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“I'll fucking kill you if you don't move.” Akutagawa hissed, though the threat was hollow, the usual venom missing from his voice. The words came out strained, breathy, and punctuated by a low moan as he struggled to push back against Atsushi, seeking the pleasure currently being denied to him.
Atsushi hummed softly in response, his gaze lazily tracing the expanse of Akutagawa’s bare skin beneath him. Each time they fucked, Akutagawa seemed to shed more layers, his clothes discarded almost carelessly now. Was it trust? Desperation? Maybe something deeper? Or simply just lust? Atsushi shoved the thoughts aside, locking them away in that same neglected dark corner of his mind where he buried the significance of their increasingly frequent late-night encounters. It was easier not to question, to just simply feel, then forget the next morning.
Despite the tight heat wrapped around his cock, Atsushi didn’t budge, ignoring Akutagawa’s demand in favor of relishing the moment. He stayed silent, his breath steady as he reached out, fingers ghosting over Akutagawa's exposed spine. The tips of his fingers traced the delicate curve, then his palm followed, pressing gently against the warm, soft skin. It was a rare sight—Akutagawa’s bare back laid out before him, vulnerable and unguarded. Atsushi soaked in the sensation, the subtle give of muscle under his touch, savoring every inch like a treasure meant for him alone to explore.
Tonight was the first time had stripped off his shirt completely, and the moment the fabric hit the floor, Atsushi felt something primal snap inside him. Their nights together were always hurried, a frantic race to completion before either changed their minds– both too afraid to linger, too hesitant to acknowledge what was happening between them. The other person was always just a willing body to fuck. A convenience.
But now, with Akutagawa’s bare skin fully exposed, the usual urgency simmered into something heavier, more consuming. Tonight, Atsushi wanted to draw it out, take his time, and imprint the bare body before him into his memory. Aktugawa was truly beautiful like this; illuminated only by the light from the bathroom and begging to be fucked.
Under him, Akutagawa squirmed. His body arched, muscles twitching as he tried to pull away from the teasing, feather-light caress of Atsushi’s fingers trailing down his spine while at the same time, his hips bucked back, silently begging Atsushi to push deeper, harder.
Atsushi's only acknowledgment was to slide his other hand to Akutagawa's bony hip, fingers digging into his soft skin as he tightened his grip as if to anchor him there.
“Jinko,” Akutagawa panted. He lifted his head just enough to shoot a glare over his shoulder, sharp and full of annoyance. Even in the dim light, Atsushi could see the fury in his eyes clouded by lust.
Atsushi splayed his fingers across his back, idly taking note of how the skin on his back was less scared than the rest of his body. He slowly pulled out of Akutagawa, closing his eyes to savor how perfectly his ass squeezed his cock. With all of his remaining willpower, he stilled his hips, pausing just shy of pulling the aching head of his cock out of Akutagawa. With a voice calmer than he felt, he said, “Say please.”
The words came out low, hanging in the air between them. He wasn’t sure where the command had come from, barely recognizing his own voice, but the sudden need to hear Akutagawa say it, to surrender even for a moment, consumed him.
They didn't talk when they fucked. It was one of their unspoken rules, a fragile boundary neither had ever dared to cross. It kept things simple, mechanical even, free from the weight of emotions they didn’t know how to deal with, it gave them plausible deniability when they had to work together. But now, with Akutagawa completely splayed out beneath him, bare and vulnerable in a way he’d never seen before, the silence felt different. It was heavier, almost suffocating, like it was holding him back from a deeper pleasure.
“F-fuck you.” Akutagawa’s voice was raw, laced with a mixture of defiance and lust as he tried to push himself backward, desperately seeking Atsushi’s cock. The firm hand on his hip was all Atsushi needed to hold him in place, a satisfying reminder of how physically strong he was compared to his partner. The way Akutagawa squirmed against his grip only further ignited the fire burning within him.
“You came here, to me.” The words flowed easily, fueled by white-hot need and something he couldn't or wouldn't name. “So say please, beg me for what you need.”
