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Published:
2024-08-19
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1/1
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tonight won't make a difference

Summary:

"Why are you such an asshole?"
Aaron grabbed the bottle when Kevin went for it again, flicking the cap off and grinning to himself when it hit Kevin's chin.

Kevin watched and pouted as Aaron lifted the bottle and drank the remaining contents in one, setting it back down on the counter.

"Must run in the family," he concluded.

Notes:

so i caved and wrote kevaaron for the first time
gia this is partially your fault partially because I've been listening to slowdance on the inside all morning and that really will do things to a man so, result!
title from, you guessed it, slowdance on the inside by taking back sunday

enjoy <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Aaron was well-acquainted with being alone.

The empty dorm room turned out to be a blessing, letting him take up a space on the windowsill, back to the wall, cigarette in hand as grey smoke wafted out against the darkening sky.

The street below was mostly empty, save for the occasional partygoer stumbling home from a Friday night post-game event. The Foxes had lost against the Trojans, but they all partied anyway.

Most of the Foxes had been at a party with said Trojans, but at just after two o'clock, most of it was starting to die down. Nicky was presumably still there, as were Kevin and most of the upperclassmen. Andrew and Neil had disappeared not long before midnight, but Aaron didn't really care where they went anyway. He'd broken away from the crowd about an hour later, and was now on his third cigarette, appreciating the silence and time away from the headache-inducing teammates he had to live with.

As if cued by the universe deciding to spite Aaron specifically, there was suddenly a thud from behind the door. Aaron looked up, assuming somebody had drunkenly walked into it, and hoping they'd move on.

No such luck.

After another try, the door swung open and Kevin stumbled in, unsurprisingly wearing a red and gold Trojans jersey, vodka bottle clutched in hand. He stopped short and stared at Aaron when he saw him.

Aaron murmured something about this isn't even your room, Kev, but he didn't hear it.

"I didn't know you smoked," Kevin said slowly.

"I don't," Aaron answered, taking another drag.

"You shouldn't," Kevin mumbled, sliding into a seat at the kitchen counter and holding his head in his hands.

"It fucks with your lungs."

"I know," Aaron replied, deadpan.

"I had a lecture on it. It does a lot more to your lungs than fuck with them."

Kevin made a noncommittal mmm sound in return, and groaned in pain.

"You can't be hungover, Kev, you just got back."

Kevin groaned again and took a swig from the bottle. Aaron sighed loudly, to let Kevin know this was an unideal scenario for him, stubbed his cigarette out on the exterior wall of the building and swung his body back inside. He moved over to the kitchen, taking a glass from the cabinet, and filling it with water at the faucet. He slid it across the counter to Kevin, who stared at it for a moment.

"Go ahead, it's alcohol," Aaron said sarcastically, and Kevin drank it almost immediately. Aaron stared at him, but wasn't really sure what else he expected, and took the glass back.

"It's water," Kevin said.

"Yes, dumbass. You're fucking wasted."

Kevin mumbled something else under his breath that Aaron chose to ignore, and slumped back in his chair.

"What's that?" Kevin slurred, pointing at Aaron. Aaron pushed his finger away.

"That's me. Vodka make you blind?"

"No, no, no, no, your shirt. Your shirt. Descendents. What are those?"

Aaron looked down at the Descendents shirt he'd been wearing for approximately three days now.

"It's a band."

"Oh."

Silence for a moment, before Kevin turned his head to look better up at Aaron, still standing over him with his arms folded.

"Do you like them?"

"No, I just wear the shirt because I found it on the side of the road."

"Do you always have to be this antagonistic?" Kevin whined.

"Yes," Aaron said simply, and Kevin glared at him. He reached for the bottle on the counter again but Aaron pushed it away.

"Give it to me."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not helping you kill yourself."

"Why are you such an asshole?"
Aaron grabbed the bottle when Kevin went for it again, flicking the cap off and grinning to himself when it hit Kevin's chin.

