Chapter Text
The open pack of cigarettes on her nightstand was a mocking reminder of her failure.
Rey had been warned that quitting smoking was hard, but nothing had prepared for how difficult it would actually be. She had started smoking four years ago when she had worked at Maz’s diner. The stress had gotten to her and everyone else she had worked with always went for a smoke on their break. She used to only keep them company, but soon gave into the habit.
It was the third time she tried to quit and the third time she failed. In her defence, Rey had been very drunk the night before and barely even remembered buying the pack of cigarettes. Rose had told her that wasn’t a good enough excuse, especially because Finn had sent the group chat a pretty damning video of Rey the night before.
The shaky camera was pointed at her while Finn’s drunken voice warned her that she shouldn’t be buying more cigarettes because she had made a promise to quit. As a response, Rey had stuck out her tongue and shown him her middle finger before tapping her card onto the card reader and grabbing the pack the clerk had placed on the counter.
The video cut off after that, probably because Finn had been wasted and had pressed the stop button on accident. She dreaded to think what else had transpired and that she had forgotten and Finn had failed to film.
The only upside of the whole thing, was that despite how much she had drunk she was not horribly hungover. She had even managed to eat some lunch and it hadn’t found its way back up.
Rey was laying belly down on her single bed, letting the sun streaming in through the window warm her back. The pink floral sheets she had bought on sale were crumpled beneath her form along with her pillow.
The bedroom, much like her bed, was clean but untidy. Many of her clothes spilled from her wardrobe onto the wooden floor and the small chair by her desk. The rug next to her bed had been completely swallowed by the piles of fabric.
Rey hadn’t known what to wear to the club the night before and, after an hour’s long call with Rose, she had eventually decided on the first dress she had tried on. It now lay on the floor by the laundry bin along with the high heels she had worn and had given her painful blisters.
Rey bit her nail as she scrolled once more through the article. She realised that even though the nicotine was a big part of not being able to quit smoking, her problem lay as well on how used she had grown to having something in her hand and in her mouth. She needed to replace that need with something else. She needed to address her oral fixation.
It seemed to be a legit study. It had the name of a University in the corner and its logo, an abstract, and a long list of sources. She needed a new method and despite how unusual or unorthodox this one seemed, she was willing to give it a go. Especially since she had tried the nicotine gum, then the patches, then vaping, and even a spinning necklace at one point, but it had only served to make her more antsy, and realise that she was missing the hit of satisfaction only a cigarette could bring her. Lastly, she had tried drinking more water as a replacement for cigarettes and had ended up drinking way too much, which had made her feel sick.
Rey was running out of options and she needed a solution.
The study she had found suggested giving blowjobs as a replacement for her addiction. The article stated that not only did it address the oral fixation but that semen also had some health benefits. She wasn’t too sure about that last part, but she didn't care much about that anyway. The fact that it might help her quit smoking was enough and Rey was willing to try it. Desperate times called for desperate measures and that was definitely a word she’d use to describe herself.
The front door of her shared flat opened and she heard the telltale jingling of her roommate’s keys as he set them into their designated bowl by the entrance.
Rey locked her phone and shoved it into the backpocket of her jeans before opening the door of her bedroom to meet Ben.
He hadn’t joined them the night before because he had been working late, although Rey knew he probably wouldn’t have joined them even if he’d been free. Ben wasn’t a fan of the loud music and the pulsing lights. Although he was the same age as Poe who still absolutely lived to go out clubbing every Friday night, Ben seemed to loathe the idea entirely and blamed it on his old age. Rey found every excuse to bring it up and tease him about it, knowing fully well he hadn’t been much of a party-goer even when he’d been her age ten years ago.
“Hey,” she greeted as he came in. Ben was taking off his shoes and hanging his jacket. He smiled at her when he saw her and the sight always made her melt. He had a nice smile. The kind that made the eyes crinkle and a dimple to appear on his cheek. They were rare occurrences too which only made them all the more special.
Ben opened his arms wide and Rey jogged towards him so she could hug him.
It was a tradition of theirs. It had started in the winter when the rain, the cold, and the shorter days made Rey miserable and Ben had asked if hugging her would make her feel better. She had shrugged her shoulders at the time, unsure if it would or not. Rey wasn’t really a hugger. There hadn't been anyone to do it when she was a child and she had just grown used to going without. But as it turned out, Rey had been wrong about not being a hugger. She liked hugs. Especially Ben’s. He was so wide and tall that he always managed to envelope her in a cocoon of warmth and comfort that shut out the outside world for a few moments. It was bliss.
The hug tradition stuck and that was how, a year or so later, Ben and Rey still hugged each other tight as a greeting.
