Chapter Text

Prologue

"There will hardly be one who will die for a righteous person, though perhaps there will be one who will dare to die for a good person.” Romans 5:7-8

Wandering in the dark corridors of the Red Keep, what would come to be a new habit for a certain prince who was looking for a way to escape the many responsibilities and scoldings that would come his way as soon as his mother discovered that he had run away from his classes, again. What he did not know was that that night and the ones that would follow, he would have a new companion, one that he never expected to see in his life, something that would change many things both in his present and in the future...

Year 119 A.C. Red Keep.

Aegon I

I strolled through the corridors of the Fortress evading any possibility that any guard, servant or even my brothers by orders of my mother are looking for me, it is true that I should not have escaped again from the lessons, but I was tired of spending so boring classes, instead of being able to go out and play as I wanted, I do not know why they insist on putting so much effort on me, when despite being 13 years old, for some time I know that no matter what my father does he would never put me above my "dear" older half-sister.

Sometimes I wonder about if my siblings or I would have been Baelon or any son as long as we were born from queen Aemma, maybe things would have been different for all of us, the truth I don't have an answer for it and I don't know if I want to know the answer, it's weird that I think about these things now, at this moment, maybe it's the effect of the wine, that for some time now has become a bittersweet way to escape from all these situations that torment my mind, what should be a way out now seems to be the thing that is helping me the least, more when I realize that I am in front of that "room".

"Queen Aemma's rooms", when I was 6 years old I wondered why the servants came in to clean those rooms when nobody occupied them, I tried to enter out of curiosity, but I was caught by my father, one of the few occasions where he addressed me the word and when he shouted at me for the first time telling me that I had nothing to do there, was when I discovered that those rooms belonged to the late Queen Aemma, rooms which the King did not want anyone else to occupy, not even the new queen, which is why mother had her quarters on another side of the castle.

I remember that from that day on I always tried to stay away from that area of the palace, not only because of my father's words, but also because the servants whispered that in those rooms you could still hear the pitiful cries of Queen Aemma, either because of all the children she lost or because of the dreadful death she had, it was also the moment when I discovered the true cause of death of the queen, the official version and that my half sister knows is that Queen Aemma bled to death as soon as Baelon left her, but like many things in this court, it was also a lie painted to hide the dark background behind it.

I could not continue immersed in my thoughts when the voice of one of the Cargyll twins was approaching where I was, so when I saw that there were neither guards due to the change of shifts, nor servants nearby, I decided to enter those rooms to hide, behind the door I could hear the steps of the guard leaving the place and when I was about to leave I decided to take a look at the mysterious rooms, they were large and you could tell they were very well maintained, even the smell of incense that they must have put a while ago could still be felt.

As strange as it may seem, despite being a room that belonged to a woman who has been dead for more than a decade, they gave off a feeling of tranquility, in the dressing table there were many things, from different bottles with perfume, makeup, some papers, the jewelry box with the exposed jewelry, it was as if Queen Aemma had never left; What caught my attention the most was a beautiful gold and sapphire necklace that was shining on a shelf above some books, without knowing why it was out of place, I took it next to the book where it was and that is when I realized that it was Queen Aemma's Diary, it was not the right thing to do but curiosity was stronger and I was ready to see its content when a voice came out of nowhere:

— Who are you?

I almost screamed and when I turned around there was no one there, seriously, this was starting to scare me, so at the risk of looking crazy or stupid, I said:

— Who's there?

He didn't ask the same question again, but said:

— I am here

The voice came from the balcony and when I approached I saw a woman that I had never seen before, but at the same time she looked so familiar: silver hair, lilac eyes, very pretty, she looked slightly like Rhaenyra...

No, impossible, it can't be, I was about to ask when she said the same question: 

— Who are you?

I was speechless, I didn't know what to say, barely as a whisper, I answered:

— Aegon...

And before she spoke again, I managed to reach to say:

— You are Aemma, right?

She answered with a serene:

— Yes...

I didn't know if this was a product of alcohol or I was really going crazy, but I was talking to my half-sister's late mother in the middle of the night!, the last thing I remember is that everything went dark, hoping that it was all a bad dream, what I didn't know is that this was the beginning of something that I didn't think would have to happen....

What happened?

Whar joke has been presented?

The gods have very cruel ways of playing games

But there is no choice but to accept

This unusual presence

You can change the end

Or the blood will flow

And tears will fall

Chapter Text

Chapter I

"If your brother sins against you, go to him alone and make him see his fault. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." Matthew 18:15

It should have been a normal day, but unfortunately you can't lead a normal life when your family is divided: a father who ignores you, a very nervous mother, a grandfather who, despite being far away is still very authoritarian, a younger brother far away, a sister who talks funny, an uncle who doesn't love them for the mere fact of existing, an older half-sister who sees them as a threat together with some nephews of dubious provenance, but the cherry on the cake is an older brother who for some time now started acting strangely....

Aemond I

"Did I commit a great sin in another life for the gods to treat me this way?" is a thought I've been having more frequently lately, i.e.: why weren't the gods content with the fact that they didn't give me a dragon?

Why do you now insist on making my family's situation, which is not good in itself, even more unbearable!?

What do I mean? It all started a few weeks ago, when my mother mobilized almost the entire fortress in search of my brother Aegon, who again had escaped from his lessons, couldn't he stay still at least for a while? But the word "quiet" was not a quality that defined my brother, because he did not appear anywhere and mother was starting to worry, because it was dawn and not a sign of him, she was about to give the order to start a search outside the Fortress, when a servant arrived quickly and said that he had found Aegon, in nothing more and nothing less than IN THE FORBIDDEN ROOMS!

Everyone knows that no one enters those rooms, because they used to belong to Queen Aemma and the king was very fervent that no one but him, Rhaenyra and the servants in charge of their cleaning could enter, so the fact that Aegon was there passed out in the middle of the room and with the bookshelf on top of him, was completely reckless on his part, my mother indicated very firmly that no one should know about it and it was supposed to be like this, but....

Someone didn't close their mouth and, Rhaenyra found out! Who, to make matters worse, took it very badly and the very unfortunate one told my father what happened, who also took the matter as if it were the worst of betrayals, he entered furiously to the room where Aegon was ready to punish him, but both the maester and mother were there and informed him that due to the blow to the head he suffered because of the shelf that fell on top of him he had not yet awakened.

However, that did not stop my father's anger, and he had the audacity to yell at my mother, although I was not present, everyone speaks of the screams that the King launched against the Queen for not knowing how to take good care of "HIS" children, after that he went directly to Queen Aemma's rooms along with Rhaenyra to make sure that absolutely nothing was missing.

Are you serious? It is true that Aegon can be very curious and nosy, but he is not a thief, besides, what would he want to take from a dead woman's room? Nothing!, surely there must be a lot of worthless trinkets...

After a rigorous review, it was determined that nothing was missing and a new warning was added, if anyone outside the authorized ones even approached the doors of these rooms, they would be severely punished, personally I did not care about that, I was beginning to resign myself to the fact that my father would never love me, my mother and my brothers as much as he loved Rhaenyra and Queen Aemma...

Still, it didn't take away from the fact that it hurt that my father put a much higher priority on the rooms of a woman who had been dead for over a decade than on his own children and wife who were alive. I know it is not the late queen's fault, but it is inevitable for me to hate her and her daughter, who, because of her constant reminder and presence, my siblings and I would never have a father by our side....

After a week of what happened, Aegon finally woke up, or at least that's what you could call it, because he did it screaming:

— I saw her! I swore I saw her! She's still here!

All he kept saying was about seeing someone, that she was still hanging around, that the rumors about her were real and I don't know what else nonsense, my mother who on the one hand was relieved that she was "okay", on the other hand was furious that because of him she had to pay for the broken dishes and although I can't blame her, it didn't seem right that when Aegon was still very upset, she slapped him very hard and screamed:

— Why are you doing this to me, by the gods!? Tell me, whant have I done wrong!?

And before she could continue scolding him, Aegon fainted again, which made mother quickly feel guilty for what she did and so another week went by, until Aegon woke up again and strangely enough, this time he was calmer, maybe the slap helped? If so, then thank you, but I don't think so, at first glance he was normal, however, that was only the impression....

From that day on Aegon was more and more strange, the maester had said that, due to the blow to the head, he should remain at rest and it is likely that for a while he was a little disoriented, but in my opinion what was happening with my brother, is not to be disoriented, it is to be crazy!

Firstly, because every time I went to see him to see how he was doing, I found him talking to himself:

— I don't understand, why me? I don't have any relationship with you.

I thought there was someone else in the room, but no one was there and Aegon had his back turned facing the window, so I proceeded to ask:

— Who are you talking to, brother?

Aegon was startled and turned quickly to my direction completely and saw me as if he had seen a ghost, in other circumstances it would be something funny, but in fact it made me worry a little, meanwhile he pulled himself together quickly and answered me:

— I'm not talking to anyone, Aemond, and by the way, didn't anyone teach you to knock before entering?

All concern vanished as soon as he told me that and I had no qualms about yelling at him:

— Another day I don't care about you, you ungrateful bastard!

I better leave the room before we started a new fight, the maester said that Aegon should be calm to recover, that getting excited would give him headaches, but seriously when he became unbearable, I didn't care about that and I wanted to give him as many headaches as I could, but for that time I restrained myself believing that it was only a one time thing, which I was wrong....

After those days, Aegon's behavior stopped being normal, I thought it was because of his recent fondness for wine that made him like that, but every time he had a glass in his hand, he would mysteriously stamp it on the table and leave, finding him talking to himself was becoming a habit, Helaena says that when she entered his room he would get scared and hide something in his desk and now again everyone is on the move because of him, because he just fell down the stairs!

Now I miss when he was drunk, because at least I knew that when he was like that it was temporary and then he was back to his old self, but now he is becoming more and more unpredictable and although he won't admit it out loud, it is starting to scare me.

Am I really not paying for something I did in another life...?

Fate has been changed

For that presence that has manifested itself

What once was

It will never be

Things happen for a reason

What will be the reason for seeing this witness?

Will the end be able to change?

Or More tears of blood will you have to witness?

Chapter Text

Chapter II

"Love one another with brotherly love, respecting and honoring one another." Romans 12:10

Shadows and Screams!

Pain and Punishment!

How much will I have to endure?

From so much seeing and never speaking

It could be that destiny was marked

So that it will never be altered...

"To her who can witness so much, but never be able to interpret", whose confused dreams prophesy chaos and pain almost impossible to keep to herself, but one night she receives after so much darkness to see a light that becomes present. However, she is not able to trust that this light can be a salvation, but a foolish illusion, to believe that what is being woven by fate can be changed, but is it really so?

Helaena I

—" I could never marry Helaena! She's so strange!"

I remember the tears falling not only from my face but also on his, both of us forced into a commitment that neither of us wanted, but most of all it would symbolize that our relationship would never be the same again....

At the moment when the pain becomes more present, I wake up, seeing that it is still a few hours before dawn, that as strange as it may seem, for the first time in a long time, it is not a terrible dream that makes me wake up in the wee hours of the morning, but a memory, and that it happens to be "that memory" does not make it any better, because it is at the moment when my mother, exactly a year ago, made the announcement to Aegon and me about our father's decision that we would both marry as our traditions dictated.

Traditions, was it really like that? Or was it a way that my mother wouldn't be able to put together other marriages for us that might symbolize the weakening of my half-sister's claim, I couldn't tell exactly, as it could be that or I just really wanted to carry on the family tradition where siblings marry each other.

Marriage was such a distant idea in my head, I just wanted to play with my butterflies and believing that just like Rhaenyra, maybe, just maybe I would have the opportunity to choose, another false illusion....

Although looking at things differently, the signs were starting to become present, although between my male siblings and I we did not have the closest relationship of all, we were there when we needed it, when my dreams started to manifest I would always run scared to Aegon's rooms, hoping that, in the company of my older brother, the dreams would not haunt me, because that's what brothers do isn't it? take care of each other?

There were even times when Aemond and Daeron would accompany us, it was such a nice memory, but as we grew up mother started to say that it was inappropriate for a lady to share a bed with another man, even if he is her brother, I think she wanted to avoid that the "customs" of the family would start to take over, in an attempt to form different marriages for each of us, intentions that were lost in the face of my father's decision, although she was a little relieved that it was Aegon instead of Jace....

The point is that this news was a very strong announcement for both of us, since we didn't feel it was right to follow this practice, since mom was very firm on the fact that, before the gods, committing incest was a sin, but at the same time our family was supposed to be an exception to that rule, everything was very confusing! so surprising that we could not think about those little details, but about the fact that it was so strange, that sooner than later, our relationship, our lives, everything would no longer be the same, Aegon had decided not only to move away from me, but from everyone, making his already difficult personality even more complicated, causing that small fissure to grow in a way that I thought it had no other choice...

For example, a few hours ago he had escaped from his lessons again and everyone was looking for him with no results, I decided to go out and see how much luck the servants had this time to find him, arriving to my mother's rooms, she was totally worried, going from one place to another in her room and as usual hurting her fingers in the process, this was a clear sign that Aegon would not have a good time as soon as he was found.

— No sign of him, mother?

My mother was startled as soon as I asked my question, apparently she was too deep in thought to notice I was there.

— Oh Helaena, my sweet girl, there is nothing of him, I fear he has gone out into the city and something bad has happened to him.

—  I don't think that's the case mother, maybe he fell asleep in some storage room in the fortress like last time.

— No Helaena, they already looked there, gods, I don't know what else to do to make your brother behave....

I didn't know how to respond to this, but before our conversation could continue, a servant entered my mother's rooms in complete disarray.

— My Queen, we have finally found Prince Aegon!

— Thank the gods! Where the hell was I?

— That's the problem my queen, he was in "those rooms."

The mere mention of the place almost made my mother faint, the "forbidden rooms" was the last place he should be, when my mother regained her composure, she asked about the conditions in which he was found and the explanation about it, did nothing to calm my mother, Apparently Aegon was searching the rooms trying to reach something on a bookcase, the whole piece of furniture fell on him, so the servants who came in very early to clean, had to pull him out under the furniture unconscious, who was now in his room with the maester, as he had a severe blow to the head.

—  All right, I'm going there immediately, and tell everyone that no one, absolutely no one is to know about the place where my son was found, am I clear?!

— Yes my Queen! I will make the announcement immediately.

The order was clear, to be followed was another thing, Rhaenyra found out and she then went to tell what happened to my father, who did not take the news well at all, what initially should have been a wake-up call for Aegon, ended in a fight between the King and Queen, I remember seeing my father leave the room angry, although later when things calmed down he went to apologize to mother, his intention was good, but the damage was already done.

A week later Aegon woke up, but saying a lot of incoherent things about seeing something or rather someone, the way he talked about it, everyone feared that he had gone crazy with the blow, and sometimes I wonder if that's the way he saw me as soon as I spoke in riddles, if so, I think I begin to understand a little of why his attitude with me....

After Aegon's "nervous breakdown", he woke up more normal again, but my mother was not so sure about it, which is why the morning after he regained consciousness, I received a request from my mother, or rather an order:

— You must keep an eye on Aegon from now on, Helaena

What? Was I hearing correctly?

—  Don't you think you are exaggerating a little, mother, after what happened I don't think he will ever be able to do the same thing again.

— I'm not just saying it for that, actually I'm a little afraid of the repercussions this may have in the long term, although the maester said there was nothing to worry about, I'm not really sure about that, Aemond told me that he found him talking to himself and the servants say similar things, not to mention that he has been hanging around near "those rooms" although not enough to alert your father. That's exactly why I ask this of you, see him, take care of him, make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble, look at it as a way to start adjusting for marriage.

By being his babysitter? I don't know if that's really going to help.

— I don't know mother, sometimes it's hard to keep up, but for your sake I'm going to try.

Because of that and also because of the slight hope that maybe just maybe we can return to being a little bit of what we were before

— I thank you my girl, and don't worry, I am also taking measures, starting with the fact that it was because of your brother's recent fondness for wine that started this, I have given the order not to give him wine and to hide it from him, not to mention that I asked for more surveillance.

If I thought my mother's task was complicated before, now it has just become more difficult....

While I was meditating on it, I arrived at my brother's rooms, I knocked on the door, but there was no sound, I thought he was no longer there or maybe he was asleep, so I decided to go in to check and what I saw made me begin to understand that what Aemond and the others were saying were not mere exaggerations.

—  I can't believe they didn't realize these things were needed, and this is how they say they knew you well?

 What was he talking about? And more importantly, who was he telling? There was no one there and he was sitting in front of his desk holding something and that's when:

—  What things are you referring to brother?

I should have been more delicate, because Aegon ended up getting really scared and whatever he had in his hands he shoved it all at once into his desk drawer, not before hurting his hand trying to close that drawer so quickly, which earned him a loud cry of pain.

—  Are you all right!?

—  Gods, Helaena, first Aemond and now you, is it getting to be a habit that one of you wants to scare me to death? ....

— Sorry, I didn't mean to, I knocked on the door, but no one answered, I just wanted to make sure you were okay....

He kept watching me for a while, apparently analyzing what to tell me, he felt that something very strange was happening here but he didn't know exactly what it was.

— It's all right Helaena, I'm fine and I thank you for your concern, now wouldn't you mind leaving me alone please, I want to rest for a while....

What did I just hear? My brother was just being "nice" in a way, which made my eyes roll and not knowing what to say for a while, until he spoke again.

—  Did you hear what I said or shall I spell it out for you?

No, false alarm, it is still the same as always.

— Yes, I heard perfectly, sorry, I'm leaving.

I left quickly, but not before hearing something before closing the door.

—  What did I do now?

It looked as if someone had hit it, but again, there was no one there, I guess the task I was given would be more difficult than I already anticipated.

The following days were relatively normal and there was nothing I could report to my mother, although it was complicated to follow him everywhere without losing sight of him, at the same time it was fun, like a kind of game, even he sometimes let me accompany him, it was a good start, until one morning he had disappeared again, which would start a new search, if not for the fact that Aegon appeared quickly, but at the foot of the stairs for the servants, since he had fallen down the stairs alone? That is, there was no one nearby or anything to indicate that it had not been an accident.

Back to my brother, this time it was not his head that was damaged but his left leg that ended up fractured by the fall, so he was advised that he could not get out of bed after a moon and even after that, it would take time until he could return to his daily activities, on the one hand there was a relief on his part as that would mean that he would no longer be around the training camp but on the other he was not someone who liked to be still for long, especially if it meant that he could not ride Sunfyre in that time.

Mom thought so too, believing it was for the best, since it would be easier to take care of him that way, that, starting the next day after my lessons, I would spend the rest of the day with Aegon so he wouldn't be so lonely.

That night I had another dream, only after Aegon I had not had one again, but this time, everything was different, "it was no longer the screaming pain to which I was accustomed nor those horrible shadows that surrounded and engulfed my brothers, although there was the shadow, it was not a black and deformed, but a white one in the shape of a bird, that flew from the top and went straight to Aegon, who unlike other dreams, did not seem to want to hurt him, but on the contrary wanted to take care of him", it was too confusing and when I wanted to get closer to see, to try to understand, but the bird does not let me get closer, when I woke up again, with a strong feeling of frustration? It was strange, but that was how I felt, with the feeling that this could be a hope, but I was not so foolish as to believe that blindly, maybe it was a cruel deception nothing more?

After my lesson with the septa, I went straight to my brother's room, this time when I knocked on the door he did answer me, so with more confidence I opened the door and saw him reading a book that as soon as he put his attention on me, he proceeded to put it under his pillow, I decided not to ask about it and sat on a chair near his bed, and asked him how he was and he said he had not been in any discomfort.

After that there was a long and uncomfortable silence, we had nothing to talk about, we could be brothers and soon to be spouses, but if we couldn't even find anything to talk about, how could we pretend to be together for the rest of our lives?

He seemed to notice our discomfort, and decided to take the initiative to start a conversation.

— And tell me how is your embroidery going?

I hadn't even realized I had brought my sewing stuff with me when I came to see Aegon, so I decided to play along.

— For septa Lyra says that I am improving and that I have a talent for it.

—  Seriously, let's see

I was a little nervous to show him what I had made, since I was working on a golden spider, and I know he doesn't like bugs very much, at least not after I accidentally dropped a centipede on his head when he was 8 years old.

— I'm working on this, what do you think?

— It looks good, isn't it complicated?

— Not really, it's simple, why?

—  Would you let me try?

What? Aegon embroidering? Not that I had thought I would ever see.

— For what or what?

—  Just to kill time, it's boring not having much to do while you're lying here.

— I understand, you're right, why not? I think I have more material with me.

I hadn't realized it, but it had been a while while I was trying to teach Aegon to embroider, something I'm sorry to say, but terrible, I couldn't help but laugh every time he made a mistake and told me a liar about embroidery being easy.

The afternoon became more enjoyable as soon as Aemond arrived after his training and like me he was surprised to see our brother attempt to embroider a flower well, and as expected he began to argue that he could do it without any problem, which Aegon took personally and challenged him to try.

Aemond neither slow nor slow began to try, but just like Aegon, he could not bring a good result, he was even trying to hold back the tears every time he stung himself with the needle, and so we went on until it was time for dinner, so we had to leave. Aemond went ahead and as I was about to leave, I heard Aegon say:

—  It was entertaining.

— It was, thank you.

—  Thanks to you for being here with me.

Maybe after all, things could be different and that dream was a good sign, I hope

Prophecies and dreams

Not always accurate

Hope can be

The best that can happen

Or a conviction

That keeps you chained

Not everything is what it seems

Always keep that in mind

Chapter Text

Chapter III

"She clothes herself with strength and dignity, and faces the future with confidence. When she speaks, she speaks with wisdom; when she instructs, she instructs with love." Proverbs 31:25-26

"Pain, screams and tears" Is all her mind can remember before falling into darkness, when the one she loved so much "betrayed" her in that way, she only wanted to fulfill her dream: "to raise a son and give the freedom she wanted so much to her beloved daughter", the only hope that kept her alive after suffering so much pain and loss, but the gods can be as cruel as they are just, especially when what she wants is fulfilled, but not in the way she would have wanted.   

Aemma I

— No, Viserys, please, I'm afraid...

I always knew that the birthing bed was the most difficult battle a woman could face in life, all the years I was in it were the proof that I was willing to keep trying, always with courage and my head held high, even capable of dying if it meant that my baby, that the longed-for male that both Viserys and the whole kingdom expected from me, could survive.

— NO VISERYS! PLEASE DON'T!

I had heard how Queen Alyssa Velaryon herself had willingly requested that she be cut open if it symbolized that her baby would be born safe, I considered it the bravest and most difficult act she had ever taken, but at least she was given the chance to depart this world as she wished, instead I, was not even granted the same grace as her, even if it was to warn me about the gravity of the situation, I would have understood and accepted it, wouldn't I? It terrifies me to seriously think about my true response....

"No more pain, No more tears for dead children that I couldn't even cry properly because I would have to be again waiting for another baby to replace the previous one."

I was so scared and alone, nobody said anything, they just obeyed orders and focused on saving the life that "mattered the most", I just wanted this to end, I just hoped, I prayed to the Mother that please this baby would survive, that it would be a boy, that he would become the king that the Kingdom was waiting for, that my daughter would love her brother and that she would be free from all these responsibilities, that she would not end up like me!

But my more selfish side, a side of me that I thought had been dead for so long, wanted to go on living, that was torn between wishing that baby dead to save my life and hoping for a miracle where we could both live, because I didn't want to be in this situation ever again and beyond doing "my duty" to the kingdom, I wanted to see my children grow up, be by their side along the way, raise them in a way that they would understand not only the weight of duty and sacrifice, but also about what should truly matter.

I wanted so badly not only to have my cute adventurous princess who wanted to enjoy the freedom of life on her dragon, but also a cute protective prince, who would make sure I would never suffer through this ordeal again, who would take care of me and his sister, who I would raise to be proud of, but it looks like things would not be like that.

