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Minho wouldn’t characterize himself as the anxious one in the relationship. Sure, he gets nervous like everyone else. He gets some stage fright now and then and he’s terrified of heights, so he always needs a hand to hold when their flights take off - Jisung’s hand specifically. His boyfriend loves scary movies and though Minho doesn’t flinch too much while watching them, he feels a little spooked after and prefers to sleep with his boyfriend for safety from any ghosts or spirits looking to fuck with him. He’s never had a panic attack before, though he’s certainly witnessed them. He’s gotten good at helping Jisung through them when they happen and he’s seen Chan experience them too. Felix had one once and it had given everyone a bit of a scare when his usual doe eyed weeping progressed to gasping for breath and shaking like a leaf.
Minho, though people might describe him as more aloof, is a man of service. He helps his friends. He helps his boyfriend. He may not be the one to give corny emotional speeches, but he’s a shoulder to cry on, and he’s a good listener.
The thing with Jisung is that he doesn’t usually say so when he’s struggling. Minho thinks he doesn’t often realize that he’s struggling at first, not until he really feels down, so Minho has gotten good at reading the signs. Jisung gets more tired than usual, starts sleeping more often and for longer, using all their spare time to nap rather than wanting to play games with the guys or go out, or even just watch a movie with Minho. He gets less talkative, less silly. He has to be reminded more to eat.
Minho doesn’t nag him when he gets that way. He just holds him close, takes naps with him, cooks him dinner to make sure he eats, and Jisung eventually bounces right back to his usual bubbly self. When Jisung feels like talking, he talks and Minho listens, tells him it’s okay, that he loves him. When he doesn’t feel like talking, Minho just stays with him in comfortable quiet, stroking his hair, and showing him dumb cat videos on his phone to make him smile just a little. He worries a little, but it doesn’t keep him up at night. Jisung always tells him if something is really wrong and Minho trusts him to do so.
Then he wakes up in an empty bed.
“Mm, Hannie?” Minho grumbles, feeling around for his boyfriend and only finding cold sheets instead. Jisung has been in one of his little slumps and they fell asleep in Minho’s bed together last night after watching a movie. In their shared apartment, Minho’s room tends to be the one they share the most, so it was really a typical night even if Jisung had been a little quieter than usual. Minho sits up and frowns, looks to the nightstand on Jisung’s side to see his phone is still plugged in. He must still be home then.
He pushes himself up out of bed, yawning and running a hand through his hair as he leaves the bedroom in search of his boyfriend. He sees the bathroom door is open, the room empty, and goes to the kitchen, expecting to find him making coffee.
“Jagi?” Minho enters the empty kitchen and looks around. The coffee machine is off. No Jisung.
Suddenly, there’s a sinking feeling in his chest, a heavy sense of dread. He feels the color drain from his face. It’s the same feeling he got when Soonie had gotten sick, when his mom texted him and asked to call when he was free, and Minho just knew deep down inside that something was wrong.
He rushes to the living room — no Jisung. He checks the bathroom again, checks Jisung’s room, checks his own a second time, back to the kitchen, and there’s no Jisung anywhere. There’s not a little note scribbled saying he went for a walk and he’ll be back, nothing but his phone still on Minho’s nightstand.
Minho goes running back to his bed and grabs his own phone, thinking Jisung surely must have texted him before he left, but he doesn’t have a single notification. Where the fuck is he? It’s not like Minho to panic, but he’s starting to freak the fuck out. His hands are shaking as he presses on Bang Chan’s contact number, calling him. There’s no reason to be so worried, he knows that logically. Jisung might have just stepped outside or woke up early to go to the gym or the studio and left his phone, but Minho has this awful unshakable fucking feeling. Something is wrong. Jisung can be forgetful, but he isn’t careless or callous. He tells Minho where he’s going. He takes his phone and leaves his location on.
“Minho-ah?” Chan yawns when he picks up. “What’re you doing up? It’s like our one day to sleep in.”
“Is Jisung with you?” Minho asks, his heart pounding in his chest. The thumping sound feels like it’s right between his ears, loud as thunder. Why do his hands feel so weak?
“No? I just woke up.”
“Fuck,” Minho hisses. He’s shivering like he’s cold, but it’s the middle of summer and their apartment is warm.
“What’s wrong?”
“Sungie isn’t here and he left his phone,” Minho croaks, looking helplessly over at the cellphone on the nightstand. “I-I don’t know where he is.”
“Okay, whoa, breathe a sec,” Chan says, suddenly sounding much more awake. “He probably just went to the gym or something, yeah?”
“Without telling me? Without his phone?” Minho’s eyes are stinging. “Channie, h-he’s been down again lately. He was quiet last night.” His mind flits to the worst case scenario and a wave of nausea makes his knees wobble even as he dismisses the thought immediately. That’s just anxiety talking. Jisung is fine. He’s somewhere nearby and he’s going to come back home any second and tease Minho for worrying, kiss him on the cheek and ask him what he wants to do today.
