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Ed is dreading the premiere of Enticement tonight.
Don’t get him wrong, he’s very proud of the movie and can’t wait for the world to see it. The pundits are predicting he may be in the awards conversation.
It’s just that he’s not sure he can stand to watch the full movie.
He’s seen the trailer several times, and there’s one shot of his character writing a letter that had him running from the room and hyperventilating. It’s a scene he’d filmed during The Dark Time, the week after Stede had left him. Thinking about that time still hurts like hell, even though they got back together the following weekend.
Now Ed is sitting in the limo on the way to the premiere ready to chew his freshly manicured fingernails right off. He’s alone. Not in the larger sense, but Stede has been away in Atlanta filming Life Begins Again. He had planned to meet Ed at the premiere, coming right from the airport. Last Ed had heard, though, the flight was running late. Ed sent his assistant to meet Stede at LAX with his clothes for the premiere, but it’s likely he'll miss the red carpet.
He knows Stede is on his way, but despite that, despite the happy intervening months, despite all the therapy, despite his many words of love and acts of devotion, there’s a small part of Ed, deep down inside, that fears that Stede won’t come back.
He’ll be there he’ll be there he’ll be there.
The limo pulls up to the theater. The paps are already circling like sharks, and Ed’s not eager to face the inevitable questions about Stede’s whereabouts. They were both popular on their own before they became a couple in the public eye, but it’s nothing to how popular they are now, especially since Out dubbed them the latest Hollywood Queer Supercouple.
While Ed is glad he made the film, he’s starting to want to move on from acting a bit. He’s more famous now than he was before Stede, if possible, but he’s a little tired of it all, if he’s honest. Since they’ve done a lot of therapy in the past eight months, Stede knows Ed feels this way. Their communication skills have improved a lot with a lot of hard work on both their parts.
Overall, with Stede at his side and plans for him to do more stuff behind the camera, Ed is the happiest he’s ever been.
But not tonight. Tonight, he’s scared shitless of reliving the worst week of his life.
Ed takes a deep breath, plasters a large smile on his face, and steps out of the car.
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Eight months earlier
Monday
Ed looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes are puffy and red, but of course, makeup will help with all that.
He has to get through the week. Has to. No choice. His career is on the line. Of course, he’s worked under all kinds of conditions: hungover, even still drunk in his younger, wilder days. Sick. And yes, heartbroken.
But never when the love of his life, who is also his best friend, walked out on him with no explanation twenty-four hours beforehand. He’s heard from Lucius that Stede knows he was wrong and wants to talk, but that will only confuse Ed and make it harder for him to survive the week.
Ed tries to psych himself up.
You’re real tough, kid, he tells his reflection in the mirror. You know how to fake it till you make it. You’re a killer, bro.
Ed can do this.
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Ed can’t do this. As soon as he gets to his dressing room, memories of Stede come flooding back to him. As soon as the door closes behind him, he falls to his knees, sobbing.
Stede had fucked him the other day, on this very couch, filling Ed perfectly while he screamed his name into the cushion. This is where Stede had whispered “My love” right before Ed came for him.
Stede had called Ed the love of his life when they first got together. So much for that. Ed’s alone, and Stede, as far as Ed knows, is apparently still alive.
If this weren’t the last week of filming, Ed would ask for a dressing room change. He considers it seriously for a moment, but this is a small-budget film where everyone is working their asses off. Ed doesn’t want to be a diva about it.
When it’s his call time, he mops himself up as best he can and heads over to hair and makeup.
Cat the makeup person says, “Wow, rough night, huh?” the moment Ed sits in her chair.
“What? No, fuck off,” Ed replies.
“Geez, it was just a joke,” she says. “I’m guessing your hot boyfriend kept you up late.”
“Shut up!” Ed bursts out.