Akutagawa hesitated, a flush creeping across his cheeks as he buried his face into the pillow beneath him, the plush fabric muffling his response. “I-” His voice faltered, barely a whisper against the soft surface. “I don’t need anything from you. I want-”
Atsushi's hips jerked involuntarily and whatever else Akutagawa was about to say melted into a low moan as Atsushi sunk deeper once more.
“No, I think you need.” His cock twitched, and he drew upon the tiger within him to maintain the willpower he needed to pull out entirely. The feeling of loss was immediate, the cool air of his bedroom an unwelcome contrast to the warmth that had enveloped them just moments before.
Atsushi’s heart raced, bracing for the moment Akutagawa would call off the night, and leave without a word since he wasn’t getting what he came for. Akutagawa had come with expectations, as he always did: a simple, quick, fuck. Atsushi ground his teeth in frustration, not for the first time wanting to try something else, though he was too inexperienced to know what that something else might be.
Until now.
A new spark of determination ignited within him as he acted on instinct, driven by a fierce desire to hear Akutagawa beg.
He pressed the tip of his cock against Akutagawa's needy hole with just enough pressure for Akutagawa to feel it, but not enough to push inside. Atsushi’s pulse was loud in his ears as he danced his fingers down Akutagawa's back with a light touch.
“I want this,” he murmured, the words almost a confession, but then he added, “but I'd be perfectly fine going back to sleep.” His tone remained steady, though he could feel the tension rising. “But you’re the one who needs this.” He punctuated his last sentence with another sharp squeeze to Akutagawa's hip, his fingers digging in just enough to elicit a gasp from the man under him. The sound sent a thrill through him, almost breaking his resolve.
He felt Akutagawa tense under his hand and held his breath. They were well beyond playing with fire; at this point, Atsushi was practically juggling Molotov cocktails while doused in gasoline.
While he doubted Akutagawa would attack him, it was never too distant a possibility. As much as craved Akutagawa, and enjoyed the way he came undone underneath him, it was Akutagawa who always initiated. Always Akutagawa who who came to him with wordless demands, and Atsushi always wordlessly gave in.
Maybe he wanted more.
Atsushi quickly shoved the thought away before he could think about just what sort of more he wanted.
“Jinko, I'm going to fucking kill you.”
Atsushi hummed, shifting his weight slightly backward, pulling away from Akutagawa’s warmth as if to provoke him further. “You’re welcome to finish in the bathroom before you go.”
“You're fucking serious?” Akutagawa rolled onto his side, his cutting glare softened by the attractive way his face and neck were flushed a shade of dusty pink. His sharp eyes traced Atsushi’s movements as he removed the condom and tossed it to the waste bin next to the bed.
He nodded in response to Akutagawa's question, aware that it had likely been meant rhetorically. To his surprise, Akutagawa’s glare softened, a mixture of surprise and hurt flashing across his features, as if Akutagawa couldn't fathom the idea that Atsushi could stop just as he’d pushed into him. He quickly schooled his expression back into a neutral mask.
Every atom in his body urged Atsushi to pounce forward and fuck Akutagawa into the mattress– hard and fast. Lust urged him to take what he wanted. What they both wanted. Forget whatever this strange new desire was before he lost the chance.
Atsushi’s eyes trailed down Akutagawa's lithe body and he smirked at the sight of Akutagawa's untouched cock still hard and begging. The sight sent a thrill coursing through him.
They both wanted, but Akutagawa needed.
Atsushi could feel Akutagawa's glare, and he shrugged, forcing his gaze away his enticing cock. As he began to reach for his discarded clothes at the end of the bed, he felt Akutagawa shift. He turned back just as Akutagawa was settling back onto his hands and knees once more, his ass in the air, a perfect display of invitation and challenge.
“Fine. Please.” Only Akutagawa could make the word ‘please’ sound like a threat, laced with an underlying demand. Atsushi's cock pulsed at the word regardless.
He wasted no time grabbing another condom and repositioning himself behind Akutagawa, heart pounding as he rolled the condom on with trembling fingers. Atsushi gripped Akutagawa's hips tightly, the need to sink back into his tight heat overwhelming him. A smile played on his lips as he slowly pressed the tip of his cock in, relishing Akutagawa's sharp intake of breath.
