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Facing the large windows of the Common Room, Raven watched as the afternoon sun cast gold and orange ripples on the blue waves of the ocean. She had just finished meditating, and was enjoying the peaceful feeling and the beautiful view. Dick—who now goes by Nightwing—and Kori were out on a date, while Vic was in the garage, tinkering with a new weapon of some kind. Her lips curved into a slight smile at the thought of her friends. If Raven could tell her fourteen-year-old self that she'd still be alive six years later and would have friends she considered her family, she knew that her younger self would think she was lying. But here she was, happier than she thought she'd ever be.
The door to the Common Room opened, and Gar strode in, carrying a small package with two hands. He wore his red and white uniform, an upgrade from the black and purple one he used to wear when he was still called Beast Boy. He was taller than her now, and taller than Dick, even. He approached her and bent down to kiss her on the cheek.
"What's that?" Raven asked as she followed Gar to the sofa and watched him place the package down.
They sat with the box in between them, and she watched as he tore the tape off.
"Remember when I told you last week that Tara's graduating college?" Gar asked.
At the mention of the blonde's name, Raven felt her mouth tighten into a line a bit, but the action was so minute that no one would be able to tell. "Yeah," she replied, tone even. "Psychology, right?"
"Yep!" Gar replied. "She's gonna work as a child psychologist."
When he finally opened the package, Gar took out a mini zen garden kit. It had a wooden rectangular tray, a bag of white sand, a handful of pebbles, a mini rake, and an artificial bonsai tree. Upon closer inspection, Raven noticed that the frame of the tray was engraved with T's interspersed with alternating gemstones and flower patterns. She didn't have to ask to know that Gar designed it and paid for the manufacturers to engrave it. He was artistic and very skilled at drawing and painting, something she was surprised to learn early on in their friendship.
"I asked Dick if we could get Tara a graduation gift, and he let me pick this one out and pay using the Titans corporate credit card. What do you think, Mama? Is it or is it not a great gift?" Gar said, wagging his eyebrows at her.
"It is," Raven agreed.
Though her face and voice remained neutral, Gar understood that something was bothering her. They have been, after all, friends for six years, and a couple for two. Every time Tara was mentioned over the years, Raven responded with an outer indifference and acceptance. She wasn't angry anymore, but he could always detect an underlying emotion that he couldn't totally place and that the others never knew about. With a concerned frown, he set aside the zen garden and scooted closer to his girlfriend, taking her hands in his own.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asked.
Raven sighed.
She knew that even though Tara didn't have her powers and wasn't a Titan anymore, she still kept limited contact with Gar. They weren't close by any means, but they still talked every now and then. Most of their conversations were "happy birthdays" over the years and the occasional "how are you." But the blonde still churned negative feelings in her, feelings she'd rather pretend were not there. After all, what was the point in these negative emotions? They wouldn't change the past, and Tara wasn't even in their lives anymore. Raven didn't have to force herself to act friendly with the former Titan, and she didn't have to interact or talk to her at all unless it was her choice. So why couldn't she completely maintain detachment?
"I thought you've forgiven her?" Gar asked, his tone careful and sincere.
Garfield knew that Raven was not jealous of Tara. Not a single bit. It was one of the things he found amazing. She was secure in herself and in their relationship, and she valued all the relationships Gar had, from family to friends and even to his past flings. Raven always told him that the people who were and are part of his life all contributed to making the man he was today. He always felt safe confiding in her, knowing she kept an open mind and would always love him no matter what.
He just hoped that she found it easy to confide in him too. She was a lot more expressive and open after defeating Trigon, but Gar also knew that it was hard to break habits, habits that was taught growing up. Still, he liked to think he knew her a whole lot better, even when she couldn't find the words to express herself. So he knew that whatever issues Raven had with the former Titan likely stemmed from her own interactions with Tara, back when they thought she was their friend until the blonde eventually betrayed them.
Gar watched carefully as Raven processed his question, her eyebrows scrunching slightly. His sensitive hearing caught the tiniest and softest of sighs, and he let his thumb rub comforting circles on his girlfriend's hand. He waited patiently.
"I have forgiven her, Gar, but I have not forgotten the bitterness of her actions," Raven finally said. "Forgiving does not mean that all negative feelings are gone."
Raven picked up the bonsai tree from the zen garden. "You know, I was scared of putting my roots down when we first became a team, so to speak."
Gar nodded. With a gentle tilt of his head, he encouraged her to go on.
"That was because I knew that if I did, if I let myself make a home of people, I'd always want to stay. I'd fight like hell to stay, even if it meant getting hurt. And I knew from experience that people leave. People go. And I'd end up like a tree broken by a storm, every piece of me gone except the dead roots still clinging to the earth."
"That's one of the things I love about you, sweetheart," Gar said with a smile. He leaned forward to kiss Raven, and he felt her relax a little. When he pulled away, he tucked Raven's curtain bangs behind her ears. She had grown out her hair and gotten curtain bangs that framed her beautiful face. Garfield loved threading his bare hands through her silky locks and enjoying the smell of her lavender and mint shampoo. "Your loyalty is beautiful. You protect your loved ones with such ferocity, one would think you were part Mama Bear."