“Don’t think that way,” Chan assures him. “Ask staff to see if he’s at the company building, yeah? I’ll start calling the guys, see if he went to any of the other dorms.”
Minho tries to take a deep breath in, but stutters, a lump forming in his throat that aches when he tries to swallow it. “O-Okay, I’ll text the staff now. Call me right away if you find where he is.”
“I will,” Chan promises, but Minho recognizes the stress in his voice. They’ve known each other too long for him not to. “It’s gonna be fine. He could just be down the block getting coffee.”
Minho sniffles and nods his head. He would believe it if he didn’t have this horrible foreboding cloud hanging over him, something in his intuition telling him that something is wrong, something is so fucking wrong. “I’ll text you what the staff says.” He hangs up on Chan even if it’s a little sudden and quickly texts their management staff, asking if anyone has seen Jisung or if someone could check if he swiped into the company building this morning. He usually wouldn’t want to cause any alarm, but Minho is fucking alarmed. He wants to know where Jisung is and he wants to know right now.
His stomach hurts as he watches the various typing bubbles appear on the screen. No sign of Jisung at the company building. No record on the morning log of him swiping in.
The room is spinning.
Chan texts the members chat, asking if anyone has seen Jisung this morning and one by one, someone from each of the four dorms confirms that they haven’t seen him.
No. Fuck this, Minho is going to fucking find him. If he’s out getting coffee, if he’s taking a morning walk, then Minho will see him outside and know that everything is okay, that he’s safe. He strips out of his pajamas and yanks on the first pair of jeans he finds, tugging a sweater on over his head and toeing on his sneakers. He puts his phone ringer on the highest volume and rushes out the door, flying down the stairs of the dorm building and out onto the street.
He can’t make a scene. He can’t go sprinting down the block calling Jisung’s name, but it feels almost impossible not to.
Blinking back terrified tears, he jogs down the sidewalk, weaving between pedestrians to their favorite nearby coffee shop. He looks through the window, can’t seem to find that wavy head of black hair he desperately needs to see, so he goes inside. There’s only a few other patrons in line to order and none of them are Jisung.
So he goes another block down, the bakery that Jisung likes when they have time to go a little further for breakfast. He isn’t there.
Minho’s breath picks up as he reverses direction, back towards their apartment, scanning every passing face as he walks down the sidewalk.
No Jisung. No Jisung. No Jisung.
He’s desperate to keep searching, to run all over the city if he has to, but he can’t risk not being there if Jisung comes back home. In fact, he feels a flicker of hope. Maybe Jisung returned while he was out running around and they’ll both laugh about this, about how silly Minho was to think anything was wrong.
He takes the stairs two at a time, walking back through the unlocked front door he’d left open for Jisung and calling out.
“Jagiya?” Minho calls out, tears starting to blur his vision as he runs back to check both bedrooms again, the bathroom, the kitchen.
This doesn’t happen to him. He doesn’t fall apart like this, but he can feel himself shaking as he sits down on the couch, facing the door, so he can see if Jisung walks through it. His phone rings and he snatches it from his pocket. Chan.
“Did you find him?” Minho chokes, tears finally spilling over and rolling down his cheeks. “Hyung, where is he?”
“I-I don’t know,” Chan stammers. “I was calling to see if you found him yet. He’s not at the company and he’s not at any of the dorms.”
“Hyung.” Minho’s voice sounds so small, he barely registers it as his own. He’s hiccuping, his breath coming in short staccato gasps. “H-Hyung, I don’t know where he is.”
“I’m coming over.”
“Wait!” Minho sniffles. “H-Have someone stay at each dorm in case he g-goes there, yeah? If you’re coming, m-make sure Innie stays.”
“I will, I will. I’ll be right over, okay? Five minutes. Stay calm for me. It’s gonna be alright and we’ll all call Jisung a little shit for scaring us, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Minho whimpers. It doesn’t feel alright. Nothing is alright.
“Are you okay?”
Minho presses his lips into a flat line and shakes his head even if Chan can’t see it. “No,” he croaks, wiping his eyes in vain. “I-I’m not. Hyung, I’m scared.”
“I’ll be right with you. I’ll bring Binnie and Lix, okay? We’ll have one person at each dorm and the rest of us there with you. Don’t freak out, he’s only been gone for a little while.”
Minho knows Chan is trying to be logical, but it does nothing to comfort him. He just tells him to hurry and hangs up the phone, not wanting to miss the notification if a staff member finds Jisung or if maybe he tries to call him from a different line. He was asleep, so he can’t even be sure when Jisung left. Was it just an hour ago? Minutes before Minho woke up? Or was it in the middle of the night?
He tries to steel himself, to take deep breaths, to think clearly, but after only a few minutes, the knot in his stomach starts to ache more and more until he bolts up from the sofa. The kitchen sink is closer than the bathroom and he lurches towards it just in time to throw up into the metal basin. He heaves up what’s left in his guts from last night’s dinner, gripping the edge of the counter as he spits up bile.
