Chapter Text
Dick was excited, joining justice league was his dream. Let’s conveniently forget about the part, where Batman didn’t approve of any of it.
He will be able show off to Jason. He may be an adult, but he never grew up, Waynes rarely do. Being annoying and sarcastic runs in their nature. And he WILL be annoying about it, cause has just joined THAT Justice League and Jason can SUCK IT!
He went into the zeta tube and chose the destination: The Watch Tower. His eyes almost sparkled as he tightened the box in his hands.
He had to bring some stuff with him, like a pot plant, sticky notes, few notebooks, a laptop and mug saying SUCK IT DAD (yes he had it custom made… as a joke of course).
Is he treating it a little too much like a corporate job? Yes, he is. Does it bother him? I mean… kinda?
Bludheaven and Titans will always be his priority, but like HOLY CRAP HE IS A PART OF JUSTICE LEAGUE!
After a second or two he was there, he looked around in amazement and aww.
For legal reasons he can’t say he was here before. Because he and Jason definitely didn’t steal B’s passkey, just to look around the place.
But this time the view hits differently, somehow.
“Hello there, I would like to congratulate you on becoming a member of the league, Nightwing” J’onn greeted.
“Thank you so much Maritan. It means a lot” He smiled back at the man (?)
He walked towards where he assumed the kitchen would be. The door slid open revealing Flash.
“YO! HI! I really didn’t expect you to be so early. Did you have any trouble getting here, you know with the zeta tubes? Most new comers get stuck in it, I was stuck in it for like 2 hours, because I couldn’t figure out how it works, so no need to be ashamed. A lot of stuff you got there buddy, don’t you? Just don’t trip and fall…I’m really happy you are here thou!” He started rambling and Dick could bearly keep up, but better not to show it.
“I didn’t have any problem with the tubes, thank you for your concern. I am happy to be here too” He quickly responded.
“Hope to see you around!” Flash said leaving the room.
Dick walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen and put his box down. He took out the mug and opened one of the cupboards, where he assumed where the mugs and cups would be.
He turned around to and to his sheer terror saw Batman standing ominously in the doorway.
“EEEk! Holy crap B! Can you not do that next time?! I don’t want to die from a heart attack” Jason would never let him live it down… Hell! Even Tim wouldn’t!
“It’s nice seeing you again” Batman said with his batman-typical monotone broody voice. Not many people knew it was a voice changer that added the broodiness.
“You too…” Well now it’s awkward. It’s their first meeting after he disobeyed his dad/ boss and joined the league, which his dad was clearly against.
“I will try not to do that next time…”
“Wha- oh! That will be really appreciated Batman, thank you” He looked up at his dad and he saw the way B’s eyes saddened and that kind of hurt him. B didn’t like to be called Batman by his kids (or Bruce for that matter).
“… I am really happy for you. Even if it’s not what I wanted for you, but it’s clear you earned it with your hard work and determination.” B said turning around and heading back.
He grabbed from behind and hugged his back. He felt his dad stiffen for a moment and then relax.
“Thank you B. It means a lot more than you think” he mumbled not sure, who could hear them.
B turned around and they shared a look, they were thinking the exact same thing. Someone was listening in.
“So… how do things work around here? Where can I put my stuff?” He said with a cheery tone. He put his hands together and started gesturing.
Sign language was mandatory in the Wayne house hold. Because A) It’s useful during missions B) Metas can’t overhear shit they should (Eckem …Superman Eckem) C) They could communicate with mute and deaf people, which also made it handy D) Chatting during the lessons was much easier and more fun.
Nightwing signed: [I love you dad]
Which consisted of demon horns with his thumb extended (ILY) and then his right thumb to his forehead with the rest of thumbs extended (Dad)
His dad’s eyes softened. It was such a small movement almost nobody would notice, well except for him, Cass and Alfred.
“Don’t worry after you get introduced to everybody, I will give you a tour of how all the equipment works.” B said in a strict tone. As if he didn’t know the rules ( The same as in bat-cave, except for snacks next to the computer).
