Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Wonnie I don’t wanna do this,” Jake whined out relentlessly.

He was currently being dressed up in jeans and a tight t-shirt that Jungwon claimed highlighted his ‘sexy’ proportions. Jungwon also claimed that Jake was too uptight and needed to get laid, which Jake strongly protested against. Unfortunately, now he’s stuck here.

Sunoo sat on Jake’s bed, adjusting the belt on his waist. He’d been watching Jungwon torture Jake since they arrived (around 2 hours ago), and he’d been doing his own thing ever since.

“Jake, if you’re not planning on getting laid tonight you gotta at least get drunk.” Jungwon said, clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes.

Dragging Jake to a party had been on his bucket list for some time now, and Jungwon could only tolerate Jake’s tension for so long. It was practically tangible. Jake doesn’t go to parties, that’s common knowledge, but Jungwon was so sick and tired of seeing Jake practically crawling across campus with how stressed he’d been. He needed a release. That’s exactly why Jungwon, being the thoughtful and saint-like friend he is, decided to get him to go to a party.

Jungwon searched around the small dorm room, searching for Jake’s hairbrush. He needed to tame Jake’s disheveled, dry hair before they left or people would think he’d been living in a rat’s nest. Jake’s hair had a mission of its own. It went through various stages of evolution, matured due to the extensive abuse Jake put it through. He dyed his hair blonde, red, brown, even green. At some point, he decided to go back to black, because his hair had seemed like it was going to fall out at every moment.

“But Won I’m literally fine. You’re the only one who thinks I’m quote unquote ‘uptight’.” Jake mumbled, his arms crossed and Jungwon attempted to tame his birds nest.

“No he isn’t.” Sunoo butted in, tying his shoelaces.

Jake looked at the red-faced boy on his bed and stuck his tongue out. Sunoco was always brutally honest and Jake appreciated that, but at the moment it wasn’t helping.

“You actually need to get laid. Emphasis on the need.” Sunoo continued.

“Fuck you.” Jake retorted.

Sunoo shrugged his shoulders and went back to perfecting his already perfect self. Jake wouldn’t have known Sunoo was drunk if it wasn’t for his red face. He wondered if he looked red too. Jungwon decided he wanted to pregame too, consequently so, he ended up drinking the most. Surprisingly, he looked the least tipsy of the few.

Jake turned his body in order to look into the mirror across from them. He almost gasped at how tight the shirt looked on him, emphasising how skinny he was. Jungwon said he was hot, but Jake couldn’t figure out what exactly he found hot about his bones.

“Jake, I would fuck you if I wasn’t a bottom.” Sunoo said, applying his lip gloss, still seated on the bed.

“What?” Jake replied in pure shock, eyes widened and lips parted.

“Same.” Jungwon added nonchalantly.

His friends had a very weird way of hyping him up.

Jake leaned forward and poured himself another cup of that cheap beer Sunoo bought before coming. He was practically competing with Jungwon for who would drink the most and at the moment he was almost in the lead.

“Slow down.” Jungwon said.

“You’re stressing me out.” Jake replied, downing the whole cup.

“You can’t be blacked out before we even get there.” Jungwon sighed out.

“Ready to leave?” Sunoo groaned out, having waited at least an hour for Jungwon to get Jake dolled up.

“So ready.” Jungwon spoke, “and Jake’s looking ready to get fucked.”

Jake rolled his eyes. Sunoo wakes up to Jake and Jungwon and fixed Jake’s hair a little more.

“I’m gonna need to get fucked too.” Sunoo said.

“By who?” Jake asked.

“Heeseung’s been seeming interested lately. Staring at my ass a little more than usual.” Sunoo said matter-of-factly.

“I’ve noticed that too.” Jungwon said in response to Sunoo’s observation.

“And you?” Sunoo asked Jungwon.

“Jay. Obviously.” Jungwon replied monotonously.

They leave Jake’s dorm and make their way downstairs to call a cab. Jake is somewhere beyond tipsy but still dreading this. And who was supposed to fuck him anyway? It’s not like anyone was interested. But then again, it’s a college party, anyone will fuck anyone. Jake was in the middle of his dilemma when they had finally arrived to the party. Crap. Jake did not want to be there, nor did he want to get laid.

They got out the cab and Jake stared at the mansion in front of him. He observed the cheap, bright neon strips across the front. The luxurious entrance welcomed everyone and the abundance of people pooled in every visible area. Jake heard the pounding music through his body, music he doesn’t even listen to, but he doesn’t even care anymore. As soon as the three of them got inside, the stench of sweat, perfume, alcohol and sex consumed his senses.

“So what now?” Jake asked Jungwon and Sunoo above the music.

Sunoo pulled him by the hand as they followed Jungwon who was beelining for the drinks. All of a sudden, Jungwon shoved a red solo cup into his hand with god-knows-what in it.

“Drink. Forget about us. Get laid. We won’t come looking for you.” Jungwon said, also handing Sunoo a cup of the concoction and drinking the one in his own hand.

After a while, Jungwon and Sunoo disappeared among the hefty crowd, never to be seen again (he had seen Sunoo making out with Heeseung less than 5 seconds ago) and Jake stayed in that same places over-drinking the weird-looking fruit punch. Jake’s lack of social skills were not very helpful in the middle of a hot, uncomfortable crowd. His face was hot, his body was cold, and he felt hands on him from every angle. The music was too loud and the smell of other humans was too strong. He neon lights blazed past his eyes and everything was all too much.

He couldn’t help it anymore. He shoved through the connected bodies and got through the glass, sliding door on the other end of the house. Unfortunately, there were people outside too, so he decided to climb the exterior staircase that led to the rooftop. He was frankly not interested in watching a girl get fucked in the hot-tub or watching another person getting eaten out by the grass.

He’s never coming to a party again.

He climbed the spiral-staircase hazily, his body heavy from the sight of alcohol and his head light in response. He got to the rooftop, two stories high and basked in the wind that breezed past his hot and uncomfortable body.

It was only after a few moments that he noticed the lone man leaning on the balcony, smoking something. From the smell of it, Jake could tell it was weed, even past his muffled senses.

The man looked back curiously and Jake almost fainted right then and there. That’s the face of an angel. That’s the face of the devil. Sure enough, it was the devil himself. The athletic heartthrob everyone gushes over.

