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Chapter Text

The sea breeze danced itself surrounding Casterly Rock. The Lord of Casterly Rock, Tywin Lannister, stood by the window as he stared at the deep blue ocean of the West. His mind is full of troubles, layering on top of one another. Cersei Lannister, his eldest daughter, has always been so fiery. At a young age, she has been very outspoken, and unyielding. Her bright green eyes were filled with ambition. But today, she was the opposite of everything he had known, after a night had fully changed her. She was often in her room, sitting in silence as she shut out all the people. She didn’t cry after that night, eat, or walk on the sand by the beach. She was just quiet.

The lord of the West clenched his jaw as he balled his fists. The lord has faced many battles, disappointments, and trials in his life, including the death of his wife. However, that one fateful night he had never anticipated to happen led him to further distress witnessing its effect on his daughter. The silence of his study broke when someone knocked on his door, Tywin without turning his head said with a commanding voice, “Enter.”

Tywin was only met with silence until someone opened the door. He turned his head to see his youngest son, Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion entered as he slowly assessed the mood in the room before saying something.

"Father," Tyrion began slowly, "Cersei’s and my departure to Harrenhal is all prepared now."

Tywin had received an invitation from Lord Whent regarding him hosting a tourney in Harrenhal in honor of his daughter’s name day. He sighed as he stepped back and paced shortly towards his desk. The letter of invitation sprawled on the oak table. Initially, Tywin ignored the invitation believing his attendance was not needed. However that fateful night changed his decision, and Tywin had considered having the House Lannister attend. The thought of Cersei meeting other high-ranking lords and ladies might distract her - or even forget brought the slightest comfort for Tywin.

Tywin looked at his son then nodded, "Good. Inform your sister." His expression was still so hard that it would make Tyrion gulp.

Tyrion hesitated. His sister was often hard on him. Cersei hasn’t softened her heart to her younger brother. She would look at him with disdain, usually holding him responsible for the death of their mother.

But Tyrion only nodded and said curtly, “Yes, father.”

Cersei was in her room sitting on her soft velvet chaise, her elbow resting on the window sill and her other hand supporting her chin. As her eyes fixated on the horizon, her long golden curls flowed on her back and were swayed by the salted wind. She learned of the tourney and how her father wanted to send her there together with her brother. She never wished to be away from her room. Her room was her haven, away from the people. She sighed heavily. She had no choice, ever since she was born all her actions were dictated. What her father said was to be done with no questions.

Cersei had once desired to learn more than any womanly hobbies, aside from singing, dancing, sewing, pleasing people, and the like. For her to learn skills in sword fights and archery, Cersei had to find and create ways. Learning to be resourceful at a young age by wearing her twin's clothes and pretending as him was a bitter thought to her. Something a child should not even be thinking of when she should share the same rights as her twin.

Being born as a woman was difficult when the dreaded days began as Cersei's body started to betray her. She then returned to learning from her aunt when she couldn't hide the changes in her body while her twin also had grown into a man. Developing such skills was out of the picture now. It's impossible to do such things when every day she's heavily guarded by her aunt. She then stopped making any attempt to join the lessons to avoid getting herself in trouble. While her brother and other men train, she would just observe from her window while her resentment grew. 

---

As Cersei had expected, the travel to Harrenhal was not only arduous but it made her irritated and fussy like she was a child being deprived of her regular playtime to study instead. The carriage rattled along the winding road to Harrenhal, its wheels clattering over uneven stones. Inside, Cersei Lannister sat silently, her green eyes staring at the passing countryside. Across from her, Tyrion, her dwarf brother, lounged comfortably as he observed his sister. Since the journey, Cersei hasn’t spoken even a single word, and not even a sigh escaped her lips. Cersei's hands lay folded in her lap, and behind her poised exterior, her mind was already racing with many thoughts. Her shoulders were tense and her back was always straightened. She was used to it. Being poised and presentable as always was strictly implemented in her. Cersei's thoughts can not also be easily expressed or it may lead her to say the wrong things again and that could earn a harsh consequence. Mental abuse. Physical abuse. 

Death of her mother. Absence of her father. Hatred birthed in her soul when she let cruelty and jealousy consume her. It would sometimes hurt her chest after feeling so much anger that she didn't know what it felt like to breathe freely. Her life of only ten and six was full of sins. Cersei knew she heavily sinned by always punishing people who did her wrong or offended her. Years ago, she had the guards harm a nine-year-old because the girl stole a necklace. One command to the guards, they would follow with no hesitations. Her recognition of her privilege to have power over untitled or poor people made her greedy. Did her act of inflicting pain on others cause her harm and object of constant harassment from older men? A Lannister always pays their debts. Did she pay for those debts already? Cersei did not know the right answer. However, she understood that being violated by men was deserved, it was the payment. Jaime had failed her the most. When he should be there in times of need. He was charming, strong, so good-looking. He wasn't so ignorant or stupid. He was well-educated but Cersei wondered why couldn't he understand her defiance. Targaryens always wed their sister and brother, Jaime often said to her. Cersei ignored his advances or his implications, it was taboo. Taboo and immoral. She was immoral too by hurting innocent people. However, it was Jaime who had crossed the line with sibling affection through his subtle actions and words. That night, Jaime acted like he was deaf when Cersei repeatedly complained as she tried to push him away. Jaime was strong, she wasn't. She then cursed the heavens for making her believe they were equal as twins. In reality, they were not. 

The vulnerability of a woman had been following her throughout her life like a shadow. Not to mention how it would eat her whole, especially in the presence of powerful men. No one had shielded her from it, not even her father, Tywin Lannister. He may be always strict and stern but he seemed to possess more judgment than protection. Cersei even believed that her father's decision to send her to Harrenhal wasn’t his act of protection. It was likely his prevention from Cersei leading to further disassociation. Cersei's fists clenched involuntarily, nails digging into her palms at the thought of him making the possibility of presenting her as a pawn and endorsing other powerful lords as their bride prospects. She hid her confused and chaotic thoughts by maintaining her grace and calmness. 

Cersei grew up knowing that the only way to survive this world is to disregard love and possess power. There’s no place or time for love anyway. Not even for oneself. She was used to raising herself and being alone. Be independent enough to navigate the world. Her world is Casterly Rock only. Love. One could wonder. She pondered perhaps her mother could have shown her love and warmth if only the heavens had not claimed her so early. How could someone express love and warmth when one did not receive it? Where was love to be properly given if jealousy and hate existed? She knew she was not capable as it would be so difficult. Regarding herself so highly was a complete joke when in reality, she didn't love herself. Despite people, especially her father, depriving her of little compassion, she could start by empathizing and being compassionate to others. She could at least try. If she stopped herself from giving pain, then maybe the heavy consequences of her actions would have ceased. There will be no more debts to pay.

As Cersei grew impatient and restless when her legs started to feel numb from all the hours of sitting. Tyrion was quiet as he looked at her. Cersei had this unexplainable remorse towards her brother. Their father had her so brainwashed, making her believe Tyrion caused their mother’s demise. The guilt of hating him may just be because did not look like her or Jaime gnawed at her. Yet, it was only her brother who showed much compassion to her. He did not deprive her of it, so then she might not deprive him of it. Might.

Cersei then stared blankly at her brother. Tyrion had his legs dangling on the edge of his seat. She scowled and rolled her eyes as she sighed, “Feeling comfortable, brother?” 

Tyrion was surprised to hear his sister speak to him despite her scowl. He cleared his throat and said, “Yes, sister. Are you?”

Cersei was not comfortable anymore in this lengthy travel, wearing a dress, as her legs started to feel like they were not part of hers. She relaxed her face by pursing her lips and closed her eyes. With her soft and elegant voice, she replied, “I can not feel my legs and I am also famished, so no brother. Comfort is non-existent.” 

Tyrion narrowed his eyes slightly, of course, his sister would feel the hunger creep in. She has not eaten properly since that night. He would rather not mention it to her due to the purpose of bringing her in Harrenhal was to make her forget. But before he could even reply, Cersei continued to say, “I have been getting nightmares lately. Though not every night, often they visit me in my troubled sleep.” Her soft voice did not match the fear in her eyes.

So he asked carefully, “Were these nightmares too realistic for you?”

Cersei nodded slowly, she had been scared for a while that it might be a rendition of her future. She did not want it, “Yes as far as I could remember. Three children with Jaime while I was married to a King. It's a sin. A sin that cannot be redeemed.” 

Tyrion's jaw dropped, sinking in her words as his eyes blinked fast. He did not want to scare her more.

To be a queen was one of Cersei's ambitions. Having so much power, ruling the seven kingdoms throughout Westeros, and being married to a king who could be so manly and protective and could provide the love and warmth she had been longing for was anything Cersei could ever dream of. But to have bastard children with her twin and one day lead to her house’s downfall was a nightmare.  The thought of the consequences of her sin would one day return to her - or double. The thought of losing all her power, wealth, and beauty was also a nightmare itself. All over a sin that could be prevented.

As she said those, Cersei immediately straightened her back hiding any fear that could be seen. Vulnerability and fear were seen as weaknesses, so she did not dare to show it. “Don’t mention anything of this specific dream outside. What I have told you in here, remains in this carriage,” she hissed as she glared at her brother. 

Tyrion faced his sister, nightmares are often ignored especially at their age. They were not young kids anymore, however, it was clear in Cersei’s voice how serious she was on the matter. So Tyrion confided, “Of course, you don’t have to worry. Those are just silly nightmares, you control your fate.” 

Yes, Cersei knew she could control her fate. A lioness can. However, her options would run dry whenever she gave herself agency as a second later her father would tear it away, making his own decisions to navigate Cersei’s life. She wondered if in her life she could be the lioness she wanted to be.

---

The carriage and the Lannister entourage finally halted as Cersei let out an exasperated sigh. The dreaded journey was over as Cersei stepped out after Tyrion who offered his hand to assist her from stepping down. Cersei straightened her dress and her back trying to stretch out her lower back muscles that ached throughout. Her legs were shaking slightly as she tried to walk after hours of sitting. Not one smile had etched her face yet, she was still tired and annoyed. Yet, when she observed how alive Harrenhal was with different banners raised with the sigils representing the different houses, her lips curved slightly. She was scanning the place as her eyes landed on different knights, noble ladies and lords, and their entourage and bannermen. 

Cersei had then thought a change in scenery aside from her ocean view would distract her. The tourney having to last for days may be a balm for her then maybe her father would take her seriously. Tyrion noticed Cersei’s relaxed demeanor as her shoulders did not look tense and her expression was now readable. He started, “You’ll surely like it here.”

Cersei turned her gaze on her brother who she expected to have that mischievous smile but she was met by a serious expression. She still wore that cordial smile but her words sounded like daggers, “Truly so, brother?”

“It must be or we return to father and he might be forced to do more than send us to witness a tourney,” Tyrion had tried to deliver his words with a jesting tone but his sister only dropped her smile and then walked past him.

---

In the grand courtyard of Harrenhal,  nobles of different houses had started to settle themselves on the raised platforms before the opening ceremony began. The castle was adorned with banners of each house with their sigils. Cersei had observed their house banner and sigil. Red and gold with the lion. She is a lion and no one could ever take that away from her. She was born as such. She observed the courtyard as it was slowly filled with lords and ladies dressed in their finest silk and velvet garments and wearing luxurious jewelry. Her brother, Tyrion, sat beside her. Tyrion was scanning the crowd too when Cersei nudged him softly, “It’s only the first day and you’re already scouring the crowd for fine ladies.” She said with the usual softness but accompanied by a tone of annoyance. 

The crowd was getting louder with the excitement of reuniting with old friends. Tyrion then looked up at his sister who remained poised and regal with her smile. He noted that Cersei might ache her jaw and cheekbones for smiling so often even if it was fake. “I am just simply studying the crowd and I might see an old friend,” Tyrion said as he moved his head closely to her. Cersei only narrowed her eyes slightly and returned to the dais where King Aerys II Targaryen sat under a canopy where Targaryen banners raised. Beside him were his members of the court and the Kingsguard. His son, Prince Rhaegar Targaryen, was also present along with his wife Princess Elia Martell. 

The ceremony seemed to be a bore for Cersei as she let out soft sighs and blinked her eyes from rolling. King Aenys stood up from his seat as he announced, “Today, we shall witness the admission of a new member to the Kingsguard.” Cersei’s eyes widened with the announcement, her eyes suddenly landed on Tyrion with a glare, and her smile was gone as was replaced by a huge scowl on her face. Jaime was here in the tourney too. She knew it was him to be admitted.

Before Tyrion could even say something Cersei hissed, “You never told me he would be attending!” Cersei has already started to feel so agitated as she thought that she was sent in Harrenhal to forget but it was doing the opposite.

Tyrion who had no idea stumbled on his words as he was surprised too, he tried to be careful to say, “I am also bewildered as you sister.” Cersei already feeling suffocated with the overwhelming emotions along with the crowd cheering for her twin brother. She wanted to shout at them how he was a terrible protector and how he could harm the people he should be protecting. Just like her. She didn’t want to witness Jaime’s admission. She felt a huge lump in her throat. Clenching her dress right on her chest, she was heavily breathing as she excused herself from Tyrion and found the exit of the courtyard. She has mastered preventing herself from crying so that was an easy feat but trying to hide a panic attack and conceal it with a calm demeanor was still a struggle.

Needing a moment of solitude, she walked in haste gracefully to the exit, the sound of the crowd slowly fading out as her nerves also slightly calmed. When she rounded a corner, she nearly collided with a group of people. Her tracks halted abruptly as she raised her head to see the Northerners. Her cordial smile returned to her face again, “Forgive me, Lord Stark.” Her eyes then flickered over Lyanna and Eddard who the latter smiled at her while the former only stared narrowly. “I did not see you there,” Cersei added with her smooth voice. 

Brandon Stark was charming as Cersei judged him, her eyes flickering fast. He smiled at Cersei. “No harm done, my lady.” Cersei breathed deeply as she wanted to skip introductions and needed fresh air but she had to act with grace. Before she could greet Lyanna, the Lady Wolf eagerly greeted her, “Lady Cersei.” 

Cersei returned her greetings as she dropped her hand from clenching her chest. Nodding politely, “Lord Brandon, Lord Eddard, Lady Lyanna. We finally met formally.” She still smiled at them. This smile was practiced. The same smile she would wear when it was needed for her to present herself. 

Eddard was always the quiet one Cersei deciphered so she was not expecting any word from him but he inclined his head and said, “My lady.” Cersei wanted to study his features more but Lyanna had ruined her moment when she asked Cersei, “Why are you leaving so early, my lady? We can witness the opening ceremony together.” Cersei felt annoyed because she did not want to be a part of that nonsense or the tourney had more to offer. She wanted to be away. She concealed her annoyance with a smile and calmly said, “I have suddenly felt a wave of fatigue wash over me from the long travel. I’ll stay outside of the courtyard.” 

Lyanna’s smile faltered. Cersei then suddenly felt guilty, which she did not want to consume her. Was this too common for Cersei who seemed to be a people pleaser? But Brandon had started to speak, “Don’t seem to worry little sister, we’ll talk more with Lady Cersei maybe later during the feast?” The Northerners fixed their eyes on Cersei who was now astounded with the invitation. She quickly recovered herself, “Of course, Lord Stark. I will see you there.” She then smiled cordially at Lyanna who had a gleam in her eyes. Cersei sighed inwardly, Lyanna was sincere enough to want to know her but Cersei was always so indifferent. Cersei, however, got her mind occupied by her thoughts again. She should at least show compassion to people who have done nothing wrong to her. This time, Lyanna was innocent. It was just Cersei. It was always her problem. It was always her fault, she reminded herself. It was her fault that people treated her with no respect. Cersei then smiled genuinely, not the practiced one. She inclined her head as she made her way to the exit, “Enjoy the rest of the day, Lord Brandon, Lord Eddard, and Lady Lyanna.” They nodded politely as they let Cersei walk.

Brandon and Lyanna then walked towards the courtyard while Eddard only stared at the back of Cersei as she walked gracefully out. Eddard wondered why a lady of a reputable house would wander off alone. Cersei was a beautiful lady and walking unaccompanied could bring potential harm to her. Eddard suddenly said in his deep voice, “I’ll follow you later, I just have forgotten… something.” Brandon and Lyanna only stared at their brother and nodded. “Be back right away,” Brandon told Eddard with his commanding voice.

He did not come back right away.

Chapter Text

Eddard ignored his brother’s instruction. He knew he would not come back right away. Following Cersei’s path, he thought of Cersei as having a reputation for being one of the most beautiful ladies in Westeros. To let a lady like Cersei wander off by herself in an unfamiliar castle was not a good plan. He could not let someone be at risk of harm as it would drive him to his guilt. He was raised to be honorable and respectable. To protect people was his principle. He had stridden on the cobblestone and followed Cersei’s path until he saw her in the small garden just at the edge of the courtyard. Her curly golden locks cascaded on her back as she closed her eyes to breathe deeply. He hesitated to speak but he had to make his presence known.

“Lady Cersei,” Eddard called her gently but firmly. Only enough that Cersei could hear him.

Cersei was already settled with the silence until she got startled a bit. Turning to only see Eddard who was standing a few paces away from her. Cersei sighed but she studied his face now, something she couldn’t do earlier. He was serious but she could see the concern on his face as he walked slowly towards her.

“Lord Eddard,” Cersei acknowledged him with a slight nod. She then raised her chin and straightened her back, “I did not expect to be followed.” Cersei looked at him with curiosity. Being followed was not what she needed right now, so she was irritated. 

Eddard steadily looked at her as he stopped walking towards her and he rested his hand on the marble stone. There were a few steps of distance between them, “Forgive me for the intrusion, my lady. I was only concerned for your safety.”

Cersei narrowed her eyes slightly at him. She scoffed at the word ‘safety’. “Concerned? I assure you, my lord, that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” she said smoothly laced with a little annoyance in her voice.

"You are aware that you are alone in a castle that you are not familiar with."

Cersei sighed, "I am not a child, Lord Stark. I am quite aware of my surroundings."

"I do not doubt your awareness," Eddard replied, he remained respectful and a little gentle especially to such a lioness but he was firm. "However even the most aware can be a victim of such dangers. You can not trust everyone in here, you can not even trust me as we had only met but the tournament pulls different kinds of people with various upbringings, while some less honorable than others."

Cersei looked at his grey eyes, and she saw the sincerity in his eyes. He was a quiet wolf. She knew of it. He was quiet earlier but now he was a man full of so many words to say. She felt a bit of gratitude for his concern, though she would not admit it. "You speak as if I should fear every person down to their own shadow." Shadow. Quiet wolf. Cersei thought that Eddard may feel like a shadow of his older brother, always following him. But he lived up to his reputation of being honorable like what he was doing now.

Eddard's expression remained sincere. "Not every shadow, but enough to warrant caution. The courtyard may seem safe, but this place is still vast and filled with strangers. My lady, not everyone who smiles at you is to be trusted."

Cersei looked away as she was distracted by how Eddard had his eyes fixed on her. The recent ceremony had indeed been filled with the crowd's many faces resurfaced. She had always prided herself on her ability to read people and their insincerity.  Yet here, her unfamiliarity with Harrenhal made her admit that she is indeed vulnerable and she despised it when she got corrected or proven to be wrong.

Eddard stepped closer as he recognized Cersei’s silence, "Your brother, Ser Jaime, I heard is now about to be bound to the Kingsguard. He cannot protect you as he once might have. And your father... well, he has other concerns."

Cersei's jaw tightened at the mention of her father and her brother. She snapped her head in his direction. These two have not protected her, "You presume to know much about my family, Lord Stark."