[I Love you too son] Batman signed back.
He did the devil horns with the thumb (ILY), then he let his hand fall down almost to his waist he folded the index finger leaving the thumb and pinky, he shook it left to right couple of times (too). He saluted downwards and touched the other elbow with it (son).
Dick smiled and his dad did too. They just had to hope that somebody with X-ray vision wasn’t watching.
“So are you going to tell me who nominated me, cause I know for a FACT it wasn’t you?” He said looking at his dad with big puppy big eyes.
“No.” B said shortly.
“Pretty please” he blinked his eyes pleadingly.
B rolled his right hand into a fist with his thumb on the outside.
[S] His dad signed rolling his eyes.
Wait- WAIT! Does that mean S as in SUPERMAN? Holy SHIT! Now those are bragging rights, Jason is gonna be SO MAD.
His IDOL the one he adored for ALL OF HIS LIFE, has decided he was worthy of being one of the best in the world. HOLY SHIT! He will never shut up about it.
“Are you being serious B? Like this isn’t some sort of unfunny joke, right?”
“Come everybody is waiting to meet you”
They left the room and B walked in front into the conference room with the almost legendary table at this point.
And there they were on the left side of the table sat THE Superman (aka Clark Kent) and Green lantern (aka Hal Jordan). On the left side was THE one and only Wonder Woman (aka Diana Prince). There was also an empty seat for Hawkgirl (aka Shayera Hol).
The seat at the top of the table evidently belonged to his father
Yes, he studied them, yes it was a violation of their privacy, BUT he had a good reason, he swears. Besides that’s how dad thought him.
Ho-ly crap. Someone pinch him, it felt unreal especially with the view.
“Hello there Nightwing, it’s a pleasure and an honor to have you here. I would like to officially welcome you to the Justice League. I hope this cooperation will prove fruitful.” Diana said smiling gently at him, like the goddess she is.
“Pleasure is all mine” he responded with a nod of his head.
“Nice to meet you, I hope we will work great together” Green lantern said standing up and walking over to shake his hand.
“I hope so too” He said glancing at his dad for a second. He definitely looked proud.
“Congratulations Nightwing” Superman said coldly almost. Which wasn’t like his typical self. Something felt off.
“Thank you very much sir” he said with another nod of his head.
He glanced at B, who also started paying attention to Superman. Huh so this is unusual behaviour, got it, interesting. But he took a closer look at his dad’s ALMOST invisible eyes behind the cowl. They were intense and warm.
Oh… his dad REALLY cares about Superman. Now THIS is fascinating.
Damn! 15 minutes here and he already got some good gossip for Barb.
-{ … }-
Dick yawned walking in to the common area. He had an unpleasant run in with some escaped monsters created by Dollmaker. It was weird to see him in Bludhaven, so he checked the League’s database (which was a GREAT excuse to go to the watchtower again) and now he needed to patch himself up, before he got a nasty infection.
He grabbed a first aid kit and started walking in the general visinity of the resting area. When suddenly, he spotted his old man sitting in the kitchen with a laptop and few screens and a notepad.
B was doing research. but why in the kitchen? He hated the very thought of food being next to the bat-computer. So why?
“hey B, what’re ya doing?” He asked in the most annoying voice he could.
“hello Nightwing, and nothing of your business” He sounded annoyed, which meant he was tired.
“ how long have you been up?” he asked not expecting his dad to answer.
“… too long” Okay since ‘long enough’ was about 4 days, then ‘too long” meant more than 100 hours but less than 140 (after 140 he just stays quiet or asks you to kill him).
“Sounds like someone needs a good coffee” Dick says smugly. “…If I make it for you, will you tell me what are you working on?” He adds more sincerely hoping for his dad to take the bait.
B looked up at him clearly tired, then his eyes widened a bit panicked. …Oh shit he saw the wounds from today.
It wasn’t BAD, at least it didn’t FEEL like it, but it LOOKED REALLY BAD. As if he got his arm stuck in a bread cutter.
