Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hermione created Untitled Group Chat

Hermione renamed UntitledGroup Chat to S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

Hermione added Ron, Draco, Harry, and 6 others to S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

Ron changed their name to whatsforLunch

Hermione: Ron! We’re supposed to be able to recognise each other

Hermione: That’s the whole point of this chat!

whatsforLunch: its fine Mione we can clarify later

Pansy changed their name to slyth_queen

Blaise changed their name to EyeCandy

EyeCandy: ;)

Seamus changed their name to localPyro

Dean changed their name to pyroCalled

Draco changed their name to scared_potter

Harry: hey!

Harry: …

Harry changed their name to you_wish

Neville changed their name to LetMeLovePlants

Hermione: …

Hermione: ok, ok, fine

Hermione changed their name to HeadGryffGirl

HeadGryffGirl: Did any of you actually pay attention to the speech Prof McG gave?

HeadGryffGirl: Anyone?

slyth_queen: why would i do that when i could be looking @ the new dada prof 

scared_potter: what did we say abt profs, pans?

slyth_queen: ugh dray plz

EyeCandy: he’s not wrong @slyth_queen

whatsforLunch: the new dada prof? wasnt he an auror or smthg

slyth_queen: yep yep

slyth_queen: and he’s got style ~

you_wish: i hate to admit it but i agree with @slyth_queen 

you_wish: he’s kinda got the ‘sexy crazy academic’ vibe going

pyroCalled: oh no not this again

localPyro: ^

HeadGryffGirl: Harry!!!

HeadGryffGirl: I thought we were done with professors!!

EyeCandy: ‘done with’ professors? Do I sense drama ??

you_wish: its fine Mione i’m not gonna woo him or anything

you_wish: …

you_wish: probably ;)

HeadGryffGirl: Harry James Potter

whatsforLunch: oh shit

whatsforLunch: @you_wish u better watch out. Mione’s on her way up to the dorms rn

LetMeLovePlants: this is. Not what i expected in a house unity gc 

pyroCalled: not surprised. But disappointed

scared_potter: oh come on, @pyroCalled. Give them some credit

scared_potter: by Lion standards, this must be rather civilised, no?

you_wish: rly @scared_potter?

you_wish: we’re the sweetest, purest Hgwts house there is ^^

LetMeLovePlants: there’s no way you can say that with a straight face, Harry

whatsforLunch: nothing straight abt him

you_wish: ^true

LetMeLovePlants: i walked into that one didn’t i

localPyro: yea

localPyro: u sure did

slyth_queen: while i adore the sexual tension here, we r nOT just going to ignore the fact that potter admitted to liking teachers (/a teacher?)!!

slyth_queen: we will return to that ltr

Theo changed their name to thatQuietOne

thatQuietOne: so

thatQuietOne: i just got here, and the chat is a mess. but

thatQuietOne: @localPyro is Finnigen, correct?

scared_potter: THEO

slyth_queen: t h e o     b a b e

HeadGryffGirl: Why don’t we go around and type our names in the chat so everyone has a record of who is who?

HeadGryffGirl: oh! And add pronouns too, so we can respectfully refer to each other :)

HeadGryffGirl: Hermione & She/Her

slyth_queen: Pansy she/her

whatsforLunch: Ron he/him

EyeCandy: Blaise - they/them

scared_potter: Draco, He/Him

localPyro: seamis

localPyro: shit

whatsforLunch: lol

localPyro: seamus, he/him and they/them

pyroCalled: Dean & he/him

you_ wish: harry and uh He/him i think

thatQuietOne: Theo, He/Him

EyeCandy: I like that you still try to keep a semblance of organisation here, Granger

EyeCandy: and by ‘I like’ I mean I think it’s hilarious

slyth_queen: @localPyro @pyroCalled ur usernames r too cute

pyroCalled: thanks @slyth_queen! 

slyth_queen: SO

slyth_queen: @you_wish care to explain?

you_wish: er

HeadGryffGirl: Where’s all the bravado now, @you_wish? 

whatsforLunch: give him a break, Mione. the poor lad’s about to spill his darkest secrets to a bunch of slyths

slyth_queen: …

scared_potter: I’d be offended, but

scared_potter: you’re not wrong, @whatsforLunch. Slyths don’t forget anything. We hoard information to use as   l e v e r a g e 

EyeCandy: sharing info with snakes is like offering chum to sharks 

EyeCandy: <3

slyth_queen: <3

EyeCandy: so, please continue, @you_wish ^^ 

LetMeLovePlants: damn

LetMeLovePlants: i’m not even the one about to reveal my secrets and i'm terrified

you_wish: its not even a huge deal

you_wish: i maybe admired snape for like, a few weeks

whatsforLunch: rly? Cause i remember it being the entirety of 6th yr

HeadGryffGirl: At least for a few months -_-

EyeCandy: wut

slyth_queen: wat

theQuietOne: 0o0

scared_potter: You harboured feelings for my godfather?! mY gODfAtHER

you_wish: uuh. slightly. a bit.

localPyro: (understatement of the century)

slyth_queen: kinky

scared_potter: my life is a lie

HeadGryffGirl: to be fair, Harry didn’t know it was snape

whatsforLunch: plus he spent almost every waking hour of 6th year stalking dRAVBCKLKLOP,.//

whatsforLunch: HERMIONE

whatsForLunch: WHAT WAS THAT FOR 

HeadGryffGirl: I think it's time we moved on to other topics, hm? For all our sakes.

you_wish: plz

pryoCalled: ofc

thatQuietOne: thoughts on prof trelawney’s latest assignment?

whatsforLunch: SORRY I WAs stuck in caps

whatsforLunch: thanks to *somebody* for grabbing my phone mid text and messing it up

HeadGryffGirl: Don’t even get me started!

you_wish: seriously, dont

pyroCalled: Shay and I partnered for that project. Shouldn’t have any trouble lol

localPyro: *bats eyelashes* because im so good w fire

EyeCandy: This is the assignment about reading latent signs of the future in flames, right?

scared_potter: why would granger have trouble with that?

you_wish: other than despising trelawney’s class on principle?

scared_potter: touché

HeadGryffGirl: She wants us to ‘connect with our spiritual energies’ to ‘decode’ the ‘messages of the heat’

HeadGryffGirl: it is ENTIRELY unreliable and useless

slyth_queen: hey hey hey

slyth_queen: some of us   l i k e   divination

LetMeLovePlants: ooh shits going down

EyeCandy: I’ll grab the popcorn @LetMeLovePlants 

localPyro: 0_o

HeadGryffGirl: I respect that you may enjoy the class, Pansy, but it isn’t reliable - and Trelawney’s rarely coherent!

thatQuietOne: wow someone’s got bottled up emotions

slyth_queen: not all of us have a fucking loving family to comfort us, granger! some of us might look elsewhere for solace.

slyth_queen: and for what it's worth, u don’t know anything abt Trelawney

HeadGryffGirl: And you know nothing about my family! Nothing!

slyth_queen: but you think you can judge me?

slyth_queen: damn, talk abt hypocrisy

slyth_queen: thought u were better than that, granger

HeadGryffGirl: As if you could sf;ald’hsgNa

you_wish: ok well that’s mione’s phone confiscated till tomorrow morning

pyroCalled: woah woah

pyroCalled: it’s a freakinfd class, guys

you_wish: lets maybe resolve this in person, yeah?

scared_potter: Thomas and Potter are right: Pans, Granger. You two need time to calm down, and a group chat clearly isn’t the best location for such disputes.

slyth_queen has left the chat

whatsforLunch: *gasps* malfoy agreeing w harry?

LetMeLovePlants: in front of my salad???

Chapter Text

Direct Message from LetMeLovePlants to EyeCandy

LetMeLovePlants: do u think we shouldve stepped in earlier?

EyeCandy: nah

EyeCandy: Pans and Granger have shit to work through

LetMeLovePlants: what exactly do u mean…?

EyeCandy: You can’t tell the other Gryffs, promise?

LetMeLovePlants: um. Okay?

EyeCandy: Pans has wanted to fuck Granger since year 4, at least

EyeCandy: but obvs she and Weasley are dancing around each other 

EyeCandy: She’s jealous, Nev. She’s jealous

LetMeLovePlants: ohhh shit shit shit

LetMeLovePlants: wants to fuck hermione, or. like likes her w gushy feelings

EyeCandy: What?

LetMeLovePlants: does pans like hermione’s personality too?

EyeCandy: Yeah. That’s why its complicated

LetMeLovePlants: so first off

LetMeLovePlants: uhhhh hermione isn’t exactly. Straight

EyeCandy: bi, then? demi?

LetMeLovePlants: er, no. she’s lesbian, blaise

EyeCandy: …

EyeCandy: Ooooookayyyyyy So that significantly changes things !

LetMeLovePlants: who else knows abt pans’ feelings

EyeCandy: all the 8th yr Slyths

EyeCandy: She’s not very. Subtle.

EyeCandy: second?

LetMeLovePlants: 2nd, hermione doesn’t rly spend a lot of time thinking abt her love life 

LetMeLovePlants: she focuses on studying, ron, and harry. so. she’s def oblivious

LetMeLovePlants: i might have to go back over pans’ interactions w hermione again thru this new lens btw

EyeCandy: Don’t think about it too hard. Slyths are tricky with feelings. Especially Purebloods

LetMeLovePlants: hmm

LetMeLovePlants: well, you arent too hard w ur feelings now, r u?

EyeCandy: I beg to differ. My feelings are often, shall we say, hard to parse through.

LetMeLovePlants: thats not the story u tell in bed babe

EyeCandy: <3

EyeCandy: How long do you think until the group figures out about us?

LetMeLovePlants: weve literaly been shagging for months now

LetMeLovePlants: theyre oblivious af. except maybe dean

LetMeLovePlants: they don’t even know im getting some

EyeCandy: lol

EyeCandy: Is it still something you’d like to keep under wraps?

LetMeLovePlants: nah

LetMeLovePlants: i havent cared abt it being a secret for a while now

LetMeLovePlants: :) 

EyeCandy: ^^

Direct Message from DivineFeline to potionsPrince

DivineFeline: Severus. Do you think Albus considered the ‘inter-house-unity’ texting at all before he implemented it?

DivineFeline: Don’t bother answering. He never does.

read by potionsPrince at 12:08am

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

HeadGryffGirl added slyth_queen to S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

whatsforLunch: so…

EyeCandy: Did you two kiss and make up?

slyth_queen: blaise i swear to merlin i will cut off ur balls if u use that phrase again

EyeCandy: Oh no, what oN eARtH will I dO?

EyeCandy: Help me, somebody

LetMeLovePlants: on my way :)

whatsforLunch: soooo…?

HeadGryffGirl: Pansy and I discussed things afterwards. We’ve come to an agreement since then. 

slyth_queen: stop making it sound so official @HeadGryffGirl 

slyth_queen: but yes

slyth_queen: we were both dealing w other shite and took it out on each othr

scared_potter: look at us, talking about feelings and being all civilised 

scared_potter: it wasnt so hard now, was it?

thatQuietOne: well thats rich coming from u, dray

EyeCandy: ^that

whatforLunch: ooh do i sense trouble?

scared_potter: shut up @thatQuietOne  

localPyro: draco’s got secretssss

scared_potter: why do i put up with you all?

you_wish: you luv us ;)

scared_potter: …

EyeCandy: well there goes draco

you_wish: wat

thatQuietOne: dray just threw his phone across the room

thatQuietOne: now hes marching towards me and

thatQuietOne sent a voice recording

> Voice Recording Received <

“‘ - in Merlin’s name are you fucks thinking! We’ve had this group chat for less than a week now and’ ‘awww Dray come on you know we’re only prodding you, we wouldn’t actually say anyt-’ ‘So very comforting, coming from you, Blaise! As if we haven’t had this conversation before and-’ ‘Chill OUT guys it’s literally a fuckin’ group chat,’ *rustling fabric and the sound of someone releasing a heavy sigh* ‘Right, then -’ ”

> Voice Recording Over <

whatsforLunch: damn

you_wish: er

you_wish: sorry?

slyth_queen: oh, harry, never apologise for anything, u sweet innocent child u

HeadGryffGirl: @slyth_queen You can’t just adopt Harry!

slyth_queen: hmm

slyth_queen: but we could share

HeadGryffGirl: Are you suggesting coparenting?

slyth_queen: ofc

HeadGryffGirl: Well. I suppose I’d be amenable to having someone else watch over Harry.

slyth_queen: deal ?

HeadGryffGirl: Deal.

you_wish: soooo i get no say in this?

HeadGryffGirl: No.

slyth_queen: nope

whatsForLunch: and just a few days ago they were fighting like cats and dogs

EyeCandy: Funny what the heart can do

HeadGryffGirl: ? @EyeCandy   

letMeLovePlants: dont mind him, hermione

scared_potter: Poor Potter, having the two most powerful women at school for pseudo mothers

localPyro: whats new lol

pyroCalled: id watch out if i were you, Harry

whatsforLunch: no more rule breaking for u, mate

you_wish: D:

pyroCalled: change of subject, but does anyone have notes for flitwick’s class today/

localPyro: yeah i need them too

HeadGryffGirl: I have the notes.

localPyro: great!

pyroCalled: but…?

HeadGryffGirl: Why weren’t you in class, Dean? And you too, Seamus??

localPyro: uh

slyth_queen: they were probs fcking in a broom closet

EyeCandy: Making out in broad daylight, perhaps?

whatsforLunch: oh merlin no  plz dont put these images in my head

you_wish: yeah WE have to share a dorm w them

pyroCalled: i’d deny it

pyroCalled: but

pyroCalled: it’s not like it’s a secret

localPyro: aww babe

localPyro: i love u too!

HeadGryffGirl: Okay okay I’ll give you the notes. But no more excessive skipping class to make out

scared_potter: They were definitely more than making out

you_wish: plz shut up malfoy

scared_potter: Only for you <3

slyth_queen: hell ya dray get that man

whatsforLunch: u all have no sense of privacy do u

EyeCandy: Of course we do! 

HeadGryffGirl: Really? *raises an eyebrow*

EyeCandy: Well it’s not like you’ve heard me talk about sex with Nev, have you?

whatsforLunch: um

you_wish: wa

HeadGryffGirl: I’m sorry what

slyth_queen: ???

whatsforLunch: @LetMeLovePlants ??? e x p l a i n ???

LetMeLovePlants: yes

you_wish: ‘yes’ what?

LetMeLovePlants: blaise and i r dating

EyeCandy: We've been together for ages now

EyeCandy: You lot aren’t particularly observant lol

HeadGryffGirl: …

scared_potter: That’s unfairly true

you_wish: but blaise and nev??

LetMeLovePlants: blaise is wonderful 

slyth_queen: this is surprisingly wholesome

LetMeLovePlants: in bed ;)

slyth_queen: i take it back

you_wish: what have u done to innocent nev?

EyeCandy: Is that a question you really want an answer to?

EyeCandy: We’re especially fond of the greenhouses, and trust me, Nev does it rough

EyeCandy: He’s not so pure in bed, pins my hands back, presses kisses down my 

you_wish: OK OK OK

HeadGryffGirl: Please stop

whatsforLunch: never again

EyeCandy: You asked

Chapter Text

Direct Message from whatsforLunch to HeadGryffGirl 

whatsforLunch: so what happened w pansy

HeadGryffGirl: What do you mean?

whatsforLunch: mione

whatsforLunch: you agreed to pseudo adopt harry together

whatsforLunch: you guys were humming a very diff tune from 3 days ago

HeadGryffGirl: Well, when she apologised we talked about stuff and. There was a lot going on for each of us that pushed the emotions and argument itself. 

