Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Before the mist, Emery had yearned for nothing more than the spotlight.

Endlessly he had practiced, aligning every trick and wonder they could fathom, traveling near and far. Hours of effort combined with years of the futile hope he had once held went into each performance, always ending with Emery alone and feeling rejected. At the end of the day, he never could get it right. Something was missing, so they sat there searching, praying, hoping that the next performance would be better. That a change in the crowd would happen and the audience would realize no less than how successful he was. Over and over would Emery try, standing on a stage with watchful eyes examing their every move.

No matter what they tried, however, the so-called "magician" was never successful. Not until the very end did things look up, and yet looking back at it didn't make him feel any better. It felt fabricated, as if Jules had built up his confidence just to tear him down even harder than he was before. That stage plagued his mind like a disease, bringing an overwhelming feeling of shame at every given moment.

The truth was, Emery wasn't bad at magic in the slightest. Spending an entire life dedicated to something would lead to talent eventually. It was the lack of confidence that had always thrown the show off. Emery, while able to put up a good front, had slowly grown weary of crowds after so many unsuccessful attempts. Even the slightest slip up can cause the whole thing to go haywire, making it not only unprofessional, but unreliable; leading to Emery keeping his composure as pristine as possible through thick and thin. Even as the stage roared in cheers, Emery had only built confidence little at a time. Something was missing, and they were going to find it.

The betrayal of Jules, however, had pushed him right back overboard, leaving them right where they were first stranded. Unconfident, nervous, and unconsciously a mess. It wasn't easy for them in the slightest. Thinking of what could've, what should've, and what *would* have been real left Emery a staggering mess. Everything he had wanted seemed so close yet was only falsified, an illusion made to haunt him. They never were close to achieving a perfect show, and that realization tore them apart mentally more than they were getting torn physically during the mist rounds.

Sitting in bed thinking of said heartbreaks, however, wouldn't lead to anything good.

The ceiling of Emery and Amari's cabin was always changing. Each crease and crevice indented into the wood of the cabin that almost seemed fabricated, an unearthly feeling surrounding the cabins upon first glance. While it was nothing more than grooves worn into the tense wood surrounding them, Emery had spent too long staring at the ceiling to waste away time to not admire them. The ceiling less than a wingspan away stood as a nothing but a boundary to block out the dreary night sky. Such a thought would always only trouble Emery more, being so close yet still so far from the stars.

Hours were often spent thinking like this. Zoning out and staring, sometimes just laying there silent as they toned out the faint breathing of their partner in the bunk below them. Due to this, he had gained a liking to laying with Amari during the night. Sleeping in eachother's arms was comfortable for the both of them as they let their problems wither away through the comfort they could maintain. The nights where they were seperate, however, always ended lonely and cold, making isolated aftermaths of an argument near torture. Shifting in his spot, Emery let out gentle sighs and stared at the side wall, annoyed yet sad that they fought yet again, leaving them alone with these thoughts. He never could get much sleep anymore.

So as the sun gently rose through the windows, a deep yawn had followed, displaying just how exhausted Emery was. Yet another sleepless night, throwing their sleep schedule through loop after loop.

Soft yawns could be heard below them as Amari slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day, leaving Emery pondering alone, feeling unsatisfied.

Something here was missing, and he wanted nothing but to find it.

They had spent so much focus on these obscure thoughts that he hadn't heard the gentle calling of his name, leaving concern from the vagrant.

"Em?"

"..Oh. Morning, Mari."

It was silent for a second as Amari looked up at Emery with discontentment.

"Did you end up sleeping?"

"..."

A sigh could be heard from below, pulling at Emery's heartstrings. He didn't necessarily want to cause distress for their partner, even after an argument. Neither of them would hold it against eachother forever, especially since they're usually about the little things. This one in particular revolved Emery trying to pry into Amari's past, in which he wasn't comfortable in sharing much about quite yet. Truthfully, it was Emery's fault to begin with, and that realization made both of them tense. Usually, it's the other way around.

"You can't just not sleep everytime we don't cuddle, you know that right?" Amari stated, giving a gentle sigh and a quick side smile to try and create conversation.

"Well.. that's not the whole reason.." Emery argued, a small smile unconsciously forming as he got up and jumped down from his bunk, stretching and looking away.

"...Em, don't take this wrong, but you look super incredibly tired. Dude, seriously, if somethings keeping you up..." He trailed off, looking up at Emery in concern.

Emery couldn't bare to face Amari. It was as if they were trapped here in this awkward confronting situation and he hated it. They were dating, yet he was embarrassed to sit here and listen to Amari confronting him about something they should've solved. It was terrible.

And yet, as avoidant as Amari was, he still knew how to show affection. Even if not all the time.

"Do you wanna stay in today?"

Whipping their head up, Emery had a puzzled look. Stay in together? After ruining things for the both of them? How, and why, did Amari get the idea that something like that would be fun with someone like Emery?

Still, the idea had shocked Emery into a gentle smile, causing them to slowly embrace. This must've been Amari's way of showing forgiveness. Either way, it was the warmth Emery needed during a cold night, so they accepted it with open arms. Leaning back, Emery pulled him eagerly onto the open bunk and they laid down content, all smiles as they gave small pecks childishly. If this lasted forever, neither of them would leave.