Archive of Our Own ^beta

Louis would show more enthusiasm in getting out of his bed and start getting ready for the day if he didn’t feel like his life had come to a standstill, and no matter how much he tried to get it to move forward something or the other always pushes him right back into this place where he feels hopeless, tired, unhappy, unmotivated and then finally after having felt every one of those negative emotions he feels nothing, just numb.

It’s been two months now, two months since he escaped that hell hole, and ever since he tried his absolute best to start his life fresh, anew. He has heard and read about enough people telling their life stories and how they escaped a relationship that was more hate than love how they started their life fresh and anew and how good they felt after that but what everyone forgot to mention was just how hard and exhausting it was to get there.

Day after day louis would get up, that is if he got any sleep, go to work and do his work diligently to be the assistant his boss needs and wants him to be, forget everything about his personal life, and then once he clocks out, he shuffles back to his new flat, far far away from the one he lived or rather almost died in.

His new flat is not much, it is a tiny one-bedroom flat with a functioning kitchen and a good enough space in the living room and a bedroom that is big enough to fit a queen size bed and a closet with enough space that some nights he abandons his bed in favor of sleeping in there. The bed seems too big sometimes. and a bathroom that provides hot water all day. It’s a literal blessing.

Even though he has been living in that flat for exactly 2 months now, it doesn't really look that lived in. he spends most of his time in the office and when he returns, he cooks something of substance on days that he feels slightly good and eats it in his bed, even though he has a couch in his living room that is a good condition.

Even if the flat doesn’t look lived in as of now louis hopes someday, he will feel much better than what he is feeling like right now and maybe then he could put some effort into decorating his flat and actually live in it rather than just exist in it.

If not anything else, he tries his level best to always keep the flat clean. He never liked living in a messy place and he never will. So, no matter how difficult it feels for him to get out of bed, he eventually does. He gets up, and cleans his flat, somedays excessively so. he doesn’t know why he feels this overwhelming need to keep the flat clean.

Louis was never someone who kept his living space all messy and disastrous, but he was also never the one to clean this excessively. Deep down he knows the reason for it, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge it as of now. Maybe someday he will accept it but now is not that time.

He gets out of bed with the thought of cleaning and keeping everything in place and neat and that is what gives him enough energy to power through the morning and get dressed for his day. So that is what he does now.

He forgot to use the coaster while placing his full cup of tea on his bedside table last night and it left a residue on the table, his eyes itched at the sight of it but he ignored it in favor of lying in the bed and contemplating his life choices but now that he knows it there his eyes keep on drifting to the tea staining ring on the bedside table and eventually the need to clean caused an itch in his hand which finally forced him out of bed.

He makes his way straight to the bathroom, finishes his business on the toilet, and then walks to the sink to wash his hands and brush. He tries not to think about the tea ring while brushing but his mind can’t help but go back to the stain again and again.

He counts to 100, something he does to occupy his mind, not let it wander off to places he doesn’t want to go to. Once he is done counting to 100, he spits the toothpaste and rinses his mouth with water. Once he is done rinsing his mouth and the toothbrush with water, he washes his face with a new facewash he bought.

He wasn’t really used to having facewash and stuff, it was a sort of luxury in the past couple of years but now that he is sort of free from hell, he bought himself one. He liked it, it wasn’t anything specific just a simple facewash he bought from the local supermarket.

He had showered last night before going to bed so he opts not to shower now, he will do it when he gets back home after work today. Once he is done with his business in the washroom he walks out and into the kitchen, wets the rag he uses to clean stains, and brings it to the bedroom. He picks up the teacup and wipes the rag on the surface to clean it and remove all the stains.

Once he is sure all the stains are gone, he experiences a sort of relief he didn’t know he hadn’t experienced since he woke up. It is a sort of feeling you realize you are feeling only when you no longer feel it. It’s like when you hold your breath under stressful situations and do not realize you were holding it until you release it. That’s how that feeling felt.

And he was getting very used to it.

Once he had cleaned, he walked out to the kitchen, washed the rag hung it on the handle in the kitchen to dry it, and then washed the lone teacup, he didn’t have dinner last night so all that was left to wash was the teacup.

He washes the teacup and then cleans the countertop, just wipes it down but it is something he has done daily, and not doing it feels wrong, so he does it even when the counter is pristine and clean.

He had put the kettle on for his morning tea and then prepared and placed it on the island in the kitchen before cleaning the countertop, this time he did not forget to use the coaster.

Once he is done with the tasks in the kitchen he walks to the bedroom with the tea in his hand, sipping on it lightly and his socked feet pad their way from the kitchen to the bedroom. He had carried another coaster with him and placed it on the bedside table before placing the teacup on it and then walking into the closet to pick his outfit for the day.

His work outfits were not exactly professional, he didn’t wear a three-piece suit to his work every day, even though that is the dress code at the place he works. He usually wore sweaters with black slacks and sometimes when he felt like dressing up, he would wear turtlenecks instead of sweaters. But that is it.

His closet in the flat is big enough for two people even though the flat doesn’t seem like it could house two people. But since Louis’ outfits were so few with just a few sweaters and turtlenecks and some hoodies he would wear every day or when he went grocery shopping or ran errands and some slacks, the closet still looked pretty empty.

He didn’t go out to party all that much, was not really allowed to so he never bought such outfits. For the past couple of years, the only places he has been to are his workplace and his home, which he doesn’t realize when it went from being home to becoming something he now refers to as hell.

And occasionally when Damien wanted, they would go to some fancy place for dinner, or lunch, or brunch, but those were such rare occasions that louis wouldn’t even describe their occurrence as once in a blue moon because if one were to count, he is sure a blue moon occurred more frequently than those ‘dates’ Damien took him to.

Sometimes looking at the empty closet made him feel really sad, it evoked a sort of empty feeling in his chest one that felt like it was large enough to restrict his breathing. he doesn’t know why he experiences this feeling, is it because he is o used to seeing the closet full because it contained clothes of two people and now it looks so empty because it contains clothes of just one or is it because the clothes are a reminder of little he has lived in the past few years. He doesn't know which of these reasons is better or worse, so he stops thinking about it altogether.

The outfits that he does own are not shabby or anything like that, they are decent and some of them can even be considered fancy. He was allowed to buy only certain types of clothes, so he always tried his best to splurge on the clothes he bought, trying to buy the best quality so it feels nice when he wears it and looks good too.

Today he had a meeting with his boss, so he decided to wear something good and slightly on the fancier side. He interacted with his boss regularly, what with being his personal assistant and all. He had to tell him about his daily schedule, remind him before his scheduled meetings, and attend his calls both personal and professional. So, louis interacted with his boss quite regularly, but official meetings were something he didn’t attend much.

His boss was mostly happy with his work, so he never really had to call louis to his cabin and reprimand him. The only time he actually called louis to his cabin and scolded him was when his boss realized louis never utilized his leaves. he never took a day off and his boss was someone who valued mental health, self-care, and personal well-being. So, finding out that his own PA was someone who didn’t follow his ideals really rattles his fathers.