“See, if you ask for it nicely I'll give it to you,” he teased. As he slowly pushed in, Atsushi’s right hand roamed up Akutagawa's side, his fingers gliding gently over the exposed skin. Akutagawa was so thin he could count his ribs as his hand traveled up his side. The contrast was striking, the delicate frame belying the strength that lay within. Atsushi's fingers traced the line of his ribcage, letting him feel the heavy breaths as Akutagawa panted beneath him.
Akutagawa moaned into the pillow, his fingers clenching the sheets tightly. Atsushi continued slowly until his pelvic bone pressed into Akutagawa's ass, purposefully angling to avoid hitting his prostate. Now back where they were before Akutagawa tried to threaten him into moving, Atsushi paused again, gritting his teeth to hold himself still, resisting the urge to thrust deeper.
Atsushi slid the hand roaming up Akutagawa's moved to his upper back, gently pushing him further into the mattress, forcing his back to arch in a way that sent a thrill down his spine.
“Move.” Akutagawa demanding.
Atsushi hummed.
“I’ll kill you, you stupid tiger! Fucking. Move,” Akutagawa growled. After a brief pause, he added a terse, “Please.”
As the last syllable left his mouth, Atsushi obliged without hesitation. He pulled out slowly, savoring the feeling of Akutagawa's heat, before pushing back in again, making sure to keep the pace as slow as he could manage. This time, he angled his thrust to hit Akutagawa's sweet spot and drawing out a soft moan of pleasure.
Again, he stilled his hips, patiently waiting for Akutagawa to ask for what he wanted. His desire for release was greatly dwarfed by his feral desire to Akutagawa ask –no beg– for more. So he waited, patiently and deliberately holding himself back until Akutagawa voiced what they both knew he needed.
Under him, Akutagawa sharply exhaled and turned to glare at Atsushi. “Faster.”
Atsushi raised an eyebrow, his grip tightening around Akutagawa’s hip. His own control wavered, but he wasn’t ready to give in just yet, not when Akutagawa was slowly giving in to his desire.
“For fucks sa- Please.”
The word tumbled out, half growl, half plea, and it sent a shiver down Atsushi's spine. Hearing the "please" was nearly enough to make his resolve crack, the satisfaction from hearing it doing something primal to him. He embraced the feral feeling, unsure if it was himself or the tiger within.
Atsushi thrust again, this time slightly faster than before, testing the boundary of his control. Akutagawa moaned and Atsushi wasn’t sure how long he could keep up the game. Holding himself back was becoming difficult, his own neediness beginning to seep into his core.
Dark gray eyes fluttered open when Atsushi once again stopped. “Jinko,” he growled.
Atsushi squeezed his hip, wordlessly reminding him of what would get him what he needed. As he waited the few breaths it took Akutagawa to speak, another urge hit Atsushi, slamming into him with a suddenness that left him breathless. It was a thought he’d buried for too long, one he’d ignored until now, but it surged forward with an intensity he couldn’t ignore. But as much as he wanted to demand Akutagawa use his name instead of continuing to call him Jinko, Atsushi didn't want to press his luck further. Atsushi swallowed the urge, pushing it down into the same corner of his mind where so many other thoughts had been tucked away.
“Please.” This time, the word was drawn out, almost pained, pulling Atsushi from his spiraling thoughts. It was more desperate now, laced with a vulnerability that sent a jolt through him, making his heart race.
Atsushi thrust again, drawing out another needy moan from Akutagawa. This time, he only stilled himself for a few seconds before another terse, “Please” filled his quiet bedroom.
He couldn’t hold back anymore. Thankfully, neither could Akutagawa.
“Please.”
Thrust.
“P-please.”
Atsushi answered it with the steady roll of his hips.
Atsushi was no longer playing a game. He was giving in—completely. His own moans harmonized with Akutagawa’s as he was drawn deeper by every trembling “please” that escaped Akutagawa’s lips.
Akutagawa buried his face into the pillow again, his muffled “Please” becoming more frequent, each one slipping past his lips with increasing desperation. Atsushi did his best to keep pace with the timing of his pleas, but neither of them were counting, lost in pleasure.