When he finishes, the stomachache is better, but the shaking is worse. His fingers tremble when he cranks on the water and washes away the vomit. He rinses out his mouth and splashes some of the water on his face, but he doesn’t feel any less afraid or worried sick than he did five minutes ago. Where the fuck is Jisung?
When Chan arrives at his door, he has Felix and Changbin in tow, all three of them looking concerned and anxious, but calmer than Minho. It’s a strange feeling, being the one shaking apart when Chan hugs him and promises Jisung will be just fine and that they’ll find him soon.
They all gather in the living room, phone ringers on, texting back and forth with staff to keep an eye out for Jisung at any of the usual places. Felix makes tea, putting a warm mug in Minho’s hands for him to sip as he paces back and forth across the living room, too distraught to sit still.
What if Jisung is hurt? What if he’s lost? He won’t let himself voice the thought that’s in the back of his mind, the one that’s making him feel sick and short of breath, the one he can’t bear to acknowledge as a possibility — what if Jisung hurt himself?
An hour goes by. Then another.
Changbin stays in touch with Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin, assuring Minho he’ll find out right away if Jisung turns up at the dorms. Chan promises him that they can call the police if enough time goes by, but for now, it’s too soon for them to do anything.
When another hour passes, Minho breaks. He collapses on the couch with his head buried in Chan’s lap, crying his eyes out. He cries harder than he did when Soonie was sick at the vet. He cries harder than when he told his mom he was gay, when he thought she would disown him. No matter how his friends murmur to him that things will be okay, he can’t believe them. All he can think about is what if Jisung doesn’t come home? What if he isn’t okay? What if he hurt himself and it’s all Minho’s fault because he didn’t see the signs, didn’t read him correctly last night, didn’t wake up when he got out of bed? His throat hurts from sobbing. His eyes burn, but he can’t seem to run out of tears, and he can’t even bring himself to feel humiliated over his friends seeing him in this state.
Minho thinks he’s going to throw up again, tries weakly to push himself up from Chan.
“Easy, easy,” Chan hushes, helping him sit up straight as he hiccups.
“Do you need water?” Felix asks, looking a little misty eyed himself as he sits beside Changbin on the living room floor. “I can-“
The door knob of the front door turns and Minho is up like a shot, his heart swooping with a hope so desperate, it makes him dizzy.
Jisung walks through the door, dressed in his joggers from the night before and one of Minho’s hoodies. He stops cold when he sees the small crowd gathered, his face going pale and his eyes widening. “What’s everyone-“
“Sungie,” Minho sobs as he rushes towards him, yanking Jisung into his arms and crushing him in a hug as he gasps to catch his breath between tears. “You’re here, you’re okay, fuck, my baby, you’re okay,” he weeps helplessly as he squeezes him, trembling with sheer relief as he guides Jisung’s head to his shoulder and strokes his back. He presses frantic kisses into his perfect curly hair, breathes in the familiar scent of his shampoo and sobs again. “Where did you go, baby?” He chokes pathetically, all filters gone, all composure lost as he pulls back and cups Jisung’s face in his hands. “Where did you go?”
“I… I-I just went for a walk,” Jisung sniffles, his big brown eyes welling up. “I didn’t know you’d worry so much, i-is everyone here because of me?”
“You disappeared!” Minho cries, refusing to let go of him. “You were out for hours! You didn’t take your phone, you didn’t say anything, you were just gone!” He puts a hand on Jisung’s forehead as if checking for a fever, takes a shaky deep breath in as tears roll down his cheeks. “Tell me where you went, baby, w-were you… D-Did you…?” Minho hiccups so violently, it turns into a gasp and suddenly, Chan is behind him, squeezing his shoulder.
“Sung, you scared the shit out of us,” Chan says, breathing out a sigh of relief as he rubs Minho’s back. He looks back over his shoulder to where Felix and Changbin are watching, trying to give Minho space. “Can you guys text everyone that he’s safe?”
“I-I was at the river,” Jisung stutters, bringing his hand up to hold Minho’s cheek. “I’m sorry, I-I was depressed and I was sad and I just went walking to clear my head, but I kept getting further a-and I went too far away before turning back, I…”
“Were you going to hurt yourself?” Minho chokes around the words, grabbing Jisung’s wrist and pressing his cheek into the soothing touch of his palm as he cries against him. He looks deep into Jisung’s eyes even if he looks pathetic, even if seeing him fall apart this way makes Jisung realize that Minho is not the rock he thought he was. He needs to know the truth. If Jisung took even one step in that direction, he needs to know, needs to get him help, needs to do everything in his power to make him feel okay again. He hears Felix sniffle behind him, feels Chan’s hand tense on his shoulder.