Everything was starting to become a blur, I was no longer able to hear anything, the little I managed to see was not how they took the baby out of me, but the look of pain on Viserys' face, as much as I wanted to hate him at that moment, I could also see that this decision was the last thing he wanted to do or at least that's what I want to think.

With the last strength I had left, I raised one last prayer and plea to the gods, hoping that at least once, just once, they would listen to me.

PLEASE! PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO RAISE A SON AND GIVE MY DAUGHTER FREEDOM!

After that last prayer, everything became dark, I thought it was all over, until I opened my eyes again and I was in my room, it was night, I stood up quickly approaching the mirror and looking at myself, noticing that I did not have a bulging belly and it was strange not to see me pregnant, I was beginning to believe that everything had been a dream or maybe a premonition of what was going to happen, then I started to call my maids, but no one was coming, I was about to approach the door and go out to check things on my own when, the maids came in, but with faces full of regret and with the mourning attire. I wanted to ask why they were like that, but one of them began to speak and her words left me frozen.

— We must hurry and get this room ready before dawn, it must not remain like this when Princess Rhaenyra or King Viserys enters before the funeral.

But what? It couldn't be true! I'm here and I'm alive! I tried to say those words, but they couldn't come out of my mouth, not when they didn't seem to notice me and even less when I looked at the bed that the maids were beginning to fix, I saw what I was so afraid of: "a bed full of blood", that was when I knew, it hadn't been a nightmare, it had been the cruelest and hardest reality what happened to me.

— Poor the queen, she didn't deserve that, she was so good and kind, to have to die that way for a son who...

One of the maids started to cry after saying those words, but my attention was not focused on that, but on my son, what happened to my baby!

— Don't go on, unless you want to lose your job or your head, the king was very clear that absolutely no one must know what happened to the queen to give birth to prince Baelon, least of all princess Rhaenyra, is that clear?

That she should not find out? Maybe that's for the best, but I still insist, what happened to my son, I gave birth to a son, it's what was expected of me, in the end my sacrifice was not in vain. 

— I know and I'm sorry, but no one here can listen to us and it seems so unfair that Queen Aemma would have died that way, leaving the princess in pieces and for a child who didn't live more than a few hours.

WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! my son cannot be dead; my sacrifice, my death could not have been in vain, I could not be able to leave my daughter alone for a dead baby....

Why should I be surprised? After all, I remained useless to the end, unable to fulfill the most important duty that was imposed on me since the day I married Viserys, but for the moment all I wanted to do was to run to my daughter's room and let her know one way or another that I was still here, that I was with her, yet, as another cruel joke of fate, I could not leave my rooms, it seemed as if a greater force prevented me from leaving this prison.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry and even laugh at the situation I was facing, at everything that was happening and the possible repercussions that would have in the future. What would happen now? I had too much time to think about the various possibilities that would come from now on, with my death and that of my baby, the succession was in doubt once again, the only certainties I had were: that Viserys would have to marry again to beget a new heir and while that was happening Daemon would remain his brother's heir. It was the most reasonable and obvious course of action in this situation, at least I thought so until...

— Forgive me my love, please forgive me, I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have...

Not much time had passed when Viserys came into my room crying and begging for an apology, which I debated whether to accept or reject, my feelings for him had become more confused than they already were, but his next words:

— What should I do now? Daemon has insulted both your memory and our son's: "Heir for a day" can you believe it?

O Daemon!, when will the day come when you learn to think before act?

— I cannot allow that to go unpunished, and the council insists that having him as my heir will be an evil than good, Otto gave me a solution, which I consider I should have done from the beginning, perhaps we would have saved ourselves so much pain if I had done it earlier, for you, for us, for our daughter: "I will name Rhaenyra as my heir".

But what are you thinking Viserys, you can't do that to my daughter, you can't impose on her a burden not only too heavy, but one she is not ready for, and don't say it's because of me, because if you knew me you would know that the last thing I wanted was for my daughter to be bound to the same chains I was bound to.

After that, and due to my inability to leave, my only way of finding out what was going on was from the servants who came to clean the room, although when I was alone I got the impression that I was not the only one hanging around, I had the feeling that there was someone else, unfortunately I couldn't go and find out, yet....

Years went by and among the many gossips I was hearing, I found out about Viserys' new marriage to none other than Alicent!, by the gods!, she was not older than Rhaenyra and for me she was like another daughter, on one hand, I was furious with Otto, Alicent would be incapable of trying to "seduce" Viserys as the maids say, how is it that Otto dared to do this? but on the other hand I could not be angry with him, at least not as harshly as I would have liked, for it is not so different from when my father who claimed to love me so much did not say a word against it when I was married and bedded so young to Viserys.

Not to mention, if anything made me get along better with Otto than Daemon at times, it was that Otto knew boundaries, his wife was a great friend of mine, plus he witnessed first hand my pain at getting pregnant so young, which unlike what Corlys and Rhaenys intended to do with Laena, I would like to think that he would not have been able to do that if Alicent had been younger, after all I knew that Otto very much in his own way loved his daughter, not to mention that he as well as so many other men in Westeros were raised to have daughters married for the best alliance they could get.

Then there was also the fact that Viserys could have easily said no to either, he was the king, he was the one with the power of final decision! What was going through his head? I had several answers for that, but no certainty and I honestly didn't want several of those thoughts to be true. I couldn't help but cry so much for my dear Alicent, for all that she would have to be enduring and putting up with, praying that please at least she wouldn't have to go through the same martyrdom I went through.

At last some prayers were answered, Alicent had given birth to a child on her first attempt!, I was so happy for her and relieved that everything indicated that both she and the child were well and would survive, but at the same time I had mixed feelings, I felt so ridiculous feeling jealous and envious that she had been able to give Viserys the child she wanted so much, but at the end of the day the kingdom would have the heir they were waiting for, I just had to be patient and my daughter would finally be free of such a responsibility.

I was so wrong, Viserys still insisted that my daughter would remain the heir, despite having not one but three sons with Alicent, plus a sweet little girl as the maids say, did she not see the long term consequences of this? Not to mention my daughter's questionable marriage and children, I refuse to believe that she betrayed her vows and spat on every law whether legal or moral, doing whatever she pleased! But knowing about "that lie" didn't help that deep down I knew that my daughter....

I did not want to keep thinking about those things, everything seemed that sooner rather than later it would collapse and that I was being punished for not having fulfilled my duty, despite having spent so many years, I could not stop blaming myself that everything was happening because of me, but one night someone came into my room, and it could not be the servants, Viserys or my daughter, it was too late for that, I hid in the shadows of the room, that's when I noticed it...

It was one of Alicent's children, which one of them all? I could not say exactly, I knew very little about them, besides their names and that they were all born with the Valyrian appearance, but he seemed scared, running away from someone and paying special attention to the door, as if he did not want to be found, that made me believe that maybe it could be Aegon, I had heard that he was the most "mischievous" of Alicent's sons, my curiosity was great and when he began to haunt my room, I wanted to see him more closely, when I least expected it, the words came out of my mouth.

— Who are you?

I felt foolish, how could I ask that question when for so many years not even my own daughter...

— Who is there?

Impossible, it couldn't be true, I told him where I was and he came closer, I couldn't be surprised to discover that he was able to see and hear me, I had to be sure of everything, so again I asked.

— Who are you?

He seemed both startled and surprised that barely as a whisper, I managed to hear him say:

— Aegon...

I debated whether to ask more questions or introduce myself, but he knew instantly who I was.

— You are Aemma, right?

The only thing that could come out of my mouth at that moment was:

— Yes...

After that, the next thing I saw was how the child ended up fainting, apparently the impression was too strong, and for me it was too, mainly because of all that this could mean, maybe things are not too lost for my daughter, maybe now I could be close to her through her brother, maybe I could repair the breaches that Viserys has formed! Before thinking about that any further, I had to fix this situation in front of me, fortunately despite being a ghost, I was able to hold things and give little touches to people, which was worth scaring more than one servant girl, so I preferably avoided those contacts.

The first thing I did was to approach him, remove and hide the diary and the necklace he had in his hands, no one knew of its existence and for the moment it had to stay that way. Next with the strength I had I managed to drag him from where he was to in front of a shelf, then as carefully as possible, I put the shelf on top of him more or less, I did not intend that the furniture would hurt him more than necessary, from there I just had to wait a few hours for the servants to arrive for the morning cleaning, which was quick, being surprised by the scene, alerting the rest and giving orders to inform Alicent, they proceeded to remove the furniture on top of the boy and take him to his quarters I guess.

I was worried that I had hurt him more than I should have, so I followed them and that's when I realized that I was finally able to get out of the prison I was in, I was so happy that things were starting to get easier for me, or so I thought....

I hadn't seen Alicent in years and I couldn't help but want to cry not because of how beautiful she had become over time, but because of the pain and anguish in her eyes, she was so scared, ever since I heard about the "green dress", I knew things couldn't be good for her, at the same time I can also see her other children, oh gods! They were so cute, but I couldn't see them for too long because Alicent dismissed them while he asked the maester to check Aegon, fortunately it was determined that he had nothing serious, that the blow to the head was not so severe and that within a few days he would be fine.

However, he had not finished speaking when Viserys came through the door as angry as I had ever seen him before.

He yelled at my child! How dare he! It was an accident, to make such a fuss over a few rooms is completely exaggerated, but it hurt me more that he paid more attention to that than to his own wounded son, didn't he care? The child was the boy I loved so much, the one I gave my life for, why cling so much to the past, why not cherish the blessing of the gods? A blessing for which I prayed for so many years.

What I wanted to do at that instant was to hit him, but it would be unwise to do that, not to mention that rumors and superstitions would start, it would be quite a mess, I could barely contain myself, but I managed it. I spent my days watching Aegon and trying to know a little of the situation under my own eyes than listening to gossip, also because I discovered that, if I wanted to go to places other than my room, Aegon had to be "close" in a certain way, if I am too far away from him, I am unable to move, so I could not go where my daughter was.

But not only because of that, but also because that night and the following nights since Aegon was able to "discover" me, the feeling that someone besides me was around was becoming more present, which made me wonder if he would be able to see them or was it just limited to me, who else would be around? There were so many souls that had died in the Red Keep, the possibilities were many, what I definitely didn't want was to find Maegor or Visenya, that would be the last straw....

Or it was simply an illusion of mine and that now I would not be a shadow of my room, but the shadow of a child that was not mine, that thought vanished as soon as he woke up and was shouting about having seen me, naturally he was not able to say the name, it was more than obvious that everything had been real and not another dream from which he would soon wake up.

When Aegon awoke after his initial "attack", he was calmer or rather resigned, as he only had to face what had happened to the others still believing him mad, as our previous attempts at conversation were interrupted by his brothers:

— Who are you talking to, brother?

The first time it was about Alicent's second son, I think his name was Aemond. The first time I saw him, I thought I was seeing Daemon again when he was little, but looking at him better, the resemblance isn't much and I hope that's a good thing. He looked worried about his brother, but Aegon's attitude towards him, well, it left a lot to be desired, as soon as the boy left....

— Why do you treat your brother that way?

— He too, why did he appear out of nowhere without asking? And what's worse, he saw me as if I was crazy, and all because I was talking to you, that is to say as if I was talking to nothing.

— From your reaction, it seems to me that these types of "conversations" are more common than I think.

— He can be a jerk from time to time, but our fights are not that common, believe me.

I wish I did, but something tells me that I don't, because the next time he acted in a similar way was with his sister, when in another attempt to make conversation and understand the situation, he asked about the diary and the necklace, which he had decided to take to his room to try to explain certain things:

— I can't believe they didn't realize these things were needed, and this is how they say they knew you well?

It's not that they didn't notice, but that they hadn't paid enough attention, okay, that doesn't sound right too.

— What things are you referring to brother?

It was when I got a better look at Helaena, she looked like such an adorable little girl, the sister I would have wanted to give my daughter, she was like a ray of light, she did look like a daughter of Alicent, because except for the youngest who I knew was in Oldtown, the other two did not look like his children, especially Aegon, who ironically was the one who shared the greatest physical resemblance with his mother.  Anyway, the poor girl seemed so worried but not only about her brother's condition, but also about something else, like a fear of making a mistake, could it be because of the engagement? I couldn't think about it anymore as I started another "good" conversation between Aegon and her, which seriously this boy is determined to push away people who want to help him when they don't deserve it, so as soon as she left, I couldn't help but give him a good smack on the head, something that ended up surprising him, discovering that she was able to touch him in a certain way.

— Ay! What did I do now?

— Rather, what didn't you do, why are you so cruel to your brothers, they don't deserve that when they are worried about you, especially your sister, you should never treat a lady like that, much less one that I understand in a while will be your wife.

I thought it would bring him to his senses, but, on the contrary, it seemed to be a subject he wanted to avoid talking about, so for the rest of the day he preferred to ignore me until the evening, where we were finally having our first formal conversation.

— So what should I call you?

— To be honest it doesn't matter, I stopped being the Queen a long time ago, so you can stop being formal with me and call me Aemma or whatever you feel more comfortable with.

— I see, and how long have you been around?

— Since the day of my death.

— Oh...

A touchy subject for me, fortunately he decided to change the topic of conversation rather than delve into a bad memory.

— But I don't understand, why me? I have no relationship with you.

I had the same question, I didn't know what kind of joke of the gods put us in that situation.

— I have no idea, I have been trying to communicate with my daughter for years with no results, so it is really strange that the one who managed to see and hear me is not her, but you.

— That also makes me wonder are you the only one here or is there someone else?

— I don't know, but there were always times over the years when I felt there was someone else, they came especially from the hidden corridors of the fortress, so it would be a matter of going to find out.

— I understand, maybe one of these days we can sneak out to explore, after all not all the corridors have been discovered, so even if there is no one it would be interesting to discover other places inside this place.

— I guess so, plus I can't be separated from you.

— What? I thought you were all over the Fortress?

— No, I have a certain limit of how far I can go, before it was only my rooms and I don't know why, but also the gardens, now if I want to go to other places apart from those mentioned, you must be in a certain way with me, I still don't determine the distance, but if I am too far away from you, I can't move, so, if I want to go to see my daughter, you have to come with me...

That conversation ended in a refusal from the boy, saying that he wanted nothing to do with Rhaenyra, and that he was not going to speak to her on my behalf, because that would not only sound strange but also that she was already upset enough after what happened in my rooms, so this time I decided not to insist anymore and find other ways to convince him, but while that was happening, this seemed to be the closest I would get to raising a child, so I had to help the burden that my poor Alicent girl must be bearing with the child she got. 

When I first met him, I thought that because he was a son of my sweet and always obedient Alicent he would be easy to deal with, I was very wrong, now I can understand a little Alicent's somewhat harsh attitude towards him, it is true that I consider that it can be a little exaggerated, but he did not help much either, although a breakthrough I could do to help her was to prevent her from continuing to drink wine.

Because how was it possible for someone so young to be getting drunk? Finding out that Viserys had already given him a taste when he was 2 years old didn't help at all, on the contrary, sometimes I felt like going to his room to grab an object and hit him with it, but that wouldn't help at all, and while I was trying to find a moment to convince Aegon to take me to see my daughter, we had several conversations to gain confidence, to find out more things I didn't know and to reduce that consumption as possible, we had several conversations to gain confidence, to learn more things that I did not know and the task of reducing that consumption as possible, he was young and according to what he had told me, he had just started, so it was not a complicated task.

It helped that Alicent had ordered not to be served and to hide the wine from him, I felt a little relieved, since I was starting to get tired of repeating the same thing to him about "It's not good for you", "how is it possible for you to be like this so young?", "Don't you think a little about your mother and yourself?" and so on until either from exhaustion or guilt he would stop, but it wouldn't last long, for example, today he was getting ready to go out.

— Where do you think you are going?

— To the city, I can't stand to be here any longer suffocating under the surveillance of you, my mother and my brothers, I imagine that you can only be in the Fortress, so I'm going to look for wine somewhere.

— No!, you young man, you can't do that!

— You are not my mother, nor anyone to stop me!

After those words he ran in the direction of what seems to be the stairs of the servants, I could not allow him to be ruining his life at such a young age, it was enough with Daemon despite his absence, I did not want the same for him, with a little effort I managed to catch him when he was going down the stairs, I did not know what to do to avoid losing sight of him, I did not know if I could be able to leave the Fortress, so I did the first thing that came to my mind.

— I warned you...

At that moment, I pushed him and only saw his run downstairs, plus a servant shouting about the fall of Prince Aegon, I never thought I would be able to do something like this, I thought raising a child would be simple, just like it was with Rhaenyra, but that makes me think that I don't have several memories of when I raised my daughter, everything was so blurry and the clearest memories were when she would come to see me every time she was pregnant, that makes me wonder, was I a good mother to her?

Surprise, Surprise

Be careful what you wish for

Because you will never know

If what you want you will get

Did the wish come true?

Or was a mission given to you?

Chapter Text

"Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry; for anger rests in the bosom of fools." Ecclesiastes 7:9

"Madness", that is the only explanation that can be found to be able to understand the situation, what once was a "calm" life is never coming back, what started as a simple curiosity has just turned into a whole chaos, and without being able to understand why, and to avoid more "confusion", the only option available is to face the problem and learn to live with it, although it is much easier said than done....

Aegon II

"I have gone Mad", that is the only explanation I can find to understand why I got to the situation I am in now, what my mother feared so much has come true: the Targaryen madness has taken hold of me! I remember when she would tell my brothers and me a bit about the history of House Hightower and the customs of Westeros, but when one of us would ask about the history and customs of my father's family, she would simply say that the Targaryens had certain customs and attitudes that were a bit "strange," for lack of a better word, although on second thought, I don't think this is the kind of madness my mother was afraid of.

What exactly do I mean? That the madness I have is related to me being able to see and hear the ghost, spirit or whatever of my half sister's mother, at first I thought it was a really bad joke, when I realized it wasn't, I thought I could deal with it since it was just her, but as usual, things don't go exactly as I would like....

— I warned you...

After hearing those words, I could feel a push that threw me down the stairs, by the time I reached the end I could only feel a strong pain in my left leg, voices that I didn't understand anything and before everything went dark, I could see her with a look of regret? I don't know.

By the time I woke up I was back in my room, when I tried to get up a strong pain began to be present, it was at that moment that I noticed my mother and the maester in the corner of the room, next to them was also "she", she seemed to listen carefully to what they were talking, I still could not get used to the idea that I can see someone that others do not, I just hoped that she was the only one...

When everyone noticed that he was awake, the interrogation began:

— Aegon, tell me how is it that you ended up at the foot of the servants' stairs?

Although the question should appear calm, my mother's look said otherwise, since she hit me in front of several people in my "nervous outburst" when I woke up after the incidents in the rooms of the late queen, someone spread the rumor of the excessive and unjust anger of the queen against her "poor" son who woke up after being unconscious for a week for a prank, which was not according to the pious and kind image that was held of Queen Alicent. A rumor that was surely spread by one of Rhaenyra's supporters and not to "help me" but to negatively affect my mother's image.

So I imagine that he is trying to control himself as best he can in front of other people, but if we were alone, the reprimand would be a real ordeal, that added to the penetrating gaze of Aemma, did not help me to concentrate to find a suitable answer, so I ended up telling the truth, half-heartedly...

— I wanted to leave, I didn't want to stay here any longer under your constant surveillance and I didn't see where I was going when I tripped on one of the steps, which caused me to fall.

She didn't look completely convinced, but it was an answer she could settle for, as the maester's intervention about my case took all her attention, while he explained what happened and what she would have to do for a while.

The maester believes that I have not fully recovered from the blow to my head, which probably caused me disorientation that distracted me and that's why I fell.

If only I knew...

But the most important thing was that as a result of my accident I fractured my left leg, nothing serious fortunately, however, I would have to spend a moon in bed and even after that it would take me some time to recover, I would even have to use a cane until I could move freely and normally.

Great! Now I will keep Lord Larys and my father company.

While I liked the idea of not setting foot in the training yard for a while, on the other hand, my mother was considerably content with keeping me "still and quiet" for a while, that is: not escaping from my lessons and my "appointments" with Helaena to escape who knows where or go away in Sunfyre. This recovery time was going to be very long, especially with "Her" here. When everyone left and it was just the two of us, before she could say anything, I went ahead to tell her:

— Congratulations, you got what you wanted!

She seemed very sorry and sad for my words, I can't help but feel bad for yelling at her, but I was so angry, as I always do, I had to escape the situation; I decided to ignore her as I lay down with my back to her. I can only hear her footsteps approaching me, then feel a weight on the bed and that's when I felt her hand caress my head while she told me:

— I guess I deserve it, believe me when I tell you that I didn't mean to hurt you, I just, ah... believe it or not I really care about you, I didn't want you to keep hurting yourself like that, I hope you can forgive me and understand that I did this for your own good.

For my sake, or because if something happens to me, you won't be able to see your little girl anymore? I had no intention of continuing the conversation, so I said nothing and tried to sleep.

I spent the next three days ignoring her as best I could, but it was difficult, since after all I was the only one who could see and hear her, so being ignored should be normal for her, right? but at the same time it should be a very lonely existence to be like that, and despite my indifference she kept talking to me, although I didn't answer her and in her own way she was looking for a way to make me feel comfortable, it was a strange feeling she made me feel.

I couldn't stand the situation any longer and after the maester who would be in charge of giving me my lessons in my room left, I spoke to him again:

— The other day when my brothers interrupted us, can you repeat what were those objects you brought from your room? Please...

She, although surprised at first, smiled and seemed happy that I was talking to her again, said to wait a moment and disappeared for a moment after seeing her go through a wall, I guess I can never get used to that....

When I returned, she had already returned to my bed and then approached giving me the two objects: the necklace and her diary, my attention was focused on the necklace, it was so beautiful and looked like such fine workmanship, Aemma seemed to realize when of my fascination when she said:

— It was my mother's, a gift given to her by her father, King Jaehaerys on the occasion of her marriage, he put a lot of effort into designing it.

— Design it? You mean he made it?

— No, he just designed them, according to Queen Alyssane, King Jaehaerys was very fond of precious stones, from a young age he drew different jewelry designs telling both her and his mother, and his sister Rhaena at the birth of his twin daughters that he was going to make them the most precious jewels in the kingdom. Even her older brother Aegon told her it was a good activity to develop mettle and patience.

— And did it?

— Unfortunately, after all that happened and his new role as king, his dream was only half realized, leaving his designs in drawings, but he tried to have them made, that necklace is one of those designs, he had one made for each of his daughters. Ah... but as you must suppose; only my mother, your grandmother Alyssa and even Rhaenys received it, although Rhaenys threw hers away in a fit of anger for the frustration of having been deposed from the throne, the king recovered the jewel, but after his death, I wonder what Viserys did with his things: his sketchbook, the precious stones he collected and the jewels he could not deliver...

— Somewhere they must be, my father admired the Old King very much, I don't think he was able to get rid of those things.

— You're right, even Viserys wanted to try that passion for jewelry, but it didn't turn out the way he wanted, that's why his attention was directed on that Valyrian model.

A model that he certainly pays more attention to than her own children, but I didn't want to direct my thoughts on that, but on the beauty of the jewel; the cuts and the brilliance of the stones, their shape, the contrast between the gold and the diamonds, everything was so dazzling and beautiful, the time they must have taken, and the delicate work, that's when she asked me the question:

— What about you? Wouldn't you like to give it a try? You look like you're really attracted to it, why don't you take advantage of the time you'll be in that state?

That got me thinking, creating such beautiful and elaborate things, would I be able to do it, would mother allow me to? I think I know what to tell her the next time she comes to see me. Leaving the necklace aside, my focus shifted to the diary, after asking permission to open it and having her give it to me, I began to read it; it was a diary that had its time since, by the dates and handwriting, Aemma had started writing when she was 10 years old, what she had written....

I could understand the reason why she kept it hidden, even from my father and Rhaenyra, since all the feelings she kept in here, had so many questions that I wished she could clarify for me....

— Aemma, I...