So, he had given an entire lecture about how louis should prioritize himself first and everything else later, louis was really touched by his boss’s concern for him, it was far more concern than anyone had ever shown to him, and it had almost made him tear up. But how was louis supposed to tell his boss that the only reason he never took a leave was because the only time he wasn’t plagued by a sense of despair or soul-crushing anxiety about what next thing he could do wrong was when he was here, at work.

He was confident in his abilities that he could be a good PA, one that adjusted well to the schedule of his boss and gave more than just his 100 percent. So, he slaved, worked for as long as he could without burning out, and did everything at the right time with accurate precision and the credit he received for it was always satisfactory, a reminder that he was not bad at everything, there is something at which he is good at.

He finally decides on a black turtleneck and black slacks. Now that he has picked up an outfit, he is quick to change into it. He spends a good 5 minutes deciding whether he should tuck it or tuck out and finally decides to let it stay tucked out. He then does his hair.

His hair was something he tried his best to perfect. Even now when he is unmotivated for everything and anything he doesn’t like it when his hair isn’t done well. And his hair is such an ironic thing because of all the time he puts into making his hair just to make it look messy. It’s something Damien has always pointed out, taunting him on numerous occasions about his obsession with spending minutes on end on his hair just so it looks perfectly messy.

And louis had tried to explain that the messy look is messy but also organized. one that gives the vibe of someone who puts effort but is also nonchalant at the same time. But just like everything else that louis said or did Damien did not try to understand this either and just dismissed him.

Even now louis spends a good 10 minutes trying to set his hair right. he knows it would be much easier if he let himself use some of the hair products, but he doesn’t like putting anything chemical-related in his hair, so he always refrains from using any sort of hair products, and he doesn’t mind spending this time on doing his hair, it succeeds in keeping his mind occupied.

Once he is done with his outfit and hair, he gives himself a once over in the mirror, tries to not point out everything wrong with his body, and swiftly walks out of the room. His office bag was on the couch where he had left it last night after coming back from work. He decides to let it be there for the moment and walks to the shoe rack.

He took out a pair of black Adidas gazelles and a pair of socks and walked towards the couch to put them on. Once he is done with his shoes he checks his pockets for his wallet and phone and when he comes empty hands, he panics only for a second but remembers he had placed the wallet on the dressing table last night while undressing himself in his work clothes and had put his phone for a charge just before he had walked into the closet to choose his outfit for the day.

He walks back to his bedroom to collect both items. He pockets his wallet and then collects the phone, unlocks it as he walks back to the living room and checks his emails for the day. He has a few in his inbox but nothing screams urgent so he does not bother to open them, he can do that on the subway ride from his place to the office.

He locks his phone and pockets it, then he collects his work bag from the couch and makes his way to the door. When he had taken this flat there was an attached wall key holder right next to the door and he is thankful for that because if it were up to him, he would have never remembered to buy a bowl for his keys, and even if he did, he would never remember to put the keys in them.

But with the wall key holder being right next to the door, his eyes immediately go to it when he turns to close the door or his hand touches it when he tries to take support on the wall while removing his shoes, so he is immediately reminded to hand his keys there.

Now, he collects his keys from there and walks out of the flat with one hand on the door handle pulling it along with him to close it. He does one last mental check to see if he forgot anything and when he is sure he took everything he closes the door and locks it. Immediately put his keys in his pocket to not lose them.

The walk from his flat to the subway is really not that much, just a 2-minute brisk walk or a 5-minute slow walk and louis decides to have a brisk walk today, it isn’t because he is in any sort of rush for he is always before time to his work but because it had rained last night and while louis does not particularly hate rain as such he hates the aftermath of it. All the insects and puddles on the road not to mention his shoes getting dirty are not something he likes.

So, he walks quickly to the subway, and to his luck he is just in time to catch his regular train. The subway ride to his office is about 20 minutes and he usually finds a seat because most of the people get on at the later stations and today is no different. he quickly takes the empty seat next to an old man reading the daily newspaper.

Usually, the 20-minute train ride would pass by fast enough with louis being lost in his thoughts, and when he gets off the train and tries to remember what exactly he was thinking he could never recall it fully, just something in bits and pieces but never the whole line of thought.

He has been taking this train for the past 2 months, ever since he moved into his new flat, and only recently did he realize that he was lost in thoughts deep enough that after emerging from them he couldn't even remember what they were about.

So, he started this new thing where he would let his mind wander for a set few stations, and then when that station passes, he tries to retrace his way back to the original thought from which he started. It was a fun little game he played, it kept him occupied and entertained and he enjoyed this time on the train.

Today his thoughts had started at someplace and he couldn’t remember what it was, but he recalled that it had somehow led him to the thought of the old man with the newspaper and then his thoughts went to his kids, and from there it went to foreign countries and then it went to the education and working policies in those countries, and it stopped there. He tried to trace his way back, but he could only go back to the old man with the newspaper, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t remember beyond that.

There are times when he finds this game to be extremely frustrating because no matter how much he tries he cannot remember the starting of his line of thought but most of the time he enjoys the effort he has to put into it, for the past couple months he found it hard to put effort into anything that is not his work and the sort of excitement he feels when he plays this game or tries to guess his own thought process in backward was like a breath of fresh air. One he desperately needed and clung onto.

Eventually, Louis’ station had come, and he had to forget all about what he was thinking, or trying so hard to remember, and get off the train and get to his office. The walk from the subway to his office is just as much as the distance from his flat to the subway. So, louis walks again. But not the brisk one this time, this side of London was not hit by rain last night, so he decided to enjoy his walk now.

He always liked the street on which his office was, it was mostly an industrial sector, so it was filled with sky-high buildings and people dressed in formal, walking around with briefcases in hand, talking on the phone about important deals. It’s all so movie and louis loves walking around in such an environment, watching people seize deals left and right, watching them run through the crowd because they were late once again.

He loves the buzz and the liveliness, this liveliness is different from the one that people usually imagine when referring to the word ‘liveliness’ but louis loves it.

He reaches his office in 5 minutes walking in through the glass double door, and immediately being greeted by the receptionist, Greta. Great was a lovely lady, she was almost his age and they both started their job together in Runway Reverie. Louis was just a ball of nerves when he first entered through the double door of the building after having been selected as the PA for, Robert, his boss ever since he started working here.

It was Greta’s first day as well as the receptionist and the first person to have walked in when Greta had started her shift that day was louis, she was just as anxious as louis, so she greeted him with an extremely cheerful ‘good morning’. One that was loud enough to startle louis out of his nerve-wracking thoughts.

Louis had replied with his own greeting with just as much excitement, channeling all his nervous energy into the greeting which caused it to come out a lot louder than he had intended and they both had realized at the same time that louis had just essentially shouted good morning and when their wide surprised eye made eye contact, they both burst out laughing.

And that is how they became friends. Louis now considers her as one of his closest friends, not that he has many to compete for that title but still. They sometimes go out for lunch together when Greta is not swept away by her boyfriend.