"Forgive me, I only wish to help," Eddard said gently. He then realized Cersei was a difficult lioness to tame. She was quite indifferent and defiant. Not something Eddard found to be difficult as he remained passive to such but Cersei was alone now.  "We are all new here, but that does not mean we are without responsibility to one another."

For a moment, silence hung between them, heavy with unspoken thoughts. This was a first for Cersei. She wondered how the Northerners were raised to be so honorable. Is this what it felt like to be protected? People would not talk to her this way. Other men would not approach her like Eddard did. They would impose themselves on her, and then Cersei would force her way out of their sight. That’s what she was used to. Hence, she said those words earlier to Eddard. That she is capable of taking care of herself. Cersei studied Eddard, his calm demeanor and the genuine concern in his eyes. She found it both infuriating and oddly comforting. Infuriating why a man could be so honorable and give her the attention that she wanted but to arrive so unexpectedly. Yet it made her feel flustered. She shook her head slightly.

"Very well," Cersei said finally, her voice soft with a tone of resignation. Cersei then walked towards him as she held her dress, "If it eases your mind, I will allow you to escort me back to the main grounds." 

Eddard’s gaze followed Cersei’s direction as she stood beside him, a faint smile on his face. "Thank you, my lady. I assure you, it is not just for my peace of mind." He looked at her and a soft sigh escaped from his lips. Did he already tame the lioness or it was just her lack of choice of him being defiant?

Together, they made their way back towards the courtyard, as the sound of the tournament grew louder. Eddard remained vigilant the usual while his eyes scanned their surroundings. Cersei could make heads turn, he thought. While the Light of the West only fixed her gaze forward, Eddard observed the people who would admire Cersei’s beauty from afar.

Cersei walked beside him while her mind was now conflicted with such sudden interaction with Eddard.  Why was he so honorable? A man? Quite so rare. Throughout her life, she was not used to being cared for in such a straightforward manner. He even humbled her earlier and she was infuriated. 

As they neared the main grounds, Eddard and Cersei approached where their siblings had sat down. Tyrion was in an engaged conversation with Brandon. Then Cersei glanced at Eddard with a smile, "You are a curious man, Lord Stark. Concerned for the safety of a Lannister."

Eddard clasped his hands behind his back as he met her gaze, he smiled at her. "Safety knows no house, my lady. It is a courtesy I would extend to anyone in need."

Cersei nodded, "Perhaps the North has more to teach to the West than I thought. Tell me more about the North then I will tell you more about the West"

Eddard's smile widened slightly. "I would very much like that, Lady Cersei."

---

Cersei and Tyrion entered the Hall of a Hundred Hearths. The great hall of Harrenhal was swarmed with lords and ladies and was filled with the scent of roasted meats, and spiced wines. All the long tables were filled with food and wine while the guests indulged. Cersei observed and scanned the hall as she entered with Tyrion by her side. At one end of the hall, Lord Robert Baratheon was deep in conversation with Ser Richard Lonmouth, both men drinking wine. Cersei winced at the sight, men were so engrossed with wine that it sored her eyes. While ladies were often expected to act regal when drinking, men can be loud and boisterous. As Cersei’s eyes landed on the table where the Starks and the Martells were seated, Tyrion tugged her dress and led her there.

Cersei from the corner of her eye observed a younger Stark who was teasing Lyanna. The boy with a mischievous grin on his face was goading his sister something about Prince Rhaegar’s singing to her. Cersei glanced at them and watched them bicker. Lyanna's cheeks were already pink out of embarrassment and annoyance. As she said something to him then grabbed her goblet and poured wine over his head. The surrounding lords and ladies erupted in laughter as Benjen spluttered, his dark hair now dripping with wine.

Cersei laughed softly and then continued to eat her food in silence as she listened to some of the lords and ladies talk. She still exchanged some words with them, however, it was Tyrion who conversed with them the most. After a while, she was stabbing a thick venison cube of meat when Lady Lyanna sat beside Cersei dropping her plate on the table, “Good evening, Lady Cersei. We finally sat together.”

Cersei was surprised at Lyanna but she immediately recovered by smiling at her. She did promise earlier in the day that she would be seeing her at the feast. Cersei wonders why Lyanna wanted to talk to her when they were the complete opposites. Lyanna was more approachable, bubbly, and fun in contrast to Cersei’s poised, intimidating, and austere demeanor. Lyanna smiled at her and started to speak about how she was always eager to meet her as she heard many things about Cersei. 

Lyanna’s words caught Cersei off guard, “Oh, what sort of things?” Cersei was now intrigued by what would people even talk about her when she was in Casterly Rock her whole life. 

"Meeting you earlier, I could attest to how true what people say about you,” Lyanna smiled and she noticed Cersei only staring at her as she waited for Lyanna to tell her more, “You are as beautiful as you are fierce like a lioness, and no man or woman can match your wit."

Cersei's lips curled, “These words seem only to flatter me not that they are quite sincere about it.” She did believe people often exaggerate their words. They did this to appease her but Lyanna only had sincerity on her face. 

"Gossip does travel quickly, it seems. I’m surprised all the words were only about mere physical traits,” Cersei's smile faded and was replaced by a more serious expression. She then added, "Especially when it's about a woman. Although, it could be possible if they speak about us like how they praise men with their adventures, could it not?"

Lyanna nodded thoughtfully as she took a bite of her food before speaking again, "I understand, it is not often when us ladies are to be taken seriously and people often misjudge us when we try to deviate and learn what many men do in the regular.”

"It's a hard lesson that I learned very early. Once we do not define ourselves, others will take the chance to do it for us. The world is indeed harsh to women who dare to dream and be ambitious beyond the constraints of their birthright," Cersei said softly. When Cersei heard her words, she empathized with her as it was rare how she found herself in a conversation with another who shared her exact sentiments. 

Lyanna smiled at Cersei's words. She thought of how Cersei said it perfectly, "I respect that. Too often, we are told where our place is, and we are expected to remain there without question."

Cersei became quiet as she continued to eat. Lyanna took a sip of her wine. After what Cersei had said, she became curious about how she grew up. "Tell me, Cersei, what did you enjoy doing as a child? Before all the... expectations were placed upon you."

Cersei's eyes looked at Lyanna and slowly said of how she dressed up as her twin when they were younger and no one could notice, not even their father. "I was eager to learn sword fighting and archery. It was only possible to do it when I was younger. As I grew, my father used to say it wasn't proper for a lady and I also had a keen interest in politics, however, when I show interest it is not taken seriously.”

"I feel the same. I always wanted to ride, hunt, and practice with a sword. However, all my brothers were raised and trained for war and leadership. I was expected to stay in the background, to be content with needlework and singing," Lyanna was not so focused on her food as she talked with Cersei, especially now she enjoyed the subject at hand.

“It's maddening, isn't it? When you yearn for something within one's hand’s reach but can only be taken away because of our gender." Cersei grabbed her goblet and sipped her wine. She could not believe she was admitting this not only to herself but to her newfound acquaintance. This lady was too sweet to be her friend when Cersei knew herself enough that she was too intimidating. But these Starks were always so passive with her attitude. 

Lyanna's eyes widened as she agreed, "Yes! Exactly. Sometimes I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing, constantly having to hide my true nature."

Cersei laughed softly, which somehow brought her comfort knowing such experiences are shared by many. "But you are indeed a wolf, Lyanna. It’s your strength. Same with your brothers.”

Lyanna smiled, her tone lightening. "Are my brothers kind to you then?”

Cersei laughed softly, a melodic sound that caught the attention of a few nearby. "Well, they are. Very much like you.” 

---

Throughout the night, Cersei had just been sitting in her place while she observed the guests dance together. As Lyanna left and kept jumping from one table and another to converse with other people. Cersei’s attention was grabbed by Lady Ashara Dayne. Cersei observed her dancing with Prince Oberyn Martell after she ended her dance gracefully with one of the knights as the music changed. People talk. And sometimes, they were correct. Ashara Dayne was indeed beautiful with her violet eyes, Cersei sighed in covet. 

Time however passed and Cersei found herself speaking with the other guests at their table with Tyrion being loud like he always was. Her conversation was interrupted when Oberyn approached Cersei, "Lady Cersei, you look very beautiful tonight," he greeted her.

Oberyn held out his hand to Cersei, "Would you honor me with a dance, my lady?" He did not even wait for Cersei to greet him back. Cersei stared at his hand blankly. She was just enjoying her time with her company and now, the prince of Dorne had invited her to dance. One of the things she detested. 

Cersei regarded unenthused as she raised her head, "Prince Oberyn," she acknowledged as she rose from her seat. 

"I am not surprised, you are persistent if nothing else,” Cersei took Oberyn’s offering hand.

Oberyn chuckled and led Cersei to the dancefloor.

Yet Cersei's evening of dancing was far from over. Brandon Stark approached next just as Cersei was about to return to her seat.

"Lady Cersei," Brandon said, a grin on his face. "May I have the honor?"

Cersei accepted with a tight grin, and as they danced, several more guests invited Cersei. She was already tired. Her feet hurt. Her jaw and cheeks hurt from smiling too much. Oh, how fun. None of these gentlemen even were fun to converse with. They all talked like Cersei was dense or simpleminded. 

As the night wore on, it was Eddard Stark who hesitated, watching his brother's boldness. Eddard continued to drink from his goblet as he talked with Tyrion and the other men. When Brandon returned to the table he noticed his shy brother and decided to intervene. Brandon then scanned the dancefloor to find a lady he could invite to dance with Eddard.

Cersei then hurriedly returned to their table before any men could invite her again, but she was met with Eddard leading Ashara to the dancefloor. They only nodded in acknowledgment of each other. Cersei then sat on her seat as she tugged Tyrion, “I want to retire for the night.”

“What? It’s still early,” Tyrion protested. He was still very much enjoying the night.

“You can come back here right away once you escorted me back to the guest room,” Cersei glared at him with gritted teeth. She knew this would scare Tyrion.

With a sigh, Tyrion stood up from his seat, “I'll be right back, my lords.” Cersei then left quickly while Tyrion struggled to keep up with her. Cersei turned her head and watched from a distance Ashara and Eddard dancing. She rolled her eyes inwardly at the sight.

---

Cersei suddenly woke up, her heart pounding and her breath coming in short, as her panic gasps deliberately slowed down. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were red from tears. Her nightmares clung to her mind, vague and unsettling. It began with images of men with leering faces and cruel hands swam in her vision. She sat up from her bed. She needed to find Tyrion, to assure herself that he was safe. Rising from her bed, she threw on a robe and quietly slipped out of her chamber, her bare feet padding softly on the cold stone floor.

Her paces were quick as she walked through the dimly lit corridors of Harrenhal, her nightmares felt so real that it made her mind confused. She opened door after door, peering into darkened rooms and finding nothing but silence. She kept looking for Tyrion. She was furious now that she glared opening every door, “Where is that imp?”. Her search was fruitless, and her anxiety grew with each empty room.

As she hastened her pace, she turned a corner and she reached the nearest door without thinking before opening. There were Eddard Stark and Ashara Dayne with their lips locked and she could smell the reek of alcohol. Cersei's breath caught in her throat. Their surprise mirrored Cersei’s as they looked up. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Cersei gasped, her cheeks burning. She quickly closed the door, her heart racing even faster. She hurried down the hallway, her mind reeling from what she had just seen. Cersei cursed in her mind at how stupid Eddard Stark was acting shy in front of Ashara on the dancefloor earlier and now he’s bedding her. She clutched her robe tighter thinking she would be harmed again.

Cersei’s hand wiped the tears around her face as she stumbled into another corridor and collided with a figure. She looked up to see Lyanna Stark standing before her, concern etched on her face. Cersei would have cursed now to the heavens on why she always stumble upon the Starks but her mind was too preoccupied.

"Cersei?" Lyanna said gently, her voice full of worry after seeing Cersei's condition. Cersei despised being perceived as weak and vulnerable to the point that anybody might use it against her. But here was Lyanna, who was going through some of the same issues as her. Lyanna asked, "What are you doing wandering around at this hour?"

No words came out of Cersei’s mouth as she opened it but a sob escaped her lips as she buried her face in her hands. Lyanna decided not to ask further so she walked closely to her and wrapped her arms around Cersei, bringing her into a comforting hug. Cersei felt her walls were dissolved by the unexpected compassion as she cried softly into Lyanna's shoulder. Is this how being cared for felt? She cried often in Casterly Rock but no shoulder would be there for her. No one would ask how she felt. She was used to bottling up her sadness, anger, and fear. Her younger brother would try, the maids would try but sometimes they weren’t enough.

After some time, footsteps approached, and Cersei felt a familiar hand on her back and tugging on her robe. She lifted her head to see Tyrion behind her back, his eyes filled with worry. She slowly let go of Lyanna as Tyrion walked closer.

Tyrion cleared his throat to lighten up the tension", Cersei," He carefully chose his words but he was a little hesitant to ask figuring out how Cersei was opening up to another lady, he decided to ask instead, "You've been having nightmares again, haven't you?"

Before Cersei could answer, Tyrion turned to Lyanna, raised his head, and gently said, "Thank you, Lady Lyanna. My sister has been struggling with sleeping lately. It's been difficult for her but I do appreciate it if we keep this matter in here." Tyrion was slowly regretting it. No one must see Cersei in this state. Cersei only stared at the ground as she felt the cold creep up on her bare feet. Tyrion had fear in his eyes as he sensed Cersei was slowly disassociating again. 

Sensing Tyrion’s urgency Lyanna swiftly replied, "There's no need to thank me. We all have our burdens to bear. I'm glad I could help. She doesn't need to explain. I’m glad she is safe."

Tyrion gave Lyanna a small, appreciative smile. "You're very kind. Thank you for being here for her." Tyrion was always clueless about Cersei’s nightmares but it’s frightful enough to know that anyone in Casterly Rock would wake up in the middle of the night to her screams. He was younger and no more mature than his sister and brother but to let Cersei befriend another girl her age might gradually change her and that brought relief to him. Cersei may be harsh, unyielding, and sometimes mean to him but she was his sister. Just misunderstood. 

Cersei straightened her back as she wiped her tears. "I'm sorry," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to disturb you." Cersei thought of how she caused a burden to people like how her aunt would often remind her that Cersei should not be a headache to her father.

Lyanna only smiled and said, “Good night, Lady Cersei.”

Tyrion placed a hand on Cersei's back since that was the only part he could reach of her. "Let's get you back to your room, sister. You need rest." Cersei nodded, allowing Tyrion to guide her back down the corridor. She glanced over her shoulder at Lyanna, who gave her a warm, encouraging smile.

Chapter Text

It was shining bright in Harrenhal, especially over the jousting grounds. Cersei had tried to forget about her nightmare when Tyrion invited her to watch more events in the morning. She was used to it anyway, she would get nightmares then by the next morning she would continue her day staring blankly at the calm sea. Today she sat among the spectators. Tyrion was beside her as they sat close to the Stark siblings, Lyanna and Benjen, who were talking and laughing. Despite the grounds being loud from the crowd cheers and the horse’s hooves loudly clattered, Cersei was still staring blankly her mind drifting.

There was a short break after the round, Cersei observed the place and turned her head to see Brandon Stark walking on the grounds. The eldest Stark was participating in the event as he prepared his mount. While Eddard, the quiet one, assisted his brother. Cersei, as always, was intrigued by how quiet Eddard was compared to his siblings. Yet, when they were alone like yesterday outside the courtyard, he had a lot to say. Eddard was also charming like his brother but he was more rugged and more brawny.

As the knights prepared for the next round, Cersei noticed Ashara Dayne. Cersei unintentionally witnessed Ashara and Eddard last night. Last night, she was flustered but now she was ticked off. Cersei crossed her arms convincing herself it was not her fault to intrude. It was their stupidity not to lock the doors. So much for being so honorable, Cersei scoffed at the thought of Eddard who made advances to Ashara. One dance at the feast with her and he went whoring himself right after. Seeing them in the room was more terrifying than her nightmare. 

“Are you okay? Cersei?” Tyrion tapped Cersei’s arm. Tyrion followed Cersei’s gaze and landed on Eddard who was on the grounds making his way up to their platform to watch the joust. He observed how Cersei’s face scowled and her glares were like throwing daggers at Eddard. 

Cersei dropped her arms and sighed. Her scowl was gone but she still glared at Tyrion, “I’m fine.” She then whipped her head to the grounds. Tyrion grimaced at her response. “What is her problem?” Tyrion shook his head slightly as he asked himself quietly.

Cersei glanced again at Ashara approaching Brandon who gave him an enamoring smile. Cersei’s head tilted with confusion. Brandon greeted Ashara with equal charm, their conversation animated and full of laughter and even giggles from Ashara. Why would she come near Brandon and dally with him when she was with Eddard last night? 

Cersei furrowed her brows and frowned slightly, as her confusion grew. She slowly glanced at Eddard sitting beside his siblings, who seemed unaffected by his brother’s interaction with Ashara. Cersei scoffed slightly after observing Eddard. Was Eddard so willing to let a lady he just bedded last night be wooed by his older brother? Shouldn’t he be courting her as his responsibility to honor her?

The sound of metal clashing against metal filled the air as the jousters collided. Cheers erupted from the crowd as Cersei’s stare at Eddard broke and she focused on watching the joust. Throughout the round, all she did was glower. After the joust, the audience including their group began to disperse. Lyanna rushed to Cersei and told her they could spectate other events later. Cersei had grown to get used to Lyanna’s company so she smiled and nodded. Then Cersei found herself with a moment of privacy.

She approached Eddard, who stood near the edge of the grounds, watching the knights dismount. He was leaning forward on the barricades. Cersei wanted to be cordial and apologize. But also she thought such an apology wouldn’t be necessary. However, she was nosy about something that ticked her off the whole event. “Lord Eddard, may I speak with you for a moment?” she asked, her eyes meeting his.

Eddard turned to her, his expression as calm and steady as always. He stood straight and smiled at Cersei, “Of course, Lady Cersei. What’s on your mind?”

With a heavy breath, Cersei glanced around to ensure they were alone before continuing. “Last night, I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. I—” She hesitated, choosing her words carefully. 

Eddard’s expression didn’t change, but there was a slight tension in his eyes. He knew the topic would be brought up. Though, he would like it better not to remember last night. So he cut her off, “There’s no need to apologize, my lady. It was a misunderstanding. Forget about it.”

Cersei frowned, her confusion deepening. How could that be a misunderstanding? Her eyes narrowed slightly and she wanted to push further the topic. She did not care if it might offend Eddard. So she asked, “Are you betrothed to her?”

Eddard shook his head and chuckled, “No, we are not betrothed.” But he was quite amused by Cersei’s sudden curiosity. He believed Cersei was always indifferent, but her question negated his impression of her. 

Cersei’s brow furrowed further. “Then why did you…?” She trailed off, unsure how to phrase her thoughts carefully. She did not want to pry so she did not continue her question. She did not mean to instigate even. But would not that be an act of dishonor on Ashara’s part?

A sigh escaped from Eddard’s lips, his patience about the topic was running thin, not on Cersei. He was always passive and a lady with many questions was no heavy work for him as his younger sister, Lyanna, was often curious too. “It’s complicated. What happened between us cannot lead to a betrothal.”

Cersei’s confusion turned to frustration. Women were only for men’s satisfaction, weren’t they? This just proved it. Why would they never preserve dignity? Because they’re men? Cersei glared at him, “But you bedded her! Shouldn’t you honor her now?” Cersei had always thought of Eddard Stark as honorable and respectable however, this conversation had turned sour for her that it seemed to contradict that image. She let out a bitter chuckle.

