Chapter Text
TO: ENVYAS ALDDONT
FROM: THERON SHAN
SUBJECT: for if you wake up
Enva,
As of today, it’s been one year since you disappeared. Well, not exactly disappeared, because I know exactly where you are. I know you haven’t gone anywhere. I cross my fingers every day and hope that I’m right, that you’re still alive. Wherever you might be right now, as I write this down, that you’re still breathing.
If you ever read this, I want to tell you, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, that I’m sorry. I was there — you must have felt it, my presence. You’re too strong for that not to happen. You’re too perfect. You’re too beautiful. You must have felt my hand on yours, even if only for a moment. Wherever you are now, I need it to have been at least a flicker, even one second of feeling. The knowledge that you had sensed me there is all I’ll have left of you.
I’d always sworn to myself that I would protect you, I would be your guardian from everything in the galaxy that wants to bring you down. After every evil that had hurt you, everyone that had been taken from you, I couldn’t let anything else harm you. Not even intend to. I swore to myself, time and again.
But I should have known. I should have known there was something wrong, I should have listened to the feeling that was destroying me inside, begging me to stop, to rethink it all. I should have done something.
I will never ask anything of you from now on. I don’t want to burden you any further, the galaxy has already done that enough. It doesn’t deserve you, it never has, it was never meant for someone as good as you. But I want to ask just one thing, the most unselfish thing I can think of.
I want you to return. I want you to stand before me and tell me, with your own voice, that you’re okay. I want to see you with my own eyes, see the you that I’ve cherished for my whole life. I want to be able to tell you in person that I love you, I have always loved you, and let you hear it for yourself. No matter what you’d say.
Okay… maybe that’s more than one thing.
It hurts to remember. Every time I think of you, I’m reminded that of it. Of everything.
Please wake up. Wake up and let me look at you.
Theron