blame when he eventually realised that he should have bothered to keep a closer watch on her. Hao Jia knew too well that Yin Song now thought she was so well kept under his thumb that she would never dare tempt his wrath to escape. Perhaps, if she were all alone, that might be true. But she wasn’t alone.

“But still, I cannot be at ease if I put you in danger too,” Hao Jia told Luming.

“My lady, ever since you came here, you have always treated me kindly. I know the Second Young Lord is not one to depend on. If you can be free, even if I had to give my life - “

“No, Luming, I cannot permit that,” Hao Jia cut her off gently. She had been unsure of this part of the plan before, but somehow, now, in the face of Luming’s loyal offer of sacrifice, Hao Jia couldn’t help but feel braver. “We are both trapped here, in our own ways. If I can seize my own freedom, you can too. If you are willing, you can come with me, or you can just leave, and enjoy your own life away from here.”

“But my indenture document is with the Department of Internal Affairs,” Luming said tearfully. “And even if I were free, I still cannot let my family suffer for me.”

But of course, being so familiar with the management of great households as Yuan Ying was, she had already thought of this. It was the only reason Hao Jia had returned to Yin Song’s manor at all, to buy time so that affairs could be put in order.

“In a few days’ time, I will request the Department of Internal Affairs to review the household documents of the Sixth Young Lord, and I will ask Su Shen to accompany me,” Yuan Ying said. “He still retains many useful connections with the eunuchs of the Department of Internal Affairs and will be able to distract them to give me enough time alone with the records to remove Luming’s indenture document. There is only ever one copy of such document, and one should be grateful for the meticulously methodical recording keepings in the court of Xin.”

“Once Luming is essentially free,” Shangguan added, “we can arrange for her and her family to move either to Danchuan or Yingchuan. In Danchuan, they will have the protection of my sister, though the weather in Yingchuan might be more beneficial to Luming’s mother’s health. Sisi’s family has land plentiful and will look after them there.”

“But will Fifth Young Madam and Seventh Young Madam’s families truly take so much upon themselves to protect such lowly strangers as my family and me?” Luming asked Hao Jia breathlessly.

“Jingjing and Sisi are both my sisters, my good friends. If they are sure their family will help, I believe them,” Hao Jia said. Even as she said this, she was almost surprised that she truly did believe this.

“If Luming successfully leaves with you, you do not have to worry so much about her family. Hiding them away is only a precaution,” Yuan Ying had also reassured Hao Jia earlier. “When you first leave, Yin Song will be too occupied with chasing you, he will not immediately consider accounting for those adjacent to you like Luming and her family, and using them for leverage, until too long has passed. The world is wide, it will be easy enough for them to hide safely.”

Zhao Fangru could not quite place her finger on it, but something was going on in the household that she was unaware of. And for once, it was not Yin Song’s doing.

No, Hao Jia had been acting strange. For one thing, her appetite had been low, to the point that even Fangru could not help but notice. The girl had never exactly been a glutton before, but now, her morning meals seemed to return to the kitchen untouched. If she ate anything at all, it seemed to only be plain congee.

If Fangru didn’t know any better, she would call an imperial physician for his opinion.

She really should, if she could bring herself to feel any more loyalty for Yin Song. But the accidental discovery of how he had been drugging her tea for all these years to ensure she could never be in the situation Hao Jia may well be right now, had sapped her heart of any lingering tender feelings she had left.

She still had not told him that she knew. What would be the point? She didn’t think that he knew she had discovered his secret. Yin Song surely would not deliberately reveal it to her like this, not after he had kept it for so long. It surely had only been the slip of a servant girl’s hand that made her tea taste more bitter than even the usual honey could mask, that made Fangru send her maid sleuthing around the kitchen.

And now, to think, Hao Jia might have achieved what Fangru had so longed for, all these years. The empathy of knowing they both suffered under Yin Song was not enough to tide the envy within her.

And yet, Hao Jia seemed almost determined to keep it a secret. For what purpose? Was it only until she could be sure that the child was stable in the womb? It could not be a secret forever. Sooner or later, it would come out, one way or another.

