Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

to put it shortly- today was confusing as hell. 

you'd started the day off normally by scrolling through tumblr, watching weird video essays, and munching on pancakes you'd just made earlier that morning. they tasted surprisingly good despite your... unfortunate past experiences with stoves.

since today was your first day of freedom from work, you decided to open your laptop and rewatch the first few episodes of Attack On Titan while lounging happily on your bed like a silly little cat.

damn this pancake was good... where was the batter from again? you'd bought it from some witchy shop downtown, right by the local corner store... your little cottage was a ten minute walk away from the town, so you probably would've went to bought more if it weren't for how strangely sleepy you had become.

you brushed off the leftover crumbs from the pancake lazily, the worn hello kitty pajama set  keeping you delightfully cozy as you snuggled deeper into your bed's warm blankets and abundance of plushies. you struggled to keep your eyes open as you watched the characters on your computer screen dash around. (yes you had gotten the pajamas five years ago, and yes they had countless permanent soup stains on them. do not ask.)

wait, the witchy spiritual shop selling pancake batter? it suddenly seemed suspicious to you... however, you couldn't find the strength to care as the sounds of the anime playing on your laptop combined with the soft babbling of the creek nearby lulled you to a peaceful sleep.

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well, until you heard the front door of your house burst open (and possibly off its hinges).

you jolted up from the bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and the drool from your chin as your head swiveled from side to side, attempting to find the source of the noise. alas, you couldn't, because the noise came from downstairs, and you were upstairs in your room.

a knock sounded at your bedroom door. what in holy TARNATION was happening??

"uhm.. hello? is anyone in there? we don't mean to cause any harm we just wanna.. actually, i dunno. what are we here to do?"

"sasha for heaven's sake- we're supposed to be intimidating! we don't know who the hell is on the other side of that door!"

"jean be SO real right now. it's a two-story cottage with cats running around and fluffy everything everywhere. what part of this place makes you scared?"

"..."

you silently creeped your way over to your door, your delightfully fuzzy socks preventing a single sound from... i don't know, sounding?

hesitantly, you raised your voice and tried to make it seem like you weren't scared. or excited, for that matter. there was only one place you knew where you could find a jean or a sasha...

"who are you guys, and why are you here? also, did you knock my front door down??"

try as you might, your voice still came out trembly and shaky, your hands firmly pressed against the door incase one of them tried to open it. which actually might've been a bad idea, considering they might kick it down again.

there was a beat of silence- well, not entirely. you could hear the people outside your door whispering among themselves, trying to figure out how exactly to answer your questions.

"okay so.. your front door might be... slightly on the uhm... floor. but im sure it'll be fine! we can totally fix it! and we uh... why are we here again?" more angry whispers. "oh yeah! well, your house kind of appeared in randomly in the outskirts of Trost, so we came to uh... make sure you were still alive! oh, also we're members of the 104th Training Corps! Really close to graduation actually-"

"sasha I will literally kick you in the balls if you don't stop talking."

"connie, you know i love you. but girls don't have balls."

"...wait what?"

there was a heavy sigh before the female voice continued to speak.

"anywho, if you could open the door!-"

you swung the door open quickly, of course. what in the hell was going on? did a group of seriously committed cosplayers break into your house while you were asleep?? i mean, if they were cosplayers, the attention to detail was admirable.

"is this, like... real?"

looking around the section of your hallway the group are standing in, you can see people dressed as Jean, Connie, Sasha, Erwin, Levi, and Armin. well, you assumed. it was hard to tell, considering they all had their hoods up and your hallway lamps were off.

"oh, nice costumes. but please don't break into my house next time you want candy or something, 'kay?"

trying to keep an awkward smile on your face, you held a thumbs up, still awkwardly glancing at the people in costume. they had the swords too. oh shit, were you about to get robbed by attack on titan cosplayers in roleplay?! that would be the most embarrassing thing to happen to you ever. i mean, besides the time when you were obsessed with hetalia, but that's a topic that can be lit on fire and sent to space at this point.

"what's candy?"

the first sentence to be said in what felt like fifteen years. said by the Sasha... cosplayer?? you were still incredibly confused.

"not now, Braus. we need to assess the situation and-"

"okay but like... this is really boring. can't we just question this person and leave or something?"

