Chapter Text
Jung Kook is awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of a clatter and a curse.
Heart beating out of his chest, he sits up in bed. What the…
He arms himself with a pillow and his phone (What? He’s tired, don’t judge) and slides off of his bed. The cold floors send a shock up his body, sending a fresh wave of alertness up his spine before he creeps out the door on silent feet.
The soft glow of TV lights leads Jung Kook into the living room. He braces himself, holding the pillow up, ready to leap out and attack. Breathing unsteadily, he rushes into the living room.
Instead of the sight of someone robbing the small apartment (with the TV on, for some reason, of course), Jung Kook finds himself staring down at his boyfriend, slumped over on the couch, his eyes glued to his screen.
“Taehyungie? What are you doing awake at this hour?”
The older man jumps slightly, surprised. “Tokki?”
Exhaling, Jung Kook drops his guard and drops his arm (it was starting to get numb from waving the pillow around) and joins Taehyung on the couch, tucking the pillow against his chest. “Hi. I heard something and woke up.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I dropped my phone on my way to the living room,” Taehyung offers with a smile. It’s a drawn, tired smile. Jung Kook takes note of this and sits up straight.
“It’s okay. Are you okay?” Jung Kook questions, tilting his head. Taehyung looks away, his eyes flickering back to the screen. Silent cartoon images glide through his gaze.
“Fine,” Taehyung says, and he doesn’t sound fine. Jung Kook bites his lip. He’s at a loss for words.
He wishes he was more like Jin, with his thoughtful silence and good listener traits, able to sit with Taehyung and let him let it all out. He wishes he was more like Yoongi, such a kind and steady presence in their lives, always knowing just what to say and what to do to make everything better.
He’s just Jung Kook. But he has to make that enough.
“Do you want to talk?” he asks. It sounds strange, false. He’s never meant anything more.
Taehyung is quiet once again. Jung Kook shifts a little closer, hoping his silence tells Taehyung everything he wants to say.
“... not right now.”
Jung Kook does his best not to let this sting. This isn’t about you, this is about him. “Okay.”
The hum of the TV and the cars passing by outside are the only things that fill the quiet between them for a few moments. Jung Kook breathes it in, hoping his presence is felt.
“But… will you stay with me, Tokki?”
Jung Kook smiles. “Okay.”
—⋆☾—
“I am the King of Kart Rider!” Jung Kook cheers, and Taehyung groans, flopping his head back on the back of the couch.
“This isn’t fair! You’re cheating, I swear,” he grumbles. Jung Kook flashes him a grin.
“You’re just jealous! If you try hard enough, someday you can be the King of Kart Rider, too,” Jung Kook tells him solemnly. Taehyung shoves his shoulder against his boyfriend’s, but his smile is a little more genuine this time.
“Start another game, and I’ll show you who’s the boss,” Taehyung instructs, and Jung Kook gives him a salute, setting up the new race.
He hums to himself quietly as he taps away at the buttons. He can feel the mood shift suddenly, and he holds his breath, not wanting to scare it away. The air seems to bend a little closer to Taehyung, and he does the same, straining to listen to his words.
“I don’t… um, I don’t sleep well, Tokki.”
Jung Kook’s hands stop moving. He pauses the game and the bright, cheerful music filling the apartment they share with their two friends gone on vacation goes quiet. He turns to face his boyfriend.
Taehyung’s eyes are a little watery and he sniffles softly, blinking quickly. He manages a small smile at Jung Kook before he looks down at his hands.
“Oh, Taehyung… I’m so sorry,” Jung Kook says, and Taehyung begins to cry.
When he hugs Taehyung, he can feel the tears soaking through his soft, thin sleeping shirt. He doesn’t mind, only holding him closer.
“It’s okay to cry, okay? I’m here for you.”
Taehyung’s body shakes with every sob. Jung Kook feels his eyes burning and he leans down, laying his head atop Taehyung’s.
“I’m here when you’re ready to talk. If… if you want to talk. I’m here. You’ll be alright…”
Jung Kook wraps his arms firmly around Taehyung’s body. He begins to hum again, hoping it’s more soothing than bothersome.
When Taehyung’s body stops trembling, he speaks again.
“I just… I get so stressed out. I’m so anxious, and I don’t know why, Tokki. I’m so tired. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep, and I just…” Jung Kook squeezes him, and Taehyung goes on. “I just wanna be happier.”
Jung Kook swears he can feel his heart breaking. His mouth is dry. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I wish it was. I wish I could make it stop, if it was my fault. If it was my fault, I’d make it all stop for you,” Jung Kook whispers, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. Taehyung chokes out a laugh.
“I know. I love you, Jung Kook,” Taehyung sighs. “I wish I could just… sleep.”
To Jung Kook, it doesn’t fully make sense. He brushes a strand of Taehyung’s hair away from his face, dragging his thumbs over the bags beneath Taehyung’s beautiful eyes. If he’s tired, why doesn’t he sleep?
But it isn’t as simple as that, Jung Kook knows this. Still holding Taehyung, he tries to be helpful. He tries to think back to when he was younger…
Faintly, he can remember sleepless nights as a child. When it got bad, when the monsters beneath his bed and the sharp-toothed demons hidden in his closet petrified him, he would make a run for it. From the safety of the warm, dark tent in his bedsheets, Jung Kook would run to find his mother.
He can remember this clearly now, curling up on the couch, his head cushioned on her lap. She would sing him songs, combing her rough fingers through his soft, short hair until he fell asleep, dreaming of clouds and the powerful, strong creatures that flew amongst them. He would dream of joining them, becoming strong enough to beat back any demons, until he could sleep peacefully on his own.
“Let’s go to sleep,” Jung Kook suggests softly.
“I don’t want to be alone.” Taehyung’s voice is as quiet as it’s ever been. It’s fragile, easy to shatter. Jung Kook would never break it.
“I’ll stay with you. Always and forever.”
Taehyung looks up, and something complicated flickers through his gaze. Something hopeful, something broken, something hurt. Jung Kook reaches out and squeezes his hand.
“Do you promise?” Taehyung asks finally.
“I promise.”
—⋆☾—
When Jung Kook holds Taehyung against his body in his own bed, he feels the steady beat of a heart against his own through their clothes. Taehyung is warm, so warm that Jung Kook doesn’t mind that the front of his shirt is still soaked with salt water.
Quietly, Jung Kook hums a song, one that he remembers his mother singing for him. So close to Taehyung, he can feel the tension slide out of his body.
“Are you comfortable?” Jung Kook murmurs, threading his fingers through Taehyung’s hair.
“Yeah,” Taehyung hums softly, snuggling closer. He even smells warm, like sleep has already settled in around him. Jung Kook finds this entirely too endearing.
“Sleep if you can, my love. If not, I’ll stay here with you and talk,” Jung Kook offers. Taehyung tucks his face into the crook of Jung Kook’s neck and goes still.
“Thank you, Tokki. I think… I think I’m okay right now.”
“Okay,” Jung Kook says, because that’s all he could ever ask for. For Taehyung to be okay in that moment with him.
“Goodnight, Tokki,” Taehyung mumbles. Jung Kook smiles.
“Goodnight, V Hyung.”
—⋆☾—
Taehyung finds himself curled up against Jung Kook’s warmth every single night after that night. It’s a comforting ritual, to feel Jung Kook’s arms around him, to hear the quiet song he hums.
There, right there, close to the person who matters most to him in this world, Taehyung succumbs to the most peaceful sleep he’d ever had, again and again.