Park Sunghoon.

Jake eyed him up and down, taking in the beauty standing a few steps ahead of him. Broad shoulders, toned body, sculpted face. He was a statue, an emblem of masculinity and seduction.

He wondered what Park Sunghoon of all people was doing alone at a party. The words in his head sounded wrong. Park Sunghoon. Alone. At a party? Made no sense.

“Are you just gonna stand there and stair?” A strong voice pierced through the cold air.

Jake was broken out of his trance. He felt his face flush and his ears warm up. He was ogling. Very obviously too.

He finally got the guts to walk forward and lean awkwardly against the railing of the balcony. He knew he didn’t look half as natural as Park Sunghoon, especially not when he was drunk out of his mind, but that evoked a smirk from the taller nonetheless.

“What’s your name?” Sunghoon asked, his voice calm and serene in contrast to Jake’s demeanour.

“Jake. Yours?” Jake replied quickly, in hopes to sound less nervous than he actually was.

Sunghoon seemed to find him amusing. His smirk widened as he stared shamelessly at Jake. Jake stared forward, not wanting to make eye-contact. Dancing with the devil was a dangerous game. Sunghoon’s eyes started tracing down Jake’s body before he looked back into the distance.

“Sunghoon.” Sunghoon replied, his tone completely relaxed and even carrying a slight hint of mischief.

“Nice to meet you.” Jake said politely and Sunghoon’s smirk widened beyond bare.

“The pleasure is all mine, trust me.” He said as he eyed Jake again.

In retrospect, Sunghoon was eye-fucking Jake really intensely, but in the moment, Jake wouldn’t have noticed.

Jake finally decided to meet Sunghoon’s heated gaze. He stared into those blank, fiery eyes and found what every girl had been admiring for the past 2 years. Those charming eyes. His body started heating up in response to Sunghoon’s stare.

“Want some?” Sunghoon offered, gesturing to the blunt in his hand.

“Sure.” Jake replied, stupidly.

He took the blunt in his hand and breathed in a heavy amount. He hadn’t smoked in a while.

“How old are you?” Sunghoon asked, his voice soft and low.

“19.” Jake said in return. “You?”

“23.” Sunghoon replied. “So you’re a freshy.”

“Yeah.” Jake replied.

“Never seen you before.” Sunghoon stated blankly.

“I don’t usually come to parties.” Jake says, slumping against the railing.

His mind was so frazzled and he could still hear the music blaring. Above all, his arousal was impossible to deal with. He couldn’t believe he was already so hot and bothered by this man.

“I can tell.” Sunghoon replied jokingly.

Jake rolled his eyes.

“Cheeky already? We just met.” Jake teased in response.

“You wouldn’t believe how cheeky I could get.” Sunghoon responded with a snarky tone.

“I’m sure I wouldn’t.” Jake retorted in an equally snarky tone.

They stood there for a while, passing the blunt between each other, borderline flirting. Park Sunghoon’s charisma was undeniable, and Jake would be lying if he said wouldn’t bend over for that man then and there.

“Let’s get drinks.” Sunghoon offered.

“Sure.”

And suddenly they were in the kitchen, Jake having lost all his inhibitions, was pressed against the counter. Sunghoon ran his hand up and down Jake’s side, occasionally slipping beneath his tight shirt and beneath his jeans as they spoke, trying to hear each other above the music.

Abruptly, Sunghoon pulled Jake and they were now walking upstairs, shoving past every other drunk-dazed body. He took Jake into an empty room and locked the door behind them.

Jake was pressed up against the door, a foreign pair of soft lips crashing onto his own. Sunghoon’s hands wandered Jake’s body as he started to lick stripes up and down his neck. Jake’s hands fumbled for Sunghoon’s belt, his body growing hotter by the second. They’re bodied collided at every angle, grinding and rubbing against each other.

“You’re so hot.” Sunghoon muttered against his neck.

His hands made their way to Jake’s shirt, lifting it up and over his head and kissing up and down his thin frame. Jake finally managed to get Sunghoon’s belt off.

Suddenly he was being pushed onto the bed, lips sucking and nipping all over his collarbone and neck. It hurt so good. Jake gasped at every touch, sensitive from the touch deprivation he’d had for a long time. Sunghoon pulled Jake’s pants down as he continued kissing down his torso.

He lapped his tongue over the dips in Jake’s waist, running his lips over the ridges of his ribs. He fumbled to get his own pants off and reached for the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed.

Everything felt so hot, red and bright. Jake was so hazy, and Sunghoon likewise. It was such a shock when he was flipped over and he felt his back being bitten and sucked. His body was being worshipped by the angel he admired just an hour ago. Sunghoon’s hands traced over Jake’s arched back, and his hands made their way to his ass. Plump, soft and smooth. He parted Jake’s ass and licked a stripe past his aching hole. In response, Jake’s back arched even more and a moan muffled by the pillow escaped his mouth. His eyes fluttered shut as he let Sunghoon continue his assault. It was a foreign feeling, but it was so overwhelming and aroused him beyond measure.

He could feel his hard-on rub against the mattress with every lick that evoked a wince. It was so overstimulating. Jake’s hands gripped the sheets below him as Sunghoon went on. Suddenly, he had stopped and he leaned back. Jake contemplated on checking what happened but decided against it. Out of nowhere, something wet and cold penetrated his hold, spreading itself inside deeply. One finger, shifting around. The second one added, scissoring the ring of muscles open. Jake whimpered and moaned endlessly and his sounds were beyond loud despite being muffled by the pillow.

The third finger is where Jake nearly screamed. He was really tight, no one had fucked him for about a year. Sunghoon started leaving wet, soft kisses along Jake’s back, almost as if to soothe him, while his fingers did the work. After a while of stretching, Sunghoon’s fingers parted from Jake’s ass and Jake suddenly felt so empty. He could feel his muscles wanting to clench around something. Anything.

Out of nowhere, something much larger entered Jake’s ass and Jake practically screamed. His ass was in the air, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him. His knuckles went white as Sunghoon started pounding into him mercilessly with no warning.

Jake’s moans were unbearably loud and Sunghoon’s grunts and groans from behind only turned Jake on more. His thrusts got sloppier after some time and Jaeyun came all over the bed a while before Sunghoon. When Sunghoon finally finished (curse his stamina which made Jake’s look puny), Jake was so stimulated to the point where his head was a mess and he couldn’t make sense of anything around him.