“Please. Harder. Please.”
Akutagawa moaned into the pillow as Atsushi eagerly did as he was asked. Each thrust brought Atsushi closer to the edge, but it was Akutagawa’s voice- those breathy, desperate words- that spurred him on, urging him to give more, to take more and more. Each plea, each moan, felt like a small victory to his ears. As close as he was, as much as he yearned to chase his own orgasm and spill into Akutagawa, Atsushi held himself back. The heat and the pressure building inside him was almost unbearable, but he couldn’t let himself tumble over the edge first. There was a trust here, a fragile, unspoken understanding that Akutagawa had given up control to Atsushi. He wouldn't let Akutagawa regret giving in to him. Atsushi’s hand gripped his hip tighter, grounding himself in the moment, reminding himself that this wasn’t just about his own pleasure this time, he wasn’t just chasing his own release.
As Akutagawa continued to fall apart beneath him, Atsushi slowly slid his hand off Akutagawa's back and let his fingers dance teasingly over his leaking cock. He didn’t apply any real pressure, just the lightest of touches, just enough to make Akutagawa feel him without granting any relief- a promise of pleasure if he asked for it.
Akutagawa bucked into the touch with a broken moan. He lifted his head from the pillow, eyes locking onto Atsushi’s, wide with silent pleading. It was an expression Atsushi had never seen, an intense lust clouding his sharp features, his mouth slack with desperation. He needed more.
He tried to roll his hips, desperately seeking find some friction from Atsushi's hand.
“Please. Please.” Each syllable of the last ‘please’ was drawn out, betraying how much Akutagawa needed Atsushi. There was no pride left in his voice, clearly betraying how deeply he needed Atsushi.
The moment Atsushi's fingers wrapped fully around Akutagawa's leaking cock he could feel the other man shudder beneath him. He continued to slam into him, his movements becoming more desperate. He reveled in how Akutagawa fell apart under him.
“Please.”
He continued to thrust, slamming into Akutagawa with more desperation now, setting an almost frantic pace.
With one hand now firmly on Akutagawa's cock and the other tightly gripping his hip, Atsushi fucked him the way he knew he wanted– no, needed- to be fucked. He knew the angles that would draw out a sharp breath, the pace that would make him moan, he knew the way to pump his cock to make his back arch and gasp a curse into the night.
“F-fuck! Please. Do- that again.” Akutagawa moaned out, head falling back to the pillow. “Please.”
Atsushi wasn’t sure how he was still going. The pressure of his own orgasm was building fast, curling deep inside him, but he grit his teeth, forcing himself to hold on. He wanted to make Akutagawa fall apart completely first. With each thrust, he fucked into him just the way Akutagawa begged for, responding to every broken please with a frantic precision.
“Fuck, Akutagawa.” Atsushi growled, his voice low and primal, the name spilling from his lips for the first time.
Akutagawa tensed below him, spilling his seed into Atsushi's hand as his orgasam slammed into him with a strangled cry muffled by the pillow. Atsushi followed right after, pulled over the edge by the man writhing beneath him, his own orgasm slamming into him with a force that left him gasping.
After a moment of only their heavy breathing filling the room, Atsushi slowly pulled out and gently helped Akutagawa roll onto his back. He tried to catch a glimpse of his expression, but Akutagawa flung his forearm across his face effectively shielding his eyes. Atsushi took a moment to catch his breath, taking the rare opportunity to simply watch Akutagawa after sex.
It was a night for breaking routine, it seemed. Usually, Akutagawa would already be half-dressed and heading for the door before Atsushi could even wipe the cum off his hands. Tonight, Akutagawa didn't rush off, and Atsushi greedily watched the flush on his chest slowly fade as his breathing evened out. He found himself wanting to see more, to catch a glimpse of Akutagawa's face, the expressions he was hiding.
Before he could follow that train of thought too far, Atsushi got up from his bed. He quickly washed, wiping his dick and hands clean before grabbing a washcloth and wetting it in the slim chance Akutagawa was still there when he returned from the bathroom. On the slim chance that he hadn’t yet left, Atsushi wanted to be ready. For once, he didn’t want the night to end the way it always did. The routine was already broken, why shouldn’t he still want more?
