Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Patton was never one to panic over illness. Virgil however, was. His partner had a deep fear of getting sick, none of them were sure why. And Logan, his beautiful other partner, had a heightened sense of… caution around germs. So when Patton fell ill for the first time, things blew up a bit. He was just getting breakfast like normal, when he smelled the scrambled eggs Roman was cooking. It hit wrong.

He felt it coming on and scrambled out of the room, to which Roman darted after him. He could hear Virgil and Logan’s chairs slide back so fast they nearly toppled over, but he wasn’t focused on that. He barely made it, heaving as Roman rubbed his back. After a minute it was all over, and the brunette was pulling him into his lap, pressing Patton’s back to his chest, and running a hand through his hair.

“What brought that on sweetheart?”

“The smell- I think. The eggs. I don’t know why.”

“Ok, alright. Take some deep breaths. Shit.”

“What?” Patton asked weakly.

“I have to go to work. I’ll call Janus-”

“No! No, I feel better, really. I don’t want to bother him at work.” Patton shook his head.

“He’s off today, he was going to come over later anyway, after his haircut. And besides, I want someone here with you.” Roman insisted, kissing the side of his head. Patton finally nodded, not having the energy to argue.

“Can you get rid of the eggs?”

“Of course. Do you want some sprite?” Roman offered. Patton nodded, and Roman kissed his head again.

“Cover your ears dear.” He instructed. Patton nodded, plugging them with his fingers, as Roman called loudly for Logan. A moment later, the door cracked open, a glasses-framed face peeking inside.

“Yes?”

“Can you get a cup of sprite and one of Virgil’s- what are those called? Anxiety induced… nausea, dissolving tablets? And bring it here?”

“Of course. Is he- are you alright, Patton?”

“I think so. I-I don’t know what happened.” Patton admitted. Logan dipped his head.

“It would be best to call out of work. You shouldn’t be around the toddlers like this.”

“Oh shoot!” Patton breathed, face twisting in worry.

“Easy Pat, it’ll be alright. The daycare will understand. It’s still early. You’ve got plenty of time before it opens.” Roman soothed.

“Logan, could you take those eggs and put them somewhere? Eat them, or throw them away and take it outside? Patton isn’t liking the smell.” Roman added. Logan quirked an eyebrow but nodded. Taking his leave, he shut the bathroom door and went to get the items requested without another word. With him gone, Patton slumped back against Roman, laying his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Roman asked quietly. Patton groaned.

“This is going to disrupt everyone.”

“Patton, we’ve been over this. Whoever catches what, can hardly help that. It’s no one fault. There will be some anxiety, yes. But everything will be ok. Between me and my brother, and Janus, we will take care of all of you.” Roman promised. Patton nodded, shutting his eyes. It was another minute before a rapid knock hit the door.

“Come in.” Roman called. Surprisingly, although Logan was still at the doorway first, Virgil was behind him. It made Patton fully alert, sitting up, and Virgil practically jumped out of his skin at the movement. They were both wearing masks, Virgil’s doubled up. As Logan handed him his phone, held in a disinfectant wipe, along with a cup and a plastic wrapped tablet, Virgil waved to catch his attention.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok. Thanks for checking on me.” Patton smiled weakly.

“I’m- I’m sorry. I’m sorry Patton. I-”

“You’re going to go to Janus and Remus’?” Patton guessed. Virgil nodded jerkily, fidgeting, and Patton realized with a start that Virgil’s knees were shaking as he moved.

“Oh, Virge, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. That’ll just make me feel guilty. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you didn’t do it on purpose. I just- I can’t. I really want to help, but I can’t. I’m the one that’s sorry.”

“No need to be! You can’t control what you’re afraid of. And Roman’s going to call Janus to come stay with me! I’ll have all the help I need. You two can swap places for a few days. It’ll be ok.” Patton smiled.

“Three.” Logan spoke up.

“What?” Roman questioned.

“Us… three. I was thinking I may… join Virgil.” Logan admitted. Roman sighed, nodding his head.

“That makes sense. Go get some things together. We’ll stay here.” Roman held up a hand. Patton gave them a smile as Logan shut the door, before slumping back again.

“Do you mind calling the nursery? I’m shaky.” Patton admitted.

“Of course, come here.” Roman said softly, turning his head gently to kiss his forehead. Roman hummed, although he wasn’t sure if that meant he’d found fever or not. As he peeled the plastic back and grabbed the nausea tablet, letting the bitter pill dissolve, Roman got to work dialing. He almost drifted off against him.

He really thought it was a one-off. Everything seemed fine. He felt a little queasy smelling the soup Janus was cooking for dinner, but he felt fine eating it, and slept through the night just fine. It wasn’t until morning that it struck again. Janus raced to the bathroom with him, rubbing his back and clutching his own chest from the startle. It was lucky Patton’s room was the one with a bathroom connected, or he might not have made it.

After that, everything was a bit of a blur. He was so tired from the sudden waking, and not eating nearly enough yesterday. He finally crawled back in bed, brought a piece of mint candy and a flat cola to sooth his stomach by Janus. He crunched the candy to clear his mouth of the taste, but left the cola to sit, drifting back off. When he woke, it was like nothing had happened. He felt fine again.

Janus presented him toast, but he was hungry. Really, genuinely hungry. And nothing said you couldn’t have soup for breakfast. He ate two bowls, and the toast, against Janus’ advise, and he felt… fine? He felt good. He felt energized again, and it was as if nothing had happened. Except the headache he was getting, but that could be dehydration, he reasoned. He hadn’t had a decent amount of water in a couple of days.

So, he got to drinking. He sipped as he watched movie after movie with Janus pressed to his side. The only downside to water was that he had to get up every half hour to use the bathroom. Each time Janus questioned, made sure he was ok, before letting him go alone. He didn’t think he had had that much water.

Roman came home tired, as he always was after a day at the theatre. He was a stage hand, rolling elaborate, massive props along the floor as the show ran, or helping with rapid costume changes just behind the curtain. He always auditioned to every show that came to town, just in case there was an opening. So far, he’d gotten five parts. Today however, was not an acting position. Today his hands were smudged in what looked to be oil from the wheels of a prop that kept it from squeaking. His hair was mused, and his shirt wrinkled. He looked exhausted.

“Roman?”

“What is it dear?” Roman asked, his voice coming out as a long breath. Patton patted the couch and smiled, and Roman’s face slowly morphed to one of less strain, heading over to him. He flopped down onto the couch, moving to lay over Patton’s lap. Janus chuckled to his right, petting Roman’s hair. Roman leaned into it, groaning in appreciation.

“What do you two want for dinner?”

“It’s my turn to cook.” Roman mumbled into his lap, but Janus shushed him gently.

“What do you want?”

“Food. Warm food. That’s the only preference I have right now. Patton?” Roman asked.

“I…” Patton thought for a moment, wracking his brain. Nothing sounded good except-

“KFC?” Patton said hesitantly. Janus leveled him with a disapproving stare, and Roman turned his head to look up at him.

“Why?”

“Why not?” Patton asked.

“Because you’re not a very big meat eater, and you’re sick. I doubt eating a greasy bucket of chicken is going to help.” Roman said. Patton couldn’t help it. His chest tightened like he’d been scorned, and his face twisted into a saddened expression. Why did that hurt? He was right, but instead of his mind getting that message, it felt as if he’d been scolded. Janus took one look at his crumbling expression and sighed.

“He’s had a lot of water today, and not a lot of substantial sodium intake. His body might be craving salt. As long as you eat a small portion Patton, and wait to see if it settles well before having more, I’ll… I’ll go pick some chicken up.” Janus relented. Patton smiled wide, nodding instantly.

“I will, I’ll eat slowly, you have my word!” Patton agreed cheerily. Janus sighed, leaning over to kiss his forehead, and give Roman’s head one last affectionate pass over.

“You’re sleeping with him tonight.” Janus said, voice smooth like honey, and Patton couldn’t help but laugh at Roman’s groan.

Chapter Text

It didn’t seem to matter what he ate. By the end of week one, he had vomited every morning, a couple of times twice. And by the afternoon, he felt fine, mostly. There were a couple of days there where it lasted nearly the whole day. Janus had convinced him to go get a test for strep throat and flu, which he thoroughly disliked the process of. But it was negative, just as he and his doctor thought it would be. Then came other symptoms.