“I’m all good B, don’t have to worry. I even brought the first aid kit, see…” He said moving his injured arm and pointing at the stuff he brought.
His dad’s shoulders visibly relaxed, but his eyes remained unsure.
“Imma make you your favourite coffee, then you can worry. Okay?” He said, to which Batman just went back to his work. Once a dad alway a dad.
Dick went up to the machine and started it. Opened the cabinet and started looking for his dad’s mug.
When he spotted it he grinned. It was the one Tim gave him 2 years ago on Christmas during their annual ugly mug competition. (Usually it’s either a meme, #1 dad related or batman related, bonus points if it has 2 at once).
It was one of those that reveal a design when they are hot. At first glance it just had the bat-logo, but when he started filling it up with the hot espresso and steamed milk the words started appearing.
‘I’m not saying I’m batman, but no one ever saw me and batman in a room together’ Tim smiled as he looked at the cup
(And yes Tim won that year, even Damian agreed, surprisingly)
He poured in the caramel and chocolate syrup and put it next to B. For how big of an edge lord his dad was his coffee order SCREAMED teenage girl.
He put the mug down with a little thud. His dad picked it up and took a little, but audible slurp.
“So… what’s bothering you?” Dick asked siting on his dad right and peeking at the screen.
“yeah that’s it… I missed this so much, since you moved out… no one can do the coffee like you do… And don’t tell that to Alfred”
He snorted “And what if I will?” But his dad only glared at him and grabbed the kit from across the table.
B stood up. “Sit.” He commanded. Dick sat down and started reading thru the files. In the mean time the other man took out the needle, thread, some disinfectant and tweezers.
Ahhh… Just like old times. Getting his ass whooped, because of a minor mistake, a silent angry dad and getting stitched up and working on a next plan.
Good old days… the only things that’s missing is the talking to, but he isn’t nostalgic about those.
…Huh, something is off about those documents.
“Someone broke into Blackgate’s database”
“Were the passwords stolen? Don’t they change automatically after that?”
“ No, from what the Oracle found they only looked at the prison logs. But yes the passwords were also changed”
“Well that’s unusual, is someone important in there right now?”
“That’s what I was trying to find out, but to my knowledge no. The only thing i noticed was that Penguin is there, but lately he is on his best behaviour. I’m looking in at the order they were downloaded in.”
“It’s a lot of data? Must have left a trace. Check the tower see if any of them had abnormal activity during the time of the attack” he said, to which his dad started looking thru towers.
Finally they pinpointed something… a little city… west to Metropolis.
“Okay I’ll have Oracle send Tim and Cass there to ask around, while I look thru the CCTV of the cameras located nearby, see if they caught something.” His dad groaned, looking thru footage was honestly the most exhausting task of them all. it could take DAYS or even WEEKS to find a valuable lead.
He will most likely come home in few hours to watch it in the batcave.
“… And all done” B said moving away from him.
“thanks B… Hey I had a question… but more of a request…” He said trying to sound as inconspicuous as possible. But evidently B isn’t buying his crap. Batman raised his eyebrow.
“So like I’m injured and I have my own case to do, and you seem like you will be here for a while, and like I was planning to go home anyway-“
“Get to the point”
“Can I borrow the Batmobile?” He said blinking up at his dad with the biggest smile he could muster.
He heard something rustle, but never mind that. He had a shot at driving the best car on the east side of the globe AND if he played his cards right HE COULD.
B grumbled, then silence, then a sigh.
FUCK YEAH! HE WON! Maybe he should start playing poker.
“But if you scratch it or go over the speed limit-“
“-you will rain hell upon my bloodline” or write me out of the will. He added to himself.
“That’s right.” Nightwing swithly grabbed the keys from his dad’s utility belt and almost skipped out of the common room.
He smirked to himself, he could tease his dad about being a big old sofie.
“THANKS YOU’RE THE BEST DADDY! SEE YOU LATE-” But his words when he hit a wall.
A wall? There wasn’t one here before?