The word ‘bedded’ had annoyed Eddard now as his jaw tightened slightly, but he kept his voice calm. He reminded himself he was in the presence of a lady, “It’s impossible now. Some reasons make it so.” Eddard looked at her with confusion. Why was Cersei so riled at him? What he had with Ashara was out of the picture now. Ashara and Eddard were drunk last night but he was sober enough to know it was Ashara However, Ashara wasn’t sober enough to know that she was with Eddard. After the act was done, she called out to him as “Brandon”. Eddard struggled to process her words until he realized the mistake he had made. Eddard had then left the room with disappointment.

Now at Cersei’s presence who was displeased at his answers, Eddard raised an eyebrow, a hint of amusement in his eyes and mischief in his voice, “Why does this matter to you, Lady Cersei?”

Cersei’s green eyes met his with irritation, she could stab daggers with them. Cersei thought of how unbelievable this man was. “It seems I misjudged you. Maybe I am displeased by the idea that you might not be as honorable as I thought.” She tilted her head as she said that but it only annoyed her more when Eddard’s lips twitched in a faint smile. 

“Perhaps I could change that since I haven’t fulfilled my promise to tell you more about the North, then maybe we can know more about each other,” Eddard said as he stepped closely to her while Cersei remained in her place as she raised her chin and narrowed her eyes at him with a smirk on her lips.

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to reassess my opinion of you then, my lord,” Cersei interjected with a challenge in her voice. Something Eddard had found to be so fascinating. He knew this woman across him was smart, confident, and daring. But who’s not up for a little dare?

Eddard chuckled softly, “Perhaps you will. At the same time, I’ll get to know you better, my lady.” He still believed he did not tame the lioness since she scoffed at him and rolled her eyes. Cersei narrowed her eyes at him who was just grinning at her, “Well, let’s hope you’ll like what you know about me.”

---

Through the wetlands, Cersei was walking carefully wearing her boots. Her steps light as she scanned the landscape. In her hunt, the tall grasses moved along with Cersei, and the sound of the river hit the waves and the huge rocks. Tyrion trailed behind her, his short legs working twice as hard to keep up with her. Cersei was not so considerate as she walked too fast now that she had seen the wide river.

"Cersei, remind me again why we're out here?" Tyrion asked, his voice toned with curiosity and mild exasperation. Earlier, Cersei dragged him out suddenly to accompany her. She was stomping as she entered the tent. Her eyebrows furrowed while she muttered something under her breath. She suddenly dragged Tyrion’s hand while he was just lounging. Then here he was, keeping up with Cersei.

"I want a roasted duck," Cersei replied curtly, her eyes not leaving her search. "Like the ones Father used to have cooked at Casterly Rock." She was craving roasted duck. She ate roasted duck every time her mood was ruined. Although the food in Harrenhal was good, they only served during dinner. And the servants the Lannisters brought weren’t so creative in cooking meals. Bland. Boring. Unseasoned. Seriously, their father sent them the most unskilled cooks.

 ---

Tyrion sighed, shaking his head. "And here I thought you had some grander plan." Over ducks, he was dragged out here by his sister when they could just request from the kitchens in Harrenhal to cook them roasted ducks or hand them out livestock. But no, Cersei wanted to find her own.

Cersei heard her brother’s retort but she didn’t respond as something had caught her eye. A bow and a quiver of arrows were propped against a nearby tree. Cersei scanned the area if there was someone or a sign of the owner. No sign of any other presence was there so she moved quickly towards the tree and grabbed them. It had been years since she last held one, but the familiarity of it brought a small, satisfied smile to her lips.

"I didn't know you still had an interest in archery," Tyrion commented, watching her with interest. He knew of Cersei sneaking in in exchange for Jaime’s place. Yet, he doubts Cersei would even catch one.

"There are many things you don't know about me, little brother," she replied bitterly, fitting an arrow to the bowstring and pulling it back with a steady hand. Cersei hated people doubting her and now she was ever so determined to prove him wrong. And it’s not like his imp of a brother would not benefit when he gets to enjoy these duck meals.

Along the riverbank, Cersei and Tyrion moved stealthily until she spotted a group of ducks paddling in the water. She grinned. They would look good roasted, she thought. As she carefully took her aim, she steadied her breath and then released the arrow. It flew straight and true, striking one of the ducks with precision. Tyrion hurried over to retrieve it, his expression a mix of admiration and amusement. Beginner’s luck or his sister had just been very clever to learn away from the watchful eye of their father.

"Impressive shot, sister," he said, handing her the duck. "Now let's see if you can get a few more." Cersei thought of him as demanding but she loved the thrill of hunting more and proving to herself that she got the knack of it in the end.

Cersei managed to bag two more ducks after a few missed shots due to the ducks running away or escaping. Tyrion gathered them up, and the two made their way back to camp. Upon arriving, Tyrion handed the ducks to a servant, who began preparing them for cooking. She watched critically as the servant worked. The servant’s hands were shaking as Cersei kept a watchful eye. It felt like Cersei was criticizing the servant without her speaking. Cersei frowned as her brows met in frustration when she saw the way the duck was being skinned.

"You're doing it wrong," she snapped, stepping forward to grab the knife from the servant. It almost wounded her skin with the way she grabbed the knife with force, "If you don't skin it properly, the meat will be ruined." 

Tyrion rolled his eyes. "Must you always be so particular, Cersei?" Cersei might not be disassociating anymore but she has been back to her old obnoxious self.

"Oh, do not ridicule me. If we want it done right, it must be done my way," she replied sharply, her hands moving with practiced skill as she corrected the servant’s mistakes. She didn’t even flinch while holding the knife though it was quite dull, “Are there any sharp knives in here? Why must everything be so dull? The food is dull, the drinks are dull!” 

“Oh dear,” Tyrion whispered, he stood up and gave him his pairing knife. Cersei squinted, “Is this even sharp enough?!” His sister was now aggravating, it did bring him comfort to know Cersei was recovering. Funny how the scale of recovery for Cersei was if she was resentful. However, he replied with gritted teeth, “You won’t know if you try.”

Cersei ignored his tone and continued to skin meticulously the duck. Yet, the guilt kept reminding her that if she continued to be vile, everything would return twice to her. So much for having her mood ruined earlier, now the people who hadn’t done anything wrong were facing Cersei’s ill temper. She sighed, then dropped the knife as it clanked on the wooden table, her shoulders sagged. “I apologize, thank you for the knife,” Cersei said softly. She then continued to skin the duck, “It is sharp. Though could be sharper but it’s better than nothing.”

Tyrion was surprised by Cersei’s behavior. Even the servants who she often terrorized had exchanged looks. Their lady apologized? Tyrion noticed but he didn’t want to sour the mood. So he watched her with a bemused expression and said, "Fine, fine. But I want duck soup."

Cersei glared at him, her eyes narrowing. "No. I want a roasted duck like Father used to have." She missed the food in Casterly Rock, as she hated to admit.

"You're going to eat all of that yourself? Since when have you been gluttonous?" Tyrion asked incredulously. He stood up in protest as if that would change something, "I don’t think even you can manage that."

"Fine," Cersei huffed, rolling her eyes. As she placed the skinned duck on the side, "You can have your soup. But I get the best parts." She turned to Tyrion with a smile on her face.

Tyrion chuckled., "As long as I get my soup, you can have whatever parts you want."

They continued to bicker as the ducks were cooked, their arguments were not new to the servants. Their stubbornness had always been normal for them who had served the Lannisters since. When the meal was finally ready, Cersei sat down with a plate of perfectly roasted duck. The first bite melted in her mouth, the flavors rich and satisfying. She closed her eyes, a contented sigh escaping her lips. "This is how it should be," she murmured, more to herself than anyone else. 

Back in Casterly Rock, with one simple command to a maid, the food would be ready in haste. Now, she had to hunt for ducks and even skin them herself and check if the cooks roasted or cooked them well. It was… humbling. Her experience was far from the staff’s struggle to sustain the Rock, but it made her appreciate them. The slightest. Only the slightest because for Cersei, they still could be so idle. But she smiled genuinely at them and that was a first.

Tyrion, enjoying his soup, looked over at her with a rare smile. "You see? Even we can find some common ground." Cersei didn’t respond but she chuckled, too focused on her meal to engage in further conversation. 

---

The Northerners were grouped near the tourney grounds. Eddard Stark stood on the edge as his eyes fixed on Ashara Dayne. She laughed and she looked so charmed at Brandon. Memories of that night surfaced, they were drunk but he made sure it was him. He was still a little sober as he recalled every detail. They kissed and he asked her if she consented. He said his name. He was Eddard he told her. Eddard. Eddard. Ned. Ned. Yet she breathlessly called out for Brandon. 

Eddard sighed and then concluded that he would never revisit that night. However, the lioness’ disappointment bothered him. Cersei. That woman can be so direct and domineering. He remembered her words or more of her implication that he was unhonorable. Well, she did witness a second of him and Ashara. He could not blame her if her impression of him had changed. Cersei made a point, he was the one who dishonored Ashara. Eddard was still sure that he would not ask his father to arrange a marriage alliance with the Daynes. Especially that Ashara wanted his older brother, though, Brandon was betrothed to Catelyn Tully. 

But Cersei. His mind would always return to Cersei and why he didn't understand why her opinion of him mattered so much, but it did.

"Eddard," Lyanna's voice broke through his reverie. Eddard shook his head and blinked his eyes. Lyanna approached him her brown eyes shining with excitement, "Can you take me to the Lannister tent? I want to visit Lady Cersei. I promised her I would be with her this afternoon" He scratched his head, he had noticed these two young ladies had been close and it’s only two days since the tourney. 

Reluctantly, Eddard nodded. He pushed himself on his heel as he let his sister lead him. They soon reached the Lannister tent where the house banners were raised. They were announced as they entered the huge tent, where the savory aroma of roasted duck wafted through the air. Tyrion and Cersei were seated inside, enjoying their meal.

"Ah, the Starks," Tyrion greeted them with a sly smile. When he saw Lady Lyanna being escorted by Lord Eddard, he was sure Lady Lyanna’s purpose was to visit Cersei. Cersei was busy eating her roasted duck she did not even glance at the visitors. Tyrion shook his head, "Care to join us? Cersei hunted these ducks herself." Cersei grinned proudly at her brother’s statement.

Cersei smirked, gesturing to the empty seats. "Why don't you join us now? There's plenty of duck to go around."

The servants began serving Eddard and Lyanna, but Cersei quickly intervened. "Don't be stingy," she snarled at the servant. "Give them proper portions."

Eddard watched as the servant hurried to comply. Despite her harsh demeanor, there was something notable about Cersei’s unwillingness to tolerate mediocrity. As they ate, Eddard observed Cersei. She was a spoiled brat, he thought. But he knew Cersei had that kindness when she showed concern over Ashara’s dignity. 

Eddard noticed Cersei was still upset albeit their conversation earlier ended well. She would not speak to him but shot daggers his way when their eyes met. He somehow could read a pattern of her mannerisms though, sometimes Cersei would smile even if the subject would infuriate her. And she would scowl if she heard something that displeased her then a heavy sigh would follow, then she smiles again. 

As they prepared to leave, Cersei turned to Eddard, her eyes locking onto his. "Is there something you want to say to me, my lord? You have been staring since we had the meal, you couldn’t even speak to us."

Eddard met her gaze, his lips curled. "Oh, so that would mean you were also studying me?"

Her eyes flashed as she ignored him and left the tent. Eddard took a deep breath and followed her, “You seem in quite a hurry. Are you trying to escape, my lady?”

Cersei raised an eyebrow. "The tent is just simply too warm and also too loud." She then glanced at the tent where Lyanna and Tyrion emerged from as they followed Cersei and Eddard.

“Or are you trying to avoid me? Do not forget, my lady, I still have an unfulfilled promise to you,” Eddard told her as he walked beside her.

Cersei glared at him, “That promise can stay unfulfilled, Lyanna can tell me more about the North.”

Eddard chuckled softly, “She can, however, we have different experiences. Don’t you want to hear about my adventures?” Of course, Cersei would wanted to hear. The North was vast, and being a son of the Lord of Winterfell would mean he was brought anywhere. Cersei was interested in every bit of ruling and doing their respective duties. But Cersei still was annoyed at him.

Cersei smiled at him. A tight one, “You can share your stories with Lady Dayne.” Eddard couldn’t help but be amused at her. He knew she wasn’t elated still. But why is Ashara suddenly brought up in the conversation?

“My lady, please do not take offense with my question. Why are you so interested in Lady Dayne?” Eddard looked at her as she squinted back at him. Eddard waited for her answer.

“I am not.” Cersei finally said, curtly, as she walked faster making Eddard keep up with her. 

“To assure your bothered spirits, my lady, there’s nothing between Lady Dayne and I,” he said but he knew Cersei was not convinced. And now he asked himself why he needed to prove something to Cersei. 

Cersei rolled her eyes, he was with her last night as she saw. What did he even mean about nothing between them, “Lord Eddard, I may have been in distress last night when I saw you with her. However, I am not stupid to believe your words. What do you mean nothing between you-”

“Lady Cersei,” he gently cut her off. He sighed, “There’s nothing between us. Let’s drop this subject then and bury it here, shall we?”

Cersei smirked at him, “Or perhaps, she was not quite satisfied that night then? Why would she even be dallying with your brother knowing full well you shared one night?” Her tone gradually became annoyed. 

Eddard snapped his head to look at her, his jaw clenched. He was bewildered by her words. “My lady, it was not like that but let’s rather not speak of it anymore.” He would take what she said as an offense but when he looked at her, her smirk was gone and was replaced with a scowl. 

“I apologize if I had tainted your impression of me as honorable. I strive to be better and more venerable, my lady,” He told her softly and sincerely. Cersei did not want to soften. It bothered her the most that Eddard was with Ashara. The beautiful lady of Dorne.

Cersei said softly, “You do not have to explain, my lord. It’s your matter anyway.” Cersei then glanced at him and smiled tightly at him. She wanted to roll her eyes but she saw Eddard’s serious and sincere expression.

They strolled silently and let the conversation of Tyrion and Lyanna as their background. Cersei was conflicted about why she felt so upset if Eddard was with Ashara. Yesterday, when Eddard accompanied her when she was alone, she felt very much protected by him. To realize then that she was not the only one he treated that way made her feel envious again.

Eddard studying Cersei’s expression, grinned. “My lady, if I did not know any better, I would say you were drinking vinegar.”

Cersei furrowed her eyebrows, “Please do speak clearly, my lord.”

He chuckled seeing Cersei’s confusion, “My lady, I’d say you were getting jealous of my attention toward Ashara.”

Was it so obvious in her face? Was she ever that readable? Cersei grew even more annoyed now. She wanted to say something but she was taken aback with what Eddard had said to her. She stuttered until she finally said, “No.”

Eddard laughed and Cersei frowned. She was serious about her answer and now he was only laughing at her. But Eddard's answer made Cersei very much content. 

“You don't have to worry now, my lady. From now on, my full attention is to you. And also Lyanna but of course she's my sister. But other than any lady, I’ll only set my eyes on you.” 

Cersei bit her cheeks to suppress a smile but it failed as she looked up at Eddard with a big smile on her face, “Very well then, my lord. Now, tell me more about your adventures in the North.”

Eddard smiled at her, he could see now that her smile was her genuine one. “Let's find a place where we can sit because this will take long.”

Cersei chuckled, “Are your ventures so many that it requires such?” Cersei was elated, she was often deprived of his father's works or duties outside Casterly Rock. Often leading her to wonder how they rule their own kingdom or commit their duties.

“I will talk about them all and it will take a lifetime.” He jested hoping to see or hear more of Cersei's laugh. 

Cersei grinned, “Good. I'll listen no matter how long. Those are your stories, then you are the hero in those.” 

With Cersei so willing to hear his stories, Eddard finally felt that he wasn't a shadow anymore. 

Chapter Text

The cold wrapped Cersei as she retired for the night. She was tired but sleeping was also unsettling. How delightful, she thought bitterly. Sleep was supposed to provide rest and balm but it always led to nightmares. Cersei then covered her head with the blanket. In the sheets, she pondered her day with Eddard. That man. He always knew the right words to coax her. In any circumstance, she was supposed to ignore him earlier and it didn't work. One thing Cersei despised the most was her pride being dismantled. He was a man of honor as he tried to prove. It was upsetting. So upsetting that Eddard’s willingness to try was unwavering. One like Cersei could only question if she was so deserving of profound attention.

Since she was young, she would plead with her father to tell her stories. Tywin didn't and instead told her to listen to their aunt instead. 

But Eddard gave his time to her, with no hesitations. And Cersei hated that she loved listening to his stories, out of all people. Leading herself to believe that Eddard wasn’t genuine with his actions, she’d use Eddard's shared night with Ashara as an excuse. Suddenly, her scowl got deeper at the thought of recalling it. Eddard did say they should never speak of it again as he followed with his promise to her. Praying to the gods this rage was only because of Cersei's foolishness in believing he owed Ashara something—how men could be so carefree in using women. Cersei was not even acquainted with the lady, why did it even concern her? Was it because of how she felt as a constant object and Ashara may have felt the same? Yet if Eddard did say it was not possible for a match, the reason must have been valid. Particularly with what she had witnessed with Brandon and Ashara that morning. So why was she so enraged at recalling that memory? 

Cersei clenched the blankets covering her as she remembered how Eddard taunted her about jealousy. What jealousy? Why would she be? She has beauty and grace. Those were enough not to be envious of. Attention? Well, she had Eddard now.

No! Cersei kicked her legs and fussed on her bed. What did she mean by she has Eddard? She did not own that man. Though if she wanted to, it was not far from possible. But now, especially now, she did not want him. 

She mustn’t want him.

She huffed. The blankets got kicked off the bed, and then she sat up on the bed and hugged her knees.

Cersei always believed that if someone were to receive something, whether grace or evil, it had to be reciprocated. She deliberated on how she would return Eddard’s effort. He was benevolent and kind-hearted. He surprised her with his patience. His being even-tempered was the opposite of Cersei’s quick temper. 

I will only end up ruining him anyway, Cersei thought. She rested her chin on her knees and encircled her arms around her legs. She wasn't so easily content with anything and she knew that. But this man was too much for her. For her sins. Eddard had a good reputation, enough to be adored by his people. Opposed to her, she terrorized Casterly Rock. And she has not forgiven herself. Harrenhal was just a temporary fix, she wondered if her return to the West would bring the old version of herself back. And she was displeased by that. For once, despite her conflicting feelings, she preferred her state of being as of the moment. 

“He's too good of a man.” She mustn’t want him and so she hated him. Once the tourney is over, she'll have to return to the West. Not everything was permanent anyway, though she wanted it to be. She would look for the attention he gave; the attention she didn't have in her home. No one would be there to protect her. No one would tell her stories. No one would try. And she would not be there for Eddard whenever he always had a lot of things to say. And she wanted to hear more from him. He was not a quiet wolf after all. She wanted it to be permanent. But it can not. It was not possible.

Avoidance was best when she feared separation. Cersei’s pride could not permit her to set herself up with the attachment and the possible pain it might cause. Easily enough, she decided not to see him the next day. She slept hoping no nightmares would visit her.

