Chapter Text
I know that staring at the hourglass does nothing to help me, but I don't have anything else better to do for the next ten years.
You see, I'm a god again, in a different way, shape, and form, but am a God nonetheless.
And that could be an issue.
Because you see, I can bear children, a very hot ticket for any god.
Thing only thing I can hope, no pray, is that the new gods forget to wake up and then do so when I'm dead.
But if I know anything about prophecies, there's nothing you can do to stop them.
My plan for now is to stay in my humble Namekian hut, far away from any civilization.
I heard a knock on my house (I have no door so they would have to knock on the walls) and groaned as I went to answer it. I opened the door and saw a very pretty woman in my doorless doorway.
"Hello." She said, her voice kind and light.
"Uh, hi there."
"I'm Ariadne, I've just moved into the area recently, and my husband was wondering if you would be willing to sell some of your land?"
I have no idea what any of this means, but if it gets this couple to leave me alone I guess I can play along.
"Sure, I certainly have no use for this much space, how much is he willing to pay?"
Then the girl started giggling and said, "Oh there seems to be some mistake on my part, I'm the one with the money here, but am willing to part with it for my dear husband."
"Okay, I don't care who has the money, I just want you to make your deal, so I can agree with it and send you on your way."
...........
So it took a little while, but towards the afternoon I managed to sell a third of my land to a woman that charmed me to the point where if she asked me to go get her the dragon balls for an unspeakable desire I'd have a hard time saying no.
"Oh look at the time, I should probably go now." I realized just how lonely I've become over the years after everyone I've ever known kicked the bucket some time down the line.
"WAIT!!!" I cursed myself internally at how desperate I sounded, "Would you like to come back here sometime, maybe?"
"Oh well that would be lovely, am I allowed to bring my husband?"
"As long as he doesn't trash anything," I said and shrugged.
"Oh, I'll make sure he's on his absolute best behavior, don't you worry." She said and patted my shoulder playfully as if I was supposed to be in on some kind of joke.
"Okay, I guess I'll see you then," I said and waved as she walked away.
...........
Traveling up to Olympus is something I'll never get used to, no matter how many times I have to collect my husband.
I walked around a lush garden area, aware of where my husband likes to unwind, and sure enough there he was, almost passed out in a fountain. I walked up to him as quietly as I could and once I was close enough I caressed his cheek softly. He leaned into my touch and kissed my hand, "Hi honey." He said tiredly, and with a dramatic yawn.
"Hello, my love," I replied and tried to coerce him to stand.
"So how'd the talk with the neighbor go?" He said as he wobbled to his feet, holding onto me for purchase.
"It went wonderfully,"
"That wonderfully means I get my grape vines yes?"
I sighed and rolled my eyes fondly as I groaned, "Yes you get your damned grape vines." He chuckled at my exasperated response.
"You'd like the neighbor a whole lot, he's very sweet once you get him to start talking," I said as we started traveling away from Olympus.
"Well anyone that lets me build my winery by their house is a good friend of mine."
"He's also very handsome as well." I said and watched as his sleepy face suddenly looked a lot more awake.
"How handsome are we talking here?" He said as he rubbed his hands together like a Disney villian.
I looked around nervously as I pushed him into our little cottage and for good measure I locked the door, "You didn't hear this from me, okay?" Dio nodded furiously, "He has a build that could rival the god king himself." I whispered in a low tone.
I watched Dio's face turn from impish but innocent wonder to a look of lust that rival's the god of lust's own. I watched as he got a glassy stare as his mind ventured elsewhere and I watched as drool ran down his chin. I wiped it away and that seemed to bring him back down from whatever high he put himself through, "Well welcome back to reality God of Wine."
"Sorry, I was thinking." Dio said in that playful tone and the impish look in his eyes.
"Clearly," I teased as he laughed and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of wine from his stash.
"So, apparently, we live right next to a hulking sex god who agreed to sell off some of his land so I can make some Ancient Greek wine."
"Careful honey, you're drooling again," I paused as I asked my next question, "Has it really been outlawed since the King Penetheus thing?"
"Oh officals were already thinking about it, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back, which is a shame because it's damn good wine."
"I'm dissapointed I never got to have any."
"Oh give me three to four months and you'll experience a high you've never been to before." Which is putting off some high expectations considering who my husband is.
"So fun fact, I ran into Pan a while ago, definately not dead." I causally dropped.
"So, he faked his death."
"Seems like it."
"I mean, I died once, it wasn't as cracked up as everyone made it seem."
...........
I curled up against my snoring husband.
They've been asleep for literal centuries and yet he's still very, very lazy.
His breath smells like a precious wine and his arms wrapped around me so snugly I almost went back to bed.
But then a flute, what sounds like a pan flute to be exact, started to play.
And then I got pissed.
Dionysus's little whine as I got up almost got me to stay but my resolve was solid as I started hearing the begining melody to Wonderwall.