Surprisingly, Akutagawa was still there, lying in the same position as when Atsushi left. It was unexpected, but welcome. As he climbed back onto the bed with the washcloth in one hand, he tentatively asked, “Um, is it okay if I clean you up?”
Akutagawa gave him a slight nod of affirmation from under his arm. He tensed slightly as Atsushi began to gently clean the come off of him, but quickly relaxed back against the mattress. Atsushi took his time, doing the best he could with the warm washcloth, carefully watching for any sign Akutagawa was uncomfortable. Once satisfied he'd done the best he could with the washcloth, Atsushi tossed it toward the bathroom door. It was a problem for tomorrow Atsushi to deal with.
He carefully laid down beside Akutagawa, doing his best to not disturb him. For a few minutes, he thought maybe Akutagawa had drifted off to sleep, something Atsushi desperately wanted to do himself. He’d been exhausted before Akutagawa showed up, and as the adrenaline and arousal faded, he felt his eyelids grow heavy.
A sharp inhale let him know that Akutagawa was very much awake. A long moment later, he spoke, his voice raspy. “What. The fuck. Was that, Jinko?”
Atsushi turned to look at Akutagawa in the dim light. His arm was still obscuring most of his face, but he could make out the slight downturn of his lips. Atsushi blinked, unsure of how to respond. He wasn’t used to Akutagawa staying, let alone talking after. His mind scrambled for an answer, but nothing felt right. He braced for an argument.
“Uh, um...” Atsushi hesitated, he wasn't really sure himself. What possessed him to demand Akutagawa… beg? He wasn’t sure… he had just… acted. It was nearly as surprising as Akutagawa actually going along with it, had given in- had begged.
Before Atsushi could try and make sense of it, Akutagawa cut through the thick silence with a sharp voice, laced with familiar irritation.
“Let's get something clear: I do not need you.”
It may be true, but it didn't mean it didn't sting a little, for reasons Atsushi absolutely wasn't exploring. Instead, let the frustration he generally felt towards Akutagawa take over, falling into the familiar pattern he shared with Akutagawa.
“Then show up in someone else's apartment at midnight already lubed and stretched. Go beg for someone else’s cock.” The words came out harsher than he intended, but Atsushi couldn’t stop himself. As happy as he was to have a somewhat regular - what was he? A booty call?- he’d known since the first time it would blow up eventually. He was far too tired to care if it all ended. An alarm went off somewhere in that dark corner of his mind, muffled by the anger and exhaustion coursing through him.
He felt Akutagawa shift beside him, the weight of the bed tilting slightly as he turned away. When Atsushi opened his eyes, Akutagawa’s back was to him, the conversation apparently over. Atsushi sighed, suddenly exhausted by the whole thing, wishing Akutagawa would just leave so he could decompress. It was far too late to be arguing about things that, in the end, didn’t even matter.
As the silence stretched, guilt began to creep in, slipping past the shield of anger he had thrown up. He sighed again, softer this time. He didn’t want this- whatever this was- to end like this, even if he didn’t fully understand why. “I'm sorry, I won't do that next time.”
“You did not enjoy it?”
“Uhhh, I- I did. Sex with you is always something I enjoy.”Atsushi winced, that was absolutely not what he meant to say. “It's fine if you didn't. You know… like… it.”
Akutagawa rolled to his other side, fixing Atsushi with a blank expression. “You talk too much, Jinko. If I didn't like it I would have used Rashomon to incapacitate you. Even with just my socks, I'm sure I could take you in a fight.”
Atsushi giggled at the image. “I'd probably pass out from the smell.”
Akutagawa’s eyes narrowed. “Are you insinuating my feet have a foul odor?”
“It's a joke,” Atsushi said with a roll of his eyes.
“Oh…” Akutagawa looked away, an unreadable expression on his face. It was almost… soft. Uncertain.
“But, um… you'd tell me if you didn't want to… do something, right?”
