Chapter Text
Lily was painting her nails when she broke the silence of the room, a deep green brushing over her perpetually grease-stained and cracking nails, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“That’s a blunt way of asking who cut off my leg.” It wasn’t as sharp as it could’ve been, but still - Addy was trying to enjoy her peace and quiet, or as much quiet as she could get with these terrible thin walls and constantly fucking neighbors.
She could feel Lily’s glare without looking over, “I meant all those breakdowns we pretend not to notice.” Oh, well now she felt like an asshole.
Maybe she was just prickly, it had been one hell of a day. Addy shifted around in the shitty motel bed, forcing herself not to cover up her leg. Lily already knew and Addy would sooner gnaw off her own hand than let the world make her flinch back. (Only she got to hate herself right and proper.)
“I -“ Her words died off because she didn’t know what exactly to say. I survived the storm that killed my best friends. I survived a tornado and dragged myself over mud and debris while my leg was hanging on by a goddamn string. I survived and I haven’t talked to my family, my real family in weeks and that’s killing me a little. I survived and some days I wish I didn’t.
Addy cleared her throat, “Survived what should’ve killed me.” Then, because it was Lily, because it was the girl who had helped her get dressed without a singular word, she smiled, “I got a habit of not staying down, even when I probably should.”
Lily gave her a slightly crooked grin, her legs tucked against her chest, a book near her feet and Jesus this was all incredibly domestic, “I noticed.” For a long moment, minutes or hours or years, the room was silent, and then she said, “You know we’d help you, right? With anything, with everything.” She laughed a little at herself, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed Isabel, but we’re a little crazy. And we don’t judge.”
Once upon a time Addy had a family, and then they died, and then they broke into more pieces than you could fix, and then - “I know I just, I’m trying Lily, I swear.”
Her eyes were incredibly soft and Addy had her laugh, the one that happens in the middle of a storm when she throws back her head and it practically tears out of her, memorized. “We all are, besides, I regularly drive into tornados, you ain’t that bad babe.”
Babe?!
She was so fucked.
“Hey, Lily, can I talk to you for a second.” Addy shifted a little on her feet, completely and utterly aware of how there was only a set of fabric between the rest of the Wranglers and her damn leg. “Alone.”
Boone’s whistle was cut short by Dani’s elbow as Lily nodded, walking over to her and linking their arms together. Addy did not obsess over that simple touch, nope, not at all. She guided the two of them further and further until they were out of hearing range. (Which was far out because the Wranglers had an eavesdropping problem.)
She untangled their arms, because Addy absolutely couldn’t focus if Lily was holding her arm and looking at her like - that. “What’s up?” She sounded so genuine, so nice and real and Addy’s only option was to drive off a cliff at this point.
Addy winced slightly, “Could not, you know, mention last night to anyone.” Lily blinked at her in faint surprise and the pit in her stomach, the dark twisty thing that wasn’t a crush, grew. The words flew out of her, “Not that I don’t trust them, or you, I just - I don’t know how to do this and you’re the first person I’ve told and I know I should be more open, and I shouldn’t lie to all of you but I can’t - I’m just not ready and I know it’ll come out eventually because my leg isn’t growing back anytime soon but I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to do that. And I’m just not ready, I’m sorry but I’m just -”
“Isabel, Isabel, Isabel!” Her words only stopped when Lily physically grabbed her face, her eyes full of concern, “I’m not gonna tell anyone, and you don’t have to either. This is your choice, when you tell them, if you tell them. I ain’t gonna push you, and I’m not gonna fucking out you. You’re okay, I promise.”
Her heart was racing and it was only half because of her panic, because of the dark twisted shame because her leg was gone but sometimes Addy forgot, sometimes Addy hated herself a little, sometimes she thought it would have been better if she - Lily’s calloused fingers were still framing her face, her thumb hovering a centimeter over a faint scar Jeb had given her in the Lab - we don’t talk about it ever - accident.
If either of them leaned in just a little, Addy could have felt her breathing, Addy could have made out every single detail on Lily’s face, Addy could have kissed her.
Instead, she took a step back, face hot-red with a mixture of embarrassment and shame and oh god pretty girl. “Thanks. Sorry I, sorry.”
Lily’s eyes were fond, but there was still that lingering bout of concern, “You’re good, didn’t do anything wrong. I won’t tell anymore, and if anyone says anything about this I’ll kick their asses.” Her smile was wicked and real and Lily was so very alive, “I’d beat every single one of them, you know that.”