Jisung’s mouth wobbles, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Is that what you thought?” He shakes his head. “No. I wasn’t, that’s not what I… I promise, baby, I swear. I wasn’t going to do anything like that. I didn’t mean to scare you, I didn’t even mean to be gone so long. I-I wanted to be back before you woke up, I just fucked up.” He brushes away Minho’s tears and kisses his forehead, reversing their position to pull Minho in close to his chest and tuck his head into the crook of his neck. “It wasn’t like that, I promise, baby, I promise. No wonder you were so scared.”
When Minho calms down, he’s going to absolutely kill Jisung, but for now, he cries in relief. He clutches Jisung in his arms and thanks God that he’s okay, that he’s home.
Jisung looks out at everyone and apologizes for scaring them as he rubs Minho’s back, keeping his arms around him. Minho listens as he talks, but he’s not ready to lift his head yet. He needs to stay like this, needs to hold Jisung until he’s sure he won’t disappear if he lets go.
Jisung explains that he’d just been feeling especially down lately and he was frustrated that he couldn’t seem to shake it. He woke up this morning feeling restless and miserable for no reason at all, which just made him feel ungrateful and guilty. He meant to just walk for a little while and clear his head. He didn’t want to burden Minho with another day of trying to cheer him up and he didn’t want the anxiety of his phone with its million social media notifications and company emails. He thought maybe if he unplugged and went out on his own for just a little while, maybe he could reset. He truly didn’t think that anyone would be worried in the slightest, assumed that no one would care if he was gone for a bit. Once he got to the river, he felt a little better, and he just kept walking along the water. He lost track of time and hurried back once he realized how high the sun was in the sky, but he’d never meant to scare anyone, least of all Minho.
“Sungie, you can’t do that,” Felix says in a low voice, his eyes a little pink and wet. “Especially when you’re feeling sad. Everyone was worried sick about you.”
“Jisung-ah, you know Hyunjinnie’s been texting me every twenty minutes to see if we found you?” Changbin asks, his tone soft, but stern. “Seungmin and Jeongin are only back at their own places like Hyunjin is to wait in case you showed up there.”
Minho feels Jisung swallow hard and squeezes him. When he calms down, he’ll be angry, but for now, he can’t bring himself to care about more than the fact that Jisung is safe.
“Sung, if anything happened to you, none of us would ever forgive ourselves,” Chan says, an edge of tenderness bleeding into his strict leader voice, but his tone shows that he’s dead serious. “Look at Minho-ah right now. Do you know he’s been crying for hours? That he was so worried, he threw up before we even got here?”
“Fuck, hyungie, I’m so sorry,” Jisung says, pressing his head against Minho’s. “I never meant to put you through that. I’m just an idiot. I’m sorry, baby.”
“I’m just glad you’re home,” Minho whispers, kissing the side of Jisung’s neck because its closest to his lips. “If you ever do this again, I’m getting you chipped like my cats.”
Everyone gives half a laugh, finally breaking the tension.
“Did you eat, jagi?” Jisung murmurs, running his hand through Minho’s hair. “How’s your stomach? You threw up?”
Minho finally smiles a little. How can Jisung sound so worried for him now after Minho was losing his mind only moments ago? Jisung was so sad, he wandered off by himself and just kept walking, but he came back home and wants to know if Minho has eaten. “I’m okay,” he answers, kissing Jisung’s skin again. “We’ll eat soon.”
Jisung waits until Minho straightens up then dries his tears with the sleeve of his (Minho’s) hoodie, tucking his hair back behind his ears and kissing both of his cheeks. “Is it okay if I let go for a second?”
Minho nods and retracts his arms, finally starting to feel a little embarrassed for having a complete meltdown in front of half their group.
Jisung steps past him and goes to hug Felix first, whispering apologies when he starts to cry a little. He promises that he’s okay. He swears he won’t scare them again. He hugs Chan next, apologizing to him too. Minho watches as Chan grips him tight, tells him he can never ever lose him. When Jisung approaches Changbin, Changbin flicks him in the middle of the forehead then yanks him into a hug of his own. “I will fucking murder you if you scare us again,” he says and twists Jisung’s nipple when he pulls away to make him squeak. “Got it?”
“I got it.” Jisung steps back and returns to Minho to hold his hand, lacing their fingers together as he looks at him, concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I will be,” Minho breathes, shaking his head clear and wiping his eyes again with his free hand. His heart isn’t beating so fast anymore. He isn’t gasping for breath.
The guys stay and talk for a few more minutes, reiterating to Jisung how scared they’d all been for him, and making him promise to never leave his phone behind or turn off his location before they leave to let the couple decompress.
Minho locks the door behind them and takes another good deep breath. Everything is okay. His baby is safe. His Sungie is home.
“Hyung, I’m-“
“Don’t you ever,” Minho says, dead serious as he turns around to look at Jisung. “Ever fucking scare me like that again. Don’t you dare, Jisung-ah.”
“I won’t.” Jisung swallows. “I promise, hyung. I won’t.”