It was otherwise an unremarkable day. If it wasn’t for the threatening rain that hung heavy in the air, sending Fangru out into the courtyard in the hope of a breeze, she might have missed it altogether. But as it was, she caught the tail of Hao Jia’s gown and her maid slipping out of the backdoor of the manor.

She had snuck out before, but it was different this time, somehow. It was like the rain that fell, only moments after Hao Jia left - rain that should have been falling for many days now but had been suspended by the heavens, suffocating the earth in this bubble of humid, stale air.

The rain fell, and it immediately felt as if the world - with Fangru in it - had just taken a deep lungful of good, clean, air.

When Hao Jia left, Fangru was still not quite sure what Hao Jia’s plans had been. But when both she and Luming failed to return that night, Fangru could not bring herself to feel very surprised.

“What kind of mistress of the household are you, that she can slip away right under your nose?” Yin Song screamed at her when it was clear that Hao Jia was nowhere to be found within the manor.

What kind of husband are you, that your wife would rather face the world alone than stay with you? Fangru wanted to ask.

“Your Highness,” she said calmly instead, “ever since Hao-shi entered the household, you have never been happy when I attempted to curb her comings and goings. That power was only yours, and I defer to you on this matter. If there had been more servants in Hao-shi’s quarters, perhaps more people would be aware of her movements, but as it was, the only servant that frequently waits on her is also gone.”

If Hao Jia was truly gone, Fangru wasn’t going to offer Yin Song the name of her accomplice if she could help it. But perhaps Fangru was being too careful for nothing. After all, Yin Song was still too occupied by Hao Jia’s flight to turn his thoughts to a lowly maid and her name.

“She has gone to seek refuge at that bastard Lao Liu, I’m sure of it! Or that ridiculous restaurant of those women? Does she think just because that idiot Lao San is useless enough to let his women insult him by running away that I would sit by and tolerate the same with her? She will regret this when I catch her, I will make her - “

Even Yin Song, as the heir to Xinchuan and the whole empire, could not launch a raid of any of his brothers’ manors without cause in the middle of the night, but his household guards were more than enough to demand entrance into a restaurant ostensibly not associated with them long after closing hours.

“They knew, they knew I would come looking, those bitches! They acted shocked and surprised, but they were practically throwing doors open to prove that she’s not there! I’ll find her and she’ll regret the hour she ever thought about running away!”

Fangru had tuned out Yin Song’s tirade the moment he returned home looking even more furious than before, proving that he had failed in finding Hao Jia at the restaurant. As her husband raged and drank himself into a furious stupor in the background, Fangru allowed herself an imperceptible sigh of relief. So Hao Jia was not at the restaurant, and surely was clever enough to not put Li Wei or any of the other young lords’ wives in danger by hiding in their manors.

In any case, Fangru didn’t think she wanted to know where Hao Jia was at all. Even if the curious suspicion she had been harbouring these past few days burned even more strongly inside her now as she wondered if the reason Hao Jia had finally decided to run away now, was because she now had more than just her own safety and future to worry about.

“The darkest place is at the foot of the candle, the most dangerous place is the safest place,” Bailu said. “I know the instinct is to have Hao Jia go as far away from here as possible, but in order to get to Danchuan, to Yingchuan, or to Jichuan where your families will harbour her, she must be exposed on the roads, and in such a delicate condition. So why not hide here, in the heart of Xinchuan, until all is well, and the fuss and searches have died down?”

“But where?” Li Wei asked. “The Second Young Lord will tear the city apart looking for her.”

“No, he will tear this restaurant, and all your manors apart, looking for her,” Bailu said. “When he does not find her in any of these places, he will look to the four winds. There are places he will never think to look and there is where Hao Jia hides.”

“I’m afraid I’m crowding and inconveniencing you all,” Hao Jia said apologetically to Song Wu as together they smoothed the blanket on the bed. “It will only be even more crowded once the baby is born, though I rather hope I would have figured out a different arrangement by then.”