Raven snorted, mouth curving into an amused smile. She turned the bonsai in her hands this way and that, admiring the craftsmanship. The artificial bonsai almost looked real, and she appreciated Gar's choice of gift.
"Is that why you're still upset with Tara, Rae?" Gar asked. "Because she betrayed us?"
"Yes and no," the empath replied. "Remember when I told you that before we accepted her as a Titan, I had a vision of her and Slade?"
Changeling nodded.
"Well, the reason why I still agreed to let her join us despite that vision was because... I saw myself in her."
Garfield pulled back slightly, surprised. Tara (or Terra, back then) and Raven were as different as night and day. Where Raven was reserved, Tara was adventurous. Where Raven was calculated, Tara was reckless. The only thing he could think of that bonded them was their ability to move earth, remembering when they worked together to save Titans tower from collapsing and sinking underwater. But beyond that, nothing else.
Raven saw his confused look, and she added, "You see, whenever I interacted with Tara back then, I could tell that she genuinely wanted a place to belong. She wanted to put down roots instead of always being on the run. I also felt a deep sadness and regret inside her, and I always attributed those to her fear of losing control."
"If I hadn't been taught by the monks of Azarath to control my powers, then I would have had the same intense fear that Tara had. Even now, I still fear losing control, but it's not overpowering like hers was, or as intense as when I was younger. But that was a very real fear, Gar—the fear of destroying and hurting people I cared about."
"Tara was a young girl manipulated by a much older man who made her promises she desperately needed to hear. And because of that, I couldn't blame her. I couldn't stay angry, not entirely."
"But the reason I still harbour negative feelings is because I think that after spending time with us, she would have chosen to put her roots down with us. That her loyalty would overpower any need for control."
Gar nodded thoughtfully, and he pulled Raven closer to him. The empath rested her head against his chest, her left hand still holding the bonsai while her right hand was tracing invisible patterns on his chest.
"If I was in her shoes, I like to think I would have never have betrayed all of you despite whatever promises someone would have made. Or I would have destroyed myself before I got the chance to betray any of you. And because I thought she and I were almost the same despite the obvious differences, I still hold her to that regard."
"And I know it's unfair. It's irrational. I'm painfully aware. It's unfair of me to keep holding that against her just because I think it's not what I would have done. And who knows? Maybe I'm lying to myself, too. Maybe, in another universe, I would have betrayed you guys too, if I had the chance and if I was forced to. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. But I feel that way, Gar. And I'm sorry for it."
Changeling could hear the heaviness and sadness in her voice. If Raven was anything, she was rational. So he knew how much it irked and bothered her that her feelings were irrational. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. With a kiss on her head, he replied, "I understand, Raven. You don't have to be sorry for feeling that way. Not to anyone. Not to me."
"I'm not sure I can fully get over it," Raven replied softly.
"And I don't blame you," Gar replied. "Honestly, I don't think I can, either. I'm happy now for her—that she's found her place in the world, and that she's better off and has grown out of the scared girl she was. But I also know that her place in our lives is now limited to what it is right now. She's a former friend. We still wish the best for her, but that doesn't mean she's an active part of our lives anymore. And I'm making peace with that."
Raven looked up at Garfield's face with a smile. "Since when did you get so emotionally wise, huh?" she teased.
"I have my moments," Gar replied with a grin, his bottom fang sticking out in that adorable way Raven loved so much.
"I'm making peace with it, too," she said. "But making peace and accepting it doesn't have to mean being happy about it, right?"
"Right," Gar replied with a nod .
He kissed her again, and she sighed against his lips, her body melting against his perfectly, as if she was made to fit in his embrace. Garfield's sensitive hearing could pick up on her calm heartbeat, and Raven's empathic senses could tell he was happy and content. They stayed that way for a moment, just savouring each other's presence. When she finally pulled away from him, Raven leaned over to the coffee table and placed the bonsai tree on top of it.
"You gonna wrap this?" she asked her boyfriend.
"Yep! Got a nice fancy box back and a postcard. It's in the back of the closet."
With her powers, Raven portalled the box, the postcard, and a Sharpie from Gar's room and onto the coffee table. The postcard had a picture of the bay, with a golden afternoon painting the sky and the waves with orange hues. She looked at Garfield, who in turn nodded at her, letting her take control. Raven turned the postcard over and wrote something on the back with the Sharpie. When she was done, she gave it to Garfield and asked, "What do you think, my love?"
Garfield read it, and he smiled at her adoringly. "That's perfect."
He then placed the zen garden kit and the post card in the box, and he told her, "I'll mail this tomorrow."
A week later, as Tara was finishing the last touches of her makeup before she left for her graduation with her adoptive moms, her doorbell rang. A mailman delivered to her a beautiful gift box, with gold wrapping and a green satin bow. She opened it to see a zen garden kit, and a post card with a familiar view.
She turned over the post card with a soft smile and read the message written in beautiful cursive handwriting:
May you put down your roots in a home that is truly yours, and may you remember all the places you once called your own. Know that the earth still carries your name, and know that you have what it takes to leave behind a mark you will be proud of.
—From the Titans