He didn’t notice it at first, because he thought it was all the water he was drinking. But he had to use the bathroom often, far more than normal. Janus and Roman had picked up on it too. Along with it came back pain, which didn’t make much sense. He hadn’t been working out. He hadn’t been bending funny, or sleeping in any strange positions, or doing anything strenuous. If anything, he’d been incredibly inactive. Maybe that was it. His muscles were cramping from not being used. So, he slipped on his exercise tennis shoes, a light shirt, and a pair of breathable shorts, and headed for the door. Janus stopped him in his tracks.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m going to a walk. I need to stretch, and it’s nice out.”

“It’s ninety-two degrees, and you’re ill. You need to rest.” Janus insisted. Patton’s eyebrows furrowed, a hint of annoyance sparking within him.

“I know my limits. I’m bringing electrolyte water that Logan got us for our workouts, and I’ll only go until I need to turn around.”

“I still think it’s best-”

“Well I know what’s best, Janus. It’s my body.” Patton snapped. Immediately he was covering his mouth, as Janus’ eyebrows shot up.

“I’m sorry! I-I don’t know why I snapped like that. Maybe I am more tired than I thought.” Patton said quietly. He couldn’t meet the others’ eye. Janus sighed after a moment, putting a hand on his arm.

“Or maybe you’re getting antsy from being cooped up. Let me grab my shoes.”

“But you hate jogging. And the heat hurts your burn.” Patton pointed out. Janus paused, fingers coming up to brush the massive burn across his face. It happened when he was young. He’d pulled a pot off the stove. Now, direct sun trying to create a sunburn on his cheek made it sting.

“I never said jog. You never said jog. We’ll walk, and I’ll bring my umbrella.” Janus countered, raising an eyebrow. Patton slowly smiled.

“Deal.”

It didn’t matter much. They got all of two blocks before Patton had to stop, winded, and with a headache coming on. Janus didn’t say a word about it, simply turning around with him and reminding him to drink as they made their slow journey home. Patton went straight up to his room, tossing his sweaty shirt aside and stepping out of his shorts. His eyes caught on his reflection, just as Janus’ eyes caught on him from the doorway. His scars caught his eye. A constant reminder of how far he’d come. He smiled a bit at that, hand sliding down his chest, towards-

“Are you- pardon the question. Are you bloated?” Janus asked. Patton floundered, turning to the side. He did seem to be.

“I guess so. Do you think- could something be wrong with me?” Patton asked. Janus took a deep breath, digging in his pocket.

“Stay here, change. I’m going to make a call.” Janus said, eyebrows knit together. Patton could only watch him go, moving before he had any say.

“A bladder infection?”

“That’s what Logan thinks. It can cause bloating, discomfort in your back and stomach, nausea. It could account for the headaches and snappiness from yesterday, as pain causes people to lash out and can cause stress headaches. Fatigue, urinating frequently. It explains everything.” Janus listed. 

“Well how did it happen? And how do I get it fixed?”

“Well first, you need to be sure that’s what it is. No telling how you got it, but seeing your doctor will tell you the next step, if that is what’s happening.” Janus explained. Patton nodded.

“Will there be needles?”

“No dearheart, not the first visit. Maybe not even the second. They’ll want you to pee in a cup. And if you do have an infection, they… may want a blood sample to check your white count, that’s the-” Janus stopped, looking at his perplexed face.

“Nevermind. Call your doctor and ask if they can test for a bladder infection.” Janus advised. Patton nodded, pulling his phone from his pocket nervously. It was just a doctors appointment. Just a pee test. It would be ok.

He called early the next morning, after his inescapable bout of sickness had passed. Because of the symptoms he was describing, they recommended he come in and do it that very day. He was nervous, of course he was. He wasn’t fond of doctors, only his brother Emile, and he was a therapist, not a doctor doctor. That plus the lingering nausea that probably wouldn’t relent today had him tense. But it was going to be easy! Just answer a few questions, and pee in a cup.

“… Gold?” The nurse called. He cringed, barely catching his deadname uttered before his last. Thankfully his nervous zoning off into space had kept him from hearing it completely.

“That’s me.” He said, forcing a smile.

“Any chance you might be pregnant?” The nurse asked, disinterest evident as she grabbed a plastic cup and printed a label.

“No, no I take testosterone. I stopped having my period two months ago.” Patton explained.

“So you could be pregnant? You stopped your period?” She asked, pressing the label sticker down.

“Well I-” Patton stopped. Everything stopped.

He was sure it was testosterone that stopped it. He missed one, and he was so happy. But… what if it wasn’t? What if… But that couldn’t be. Sure he’d slept with- well all of them. Every single one of his partners. He’d even slept with Remus for the first time. They thought they didn’t have to use condoms now. They were all clean, and the testosterone was a good a birth control. Even Logan tried, just once, breaking free of his usual ever so cautious mindset of using protection. And that was- a month ago.

“Could you- can you test? For that?”

“I can but I’m going to have to order it from your doctor that you want it done. It’s going to be another charge, ok sweetheart?” She asked. Patton swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, and nodded. He couldn’t speak anything else, not to the nurse, and not the entire way home. 

Patton wasn’t sure how to proceed. Now that he was thinking about it, it was the only thing in his head. He finally left his car after some time, when sitting in it got too hot. He went straight to bed, not that he had to. Janus had to go back to work eventually. Sick days were few to come by, and he’d used his on Patton. Still, it helped to be surrounded by his familiar space.

How could he have missed it? Everything lined up, much more than a bladder infection did. He wouldn’t be sick on such a strange schedule if it was an infection, would he? The cravings and disgust suddenly made sense too. He had counted the days over and over. Missed period, everyone- had a nice time, without a condom. But the reality was he could’ve missed it and still been fertile. He didn’t even consider. Even Logan didn’t consider. He was the smarter of their group by far, but the truth of the matter was he didn’t take T, and didn’t want to take time to research before they- got busy.

They’d gotten reckless. Everything fit with the first one month of pregnancy symptoms, some going into the second, and he found his hands shaking thinking about it. One month, maybe two. His stomach bloated out. Would he even show at that point? What if it was true? What if it wasn’t? What if it was a tumor, or a cyst- and why did that feel disappointing? He could thank god above that he hadn’t taken his testosterone shot this month yet, or had anything alcoholic to drink at all in a couple of months, purely because he didn’t like the taste.

He had to find a way to tell them right? But that was getting ahead. They hadn’t confirmed anything. The nurse had just thrown it out as an idea. By all he knew from friends, the testosterone should’ve worked as a birth control. He was a year in, his voice was deep, and he had to shave. He’d had his top surgery- how would he even feed a baby? Would his chest swell with milk anyway? Would he need another surgery? No, they removed everything that makes it… right?

Patton took a deep breath, picking up his phone and staring at the screen. It was a photo of them, all of them. His amazing partners. He swallowed down the tears that suddenly wanted to spill over, and clicked the settings. Carefully, he locked down his device. No caller ID on the lock screen. Password in place. Everything so they couldn’t see any doctors messages or search tabs if they picked it up.

Opening his browser with that done, he clicked it to private, one he never really had need of. With shaking hands he began to research. Anything and everything that popped into his head, he opened a new page for. From incidents of testosterone patients getting pregnant, to early signs, to things to avoid and to eat to help a baby. He didn’t register he was falling asleep from the exhaustion of it all until his phone nearly hit his cheek.

Chapter Text

It took two days to get a call about results, and the entire time he was an emotional wreck. He tried to keep himself together, but he’d already burst into tears twice in front of Janus and Roman. He’d blamed it on the nerves, the nausea, the not knowing what was wrong, which wasn’t a lie. But then he’d gone to shower both times, to be alone under lukewarm water, so his blood pressure and heart rate wouldn’t rise too high. He cried until he couldn’t anymore.

That didn’t change when he got the results of the blood test. Negative for infection. Positive for pregnancy hormones. Surprisingly, even after all the worry, the first thing he experienced was pure, all consuming, dizzying joy. His hand gripped the phone so hard he thought he’d shatter it. He’d been dreading the answer so much, he hadn’t expected to be happy. So overwhelmingly happy. He’d always wanted to be a father. He’d always wanted kids, multiple, to raise and watch grow. He’d always wanted a family. He hung up, setting his phone on the counter, and looking in the bathroom mirror.

The second thing he felt was fear so intense that he almost fainted. His vision swam and he ducked down to the floor, sitting with a hand over his mouth to muffle any sounds. A baby. No, not a baby. A person. A whole human being waiting to grow and become themselves. He was going to have a baby, then a toddler, then a kid, then a teen, then an adult person. He was going to watch this person become an individual, and carry on after him. And yet, what if he couldn’t?