Louis has met Greta's boyfriend; he is a great guy and his love for Greta is quite visible in how he looks at her and treats her. Louis has always been pleased for Greta to have found such an incredible guy, but sometimes, when his own life felt like it had gone down the wrong path with no way to backtrack and go on the right path, louis feels a pang of jealousy.

If he hadn’t decided to choose the wrong guy for himself maybe he would have been just as happy as Greta today, and he knows he has no one to blame but himself for the decision he made but maybe, but maybe Damien could also be blamed a little bit for the way Louis’s life had ended up along the wrong path.

But right now, as he sees Greta, with her huge smile that shows almost all of her front teeth louis feels nothing but sheer happiness. He loved his job, and his boss was not rude like the ones he heard many people complain about, but Greta made his work life just a tad bit brighter and he is forever grateful to her for that.

He walks up to the reception desk, where Greta is. They both have a habit of coming a bit earlier than everyone else, basking in the quiet before people start filtering in and the chaos begins. Greta is still smiling at him as he makes his way to the desk and louis mirrors her expression.

Once louis has reached the desk Greta is quick to say, “You look like shit, darling.” with a sympathetic smile on her face. Louis didn’t need her to remind him that he looks shit, he knows it. He saw it himself when getting ready this morning.

It isn’t even like he tries to hide it all that well, that he is constantly tired and just ready to fucking give up. He just makes a conscious enough effort to keep up the appearances, and anyone else would not have straight up pointed it out about how tired he looked or ‘shit’ as Greta described it, but Greta could pinpoint what is wrong with him in only a span of a few seconds.

But louis knows it not because he is so easily readable, because he isn’t but it’s only because Greta knows a majority of his situation. he never meant for her to know but it was a small slip up from his side on their daily lunches about a year ago and ever since Greta has known.

Greta knows louis doesn’t like to be pitied or shown sympathy for whatever he is going through, she knows it makes him feel weak, and no matter how much Greta tries to explain that just because people show a little pity to him or are sympathetic towards him doesn’t mean that he is a weak person louis doesn’t understand.

So, Greta gave up. She has learned that if she wants louis to speak about his well being she cannot pull out the information by asking him the relevant questions because louis would never answer them. So, she resorted to using other ways.

Now when she asks louis about how he is doing she doesn’t just straight pose the question, she says things like, ‘You look like shit’ or ‘It must be really windy at your place for you to look this askew’ or anything that can be considered as funny but also convey the message that Greta worries about louis. She has learned to never expect an answer from louis about his well being so now she just tries to make him smile or start up a harmless banter to lighten his mood.

And louis is thankful that Greta does that. Because then he can deflect the question happily and just banter back and forth with her for a few minutes before he has to head up to the 11th floor and start his day.

So he retorts, “Oh Greta! Stop with the compliments, always full of them, aren’t ya?” with a teasing smile on his face.

Greta is quick to reply, “Can’t help myself, sweetheart, your dark circles just need to be complimented.”

Louis knows it is Greta’s way of telling him that she notices his sleepless night and her way of telling him that he should try to sleep, not give up just because he thinks he won’t be able to sleep but she doesn’t know what louis has tried and has not so she really should not tell him what he should and should not do.

“Ah, I knew you had a thing for my dark circles. Always pointing them out and talking about them.” he says it with a pleading look in his eyes, asking Greta to not continue with this conversation.

But Greta doesn’t relent.

“Oh darling, you know it’s not always. Sometimes I also like to talk about your really protruding collarbones. Always so flattering those things.” Greta’s voice is only slightly clipped as she tries to joke about Louis’s weight loss.

And louis appreciates that she is still trying to go along the facade louis so desperately wants to keep up, a facade that says that everything is alright, louis is alright.

Before Louis could come up with a retort about his rapid loss of weight Greta says, “And what with the turtleneck today? Tryna hide those collarbones?”

And louis is honestly not so interested in talking about his lack of sleep or diet or motivation or whatever the fuck, so he takes the question of his attire and runs with it in the complete opposite direction.

“Boss has an official meeting with me, so thought of forgoing the sweater and dressing a bit more professional.” is what louis replies, hoping it is enough to get Greta off his back about the habits he doesn’t want to think about.

And apparently, it is. Because Greta’s eyebrows furrow as he asks, “An official meeting? That’s a rare occurrence.”

And Louis agrees. He never really had his boss give him an official meeting; he has accompanied Robert in various meetings, having to take some important notes and for stuff like that but he never had a one-on-one meeting with Robert that was deemed to be official, those were very rare.

Greta is still in thought about what the meeting could be but louis just shrugs. he checks his watch for the time and realizes that maybe he should get a move.

So, he taps on the table twice to get Greta out of her thinking session and waves goodbye but not before Greta makes him promise to come out with her on lunch and actually eat something.

Louis just agrees because he doesn’t have the time or the energy to hear another lecture from Greta right now.

Once he has waved goodbye to Greta he takes the lift to the 11th floor. he honestly doesn’t understand the office lift. It takes ages to come when louis is waiting for it, completely testing Louis’ patience but once you get on it takes you to your floor in seconds. It baffles louis a bit.

He is the only one in the lift accompanied by just the elevator music, one of the perks of being there early is not having to stuff yourself into the lift among 50 other individuals with their bags and suffocate.

Once louis has reached the 11th floor he walks to the far end. The lift is in the center of the floor and from it is the way to reach the other end of the floor. On both sides of this way are decent-sized cubicles where employees work. Louis is also similar to that but just slightly bigger.

Louis’s cubicle is on the far-left end of the floor. Robert, his boss’s office is on the far-left end of the floor and since louis is the PA, Robert wanted him close by. So, he can rush to his office if any emergency is there.

Once louis has walked to the end of the floor and turned left, he just needs to walk a few more paces until he reaches his cubicle. Once he reaches his desk, he drops his bag on the desk and since he has a few more minutes until he meets with Robert he decides to go get a coffee from the canteen.

The canteen is on the right end of the floor, louis can actually see the canteen where he sits because it’s literally on the exact opposite end of the floor.

The people are yet to come in and are slowly trickling, so louis decides to just go and get his black coffee before it becomes crowded.

He makes his way towards the canteen with determined steps. Not really in the mood to bump into anyone and make small talk.

Once he reaches the canteen, he is quick to put on the kettle and then proceeds to take his designated mug from the rock and put in a spoonful of coffee powder.

He turns off the kettle while he screws back the cap of the coffee container, not wanting the water to be too hot. Once he has played the coffee container back in its place, he pours the water from the kettle into his mug, collects the stirrer from the boy, and walks back to his desk.

He has coasters on his desk as well. He put them very recently. He uses one of the coasters to place his mug and then arranges the desk a little even though it is barely cluttered. Then he sits down and starts his computer. He sips on his coffee as the computer starts and comes to life.

He is usually someone who drinks tea, which is why he doesn't have any coffee at home but when at work he rather likes coffee because it does its part in keeping him awake and alert. Even if it makes him slightly jittery.

