Chapter Text
Within a month Sephiroth was able to pay for a much bigger and cleaner apartment. A red brick studio in one of the surviving apartment blocks that used to be on the upper plate. The neighbourhood was still rough, which was perhaps why he was able to sign the lease at all, but it was a step up from the rat and mould infested rooms he’d started with.
Work for the Trio mainly involved the movement of unspecified goods to various people or places. Security in Edge was laughable compared to the Shinra days, but the system was as a whole much more efficient. If caught Sephiroth might not be beaten with charge sticks, but he would find himself arrested and properly imprisoned in due course. Shinra didn’t have a judicial system. If you were accused of breaking one of Shinra’s many rules you were sent to Hojo for experimentation and that was that.
As it was, he settled into a routine. The usual shifts at the bakery, a spot of smuggling for the Trio and when he had time he continued to watch Cloud from afar. He was not a regular visitor to the WRO, so finding him proved difficult but Sephiroth was lucky enough one day to follow him from a meeting with Rufus all the way through the city to a bar in what used be the Sector Seven slums. The ruins were cleared and without an upper plate to speak of, residents just called it Seven.
Sitting at an adjacent bar and sipping beer, he watched the comings and goings with interest. One by one he clocked the former members of Avalanche, tiny specks that destroyed his godhood when he was on the precipice of eternity. He hadn’t even really hated them, they were nothing, just companions to Cloud who he loved as much as he hated. Watching them going about their business was intriguing, now he acknowledged they had agency in their own right.
The man with the gun hand, Barret, was loud and abrasive but he treated a little girl as though she was a precious flower. Cid was just as loud, a cigar always hanging out of his mouth. Yuffie, the Wutai Princess, seemed spirited and fun. The one with the beast, Vincent, he’d only seen once but he was a void compared to the fragile, intense humanity of the rest. When he finally saw the owner he was struck terribly by the past. A young girl in a cowboy hat whose home he destroyed in a senseless rampage, a sacrifice for Mother. If they knew he was there they showed no sign. Mostly he was content watching from afar as Cloud basked quietly in their presence.
They had bonded during wartime, he supposed, and it made Sephiroth ache for his own losses. A couple of times he thought he saw them, but decided that even if it was possible for them to have returned as well, he did not want to see or talk to them.
Angeal and Genesis were the first people he ever trusted and they betrayed him. Ran away with their pain and their secrets, destroying the life they had built in spite of Shinra and all its demands, leaving Zack behind to try and pick up the pieces. A feat impossible to do.
After growing comfortable and almost complacent with the situation, he should have expected to find himself in a confrontation at some point. And when it came he was not remotely prepared.
Returning to his studio after a double shift at the bakery followed by a long trek across the city for the Trio, Sephiroth was aching, tired and eager to collapse in his bed. So of course the lights were on and he had guests waiting for his return. Growling with frustration he slammed the door open and demanded to know what the hells was going on.
Zack jumped and spun around, reaching for a weapon that was no longer there. Cloud’s friend Tifa flinched but kept her composure. She was seated at the table, a bottle of beer and a newspaper open in front of her.
“I hope you don’t mind.” she said politely, “ We let ourselves in.”
Sephiroth eyed her, “Of course not.” he removed his coat, it was growing cold in Midgar as the seasons started to change and it was unusual to notice them, “I hardly think I’m the right person to lecture on appropriate boundaries.”
“Ain’t that right.” Zack muttered, scratching the back of his head, “What the hell’s going on dude?”
“Nothing.” Sephiroth responded, grabbing a bottle of wine and three glasses from the kitchen, “And don’t call me dude.”
Zack pulled a face, “That’s the same at least.”