—

Having a different environment made a change for Cersei. However, she was still aggravated by her conflicting feelings. She tried her best to avoid Eddard and even Lyanna—it pained her a bit. She was reminded that everything in Harrenhal was only momentary. None of it was their fault but it was best to avoid them, Cersei thought. The promise of Eddard of his attention was only hers and was not to be shared by others. Only hers. Yet, here she was hiding from him. It saddened her that her only option was to stray away from them. The thought of growing accustomed to their presence and one day it’ll be gone would only hurt her. It would be reliving the day when her mom died.

Throughout the day, she would lounge in the Lannister tent. Read a book. Eat apples. Scowl at Tyrion. Think of Eddard. Think of Lyanna. Then she'll get annoyed at herself for thinking about them that she took a nap. But she woke up and the sun was still very high. Cersei did not want to leave the tent so embroidery was her last option, the least of her favorite.

The maid brought the kit to Cersei on a small table. Cersei sighed with relief to find a distraction for the day. She started to sketch an outline of a lioness. Then, later on, she found herself sketching an outline of a wolf beside the lion. Her breath hitched when she paused. 

She grimaced at what she did. Taking a short pause as she observed the tracing of the two animals. Surprisingly, she turned out to like it. A smile grew from her face, “Out of all things I could do.” She touched the outline and said softly, “A wolf.” Grabbing the needle and the thread, she started to stitch her work. It was an odd pairing. Wolf and lioness. 

Cersei's mind drifted as she continued with her needlework. She softly hummed while her hands moved. She had done many embroidery before and always paired a lioness with another lion. A wolf was a change and she was pleased with it. She could add a litter of cubs or pups if she wanted. Was that even possible? The lioness and the wolf have cubs and wolf pups? It would be lovely despite being a rare pair. Only she broke from her trance when the needle slightly pricked her finger. 

“Tch! Ah, stupid needle!” Cersei sipped the little blood with a scowl. She then glanced at the emerging image of the lioness and the wolf on the linen. The scowl was replaced with a smile as she liked what she had made. But a few seconds later, she shook her head. 

Shaking away the delusion in her head, “What crossed my mind to have such ideas?” 

Cersei lifted the forming embroidery to see a better view as she said softly, “This is foolish. Such a foolish thing to do.”

The folds of the tent suddenly swung as Tyrion entered. Cersei's focus was distracted by her brother entering without warning. She tucked the embroidery in haste avoiding it to be seen by Tyrion. 

Tyrion walked to her, “Good evening, sister. Are you still busy avoiding people today?” 

Cersei's eye twitched as she glowered at him, “What do you want, brother?”

“Dinner. We have to be in the halls to eat,” Tyrion said with a bored expression. His sister didn't pay much attention to her eating habits at all. Sometimes, she would eat on time. Sometimes, she would starve all day. And like yesterday, she hunted her food. Tyrion was quite confused about how Cersei's appetite worked.

Cersei then scanned the tent as the servants started to light up candles. She then glanced at the slit of the tent to see the sun had indeed set. “Ah, dinner,” Cersei said softly.

She then glanced at Tyrion and breathed heavily, “Forgive me, I didn't notice the time.”

“Hm,” Tyrion managed to say to his distracted sister. He suddenly noticed the mess Cersei made. His eyes flickered on the work as he moved forward, “What were you working on? Let me see.”

“Hey!” Cersei swatted his hand quickly. She glared at him and gritted her teeth, “Why are you always prying on what I do?”

Tyrion was not surprised at how his sister was quick. He surrendered and raised his hands “Alright, but do you still want to join us?” 

Cersei rolled her eyes at him and said firmly, “No, I’m not hungry.” She was but the chances of seeing Eddard would be high and that’s the least she wanted to happen tonight. 

Tyrion shot her a concerned look but seeing how she was annoyed at him he resolved to leave her alone, “Alright. I’ll have a maid bring you food still though.”

“I… I appreciate that,” Cersei said softly looking away. How rare of her to thank her brother. But Tyrion said his goodbyes then left the tent. 

Cersei looked at the tent’s entrance and sighed. She then retrieved the embroidery and stared at it. Though unfinished, she had adored what she had made. Even more content once she’s done with it. She heavily despised embroidery. Back at home whenever her father and brother train outside, she would be in the confines of her room doing this ‘useless’ pastime while she’d pray for the day to come when a sword is in her hand instead of a puny needle. Yet, today was an exception as she found it as her refuge.

—

Tyrion entered the hall where dinner had begun. He knew he was late when he scanned the hall and noticed that people were already loud and drunk. Good heavens the sun has only set, Tyrion thought. He passed different tables until he reached where the Starks and their company were seated. 

Brandon took notice of Tyrion, “Lord Tyrion, where is Lady Cersei?” Tyrion grabbed his seat and cleared his throat. He smiled at them and replied, “It seems I will be alone tonight, my sister decided to be absent tonight as she wasn’t hungry.” Brandon gave Tyrion a nod and Eddard abruptly stopped eating.

After hearing those from Tyrion, Eddard sat up straight and gently dropped the utensils on the table. He noticed Cersei’s absence from the events today. He intended to visit her but couldn’t find the time for her when either Lyanna took him everywhere or Brandon needed his assistance. The excuse was nonsense. He hated the reasoning behind it. He must have visited her earlier if he tremendously wanted to. 

He grabbed his goblet and drank the wine when his eyes flickered at Lyanna who perked up when Cersei was mentioned. “I was looking forward to seeing her here, but it’s no matter I’ll visit her tomorrow,” she said enthusiastically.

Eddard’s eyes then landed on the empty seat meant for Cersei. And imagined her presence. He adored Cersei and how her green eyes shone with amusement when he told her stories about the North and all his ventures. A first for him to talk more than he usually did. In every instance of Eddard’s attempt to share any part of his life, he hoped to alleviate Cersei’s disappointment. She was so adamant when she questioned his honor. Her opinion had heavily bothered him. Eddard was aware of himself being the quiet one. The ‘quiet wolf’ they say. And the more he stayed silent every time Cersei mocked his honor, he became desperate to utter all his truth. His truth might convince her of his honor. But he doubted. Cersei was not so easily persuaded.

—

Staring at the ceiling of his temporary chambers, Eddard tried his best to sleep. He could not. A woman he only met recently had him so enamored. The regret washed over him as he had not visited her after committing the promise. Shame on him, he thought. The fear of seeing Cersei disappointed in him again will be a stain he’ll eternally carry. He was raised to follow. To listen. To assist. And above all, he was raised to be responsible. Yet, he became incompetent to fulfill. How could he find himself deserving of Cersei’s presence when he himself had nothing to offer? She was raised with everything handed to her. Title. Wealth. 

Eddard was not even the heir of Winterfell and he presumed Cersei would not like the cold. As the second son, he was only there to assist. Though he had no complaints, he could not help but think what if he was the eldest? Being heir would come with challenges and pressures that he was unsure if he could live up to them. But if he was, perhaps he dared to offer more for Cersei. 

He sat up from his bed and thought of the days left in the tourney. Being the second son did not matter now. This was not the perfect time to reflect on what he did not have. This was the time to do with whatever he had now. In the next few days, Cersei would return to Casterly Rock, and her tyrant father would be more difficult to tame. And so he decided to make up with her on the next day. But why the next day when it could be now? This “now” could be another “now” that might never return. It may be a “later” or “tomorrow” and he might run out of all the “laters” and “tomorrows” until the chances of seeing Cersei was gone and it would be his biggest regret.

He grabbed his coat as he had the urge to visit Cersei, he did not even know if she was staying in the Lannister tent or her temporary chamber. He had no idea where she was but he intended to start looking for her from the tent. It might be late at night, but he did not care. 

—

Another nightmare loomed Cersei. She woke up with her heart pounding, as she caught her breath. On her side was her unfinished embroidery, she hid it swiftly in her kit on the side table. She fell asleep on a small bed in their tent, her food untouched. A maid rushed to her side to check on her. Cersei only shook her head as she told the maid to grab her thick cloak. Cersei rushed out of the tent and hurriedly entered one of the entrances in Harrenhal.

Harrenhal in the middle of the night was crowded, people were loud and even drunk. Cersei glared at someone who tried to place their arm around her to reel her into the group. 

“Dare to touch me and you’ll be an amputee before the sun rises!” Cersei had threatened the man and the group who could only incline their head. She brushed past them with a glare, while she was still thinking back to her nightmare. Stupid nightmare. Eddard had preoccupied her mind that she dreamt of him and his state in torment. Stupid man. Stupid mind. It was late at night and she was walking through the still-unfamiliar halls. This was unsafe yet here she was scouring this enormous castle for that man. She balled her fists. Why would she check up on him? Cersei abhorred such tenacity coming from her. Eddard was surely grown. A lord commander at that! She knew of his battles and how he had experienced such, so why was she so disturbed over a daft nightmare? 

Her thoughts clouded her mind, she was enraged mixed with worry. Cersei’s eyes flickered from every speck in the castle to find Eddard. Until someone held her wrist gently grabbing her. She was exasperated, her sleep was disturbed by a nightmare, her feelings conflicted with her mind, and random people dared to touch her. She has had enough! Cersei pulled back and turned her body wanting to slap the stranger who grasped her. 

“Have you got no-,” Cersei’s palm was almost ready to land on someone’s face when her gaze landed on Eddard. Her words stuck in her throat as Eddard caught her other hand. Her face relaxed and her shoulders untensed. Yet, she remembered her purpose in finding him. She scowled at him, “Where were you?!”

Eddard stared at her with confusion as he gently brought Cersei’s hand down, “What do you mean? I was about to visit you but your maid said you had left your tent.”

Cersei narrowed her eyes as she examined him, “And why would you visit me?”

Eddard sighed as he dragged Cersei out the crowded corners of the castle, “Come with me.” Cersei was taken aback by how firmly he said that. Tempted to take her hand back, she pulled away gently but Eddard’s grip only tightened. He looked back at her, “Be at ease, my lady. I’ll lead you into a much quieter place.”

“I can manage on my own, my lord,” Cersei spat and then looked down at his hand clasped around her wrist. She could not possibly be finding pleasure in him holding her. She bit her cheeks hard and pursed her lips to avoid a blush creeping up on her face. Fortunately, Eddard was looking ahead or he would see how Cersei was struggling to keep her cool.

“Forgive me, my lady. Based on how I found you, you seem did not manage,” Eddard replied while his head moved to find a more private area. Cersei rolled her eyes. She did not have the energy to bicker so she shut herself up and looked at his back while he led the way. 

 —

Eddard and Cersei were standing in a more secluded corner. The torchlight cast on Cersei’s face as it accentuated her beauty much more. Cersei was still worried over the silly nightmare as she examined Eddard, “As I asked earlier, where were you?”

“And as I had answered my lady, I was from your tent to visit you,” Eddard answered her yet he was puzzled as to why Cersei was furious again. “Why were you looking for me?” He cocked his head as it piqued his curiosity. 

Cersei glared at him, “It does not matter. I only wanted to be sure,” Cersei raised her chin but this incredulous man only smiled at her.

“I am quite positive there’s more to it. You look particularly worried and furious, what is bothering you?” Eddard’s smile gradually faded as he looked at her with concern.

“It’s nothing. Now that I can assess that you seem alright, then I’ll return to our tent,” Cersei turned her back swiftly but Eddard grabbed her wrist again. 

“My lady, let me escort you,” Eddard wanted more time with her, even if it was escorting her to the tent. A time with her was a time he needed. 

Cersei sighed and looked at his hand holding her wrist, “You've been touching my hand twice now. Let go and I will allow you to escort me.” Eddard smiled and nodded as he walked beside her, dropping her hand gently. 

The two walked together silently until Eddard broke the silence by speaking to her freely, “My intention to visit you tonight was because I haven't seen you since yesterday. Forgive me, I am aware it's an inappropriate time.”

Cersei glanced at him, “Well, now I'm here. Also, I apologize it is only because I decided to rest for this day and probably in the following days.”

“It is quite a coincidence that in the middle of the night you were looking for me. What has happened? I hope you do not mind if I pry,” Eddard looked at her, who broke their eye contact as she stared far ahead.

“Just a silly nightmare. You do not have to think much about the matter,” Cersei said softly. 

“My lady, if your nightmares were about the night I shared with-” Cersei halted and slapped his arm. How dubious!

“You dare recall that night again, Eddard, I swear to you, you will never see me again!” Cersei huffed and walked away leaving him stunned. Of course, she didn't mean that but she was indeed mad.

Eddard doubled his pace to reach her, “I apologize, my lady. It wasn't my intention but my intention was to assure you that I am alright and I wasn't fooling around.” He said nervously.

Cersei turned her head at him and stopped her tracks, “My nightmare wasn't about that! It was just you in battle and in pain. You are impossible! Why would you think I have to possibly possess such unpleasant dreams?!” 

They were outside the castle now and probably half the distance to the Lannister tent. Eddard breathed heavily as he looked at Cersei whose brows furrowed and eyes colder than the North. “I am well, my lady.” He raised his arms and turned around in his place to show her he wasn't hurt, “Perfectly alright.” He then smiled at her. 

Cersei was convinced now that her nightmare was just a result of her overthinking about Eddard. She sighed but kept her chin raised, “Forgive me for raising my voice. I am just drowsy.” 

She turned to walk again but Eddard stopped her by holding her wrist again. She stayed in her place and looked at him, “It's the third time, my lord.”

“Perhaps, I’ll make a fourth,” He said softly as his other hand held her other hand. Cersei was clearly taken aback as she bli

Chapter Text

The sunlight touched Lyanna's skin as she walked towards the Lannister tent. The tent was huge even though the Lannister house wasn't participating in any event and only two members attended. Lyanna had found friendship with Cersei, though she might admit the lady was rather intimidating when she first met her. However, Lyanna had grown fond of Cersei the more they spent time together. And when she encountered Cersei so distraught on that particular night, she discerned maybe Cersei needed a friend. Someone sincere and patient. 

Lyanna found the Lannisters to be good company. Tyrion was intelligent and occasionally funny. But people speak of him as unkind, which was unlikely of him when he was with the other lords or ladies. She did hear more malicious talks about the family, especially, about the father, the lord of Casterly Rock, and how his level of austerity exceeded normalcy. Cersei might have his sharpness but Lyanna knew it was Cersei’s lioness burning inside her. Tough and brave. Just like Cersei reminded her during the first night’s feast that she was a wolf.

Lifting the tent’s entrance, Lyanna entered only to see her older brother sitting across from Cersei. Lyanna paused in her tracks and was surprised to see Eddard there. Cersei turned her head at her, she was surprised to see her at first but then a broad smile formed.

Eddard rose from his seat and approached Lyanna, “Good morning sister, I only paid a visit to Lady Cersei… and Lord Tyrion, of course.” Lyanna landed on Tyrion who was sitting a little farther from the two. He greeted Lyanna rising from his seat and she returned it gracefully.

Lyanna was guided to a stool beside Cersei’s. “I did not realize you were here, brother. I suspected you were with Brandon. I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Lyanna gave Eddard a skeptical look to which Eddard only responded with his eyes warning her.

“Oh, you are not, Lady Lyanna. In fact, your brother was just talking about you. Isn’t that right, my lord?” Cersei glanced and grinned at Eddard.

“And what mischief did my brother tell you about me, my lady?” Lyanna chortled.

—

Tyrion lifted his eyes from the book as he observed the three talk, especially, Cersei. Since they arrived in Harrenhal, Cersei has spoken to Eddard and Lyanna more than she did to him. He wasn’t envious. He was relieved. Cersei has been less intolerant of Tyrion since she opened up a bit to these people. However, a raven came earlier with a letter from their father, and its contents were reminders for Tyrion to keep watch and inform Tywin of Cersei’s every move. He has not spoken about it to Cersei but he comprehended Cersei would be infuriated if she knew of their father’s intention to probe on her. 

In just a few days in the tourney, he never realized that Cersei could be welcoming, and building a friendship with Lyanna was a balm to their concerns about Cersei’s constant alienation. Tyrion was perceptive of Eddard’s friendship with Cersei. Often he would catch Eddard's meaningful gaze on Cersei, something Cersei might not notice. And if he was not wrong in his perception, he judged Eddard might have more intentions with Cersei than friendship. Tyrion remained quiet but he still kept guard.

—

Eddard and Lyanna waited outside the tent for Cersei and Tyrion. Lyanna hissed at Eddard with a low voice, “Brother, I was actually serious when I told you earlier that I presumed you were with Brandon.” 

Eddard was stunned. He cleared his throat, “My presence was not needed, sister.” He was actually needed and only made up excuses to their brother to evade being busy. “So I found myself in the Lannister tent,” Eddard muttered.

Lyanna squinted her eyes at him, “I suspect there’s something deeper than ‘finding’ yourself in their tent,”

Eddard scoffed in disbelief and chuckled, “No. No, I mean… It’s just because I-”

“Brother,” Lyanna touched his arm gently. Eddard paused, tilting his head, and sighed. Lyanna assured him, “Ned,” she looked at him pensively, “Your justification is not needed. I understand you strongly uphold your principle, in this instance, I know your intentions with Cersei are clear.”

Relief passed on Eddard and his face lit up as a small laugh left his lips. He nodded, then pursed his lips, “Thank you, sister. I am, however, doubtful of where this would lead to, especially if this tourney will end in a few days.”  

—

One of the maids was fixing Cersei's dress when Tyrion was standing on the corner. Though waiting patiently, he still has a worried expression spread across his face.

Cersei frowned at him, “What is your problem?”

Tyrion said, “Father wants to know your every move since we arrived here.”

Cersei's brow shot up, she muttered a short ‘thank you’ to the maid then walked closer to Tyrion, “And so? You can write to him whatever you want to say.” 

“Are you mad? Do you want me to tell him how you and Lord Eddard seem to have grown fond of each other?” 

Cersei glared and crossed her arms, “What is that supposed to mean? I am forming acquaintances, isn't that supposed to be why we were sent here? Isn't that the objective father wanted?” 

“Cersei, you are not much of an ignorant and oblivious lady. These places have eyes, the servants have ears and mouths. They saw you being walked by Lord Eddard last night from Harrenhal. Don't make me mention how you had your arm linked to his. From Harrenhal. Not from the tent where our servants stay. In the middle of the night. People would think then of something malicious.” Tyrion had to minimize his voice for only Cersei to hear.

Cersei glowered, “Oh father wouldn't reduce himself to gossip and talks from cheap commoners.” 

“You are so complacent, you think father wouldn't want to pull you out right now if you aren't being careful. He could command his bannermen to bring us back to Casterly Rock.” Tyrion then handed her the letter.

Cersei grabbed it forcefully and read the content, “So typical of him.” She returned the letter to Tyrion, “You can write him anything you want to say.”

Tyrion paused—contemplating. “Well, we can just pass these as mindless rumors, like what we always do…”

“Write him everything then let's see how he'd react to those mindless ‘rumors’. He always had his way to control our lives anyway, and once this ‘rumor’ reached him he would find a way to shut it out. He would probably scour Westeros for a good-titled lord to ship me off. He thinks he's quite so smart, that he refuses to teach me how even this world works. His failure to arrange me with Rhaegar has proven he’s incapable sometimes. Convincing the King wouldn't be so difficult just like how he'd boast his ‘wit’ but look at who married Rhaegar —the princess from Dorne. The same family of the prince that our mother had intended me to be married off to but father also rejected them. And now, all prospects are gone. You might expect I will be shipped off to an ugly scum of a lord.” Cersei was enraged by the awful reminder.

Tyrion tugged her skirt and said calmly, “You don't have to be mad now. The sun is still up. No one would dare to make up more malicious thoughts.”

“Oh yes, very helpful. Thank you for that. Since people are already speaking about it, it might have reached the Rock as of the moment,” Cersei said sarcastically.