He has sipped half of the contents of the mug before he opens his inbox to check the emails he didn’t when he was leaving his flat. He checks through them all, most of them are about the extension of certain deadlines. and louis isn’t much bothered about them because he knows they would always ask for an extension so he makes sure to always give the deadline a little earlier than actually required so when they ask for an extension, he could give the actual deadline.

So, he replies to all of them, updating the deadline and informing them to not ask for any more extensions as that would lead to serious consequences.

He is done with the emails and his coffee at almost the same time, and it is also the time when he feels a hand tap him on his shoulder. he knows without even looking that it is Robert, his boss.

Louis turns around to greet him, “Good morning, Robert.” and nods at him.

Robert greets him back, “Good morning, louis.” and then adds, “Meet me in my cabin in 5 minutes, don’t be late.” and rushes into his office.

Robert always tells him to not be late even though he knows louis is never late. But Louis understands it is probably something that Robert is just used to saying to almost all of his employees so it’s almost a force of habit to tell it to louis as well.

Louis doesn’t mind it all that much.

Robert had said 5 minutes so louis wasted time for 4 minutes thinking about what might be the possible reason for this meeting and in the last minute he got up from his desk, and dusted off his slacks and turtleneck even though there wasn’t anything on them, and then walk towards Robert's office.

He takes a deep breath and knocks on his office door twice. He hears Robert’s voice say, “Come in” from inside and he goes in. he enters the room, closes the door behind him walks up to the chair on the opposite side of the desk from Robert, and takes a seat.

He would normally ask or wait until Robert tells him to sit but Robert had long since told him to just come in and sit down and Louis does just that. Once he is seated, he waits for Robert to start talking, he is usually the one to do all the talking because he has to explain Robert’s schedule to him and ask questions about what meeting he wants and when and also relay to him the notes he took during certain meetings.

So now that he has to wait for Robert to say something it’s kind of irking him a little, having to sit here without anything to think about while simultaneously worrying about something that Robert wanted to talk about.

But louis waits patiently, he watches as Robert shuffles through a stack of papers trying to find a specific one and louis is almost amused by the scene in front of him. Roberts usually looks very put together, having everything in order but only louis knows how difficult it is to actually put everything of Roberts in order because he is the one who does it.

Seems like whatever papers he is currently shuffling through were the ones he didn’t give to louis to go through and sort them out otherwise, he would have to search them.

Louis watches it for probably another 2 minutes before he thinks of taking pity on the poor man and just helping him out but even as he is thinking about it, he hears a small ‘aha!’ from Robert and realizes that he has found whatever it is that he is looking for.

Once Robert has found the paper, he is looking for he keeps it aside, under a paperweight and arranges all the rest of the papers into a somewhat neat-looking pile and puts them aside on his desk, probably to deal with them later after he is done with the conversation he wants to have with louis.

Now that he is done fumbling with the papers, he can give his attention to louis, “Once again, good morning, louis.”

Louis gives Robert a small smile and says, “Good morning, Robert.”

Robert returns the smile and gets right into the matter, “So, you know I have called you here to talk about something important and it’s not that I have any doubt in you about whether you can handle this or not because I know you can as I was the one who had suggested you for it but it’s more I want to have your opinion on this. I want to know if this would be something you would be comfortable with, with whatever I would propose to you in the next few minutes.”

Louis doesn’t know how to respond to that, because, for one thing, Robert has not given him anything worth responding to so he just nods his head, unsure of what else he can do.

It seems like that is enough for Robert because he takes the paper he had previously put under the paperweight and hands it over to louis, who is quick to take it even though he is slightly confused.

Robert waits patiently as louis reads through the paper. There isn’t much to read through it, it seems to be an information file about someone who louis has never heard of, and louis doesn’t why Robert wants him to go through it.

He just skims through it not really bothering to read all of it in detail because he honestly feels like Robert might have somehow handed him the wrong sheet of paper, but he doesn’t point it out.

After a few minutes of silence, Robert says, “So?”

And louis just looks at him, unable to understand what exactly Robert expects of him. So, he just parrots back, “So.”

And there is silence again. Just as louis is about to ask what Roberts’s goal is making louis read about this person, Robert says, “So, what do you think about him?”

In Louis’s honest opinion, he doesn’t think anything of the man on the paper. The paper reads his name as ‘Harry Styles’ and with it, there is a description of all the previous projects he has led under Runway Reverie, and then below it is a set of requirements, like what all this Harry Styles guy expects from the person to whom this letter was addressed to.

There is a small passport-sized picture of this guy on the side and although louis can’t really decipher how exactly this guy might look right now, he does seem to be someone young, just a few years older than louis.

This was all that he could make out from the piece of paper, and he didn’t know if this information would be useful to Robert, or what exactly would be the correct answer to Robert’s question, so he went with the most basic answer. The safest one.

“He seems good. He has done a lot with our company and seems to have gained quite a lot of profit in almost every project he has led. He also seems quite young to have achieved all of this, it is very impressive.”

Robert hums, observing louis for a while. And then he sighs and says, “Well, you are right about almost everything. He is Harry Styles, and he has done a lot of projects under us and has gotten us a huge profit with everything he has done and yes, he is very young. If you club all that information together you would understand that he is someone very important to the company.”

And yes, louis can agree on that. This guy is a proper asset to the company. No company in the right state of mind would want to lose such an employee. So yes, louis understands that this guy is very important.

So, louis nods to show that he understands what Roberts means. Robert nods back in acknowledgment of louis nod and continues, “As you can already see Harry has been the head of a lot of big projects, and the success of those is why he is currently also heading some of the biggest and most important projects. And with his schedule always jam-packed he is bound to miss something here or there, like a meeting or 10. and that's where you come in.”

At this point, louis should have figured out why Robert was talking to him about Harry and why he was explaining how Harry's workload had made him miss quite a few meetings but for some reason, he still couldn’t catch onto what Robert was saying so he just continues to nod along.

Robert lets out another sigh, having caught onto the fact that Louis wasn’t able to grasp what he was saying so he has to spell it out for him, “louis, I want you to be Harry’s PA.”

Finally, louis catches on, now he understands why Robert was saying all that stuff and why this meeting was important. But what he didn’t understand was why him? Harry could definitely hire any other better PA, not that louis thinks he is good, but he just has his hands full at the moment with being Robert’s PA.

It is as if Robert could read his mind because, “we have tried with other PAs but none of them could handle the workload that comes with being the Harrys styles PA and I was the one who had suggested you could maybe take up the role because I knew you were the best candidate, there is no one who understood Harrys schedule and him better than you.”

Louis is a little skeptical about this. Louis knows he is good but is he as good as Robert says he is? Louis knows for a fact that when Robert had suggested his name to Harry, he was sure to have exaggerated about how louis would be the perfect fit for it, but if louis isn’t? He has messed up almost all the things in his life and the only thing that he didn’t was his job because he loved it.

But what if taking up this new, more demanding position will finally make him realize that maybe he was supposed to mess this up as well? If he is not good at anything, then what?

