Chapter Text
“Phil!”
The yell went into the empty hallway and then promptly returned to the kitchen, signalling it hasn’t been heard, or rather not listened to.
“PHILLIP!”
This time the yell didn’t even bother leaving the room. It stayed and echoed, becoming louder and louder with each passing second, expressing its dismay at being let out just to be ignored. Finally, its originator couldn’t stand it anymore and left to find the person they’ve been calling. As they breezed past the kitchen door, their floor-length polka dot dress got jumped on by a little mouse. The small animal mistook one of the former black, now faded brown dots on the bottom of the skirt for a tasty bread crumb – but before it could secure a bite, it was thrown off by the forceful yell, which, until now, has been whirling around the cramped kitchen and gaining strength with each circle.
“Phil?”
He was sat in the bathroom, balancing on the edge of a shiny black bath. His expression was ambigous. There was moisture on his eyelashes, but his bright blue eyes showed no palpable sadness. In the center of his iris, though, was a hole, presumably made by a fear worm. He looked up, and quietly sighed.
“Dan… I’m pregnant.”
The addressee didn’t know how to react at first. They never thought this was possible. Not because they didn’t think it could happen, it just… didn’t coincide with the vision of their life. The combination of the two of them… a random selection from their mixed gene pool… yes, it was the randomness of it all that was the most disturbing to Dan. This offspring was going to be one of a kind – if it had been conceived a second earlier or later, it would have been completely different. That was what deeply concerning to them. After all, they had gone through this process as well themselves, and they’ve never been fully satisfied with the outcome.
Dan stood and pondered for a while. Suddenly, they flinched from pain. Something started eating through their eyeball. “I’m sorry, Dan, I really should have chosen a better time to tell you-” Phil said in an apologetical tone. Dan tried to recollect their calm and embrace the ache caused by the worm. “No, it’s fine, you went through this as well, ouch, it’s supposed to give you a clearer view of things, after all, and, fuck, sorry, I mean, and you’re gonna have to go through even worst things in the near future, OW…” Dan started tearing up. Then they noticed Phil doing the same.
“Does…” started Phil haltingly. “Does that mean… you want to keep it?” Dan nodded. “I thought you never wanted children?” Phil was perplexed. “What happened to all the ‘society is shit, the human race will be extinct in 5 years due to global warming, the world is coming to an end’ stuff you always keep going on about?”
“I just… I just feel like I cannot keep running away from everything. There are things in life I need to face… I think this is one of them. I believe it’s time. The right one.”
“But I’ll have to quit my job!” Phil blurted out. He was overall happy, but couldn't suppress the anxiety he felt about the future. “I won’t have the energy to keep making videos whilst with a child. And I doubt NordVPN would be interested in sponsoring my birth livestream. Where will we get money from? How will we pay the phortgage?”
“I think it’s time to retire from being a housespouse,” responded Dan. “And return. Come back… to YouTube. But first… first I’ll need to confess. Everything. From the very beginning.”