HeadGryffGirl: So it was eye opening to talk to her calmly. And I actually enjoyed speaking with her. A lot. She’s a really cool young woman 

whatsforLunch: soooo

whatsforLunch: ‘a really cool young woman’ hmm?

whatsforLunch: am i sensing some f e e l i n g s ?

HeadGryffGirl: Ronald!

whatsforLunch: just saying !!!

HeadGryffGirl: …

HeadGryffGirl: She’s lovely, Ron. But I don’t see her ever liking me, or anything ever happening between us…

whatsforLunch: i’ll keep a lookout in ur future convos

whatsforLunch: wingman-ron!

HeadGryffGirl: That’s. Very sweet, Ron. I appreciate it, truly.

whatsforLunch: operation pansmione is a GO

HeadGryffGirl: You ding dong

whatsforLunch: :) 

HeadGryffGirl: :)

Direct Message from DivineFeline to potionsPrince

DivineFeline: None of my children have gotten into excessive trouble yet

DivineFeline: As far as I can tell

DivineFeline: …

potionsPrince: indeed

potionsPrince: they seem to be getting along well

potionsPrince: too well…

DivineFeline: You think they're up to something?

potionsPrince: not yet

potionsPrince: but for all the supposed animosity between snakes and lions, you and I both know that the houses can get on very… passionately 

DivineFeline: Oh please don't remind me

DivineFeline: Do you think…?

potionsPrince: …

potionsPrince: yes. undoubtedly yes.

DivineFeline: Oh Merlin what has Albus done

potionsPrince: I'm just glad we don't have to monitor the group chats

potionsPrince: the amount of inappropriate content must be…

DivineFeline: Absolutely astounding.

potionsPrince: -_-

DivineFeline: I'm convinced that Albus’ sole motivation in life is to create chaos 

potionsPrince: I think that's an established fact at this point

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

localPyro: sooo

localPyro: I did something

scared_potter: other than dean?

localPyro: ya

slyth_queen: well?

pryoCalled: yes Shay, would you like to elaborate?

localPyro: ( •̀ᴗ•́ )

localPyro: I was in charms

HeadGryffGirl: oh dear

LetMeLovePlants: here it comes 

localPyro: and I may have set something on fire

EyeCandy: ‘may have’

scared_potter: what a shock

you_wish: 0.0

LetMeLovePlants: and what was that ‘something’

localPyro: it was flitwick's desk

localPyro: that he was standing on

HeadGryffGirl: Oh Dear

slyth_queen: fucking dumbass gryffs

scared_potter: how do you lot even survive in this world?

localPyro: ive got detention for 3 days now

thatQuietOne: the fuck

thatQuietOne: how did u get off w so little time

pyroCalled: the profs are used to it

thatQuietOne: im not sure if im impressed or horrified

scared_potter: at this point I'm not even surprised

LetMeLovePlants: good because ur gonna be dealing w this for the foreseeable future

whatsforLunch: good ol gryffs

EyeCandy: Very charming, Seamus

whatsforLunch: what did flitwick say

localPyro: he got rly quiet and said class was over, e,cept for me

localPyro: so I walk up to his desk and he says ‘mister finnigan, what are we going to do w you’ 

localPyro: then he told me to report to minnie 4 detention the rest of the week

localPyro: when I left the room he was just standing there staring at the desk

pyroCalled: and this is why I love you

LetMeLovePlants: damn

HeadGryffGirl: I don't even know how you do it, Seamus.

scared_potter: he's special

localPyro: im special

slyth_queen: i think we can all agree that @localPyro has a unique connection w fire 

LetMeLovePlants: thats one way to put it

localPyro: ur all just jealous

you_wish: hmm

EyeCandy: Indeed, I am jealous of you, since you get to sleep with Dean.

LetMeLovePlants: hey what abt me babe

LetMeLovePlants: you know i wont hesitate to eliminate competition ^^

EyeCandy: Don't worry Nev, you know I'm yours alone x

LetMeLovePlants: thats what i thought x

pyroCalled: er

pyroCalled: im flattered? and terrified

scared_potter: I’d definitely keep a look out, @pyroCalled 

you_wish: well

you_wish: now i feel like a 7th wheel in this chat

whatsforLunch: ur not the only one

slyth_queen: woman up bitches

thatQuietOne: guys…

HeadGryffGirl: Yes, Theo?

thatQuietOne: do u hear it?

whatsforLunch: wat

pyroCalled: ??

HeadGryffGirl: That is such an ominous text, Theo

scared_potter: Someone's banging about in the dungeons

you_wish: im   a l a r m e d

slyth_queen: probs just our father stomping around

HeadGryffGirl: Your what now?

EyeCandy: Slytherin's daddy

scared_potter: Please never say that agin

scared_potter: I've told you all before

EyeCandy: mmm yes

you_wish: sooo r u gonna explain ???

whatsforLunch: snape as a dad?

localPyro: kinda hard to imagine

EyeCandy: Well, most slyth kids dont have great fams post war

thatQuietOne: haha

thatQuietOne: understatement of the fucking century

HeadGryffGirl: Theo?

LetMeLovePlants: @thatQuietOne ?

scared_potter: This is. A

scared_potter: touchy subject for a lot of Slytherins.

slyth_queen: theo's going to bed now

localPyro: oh fck

you_wish: shit

HeadGryffGirl: Please tell him we didn't mean to push such a topic. 

LetMeLovePlants: and we're here for u guys too, cheesy as it sounds

whatsforLunch: that's the idea of these chats. we all need support after the war

EyeCandy: Such Gryffindor sentiment

scared_potter: Weasley saying something wise… I'm quaking where I stand

EyeCandy: It was bound to come up

EyeCandy: its not anyone's fault except his dickhead father. u know how this stuff sometimes overwhelms you when u least expect it

slyth_queen: snape's always been good to us snakes

slyth_queen: he's actually pretty awesome. but don't tell him we said so

EyeCandy: He thinks it's a secret, but he's thoughtful and caring in a Snape way

you_wish: ig that's not surprising since he's been decent after the war

whatsforLunch: damn we rly went there today didn't we

HeadGryffGirl: I think it's about time we head off to bed, no?

slyth_queen: night <3

Chapter Text

Direct Message from pyroCalled to localPyro

pyroCalled: you know what I’ve said about flitwick’s class - he’s reaching the end of his rope

localPyro: yea

localPyro: but u know i didn mean to

pyroCalled: I know

pyroCalled: has Minnie gotten back to you abt that organisation in Spain yet?

localPyro: nah

localPyro: im not sure it’ll work out, in terms of scheduling and shit

pyroCalled: that’s disappointing :(

pyroCalled: keep me updated?

localPyro: u know I always will 

pyroCalled: I really hope it works out, Shay. The volunteering and mentorship seem like they could really help with the, well, the emotional control and whatnot that the people at st mungos mentioned

pyroCalled: let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. You know I hate feeling helpless 

localPyro: ik

localPyro: thanks dean :)

Direct Message from potionsPrince to DivineFeline

potionsPrince: minerva

potionsPrince: while I hate to be the one to reach out, I wanted to know if you’d noticed anything…shall we say, strange, going on between Potter and my godson

DivineFeline: Severus.

DivineFeline: They’re flirting.

potionsPrince: …

potionsPrince: merlin, I was really hoping that wasn’t what I was seeing

DivineFeline: It’s been many years coming, we’ve all known it —

DivineFeline: I mean, the way Mr. Malfoy has looked, or perhaps more accurately gazed, at Harry, has been very distinct - since at least 4th year 

potionsPrince: don’t remind me

DivineFeline: Severus, truly, is that something you’re qualified to judge? It seems rather… hypocritical, shall we say.

potionsPrince: Minerva.

DivineFeline: Severus.

DivineFeline: Regardless, for now, you’ll just have to deal with the children.

potionsPrince: ugh

DivineFeline: :)

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

you_wish: so I was talking with my mind healer today, and she asked me, ‘do you think you crave stability?’

you_wish: and I was like, ‘well shit, what dO YOu ThiNK?”

HeadGryffGirl: Oh, Harry

you_wish: so I’m supposed to focus on grounding myself this week

whatsforLunch: let us know if there’s anything we can do to help, mate

slyth_queen: damn. i forgot how sassy u can be

LetMeLovePlants: the greenhouses are really calm if you ever need a place to chill

LetMeLovePlants: i promise Sprout won’t mind

scared_potter: potter. not to be intrusive but how did your mind healer react?

you_wish: tbh she just smiled sadly

whatsforLunch: bro

whatsforLunch: draco really thinks that mione and i wouldn’t keep that close an eye on harry

slyth_queen: nah he just has to be involved 

scared_potter: shut up pans

EyeCandy: I think what Pansy means is that Draco can be v protective of people he care about

HeadGryffGirl: It’s very sweet!

localPyro: yeah honestly harry needs as many people watching out for him as possible

you_wish: guyssssssss

localPyro: he’s even bringing out the parseltongue now, look at the number of ‘s’s he typed

EyeCandy: yeahhh talk dirty to us harry 

EyeCandy: ;)

you_wish: …

you_wish: fuck you <3

slyth_queen:  (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡°)

LetMeLovePlants: Blaise!!1!

LetMeLovePlants: what did I say about teasing my friends!

HeadGryffGirl: *sighs*

EyeCandy: sorry babe

slyth_queen: btw I think everyone should be aware that Draco is down for the count

whatsforLunch: huh?

thatQuietOne: he’s currently lying facedown on the common room sofa

thatQuietOne: his phone is currently on the opposite side of the room

slyth_queen: i believe there r new cracks in the screen

HeadGryffGirl: :))

whatsforLunch: ohhhhhh

thatQuietOne: update: there r def new cracks

pyroCalled: Yeah, that sounds about right

you_wish: is Draco okay?

EyeCandy: lol

thatQuietOne: lmao

you_wish: am i missing something?

slyth_queen: dw your pretty head over it harry

slyth_queen: draco’s doing just fine

you_wish: I’m just gonna trust u guys on this

you_wish: let us know if Draco needs anything

Direct Message from whatsforLunch to HeadGryffGirl 

whatsforLunch: harry rly has no idea, huh?

HeadGryffGirl: He can be very oblivious. Especially when it comes to feelings

HeadGryffGirl: And you know as well as I do just how complicated Draco and Harry’s past is

whatsforLunch: i mean yeah

whatsforLunch: but to be fair even when they hated each other they were eyefucking across the classroom half the time

HeadGryffGirl: …

HeadGryffGirl: A crude way of phrasing it

whatforLunch: but true!

HeadGryffGirl: But true.

whatsforLunch: soooooooooooo

whatsforLunch: how r things w Pansy?

HeadGryffGirl: We’ve met up study a couple times!

whatsforLunch: studying, hm?

whatsforLunch: (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HeadGryffGirl: Ronald!

whatsforLunch: what?

whatsforLunch: i know u both like to study but cmmonnnn

HeadGryffGirl: It’s too early for that, we’re taking it slow!

whatsforLunch: and your’e both happy?

HeadGryffGirl: Yes :)

whatsforLunch: good

whatsforLunch: as long as you two r happy that’s all that matters

HeadGryffGirl: Thank you, Ron

whatsforLunch: you’ve talked to harry abt this right?

HeadGryffGirl: Yeah. I talked to him in person because I knew he’d appreciate being face to face with me to hear the news

HeadGryffGirl: He gave me a hug, and Ron, he was so excited for me. I hope he and Draco figure things out, they would make each other so happy

whatsforLunch: i know, i know

whatsforLunch: they’ll get there eventually

whatsforLunch: and if malfoy doesn’t make a move soon enough…

whatsforLunch: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

HeadGryffGirl: Ronnnnn

whatsforLunch: I’ll just threaten him a bit so he stops being a coward!!!

HeadGryffGirl: *sighing*

whatsforLunch: :D

Direct Message from scared_potter to thatQuietOne

scared_potter: How are you, Theo?

thatQuietOne: I’m okay

scared_potter: mhmm

scared_potter: you know that I know what yesterday was, right?

thatQuietOne: yeah

thatQuietOne: its been five years now, you’d think it’d hurt less

thatQuietOne: i think only you, Pans, and Blaise know

scared_potter: You know you can come to us about anything

scared_potter: anything at all

thatQuietOne: yeah

scared_potter: Jokes aside, you know we’ll have your back

thatQuietOne: i forget sometimes 

thatQuietOne: Thanks, Draco

scared_potter: :)

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

scared_potter: wtf was that

LetMeLovePlants: so I wasn’t seeing things?

scared_potter: No. you could cut that tension with a knife

HeadGryffGirl: Normally I’d be against gossiping about professors but…

HeadGryffGirl: That was kinda nuts

pyroCalled: No kidding

pyroCalled: I don’t think I can unsee it

slyth_queen: what r u guys talking abt?

LetMeLovePlants: so… you guys know the new dada professor?

you_wish: professor graves?

LetMeLovePlants: yeah

LetMeLovePlants: he came into the potions classroom today to talk to Snape about something

slyth_queen: ooh the hot one

HeadGryffGirl: Pansy!

slyth_queen: dw I only have eyes for you ;)

scared_potter: aNyWAy

scared_potter: he approaches Snape, right? And he starts, like, whispering to him, and he’s still right next to Snape, yea?

slyth_queen: is this going where I think it is???

scared_potter: and Snape fucking blushes!!

you_wish: 0_0

slyth_queen: omggggg

slyth_queen: guys this is so exciting

slyth_queen: snape’s finally gonna lighten up

scared_potter: I mean to be fair snape needs dick

HeadGryffGirl: Draco Malfoy! That’s your godfather you’re talking about!

scared_potter: you think I don’t realise ?

LetMeLovePlants: it was scary to see someone else cow snape

pyroCalled: Unsettling, but in a weird way it's also sweet?

whatsforLunch: what the fuuuuuuuck did I just walk into??

thatQuietOne: bro if Prof Graves hurts Snape imma fuck him up so bad

scared_potter: oh absolutely

EyeCandy: I would join in as well!! My mother owns loads of these muggle weapons called ‘guns’

EyeCandy: nobody can touch snape

you_wish: wait wait so snape is like ur pseudo dad, but you guys r protective of him?

whatsforLunch: I can’t tell wa]hats going on

HeadGryffGirl: They’re protecting someone who’s important to them! 

HeadGryffGirl: And to be honest, if the DADA professor hurts Professor Snape, I might be swayed to turn a blind eye to any retribution …

pyroCalled: I have to agree with hermione on this. I know how to use guns btw just in case. My mum taught me back on our farm

localPyro: THAT MY BOYFRIEND 

localPyro: HE SUCH A BADASS

localPyro: LOVE YOU DEAN!!!

slyth_queen: umm what’s up with him? ^

pyroCalled: Someone smuggled some kind of concoction or potion that shay drank a few hours ago. It has similar effects as weed would, I think

localPyro: IT WAS PINK AND GLITTERRY AND SMELT LIK STRABERREES

thatQuietOne: gryffindors are so weird

HeadGryffGirl: As in marijuana???

pyroCalled: Yeah… I might be wrong though, I don’t know a ton about drugs

pyroCalled: So that’s why he’s acting funny

localPyro: DONT WORRY MMADAME POMFRYY SAID ID BE OK IN A FEW OURS

scared_potter: That spelling is…

pyroCalled: Atrocious.

scared_potter: yes

you_wish: wait wait you guys aer getting distracted 

you_wish: snape is gay?

you_wish: or at least likes guys

scared_potter: …

slyth_queen: …

pyroCalled: …

you_wish: why are you all doing the ellipses thing??

scared_potter: only you, potter, could be quite that oblivious 

you_wish: what???