“Oh come on now sister, it's only been a few hours. It has not reached him but I only reminded you so you could be careful.” 

Cersei walked fast wanting to leave the tent but she spun around and Tyrion halted, “I have already been contemplating many times if it was right to see Eddard. Having his company and along with his sister, make everything better and they make me forget. And I hate to admit it but I wanted to avoid him as much as possible because I know it's a dangerous tread I could be walking on but I can't just do it. It's infuriating how that man can pull me so much. I tried evading him for one day but look at how it ended — with us having to be gossiped around by people.”

Cersei breathed heavily, “I do not understand how they perceived the sight of us so maliciously. We just walked together. And why is my reputation only being questioned here and not his? They were lucky to see me being escorted because I assure you that is much better to see than an alone lady at night.”

Tyrion sighed. He realizes now Cersei's in denial but he doesn't want to fuel her anger more so he has his final resolve. “Let's not speak of it today, sister. We have much more to do and you should be using the most of your time in the tourney. You don't have to worry about our father, I will only write to him about your progress in recovery.”

His eyes flickered up and down to Cersei, “It seems you did recover because you can speak more than two sentences to me.”

Cersei rolled her eyes at him then turned away leaving him.

“Eddard must be doing the right thing to make you speak,” Tyrion decided to tease her.

Cersei spun so quickly that she pointed her finger at him, “Don't ever say a word to him like that!”

Tyrion raised his hands, “I won't.”

Cersei straightened her back and smirked, “Good. Now let's leave, it's quite some time since they've been waiting outside.”

—

The tournament grounds were filled with the participants preparing themselves for the archery event. Eddard led the company where they could spectate with a better view. Cersei sat between Eddard and Lyanna while Tyrion sat a step above them. 

“Oh, this must be interesting to watch.” Cersei grinned slyly. Her arms were still linked with Lyanna's. 

Eddard raised one of his eyebrows and glanced at Cersei, “I am curious how you welded a skill in archery, my lady. I admit that one meal in your tent made me want to hunt with you also if there's a chance.”

Cersei chuckled softly, “Well, more than you'd possibly think for a lady to learn.” Omitting the part where she'd sneak in to learn, she lost her gaze on the grounds. Cersei pondered how she'd not be free to use such weapons any sooner when she returned home. She licked her lips and softly bit her lower lip. The chances of her hunting with Eddard were zero. 

Turning her head to Eddard's direction, “But it seems unladylike and father might not make that a possibility.” Her regret grew in her heart but her senses knocked to remind her. She had to gradually make it clear to him—they couldn't do more than what she was allowed. And she would grieve the days when she could be so free with him.

Eddard only locked eyes with Cersei and inclined his head while Cersei gave him a mournful smile.

When the event began, one participant from the houses of the Reach had made his stance. Holding his bow with weak experience, Cersei inevitably mocked, “That is the sloppiest and weakest form I have ever seen, a 5-year-old can do better.” Cersei was certain she said this with a low voice until Eddard leaned his head closer to hers.

“I bet he will still hit the target. He wouldn't be representing if deemed unskilled,” Eddard responded softly.

But the lord released his arrow and it landed far from the target. Cersei laughed, she then faced Eddard. “I rest my case, my lord,” Cersei breathed. Eddard, who was already looking at her, held his gaze.

His eyes glinted. “That was unkind, my lady,” his tone with a hint of amusement. 

“Well, there's no kindness to be placed in a competition.” Cersei's tone was serious to which Eddard only grinned. 

She reflected on her words again. No kindness. And Eddard's: unkind. She was more than unkind. She was ruthless if ever she saw a threat or something that would thwart her way. Her sins might visit her again and she was obliged to pay. Cersei assumed she already did but maybe her sins were heavier than she perceived it to be.

The sound of the bow creaking and the sharp hit of the arrow while the spectators cheered muffled as Cersei's mind drifted off and she stared blankly at the grounds. That word ticked her off, though, she knew Eddard didn't mean any harm with how amused he was. Cersei was inescapably troubled. She was aware of how unkind was not enough to describe her cruelty ever since she was a child. Before Harrenhal, her only fear was the price she would pay for each sin. But now she feared what Eddard and Lyanna would do if they saw the real her. That night of terror was already enough for Cersei to bear. She was always willing to endure if her aunt would pinch her arm when she had said something to offend her; or when she would be belittled by her father. 

When Eddard took her mocking of the archer as a joke while she actually meant it, she realized by then how she was hostile in the simplest things. And it pained her.

‘That was unkind.’ 

Cersei's chest clenched when she realized Eddard could describe her more atrociously than just a simple word of ‘unkind’. She tried to assure herself that he only meant it lightheartedly. But she knew soon enough if everything was unmasked, Eddard would have to say more, and that time it wouldn't be so lighthearted any longer.

—

Night came as the moon shone brightly through the tent. Cersei was crouching on her small bed near the firepit. Holding and looking intently at the unfinished embroidery, she sighed softly. She wanted to burn the needlework, she thought of it as foolish. Why must she create an image of a lioness and a wolf together? It simply did not match. However, something was holding her back. It was the only time when she enjoyed such a ladylike hobby. And she would be glad to do it again if she were to sew images of wolves a thousand times. She would never complain. 

Tyrion entered the tent as Cersei kept the embroidery hidden under her pillows. 

“I am not hungry, brother,” Cersei said defensively.

“You're not joining us, again?” Tyrion asked as he grabbed a stool and placed it across Cersei's bed. He sat down and studied her face, “Why are you gloomy? Ever since this afternoon, you were a little… distant. Though, you were still speaking I couldn't help but notice.”

Cersei rolled her eyes at him and scowled, “Why are you always so meticulous over everything I do? Can't a lady be quiet instead of talking too much? And besides, we were in the eyes of the public. Like you said, I have to be careful.”

Tyrion sighed, “I meant when you two are alone. Obviously, you were not alone together. Is there something bothering you? You have my word about writing to father-” 

“No. That's… enough. I am simply weary and tired throughout the day.” Cersei said bitterly. 

The two went silent as Cersei stared at her lap and Tyrion gazed at the fire pit. The crackling sound of the fire and the sounds of the people outside can only be heard. Cersei sighed as she broke the silence by speaking softly, “I admit I am always ambitious. I never want to settle for less, hence, I resented our father for failing to arrange a marriage with Prince Rhaegar. I imagined him to be beautiful and ethereal like any Targaryen would have been but looking at King Aenys, he might age like him and I do not want a rotting king for a husband.”

Tyrion chuckled, “The Targaryens only have beautiful women anyway.”

“But who cares for a rotting king when I have power and bear his sons, do I not? For once, I could be of use to our house. I wouldn't be seen by our father as useless or he wouldn't mock me when Jaime would excel in something where I know I could have done better,” Cersei continued. She stood up and grabbed a wine and two chalices. Tyrion grabbed the wine bottle and poured it into each cup.

“Stomach empty. Wine cup full. The old Cersei is back,” Tyrion said blankly.

Cersei laughed bitterly, “I know except I do not want her to return.” Sipping the wine, “I needed this just so I could speak as much as I could. I jeered at the archery participant earlier. Though it was only a conversation I shared with Eddard.”

Tyrion narrowed his eyes, “So?”

Cersei tilted her head and scowled, “Of course, you are used to me mocking people and if we had that conversation you would just ignore me. However, Eddard said it was unkind. And he said it in a jovial manner like he interpreted it as me saying a jest. Something only innocent or playful.” 

“Where is this leading, Cersei?” Tyrion frowned but with concern in his voice.

“I am utterly confused. All my life, I have only been seeking validation from father but the only possibility I could do that is when he could use me as a pawn for his politics. I could not dare myself to be shipped off to another man who might not give me power to rule, he might also treat me worse than any man I met. Prince Rhaegar was the best option, Prince Oberyn was the last chance, but father just had to ruin everything. And after that, I had never cared about what people might think of me, I only wanted to stay in the Rock no matter the circumstances. I'd rather face father's endless torment before I get dragged to another kingdom without seeing my future husband first. I never cared until…” Cersei bit her lower lip when she felt her voice shake and her hand quivered a bit.

So Tyrion continued, “Until I told you about what people were speaking about you and Eddard. And also how Eddard's word troubles you.”

Cersei looked at Tyrion and wiped her teeth with her tongue. “You really are smart. Yes, it troubles me. Eddard will probably loathe me once he knows of my sins. His words of ‘unkind’ already made me a mess, how much more if I had heard something harsher than that. This was the first instance that I cared about someone's opinion of me after father's.”

Tyrion shot her a look, “He'll never have to know. And you said it yourself, he was just amused. You don't have to take it seriously.” 

Cersei only looked away as if she wanted to say something but could not.

“Unless…” Tyrion's throat started to dry so he sipped his wine and placed the chalice on the small table. “You know, his opinions would not matter anyway if your intention of him is only to be friends. He lives in the North, such stories of your past shouldn't really be known to him and if he does know in the future, why would it matter? He seems to be fond of you, and he will probably talk highly of you if you ever need to be endorsed to a higher lord.” This time, Tyrion said carefully, “A higher lord that could provide you of what you need, and even though father is capable of doing it himself but with Eddard's-”

Cersei slammed the chalice on the table, “That's the problem! He is not titled. He is a second son. Yet he is the best example I could ever find for a man I ever want in my life! And do you think father will allow such a union? No! Father would never want that. I will be untitled, Lord Brandon's future wife will be titled. And you know me, I hate competing, I despise when someone goes beyond me. I will never survive that situation. The North will be cold and I will be powerless. Yet, I could be the lady of Casterly Rock and have any man I want as a husband and use the title as bait. However, despite Jaime being in the Kingsguard, he's never had to wed, our good of a father insists Jaime is still the heir because he was born a man. And has he thought of his other son? No. Not even you. Not even you who is his second son should be his heir. That's how ruthless a father he is. He'll never provide us with what we want. It's always him or Jaime!” 

Tyrion's chest clenched, it did hurt. He knew their father would not see both of them as heirs, and before he could even say something Cersei wiped her tears as she cried.

“If ever Eddard knows my true nature, he will eventually leave and never reach out to me. Then he'll meet another lady whose house would probably be grateful to have their daughter marry a son of House Stark, despite him not being titled. And he would treat her right,” Cersei said softly. 

Tyrion sympathized with his sister, “You will be alright, Cersei. Do not ever relive your past again, the gods have forgiven you. You-”

“Oh Tyrion, I am certain I haven't paid for all of my sins. I have to repent but I couldn't handle such. My dignity has been stripped away and repenting, I could if it is in exchange for a life I wanted,” Cersei sniffled.

“You need to choose, sister. This tourney will be done in a few days, either you make the most of it with him or we return home and you'll regret not spending much time with him or even Lady Lyanna.”

“It is better to avoid them by the time we leave, it will not be so melancholic.”

“Avoiding them is the worst thing you could ever do when these are the only people you talked with throughout the tourney or outside Casterly Rock,” Tyrion grew annoyed and his stomach was already rumbling too.

“You're probably hungry, you can leave and enter Harrenhal now.” Cersei stood and picked up the chalices.

“Join us. This time, do not hesitate to make the most with Eddard and Lyanna's company. Do not ever think of the tourney ending.” Tyrion said firmly as he walked past her.

Cersei watched his brother walk towards the opening of the tent. She sighed and decided to follow him.

—

After the dinner in Harrenhal, Eddard and Lyanna were together with Cersei and Tyrion. As they walked, Lyanna said to Cersei about Eddard joining the melee for tomorrow. 

“Would you like to join me to watch, Lady Cersei?” Lyanna linked her arms to Cersei's as she also held Eddard's arm while she turned her head back and forth to see their responses. 

Cersei was quite hesitant but she nodded and smiled softly, “Of course, I would be eager.” 

Eddard looked at his sister and Cersei giving them a mischievous smile, “I'm not the best at combat but I'd be honored to have Lady Cersei's presence tomorrow.”

Lyanna narrowed her eyes at him and laughed. She then turned to Cersei, “He's just being humble.”

Cersei only grinned and she locked gazes with Eddard who was smiling at her.

“I will have to return now to my brother,” Lyanna said as she released both of her arms. She looked at Eddard who was confused, “My other brother.” 

Cersei nodded and said, “Good night Lady Lyanna. I appreciate your time with us today.”

“Good night, Lady Cersei, Lord Tyrion. Brother, I shall expect your return later.” Lyanna smiled and then turned to leave. 

Cersei and Eddard only stared at each other after Lyanna left. Eddard's eyes made Cersei's heart soften. She released a deep breath as she said softly, “Tyrion and I should return to our tents now.” 

Tyrion was walking ahead and looked back at them, “I'll give you two privacy while we walk back.”

Eddard chuckled then turned again at Cersei, “I will walk with you.”

Cersei was quiet as she held her hands together to stop herself from fidgeting, “My lord, we have to be careful when we walk together. People have been speaking ill thoughts about the night we met at Harrenhal. I am afraid it will reach my father and he might not take it lightly.”

“Of course, my lady. I do apologize if it stirred some trouble, I am only concerned for your welfare.” Eddard was not surprised with it at all, anyone would always keep watch on Cersei. Every move she made was always preyed upon by any bystanders. 

Cersei furrowed her brows, “Are you not afraid of my father?” 

“Should I be, my lady? I did hear how your father can be…” he was searching for words to say before he could offend Cersei, “He can be commanding. But what is a lord of a kingdom if he's not commanding, isn't he?”

Cersei chuckled, “I suppose he is. But you still did not answer my question.”

“I have not done anything wrong, hence, I shall not fear your lord father. My siblings and I were raised by our father to be adept in building such relations with other lords and ladies from different houses and kingdoms. Your father may be a little different but I can try. I am willing to try, rather.” Eddard said sincerely to Cersei. 

Cersei looked at him with much adoration but looked away, “And how are you so willing to meet him, my lord? My father is diplomatic I'd say but he'd rather venture out the West to visit the other kingdoms rather than accept visitors.”

Eddard chuckled, “I am capable of traveling, my lady. If anything I have spent my life, it's mostly arduously traveling. The West is just an easy feat.” 

“You sound so confident, my lord. But my father could not blame me if you were always by my side here in Harrenhal. I mean, what can he expect from my dwarf brother who he left for me as my guardian? And Tyrion is young and father expects so much from him,” Cersei said as she stared at Tyrion's back guiding them to the tent.

Eddard noticed how Cersei looked at her brother. He always witnessed everything Cersei did, including her change in tone and facial expressions. So he asked, “Is something bothering you as of late? Aside from your concerns about people talking, I could be of help.”

Cersei wanted to say it but she decided not to. She looked at him and his grey eyes just mirrored pity over her. And she hated when people pity her, treating her as weak. She shook her head and smiled at him, “There's nothing, my lord. Everything is great.”

He only nodded then looked down at Cersei's hands clasped together and noticed they were shaking. He wanted to hold them but after Cersei's warning, he had to be cautious now. He had no idea how to assure her except to make up excuses, “Are you cold, my lady?”

Cersei's face scrunched with confusion, it's very warm though it's night it's bearable with her dress. “No, my lord.” 

Her answer did not stop Eddard as he unclasped his coat and draped it over Cersei. They stopped walking as Eddard clasped the coat on her, “This will keep you warm.” He looked at her and smiled though there was concern in his eyes when his eyebrows moved. Cersei's eyes widened. Oh how dare he defy what I have said earlier, she thought. Now the warmth spread a blush forming on her cheeks so she pursed her lips in an attempt to stifle it.

His hands held both of her shoulders which made Cersei hitch her breath. “You'll be fine,” he assured her gently. Eddard smiled at her. He couldn't break eye contact as he got lost all over Cersei's beautiful eyes. Noticing they had been stuck in the same position for a while, he let go and they continued to walk to the tent that was only a few paces away.

—

Tyrion had written to their father about Cersei's progress and had omitted writing to him about Eddard instead, he wrote about how his sister is creating a friendship with Lady Lyanna Stark. Cersei was braiding her hair while her maids changed her. She called over the divider, “Let me read it before you send it to father.”

Of course, Cersei had to double-check before Tyrion had a raven send the letter to the West. Either she wanted to add more or omit some parts of it. “Of course,” Tyrion responded as his focus returned to writing.

“I'll have it sent tomorrow morning,” Tyrion said as Cersei sat down. She folded Eddard's cape and placed it on the edge of the bed.

“Exchanging clothes now, I see,” Tyrion squinted his eyes at her.

Cersei scowled at him as her fist balled, her other hand grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, “Don't ever say any word about this again. I'm going to sleep in this very messy and unpleasant tent!”

“Oh no, you can not blame me. We made an agreement that we shall all sleep here since Harrenhal quarters had only brought trouble for us,” Tyrion said and dropped the quill. “Here's the letter, return it to me tomorrow if you are completely satisfied with it.” 

Cersei held the letter and settled on her bed as she overlooked the content. “Good night then, now leave me alone!” 

—

Cersei asked Tyrion as they entered the bleachers of the tournament grounds, “Have you sent the letter?”

“I did. To be honest, I am astounded with you being content with what I wrote,” Tyrion answered. He was following Cersei who just sat down beside Lyanna.

Cersei turned to him, “Can you even see clearly there? Move one step up. And yes, what you have written was good enough to convince father.”

Tyrion moved up and was seated beside Lyanna's brothers as he and Cersei greeted them. “Now, I can see clearly.” Tyrion then turned to Brandon and spoke with him. 

Lyanna noticed Cersei moved her head as she searched for Eddard on the grounds, “He's still preparing in our tent. He rushed to polish and sharpen his sword just a while ago.”

Cersei looked at Lyanna and nodded, “I see, was he not prepared at all this morning?” 

Lyanna laughed, “I am glad he didn't, I was able to help him prepare his sword. He's probably on his way.”

“I assume he was busy this morning then if he was not able to do the preparations earlier,” Cersei said with concern.

Lyanna shook her head in disagreement, “He was preoccupied with sleep. My brothers were drinking last night. And he just had a little too much.”

Cersei gave her a look and laughed. Drinking was Cersei's guilty pleasure and she felt guilty that Tyrion also at a young age engaged with alcohol. Learning Eddard could be a heavy sleeper after drinking amused her. She found it endearing. 

Crazy woman, why would a drunk man be endearing? Cersei cursed that to herself. 

Lyanna leaned closer to Cersei and whispered, “I do not want to pry but he is my brother, and you, I consider, my friend. My brother isn't betrothed to anyone just yet, father hasn't found one. It's Ned who is defiant of the idea but if he does ask for your hand, you can always tell me.”

Stunned by Lyanna's words, Cersei blinked. She tilted her head, “That is… Oh. He…” Lyanna's doe brown eyes looked at her eagerly as Cersei breathed heavily and smiled. “That is not possible. We are both certain we are only seeking friendship.” 

Lyanna held Cersei's hands and pursed her lips, “Everything starts with friendship.” Cersei wondered if Lyanna was friends with Lord Robert Baratheon as the two were betrothed. Cersei opened her mouth to respond but was cut off when Eddard's presence was announced. Lyanna let go of Cersei's hand as she stood up with the other Northerners. The cheers were loud when Eddard entered on his mount. 

Cersei turned her head on the grounds to see Eddard in his armor bearing the dire wolf sigil. She was the only one in her seat as everyone rose to cheer for House Stark. She could only observe as she felt her chest pound as the sudden anxiety wafted over her. Only now she realized how only a tournament could be more dangerous than how much more if Eddard entered an actual war. 