Cat does his makeup in silence, in contrast to their usual morning chatter. Ed feels awful. He’s not usually the kind of person to treat people on set poorly, but today he’s too heartsore to bring himself to apologize. If he starts to try to explain what happened with Stede, he’ll be unable to make it through the day of filming. They’re on a tight budget here, and Ed can’t delay filming. He owes it to everyone, not to mention himself, to pull himself together. This picture is riding on him—on Will, too, but that guy seems like he’s unfazed by anything life throws at him.
This week, they’re filming a bunch of interior scenes, leading up to the big final love scene later in the week.
“Morning!” Will greets Ed when he gets to set. “Stede get home alright?”
“Oh, he got home, alright,” Ed mumbles.
“What was that?”
“Fucking—nothing,” Ed replies, exasperated already. He wishes Stede had never come to set. “Don’t say his name.”
“Oh, shit, did you guys fight?” Will asks.
“The fuck do you think?” Ed turns away and stomps over to craft services to get a coffee.
That day, they film a scene in which Ed and Will’s characters have a misunderstanding. Ed’s character, St. Claire, is an irritable type, so it’s pretty easy to channel his heartbroken anger and confusion into the scenes.
By the end of the day, the director, Fernando, is in great spirits, which makes one person, at least. Ed has snapped at everyone else, and they’re all avoiding him like the plague between takes. “Looks great, guys!” Fernando says. “Ed, you’re really crushing it today.”
“Fucking perfect,” Ed mutters before he stomps off.
Ed goes home, forces himself to eat takeout Chinese, and cries himself to sleep. Four more days to go.
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Tuesday
When Ed wakes up, he’s determined that Tuesday will go better than Monday. A person can only cry so much, after all, and crying won’t bring Stede back.
Ed will not cry today.
He has a new plan. He’s just going to pretend the last year since Stede moved in next door never happened. It’s not a great long-term strategy by any means, but it’s just for a few more days. Ed can pretend for a few days, right? He’s an actor, and a good one, too. Pretending is kinda the job.
Ed makes it out the door of his rented apartment and all the way through the drive to set without a single tear shed. So far, so good.
When he gets to his dressing room, he falters for a moment when he sees that fucking couch again. He takes a deep breath and stares at it. “You’re just a couch,” he says to it. “You can’t hurt me.”
But what’s that there, between the cushions? A splash of red fabric? Ed moves towards it before he can stop himself, his mind screaming Stop! No, go back!
Ed picks it up. It’s a red handkerchief, made of the finest linen. Stede’s handkerchief. Ed remembers him mopping his brow with it after they made love here. His hand trembling, Ed holds it to his nose, inhaling a woodsy floral scent. Stede’s cologne.
Unbidden, memories of being close to Stede overwhelm Ed now. Not just sex but hugging and snuggling. Feeling safe and warm and happy. He hadn’t imagined any of that. It had all really happened. But maybe his memories are deceiving him in some way. None of it meant as much to Stede as Ed thought it had. Even if he’s sorry now, he’s walked out so fucking easily at the first sign of trouble.
Ed falls onto the couch, devastated. He wills himself to cry—if it’s going to happen he’d like it to be over with by call time—but the tears won’t come. And ah, fuck, this is even worse than crying somehow. It’s like the emotional equivalent of blue balls.
Be careful what you wish for, Eddie.
Later on, Ed films some solo scenes in which he’s writing a passionate letter of apology to Will’s character. He has to portray how an uptight character is finally willing to yield and admit he was in the wrong for the sake of love. It’s meant to be a cathartic moment.
In the final take, a few unscripted tears fall from Ed’s eyes onto the page. Fernando’s pleased, but he, like everyone else, is avoiding talking to Ed. “Print!” he yells.
Ed goes home, eats leftover Chinese, and falls into bed. This time, he has a deeper appreciation of his ability to cry himself to sleep.
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Wednesday
Ed wakes up once more with puffy eyes, and for a moment he thinks he’s living through a Groundhog Day situation. But no, when he looks at his phone, he sees that the date on the calendar has in fact advanced.