Kevin watched and pouted as Aaron lifted the bottle and drank the remaining contents in one, setting it back down on the counter.

"Must run in the family," he concluded, and it felt like something of a victory when Kevin scowled at him. Aaron would deal with the aftereffects of downing a third of a bottle of vodka at a later time. Kevin just folded his arms on the countertop and rested his chin on them.

"Sorry," Kevin said quietly, after a while of silence. Aaron stared at him.

"Why?"

Kevin met his eyes, and he looked so fucking sad, Aaron almost felt guilty.

It didn't last long.

"For getting drunk again."

Aaron shrugged.

"It's nothing. Nothing we haven't done before."

Kevin reacted to that, just slightly enough Aaron noticed but couldn't quite place what it meant. He realised after he said it how many different things that could mean– nothing we haven't done before.
Eden's. Black lights. Halloween. Championships. Game nights. Kevin's birthday. Cigarettes and alcohol and bathroom stalls and hands and whispers and bite marks that could be easily covered by long sleeves and almost forgotten until it happened all over again. A cycle of avoidance, and kisses, and lies.

Nothing they haven't done before.

"I'm still sorry," Kevin said, because he was sorry for a thousand things.

"I know," Aaron replied, because he knew every single one.

And that was it.

That was all it ever was.

"I need to go to sleep," Kevin said, staggering to his feet, wobbling dangerously as he stood.

"You want to room with Andrew and Neil when you're like this?" Aaron asked, skeptical.

Kevin seemed to second guess himself.

"Matt's with the girls tonight. Nicky doesn't move out of here until Monday. Just sleep here."

Kevin blinked at him. Aaron rolled his eyes.

"You might not even make it down the hallway like this, Kevin."

"What about Andrew?"

"I'll text him," Aaron brushed it off; he really didn't want to think about his brother right now.

Kevin nodded uneasily, keeping himself up against the wall. Aaron sighed loudly again, and slipped under Kevin's arm, moving the taller's arm around his shoulders and putting his own arm around Kevin's waist, focusing every part of his mind that was still conscious on the fact that Kevin was over a foot taller than him, and this was a stupid fucking idea.

Aaron was stronger than he looked though, so he still took most of Kevin's weight and manage to stagger them both across the dorm to Aaron's room.

When they entered, Kevin seemed intent to make his home on the floor, to the point that Aaron had to essentially shove him onto his own bed to make him hit something soft. Then he turned away to pretend that he hadn't just done that, under the guise of retrieving a basin from the corner of the room, kept there for exactly this reason, and dropping it beside the bed. The sound made Kevin cover his ears and groan in pain, but Aaron didn't feel particularly bad about it.

"If you vomit in my bed, Day, I'll kill you in your sleep."

Kevin just mumbled in response, pushing his hands through his raven black hair, tangled with grease and sweat. Aaron turned to leave and crash on Matt's couch, but Kevin said "Wait."

Aaron waited, but he didn't turn around.

"Can you stay?"

Don't. Don't say that.

Aaron turned around.

Don't say it, because I will, and that'll just make it worse.

"Why?" he asked, because he didn't know what else to say. Kevin pushed himself up against the wall, long legs folded underneath himself, watching Aaron. Aaron wanted to force his gaze away. Kevin shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't want to be on my own."

Aaron gave up. He was unlikely to sleep tonight, anyway. He could at least make sure Kevin did, even if he did end up having to knock him out with a baseball bat. It would be a sacrifice that would have to be made.

Aaron stayed standing a moment longer, then flicked off the lights. The moon, at her peak in the sky, sent beams of silver through the half-covered windows, casting pale, dim light in waves over the bed. It made Kevin's green eyes stand out against the dark, but Aaron wouldn't think about that.
He moved to sit next to Kevin on the bed, tucking one leg underneath him, the other hanging off the side. They were less than a foot apart, not touching. He wasn't sure he could bear it if they touched.