"no, for all we could know they could be a threat."

what the hell was happening? this was like- the fifty thousandth time you had been confused today. you honestly just wanted to go back to bed, you were really tired...

"GUYS!! GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!"

a... hange cosplayer emerged from the darkness of your hallway, coming from the direction of your stairs, holding one of your cats like a subway sandwich.

silence.

"please don't hold my cat like that."

and the attention was back on you. you quickly snatched the cat back from the woman (?), letting her go jump onto your bed and knead the blankets. you angled the door slightly, debating if you should close it or not.

"so are we just gonna- like- kidnap them or something?"

"of course we aren't going to do that Connie, that'd be mean. and honestly we don't have a reason to."

"armin's right, Constance. we also don't know how dangerous or safe this person is."

"call me Constance one more time and im going to make sure you never eat one of your mother's omelets again."

while the younger soldiers bickered, the older men that you assumed were Levi and Erwin murmured amongst themselves, leaving the hange-look-a-like to awkwardly smile at you as they scanned your figure.

"hi! im hange! i study titans and mechanical stuff for the survey corps! who're you?"

they shook your hand enthusiastically, grasping it firmly. honestly, whether or not this was a cosplayer you totally wouldn't have minded someone like them breaking down your door and-

"im y/n. it's nice to meet you. i quit my job yesterday and i like to draw."

your conversation with the hange was nice and easy to carry, ignoring the banter of the two groups beside the both of you. 

that is until the Levi looking man strode towards you and put a hand on your shoulder, making weird eye contact with you.

"lets go downstairs and discuss what's exactly going on." 

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despite the group kicking down your door, harassing your cats, and invading your home, they were surprisingly nice and didn't rob you (minus the water you gave all of them out of pure pity and awkwardness)!

you now sat at your dining table with the group of... people, listening to a blonde man talk about how they were the Survey Corps and you were going to be safe. It was the most inspirational thing you had ever heard in your entire life. 

"...and that's why we fight! now, what about you? who're you?"

the man (mr eyebrows) clasped his hands together on your table and beamed as he looked at you, waiting for your response.

"uhm... im y/n. i like noodles and shiny things. and chocolate, yeah that's good stuff. my cat's names are Princess Sugar Sparkles and Famine."

as you speak, you slide your hand up and down your thigh trying to calm yourself by feeling the soft fabric of your pajamas. why was this guy making you do icebreakers with him and his gang of intruders?

"you have a cat named after terrible events that happened? that's a bit insensitive."

"i, for one, find it hilarious." the queer looking brunette with glasses stood up, a grin on their lips. "the irony between the names makes it hysterical, levi. can't you see? i can see it better than you can and i have glasses."

"shut your mouth."

it was silent again. everyone was awkwardly looking around the room or fiddling with the straps on their legs. then, you broke the silence.

"so is this... real? you guys are actually real? and you aren't just cosplayers who broke into my house and made a random excuse as to why you're here?"

there was another moment of silence and glances between the soldiers before one of them finally spoke. another blonde twink.

"of course we aren't! it'd be really stupid of us to make this all up!"

he giggles. you blink. you digest the situation you are in.

you are in the world of attack on titan. 

a̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶i̶r̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶e̶f̶i̶c̶e̶n̶c̶y̶.̶

...how are you gonna get cat food?

Chapter Text

"and so then it dings like that, and that's how you know it's finished!" you were making a pepperoni and cheese sandwich for sasha (and chicken noodle soup for everyone else. favoritism.) and showing her how microwaves work. just girly things. i mean you were worried- of course you were.

mainly worried for her mouth and her sanity, but also worried for your electricity. what was going to happen now that the pipes and wires to your house were magically disconnected? maybe the power of cosmic electricians had saved you.

thankfully, the sandwich did not make the microwave explode or combust, saving you from spending more of your money on house renovations. 

you carefully handed the sandwich covered with paper towel to sasha, making sure she didn't put her hands in the place where the heat from the microwave had made the bread terrifyingly hot.

your eyes followed her as she happily skipped over to your kitchen table, pulling herself a seat next to jean and connie as she made fun of jean for his absolutely distressing haircut. as the jeering continued, you surveyed the other people at the table while leaning on your counter. 