Time might be moving forward, but Ed is still in his own personal hell. It’s starting to feel like he’ll never be free of it, and that’s fucking frustrating, actually. Today, the tears start again in the shower, but hey, that’s convenient, at least, since the tears wash right away.
He cries most of the day when he’s not in makeup and costume, but now he’s crying mostly because he’s tired of crying, like an overtired toddler. Is this what they call a crying jag?
Ed channels the frustration into his acting, nailing a really big, tense scene with Drew, the guy who plays the rival love interest for Will’s character and is the villain of the story. In the scene, Ed calls him out for his misdeeds. It’s one of the best days of acting Ed’s had during the entire shoot. He’s getting the hang of this acting-while-heartbroken thing.
Heartbroken? Nah. Not strong enough. What’s worse than heartbreak? Heart obliteration?
Ed wishes it weren’t necessary to push through like this.
That night, he almost succumbs to the temptation to unblock Stede’s number. It would complicate things right now, but Ed longs for the sound of his voice. His touch would be better, but Ed would settle for the sound of his voice. He imagines Stede apologizing, voice contrite, begging for his forgiveness. Ed’s not god’s strongest soldier—he’d be sure to forgive Stede immediately. He’s too in love, even after the pain. The remnants of his crushed heart belong to Stede and probably will forever.
But what if this happens all over again? Stede might be sorry now, but they’re both going to remain in the public eye. If they can’t agree about going public, it will destroy them. Ed is simply unwilling to keep his love for Stede quiet long-term. He won’t be treated like a dirty secret.
Not that he really thinks Stede sees him that way; Ed even believes that Stede loves him, at least somewhat. But Stede’s going to continue grappling with his increased fame. Ed doesn’t want to be collateral damage while Stede gets his shit together. He has too much self-respect for that. And besides, he will not survive being hurt like this again.
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Thursday
Ed has been ignoring Izzy’s calls all week. The last thing he needs now is to deal with Izzy haranguing him about stupid shit. Then Izzy texts him during a break in filming and mentions that he’d told Stede they shouldn’t go to the GLAAD awards together.
Ed calls him back and is pissed that he fires him. The outright anger feels good, if he’s honest, after days of misery.
Ed thinks he understands a bit now why Stede bolted. Izzy manipulated him, undermining his already shaky confidence. For the first time, Ed can see that he’d been in the wrong, too. Stede had wanted to talk about this stuff, and Ed had put him off.
There’s one way to find out if he’s right. He unblocks Stede’s number.
When Ed listens to and reads the hundreds of messages Stede has left him, he cries again. But this time, the sadness is mixed with hope. Ed’s still deeply hurt by Stede’s actions, but he knows now for sure that he’s deeply sorry and is willing to work on things. Ed fucked up too, and like Stede, he’d do anything to fix things. Stede is more than worth the work.
Ed needs to be sure, though, before he lets Stede back into his life. He’ll wait and see how Stede reacts to him at the GLAAD awards before he decides what to do. If Stede avoids him in public, then Ed will have his answer about whether their relationship can survive fame.
But Ed has hope now, and somehow that’s almost more painful than no hope, due to the uncertainty. But he clings to it with his entire being nevertheless.
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Friday
It’s hard to concentrate now that he knows he’ll see Stede again on Sunday, but Ed manages to turn all that off when the camera is rolling. Ed puts his emotions into his performance in the big love scene, pouring all of himself into it: the hope, the fear, the frustration, the longing. The more detached, cynical part of Ed knows that this is the defining performance of his career so far.
Finally, when the characters have confessed their love and kissed one another, Ed pulls off his greatest acting trick of all: a genuine-looking smile.
When they wrap the scene, the last one of the entire shoot, everyone on set bursts into wild applause for Ed and Will. Ed is moved by this, especially since he’s been an asshole all week, though he has been slowly making the rounds to apologize today.