“Are you kidding?” Song Wu said, jumping up and taking Hao Jia’s hand. “Do you think I would just throw you out onto the street when you’re with child, what do you take me for? Now that you’re here, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon, you have to have the baby here with us!”

“But - “

“There’s no but about it! Don’t worry about it being crowded or inconvenient either! Do you think just because I gave up a title that Madam He let me get married without any dowry at all, even if it had to come out of her own personal funds? I am grateful to her for it, so while we live more modestly than I am used to before, we still have enough. If you don’t mind, we certainly don’t mind. Ever since Song Wu and I got married, we’ve had Xiao Mei sleep by herself, and I’m afraid she has been unused to it. She will be thrilled to have Aunty Hao Jia sleep with her, and she might as well prepare to be a big sister with your baby!”

Hao Jia couldn’t help but smile, both at Song Wu’s exuberance and her words. “Oh, why does Xiao Mei need practice? Are you - “

“No!” Song Wu cried, her cheeks reddening. More softly but still bashfully, she continued, “No…not yet…”

Hao Jia chuckled, and decided not to embarrass her generous hostess further by pressing. Still, she added, “It is still funny, though, that you refused to let Xiao Mei call you aunty before. But you say she should call me aunty now. And you call me older sister. The hierarchy is all mixed up.”

“Oh, it is confusing!” Song Wu said with a laugh. “I suppose it would make more sense for Xiao Mei to call you jiejie as well. Oh, but Hao Jia Jiejie, I really am glad that you are here!”

“Are you?” Hao Jia couldn’t help but feel suddenly guilty now, even as Song Wu gripped her hand excitedly. After all, she had imposed herself on Song Wu and her husband very early into their married life. Surely no bride could truly be glad for that.

“I am happy for you!” Song Wu exclaimed. “Let me tell you, I sat with the Tenth Young Lord for all of half an incense stick’s time, and I was ready to stab myself with my hairpin! I cannot think that his brother is much better! I am glad you are free of all that now! Truly! And Li Wei always speaks so highly of you. I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together, and that’s my fault, but we have the chance to know each other better now!”

“Are you not worried that my being here will put you and your family in danger? Your husband is taking the next imperial exams and might gain a position in court. I do not wish for him to be disadvantaged by my being here.”

Song Wu only laughed. “Isn’t it the whole point that the Second Young Lord will not think of looking for you here? Even if he even thinks of the possibility of you hiding with me, I doubt he ever considered me of enough importance to even remember what kind of man I married. Even if my husband passes the exams and gains a position in court, I do not think the Second Young Lord will pay him any attention, and more’s the relief! Let’s not worry too much about it, all right? All the others will murder me if I didn’t take care of you and let you get too stressed!”

Yin Song was not a man who took defeat easily, or with grace. Even when the defeat was brought down by the hands of his own father and monarch.

“Your Majesty, you must permit me to search all of their manors! I am sure she must be hiding in one of them!”

“I must do nothing!” the Lord of Xinchuan snapped at his son. “What message do you think it sends if I permit my heir to search the manors of other young lords? What chaos will reign in court then? Or do you want to announce to the world the real cause of you going on this rampage?”

“Surely you do not expect me to just accept this!” Yin Song shouted. “This indignity, this outrage! What a laughing stock will our imperial power be if we take this so meekly?”

“Our imperial power?” the Lord asked, his voice now dangerously low. “Take care how you speak, boy.”

Fuming as he was, even Yin Song was not immune to fear when the dragon bared his fangs.

“Your Majesty, I only meant, surely Yanchuan, or Hao-shi’s family, must pay for her insolence. It is our - your - right - “

“Do you mean to wage war over a woman? What tales of corrupt monarchs and fallen empires were not built on the foundations of such foolishness? Continue speaking, and you will be asking me to consider whether you are fit for this position of heir to the throne!”

“His Majesty and Second Brother are occupied, I will no longer disturb,” Yin Zheng said quietly to the attending eunuch outside the Lord of Xinchuan’s chamber, before withdrawing. As he walked into the fresh air outside, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

So it seemed his father was not indulgent enough of his brother to permit Yin Song to throw the world into chaos over Hao Jia. They had more or less predicted this, but the mind of the dragon nevertheless could often move in mysterious ways. It was good to have it confirmed.