What if the testosterone affected them? What if they came out with something wrong? He’d get through it, of course he would. He’d do anything for this little human. But what if- what if he didn’t have help? What if none of them… wanted children? Or what if they came out with something wrong, and the stress made them break up? He knew that was a fairly common thing. He also knew for a fact Virgil, Remus, and Janus didn’t want kids. Or at least, for specific reasons.

Virgil had severe anxiety his whole childhood, and still now. He didn’t want to pass that on genetically, thinking of it as cruel. Plus, kids made him anxious. They’re loud, and messy, and a huge responsibility. And they get sick, and Virgil was afraid of illness. Remus had a similar reason. Intrusive thoughts. He’d struggled with them for years, and nothing seemed to help, from therapy to medications. They scared him, as much as he pretended they didn’t. He never wanted to pass that down.

And Janus- and Roman for that matter, really wanted to travel. They wanted to live a long life doing things they enjoyed, and not be tied down. Janus wanted to make enough one day to travel the world. Roman wanted to score a big role and tour the world putting on shows. Remus wanted to travel too, but in him it manifested as wanting to buy an RV and roadtrip, working at random stops to earn enough to keep going. And that was fine for just them. A life of travel and following Roman around. But- that wasn’t the life he wanted for this baby.

He wanted a cozy house, and a picket fence, and a yard to play in, even if it was small. He wanted a swing set, and glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and Halloween costumes, and dancing in the living room to cartoon songs. He wanted a school that would stay consistent, and friends for them, and maybe a family pet. Family- as if he had planned this. What if- god, what if they wanted him to get rid of the baby? He wouldn’t. That just wasn’t what he wanted. He- he wanted this.

He wanted this he realized, there was no doubt. He wanted a mini-Patton held gently in his arms, swaddled and safe. He wanted a loud, energetic toddler running around his legs, hands full of crayons and blocks. He wanted a kid who would play whatever sport they wanted, and smash their little hands into a birthday cake, and yell in excitement, and- and love their dad. He wanted a healthy, happy kid.

He could lie to stall time. He could say he had an infection and throw some pre-natal pills into a prescription bottle to look like antibiotics. The thought of lying though made him feel ill, but it was what it was. He had to have time to think. He couldn’t come up with this in the hour until Roman got home. And besides, he would need everyone sitting down.

What would he even tell them? He couldn’t get a DNA test until they were born, and then what? If he put that knowledge into their heads, any one of them, he could guarantee that person would drop everything to be the best they could be. They were all like that. Even to their own detriment. Janus was the best of them with self care, reminding the others to take time for themselves and speak up about not wanting to do things, but even he wouldn’t be able to brush something like this off.

He could imagine it. If it was Virgil, the panic attacks that would follow. If it was Logan or Roman, how high of hopes they would have. That wasn’t always a bad thing, but… no, no it might be. Expectations could bring even the best in a field to their knees. He would have to be clear on that. He would have to be firm. I know how much you like academics, or theatre, but if they don’t-

“Patton?” Janus called. Patton jumped hard, banging his head on the bottom of the sink cabinet. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, Janus wasn’t supposed to be home until after Roman. And yet there he was, rushing from the bedroom as soon as he heard the noise.

“Are you alright? Are you feeling sick again?”

“Y-Yeah.” Patton lied, grimacing as tears pooled in his eyes. Fortunately, or unfortunately, whichever way he looked at it, it worked like a charm. Janus was petting his hair back, offering a drink, and rushing to go get it. Patton began to cry.

Chapter Text

Patton wasn’t a panicker. At least not about important things. He would scream if he saw a spider within five feet, or at a scary movie, but when it came to big things, important things or his partners wellbeing, he tried to be one of the level headed ones; Protectiveness kicked in over fear. When Virgil had panic attacks, he’d hold him through it. When Remus smashed a glass and then got a piece in his bare foot, Patton had been the one to pull it out. When Logan didn’t pass his college course test on his first try, he had talked him down from despair.

But this was different. Maybe because it was himself. His mind was scattered, jumping from bad scenario to worse scenario. But he didn’t want to panic, not until he at least knew that he was positive for certain. So as soon as everyone was gone to work, he got in his car and started driving. It’s not like a home test would be more accurate, but if they were negative, he could go back to make sure they hadn’t made an error at his doctors office, maybe mixed up his blood with someone else’s, or just read it wrong. And if they were positive… well that was cheaper than getting another office test.

He researched beforehand, settling on a digital and two normal tests. He couldn’t take the test of course, not in the pharmacy. Not after checking out with the cashier. He couldn’t ask where the bathroom was and then go back, he was passing now and they’d stare, or worse. Instead, he looked out onto the intersection. One turn would take him home. The other would take him to a fast food strip. He turned and headed to a McDonald’s.

He’d forgotten to bring a cup, so it was that or go back to the pharmacy. He asked for just a small cup to split a bottle of cola in between two people, stammering over the details as he thought of them, that one would get the bottle and the other would get the cup. They thankfully didn’t see through the lie at the counter. How could they? Who would guess randomly what he was doing? The worker handed him the cup without even saying a word, and he left before he could panic in public.

The next stop over was a grocery store, and it was better than home. At home he wouldn’t have anywhere to dispose of the evidence. He sat in the car for a good ten minutes fighting sudden nausea, whether related to anxiety or not he wasn’t sure. Then he shoved the tests in his pockets, and carried the paper cup all the way to the back of the store and to the restrooms. He stopped as he got closer, hesitating. He couldn’t go in the men’s. Only one stall. He’d be in there half an hour at least. With a racing heart, he knocked on the women’s bathroom, cracking it with his hip.

“Hello? J- Janitor.” He fibbed.

No one answered. He took a deep breath, looking around before pushing inside. The bathroom smelled of lemon cleaner, setting his senses on edge. Still, he took a stall and got to work. There was no point going home now, not over a little overwhelming air freshener and nerves over using the women’s restroom. If someone caught him, he’d pocket the test and apologize, and say he didn’t realize.

The whole process didn’t take more than a couple of minutes. He discarded the cup and clicked the sanitary lid back onto the test, and waited. The waiting was the hard part. His legs ached, his back ached, and his stomach was still aching. As the timer on his phone went off, it snapped him from his dooming thoughts and he nearly dropped it on the floor. He fumbled to turn it off and pocketed it, going for the test with shaking hands.

The electronic and the two normal all read positive. He felt his head spin and his vision go starry, but managed to bring it back by pushing out long, deep breaths. Everything was fine. Everything was ok. He knew that it was positive. He just- he thought maybe- but it wasn’t a mistake. He could go buy more of course, at a different pharmacy, but he was sure he knew what the answer would be.

He carefully set the test on the lid of toilet paper dispenser, pulling out his phone with shaking hands and taking a photo. Positive. He threw them in the garbage, shoving them down with a wad of toilet paper and exiting to wash his hands. Everything was fine. Deep breaths.

———

“Heeeello?”

“Emile?”

“Aww, Patton! It’s so good to hear your voice! It’s gotten deeper!” Emile said, grinning into the phone. Patton chuckled, trying not to sniff. If he did, it would be obvious he’d been crying.

“Yours too. I uhm… I need to te-” Patton stopped. There it was. The voice crack. He couldn’t have expected this to go without tears. He had hoped, but alas.

“Patton? What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Nothing! Nothing bad. I hope it’s not bad. I don’t think it’s bad. The others might.” Patton whined. He could hear papers shuffle, and Emile readjusting in his seat.

“You don’t think it’s bad, but the others might… Do you think that I’ll think it’s bad?”

“I don’t think so.” Patton shook his head. Emile had always wanted to be a father, just like him. An uncle was a little different, but still in the ballpark.

“Well it can’t be that bad then! Why don’t’cha get it out?” Emile said gently.

“Are you with a patient?”

“No! No, I’m sitting here with Remy. He’s just come to pick me up. Early day off, someone canceled, and my car is in the shop for this weird bass sound? Like the wailing stone in its original appearance in Steven Universe, episo-”

“Em?”

“Right, right, sorry. Remy, say hi to Patton!”

“Hi sweetheart.” Remy called out.

“Emile!” Patton snapped. The line went quiet, and Emile whispered something, followed by a door shutting.

“I’m sorry. I got a little carried away. He’s gonna wait outside. What is it?”

“Promise you won’t tell him.” Patton shook his head.