He groaned and looked up. And OH SHIT THAT’S SUPERMAN! OH god. (No wonder they call him the man of steel).
The look in his eyes could be summarised in one word and it would be: flabbergasted.
Like literally his flabbers were ghasted.
It only took Dick a second TOO LONG, to realise WHY the older man was looking like that.
He called Batman daddy. HE CALLED THE BATMAN ALSO KNOWN AS THE MOST SERIOUS GUY IN THE ENTIRE FLIPPING UNIVERSE, DADDY! A TERM SO OVERSEXUALIZED, HE WOULD RATHER ROTT IN CELL WITH MISTER RIDDLE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE THAN HAVE IT USED ON HIM.
Okay there are two outcomes of this whole conversation, depending on how bad he fucked up. (And how smark Clark is).
Option 1: He reveals their identities, which can in-turn:
A) Do absolutely nothing, because Clark can be trusted
B) get them kicked out of the league
C) Cause an international scandal and maybe let everybody know that Bruce Wayne has children the public doesn’t know about.
D) Reveal all of their identities, which would make them a target of all the supervillains in Gotham (maybe even continent) Which would lead to their certain and painful death of his whole family.
Option 2: He lies about being a kinky bastard
A) He wouldn’t live down the mortification, he would have to leave the Justice League and the state.
Right now he doesn’t know what to hope for. None of those sound good.
“…Hey Superman…” he says just walking past him. Towards the zeta tubes and in the rush he almost trips over.
Well Shit…
Hopefully he didn’t hear any of… what ever that was. (he most likely did)
Congratulations Richard Grayson Wayne you screwed up. In front of your idol at that. Just great.
Let’s just hope he forgets it, or like never bringing it up is also a sufficient option.
-{…}-
He heard Jason try to sing a shanty, while drunk off his ass. It made his ears fall off, but at least the video is always fun to rewatch.
But this, whatever it was, sounded worse, somehow. It was as if a chimpanzee got put through a meat grinder, came back the other side and screamed for vengeance with Satan by its side.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE?!” Nightwing yelled running in the direction of conference room.
“IT WON’T STOP WAILING!” Flash said running around. He was clearly stressed.
“WHAT’S NOT GOING TO STOP?!” Nightwing yelled looking around the place.
Green Lantern with his cheek on the table looking like he is ready to cry. Green Arrow hitting his head against the wall. Superman sitting at his seat covering his ears with his hands, looking physicly ill (His super hearing ain’t that much of an asset, now is it?).
He still can’t locate, where the noise is comming from. Until, he sees Wonder Woman and Hawkman next to the gigant window, with a yellow bundle cradled between them.
OH MY GOD IT WAS A BABY! No scratch that A META BABY!
“Oh my GOD! WHOSE IS IT?!” He asked confused looking from person to person.
“I DON’T KNOW! FOUND IT IN STAR CITY, TRIED TO CHECK WITH THE DATABASE FOR PARENTS AND IT STARTED WAILING! TURNS OUT IT’S A META AND CAN’T BE LEFT UNSUPERVISED IN A CITY OR WITH THE POLICE, SO I BROUGHT IT HERE!” Green Arrow yelled, clearly the most tired one.
“IT’S NOT AN IT! IT’S A SHE! YOU CAN’T DEHUMANISE HER LIKE THAT!” Hawkman yelled clearly annoyed.
He heard a faint bearly audible shhhhh comming from Diana, who looked like she was trying her best.
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL SHE IS RIGHT NOW! I WANT HER OUT OF HERE! THROW HER OUT OF THE TOWER FOR ALL I CARE! EVEN BOY SCOUT OVER THERE IS DONE!” Green Arrow yelled annoyed, pointing at Superman with his whole hand. The man in question just looked up, made eye contact with Nightwing and went down again. Not a good sign.
“YEAH LET’S LET A BABY META ROAM THE CITY, WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?!” Green Lantern yelled.
“WHY HAS NOBODY CALLED BATMAN?!” Nightwing yelled. Cause like if there is a crisis of the category: baby, wouldn’t it be logical to call a guy, who has the most expirience?