Jake assumes they went for a few more rounds after that, but beyond that point he has no recollection whatsoever.

In the morning, he was woken up by the sound of people and he immediately rushed to put on his sticky clothes and clean himself so he could get back to his dorm discreetly and forget something like that ever happened. Somehow, Jungwon’s plan of having Jake get laid and removing the tension from his body failed.

Yes, he got laid. No, he did not feel good. The sex was good. The sex was really good. And that was the worst part. Jake gets really attached sometimes, and the conversation before the sex is what got him going. So is it wrong that he’s been replaying those hazy moments in his mind in the middle of his classes? Maybe. But you can’t blame him. He’s just one of many of Park Sunghoon’s admirers. And unfortunately, that’s what he’ll remain as.

A week later was the next time he saw Sunoo and Jungwon. They were snuggled up in Jake’s bed watching a movie in the dark, all in their pj’s and practically ready to sleep.

Sunoo wanted to watch The Titanic for the 10th time over so he could gush over the way Rose tells Jack to paint her like ‘one of his French girls’. Jake himself never found that scene particularly appealing or entertaining, but maybe that was just because he was watching this movie more than any average person should, due to Sunoo’s love for it.

Jake’s bed was quite small, so it was quite the tight squeeze, him in the middle and Sunoo and Jungwon on either side of him, basically half on top of him.

“So did you guys get laid?” Jungwon asked, probably bored of the movie.

“I know Sunoo got laid.” Jake says teasingly.

Sunoo laughs dryly at Jake’s teasing.

“Yes I did in fact get laid.” Sunoo replied, trying to shift his attention back to the movie.

At that, both Jake and Jungwon sat up. This was a conversation to be discussed.

“Details.” Jungwon demanded as he paused the movie and turned on Jake’s bedside lamp.

At that Sunoo giggled. Literally giggled.

“Was he big?” Jungwon asked.

“More than. Couldn’t walk on Sunday or Monday dude.” Sunoo jokes. “The dick was good.”

“Really?” Jake asked, not being able to tell whether Sunoo was being sarcastic or not.

“I’m not even kidding. And when we were making out, that monster was digging into my crotch.”

Jungwon and Jake start bursting out into a fit of cackles and giggles.

“There’s no way.” Jungwon added.

“And you?” Jake interrupted, looking at Jungwon.

“It was hard to find the man of the hour, honestly. The party was at his house so I assuming he was busy.” Jungwon said with a disappointed look.

Jake shoves Jungwon’s shoulder lightly, knowing he was just playing.

“But when I did end up finding him…” Jungwon led on.

“What?” Sunoo asks, head on his hand waiting for Jungwon to continue.

“He practically pounced on me. He was practically begging to fuck me. I loved it.” Jungwon admitted with a big smirk on his face.

“How many times have you and Jay hooked up, Won?” Jake asked curiously.

“I don’t even know,” Jungwon replied. “but what I do know is that he’s obsessed with me.” And Jungwon’s face brightened up.

“Did he say it?” Sunoo almost shouted.

“Yes.” Jungwon said, trying to hide his satisfaction.

“Oh my god.” Sunoo looks like he wants to fight someone. “Jealous.”

“I want him so bad.” Jungwon whined.

“We can tell.” Jake rolled his eyes teasingly.

They all laid back down in the same position and Sunoo turned off the bedside lamp, however, Jungwon still hadn’t unpaused the movie yet. Jake got comfortable between the two, just as he had gotten comfortable with forgetting the memory of Sunghoon that plagued his mind.

“Jake…?” Jungwon called out.

“Yea wonnie?” Jake responded.

“Did you do anything?” Jungwon continued.

Jake stared into space for a little while, contemplating on whether to tell them what happened at the party. He trusts Sunoo and Jungwon with his life, truly. But they would be fuming if they found out that he slept with Sunghoon. Sunghoon of all people. He was known for how many people he slept with, and to him Jake would just be another number. Another good fuck. Although they want him to get laid, they wanted him to not be completely used by the person fucking him. And that’s exactly what happened. His breaths went slow as he thought about it. But his silence spoke volume that neither Jungwon nor Sunoo could ignore.

Jake got attached easily. It was an unspoken fact among the three of them. If he slept with Sunghoon, that would mean he was thinking about him 24/7, but that wasn’t the case. Jake forgot about it for a while. He really did. Genuinely. He didn’t even think about Sunghoon, except for when he saw him pass by. Or when someone smelt like him. Or when he walked to class. Or when he drank a little. He barely thought about the guy. Sunghoon was someone dangerous to be fixated on. To be infatuated with someone like Sunghoon was like suicide. Even from afar, you’d get hurt. Jake didn’t want Jungwon and Sunoo to reprimand him for it.

“Jake.” Sunoo said bluntly. “Who fucked you?”

“I- uh, it was no one. Don’t even remember. Was too drunk.” Jake replied.

“Bullshit.” Jungwon called out. “You’re lying.”

“No.” Jake said briefly.

“Jake.” Sunoo said blankly.

“Fine. It was Sunghoon.” Jake retorted begrudgingly.

“Sunghoon? Like Park Sunghoon? The one with a new girlfriend every week?” Jungwon asked persistently.

“Yes.”

Silence.

“I think we should continue watching the movie.” Sunoo broke the silence.

“Agreed.” Jake said.

And Jungwon pressed the play button the remote. They snuggled up some more, Sunoo providing some support for Jake who was squashed in the middle. He could feel when the two of them fell asleep, but Jake himself couldn’t sleep. Saying it out loud made him realize what actually happened. They had all promised ‘no meaningless sex anymore’ because all three of them were the same in the aspect of attachment and clinginess. Saying it out loud made him realize that he actually thought of Sunghoon quite often. That he set himself up for failure the second he replied to Sunghoon’s snarky comments.

His heart felt heavy and he kind of wanted to cry. He had never been one to take intimacy lightly. Whatever, as long as he doesn’t pay too much attention to him he’ll get over it in like a week. He’d be fine as long as he didn’t think about it. Slowly, he started drifting off to sleep too.