“Who?” Emile asked.

“Remy.”

“Why’s that?”

“You just can’t.”

“Patton, you’re making me nervous… Why can’t I tell?”

“Because he knows Roman!” Patton blurted out, snapping a hand over his mouth.

“Patton. What’s going on that you want to hide from your partner? Are you safe?” Emile asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m safe… just promise? Brother promise?” Patton added. Brother promise. The same promise they used for the most secret of secrets. The same promise they used when they told each other they were brothers and not sisters.

“If you’re safe… I brother promise.”

“I’m- Em, I’m pregnant.” Patton murmured. From the other end, everything went dead quiet. Then, like a firework, a high pitched squeal started, that built as it went.

“Are you really?! You’re not jokin’ with me?!”

“I’m not.” Patton nodded. Screams of joy echoed over the line, and he couldn’t help but begin to laugh.

“You’re- you’re not kidding?! Or you’re not-”

“I’m not kidding!” Patton laughed, as Emile’s giddy squeals began to wobble like he was jumping up and down.

“Em, Remy might hear-”

“Oh, he’s outside! I can- I-” Emile fumbled, papers scattering.

“I can see him out the window I’m gonna be an uncle!” He yelled, a full sentence without pause. It was the right choice to call him after all, Patton thought, feeling his smile hold genuine for the first time in days.

“But you can’t tell.” Patton reminded him. Emile finally quieted, falling back into his chair with a loud, worn out breath.

“But why? Are you…” Emile stopped, deflating like a balloon.

“Are you… not happy?” He said, choosing his words carefully.

“I am. I really am. And that’s the problem. I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to tell them, I-I don’t even know which one of them to tell! I want this, but every bad thought I could have is spinning around my head-”

“-like the twister from wizard of oz.”

“Yeah.” Patton nodded, defeated.

“Well, what are some of your concerns? I am a therapist after all. I bet I can help a little.” Emile said gently.

“Well, my main one is that the others won’t want this baby. That they’ll make me leave, and I’ll be on my own. I know a few of them aren’t exactly… enthusiastic about kids.”

“I don’t think that would happen. But let’s think about this. Say it did. Say the worst thing that could happen, happened! And you’re out as soon as you tell them! Do you know what comes next?” Emile asked. Patton shook his head before realizing, and clearing his throat.

“No.”

“Uncle Emile is buying you a plane ticket down to Wisconsin. And Emile’s amazing brother is going to get the best medical care Emile can pay for, and we’ll find you a job, and you’ll stay with us. And that baby will have the best two uncles and a dad they could ever wish for.” Emile said, determination in his voice. Patton could feel the tears coming, choking on a sad noise.

“What if it’s the opposite? What if they try to help, but only because they have to?”

“That’s not quite the opposite. In any case, I think that’s something you should be very firm about. You’ve got to make it clear that you don’t want them to participate if they don’t want to be participating. If that’s how you feel, of course.”

“I- I don’t know. I don’t know if it is. Because I want all of them in this baby’s life! I’d want them to stay in some way, even if we did split up. I don’t think I could go on never seeing them again. If- if breaking up and moving out came up, that would be ok, as long as we stayed friends. I think. Maybe that’s a bad choice. They might resent me. I might resent them…”

“I think you’re skipping too far ahead, Pat. I think you’re… dooming yourself in your head. Things always have a chance to go wrong, but they always have a chance to go right! And with five partners, I think you have a pretty high chance.”

“Thanks, Emile.” Patton sniffed. He took a deep breath, blowing out steadily.

“I’m going to tell them. I just have to figure out how.”

“Do you want your best brother there?” Emile asked. Patton chuckled.

“You’re my only brother.” Patton chuckled.

“Which makes me the best!” Emile said proudly.

”That’s nice to offer, but no. I’ve got to do this on my own.”

“Got to, or want to? Different things. You don’t have to do anything.” Emile reminded gently.

“I want to. But… I could really use a visit from you. And Remy, if he wants to come. After I tell them of course. I don’t really want to travel with- with the baby. I’m so scared I’m going to hunch too far over the toilet, or bump into something, and knock them and hurt them. Plus the morning sickness, and the fatigue, and the stress. An airport would be really hard right now.”

“I understand completely! I’ll tell Remy- ehu- after you tell them. Of course. And I’ll ask for a week of vacation.”

“Oh, you don’t have to! I’m only… or, I think I’m only a month in! There’s not much to see. You don’t have to use that many days up on me.” Patton said. Emile went quiet again.

“I want to, I want to see you. What do you mean you think?”

“Hmm?”

“You think you’re a month in? Haven’t you seen a doctor?” Emile asked. Patton hesitated.

“Well…”

“Patton Gold!”

“I just found out four days ago!”

“It took you four days to call your brother?!” Emile shouted dramatically, gaining a laugh from Patton.

“I just needed some time to think. Turns out that’s not very helpful when everything your brain tells you is scary.”

“Aww Pat…”

“It’s ok. I started having morning sickness, and using the bathroom a lot, and having back pain. Logan thought it was a bladder infection. So I went to the doctor to get my- my pee tested.” Patton whispered. Emile grimaced over the other end.

“The nurse asked if I could be pregnant and…the days lined up. I asked them to check, and then I had to wait for my results. And when it confirmed it, I went and bought three tests. I did them at a store. And those were positive too. Surprise!” Patton waved a hand in the air weakly.

“Well other than being nervous to tell your partners, are you excited?!”

“I am. But… in all honesty, the fear is sort of taking over right now. Fear about my relationships, and my housing, and what vitamins to take, and- and what am I going to tell the nursery?! They don’t know I’m trans, Em. I’m in Florida! I could work until I start showing, but after that… I can’t go on leave and expect a spot back without saying why I’m leaving. And even if they’re completely accepting, I know for sure of some parents who would complain.”

“We’ll figure it out, Patton. It’s all going to be ok. Maybe… maybe you just say you need some time to work on your family, and that you hope you can come back once you have. Sometimes, if it’s a matter of safety, not telling the whole story can be the better choice.” Emile said quietly. Patton nodded, switching the phone to his other hand.

“I guess so.” 

“So… any name ideas?”

“It’s been four days!”

Chapter Text

“I want the others to come over.” Patton said quietly. Beside him on the couch, Roman paused their rerun and faced him a bit more.

It had been a week since he found out. Which meant that the baby in question could be anywhere between a month and a week, and two months and a few days. He wasn’t sure exactly what he would say, he just knew he had to say something. He was already getting bigger, flashing alarm bells. He shouldn’t be getting bigger yet, right? He needed to see a doctor, and to do that he’d either have to sneak around, or tell them.

“Logan is coming home tomorrow. Now that he knows it’s not contagious.” Roman wiggled his fingers like he was casting a spell, and Janus shot him an unimpressed look from the other couch.

“And I’m sure Remus will be coming too with the all clear. He’s missed you.” Janus added.

“Can you make sure?” Patton asked. Roman’s eyebrows furrowed as he nodded.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course.”

“Do you think you can convince Virgil?” Patton added. Roman readjusted, enough to rub up and down his arm.

“I think until you stop throwing up he’s going to be jumpy about coming back.” Roman said gently.

“I know. I know, I just- miss him. And I’m scared. I looked up everything that can go wrong, and I just… really want him here.”

“Go wrong?” Janus asked, looking up from his book.

“W-With my bladder.” Patton lied, shutting his eyes like if he couldn’t see, maybe they wouldn’t see the lie.

“I just really need him. Just for an afternoon.” Patton said meekly. Janus sighed, nodding his head after a moment.

“I’ll tell him to come over. I can’t guarantee he’ll stay very long with how severe his anxiety is.”

“Thank you Jan.” Patton smiled weakly, leaning into Roman’s shoulder. Roman kept his eyes firmly on Patton, linking their hands together between them.

“Are you alright? You’re usually one of the most calm under illness.” Roman said softly, still running that soothing other hand up and down his arm. He could fall asleep right there, and it was only twelve in the afternoon.

“I’m trying to be.” Patton said quietly, picking out his words.

“This is different. An… infection is different. It’s a lot more serious. And I’m really scared.” Patton admitted. Roman sighed, pulling him into a hug and kissing his hair.

“You needn’t be. We’re all here to help you. You’ll get through this like it’s nothing.”

“And medical practices have come a long way. Even if the antibiotics didn’t work, there’s other things they can do. You’ll be taken care of. There’s nothing to be scared of, especially at this stage.” Janus added.

“This stage?” Patton asked.