They all looked at him like he is deranged or grown a second head.
“Fine I will do it myself” he said more to himself than them (and maybe superman).
He walked out and closed the door behind him. He pressed the button on his intercom.
It took a second to connect.
“What is it Nightwing? Did something happen? What is dying it the back” His dad asked worried, there was some rustling in the back
“Yeah, so Green Arrow brought an infant to test, cause turns out she’s a meta and shouldn’t be left alone”
“Logical” there was something moving in the background and a little ‘what is it dad?’ came from Tim.
“And she is screaming her little head off in the Watchtower, and- Superman is dying I think-“ his dad beats him to the punch and says.
“I’m coming over, I’ll be there in 7 minutes” and the connection ends.
Phew… once a dad always a dad.
Suddenly he gets a call from his intercom.
“Yo what is it?” Expecting either dad or Tim.
“What is this ungodly screeching?” Surprise suprise it’s Damien.
“A baby, what do you need Robin?”
“Is it true that father is adopting Green Arrows child?”
“First of all not Green Arrows, Second NO! What gave you that impression?”
“I overheard your conversation” and then another voice came ‘If you’re gonna eavesdrop do it properly at least!’ Tim yelled. ‘You almost gave Jason a heart attack!’
Why would Jason be so stressed out?
Oh! OH NO! Dad is meeting an orphan (possibly) that sounds worse than Catwoman’s nails on a chalkboard.
OH HELL NAH! Their family is loud enough as it is! They don’t need a meta baby!
Tim grabbed the intercom from Damian, to which the younger reacted with a ‘hey! Give that back you uncultured swine!’
“Dick I am begging you don’t let my worst fears happen! You have to stop him!”
“Yeah okay, I will do my Best to stop him”
“OUR LIVES DEPEND ON YOU DICK!”
Then the call ended. He could hear the zeta tube at work. Okay he is here… it’s been 4 minutes, 2 minutes faster than expected.
Okay let’s do this.
Operation: Don’t let Batman adopt another loud-ass kid, since having Damian and Jason is enough. Proceeds.
Batman arrives and almost winces at the noise. Me too dad me too. He thought to himself.
“Thanks for arriving on such a short notice, Superman looks like he wants to fly himself into the back hole or swallow kryptonite!”
“Is he okay?!” Batman yells speed-walking past him, but the concern in his voice clear as day in all the chaos.
That’s interesting
“I DON’T THINK SO!” He yells louder as they get closer. Batman speeds up.
Awww he really cares.
B slams the door open and for a moment everything seems to stop (even the baby). Every member looked mortified.
“IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK SPOOKY” Barry shouts throwing his hands up in surrender.
“Batman hey-“ Superman stood up and tried walking towards the man, but Batman was quicker. He pulled something out of his utility belt, then put both of his hands on either side of Superman.
Well that’s… romantic… Oh wait no he is just putting earplugs into Clarks ears.
B nodded his head towards the door, signalling Superman to leave. Which he did a bit sadly. ( HE LOOKED LIKE A KICKED PUPPY, but like 6 foot 4)
“Diana give me the infant” He demanded. To which she covered the child with her body defensively.
“What are you going to do?” She asked warily.
“Shut it up” he responded, which sounded way too ominously than it had to. Everyone gasped.
“Hey calm down man we can deal with it, it’s just a baby, we don’t need to neutralise it.” Green Arrow said worried.(even if was all in for throwing the infant into the sun, not even 2 minutes prior)
Batman rolled his eyes annoyed. He turned to Flash and said “Barry go buy some baby formula, stage 2 most likely, and a baby bottle”
Flash looked at him stunned and yelled and OKAY BOSS! While running out as if lightning struck his butt. It was basically his version of: ‘You deal with it, good luck’.
“Dick go boil some water” He said and looked again at Wonder Woman “I am not going to hurt her Diana”
The woman now much less sceptical, goes over to B and passes him the wailing baby, much to Hawkman’s surprise.