“I did not stay to hear it,” he told Li Wei and Yuan Ying later that evening, “but I do not doubt he would move to divorce Zhao Fangru next, for letting Hao Jia go. But her family owns half the mines in Daichuan, and Xinchuan is so dependent on their resources now. I do not expect Father to seriously entertain such a thought. At least, if he agreed to it, Second Brother would have acted on it and we would have heard something already.”

“That’s good to know,” Li Wei said, letting out a heavy breath. “Hao Jia Jiejie had been worried about that almost as much as she worried for Luming.”

Yuan Ying, on the other hand, was completely calm. “Hao Jia should never have been concerned. I have not spent much time with Second Young Madam, but from what I see, she has survived this long as his wife, with neither favour nor children. She is no fool, and would have enough leverage and resources to protect herself. The Lord of Xinchuan would never permit one of his sons, even his heir, to divorce his wife over a concubine, not if he ever expects to keep order in his own harem as well.”

“What about…when he no longer has the Lord of Xinchuan to stop him?” Li Wei asked in a hushed voice. “Maybe he can be deterred now from moving against Hao Jia Jiejije’s family and Yanchuan now, but what about later?”

Yuan Ying turned to Yin Zheng, who was silent for a long moment.

“I think the next step might be to ensure the day will never come that he has the power to do anything at all,” Yuan Ying finally said, when Yin Zheng still did not speak.

Yin Zheng’s only answer to this was to clench his fist in his lap. Yuan Ying smiled in satisfaction, while Li Wei could only suck in a breath of concern.

Had she been a simpleton all of this time? How did it take until this moment for her to realise that her husband’s long game was leading up to this?

Yuan Ying had known all along. That was what she had meant, that she would help establish him in court. It was Li Wei’s fault that she never considered what they were establishing him for.

“Yin Zheng…”

“If he could be a benevolent monarch, I would not overstep,” Yin Zheng said, a new steely determination in his eyes now. “But even just looking at how he treats his family, I cannot stand by and let him…”

He did not say the words, but his meaning was clear enough. Yin Zheng closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened his eyes again, he turned to smile reassuringly at Li Wei. “Do not worry about me. I have not been idle. I will not move until I know I have all the pieces in place. This is a chess game where I can only win, because I know what I will lose.”

“Still, the Second Young Lord must know Li Wei and I have some hand in Hao Jia’s flight,” Yuan Ying said. “He will not make things easy for you from here on out.”

Yin Zheng only smiled grimly. “I have stepped out of my obscurity and into the light. He’s going to make things difficult for me sooner or later. Do not worry, I can deal with him, I promise you both.”

It was said that, these many years, Second Young Madam Zhao Fangru only ever left the manor to go pay respect to the ladies of the palace. Even then, encountering her in the palace was a rare occasion. So Li Wei could not be faulted for being surprised when she and Yuan Ying encountered Zhao Fangru in the palace one day, outside of Madam He’s palace, of all places.

They exchanged pleasantries. For a moment, Li Wei thought that would be all.

Then, in a voice quiet enough to be lost in the wind, Zhao Fangru said, “I know you will not tell me where she is. That is for the best. But I sincerely hope she is well.” Her voice pitched even lower now. “That they are well.”

Li Wei lifted her eyes and stared at her. Then, seeing nothing but sincerity, Li Wei simply nodded.

Zhao Fangru continued, “I admit, I am envious of her. She dared to reach out to the support she has…I used to think I could be that brave, once. But perhaps, not anymore.”

It was not wise to have this conversation, if the exasperated look Yuan Ying was giving them both was any indication. But Li Wei couldn’t help but say, “You don’t have to keep living like this either.”

Zhao Fangru almost smiled. “Oh, but I think I do.” There was a long pause. “But…if one day, he does forsake me, will you take me?”

Li Wei didn’t know if what she was feeling was a sudden strike of courage or foolishness, but she reached out to grasp Zhao Fangru’s hand. “We all look forward to that day!”