However, Cersei couldn't stop admiring Eddard’s skill in the field. The Northerners would wince whenever Eddard and his group took a hit. And they would cheer when Eddard would blow a strong attack. Cersei clutched on her dress as she felt very nervous. She muttered a silent prayer to have the melee end. She wanted it to be done. The longer she saw Eddard fighting, the more worried she was. Wasn't she supposed to find this very entertaining? She had always found interest in events like this, she made sure she did not miss any. Especially now that her presence there was her support for Eddard.

The melee had been going on forever and Eddard was even wounded and injured along with all the participants. Cersei could just scowl and flinch the longer she watched. 

“But damn this man! Can't he push one final strong blow to end that useless opponent of his?!” Cersei hissed that Tyrion and Lyanna made their head turn at her. Her thoughts made their way out of Cersei's mouth and she didn't care. 

Eddard landed a strong blow to his opponent resulting in the melee with House Stark winning. For Cersei, it has been a long wait. Dear gods, she thought. The Northerners celebrated with immense triumph. Lyanna dragged Cersei down to the grounds as they were led by Brandon and Benjen who carried Tyrion. Cersei dropped her jaw after seeing Tyrion on Benjen’s back, “This worm is becoming an imbecile!” But no one heard her because the celebrations were too loud. Almost stumbling but they all reached the grounds and Eddard embraced his brothers and sister. Cersei wanted to smile, wanted to celebrate the triumph but seeing Eddard very wounded her worry just covered her face. 

—

Cersei was in the Stark tent as she tended to Eddard's wounds and injury. “Let me assist you with that,” her voice soft with worry. Eddard was physically hurt yet still beaming when speaking with his siblings. 

“Now, a match between you and Lord Robert Baratheon is what I want to see. The Lord of Storm's End and The Quiet Wolf in a match would be so enthralling to witness,” Tyrion says. 

“Ah now, two close friends are battling it out. I will be biased but side with my brother, of course,” Brandon jested. 

Cersei glared only at Tyrion, annoyed at why he had to encourage Eddard to participate more when he was clearly wounded. Tyrion rolled his eyes at her then said, “I will have to leave and spectate more. I'll see you all later. Sister.”

“I will see you when I am done here,” Cersei said curtly, not even looking up as she tended to Eddard. 

Eddard nodded at them, “I will have to recuperate now, it was quite more intense than I had expected.” All of his siblings smiled at him and left. Lyanna followed Benjen trying to catch him who started a banter with her again. Brandon’s hand clasped  Eddard's shoulder, “You've done well, brother.” Eddard smiled at him and then observed his brother leaving.

Cersei and Eddard were left in the tent as the sun started to set and the moon began to rise. It was quiet except for Eddard's heavy breaths and Cersei's movements tending him.

Cersei then grabbed a bottle of a salve and before applying it to multiple gashes on Eddard, she said “This might hurt, my lord.” She did her best to spread it gently as much as possible so that it wouldn't be painful but Eddard winced. 

“Why are you so quiet, my lady?” Eddard smirked at her as she shot him a glare. 

“I am not,” Cersei replied quickly but she had to say something. “You have done well. You truly are a champion.”

Eddars sighed, “Ah, that's what I wanted to hear.”

Cersei stopped and sat up straight, “What do you mean by that?”

Eddard chuckled lightly, “I haven't heard you say anything to me after the event. But I appreciate your presence today, I actually thought you wouldn't come.” 

“Why wouldn't I come? I promised you and Lyanna. And I could not miss it. I had been eager to spectate the event.” Cersei said softly as she dipped a clean cloth into the water. She tapped it lightly and wiped the gashes and the deep wounds. 

“However, I admit you scared me back there and I am not so easily to admit that I get frightened. Is this what you have been doing ever since?” Cersei asked him. 

Eddard fixed his eyes on hers full of worry, “I do but wounds are natural to happen, my lady.” He said softly. “You do not have to worry, I have experienced much worse.”

“I see,” Cersei said. She broke eye contact and continued cleaning the wounds. “Tell me if it hurts or if I am doing too much.”

“You're doing quite well. Gentle and right. Even deft.” Eddard whispered. “I will be quick to recover then to have the Light of the West treat me.” He jested. He tried to jest and Cersei was infuriated. Being heavily wounded but had the audacity to jest.

“Enough of jests! You must recuperate now.” Cersei says as she did her final touches on the treatment. 

Eddard was touched by Cersei helping him. He actually expected Lyanna would do this to him but his sister has run off with their brother. But it was Cersei who patiently treated him, “Thank you for this, Cersei.” 

Cersei was quite taken aback as she discarded the supplies. Did he just call her with her first name? She then gazed at him and cleared her throat, “It is nothing, my lord.”

“Ned.”

Cersei gave him a confused look. 

Eddard sighed moving carefully as he avoided his wounds from getting hurt. 

“Call me ‘Ned’.”

“Ned,” Cersei says softly as her eyes flickered and she can't look straight at him. She felt flustered after he initiated them calling each other by their first names. But Eddard was his first name and he wanted her to call him by his short name. The name only his family and friends call him. 

He nodded and grinned from ear to ear when she said his name. 

Cersei then breathed heavily and said to him gently, “You shouldn't have been drinking a night before you joined the melee.” Eddard was astounded at what she had said. Cersei only chuckled softly, “Your sister told me. What has gone in your mind to do such? You should really be careful next time.” 

Eddard moved closer to her by crouching on his bed as Cersei stayed still on the stool. “It will never happen again. I never expected I had needed that much alcohol.”

“What happened? Nothing happened to you last night if I assume you were not fooling around after you walked us to the tent?” Cersei said, squinting her eyes. Eddard could only laugh softly.

“No, I was not fooling around. I just wanted to drink with my brothers.” Eddard then looked at Cersei's hand, he wanted to hold it. He always did.

“Your sister, Lyanna, mentioned you drank more than your brothers did.” Cersei insisted more. Somehow she wanted him to tell her what he felt. She needed an excuse or validation if ever someone would have to create malicious thoughts again about her tending to Eddard especially in private. But she expected more than that. 

Eddard slowly shook his head, “It's nothing.” He looked at her eyes as if she was pleading to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her but that would make her question his honor again. 

“It's not nothing,” Cersei said curtly. “I drink when I need to vent something out.” Eddard only fixed his gaze on her. His eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips to her hands then back to her eyes again. 

Cersei only smiled, “But it is fine if you can not speak about it now, you need to recuperate. I’ll leave you to rest.” She was about to stand up when Eddard held her hand. Cersei gulped, she felt his calloused hands on hers. Eddard also did not understand what had gotten into him and why he held her hand. Her hand was gentle and delicate, one that couldn't place harm.

“Stay here for a while,” Eddard said as he looked up at her and Cersei stared at him with concern. He did not let go of her hand even after she settled back in her seat. Eddard only held her hand tighter. 

Cersei tilted her head, “Is there more you need to say?” But he only rubbed his thumb on her knuckles. He then raised his head and had his free hand grab the legs of the stool to move Cersei closer to him. Cersei was stunned and she felt her cheeks flush. 

“What do you think you are doing?” Cersei hissed as she looked at him now that their faces were closer. She couldn't even believe she didn't hate it. She actually liked it. She hated how he always made her heart flutter. The urge to slap him now was high. 

Eddard looked at her and smiled, “You are very beautiful, Cersei.” He was still not letting go of her hand and Cersei could feel her hand was about to sweat. She didn't sweat or just didn't like it when she sweats. 

Their faces were too close and she held her gaze at him. She never wanted to make it known to him that he made her feel unsteady. “I know that.” She did know she was beautiful. But it felt different coming from him.

They only stared at each other while their hands were still together. Cersei hitched a breath as her eyes flickered, she licked her lips and swallowed a lump feeling her throat dry. Eddard only stared intently at her as he massaged Cersei's knuckles with his thumb. “Will you tell me now why you got drunk last night?” Cersei asked him softly.

“Yes,” Eddard said softly as he placed his free hand on Cersei's nape to bring her closer to him. Their lips collided and Cersei's eyes widened with shock. She pushed his chest with her free hand while Eddard only gripped her other hand tighter. Eddard broke the kiss softly, “I apologize. Forgive me.” He rested his forehead on Cersei's. 

“A kiss. Really? That's the reason why you got drunk?” Cersei whispered, almost mocking him. 

There she went with her mocking again, Eddard thought. He only thought of it as amusing as he smiled, “Yes. Will you allow me to do it again, my lady?”

“Cersei.” She corrected him.

“Forgive me. Cersei,” he called for her softly.

“Ned,” she only whispered as they kissed again but this time it was fervent. Full of passion. Their hands loosened as Eddard pulled Cersei bringing her on his lap, not breaking the kiss. “Your wounds,” Cersei could barely say. 

“Don't mind them,” Eddard said as he kissed her again, his other hand was on Cersei's face. His wounds would have healed by now with how Cersei’s kiss was soothing. They kissed like they were hungry for each other. Cersei wanted his kiss. Eddard wanted her kiss. They only wanted to be closer to each other. Cersei grasped his unwounded arm as her nails dug and her other hand tangled in his hair. 

She was daring. Cersei was daring, bold, and defiant, she never knew every passion and unresolved feelings could be like this. Eddard brought her so much closer. His heart skipped a beat when she whispered, “Ned.” Their hands continued to explore each other, arousing more passion and releasing their desperation. Cersei’s lips were so soft against his, that it made Eddard crazy. Their kiss was growing longer as Cersei melted, Eddard held her lower back which made Cersei shudder. Cersei gasped as he bit her lower lip softly, nibbling it. Cersei parted her mouth slowly as Eddard entered her with his tongue. Their tongues tasted each other as their kisses grew more intense and their moans grew from soft to louder. They didn't care about the world surrounding them and didn't want to stop. So they did not.

Chapter Text

Cersei was on her bed rustling as she kept turning and turning. She tried her best to sleep but she could not. Tyrion threw a pillow at her shouting at her to go to sleep. Cersei threw back the pillow harder.

She brought the covers covering her head. Touching lightly her lips, she could still feel the warmth of Eddard's lips on hers. It was still numb and she could not believe herself for wanting more. Cersei could still feel his arms holding her like they left a heavy mark on her. She squealed out of annoyance. “How could I let this happen?” she thought and kicked the blankets as if it was suffocating her and her mind. She buried her face in the pillow and screamed loudly but was muffled. 

Eddard's eyes were still appearing in Cersei's mind. Being vulnerable in his presence was the least of the things she wanted. She also remembered how she called him ‘Ned’ and a blush crept up her cheeks. She screamed again through her pillow. She was terrified of her feelings now. 

Cersei wanted to leave now. Right away. Staying longer in Harrenhal was dangerous for her. She could not even make herself avoid the Starks. She tried waking up Tyrion. “Tyrion,” she whispered. He groaned. “Tyrion!” she whispered again but this time it was louder and more annoyed. He didn't move. 

She pulled his blankets aggressively, “Wake up, you worm!” 

Tyrion shouted, “What do you want?!” He was drunk. Obviously, after celebrating with the Northerners, he had become so friendly with many people even from different houses. 

“We need to go home.” Cersei pressed. “Back to Casterly Rock.” 

“I am just drunk and this is just all a hallucination,” Tyrion waved at her and flanked back on his bed.

“No! I am serious! I do not want to be here. I am recovered now, I am fit to return,” Cersei said with gritted teeth.

“The tourney will end in a few more days. Would you just relish these last days?” Tyrion groaned. “Go back to bed!”

Cersei scowled and threw the blanket over his head. “Good night!” She said angrily.

—

In the Stark tent, Eddard was still recovering. Lyanna tended to his wounds this time while he was lying down. 

“The champion is lying down here while the Northerners are celebrating. Lady Cersei did not join us either,” Lyanna said as she sat down on the stool beside her brother's bed.

Eddard froze after she mentioned Cersei's name. “She said she was tired and had to retire early,” he managed to say. 

“You have to eat,” Lyanna urged. She was worried about her brother who was wounded but he had not eaten since.

“I am full.” Eddard quickly replied. He was not interested in any of the meals they could serve him. His mind was only filled with Cersei. 

She sighed, “Did the two of you…” she trailed off her words.

“What?” Eddard's head turned at Lyanna. He felt nervous. However, he was certain no one had seen or heard Cersei and him earlier.

“Argue? She was quite worried about seeing you earlier on the grounds. And I should apologize to you, I told her about you drinking a lot last night,” Lyanna said softly.

Eddard sighed in relief, “Oh, I see. It's no problem.”

“You are so wearisome. I will leave you to rest,” Lyanna stood up and smiled. “Good night, brother.”

Eddard looked at her and smiled, “Thank you, sister. Good night.” 

Eddard only stared at the tent's ceiling as he recalled the kiss he shared with Cersei. His mind was tumultuous as he could still feel her sweet and soft lips against his. It felt good for him to hold her. He thought of how impulsive he was in making a move on her. It was unlikely of him unless he was drunk but he was not drunk. He had rested enough throughout the morning. He even competed in the melee. This time around, it was a different drive that pushed him to do it. 

Slowly turning to his side, not touching the wounds, he tried to sleep. But he could not. The kiss they shared kept replaying in his mind. He thought of Cersei as defiant and stern and harsh but when they kissed she turned soft and vulnerable.

Everything about it was warm, tempting, yearning, hungering, and addicting. Eddard only wanted Cersei.

—

After the shared lunch served in the Lannister tent, Cersei and Tyrion were preparing for the day. “What are your plans today?” Tyrion asked her. “You really need to avoid keeping out of my sight now that the tourney is coming to an end.”

She squinted at him as her mouth twisted, “No. Why would I do that?” 

Tyrion groaned, “It's because… once there is a victor of the final competition, he could name a  woman of his liking to be the ‘queen of love and beauty’”

Cersei raised her eyebrows, “That does not justify your plight. There are plenty of women here.” She adjusted her dress and braided her hair, “Besides, I would not even accept if someone would crown me.”

“Father was complacent enough to send you here without telling you about that. Do you know how scandalous that would be if you rejected the victor? Or if the victor is already married? They will seek your hand in marriage, sister,” Tyrion retorted.

Cersei's eyes flickered at him, “Oh, so an innocent woman will fall victim just because a man becomes a victor.” 

He tilted his head and gave her a knowing look. 

“That seems… absurd. Well, anyway no one has shown interest in me here. You shall not worry,” Cersei said mindlessly.

“And if I say Eddard might try?” Tyrion just had to say it. And he knows how much of a good knight he is.

Cersei's cheeks flared, she didn't know if it was out of annoyance or she was flustered at the mention of Eddard, “Ned will not join anymore of those after he got severely wounded. It's enough that he was the champion of the melee! He is not to enter the grounds again!” 

Tyrion frowned as he was surprised at Cersei's raised voice, “You need not be furious. God.” He paused, “But that is good hearing that. The last event would be a joust anyway. I heard Lord Brandon will participate.” 

Cersei just scoffed and rolled her eyes as she finished her braids. Tyrion suddenly stared at her. “Speak, brother,” she hissed.

“Since when do you call Lord Eddard ‘Ned’?” He squinted his eyes at her. She stiffened and her mouth pressed together.

“Lyanna often calls him that, I only adapted to it.” She said calmly, masking her nerves. 

“Hm. Very well, sister. Just stay close to us then. I really can not protect you by looking at my stature but I will try my best before someone makes an attempt or father will have my head,” Tyrion told her with a warning look.

She scowled at him, “You do not have to worry about such things. As if I would allow it. Now, leave!” 

—

That tourney grounds were filled with the participants and the mount for the joust. The stands were filled in too and it irritated Cersei as she kept bumping into people before they could reach their seats. Per usual, the Starks and the Lannisters sat together. Tyrion sat beside Benjen, below one step of them was Cersei in between Lyanna and Eddard. 

Lady Ashara Dayne passed and gracefully greeted them. “Lady Lyanna, Lady Cersei, Lord Eddard.” 

Cersei smiled tightly at her with her green eyes fixed on Ashara, “Lady Ashara.”  

Eddard also replied courteously, “Lady Ashara.” Ashara then passed and went to a seat close to the view. 

With a subtle flicker of Cersei's eyes, she gazed at Eddard who only gave his usual stoic demeanor. Cersei rolled her eyes as annoyed as she was. She didn't like it if Eddard talked to other women or Ashara. She wanted to remind him about his promise but she thought of how petty she would be. Eddard was just being polite, she reminded herself.

He would notice every single thing about Cersei, he also moved his eyes to look at her. She was scowling again. He softly bumped his leg on hers to subtly tell her to lighten up. Her eyes widened but she remained composed. She dropped her folded arms and placed her hands on her lap. Eddard smiled at her while Cersei only gave him a deeper frown. But she turned her head away because she could not stifle her growing smile. He laughed inwardly and Cersei could not believe that he found that amusing.

—

The joust ended with Brandon losing over Prince Rhaegar. Brandon was not even wounded that much despite losing compared to Eddard who won the melee but was still patched up. Cersei couldn't help but narrow her eyes at him.

“Did I do something, my lady?” Eddard asked, leaning closer to her as they walked together. 

Cersei glared at him, “You dare come closer or my brother will have to tear us apart.” She sighed and continued, “And yes, you did something infuriating and that is you not recovering back in your tent.”

“Forgive me, my lady. But I had to watch my brother compete and also these are just gashes and wounds. I did not break a bone,” Eddard grinned.

“You want me to break one just for you to force yourself to recuperate?” Cersei retorted. 

“And you'll tend to me again? I would like that,” Eddard teased her. Her ears turned red and her eyes widened.

She huffed and walked faster leaving him in his tracks. Eddard kept up, “My lady. Cersei.” 

“Why must you always tease me? I hate you, Ned!” Cersei slowed down when Eddard caught up with her. Eddard could only chuckle. He found her adoring. 

“I think if you really hate me, you would have killed me,” 

“I only kill my enemies, be lucky you are not one of them!” Cersei hissed. She was annoyed. Beyond annoyed but she liked it. She liked the attention.

“So where do I belong?” Eddard cocked his head. They arrived at the Stark tent which Tyrion and the rest of the Starks just entered.

Before the entrance, Cersei stood and replied, “You are not my enemy but I still hate you. Why would it even matter?” 

Eddard was amused at her banters. She was the only person who could make him talk and pry this much. He leaned his head closer and whispered, “You don't kiss people you hate.”

Cersei gasped and pointed her finger at him, “You! Never mention that again.” 

Their faces were close and Cersei glared at him. Eddard only smiled at her and said, “Why are you so furious today, my lady? You were in a lighter mood before we entered Harrenhal.”

She squinted her eyes, “As I said, you are supposed to be recuperating.” 

“I am certain there's more than that. I am perfectly alright, these wounds will heal,” Eddard assured her gently. “But tell me, what is bothering you?”

“Nothing!” She hissed as she tried to open the tent's entrance but Eddard stopped her. “Why must you be so-”

“Is it because of Lady Dayne?” He asked suddenly. “I apologize, my lady. I was just being formal. I wouldn't dare act something foolish.”

Cersei scowled at him, “Your formality is too polite.” She rolled her eyes as her sudden annoyance grew. Realizing how she cared so suddenly, she reacted, “Why are you explaining to me, anyway? You do not have to. And I do not care about what you do!”

Eddard stifled a laugh seeing how Cersei was angry. He cleared his throat, “You do not have to worry.”

“I am not.” She retorted.

“I meant about my attention. It's only yours. No one else's” Eddard said gently.

She glared at him one last time, “Good!” She walked inside the tent leaving Eddard alone outside. Eddard grinned and chuckled.

—

Cersei and Tyrion were back in the Lannister tent as she lit up her candles. Tyrion was reading a book when he asked his sister, “Your nightmares have not visited you since.” 