He knows he is taking too much time; he knows Robert is waiting for an answer and his patience is wearing thin but how was he supposed to make this decision? If it had been time before the last two months louis would not have had a second doubt, he would have happily taken it.

But the events that happened to him in the past few months, how he had managed to royally fuck up a good life makes him question every decision he now makes.

But this is such a great opportunity. It’s almost a sort of raise but not really. According to Harry’s resume, Harry would be the COO, working under Robert but his workload seems to be much more than Roberts so louis knows it would entail a raise in his salary. Robert is a very good boss and if he were to suggest louis to someone else with a much higher workload than he currently handles then he would have made the necessary arrangements to make louis feel just as comfortable as he felt with Robert.

And that’s another thing, louis knows Robert, he is his first ever boss and he has been brilliant but he does not know if this Harry guy would be the same, he does not know if he would be just as respectful and understanding ad Robert or if this would be the time that louis would finally have an asshole for a boss and relate to all those people who constantly crib and cry about their rude and unforgiving boss.

But he trusts Robert and his decision to choose, what he doesn’t trust is himself to not fuck this up. But maybe just maybe he could take this leap of faith, maybe he could try trusting himself one last time, maybe this might be the golden opportunity to make everything better in his life again. Maybe.

He could say yes, he wants to say yes. But he can’t. So, he doesn’t. He just asks Robert to give him time until after lunch, when we will discuss this with Greta to try to get another perspective, and maybe then he could make a decision. Hopefully the right one.

Robert being his ever-understanding self, gives louis time until after lunch and tells him to consider it, actually think about it. And louis promises to do so.

With that promise in mind, he walks out of Roberts’s office.

The first thing he did after getting out of Robert’s office was check the time. He still has 2 and a half hours until his break starts, he has that much time to think about this new opportunity and get his mind right before he has to discuss it with Greta.

He knows this is not a very difficult decision and he is probably exaggerating it but his self-doubt always gets the better of him and this time is no different than the other.

He sits at his desk and does his job, attends calls manages Robert’s schedules, and gets some printouts of certain designs that are needed for the next meeting. He finishes all the tasks for the day, having had very few, to begin with, and when he is sitting idle at his desk with all the jobs done he thinks about how it would be if he took the new position.

Would he get this free time? Will he be able to sit and ponder about his life with all the work he would be burdened with if he becomes Harry styles PA?

Louis had applied for runway reverie right after getting out of university. He had applied for every available job that required a PA regardless of the pay or his position. he interviewed at almost 7 jobs and Runway Reverie was the first to have given him a callback.

It was also the job that paid the highest and where he was the PA of the fucking CEO. He had never imagined his first job to be in that high position. He was almost disappointed to have bagged this job because he wanted to start low and make his way up throughout his career. But if he started from up there are very few chances of promotion and a high chance of him achieving stagnation in the early years of his career.

And he didn’t like stagnation, not then and not now. But he took the job and excelled at it. He worked hard and well. Robert loved him and made sure to always tell him about how good he was as a PA.

If he keeps aside the self-doubt, he is almost excited to start taking up this new role. No matter how much louis loved working for Robert, he realized recently that it was going nowhere. He was going nowhere, and this opportunity feels like an olive branch.

And even louis knows that this olive branch has fortunately or unfortunately come at just the right time. And he knows the risk of it too, this might to an extent be the break or decide for his mental health. He is already handing by a very thin thread, with his self-doubt, and self-loathing trying their very best to snap that thread.

And even though louis knows all these, knows what he is doing wrong or what thoughts are negative and destructive he still can’t do anything to avoid them. It seems as if for the past however so long time all he could think was negative things because the moment he had his hopes up the universe not only managed to get them down but also to put them 6 feet under, where they can never be found again.

But louis wants to try, he wants to not let this decision get its way and wants to get the reins of his life back in his hand he wants to try just this one last time and wants to trust in the concept of having hopes just this one time. No matter how much others believe that Louis has given up or even louis himself sometimes feels like just giving up because it just seems so much easier than doing whatever he is doing right now what people do not know about him is that he is an optimist to a fault.

He has always believed in giving chances and taking chances and he is smart enough to accept that it is that particular mindset that had brought him to this situation, but he wants to try it one last time. Wants to give himself just one more chance, and he deserves that much.

By the time lunch rolls around louis has managed to understand that while he is scared about this job and worried that he might not be the right fit and royally fuck it up, he is also weirdly excited about taking the job. This new role might finally be something exciting in his otherwise boring and lifeless life.

So, when he finally meets up with Greta for lunch, he at least has an idea about what he wants to say but he needs to figure out how to put all the jumbled mess in his head out into words, something that can be understood by Greta. He would need a lot of patience for it because he knows where his thoughts are coming from, but Greta doesn’t, so he has to explain everything, every thought.

They decide to go to the hole-in-the-wall cafe that is literally called hole-in-the-wall cafe which is just a few paces away from their office, tucked away among all the fancy restaurants and street vendors. They can almost be considered regular here.

It’s not that they always come here for every lunch or break, they try their best to go the all the places and try out new dishes and new things for every break but after having worked here for as many years as they have worked, they kind of runout of new places to try.

Since the walk from the office to the cafe is not that long Greta decides to fill the silence by rambling about all the people that came in today and if they have been rude or polite and all the daily stuff. Louis goes along with it even though he is only partially listening. He knows how nosy Greta can get so he also knows that once she sits down Greta is going to ask him first and foremost about the meeting with Robert and then louis would have to explain everything.

So, he just tries to enjoy Greta’s rambling because, in a few minutes, it would be him in her position.

Once they enter the cafe, they take an available seat for both of them which is almost in the middle of the cafe, louis is not really a person to take the middle table in a crowded place but it’s the only available one.

Once they have seated, they order their usuals, Greta happily and louis almost unwillingly. Once the waiter has taken the order and has walked with the promise of getting their food as soon as possible, great takes a sip of her water and asks, “So, how was the meeting with the boss?”

Here goes nothing. Louis can already feel his throat drying up and he hasn’t even started talking yet, so he decides to take a sip of water. He drinks a quarter glass of water before responding to Greta’s question, “The meeting was okay, kind of have mixed feelings about it.”

Louis knows what he is doing. he is evading the topic but is also sounding mysterious enough about the meeting that Greta would ask him the question instead of him having to start the topic. Louis always found it difficult to start talking about anything, but when a question was posed about the same topic and he had to answer it, he found it much simpler to explain the thoughts in his mind.

He found himself preferring answering questions to just rambling stuff because then he tends to go off-tangent. When a particular question was asked, and he was supposed to reply to it then he felt like the question put certain things in perspective for him—making it easier to explain.

And the answer louis had given seems to be enough to increase Greta’s curiousness being the nosy woman that she is she asks, “What do you mean? What was the meeting about?”

Yeah, that seems like a good start. Louis could definitely start with this question, so he does, “So it was nothing serious, nothing to worry about or maybe a little to worry about. So basically, Robert wanted me to take up a PA position for this new guy who is going to join the office I don’t know when but like soon.”