“You haven’t even finished your week of antibiotics dearheart, you picked them up late.” Janus smiled. Patton nodded, looking back towards Roman.

“See? It’ll be alright. He’s almost as smart as Logan, I’m sure he’s got his facts straight.”

“Hmm, just a suggestion. Kiss my ass?” Janus waved a hand.

“Gladly.” Roman smirked.

Patton couldn’t help it, a laugh bubbled out of him, even as their words sank in. “We’re here for you”, “You’ll get through this”, “At this stage”. He didn’t realize he was crying until Roman was pulling him in roughly, shushing and sending Janus panicked looks. Janus stood, making his way to sit on Patton’s other side and rub his back, using his other hand to card through his hair.

“Here, here we go.” Janus said quietly, pulling him up enough that Roman could take off his glasses. With them gone, he could fully bury his face.

He could tell they were having a silent conversation, both of them not saying a word even as he could feel Roman moving against him. He could tell as soon as the speaker had been picked, as Janus cleared his throat behind him. All too sudden fear spiked through him. He couldn’t tell them. Not now, not with everyone else not present. But if they asked, he didn’t think he could lie to their faces even one more time.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s just… a lot of nerves right now. I’m going to go lay down.” He swallowed thickly, pushing out of their arms. They both fumbled, standing up behind him as he headed for the stairs.

“Patton.” Janus spoke. Patton stopped three steps up. He turned, but he couldn’t quite meet either of their gazes.

“You know you can tell us anything.” Janus said carefully.

“You can talk to us if something, or anything, is bothering you.” Roman added. Patton nodded.

“I know. Thank you for listening.” Patton nodded.

Roman dipped his head and nodded to Janus, who thankfully nodded back to Patton as a dismissal from the conversation. He barely made it up the stairs, tears starting again. He covered his mouth, listening as they both pulled out their phones, presumably calling the others. He didn’t stick around to hear the conversation, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

“Hey Patty cake?” Remus called.

Patton almost didn’t answer him. He was paralyzed from the nerves, stuck sitting on the end of his bed. Every bad scenario that could happen had gone through his head. He’d gotten up in the middle of the night to pack a bag silently, just in case he had to- well, run. In case they got mad. He didn’t think they would, realistically. They weren’t those types of people. Even if they didn’t want this, they’d talk to him rationally about it. Right? Sure, Roman had a bit of a temper sometimes, Virgil too when Roman got him going, but-

“Patty cake?”

“Yeah?” Patton shook his head, looking up from his lap. Virgil and Remus cringed at the same time.

“You look like shit.” Remus blurted out. Patton scoffed.

“Thanks.”

“What he meant was, you are… clearly still not feeling well. Do you need anything?” Virgil asked, a hint of anxiety making his voice shake at the end.

“I’m ok, really. I feel fine.” Patton said. It wasn’t a lie. Not… completely. He didn’t feel sick at all, not right now.

“You look pale.”

“Remus.”

“Sorry, sorry. You look wonderful.” Remus corrected, stepping inside the bedroom to kneel by the bed. He picked up and kissed his knuckles, and Patton slowly felt a smile forming.

“I was just wondering why your phone had a password.” Remus asked. Patton went breathless. His phone. He’d looked up hotels and hadn’t closed it out. He had the password, thank god, but he forgot about that too when he handed Remus his phone to order delivery. And those photos were still at the front of his camera roll.

“I- I um- must have done it by mistake.” Patton shook his head. 

“Entered it twice, and confirmed it… by mistake?” Virgil asked gently.

“Yes! Can you go downstairs now?!” Patton snapped. Virgil’s eyes widened, hurt flashing across his face so quickly it barely registered, before a carefully neutral expression set in.

“No, no I’m sorry. I didn’t… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Can you do something for me?” Patton asked, standing up off the bed.

“Anything. What’s got you so spooked, cookie?” Remus asked.

“Can you get everybody to sit down on the bigger couch together?” Patton asked. Remus’ eyebrows furrowed, and he looked towards Virgil. The emo was quickly gaining a panicked look, but before Patton could try to calm him down he was headed out of the bedroom entirely.

“You’ve got an announcement? Is it a job promotion at the nursery?” Remus asked. Patton could’ve laughed, or cried. Or both.

“Something like that. Go sit down.” Patton managed. Remus kissed his cheek before exiting, bounding off and down the stairs like a hyper puppy.

He was sure he was already telling the others that Patton had been promoted. He was ok when it came to keeping some of the worst intrusive thoughts in, but get him excited and he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. It’s why when they threw Patton a surprise party for his birthday, they didn’t tell Remus either. Now they could have parties for this little one, and-

No. Focus. Now or never. Patton straightened his shirt one more time in the mirror before heading out into the hall. He could hear everyone nervously chatting between them, some voices more hopeful than others. As he headed down the stairs, all eyes turned to him. Janus on the left, Roman next, Logan, Virgil, and Remus at the end. It seemed Logan had been elected to be the speaker between them all, clearing his throat.

“We’re all here. We’re ready for whatever you have to share with us.” Logan said, giving a carefully neutral smile. Patton sat down on the coffee table in front of them, already feelings his legs start to shake.

“Are you dying?” Virgil blurted out.

“What?”

“Virgil!” Roman snapped.

“I just wanna rip it off like a bandaid. He’s sick, and he’s scared, and he’s sitting us all down. And I want to just rule it out. Are you dying?” Virgil asked again. Patton swallowed as curious eyes turned on him. It probably wasn’t a good sign that no one had spoken up to dispute Virgil’s evidence. He must look terrible.

“No, I’m not dying. And I’m… not sick.” Patton added. He couldn’t keep his eyes on them any longer, looking down at his hands.

“You’ve been vomiting.” Logan pointed out.

“Yes. But I don’t have an infection. I… I lied.”

“Is it an STD?” Remus guessed.

“No! No, then you would have it.” Patton pointed out. Remus gave a quiet “Ohhh”, holding up a hand in apology.

“Pat, you’re really making us nervous. You don’t lie. What’s going on?” Roman asked. Patton felt his vision twist. His heart felt like it was going a mile a minute.

“-ton? Patton, breathe.” Virgil called. Patton practically gasped, looking up from where Logan’s hand was on his knee, and both he and Virgil were staring at him. 

“Are you alright?” Logan asked gently.

“I’m transgender.” Patton started. Logan’s eyebrows furrowed.

“We did in fact already know that. You told us.” Logan stated.

“And we’ve all seen your-”

“Shut up.” Virgil snapped, shooting Remus a death glare.

“Yes, no, there’s more. I have… a uterus.”

“You’re having a difficult period.” Janus guessed.

“No! No, everybody just wait. I’m…” Patton stalled, looking at all of their concerned faces showing nothing but love.

“I’m pregnant.”

The room went eerily silent, like a forest does when there’s a large animal nearby. It’s like all of them stopped breathing at once, including himself. Logan was the first to move, reaching out and taking both Roman and Virgil’s hands. He wasn’t sure if it was to keep them calm, or himself. His eyes darted between them now unlike seconds prior, trying to measure their expressions.

Virgil, wide eyed and a little bit pale. Remus, unusually blank. Logan holding it together very carefully, and Roman starting to try to say words. Janus looked bewildered, in a state of shock. He expected something, anything. Joy or anger or verbal confusion, but not silence. He was about to say something more when Roman’s face began to change. Jumping between looking like tears, and lighting up in a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Patton nodded.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Four tests.” Patton nodded. Roman choked on something that might’ve been a laugh, looking towards Janus, then Logan, neither one done processing yet.

“You’re keeping it?” Logan asked. Patton felt his chest squeeze.

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Ok! Yeah!” Roman nodded, and finally, blessedly, his face lit up, a huge grin replacing any hesitation.

He was the first to move, stumbling and sitting beside him on the coffee table, crushing him in a hug. Patton felt all his muscles untense at once, falling into his grip and burying his face into Roman’s shoulder. Roman crushed him into the hug, holding tighter than maybe he ever had. Patton could feel tears gathering, and as much as he wanted to just let go, he couldn’t. The others hadn’t moved yet, hadn’t even spoken. He couldn’t break down yet.

“Guys? Come on. Logan?” Roman spoke up. It dragged Logan out of his shock, blinking and moving to get on Patton’s other side.

“This is… it wasn’t planned. We didn’t mean to.” Logan began.

“Are you happy about it?” Janus asked.