“You can’t do these episodes by yourself anymore.” Minho walks up and puts his hand on the back of Jisung’s neck. He’s mad, but he can’t overcome the worry he still has, that the boy he loves felt so sad and lost that he wandered off alone. “I’m worried about you. It worries me when you’re not yourself and I don’t want you to be hurting.”
Jisung bites his lip. “I don’t know why I feel that way sometimes. I-I love you so much and I love our friends and our fans and everything so fucking much, but sometimes I just… it’s not just that I’m sad, it’s like sometimes I stop feeling.” He blinks his eyes to drive back fresh tears and hooks a finger around one of Minho’s belt loops just to keep close. “But you know that never means I’m not happy with you, right? Because I’m so happy with you, hyung. Y-You’re like my everything and I don’t… I-I don’t mean to worry you so much.”
“You need to talk to someone, Sungie.” Minho touches their foreheads together, relishes in being able to feel him again. “You need to get some real help about this. Don’t do it for me because I asked you. Do it for yourself, okay? Please?”
“Okay,” Jisung agrees. “Okay, I’ll ask management tomorrow about seeing someone. I’ll get an appointment.”
“Okay.” Minho looks up and cups Jisung’s face in his hands, brushing his thumbs over his cute cheeks and letting his eyes linger on soft pink lips. When he leans in to kiss them, Jisung meets him halfway, curling his arms around Minho’s neck and turning his head to kiss him back.
Minho lingers until he has to breathe, then simply inhales through his nose and kisses Jisung again. He’s warm from being out in the sun. His lips fit perfectly against his own like they always do and he mirrors Minho’s movements, parting his lips for him again and again, everything sweet and tender. Jisung still smells like pine and tastes like fresh water. He still makes a soft little sound when Minho nips at his lower lip. “Did you really think I wouldn’t be worried?” He murmurs, nudging his nose gently against Jisung’s.
“Kind of…”
“You’re an idiot.” Minho kisses the corner of his mouth and drops his hands to Jisung’s waist, looking at him with his eyebrows raised. “What are you never going to do again?”
Jisung pouts. “Scare you like that.”
“If anything ever happens to you, I will find your ghost and kill you again.”
“Okay.” Jisung sniffs, but he’s smiling a little now. “Can I order lunch for us? I want you to eat,” he drops a hand to Minho’s stomach, rubbing it gently through the sweater. “I know ramen doesn’t really make up for this, but you must be starving, right?”
“Ramen is a good start.” Minho nods. “Spicy ramen.”
“As spicy as you want it.”
“And sides.”
“All of the sides.”
Minho cocks his head towards the bedroom. “Get back in bed with me while you order?”
The rest of the tension falls from Jisung’s shoulders and he leads the way to the bedroom himself, closing the door as he starts to undress.
Minho watches him, letting his eyes graze over Jisung’s bare chest, the dip of his waist, the lines of his hips, appreciating every part of him. He should still be pissed, but he’s too happy to have him home. He drops his jeans as Jisung takes his phone from the nightstand, peels out of his sweater. Jisung crawls under the covers with his phone and beckons for him to come over, lifting the duvet on Minho’s side of the bed.
“My stupid jagi,” Minho sighs as he slides in and spoons up behind him, gathering Jisung in his arms and pressing firm grateful kisses all along the back of his neck. “Didn’t think you were a smash and dash type. I had such a lovely time last night and you ran out on me before breakfast.”
“I don’t hit and run. You’re stuck with me.” Jisung pulls up the menu for Minho’s favorite ramen place and taps his way to Minho’s usual order. “You want your favorite? Extra spicy?”
“Mhm.” He kisses Jisung’s shoulder. “Remember what happened last time I ate that?”
“Oh my God,” Jisung groans. “You ate that crazy spicy ramen and when you sucked my dick after, you fucking burned me.”
Minho snickers and rubs Jisung’s tummy under the comforter, skimming his fingers along the waistband of his underwear. “You didn’t like the extra stimulation?”
“I did not.”
“Well if you ever do a disappearing act again, I’m gonna go down on you after eating straight jalapeños.”
“That’s fair.” Jisung adds his own ramen to the order and passes Minho the phone to pick the side dishes. He rolls over in Minho’s arms and tucks himself against his chest, snuggling in close and pressing kisses over his collarbone. “Are you feeling better?” He looks up at him when Minho places the order and tosses the phone aside, his eyebrows pushed cutely together with worry. “I’ve never seen you cry like that earlier… I feel so bad, hyung, I really can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
“I’m okay now that you’re here,” Minho sighs, running a hand through Jisung’s hair. “Can you stay close to me for a little while?”
“Of course.” Jisung slides up a little, lying over him and kisses both of Minho’s cheeks. “Poor hyungie. I’m the worst boyfriend ever and I’m gonna make it up to you, okay? I promise.”
“You’re not the worst boyfriend in the world.” Minho chuckles and slides his hands down Jisung’s sides, treasuring the smoothness of his skin under his palms. “But I do get to be pissed at you.”
“You don’t seem pissed.”