“And who is this new guy?”

“His name is Harry Styles, and he would be working as the COO like directly under Robert but if his resume was anything to go by, I feel like he would be his own boss and no one in the company would dare say a thing about it because he is literally running the company right now.”

“What does that even mean? And why does Robert want you to work for this guy? And how do you feel about all this?” Greta asked in succession. But louis is okay with it because now he can let out everything that has been on his chest ever since his meeting with Robert.

And get off his chest he does. He says everything that happened in the meeting, everything he had thought about ever since what decision he finally reached and how he reached there, what all the things he considered, and basically just everything. he didn't stop even when the food had come.

Usually, Greta would reprimand him for not touching his food and just rambling, but louis had a feeling that Greta had somehow figured out that louis needed to ramble, so she just let him.

Now that he had said everything, he took a huge gulp of water, all the talking making his throat feel dry and rough. Greta just watches him, she watches him speak his mind and heart, not saying a word and then she watches him drink his glass of water, all the while she eats her own lunch.

Once louis had put his empty glass down and sat back in his chair he started to fidget because it had been a minute or two since he stopped talking and Greta still hadn’t said anything, and it was kind of unnerving him. he already didn’t have an appetite, but Greta’s lack of reaction is preventing him from even developing an appetite.

Just when he is about to give up and ask Greta to say something, anything Greta decides to speak up, “That was a lot to take in for just one lunch break. sheesh.” louis understands Greta is trying to cheer up the mood because it doesn’t take an einstein to figure out that louis is extremely stressed about this decision.

And louis is grateful to Greta that she is making the effort to try and lift his mood, but he would really like it if Greta would say something serious about his decision, either criticize it or back him up on it, anything works just not the silence.

Louis’ mind is loud enough that if he sits in silence even for a second it would start racing faster than his heart would when he is anxious and in situations like this the speed just skyrockets.

Louis is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears Greta say, “Eat up, darling. We will talk while we both eat.” she says it with enough care and threat that louis actually takes his spoon and digs in even though the mere thought of putting anything down his throat makes him feel like throwing up.

Louis had ordered the 9-yard chicken dish which is basically chicken prepared in 9 different ways and all mixed together and served. He isn’t that big fan of chicken, but all the other dishes had an omelet in them and in Louis’ opinion omelet tasted a bit too much like an egg, he cannot explain it but the egg taste in them made him feel nauseous, and tastes yucky in his mouth and given that the situation already makes him nauseous he decided to forgo any omelet related dishes.

He has two bites of his lunch, Greta closely watching him. While he hadn’t wanted to eat before he started eating now that he had started eating, he realized that he was actually hungry so he for once, since yesterday’s breakfast ate a full proper meal that he actually wanted to have.

Greta watches him with a tiny smile on her face, happy that he is eating something. And when he is finished with half his bowl Greta speaks up, “I think this opportunity might be really good for you, louis.”

Louis had the spoon poised mid-air when Greta spoke and he blinked a few times to register what she had said, not because he didn’t believe her but because the silence between them had stretched on for so long that when one of them spoke it took a minute to register that they spoke.

But once he registers what she said he says, “Yeah?” questions more like, a little unsure and a little hopeful.

Greta nods her head, with a smile on her face, one that louis loves because that particular smile means that she is proud of him, and it’s been too long since someone has been proud of louis. The feeling almost felt too foreign to him.

Louis doesn't ask for any more reassurances and Greta doesn't offer any. They both know too much reassurance will cause him to doubt himself again, so they refrain from it. Most of their lunch was over by the time louis finished talking about the meeting so whatever was left of it they tried to finish their food and walked back to the office, Greta filling in the silence.

Once they reach the office, they both part ways, Greta going to the reception desk and louis to the lift but not before Greta pulls him into a hug and whispers into his ear ‘All the best’ and ‘I know you can do this’

Louis gets onto the lift determined and when he reaches the 11th floor, he is quick to knock on Robert's door, once he hears a faint come in, he enters.

Robert seems almost relieved at his presence, it is as if he is waiting for louis, counting the minutes until louis comes with his final decision.

Robert gets straight to the point asking louis about his decision and louis also doesn't bullshit around and gives him an answer a firm ‘yes.’

Robert heaves a relieved sigh, one that shows how stressed he is regarding this decision because the moment he lets out the sigh his shoulder sags and releases all the tension from them.

Once the decisions had been made, Robert told louis to sit down so they could discuss all the stuff louis would have to do, the increase in workload, and probably a change in the floor as well if Harry wanted to be closer to the designers and not the ones that handle the logistics and stuff and also Louis salary.

He obviously expected an increase in his pay because his workload will increase too but when Robert tells him the actual salary, he is a bit shocked. The hike in his salary is almost a whopping 35 percent. Louis expected 10 to 15 but not fucking 35.

It makes him wonder how much of his workload will increase now. But that doesn't concern him all that much. he is ready to take on the extra work, he would even do the extra shifts if required of him—anything to keep him occupied.

Their discussion went on for a good hour, louis would have asked a few questions because he is sure he might have had some, but it was all so fast, and Robert was giving him so much information without much time to absorb it that he couldn’t really formulate any questions and without having his notebook to write down all the information he has to rely heavily on his poor memory.

But that’s okay because whatever Robert is saying louis knows almost all of it, having been working as a PA for as long as he has been working, he is bound to know what someone expects of him from his job. The only thing that is bothering louis but only slightly is the fact that he has never met this Harry guy and he also does not have enough time to meet him and like have a discussion of sorts about what he expects from louis because as already stated harry styles is a busy man so the start of next week that is two days from now is when louis would meet him for the time and start working for him.

While louis knows what the expectations from him for this job are he also knows to never generalize it because everyone has certain codes of conduct and the seriousness with which they take it also varies and louis just hopes Harry doesn't get cross with him if he messes up the first few days.

But now is not the time to think about all of it, he decided to give himself one last chance, one last opportunity to believe in himself and he will do that. He will not let those negative thoughts come and take this chance away from him. he will not.

When louis was about to leave Robert's office after having discussed everything Robert stopped and asked if he had completed all the tasks for today, he didn't really have to ask that because he already knew the answer to that, but he still did. When louis replied with a yes Robert asked him if he had anything else to do for the day and when louis replied with a no, he told him to go home for the day, knowing how toll-taking the day might been.

Louis didn't really want to go home, go to that empty place where the silence of his house is filled with overwhelmingly negative thoughts running at the speed of a mile a minute in his head but when Robert had told him to go home, he didn't put up a fight because even though he didn't want to he knew he needed to.

The decision he had taken today was not exactly made in a rush but he was also not given enough time to think through it thoroughly so he decided to go home and think about, but not obsessively inspect every little word and detail and choice that led him here, just analyze it enough like a normal person, thinking about the salary and the increase in the workload and how his new boss would be. that would be the only thought he would allow his brain to conjure up when thinking about this subject, nothing else.