A part of him still kind of wants to crawl into a hole and die. But a larger part of him wants to live. To see where his career takes him next. To see if he and Stede can make things work.
As Ed gets ready for the wrap party that night, he wonders if his performance would have been so strong if his heart hadn’t been broken. He likes to believe it would, especially as he’s never going through this ever again. He can always tap into these feelings for future performances, though.
No matter what happens with Stede at the GLAAD awards, Ed has been forever changed by the past week without him. It remains to be seen whether that’s a good or a bad thing.
For the moment, at least, his heart is slowly knitting itself back together.
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Present Day
The red carpet is miserable and annoying without Stede. Ed’s always found all the lights and sound overwhelming. So does Stede, but they’ve found they both stick it out much better together, providing support and cover for each other.
Posing with Will is distracting. He’s an incorrigible flirt, and full of jokes. Ed’s fond of him, and it provides a nice distraction from his anxiety.
And from the annoying questions. “Where’s Stede?” reporter after reporter yells.
“Flying back from shooting Life Begins Again! He’ll be here later!” Ed explains about fifty times.
They ask a bunch of other inane shit, but Ed’s got all his canned responses at the ready, and he hardly has to think about what he’s saying. It’s automatic at this point—the cameras are out, and you smile and do the thing and say the thing so that everyone will love you. Again and again forever.
Ed loves acting, but maybe it’s just as well he’s moving into producing and directing. Love of My Life Productions already has a few projects in the pipeline. Then again, even if he’s behind the scenes, Ed won’t be any less famous, not while he and Stede are the darlings of Hollywood. It’s a small price to pay for being loved out loud, in public, but the most wonderful, sexiest man in the world.
If Stede hasn’t fucked off for good tonight, that is.
(Ed knows he hasn’t, truly he does, but the fear is slowly seeping through his veins like poison no matter what the rational part of his mind says.)
By the time Ed gets into the theater, he’s a nervous wreck. He checks the flight tracking info on his phone. It looks like the plane’s landed, but with LA traffic, Ed doesn’t think Stede will be here in time for the movie to start. Ed debates texting him but decides he doesn’t want to distract him from running through the airport or something.
Which Ed totally believes Stede is absolutely doing right now.
But fuck, Ed can’t watch Enticement without Stede. Just flat-out cannot do it. He’ll start blubbering at his own movie, and then the headlines tomorrow on TMZ will be all about how Stede abandoned Ed at his movie premiere. Maybe Ed can wait till the lights go down and then sneak off to the bar. There’s gotta be a bar in this place, right?
Just then, a hand captures Ed’s, and a welcome voice whispers in his ear, “Hello, my love.”
Stede!
Ed turns and allows himself to be pulled into a crushing hug followed by a sweet kiss before pulling back to look at him. Stede is here, a miracle in a lovely but understated navy suit holding a gorgeous bouquet of deep purple calla lilies.
“How—” Ed begins.
Stede looks gleeful. “I took a helicopter ride from the airport—like the billionaires do! I wore a headset and everything!” He grins. “I knew I’d miss the carpet but I wanted to be sure to be here when the movie started. Had Lars get the flowers.”
The fucking madman. Ed has to kiss him again about that. His go-to move in these situations is to pull Stede toward the restrooms in situations like this, especially since he doesn’t need to get papped shoving his tongue down his boyfriend’s throat. The fans online have enough wank material already, what with all the fics and art about them, and Stede’s occasional thirst posts.
As Ed hauls him away, Stede protests, laughing, “Darling! It’s starting soon!”
“Missed you,” Ed says as they find the bathroom. Too full of people, but there’s an empty alcove around the corner that leads to some offices—perfect.
“Mmmph.” Stede makes a happy little noise when Ed pushes him against the wall and kisses him. It’s Ed’s favorite sound in the world. Well, aside from the moaning. And the whimpering. Ed loves a good Stede whimper.