She looked like she understood what was going to happen, as if she had expected that and before we could speak when I heard someone knocking on the door, it was Helaena, the questions had to wait.

I hid the diary under my pillow when I told Helaena she could come in and although she saw it she didn't ask about it, after that we spent a pleasant afternoon together, even when Aemond joined us, it had been a while since we had been together like that, it was nice while it lasted, until....

— You see it's not so hard to get along with your siblings.

When they left and after dinner, I had intentions of having my questions answered, but Aemma seemed to want to divert the topic I wanted to talk about, to go to another one, I guess she must have her reasons, but it's not like I wanted to talk about this either:

— Really? It's true we couldn't be more different: Helaena has this weird fascination with her insects and drops weird comments out of nowhere, Aemond is too serious and has this obsession to have a dragon and Daeron is far away, a sibling relationship is not always about getting along all the time, but after all they are my family, we only have us and our mother, and I....

I can't believe I'm going to say this....

— I love my family, they are everything to me, it's just hard, so complicated considering everything that is going on, especially because of our father and Your daughter! Who are dragging us into all this chaos.

— My daughter? Not your sister? You don't consider her your family, I can understand about Viserys, but Rhaenyra, why?

— Our father stopped caring about us long ago and I know that Rhaenyra is your daughter, surely you have an image of her, but we do not, since I can remember she never wanted to have us near any of us, not even Helaena and that does not represent anything "bad" for her, that by the mere fact of existing, the decisions of our father and the actions she has done, is that our family is as it is and that both my brothers and I are in a too delicate and uncertain position ....

— No, that's not my child, that can't be true.

She was too upset and was starting to cry, I had completely forgotten that she had told me that she was trapped for many years in her room, that her only form of communication were the servants, my father and Rhaenyra, clearly not very reliable sources to know everything that was going on, especially if it was about her daughter....

— You should know better than anyone, I'm sorry, but it's the truth, she doesn't love us, on the contrary, she fears us because we are supposedly a hindrance on her way to the throne.

— NO! that's not so, it's probably because you didn't know how to approach her in the right way....

He seriously wished he could tell her everything he had in store, but he couldn't, she had spent so much time locked up and alone, she hadn't seen everything his daughter had done, and after all she is his only daughter, she wouldn't believe any of this if she didn't see it first....

— So what should I do? I tried it before, what do I do differently this time?

— I will tell you what to say to approach her and prove you wrong about your sister.

— Okay, I'll take care of getting his attention and then you tell me what to do....

— How will you do that if you say she and you are not close?

— Leave it to me...

I could barely get out of bed, and despite the use of the cane I was able to do what I set out to do and got a meeting with Rhaenyra, but the outcome was not as Aemma or I would have hoped....

— What have you done Aegon?!

Aemma's loud voice echoed in my head as I lay on the ground with the body of my unconscious half-sister in my arms in the garden of the Red Keep.

How did it come to this!

Things can get complicated

But that doesn't mean they can't be solved

Shadow after shadow

Memory after memory

Where is the truth to be found?

What has been kept in the dark?

Chapter Text

Letter from Daeron I

Oldtown, Year 1XX A.C.

Hello Aegon,

How are you? I hope you are well and I am very glad you wrote to me and asked how I had been in Oldtown, for I must tell you that I have been very well, our cousins and uncles have been very kind to me, Tessarion is getting older every day, and I have felt at home, though that does not mean that I do not miss them, I do with each passing day and I look forward to the day when I can return to the Red Keep and not for a visit but permanently, although I will have to settle for the next visit which I think will be very soon, I hope to see you again and talk to you about everything that has been happening, which from what you have told me in your last letter, quite a few things have happened of which several I didn't know much about.

I think you are the only one who tells me about this and asks about my things, for example: "about if I have improved with painting, if I have flown often with Tessarion or if there has been something that makes me sad" , because I must admit it brother, your letters are the only ones I can feel that I can talk to a brother, since: Aemond's letters more than letters seem like reports, I feel that he has confused my letters with the ones he must send to grandfather, Helaena's letters although with much love are very short and always talking about a new insect discovered, you know that from our father I receive nothing and our mother....

That's what I wanted to talk to you about, mother's letters were always full of questions about our family in Antigua and if I was being treated well, but it wasn't something I received very often, I guess she is still very sad and guilty that I was sent away, tell her she has nothing to worry or blame herself for, I have been fine, I just wish she would write me more often and ask about me and NOT YOU!

I have no idea whatever it is that is going on between you and our mother, but I wish you would fix it soon, do you know why? Mom is aware that we write to each other often, so in her last letter she has been asking me about you and if you have told me anything that could be considered important or rather if you have not talked to me about her, I have no idea why she is asking me that, when you are a few meters away from her and I am almost on the other side of the continent, so I hope you can talk to her and clarify whatever is happening to you, because I do not wish to be the intermediary between you....

And regarding the last thing you wrote me about Helaena, I must tell you brother that you should talk to her, you should clarify that misunderstanding, that it was not your intention to hurt her or make her feel less with what you were requesting, especially behind her back, I know you had good intentions, but doing it on the sly was not the best thing to do, she would have understood the situation if you had talked to her from the beginning, it is not good that you keep ignoring each other and I am sure she misses you as much as you miss her, and if you ask about the security with which I say these words, it is because almost as with our dear mother, Helaena has also acquired the habit of asking me about you, about if she knew your intentions or if you have written about her with me.

Seriously brother you should be more careful with women, especially those of our family, I didn't know they could become so intense, at least I'm glad that with Aemond the relationship between the two of you has improved quite a lot, he's the only one I haven't heard complaints about you with, since before, he also wrote a lot of complaints about you.

Hoping you can get your life in order, which I am sure you will, as I have heard how much your reputation has improved in court, so this will probably end well won't it, I hope I never get letters like this from our mother and sister again, all the best:

Your favorite brother, Daeron.

Psdt. Grandpa has asked me to please write to him, he needs to talk to you and it can't be through Aemond.

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Chapter V

"Keep your tongue from evil, your lips from lying words" Psalm 34:14

Right or Wrong, Desire or Duty, Whim or Despair, Love or Pleasure?

"Sometimes, bad fortune is written when we are born."

The mistake of being born with the wrong sex...

Something that cannot be forgiven, what for the one you loved could have been your salvation, ended up being your downfall, but it is useless to regret when you have a great weight to carry forward, to show everyone who you really are, that the one you loved did not sacrifice himself in vain.

 "Nearer to the gods than to men", she who is to save the world, what does it matter what others may say when you hear a dragon roar?

Rhaenyra I

Queen Aemma Arryn would not be forgotten! Even if she is gone, even if there is a new queen whose womb gave birth to the children my mother could not bear, it will not be them or their blood that will be remembered and worshipped as the saviors of the world, but mine, the blood of the daughter of the only queen Westeros should have had, the queen who could not bear a son but gave birth to a daughter who would become the first queen in her own right, whose blood was special; of Valyrian purity without equal and not a diluted mixture with Andals and First Men. They were not the ones who were entitled to a future of greatness and nothing in the world was going to change that, my father was already clear, but it seems that this will not be enough, it is time for "Them" to realize that and the first person who must understand that will no longer be Alicent but Aegon...

— What has been doing what?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, Alicent's son in spite of everything that has happened because of him, it seems he hasn't had enough and still wants to wreak havoc, regularly I wouldn't give a damn what he does or doesn't do, after all the boy has proven to be no threat to my position as heir and treats my children decently, yet now he thinks he is getting everyone's attention at my mother's expense, who does he think he is to do that? If he thinks he is going to get any attention from my father, he is very wrong....

After all my father was more outraged than I was when we found out what he had done, when we went into my mother's rooms and saw the state he had left them in. I had never seen my father so angry if he ever was, then when he learned that Alicent intended to hide this fact, he simply exploded.

I do not know where my father got the strength to go quickly to Aegon's rooms, while I stayed to make sure that the servants left the rooms as they should be, then my father reached me so that together we could make sure that nothing was missing among my mother's things, it was a relief to discover that everything was in order and nothing was missing. It was until the evening that I learned of the argument between Alicent and my father, as well as Aegon's condition.

I couldn't help but feel bad for Alicent, she shouldn't have received my father's fury, however, maybe it's a good way for her to learn to control her son, while with Aegon... well, he deserves it for barging in where he shouldn't. My father was very clear that day, my mother's chambers was not a place for just anyone to enter, I thought with that it was all over, but apparently it wasn't, because I am learning that Aegon has been not only been hanging around near my mother's chambers despite warnings, but he has also been hanging out with the servants asking them about the late queen.

At least that is what a maid has been informing me, Lara I think is her name, one of the few lucky ones to realize who they have to serve in this palace, besides she was the one who informed me of everything that had happened with that incident that Alicent pretended to hide, so I can trust her information.

— Has he spoken directly to you about it?

— No my princess, I have only been told that he has been hanging around with the servants who have been working in the palace the longest, so you should talk to one of them if you want to know more details.

— So who could tell me about it? I want the one who could have given you the best information.

— In that case, my princess, you should talk to Quinlá.

— Who is Quinlá?

— She is one of the oldest maids in this palace, she has been working here since the time of the former King, indeed I understand that she had taken care of both you and Prince Aegon when you were younger.

At first I didn't know who he was talking about, after all my main childhood memories go back to my mother and uncle, but thinking back, the memories and faces were becoming clearer....

— I remember her, that's right, she was my main nanny, didn't you know she also took care of Queen Alicent's children?

— Not so my princess, she only came to take care of Prince Aegon, after he no longer needed her, she was promoted to head maid.

— I understand, it's perfect, Lara tell him to come and see me immediately.

— As you command my princess.

When Lara returned, she informed me that Quinlá was busy with the queen herself, Alicent said that it was an urgent matter and that as soon as Quinlá was free she would send her to me, at first I was quite angry because why should the crown princess be made to wait? However, I let it pass since my need to know what was happening with my half-brother was greater than anything else.

When Quinlá finally arrived, I couldn't have been more anxious, after she made the respective greetings, I indicated that she could take a seat, which would start our conversation:

— It is a pleasure to see you again princess.

— It's also nice to see you again Quinlá, it's been a long time since I last saw you.

— That's right my princess, the last time I saw you you were just a child when my services were no longer needed, Queen Aemma may the gods have you with them, wished to spend more time with you and raise you personally, a lovely and uncommon action among the nobility if I am honest.

Such was my mother, a dedicated and loving woman, before I saw her constantly bedridden because of her pregnancies, she always tried to spend most of her time with me; playing with me in the garden, reading me bedtime stories, there was even a time when, despite detesting the smell of dragons, she was the first to accompany me to my lessons to control Syrax, these are memories that I will always treasure in my memory.

— True, those were beautiful times.

— Queen Aemma's death was a great loss for everyone in one way or another, things would never be the same after she was gone, however, Queen Alicent has done a great job bringing new joys to the Fortress.

I couldn't help but clench my hands a little at the mention of Alicent and the way she was slowly starting to take the place that once belonged to my mother, I couldn't help but feel an annoyance that little by little my mother would start to become a distant memory, but that wasn't what interested me at that moment but the answer to my doubts.

— Maybe, but that's not what Quinlá wanted to see her for.

— Of course my princess, I am very sorry for this imprudence on my part, now tell me, what can I do for you?

— I've been hearing around, that lately my half brother has been very curious hanging around among the servants asking questions about my mother, how much truth is there to that?

— I am very sorry my princess that this has reached your ears and worried you, but it is really nothing to worry about, the prince has only asked little questions here and there, but it was not the first time he did it, so do not consider it something important.

— Really? I had no idea.

— My princess, he usually visits the servants area from time to time either to hide a mischief of his, when he needs something or just to talk, but he only hangs out with those who have served him for quite some time like me, otherwise he tends to ignore the rest and play pranks on them, especially the newer maids, that is why Queen Alicent wanted to talk to me, she was aware of the situation and asked me if Prince Aegon had started "playing" with the servants again, and I told her the same as I told you; she just asked questions, asked for a change in her afternoon dessert and then left.

— But what kind of questions did he ask?

— Well what was she like, what did she like, what was she like with you, what kind of relationship did she have with the king? Actually, I could only tell him very little, but he didn't seem to really care, I guessed it was those moments when he was looking for what to do when he is bored, especially considering his state where he can't do much, he was always someone curious, in a way he reminds me a lot of you

— What? How so?

— With all due respect my princess, they are both similar in the sense that they like to be the center of attention, they like sweets a lot or playing jokes on the servants, I quite remember when Queen Aemma sent her to apologize especially to the cooks when mysteriously the lemon cakes disappeared, but above all the great love they both have for their mothers....

Quinlá's words were starting to become distant, being replaced by those memories, of better times, times when worries seemed so far away, when the person I loved most in this world was with me and told me that everything was going to be all right even though it wasn't, it wasn't, I was so deep in my thoughts, but Quinlá's last words brought me out of it:

— Love for our mothers?

— Princess, you know better than anyone that even when you were with me, you always asked to go to your mother's rooms, you cried every time the queen could not be there for you, the same happens with your brother, he could not live without having his mother near, he was all tantrums and crying until he fell asleep, it is a pity that both relationships dried up as time went by....

— Is that so?

— You began to spend more time with your dragon, the then Lady Alicent and your uncle when your mother had to maintain strict rest for her health as for that of the possible babies, while, with your brother, I think you were considerably affected by the appearance of your brothers who were gradually monopolizing the attention of your mother, without forgetting the duties that you must fulfill as queen, it is complicated in my opinion.

Complicated, similar? Yes of course, after all this is what Alicent always looked for in the end, just like Aegon, they can both do whatever they want, there are things that will never change, but he was not for this kind of conversation, there were things he had to start making clearer than ever:

— Quinlá, I need to ask you something.

— Whatever I can do, I would be happy to help you my princess.

— I need to talk to my half brother, the afternoon has very nice weather and I have not been feeling very well, you can tell him to come and talk to me in the gardens.

— As you say princess, but without disrespecting you, I don't think it is necessary to warn you, I think that at this hour you must surely be in the gardens.

— If you say he can't move freely, shouldn't he be in his room?

— The maester has said that in order to recover his mobility in a more natural way and not to be locked up all the time, he recommended him small walks in the gardens, not to mention that Queen Alicent took advantage of that for the prince to spend more time with his fiancée Princess Helaena.

— That being the case, I guess I should go now, I hope I am not interrupting anything, I appreciate your services today Quinlá, you may leave and I hope we can talk again, there are things from the past that I would like to remember, especially if they are about my mother.

— As you like my princess, I will always be ready to help you as much as possible.

I was standing up to leave when a strong dizziness almost made me return to my seat, I have been feeling this way for days now.

— My princess! Are you all right?

— It's nothing, it's nothing, I'm fine, just a slight dizziness, I probably stood up too fast.

Being in the gardens, I felt a peace that I haven't had in a while, no matter how much time passed or how hard I tried I couldn't find a way to endure the suffocation and constant scrutiny of the Court, I preferred more the company of Syrax and my children that I forgot how good it felt to have a little time to myself and in a place where I could find some peace.

However, I couldn't be walking around like I wanted to all the time, I had things to do, where would he be? I forgot how big this place could feel, but something in me was guiding me to where what I was looking for was and surprisingly that instinct was not the wrong one, there he was, right in the same place where Alicent and I....

It seems that Helaena was not with him, could it be because he finished his walk or she left him abandoned? It would be a fun thing to find out, he seems to be amused in something, since he is not realizing that I was approaching and honestly I was very tempted to give him a scare or at least I thought so, since when I tried to get closer:

— How are you sister?

His words left me cold, I thought I had been cautious enough, and even without that, how did he know it was me? I ignored him for the moment because I had to talk to him.

— I'm fine thank you, what are you doing, and Helaena?

That's when he put aside the notebook in which he seemed to be doing whatever he was doing and started talking to me:

— Well we both discovered that we have something to do together besides riding dragons and that is drawing, we chose this place because it was very nice, so we were doing that until my mother sent for Helaena, but I don't think that's why you came to talk to me, is it?

— No, I wanted you to give me an explanation.

— About what?

He still had the nerve to talk like it was nothing, when you could tell he seemed to know what I was talking about.

— I wanted to tell you, by what right did you think you had to go around and ask about my mother? It's not enough what you did, what do you want with all that?!

I didn't mean to sound angry, but I couldn't help it, anything related to my mother will always be a sensitive subject for me.

— Rhaenyra calm down, I don't know under what circumstances you found out about this, but if I had asked well you would know that I not only asked about your mother, but also about other members of the family, like our grandparents and King Jaeharys, besides I didn't ask half the court or all the servants, only three, the ones I knew who worked here when they lived.

— But why? why my mom?

— And why not? Aemma Arryn may not have been my mother, but she was still family, wasn't she? But you're right, there was a special reason I asked about her.

— I knew it, what did you intend?

— Apologize to you.

— Pardon?

At that moment he began to get up with some difficulty and needing a cane to stand, he had forgotten that he was injured and that he was on the floor during our little conversation, while he said to me in a very determined manner:

— That's right, I know you were very angry about what I did and you wouldn't want to talk to me, so I thought of this so I could apologize to you, that it wasn't right what I did, I'm really sorry for everything that happened and I promise not to do something like that again.

This undoubtedly had to be a trick, a lie, I didn't know that Alicent's son could become as skilled with lies as she was....

That look in her eyes, the way I speak, her expressions, they all look just like Alicent when she claimed to have no idea what my father thought when he proposed to her, when I later learned that she was going to see him at night....

Everything about her was a lie! Even when my mother was alive, approaching us was just a plan to get close to the royal family and end up inside it at any cost, I was a fool to believe in her in the past, but I wouldn't be with her son, something she wanted, something she was looking for, maybe she is trying to approach me the same way she did and find information and spread lies about me in court just like she is used to do, but I won't give her the pleasure. Before I knew it I was holding him tightly by the arm while yelling at him:

— You're lying! This is just a trick of yours or maybe your mother's!

— No! Rhaenyra you are misunderstanding, not even my mother knows about this, please let go, you are hurting me....

— You're lying! I can't believe any words from the son of a liar.

— You have no idea what you're talking about Rhaenyra, at least she didn't swear a lie under her mother's memory right here or to her own children about who her father is....

— What?!

— What?!

How did he know that? Sure, his mother must have told him, besides it's not something he can use against me, he has no proof of it or maybe that's what he was looking for from the beginning....

— How do you know that? Your mother told you, didn't she?! Well let me tell you it's a lie, she was the one who started the lies, she forced me, you understand, she forced me! You have no idea of anything.

— Rhaenyra, I swear I don't know what you're talking about!

— You lie, tell me what else do you know!

— Rhaenyra, I...

Before I knew it, the dizziness I felt before had returned stronger than before, I was having trouble breathing, I could no longer stand, everything was starting to become blurry, that's when I fell on top of Aegon, both of us falling to the ground and before I lost consciousness I heard him say:

— I didn't do anything, I just did what you asked me to do and look what happened, I told you it was a bad idea....

I knew it, I knew I couldn't trust him, it seems that after all some of the vipers in his family just wanted to look for something and they have succeeded, it was the last thing I thought before everything went dark....

Eternal lies cannot be

Sooner or later they come to know

But hiding them is not the real betrayal.

But you did it in front of the one who loved you unconditionally.

Chapter Text

Chapter VI

"Let each one examine his own conduct and will not praise himself before another, but will be zealous for his own advantage. Each one will have to answer for his own works." Galatians 6:4-5

Doing the "right thing" is not always the easiest way, not when everything seems to work the other way around: What happened to honor? Where did decency go? What happened to those values that nobility was so proud of?

"The world is not a place where everyone can become happy."

A reality that is easier to accept than to live it day after day, with which each dawn is a new reminder that: Every dream will remain just that and that Every illusion was shattered without mercy, however, it is not worth crying over things that could have been, but were never realized, things happen for a reason right? The gods have a plan for every mortal soul, we just tend to become too stubborn to see them....

Alicent I

From the moment Aegon learned to walk, I knew he would be a torment, he was always very restless, almost incapable of sitting still for a while without wanting to scare me or one of his nannies to death every time he disappeared from the nursery and ended up in the deepest recesses of the Keep, I thought it was just a phase, since it reminded me of when my brother Gwayne would get lost in the many corridors of the High Tower at home, but I guess I was wrong, because as Aegon grew older the less I could keep him under control and with the arrival of my other children along with my duties as queen....

There were days when I even forgot how many children I had when the pressures of the court grew and each of my children always needed something different from me, that sometimes I missed the days when I only had to worry about the next event I had to attend with my father and try to help Rhaenyra so that the septas would not scold her, there are nights when I remember those times; when the worries and intrigues of the court seemed to be problems so far away, but there is no point in thinking about what could have been, but with each dawn, one step at a time, difficulties had to be faced.

At least the worries with Aegon had diminished a little, although not in the way I would have liked, it still hurts my head to remember the last events, maybe things would not have been so serious but for Aegon getting into the last place where he should be, because no matter how much time had passed, the memory of Aemma Arryn will remain a shadow from which we can never escape and I fear that this shadow will destroy not only this family but the whole kingdom as well.

However, I could never hate her, Queen Aemma was a true lady from start to finish, following Queen Alyssane's example as best she could, she was a good queen; honest and kind hearted, but unfortunately she is only remembered as the poor woman who could not fulfill her most essential duty: "To give an heir to the throne", that she did not achieve it as she would have wanted, was a complete sadness, but it was never her fault, even though she tried her best to follow to the letter every indication of the maester and take care of herself so hard, the tears and sadness that she barely managed to hide almost became a constant in the last years of her life, I myself saw two of her pregnancies and how each new loss, each whisper of the court and how she isolated herself to prevent those worries from eating her, it seemed that a piece of the queen died with those babies...

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was so afraid of going through what she did, I couldn't shake the image of her singing so sweetly to the baby in her womb only to see her crying into an empty crib. The conception of my children may have been a memory I wanted to keep out of my memory, but the mere thought of losing any of them was inconceivable, I would not be able to bear it, it was a complete relief that despite every hardship that might come along the way, each of my babies live on and are with me.

They are my reason to go on day after day, they make me forget little by little the bitterness and sadness of the breakup of my relationship with Rhaenyra and my lost childhood, but at the same time the fear and worry for the future grows because of everything that can happen, I tried not to think about that, but the events in which Aegon was involved made me remember once again, that no matter how much he said otherwise for Viserys there was only Rhaenyra or rather the memory of Aemma, because before she died, he rarely fixed his attention on his daughter.

When he entered my son's rooms with that attitude, it was not his shouting at me for what Aegon did that made me angry, but that he put his attention and anger on those stupid rooms, and not on his unconscious son whose head was bandaged in front of his eyes, that added to Aegon's altered behavior when he woke up from his unconsciousness was the straw that broke the camel's back....

I had never felt so bad about hitting him when he was not well, I was so relieved that I did not remember at all what happened when I woke up for the second time, and according to the maester he was going to be fine in a short time, but the tranquility was short-lived, when I least expected it, Aegon and his recent fondness for alcohol caused him to be injured again, only this time he could breathe a little since he would be unable to get into trouble.

I pray to the Mother and the Elder that what happened would have been what Aegon needed to understand that he can't go on doing whatever he wants out there without suffering the consequences of it, things were quiet for a while, or at least that's what the maester, the servants and my other sons were informing me:

"The prince has been very quiet my queen."

"He has paid attention to his classes and it does not appear that anything has worsened in relation to his health."

"I assure you mother, Aegon has not disrespected me or asked me to go to the cellars to fetch liquor for him, we even wrote a few letters to Daeron."

"He has been kind to me mother, we have spent pleasant evenings together."

"You know it's not the first time the prince has come to "hang out" with some servants, I can also assure you that he hasn't bothered any servant girl with some mouse in her bed like last time, and his questions were harmless, nothing for you to worry about, my queen, I assure you."