HeadGryffGirl: Dean? Maybe you could explain this? I don’t want to get any details wrong.

pyroCalled: Sure!

pyroCalled: harry, do you remember the sex ed courses the teachers did in 4th year? 

you_wish: uhhhhh yes?

you_wish: how could I forget

whatsforLunch: one of thte most uncomfortable moments every tbh

slyth_queen: scarred fr

pyroCalled: well, they didn’t teach anything about, you know, safe sex for gay kids

HeadGryffGirl: It’s very frustrating, and doesn’t set a very inclusive example for the students. I talked to Professor McG about it ages ago and she ‘s still in discussions with the Board of Governors over it.

whatsforLunch: also like, they never touched on asexuality? Or basically anything not for cis-het people. Like, bro they have work to do

pyroCalled: Well, Snape is known among gay students around Hogwarts as being a safe ally for queer students, and I went to him when I was questioning my own sexuality.

you_wish: snape

you_wish: severus snape?

you_wish: our potions professor?

HeadGryffGirl: Yes Harry.

slyth_queen: yep

whatsforLunch: yeah mate

scared_potter: He can be super cranky about any number of things, but he’s really good when it comes to helping us queer or questioning kids

scared_potter: I talked to him and came out to him in 4th year and he was probably the most sensitive I’ve ever seen him

EyeCandy: I mean, I have to say that despite knowing plenty about sex between wizards already, Snape was great about talking things through with Nev

EyeCandy: Nev’s out watering plants rn, btw. he didn’t have access to a lot of knowledge about queer stuff back home w his gran, and snape was patient with him when he came with questions this year

you_wish: huh

you_wish: that’s really cool

you_wish: damn I almost wish I hadn’t discussed things with sirius in 5th year  just to experience one of these famous moments of peace with snape 

HeadGryffGirl: I had no idea you didn’t know, Harry. I would have told you otherwise.

you_wish: nah nw

EyeCandy: snape rly is awesome

slyth_queen: PREACH

you_wish: hang on

you_wish: back THE fUcK UP

slyth_queen: oooh is this the moment we’ve all been waiting for?!

you_wish: Draco your gay???!

scared_potter: *you’re

you_wish: fuck u

scared_potter: I’d rather you do it

you_wish: wut

scared_potter: uhh

EyeCandy: He said he’d like you to fuck him

whatsforLunch: …

HeadGryffGirl: I knew it would happen like this —

slyth_queen: *boys*

scared_potter: er

you_wish: meet me at the astronomy tower in 10min

thatQuietOne: Draco’s currently scrambling to pretty himself up 4 u harry

slyth_queen: and it only took them like 8 years

whatsforLunch: so proud of them *proud parent sobbing*

thatQuietOne: in the meantime

thatQuietOne: who wants to place bets on how long it is b4 we actually see them again

EyeCandy: they’re gonna make heart eyes at each other and fuck all night

Chapter Text

Direct Message from nightConqueror to potionsPrince

nightConqueror: So how does Friday evening work for you? Around 6pm, perhaps?

potionsPrince: That would be fine

potionsPrince: You do realise that the students are going to gossip and giggle about us, don’t you?

nightConqueror: Of course. It’s a school for kids and teens, they never stop talking

potionsPrince: and you are alright with being seen with me, or in association with me

potionsPrince: outside of school related ventures, that is

nightConqueror: Severus, I don’t give a damn what the kids say, what anyone says!

nightConqueror: Honestly, after the months I’ve spent wooing you, you don’t think public image is going to turn me away do you?

potionsPrince: I do not like to make assumptions that could easily be proven wrong, not when it comes to personal matters

nightConqueror: I know, I know

nightConqueror: I’ve got the perfect place for us, we’ll have to travel by portkey though, so here’s your heads up

potionsPrince: you’re taking me internationally on a first date?

nightConqueror: just for you ;)

potionsPrince: I hate that I can hear your voice saying that in my head

nightConqueror: suggestively, I hope?

potionsPrince: …

potionsPrince: that is for me to know

nightConqueror: don’t worry, I’m positive you’ll love it

potionsPrince: you and your positivity

nightConqueror: <3

potionsPrince: I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow?

nightConqueror: Indeed

nightConqueror: goodnight, Severus!

potionsPrince: goodnight to you as well

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

HeadGryffGirl: Has anyone seen Harry or Draco in the last 16 hours?

slyth_queen: nope

slyth_queen: you know what that means…

whatsforLunch: I rly don’t want to know, actually

thatQuietOne: neither do i

EyeCandy: When Draco left he said he’d be out for ‘a bit’

LetMeLovePlants: well its certainly been a bit, hasn’t it

HeadGryffGirl: Alright, I’m going to call Harry just to check in.

whatsforLunch: u sure u wanna do that, Mione?

EyeCandy: 5 galleons bet that Draco picks up instead

slyth_queen: I counter that with harry picking up, and hermione hearing Draco in the background moaning for ‘daddy’

HeadGryffGirl: …

HeadGryffGirl: I had not thought about that. I think I’ll text instead.

LetMeLovePlants: probably a wise choice

EyeCandy: lmfao

localPyro: wow i missed a lot while i was out

localPyro: so malfoy and harry finally figured shit out?

EyeCandy: Seamus, you’re alive after all

thatQuietOne: man you were like high af yesterday without actual drugs

localPyro: yeah I’m fine now dw

thatQuietOne: i aspire to that level of recklessness 

localPyro: lol nah theo if u get hurt the entirety of slytherin is gonna come after me bc I’m a ‘bad influence’

HeadGryffGirl: You know Seamus. I don’t even know at this point how you’re alive in such a dangerous world.

localPyro: its dean

pyroCalled: it’s me. I keep him alive

HeadGryffGirl: For real

HeadGryffGirl: Okay, I’m texting Harry now. I’ll text you guys when he gets back to me.

slyth_queen: kk

LetMeLovePlants: I’m not sure i want to know the outcome

EyeCandy: I still think granger should call so pans and i can settle our bet

HeadGryffGirl: Not a chance.

Direct Message from HeadGryffGirl to you_wish

HeadGryffGirl: Harry are you alive

HeadGryffGirl: Harrrrrry Jaaaaaaames Potttttter

HeadGryffGirl: HARRY

HeadGryffGirl: JAMES

HeadGryffGirl: POTTER

you_wish: ok ok I’m here sorry 

HeadGryffGirl: Took you long enough

you_wish: uh what’s up?

HeadGryffGirl: You disappear for a day and have the AUDACITY to ask me ‘what’s up?’

HeadGryffGirl: You are a dead man walking 

you_wish: fuck I forgot to text you and Ron that i was staying with Draco didn’t i

HeadGryffGirl: You most certainly did, and now everyone’s been wondering where you two went!

you_wish: we’re uhh 

you_wish: kinda in London right now?

HeadGryffGirl: …

HeadGryffGirl: With Draco?

you_wish: yeah, we’re staying at this super nice hotel

HeadGryffGirl: And you’re safe?

you_wish: yeah, Draco and i both cast confessing and defense spells

HeadGryffGirl: Okay well as long as you’re safe…

HeadGryffGirl: I’m not even going to ask how you ended up in London 

HeadGryffGirl: Heavens know you both have enough money to throw around tog

HeadGryffGirl: Anyways, how is it? ;)

you_wish: the hotel?

HeadGryffGirl: No dummy, sex with Draco!!! You’ve been lusting after him for years now!

you_wish: ohhhh

you_wish: it’s so good, mione

you_wish: he has the smoothest skin, and he’s so responsive i fucking love him and

HeadGryffGirl: OOK OK I don’t need more description 

you_wish: lol

HeadGryffGirl: And you’re remembering to use a condom?

you_wish: *sighs* yes mum

HeadGryffGirl: Don’t ‘yes mum’ me, it’s important, and when you and Draco are together you both have a tendency to lose brain cells

you_wish: I can’t even deny it tbh

HeadGryffGirl: Exactly.

HeadGryffGirl: I’ll leave you alone now, enjoy your little vacation you two lovebirds!

you_wish: thanks! love you mione :)

HeadGryffGirl: bye harry! <3

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

HeadGryffGirl: Well. I have news.

EyeCandy: Ooh yes 

slyth_queen: spill the tea !!

whatsforLunch: yeah where’s harry rn?

HeadGryffGirl: Harry and Draco are currently in… 

HeadGryffGirl: (You guys have to guess the city)

LetMeLovePlants: Uhh Liverpool

slyth_queen: the city of looooooove!! Paris!

EyeCandy: Edinburgh?

HeadGryffGirl: No, no, and no

slyth_queen: glasgow?

localPyro: New York City!!!

HeadGryffGirl: Nope…

thatQuietOne: guys its gotta be London 

HeadGryffGirl: Correct! They’re staying at some extravagant hotel in London for the weekend apparently.

whatsforLunch: i always forget how much money those two have between them lol

LetMeLovePlants: that’s true, they can basically afford anything 

slyth_queen: i mean more importantly tho who’s gonna deny Harry this vacation after everything he’s done?

thatQuietOne: yeah

EyeCandy: Any update on my bet w Pans?

HeadGryffGirl: Well let’s say I’m grateful not to have called…

thatQuietOne: lmao

slyth_queen: language, Theo!

thatQuietOne: yes mum 

thatQuietOne: i hope u can hear the sarcasm

slyth_queen: i am not THAT old

slyth_queen: I’m like, ur cool and wise older sister

EyeCandy: Don’t talk back to your sister, Theo dear

whatsforLunch: yo what is up w pansy adopting people like bro

whatsforLunch: is this a girl thing? or like, something i just haven’t been exposed to much b4? sorry I don’t wanna assume

LetMeLovePlants: It’s something people tend to do in friend groups, when they know or trust each other a lot :)

EyeCandy: especially those who are the ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ friend

whatsforLunch: huh

whatsforLunch: that explains a lot ig

HeadGryffGirl: Alright everyone I’m heading to the library to revise for Transformation tomorrow, talk to you soon!

LetMeLovePlants: bye hermione!!

localPyro: byeee

slyth_queen: bye babe! Don’t revise for too long <3

HeadGryffGirl: <3

thatQuietOne: look at them all pairing off… so sweet ><

whatsforLunch: how things change

whatsforLunch: makes me feel ancient, man

whatsforLunch: i mean, look at all the first years ffs

thatQuietOne: real

thatQuietOne: btw

thatQuietOne: you woulnd’t happen to like pound cake, would you?

whatsforLunch: dude i love pound cake

whatsforLunch: and not just bc it has such a classy name ;)

thatQuietOne: lol

thatQuietOne: well…im in the kitchens with a pound cake to myself, soooo

whatsforLunch: say no more

whatsforLunch: im on my way 

thatQuietOne: :D

Direct Message from localPyro to pyroCalled

localPyro: dean…

localPyro: :(

pyroCalled: what’s wrong babe?

localPyro: the program Minnie and i were looking at accepted me…

pyroCalled: That’s great news!!

localPyro: but their base changed locations, and we’ve been planning on Spain!!

localPyro: the new location id be helping out at would be in indonesia, which is a world away

localPyro: dean, its so much further from home, and im scared

pyroCalled: Oh, Shay 

pyroCalled: It’ll be okay! you’ll get to help young wixen, and receive mentoring too. it’s a great opportunity!

pyroCalled: Plus, we can visit each other on weekends - we’re wizards u know!

localPyro: i know i know

localPyro: but some part of me was still envisioning our little apartment in Glasgow together as soon as we finished school

pyroCalled: And we can still have that! We just have to give it time. 

localPyro: promise?

pyroCalled: Pinky promise.

pyroCalled: In fact, I actually wanted to tell you something about Spain

localPyro: oh? Plz be good news istg

pyroCalled: I was accepted into St. Andrews!

localPyro: OMG

localPyro: omG IM SO PROUD

pyroCalled: So, i wouldn’t have been able to go to Spain even if you were staying there

localPyro: Dean, that’s entirely beside the point

localPyro: this has been your dream for ages now!!1! I am so excited for you babe!

pyroCalled: thank you :)

localPyro: i think this calls for something to celelbrate

localPyro: if u know wat i mean ;)

pyroCalled: meet me in the east wing corridor?

localPyro: u bet

pyroCalled: see you soon!

localPyro: oh u definitely will

Direct Message from EyeCandy to scared_potter

EyeCandy: Well?

scared_potter: I understand why you talk so much about sex with longbottom now

EyeCandy: lmfao

EyeCandy: That good?

scared_potter: fuck yeah

EyeCandy: See I told you he’d be a beast in bed

EyeCandy: Literally I called it from the start

scared_potter: shut up blaise

scared_potter: …

scared_potter: I think I love him

EyeCandy: Yeah I think so too

scared_potter: You know ur supposed to react to that, like, ‘omg, wowwww’

EyeCandy: WhAT a SuRPRise that you like HARrRy perfect PottAH 

scared_potter: Let me have my dramatic moment bitch

EyeCandy: You’ve only been obsessed with him for like 7 years

scared_potter: ugh

EyeCandy: My mistake, 8 years

scared_potter: I can’t even refute that

EyeCandy: I know, darling

EyeCandy: anyway!   (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡°)

EyeCandy: How many times did he make you come? Did you call him daddy?

scared_potter: screw you kindly Blaise

EyeCandy: Nev’s got that covered <3

scared_potter: and no i did NOT call him daddy

EyeCandy: …but you will

scared_potter: -_-

scared_potter: do u have a death wish, Zabini?