“Of course. I will not let my traitorous body override all of my common sense.”
Atsushi sighed, feeling like he wasn't really getting the full answers he felt he needed. Maybe he wasn't asking the right questions. Maybe he was just too tired to understand what Akutagawa was trying to say in his roundabout way of talking. “Look, just tell me what you don't like.”
“You.”
Atsushi rolled his eyes. “I mean sex stuff.”
“Oh. I…” Akutagawa trailed off, looking uncharacteristically uncertain. “I don't know. It's not as if… I have opportunities to try things.”
That made sense. Even though they'd slept together nearly half a dozen times in the past few months, it was always rushed, quick, intense, and over before either of them could second-guess themselves. Atsushi imagined Akutagawa’s other encounters, if he even had many, were probably the same. Fast, detached, with no room for exploring anything deeper.
“What about you?”
“Oh…um.” Atsushi twiddled his bedsheet between his fingers. There was no way he was going to admit to Akutagawa that he was his first and only sexual partner. “Same.”
After a moment of tense silence, Atsushi added, “It was just something that felt right in the moment? I wanted to hear you ask.”
“Did you enjoy me begging?”
There was no point in lying. “Yes, a lot actually. Or maybe it was just hearing your voice during? Probably both.”
“I…did not hate it. I would not mind it again if you continue to allow me into your bed.”
Why was he being so formal? Atsushi stared at his ceiling. “But if you didn't enjoy it, I don't want to do it again. We can just… do what we've been doing.”
Akutagawa regarded him with a contemplative expression. “But what if I do enjoy it? What if I want more? Something… else.”
“Well, you can try things with me,” Atsushi offered, heart pounding. “I mean… if you wanted to. I wouldn’t mind.”
Akutagawa’s eyes trailed down his body, sharp and contemplative. "You’re offering to let me experiment on you."
Atsushi laughed nervously. “I guess I am…”
The corner of Akutagawa's mouth twitched up in a half-smirk, and for a fleeting moment, the tension eased. “You are far too trusting, Jinko.”
He felt his face flush at the raw desire in Akutagawa’s voice. “Well, we should talk about stuff later then. When I’m not half asleep. And figure out a safe word or something?”
Akutagawa nodded, his expression once again schooled into a neutral mask. “Agreed.”
It was the last thing Atsushi remembered before surrendering to the tug of sleep.
When he woke the next morning, Akutagawa was gone, the sheets next to him cold as if no one had slept there. The only proof he’d been there was the used condom in his bathroom trashcan and the washcloth on the floor. He wasn’t sure what to make of the way he’d behaved the night before- what had possessed him to make Akutagawa beg like that. He should be mortified, but a surge of arousal spiked deep in him at the memory.
He certainly wasn’t sure what to make of their conversation afterward; his heart felt strangely light as he remembered how open Akutagawa had seemed, how willing he’d been to continue to explore their boundaries in the bedroom. A thrill ran up his spine in anticipation of their next encounter. If he knew where Akutagawa lived, he’d return the favor and show up in the middle of the night for sex instead of waiting for Akutagawa to make a move.
Would Atsushi need to wait weeks for him to show up again? Would Akutagawa reach out to him, or would he retreat? He needed to steel himself for the possibility they would simply go back to how things were, and eventhough he enjoyed those quick trysts, a new fire was lit in him and he doubted he could ever fully extinguish it.
His lack of experience was frustrating, and he sort of wished he had someone to talk to about it, someone who could offer some advice on how to navigate kinks in the bedroom. Someone who wouldn’t judge him for sleeping with a member of the port mafia. Someone who–
Oh fuck. A shiver ran down his spine, this time a cold warning. He desperately did not want to talk to Dazai about… this. Though he resigned himself to the other man somehow already knowing—he had been there the night that set everything into motion, after all—Atsushi couldn't shake the feeling that facing the truth of his desires would be far more daunting than the act itself. He resigned himself to whatever teasing Dazai may throw his way and decided to do some research online instead. He needed to be ready for next time, he didn’t want to accidentally cross a boundary, and he certainly did not want to be surprised by his own desires again.
He’d be ready next time.