When I knew he was well enough to walk around, I hoped he wasn't going back to his old ways so soon, Quinlá could become a faithful servant, but it is no secret to me of the affection she has for my son and the times she has helped him cover up his more harmless antics, but I decided to let it go for this time because I didn't want to disturb the peace I was starting to get used to, and being objective my son wasn't asking anything truly suspicious, they were even questions he could have asked me.

That made me realize that it has been a long time since I have talked to my own son, even though I had a thousand situations to take care of, I had personally taken care of him during his unconscious time, partly as a way to atone for my mistake for hitting him, but when he woke up I stopped visiting him, and then when he broke his leg, I tried to see him whenever I could, but we never got to talk, just short phrases, plus with all that he has been through along with his lack of "problems", it seems that the only times I see him is during meals and that was until a week ago when he said he was better enough to join us.

Reason why, after leaving my usual prayers in the Septo, I had asked Helaena to meet me to give me her report on how things were going with her brother, great was my surprise to learn that they were still together even though the schedule where they should "coexist" had ended, it was good to know that they are gradually getting along better.

— It took us a while to get out because Aegon's leg hurt a little more than usual, I told him we could stay in his room if he wanted, but he said he didn't want to stay cooped up any longer, besides there was nothing to admire in there to draw him.

— It's amazing my girl that you both have found that taste for drawing.

— To me the same mother, when we got to the gardens and settled in, we started arguing about what we should draw that we didn't feel how long we had been together, despite that, he never shows me what he does, he says it's a surprise.

— Haven't you tried to convince him to show you?

— I did, I told him that I would no longer talk about my insects for a week if he would show me what he drew, he responded with that it was "a tempting proposition" but not tempting enough for that, that maybe he would do it after you mother talked.

— With me? I hope it's nothing improper.

— I don't think so mother, he said it was something important.

— This is the first time I've seen you take their side.

She seemed just as surprised to realize it and no wonder, before he tried to be as far away from her as possible, barely speaking to her unless she forced him to or standing her up in the appointments he planned for both of them to go who knows where, and although Helaena did not protest about it, she knew that deep down it hurt her, if not for her pride as a lady, it was as a sister hurt by the distance with her brother. That to see her so happy and a little more talkative than before was a joy to my heart.

— I'm surprised too mother, but I'm more surprised at how much she has changed these last few weeks, should we be grateful for those bumps she's been taking? I just hope this isn't momentary and we end up going back to the way we were before.

The nature of this future union may never end up convincing me, but at least I hope that both can find a support in each other, that can help them to endure all that is to come, I still hope that the change is lasting and if it is in my hands the possibility to help, why not?

— Well, I guess you won't have to be curious anymore, I haven't talked to your brother in a while and the evening is so nice, it's the perfect opportunity for this mystery to end. Where did you say they were?

Being here brought back memories, both good and bad, but a scream brought me out of my thoughts and it turned out to be coming from the place where Aegon was supposed to be, before I knew it Sir Criston who was with me went forward to see what was happening, but I couldn't just stand there without knowing what was happening with my son, so I decided to get closer, and that's when I saw what was happening.

— Sister, please wake up, I swear I didn't mean to hurt you, Sir Criston please help me....

Aegon lay on the ground with Rhaenyra's body on top of him, he was upset and on the verge of tears as Sir Criston held Rhaenyra in his arms to carry her away.

— My queen, I will take the princess to her chambers, I will find someone to help the prince.

— Inform the maester first to attend to the princess, I will take care of my son.

Aegon was surprised and upset, but I needed him to calm down and explain to me what had just happened.

— Aegon, please calm down, Rhaenyra will be fine, tell me what happened? why were you with Rhaenyra? shouldn't Erryk be with you?

After I let him breathe better, he calmed down and as I helped him stand up, he began to explain to me what happened.

— Sir Erryk was not with me because he did not want anyone to accompany Helaena and me on the walk, anyway, we were going to be in the gardens only, I was not planning to meet with Rhaenyra, she came to see me after Helaena left, she came to ask me about why I was asking about her mother and what she intended by that

Of course, I should have guessed that Rhaenyra would not take kindly to Aegon going around talking about her mother. 

— What was your answer?

— That I intended nothing more than to talk to her, to apologize....

— Apologize?

— Yes, I wanted to apologize for what I did in her mother's rooms, but she didn't see it right, she told me it was a lie, that she couldn't believe me for....

— By

— For being the son of a liar.

Ah...I shouldn't be surprised, still, this was so typical of Rhaenyra, seeing things where there were none and assuming facts before hearing the whole story, it may have been years, but she didn't seem to have changed, calling me a liar, when the first one to hide the truth and keep doing it by covering it up with lie after lie as if nothing was her. There was no point of comparison.

— Did he say anything else?

— No... she started to feel sick and fainted, but I swear mother I didn't do anything to her!

— It's okay, I believe you, just relax, we're going to see her right now, and you'll know it's nothing bad, okay?

He didn't seem very convinced, but he listened to me, I helped him and together we went to Rhaenyra's rooms to check if she was ok, when we arrived, those children were already there.

— Uncle, what happened?

— What did you do to our mother?

— Aegon What did you do!?

The children's questions were overshadowed by Viserys' shout as he was coming out of Rhaenyra's room, and before he approached Aegon, I stepped between them.

— My husband, I don't know what Rhaenyra has told you, but Aegon has explained to me that he only...

— Nothing Alicent, Rhaenyra already told me what Aegon has been doing, and I can't believe that what has happened recently hasn't been enough for him to understand that he shouldn't disrespect the memory of Rhaenyra's mother....

Before he could continue, Aegon interrupted him by shouting.

— I just wanted to apologize for what I did! Did she tell you about that? That she yelled at me when I apologized and out of nowhere she fainted.

— Don't say my daughter is a liar Aegon, because I won't let it go, you've already done too much overwhelming her with your false accusations.

— But...

Before the discussion could go any further, the maester came out saying that he had great news; it turns out that Rhaenyra's fainting was not because she was in any way overwhelmed or stressed, but because she was a month pregnant again! I couldn't believe what I was hearing, given that Sir Laenor Velaryon has been gone for over 4 months! Because she decided to accompany her father on a visit to Pentos to see his sister Lady Laena.

Any discussion that was to be had, was forgotten by the reality of that fact, the children seemed not to understand it at all, they were just excited by the news of a new brother, but Viserys, Aegon and I who became aware of this situation were speechless, he just said:

— Today is a day of much joy, let the announcement and celebrations be made worthy of my daughter and Aegon, don't think I'm not done with you, I will soon let you know your punishment.

After that, Viserys re-entered Rhaenyra's room along with her children to celebrate the "big news", the best thing to do was to get out of there, so we headed to my rooms which were closer so my son could rest from what just happened, I asked Sir Criston to make sure no one disturbed us and Talya to go get some tea for both of us.

— What do you think he will do with me?

— I don't think the punishment will be severe, after all you listened to the maester, it wasn't your fault that caused Rhaenyra to faint, it was something that was going to happen to her, on the contrary, you prevented something bad from happening to her because you were with her, and from what you told me you didn't disrespect the late queen and you wanted to make up for your mistake by apologizing, there is nothing I can truly accuse you of or punish you for, do you understand?

— Yes...

— But have you been well? Doesn't your leg hurt?

— I'm fine mother, it only hurts a little...

He didn't seem very convinced and he looked a little gone, as if he wasn't paying attention anymore, I didn't know what to tell him to make him feel better, usually our conversations if they can be called that way end in fights and sometimes in blows... so I don't know what else to tell him, at that moment Talya arrived with another maid who brought us tea and a few cakes, when we were about to start tasting that little snack, was when I remembered what was the reason why I wanted to talk to him in the first place.

— I heard from Helaena that you wanted to talk to me about something that was a surprise, will you tell me what it is?

— Well, I found out recently that the late King Jaehaerys was very fond of jewelry, is it true?

— It has been a long time since I had heard someone ask me about the Old King, but it is true, he was very fond of precious stones, there were a few times when I was going to take care of him that he was strong enough to sit on his bed that he asked me to bring him a chest where he had very rare precious stones kept, he even talked about which stones he wanted for his daughters' jewelry, stones that sadly were not used, but that has to do with all that mystery that you keep for yourself.

— Well, I wanted to ask you about the possibility of learning to make jewelry as he would have wanted, as I understand he could not learn just to design.

He was saying this while putting the cup of tea to his mouth, I never thought he could have this kind of interests, but on second thought I think it would be a fantastic idea for him to do something productive, something that the Old King loved, this may also be the beginning for him to slowly become interested in more activities that King Jaehaerys was doing....

— I see no reason why you couldn't do it, especially considering you can't do much now, but what made you want to do something like this? Could it be that Helaena had something to do with it and that's why you kept it from her?

He almost choked on his tea when he heard that, and was starting to turn red as he said:

— What? No! I just wanted to learn because I found the art of jewelry making interesting, what you were drawing were my first jewelry sketches and I didn't want to get my hopes up in case you said no and if I didn't tell Helaena, it was so she wouldn't make fun of me or something....

I couldn't help but laugh a little, it had been a while since I had spent a nice time with Aegon, it was strange, but at the same time very nice to enjoy, so we spent our evening until dinner talking about everything a little bit, everything was so quiet until Viserys let us know what Aegon's punishment would be.

3 months without dragon flights and without sword training, what kind of punishment was that? Does he not remember that Aegon can do neither in that time span, not to mention that for the latter it is not a punishment but a reward, but I couldn't say anything because Aegon held my arm asking me not to do anything, that when Viserys left, he started to speak with a disappointed tone:

— I think you have forgotten that I am not fit to do certain things, so it is as if you have not punished me at all, it is better to leave things like that mother, I guess that is not going to affect my new jewelry lessons is it? Or will that be my new punishment?

— No, of course not, it is good that you have something to do that is productive instead of going around in such conditions, I am only going to ask you, as a condition, both now and after you recover, to try to fulfill your lessons, your duties and to consider again the possibility of taking the position of cupbearer in the Council in exchange for my support in this hobby of yours, is that a deal?

— With the former, yes, but with the idea of being a cup holder, I'll think about it, okay?

— Done.

After that I asked Sir Criston to accompany Aegon to his rooms to rest, while I was getting ready to sleep and reviewing the amount of work that would be waiting for me tomorrow, I thought of all the things that were happening and that even though I almost suffered a heart attack on more than one occasion, strangely I had the feeling that something good was about to happen, however, suddenly I remembered something that Helaena told me before I went to look for her brother:

"The shadows have begun to move, searching for the one who will be able to prevent the darkness from returning."

Why did I remember that?

Old times are often the best times

Because they do not tend to be full of fear and pains.

But reality is not always like this

Sometimes it is better to believe in what made us happy.

Living in the past is not the best

Not when you can miss out on what was planned for you.

Chapter Text

Chapter VII

"Every kingdom divided into two camps is lost, and every city or family divided is brought to ruin." Matthew 12:25

There is a fine line between education and manipulation, between pride and arrogance, between innocence and stupidity, between illusion and reality, between what you want to do and what you must do... No one is truly infallible, even a dragon can fall if he is not careful, it is easy to fall into deceptions and live in an illusion, but when that mirage is broken what do you have to say, will you accept reality or will you keep denying it until the end?   

Alyssa I

— "I am very sorry to say it my prince, we are all doing the best we can, but the princess's condition is not improving, I recommend you start preparing for the worst..."

— "Nonsense!"

— "Alyssa, my love, I didn't think you were awake, you shouldn't have had to hear that."

—"But that's bullshit Baelon, I'll be fine, you forget who we are, we are the Dragon's blood! Very different from normal people, very soon I will be with you and the children taking to the skies, remember I owe our little Aegon his first dragon flight."

More than 35 years have passed since that day, but I remember it as if it were yesterday, I was so determined to prove to everyone that I was fine, that I was not the same as other weak women, I was different; a descendant of Old Valyria, daughter of the good Kings, a capable dragon rider, I had already been through two births without any problems....

 "The birthing bed is always a risk to be reckoned with, even those in the best condition or with previous healthy deliveries have fallen because of it, my own mother was an example of that."

My mother's words echoed in my head when she told me it was time to stop, that I should think of my children and my husband, that I had done my duty, that I had had enough, but hadn't she been the one who had taught me that the battlefield for women was the birthing bed? That dream of accompanying my brothers to conquer Dorne was forgotten when I was told that those would not be my battles. After I was married, I was told that it was time to start growing up, that I should limit my "sword play" and that I should start behaving like a proper lady and wife.

I delivered on that and began to feel proud of it, especially when every child that came out of me was the perfect representation of what a member of our house should be, every time Meleys shared my joy when I took them flying with me, not to mention the face my beloved Baelon made every time I put them in his arms along with the compliments of the Court, I wanted to keep proving that I was a victorious woman, so I disregarded the advice of my mother or the Maesters.

I even refused Maegelle's requests about praying to the Seven for protection, because there was no point, I remember what I told her:

— "My sister, you may have your ways, but I have mine, I didn't need the Seven before to give birth to my first children, I won't need them now, in any case I should ask the Valyrian gods for protection, they would understand me and protect one of their own."

— "Confidence is a virtue sister, but in excess it is arrogance and that is a sin, I do not intend to argue with you, I just hope you do not repent, I will pray for you instead."

They all told me something similar but different, but I turned a deaf ear to each one of them, I felt I had no case: "Closer to the gods than to men", now that I think about it, it is nonsense, but at that time I was so proud of it, that when the Stranger did not exactly come for me, I realized that I was paying the price of my pride, although I did not understand it instantly.

— "Promise me that you will take care of our children, that you will teach them to be proud of their family and that they will do everything they can to protect it."

— "I promise you my dear, you have nothing to worry about, I will take very good care of our children."

After making Baelon promise to take care of my children, I felt I was just going to take a nap, however, when I opened my eyes again and felt fine, I thought a miracle had happened, until I saw my body being prepared by the silent sisters in the company of my mother and my husband who were not stopping crying....

I had never felt so much fear, not even when I had finally accepted the fact that I would die, but seeing that shattered me, it really made me feel the weight of reality; that I could not stand to be there a minute longer, so I ran away aimlessly through a part of the palace, I also discovered that I could only be in one area of the palace, I could not go further, I felt like a prisoner, I did not understand anything of what was happening, that I hid in a tunnel of the secret passages while I sat there I kept repeating over and over again:

— Why, why is this happening to me, why didn't my blood or the 14 Flames protect me, why!

— Perhaps because they do not exist or because it was their will that this should happen?

That's when I saw her, I thought she was the only one here, but she wasn't, down the hall was a woman I had never seen before; tall, blonde, pretty but clearly not Valyrian, was she able to see me? Or was she the same as me?

— Who are you?

She began to approach me as she said:

— How rude of me, I'm so sorry Alyssa....

— Do you know who I am?

— Of course, I know you and your family better than you think, my name is Ceryse, Ceryse Hightower.

I could not believe it, I was face to face with the First of Maegor's Black Brides, the woman who paid with her life for not being the wife he wanted, but at the same time the only woman who was never afraid of him and was even able to face him despite the risks, or at least that is what my mother said about the little she remembers of her: "Ceryse was a charm, a lady from head to toe, very kind to my mother and to us, I always regret that a good woman like her would have been tied to a man like my uncle".

— I guess you have a lot of doubts, but I don't think this is the most appropriate place to do it, come with me, let's go to a more comfortable place.

He held out his hand to help me up and didn't let go as he led me through the passageways, then I noticed he was taking me through areas I had never seen before:

— Where are we going?

— You wait and see, we're close anyway.

Although we were going a little fast, I noticed that her gait, her posture and even her way of speaking were very elegant, everything my mom wanted her daughters to be, I can imagine that she not only followed Alyssa Velaryon's example but Ceryse's as well. My thoughts were interrupted when one of the walls moved and we both entered a sort of living room, a very curious one: it was full of mirrors whether they were hanging on the walls or in their respective frames, outside it looked like a room like any other: it had a bed, a bookshelf and a desk, all of which were very well kept.

— What is this place?

— Welcome to the heart of the hidden passages of the Red Keep or as I call it "The Hall of Mirrors", it was installed by Tyanna of Pentos.

— Tyanna?

— Some say that she was equally or more versed in the magical arts than Queen Visenya, maybe that's why she liked him, when this place was still under construction, Tyanna proposed to use the place where all the passages joined as a base of operations, supposedly through these mirrors you could see the movements of Maegor's enemies, I know it sounds crazy, personally, I always thought that in this place Maegor liked to spend time with his "lovers", sorry his "queens". But, I guess you don't want to hear stories about him, take a seat and tell me your doubts.

I didn't know where to start, everything had happened so fast, but I don't think she was in a hurry, given our circumstances I think we had plenty of time....

— When did you arrive? Is there anyone here besides you? Maegor or Visenya perhaps?

That was a lousy question, but it had been the first thing that had come to my mind, I was a little embarrassed, I tried to correct myself, but Ceryse didn't seem to care much, because she answered me in the calmest possible way.

— I also had the same question, when I arrived here which was after my death, I thought this could not be happening, if my soul had to stay somewhere, it had to be my home in Antigua, I confess I worried about running into Visenya or Maegor when he died even Aegon the Conqueror, but nothing, I spent days wandering all over the Keep and found no one until now.

— Can you wander all over the fortress? Because I couldn't do that.

— Strange, I was able to do that since I got here, maybe there is a reason for that, gods tend to be quite peculiar.

— That reminds me, why did you tell me that when you found me?

— Is that so? Of course, because I saw you when you said you didn't believe in any god to protect you, that you were the Dragon's Blood! And all that, I don't blame you for whatever beliefs you have, but arrogance has never done anyone any good, your own race is a clear example of that.

— What?

— I thought you better than anyone would know that Valyria could fall either because of the gods or because of their own people who brought misfortune, always talking so haughtily of being superior beings, but in reality they were no different than any other human being.

— Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about, especially you, whose family wanted to climb beyond their position, so that in the end they got nothing.

— My family had nothing to envy to yours: We are of ancient lineage, with prestige that several could only dream of having, not to mention our connections to the Citadel and the Faith, there was even a time when we practiced magic. Aegon the Conqueror and Queen Visenya herself could easily have turned down my uncle's request to be his son's bride, but they accepted it, why if you assume I am someone inferior to you? I will tell you, it is because we had something that you even with your dragons would hardly have: Stability and Acceptance.

— Why would we need it? You said it yourself, we have dragons to quell any rebellion against us, we don't need more.

— Alliances are always important to maintain if you want to endure, to get what you want you must make the respective sacrifices, my family only gave you the opportunity for you to stop being strangers in this land and integrate into it. Your dynasty is still young and was already ravaged by a civil war that, had it not been for the efforts of your parents and their Council, I doubt that Westeros would have recovered or worse perhaps would have risen up against you.

— How can you say that!

— Your family may have subdued or extinguished families and people who have lived here since the beginning, they may have made them bend the knee, but it would take time before truly gaining their respect and loyalty, especially if they see them as upstarts with airs and graces who simply wanted to be something when in Valyria they could be dragon lords, but they were nothing compared to other families who were too, not to mention that Dorne proved that even a dragon can fall, you just had to have the right strategies....

— No, no, no, no, no.... you have no idea what you are saying, you take advantage of the fact that we are in these conditions, because otherwise you would not even dare to look me in the eyes, we are not "upstarts with airs of greatness", we are superior, worthy of ruling these lands, of an advanced race that fell not because of pride but because of the envy they must have felt towards us, with a power that they already wish they had, on the contrary it was you who crawl towards us to obtain a little of what we possess, my father said it: "We are destined for greatness", it is you who want to hang on to it like the leeches that you are.

I was so upset that my inner dragon was beginning to awaken, showing that presence that would make anyone tremble and get out of my way, but a didn't seem to affect Ceryse in the least when she said in a very calm manner:

— Valyria barely lasted two thousand years leaving behind a place that is only remembered for the curses attributed to it given the cruelty they professed, while entire families like mine have lasted more than twelve thousand years counting on prestige and fortune to prove it; but if we go your way, answer me these questions: You say they are worthy to rule us, but without their dragons who are they? Don't forget where the first Valyrians came from; You say your dragon is enough to protect you, then how did your dragon not protect you from dying like any other normal woman; You say your blood makes you closer to the gods than to men, yet here you are with me, a "mere mortal" in this space that is neither life nor death.

I wanted to find an answer, but the words did not come out of my mouth, I did not know why, I wanted to prove her wrong, that nothing of what she said was true, but in the back of my mind I said that she was right, that the biggest proof of that was seeing my body being prepared for cremation and having this conversation with Ceryse. It was when I felt that I was crying, realizing this, Ceryse stood up, approached me and then took me by the hands and told me:

— It was not my intention to offend you in any way, I am sorry if I made you feel bad, I just wanted to make you see that it is easy to live in an illusion, but when you least expect it reality will come and will hit you in a very hard way, I will not touch the subject again if you do not want, and since we will be the only ones who are going to be here, I wish we will have a good coexistence, ok?

I had no choice anyway, I might not like Ceryse very much, but it was better that than being alone, at least that was how it was at the beginning, because as time went by and the same coexistence, little by little Ceryse and I started to get along better, getting to know each other better, she ended up becoming a kind of big sister, especially when I knew that my little Aegon died, She was the one who dried my tears, there were even times when she accompanied me to see my children from a distance, always ready to listen to me every time I talked about any of them, while I listened to her tell about her life in Oldtown and how much she missed her family, it was a time when I did not believe that I could feel so much peace.

At least that's how it was until one day, Ceryse said that someone else had arrived and I knew who it was, which is why I didn't want to go to meet her, but Ceryse ended up convincing me, I tried to control myself as best I could, but seeing her, if it wasn't for Ceryse holding me, I was sure I would have punched her in the face, she was trying to free me while screaming:

— You're a bitch Viserra! How dare you?! It was my husband, the father of my children, you're worse than Saera! You hear me?!

My younger sister's face was full of tears as she said:

— Sister, please listen to me, it's not what you think, you don't know the reason why I did it.

— Of course I know, you wanted to be able to, didn't I, to be queen? But I didn't think you would stoop so low to get it, I'm glad you didn't get what you wanted, I'm sure what happened to you, you deserved it.

Ceryse stopped holding me, to stand in front of me, putting Viserra behind her.

— Calm down Alyssa! Those are no way to treat your sister, it's true she made a mistake, but if only you'd let her tell her side of things....

— You listen to her if you want to, but I don't want to know anything!

— This being the case...

It was when Ceryse had taken Viserra's hand to take her to another place while telling her that she was going to listen to her story, I don't know what lies she is going to tell her and I don't care, but I couldn't help crying because of everything that was happening, I didn't think this hurt me so much, because I know I shouldn't have treated her that way and at the same time I was so angry, I didn't want to know anything and it was like that for a long time.

Fortunately Ceryse was an intermediary between the two of us, she did not let us be alone, besides we discovered that Viserra was able to leave the Fortress, so it was more common that she was in town than here, and in the cases where she was here she spent it with Ceryse and avoided me, I guess it was the best for all of us, it was a tense but bearable situation, until three years later, things improved between us, thanks to Rhaenys' wedding, hearing how she arrived to her wedding in Meleys was a great surprise, as a relief to know that my dear Red Queen was in perfect hands.

We made our own celebration after watching the wedding from a distance, we were so happy to see our little Rhaenys become a woman, she looked so happy and in love, also together with my children we saw Aemma, the daughter of my dear sister Daella, she had cried a lot for her death, I asked Ceryse why my sister was not here, she answered me that she was not sure, but it was probably related to the place where we died, maybe Daella was in the Eagles Nest.

We left that matter alone, after that Viserra and I were on better terms, but two years later someone else joined us. It was my brother Aemon, I had heard about his death and I asked Ceryse if she thought he might be here, she told me that she didn't know how it all worked, that like Daella, he might be where he died or the possibility that he was resting in Heaven, that the only thing we could do was wait to see what the gods decided, so I saw him so confused when we found him, that he almost fell backwards when he saw us, but then he came and gave me a big hug telling me how much he had missed me, while I told him how happy I was to see him again.