This was - this was nice and good and her leg was gone but Addy had survived, and she would keep surviving, and in the meantime, maybe she could have at least one good thing. “I wonder what Tyler thinks of that, his ego could certainly take a hit or two. We should ask him.”
And then she turned on her good heel and started speed walking (running was out of the question) towards the pretending-not-to-be-staring-at them Wrangler. “Isa!”
It felt good to laugh.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, the Wranglers cackling on the stream on her computer as they tore around the edge of an EF2. Addy leaned back into the seat of her truck, dropping the half-fixed radio into the passenger side. The user ID gave her pause, it had been - a long fucking time.
“Javi? You get kicked out yet?” There was a beat of silence, and then a familiar raspy laughter that echoed in her bones.
Her eyes slipped shut as she leaned her head against the headrest, the sound of the Wranglers low in the background. “Blunt as ever, Adds.”
Tyler swung the truck around, sending Boone crashing to the side, his delirious laughter matching the swirling gray wind crashing against the windows. “You know me, couldn’t be subtle to save my life.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” There was a pause, a comfortable one because even if time had passed Addy wasn’t sure she could unknow him if she tried. “How have you been? Actually?”
She shrugged, eyes on the stream cutting to Lily, a wicked smile on her face as she forgot about the cameras surrounding her. “Been better, been worse. My leg’s acting up a little, funny enough it’s so goddamn itchy even when it’s literally not there.”
Phantom pain was a bitch, but phantom itching was hell on Earth. “What about you? They treating you well over there?”
Javi clicked his tongue, “Sunburned to hell and back, but Addy, there’s something here that could - I think it could change everything. I mean, I’m not a hundred percent certain right now, but, if I work on it,” He stopped, something unsaid hovering over the line.
It had been a while since Addy had heard Javi sound so, so alive, so like the boy she knew before two of their best friends died, she was mangled and Kate broke. One part of her was filled with a relief so strong she almost doubled over, and the other part of her was damn near seething with envy. Because Javi sounded okay, he sounded alive, he sounded like the sort of person who hadn’t gone through hell and back while she still couldn’t dive into tornados, or handle a bad storm, or fucking walk in a muddy field without her leg sinking and sinking and -
She forced her fingers to relax, forced her body to untense as Javi’s words slowly filtered back in, “It’ll take some time, but I’m gonna try.” Addy had no clue what he was talking about, but even if she didn’t know a goddamn thing she believed in him. Even if some days the worst of her hated him just a little bit for being okay.
“I know you will. We wouldn’t be here if we were the sort of people to give up easily, or to back down.” Addy stared down at her leg, the faint line of it just barely visible through her pants, the echo of pain and the absence of it so constant she couldn’t forget if she tried. She shook her head, running her hand through her hair, her elbow braced near the window of her truck, “You should come down to Arkansas when you get leave. It’s hot as fuck over here.”
Javi had no sympathy towards her, the asshole, “And who chose to go there.”
“Meh meh meh, says the dude in tactical gear in Florida, you burning alive yet?”
“Actually it’s quite nice down here, got an ocean view too.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do, you -”
A knock on her window startled her enough that she dropped her phone, and the ranting Javi, to the floor near the breaks. Boone was outside the window, his hair absolutely demolished, tangled in a way that she knew would have Dex cursing every God in the world as he spent the evening trying to fix it all. She raised up a finger before leaning over, cursing a little at the pressure on her kneecap and scar, her fingers wrapping around her phone as she sat up.
Javi was still going and dear God she hadn’t realized how much she had missed him, or how much she loved him. But, “Javi, Javiii, as nice as this is, I gotta go. I may be hiding in my truck like an antisocial loser.”
“So like normal then.” Addy just rolled her eyes, actually, she didn’t miss him, not at all, “Okay, I’ll let you go so you can socialize like a normal human being.” There was a slight pause, something passing between them even though they were thousands of miles away. Some things don’t change at least, at least not the things that mattered, “Take care of yourself, Addy, remember, I’m just a call away.”
“I know, same goes for you but I’m being honest it might take a while for me to get this truck to Florida. Javi, stay safe.” She’d do it, in a heartbeat for Javi, but it would be a pain in her ass.
“Yes, Ma’am.” Then the line clicked because they don’t say goodbyes, it’s one of the first lessons they learned chasing.
Addy closed for a brief second, and for just a moment, she could feel them - Jeb and Praveen behind her, Kate in the passenger's seat with a bright smile and bleached hair. Except it was coming up on two years since, since the end. She’d probably grown it out, maybe let it go back to its dark brown that reminded Addy of the fall, or maybe she had snapped and dyed it pink.