Ed kisses him hard and long because he needs Stede’s touch more than he needs air right now. He’s careful not to crush the bouquet between their bodies, though, holding it down and away by his side. “Missed you. Wanna suck your cock about it,” he growls against Stede’s lips. It had been two weeks since he visited Stede in Atlanta—far, far too long since he had direct access to that perfect cock.
There’s the whimper. “I’d love that,” Stede replies, already sounding lust-drunk. “But you’re the star of the show, and there’s no time.”
They settle for a couple more minutes of kissing before Ed reluctantly pulls back. Stede smiles at him, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “I missed you so much, my love.”
Ed’s eyes fill with tears, to his horror—it’ll ruin his eye makeup. “Missed you so much,” he mutters, looking down at where Stede has linked their hands together. “Was kinda afraid you weren’t coming back.” Ed shares this, even though he knows it’s absurd because they’ve worked so hard on communication. Ed knows that unexpressed feelings fester.
Stede grimaces a little as he cups Ed’s face. “I will always come back to you,’ he says. “Always. I promise. It’s my fault you feel this way—”
“Stede—” He’s apologized so many times. He shouldn’t need to again. Ed feels a little guilty for not being fully over the heartbreak when Stede has worked so hard on their relationship since.
“No, I will say it as much as you need to hear it. Every day for the rest of our lives if I need to. I love you. I’m here. I’m all in.”
Ed gets pulled in for another crushing hug. The moment Stede’s arms wrap around him again, more tension melts out of his body. “Can’t believe you took a helicopter to get here,” he mumbles into Stede’s shoulder.
“I would have parachuted from that plane if I had to,” Stede says. “This night is so important for you. And after what we discussed, I wasn’t letting you sit in that theater alone.” He looks down. “I should have found a way to fly back yesterday. Next time, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll do better by you, I promise.”
Even though Stede has been away the past few weeks, he’s been dedicated to keeping their therapy appointments by Zoom. During one of those sessions, Ed had told Stede and Oluwande, their therapist, how he was afraid the movie would remind him too much of being heartbroken. After that, when the premiere date was finalized, Stede had gotten his filming schedule moved around so he could leave today. Ed knows yesterday wouldn’t have been possible unless Stede flew home for a night and then back to Atlanta the next day.
“Hey, you did your best,” Ed replies. “The effort you made is what’s important to me. Not your fault the flight was so late.” He smiles at Stede. “Really fucking glad you’re here though, babe. How was the last day?”
“Good, but we’ll talk about it tomorrow. This is your night, Mr. Movie Star. Shall we?” Stede gently moves Ed back from the wall and offers his arm.
Ed takes it. “We shall.”
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Watching the movie isn’t as bad as Ed had feared, not with Stede by his side. Yes, the memories hurt—he has a full-on flashback to sitting on the couch with the red handkerchief—but Ed is able to sit with them. Stede had told him he could squeeze his hand as much as possible, and doing that helped Ed feel more grounded during the more painful moments.
He loves me. He’s here. He’s all in.
Mostly, Ed enjoys watching Stede watch the movie. His reactions are adorable: gasps at the surprises, sighs at the romance, makes little “hmmph” noises at the villain.
When the credits start rolling, the theater bursts into applause.
Stede’s cheers loudly. Then he leans over and says, “I’m so proud of you, Ed. I know you’d be incredible, but that was just beyond…” Stede’s too moved to finish the thought. He pulls out the red handkerchief, which Ed had returned to him, and wipes his eyes. Then he leans even closer and growls, “I’m going to suck your cock about it. Later.”
A shiver runs down Ed’s spine.
Ed has observed over the years that most Hollywood couples fail because of jealousy over different levels of fame, coupled with too much time spent apart. He and Stede have a plan for the latter. As for the former, Ed’s not worried. He and Stede have had their issues, but they unfailingly support each other’s endeavors without envy.
There is no one else in the world Ed would rather navigate fame with.