Chapter Text

The week was almost through. It had been almost two weeks since he’d slept with Park Sunghoon. Nearly fourteen days. It was shameful, really. Thoughts of the attractive 3rd year plagued him, but he couldn’t help it. He was just so pretty, and hot, and funny, and charming, and unattainable. Everything and nothing at the exact same time. What a puzzle he was. Jake wished he could solve it.

But as they sat there in the cafeteria, Jake daydreaming about the man even as he sat with his friends, he can’t be bothered to try forget about him. He didn’t often see Sunghoon, but when he did, he shamelessly stared. Visions of pale skin, two moles on a structured face, and a lean frame consumed his head.

He was so out of it this week.

“Jake.” A stern voice called out, snapping a finger in front of his face.

Jake looked up to see both Sunoo and Jungwon glaring at him.

“Were you even listening?” Jungwon asked, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah.” Jake lied.

“Oh really?” Jungwon said incredulously, almost accusing. “What was I saying?”

“Uh…” Jake muttered, trying to recall what he was absent-mindedly listening to for the past ten minutes.

Jungwon rolled his eyes in return.

“As I was saying, Jay introduced me to his sister.” Jungwon continued with his story.

“What? When did this happen?” Jake asked, eyes wide and voice high.

“Yesterday.” Jungwon replied, stuffing his face with a sandwich.

“That’s so great, Won!” Jake exclaimed.

Jungwon’s face lit up in joy. He was definitely holding that story in for longer than he could. God knows if he held it in any longer he would’ve combusted.

Sunoo sat there watching Jungwon with an evident sense of pride shining on his face.

Suddenly, a tall guy came up to them. He had a chiseled jaw and sharp eyes, a nice neck, pale skin and his lips plump.

“Hey.” The deep voice said.

“Hi Riki!” Sunoo greeted cheerfully.

“Hey Riks.” Jungwon followed.

Jake sat, his shoulders slumped. He was suddenly aware of his disheveled state, his old clothes, his messy hair, his oily skin. No way a stranger was going to talk to him whilst he looked like this. Out of politeness, he also replied.

“Hi.” Jake mumbled awkwardly.

The stranger, Riki, turned his attention to Jake, his eyes parting from Sunoo.

“I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Riki.” He said, his voice assured and his hand out to shake.

“Jake.” Jake responded, shaking the guy’s hand hesitantly.

“Nice to meet you.” He added with a charming smile.

Jake nodded. What an awkward encounter on Jake’s behalf.

“Anyway, you guys wanna come to mine tonight?” Riki invited, eyes gleaming with hope.

“Sure.” Jungwon said in response. “We’ll be there.”

“Will Heeseung be there?” Sunoo asked.

Riki looked down, his eyes darkening.

“Yeah, quite a few people are gonna be there.” He replied, his voice somewhat dry as compared to before.

Sunoo’s face glistened with excitement.

“You should come too.” Riki insisted, his attention now on a crusty looking Jake.

“Oh…” Jake said. “I’d love to but-“

“He’ll be there.” Jungwon interrupted. You’ll be there.” Jungwon declared again, looking at Jake.

“But-“

“No buts.” This time it was Sunoo.

“Okay.” Jake said in defeat.

Riki chuckled at the conversation.

“See you guys tonight.” He stated, standing up to leave.

And he was gone.

“Guys I don’t wanna go. I won’t know what to wear. What if Sunghoon’s there? Are there gonna be lots of people? What are we even gonna be doing?” Jake rambled, anxiety and nervousness filling his chest.

“You’ll be fine. We’ll pick your outfit and even if Sunghoon’s there, who cares?” Sunoo replied nonchalantly.

“And we’re just gonna be drinking and playing games. Plus Riki’s apartment is really nice.” Jungwon added, trying to calm Jake’s nerves.

Jake groaned, his shoulders sinking further down his neck.

History repeats itself. Jungwon dressing Jake in his dorm, Sunoo on Jake’s bed, Jungwon giggling about the fact that he gets to see Jay. A familiar routine.

And then they took a relatively unfamiliar route to Riki’s apartment building. He’d never been to this side of town before. The rich people side of town. He knows that both Jungwon and Sunoo are wealthy, but definitely not this wealthy. The building in itself was a statement, and it said a lot about Riki’s background.

When they got to the 8th floor, Jake was shell-shocked. Riki’s loft-style penthouse was spectacular. Its opulence diffused all throughout. The dim lights didn’t illuminate much but just enough. There were quite a few people here, not too many but still a lot, enough to not be able to see Riki. They made their way past the kitchen area which was the most crowded and got to the living room. The floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the skyline, the lights from nearby buildings shining inside. Riki lived in style.

And there he was on the couch, drink in hand, legs spread and the top of his black, silk shirt unbuttoned to show just a bit of his chest. And surrounding him were members of his friend group, Jay, Sunghoon, Heeseung, Yeonjun, Hyunjin and Kai. Of course, Jake only knows Heeseung and Jay, and he barely even knows them. Frankly, he only found out that this was a friend group thirty minutes before the party.

Jake hadn’t realised he was lost in thought until Sunoo pulled him onto the couch. So here he was, facing a bunch of random men he barely knew (and Sunghoon), next to Heeseung with a lap full of Sunoo and Jay with a lap full of Jungwon. Great. He did not want to be here.

“Loosen up.” Heeseung whispered to him, handing Jake a bottle of beer.

Jake took it hesitantly and started drinking almost immediately. He’s glad this wasn’t an actual party, he might’ve imploded and left, especially with Sunghoon boring holes into Jake with his eyes. But it’s fine. Jake’s fine.

Soon enough, Jake was drunk, his stomach rumbling and his eyes drooping. His mouth went slack, saliva building up in it and his body limp against the soft couch. He was starting to fall asleep, struggling to keep up with the conversation. He noticed two pairs of eyes staring at him now, Riki and Sunghoon.

Jake realised Riki was in love with Sunoo quite quickly. He saw the way his eyes started burning into silent flames when Sunoo sat on Heeseung’s lap. It was obvious. He wonders if Heeseung knows.

He looked up in front and suddenly there was a girl in Sunghoon’s lap. Hang Wonyoung. Pretty, popular, athletic, skinny, polite. What more would you want in a girl? As expected, they started making out in front of everyone, though no one really paid much mind to it. It’s not like it was unusual, anyway.