“Yeah ‘cause I’m too relieved that your dumb ass is okay.” He parts his thighs a little wider to accommodate Jisung’s hips in between them and locks his arms right around his boyfriend’s small waist. He nudges his nose gently against Jisung’s, his silent way of asking for a kiss. Jisung always speaks his language.
Jisung puts one hand on Minho’s cheek and tilts his head to kiss him, the touch of his lips soft as a cloud, warm like morning coffee. He kisses him a little harder when Minho presses eagerly against him, strokes Minho’s jaw with his thumb as they find an easy rhythm of opening and closing their mouths, exchanging kiss after kiss. Minho breathes him in, sucking gently on his lower lip, licking shyly into his mouth. He loves kissing Jisung. It feels like they can express so much to each other this way, without words. He hikes his legs up over Jisung’s hips, clinging to him with all of his limbs, holding him so that he can’t slip away again. And Jisung lets him. He lets Minho cling and melts right into his touch, always so soft and pliant when they start to get intimate.
When Jisung rolls his hips a little, his hard cock rubs up against the crease of Minho’s thigh through the fabric of his underwear, and he pulls back from the kiss, blushing. “Sorry,” he whispers, going still, so he won’t be grinding against him.
“Why are you sorry?” Minho frowns, brushing the hair out of Jisung’s eyes and kissing the side of his nose.
“I just made you cry your eyes out and now I’m acting horny when you’re being so sweet.” Jisung pouts. “It just felt really nice…”
“Baby, we’re making out in our underwear. I’m not exactly soft right now.”
Jisung gives half a smile and leans back in to kiss slowly down Minho’s neck. “You’re not too mad at me to do this right now?”
“Sungie, I’m not going to punish you by withholding sex. That’s some straight people shit.”
Jisung chuckles and lets his hips rest against him again, the bulge of his dick nudging Minho’s. Through their underwear, Minho can still feel the heat of his arousal. Jisung radiates warmth and Minho wants him closer than ever. “Should've just stayed in bed with you,” he murmurs, slowly sliding down to kiss along Minho’s collarbones, then his chest. He wraps his lips around one of his nipples and sucks, making Minho hiss and arch into the touch. He’s so sensitive there and Jisung knows how to play him like an instrument.
“Yeah, you fucking should have,” Minho breathes as Jisung’s fingers toy with the nipple he isn’t currently sucking on and his dick gives a valiant twitch in his boxers.
Jisung pops off of his chest, gives the sensitive nub a few kitten licks before he starts kissing down Minho’s sternum, towards his tummy. “Can I suck you?” He asks, cheeks flushed pink as he looks up at him, already resting with his arms around Minho’s thighs.
“You don’t have to make things up to me with a blowjob,” Minho laughs, reaching down to run his fingers through Jisung’s hair. He looks so cute down there with the blankets bunched around his shoulders. “Are you still feeling down? We can just snuggle, baby, I just want you close.”
“Not feeling down.” Jisung shakes his head. “The walk helped a lot but mostly um… I mean, getting back and seeing how much you guys cared about me kind of snapped me out of it a little? Not like I’m cured, but for now, I feel a lot better. I want to make you feel good if you’re up for it.”
“Can I fuck you?” Minho asks carefully, afraid of seeming callous in the quick switch from bawling in Jisung’s arms to having sex, but what he wants more than anything right now is just to be as close to Jisung as possible, feel him as deeply as he can.
“Yeah, baby, you want to fuck me?” Jisung asks with the sweetest smile, always looking perfectly innocent when he says the filthiest things. He slides down a little further, nuzzles his cheek against Minho’s cock through the fabric of his boxers. “I just want to suck you for a little first. Wanna taste you.”
“Fuck,” Minho sighs and lifts his hips, so Jisung can pull his underwear down and off, tossing it in the general direction of their laundry bin and missing by a mile. Minho doesn’t care.
Jisung spreads Minho’s legs open and licks his lips as he admires his cock lying hard and heavy against his stomach. Jisung always tells him he doesn’t have to, but Minho waxes meticulously, even keeps his asshole bleached for the rare occasion Jisung tops (or rims him as he’s liable to do). “Pretty hyung,” he murmurs before pressing a line of firm wet kisses up the underside, making Minho twitch with each touch of his lips. He drags his tongue back down the length and kisses over Minho’s balls, licks the seam that runs down the middle of his sac, and then lifts them to kiss his perineum too.
“Sungie,” Minho pants, eyes fluttering shut. Jisung has always gone all out when he gives head. He doesn’t just get on his knees and bob his head. He licks and kisses and teases, lavishing attention on not just his dick, but everywhere around it, anywhere Minho is sensitive.
Jisung latches his mouth onto Minho’s inner thigh and sucks as he presses a knuckle against his perineum, digging it in and moving it subtly back and forth for stimulate Minho’s prostate without even breaching him. It makes Minho gasp and tug needily on Jisung’s hair. That fucker. He’d read a bunch of blowjob tips in some women’s magazine and ever since, he’s been a complete menace. Jisung licks the hickey he leaves on his thigh then lifts his head and drags his tongue over the creases where Minho’s thighs meet his hips, over his v-lines, dipping into his belly button to make him jerk before finally taking his cock in his mouth.