Then he turned his attention to Viserra and hugged her the same way he hugged me, telling her that he was very sorry for what had happened to her and that he loved her very much, he had not seen Viserra cry since we met for the first time, and she kept apologizing for her behavior. When the hug was over, Ceryse proceeded to introduce herself, Aemon was not out of his astonishment, but he seemed to receive her better than I did.

At the end of the surprise meeting and despite the doubts surrounding this situation of who could appear and who could not, we began to adapt to each other, Aemon's case was almost the same as Viserra's in the sense that he could also leave the Fortress, but unlike Viserra he had access to more space inside it, but unlike Viserra he had access to more space inside the fortress, while my sister had a more limited space than mine, I could enter certain rooms, she could not, she could only stay inside the tunnels, while Ceryse, she could be all over the fortress both outside and inside the tunnels but she could not go out to the village.  

We didn't pay much attention to it, not when misfortunes came before; when Aemon learned that Rhaenys would not be queen, but that in her place would be Baelon as heir, Ceryse and Viserra could barely stop him from smashing the mirrors, I could not get close without him shouting at me that as Baelon's wife, I was likely to be on his side in this usurpation, I did not know what to answer, I loved Baelon and would always support him, but I also loved my brother, Jocelyn and Rhaenys. What could I do? Or rather, if I had been alive, what could I have done?

After he calmed down, he apologized to us for his behavior, that it was not appropriate to have that outburst that could have scared or hurt us, my brother was a gentleman after all, incapable of hurting a lady, so we accepted his apology, joy returned as soon as he heard about the birth of Laena, his first granddaughter, however, things did not end like that, instead of getting better, everything was getting worse.

The marriage of my son Viserys to Aemma, was for an instant a great joy, but the age of Aemma was a matter that made a lot of noise in my head and I was not the only one, everyone was trying to find a reason to perform this early marriage instead of waiting until the bride was of a more suitable age, that is, my father waited until my mother was ready before consummating her marriage. It could not be the same ones who were saying that this marriage should be consummated soon, where was my husband in all that, why is no one saying anything against it, why Viserys does not seem to oppose it, why is no one thinking about Daella's daughter, why is no one thinking about Daella's daughter?

Ceryse said this was a mistake, one in which an innocent would pay the consequences, she was not wrong, I lost count of the times I felt horrible helplessness every time I heard about every stillbirth Aemma suffered, of the times Viserra would shout some rudeness against our parents or my family for allowing that, and of the times Aemon would ask me how come my son could not be able to give the poor young girl a break. I was so tired, I didn't know how things were getting to this point, for the first time in a long time I found myself praying to the gods for some mercy.

It never came, it seemed like the troubles were never going to end, Maegelle's death and not finding her here with us was a hard blow, it made us wonder what exactly it was that made us come back, then there was the matter of my son Daemon regarding his marriage to Rhea Royce, I could understand my mother's motives for this marriage as well as my son's displeasure, but it was not for the lady to suffer such baseness, I was so ashamed that a part of me felt good that my son would not kowtow to a woman who was not like him could that be how Visenya felt when Maegor disgraced Ceryse? Perhaps, since by the cold and formal way he referred to the late queen, it is likely that they did not have the best of relationships.

We could hardly take a breath when we learned of the birth of my first granddaughter, Rhaenyra, I had never seen such a beautiful baby, she was precious and so full of life, it took days that I could not take my eyes off her, that together with the hopeful look of Aemma, gave me hope that the bad weather was about to end, an optimism that the rest did not share with me, the words of Ceryse and Aemon did not take long to appear and although Viserra said nothing, her look said it all.

— "Alyssa, not to wish your granddaughter ill or anything, but you know that at this time girls are not welcome in this family, only the gods know what kind of fate awaits this sweet creature."

— "I'm so sorry my dear sister, it's a pity it wasn't a boy, otherwise Aemma could finally have peace, now they won't stop until she gives birth to the child they need."

I didn't want to believe them, but deep down I knew they were right, what were we paying to receive this punishment? To die and see how what we loved was falling apart was a very cruel act, could this be the famous divine punishment Ceryse was talking about? About "Everything you do is returned to you", had our arrogance finally reached its limit? I don't know and instead of getting an answer, more family was joining our little group, then things started to get out of hand, both among us the dead and among those who were still alive.

Gael's arrival was surprising, but very well received, although she, in spite of being dead was still the same shy as always, it was hard to believe that she really had been able to be seduced and get pregnant at the first time, although it was not something I could say out loud, I tried by my means to approach my younger sister, but she didn't seem very comfortable with me, while Viserra was able to get her out of her shell, maybe it's due to the fact that both can leave the fortress and get distracted in that way, but she didn't seem very comfortable with me, while Viserra was able to get her out of her shell, maybe it's because both of them can leave the fortress and get distracted that way, and when Gael is here he prefers Ceryse's company, he says it's because she reminds him of our mother.

I couldn't say anything about it, as it was true that Ceryse being the one who has been here the longest and the oldest, has been like the leader if not mother of our group, it still amazes me that she is the only one able to sense when someone new arrives, she is in charge of welcoming them while giving them a little instruction or knowing where someone is which has been helpful when one of us got lost at the beginning, I used to feel a little jealous of it.

Which was short lived, as when my mother arrived here, I was grateful for Ceryse's temperance and serenity to keep my mother at bay, she was very upset and at first none of her children recognized her, because she was no longer that old woman we saw passing to "better life" but had regained the appearance of her prime, which was surprising and we had not thought about that possibility because we had all died young. When my mother calmed down from her initial surprise, a new wave of crying overtook her to start hugging and kissing us as she said how much she suffered with our departure, that she loved us and about how much we missed her.

She was also a little sad that Daenerys, Maegelle or Daella were not here, but Aemon, Gael and I received all that love with pleasure, because we had witnessed how each loss left my mother more immersed in a great sadness, only Viserra although she did not reject the embrace, she was a little apprehensive, my mother did not press her, because she understood her daughter's displeasure, then turning her attention to Ceryse, she told her that she was so happy to see her again, although she would have liked it to be under different circumstances, it was one of the few times I saw Ceryse laugh, as she told my mother that it was also a pleasure to see her again and that she was proud of the great job she did as queen.

After that, our existence was becoming more relaxed, because it was the calm before the storm. Seeing my beloved Baelon again should have been the happiest moment in this strange existence, but the moment was thwarted when Aemon pounced on him and reproached him for not having done anything to avoid taking his rightful place as queen away from his daughter and also for the way he raised our children to be that way.

— "What was it you did brother? The position of heir was so attractive to you that you forgot to raise your own children."

— "Aemon, release your brother this instant!"

— "Why should he? He deserves it by allowing usurping my daughter, letting his eldest son torment Daella's daughter, and letting his second son do as he pleases while disgracing our family."

— Enough Aemon!

— "It is a shame that my Caraxes is now in the hands of your son."

Only mom and Ceryse's pleas stopped my brother from continuing to lash out at my husband, I was happy to have him back, but I agreed on one thing with my brother, how did I leave my children unattended? I understand that it was difficult to raise two children alone and I wanted our parents' help, but how did it come to this? The matter came to a head when the news of the outcome of Council 101 reached our ears and shortly after that my father with his young appearance also appeared, it was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I had never seen my family in the throes of so much shouting and reproach: My mother and Aemon couldn't look at my father without screaming at him about how their prejudices were robbing Westeros of the chance to have the best queen there could be, my father and Baelon insisting that they only did what they had to do, that it was too delusional to believe that things were as simple as simply putting Rhaenys or Viserys on the throne, that there was so much at stake, that that was why he made the choice, that it was not just his decision but the decision of all those who have the power to make decisions in Westeros and something about a prophecy he had never heard of.

Viserra, Gael, Ceryse and I kept out of it, although in private I asked Ceryse what she thought about it, after all she was a daughter of Antigua, if anyone was well versed in such things, it should be her. She answered me that although they did not pay attention to the Andalusian laws as such, because although they are rare cases, there have been women heads of their own houses but, she must also admit that they looked for the option that brought more stability, because unfortunately this was not Dorne, that even there several years and events had to happen for the succession to be maintained as it is currently known, there was also the fact that at the end of the day Dorne was only one kingdom, not almost the whole continent that despite being different kingdoms among them, they shared laws and traditions so ingrained that it was almost impossible to change them.

— "Tell no one, but I agree with your father's decision, it is painful I know, your niece may be a capable woman, but just like you, just like your mother, just like me and just like so many other capable women, we were all trained to respect and honor our husbands, and I have heard about your niece's husband, in that kind of relationship who would be the voice of authority, who will the others listen to, who will be the first to give in? Answering those questions can define the fate of many, both for good and ill, however, Westeros is not ready for that, and your family less so, not when they still hang by a thread and about the prophecy I don't know, it's complicated and unreliable in my opinion, if only I could do more research."

In the end, she said that this was a temporary solution, that she feared that sooner or later things would reach the point of no return, sometimes I feel that Ceryse is a prophet, even if she denies it, because everything she says, one way or another comes true. When we thought that things could not get worse, is when we are most surprised, the reign of my son Viserys was stable, "thanks to his advice" is what Aemon tends to say, a part of what he says is true, The current Hand is a nephew of Ceryse, I had not seen her so animated until now that she was able to see some members of her family, but the matter of the succession was at risk once again, a matter that reached its maximum consequences: Aemma's death.

By all the gods, I had never felt so bad, and it was worse because we all saw it: the look of fear in Aemma's eyes, the order that came out of my son's mouth, the blood, the bloody baby, the reaction of everyone in that room, then to hear about the baby's death....Everyone was devastated, I thought a new wave of reproaches would come, but the silence felt worse, until it was broken by Ceryse saying that someone new had arrived, we were all practically dragging her to tell us where my niece was, but Ceryse insisted that it was not so simple because she was in the room where she died.

When we got there my mother tried to get in, but she couldn't, it was as if she was hitting the wall, the rest tried and nothing, they tried to shout for Aemma to hear us, but to no avail, the least we could do for her was to see her every night as a way to keep her company, who would have thought that the one night we left her alone, something amazing would happen....

Before it came to that, many of our fears were fulfilled with the death of Aemma and her baby, first shame came over me and Baelon when we heard about "The Heir for a Day" and ending by the designation of my granddaughter Rhaenyra as heir, my father almost fainted but for the help of Baelon and Ceryse, while my mother and Aemon boasted that at last there would be some justice for Rhaenys, a satisfaction that was short-lived when my son's remarriage was announced.

— "Wow Ceryse, looks like your family didn't waste any time...."

Those words died in my mouth when for the first time I saw Ceryse's terrified face, she did not stop shaking, she was so scared for the fate of her niece as Viserys' new wife, I could not even comfort her by saying that my son would not hurt Alicent, because the image of Aemma being cut open was still very fresh in everyone, I could only hit Aemon when he sighed relieved that his granddaughter Laena would not have that fate, to then see him apologize to Ceryse for that.

They were very tense weeks and then months when the first pregnancy of the new queen was announced, Ceryse made more prayers than she was used to do and we all joined her, the miracle happened when we found out that a strong, healthy and above all Valyrian looking child was born, about the last I remember that we all sighed relieved and almost made a party, although Ceryse saw us ugly and scolded us for that, what could we do? We considered Alicent a fine young lady, but we couldn't help but worry a little that the boy wasn't Valyrian enough.

We waited until the baby was left in the nursery to see him, since in the first months he was in his mother's rooms, we were so excited that we almost threw away the cradle, but for Ceryse who proposed that we go in order, my parents were not people who listened to orders, but they made an unusual exception with Ceryse, leaving him the honor of seeing the baby first, then my parents, then Viserra and Gael, then Aemon and finally Baelon and me.

I never thought I would feel love at first sight again until I saw the baby, he was so adorable, my eyes were starting to accumulate tears because he reminded me of my own Aegon, who could not even reach his first birthday, that both had the same name did not help much, but I knew that this child would live longer than mine, Baelon noticed that I had no intention of separating me from our grandson, he told me that he would come back with the rest, that if I wanted to, he saw no problem with me staying all night taking care of the baby, for which I thanked him, I could still be angry with him for the matter of our children, but I still loved him, I think I finally understand my mother's contradictory feelings for my father.

I didn't feel how long I stayed with my grandson, until I saw how the dawn started to come, I had to leave before the maids came for the child, who was waking up, but I couldn't help but give him one last look, I was more in love as soon as I saw his little eyes open, how much I had missed that bright and innocent look that characterizes a child, but what surprised me was not that, but I was so tempted to touch him that I brought my hand close to him, that was when he took my finger while he smiled at me.

—Can you see me?

I was only greeted by another giggle from the baby, I couldn't find out more because the nannies came in and I had to leave to tell everyone about this, so I quickly went to the unoccupied tower room we usually stay in, to be greeted with looks of disbelief after telling what I saw.

— I swear it's true, my grandson is able to see me.

— Are you sure, Sister, that tiredness didn't play a bad joke on you?

— No, I am telling the truth!

— Darling I can understand that you were as taken with the baby as everyone else, but I think you saw something that wasn't there.

— Mother, what do you take me for? He saw me and smiled.

— Alyssa, you are not the only one who desperately wants to be seen and heard by someone, I know how frustrating it has been all these years to be this way while our family goes through a crisis, but it's only going to hurt you.

— I wouldn't rule out what Alyssa says.

Everyone turned to look at Ceryse as soon as she said that, taking their eyes off the window she was sitting at. Viserra was the first to ask.

—Why?

— Because he would not be the first person to be born with a gift.

— That's a good point, after all in our family there are the Dreamer cases.

That was my brother Aemon's reply, only to be answered by Ceryse.

— It need not necessarily be because of his Valyrian blood.

— Why not?

— Don't think that the Valyrians were the only ones who had connections with the supernatural, we all have them in one way or another, but to make a long story short, here in Westeros the First Men had a special connection with nature, which is why the Green Seers or the Huargos arose, while the Andals let's say that the connection was more spiritual, where the gods lent us their strength or granted us a gift to use for the good of the people. That child has the combination of all those bloodlines, so the likelihood that he might have a gift like Alyssa says within him is not entirely far-fetched.

— And how do you know all that?

— Let's say that in order to have a common theme with Maegor and Visenya I started to study everything I could about the magic of both Valyria and Westeros, it's good to know that it can be useful for something.

We wanted to test Ceryse's theory by appearing again to the child, but this time nothing happened, he kept ignoring us, leaving me looking like a fool, as if what I had seen at the end was just a misinterpretation; "Babies tend to be more sensitive dear, maybe you got confused" was my mother's answer, I didn't want to give up, I was so sure of what I saw, but the passing of the years, with trying to do the same as soon as Helaena, Aemond and Daeron were born, hurt me more and more, because I loved them, but it was so frustrating not being able to show them, they only made me resign myself and I didn't want to go out anymore, staying alone in the rooms or the hidden corridors of the Fortress.

I was not the only one, as time went by, everyone took for granted that the reason why we were not truly dead was nothing more than to see how what had been built with so much effort was now crumbling and nothing we could do about it. The unconditional support that my mother and Aemon professed to Rhaenyra was beginning to falter because of everything she had done and the list was a bit long; starting with the little interest she had in knowing how to govern properly and there was also the matter of marriage and children.

I was not one to judge her in wanting to enjoy life in the same way as a man, but the risk was greater for a woman and even more so if she left very evident proof of it. Aemon was so indignant about the situation in which my granddaughter had left his grandson, every day that passed was a new claim from him against Rhaenyra, Viserys, me and Baelon, even once against Aemma, I could not stand that and I hit him, telling him that he could blame us, but never her. 

My mother didn't want to believe it, she refused to, but seeing my granddaughter's children was proof that was only solidified further when one day as Viserra and Gael were returning from one of their usual walks around the city they saw a "hot" situation between Sir Harwin Strong and Rhaenyra in one of the more secluded rooms of the Red Keep.

"This is the last straw, I sent Saera to a sept for something less serious and Rhaenyra is given the throne as a prize, they are taking away what rightfully belongs to Aegon" were the words of my father, he is the one who is most anxious about the future and I share that fear, I am afraid that this will also affect my great-grandchildren, because they are not to blame for what their mother is doing, but above all, I am afraid of what could happen to my other grandchildren, who are the ones in the middle of this crossfire; Aegon was becoming more and more rebellious, Helaena was locking herself away, Aemond was being forced to grow up faster and Daeron had to go far away so he wouldn't suffer anymore, seeing them like this only made my heart break more and more.

Everything was getting more complicated, I couldn't take it anymore, but I had no other option and I had to continue in the monotonous routine we created, apart from the same court gossip, the fragile political stability and the probable imminent risk we were all going to be exposed to, the only novelty in months were Viserra and Gael bringing two kittens to our lair, each one had found one in a different place, discovering that these animals were able to see us, it was something, Viserra's was a black one that I call Balerion and Gael's was a white one that I call Meraxes, watching them play with those felines was the only entertainment we had in years.

Until one morning the chaos returned when Ceryse said "she is no more", we all wondered what she meant, relating that when she went to see Aemma as usual, she was no longer in her room, she was gone, at the same time, the news of what happened with Aegon began to reach our ears, I ran out without looking back until I reached my grandson's rooms and saw Aemma next to him, I knew it! But, because it was not my area, I could not enter the room, I could only stand there with a renewed hope that what I saw so many years ago was not an illusion of mine.

Seeing Aegon chatting with Aemma and asking about the possibility of finding more like us was all I needed, to make things better Ceryse and Aemon were with me when Aegon said that, as far as we knew, it was a matter of time before maybe, just maybe we had a chance to turn things around, we would just have to wait, more so considering the recent events surrounding my grandson, I had waited years for this, what did it hurt to wait a little longer?

So it was when surprisingly one morning, while we were all in the Hall of Mirrors chatting about what we might do if it turned out to be true that Aegon can see us that we heard a couple of new voices approaching our direction.

— Are you sure it's this way?

— I don't know, it's the first time I've seen these passages, I was just following them.

— Great, we are lost.

— Don't be pessimistic, I feel we are close.

— I hope so, look it's kind of like a door.

We all hid behind the mirrors, when the door connecting to one of the tunnels opened and gave way to two people.

— What is this place?

— It is beautiful.

— Wait, who's there?

No one dared to come out of hiding, but I couldn't wait any longer, I needed to see him and touch him, that, without thinking well, I came out from where I was, showing myself in front of him, I was about to cry when he said:

— Who are you?

Miracles can happen

When you can least believe it

You have to be thankful when it is given to you

Because it means that you have been found worthy

Will you be able to fix the fault?

Or is it going to get worse?

Chapter Text

Chapter VIII

"He who conceals his sins will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." Proverbs 28:13.

Life is like a book where you write a story, in which you relate all kinds of experiences and experiences that when it reaches its end, remembering it provokes a sea of feelings, but what happens when there is nothing to tell in your story? When it was not you but someone else who was in charge of writing it? Now that you have a new opportunity, however strange it may be, to have a new blank book in which to write, what would you have wanted to tell?

Aemma II

— My child, what are you doing here?

A soft voice interrupted my sleep, I tried to get up, but my legs hurt, it was when I noticed that I had fallen asleep on my knees, at that moment the person who was talking to me came to my aid, when I opened my eyes wide, I knew who it was.

— My queen! Forgive me for meeting you like this, I...

— My beautiful child, how many times must I tell you not to call me queen but grandmother?

— Sorry, it's habit.

— It doesn't matter, but tell me what were you doing on your knees before Rhaenyra's cradle so early in the morning?

— Early?

— That's right my girl, the sun came out a few hours ago.

— I hadn't really noticed the time and well... it sounds silly, but I was scared.

— Scared? Of what, my child? The maesters and midwives have been clear that Rhaenyra is a very strong child, besides she is already over six months old, you shouldn't worry too much.

— They also said the same thing about Viserys' younger brother and what happened to him? He died shortly before his first birthday. - I couldn't help but say that with bitterness.

— Aemma?! - My grandmother's surprised and offended voice rang out.

— I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken that way, I just thought that you better than anyone else would understand what I'm feeling, this fear that one day my little girl will just wake up not breathing... I... I just couldn't stand it....

I let out in tears those words, because I could not go through this, not again, unlike the previous times, with Rhaenyra I had the opportunity to hug her, to kiss her, to love her, that the mere idea of not doing it again squeezed my heart....

— Of course I understand you as you have no idea dear, losing a child is something that no mother should go through, especially if we consider that you are so young, but what I am trying to say is that you should not be so pessimistic, those thoughts will not take you anywhere, look at my dear Gael, everyone said she would not survive and she lived longer than I thought, you will see that everything will be fine and who knows, maybe this beautiful girl will be a good omen that your next child will also come to the world safe and sound. I could help you...

The rest of her words sounded so far away because I really wanted to believe in those words and the good will behind them, however sometimes I felt a strange tightness in my chest, like something boiling that threatened to explode, I had to try to calm down, I knew my grandmother had no bad intentions and yet there were times when I wanted her to just shut up and leave me alone, because if she said she wanted to help me why wasn't she there when I needed it the most? But I couldn't, something always prevented me from speaking, I just had to keep doing what I was asked to do, after all, every decision made was for my own good, wasn't it?

I woke up with a start...

It's been a long time since I remembered that, although it shouldn't surprise me, since my death I no longer had the need to do such "essential" things as sleep, I usually just watched the sky from the time the sun went down until it came up again, always with a memory in my mind, sometimes they were good memories, other times not so good, there were even times when I was left to reflect on whether I had just...

Those were the days when I was most desperate, I still don't understand how I didn't go crazy during all that time and now to have fallen asleep in these conditions, I suppose it is a miracle that prevented my sanity from being lost in a certain way, but here I was in the same position as in my dream, only that I was not in front of my daughter's crib, but in front of her brother's bed.

It was a habit I had acquired, like a strange way of having peace, for many moons I was on the lookout that one day Rhaenyra would simply not wake up and my pain would appear again, so every chance I got, if not every night, I was always in her room watching her sleep, no matter how tired she was afterwards, watching her chest rise and fall as well as her face so sweet and serene as she slept, the mere fact of checking for myself that my little girl was well and alive was all I needed to be calm and happy.

Now I was doing the same thing again, as a way of knowing that what happened that night was real and not a test to know if I was already beginning to succumb to madness. I could not help but make a small comparison between Rhaenyra and Aegon, while my girl was as active and full of energy as she always was, even when sleeping she had the habit of moving a lot and tossing and turning in her bed, Aegon on the other hand was too quiet when sleeping, I could even say that he looked cute like that, he hardly made any noise and just as he lay down so he fell asleep, his passivity was so much that it was hard to believe that he had gone through so many things.

— How will you do that if you say she and you are not close?

—Leave it to me...

I should trust him and feel happy for the honest effort he was making so that I could prove to him that my daughter was not what he believed, however, at the same time I felt a strange foreboding. Four days after that conversation I was by his side while he was going to the servants' area, which was strange to me since it was not usual for someone from the nobility to go to look for someone from the servants personally, according to Aegon when he explained his plan to me, this part was the essential point to get attention, So I did not say anything and we continued our way, when we arrived all the servants were surprised, or rather almost all of them because there were some who did not even find it strange to see him in that place, among them one approached, he seemed to be the oldest and began to speak to him with respect but also with some confidence:

— My prince, what brings you here this time, did you get into trouble being in that condition?

— You know me so well Mr. Pavel, but no, this time I was only looking for Quinlá, do you know where he is?

— Quinlá at this moment surely went to interview candidates for his new servitude, after all work is never lacking in this place and even more so after both Ruth and Ofelia retired for a while, one to get married and the other for her baby, you remember, don't you?

— Of course, my mother informed me that I wouldn't see them around for a while, after all they have taken care of me for as long as I can remember.

— Which in reality is not much time my prince, that is why Quinlá and the queen are being very selective in choosing the new servants that will attend to you, they do not want another incident like Myria.

— I didn't think she was that afraid of mice, plus I apologized.

— That was because the queen forced him.

— But I did it and it's the action that counts, right?

— Maybe, maybe, anyway, you can't be here, this place is not for a prince, as soon as Quinlá is free I will send you to your quarters, unless it is something I can help you with.