So, he gets up goes to his desk, and packs up his work bag with a few important documents that Robert had asked him to read through once, and a few other designs that he needs to send to some clients and to other branches of Runway Reverie for an approval from the big ups there to be included in the next drop.

Having packed his bag, he makes his way to the elevator and gets in immediately. He thinks of checking his phone but if he opens his mail and sees something that needs to reply to, he will stop walking and just stay glued to his place and reply to it and move only when the work has been done. So, he decides to check them once he has taken, the tube.

The elevator ride down goes smoothly, no one stops it because no one really; leaves at this time so louis is not forced to make small talk with anyone.

When he gets down, he searches for Greta at her desk, wanting to say bye to her before leaving but he doesn't see her there. He assumes she might be busy with one of the higher because she never really leaves the reception desk, she is not allowed to actually because she is the one who knows who to send where so she rarely ever leaves her desk, only if the higher-ups have called for some reason does she leave it but still not unsupervised.

Even now some other girl is at the desk looking extremely uninterested and about ready to sleep. So, louis just decides to text Greta once he gets on the tube that he had left early for the day, and it is nothing serious for which she has to worry about because he never leaves early and given the circumstances Greta would just assumes the worst if he doesn't clarify why he is leaving early. Not that the clarification would make any difference, but it would lessen her worry just a smidge because Greta has learned to never believe louis when he says he is fine and nothing wrong is happening.

And she has every reason to be that way, so louis doesn't blame her.

He walks to the tube quickly but is only a few seconds late because the train has just left the platform, but the next train is in a couple of minutes, so he doesn't mind waiting. While he waits for the train, he observes his surroundings and watches the different people that fill the subway at this hour, there are not many people because people are still in their offices, still an hour left until they start clocking out and rushing to take the next train home so they could spend time with their family.

Louis doesn't have any such reasons, yet he is in a hurry to reach home. He doesn't like his empty flat, but he doesn't like the outdoors even more. The constant reminder of seeing people have what he has always craved and had been close enough to get it but had crushed every last piece of it and let it slip through his own finger piercing through his heart painfully.

He sees the things lost in the young couple who is currently holding hands and standing really close as they whisper to each other, he sees it in the way the mother and son are sharing chocolate the son trying to distribute it equally but the mother secretly giving extra pieces to the son because she knows how much he loves, sees it in the way an older man is talking on the phone to someone and in louis imagination the someone is his son and he had called to him to check how his day is going and if he had eaten well and was doing well today.

All these were just harsh reminders of what he could have but also of what he destroyed and while the thoughts that fill his head in solitude are no better, they are at least not visual reminders. Louis would rather go through the mental torture than the physical one because the physical one will just eventually lead to the mental one.

            *.ﾟﾉﾞ .ﾟ**.ﾟﾉﾞ +.ﾟ**.ﾟﾉﾞ +.ﾟ*

Louis had spent most of his weekend psyching himself up for Monday and now it was 8 pm Sunday almost 12 hours left until he met his new boss, and he was extremely nervous. Louis knows he had promised himself that he wouldn't think too much about it and he actually stuck to it he didn't worry that much he didn't overthink and let his anxiety come out and ruin it for him and anytime he felt he would lose it he would start cleaning.

His flat looks pristine and clean considering the number of times he has cleaned it, and the smell of the cleaning detergents is a bit too strong to be considered okay, but louis has gotten used to it in the past two months and also in the past few years. He tried to sleep also.

The new opportunity at the job had almost seemed like an opportunity to start his life new. When he was thinking about after he got home from work on Friday, he kept thinking about how this could change so many things so maybe it was time for him to also change his old habits and develop new ones, healthy ones, the ones that are maybe not as self-destructing as these were.

The first on his list was to eat and sleep better because he knows not giving priority to those both is also partly the reason why he looks and feels so tired all the time, so he tried. he had anyways come home early on Friday, so he decided to actually make something edible and maybe delicious.

So, he changed and got refreshed and went into the kitchen to find some things to make himself something tasty. he ended up making himself Bolognese pasta and it tasted good, actually good. It wasn't a surprise to louis that he cooked well, for a while he really loved cooking it was not his forte in the beginning, but he loved it, so he tried hard at it, trying to make new peals every day.

He is glad that he tried so hard back then because it is paying off right now, but he is also proud of his past self about how much patience and energy he had put into learning something lies cooking not because it was a necessity but because he wanted to. He wished he had such enthusiasm now.

He ate a good portion, it was till little, but it was better than nothing. He had tried to finish some of the work he brought home but there was not much to do, and he decided to leave it for when he would fall too deep down into the rabbit hole of his self-destructing thoughts because the work would keep him busy and out of the hole.

With nothing much left to do, he decided to go to sleep, and it wasn't different from any other night, he still couldn't sleep but the only new thing about this was that he tried, and that counts for something right?

The weekend felt as if it had stretched on for ages while also having passed in just minutes and now louis is wide awake lying on his bed in the hopes of getting little to any sleep, but he knows he should just give up on trying to even sleep because the nerves will keep him up all night.

But that’s not what he promised himself, he promised to start trying so he will try, he will try his best to try to sleep and even if that he can’t then he can at least say he tried and this time it would actually not be a lie.

So, he tries, he counts to 100 then he counts it with sheep, and then with Missippie, and then he lets his imagination run wild, something that has been a luxury for the past few months because it has only brought his pain. Wasn’t imagination something that brought comfort to people? Wasn’t it something that allowed you to escape the sorrows of reality and indulge in things that would make you happy?

And maybe to an extent that is what louis imagination was also doing to him, it was showing him how life could be, and it was beautiful in his imagination, he was happy and everyone around him was happy for him, and because of him but it did not relieve him of the sorrows of reality because in every smile he saw in his imagination he was reminded of the frown he put on the people in his real life. So, he stopped imagining, he stopped trying to go to a world where everything was right and perfect and happy and sunshine and butterflies.

He doesn’t know when he fell asleep but the next time, he opens his eyes it is daylight, and it is the sound of his alarm that has woken him up. He isn’t used to waking up to the sound of an alarm, not because he doesn't put it but because he always wakes earlier than it was supposed to ring but not today.

Today he woke up not before it but because of it and, that wakes louis up even more. He didn’t know how long he slept it could be 2 hours or 3 or 5 or 7 hours but he slept, and he woke up not because of a stupid nightmare or a terrible sad dream but because his alarm rang. And louis wanted to smile to himself, he wanted to pat him back for doing something like sleeping long enough for your alarm to ring but he didn’t.

He fears this is all temporary, a fluke something that won't happen again but that doesn't mean it didn't give him hope though. Before this, he had almost given up but now just a flicker of hope was alight in him, maybe he could sleep for long enough and maybe that thought, and that flicker of hope was not totally about sleep.

Once louis was up, he did not dwell much on the fact that he slept long enough for his alarm to wake him up because he was constantly anxious about what might go wrong. Not an if but a what because he believes something will go wrong and maybe louis should work on changing that attitude as well but one thing at a time. One thing.