It killed her, just a little, that she didn’t know what Kate fucking Carter looked like anymore.
A muffled bout of cursing made her open her eyes. Nope, no time for depressing thoughts, her life was shit as it was. Addy sighed, shoving open the truck’s door and swinging her legs out. If she had to cling to the handle as her prosthetic landed on uneven ground and refused to buckle or bend, well that was no one’s business. Literally, “Don’t look at me like that. I meant to do that.”
Boone let out a muffled laugh, muffled only because Dani physically put her hand over his mouth. She took stock of them, Boone and Dani closest to her, windswept and clearly high on adrenaline, Dexter leaning against the camper, fiddling with some tech thing in his hands, and Tyler and Lily hunched over her drone, caught up in some conversation Addy was sure she could only half follow. Lily was waving her hands as she talked, and even a blind man would’ve been able to see the fact that she was joy personified. Or light personified.
Okay, even she knew that was super gay. But honestly, who could blame her?
“Soooo,” He dragged the word out, looking like the cat that caught the canary. “Who’s Javi?” Boone waggled his eyebrows, barely held back by Dani. She almost laughed at the irony of Boone thinking she’d like a guy as he interrupted her horrendous, lesbian pining for the girl she had had several deep conversations with but didn’t actually know if she was gay too.
Addy did laugh though, because the idea of her and Javi was extremely fucking laughable. “Boone, I’m a lesbian. Javi is just an old friend.” She shifted on her foot, and it would be so easy to just roll up her pant leg and deal with the fallout, “He’s family, you know?”
But she didn’t, because there was a crunch of gravel behind her. All of them turned to see Lily on the ground, Tyler standing beside her with a shit-eating grin, eyes darting between Addy and Lily like - No, nope, not gonna think about that.
Instead, she walked over to Lily, who was still on the ground, not because she was hurt but because she had seemingly given up on getting up. “You alright down there?” Across from her Tyler was still smiling, and without thinking, she kicked him, with her left leg, her metal leg, oops.
He grabbed at his shin with a slight groan, and Addy heard a snicker from below. Okay, almost revealing her, well lack of a leg, was somewhat worth it. She didn’t crouch to drag Lily up, that wasn’t exactly possible with her leg, or it was but it was extremely uncomfortable and stiff. Instead, she walked over to stand in front of Lily’s prone body, and reached down a hand as far as she could go, “Come on, I almost crashed getting out of my truck, we don’t judge here.”
She shot Tyler a quick glare from where he was still holding his shin, the baby, “We don’t judge.” He raised his hand in mock surrender just as Lily finally looked up at her. Okay, she was definitely gone on this girl because Addy should not find her general existence cute.
Kate was right, lesbians are more of a mess than storm chasers. And Addy happened to be both, so really, she never stood a chance.
Lily pushed herself up to her elbows, cheeks a bright red that meant she must have been blushing something fierce for it to be so visible on her skin. “I tripped over,” She looked around from something, except she and Tyler had been talking in the middle of a gravel lot, so, “The air?”
Addy laughed, and behind her she heard another slight groan that meant Boone was being an idiot and Dani was done with him. “It happens, come on, let’s get you up.” Lily reached up, grabbing her head, and somehow they managed to get her back on her feet.
She brushed off her pants with her free hand, because Addy was still holding her other hand, because it was warm and calloused and every part of her ached to hold on.
Before the end, all of them would tangle together in the bed of someone's truck or van, blankets spread out, pillows covering half of the usable space, and their sharp, gangly bodies covering the rest. It wasn’t sexual or romantic, it just was - Kate spooning Addy, Javi curled up near their heads, Jeb’s hand-stretched over the mess of their bodies and somehow ending up on Praveen’s hip. They’d watch the stars, trace constellations that you only saw out in the countryside, away from all the light and people, away from the world. Or they’d have a movie projected onto the side of Kate’s barn, staying up and laughing at shitty horror movies and 90s romcoms. It was good, they were good.
It had been so long since Addy had been held.
But Lily wasn’t Kate, or Javi. She didn’t have the same scars and the heavy weight of them. And she most certainly wasn’t Jeb or Praveen, she wasn’t a dead boy walking, she wasn’t.
Addy pulled away sharply, her cheeks hot as she cleared her throat, “So, you get anything good today.” That did it, and suddenly she had an arm slung over her shoulders as Boone started rambling about the storm, about the beauty of it. Let herself be pulled into the conversation, into the things she knew, into the things that would never change if she did. And she did not let herself think about Lily and her beautiful eyes and her flushed cheeks, she didn’t.