— Actually, tell me, how long have you been working here?

— For quite some time, the Old King was still alive when I started working here.

— So besides you, has anyone else been around longer?

— It could be said that yes, several have already retired or are in a better place, but I think I arrived at the same time Quinlá was hired and Mr. Haniel was already on duty, I think we are the 3 employees with the longest seniority in the Fortress, if you allow me, why the doubt?

— That's because I have some questions for you, starting with King Jaehaerys and ending with the former Queen Aemma....

That statement caused a great commotion that the rest of the servants tried to hide, not so much for the first but for the second and for the expression that Aegon had on his face, everything seemed to indicate that he had achieved his goal, especially when Quinlá arrived and then Lord Haniel, after having made sure to get everyone's attention is that the questions stopped and despite the offers, Aegon said he could return alone to his chambers, besides Sir Erryk was going with him so it would be fine, as soon as we got to his chambers and made sure that no one was going to disturb us...

— Today was a very productive day.

Those were his words as he fell into bed, quite satisfied with his actions.

— Are you sure it will work?

— Absolutely, if anything it's the servants' main amusement to tell everything that happens in this place, so we just have to wait for the news to reach the right ears and that's it.

— What if your father finds out?

— I didn't ask just for you, I can make some excuse like simple curiosity, besides it's not like I asked something that disrespects you or I tried to get into your quarters again, which could also be a good idea, only I won't get in this time, I'll just hang around, out of it, if the news doesn't carry the name "Rhaenyra", he won't put the greatest importance on it.

— I understand - I was surprised how sure I was about what was going to happen, but I did not want to go deeper into the subject, I felt that if I asked more, the answers would not please me - By the way, I did not know that you had a good relationship with the servants, especially with those Ruth and Ofelia, according to what I heard from Quinlá when he saw you, they wanted to say goodbye to you, but they could not because of what happened to you.

— Not with everyone, with whom I get along "well" in a certain way are counted, especially with them, they were the ones who were the most attentive to me when my mother could not, I appreciate them.

— How nice of you to be that way - I knew that his relationship with his parents was complicated and at the same time he seemed to have more empathy with some servants than with his own siblings, he is someone quite peculiar, there is so much I would like to ask him to understand him, however, I think this is not the time to do it - Changing the subject, how about if while we wait for your plan to work out, you get ready, in a while you have to spend time with your sister.

— You love to change the subject often, don't you?

He said that before putting a pillow over his head, I could hear the reluctance in his voice, despite my efforts and that, unlike before, his relationship with Helaena is no longer as tense as when I first saw them, it is still something he preferred to avoid as much as possible, I can understand his motives, but it is not fair that an innocent woman pays for that.

— It's not all bad, from what I've come to see so far, she's a sweetheart, I don't know why you're trying to avoid her.

— Aemma, tell me what is your definition of "charm"?

— Don't be so cruel, it's not like she has a choice too, so you're not the only one, so don't go making her feel bad somehow, you got me?

— Oh how scary, what are you going to do if I don't?

— You know I would hate to repeat the incident on the stairs, but if you leave me with no options, I will be forced to do something else I don't like. - Those words seemed to have an effect on him because he quickly sat down on the bed while raising his arms in allusion to "surrender".

— You win, I'm going to try to be as "nice" to her as I can, happy?

— Not exactly, but it's okay.

As if it were an invocation, there was a knock on the door, it was Helaena, after a long and tired sigh Aegon told her to come in and so a new meeting was taking place, at the beginning there was always a long and uncomfortable silence after the respective greetings, as if none of them knew what else to do, so he had no choice but to give Aegon a little slap on the back so he would have a little initiative.

Which worked even if later alone he told me not to do that anymore, he could do it but he had no choice, not when it was the only way he and his sister could have a more fluid coexistence, it was nice to see them interacting as if everything else did not exist, without that tension that surrounded them, every day one learned something new from the other and although Aegon does not want to admit it, it is seen that he enjoyed that, from Helaena I can not speak for her but unlike when I met her, I see her more cheerful and comfortable.

The future nature of their relationship may be a mystery, but if in my hands can be the possibility that none of them suffer within that union, clearly I will take it, and I'm not just talking about the relationship with her, but also improving her relationship with Aemond, at least I had the comfort of Aegon getting along with his brother Daeron even though he lived far away, I liked seeing how excited he got when a letter arrived from his younger brother.

I know perfectly well that sibling relationships are not perfect, Viserys and Daemon were a clear example of that or the tense relationship I had with my sister Elys, I did not want something like that for them, so while I waited for the opportunity to see my girl again and also fix her relationship with her siblings, I did not mind at all to help this little family that I know loves each other, but does not know how to show it.

Thus a couple of weeks passed, I felt that Aegon's plan was not working at all when being in the garden after Helaena left because of a call from Alicent, I felt my tension was at its peak, I wanted to disguise it by looking for topics of conversation.

— When will you let your mother know about your intentions with the jewelry store? I say that because I never thought I'd see your sister so frustrated about something. - Everything was supposed to go smoothly, no one said this would be easy after all.

— Even I didn't know Helaena could get that way, however, I still haven't found the time to talk to my mother, after all I hardly see her if you notice.

— It's true, since the accident they have hardly spoken... - I didn't mean to, but my comment was quite distant from what it really should have been, something that Aegon noticed.

— Is something bothering you?

— To be honest yes, it's been weeks and nothing, maybe your plan wasn't the right one, maybe she doesn't care or maybe the servants decided to keep the information to themselves?

— Calm down, don't be like that, this takes time and clearly this information will get to her, after all it is an open secret that even among the servants there is a squabble over who to support; whether my mother the queen or my sister the "crown princess", just be patient, besides it's not like you haven't seen her in years, you say she went to your rooms every so often, right?

I am impressed by how calmly she takes all this, but she is right, I may not have been able to leave my rooms and go wherever I wanted to see her, yet my daughter would make occasional visits, either to stay there for a while or to tell me about her day, as if somehow she knew I was there, She even went every time one of her children was born to introduce him to me, the only time I could see my grandchildren, in spite of that I could never get close to them, I was so afraid that this was an illusion that I always restrained that impulse to touch her every time she came, but for some time now her visits have stopped, so I can't help but want to see her immediately.

But Aegon is right, I just had to be patient, besides he told me that in case if in a week we didn't get anything, he had a backup plan, I don't know if that was true or if he just said it to calm me down, no matter the reason, I was grateful for that, so I resigned myself to the fact that it would be just another afternoon, a quiet afternoon in the gardens while I watched him improve in his drawings, it didn't bother me at all that it was so, since it allowed me to have that tranquility and peace that I haven't felt for a long time, when I was starting to relax, I saw her again...

"My girl, my sweet girl, my beloved daughter..." I kept repeating those words as soon as my eyes became aware of her presence, it is true that she has seen her grow up, but between the light and the dark I could not see her in her entirety. Seeing the way she had matured, how the years passed over her gracefully, she was so cute, I had no words to be able to describe what I was feeling seeing and holding my daughter so close, that I almost didn't feel when Aegon started talking to her. 

— How are you sister?

My daughter's puzzled face was quite evident, especially considering that Aegon had not lifted his head to know it was her, but naturally my excited words may have evidenced that.

— I'm fine thank you, what are you doing, and Helaena?

— Well we both discovered that we have something to do together besides riding dragons and that is drawing, we chose this place because it was very nice, so we were doing that until my mother sent for Helaena, but I don't think that's why you came to talk to me, is it?

It wasn't the conversation starter I had imagined, but it was something, after all he was being quite polite a bit cold yes, but polite, to the best of his ability.

— No, I wanted you to give me an explanation.

— About what?

"Aegon, have a little patience please, remember, the point is to seek reconciliation." 

— I wanted to tell you, by what right did you think you had to go around and ask about my mother? It wasn't enough what you did, what do you want with all that?!

"Rhaenyra my child... - So much coldness and rudeness in his voice, it didn't sound like the sweet daughter I raised, I had to sort things out before this and my recent knowledge of Aegon's "explosive" personality could ruin things - Aegon don't get carried away by his words, try to say as politely and kindly as possible the following..."

— Rhaenyra calm down, I don't know under what circumstances you found out about this, but if I had asked well you would know that I did not only ask about your mother, but also about other members of the family, like our grandparents and King Jaehaerys, besides I did not ask half the court or all the servants, only three, the ones I knew who worked here when they lived.

— But why? why my mom?

— And why not? Aemma Arryn may not have been my mother, but she was still family, wasn't she? But you're right, there was a special reason I asked about her.

— I knew it, what did you intend?

— Apologize to you.

— Pardon?

— That's right, I know you were very angry about what I did and you wouldn't want to talk to me, so I thought of this so I could apologize to you, that it wasn't right what I did, I'm really sorry for everything that happened and I promise not to do something like that again.

"Perfect, keep it up...- I was relieved, I believed that with these words my girl could see the sincerity and good intentions in them, that this could be the first step to a true reconciliation and union between brothers... again I was a naive fool, since I did not expect what would happen next."

— You're lying! This is just a trick of yours or maybe your mother's!

"I didn't expect to hear so much disdain and rejection in my daughter's voice and face, it's like she was a completely different person... that way she yelled at her brother, the way she was hurting him, that wasn't my child..."

— No! Rhaenyra you are misunderstanding, not even my mother knows about this, please let go, you are hurting me....

— You're lying! I can't believe any words from the son of a liar.

"Liar, not Alicent, not the sweet girl who came to Court hiding behind Alerie's skirts, the one who made my daughter not feel alone, the one whom I had come to love like a daughter... Not when the one who actually lied was..."

— You have no idea what you're talking about Rhaenyra, at least she didn't swear a lie under her mother's memory right here or to her own children about who her father is....

— What?!

— What?!

"I hadn't even felt when those words had come out of my mouth and Aegon had repeated them, by the time I realized it, it was too late, what I had said was not right, I should not have revealed that, not in that way, but I could not allow Rhaenyra to keep hurting her brother or keep insulting her mother, regardless of the circumstances, he need not pay the consequences."

— How do you know that? Your mother told you, didn't she?! Well let me tell you it's a lie, she was the one who started the lies, she forced me, you understand, she forced me! You have no idea of anything.

— Rhaenyra, I swear I don't know what you're talking about!

"What I did only made things worse, things were getting out of hand, I didn't know what to do to prevent this from ending very badly, and as if it were a divine sign, the solution came in the least expected way..."

— You lie, tell me what else do you know!

— Rhaenyra, I...

"At that instant my daughter started to get sick and before I knew it, she collapsed on top of her brother, seeing all this, in an act of concern I couldn't help but say:

— But what have you done Aegon!"

— I didn't do anything, I just did what you asked me to do and look what happened, I told you it was a bad idea....

I shouldn't have yelled at him like that, not when terror and fear were taking over him, he immediately started screaming for help, since in his condition he couldn't do much, fortunately help came in the form of Alicent and the knight that was with her, while Alicent was trying to calm Aegon down and try to find an explanation for what happened, I was trying to process everything that had happened just a few minutes ago.

I had no idea that the situation was so bad, that Rhaenyra's rejection against her brother was such, that now I understood why Aegon was so reluctant to have this meeting, maybe I should have let more time pass before carrying out this idea, but also letting time pass was not good because of the uncertainty of the future? I don't know, my head was a jumble, when I came back to reality we were waiting for the maester to give information about my little girl, it was also when after so many years I saw my grandchildren...

They are so cute and healthy, nothing compared to the sickly or dead babies I had, I felt so proud that my daughter did not go through the same as me, I could not help but feel a great joy and love in my heart, but a great sadness and pain also arose because seeing them also confirmed what I had heard about them; I had seen many times the Velaryons, Jocelyn and Boremund Baratheon, the children have no traits of them, I tried to look for any similarity with my father and my brothers but neither: Jace seemed to have my father's look but not his eye color, Luke had Amanda's light curls but was not the right auburn....

Oh my child, but what did you do, what made you do this?

The tears that threatened to flow began to flow the instant Viserys came out of the room and started yelling at Aegon, I was so sorry for what I did, I only caused the rift that separated this family to only open wider, this was not what I wanted, not at all, I had a small moment of relief knowing that my girl was fine, that apparently it was all a product of her new pregnancy, news that could have made me very happy had it not been for the look on everyone's face except for the children in the room, as if something wasn't right, something I wish I didn't have to know about.

At least, something good came out of all this, when I was managing to calm down from the situation I was in and caused Aegon to be quite nervous, I was able to witness a nice mother and son moment, at least until Viserys again soured the moment by coming in out of nowhere and announcing the "punishment" for him, Alicent looked so angry and it was not for less, the feeling of guilt took over me again, I had no face to face Aegon the moment we were alone to talk about this.

Aegon's tranquility about his situation with Alicent, more than reassuring me, worried me a lot, I could pretend all the indifference he wanted, but I knew that deep down he didn't like this situation with Viserys, neither did I, it hurt me to see him in this situation, There was a time when I was happy that Viserys was finally paying some attention to our daughter, but I did not imagine that it would be at the expense of his other children, it was not fair and even more so because seeing things from another perspective, he was not taking care of our daughter, because if he did, none of this would be happening.

When I got to his room, I thought Aegon would get mad at me, that he would claim me or stop talking to me, either way, I was going to accept it, I deserved it after all the trouble I got him into, maybe I should go back to my rooms and never leave there again, it was for the best....

— Well, I think today was a pretty intense day, don't you?

— Oh?

— I ask if you don't think today was an interesting day?

— I heard you the first time, but I don't understand, aren't you mad at me?

— Should I? Your intentions were good, but I knew this was not going to end well.

— Right?

— Yes, after all Rhaenyra has never done anything to try to get closer to me or my brothers and we have already tried. You wanted to do something good for everyone and I wanted to believe in that despite my doubts, in the end the disappointment was not great.

— Really?

— I have nothing to gain by lying to you, listen: According to Ofelia during the celebration of my second onomastic Rhaenyra made a big fuss just because the party was for me and not for her; with Aemond she barely spent time excusing herself that small children were not her thing; sometimes she spent time with Helaena until my father engaged her to me and with Daeron, she didn't even say goodbye when he left for Antigua, that added to my mother's own reservations related to the "succession" have caused any attempt of union to come to nothing, so don't feel bad.

— I didn't think the situation was that bad.

— A lot has happened during all these years, most of which I don't know about, I can't imagine how you are in that respect or maybe you know more than I think, after all how is that about the lies she told to make me tell her?

I thought he hadn't paid attention to the matter and I really didn't want to talk about it, but I owed him an explanation, so I had no choice.

— You know that I couldn't leave my rooms, except for one day or another when I mysteriously appeared in the gardens.... - I don't know how that happened, I just thought about it and appeared there, I tried to do it in other places, but it didn't work, I had to resign myself to just being in the gardens - so one day when I was walking I saw her and Alicent talking, I didn't know what they were talking about until Rhaenyra swore by my name that she had never had relations with anyone, then from the servants I found out about the rumors that circulated around her and Daemon...

— You mean she lied?

— Yes - I didn't want to, but the tears spared nothing and came again as I remembered what I felt that day. - I didn't want to believe any of it, my daughter would not be capable of such baseness, not her, but I knew her well and I knew when she was lying, so you have no idea the pain I felt in my heart when I put all the pieces together.

— I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you about that.

— No, you deserved an explanation, after all it was my fault you ended up in this situation.

— It wasn't too bad, it's true that it hurts not to fly in Sunfyre, but I can't because of my leg and it doesn't bother me at all not to go to the training yard, so it wasn't a big loss.

— I guess you're right - I was already feeling a little better but a doubt wouldn't leave me alone, I might regret it later, but I had to know - by the way, why was everyone so surprised about Rhaenyra's pregnancy?

— Well, it was nothing...

— Aegon, please, I must know. - He didn't look very convinced, but he eventually gave in to my request.

— What happens is that Sir Laenor, Rhaenyra's husband left about 4 months ago to visit and spend time with his sister in Pentos, now he should be back, I even think they will get him back faster before the rumors spread, that this time it is more than clear that....

— What?

— That this son is clearly not Laenor's, but Sir. Harwin Strong...

If I thought I couldn't feel worse, this news did, I couldn't believe it, my child, how did you come to this? This was not the upbringing I gave you, I did not raise you for this, how was it possible? She was my daughter and I was going to love her forever but I couldn't help but feel so angry and disappointed in her, what did I do so wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have let Daemon get so close to you, maybe I should have paid more attention to you, but was it really you or that Harwin Strong guy that got you into this, were you forced, did you want that, did Lenor and her family allow it, did your father lend himself to this? I should have raised her better, if only I hadn't been so useless even as a mother, I....

My head was in chaos trying to find some answer to this whole situation, trying to find a culprit or trigger for everything to end this way, maybe because it was so or to avoid this feeling of guilt eating me up inside. I don't know if what I was thinking I said out loud or if my incessant crying and sobbing was the cause, but Aegon was hugging me while saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", I couldn't help it and I returned the hug with all my strength, the only thing I could and wanted to do at that moment was to cling to him, all to forget for a moment that if someone has much responsibility for my daughter to be the way she is, it's mine.

It has always been my fault: My mother died because I was born, I was married to Viserys because I was the only one "worthy" in the eyes of the Old Kings, I was the one to blame for Viserys not having a male heir because I turn out to be worthless, which caused Viserys to lay his hands on Alicent and give him children he doesn't even care about and my daughter was forced in taking such a heavy burden, and with her, for not taking care of her as he should is that he is in this huge trouble and now this child is in so much trouble because of me, yet he seeks to comfort me somehow, when will I stop causing so much misfortune to other people's lives?

After a while when my tears were over and I had finished unburdening myself, something I really needed, I felt a great calmness and it was the first time in quite some time, I don't remember ever releasing my feelings in this way, if there is one thing both Queen Alysanne and the Court itself taught me is that a lady must always have total control over herself I had forgotten how it felt to be free of all that, it was kind of nice in a way, Aegon said nothing, which I was grateful for, I never thought he of all people could give me that relief that I had not felt for a long time.

The days went by in the most "normal" way possible, I tried not to think anymore about the matter of my daughter and all that it implied, just as the feeling that something was watching me persisted, that, just remembering it, I felt that again I was suffocating, the best thing was to concentrate on the small joys that this peculiar way of existing to which I was beginning to get used to was giving me; that's how we arrived at tonight, having spent about 3 months since the night Aegon found me, and despite everything that has happened, he has never asked me to leave, on the contrary we have seen each other building a good relationship.

Seeing her excitement at each new learning she was acquiring through jewelry, from her beloved dragon whom she still did not know, that her relationship with her brothers was improving, even her leg had improved sooner than expected, according to the maester only one more week and she would be fully recovered, this was bringing me a different joy than the one I felt when she was alive, I liked to feel that warmth in my chest but at the same time I felt a strong melancholy as if I was betraying the love of my daughter, they were complicated feelings, of which I hoped someday I would not have to face them.

At sunrise, everything seemed to indicate that it would be just another day: Despite my best efforts, I have not managed to get Aegon up early, at least I have managed to get him up at a more or less decent hour, after his lessons with the maester, he was due a time of rest prior to his new jewelry lessons that momentarily replaced his lessons with the sword and with dragons, when he recovered, those jewelry lessons would be moved to the afternoon, then there was lunch, given his condition he could not fulfill his "royal duties" so in the afternoons he was free until his appointment with Helaena and so on until the evening.

Even I had managed to find a routine in the moments when I felt I should not be with him: I had returned to embroidery, it was something I had always liked, it was good to have hidden my sewing basket in my room, as soon as I could I brought it to Aegon's rooms, finding a place to hide it and avoid misunderstandings, I was running out of materials, I hope to find a way to get them without getting Aegon in trouble or gossip... out of it, it would be a quiet day or at least it seemed so until Alicent in a rage entered the room to slap her son.

At first I did not understand such an erratic action and what could provoke it, and I was not the only one, Aegon also seemed surprised, then when Alicent gave his explanations, I could understand everything and it was not for less his anger, although I think it was somewhat unfair to unload all that anger on only one of the culprits. As soon as she left, now it was my turn to talk to him about that little "joke", which was not funny at all.

— Can you explain to me how you were able to plan such cruelty against your own brother? A winged pig, how could you even think of that in the first place?! - I didn't want to sound as angry as Alicent, but he too, what he did had no name.

— As I said to my mother, and I say it again to you: I don't remember, with everything that has happened lately, I completely forgot that I had given that idea to Luke and Jace, besides it was just an idea in the air, I didn't tell them or force them to do it, on the contrary, I'm surprised they remembered it and decided to carry it out, that's not my fault, they decided to do it and drag me into it so they wouldn't assume the consequences, besides what is Aemond complaining about? It's not my fault that I can't stand anything.

— How did he...? - I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I was getting closer as I started to raise my hand, he closed his eyes thinking that just like his mother I was going to hit him, but unlike Alicent, I have never believed that with blows or hard words you learn, unless they are extreme situations, so when I was close I just brushed my hand on his cheek while I caressed him and tried to tell him in the sweetest way possible - Oh my boy, it's not about him not holding on, it's about how this made him feel, you can't do what you want without taking into account how it affects others, tell me would you have held on if they had done the same to you?

My question hit right on target, since the expression on his face was that he was beginning to realize that what he did was not right, I had to continue on this path, to make him understand once and for all that he could not hurt people as if they were nothing.

— You hit him where it hurts the most, you know how important it is to have a dragon for him, it is not fair to treat him this way, unlike you not everyone has the chance to have their cradle egg hatch, how would you feel if Sunfyre whom you love so much had not come into your life? - In that instant he took a surprised attitude, it seemed that he wanted to tell me something, but he resisted to say it - My septa once said: "It is not necessary to hit to hurt. A word, a silence, an action, a disappointment, a betrayal, indifference, these things also hurt." I have seen how much your brother wanted to get along with you despite how you treated him and to see them improve little by little, maybe you didn't see it, but I did notice how happy your brother was about that improvement, this may not be entirely your fault, but for Aemond it must have been a painful betrayal, so I ask you to please go apologize to him before it is too late and you end up regretting it.

He didn't seem entirely convinced, but my words had the necessary effect to make him listen to me, so we headed for Aemond's rooms.

— Aemond, it's Aegon, let me in I need to talk to you.

— GO AWAY, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!

He sounded quite angry and hurt, which was not surprising. Aegon wanted to take advantage of that refusal to get away from it, which I was not going to allow.

— Well, I tried, let's go.

— No let's go, we're not moving from here until you apologize. - He didn't look happy, but decided to try again.

— Aemond, open up, I came to apologize.

After a long silence, which we both thought was another refusal, I was about to tell Aegon to knock again when Aemond opened the door.

— Are you drunk?

I never expected that question, let alone the answer Aegon would give him.

— I'm not, but I wish I was, can I come in?

Aemond let it pass with a sour face, as the conversation went in not only to settle a sibling relationship but also to uncover certain uncomfortable truths....

— So if you're not drunk, did mom send you?

— No, she doesn't know I'm here, although she made her anger very clear to me, anyway, I came to apologize because on reflection I realized that what I did was not right.

— Don't tell me...

— Don't be sarcastic, I'm telling the truth.

— And should I believe you after what you did to me? Was that demonstration of good brotherhood also a sham to make fun of me?

— It is not! I don't know how many times I will have to repeat it, it was just an idea, nothing more, I never told you to do it, with everything that has happened I had even forgotten it, I didn't think this would offend you so much, I'm really sorry.

— How do I know you're not lying?

— Because forget what it's like not to have a dragon....

— What?

— Like you, I never had a cradle egg, it wasn't until 3 years ago that I claimed Sunfyre, even Helaena until 1 year ago that I claimed Dreamfyre. So I should never have made you feel less when at your age I never had dragon either.

What, they didn't have a crib egg, how, if Viserys always prepared a crib egg every time he was expecting?