Minho moans, eyes fluttering shut as Jisung sinks down on him, tongue pillowing the underside of his cock as his lips stroke him perfectly. Jisung has always had an oral fixation and he seems to genuinely love giving head. Before they started fucking, when their relationship was new, and so was physical intimacy, Jisung would go down on him any time he had the chance. He would completely lose himself sucking Minho off, coming in his pants half the time without even touching himself before his stamina started to improve. The quiet wet sound of Jisung sucking around his dick makes Minho feel insane and he has to be careful not to pull his hair too hard in the heat of the moment. He’s just so fucking good at this.
Jisung hums around him as he bobs his head, relaxing his jaw and using his tongue to pay extra attention to Minho’s sensitive tip. He swirls around it, licks against his slit, suctions his lips around it and suckles until Minho gasps. He knows him so well, knows exactly how to tease and how to make him feel good. His hands rest cutely on Minho’s hips, squeezing him, nails digging into the soft skin as he swallows around his cock again and again.
“Not too much, jagi,” Minho warns in a breathy voice, already mourning the loss when Jisung lifts his head. “Don’t wanna come before I’m in you.”
“But I like sucking you.” Jisung pouts, pressing a cute kiss to the side of Minho’s cock. His lips are all wet and swollen, his eyes a little watery from letting Minho breach his throat.
“I know you do.” Minho laughs and sits up straight, tilting Jisung’s chin up towards him. “Can you be good for me and come up, so I can prep you?”
Jisung nods and makes a cute show of wiggling out of his underwear under the blankets before sliding back up the bed. Minho pulls him close and slots their lips together, practically purring against him as his hands wander the familiar terrain of Jisung’s naked body. He’s so soft everywhere he touches. Minho squeezes his ass and licks into his mouth, tangling their legs up beneath the sheets. He can taste himself on Jisung’s tongue and he chases it, kissing him deep and rolling against him, so Jisung’s cute cock gets some friction against his hip. Minho’s heart swells when Jisung lets out a soft moan. He loves to make him feel good, loves that he gets to see the vulnerable side of Jisung that only comes out during sex.
Minho pecks his lips and stretches over him to open the nightstand drawer, fumbling around blindly until he feels the lube and snatches it. “On your back, baby,” he says and Jisung immediately lies down flat, legs open as Minho slicks up a few of his fingers.
Jisung is usually whiney and impatient when Minho preps him, but not this time. When Minho lies down by his side, Jisung snuggles in as close as he can get to him, throwing one leg over Minho’s knees to keep his thighs spread wide without creating distance between them. As soon as the first finger is pressing gently inside of him, Jisung pulls Minho back into a kiss, hands running through his hair as he breathes heavily against his lips.
Minho works his index finger easily in and out. Jisung’s body is more than used to this by now, but he always takes his time regardless. He never wants sex to hurt. Jisung is trusting him to take care of him even if he gets needy and whines that he’s ready when he isn’t. Besides, Minho just can’t stop kissing him. With every press of their lips, he thinks he’s here, he’s real, he’s okay. The events of the past few hours feel like a distant nightmare now that Jisung is safely in their bed again. Minho swears to himself that he’ll never take this for granted — the miracle of the boy he loves loving him back, of being home safe.
Jisung makes precious little sounds between kisses as Minho fingers him open, soft ‘ah’s falling from his lips when Minho rubs into his prostate. He arches his back and sucks needily on Minho’s bottom lip, sliding one hand down to touch himself when Minho works a second finger inside.
“Who said you could do that, hm?” Minho teases with a little nip to Jisung’s ear lobe. “Impatient baby.”
“Sorry.” Jisung lets out a breathy laugh and lets go of himself, rolling his hips down against Minho’s hand. “I’m ready though.” He pecks Minho’s lips. “Can you sit up and let me ride you? Wanna keep kissing,” he says and for whatever reason, the request tugs right at Minho’s heart strings. He knows he’s being clingy right now, that he doesn’t want to stop touching Jisung for even a second after the scared he’d gotten earlier, but Jisung is clinging to him too.
“Yeah, jagi, of course.” Minho gives him another kiss because he can and gently removes his fingers, sitting himself up with his back against the pillows as Jisung rises on his knees.
Jisung takes the liberty of grabbing the lube and slicking Minho’s cock up for him, giggling when the much needed attention makes him moan under his breath. “Come here, hyungie,” he whispers, his eyes kind and his smile soft as he straddles Minho’s lap. “Hold yourself steady for me?”
Feeling dumb at Jisung taking charge, Minho simply lets his mind go blank and does what he’s told. He holds his cock and lets Jisung line himself up, his eyes fluttering shut when Jisung starts to sink down onto it.