Sephiroth took a seat at the table opposite Tifa, pushing a glass towards her which she accepted. At the beginning she was in the shadow of the Ancient, most beings were apart from Cloud and during their struggle he’d mostly dismissed her. Before he had been consumed with the loss of Angeal and Genesis and hadn’t really heard Cloud’s stories about Tifa beyond being wildly jealous that someone else out there had his love and attention. Some part of him believed that by burning down Nibelheim and all those terrible people that had hurt him might bring them closer together. Death for Jenova who craved it, and for his love who was slipping through his fingers no matter what he tried. Apart from being honest, he supposed. He could have tried that.
“To what do I owe this visit?” he asked.
“You’ve been stalking us for months!” Zack cried, “Why do you think we’re here!”
Tifa took a dainty sip from her glass, “No, he’s been stalking Cloud for months.”
Sephiroth merely smiled, “Quite.” he cut a glance at Zack who was bouncing on the balls of his feet looking nervous, “Did he send you?”
“No.” Zack replied, “He knows what you’re doing but beyond saying he’s used to it, he won’t do anything else. It’s driving me nuts. So we’re here.”
“Why?” Sephiroth asked, rubbing a sore shoulder muscle, “I’ve been staying out of your way. If it helps, I haven't had a single impulse to destroy the Planet in at least a month.”
“Not funny.” Zack muttered.
“No I suppose it’s not.” he sipped from his glass, “It is true though.”
Grumbling Zack pulled out a chair and settled beside Tifa. He looked much the same as he had all those years ago, spiky black hair, heavily muscled and overflowing with energy. He took the glass waiting for him and fiddled with it, shooting Sephiroth nervous looks under his lashes.
“You don’t want to hurt him?”
Sephiroth looked outside to the lights and bustle below, “No.”
“That didn’t stop you before.” Zack pointed out, very reasonably, “Even when you were trying to love him, you still managed it.”
“Yes, well, on reflection we never had the healthiest of dynamics. I should have listened to you from the beginning and stayed away.”
Zack raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “I’m sorry what?”
“The power imbalance was skewed too much in my favour and Cloud was too young, too eager to please. Neither of us could have told you what a healthy relationship looked like.” he sipped from his glass and met Tifa’s gaze, “I would not take it back, however.”
She made a soft, thoughtful noise, “He would, in a heartbeat.”
It shouldn’t have gutted him so much, to hear her say it so casually but it did. And worse, she saw that it did.
“Well of course.” he kept his composure but her gaze was penetrating, she knew exactly how much that hurt, “With everything that happened, I can understand why he might view it as a mistake.”
Zack stared at him in disbelief and huffed, “Planet, I thought Cloud had a gift for understatement but you are on a whole new level.”
Sephiroth dropped some of his manners and bared his teeth in a vicious snarl, “I murdered your partner and almost turned this planet into a ship to sail the stars in. Understatement feels like the most appropriate way to talk around the horrors I inflicted.”
Zack met his glare, hand tightening into a fist. He looked ready to pounce when Tifa pressed a gloved hand to his wrist. Zack paused but he continued to bristle with rage. Shoving the chair back he helped himself to one of Sephiroth’s more expensive bottles of whiskey and took a deep swig. He slammed it on the table and leaned down so they were eye to eye.
“You don’t get to talk about her.” Zack pointed in his face, “Not like that! Do you understand?”
Sephiroth snarled back, “With the truth?”
“Is it true though?” Tifa’s calm voice shocked them both out of their standoff. She refilled her wine and Sephiroth’s, and shot Zack a quelling look. Huffing in annoyance Zack sat back down, pointedly taking the bottle with him and balancing the chair back on his legs with the most disrespect he could muster.
“I don’t follow your meaning.” Sephiroth stated and took a long sip of his drink to buy time.
“We’ve never really figured out which bits were you and which bits were her.” Tifa stated, “We know why Jenova would want Aerith dead. She was the last Cetra and she had a grudge. As far as we can tell, you would have been Hojo’s subjects at the same time, you may have even had a hand in protecting her. It just doesn’t map.”
Sephiroth sighed, “Our will was one.”
“Jenova would have wanted Cloud dead.”
“I did try.”