EyeCandy: nah

EyeCandy: But I gotta know the details cmon

scared_potter: nope. 

scared_potter: all I’m telling u is he’s sexy af

EyeCandy: That’s literally an established fact at this point

scared_potter: :)

EyeCandy: When are you going to be back by?

scared_potter: we’ll be back by Sunday evening

EyeCandy: alright sounds good

EyeCandy: see you soon 

scared_potter: yeah

EyeCandy: Let me know if you need anything

scared_potter: thanks B

Direct Message from potionsPrince to nightConqueror

potionsPrince: Octavien, I want to thank you again for last night. it was the nicest evening I can remember in years.

nightConqueror: I’m glad! It was lovely, and I hope we can do it again sometime.

potionsPrince: I actually wanted to ask you something

potionsPrince: I was invited to a potions conference a month from now, and at the end of the weekend, there’s a gala. Each attendee is permitted a plus-one, and I was hoping you might accompany me

nightConqueror: I would be honoured!

nightConqueror: What’s the dress code?

potionsPrince: Formal. I’ll be wearing dress robes over my suit

nightConqueror: Excellent!

nightConqueror: I have the perfect outfit !

potionsPrince: lol

potionsPrince: of course you do

nightConqueror: Come onnn Severus

nightConqueror: Fashion is exciting!!!!

potionsPrince: I’m glad you enjoy it at least 

nightConqueror: Indeed I do

nightConqueror: In the meantime…How would you feel about a bit of dueling?

potionsPrince: are you challenging me?

nightConqueror: You could call it that

nightConqueror: Though to be entirely honest, I just enjoy seeing you breathing hard, body tense from rapid casting ;)

potionsPrince: you flirt

nightConqueror: Well yes, that is how this works

potionsPrince: I’ll be at the duelling hall in 5 minutes

nightConqueror: I can’t wait :)

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

scared_potter changed their name to sacred_potter

EyeCandy: Oh that’s actually quite clever

EyeCandy: Impressive, Draco

sacred_potter: shut it Blaise 

EyeCandy: Yes, I do seem to be receiving that reaction frequently

slyth_queen: aww Draco’s going soft with age

you_wish: you know what isn’t going soft w age?

sacred_potter: Harry!

you_wish: lol

whatsforLunch: ngl I originally read malfoy’s name as ‘sacred’ instead of ‘scared’ to begin w

whatsforLunch: i was confused at first but now i feel like i have cool future sight or smthng

slyth_queen: Ron Weasley divination queen

whatsforLunch: lmao fuck no trelawney was so done w me lolol

you_wish: so true 

you_wish: though that was partly bc of how much trouble Fred and George caused her 

localPyro: yeah mate the first day u walked in i swear she almost fainted

pyroCalled: Shay, I think that was due to your causing an explosion within the first few minutes of class beginning 

localPyro: we don’t talk abt that

pyroCalled: lol

sacred_potter: On a different note, I was introduced to memes today

pyroCalled: Oh by who?

sacred_potter: harry ofc 

you_wish: you guys, I made a meme reference and he just looked confused, so I HAD to explain

slyth_queen: well that sure opened a new can of worms

sacred_potter: um

sacred_potter: Am I the only one who didn't know about these so called ‘meme's

EyeCandy: Yes

pyroCalled: for sure

whatsforLunch: u were missing out man, I'm glad Harry's enlightened u

EyeCandy: drink your school, stay in sleep, don't do milk, and get 8 hours of drugs

localPyro: I know exactly what pic this goes w

whatsforLunch: i hate I know exactly what image accompanies this

you_wish: that’s how mione gets the grades she does

whatsforLunch: ur a lucky fuck that she’s not online rn

LetMeLovePlants: youd be dead 4 sure lolol

you_wish: i am an independant man who can speak as he wishes

HeadGryffGirl: What’s that, Harry?

you_wish: i am a well behaved youn man who is very polite and has never stepped a toe outa line

HeadGryffGirl: That’s what I thought.

HeadGryffGirl: Also it’s spelled ‘independent’ you dumbass <3

slyth_queen: gotta love a man who respects the women in his life

EyeCandy: Especially his mum

localPyro: and that, Draco, is ur top

sacred_potter: I know isn’t he just lovely?

you_wish: >//////<

EyeCandy: I mean he’s not wrong

sacred_potter: I don’t think u get to act embarrassed, Harry. Pretty sure if anyone that’s supposed to be me

you_wish: oh shush u

slyth_queen: i mean to b fair we all knew who would be which

sacred_potter: I am a *g l a m o r o u s* bitch

you_wish: he does love his rhinestones and glitter

sacred_potter: Excuse you, I prefer real jewels and you know it

EyeCandy: Of course, Dray. We’re allllllll aware

localPyro: lol i mean most people wouldn’t peg me as a top, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

slyth_queen: if you say so, finnegan 

localPyro: I do

thatQuietOne: I think you said that to the wrong person

whatsforLunch: ye mate im pretty sure those words r 4 dean

localPyro: stop stop stopppp u guys r gonna, u know

slyth_queen: spam the chat spam the chat

EyeCandy: eyyyyy theo’s hereeee

slyth_queen: cheers theoooo

whatsforLunch: aaaaaa

sacred_potter: eeeeeee

you_wish: oooooo o o o o

slyth_queen: uuuu u up u u

localPyro: wat the frick frack

you_wish: diddly dack

whatsforLunch: patty wack

slyth_queen: snick snack 

localPyro: crack pack

whatsforLunch: slack mack

thatQuietOne: quarterback

LetMeLovePlants: crackerjack

slyth_queen: biofeedback

whatsforLunch: backtrack

localPyro: thumbtack

EyeCandy: sidetrack

you_wish: tic tac

HeadGryffGirl: — do you think you’re doing?

localPyro: good job everyone

EyeCandy: indeed indeed, excellently executed

whatsforLunch: one might even say it could give them a heart attack

you_wish: and THIS is why ur my best mate

slyth_queen: cmon bitches we gotta scrub this chat cleannnn

whatsforLunch: asjfvfksvngroie

LetMeLovePlants: oimivkjd,msvbjlicn

localPyro: hpspafaivodmsamh

sacred_potter: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

whatsforLunch: saadfghjkl

EyeCandy: qwertyuiop

localPyro: hhhhhhhhhngggnghgh

sacred_potter: We’re spamming letters, finnegen, not have orgasms

whatsforLunch: LMFAO

slyth_queen: to be fair we ALL know Seamus is way more vocal lol

LetMeLovePlants: lol

HeadGryffGirl: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjhgfedcba

sacred_potter: overachiever 

slyth_queen: that’s my queen

you_wish: ooh, see that girllll

localPyro: watch that sceeeeeennnnnne

slyth_queen: digging the dancing QUEEEEEN

whatsforLunch: you are the daaaancing queeeeen

sacred_potter: Young and sweeeeeet, only seeeventeeeeeen

HeadGryffGirl: ABBA for real!!

you_wish: i love that song

slyth_queen: on god its so good

LetMeLovePlants: that is like the only muggle song my gran knew, and she loves it

HeadGryffGirl: That’s really sweet!

LetMeLovePlants: it’s scarring when she dances to it but u know, it's pretty funny

EyeCandy: Hey random question but Nev’s text reminded me of this: what does everyone call (if they do) their grandmother? Not trying to be intrusive, so no pressure

whatsforLunch: never had any

thatQuietOne: well we r off to a peachy ass start huh

slyth_queen: language!

thatQuietOne: English 

sacred_potter: don’t sass ur mum

HeadGryffGirl: I call my grandmother ‘nan’

EyeCandy: I’ve heard that quite a bit

LetMeLovePlants: I thinkk everyone knows i call mine gran

localPyro: yes nev everyone knows ur gran

you_wish: i also can’t contribute darn it

slyth_queen: see, Theo? Look at how harry uses clean language, when he could have said dammit instead

theQuietOne: lol sure

localPyro: i call my granmother granny

sacred_potter: I call my grandmother grandmother cause I’m fancy that way

slyth_queen: i call mine nan, same as hermione

HeadGryffGirl: awww

EyeCandy: So does ANYONE use the term ‘nanny’?

sacred_potter: Doesn’t seem like it

LetMeLovePlants: I guess not

whatsforLunch: why u ask

EyeCandy: I saw something online about how it’s a term used largely by the muggles so I was curious if that was accurate, or if wixen used it frequently as well

HeadGryffGirl: Hmmm, I do recall some friends in primary school calling their grandmothers that, I think

thatQuietOne: we need a larger sample size tho, blaise

thatQuietOne: i wouldn’t say the data we have is statistically significant yet

thatQuietOne: and your data pool is also not super random, for various reasons that i wont get into here 

localPyro: he has a point

sacred_potter: That’s my Theo!!! Smart arithmancy boi

you_wish: that went way over my head  

HeadGryffGirl: Wait, Seamus, you enjoy maths?

localPyro: I’ve been doing some studying in preparation for some volunteer work im doing after graduation

HeadGryffGirl: Oh my gosh, that’s so exciting! You have to tell me all about it!!!

whatsforLunch: no way to get mione as worked up as talking about learning :)

you_wish: for real

sacred_potter: What kind of organisation, may I ask?

LetMeLovePlants: yeah im curious too now

localPyro: its a place that focuses on aiding displaced peoples and creatures from the magical world, especially those that are now climate refugees

localPyro: the team has some specialists in fire and heat magics, and so im also going to study with them as well!

you_wish: wow

you_wish: Seamus that is so cool

whatsforLunch: you go, mate! So excited for you !

sacred_potter: That’s fascinating, finngen, i'd love to hear more about it, maybe visit as well. Magical groups facing the climate crisis are something I’ve been looking into a lot, and I’ve never heard of one like this!

HeadGryffGirl: Seamus that is AWESOME! Merlin, I’m with Draco on this one, I have so so so many questions for you, I wonder if I could come visit you at some point? I am absolutely going to go look these things up/research them now

whatsforLunch: lol mione is on a learning binge now we wont hear from her for the next few days probs

localPyro: thanks for the support guys, i appreciate it :D

LetMeLovePlants: i am, to no one’s surprise, intrigued and will be following hermione to the library

you_wish: lol honestly valid nev

pyroCalled: wow I have so many notifications now

localPyro: OH HI DEan

sacred_potter: Hello, Thomas 

you_wish: yo its dean the bean

pyroCalled: harry…

you_wish: sorry, dean the green

pyroCalled: better

LetMeLovePlants: im not even gonna ask

sacred_potter: a good decision for your sanity Neville 

pyroCalled: I have so much to catch up on

localPyro: no you dont

pyroCalled: huh?

you_wish: yeah yeah what he said

you_wish: nothing happened much that you wouldn’t already nknow

thatQuietOne: yeah don’t worry about it

pyroCalled: really?

localPyro: I told them about the organisation im volunteering for, but other than that not a lot

whatsforLunch: yeah mione and nev are now obsessively doing their research i think

pyroCalled: lol that sounds about right honestly

sacred_potter: yep yep

you_wish: …

you_wish: anyone wanna join me on a race around the pitch?

sacred_potter: I’d like to!

pyroCalled: Ooh I could go for a light fly

whatsforLunch: im down 

slyth_queen: sounds like fun!

LetMeLovePlants: i shall stay firmly on the ground, where I prefer to be

LetMeLovePlants: but i will come for emotional support!

you_wish: alright everyone meet at the quidditch pitch in 12min

EyeCandy: 12?

sacred_potter: don’t ask

Chapter Text

Direct Message from potionsPrince to ch4osCanine

potionsPrince: I thought you should know that potter went on a little trip to london

ch4osCanine: wtf

ch4osCanine: with who??

potionsPrince: Rita skeeter

ch4osCanine: WHAT

potionsPrince: oh ffs I was joking, he’s with Draco 

ch4osCanine: I can’t believe severus snape just cracked a joke

ch4osCanine: the world is ending

potionsPrince: oh shut your mouth

ch4osCanine: haNG ON

ch4osCanine: they finally go together??!?!?

potionsPrince: mhm

ch4osCanine: and it only took em 8 years

potionsPrince: indeed

potionsPrince: harry and Draco have the emotional intelligence of a particularly smart mosquito when together

ch4osCanine: so who on staff won the bet?

potionsPrince: Minerva, unsurprisingly

ch4osCanine: ofc Minnie would win something like that 

ch4osCanine: to be fair she’s Harry’s head of house so

potionsPrince: i had my galleons placed on their not realizing until after graduation and Weasley forced them together

ch4osCanine: lmao fr

ch4osCanine: i thought they’d get their shit 2gethr post war but i was wrong abt that so oh well

ch4osCanine: now i owe molly 15 balls of yarn 

potionsPrince: …

potionsPrince: i wont even ask

potionsPrince: but ofc you couldn’t be normal and bet using galleons like the rest of us

ch4osCanine: in my defense —

potionsPrince: I don’t wanna hear it

ch4osCanine: i didn’t have any money on me at the time

potionsPrince: …and now i gotta hear it

ch4osCanine: wait was that?

ch4osCanine: a Marvel reference??

potionsPrince: hmm?

ch4osCanine: omg no wayyyy

ch4osCanine: r u a winter soldier fan? I totally bet u r

potionsPrince: the marvel movies are good quality, i admit to that

potionsPrince: i didn’t think you’d catch on

potionsPrince: Draco made me watch them with him because harry likes Ironman and Spiderman. he needed someone to watch them with while he was wooing harry

ch4osCanine: that’s actually so damn sweet

ch4osCanine: but I can’t get over the image of you meeting Bucky and shaking hands out of my head now

ch4osCanine: u both have the same tortured energy u know?

potionsPrince: no more out of you

ch4osCanine: lol

ch4osCanine: In all siriusness

potionsPrince: …

ch4osCanine: ok ok let me rephrase that

ch4osCanine: i swear that was autocorrect 

ch4osCanine: In a seriousness im glad to hear that things r going well for harry

ch4osCanine: he deserves a rest after everything

potionsPrince: yeah

potionsPrince: they all do

ch4osCanine: we all do

ch4osCanine: And for what it’s worth, coming from me and all, i really appreciate how much you’ve looked out for harry while I’ve been away

potionsPrince: well you don’t work at Hogwarts so I don’t see how you could be here to begin with

ch4osCanine: no, I mean while moony and i get our feet under ourselves you’ve been a really reliable connection to the school and its made us old fellows feel a lot better

potionsPrince: oh

potionsPrince: It’s the least I can do

ch4osCanine: but that’s not true, Severus. We’ve been over this, you’ve already sacrificed so much

potionsPrince: I know, I know

potionsPrince: but none of that brings her back

ch4osCanine: but he has us, he has his friends, he even has you, now

ch4osCanine: you’ve done more than anyone else for him, and its time u recognised that abt urself

potionsPrince: I…thank you, Black

ch4osCanine: cmonnnn uyouve called me Sirius b4 don’t back off now 

potionsPrince: of course

ch4osCanine: just, accept the gratitude man

ch4osCanine: maybe I should’ve let moony handle this conversation

potionsPrince: lol

potionsPrince: no, I appreciate that you were the one to reach out

ch4osCanine: look at us responsible adults talking thru things like mature people

potionsPrince: haha imagine

ch4osCanine: well at least harry and Draco have good father figures…ignoring the actual fathers themselves

potionsPrince: wow you really went there

ch4osCanine: heyyy would u look at that moony’s home I’ll talk to u soon

potionsPrince: mhm

potionsPrince: don’t get too wild, old man

ch4osCanine: i make no promises

ch4osCanine: reach out if harry or Draco needs anything?

potionsPrince: of course

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

you_wish: guys we are SO CLOSE to winter break!!

whatsforLunch: fr, one more week til we can go home and forget abt hw

slyth_queen: bitch yes i am excited as fck

HeadGryffGirl: I actually am as well!

LetMeLovePlants: so wat r eveyone’s plans 4 break then?

you_wish: Ron and i r going home to the burrow

whatsforLunch: I can’t wait to see bill and fleur’s daughter !!

you_wish: and foooooood

sacred_potter: You’d think the house elves didn’t feed these two already until they’re nearly bursting everyday

localPyro: dean and i r going 2 his mum’s place 

localPyro: his labrador is adorable !!!

whatsforLunch: u sure its not Sirius in disguise?