I didn't bother putting a robe on, he's seen me and Dio do worse clothed.
"HOLY HADES SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" I yelled as I walked toward the sound.
"Hey, you ruin my slumber I ruin yours." The bane of my existance right now, and my husband's best friend, Pan the God of the wild, started to play the melody of All Star and made me wish I brought a knife of some kind, "Isn't it freezing cold outside?"
"A little, but I'm not going all the way to my house and get a jacket just so I can chew you out without my nipples freezing off."
"Godhood has definately corrupted you." Pan said as he brought the flute to his lips again.
"Holy shit, please have mercy." I turned around to see my neighbor standing behind me and holding his ears tightly.
He noticed I was naked and his eyes were wide and there was a slight purple color on his face, but other than that he didn't say anything about it.
"Hey, I make great music." Pan said and looked at my neighbor with an Angry God Tone.
Uh oh.
"No, you do play it beautifully, it's just a very high pitched instument."
"Not really, you sure it's me?"
"Maybe, but I also heard somebody whistling in this dierction not too long ago, so I might've switched the two around." He said and shrugged.
I waited a second before I asked, "Do you two know each other or...."
"He's a hermit that wanted nothing to do with civilization or humans,"
"He's a godly hermit that also wanted nothing to do with civilization or humans,"
"We kind of learned to get along."
"Aww is Panny making friends now?" My husband said as he walked unto the scene, also completely naked (although unless he's on Olympus he's usually always naked).
This is not the scenario I pictured when we would be naked in front of my neighbor.
I don't think our neighbor is breathing, if he is, he's not doing a very good job.
"I don't want to hear it Mr. Popular." Dio just pouted and sat in the grass in defeat.
"Oh, had time to curl your hair but not hide your shame eh?" Pan said smugly.
"Curly hair has always been pretty, ask Apollo."
"Yeah, no, I'd rather not." Pan replied as he sneakily started bringing his flute out again.
"I'll burn it, try me." My neighbor said staring Pan down, looking anywhere that wasn't my husband's indecent spread of his legs.
I had to stop myelf from licking my lips at the sight.
"Anyway, thank for pardoning your land Neighbor." Dio said in a friendly tone.
"Oh, sure, don't mention it." He said and turned to Dio and only looked in his eyes.
Two beautiful dark green circles.
Two absolutely maddening circles.
"Oh don't worry, I'll make sure you won't go unappericiated." Dio said with a smirk and that slight lustful tone of his.
Our neighbor blinked and looked like he was weighing his options.
"Okay, you know what, sure, reward me, I dare you." Our Neighbor said nervously with a hitched voice.
That just managed to seal the deal for Dio as he stood up walked over on his tiptoes and kissed our Neighbor's head and walked back home.
Our neighbor froze for quiet some time afterward and as I got closer the color started coming back to his face, "So, that was my husband."
"Yeah, kind of put two and two together." He squeaked out, which adorable by the way.
"Are you alright, he kind of just did that out of nowhere."
"Oh, yeah, just needed to not think about certain things, that's all."
"Would it be too much trouble to ask what were the 'certain things' you were thinking about?"
"Um-" His face flushed purple stared at my face, seemingly struggling to look down.
I'd know that look from miles away.
Sweet adorableness ripe for the fucking.
"Hey, just take some time to think about it, Lord Hades knows Dionysus will." My Neighbor nodded as I walked away, also back to the house.
...........
I have no idea what just fucking happened.
I feel like I died because there's no way two beings of beauty like that would proposition me for sex.
"Damn, you're sort of screwed aren't you?"
"Hey, if they were clothed I would've made more of an effort to turn them down."
"Oh, but do you really?" Pan, the smug bastard, said as he lounged in the grass, "Just face it, you despite what Namekian's and all around you have said, want to have sex with the pretty people."
"I don't understand, why now, after so many years of living?"
"Didn't you put a no dating policy on yourself after you realized normal average, everyday mortals would eventually go insane if in your presence long enough?" I took myself a journey down memory line and when I remembered I did indeed do that, it explained why I even hesitated to make mortal friends for such a long time.
"Oh, yeah, I did do that actually." I said and nodded and Pan looked like he solved all of my inner problems.
He did not in fact, mostly because never in my years of living have I been so sexually frustrated as I have the last couple years of transitioning into godhood.
But I do know I want the very pretty, and very straighforward married couple and me, my brain, and heart have no desire to not at least try and go for it.
Maybe I'm tried of living in a box of what I can and can't do.
Maybe since I'm a god now I can do whatever I want.
Maybe just because I don't have a penis doesn't mean I can't have or don't want sex.
Maybe I just want to live my life without explaining why I do the things I do.
.....Or maybe I just want to enjoy myself, and if having sex and drinking wine with the prettiest people I've ever met would bring me enjoyment, then who am I do deny myself that?