Jake felt the bitter taste of acid in his mouth. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or his jealousy for Wonyoung. Nonetheless, he got up and stumbled away. He wanted to go to the bathroom, but he got a few steps away from the couch before he realised he didn’t know where the bathroom was. And it would be too embarrassing to go back and ask Riki where it was. The only issue with that is that Jake felt like he was going to throw up.

He jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, eyes hazy, to see an attractive boy. Riki.

“Looking for something?” He asked, his voice sounded somewhat concerned, but Jake couldn’t tell because of how drunk he was.

“Bathroom.” Jake mumbled, unsure of whether Riki had heard him over the loud music.

Riki led the way without saying another word, taking Jake upstairs to the bathroom. Jake barely managed to not fall up the stairs, his legs felt half numb and his body was heavy.

When they finally made it to the bathroom, Jake didn’t feel too nauseous anymore.

“You good?” He heard Riki ask.

“Yeah.” He uttered.

He liked how it was here. In this large bathroom with a modern sink and modern-orange-ish lighting. There was a bathtub and a shower ahead of it. It practically screamed money.

Jake staggered over to the sink, trying to wake himself. He splashed his face with water and looked at himself in the mirror. In the mirror. The mirror showed him Riki’s image behind him, watching him from just a few steps away. Jake wondered why he hasn’t gone yet.

They held eye-contact through the mirror for quite a while, before Jake broke it and starts fixing his shirt.

“Can I…” Riki muttered.

“Yes?” Jake responded, prompting him to continue.

“How long have Sunoo and Heeseung been…”

“A little over half a year. They only got serious recently though.” Jake slurred.

Riki nods in something disguised as acceptance.

“I think you should move on. I don’t know how long you’ve been wanting him, but I doubt he’ll reciprocate.” Jake said, a bitter pill to swallow. He would never had said something so forward sober.

To his surprise, Riki started laughing.

“Thanks for sugarcoating.” He retorted sarcastically.

Jake started laughing too.

And then they both started laughing like maniacs. Jake had to lean on the wall for support as he saw tears of laughter flow down Riki’s face.

When they caught their breaths from laughter and panting, Riki mumbles something.

“And you? Sunghoon? What’s with that?” Riki asked.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked in return, feigning ignorance.

“He’s been glaring at you all night. And you’ve been ogling in response.”

Well he didn’t expect to be called out like that.

“I don’t know. Slept with him once. Should’ve known better.” Jake replied.

“Rookie mistake.” Riki added.

“I suppose so.” Jake said. “How old are you?”

“21. You?”

“19.”

“Same age as Sunoo and Jungwon. Makes sense.” Riki says.

Jake doesn’t know when they got so close, physically. Their torso’s inches from each other. Jake started analysing Riki’s porcelain face, it was stunning.

Riki leaned in closer. Jake’s breaths grew shallow.

He leaned in closer, and closer. So close that Jake could feel Riki’s breaths hitting his own lips. It was starting to get warm in the bathroom.

And Jake was against the wall. Lip-locked with someone he’d just met earlier that day. God he has got to stop doing this. Riki’s kiss was gentle but fierce. It was soft, so soft and gentle. Until it wasn’t. Until he started biting down on Jake’s lips and shoved his tongue in Jake’s mouth. Until his hand went up to grab Jake’s neck, and press down ever so slightly.

A drunken Jake was unaware of the fact that they were stumbling out the bathroom after a while. He was too lost in the moment and did something he’d regret the next day.

It wasn’t until 7 AM when Jake woke up, covered in white sheets with the bright sun shining right at his face. It’s been long since he’d been this comfortable in bed. But that’s because this wasn’t his bed.

He became aware of the stagnant arm on his waist and the nose against his neck. It was Riki. Jake couldn’t see him but he could recall some of what happened last night.

His recollection of the night before tells him that he slept with Riki (obviously) and that Riki had a lot of stamina. And Riki was in love with Sunoo, given that he moaned Sunoo’s name like twice whilst having sex with Jake.

Jake believes that they were both incredibly intoxicated at the time, and he was particularly out his mind. He’ll just have to pretend this never happened.

Jake shifted in attempt to get out of bed without Riki noticing. He wiggled his torso and was almost successful in getting to the other side of the bed, when an arm pulled him back to his previous position.

“Where’re you going?” A hoarse voice slurred out into Jake’s ear.

“Gotta go home.” Jake whispered, guilt filling his senses.

The body behind him started leaving lazy, tired kisses down his nape and pulled him closer, shoving his back against Riki’s chest.

Abruptly, Riki let go. He sat up straight in an instant, pushing Jake to the side with wide eyes and messy hair. He looked around, observing his surroundings and analysing Jake’s naked body next to him.

“Wait.” Riki said, his voice constricted. “What the fuck.”

“What?” Jake asked, confused at the sudden change.

“Shit.” Riki replied.

Jake sat up too, now worried.

“Shit.” Riki repeated.

“What?” Jake asked, a slight irritation present in his tone.

“I have a girlfriend.” Riki stated blankly.

His eyes were wide as if trying to comprehend something and his body was rigid. In turn, Jake’s heart dropped. His palms grew sweaty and his eyebrows furrowed. Jake was painfully aware of the tension that stuffed the air, and also became painfully aware of the pain in his lower back. The fatigue in his body became apparent.

God, why did he even come to Riki’s place.

“You should tell her.” Jake mumbled begrudgingly, shuffling off the bed to put on his sticky clothes.

Riki nodded, his face somber as if mourning some loss.

“I hope you don’t moan Sunoo’s name while fucking her too.” Jake remarked, his tone bitter.

Riki’s eyes widened and he looked up in a split second.

“I did that?” He asked, voice as high as his low pitched chords could go.

“Yes. Twice.”

Jake was aware of how venomous and rude he sounded but Riki didn’t even have the decency to clean him up.

And he cheated on his girlfriend. In what world is that okay?

And he moaned Sunoo’s name.

Realistically speaking, that’s what pissed Jake off the most. It kind of hurt but whatever. It was a huge blow to his ego, especially with the post-nut clarity bringing everything to light.

He scrambled home, not regarding Riki’s feelings any more and didn’t bother texting anyone back.

He had 15 unread messages, 4 from Jungwon, 10 from Sunoo, and one from an unknown number. Frankly, he couldn’t be bothered to even look at the screen, he just wanted to shower and rest.