"What am I to you?" Kevin asked, so quietly he almost sounded unsure of it, as if the words had escaped

"What?"

"To you. Who am I?"

"I don't know," Aaron said truthfully, because he didn't. There seemed to be a new version of Kevin Day every time he opened his eyes– the Queen, the striker, the PR favorite, the smiling, picture-perfect magazine-cover Exy star. The history student, who couldn't watch Titanic like a normal person, who could recite every single Roman emperors and how they died. Two drinks in before he would dance at Eden's Kevin. The one that would only smile at Aaron under flashing lights, tucked away in some crowd where everyone became anonymous. The one with his hands in Aaron's hair, lips pressed to his neck, and– no.

Not like this.

Not now.

Not him.

He could barely see Kevin in the dark, but the question still hung in the air, heavy enough to suffocate them both.

"You don't know," Kevin repeated, and Aaron shook his head, even though he knew Kevin couldn't see it.

"What about Eden's?"

"What about Eden's?" Aaron echoed, even though he knew. He just wasn't sure if Kevin would say it.

"What does that mean?"

Aaron didn't know. He didn't know any of this. He wanted to rip his hand from where it'd somehow begun to brush against Kevin's fingers in the dark, but part of him felt like it would ache worse the moment he did.

"Does it have to mean anything?"

Kevin was silent for a moment. Aaron wondered if he should regret this.

"I guess not."

"You need to sleep," Aaron said, changing the subject.

"I know," Kevin says, and suddenly he's closer, and when did he get so close?

Aaron should leave. He can't.

"Is it okay?" he asks, and it suddenly means a million things, none of which either of them could ever actually say, but as long as it's all just it and that and this then maybe they can pretend a little bit longer. Lie just a couple more times.

Don't let me do this, he thought, fixated on Kevin in the dark, on the warmth that comes creeping across his skin. It's almost a prayer.

Don't let me want this.

He wasn't sure anybody was listening.

Aaron twisted his fingers in the fabric of Kevin's shirt and suddenly dragged him down to bring their lips together, blocking out the sirens in his head that grow louder and louder with every second, every breath that passes.

Only here, whispered his thoughts, as if trying to hide a confession from himself. He didn't dare say any of this out loud.

Only like this.

I can only kiss you in the dark.

If I can't see you, then God can't see you, and then maybe none of this is really happening.

Maybe you're not real.

There's hands in Aaron's hair now, and he started to fall into it, the way he always does, letting go of Kevin's shirt to let his fingers find warm skin. He couldn't stand how it felt and he couldn't let go. Everything about it burned, like another injection coursing through his veins, except this time Aaron wasn't sure he could come back down.

His head said get out.

Kevin said 'Stay'.

They broke apart to come up for air, and Aaron suddenly felt cold again.

"I'm–" Kevin started, but Aaron covered his mouth with his hand.

"Shut up," he hissed, but the malice in the words was born of nothing but fear, confusion, and whatever this piercing sensation at the back of his throat was, that only ever happened on nights like these.

He wanted to hate it more than anything.

He took his hand away, eventually, and Kevin withdrew his hands from Aaron's hair. The sudden loss of him made the stone in his throat only feel heavier, but there was nothing he could do.

"Go to sleep," Aaron said.

Kevin might've responded, but Aaron's head was spinning too hard to hear it.

He got up, and went to the door.

The room was still dark. Kevin might've been sleeping already.

Maybe it wasn't real.

It didn't feel real.

(It never felt real, but it happened anyway.)

Kevin didn't say "Stay" this time.

So Aaron left.

Notes:

hey can somebody teach this man about bisexuality and then maybe he'll calm down a little bit

note: i havent done it myself but i can only assume that it's not a good idea to down a third of a bottle of vodka in one go. once again, aaron is an idiot. don't be like aaron.

thanks for reading, if you enjoyed feel free to leave kudos + comment, and let me know if i should keep writing kevaaron because i am actually having fun with it :P