HeadGryffGirl: After Scabbers I can’t even say Ron’s crazy to ask

localPyro: nah not an animagus in disguise

localPyro: that would def make things a bit awkward

LetMeLovePlants: wait, Hermione, what ar you doing for break? harry said only he and Ron were going to the burrow 

HeadGryffGirl: I’m traveling to France with Pansy and her mum for the first half of break, and the second half I’ll visit my parents

EyeCandy: Oh that’s fun!

sacred_potter: Make sure to eat lots of pastries while ur there

slyth_queen: oh dw everyone I’ll make sure is is very very well fed ;)

thatQuietOne: pansyyyyyyyy

localPyro: i wish I didn’t have to read that 

sacred_potter: it is now burned into my retinas

EyeCandy: Really, Draco? You find that to be much? You? Of all people?

sacred_potter: hey that’s not fair

thatQuietOne: i mean

thatQuietOne: ngl u have said far worse

sacred_potter: I’ve been betrayed by my own

you_wish: its ok u can always join me in my dorm <3

whatsforLunch: absolutely not

you_wish: but —

localPyro: no way

you_wish: darn it

whatsforLunch: literally just run away to like Florence for a weekend or something 

sacred_potter: Oh that is a good idea

sacred_potter: I have a great clothing designer there, we could go check it out one of these days

you_wish: that’s in the future though for now, we just have to make it to winter break!! And NO HOMEWORK

you_wish: i think you r all missing how great that is

whatsforLunch: that is true

thatQuietOne: i bet hermione still makes you revise for ur newts

whatsforLunch: nooooo

you_wish: nooooo o o o o o 

whatsforLunch: save us!!!!

HeadGryffGirl: Oh shut up you two, it’ll only be the last few days, when we’re back at the castle anyway

sacred_potter: lol

EyeCandy: sucks to suck

slyth_queen: ;)

HeadGryffGirl: Oh this isn’t optional for any of you either. We’re going to study together for at least three hours together over break - its not that much

thatQuietOne: fuck

you_wish: lol

whatsforLunch: share the love, everyone 

Chapter Text

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to sacred_potter

thatQuietOne: hey Draco?

sacred_potter: what’s up, Theo? 

thatQuietOne: you didn’t mention what u were doing 4 break, r u staying @ hgwrts?

sacred_potter: Mum wants me to stay at school, says its safer, so yeah, im staying

sacred_potter: Harry and i are going to try to meet up, but we probably wont see each other until the last few days when he comes back

thatQuietOne: is ur mum ok, tho?

thatQuietOne: i just worry sometimes abt her, especially after everything

sacred_potter: I worry too, but then i talk to her over the phone and remember she’s a strong woman who doesn’t put up with shit from anyone

sacred_potter: and harry really helped clear a lot of names after the war, so she doesn’t have to worry abt the press, at least

ThatQuietOne: but u still have to worry abt going out in public?!

sacred_potter: it’s one of the first big holidays after the war, and a lot of people died; they’ll be feeling hit hard this time of year

thatQuietOne: ohh

thatQuietOne: :(

sacred_potter: :/

thatQuietOne: at least it’s good to hear that she’s holding up well

thatQuietOne: do u think she’ll have company over during that time? Or even be there?

sacred_potter: no. why do you ask?

thatQuietOne: i was planning on going to visit over break, maybe see if i can spend some time with her

thatQuietOne: but it would be pointless if she’s traveling

sacred_potter: nah, she’ll be at the penthouse in London 

sacred_potter: I’ll let her know you plan on visiting

thatQuietOne: okay thanks dray

sacred_potter: it’ll mean a lot to her, Theo 

thatQuietOne: well it means just as much to me

sacred_potter: I know

sacred_potter: make sure to send us texts every few hours when we get on break, ok? Until u get to my mum’s house at least

thatQuietOne: yeah i will

sacred_potter: and if u reach an emergency, just text the code words

thatQuietOne: yep

sacred_potter: I don’t trust your family as far as i can throw them

sacred_potter: in any case, we’ve got a test tomorrow in potions that I’d like to revise for, so ill text you later

thatQuietOne: sounds good

thatQuietOne: i think i might sneak back into the kitchens for another snack

sacred_potter: have fun and stay safe

thatQuietOne: ok dad

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to whatsforLunch

thatQuietOne: so im on my way to the kitchens for a snack run…

thatQuietOne: interested?

whatsforLunch: fuck yes

whatsforLunch: wanna meet up at the statue of the mermaid w the dildo wand?

thatQuietOne: sure

thatQuietOne: my favorite statue in all of hgwrts obvs

whatsforLunch: i mean valid

whatsforLunch: i like the one of the vampyre biting a cross

thatQuietOne: the one that looks like its in the middle of an oregano?

thatQuietOne: *orgasm

whatsforLunch: lmao

whatsforLunch: yeah

thatQuietOne: oh i think i see u now

whatsforLunch: yep 

Direct Message from potionsPrince to nightConqueror

potionsPrince: I’m heading into diagonal alley tonight for potions ingredients, is there anything i can pick up for u?

potionsPrince: diagon alley

nightConqueror: Hmm i could use a few sprigs of southern thistle? 

potionsPrince: anything else?

nightConqueror: No, thank you though

potionsPrince: yep

nightConqueror: How would you feel about a movie tonight? 

potionsPrince: what kind of movie?

nightConqueror: Well, it’s the holiday season, so I was planning on watching some Hallmark romcoms to be honest

nightConqueror: Not very badass, probably bad for my image

potionsPrince: no id enjoy that quite a bit!

nightConqueror: Truly?

potionsPrince: absolutely

nightConqueror: I have to warn you, I cry at stupid moments in movies

nightConqueror: Like, a dog will get injured, or a person will get into an argument and I will tear up

potionsPrince: so?

nightConqueror: Not everyone wants a significant other who’s so emotional about made up stories

potionsPrince: well fuck anyone who says that

potionsPrince: i appreciate a man who’s in touch with his emotions 

nightConqueror: :)

potionsPrince: alright, text me when you’re ready for the movie, I’ll bring the thistle when i head over

nightConqueror: <3

potionsPrince: :)

localPyro created Untitled Group Chat

localPyro renamed UntitledGroup Chat to Planning 4 Shay’s PROPOSAL!!!

localPyro added whatsforLunch, sacred_potter, you_wish, and 5 others to Planning 4 Shay’s PROPOSAL!!!

you_wish: omg we’re actually doing this

sacred_potter: I’m honoured to be a part of this, Seamus

thatQuietOne: we all are!

HeadGryffGirl: So I know we’ve all talked about this in person here and there, but to get the facts straight:

EyeCandy: Not straight.

sacred_potter: not remotely straight

slyth_queen: very gay, in fact

HeadGryffGirl: Haha 

HeadGryffGirl: 1) Seamus wants to propose to Dean

you_wish: 2) he wants our help to surprise dean

whatsforLunch: 3) Seamus finnegen is a mess 

localPyro: hey just cause its true…

sacred_potter: Just to see where we are in the process, are you planning on getting him a ring?

localPyro: yeah i already have it

sacred_potter: Excellent!

slyth_queen: didn’t you go with Ron and Theo to pick it out?

thatQuietOne: yeah it was rly cool

thatQuietOne: i never knew there were so many diff types of rings

EyeCandy: What kind of ring, may I ask?

localPyro: it’s a silver band with a topaz in the center 

localPyro: the gem is cut to the shape of a spark

slyth_queen: that is adorable !!! Omg too wholesome 

LetMeLovePlants: did you decide on a date to do it? Or is that still up in the air

localPyro: im leaning towards doing it on the last day of school this year

HeadGryffGirl: That makes a lot of sense 

localPyro: but at the same time, id love to do it sooner so we can have more time to discuss long distance stuff b4 i leave for Indonesia and he goes to uni

LetMeLovePlants: oh yeah!! I forgot dean wanted to go to muggle uni

sacred_potter: Where’s he going?

localPyro: St. Andrew’s 

slyth_queen: oh that’s exciting!!

thatQuietOne: i remember talking to him abt muggle colleges and he was super excited abt that one

localPyro: yeah, its been his dream since like, 4th year

localPyro: ANYWAY

localPyro: i was gonna ask someone to record the proposal when i make it on a camera so his muggle parents can have a copy

localPyro: it’ll mean a lot to him as well

whatsforLunch: id be happy to do that, surprisingly my hands are very steady when im filming stuff

you_wish: its true

thatQuietOne: you’d never think that by looking at him

thatQuietOne: no offense ron

whatsforLunch: lol none taken

whatsforLunch: i can be a klutz, but videography is diff ig

localPyro: ok thanks Ron!!

slyth_queen: any other requests?

localPyro: actually yeah. I was hoping two of you could keep him busy on the train so i can exit first and have a few of you help me set up some flowers and shit

HeadGryffGirl: Awww that’s so sweet

sacred_potter: I’m excellent at decorating

you_wish: im great at distracting people and making messes

slyth_queen: Well I think we know where u two are going

localPyro: we can talk more abt details later, i just wanted to get this kickstarted 

localPyro: and, obviously, keep it under wraps guys

thatQuietOne: ofc its in my name

you_wish: u bet, Seamus 

whatsforLunch: sounds good

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

whatsforLunch: last day b4 break, bitches!

you_wish: and bastards!

LetMeLovePlants: and our good non-binary hoes!

EyeCandy: Fuck yeah!

thatQuietOne: heck yea!

HeadGryffGirl: You know what, people?

whatsforLunch: what, mione

slyth_queen: plz, enlighten us (btw we appreciate the clean language theo dear)

HeadGryffGirl: I give up on trying to maintain sanity. Honestly, just go nuts guys, I don’t even care anymore - in the best possible way of course

HeadGryffGirl: I think I’ve officially lost my mind, and you all have stolen my final few brain cells

whatsforLunch: omg

LetMeLovePlants: the day hath finally come

you_wish: Hermione, we are so proud to welcome you…

whatsforLunch: …to the dark side

HeadGryffGirl: …

LetMeLovePlants: ‘the brainless bunch’

whatsforLunch: ‘the nimble numbskulls’

thatQuietOne: the deepthroat dumbasses

whatsforLunch: it’s a super elite club mione, believe us

EyeCandy: Hermione, I suggest taking it as a compliment and not overthinking it

slyth_queen: (ur grounded theo)

EyeCandy: There’s no sane way to approach this

thatQuietOne: (nah)

HeadGryffGirl: I believe you’re right, Blaise

slyth_queen: (yes u r )

slyth_queen: loosen up and livvvvvvvvve mioneeeeeee

whatsforLunch: fuck yeah

sacred_potter: Does this mean she’ll be cursing now

you_wish: ooooh lets see mione

you_wish: r u gonna ~cuss~?

HeadGryffGirl: Oh fuck you all <3

slyth_queen: that’s my QUEEEEEEEEN

slyth_queen: luv u babe ;)

HeadGryffGirl: love you too!

sacred_potter: Ooh ok ok on a totally different topic, but still just as brain cell loss inducing -

whatsforLunch: oh?

sacred_potter: I saw this tumblr screenshot with a ‘fill in the blank’ kinda thing a few days ago and I wanted to know what u all instinctively read it as

thatQuietOne: oh no here comes dray w the memes

HeadGryffGirl: Oh, like one of the personality/brain tests?

sacred_potter: Kinda

EyeCandy: Bring it on

sacred_potter: “I just wanna s*** some d***”

scared_potter: What did everyone read that as?

EyeCandy: I just wanna suck some dick

LetMeLovePlants: i wanna suck some dick

you_wish: i wanna shit some duck

whatsforLunch: i just wanna soup some dick

slyth_queen: i just wanna suck some dick

thatQuietOne: i wanna sell some dogs

sacred_potter: …

sacred_potter: I’m not sure where to start unpacking this

EyeCandy: Listen, my answer must not surprise anyone

LetMeLovePlants: true, darling

whatsforLunch: i mean, yeahhh

sacred_potter: But Neville! wow, you do have a dirty mind!

LetMeLovePlants: yeah im pretty sure that’s established fact at this point

you_wish: ngl Nev has OBjecTivEly leveled up the sex appeal so much he’s a legendary

whatsforLunch: real

sacred_potter: Harry, Harry, Harry

you_wish: wat

sacred_potter: Why? just. why?

sacred_potter: I just want to know how that Brian of yours works

whatsforLunch: who Brian?

LetMeLovePlants: wat Brian?

slyth_queen: where Brian?

EyeCandy: When Brian?

sacred_potter: Oh ffs i meant BRAIN

you_wish: lol

you_wish: ducks r cute okkkkk??

HeadGryffGirl: I don’t know why I’m even surprised that you would read s*** as shit, because of course you would

EyeCandy: Well Ron’s was predictabel

whatsforLunch: true

whatsforLunch: all abt that fooooooood

slyth_queen: yaaaaaas

you_wish: queeeeeeeeeen

whatsforLunch: hands down Theo’s is my favourite

sacred_potter: Agreed

thatQuietOne: listen why would i think of dicks when i could picture adorable puppies???

EyeCandy: Too pure for this world

whatsforLunch: must protecc

you_wish: for real

sacred_potter: Theo Nott protection squad, assemble!

whatsforLunch: weasley, reporting for duty!

slyth_queen: parkinson, reporting for duty

EyeCandy: Agent Z, reporting for duty!

you_wish: potter, reporting 4 duty!

thatQuietOne: …

thatQuietOne: u all realise im only like a year younger than u right

whatsforLunch: we know, Theo sweetheart

slyth_queen: a whole YEAR

HeadGryffGirl: Just your best interests at heart, Mr. Nott

thatQuietOne: i only skipped 1 grade im not a child

slyth_queen: yes well someone has to watch out for u

thatQuietOne: :)

thatQuietOne: hey, um

whatsforLunch: yeah?

sacred_potter: What is it, Theo? 

thatQuietOne: well

thatQuietOne: you all swear to text over break?

you_wish: of course!

whatsforLunch: you bet, mate

EyeCandy: You know it <33

thatQuietOne: good cuz otherwise imma be so bored

HeadGryffGirl: We can’t have that happening, now, can we?

slyth_queen: that’s what the chat’s for 

thatQuietOne: :D

ch4osCanine created Untitled Group Chat

ch4osCanine renamed UntitledGroup Chat to Harry’s Guardians

ch4osCanine added potionsPrince and starryEyed4him to Harry’s Guardians

potionsPrince: oh Merlin it’s you two

ch4osCanine: and good evening to you too, Severus!

starryEyed4him: Hello!

starryEyed4him: I actually don’t think I had your number until now @potionsPrince

potionsPrince: yes well it’s a closely guarded secret

ch4osCanine: sureeee it is

potionsPrince: besides the point. What is this group chat for?

starryEyed4him: We wanted a way all three of us could communicate together more transparently, and we also had a question for you

potionsPrince: ok

ch4osCanine: ok?

potionsPrince: get on with it, please, for the love of god

starryEyed4him: So, we’re celebrating Yule this year separately from Harry, and we were wondering if you’d like to join us?

potionsPrince: wait, Potter isn’t going home this year?

ch4osCanine: no no no he’s leaving Hogwarts, but he’s staying with the Weasleys

starryEyed4him: He really wants to be with them, and I think honestly he needs some semblance of familiarity 

potionsPrince: still, he’s celebrating without u?

starryEyed4him: We’ll meet up with him the day before Yule, but mostly yes.

potionsPrince: I don’t understand why you’d invite me to spend time with you though

potionsPrince: you know I’m nothing like harry. I’m prickly, and certainly not a joy to be around

starryEyed4him: Severus, it’s not about filling an empty hole in our lives

ch4osCanine: ;)

starryEyed4him: Oh do be quiet sirius

potionsPrince: wowwww so mature, Black

starryEyed4him: You two get distracted so easily smh

starryEyed4him: ANYWAY

starryEyed4him: it’s about building memories

potionsPrince: now? Of all times?

ch4osCanine: yes, now!

ch4osCanine: we’ve finally put aside our differences and shitty pasts and we’re starting to move on, somehow, despite everything i did

ch4osCanine: but i want more than that. I want us to form a family, for harry and Draco, and for ourselves

potionsPrince: Sirius, Remus and I turned 37 this year, and you will in november. we’re not young anymore 

potionsPrince: we can’t just bound through life the way the kids can

starryEyed4him: But who says that, Sev? Who?

starryEyed4him: What’s stopping us from taking the future by the reigns and guiding it the way we want it to go?

potionsPrince: and you’d really want me? To spend time with you?

ch4osCanine: yes. Severus, it would be a huge deal

starryEyed4him: Give this a chance? Please?

potionsPrince: Alright. alright 

potionsPrince: I’ll talk to Minerva about taking some time off of supervising the kids over break, but on one condition -

ch4osCanine: anything. Anything at all

potionsPrince: I can’t leave Draco at Hogwarts, so you would have to come to the school to join us, is that

potionsPrince: is that feasible?

starryEyed4him: Of course

ch4osCanine: no problemo!

potionsPrince: in that case, i’ll talk to Minerva

starryEyed4him: Sounds excellent. Keep us in the loop, yeah?

potionsPrince: i will

ch4osCanine: bye Sevvie

potionsPrince: …

ch4osCanine: too soon?

potionsPrince: too soon

ch4osCanine: sorry, how abt Sev? Remus called you that and it seemed ok

starryEyed4him: Siri…

potionsPrince: i don’t entirely mind it

ch4osCanine: rly??!

potionsPrince: don’t push your luck

starryEyed4him: Goodnight, Sev

ch4osCanine: night sev!!!!!

potionsPrince: goodnight, you two

Chapter Text

Direct Message from nightConqueror to potionsPrince

nightConqueror: I just arrived safely in Milan. I’ll see you in a week and a half!

potionsPrince: glad your travels were safe. I’ll text u later when im done corralling the kids for dinner

nightConqueror: Still troublesome even on holiday break?

potionsPrince: don’t u know it

potionsPrince: its only been a day and I swear im going insane from the number of children wearing Santa hats or jingle bells

nightConqueror: But you love them :)

potionsPrince: ugh

potionsPrince: i do

nightConqueror: :D

potionsPrince: :)

Planning 4 Shay’s PROPOSAL!!!