“I know and I don’t think you were pulling your punches.” she tapped the table thoughtfully, clearly trying to put her words in order, “I think the superiority and the arrogance were real. I think being completely out of touch with reality even before you embraced her headless body in Nibelheim was real.” she sipped from her drink and Sephiroth waited in silence for her judgement, “It’s just the rest of it I don’t buy, apart from the way you tortured Cloud. I think that was the most authentic part of the entire shitshow.”
Sephiroth frowned and looked away, trying to frame a response that would not make him feel entirely stripped down and vulnerable. It was impossible. The subject matter was one that even after a year of solid reflection he still could not fully grasp. Jenova had made it that way intentionally.
“All she knew was pain.” Sephiroth said carefully, looking into the pale gold liquid and trying to parse his thoughts. Tifa’s opinion mattered, perhaps even more than Cloud’s. She was the one he trusted the most on the Planet and if she told Cloud to stay away. Well, he might ignore her advice but he would feel guilty about it. Though that was perhaps getting ahead of himself. He still didn’t know what he was doing here after all.
Tifa sipped from her drink, nodded and added noncommittally, “I see.”
“My entire life I was a test subject, isolated and tortured on Hojo’s whim. It felt familiar. Her rage and distress, chained behind a pane of glass unable to act in the world in the way her nature dictated.” he sighed and refilled his glass, it was rather pleasant wine and pushed the bottle towards Tifa, “They didn’t just build a weapon, they created a bomb. I still don’t know what Hojo was trying to achieve by putting me in her orbit. Perhaps he thought he could control her, or more likely he hadn’t counted on Cloud interfering with his plans.”
Tifa frowned, and looked over his shoulder lost in her own memories of that terrible week, “Cloud thinks you were starting to break out of your conditioning and the mission was a way to kill two birds with one stone. Bring Jenova online and get you to kill your last link to mortality in one blow.”
Sephiroth frowned, he’d never thought of that before but there did seem some truth to it. The only person that might know Hojo as well as he was Cloud, and possibly Zack who continued to glare into the middle distance, chucking back whiskey.
“That wouldn’t surprise me. I’ve never really made sense of the timing. And Hojo was unusually fixated on Cloud, no matter how I tried to keep his attention elsewhere.”
“He punished him more than me.” Zack said, the chair dropping with a loud bang as he landed, “More mako, more injections, more testing. He should have died. He shouldn’t have been able to stand back up, even if he decided he should be me to survive.”
“He was chosen of the Planet.” Tifa said, quiet but determined, “And he is my best friend. I loved him when Nibelheim hated him, when he didn’t know who he was.”
“Does he know now?” Sephiroth asked, as almost an academic question. Cloud’s sense of self was always up for grabs, that’s why he wanted him so much all those years ago. Such a beautiful, insecure creature who rarely spoke his mind simply because he did not know it. Sephiroth only recognised love through fear and awe, and Cloud had that in abundance.
“Of course!” Tifa looked duly insulted on Cloud’s behalf, “He always did! Even now you can’t help yourself, can you? He’s always been the man that shoved a sword through the heart of the man he loved. Yes he was young and inexperienced but he wasn’t naive Sephiroth. Nibelheim had beaten that out of him at an early age.”
Sephiroth looked away, unable to hold her fierce gaze. He knew he had a tendency to delude himself, create a reality of lies because he was too cowardly to face the truth. Yes, Cloud was stronger than he ever gave him credit for. It was just a strength he never thought mattered. Blades and blood, control through fear and domination. Sephiroth valued that kind of power. Cloud’s slight frowns and quiet disagreements never made an impact on his arrogant self regard, so he discounted and forgot them and reshaped the memories to suit his own narrative. Zack and Genesis were free and fierce with all their emotions, anger included. Angeal rarely allowed himself to reach the point when his temper would tip into true rage, but when he did it was often a sight to behold. Sephiroth barely felt functional emotions at the best of times. Cloud was different from them all, his delicate quiet a mask for powerful emotions moving beneath the surface. Powerful enough to stop Jenova in her tracks, over and over and over again.