B grabbed the child and held it to his chest tightly.
Barry run back inside with a can of baby powder and a NORMAL bottle, with some childish design on the side. Looking around for something (most likely trying to find the non-existent baby corpse floating thru space).
“You think she’ll be able to drink out of that Barry? She will choke in an instant. Go fetch a BABY bottle, you know the kind that has a PACIFIER?”
Flash’s mouth fell agape, he left the big can on the meeting room table. He turned back around and run towards zeta tubes.(again)
Batman rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh.
He scrunched up his nose, he pulled the yellow blanket off of the baby.
Everyone gasped as if he was about to throw the baby outside the tower and the blanket was too precious to get lost in the stratosphere.
He let the the fabric fall to the floor. He secured the baby in his left arm and taking the cape off with his right. Then he carefully wrapped his cape around the baby girl, who was still screaming her head off, but like somehow less…
“Who put that itchy blanket around her?” He looked around the crowd who were starting at him mouths agape. their eyes landed on Green Arrow.
“Never have children” he responded leaving the room with the infant still cradled in his arm. Everybody still ready to jump over the table to reach the baby before anything happens.
“And don’t follow me.” He commanded leaving the meeting room and going (most likely) to the common room instead.
Flash run in with a bottle in hand looking confused, at all the people gathered looking at B’s leaving figure.
Shit! He forgot about the water! He run to the kitchen to get the process started.
———
“How do you know how to prepare a baby bottle?” Oliver asked leaned over the counter with a beer in hand (because and I quote: no way I’m getting thru anymore of this sober)
“Damian brought 4 kittens home and we needed to feed them somehow and to be honest it isn’t much different” He said without really thinking.
Hal raised an eyebrow “Okay…and who is Damian exactly?”
“No one important really” He shaking the bottle.
Superman walked in with Wonder Woman looking back at the corridor (most likely the room where his dad is sitting).
“Hawkman could you go give B the bottle for the baby it should be okay to drink?” As he threw it at Carter.
“No problem” he responded catching the object.
“Just remember to knock!” He called after the man.
The silence stretched thick across the room, then all eyes snapped to him.
“I’m sorry to ask this of you Nightwing, but the curiosity is eating me alive” Diana started.
“Huh what’s up” he said taking a swig from his beer.
“Why did you- How did you know that Batman would be good with the baby?” She asked hesitantly.
He choked a bit. “I don’t know what you-“ He got cut off by Flash running in.
“Nobody is buying your bull shit, sorry man” Barry said opening the fridge and grabbing some type of snack
Dick gazed up at the people in the room, Diana had her hand on the lasso and Clark could hear his heart beat, he ain’t gaslighting or mansplaining his way out of this one
“Yeah okay… I didn’t if he would be good with infants, but I just hoped that once a dad, always a dad… you know…”
A loud sound of a glass hitting the floor and shattering.
“What the hell Oliver?! Be carefu-“ The words died out in his throat as he saw the other man’s eyes.
They were open wider than should be humanly possible.
“What. The. Fuck?!!” Barry yelled. Which made Dick’s attention snap to the man. His jaw was almost touching the ground.
“Nah ah. No way. I don’t believe it. You must have miss-spoken, right? RIGHT?!” Hal looked deranged a bit.
Why is everybody acting like this, it’s not like they didn’t know… right?
Oh fuck…
He doesn’t know if he should be mad (that dad kept them hidden) or start looking for a place at the cemetery, since B IS going to break his no-killing rule just for him.
He looked at Diana and Superman for help, but they looked just as confused as the other. Oh shit… they didn’t know either…
In that instant Nightwing realised the situation went from oh crap to oh the whole Gotham’s sewage system.
“What the hell is going on here? Bat over there wants you to keep it quiet” Hawkman walks in almost pissed looking.
“YEAH! Tell him Nightwing, WHAT THE EVEN WAS THAT?!” Hal yelled hysterically.