HeadGryffGirl: Seamus you are so, so not subtle

whatsforLunch: i mean it’s cute but I’m shocked dean hasn’t figured it out yet ngl

thatQuietOne: i mean 

thatQuietOne: to be fair you guys always act so lovey dovey it probs isn't noticeable

localPyro: I mean listen im bad at lying or acting ok

slyth_queen: ‘lovey dovey’ is like the least slyth word I can think of

EyeCandy: i propose ‘fluffernutter’

thatQuietOne: ‘boop’

whatsforLunch: ‘cupcake’

sacred_potter: ‘family’

whatsforLunch: o_O

you_wish: babe…

thatQuietOne: lmao

LetMeLovePlants: noooo

slyth_queen: he's not wrong tho… btw Ron I see u, ur always hungry huh

HeadGryffGirl: :(

whatsforLunch: yep

thatQuietOne: gays guess what

thatQuietOne: i meant guys but same thign tbh

whatsforLunch: wut

slyth_queen: wat

HeadGryffGirl: What?

thatQuietOne: i had a dream last night where I was giving marcus flint a blowjob

localPyro: damn lucky

sacred_potter: You what?!

whatsforLunch: oh God I forget that abt u horny ass mfs

EyeCandy: but were u doing it well?

sacred_potter: Blaise! we should not be encouraging this

whatsforLunch: oh cmon he's already 17 man

EyeCandy: Were you deepthroating him? 

localPyro: hollowing your cheeks right?

thatQuietOne: yeah bitch ik how to suck dick 

EyeCandy: Excellent. you've been raised well

HeadGryffGirl: Hmm

slyth_queen: baby? u got anything to tell Theo?

HeadGryffGirl: Who's Marcus Flint?

you_wish: Oliver Wood’s should-be-boyfriend

whatsforLunch: he was captain of the quidditch team the years harry was first starting

EyeCandy: Intense Scottish man, very passionate about the sport and sporting a hell of a beard

sacred_potter: Hang on, Blaise? how do u know this abt Wood???

EyeCandy: He's damn fine, okay? before I dated Nev I had some pictures of him from magazines 

LetMeLovePlants: thats valid tho, wood is gorgeous 

whatsforLunch: that's too much to unpack rn

HeadGryffGirl: Ahhh thank you for the explanation everyone. So Marcus is the rival and potential lover of Oliver?

you_wish: yeah they’ve been eyefucking each other since year 6

whatsforLunch: they’re whipped 4 each other

slyth_queen: so? thoughts, girlie?

HeadGryffGirl: Well I mean, he's a teenage boy, are we surprised by a high libido? Especially for an attractive sports star?

thatQuietOne: exactly! thank u, hermione!!

HeadGryffGirl: Of course

whatsforLunch: hey that's so not fair

whatsforLunch: when harry was talking abt snape u made him stop

HeadGryffGirl: Yes, because he was 15 and the PROFESSOR was 32

you_wish: so??? 

HeadGryffGirl: Age gaps are fine, once you're legal age, babes. Please.

sacred_potter: Oh merrrlin this again

sacred_potter: I can't believe my own boyfriend had a crush on my godfather

you_wish: guysssssss

whatsforLunch: lol

EyeCandy: ok but dilfs though???

localPyro: yesss

LetMeLovePlants: real

slyth_queen: ugh u 2 r made 4 each other 

sacred_potter: Ok fave dilf in the muggle world GO

HeadGryffGirl: Oh my God are you guys all in on this?

you_wish: yep

whatsforLunch: not me

HeadGryffGirl: We know, Ron, and we love you for it

EyeCandy: Cillian Murphy

you_wish: uhhh probabyly Jason Isaacs or Chris Evans even if he doesn't have kids…

whatsforLunch: Harry… im sensing a type

LetMeLovePlants: thats such a hard question!!

EyeCandy: hard ;)

LetMeLovePlants: oh shut up

localPyro: Robert Downey Jr

localPyro: with all respect to their spouses of course

EyeCandy: Yeah. their significant others r awesome sorry Mrs Downey and others

LetMeLovePlants: probably Mads Mikkelsen

sacred_potter: he fiiiiiine

HeadGryffGirl: *sighs*

slyth_queen: im going to have to go w early gregory peck 

you_wish: omg yessss

slyth_queen: sorry babe

HeadGryffGirl: No worries :)

whatsforLunch: yall thirsty

whatsforLunch: only old guy I ever thought was hot was brendon urie

you_wish: he isn't old tho

whatsforLunch: ok but listen he's a dad

EyeCandy: vALiD

sacred_potter: I mean but his voice though 

HeadGryffGirl: I swear to God

slyth_queen: dw babe ur first in my heart

HeadGryffGirl: aww

HeadGryffGirl: ><

Direct Message from DivineFeline to potionsPrince

DivineFeline: Severus. Please come to the courtyard.

potionsPrince: okay

potionsPrince: but why?

DivineFeline: A group of muggle students is convinced they can fly

potionsPrince: I’m sorrry what

DivineFeline: They keep jumping off the tree and yelling ‘I believe I can fly’

DivineFeline: And then their peers all answer ‘I believe I can touch the sky’

DivineFeline: I’m worried they’ll get hurt

potionsPrince: oh its a joke/reference

DivineFeline: I don’t care, just please come supervise. I have a meeting with the Board in 20 minutes

potionsPrince: alright alright

potionsPrince: im almost there

DivineFeline: Thank Merlin

DivineFeline: Sometimes I wonder about retirement

Chapter Text

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to sacred_potter

thatQuietOne: Draco

thatQuietOne: DRACO

thatQuietOne: DRACO

thatQuietOne: please, please, just respond 

thatQuietOne: fuck

thatQuietOne: Draco, he’s angry. he found out about me being demi and gay and he’s lost it

thatQuietOne: he fired a few cheap shots at me and im not bleeding but i need to get out of here

thatQuietOne: are these messages even sending?

thatQuietOne: fuck. i need help dray

thatQuietOne: please

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to EyeCandy

thatQuiet One: Blaise

thatQuietOne: blaise?

thatQuietOne: BLAsIE????!

thatQuietOne: Blaise please respond now

thatQuietOne: this isn’t a joke B i need u to text me nback

thatQuietOne: father’s angry 

thatQuietOne: he found out abt my sexuality and he’s not letting it go

thatQuietOne: Blaise please just if u see this send help

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to slyth_queen

thatQuietOne: pansy

thatQuietOne: Pans

thatQuietOne: pANSY i need help

thatQuietOne: shit shit shiths

thatQuietOne: he knows, pans

thatQuietOne: he knows and he’s angry

thatQuietOne: he’s not gonna let it go Pansy he’s so mad, I’ve never seen him like this

thatQuietOne: pansy?

Direct Message from thatQuietOne to whatsforLunch

thatQuietOne: Ron

thatQuietOne: ron, please

thatQuietOne: please Ron, im begging you please be available 

thatQuietOne: I need help, and i don’t know who else to ask

thatQuietOne: dray and pansy and Blaise r all occupied and im not even sure these texts r sending but please respond

thatQuietOne: im so scared, Ron 

thatQuietOne: ive never seen him like this

whatsforLunch: Theo? What’s going on?

whatsforLunch: are you in danger?

thatQuietOne: oh thank Merlin oh my god

thatQuietOne: my father is furious bc he found out abotu

whatsforLunch: about?

whatsforLunch: about what? Theo?

thatQuietOne: fuck fuck shit he’s outside my room Ron i need help please send slp;[‘p

whatsforLunch: Theo?

whatsforLunch: Theodore?

whatsforLunch: Theodore Nott answer right now or else

whatsforLunch: fuck

whatsforLunch: FUCK

whatsforLunch: Theo?

whatsforLunch: im getting help, just, please stay safe 

whatsforLunch: just hang in there

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

whatsforLunch: guyS

whatsforLunch: wHO knows where Theo lives?

whatsforLunch: WHO KNOWS

whatsforLunch: WHO FUCKING KNOWS

whatsforLunch: OPEN UR PHONES FUCKERS

whatsforLunch: please, guys im begging u

whatsforLunch: OPEN UR GODDAMN PHNOES goDODAMIGT

you_wish: what’s going on?

HeadGryffGirl: Ron? Are you alright?

whatsforLunch: thank fUCK

whatsforLunch: nO, THEOS in DANGER

localPyro: what’s going on?

pyroCalled: Is everything ok?

whatsforLunch: Theo jus textxed me and hesounded realy scared and said his dad was mad and to send help

pyroCalled: shit that sounds bad

whatsforLunch: he was panicking 

HeadGryffGirl: Ok ok fuuuck did he say anything about where he was?

you_wish: let me send a patronus to Draco 

HeadGryffGirl: Ill do the same for Pansy

whatsforLunch: his last messsage said he was in his room so probab=lly nott manor

localPyro: im gonna call the aurors

HeadGryffGirl: Good idea Seamus. I just got Pans from the pool and she says theo’s dad is abusive and that they’ve been worried abt something like this happening

whatsforLunch: then what’s the fucking plan?!

slyth_queen: he’s supposed to have a portkey in his goddamn dresser, but if he was texting us it means something happened to that

slyth_queen: SHIT I can’t believe I wasn’t ther when he needed it fuckk

sacred_potter: fucking shit i should have been by my phone fuckFUCK

whatsforLunch: theos in trouble

you_wish: guys now is not the time for the blame game

sacred_potter: fuckcCK Im nowhere near help im still stuck at hgwts can’t even apparate to his house

whatsforLunch: r any of u listed in his house’s wards?

slyth_queen: no, but Blaise might be

pyroCalled: gimme a minute I'll call Nev

you_wish: Hogwarts!!

whatsforLunch: huh?

you_wish: professors at Hogwats !!?

whatsforLunch: oh hh

sacred_potter: yes, how is that relevant?

whatsforLunch: SNAPE

you_wish: yES

whatsforLunch: go TELL SNEPE

sacred_potter: good idEEa

sacred_potter: on My way

HeadGryffGirl: Keep us updated

Direct Message from sacred_potter to potionsPrince

sacred_potter: Snape

sacred_potter: THeo’s in trouble ,it’s his dad

potionsPrince: what? When did this happen

sacred_potter: he started texting us about twenty minutes ago

sacred_potter: he’s in danger sev

potionsPrince: ok fuck ok

potionsPrince: Im on my way to the manor

sacred_potter: let me come with you

potionsPrince: no.

sacred_potter: im already almost to your quarters 

potionsPrince: no absolutely not stay away from trouble

saced_potter: no

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

localPyro: dean just got thru 2 neville

localPyro: he’s getting Blaise now

whatsforLunch: does Blaise have access to the wards at nott manor

localPyro: fuck

localPyro: he doesn’t 

you_wish: shit

HeadGryffGirl: Wait Seamus what was the deal w the aurors

localPyro: they couldn’t move on the information because they didn’t have any proof and theos dad doesn’t have a criminal record since he stayed out of the second war

you_wish: double shit

whatsforLunch: triple shti

HeadGryffGirl: what do we do?

you_wish: there’s not much we can for now

sacred_potter: snape says for u all to stay out of it

sacred_potter: he’s going to go deal w it

you_wish: Draco? Where r u rn

sacred_potter: just told snape im on my way to tell mcgonaglgl now

you_wish: ok good

localPyro: im gonna call the aurors again

EyeCandy: I’ll try to get in contact with my mum

pyroCalled: wait couldn’t snape just text McG himself?

EyeCandy: she knows theo’s father ill let u know if anything comes of it

whatsforLunch: thanks blaise

EyeCandy: no. Thank you, Ron

EyeCandy: for being there for him when the rest of us werent’

pyroCalled: GUYS

whatsforLunch: what?!

pyroCalled: COUDLNT SNEPE TETX MCG HIMSELF

you_wish: oh

you_wish: oh fuck

HeadGryffGirl: Oh no

localPyro: he’s tagging along with snape isn’t he 

you_wish: ohmygodohmygod Draco baby

HeadGryffGirl: Harry do not do anything stupid

you_wish: ohmygod 

HeadGryffGirl: HARRY

HeadGryffGirl: Ron you and harry need to stop from doing anything rash

HeadGryffGirl: Ron?

EyeCandy: oh shit

pyroCalled: Harry?

localPyro: guys?

HeadGryffGirl: FUCK

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

HeadGryffGirl: I‘m going after Ron and harry 

slyth_queen: im coming w u

HeadGryffGirl: No. I need you to stay here and manage communications 

slyth_queen: Mione…

HeadGryffGirl: We’re not having this conversation over text, meet me in the foyer

slyth_queen: kk on my way

pyroCalled: Shay’s arguing w the auror corps right now, he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere though

EyeCandy: fuckin government procedures an shit

EyeCandy: My mum is trying to pull strings w the ministry rn

EyeCandy: But it isn’t going to be as fast as we’d like 

pyroCalled: :(

pyroCalled: that emoticon feels like a gross understatement of emotion at the moment

LetMeLovePlants: its almost funny in a slightly morbid way

LetMeLovePlants: I tried to ring harry and Ron, neither picked up btw

pyroCalled: shit

EyeCandy: thanks babe

LetMeLovePlants: yepyep

pyroCalled: I hate that this had to happen when we’re all separated

EyeCandy: yeah

EyeCandy: it figures, doesn’t it?