what were you going to do? sure, it was great being able to talk to the characters you had idolized for the past few years- but that was the thing. were you ever going to be able to form friendships or stronger bonds that were healthy with how you made them idols in your head? who knows, maybe your thinking about this too much.

glancing over to your stove clock, the lights flash the number 12:42. It was surprisingly early for everything that has happened in the last forty minutes. a loud maow sound made its way to your ears as you looked down to see famine. your cat.

you happily scooped the feline into your arms, pressing kisses onto its stomach and tiny little nose as you fussed over it. 

why yes, it was embarrassing when you remembered a group of highly trained soldiers were watching you coo over a little kitty. a little guy, in fact.

that was until your alarm went off- your alarm to get your laundry out of the washing machine. unfortunately, the sound for your alarm was the song "nasty" by ayesha erotica. which wouldn't have been that embarrassing! if it wasn't specifically the part that started at 0:45. 

you dashed your way upstairs, stopping your alarm in the process. shamefully, you opened the door to your laundry machine and loaded the wet blob of clothes into the dryer. in an ashamed manner. you prayed to every single god ever that nobody heard the lyrics to the song.

standing up, you started your washing machine and slowly made your way downstairs. you still heard all of them talking, so it was probably fine! even if they did hear the song, maybe they'd use common sense and avoid the topic to save you from being embarrassed.

"so, how are we gonna deal with... this?"

"she gave us fhoog, fso we haf to be nifce to her!"

"thank you for your input hange, but please do not talk with your mouth full."

the chatter continued as you reached the bottom of the stairs, making your way over to the fridge to grab a juice box. yes a juice box- do you have a problem with that? it's juice. it's better than getting absolutely fuckfaced at 1 PM because of the 13 beers you had.

while slightly listening to the group talking at the table, you took slow sips. this was a really shitty situation. i mean sure, you could freely commit tax fraud and never get caught now, but what's the fun in that? you never did pay your bills anyway.

your gaze falls onto the window behind your dining room table. well, if this was fake, they sure did put in the effort to move your house somewhere that did actually look like Trost, maybe before the second colossal attack.

wow, what a nerd, knowing the exact dates of every major plot point in attack on titan. good for you.

while looking outside, your brain goes places. exactly like a toyota. absolutely devious and possibly the most interesting thoughts ever run through your mind as you continue to stare through the window.

what would happen if you showed them the entirety of the fnaf lore? what if you just started dropping lore about everyone's personal lives like it was common knowledge? what if you tried to explain hatsune miku to them? what if you tried to explain the concept of fan fiction to them?

you also secretly manifested yumihisu good ending in your head while coming up with these amazing ideas.

you could also reveal the truth about reiner, bertholdt, and annie if you wanted to. but why would you do that before getting a chance to try and braid the female titans hair? it seemed like a reasonable thing to want to do.

what if you gave them battery acid (the drink. not actual acid from batteries.)? they'd all probably explode if you did that though, so it might be wise to stay away from that for a while.

a loud coughing noise brought you back to earth as you saw the entire group of soldiers staring at you. sasha was coughing heavily from the mix of the grease and spice from the pepperonis and cheese. oh dear god.

quickly making your way over to the table, you shoved a glass of water into sasha's hands, making sure she saved herself from the spice. it would suck if she died, because you'd also probably be charged with fourth degree murder. which is actually a thing.

after she gulped down a good portion of the water, you looked up to find everyone else either awkwardly looking away or quietly sipping their soup.

man, who knew that providing home invaders with hospitality would be so... cumbersome?

haha. cumbersome.

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after a while, you just decided to bring it up. to nip it in the bud. to bite the bullet. to put the kibosh on it. to curtail it and just tell them that you knew an insane amount of information about pretty much everyone in the survey corps and the future.

of course you decided to wait until you'd served several more rounds of chicken noodle soup- winning over the favor of pretty much all of them before you would most likely get burned at the stake for being a witch (which you totally are one, unfortunately).

"so, uhm... there's something i should probably say, so i'm just gonna put it out there."

complete silence- save for the clinking of metal on porcelain. 

"i can kind of like..." hmmm... how to say this? "i kind of know everything about this universe, if that makes sense. like i don't know everything, but i know a big portion of very detailed information."

you sighed quietly, relieved to finally have gotten that off your chest. 