Rey laced her arms around his middle as his came around her form. Above her, Ben sniffed her and then pulled her away from him with two strong hands on her arms to look her in the eye.
“You smoked,” he stated. There was no judgement in his tone, but Rey shrunk with guilt all the same.
“I was drunk and I don’t even remember buying the pack. I’m back to the start,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.
Rey felt Ben’s arms around her once more. “It’s okay. I know you can do it. It’s just a setback.”
He always managed to make her feel better which was why Rey genuinely believed he might be able to help her with quitting smoking.
She wanted to ask him. She had wanted to form the words, but they refused to get past her throat and she watched, helpless, as he released her and made his way to the kitchen to start cooking dinner.
Their kitchen and living room was an open plan. Rey liked it. It gave the illusion that their place looked bigger than it was. Ben wasn’t a fan. He said it drove him a little insane that they could hear the food cooking while they were sitting on the sofa; and that it made the whole room feel very stuffy after cooking and it wasn’t very hygienic.
Rey didn’t mind the current flat, even if it was a bit small. She felt bad for Ben, though. He was large and tall and he often struggled with the height of the cabinets in the kitchen (she had seen him bang his head more times than she could count), and the tight corridors, narrow doors, and lack of storage space.
She had agreed that they should look for a better place next year once their lease reached its end even if she was happy there. In all fairness, Rey would probably be content living wherever—she wasn’t picky and definitely not a hard to please person—as long as she wasn’t back in the attic-turned-bedroom she had been given at Plutt’s house, she’d be fine.
The fact that she and Ben had made plans to look for a new place together meant that he was happy living with her and wasn’t looking for a new roommate. That was good. It made her feel happy.
Rey followed him reluctantly to the kitchen, feet dragging and her heart hammering in her chest. She climbed onto one of the tall stools and Ben passed her a peeler, a cutting board, and the already washed potatoes.
She started peeling them as Ben chopped vegetables by the stove.
He had his back to her and she watched him as he moved, as his arms flexed with each movement. His wide shoulders stretched his white dress shirt which contrasted sharply with the dark colour of his hair. How Ben was still single was a mystery to Rey, but it certainly worked in her favour, since she wanted his help with her new ridiculous plan.
She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again and tried to get the words out, but found they still wouldn’t. She gave up with a huff and focused on her task of peeling potatoes with renewed vigour, her mind churning with different ways she could voice what she wanted.
Hey, you know how I’m struggling to quit smoking? I think sucking your dick might help me.
Too forward.
We’re friends, right? And friends help one another in times of need. I need your help. I need you to let me suck you off.
Too cringe.
There’s scientific evidence that going down on you will help me quit smoking more easily.
Too impersonal. A little pompous too.
Rey sighed.
There was no good way of bringing it up, or if there was, she hadn’t found it yet.
Once she was done with her task of peeling, she started dicing the potatoes like Ben asked her. They worked in companionable silence, the only sound in the kitchen that of their chopping.
“You’re quieter than usual today,” Ben remarked and damn him for knowing her so well.
“I—I just have something on my mind,” she confessed.
“You can talk to me about it if you want. Maybe I can help?”
Well, yes, you could actually, she wanted to say but shrugged noncommittally instead.
Ben walked towards her to get some of the potatoes. She averted his gaze and bit the inside of her cheek nervously.
Why was she being so weird about this? Rey had once asked a stranger in the middle of the street to check her back because she wasn’t sure if she was bleeding through her jeans, so why couldn't she just ask her roomate and good friend Ben if he would let her suck him off as a way to help her quit smoking? It wasn’t like it would be a one-sided deal. Ben certainly wouldn’t be getting the short end of the stick. And Rey, well, she would be getting his stick. If it was long she didn’t know. She was sure, though, that there were some guys out there who would be throwing themselves at the opportunity.
“Ben?” she asked.
“Yeah?” He didn’t turn his back and kept working on his vegetables. Maybe that was for the best. She could do this without having to look him in the eye.
“I was wondering if you’d like to help me with something. I read an article that said this method could help me quit smoking.”
“Rey, of course. You know I’ll do anything to help you,” he looked back at her with a reassuring smile and Rey smiled back before training her gaze on her lap once more. She twirled her fingers nervously together.
“So what do you need from me? Do you need me to pinch you every time you reach for a cigarette? Spray you with water?”
Rey laughed. A too loud and shrill sound that seemed to reverberate through the kitchen, or maybe it was all in her head, since Ben hadn’t turned to look back at her with a weird look.
While looking at the back of his head, Rey said in one single breath, “Ineedyoutoletmesuckyourdick.”
“What?” he asked as he set the knife down, his attention very clearly still on the task at hand, and started putting all the vegetables into a pot.
“I NEED YOU TO LET ME SUCK YOUR DICK!”