LetMeLovePlants: so our situation rn:

LetMeLovePlants: Theo is at nott manor, and his dad is angry/violent

LetMeLovePlants: Draco went to get snape since they’re at hgwts, but now Draco’s tagging along w snape to nott manor

EyeCandy: and harry and Ron are now on their way too, somehow

pyroCalled: someone’s going to get hurt

pyroCalled: would it be too much to floo over to Mungos to warn them?

LetMeLovePlants: no, actually dean i think that’s a great idea

EyeCandy: even if they aren’t authorised to go to the manor they can be ready at least

pyroCalled: will do

pyroCalled: update u ltr

EyeCandy: sounds good

Direct Message from DivineFeline to potionsPrince 

DivineFeline: Severus. Where are you going? 

DivineFeline: I was just notified by the wards that you left in a hurry 

DivineFeline: And someone else was following you, there magical signature looked like a student’s

DivineFeline: Severus? 

DivineFeline: Oh Merlin

DivineFeline: Severus Tobias Snape if you get into trouble I will personally make you serve a lifetime of detentions 

DivineFeline: Please be careful

DivineFeline: I’m alerting Octavien since you haven’t replied and I’m getting worried

DivineFeline: I hope whatever you’re doing, you have a plan

Direct Message from DivineFeline to nightConqueror

DivineFeline: Octavien when was the last time you saw Severus?

DivineFeline: I’m worried he’s doing something idiotic

nightConqueror: I haven’t seen him since earlier this afternoon, a few hours ago

nightConqueror: What did he do

DivineFeline: He left the school in a rush, didn’t deactivate the emergency wards

nightConqueror: And Sev would never make a mistake like that..

DivineFeline: Yes

DivineFeline: He was trying to warn us

DivineFeline: I can’t leave the children at the school

nightConqueror: but I can

DivineFeline: Yes

nightConqueror: Permission to leave school grounds?

DivineFeline: Granted.

DivineFeline: Though we both know you would go after him regardless.

DivineFeline: Watch yourself, Professor Holloway

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

slyth_queen: Ok im back 

slyth_queen: u better not get hurt, mione 

EyeCandy: Pans!

LetMeLovePlants: any orders for Hermione?

slyth_queen: none 4 rn

EyeCandy: debrief us on what’s going on on ur end?

slyth_queen: mione flooed over to the weasleys to try and track the 2 idiots

LetMeLovePlants: which 2 iDiOTs? T-T

slyth_queen: the gryffs lol

slyth_queen: I don’t know why i typed that 

slyth_queen: im not even remotely close to laughing

EyeCandy: coping

LetMeLovePlants: coping

slyth_queen: anyone hear from dean yet?

LetMeLovePlants: nope

EyeCandy: soon though

slyth_queen: fuck i feel helpless

slyth_queen: like wtf 

EyeCandy: i know

EyeCandy: I fucking hate Theo’s so called father

EyeCandy: that bastard

slyth_queen: goddamn right he should die

LetMeLovePlants: guys guys focus

LetMeLovePlants: we can do that part later

LetMeLovePlants: we have to stay calm and preferably not be emotionally compromised rn

EyeCandy: i have such a smart boyfriend

LetMeLovePlants: ik

LetMeLovePlants: Fr though guys

slyth_queen: yeah. yeah ok

slyth_queen: thanks 4 the vibe check nev

LetMeLovePlants: anytime

Direct Message from DivineFeline to starryEyed4him

DivineFeline: Remus we have trouble

starryEyed4him: What do you mean

DivineFeline: Severus went running out of the castle and triggered the emergency wards, and Draco’s missing, presumably with him

starryEyed4him: Oh no

starryEyed4him: how long ago?

DivineFeline: twenty minutes?

DivineFeline: I sent Octavien Holloway after him

starryEyed4him: the new dada professor?

DivineFeline: Yes, and his lover

starryEyed4him: oh

starryEyed4him: oh my god

starryEyed4him: do you know where he was going? Any sign in the wards?

DivineFeline: No. I checked, but there’s nothing

starryEyed4him: let me text Harry, see if he knows what’s up

DivineFeline: Good idea 

DivineFeline: thank you Remus

starryEyed4him: no. thank you

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

pyroCalled: st mungos is aware and warned

pyroCalled: they have a few witches and wizards on standby in the emergency med bay

EyeCandy: oh thank fuck

slyth_queen: ur the best dean

slyth_queen: I could kiss u rn

pyroCalled: appreciate the sentiment but no thanks

slyth_queen: lol

LetMeLovePlants: dean r u still at mungos?

pyroCalled: yeah. Im about to ring Shay and see if he made any headway

slyth_queen: sounds good

slyth_queen: report back soon

pyroCalled: yes maam

Direct Message from starryEyed4him to you_wish

starryEyed4him: Harry what’s going on with Severus and Draco?

starryEyed4him: Is everything alright?

starryEyed4him: Harry James Potter!

starryEyed4him: HARRY ARE YOU THERE

starryEyed4him: I’m calling you

starryEyed4him calling you_wish  

Call failed

starryEyed4him: fudge

Direct Message from starryEyed4him to whatsforLunch

starryEyed4him: Ron

starryEyed4him: Ron are you with Harry right now? Is Draco okay?

starryEyed4him: Do you know anything about what’s going on?

starryEyed4him: well I guess I know you’re with Harry at least

starryEyed4him calling whatsforLunch

Call failed

Direct Message from starryEyed4him to HeadGryffGirl

starryEyed4him: Hermione what is going on?!

starryEyed4him: Please tell me you aren’t involved in this mess

starryEyed4him: What’s going on with Snape, Draco, Harry, and Ron?

HeadGryffGirl: can’t talk for long

HeadGryffGirl: m goin after H and R 

starryEye4him: Where are you? Are you okay?

HeadGryffGirl: Theo nott’s dad snapped

HeadGryffGirl: prof an Draco went to nott manor

starryEyed4him: What? Theodore? The young slytherin?

HeadGryffGirl: yes

HeadGryffGirl: R and H chased after Draco an snape

starryEyed4him: WHERE are you Hermione?

HeadGryffGirl: gotta go

HeadGryffGirl: text Pansy here’s her info

HeadGryffGirl: @slyth_queen

starryEyed4him: Hermione?

starryEyed4him: Who exactly is Pansy

starryEyed4him: time to find out

Chapter Text

Direct Message from starryEyed4him to slyth_queen

starryEyed4him: Hello, is this Pansy?

slyth_queen: yeah who dis

starryEyed4him: Remus Lupin, one of Harry Potter’s godfathers

slyth_queen: omg ur the dada professor from like 3rd year

starryEyed4him: er, yes?

starryEyed4him: May I ask who you are?

slyth_queen: who sent you my contact info

starryEyed4him: Hermione Granger

slyth_queen: ohhhh ok

slyth_queen: im a slytherin student in harry’s grade. Im one of his friends

slyth_queen: im also hermione’s girlfriend

starryEyed4him: Oh!

starryEyed4him: Good to meet you, then!

starryEyed4him: Anyway I texted because Hermione referred me to you earlier when I asked what was going on with Harry and Ron

slyth_queen: oh yeah

slyth_queen: so it’s kinda weird but hang on to the story ok?

starryEyed4him: alright…?

slyth_queen: so there’s a guy in our grade named Theo Nott, and his dad is abusive. Theo had to go home 4 break, and his dad found out some stuff and got mad and from what Theo managed to tell us, violent

slyth_queen: so Draco went to get Snape to go after Theo, but then Draco went with Snape since he’s like theo’s older brother and is protective

slyth_queen: and harry realized this and since he loves Draco he went after Draco and Ron tagged along to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupider

starryEyed4him: oh Lord help us

slyth_queen: but those two are idiots, no offense Mr lupin, so hermione went to chase after them

starryEyed4him: Oh Merlin 

starryEyed4him: Theo Nott as in of the pure blood Nott Family?

slyth_queen: yeah

starryEyed4him: Alright Pansy I need you to read my instructions carefully, since you seem to be in charge of communications right now

slyth_queen: ok?

starryEyed4him: I’m going to go to the Manor, since I know where it is, and to provide backup if the kids and Sev need help. I assume you’ve notified Mungos and the aurors who are likely useless?

slyth_queen: yep

slyth_queen: fucking beaurocratic procedures

starryEyed4him: right

starryEyed4him: I’m going to call you when I get to the Manor, so you can hear what’s going on on my end, alright?

slyth_queen: wait why

starryEyed4him: I need you to use a sonorus charm to amplify the sound of the call while you firecall the auror office, and provide evidence of violence and an emergency

slyth_queen: Ok, I can do that

starryEyed4him: thank you.

slyth_queen: one thing

starryEyed4him: yes?

slyth_queen: plz give me the info for your partner so i can contact him and keep him up to date

starryEyed4him: oh thank you its @ch4osCanine

starryEyed4him: and Miss Pansy?

slyth_queen: mm?

starryEyed4him: I may not remember you from my time teaching, and it isnt truly my place, but from what I’ve learned about you today, I think you make Hermione very happy

slyth_queen: I…thank you

slyth_queen: that actually means a lot

slyth_queen: you ready to go, old man?

starryEyed4him: Im only 37

starryEyed4him: but yes

starryEyed4him: I’ll call you in a few minutes once I’ve flooed as close as I can to the manor. Please get the aurors on firecall

starryEyed4him calling slyth_queen

Call initiated 

     “‘Alright, Miss Pansy. I’m in position outside the Manor now. Someone’s already brute forced their way through the wards, they’re down. Are the aurors listening?’

     ‘Yes, sir. They’re nodding along right now,’ 

     ‘Excellent. I’m breaching the property now, and, oh Merlin…’ 

*distant sounds of an explosion and muffled yelling* 

     ‘Fuck! Someone’s throwing spells around over there. It sounds like it’s coming from the top floor of the manor,’

*sounds of hard breathing and pounding footsteps as the caller runs down a gravel path*

     ‘Mr. Lupin, the auror corps has been mobilised. They’re sending over a contingent now,’

     ‘Thank you. Stay on the line for now, please,’

*a door creaks open and footsteps are heard running. The noise suddenly doubles in intensity*

     ‘I’m approaching the danger zone, prepare for action —’

     ‘—fucking bastard of a son deserves less than this! Stop trying to intervene Severus; you’re a traitor and shouldn’t have stepped foot in my home!’ ‘Depulso!’

*crashing noises, and the sounds of something heavy flying through the air*

     ‘Theo, run!’ 

*a loud bang*

     ‘Remus, help!’ ‘Expelliarmus!’

     ‘I’m here now, Harry! Draco, duck!’ 

     ‘You son of a bitch!’ ‘Bombarda!’ 

*more explosions, a high pitched scream, and more shouts*

     ‘Shit, shit, shit… Confringo!’

*a barely heard whimper*

     ‘Sir, is anyone injured?’

     ‘Diffindo!’ ‘THEO’ 

*A low grunt, and then a cry of surprise*

     ‘Snape, turn around!’

     ‘SNAPE! Protego!’

*a thud, and the sound of someone hitting the ground, followed by indecipherable cussing*

     ‘Sir?’

     ‘SNAPE! You fucking piece of shit, how dare you touch him! I’m gonna —’ ‘Harry, stop!’ 

*sounds of a bodily struggle* 

     ‘RON, let me go!’ ‘No, Harry, stop struggling!’ ‘Theo’s over there, I have to get to him —’

*the sound of door blasting open and window glass shattering, heavy boots striking the ground as many people enter the space*

     ‘This is the Auror Corps. Mr. Nott, you are hereby under arrest,’

*muffled sounds of a mild struggle*

     ‘Mr. Lupin, I repeat, is anyone hurt? Remus? St. Mungo’s needs to know!’

     ‘Yes, Pansy. Severus has suffered severe wounds and is losing blood rapidly. Theo has serious bruising and curse marks, and Draco and Ron are injured. We’re on our way to St. Mungo’s, please let them know.’

*moans of pain in the background, someone is sobbing uncontrollably*

     ‘Yes, sir.’

     ‘I’m going to hang up now, Pansy,’

     ‘Okay. See you all soon.’

Call ended

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

slyth_queen: @pyroCalled Dean I need u to tell mungos we have injured wixen on their way

EyeCandy: Shit

localPyro: fuckballs

pyroCalled: alright

pyroCalled: done. Any details?

slyth_queen: severe blood loss from one individual, curse and abusive to another, minor injuries to a couple others

pyroCalled: the healers say thank you, they’re prepared as possible

slyth_queen: thanks Dean

pyroCalled: yep

EyeCandy: Nev and I’ll be at Mungos as soon as possible

localPyro: I have to stay home and watch my little cousins, but keep me in the loop

LetMeLovePlants: for sure

slyth_queen: fuck mione please be okay

slyth_queen: please, everyone be okay

Direct Message from slyth_queen to ch4osCanine

slyth_queen: are you Lupin’s partner?

ch4osCanine: yes why

slyth_queen: its a long story but he, snape, harry, and a few others are in danger

ch4osCanine: oh no

slyth_queen: they’re being taken to St. Mungos

slyth_queen: Harry and Lupin seem ok

ch4osCanine: Snape? The others?

slyth_queen: less certain

ch4osCanine: thank you so much for letting me know

ch4osCanine: I can’t thank you enough

slyth_queen: no problem

slyth_queen: go be with them and let me know how they all r?

ch4osCanine: will do

ch4osCanine: thank you very much, @slyth_queen

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

EyeCandy: so update from one of the healers

slyth_queen: yes?

EyeCandy: Snape got hit bad, but he’s ok. they had to give him blood replenishing potions and mend a nasty slice to his abdomen but he’s sleeping now. Draco has some bruising and magical exhaustion but he’s sleeping too. Harry got some scrapes but he’s ok. Same for Hermione. 

slyth_queen: what abt Theo

EyeCandy: He’s the worst, his mental is all sorts of fucked up cause of his fucking asshole father

pyroCalled: poor Theo :(

slyth_queen: his physical though?

EyeCandy: his dad beat him up, he’s bruised and has some broken bones, and a curse that the curse breakers are working on right now. I dont know what kind it was, and they wont tell me more yet

slyth_queen: fuck

localPyro: is there anyone who can get the info? 

EyeCandy: dont think so. No family since his dad’s in custody now

EyeCandy: I know draco and narcissa would be happy to take him in, but we’ll see

slyth_queen: im exhausted now

EyeCandy: Adrenaline rush running out?

slyth_queen: yeah ig

EyeCandy: You can take a nap, Pans. Everyone’s going to be ok

localPyro: true. And in no small part thanks 2 u, @slyth_queen

slyth_queen: aww

EyeCandy: He’s right 

slyth_queen: ok ok ill try to sleep 4 a bit

slyth_queen: call me w updates?