Jisung always takes him so well. When they first started sleeping together, he was tense and anxious, always taking a long time to fully relax and accept the intrusion of someone else in his body. Now, he fits on to Minho like a glove, muscles relaxing to invite the familiar presence of a lover he trusts. His breath hitches when he seats himself in Minho’s lap, squeezing tight around him and resting his hands on Minho’s shoulders.
“Good?” Minho whispers, gently stroking Jisung’s cock to distract him from the stretch. He wants him to feel nice.
“Mhm.” Jisung takes Minho’s spare hand and puts it on his abdomen, pressing his palm down. “You feel that?” He asks, his voice breathy and soft.
Minho nods. Connected like this, he can feel himself inside of Jisung, and it makes his whole body thrum with desire. Jisung is right here. Minho is inside of him like they’re one person, connected in a way where Minho can’t possibly lose him because they’re sharing a body now. “I-I feel you,” he stammers, emotion building in his chest.
“And here?” Jisung moves Minho’s hand to his chest, lets him feel his heart beating against his palm. “You feel me, baby?”
Minho’s eyes start to sting as he nods his head again. He does feel him. He feels the steady thump of his heart, the proof that Jisung is right here with him.
“Not going anywhere,” Jisung whispers against his lips, pulling him into a slow deep kiss as he starts to rock in his lap, stealing both of their breath.
They clutch each other as they move together, sharing desperate messy kisses as they find a rhythm, each of them meeting the other in perfect tandem. Minho keeps an arm around Jisung’s waist to help guide him up and down and Jisung keeps one around Minho’s neck, holding him steady, so he doesn’t have to stop kissing him. Minho doesn’t even notice there’s tears rolling down his cheeks again until Jisung kisses them away, not remarking on the fact that he’s crying, not making him self conscious. He knows these are happy tears, tears of relief and reassurance. He simply wipes them away and strokes Minho’s hair, whispering again and again that everything is alright and that he’s right here.
When he comes, he sobs Jisung’s name in an animalistic mix of pleasure, love, and relief, bucking his hips up against him right as Jisung whimpers and shoots ribbons over Minho’s fist and his chest. They cling to each other, shaking apart, twitching with aftershocks as they pant to catch their breath.
“I got you,” Jisung smiles fondly, pushing the hair out of Minho’s eyes and brushing away the wetness at the corners of his eyes again. “You with me?”
Minho nods, still hugging Jisung against him, pressing lazy kisses over his neck and shoulder.
“I’m gonna lift up now, okay? Gonna clean up a little and bring you some water.”
“Hm?” Minho frowns. “No, I can-“
“Just stay for a second, jagiya.” Jisung winces as he lifts off of Minho and climbs out of bed, taking one of the hand towels they keep in the bedside drawers. He wipes himself down between his legs and folds it to pass over Minho with a clean section, kissing the side of his nose as he gently cleans his spent cock and his chest. “I’m gonna put this in the laundry and bring some water, okay? Be right back.”
Minho opens his mouth to protest, but shuts it. He can’t demand Jisung stays in the exact same room as him forever. He just… doesn’t want him to go.
“Two seconds,” Jisung promises and Minho takes solace in the view of his ass as he leaves the bedroom, though he feels a little silly being doted on after Jisung did all the work.
As promised, Jisung returns with a glass of water, bringing it to Minho to make him down half of it before placing it back on the nightstand. Wordlessly, he crawls back into bed and gets into the position he knows Minho wants him in, lying on his side, facing away, so Minho can press up behind him and be his big spoon.
The food is probably due to arrive soon and they should take a proper shower, but Minho is intoxicated by the warmth of Jisung against him without any clothes in between, safe in his arms where he can feel him, smell him, hear his breathing.
“Don’t scare me like that again,” Minho whispers, pressing his lips to the back of Jisung’s neck. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Won’t happen again,” Jisung promises. Minho is sure it might get repetitive, having to reassure him over and over again, but Minho needs to hear it. He needs to trust him and he does.
“You know you can always talk to me, yeah?” Minho says, scratching fondly at the coarse patch of hair below Jisung’s navel, touching just to touch. “No matter what you’re feeling. It’s not a burden.”
“Don’t you get tired of me being sad for no reason?” Jisung sighs. “I feel so ungrateful.”
“You can’t help what you feel. I just don’t want you to feel it alone.”
“I’m gonna start crying again.”
“Don’t or I’ll start too.” Minho laughs and buries his face in the crook of Jisung’s neck, breathing in his soothingly familiar scent.
Jisung laughs too and they both fall into a comfortable quiet. It’s not over quite yet. Jisung needs to talk to all of the members and to the staff. He needs to follow through on getting started with therapy and it’ll take a little while for Minho not to feel afraid when he wakes up in an empty bed, but for now, everything is alright. The food will come soon and they’ll eat together and watch a show, enjoy the domestic bliss of living together. If Jisung feels sad, Minho will hold him close. Everything is okay.
His baby is home.