— Besides, I guess I also did it because I had some "jealousy", after all unlike you, he didn't stand out in anything but Sunfyre, so I thought it was fair to do that to you, but looking at things more clearly, it was really stupid, I shouldn't have hurt you like that, I'm really sorry, do you forgive me?

I never thought I heard those words from him, it seems he needed to say them and it was noticeable that it seemed to have the desired effect, as Aemond came over and hugged him as he said.

— I accept your apology, that's all I wanted.

— Don't worry, I promise I will make it up to you somehow, "they" may have had their dragons since they were born, but that's because father wanted to avoid talk about "you know", you will have your dragon someday, you just have to be patient, remember our father, Uncle Daemon and even Princess Rhaenys, didn't have theirs until they were 16.

I was so glad and happy that the two of them had reconciled, I did not want their relationship to end in tragedy, especially when their future was so uncertain, at times like these, the most important thing was the union and one in which there were fractures in between, it was only destined to be destroyed, I did not want that. As we returned I could see that Aegon looked relieved in a way, I was glad to know that my help could do some good. As we made our way back to his quarters the feeling that something else was lurking around was getting stronger and stronger, I tried to ignore it as much as I could, but I couldn't anymore, I had to get back to that subject.

— Aegon, remember I told you that sometimes I felt there was someone else here besides me, but I could never figure out who?

— Yes, you've felt it again, haven't you?

— That's right, that's why I wanted to ask if we could explore, I didn't touch the subject before because you were not in condition and I thought it would pass, but as time goes by I feel it more and more.

— Okay, then let's go.

— Now?

— Yes, today Helaena is not coming, so we must take advantage of the fact that I am free, because in a week, my mother will come back to torment me with my "homework" where do you say you feel the "presence"?

— From there

I said it pointing to a wall of his room, after giving him several "touches", we got the secret door to open, so we began our journey inside, since it was a place that none of us knew we had to walk carefully or we would get lost, I did not even know where we had to go, so I was already regretting this decision, until, crossing a corridor, we ran into two small and furry intruders.

— What are cats doing in this place?

— I don't know, how did they get in here, little ones? - They were very cute kittens that let themselves be touched, and apparently instead of finding them, they found us, because it looked like they wanted to take us somewhere, since they started to move. - Follow me Aegon.

— Agreed. 

Aegon did not seem very happy, especially considering that time went by, we went deeper into more corridors and it seemed that we were not getting anywhere. This was making him desperate.

— Are you sure it's this way?

— I don't know, it's the first time I've seen these passages, I was just following them. - Those were my words as I watched the cats stop.

— Great, we are lost.

— Don't be pessimistic, I feel we are close.

— I hope so, look it's kind of like a door.

Boy was it, a door separated us from whatever the little animals wanted us to see, so Aegon opened the door and we entered a large room filled with mirrors.

— What is this place?

— It is beautiful. - I couldn't help but admire such a beautiful place, so much so that I didn't notice something that Aegon could.

— Wait, who's there?

When I focused my attention to where he was pointing, I thought he was now seeing things where there was nothing, when I wanted to ask about it, someone came out from behind the mirror; dirty blond hair, two-colored eyes, crooked nose... impossible, the only person who had those characteristics was....

— Who are you?

The woman was not the only one in that room, more people started to come out of their hiding places, faces both familiar and unfamiliar appeared, I could not believe what I was seeing, I turned my attention to Aegon and when I realized, that woman was hugging him very tightly while saying between tears.

— My child, I knew that what I saw that day was not a lie, I knew that you were going to meet me someday, my child, my dear grandson, you don't know how much I waited for this day.

Before the passing of time was a torture for me, it was so slow that I felt that with one day whole years had passed, I don't know how I didn't go crazy during all that time, now I can't believe that more than 3 months have passed since that night, during which many things have happened, where I got a big surprise: I was never alone! It was something completely surprising to discover, I always had the feeling of not being alone, but between believing it and proving it is completely different.

It turns out that everyone after dying, appeared somewhere in the Keep, so my condition was not the only one, while Aegon was receiving the attentions of his grandparents Baelon and Alyssa, I was being tightly embraced by my grandmother.

— My girl, my girl, I can believe that I am having the fortune of seeing you once again, you have no idea how many times I wanted to have you by my side.

— So why didn't you look for me?

— Of course I did, but for a strange reason we couldn't access you, we don't know a lot of things about how it works to be in this state.

— Is everyone here, my mother too? - I couldn't hide the excitement in my voice, if all the family members were here including Ceryse who wasn't as such part of the family, then my mom?

— I am sorry to disappoint you Aemma, but she as well as others is not here or maybe she is, but we do not know where, as your grandmother said, we still do not know why precisely we are like this and now why only Aegon is able to see us.

Those were Ceryse's words, I didn't think I would meet her, well, at least not like this, everything was happening so fast that I didn't know how to react, what to think about it and if I was like this, I didn't want to imagine how Aegon would be, this must be even more shocking, if he barely learned to get used to me, I can't imagine how things will be from now on, especially because while my grandmother, Gael and Ceryse were focusing on me and Aegon was with Baelon, Alyssa and Viserra, in a corner were my grandfather and uncle Aemon, who said something that started to worry me.

— Now that we have proven that Alyssa and Ceryse's theory turned out to be true, then we have a chance to get the situation back to the order in which it should be.

— That will only be possible if he takes the right decisions and the right side father.

— Don't tempt me Aemon, you're not going to use it to give you what you think you deserve.

— Neither do you father.

— Unlike you, I will do what is necessary.

I had completely forgotten all this: the game of thrones, the intrigues, the lies, the law, the ambition, the politics, the power, the blood? it's true that I was aware of the whole situation behind the "succession", especially with the precedents that exist, but I didn't want to think about that, I replaced those thoughts with fixing my daughter's relationship with her brothers and the peace of mind I started to have in seeing Alicent's children, but it was impossible, not with everything in between, especially now that among the people in this room were those whose ways of seeing the world always clashed: Jaehaerys and his politics, Alyssane and her desires, Aemon and his ideals, Baelon and his principles.

People who apparently after so many years never stopped being players and now that they have access to someone who can alter the playing field like no one else, what are their intentions, how far will they go to get Aegon to listen to them and do what they want, what will become of him now?

New parts have been added.

The game has changed.

Nothing will ever be the same again

Is everything destined to end badly?

Or is everything an opportunity?

For the road to amend...

Chapter Text

Chapter IX

"Thine eyes are so pure that thou canst not endure evil, and canst not see oppression: why then dost thou look on traitors, and watch in silence how the wicked swallows up another that is more good than he?" Habakkuk 1:13

The cycle repeats itself over and over again, no matter how hard you try, the destination, once set, can no longer be altered.....

Is it really like that? Or is it just a convenience to avoid taking risks due to the fear of not knowing what is going to happen: "better the devil you know than the good you don't know" is what they say, but when everything you love the most is at stake, why stay idle? 

Helaena II

"Shouts and noises could be heard, thunder resounded, the earth trembled and great panic reigned throughout the world. And I could see two huge dragons facing each other, ready to attack each other, roaring, they were organizing to attack..."

Not again, please don't...

No matter how much I begged, how much I wanted it to stop, it was all the same: the screams, the roars, the blood, the fear....

Why? why? why? why? why?

What do they want from me to show me this and not tell me what it means?

"We just give you hints, we can't do all the work for you."

Even the few times they deigned to talk, it was the same thing....

Or so I thought...

"Since you don't want to understand, we'll have to look at other options."

I closed my eyes as soon as a strong wind began to blow, I was afraid of having unleashed a worse future, but when I opened them, the dragons were no longer facing each other, now everything was a serene calm, where once there was a battlefield full of blood and screams now I was in a quiet forest, I was next to a beautiful lake, in the distance the bird of my previous dream appeared, it was perched in a nearby tree, now seeing it closely, it was an eagle.

He stared at me for a long time until he started to take flight, something took hold of me that pushed me to chase him, I wanted answers, was this the option "they" were talking about, what did it mean, why do they insist on showing me these things if I don't know what to do with them, or worse, try to make sense of them, but no one would ever listen to me? Or worse try to make sense of it, but no one would ever listen to me? The only certainty I had was that this bird could give me some answer, but as I tried to chase it, I was not the only one, as several dragons of different sizes were also after the eagle.

This was turning into a competition, one for the truth, to reach the answers I wanted, I had to get there first, because if I didn't, I was going to be in the same, so I ran as fast as I could, unfortunately I couldn't get there, because everything became very dark and again that voice in a mocking tone started to say.

"That was all the help we can grant, otherwise we would be against the rules, which is not good for us, we don't want to end up just like "them", now it's your turn, will you remain a spectator or will you finally have the courage to do something? We hope you will decide soon, because time is something you don't have, little..."

As if it were a cruel joke, when I opened my eyes, I was in my room, everything was becoming more and more confusing, my dreams when they are usually detailed I tend to forget them and they only come back to my memory when they are about to be fulfilled or otherwise I can not express them as I would like, as if something restrained my tongue and they could not come out, I did not know if it was like that by nature or because I did not know how to handle them correctly, but this time everything was different, I remembered everything clearly and I felt that if someone asked me, I could tell in detail what I had seen, however, a problem would always persist...

"No one listens to me", even Aemond and mother being the closest to me don't make sense of it saying they can mean so much as nothing at the same time how little I manage to understand, how can I check or know if I'm going the right way? And my father...according to my mother, he thought he was a dreamer, so I assumed if anyone would understand me it would be him, it wasn't so. When I tried to explain to him what I saw, he tried to divert the topic elsewhere, maybe that thing about being a dreamer was not true or maybe because he is afraid that what I have seen is not according to what he wants, I don't have ladies because I don't feel comfortable with the company.

Aegon on his side... no, he never, not when instead of helping me the only thing he would do would be to torment and ignore me, at least that's what I would think a few months ago, because actually it has been a great change that he has experienced, I thought it was something temporary, that was due to the daze of the last events in which he has been involved, but as time went by, that behavior seemed to have come to stay, it had its positive side I had to admit it: I never believed that where before there was tension, I could find comfort in his company, although of course it also brought its negative side: finding him talking to himself or that he was now stricter about knocking on his door before entering, at least they were more tolerable things than what I was used to.

I even found myself having fun and forgetting about the heaviness of the dreams: every time we could talk about anything, discovering that we had things in common, that little by little he stopped being so cold to me, so maybe, just maybe what I might have felt before as dread in even mentioning what was happening to me, now with this new confidence I can try again to get at least someone to understand me and help me with this situation because sometimes I feel that if I don't, a tragedy might happen.

But as expected, Aegon is always a constant change, if once he was cold, then he was warm and now he was cold again, what happened with Aemond... I was glad I didn't say anything to Aegon, because if not now who would be feeling bad would not be him but me, I thought their relationship was getting better, but I don't understand anything anymore, what's wrong with Aegon, why is he like that? Fortunately today was not "date" day, so I didn't have to see his face, which is good, otherwise I don't know what I would be able to do. I was pondering all those things when, a steady knocking sounded at my door.

— Helena, Helaena, Helaena, Helaena, Helaena...

It was Aemond, who was knocking like desperate and kept repeating my name, he knows I don't like scandals, so he only does something like that when he really needs to tell me something, and I knew that as long as the sound stopped, I was going to go quickly to open the door, which I did, when I did, I got a surprise: Aemond was completely surprised, as if he had had an epiphany, as if he had discovered a big secret that only he knew. He seemed to realize my surprise, because before I could ask anything, he had stepped forward.

— Helaena, something happened that I never thought I would see and hear in my life, may I come in?

There was no need to say it twice, because he was already in before I could give my full assent, when I asked him about what was going on, is that he blurted out the words in one breath.

— It's just that it was unexpected and you won't believe me, but Aegon apologized to me for what happened.

— What?

— As you can hear sister, he went to my room to apologize to me.

— Was he drunk? - It may sound cruel, but that was my first thought.

— I thought the same thing too, but no, I even thought it might be some ploy of his, but neither, he honestly went to apologize for what he did and we talked and I still can't believe it, it's because....

That's how we spent a long time while he told me from start to finish what had happened: from his apologies, his own fears, the whole explanation of what happened, his intention to amend everything, he told me absolutely everything, seeing my brother so happy also made me happy, because I knew how important that was for him, so I could only share his joy, at the same time I realized is that the first time we have a long and lively conversation.

We may both get along better than our respective relationships with Aegon, but if there is one thing to admit that he is right about, it is that the four of us brothers could not be more different from each other. Even in the times when Aemond has tried to help me find information to understand my visions, we always ran into a wall that prevented us from advancing further, when a topic ended, we had nothing else to continue it with or even the idea of changing the subject as if it were something natural was unthinkable, we simply could not.

That was so different with Aegon and Daeron, they both had that gift of connecting with people and being able to talk for hours and hours and you would never get bored with them, even Aegon when he makes an effort ends up making friends with whoever he puts his mind to it, something that Aemond and I have been limited, so these little changes, I can do nothing but thank them for. So we kept talking until it was time for dinner, apparently father is not going to be with us, again....

Rhaenyra's pregnancy has tried to be as discreet as possible, to avoid gossip about the obvious, so father tries to be as close to her as possible to not distress her, so it will be the 4 of us, during the time that Aegon was not there, seeing his empty seat next to Daeron's empty seat, made the meals quieter, but no less lonely. Mother as always was already at the table waiting for us, and since our older brother was still not arriving, she took the opportunity to tell Aemond that she had already spoken to him and hoped that with their "conversation" a situation like this would not happen again.

It was when Aemond took the opportunity and told mother in broad strokes about Aegon's apology, which not only surprised her but also Sir. Criston, both were surprised, mother asked again, believing she had misheard, and when she confirmed that what she had heard was true, she did not know what to say. Which is understandable, Aegon never apologizes unless mother forces him to, it is understandable that she could not digest the idea that he could do that of his own free will, but after doing so, the most she could do was to say that she was happy for our brother's initiative in this regard.

Aegon was taking a long time, and they had even sent for him, but seeing that he did not arrive, mother said that we could not continue waiting for him because the food was getting cold, after making the respective prayer thanking him for the food, he arrived and seemed... disturbed? As if he had gone through an experience that left him very upset, he barely apologized for the delay and proceeded to sit down, no one at first gave it much importance, until little by little we began to realize that something was happening to him: he barely ate, he was very distant, and when Aemond asked him to get the sauce, he ignored it, so mother asked the first question.

— Is something happening to you Aegon?

He didn't answer, he seemed so focused on whatever was on his plate that my mother had no choice but to raise her voice, so he signaled me to cover my ears.

— AEGON!

— Ah? What is it?

The scream brought him out of his trance, he had been frightened, but even though he was now "listening" it seemed as if his mind was still somewhere distant, it was similar to what happens to me sometimes, it could be that...

— Until you answer, for a long time your brother and I have been talking to you and you don't answer, is something wrong?

— There's nothing wrong with me, Mother, not at all, I'm just a little tired, that's all....

— Okay... Enjoy the little time you have left without doing anything, when you are completely well you will have a lot of work to make up for the lost weeks, I don't want any complaints.

— All right...

— Aegon, I said I don't want complaints...wait, what did you say?

— I agree...

— Son, are you all right?

— I am, mother, why?

— You're welcome... let's keep eating.

The rest of the dinner was very awkward, we should all be happy that Aegon is finally "maturing", one of my mother's many wishes, but it felt so out of place, as if something didn't fit, maybe it was just an impression and as the days passed, "normality" would return, yes, it had to be that, however, sometimes I forgot that we also said that when the first incident happened and nothing was the same again. That was exactly what happened.

As the days went by, now it was not only to find him talking to himself, but also quite down? Even wounded, he kept having energy and now... it seemed that every day he was more tired, more gone... At first it was not very noticeable, when we were together and I asked him, he only said that it was just my impressions, that nothing was happening to him, quickly changing the subject showing me the jewelry designs he was making or what he had recently learned in his new lesson, I wanted to believe him and ignore that behavior, but I knew something was not right and, even so I could not find the courage to ask more about it.

Aegon was always the first one to say how weird Aemond and I are, especially me, but now it was him who was being weird, because even though the changes in him might seem small, little by little they started to become very noticeable, especially when the week of "rest" was over and he went back to his normal activities, the weeks after that: being a cupbearer, the activity he always tried to avoid or reject as best he could, now he had accepted it, so his schedule had to be rearranged; his "real duties" things that in the beginning would have been unthinkable for him to want to do, now he assumed them as if nothing, or at least that's how it seemed.

I couldn't say how he feels about all this, because when he assumed his new duties, his time with me was reduced, what before was an appointment every day, now is once every 3 days, I only hear about the rest from Aemond who also seems very surprised by the change, he said that he no longer pretends to pay attention to the master as before, but now he is taking notes of his lessons and although he says he still looks very tired, he doesn't fall asleep in the classes, and the most surprising of all, is that the other day, he was the first one to arrive at the training yard.

Now that was a surprise, Aemond said that the funniest thing of all was to see the surprised faces of Sir. Criston and Sir. Harwin who was passing by, who never believed that those two would share a common feeling someday. Even our nephews with whom they do not usually have the best of relationships and even more after what happened, asked him if Aegon had really recovered or the damage to his head was already irreparable. I laughed at that, because it was the truth, Aegon being so himself... behaving in such a way now, it was simply to wonder if there wasn't something shady going on. When he finished telling me this news, he told me that since it was his turn to be with me today, I should tell him if something strange was going on.

I promised him I would if that happened, he left happy, which would be something rare to see before, I guess these changes can't be that bad, I stayed sorting my insect collection when there was a knock on the door and after indicating I could come in, it was Aegon and it's true it's not like we hadn't seen each other in a long time, but I couldn't help but be surprised by his dark circles under his eyes that were a little more visible unlike the last time, how much is he doing to be like this? Maybe he's having a hard time getting back into a routine after such a long time without doing much. Still, it was a bit worrying.

—Aegon, are you all right?

— Yes, why do you say that?

— You look tired.

— I am, but it's no big deal Helaena, I'll be fine.

— I don't think so, you should go to your room to rest and I'll see you another day.

— No!

— What? - I didn't expect him to raise his voice at me like that.

— I mean it's not necessary, I just couldn't sleep well last night, that's all, don't worry, besides I owe you, especially after what happened on our last time together.

— If you say so, ah, did you bring them with you?

— Yes, I can't get rid of them and I don't want to.

I couldn't help but laugh as I saw Aegon's pets behind him, that too was a change that came among the many things my older brother brought with him, two furry kittens that might look adorable at first glance but were actually little devils, I can still remember the argument with my mother when she discovered their existence, interrupting our "date", entering with Aemond while a servant was holding those cats that were furiously trying to get out of that grip.

A week ago...

— Aegon, you want to explain to me where you got those things from?!

Upon saying so, the servant could no longer hold the cats, so he dropped them and they immediately went to Aegon, clearly offended by the way they were treated.

— Mother, they are not things, they have names, they were called Balerion and Meraxes.

— You named some filthy cats after dragons of conquest?

— Don't call them that Aemond, cats have feelings too.

— Mother, Aegon has gone mad.

— Shut up!

— Aemond don't bother your brother and Aegon don't yell at Aemond, I just want explanations on how those animals got here?

— I found them the other day and decided to keep them.

— Just like that, without even consulting me, that is to say that if Quinlá had not informed me of your request for special pillows for cats and of a complaint about one of them attacking a maid, I would not know that you have had these animals in your room for who knows how long?

— Not much really, don't be like that mother, it's not that they are rough, they are just how shall I put it? Good judges of character, other than that they are harmless.

— But they are foul and dangerous creatures, you can't keep them! So Aegon, I command you to immediately get rid of them by hook or by crook, or I will have to do it by crook.

— You're not going to do anything to them, I'm going to keep them, if you don't want to see them then, Helaena must also get rid of her insects.

— Why would I have to get rid of my insects? - How dare I even think of getting involved in this?

— Because unlike these kitties who even earn their food because they can help hunt mice and thus not rely so much on strangers who have access to private areas such as the actual floor, instead you have your insects just for show, not to mention that unlike cats, your insects are potentially more lethal.

— I must admit, but Aegon has a point.

— Aemond, whose side are you on?

— He's not on anyone's side and Aegon, I can't believe what you're asking, how dare you bring the likes of Helaena into the middle of this?

— Because it's not fair that you indulge her in that and I who don't ask you for anything don't let me keep them, it's not as if I don't know that you even gladly give some of your allowance to Helaena to make "special cages" for her insects, instead I am using my part of the allowance for the maintenance of the cats, you say that a maid complained about the cats, instead how many maids haven't been scared and quit because Helaena leaves her insects anywhere? So it's not fair that she is allowed and I am not.

— I guess...

— Mother! - I never thought I saw a situation where my mother would seriously consider my brother's words - Don't do it, it's not fair.

— Enough, both of you! You get away with it this time Aegon, I'll let you keep them, but they better not cause any trouble, okay?

— Done

— So if Aegon and Helaena have their own pets, can I too?

— Aemond, you too?

— Helaena has had her critters for years, Aegon now has cats and Daeron in his last letter mentioned that Uncle Gwayne gave him a puppy, why can't I have a pet too?

— You guys are going to drive me crazy, it's okay Aemond, I'll let you have a pet, just make sure it's something that won't cause problems.

Aemond is still researching what pet she can have that won't cause Mom to have a heart attack.

— But could you keep the cats away from my insects, please. - I was worried that the cats would start getting dangerously close to my insects, I was afraid they might eat them.

— I understand, Balerion and Meraxes, leave that, I give you richer things to eat.

— Thanks, I guess - Although I didn't know whether to be happy or offended.

While the cats were left exploring my room, Aegon went to sit on the couch, I could easily sit on the other couch, but strangely I wanted to be close to him, maybe because of the fact that if it wasn't for meals, we didn't see each other, so I sat next to him, that brought surprise on his part, which did not surprise me, after all unlike him, Daeron and even Aemond, I have never really liked physical contact, however, today I wanted it to be different, perhaps because today I had gathered the courage to tell him about my last dream.

— So how have you been?

— Actually, I should be the one to ask you that, you've been disappearing lately, if it weren't for Aemond I wouldn't know what's going on with you.

— I guess you're right, actually, don't make fun, but even I don't know what I'm doing.

— Really? - It was a little hard to believe, but deep down I felt like I understood.

— In truth, I never thought my life would change so much.

— At least these are changes that have been for the better, right?

— Maybe...

Again he was being distant and unlike the other times when he was the one who made our conversations flow, now I was the one guiding things, when was it that we changed places? I tried to ask him more questions, some he answered with enthusiasm, others with tiredness, I felt like we were going in circles, maybe it didn't help that he looked really tired, like he was about to collapse.

— Are you sure you're okay? I won't bother if you want to leave it at that and go get some rest.

— I just had a bad night Helaena, it's nothing, I insist, by the way, what a nice hairstyle you have today, it looks good on you.

What was that? He's not usually someone who notices those "little details", maybe it's because he doesn't look good. That made me feel insecure about telling him what I wanted to tell him.

— Thank you, I think...

— I feel you want to tell me something, what is it? Maybe that will scare away my dream.

— Well, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about, dreams. - Well, it was time to take the risk.

— Have you seen something in your sleep again?

— That's right.

— What happened?

After saying that, he leaned his head on my shoulder, it was so surprising that in any other moment the first thing I would have done would have been to push him away as fast as I could, I didn't want to feel that horrible tingling sensation that I usually feel when they touch me unexpectedly, even once I almost hurt my poor little brother Daeron when he wanted to give me a surprise hug, but this time the feeling didn't appear, I felt a strange comfort with him like that. 

— I don't know whether to tell you, I don't want you to think that I'm crazy....

— How could I say that to my "cute" little sister?

What did I just hear? First calling my hairstyle "pretty" and now calling me his "cute" sister, when was the last time he said something like that to me, did he ever say it if want to? I can't remember, otherwise I wouldn't be as red as I was feeling myself getting, one part of me felt so embarrassed, but another felt a growing desire to keep hearing those words, so I kept talking, only raising my head to avoid looking at him anyway. 