EyeCandy: Of course

pyroCalled: Shay same with u ill be home in a bit

localPyro: rly?

pyroCalled: yeah. Once Sirius gets here I’m flooding home

localPyro: okkkk im sleepy so 

localPyro: ill take a nap 

EyeCandy: good. You two rest.

pyroCalled: :)

EyeCandy: Dean, can I talk to you in person? 

pyroCalled: yeah I’m in outside harry’s room rn

EyeCandy: be right over

pyroCalled: im not going anywhere

EyeCandy: excellent

Direct Message from ch4osCanine to slyth_queen

ch4osCanine: they’ll be ok

ch4osCanine: hermione will be fine, just a little scraped up, same for Ron. Harry and Draco will be ok, though they needed some more potions and stuff. Snape and Theo i worry about, but they’ll live, and other than mental damage, there shouldn’t be any long term physical effects i think. Also that new dada professor will be ok, just a broken limb or two like snape and Draco had

ch4osCanine: I can’t remember the last time i sent a text that long

ch4osCanine: its a frickin essay

ch4osCanine: oh wait its like 2am rn u should be sleeping

ch4osCanine: im gonna assume ur asleep, and you’ll see the messages later. Thank you so much for your communication, @slyth_queen, its been invaluable.

ch4osCanine: good night :)

Direct Message from DivineFeline to nightConqueror

DivineFeline: So, Octavien, did things work out?

DivineFeline: I know you used to be an auror but I’m still concerned for you and Snape and the children

DivineFeline: Please let everyone be alright, I truly don’t want to have to make the trip out there myself. 

DivineFeline: It’s half past 2 in the morning and I’m quite literally still in my pajamas

DivineFeline: Alright I’m assuming you’re healing, I’ll contact Lupin. Message me when you can.

Direct Message from DivineFeline to starryEyed4him

DivineFeline: Remus, how are things? 

DivineFeline: Oh dear. Someone got hurt, didn’t they

DivineFeline: I’m going to assume that because Octavien didn’t respond to my earlier messages

DivineFeline: Well. I’m going to call St. Mungos and hope someone tells me something, or else I’m going to have to go and find out myself.

Direct Message from DivineFeline to St. Mungos Official

DivineFeline: Hello, can I talk to Pietro Grisham, please?

DivineFeline: It’s Minerva McGonagall from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

St. Mungo’s Official: Let me get Healer Grisham for you, I’ll have him call you in a moment!

DivineFeline: Thank you.

St. Mungo’s Official calling DivineFeline

     “‘Hello, Minerva.’

‘Hello, Pietro. How is everyone?’

     ‘They’re alright. Severus and the Nott boy took it the worst, and the child will need significant time with a mind healer, but physically he’ll be alright. The curse his father threw at him was nasty, one, but the curse breakers managed to get rid of it about thirty minutes ago. He’s asleep now.’

‘No permanent damage?’

     ‘Yeah, they’re all physically ok, or will be within twenty-four hours,’

‘Merlin, I was so worried for them. Heaven knows they’ve all been through enough…’

     ‘Yes, indeed. They’ve have the best care though, that I can assure you, Minerva,’

‘And I’m ever so grateful, Piet. I truly am. Would you be amenable to tea on the weekend? I’ve a new box of leaves from Mahoutokoro’s herbologist that I want to open,’

     ‘I’d be honoured, Minerva,’ 

‘Piet…You know what I’ve said about my name…’

     ‘My apologies. Min, you know I’d love to see you. We rarely have time anymore, what with your position at Hogwarts and my job at St. Mungo’s…’

‘I know, I know. But, please, mark you calendar, Pietro. I miss you dearly — it’s been ever so long,’

     ‘Of course, my dear. Anything for you,’

‘I’ll see you in a few days, then?’

     ‘Yes, you will. I wouldn’t miss it for the world,’

‘Alright. Remember to eat something, yes? I’ll talk to you soon,’

     ‘I will. Talk soon, Min. Sending kisses!’

‘Aww, Pietro…’

     ‘Love you too, darling,’

‘Love you as well.’

Call ended

Direct Message from EyeCandy to LetMeLovePlants

EyeCandy: Nev? 

LetMeLovePlants: hey babe!

EyeCandy: I knew you’d probably be awake for your garden 

LetMeLovePlants: u know me too well

EyeCandy: Ok so could you potentially floo over to Mungos with a change for me? Andmaybeacofffeetooplease

LetMeLovePlants: oh blaise

LetMeLovePlants: of course I can!!

LetMeLovePlants: let me make u a cup and ill be right over <3

EyeCandy: Oh one more thing

LetMeLovePlants: my dick?

EyeCandy: OMG

EyeCandy: no but please bring that too

LetMeLovePlants: ;)

EyeCandy: I talked to Dean, and he hasn’t eaten in ages. You know how the hospital food is, can you bring a bagel or tart or something for him?

LetMeLovePlants: absolutely

LetMeLovePlants: i actually made a batch of bagels yesterday, remember?

EyeCandy: thank Merlin for you, Nev. You’re literally heaven sent

LetMeLovePlants: ik

LetMeLovePlants: to fuck you, obviously 

EyeCandy: 0///0

LetMeLovePlants: as if u haven’t been fantasising about that since u left the house

EyeCandy: what can i say? My boyfriend is hot as hell, super sexy, and can fuck my brains out

LetMeLovePlants: you forgot ‘can tie you up in knots and make you beg’

EyeCandy: My bad, my bad

LetMeLovePlants: you’re going to punished for that later >:)

EyeCandy: please, Nev, anything 

LetMeLovePlants: xxx

EyeCandy: xoxo

Chapter Text

Direct Message from pyroCalled to LetMeLovePlants

pyroCalled: Neville, Blaise told me you flood over these bagels, and I wanted to thank you

pyroCalled: I seriously dont know what I’d have done without the food

LetMeLovePlants: im glad you enjoyed them! and thank you for everything you’ve done for our friends tonight 

pyroCalled: It’s been a real team effort

LetMeLovePlants: true

pyroCalled: Blaise should be on his way home soon btw

pyroCalled: He’s talking to Snape right now, he just woke up and Lupin, Sirius, and him are explaining shit to him

LetMeLovePlants: oh yeah how are the other kids

pyroCalled: We’re good. Theo’s gonna be out for a while, he’s on a ton of sleep potions, but the others should wake up soon.

LetMeLovePlants: alright sounds good

pyroCalled: oh Harry just woke up

pyroCalled: I gotta go see him 

LetMeLovePlants: sounds good. tell him we’re thinking of him!

pyroCalled: will do!

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

you_wish: WHATS UP BITCHES

you_wish: WE LIVE AGAIN

LetMeLovePlants: harry im 90% sure u should not be on your phone rn

localPyro: harry istg u woke me up

slyth_queen: HARRY POTTER GO TALK TO UR HEALER

slyth_queen: same Shay

localPyro: got like 45 min nap T-T

you_wish: IM PRETTY SURE IM HIGH ON MEdS

localPyro: yes you fucking are

slyth_queen: i suspect so, harry

EyeCandy: Ok I’m confiscating his phone

you_wish: Nooop[];]\

EyeCandy: yes

slyth_queen: lol

localPyro: Blaise doing the hard work fr

slyth_queen: well at least we know the chosen one is okay

localPyro: just how many times do you think this is gonna happen in the next few hours

slyth_queen: oh Merlin dont even start

localPyro: im saving these texts for life

slyth_queen: fuck yeaah

localPyro: any chance of a nap you think?

slyth_queen: nope

slyth_queen: we’re gonna be spammed with texts now since they’re all getting out of medical and receiving their phones

localPyro: well

localPyro: 45min it is ig

slyth_queen: 45min more than the others got tho

localPyro: lol real

Direct Message from EmpressCissa to sacred_potter

EmpressCissa: Draco I heard you’re awake? After quite the evening, too!

sacred_potter: Hello mother

sacred_potter: I’m safe. Just some bruises 

EmpressCissa: I’m sorry I can’t be there right now. You know I would be if I could

EmpressCissa: I hate the thought of you in medical, alone

sacred_potter: Oh Mother you know it’s fine

sacred_potter: I’m no toddler now

EmpressCissa: I suppose

EmpressCissa: But I despise feeling helpless

sacred_potter: I know

EmpressCissa: And Theo? How does he fare?

sacred_potter: he’s on all the potions to keep him unconscious 

EmpressCissa: Poor dear :(

sacred_potter: Aren’t you mad at me?

EmpressCissa: For what?

sacred_potter: er

sacred_potter: running away with Severus, fighting a dude, and getting injured? Ending up in st mungos

EmpressCissa: Yes well

EmpressCissa: We’ll discuss this in person

sacred_potter: oh no

EmpressCissa: Oh yes 

EmpressCissa: For now, focus on healing and being there for your friends.

sacred_potter: thanks Mother

EmpressCissa: Good

EmpressCissa: I raised you right

sacred_potter: :)

EmpressCissa: <3

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

sacred_potter: I see that harry has made his appearance already

slyth_queen: Dray!

localPyro: Draco hey

sacred_potter: My skincare routine got fucked up because of this whole thing

slyth_queen: …

sacred_potter: I mean I’d do it all again but fuck you mr nott

slyth_queen: he’s high isn’t he

localPyro: oh yeah 4 sure

sacred_potter: Pans ur in Paris right

slyth_queen: mhm

sacred_potter: please pick up some of my favourite lotion u know the one

slyth_queen: of course

sacred_potter: yessss

localPyro: priorities i guess

slyth_queen: the cherry and almond scented one or the snowberry and cedar?

sacred_potter: cherry almond 

slyth_queen: sounds good

sacred_potter: thanks pans!

localPyro: so wholesome

localPyro: *wipes away tear*

sacred_potter: I have to go talk to the others now

slyth_queen: go check up on them

sacred_potter: byee

localPyro: bye draco

slyth_queen: dont do anything stupid draco

localPyro: yeah Draco listen to pansy

slyth_queen: lol

Direct Message from EmpressCissa to ch4osCanine

EmpressCissa: Sirius dear, are you at Mungos right now?

EmpressCissa: I just contacted Draco but he’s clearly out of his mind with potions and drugs

ch4osCanine: hi Narcisssa! Im here with the gang

ch4osCanine: they’re alright, no major sustaining injuries aside from Snape and Theo’s mental. Most of the kiddos are just bruised up

EmpressCissa: I suppose it could be worse

EmpressCissa: And Theo’s father is locked up now?

ch4osCanine: er

EmpressCissa: Sirius Black.

ch4osCanine: He’s either captured or dead…I’m not sure entirely?

EmpressCissa: How

EmpressCissa: How do you not know

ch4osCanine: they never really clarified…and i was busy checking all the kiddos

EmpressCissa: hmm

ch4osCanine: sorry?

EmpressCissa: It’s alright I’ll make some calls

ch4osCanine: sounds good

ch4osCanine: this is personal but uhh 

ch4osCanine: why arent you here? 

EmpressCissa: It’s complicated 

EmpressCissa: Please tell Draco I’m thinking of him

ch4osCanine: of course

ch4osCanine: I’ll talk to you soon, cousin

EmpressCissa: It’s been lovely talking to you, Sirius

ch4osCanine: yes! We should do tea together sometime

EmpressCanine: I’d love that!

ch4osCanine: bye Cissa!

EmpressCissa: Bye Sirius

Direct Message from HeadGryffGirl to slyth_queen

HeadGryffGirl: I’m awake and well, Pansy!

slyth_queen: oh thank Merlin 

slyth_queen: sweetheart I was so worried

slyth_queen: Please, please never do that again

HeadGryffGirl: I’m sorry Pans :( 

HeadGryffGirl: I really ought to teach those boys some common sense

slyth_queen: god I dont know how I kept it together

slyth_queen: i was so professional and everything, and the whole time, all I could think of was you in danger

slyth_queen: i kept looking over to the empty space in the bed next to me, where your pink pajamas were in a pile, and think that you should have been by my side

HeadGryffGirl: Oh Pansy

HeadGryffGirl: I’m okay now. I truly am

slyth_queen: thank fuck 

slyth_queen: I dont know what I’d do without you Mione

HeadGryffGirl: And I you

HeadGryffGirl: I’m so proud of you for managing everything 

HeadGryffGirl: You saved us back there, you really did

slyth_queen: after this, we’re really going to settle down in Paris and drink the fanciest fucking wine and go shopping at boutiques until school starts again

HeadGryffGirl: :)

slyth_queen: I need to binge shop for real

HeadGryffGirl: Stress relief is important! And I’ve been looking for some new blouses sooooo

slyth_queen: Yes!!!

HeadGryffGirl: I’m going to go see who else is awake. I’ll talk to you soon?

slyth_queen: Of course

HeadGryffGirl: I love you to bits!

slyth_queen: Love you too

Chapter Text

S&G_HouseUnity Group Chat

HeadGryffGirl: Everyone is awake and well, aside from Theo. He’s going to be out for at least a day due to the potions they put him on for the mental stuff he went through.

localPyro: thank god you’re all okay

localPyro: I’m honestly done with crazy hogwarts adventures for the rest of my life

slyth_queen: same

HeadGryffGirl: Seamus, Dean is on his way home now, he wanted me to let you know. And Neville, Blaise is also flooing back. Pans, I’ll be in Paris in a half hour

slyth_queen: how’re harry and Draco?

HeadGryffGirl: They’re fine. Snuggling together in a couch beside Professor Snape’s bed.

localPyro: wait is Snape okay?

HeadGryffGirl: Yeah, he just needs some rest. Professor Holloway, the DADA professor, just left medical to go set up a place for Snape to stay while the healing potions wear off, though. They make him a bit tired and loopy, so Holloway is going to monitor him for 24 hours after he’s released.

localPyro: oh I hear the floo

localPyro: talk to you guys soon!

slyth_queen: bye Seamus!

HeadGryffGirl: Bye!

Direct Message from nightConqueror to DivineFeline

nightConqueror: Hello Minerva! I just wanted to let you know that everyone will be fine. Minor injuries were sustained, but within the span of 24 hours most physical effects should have worn off. Skelegrow is a miracle indeed. Theodore will require extensive time with a mind healer, but aside from that we are alright.

nightConqueror: I’m taking Severus to my townhouse near St. Mungos for the next day or two until the effects of the potion he’s on have worn off, but the rest of the children will be going home, again, aside from Theodore. He’ll stay in Mungos a day or two extra.

DivineFeline: Thank you so much for the update, Octavian. I appreciate you letting me know.

DivineFeline: Please do make sure that Severus is mentally alright as well. I’m sure you know an event like this would hit close to home, and he tends to withdraw at times

nightConqueror: Absolutely

nightConqueror: I’ll see you soon, Headmaster

DivineFeline: Thank you again, Professor.

Direct Message from you_wish to HeadGryffGirl

you_wish: hey Mione, I know you just left to be w pansy but i wanted to let u know that Ron and i are heading back to Hogwarts after this

you_wish: Ron’s mum already agreed, and she knows we’ll want to be with Draco and Theo when he wakes up

HeadGryffGirl: sounds good! I’ll see if Pansy wants to go back or not

you_wish: no pressure, obviously. I just wanted you to know

HeadGryffGirl: Molly Weasley really is letting you two go back to school instead of smothering you at home???

you_wish: ik i was so surprised too

you_wish: but you know how close Ron and Theo have gotten. Ron sees him like a younger brother, and he was so worried

you_wish: Molly took one look at him when we got to the Burrow and started packing cookies and cakes up to bring back to the school

HeadGryffGirl: As though the House Elves don’t spoil you all enough already

you_wish: lol

you_wish: see you soon?

HeadGryffGirl: Yep!

Direct Message from sacred_potter to EmpressCissa

sacred_potter: I’m heading back to Hogwarts now with Harry and Ron, Mother

sacred_potter: Theo’s coming along in a bit with Madame Pomfrey to help watch over him since he’s all drugged up on potions

EmpressCissa: I appreciate the update, dear