Patton sat up, lip wobbling as he nodded. Janus blew out a breath, then two. Then he was rushing forward, Remus at his side, seemingly all the confirmation they needed. The angle was awkward, both of them standing and pushing into the group hug, and Remus had begun squealing, not unlike his brother had. Virgil hadn’t moved. Hadn’t spoken. He caught one glance of his panicked expression, and the tears began.

“Aw, Pat.” Roman soothed, wiping the tears away.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Did we squeeze too hard?” Logan asked quickly, backing off of him.

“Everyone calm down.” Janus took over, putting a hand on Remus and Logan’s shoulders.

“Sit back down. Give him space to breathe.”

“Wait.” Patton blurted out, grabbing for Roman and Logan to stay put.

“Virgil?”

All eyes turned on him. He didn’t mean to single him out. He didn’t mean for everyone to stare. He knew the moment they turned that it made Virgil feel worse. But his breathing was coming uneven, and he looked about two seconds from darting from the room, or the house entirely. Remus sat back down, putting a hand on his knee. Steadying, or maybe keeping him from doing just that.

“Emo?”

“I-… I’m happy. For you. I am, I swear.” Virgil nodded. Patton nodded back. Virgil’s head didn’t stop though, stuck in a self soothing motion.

“I need air. I need- I need my medicine. Can I-”

“Yeah, of c-” Patton didn’t get to finish before he was darting up the stairs, rushing to get his medicine and water from his bedside. Janus swore under his breath, looking between the stairs and Patton.

“Go see if he’s ok.” Patton nodded. Janus’ face twisted into an apologetic expression, before darting up the stairs after him.

“A baby. A real, actual baby. My baby.” Roman said breathlessly.

“Yeah, or… Logan’s. Or his.” Patton nodded towards Remus.

“Still… a child. That I get to- we. We do get to help, don’t we?” Roman asked. Patton chuckled.

“I want to talk about it when everybody is in the room. But yeah, that’s what I was really, really hoping.” Patton admitted. Roman lit up in a smile, and Patton startled as he realized Roman’s eyes were shining, blinking rapidly, and his face was getting redder by the second.

“Roman?”

“It’s good, it’s happy. I’m not gonna cry. I’m not. I can stop.” Roman blinked, making Patton start to laugh.

“It’s ok to cry if you’re happy.”

“Oh thank god.” Roman sniffed, burying his face this time in Patton’s shoulder. He trembled, breath jerking from him, and Patton felt a smile curl against his lips. Logan tapped his leg, getting his attention, and he turned, letting Roman half lay across his back and hugging him across his chest.

“Can I… see?”

“Me too!” Remus added.

“There isn’t much to see.” Patton chuckled.

“I’d like to see as well.” Janus interrupted, starting back down the stairs. 

“Everybody move, let Patton sit on the couch.” Janus shoo-d with his hands. Everyone complied instantly, Roman untangling himself and Logan holding out both hands to help him up.

“I’m ok! I’m really not that far along.” Patton smiled, sitting down on the couch. Logan took his side, while Roman moved back to the table, letting Janus sit next to him. Remus stayed on the floor, a foot from his stomach, staring wide-eyed and curious. Virgil took a seat silently next to Roman, reaching out for his hand and squeezing hard.

“So? Show us!” Remus urged.

“Ok! Ok, here.” Patton laughed, lifting his shirt. He wasn’t sure what they were expecting. A bump assumably. But right now it looked more like he had eaten too much. Nothing that looked pregnant, just a little thicker. Still, Logan’s hand moved, then pulled back.

“Can I?”

“Of course.” Patton nodded. His hand moved delicately, like he was handling something so very fragile, fingertips barely pressing as he laid a hand against his stomach. His breath shuddered, and Patton’s head snapped up. Surely Logan wasn’t going to cry. He never cried. But many things that didn’t normally happen were happening. Logan’s eyes shined over, that same rapid blinking to stop tears, and Patton moved to put a hand on his cheek.

“Oh, Lo!” 

“There’s a life in there. A whole human. And it’s ours- yours. Yours, but-”

“Ours.” Patton corrected, leaning in to kiss his lips. Logan gave in, mouth moving but nothing coming out, before he was crashing back in, holding him so gently while stealing the breath from him. When he finally pulled back, it seemed it was Remus’ turn, sitting up as far as he could and putting his hand next to Logan’s.

“A baby. A real baby! We’re getting a baby! You’re having a baby! Is it a boy or a girl?” Remus asked.

“Oh, I don’t know that yet. Do you… have a wish?” Patton asked.

“I don’t know. I never thought I’d get one. I think a boy would be really cool. He’d be into the same things as me.” Remus grinned.

“Or, he’d be things Patton likes. Like soft stuffed animals, and cartoons.” Logan pointed out.

“I think it’s a girl.” Roman spoke up.

“Why’s that?” Patton asked. Roman shook his head.

“I don’t know. I have no clue. I just look at you, and… and I think about us all in the future, running after some happy, noisy toddler. And it’s a little girl.” Roman said breathlessly, another happy tear falling as he wiped at his cheeks and chuckled.

“I don’t care. As long as they’re healthy. And even if they’re not, we’ll figure things out. I just want this. I want them.” Janus spoke up, taking Patton’s hand. He leaned into him, letting Janus kiss his cheek, then forehead, gently moving a hand towards his stomach.

“How’d this guy grow? You said you couldn’t have babies anymore.” Remus asked from between Patton’s legs.

“I thought I couldn’t! I was misinformed. That’s my fault. Or one of your condoms didn’t work? But the more likely is the first option,” Patton said quietly. Logan and Roman groaned at once.

“We need a new brand just in case.” Roman said.

“Agreed. How far along are you?” Logan asked.

“Well… ok, I know you’re not going to like this answer, but please just don’t freak out.” Patton held up a hand. Everyone exchanged glances before settling back on him.

“I don’t… know? I haven’t been to a doctor.”

“Mmm, you’re right.” Logan nodded.

“About what?”

“I don’t like that.”

“It’s not on purpose! I bought pre-natal vitamins as soon as I found out. They tested me when I went in for the bladder infection idea, and it was positive. So I took three store bought tests, and those were positive. But I didn’t want to go to a pregnancy doctor alone. I’d be sneaking around behind your backs, and I also didn’t want to be alone for safety reasons. I pass now. Going into a room full of pregnant women and seeing a doctor who specialized in them might be… not taken well here.”

“He’s right.” Virgil spoke up. Everyone turned.

“It wouldn’t be convenient, but going out of state for check ups might be safer.” Virgil said staring at his hands, Roman’s own in between them.

“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Logan pointed out, “how are you feeling about all this?”

“Scared. And- and worried. Like shit.”

“Virgil.” Janus bit out.

“It’s just the truth! I feel terrible being the only one here that’s scared. I don’t want to bring everybody down. I’m barely keeping it together and not having a panic attack right this second. I’m happy for you, I am. But…”

“Are you happy?” Patton asked.

“What?”

“Are you happy- at all?” Patton whispered, voice cracking. He could feel the tears rush in so quickly his eyes stung, and everyone around him made various panicked or sad noises, rushing to touch his legs, his arms, soothe him in any way they could. He pushed them away, clearing his throat.

“I’m ok. I need to hear his answer.” Patton sniffed. Virgil took a few breath, eyes darting to the side.

“I feel like- like there’s two half’s of me.”

“Inside you there are two wolves-”

“Remus, shush.” Roman glared.

“One side is happy, like, of course it is. For you being happy, and everyone being happy, and- and I’m happy. I think. It’s not that I don’t want this kid. It’s just- the other half. The other half is terrified of literally every single part of this.”

“Like what?” Patton asked.

“Like, there’s my stupid phobia. Not only are you going to be getting sick for the next who knows how long, but then you have to burp the baby, and they randomly throw up. And what if I’m doing it and my fear gets the better of me and I like- fling this kid across the room from getting spooked? Or other stuff. What if I put them to bed wrong, and they suffocate? What if I don’t change the diaper in time, and they get diaper rash, and that gets infected, and they get staph infection, and sepsis, and die? What if I drop her? What if you get sepsis and die?! Childbirth complications happen! What if she has my anxiety? Oh god. What if-”

“Virgil.” Logan reached out, setting a hand on his knee. Virgil was practically panting now, and he moved to the couch, huddling into Logan’s side. Logan threw an arm around him, pulling him into his chest and starting to scratch delicate fingers down his back, a practice that helped calm him from his panic attacks.

“You know what it sounds like to me?” Janus asked. Virgil hummed.