He showered, got ready, and had his morning tea he would have tried to stomach some breakfast because he was trying to improve on the diet front as well, but he knows whatever he eats will come back right out of his mouth because of his nerves so he decides to forgo eating.

He makes his way to the subway extra early today, to be on the safe side, and gets on it. He does not play his usual memory game, and it isn’t like he didn’t try because he tried but after the five minutes where his thoughts kept constantly drifting to what might today be like he just gave up and started counting numbers and observing people around him.

The 20-minute tube ride went by faster than he had expected or wanted, and he was soon getting out of the tube and onto the street lined with corporate buildings touching the sky. He makes his way through the scarcely there crowd since it is not even rush hour yet and reaches the office in less than 5 minutes.

He is usually early, earlier than he is supposed to be and today he is even more early. He is early enough that he doesn’t see Greta at the reception desk, which means she either hasn’t arrived yet or is in the washroom trying to re-apply and re-do her already perfectly done makeup and hair.

So, he makes his way to the lift goes to the 11th floor and immediately makes a beeline to his desk. Once he reaches his desk, he deposits his bag on the chair and walks to the canteen to get his daily dose of morning coffee. With the coffee in hand, he walks back to the desk sits down, and opens his laptop.

He checks for the emails and replies to them as well as emails the people who had asked for an extension today about the update of the projects they were supposed to work on.

He doesn't really have much work for the day because as of today he is officially not working for Robert. In yesterday's meeting, Robert had said that he would hate to let go of louis and considered letting him be the PA for both himself and Harry but then he realized it wasn't far on louis so he decided that for as of now he isn't in extreme emergency for a PA, so he has enough time to look for a new one but harry needs one now.

Louis had just about finished his coffee when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned around to look at him and was slightly shocked to see it was Robert. he panicked only for a moment thinking it was already time for him to meet Harry but then checks time on the phone and realizes Robert in almost an hour early.

Robert even though he is the CEO of the company is very particular about his own mental health something that many people in his position would not even give a second thought about, but Robert does. So, every day he comes to work only a few minutes before his workday begins that too because he hates being late for things.

He tried his best to spend enough time with his family, eat well, and sleep well. In all the time louis had worked here, Robert had come early only a handful of times, and this was one of them. While most of the time it was before an important drop, or the release of a new fashion line louis didn’t understand why he was early today.

But he is snapped out of his thoughts when Robert tells him to come to his office in 2 minutes. Louis nodded his head and that was enough for Robert to walk into his office. Louis waits two minutes trying to think of a reason why Robert might be early and if he is missing any important date or event, but he comes up empty-handed.

Once he is sure 2 minutes have passed, he shakes his head to rid himself of whatever he was thinking and gets up from his seat to walk the few paces to Robert’s office. He pauses only for a second thinking about whether to take his notepad with him or not but it doesn’t seem like it was a meeting where Robert would want him to take down important stuff so he doesn’t.

He knocks on Robert’s door and when he hears a faint ‘come in’ he walks in.

Robert seems to have been waiting for him to come because as soon as he enters, he orders him to take a seat. Once louis was seated Robert said, “You still have an hour before your shift starts but Harry is someone who is very particular about his time, so he comes to the office 30 minutes early every day. I knew you would already be psyching yourself out about your first meeting with him, so I decided to come early and help you with anything if you need it.”

And louis could cry. he might just actually cry because Robert the fucking CEO of the company's sat here because he thought louis would be nervous and would need someone to ease his nerves. he was here because he actually bothered to think about louis outside the settings of this office, he thought and cared about him enough to wake up early and come early to the office when he usually doesn't. And he did this all for louis because he didn't want louis to worry.

Louis wishes he had more Popel like Robert in his life, or just more people in his life so he can discuss whether all the bosses are like this, or did louis get lucky in this one aspect? Because it feels like louis had used up all his luck in getting a good boss because apart from that every other aspect of his life is utterly fucked right now.

But now is not the time to think about that.

He clears his throat because he can already feel the lump in it and says, “Robert, that is very sweet of you to come this early for me and you really didn't have to do it, but I appreciate it. Thank you so much.”

Robert just waves it off like it isn't a big deal, like it is something that the bosses especially someone at a position as high as Roberts do for their PAs.

It’s as if Robert had senses that louis was a bit overwhelmed not by the prospect of meeting his new boss but because of what Robert did, so he just decides to go on a rant about the new designs and how they are coming and also what part of it is handled by harry and when they are planning to do the drop. They discuss all of this, and even louis gives him some of his input.

He knows why Robert is doing this, he is doing this to take his mind off things he doesn't need to worry about, and louis appreciates it. He almost wishes he didn’t have to leave Robert as a boss, but he knows it's something he needs so he relents.

They discuss stuff like this for a food 20 to 25 minutes and then Robert glances at the time to see that Harry will be in the office in about another 5 minutes and he informs louis about the same. Robert tells louis to wait at his desk as he will have a word with Harry privately before he lets louis and Harry meet.

Louis understands that Robert has to talk to Harry about louis as well before he lets him take the job, so he walks out of Roberts’s office and decides to go get another cup of coffee.

He drinks his coffee black, so it doesn't usually take that much time for him to make. He usually makes it in 2 minutes and today is no different he stands in the canteen with the coffee mug placed in front of him on the counter and breathes deeply, trying to ground himself and assure himself that everything will go alright but he already knows it a lost cause, the reassurance won’t work on him but he promised to try and make a conscious effort so he will.

By the time he walks back to his desk, it seems like Harry has arrived because Robert’s blinds are drawn, and Robert does that only when he is in a meeting with important people and doesn't want the outside scenarios to distract the people in the meeting.

Louis is nervous, to say the least. Harry and Robert have been locked in his office for a good 15 minutes now and louis is lightly worried, and it isn't like he can at least eavesdrop on what they are talking about because most of the higher-up offices in here are soundproof. So, louis would just have to wait until one of them walks out.

He is tapping his leg on the ground because he has to channel his nervous energy somewhere when he hears Robert's voice. Louis Turned his head around so quickly he might have gotten a whiplash; it had been 20 minutes since they had been talking and louis had worried himself crazy in the span of those 20 minutes.

When he sees Robert, he walks towards louis and gives him a small smile as he says, “Ready to meet your new boss?” honesty louis isn't but he is also kind of his. So, he nods and wipes his hands on his slacks because the anxiety has made them all sweaty, he takes one last deep breath before he follows Robert to his office.

Harry's eyes are the first thing he sees after having entered Robert's office. emerald, green eyes, bright bright green, and louis would appreciate them, appreciate the vibrance of the green in his iris. Still, at that moment all he could think about was Damien's eyes, Damien's emerald, green eyes.

And in that one moment, the only thought to have crossed Louis’ mind was no matter what he does and how far he runs away Damien's shadow will always follow him. everything he does, everyone he meets and all the tasks he fails at he would be reminded of Damien.

And it was that thought, that fear that paralyzed him, that glued his legs to the floor and his eyes to Harry’s green eyes.