She blew the wood-lighting candlestick and discarded it. “They do not. Fortunately, I am distracted enough to almost forget.”

“You were isolated too much back in the Rock. Father was wise to send us here,” Tyrion replied.

Cersei sat across him. “How bad of a state was I?” She asked him softly.

Tyrion placed the book down and sighed, “It was bad enough that I have not seen father so worried that he had to let you be out of Casterly Rock.”

“It only makes me think that he ran out of options and would ship me away to solve a problem of his, one day he'd do that again,” She sighed bitterly.

Tyrion was quiet.

Cersei pursed her lips, “I still think about how I deserved that to happen to me. The guilt of my sins still haunts me.”

“As I said, the gods may have forgiven you enough to give you chances,” Tyrion said as he stared blankly.

“You talk as if you know the gods themselves,” Cersei smirked.

He retorted, “I am only a dwarf and I am far from reaching the heavens to know these gods but I do observe. And I really do not like how you always mention that you have sinned. We all did. Why must you be so particular in being a clean slate?”

“For many reasons,” Cersei replied softly. “I might need some wine if I talk more about it.”

Tyrion shook his head, “No, I do not want to bring an alcoholic back home.”

“Why must you be so persistent in taking care of your older sister?” She smirked and chuckled.

“Do you want father to have my head on a spike? He asked me to do this because he had no one else to choose. We're only the same Cersei, trying to do our best for our father to see us,” Tyrion said seriously.

“Mm,” Cersei only nodded.

He raised his eyebrow, “What are you thinking?”

Licking her teeth, “Do you think Lyanna and Ned would despise me if they knew of my true nature? And the root of all the nightmares I had?” 

“We have talked about this before,” He was confused. “You overthink a lot.”

“I do not. I am only preparing for what is to come,” Cersei shook her head.

Tyrion sighed, “What form of repentance do you have in your mind that you always torture yourself with these thoughts?”

Cersei shrugged.

“See, you do not even know. It's all in your head, sister. One day, you'll look back and laugh at yourself. If a Lannister always pays their debts, you have paid enough to last you a lifetime.”

Cersei scrunched her brows, “Hm, clever.. Father should really put a good use of you.” 

“For now, him using me as your guardian is a first step,” Tyrion shrugged.

—

“My sister?!” Tyrion protested when he heard one of the Kingsguard wanting to crown Cersei as their queen of love and beauty.

“Aye, my lord.” One of the knights said to him.

Tyrion scoffed, “All four of you will never be the champion in the tourney. You all dream too much if you imagine you will have my sister. You belong in the Kingsguard, none of you are able to take a wife. ” 

Tyrion found himself in the feast after he had a long talk with Cersei earlier. Dinner this time was much louder than ever as people were speaking about the future victor and who would be the crowned queen. 

Brandon clasped Tyrion's shoulder, “It is indeed hard to have such eye-catching sisters. Look at me, I also worry about Lyanna.”

Tyrion found assurance from his words, “Thank you for your words. However, my lord, Lyanna, is still fortunate to have a betrothal with Lord Robert. No one would dare to disrespect that. But my sister still has no prospects and does not even take an interest in it. My fear is quite doubled.” 

“It is quite a handful. What do you even plan then?” Brandon asked as he sipped his wine.

“My sister is very stubborn, I know she would defy still and would force herself to watch the joust,” Tyrion chuckles.

“Well, let's pray to the gods that a stronger contender would topple those knights who have an interest in your sister,” Brandon grinned.

—

“You shall join the feast,” Cersei said to Eddard who was now standing outside the Lannister tent.

“I shall if you come with me,” Eddard told her with a convincing tone.

Cersei twisted her mouth, “I am not famished.” It was true or she was just used to not eating at night anymore. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked sincerely. Tilting his head to focus on Cersei's expression. It was getting dark and only the fire pit provided light. He could see she was scowling while she clenched on her thick shawl. His eyes landed on her shawl embroidered with lions on it. Eddard then glanced at Cersei's green eyes.

“You really are the living proof of a lioness, aren't you? Lions aren't permissive. Like you, you do not tolerate something that does not please you,” Eddard said with a smile.

“As I should be!” She turned her head at him and scowled. Gritting her teeth, she looked away. 

Eddard only fixed his gaze at her, “But lions are also gentle when tamed.”

Then there was a comfortable silence while the fire pit crackled and the sound of the people feasting only filled the background. Cersei relaxed her shoulders and her hands turned pale after clenching her shawl. She faced Eddard, “And wolves are patient.” Her voice was soft. “Quite devoted. Too devoted.” 

“Come here, Cersei. Have supper with me,” Eddard tried to convince her again. 

She only glared at him, “I hate you.” 

Eddard smiled, “I will not eat then. I will stay here with you.” 

Cersei glared at him. He surely needed to eat, “Why? I am certain you have to eat, you need to.”

“It is unbelievable we are arguing over a meal,” Eddard cocked his head and chuckled.. “I am only fulfilling my promise to you. My full attention is always yours.”

“Oh, but you do not have to sacrifice a meal,” exasperated, Cersei immediately walked towards one of the entrances of Harrenhal. Eddard's eyes only followed her as his mouth was left open. Cersei sensed she was not followed.

She turned her head, “What are you waiting for, my lord?” 

“I am coming with you, my lady,” Eddard doubled his pace to walk beside her. 

Cersei glanced up at him. She could not believe he was very persistent. Not that she was displeased with it, she liked how he was patient. But she disliked how she cared for him enough that she dragged herself inside the Harrenhal hall just so Eddard could have his meal. Wolves should not have empty tums. 

—

The Lannister tent was already loud early in the morning with the banters of Cersei and Tyrion. Their morning meal halted when one man delivered a letter.

“Can you not?!” Cersei shoved Tyrion when she was reading Tywin's letter. One of the bannermen had given the letter to Cersei while Tyrion was struggling to walk because of a hangover.

“I wanna see, you evil witch! Let me see! It was addressed to me!” Tyrion tried to grab it but Cersei was quick as she stood up and raised her arm making it impossible for Tyrion to reach.

Cersei scrunched her brows and nose as she read the letter. It churned Tyrion's stomach as he looked at his sister. She then narrowed her eyes at Tyrion. Then she smirked. 

“Give me that!” Tyrion finally grabbed the letter. “Must you make it so suspenseful?” 

“It's always the eldest first,” Cersei spat.

Tyrion read the letter from their father. And a huge relief and sigh escaped from Tyrion's mouth. “Father says it is quite unexpected you gained acquaintances with the Starks. And he says he encourages it more from you but he wants you to be with other houses.”

“I know I have read the letter,” Cersei said blankly. “And I don't want to speak with other ladies of other houses who will only gawk at these men or talk about their random musings and love for poetry. Besides, the tourney is about to end, I am content with the Starks.” 

“Obviously,” Tyrion muttered. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Cersei snapped at him.

Tyrion had a headache after drinking too much from last night, “Nothing. Now, go!” Cersei scoffed and left the tent.

She met Lyanna later that day. The two decided not to watch any events but just to spend time in one of the gardens or courtyards. Lyanna told her that if she were to marry Lord Baratheon, she wanted Cersei to be there.

“In Storm's End? I want to and I am hoping to be allowed,” Cersei told her, giving Lyanna a comforting smile. Sensing Lyanna's troubles, “Are you not happy with the arrangement?”

Lyanna was only quiet, “I am not particularly sure if I do. I have heard he had a babe with another lady in Vale.” 

Cersei only nodded not knowing what to say. So she slowly placed her hand on top of Lyanna’s. She sighed, “We are always expected to follow rules and to be content with them. It is only luck that could say if we were to marry a good man.” 

“Ned assured me Robert would end his ways once we wed and all of his actions beforehand would not matter after. But he would say that to me because he is best friends with him. I am not certain if that assurance could keep my future husband change his true nature,” Lyanna said softly. She then looked at Cersei, “I hope your lord father will find you a good man.” 

Cersei's furrowed brows relaxed as she laughed softly, “That quality in a man would be the least of the worries my father will have. But not to worry, he doesn't seem to need to arrange me one just yet.”

“You know.. Ned is not betrothed to another, he could be… eligible enough,” Lyanna said slowly. She did not want to offend Cersei or court her annoyance. 

Cersei's face only tensed, “Your brother is a good man but I do think I could not fare him well. We are better off as friends.” She curved her lips and continued, “He deserves to find a better lady. And I could say that to any lord across Westeros.”

“After hearing those words I would be sad for my brother,” Lyanna laughed. “But knowing that you still want to remain friends with him is a balm. He is very quiet and timid, I am glad he has you.” 

Cersei nodded and tightened her hand on Lyanna's, “I am glad I have you both.” 

“Brother would not allow me to watch the tourney tomorrow. It's the last day and I am forbidden, isn't that absurd?” Lyanna said to Cersei.

“I could say the same. Although I do not intend to go anyway I really do want to see who would be the champion and be crowned the queen of love and beauty,” Cersei laughed, “It would be so intriguing.”

“Shall we, then?” Lyanna gave her a mischievous smile. Cersei hesitated, her face scrunched. But Lyanna tightened both of her hands around Cersei's, “Please? They can not do anything about it when we are there. It is the last day.”

Cersei looked at Lyanna. No wonder her brothers could not resist her, she really knew how to convince people with her eyes. She hesitated still but later on, she nodded. She smiled and said, “Let's. As you said, it is the last day.”

—

“I should join the joust tomorrow,” Eddard said while they were at the feast. Cersei sat beside him while Tyrion and Lyanna were across from them.

Cersei dropped her spoon, “You do not dare. You are still wounded.” Her eyes scanned Eddard's seeing.

“Not heavily,” Eddard replied with a smirk.

“Your brother has already presented your house. Why bother?” She scoffed. 

“Just because,” Eddard said curtly. He did not want to admit that it only bothered him how some knights were already eyeing Cersei to crown as queen. 

“What do you mean by that?” She turned her head at him and her brows scrunched. 

Eddard sighed and gave a faint smile to her, “Just let me be, my lady.”

“Good luck with that, you are not even allowed,” Cersei was not convinced, she knew it would not be possible for him to enter. But this man was always persistent.

Eddard knew there were few chances to join so he asked, “Then will you not attend the joust tomorrow?”

“I will. I promised someone,” Cersei said simply then glanced at Lyanna who only smiled. 

“Who?” Eddard was more confused, he followed Cersei's gaze and he saw Lyanna smiling mischievously. 

“Lyanna, do you know?” Eddard pressed. Lyanna fell silent and continued eating.

“What do you mean you promised someone?” Tyrion angrily said, “You did not promise any knight, didn't you?”

“I did not! Honestly, both of you, I did not confide with any knight or lord. It's a different promise. So stop worrying yourselves,” Cersei wanted to laugh at both of them. 

“Good,” Eddard said.

“Now, tell me why you wanted to join initially,” Cersei raised her eyebrow at him. “Did you promise someone too?”

“What? Of course not,” Eddard could not believe the tables had turned.

“Then what is?” Cersei glared at him. 

“We will talk about it later once we have privacy,” Eddard could only assure her. But she stood up abruptly.

“I am done with my meal,” She obviously was not. She wanted to know what he wanted to say immediately. Her patience was running out. To begin with, she already has patience as thin as paper.

Tyrion and Lyanna only muttered an, “Uh-” when Cersei stood and left the hall. Eddard sighed and looked at Tyrion, “I will escort her back to your tent, my lord.” 

Eddard walked fast enough to reach Cersei. Cersei could sense him as she said, “You need not follow me. Are you even done with your meal?”

“I am certain both of us are not done,” Eddard replied when he caught up with her. “Can you walk slowly, my lady?”

She paused and looked at him, “Can you tell me why you are so persistent to join tomorrow?”

Eddard pressed his lips. Cersei tilted her head, “Hm, I see.” She walked forward again. The hallways of Harrenhal were too long enough to even reach the exit and she was annoyed at him.

“Cersei,” Eddard called out softly, reaching out for her hand. “Now we have privacy, maybe I can speak freely now?”

She stopped and looked back at him, “Very well.” She was led to a random solar, a random room Eddard had just chosen from the halls. “You can not take me here, it is not allowed.”

“Well, I already did and we are here,” Eddard said blankly at her, she was indeed making him crazy. Annoyance grew in him too but she could not blame her.

“You are impossible. Tell me why you want to join. You are very stubborn,” Cersei said angrily.

Eddard was in disbelief, “The only one who is stubborn here is you. Why won't you listen to your brother? I thought you had compromised about not attending tomorrow.”

“He does not have to tell me what I do! What is so wrong about attending? It is the last day, it is surely a great event!” Cersei crossed her arms and turned her back to him. “And if I do not attend, will you still enter?”

“I could if they allow it,” Eddard replied. She was furious, she looked at him and walked closer. 

“For who?!” Cersei clenched her teeth.

Eddard only pulled his head back slightly, “You can not know.”

She scowled, “Then I will attend to see you charm another lady.”

“Oh, that is not what I meant,” Eddard closed his eyes, he had no notion of how to explain it to her. 

“Then what is? You are so vague! Why can't you be clear with everything you want to say?” Cersei almost shouted. 

Her words struck him. She was right. Eddard could not even be so clear with his intentions and his words. He was silent.

“Do not attend tomorrow,” Eddard said sternly.

Cersei looked at him with disdain, “You can not tell me what to do! It's the fact that I think of you as my friend and now you are vexing me!”

“It's only for your own good, Cersei!” He regretted raising his voice. But he softened when he heard her say she found a friend in him. “You have been so adamant since yesterday, what do you want me to do? My full attention is yours!”

“It is just because you are so agitating!” Cersei's fists balled and her nails dug in her palms out of anger. 

“And you are so stubborn!” Eddard retorted. He breathed heavily and placed his hands on his hips. 

She got quiet.

Cersei and Eddard only stared at each other. One was scowling, the other breathing heavily. Cersei then flickered her eyes everywhere avoiding his stare. She relaxed both of her hands as she stared at the ground. Eddard sighed heavily looking anywhere but her. 

They could not manage to look at each other any longer. Because something will happen again that they wanted to avoid. 

Not much later their eyes met again when both of them called out each other's names.

“Cersei,” Eddard uttered huskily. As Cersei whispered, “Ned.” 

They stepped closer to each other as Eddard cupped her cheeks landing his lips on hers. Cersei held on to his nape and her other hand made its way on his back. They kissed intensely as they nibbled on each other's lips earning soft moans from each other. In between kisses, Eddard whispered, “Forgive me.” Cersei only nodded, not wanting to hear anything as she only wanted to feel his lips on hers. Eddard moved down on her jaw then on her neck, leaving small bites of kisses. Cersei moaned his name when she could feel his teeth carve on her skin. “Ned,” she whispered. But he didn't move, he thought she was only moaning his name. She called out softly again, “Ned, wait.” 

Eddard paused, moved up on her lips, and locked his lips on hers again, “I apologize.”

Cersei said softly, “Tell me now the reason. Why are you so persistent?” 

His brows furrowed, holding her jaw grazing his thumb on her rosy cheek. He looked intently at her, at her attractive green eyes, red swollen lips, her sharp nose. ‘Everything about her is so beautiful,’ he thought. 

“I didn't promise anyone except for you. It is only you. I have to join even if they won't allow it. I can not let any other men have the chance to crown you. Not on my watch, not when I am still here, not when I am still alive,” Eddard explained gently.

Cersei's face calmed and she softly sighed, “No, I have not been acquainted with anyone here except for you and your family. No one would dare.”

“I dare,” Eddard firmly said. He leaned his forehead on hers. 

She rubbed his arms gently, “You can not marry me,”

“I will have to ask your father first,” He said with certainty. He closed his eyes, “I will have to travel West tomorrow if I could. Arrive earlier than you, then I shall.”

Cersei looked at him with concern, “You can not. You will only regret it.”

“Is it because you are not ready? I could wait. I only want you, Cersei.”

“I am not ready for anything. I… Ned, it is just… No, we can not be together,” She hated this. Vulnerability. And it was only Eddard who could break down her walls. As she could feel tears welled up in her eyes, she blinked fast. 

“Why can't we? Has your father made sudden arrangements?” Eddard was so persistent, that she hated it. Hated how she wanted this patience but she knew it was undeserved.

She shook her head. “No,” she sniffed and said softly, “I will only ruin you. You do not know me enough. You will only regret it. The Cersei you know right now… it is far from reality.”

Eddard pulled his head back and looked at her intensely. He slowly shook his head, “I hope you see your worth, aside from your externality I have seen your side that you are not so willing to let others see. I do not know who made you question your value but I am here to make you perceive and feel it.”

Cersei breathed in and she whispered, “I hate you.”

Eddard only laughed softly, he knew she would say this. “Is that my signal to kiss you again?” 

Cersei only nodded but abruptly said, “Yes, yes.”

Eddard was always the one to follow as he kissed her passionately. Cersei gasped as their tongues immediately met and their moans got louder. Cersei wrapped her arms around him. Not breaking the kiss, Eddard carried her and made her sit on the nearby oak desk. She gripped his hair as his hands moved freely around her. He reached for the lace of her dress as she grabbed on his tunic. When he was about to untie it, he broke the kiss gently. 

“Cersei, forgive me. I can not go beyond this. I respect you enough to marry you first,” Eddard whispered. 

She was catching her breath, tears flowed freely, “You can not.”

Eddard stood straight brushed her disheveled hair and wiped her tears, “And you can not stop me.”

“Are you to leave tomorrow?” Cersei asked as he assisted her to step down from the table. 

He helped her fix her dress as he replied, “I would if my brother allows it. But after the tourney, I am certain to depart immediately.”

Cersei only nodded. 

“You do not have to worry about anything,” Eddard held her hands, noticing she was tensed.

She nodded again as she stared at their clasped hands. Her other hand wrapped his and she glanced up at him, “It was Lyanna who I promised earlier on attending the tourney. Don't leave tomorrow, we will watch the tourney together.” 

He smiled at her, “I will. However, Lyanna is persistent, is she?”

Cersei was amused and chuckled, “Much like her older brother.”

“Should I escort you back to your tent?” Eddard asked her gently. She nodded and dragged him towards the door. 

As they walked towards the exit of Harrenhal, Eddard moved Cersei's hand to his arm, “Would you care if people will talk? You can let go.”

Cersei groaned, “They can talk. I do not care, anymore.” He nodded and grinned at her.

When they were walking Cersei noticed Lyanna from afar who was in a conversation with someone who could not be discerned. The halls were dark as the fire torches only cast on Lyanna's back from the distance.

Cersei tapped on Eddard's shoulder, “Ned, is that…”

Eddard followed the direction of her gaze, “Lyanna? Who is she talking with?” When he was about to call her, Lyanna and the figure had separated and she rushed to find a way out of the castle. 

The two walked fast as Cersei couldn't keep up this time with Eddard as his pace doubled. They reached the exit and scanned for Lyanna through the number of people toiling. 

Cersei felt an arm on her back, “Oh heavens!” She turned on her side to see Lyanna. “Lyanna? We were just-”

“Cersei,” she said enthusiastically. 

Eddard scowled, “Where were you?” He scanned his sister but she was seen to be unharmed.

“I was just walking back to our tent,” Lyanna smiled. 

“I saw you talk with someone in the hallway, tell me who was it,” Eddard insisted.

“What hallway?” Lyanna asked as her brow raised. 

Cersei said softly to Eddard, “We were probably just mistaken,”

Eddard was not entirely convinced but he did not want to think of his sister. He had dove into different conclusions but he was resolved, “You are not to attend the tourney tomorrow.” 