“It sounds like you’ll be a very dedicated parent.” Janus said surely. Virgil turned to see him, looking past Patton to Janus.

“What do you mean?”

“How better to prevent a horrible infection from a diaper rash, than changing them regularly? You’d never forget, because it will constantly be in your mind to be certain a rash doesn’t exist.”

“Similarly, you won’t lay her in bed incorrectly, because you’ll read every single article you can find on how to do it properly, to soothe your mind. As will I.” Logan added.

“And whoever is feeding her, did you know you and Logan started saying “her”?” Roman asked. Virgil’s and Logan’s eyebrows furrowed, looking between each other.

“Uh- no. I didn’t even realize.”

“I think he wants a girl too.” Roman grinned. Virgil rolled his eyes, but a smile was starting to tug at his lips.

“Whoever is feeding her bottles will burp her. And if you really want to feed her, someone else can take over after. That’s the beauty of having all of us in this together. But the solution could also be that you don’t feed her bottles. And it doesn’t happen as much once they’re on solids.” Roman pointed out.

“Yes, by the time they get old enough to eat solids, they can also start to tell you they don’t feel well. If anything ever happened in the illness department, you, and possibly I, could stay at Janus’ house.” Logan pointed out.

“Oh, damn. I have to childproof two places.” Janus realized. Patton chuckled.

“That won’t be for a while.”

“But best to start now! He has a point. If we stock up on supplies such as foam pads for table corners and doorknobs, plush mats for the sides of the crib, and small amounts of necessary items like formula, diapers, and bottles, we’ll be completely ready when the baby comes.” Logan agreed. 

“How are you going to feed it?” Remus asked. Patton blinked in surprise.

“What?”

“You got your tits chopped off. Where is the milk going to come from? Or will they fill up again?” Remus asked. Logan put a hand over his face, and Virgil ducked his head into Logan’s chest to choke back a loud laugh.

“They do not “fill back up”. The glands that work to produce it have been removed. Therefore, we’ll need donations from wherever we can get them. I’m not entirely sure. Hospitals maybe? Women who can produce excess breast milk, do, and they pump it into sanitary bags and freeze it for others to use.” Logan explained.

“Like in Canada.” Remus nodded. Logan shook his head, squinted his eyes, and did a double take all at once. Virgil snorted against Logan’s chest again.

“Bagged milk.” Roman supplied. Janus and Patton both gave “Ohhh”s of realization.

“So… there is just another thing I wanted to say.” Patton started. All eyes turned to him, including Virgil’s.

“I found this out just over a week ago. I told my brother first. He really helped me think of everything to say. And he encouraged me to say that… oh, goodness. There’s no gentle way to say it.”

“Just tell us, Pat. The hard part is through with. It can’t be any worse.” Janus encouraged. Patton nodded, giving him a smile.

“I want you all here, as dads. But I don’t want you to be here just because… I want it. I want you to want to be this baby’s dad. And if you don’t want that… I feel like it could cause bad feelings to start happening. That you’d feel stuck, or forced, and that I might even start to feel bad because you’d be around, but wouldn’t want to be. This is really hard. I want you all here, but only if you want to be. And if you don’t, then… we could tell the baby that you’re, well I don’t know. A step dad? Or a partner, but not their dad? But that might hurt them. I thought uncle at first, but dads and their brothers don’t kiss. That would be really confusing. I don’t know.” Patton shrugged. Logan set a hand on his thigh.

“That was very mature of you to think about. And I appreciate you thinking of our future in this decision. I’m sure everyone here agrees.” Logan said, looking up and getting nods.

“But I for one don’t have any decision to make. I’ll be here. For the next eighteen to thirty years.” Logan said factually.

“And at thirty the child legally becomes fatherless, you’re not liable anymore.” Janus joked, making Patton and Remus laugh.

“I’m here, for everything. All of it. I promise you. I promise them.” Roman said easily. Janus brought a hand up along his back, and leaned in to kiss his temple.

“The same from me.”

“And me! I can’t promise it’ll be easy. Especially not if they’re anything like I was. But I want to be a part of this! And I call helping with science homework!” Remus grinned.

“Absolutely you do not.” Logan whispered, a clear threat, and Remus giggled.

“We split it evenly, and you’re not taking all the explosive ones either. But you can have the gross ones.”

“Deal!” Remus smiled.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. Virgil hummed, anxious as he sat up to face him.

“Of course I want to do this. They’re yours. And maybe mine. Anything that comes from you is gonna be like, the most amazing thing ever. I’m just really nervous. But me being scared isn’t going to stop me. I won’t let it. I’ve let fear stop me from enough things. Not this, especially not this. I’m gonna do my best to be a good dad.” Virgil nodded. Patton’s face lit up in a smile, leaning over Logan to hug him. He only stayed for a few second, pushing him off gently with a long breath out.

“Sorry, still kind of panicking.”

“Oh- sorry. I’m really, really happy you’re going to be here. All of you.” Patton smiled, “There are… two more things.”

“Oook, I need a drink. Water, that is. Anybody?” Virgil asked.

“Milk.” Roman spoke up.

“Disgusting, next.”

“Chocolate milk.” Remus said.

“Better.” Virgil nodded, waiting. No one else spoke so he stood, heading over to the kitchen, Logan on his heels to help.

“We can hear you. Please, continue.” Logan urged.

“I know it’s a big change. I-I don’t expect this to be immediate. And I honestly don’t even know where we’d go. I know there aren’t many opportunities for what Roman or Logan want from their futures near Wisconsin. But I want to be closer to Emile. We don’t have to be there! Just within reasonable driving distance. Maybe Michigan! There’s the Great Lakes, we’ll have water near us just like now! Or… I don’t know. Now that I’m saying it, it seems so out of reach. Uprooting everything and changing your jobs and your lives. Maybe I don’t want that.”

“Patton.” Logan started, coming back over to the couch. He handed Remus his drink, and put a hand around Patton’s waist.

“If you really want to move to be closer to Emile, we will find a way. I’m going to college, but that will be over in a year. Remus works at a car repair shop, he can find another. Janus works at a library, and so on.”

“But what about Roman? I-I don’t want to stop you from following your dreams.” Patton shook his head. Roman scoffed, opening his arm up to Virgil, who set down their cups behind him. He tucked into Roman’s side, relaxing as his medication started to work.

“It’s not like Florida has that much more opportunity. I did work at Disney for a time, and that was fun! But I won’t be doing it again. Theatre is where I’m happy. And I’m sure they have local theatre production in Michigan, it being a tourist destination. And I can always try out for movies! Really toss my hat in the ring! Once little one has grown some, that is. I don’t really want to be anywhere except with them for the first… well, I don’t know how long.” Roman waved a hand, looking off into space.

“A baby. We get to have a baby.” He whispered, like he was realizing all over again, his face lighting up. Patton smiled, another layer of nerves melting away.

“And now… the last thing. I know I keep dropping big things, I’m sorry.” Patton began. Janus took his hand.

“This is a big step, and a big change. Anything you need to make it easier and more comfortable, we’re going to do our best to do. For you and for them.” Janus said, lifting his hand to kiss his knuckles. Patton nodded, blowing out a breath.

“I don’t want to know who the real dad is.”

“The… real one?” Logan asked.

“No- no, sorry. That wasn’t worded right. You’re all the dads. But I don’t want to know the biological dad. I feel like, and I feel bad even suggesting it. But I feel like it could cause… jealously. Or that if the baby, when they’re older, finds out, that it might upset them.” Patton said, running his hands under his glasses and scrubbing at his face.

“Does that make me sound terrible?”

“No. However.” Logan started. Patton tensed visibly, and Logan began rubbing his back, slow soothing up and down movements.

“We need to know.”

“Why?” Virgil spoke up, “I mean he’s got a point.”

“He does. But you are allergic to some very popular fruits. Roman, you’re allergic to sulfa drugs. Remus has a severe allergy to latex, and Janus breaks out into blisters when adhesive is left on his skin. Think about it for a moment. Our newborn is delivered using latex gloves, and breaks out into hives. Or they get to be old enough for semi-solid food, eat baby food with strawberry in it, and go into anaphylactic shock. Say we take them to a nursery, maybe even one Patton works at. Someone gives them a sticker. And the next thing we know, they have itching, bright red blisters all over their cheek where it’s stuck. What if, one day, they get a tooth infection, and are prescribed antibiotics, and after taking them for two days they break out full body in hives, and their hands begin to swell? These things are important to consider. It would usually be alright to not know, but some allergies can be passed down.” Logan explained. Everyone went silent. Finally, Patton nodded.