— It could be because you used to make fun of me saying that what I saw were just simple children's nightmares... - I wanted to hear your reaction to that.

— It was very cruel of me then, I shouldn't have treated you like that, will you forgive me my "sweet" Helaena?

— I... - Was this what Aemond felt when Aegon apologized to him? Well, I don't think Aemond was as red as I was at the moment, that coupled with the fact that the last sentence he said it almost as a whisper near my ear, I didn't know how to feel about it - Of course I forgive you.

I could only feel a kind of nod from him, that's when, in a strange impulse, I took enough courage to tell him what I had wanted to tell him for a long time.

— Well, I wanted to talk to you about this a long time ago, maybe I didn't do it before because I thought you wouldn't give it importance, but now I feel you can understand it, lately my dreams have not been the same, you see I...

I was about to start telling him what was recently going on that I wanted to tell him straight up, so when I ducked my head to see him....

I discovered that I was asleep.

He was sleeping peacefully on my shoulder, a mixture of shame and anger came over me; shame for the position we were in and anger that I had allowed this in the first place, I felt like a fool, I should push him away and kick him out for what he was doing, was I so boring to fall asleep? But then I remembered that he looked so tired and still made an effort to spend time with me, plus I didn't want to push him away in any way.

I don't know how long we spent like that and how much my shoulder would hurt afterwards, but I couldn't and didn't want to wake him up or push him away, maybe because it would interrupt his rest or because I liked the sensation I was feeling with him so close, it wasn't discomfort but a strange warmth, his hand was close and I wanted to take it in mine so much that, when I wanted to do it, I was interrupted by a claw from one of the cats, it didn't scratch me or anything, but I got a little angry.

The cats turned out to be quite special, because although they have not attacked anyone, they are quite surly with those who were not Aegon or that they had not approved, so you had to be very careful, I was starting a little scuffle with that animal that I did not realize they were knocking on my door, so quickly someone burst into the room, which surprised the cat who left and I did not know what to do.

— Helaena, are you all right? Why didn't you open the door for me...?

It was Aemond who had been speechless when he saw the position Aegon and I were in, I thought this might wake him up, fortunately it did not, apparently he is still a very heavy sleeper, but that was not the important thing, but Aemond's reaction to all this, I thought he would make a fuss, however, instead he said as calmly as he could.

— Helaena, I didn't know that you and Aegon already had that confidence in each other.

— It's not what it looks like! - Were my words as I stood up to give him an explanation, as soon as I did that, again Aegon did not wake up, but he did fall off the couch and the sound of the impact was not pleasant.

— Sister, that's no way to wake someone up.

— Don't make fun!

— I'm sorry, I'm surprised you didn't wake up.

— Well, it worries me - I said while I tried to put him back on the sofa again - You should bring the maester, his tiredness is not normal.

— Okay I'll get him, but don't go throwing our brother out again.

Since when did Aemond start becoming like this? Perhaps the recent close relationship he is cultivating with Aegon is beginning to show its effects. I had better get back to my task of settling my brother back on the couch after his fall, in doing so I was able to push some of his hair away from his face and remembered why I was somewhat jealous that he had brought out the best features of our parents, even so he never failed to look good. The last time I saw him asleep, was when we were kids and despite the time he never lost that tranquility that he emanated and contagious so I could fall asleep and not think about those "silly nightmares" as he called them, I couldn't touch him anymore because now the two cats were watching me and I felt a little uncomfortable.

Fortunately Aemond arrived quickly with Maester Orwyle, who, after telling him what had happened to my brother, could hardly contain his laughter,

— I saw this coming, but I must admit I didn't think it would last this long.

— Is it that bad?

— It is not so much so my prince, but your brother came to me in the morning asking me for advice on some herbs that could help him sleep, as he has not been able to fall asleep for some time.

— Why? - I was worried that whatever she had was something serious.

— Don't worry princess, your brother is fine, he is probably just having a hard time adapting to his routine, that added to his new duties, it was hard for him to keep up and the tiredness started to overwhelm him, I told him to take it easy.

— Is it really nothing?

— It is not, it is something that with a few good hours of sleep is cured, I hope that the symptoms of her insomnia had not bothered her.

— Symptoms?

— Yes, when a person does not sleep well he tends to be a bit irritable or to say things, either incoherent or inner thoughts.

— Oh... - I hoped I wasn't disappointed by that, because if that's so, then the nice words he was talking to me with, were they just delusions due to lack of sleep? - But did he recommend anything to treat that problem?

— That's right, chamomile and calendula, unfortunately we didn't have enough, so the queen found out when I informed her and sent them to buy more immediately, so in the afternoon the new shipment arrived, and at night you can start your treatment, for the moment, I hope princess you don't mind if you stay here until you wake up ...

— I am already awake.

That seemed to startle all three of us, because by the time we realized it, Aegon was already getting up from the couch, while the cats on his lap, when did they get there in the first place?

— My prince, since when...?

— A moment ago, Master Orwyle, just when you said that you informed my mother about my sleeping problem even when I told you not to.

— I'm sorry my prince, but it was my duty to announce something like this to the queen, I must say she was concerned to learn that you have not been sleeping properly.

— Anyway, I'd better go, it's not good manners to stay here too long.

— Yes, of course...

— Aemond! - I didn't want him to insinuate more things, I didn't want Aegon to remember what happened.

— Never mind, I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused you Helaena, I guess you were right about having to go to sleep, I owe you our conversation again.

— Of course, no problem.

— Thank you.

— I accompany you, my prince.

The maester left with Aegon and the cats went after him, leaving my brother and me in my room. There was a small silence as Aemond began his insinuations.

— And what happened?

— I don't know what you're talking about?

— Don't play dumb with me sis, something happened with you and our brother when I wasn't around.

— Nothing happened.

— That's what you say, but the blush on your face says otherwise.

— Since when did you become so brazen?

He just raised his shoulders alluding that he didn't know, all I could do was to throw him out of there, although I could feel the slight mockery when I was taking him out of my room, I had to forget what just happened, after all, what happened was only a product of Aegon's lack of sleep and not what he would really say if he was in his right mind, he probably doesn't even remember it, so it shouldn't mean anything that during dinner he didn't want to look me in the eyes, right?

The days passed normally, at least as far as possible, since my mother said that my meetings with Aegon would be suspended until he regained stability, Aemond had told her what happened when he fell asleep in my room and she wanted to prevent it from happening again, alluding that that was not polite, I told her that I had not bothered but she was adamant, so I had nothing else to do but wait, something that before I would not have minded but now I felt that each day was getting longer, not even embroidering and tidying my insects could take away that feeling.

Until one day it was announced to us that there would be a family lunch, that is, my father, older sister, her husband and my nephews would be joining us today, mother said we had to behave properly, to which Aegon replied in a whisper "he means we must remain quiet the whole meal", I had to agree with him, because every time there was a family lunch, none of us could speak without my father interrupting us for listening to his daughter and grandchildren.

Everything seemed to indicate that it would be so, until suddenly, my father addressed Aegon.

— Aegon, I have heard that you have recently developed an interest in jewelry, is it true?

Aegon looked quite surprised, but tried to hide it as best he could, so he answered our father as politely as possible.

— That's right, I heard that King Jaehaerys had a penchant for it, and I was also struck by it and wanted to give it a try.

— Sounds good to me, I have quite a few memories of when my grandfather used to draw in a notebook various beautiful jewelry designs, those that convinced him were immediately sent to the royal jeweler to be made.

— I didn't know anything about that, Father. - That had been said by Rhaenyra, who seemed very interested.

— He had a very good taste my girl, he even had a collection of very rare precious stones that can hardly be found in the whole known world.

— It's true, I understand that my mother used one of your most beautiful designs for her wedding.

Rarely did Sir. Laenor spoke, but this time he was quite animated as he made that mention of a necklace that Princess Rhaenys wore when she married that was the work of the Old King himself and that he was even looking for it for Laena's wedding, but unfortunately couldn't find it. To which Aegon seeming to forget that I was sitting next to him, said very quietly "how convenient that he forgot where he lost that necklace", I didn't know what he was referring to and doubted he wanted to tell me.

— It's a pity they didn't find it husband, personally I would have liked to see or wear some of those jewels if they say they were very beautiful.

— A work of art my child and who knows? And maybe you will be able to use them after all.

— Why do you say so, Father?

— From what I have been told, Aegon is quite talented and has quickly learned the basics of jewelry making and it is likely that before the end of the year he will be making his own jewelry, when I heard this I asked to look for my grandfather's jewelry to give it to you Aegon.

— Really, Father?

Aegon's excitement was evident, even my mother looked strangely happy, it was unusual for my father to give us something, especially something that belonged to King Jaehaerys that he admires so much, which is surely of much value. 

— Of course, but for a strange reason those objects ended up in Rocadragon, so with all due respect my dear girl, tomorrow Aegon will go there to pick them up and as soon as he has mastered the art, I hope he can make one of my grandfather's designs so he can give it to you my dear daughter, a jewel worthy of a future queen....

It was too good to be true, because while my father and nephews were mentioning how good Rhaenyra would look with jewelry designed by the best king of our dynasty, the joy that Aegon was starting to show vanished in an instant and my mother looked quite upset, I can't blame them, what should have been a gift for Aegon, was actually a gift for our father's favorite daughter, however, I didn't expect what Aegon would do.

— Well, father thank you, but I feel it is too early to say that I will be able to reach that level of talent, after all I heard that the designs created by King Jaehaerys were not only beautiful but also very complex. - There was a slight pause and then he turned to look at me - Besides I also heard that the Old King designed those jewels for the most special women in his life, so I should also do the same, so any jewel I make should be given to Helaena, after all she is my betrothed.

At that moment, I don't know what prompted my brother, but he took my hand and kissed it....

I was speechless and I wasn't the only one, everyone at the table was absolutely shocked: whatever had been on Aemond's fork fell off the instant he saw that; my mother was speechless with shock; Rhaenyra and her family were the same way, the servants and guards apparently will have a lot to gossip about when this is over and even my father was left open-mouthed not knowing what to say.

Everyone knows that Aegon was not the most excited person in the world when our engagement was announced, so seeing this big change was quite shocking, I just felt that I was starting to blush up to my ears, and that heat that I haven't felt for a long time came back...The moment was over as soon as Rhaenyra came back to herself and decided to break the atmosphere, making Aegon quickly let go of my hand and returned his gaze towards our father, that made me feel a little sad, as strange as it may seem.

— I suppose Aegon is right father, it is too early to assume things, besides it seems fitting that my half brother should spoil his betrothed and there is nothing better than jewels, don't you think so father?

— Yes, yes... You are right my child, we will discuss the subject another time.

— Also, husband don't you think that with this statement from Aegon, is it enough for Helaena to also accompany him on his journey tomorrow? - That was the comment my mother made when she also came to.

— You are right my dear queen, you are right.

That's how the rest of the lunch went by, as soon as my father and Rhaenyra's family and her family left, Aegon also ran away from the place, so I had no choice but to follow him before Aemond or my mother approached me and asked about what happened at lunch, I followed him as fast as I could until I saw him enter a room, I was about to enter when I heard he was talking to someone, so I stayed at the door to hear what he was saying.

— I can't believe what I did, I can't believe what I did, I can't believe what I did!

He sounded quite desperate and embarrassed, it was not for nothing, after all, it was quite unexpected...

— Don't make fun please, by all the gods, how embarrassing, I didn't think I was capable of saying all that and worse in front of everyone, I don't know if I can look Helaena in the eyes after this, her or anyone for that matter.....

But who is he talking to? I didn't see that anyone else had entered that room unless he came in earlier or is again talking to himself.

— I only said that so I could get rid of the idea of giving any jewels to Rhaenyra!

That means he didn't mean those words about those jewels being for me? I was starting to feel bad that I didn't feel when I made a noise with the door and when I checked, Aegon had already noticed my presence and it didn't look like he took it well that I was spying on him.

— Helaena, how long have you been here?

— Enough to hear what I needed to hear - My voice came out a little angry, after all finding out that everything he told me was just to avoid giving something to Rhaenyra, it was no wonder I was a little angry.

— Oh no...

— I don't know why you should feel bad.

— It's not that, I'm really sorry, I didn't want you to hear it that way.

— About what, that what you said was not out of honesty but to get out of the commitment our father was imposing on you? - I was starting to get angrier and angrier and I don't even know why, I shouldn't care about this in the first place.

— Partly yes, but I also feel that you deserve those jewels more than Rhaenyra.

— Really? - I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I also wanted that to be true.

— It's true, if I had to make jewelry for someone, I would prefer a thousand times that it was you than someone else, especially her, seriously I'm sorry you took it differently, I just felt sorry because I thought you felt uncomfortable with what I said....

— It took me by surprise only, but I didn't get mad, really.

— I'm glad and since I feel I should compensate you for that, what would you like me to do to you?

— How?

— What jewelry do you want me to make for you? I understand that there is quite a variety, so just tell me what you want and its design and I will make it for you, I owe you for all the patience you have had...

I didn't know what to answer about it, so Aegon said I could think about it and then tell him, I told him it was fine, so he said goodbye and said that early tomorrow morning we would leave for Rocadragon in our dragons, I agreed and when he left, I entered the room where he was, I checked that, indeed, it was empty, who was he talking to?

The next morning after breakfast, my mother told us to please behave ourselves and to be very careful what we did or touched during our stay at Dragonstone, after all, that place was our elder sister's domain, although the warning was more for Aegon than for me, after her directions, is that we both went to change into our riding suits before leaving for Dragon Well.

I was quickly ready, although I felt that something was missing, that maybe I should fix myself up more, I was considering it while looking at my jewelry box; maybe a jewel would be nice, Aegon likes jewels or maybe fix my hair more, he liked how I combed it the other time, it was strange, since it is usually not something that worries me, it must be a silly thing of mine and I didn't pay more attention to it.

It was the first time in quite a while that Aegon and I were going to be completely alone, I felt a bit excited about it, something that faded the instant I climbed into the wheelhouse where I was told that Aegon was already waiting for me to discover that Aemond was in there too.

— What does this mean?

— For Aegon is going to repay me for the favor he owes me.

— Does Mom know about this?

— Maybe...

— Aemond you can't be here and Aegon how could you let yourself be convinced?

— Please sister, I really want to try to claim a dragon, please....

I could feel a little frustrated, but I could not refuse the pleading look of my younger brother, seriously this was very important to him and although deep down I knew that this was not going to work, I did not want to break his illusion in this way, so I ended up giving in, on the way to the Well, Aegon asked me to be the one to carry Aemond, Sunfyre is still not big enough to carry two people unlike Dreamfyre, again I accepted, what I didn't notice was that my attentive little brother was noticing the slight anger I was bringing with me.

The ride to Rocadragon was as smooth as possible, it had been a while since I had ridden and doing so I felt it was a real mistake not to do it more often, feeling the coolness of the wind in contrast with the warmth of my sweet Dreamfyre was a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything, and if I was like that, I couldn't imagine how Aegon was after all those months he couldn't see his beloved Sunfyre, the golden beauty he and his dragon have always been a sight to behold every time they took to the skies and I can imagine how much they missed each other. Aemond was also excited and seriously wanted to get that chance this time around. In the distance we could begin to see Dragonstone, we were getting closer and closer to our destination.

— I remembered him bigger.

— Of course Aemond you remembered it bigger, you were very small the last time we were here.

It's been a while since I visited Rocadragon, the last time we were here was when my father decided to celebrate there his wedding anniversary with my mother, it was precisely in that celebration when Aegon claimed Sunfyre, it was quite a gift, or at least those were my father's words, one of the few times he said something flattering to my older brother.

Upon landing we were greeted by the castle castellan and some dragon guards, who welcomed us, while the guards took care of the dragons, the castellan introduced us and gave us a little tour of the castle, until he left us in the library saying that it was the most attractive place in the castle and I can understand that, after all the castle was too cold and gloomy to have anything else eye-catching. 

When we got there, the castellan told Aegon to follow him to another side to show him the objects that he could take and that were the reason why we were here, I asked him that, if I could go with him, to which he answered no, since this could take time and he did not want me to get bored, that it would be best if I stayed with Aemond in the library to keep an eye on him because he was capable of going to try his luck with one of the dragons without supervision, promising that it would not take too long, I wanted to protest, but he did not let me do it because he was already leaving. Seeing that we were alone, Aemond took the opportunity to question me.

— Helaena, did you get angry because I came with you?

— Of course not Aemond, I would never be mad at you.

— So why are you frowning?

— I am not!

— Yes you were and you sound angry, did you want Aegon all to yourself?

— Of course not! - It's true that I wanted to spend some time alone with him, but it wasn't a big deal for Aemond to be with us, was it?

— I think so, ay sister, if you had told me I would have held my urge and let you have your "romantic date" with our brother just like our mother wanted.

— Don't talk nonsense Aemond, it doesn't fit you.

— Nonsense... yes, of course...

— Besides, how long have you been interested in all this? As far as I remember you were the one who was least convinced of our commitment.

— Don't be a liar Helaena, the one I was less convinced about is Aegon, I was just worried that he wasn't good enough for you, you are my only sister and your well being matters to me, so I wasn't sure if Aegon really was the one for you.

— And now?

— I have to admit that Aegon's changes have been quite weird, a bit scary at times, but they have been good changes at the end of the day and I have also been noticing the way the interaction of both of you has been changing: he is not so hard and indifferent to you anymore and you look more comfortable and happy, even excited I could say, so, if it's in my hands to make this end for good, count me in!

— I thank you for your enthusiasm Aemond, I really do, but I don't think this is what you think, I think only Aegon and I are happy to regain our relationship as brothers and not for anything else, besides this is an arranged marriage, it's going to happen regardless of our feelings, so getting along is good enough for me.

— Are you sure?

— Yes - It had to be, but he felt he had told a lie and Aemond didn't look convinced either.

— If you say so, I say that time will put things in their place.

— You might be right. - a weird feeling was forming inside me as I thought about the possibilities, I didn't know what exactly I wanted.

— To make you feel better and not think about this anymore, maybe we should check the library, maybe here we will find better information to understand your dreams, don't you think?

— It's true. - It may be here that I will find the answers I have been looking for.

Aemond and I spent a long time looking at a section in search of something that could help me understand my dreams, because I could no longer continue this way, before I believed that if I ignored them they would eventually go away, then that what I saw was immovable that no matter the action, it was destined to happen and that I should just be another spectator, but now with the strange changes that have been happening, I am not sure if what I saw in the beginning is a definitive destiny, maybe there is not only one way or one end, maybe there are infinite possibilities.

We were still searching when Aegon returned, he was carrying a chest and beside him were a couple of servants also carrying boxes in their hands, we were both curious and Aemond like the curious person he is, started to ask first.

— And all that?

— All the things I'm going to take with me.

— Was it that much?

— No, but I decided to take a few more things with me.

— Is that okay?

— The castellan said that there would be no problem, after all no one will notice the difference and it is better that I give them a use than that they stay here gathering dust, some things I am going to take them in Sunfyre and others will be sent immediately to the Fortress, there is already a small ship waiting for them.

— What a great service.

— You don't say and what are you guys doing?

— We're just exploring the library, after all it's very different from the one in the fortress, right brother?

— That's right Helaena, I say I'll go check another side, how about Aegon if you help Helaena check this side?

— Of course, just let me give the servants a few pointers.

I didn't even get a say in it, because Aemond quickly went off in another direction leaving Aegon and I relatively alone, it was something I had wanted for a while, but now that it was like this, I was a little nervous, I didn't know exactly what to do.

— So what were we looking for? Something to do with dreams perhaps?

— How did you...?

— Maybe I was falling asleep the other time, but I remember perfectly well that you wanted to tell me something related to your dreams.

— Do you remember absolutely everything that happened that day? - Did you even remember the nice words you said to me?

— Not everything, but what I consider to be the most important.

— I understand. - That neither confirmed nor denied me anything.

— Maybe we should look that way. - He said that as he pointed to another shelf.

— How do you know we'll find something there?

— Because I asked to the person in charge about this.

— Did you ask that for me? - I couldn't help but feel a bit of excitement about it.

— That and because I also wanted to find out something about it.

— About dreams?

— Not exactly, but something related to them.

— Is it because of your lack of sleep? - Was my question as we made our way to that area.

— Something like this... "it would have been simpler if only I didn't hear their voices even at night" - Although that last was said more to himself and in whisper mode, I heard it perfectly.

— Voices? What voices? - I wanted to find out more.

— Nothing Helaena, just that, during my sleeping problem, I was hearing voices and having somewhat strange dreams, surely due to lack of sleep, I wanted to see if the books didn't talk about remedies for it, just that... You should see the books that are higher up, I'll hold the ladder for you.

Evidently he wanted to change the conversation, but I could no longer stop thinking about what he was telling me, as I climbed the stairs to see the upper books, I went over in my head what he was saying: hearing voices at night, although I think it was not limited to the night, strange dreams, his strange behavior... maybe he...? No, it couldn't be, could it? As if on cue, a book moved? Maybe it was my imagination, but one book stood out among the others, as if I wanted to pick it up and that's what I did.

As I descended the stairs, my mind was in another world, remembering what I had been told in my last clearest dream: "that's all the help we can give you", what kind of help did they mean? And then I thought of Aegon's words about going through strange occurrences and his behavior, not so far from the one I felt myself in my more sudden visions, is he also like me? Maybe the help they were referring to was that someone else also saw the same thing and what would help me understand it? I was so distracted thinking about the possibilities that I didn't feel that I had stepped wrongly on a step and fell.

— Watch out Helaena!

I closed my eyes waiting for the painful impact, but it never came, instead I felt something soft and warm under me, when I opened my eyes I was on top of my brother! Apparently Aegon held me down and served as a mattress to keep me from hurting myself. How embarrassing, I didn't know where to put my face, where the hell was Aemond? It was better that he wasn't here and saw us in this position or else all I would want to do would be to hide.

— Helaena, are you all right?

He sounded worried, when in reality it should be me who should be asking if he was ok, wanting to tell him he was ok, I had to look him in the eyes, we were close, too close... He was holding me by the waist still while one of my hands was holding the book, the other was on his chest and our faces were so close that with just one approach we... I should just walk away immediately! But at the same time I couldn't, nor did I want to, and Aegon didn't seem to want the same either, maybe we should just....

At that instant the roar of a dragon broke the moment and all of Aegon's attention was focused on one thing.

— Where is Aemond?

— I don't know. - At that moment Aegon turned away from me and went to one of the windows that looked out.

— May the Seven protect us, Mom is going to kill me!

Those were his words, before running out of the library, I also approached the window and my eyes could not believe what they were seeing: Aemond was trying to reclaim Vermithor! I had to hurry and catch up with Aegon, we had to save our brother before this ended in tragedy. I left the book with a servant who was nearby saying he was going to take it to me as I quickly headed for the exit, but at that instant a severe headache came.

No please, not now, I need to get to my brothers....

Apparently dreams knew no priorities because the pain became more and more intense, but this time it was not a premonitory dream that was being revealed to me but a memory from the past.

"A woman whose face I could not see was sitting in a chair, she was pregnant while watching a small child play with an equally small dragon.

— You like spending time with your dragon, don't you love?

— Yes mother, this is a gift I will always be grateful for.

— Remember to tell your sister as soon as you see her.

— Of course mother.

— And have you already thought of a name for him?

— That's right.

— Which one is my dear child?

— Vermithor, his name will be Vermithor...

A squeal that could be said to be one of joy came from that little dragon.

— Did you see mother? he liked his name.

— Of course he was going to like it, my cute Jae....

The memory is over".

What was that, why was it not a vision of the future but of the past? By the name of the dragon, that "Jae" was none other than King Jaehaerys himself the day he named Vermithor, but why, what use is this? I could think no more because a new roar came from the outskirts, I had to hurry. What I had no idea was the surprise I would get when I was outside.

The gods may have their plans

But they too cannot foresee the difficulties

The future cannot have only one path

There is no definitive destination

But if you don't want to live the fatality

You can't stay in comfort.