And that’s exactly what he did. On a Saturday. Whilst everyone was partying and living the dream college life.

Sometimes Jake felt like he was missing out, but he’d never really had any fomo up until this year, but even then, it was minimal and Jake could remain ignorant of his emotions for as long as he liked. Sunoo calls him emotionally constipated, Jake calls himself mature.

Whichever of the two he actually was, he didn’t care. As long as he could move on with his life as easy as possible, though sometimes it does feel like his lack of emotional conveyance weighs him down. He was thinking too much.

Without much thought, Jake popped open a pill container and took three of his sleeping pills. His dose was a maximum of two per day, but he needed a good sleep tonight. Especially if he was to tolerate his unreliable professors this coming week.

He doesn’t even know how he lost track of time today. He wanted to study, but after he got back from Riki’s, all he could do was think.

Jake isn’t stupid. He knows that sleeping with people took an emotional/mental toll on him. Was he going to acknowledge it? No, probably not. Does it still affect him? Ten thousand percent.

He questioned his actions, wondering what caused his behaviour. He could blame it on his lack of a father figure, or his mother who was always there but never there.

Well to be fair both of them were present, but they probably didn’t care for him. Jake was the disappointment of the group. His bother, Hyunjin, on the other hand, was beyond perfect. Academic, athletic, witty, handsome, ready to take over the family business at any point in his life. He was the golden child.

He resented him for that. Jake couldn’t find it in himself to full on hate his brother though. Despite his huge ego and his lack of communication skills, he still cared for Jake. He convinced their parents to allow Jake to go to university, even. But that was the problem with his family. They never explicitly showed that they cared (although he’s fairly sure his parents would take it well if he died). Unfortunately, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. He wished he knew how to tell Sunoo and Jungwon that he cared. He hoped so desperately that they could see through his facade of indifference.

At some point, he realised that’s why all his previous boyfriends had broken up with him. His lack of display of affection. Jake used to sleep around. Call it daddy issues or whatever, but it was peaceful. Calming, knowing that he didn’t have to commit, or get attached, or feel.

That was the darkest point in his life.

He stopped, of course. But now, due to the fact that he doesn’t whore himself around anymore, he felt it whenever he slept with someone. Felt it. That. That thing that wasn’t purely lust and attraction. And he despised it.

Never again. Not for Sunghoon. Not for any of his exes. Not for anyone. And most definitely not for Riki.

Nighttime flew by, and so did Sunday. And now he was forced to get through the last week of his second semester. Meaning his first year was almost over. He doesn’t know whether he should celebrate, because he’s almost there, or cry because he’d made no mental progress throughout the year.

It feels like he’d been stuck in the same place, at the same point all year. It never feels enough. He needed a distraction.

As for now, he had to pack his bags and get ready for another week of hell.

Chapter Text

As expected, the last week was hell. And it hadn’t even ended yet. It was Wednesday when Jake went to Jungwon’s apartment and there were too many people he didn’t know, just sat there. 

Well, it’s not like he didn’t know them at all, he knew their names but he didn’t know much about them. It was a whole different friend group that they’d suddenly merged with. Was Jake about to be dropped? Was it because he’s really bad at communicating? 

It’s not like he didn’t expect to get dropped. He loved Sunoo and Jungwon dearly, but he didn’t think it would happen this fast. He knew they would get tired of him eventually, especially when they had each other and their relationships, Jake was of no use. Jake just doesn’t know for one, why there was a crowd to watch his ultimate downfall, and two, why Jungwon invited him over just to drop him. Oh, and three, why everyone was drunk or high or inebriated in some way.

The air smelt like weed, there were bottles all over the coffee table. This isn’t how Jake imagined he would be cut off.

“What’re you standing there for, Jakey?” Sunoo slurred, his face carrying a goofy smile as he switched his stare from Jake to Heeseung.

“Oh, I was just…” Jake didn’t know what to say. “Evaluating?” 

What? Why did he say that? That’s embarrassing. Especially with this many people around.

Okay, maybe Jake’s a little dramatic. There weren’t too many people. Aside from Jungwon and Sunoo, there was Heeseung (obviously), Jay (again, obviously), Riki (god hated Jake), Sunghoon (point proven), Wonyoung (barely know her but Jake was still jealous) (she was sitting on Sunghoon’s lap) (Jake had no right to be jealous), Chaewon (sweetheart. Jake’s jealous again) (she was on Riki’s lap. Is this the girlfriend?).

“Evaluating?” Jungwon wondered out loud, his tone taunting.

“sit down.” He added.

“Who wants to play games?” Sunoo shouted out.

“Jake needs to get drunk first.” Jungwon stated, “or he definitely won’t play.” 

Jake sat down, his face flushed in embarrassment. The whole situation was incredibly confusing. Okay. Maybe Jake was being a little dramatic thinking Jungwon and Sunoo were dropping him. They wouldn’t do that, they have the purest hearts (most of the time). 

Jungwon filled up a shot glass for Jake. Jake frankly didn’t want to drink, but with the amount of eyes on him, and the way Riki was looking at him, he might as well. One shot turned into four, and into six, and then he lost count.

“Truth or dare.” It was late. They were far into the game.

“Dare.” Sunoo chose boldly.

“Makeout with someone who’s not Heeseung. And no backing out.” Wonyoung demanded, her voice dripping with laughter.

Sunoo looked around. Jake. Of course it was going to be Jake. It wouldn’t be Riki or Sunghoon, because they had girls literally on them. It couldn’t be Jay or Jungwon, because they’re too possessive of each other. It could only have been Jake. And god Jake wished he could have taken a picture of the expression that painted Heeseung’s face when Sunoo pulled him in from across the couch. It was short, but intimate and Heeseung was beyond fuming. Especially because Sunoo made out with him whilst he was still on Heeseung’s lap.

The room erupted into laughter and cheers. Of course they did. Sunoo’s face was pink, Jake couldn’t even imagine the colour of his own. Heeseung’s face was red for a whole other reason. Maybe he felt threatened.

Jake tried to forget about his and Heeseung’s past. They dated for a really long time. It was Jake’s longest relationship, actually. Heeseung took all of his firsts. He wasn’t too much older than Jake, just about three years. The relationship happened before Jake started sleeping around and the relationship itself may or may not have been the cause.