“Ok. That makes sense. But- but what if it changes things? Between us?” Patton asked.

“It won’t, dearheart. Because we love each other. Even if it was, as an example, Virgil’s baby. I love Virgil. I’d protect, and raise, and love his kin exactly how I’d love my own.” Janus explained. Roman waved a hand towards him.

“Exactly. I would love for the baby to be mine, but it doesn’t matter in the end does it? Blood relation doesn’t make a family. It’s who you choose. And I choose for this baby to be mine, blood or not.” Roman nodded. Patton looked around.

“Everyone?”

“Agreed. I’m going to teach it all the wild shit I used to do as a kid, and how to surf!” Remus chuckled.

“And I’ll raise and love them as well. If they don’t inherit my love of school, I’ll be there to help them through.” Logan smiled.

“And I’ll… teach it how to paint, I guess, if we’re suggesting things. And maybe play an instrument, I don’t know. I always liked that stuff. Those things helped with… all this.” Virgil said, waving a hand around his face.

“Plus, I mean… I never wanted to pass down my anxiety. But maybe I’ll be really good at helping with it if they do get it. Cause I know what to do. Sorry, my brain isn’t going a hundred percent right now.” He said, blinking rapidly. Roman huffed a laugh, kissing the top of his head.

“No, you’re right. You explained it well.” Roman praised, smiling as Virgil scooted closer.

“I feel the same.” Remus spoke up. When Patton turned to him, his expression wasn’t as cheerful.

“I didn’t want to think about it. But if they’re mine then we should look out for whatever this shit is I deal with, when they hit about ten. Maybe I can help, so they won’t have to, you know. Go to the hospital so many times.” Remus shrugged. Janus leaned down, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll just watch and see what happens. Not everything is passed on. And if it is, we’ll all be here to help, you and them. This isn’t like when you and Roman were young. We have help. We have each other. This isn’t a two person job. We’re all going to be here.” Janus said carefully. Patton watched in stunned silence, as for the first time in a long, long time, Remus’ eyes began to shine. He slid up on the couch, straddling Janus’ lap and burying his face into his shoulder.

“Do you think… I’ll do good, Pat?”

“Of course! Remus, of course. You’ll be an amazing dad.” Patton assured him, setting a hand on his back. He sniffed hard, and Janus’ arms wrapped around him protectively.

“Thanks. Sorry. Not to make everything about me!”

“You love making everything about you, dumbass.” Roman said playfully, his voice warm as he leaned over to tap Remus’ shoulder.

“Your kid will too.”

“Yeah. Just like you, crying if you can’t have the camera on you to do your ballet routine. If Pat got either of our kids’ it’s gonna be a wild ride.” Remus chuckled, sitting up and wiping at tears.

“So, how do we test a fetus for a latex allergy?” Remus asked. Virgil and Janus snorted at the same time, Janus looking away for a moment to stifle laughter.

“What a… way with words you have. We don’t. We can’t get a DNA test until after they’re born. Right Logan?”

“Correct. We will simply have to tell the hospital to proceed as if that is the situation until we know for certain.” Logan nodded. Everyone fell silent, Virgil being the first to clear his throat after a long moment.

“So… are we good? Patton’s having a baby?”

“Patton’s having a baby, our baby!” Roman added.

“Patton is having a baby.” Logan smiled.

“Patton is having a baby!”
“Patton is having a baby!” Janus and Remus cheered at once, Remus leaning over to shake his shoulder gently.

Patton’s heart jumped, and filled with warmth. He was having a baby. And his family would be there every step of the way. 

Chapter Text

“I just wish everyone could be in here.” Patton sighed.

“I know, but this nice young lady has to have room to work. We’ll show them the photos as soon as they’re printed.” Roman soothed, pushing his hair back from his forehead. Patton readjusted on the ultrasound table, fidgeting as he looked at the wand.

“Ok, it’s nice and warm. We keep it that way here, so it won’t startle you. I’m just gonna put this on here, and put some pressure, ok?” The doctor explained, smearing the jelly over his stomach. He nodding, taking a deep breath and squeezing Roman’s hand as she put the wand to his skin.

“It’s not just that. This is scary. Everything about this kind of is. I wish you could all be in here.” Patton chuckled nervously. Roman nodded, lifting his hand to press a kiss to it.

“We’re all here in spirit. They’re right outside. And I’m right here for you. We’ll all help you through this.” Roman promised.

“Ok gentlemen… if you look here, you’ll see heartbeat one.” The doctor pointed. Patton stared, not able to make out much, even as joy spread through him. Heartbeat- wait, one?

“They’re healthy?” Roman asked.

“If I move here… heartbeat two. They’re perfect. It looks like you’re around nine weeks, that’s just over two months.”

“Two heartbeats?” Patton murmured. He suddenly felt like he was on a roller coaster, heart dropping and hand tightening on Roman’s.

“We- we meant they as in- as in we don’t know the sex yet. You’re not saying… two?” Roman whispered.

“So yes, I am seeing two separate heart beats. Congratulations! Do you have any family on Mr. Gold’s side who has twins? Maybe a mother or grandmother? The likelihood to happen again can skip a generation from moms side.” The doctor smiled.

“My grandma had a sister.” Patton mumbled, meeting RomanMs eyes. He felt Roman’s grip go loose around his hand.

“Roman?”

“I think I… the power went out.”

“What? Roman?!” Patton panicked, watching him stumble and slump against the side of the bed.

“Sir, are you alright? Can you hear us?”

“Yes, of course! I just need… a short lean. My mouth is very dry. May I have some water?”

“Can you get the others in here now?” Patton asked. The doctor thankfully didn’t argue it, stepping out into the hall. Patton could distantly hear her asking for some help, and saying to grab one of the others. Roman turned his body, laying his front across Patton’s legs to keep himself from falling, and breathing evenly.

“Are you ok?” Patton asked worriedly. When Roman lifted his head, he was surprised to be greeted by a big, emotional smile.

“Twiiiiins.” Roman drew out. Patton felt his heart skip at just the word itself.

“I could get a boy and a girl. Or two boys! Or two girls! Or- or whoever! I- I love you. I love them.” Roman grinned, his hands feeling along Patton’s body randomly to reach his cheeks, before kissing him squarely on the side of his mouth.

“Are you alright?” Roman asked.

“I think so. Are you? Why are you touching all over like that?” Patton asked. Roman all but giggled, swallowing harshly after the sound.

“I can’t see a thing. I think I’m blacking out.”

“Roman!” Patton said, rushing to push his arms off.

“Sit down! Go to the floor, so you don’t hit your head!” Patton urged. Roman only nodded, letting Patton slip off the table past him and help lower him to the ground. As soon as he sat, he lowered himself the rest of the way, head gently touching the floor. His eyes fell shut, and Patton felt fear race through him.

“Roman? Roman?!” Patton shook him gently. Behind him, the door flew open with an audible thud against the wall.

“What?! I’m here! What?!” Remus yelled. Behind him, their doctor and another began to nudge past him, crouching next to Roman.

“What the fuck happened? Is the baby ok?!” Remus asked, rushing to help Patton stand back up straight.

“Twins!” Roman spoke up giddily. Remus’ head snapped towards him.

“Twins?” He asked, voice dropping to a quiet level that he rarely used.

Patton hadn’t had a second to think yet. It sank in as he asked. Twins. Roman was on the floor because he was going to have twins. Patton smiled bright, lip wobbling as emotions rushed him. Joy, excitement, maybe a little bit of fear. He nodded and Remus scooped him into a hug, laughing into his shoulder. Remus wanted to pick him up and spin him, he was sure of it, just like how he used to. Instead his arms stayed high near his shoulders, and he rocked them side to side.

“Twins! Two babies!” He cheered, kissing Patton hard on the cheek and making him laugh.

“Two babies!” Roman said softly, raising an arm to cheer before it dropped again weakly.

“He’s not allowed in the delivery room.” Remus shook his head.

Patton laughed again, his cheeks burning warm and his heart jumping. Twins. And they would all be there for it. Logan would have two lab partners. Virgil would have two art students. Janus would have two little ones to read stories to, as Roman acted them out. Remus would have two playmates to teach wrestling moves and surfing to once they got older. Emile and Remy would have two little niece or nephews to spoil. And most importantly, they’d all have two happy kids. They’d be a family. He couldn’t wait.