“I take your point.” he admitted with a sigh, “That was unkind of me.”
Zack snorted, “Right, kindness.”
“I understand why Tifa is here.” Sephiroth snapped, “She has guarded Cloud’s heart all her life. He is not your sweet little pet any longer, he does not need your protection.”
Zack’s eyes narrowed, face freezing over into fury. Yes, that was the nerve he’d been hoping to touch. It did not pass his notice all those years ago how devoted Zack had been. Yes, Aerith was his girlfriend and refuge away from the harsh military life of Shinra. But he had followed Cloud around like a hangdog puppy, begging for love and affection, glowing with each small smile he received. He had never approved of their relationship, perhaps with good reason, but whatever his feelings for Cloud he had never acted on them.
“He is my friend.” Zack said through a clenched jaw.
“Are you still telling yourself that?” Sephiroth asked, tone light and amused even as he felt anything but, “Interesting.”
“You got to him first.” Zack couldn’t contain his bitterness, “I never stood a chance against the Great Sephiroth.”
“You were in love with Aerith.” Sephiroth said silkily, he would always revel in his victory, tearing Cloud away from the sweet, friendly, charismatic young SOLDIER that barrelled unwillingly into his life, “It seems you forget that.”
“I could never.” he sighed, expression torn and complicated, “I wanted them both, and I wanted to stop you getting your claws into him. I knew nothing good would ever come of it and I was right.”
“Without Cloud there would be no Planet.” Tifa interjected quietly, “And it was Sephiroth’s obsession that allowed him to get close enough to save us.”
“Put like that.” Sephiroth agreed, “It seems almost destined.”
Zack closed his eyes as though in pain, “I don’t know why I came here. You’re just as terrible as you always were.”
He stood up and strode away. Sephiroth watched him go, feeling that sweet terrible malice spread inside his heart and mind. He’d always hated Zack, who had everything come to him so easily. Soaking up Mako like a sponge, barely touched by it’s poison, beloved by all across Shinra for his perfectly wholesome hero persona. Angeal and Genesis adored him, though the latter might have disguised it better. And Cloud, who was more relaxed and at ease in his presence than anyone else, even Sephiroth. It was galling. How dare he come here, to his home, and demand what? Sephiroth back off and leave Cloud, the single being in all the universe that could hold him to account and give him the rich, beautiful love he had always been denied.
“I’d like you to stop watching us.” Tifa said quietly, “It’s freaking everyone out. If you don’t want to talk to us, that’s fine, just pick a dark corner of the bar and sip your beer there instead.”
Sephiroth scratched his eyebrow and sipped from his drink, “I can try that.”
“Okay, that would be an improvement. Thank you.” she attempted a smile but she was still worried and pensieve, “I don’t know what Cloud is to you,or you to him. I’ll never understand what it is that binds you both together so intensely. I just want you to be careful.”
“Me?” he was baffled, no one had ever considered his wellbeing before, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“Cloud has a life of his own now, with family and responsibilities. Zack and the rest are lost since coming back, and even though they aren’t consciously doing it, they look to him for support and guidance. I think you’re onto something with Zack in particular. He misses the version of Cloud he knew and isn’t sure what to do with this one, but he can’t leave him alone and it’s hurting them both.” she half smiled, “I think it might be even harder for you.”
Sephiroth folded his hands on the table and said with utmost sincerity, “I will love any version of Cloud, in whatever form he lets me. I don’t need him to be anything for me.”
There was an odd gleam in Tifa’s eye and Sephiroth had the unnerving sensation that he had said something she approved of, “Then you’re on better footing than most.”
And with that strange sentiment she drained the last of her wine and departed. His studio felt small and cold all of a sudden and he disliked it greatly. Shaking off the sensation, he poured another glass of wine and decided to have a shower. It seems he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight after all.