Heeseung was quite the enigma. One day he loved Jake beyond bare, the next, he couldn’t tolerate Jake. No one really knew about their relationship, though they dated for a good while (around a year). Of course, Sunoo doesn’t know currently, and neither of them have the intention to tell him. Jake would tell him if it was still relevant, but it’s not, so there’s no need.

They’re happy together anyway. Jake found out a lot about Heeseung after they broke up, though. Apparently, according to Sunoo, he’s bipolar. Makes sense. He had really bad depressive episodes sometimes. And other times he would smother Jake with his obsession/infatuation/love? Jake didn’t know what to call it. He figured if Heeseung actually loved him then he wouldn’t have left things as messy as they were.

It’s been a year now. Jake’s over it. Mostly. Heeseung left Jake with a little more trauma than before, which wasn’t too helpful. Jake had resorted to sex, alcohol and partying as coping mechanisms. He went through a lot of boyfriends, some he can’t even remember the names of, and a lot of one night stands. Does he regret it? Yes. But he didn’t blame himself. He didn’t blame Heeseung either. It was after that, when he met Sunoo and Jungwon, who dragged him out of his slump and gave him a reason to live. 

Sometimes he was reminiscent of it all, although he knew he shouldn’t. But Heeseung was the only one he’d ever really fallen in love with. He doubted that Heeseung loved him back, though. But it was easy to see past that when his kisses were so sweet, his love was so consuming, and his words were so full of nonsense and nothing. Hollow and empty, but they still filled Jake up. 

It took a lot for Jake to look away from Heeseung’s piercing gaze, but he needed to before Sunoo, or anyone for that matter to notice. There was obvious tension between the two, but the both of them made an effort to keep it behind closed curtains. 

“Jake, truth or dare?” Sunghoon asked.

Why was Sunghoon the one to ask him?

“Truth.” Jake replied.

“Pussy.” Jungwon called out.

Jake rolled his eyes at the feline-like boy. 

“Who was your first?” 

Wow. How convenient. 

The expectant eyes of the bunch followed his every move. He knew only three people in the room knew. Heeseung, Jay, and Jake himself. Jay knew because him and Heeseung have been long time friends. He’s one of the few friends that Heeseung had that actually stuck around.

Jake looked around nervously. He needed to come with a lie. Quickly.

“Don’t remember.” Jake mumbled, his head down.

“Bullshit.” Sunghoon called out accusingly.

“I believe it. Jakey used to sleep around a lot.” Sunoo defended. Bless his heart.

“There’s no way people don’t remember their first.” Sunghoon retorted, his eyes stabbing daggers into Jake’s face.

“It’s called daddy issues.” Jake added as a joke, to cover things up.

Thankfully, people actually laughed. Everyone but Sunghoon. And Heeseung, of course. This was messy.

“Oh my god!” Wonyoung exclaimed.

“What?” Sunghoon worriedly asked, wondering why she just randomly screamed out loud.

“We should go on vacation together!” She replied, as if she just had the greatest idea in the world.

Jake wanted to oppose but he had a feeling his opinion wasn’t too valuable here. He would try and get out of it later. 

“Where do we go?” Jungwon added on.

“Jeju!” Sunoo replied enthusiastically.

Everyone agreed on that, despite their intoxication.

“Jake you’re not backing out of this.” Jungwon intercepted before Jake could even make his move.

Slowly, the group dissipated, everyone went home, aside from Jake and Jay. Jungwon was on Jay’s lap slurring a bunch of nonsense as Jay willing listened to his childish remarks and opinions. Jake watched. Jake envied. 

“Jake.” Jungwon called out. “Who actually was your first? Like for real.” 

“I already told you-“

“No one believes that.” Jungwon cut him off. “Was it Heeseung?”

Jake’s head snapped up, his eyes wide shotting an accusing glare to Jay. Jay looked just as surprised.

“It’s no secret you two were together, don’t be silly. I’m sure Sunoo knew you were protecting his feelings.” Jungwon said. He’d always been very analytical. 

Jungwon tapped Jay’s face.

“You’re an asshole for not telling me.” He whispered loudly against Jay’s lips.

“Sorry.” Jay apologised with no real remorse and a palm on Jungwon’s back.

Jake left shortly after they started making out. Frankly, it wasn’t a sight he was interested in seeing at the moment. He was too messed up. Of course people knew. No one’s that stupid. At least whatever he had with Heeseung is over now. And Heeseung is Sunoo’s loyal dog anyway, so there’s no room for worry. 

Something he did need to reflect on is the way Sunghoon was watching him closely the whole time. Observing his every move, analysing his body language, following every sip that Jake took. It felt odd, and even weirder because Wonyoung was literally on top of him the whole time. It wasn’t like it was one-sided either, he had his arm on her waist the whole time. He was probably going crazy. No one ever cares as much as you think they do.

But there was something really weird about the way Sunghoon was watching him. He felt acknowledged. Seen. Which is really weird, considering it was Park Sunghoon that we’re talking about. He doesn’t know how Sunghoon called him out on his bluff so quickly too. Everyone noticed that Jake was lying, you’d be an idiot not to, but Sunghoon was definitely the first. 

Jake likes to think he has a good poker face. That he’s not that see through, although it feels like Sunghoon can read his mind. He’s definitely gone mad. Sunghoon of all people? That sounds silly, they barely know each other. And Sunghoon doesn’t care anyway. He never will.

As Jake walked home through the cold wind and under the dim street-lights, he tried to shake away the thoughts of Sunghoon. Jake had the tendency to overanalyse situations. 

Another thing that lived in his mind was Chaewon. The girl who he’d assumed was Riki’s girlfriend. He didn’t tell her anything it seemed. Or maybe she wasn’t that girl. Either way, he needs to follow up with Riki so that things don’t get out of hand. Jake’s had his fair share of experiences with friends and lovers in this department. 

It made his hands shake and his eyes sting. The whole situation was really fucked up. If he’s known Riki had a girlfriend, he would’ve stayed ten feet away from the boy. He wondered if he’d ever moaned Sunoo’s name with her too. If he did, that would be quite embarrassing. Humiliating, even. He doesn’t want to hurt the sweet girl just because he was irresponsible and didn’t ask Riki. He strongly believed that it wasn’t his fault (because it’s not), but he definitely could’ve done certain things to prevent it. It was so silly. 