“I-I might have been mistaken? He looks like a dad-“
“BULLSHIT! NOBODY EVER LOOKED AT SPOOKY AND THOUGHT ‘AH YES THAT IS A ROLE MODEL OF A FAMILY MAN’ LIKE EVER!” Barry yelled at the top of his lungs, which made Hawkman look even more confused and pissed.
Clark walked towards him and put his hand on Dick’s shoulder, took a deep breath and stared straight into his eyes.
“Nightwing. You weren’t lying when you said ‘once a dad, always a dad’ what do you mean by that. I don’t want to believe everything I hear, so I will ask you. Do you have any proof?” Clark said professionally ( he kinda is required to do that at his job),but with some sort of sadness behind his eyes.
“yes let’s get some proof.” Diana said looking a bit shaken up.
Deep breath, you already have reserved a space in the Wayne cementary. You know what…Fuck it.
“I mean… I didn’t turn out perfect per se, but I think im a okay ish” He said scratching.
“What are you talking abou-“ Oliver said looking confused, but Barry screamed. He understood.
“YOU ARE SPOOKY’S KID!” Then realisation dawned on them.
Diana looked at him dumbfounded, Hawkman was rooted into his spot, Barry was running up and down the walls like a crazy rabid dog. Oliver took a big swig and downed a freshly opened bottle and mumbled something about ‘I need to get hammered’.
But Clark’s reaction was the biggest one, it was almost… excessive.
As if all his hopes and dreams had been ruined and his family murdered. The sadness and grief laid heavy behind those eyes.
The silence stretched thick
“So that’s why you called him daddy?” Superman asked dejected.
And B doesn’t need to kill him, he will do it himself with pleasure.
Oliver spat out his beer “YOU WHAT?! Please tell me he is joking” He looked pleadingly at Dick, he in-turn looked up at the ceiling. “Oh my fucking god! You REALLY DID IT
“This is hilarious!”Barry said stopping for a second just to laugh at his misfortune.
“That’s why you call him by that nickname!” Hawkman piped up to which Nightwing nodded. And a wave of oh’s went around the room. Dick was confused, which must have been visible.
“Barry got throw across the room, when he tried to give Batman a nickname. So we were weirded out by the fact that you didn’t end up on the wall after calling him B. But I guess that explains it.”
The silence overcame the room as everybody processed what ever this revelation was.
Then Hal chimed up with “Was Batman a teen dad?” Which was like an unprovoked left hook to the nuts for Dick.
”What? No! How old do you think I am?” He asked (almost) physically pained.
“I don’t know. Like mid 20s?” He responded and once again all eyes on him.
“Huh well you’re not wrong. Wait! How old do you think B is?”
“40ish? Maybe even younger.” Hal looked around the room as they nodded, they all seemed to agree
It took dick like a kick to the balls. He just wasn’t expecting that okay! I mean his dad didn’t’t look his age with all that expensive skincare and with half of his face covered they could mistake him for someone way younger. BUT STILL THAT’S MORE THAN A DECADE! (He could only hope that somehow some of those genes transferred to him.)
“Now you are way off.” He said taking a swig of what’s left of his beer. Diana raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.
“Batman is over 50.” He declared. Hal, Oliver and Clark choked. Hawkman looked back at the door behind which Batman was still with a baby and back at them.
“No way. You are screwing with us” Hawkman said.
“No I’m really not he is 52. And I wish I looked this good when I am his age.” He said grabbing a pack of pretzels and opening them with a little pop.
“THAT’S NOT FAIR! He can’t be smart and handsome AND rich! That’s not fair!” Oliver lamented.
“Aren’t you a billionaire Oliver? And you are not… bad looking” Hawkman said trying to sound convincing.
“You lack in the brain departament thou” Barry said with mouth full of something.
“I mean he isn’t THAT rich?” Hal said looking at Dick.
“Psssshhh Have so seen how much does his gear costs? NO FUCKING WAY HE IS POOR” Oliver yelled
Hal looked at him to deny that sentence, but he honestly couldn’t his dad was the richest second man in the world (right behind Aquaman, because all of his assets are liquidated, get it?) if B did that he would be richer. And with Kardashian level of famous, his dad is honestly a celebrity.