"prove it."

that made you look up, making intimidating eye contact with the black-haired captain. how could you prove it? start spewing random doxxing-level knowledge about the people around you, maybe?

"i mean... i guess i could say... i know your mother's name was Kuchel. and i know he gets bullied because his face vaguely resembles a horse." you pointed at jean. "i can say more, but i feel like thats pretty much fulfilling enough evidence."

he continued to stare at you, his glare unmoving.

good sign or bad sign? you really couldn't tell at all. what was up with this guy? you'd been wondering for a long time. was it a homo thing, or did he just put up a guard because of his copious amounts of trauma?

"you have provided ample information, thank you. we should also thank you for your generous hospitality- and we're also sorry for breaking down your door."

the larger blonde spoke up, setting his soup spoon down and smiling painfully bright. as much as you appreciated the sentiment he gave towards the door, nothing like that would actually truly fix your door.

"yeah, no, thanks..."

he nodded, joining in with the Levi and staring at you intently.

"we should probably get going... it'll take a while to get back, soooooooo..."

hange murmured, then going back to slurp the rest of their soup. how silly.

"sounds good to me!" the bushy eyebrow clad man happily said. he stood up from the table, taking care to push it in after stepping behind it. "we'll be taking our leave now. i think it'll be for the best if we come back tomorrow- or at least some of us do."

you quietly hummed your approval, tapping on the wooden table while doing so. man, a nap sounded absolutely amazing right now.

"alrighty then, we're leaving! see you later, pretty stranger!"

i'll let you take a gander at who said that line. anywho, as soon as all the soldiers had exited your front door and the muffled sounds of hooves had faded, you let out a huge sigh, trudging your way upstairs, making your way to your room. both of your silly feline guys followed, jumping onto your bed in sync with you.

after entering, you shut the door and the blinds and made your way to your bed promptly. after quickly setting an alarm for an hour, you cuddled up in your mess of blankets, countless hange (and etc.) plushies, and surprisingly big pillows and waited for sleep to find you.

during your nap, you had a really weird dream about hange being your baby daddy. it was the best nap you'd had in ages.

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Chapter Text

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you woke in a cold sweat, standing up with shaky legs and staring at the wall. cold sweats sucked ass in the middle of the night. oh well, time to consume more media.

trudging to your bathroom, you picked up your phone and put on your headphones. trying your best to avoid looking at the mirror, you played the first video on your youtube feed and picked up your hairbrush, trying your best to smooth out the knots.

after your work was mostly done, you checked the time. 4:53 AM. as expected, the crack of dawn. why? you didn't know.

though you had slept, you felt like you'd just ran 15 marathons in a row. this wasn't normal, and you knew it. but who cares when there was shit to do?

trying not to think about it too much, you turned the knobs above the drain and watched the warm water spill into the porcelain tub.

once again, you avoided the mirror as well as you could before peeling your clothes off and half heartedly stepping into the bathtub. trying your best not to fall asleep, you looked up towards the fluorescent lights on your ceiling, flinching when the harsh light met your eyes.

you hugged your legs closer to your torso, moving to stare at the ripples in the water instead of the bright lights.

a wild headache appears!

you groan quietly, sliding into the tub further so your whole body- minus your head- is submerged into the warm water, relishing in the comfort it brings you. after about eight minutes, you grow tired of the feeling of the water and slowly rise from the tub, stumbling as you try to adjust to the sudden movement.

as you pull the drain and go to look at your phone, you read the time. 5:34 AM. sighing, you force your legs to move and trudge your way to your room.

opening your closet, you grab the closest shirt and pair of pants, throw them on, and plummet back onto your bed, rolling back up into a burrito as you close your eyes, back into the corner of your bed, and attempt to fall asleep as the quiet ticking of a clock drives you insane.