It’s also very silly how inferior Jake feels compared to these people. He didn’t realise the extent of his self-esteem issues until today. He can only find the flaws within him, because what’s left to love? His self-esteem issues are both the result of his upbringing and the consequences of his own actions.

This trip to Jeju is something he desperately wants to avoid. He wants to spend the break in peace, rotting at home and calmly disintegrating. Not with other people. Or maybe that’s his depression speaking. He used to love being around people. At one point, his mother asked him; ‘what changed?’ He didn’t answer. He didn’t think she’d care anyway. Because she wouldn’t. She was only asking so that he could keep his social life, to uphold the Sim family name. Imagine having some loner son. What a disgrace. It was something that bothered him to this day, being the disappointment of the family. It seemed to have been decided as soon as he was born. He was just a lump of wasted potential smushed into an unstable medium.

He didn’t realise he was on autopilot mentally until he reached his door. He pulled out his key and went inside, locking the door behind him. He didn’t bother showering, nor changing. He just slipped off his shoes and got into bed. He needed to sleep until the hangover he was most definitely going to have tomorrow morning. On a Thursday. He was so very wise to drink on a Wednesday night.

Whatever it may be, he still had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn the next day and get ready for class. He had the most classes on Thursday, so he basically spent his whole day on campus. He didn’t go home until 6 PM, even though his last class ended at 1. He stayed in the library, alone, studying thermodynamics, in true Jake style. And in true Jake style, something bad just had to hit him. 

Minor inconvenience. Major inconvenience. Whatever you may call it, he had some sort of problem. The problem was sitting next to him as Jake, himself, avoided eye-contact, staring intently into the screen of his laptop. 

“We need to talk.” Heeseung whispered.

“In a library? Perfect place.” Jake replied sarcastically.

“I don’t have time for your games, Jake.” Heeseung retorted.

“I’m not playing games.” Jake finally looked up at Heeseung and shut his laptop. 

“Let’s go to the back.” The back of the library is usually super deserted, no one ever goes there.

“Fine.” Jake said, packing his things.

The walk to the back of the library was awkward and tense. The air was thick and restricted, it was hard to breathe. It’d been long since the two of the had a conversation. The last conversation they had ended and screaming and shouting. As they finally reached the end of the bookshelf, Heeseung took in a deep breath, as if he had to conserve his air for what he was about to say.

“I really like Sunoo.” Obviously.

“I know.” Jake replied dryly. “What does this have to do with me.”

“I’m going to tell him.” 

“Why?” Jake asked. It’s not like he had a problem with Sunoo knowing. That was his best friend for God’s sake. It was just unnecessary and Jake doesn’t doubt that Sunoo already knows anyway. What Jungwon said yesterday really changed Jake’s perspective on things.

“I don’t want to hurt him.” Heeseung answered promptly.

“That’s a first.” Jake said bitterly.

The air was suddenly violent and hostile. All because of three words. 

“What? Do you expect me to apologise?” Heeseung taunted. His words were provocative. As always.

“I don’t know, Heeseung.” Jake sighed. “Tell him, I don’t mind. Have a good evening.” 

Jake walked out. Tears dripped down his eyes, down to his warm cheeks and some even went past his plush lips. He just wanted to get home. Talking to Heeseung after so long wasn’t good for him. He’d honestly be okay with never having to speak to Heeseung again, as far as he was concerned he didn’t owe the latter an apology. He didn’t hurt Heeseung, it was the other way around, and Heeseung knew it.

As he walked out of campus, his eyes blurry and his hands trembling, he just had to slip and fall. There weren’t many people, but there were still a few. Sunghoon and Wonyoung being two of them, because it just so happened that the universe despises his very existence and he needed to be humiliated in front of the guy he slept with and the girl he envied so heavily.

This isn’t a romcom, so Jake did in fact fall all the way down and didn’t get caught by the man of his dreams who was going to run away with him. It was embarrassing, all the books fell out his bag, he wasn’t sure if his laptop made it, and he scraped his knee on the pavement.

He had stopped crying. He got up as quickly as he could’ve and practically ran home. He couldn’t face anyone who saw him fall. Couldn’t face anyone who saw him cry. It was warmer tonight than the day before, spring sweeping in through the winter air.

When Jake got home, he was immediately on the phone with Jungwon. He had to get it off his chest. Jungwon listened. He didn’t doubt that Jay was also there somewhere. Jake told him about the whole weekend situation, about Heeseung, about how everyone saw him fall and how much of a mortifying experience it was, and he pitiful he looked at the moment. He felt bad for how much relied on Jungwon for emotional support and stability. He really needed to stop with that.

“Jake, you’ll be fine. It’s okay. It happens. Heeseung’s probably not in the greatest state right now. Sunghoon and Wonyoung probably don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, Riki broke up with his girlfriend last week, Chaewon’s a fling or a situation or whatever. And Sunoo won’t be mad. Stop catastrophizing.” Jungwon reassured.

He just couldn’t stop sobbing. He needed to go back to therapy.

“Jake. Please come to the trip with us. I know you really don’t want to, but it’ll be good for you. Really. Yeonjun’s group will be there too. We’ve organised everything. Just come, promise it’ll be good.” Jungwon tried desperately to convince his friend. It was selfless, Jungwon just wanted Jake to get over his past.

“Won…” Jake couldn’t. He wasn’t in the right mental state.

“Jake. Please.”

“Okay.” Folded under minimal pressure, because that’s just how Jake was.

“I’ll add you to the groupchat.” He could practically hear Jungwon’s smile. 

And so that night he was added to a group chat called ‘trip.’ The name was very creative, Jake would never have guessed that that’s what it was going to be called. He searched through the members of the group chat and saw a little too many unknown numbers. 

He needed to speak to his parents about this. He can’t exactly leave the country without money. He wondered how he would convince them. 

1 unread message. 

> kitkat : We leave Monday. 

What the hell? Monday was in four days.

> Jake : like next week?

> sun :p : Yes. And please turn off the all lowercase setting Jake. 

He didn’t even have a suitcase. God, this was going to be one hell of a…? How long was the trip?

> Jake : no. and how long is the trip? 

> unknown : Like a month. We come back on the 16th of August. 

> Jake : thanks.

A month. God save Jake.