His silence served as an enough of an answer.
“OH COME ON!” Green lantern yells frustrated.
“I hope he is ugly under the cowl” he adds with a frown.
Dick smiled and grabbed a hand full of pretzels, shoving them to his mouth one by one. The whole place was finally quiet, but Diana was clearly concerned, her gazed landed on Clark. Who was almost… grief stricken.
What’s going on?
Then he felt Barry’s gaze burning holes into the back of his head.
“What is it?” He asked not even turning around.
“So like I’m assuming you know his identity and he knows yours, but like does your mom know?” He asked quickly.
He snorted.
“Yes and No ” He said with a mouth full of pretzels.
“Well that must go well every time you patrol” Hal said sarcastically
“Maybe something like ‘Hi HoNeY WhErE aRe YoU gOiNg?’ And Batman in full costume responds ‘No where babe go to sleep’ must be really funny to watch” Oliver imitated with a high pitched voice for the mom and a really deep and broody for batman.
Dick found it funny, to imagine watching your husband (a world renowned billionaire ) leaves for the town, but in reality he gets into his fursona to legally beat up people. Yeah that’s quite funny.
time to drop the bomb… the orphan card.
“Nah it ain’t going like that, she has been dead for 17 year” he said grabbing opening another beer.
Dick could swear on his life that he heard every single buttchick in that room clench (Superman probably could). Awakward…
“I am so sorry” Oliver said visibly mortified.
“Oh don’t worry it doesn’t bother me, B did great as a single parent. He took great care of me after my parents died. Well maybe not GREAT, but good for sure.” He nodded.
“Wait Hold up. Parents? Plural? “ Barry caught on quickly
“Yeah they were killed in front of my eyes” The whole room shared confused look and winced. Trauma dumping on coworkers AWSOME.
“Oh! I’m adopted.” A round of aaaah’s goes around the room.
“So… like do you have a stepmom? Does she know about…it?” Barry said pointing at Dick’s costume. He was unamused.
“I’m assuming you are asking me about Batman’s love life, which you totally are and not if I have a maternal figure in my life, then no”
The league collectively let out a sigh to the confusion of Dick.
Barry walk’s up to Clark and pats him on the shoulder.
“There was no need to worry man. See it turned out fine” Barry said smiling, but Superman looked mortified. “Why do you have such a look on your face?” He added confused.
Oliver glanced at them and then Nightwing, so did Diana and Carter.
“Why would he be worried?” Dick asked.
“Boy Scout over there, wants to get in to Spooky’s pants for the past 18 years” Flash responds nonchalantly.
“Wait- didn’t you know that already? That was what the look was for! OH Damn man I’m so sorry Supes!” Flash ran behind the counter. Most likely to have something between them if Superman lashes out.
“No he didn’t know Flash, but now he does thanks to you.” Superman says… embarrassed. He covers his face with one hand and then pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Holy shit…” Nightwing gasps. Superman’s attention snaps to him and he looked every bit scared.
“Hey Nightwing could you like forget about it maybe?” Clark asks
“No way man sorry. This IS going to be too much FUN” Nightwing smiled and grabbed his phone, everybody needs to know.
This is a golden opportunity to have his idol in his family, he isn’t letting it go so easily.
He texts the siblings group chat.
-BATshit crazy family-
(He didn’t pick the name, it was Jason’s idea)
!Guys
!You have no idea what just happened
The smartass one
Did You get your ass handed to you?
The dead one
Bet he got kicked out of the league
No I didn’t
thank you very much
🖕😗
The stabby one
Then what is it brother?
I found a volunteer for a step-dad
The smartass one
And who might that be?
The dead one
Bet it’s a hooker
I mean you could call him SUPER
The dead one
That doesnt answer the question
Did you get too hard
The stabby one
Brother. Could you get to the point, I am attending class right now. I have no time right now.
It’s superman
god damn it
The smartass one
Excuse me? WHAT!