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the sound of a loud knock and several voices makes you rise from your slumber. wait, did this not happen like twelve hours ago???

whatever, lore dropping time.

you grumbled to yourself as you struggled to kick the covers off of your body, falling off your bed with a grunt and crawling to your bedroom door. you looked yourself up and down in the mirror, debating whether or not to go and greet the soldiers at your door in your pajamas or not.

oh well! if it's good enough for your cats, its good enough for a handful of technical-strangers.

you triedly rose from your position on the floor, opening your door and wincing at the bright morning light coming from your hallway window. good god, what time was it?

glancing at the clock on your wall, you saw that it was 9:18 AM. oh. you were being dramatic.

another shockingly loud knock came from your front door as you scrambled down the stairs, trying your best not to trip and die as you slid to your front door and let out a deep breath.

your fingers unlocked the door panickedly, numerous choice words were spat from your mouth as you fumbled with the stubborn lock. finally, it decided to cooperate, and you were able to open the door.

the sight of bickering soldiers greeted you again, making the environment incredibly awkward almost immediately.

clearing your throat, the group turned to look at you, guilty expressions present on multiple of their faces. today is going to be weird as hell, isn't it?

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sitting in a room full of strangely attractive female soldiers is something you thought would never happen to you. i mean, you weren't complaining, but it was really hard to focus on the important stuff when you'd simped over almost half of the people in this room.

oh, and the guys were there too.

your eyelids felt heavy as you struggled to follow what the commander was saying. he was trying to make you all do more icebreakers.

"see, i'll go first! my name is erwin smith, im the commander of the survey corps, and my horse has 15 middle names." he gave a scarily shiny smile. "now, who wants to go next?"

the woman (?) sat next to you quickly shot their hand up, an excited gleam in their eyes. erwin scanned the room, looking for literally anybody else to go first.

with a sigh, he accepted his fate, turning his head towards hange and smiling tiredly.

"go ahead, hange."

hange let out a small yippee as they hurried to stand up, putting their hands on their hips with an incredibly silly grin.

"i'm Hange Zoë, the lead scientist and a section commander for the survey corps! my fun fact is that i was in the drug market before i joined the survey corps! oh, and also i like frogs."

their fabulously wide smile didn't fade after the awkward applause, nor did it go away for the entire rest of the day, as you would soon realize.

you weren't exactly paying attention when the everyone in the circle was doing the icebreaker- i mean, it wasn't your fault! you basically knew everything about these people, which honestly made the fun facts useless to you.

until you weren't paying attention and it was your turn. hanji tapped you on the shoulder, making you suddenly pop back into existence. 

"it's your turn."

they gave you a smile and you did your best to return it, praying to your brain that it was an actual smile and not a weird grimace.

you stood up, taking a deep breath and staring down at the floor as you tried to remember something decently interesting about yourself.

"i'm [name] [last name] and i... cannot say i'm affiliated with the survey corps, for some weird reason." scattered laughs and giggles. "and for a fun fact? shoot, maybe like... i'm really good at making bread?"

you really had no clue on what to say, but at least it was true. you had enough sourdough bread to last you 12 years stored in random places around your house. just normal things, if we're being so totally honest. 

once again, applause. also a poke to your side by the attractive scientist. 

"can i have some of your bread later?"

"of course, hanji."

you gave them a small smile, patting their hand and turning your attention back to the commander as he spoke.

"welp! that seems satisfactory for today! hanji, you stay with [name] for now. we can't afford for someone so... omniscient to die so soon."

wow, how considerate and not at all a vaguely threatening thing to say!

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it had been at least 3 hours since everyone else left, and you were completely confused as how to you had gotten here.u

currently, you were rolling cookie dough into spheres and putting them on a pan while the hanji zoë wrapped their arm around your waist and chattered about their recent discoveries. for the situation you were in, what with being teleported to another dimension, this surprisingly was not bad.

i mean, sure it was awkward as hell, but were you really gonna complain? 

it was like a dream- a very warm and affectionate dream. or maybe heaven? you didn't really doubt that your version of heaven was being politely manhandled by hanji zoë. 

"-and so that completes the entirety of my research over the past three years. it really is neat stuff, to be honest!"

you nodded slightly, finishing the last ball and putting it on the pan, moving back to put it in the oven. they moved with you, hand still draped around your waist.

"i don't really understand the whole of it, but you sound like you're doing amazing things for society, hanji." you smiled at them while patting their shoulder, trying your hardest not to make eye contact with them (lest you combust from how beautiful their eyes are).

the two of you stood there for a while, soaking up each others presence while waiting patiently for the cookies to bake.

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