Lyanna was surprised, she pleaded, “But brother-”

“No! You and Cersei stay with me. We will not watch the tourney,” Eddard pressed.

“I am telling Brandon,” Lyanna glared. 

“Tell me what exactly?” A hard strong voice echoed from their back. 

“Oh gods,” Cersei muttered under her breath. “Do these Starks just jump in any time they want?”, she thought.

Lyanna knew Eddard could not defy their eldest brother. “Eddard insists that I will not attend tomorrow,” she told Brandon.

“Brother, it is just for the best. I know you share the same sentiments,” Eddard tried to convince him. Brandon only tilted his head.

“I do. But Lord Whent wanted our presence there. I am afraid we cannot defy the host who welcomed us,” He said solemnly.

Eddard then glanced at Lyanna, “Go back to the tent and don't leave.” Lyanna's brows scrunched. She then held Cersei's free hand and said good night. 

“Brother, I will escort Lady Cersei back to her tent,” Eddard did not wait for his reply and walked with Cersei who hastily bowed her head to Brandon.

The two were quiet while they walked. Cersei did not want to pry anymore. But he sensed her wanting to say something. 

“Just be with me tomorrow and never leave our sight,” Eddard muttered and Cersei could only nod.

Chapter Text

The Stark tent was filled with tension when Brandon stormed in to be followed by Eddard and Lyanna. His face tightened with anger, “Everyone out!” 

The servants exited the tent with haste. Tyrion dragged Cersei's dress out, “Do not even go inside, let's steer away.” 

When Cersei gave a look of protest, Tyrion cut her off, “Let them have their own privacy, we can speak to them when all is quite settled. Let's prepare for our departure first.”

Out of annoyance, Cersei grabbed part of her dress and walked away, “Come now.”

In the tent, Brandon's voice echoed out of anger, “Have you seen the disapproval from the crowd? That was not an honor! Prince Rhaegar is married!”

Eddard held out his hand as his palm faced the ground, “Brother, you do not need to shout. I am certain the blame will not shift on us.”

“It will not be but there will be consequences! The prince is married to Princess Elia. Our sister is betrothed to Lord Baratheon, you do not understand the implications,” Brandon pointed to him. 

Eddard turned to Lyanna who was equally surprised as them, “Was he the individual we saw you with last night?”

“Brother, I told you. You must have been mistaken. It was not me you saw,” Lyanna protested.

“We return to the North in haste,” Brandon resolved. Lyanna was quiet and Eddard twisted his mouth.

“I am to travel to the West,” Eddard said curtly. Their heads turn at him. “And I believe you know why.”

“Pen that to father before you leave,” Brandon told him sternly. Eddard could only follow. As he always did. 

—

Cersei was instructing her maids for the departure the next morning.  When Tyrion walked behind her, “Are you ready to return?”

“No, surprisingly, I am not eager to be home,” Cersei turned to him. “I will have to bid farewell to the Starks first before we depart tomorrow.” 

“At the feast?” he asked.

“No, I am not joining the feast,” she rolled her eyes at him. “I will have a meal served to me here.”

“Very well then, I shall see you later,”  Tyrion then left. 

Cersei sat on her bed and contemplated what had happened earlier. She was entirely worried about Lyanna. The certainty to hasten her to be wed to Robert was at its height. The idea of marriage bothered her again about Eddard's proposition. She could not ever accept it. Or rather, her father must not accept it. However, her fear of parting from them, especially Eddard, after this tourney also grew. So she was stuck in the middle ground of leaving and longing. 

Later, she found herself in the Stark tent hugging Lyanna. She held both of Lyanna's hands and told her to be careful on their way home. Lyanna sighed, “I shall hope to hear from you.” Cersei smiled and nodded. 

“You take care. I am grateful for the time you had shared with me here,” Cersei said softly. Lyanna looked at her, “One would be thankful to have you as a friend.” 

She grinned at Cersei and then said, “I believe you want to speak to my brother.” 

Cersei's brows shot up in surprise, “I shall speak to him in a while, I would still like to talk more with you.” 

Lyanna laughed lightly. Cersei's gut could only tie a knot, she knew she would never have this back in Casterly Rock. And looking at Lyanna, it only made her bitter that all of her happiness with a friend was temporary. 

—

“Ned, you can not go West,” Cersei said.

Eddard was preparing his mount and the rest of the knights he would bring with him. “Why not? Cersei we had talked about this.” 

“What will you tell father?” Cersei's mouth pursed. “Will you tell him everything?”

He paused, then looked at Cersei, “No, of course not.” She only stared at him. He assured her, “By everything, do you mean everything we've done together?” 

She nodded.

Eddard chuckled, “Your father will have me dead and wager war with the North.” 

“That is not funny,” she glared at him. 

He became serious, “It is not. But just let me be, I have to make some stops anyway because I am bringing some men, that means you would be earlier to return.” 

“Will you really do it?” Cersei asked again.

“I will,” Eddard said. 

Cersei then leaned on a post of the Stark banner, “I see. Please be safe.” 

“I have to, or you will have to wed someone else,” he jested.

Cersei pushed him lightly on the chest, “This is serious.” 

Eddard caught her hand before she attempted to push him again. “I am aware. You have to calm down. Shouldn't you be resting? The trip is arduous.” 

“I would but I just wanted to speak with you and Lyanna before we departed.”

“Will you miss me that much?” he said playfully. 

“Yes,” Cersei admitted. Blunt. 

Eddard softened, he held her hand, and kissed the knuckles, “Do not worry, I will be with you soon.” 

“Good. Be safe,” she then curtsied and left. Eddard could only stare at her retreating figure and smiled. 

—

The next dewy morning, the Lannister men had finalized all the preparations. All the horses were equipped and the carts were loaded. Cersei was dressed comfortably for the travels. She fixed her gloves and glanced at the distant tent of the Starks. Tyrion was there bidding his farewell to the siblings. From afar they saw Cersei and they waved at her. Cersei returned but with a very solemn smile. She did visit them yesterday, but she could not bring herself to speak with them again knowing it would be the last. With the exception of Eddard, of course, if he was true to his word. 

When the Lannister convoy had departed, Cersei closed her eyes and leaned her head by the window. It all felt like their arrival again but this time it was to return home. 

Tyrion observed his sister, “Stop pretending you're sleeping.”

Cersei responded, “Can you keep your mouth shut? I am about to spend my days with you, make it bearable at least.”

He chuckled, “Ah father will be delighted to hear you speak like that again.”

“Hmm.” She thought again of their father. It is almost astounding how Cersei resented him for admiring him. She wanted to be as assertive, cunning, and powerful as him. But he always had to be a hindrance. 

—

Casterly Rock was warm and sunny and it felt at home. For Cersei, she only wanted to stare at the ocean again. Missing its view and breeze. She did not want to pleasure herself with a small feast of welcome from her father. But she was obliged to. Or she rather forced herself. With a tight smile and her practiced poised demeanor, she greeted her father.

Cersei felt welcome still despite her distant affection towards her family. The Rock made it better. However, even a day and the days that followed after her return, she has become quiet again. After her lessons with her aunt, she would return to her room and stare deeply at the ocean, until dusk. She then moved to a drawing room or anywhere she could be alone to embroider. Something she had found peaceful to do. To create stitches that reminded her of the days back in Harrenhal. She made those flowers that she saw in the courtyard when she was first approached by Eddard. In another cloth of linen, she had started with a stitch of a girl that looked close enough as Lyanna and a wolf pup beside it. 

This only startled Tywin. He called upon Tyrion in his study to speak with him. 

Tyrion found himself seated across his father's desk. Tywin pressed his lips in a tight line giving a blank stare to his son. 

“You told me from your letters Cersei has gotten well and has been speaking. Why is she back to her old self being isolating and silent?” Tywin demanded angrily. 

“Is that it?” Tyrion said blankly. “The day we returned a feast was celebrated, though small, it is appreciated. But not one word from you has left your mouth.”

“What do you expect? What more is to be said? What words do you want to hear?” Tywin said plainly. He did not care for his son's answers, he wanted his question to be answered. “Now answer me.”

“How about a ‘well done’ or ‘thank you’ for being my older sister’s babysitter and doing the job that is meant to be done by you… or someone senior in the family.”

Tywin smirked at him with disbelief, “How could I say such flattering words when you obviously did not do your job correctly? Cersei is isolating again. What do I have to thank you for?”

“Cersei is not easy to handle. But what I wrote in the letters was true. She has been speaking and socializing with people. She has only struggled with the first few days but she has improved,” Tyrion pressed.

“If I were to thank you, this family would be in shambles for praising mediocrity!”

“But I have done better than what is expected of me,” Tyrion retorted.

“And where is your proof? Your proof is your older sister not speaking to me when she only engrossed herself in those stupid embroideries!”

“Perhaps if you allowed her to be involved more with her supposed duties other than hindering what she wants to do by trapping her with our aunt then maybe she is already the crown princess married to the future king!” 

Tywin pointed his finger at Tyrion, “You overstep, you were sent to Harrenhal to improve Cersei's well-being at the same time involve yourselves with other houses. Why is she also stuck up with the Starks only? Why has she not been introduced to Dorne or the Reach?”

“She was! It was just that Cersei had been drawn to the North. That was just how it was! Cersei had found respite with them. What is the problem with being friendly to the house that has the biggest region in Westeros?” 

“And where is your proof?”

Tyrion scoffed, “My proof?” His father will definitely not like it but he asked for it, “I do not need to show it as he will come to you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Tywin's already loud voice became louder.

“The Starks may make an arrangement,” he said simply.

“You do not mean that,” Tywin stood up abruptly on his seat towering over his dwarf son. But Tyrion never wavered his gaze to his father.

“I mean it. And if you do ruin the chances of another arrangement then I fear no one will try for Cersei's hand once more. We have lost the chances of two princes already. The respect for our house by any other eligible houses will be far gone,” Tyrion explained.

Tywin clenched his jaw, his fists banged the table, “Did you sell off your sister?” He said with gritted teeth.

Tyrion shook his head still staring at him, “I did not. It was Cersei's charm that made these lords reach out to her. We count ourselves lucky no small house won the tourney as the possibility of them asking for Cersei’s hand is high.” 

“Who won?” Tywin asked.

“Rhaegar,” A loud scoff could be heard from Tyrion.

“He is married.”

“Yes he is. And he embarrassed his wife to crown the younger sister of the Starks,” Tyrion said quietly. 

“Brandon could not marry Cersei, he is arranged with the Tully,” Tywin sat down.

“Oh, I am not speaking about the future heir of Winterfell,” Tyrion smirked.

“The father then?! Have you lost your mind?!” Tywin shouted at him.

Tyrion's jaw dropped, “Father no! Good heavens It is the second son. Lord Eddard Stark.”

“And you allow your sister to be untitled?” Tywin angrily asked.

“Who would you propose to have an arrangement with? None! There are none left! If you want her to be the lady of a small house, then fine. Go with it. I do not give a damn.”

“A small house is disrespectful to our house. You underestimate this house, she should marry a titled man!” Tywin demanded.

“And you could have that chance! More than a lady but a title of a ‘princess’ or the future queen.”

“You surprise me with your being complacent. What could I even expect from you when you failed such a simple task?” 

“I did not fail this time. Because I was with her mostly. There is nothing wrong with a union between the Starks. Despite being the second son, Eddard has done much reputable work that made him to be respected by many. And Cersei will have that privilege,” Tyrion sighed heavily.

“When is Eddard expected to arrive?” Tywin asked.

“As I estimated, probably tomorrow nightfall.” Tyrion stood up as he said, “Maybe that time, you will hear Cersei speak more than a word or two.”

Tyrion then left the study.

—

“He is already here?!” Cersei dropped her lessons with her aunt when Tyrion informed her to enter the room.

“Cersei, sit down!” Her aunt demanded but she ignored it as she ran outside the room. 

“He only led a few Northern men to the entrance as I have heard from one of our knights. I expected they would arrive at nightfall but he arrived hours early,” Tyrion told her.

“What is father doing now?” Cersei asked. 

“He had the hall prepared as he waited for the arrival at the entrance,” Tyrion told her. He then paused and grabbed Cersei's skirt. “I do not think he will accept it.”

Cersei went silent. She inhaled deeply and replied, “Well, that's what I want anyway.” 

Tyrion only narrowed his eyes, “If that's what you say.”

Cersei sped off towards the entrance of their castle to see the Northmen approaching being led by Eddard. Cersei had an uncontrollable smile that she could not hide.

Throughout the afternoon, Cersei was not allowed by her father to be in the hall. She was sent back to her aunt in the study room. But her mind drifted back to what could possibly her father and Eddard speak about. She has not talked to him in private, though she wished it would happen before her father terrorized Eddard and chased off the Northerners out the Casterly Rock. 

Cersei was picking her skin and peeling her lips until she could not stand it any longer. “Aunt, I have to leave and check on our guests.”

She stormed out of the room and went to the hall. As she eavesdropped, she heard her father's commanding voice against Eddard's tactful one. The tension in the room made its way to Cersei's chest. Though her reluctance to Eddard's proposal to her back in Harrenhal never wavered, she still hoped that Eddard would fight for her hand.

“You are the second son, untitled! What could you offer for my daughter?” Tywin demanded angrily. 

Eddard calmly replied, “I offer the North's allegiance along with the number of men that we have. Across Westeros and the seven kingdoms, the North possesses the largest number of men.”

“We have men, you dare to question our house’s strength?”

“I only wish to amplify it more, my lord,” Eddard assured. 

Their voices faded when Tyrion walked to Cersei. “Why are you here?” He hissed.

Cersei hissed back, “Can't I listen to what they are discussing?”

“No,” Tyrion then led Cersei to another seat.  “I am quite curious though on how you would take it if father accepts it.”

She scoffed, “Of course, I would be mad.”

“Huh, not even you would believe that,” Tyrion rolled his eyes. 

“What does that even mean? I just returned home and he expects me to be happy when he ships me off to North?” Cersei huffed.

“Oh, stop being so in denial,” he reasoned out.

“It's cold there.”

“People are warm.”

Cersei became silent.

Tyrion looked at her, “And out of the lords you could possibly wed, Eddard is the closest to you.”

“So? Like I said, I know him enough to say I do not deserve him.”

“And so you want to be shipped off to another lord you are not familiar with?”

“Of course not!”

“Hence, Eddard is the best choice.”

“It is not-”

The door opened loudly when Eddard went out and his men followed. Cersei and Tyrion immediately stood up to face him. Cersei only looked at Eddard whose face was unreadable. 

Tyrion said, “I will give you some privacy.” Eddard then turned to his men giving them the look to follow Tyrion and to leave. 

When they were left in the hallway, they were still quiet. Cersei asked, “How was the crossing?”

Eddard smiled, “It was fine, my lady.” She only nodded. He then continued to say, “It is good to see you, I do hope you are faring well here?”

“I am,” she said breathlessly because she knew it was a lie. She was lonely again the past few days.

“Your father was not so pleased with everything I had to offer,” Eddard said slowly. His eyes were filled with regret.

She swallowed a huge lump, “I see.” She hated it. She had her expectations of her father rejecting it but she had the tinge of hope. It was all so confusing for Cersei now when she did not want Eddard to be wed to anyone. And she did not want to wed anyone, any lord that she would be sent to was not familiar with her or just powerless lords that only had titles. Why settle for less, when she has the chance to be herself when someone would not hinder her with her choice to lead? She was young and beautiful, she deserved to be treated as such and be adored and taken care of because why settle for less? When everything she wanted was standing in front of her. 

“Cersei,” Eddard started. 

She only bit her lower lip softly when she replied with a, “Hmm?”

“I will return to you.” 

All it took for Cersei was the rejection of her father to fully realize that she wanted Eddard. Her confused feelings only made it worse when she could have done more in the past few days to tell her father about Eddard and how he made her better. And how she found a friend with Lyanna to whom she could be her future sister-in-law. The possibilities could have been better if she did not isolate herself again. But again, would her father listen? 

She breathed heavily, “But father -”

“I always kept my promises to you, this time I would like to make another. I shall be better when I return. The next time we see each other, I will wed you,” Eddard always did his best to be true to his words. Cersei never had doubted him. He looked at her with his usual coaxing expression.

Cersei only looked at him, blinking her eyes quickly to prevent any tears from falling, “I will wait.” 

Those few words were enough for Eddard. He gave her a comforting smile, “Take care always, my lady.” By the way, her eyes did not light up and her lips softly trembled, he knew Cersei was disappointed even if she did not have to say it. He picked up her hand gently and kissed her knuckles. Cersei then looked at him one last time as inclined his head and then left. 

Cersei only stood frozen and when the sound of Eddard's footsteps faded, she let her tears fall freely. Her fists balled out of anger and her knuckles had turned pale. She stormed to her father's study where she only found him watching over the window observing the dusk. 

“Why did you reject it?” Cersei demanded.

“You can finally speak,” Tywin said flatly, he then turned to her slowly. Her anger only rose more.

“It is because you purposefully ignore me. I try to speak but you prefer to not listen,” Cersei argued.

“It is because you always utter beyond what you are supposed to do,” Tywin scolded her.

“I have always followed what is instructed to me. In this family, I am not seen for who I am and what I want! Jaime, who is my equal, is always favored. I had done entirely what he also did to please you but he was always bestowed more than I do.”

“You are not equal. You do not speak about your brother that way,” Tywin clenched his fist.

“After what he has done to me?” Cersei was appalled.

“Do not ever speak about that night again,” he pressed.

“This is what I am saying. I am ignored. I have a voice, I have the same capabilities as he has!” 

“You are a woman! Your mother always listened. You should too, have your aunt not taught you anything?” 

She cried out of anger when her mother was mentioned. “Do not ever bring up my mother. She would have allowed it. She would have made it possible for me to lead and do what I like!”

“Lead? A simple rejection over a proposal and you cry over it? You are only emotional like any other woman.”

“What simple rejection? You promised me Rhaegar, it was all too late when the Dorne princess was wed to him. And her brother was also promised to me, but where is the arrangement? None! And now that I have the most possible chance to be wed with one of the greatest kingdoms, you reject it!”

“He is only a second son with no title to promise to you!” He yelled at her.

“Untitled yet he is more powerful than any titled men across the North and other small houses.” Cersei stepped closer with gritted teeth, “And I will be certain he could do more when I am with him. When the West is wise enough to accept.”

“You think you are clever enough to decide for your life,” he scolded.

“If you only trust me enough!”

“I distrust you because you're not as smart as you think you are!” Tywin shouted at her angrily. 

Cersei was done with it. She paused and looked at her father with disdain. She left the room stomping her way as she slammed the heavy door shut.

As she walked to the hallways with her tear-streaked face, she went across Tyrion who said, “I heard and the Northern men had left.”

“That is enough, do not remind me no more,” Cersei muttered. 

Tyrion only inclined his head and said, “Of course.”

—

Weeks and weeks passed and Cersei still was the same. She was still quiet. Her old routine returned and she'll speak only to a few people with a few words. Spending her nights in the library reading or embroidery. But sometimes, stitching different images that reminded her of her temporary happiness made her so bitter that she left out that hobby. It made sense to her why she hated it before. 

Her father was close to giving up and he had not made any more effort to help Cersei recover. Because he was not oblivious, ignorant, or blind. He knew that Cersei could only do it when she chose to and this time she did not because of her chances with Eddard were gone. What a foolish woman, he thought.

Jaime also returned for a few days and noticed how his sister was always quiet. He would try to talk to her, telling her how she always looked beautiful but Cersei only said that he should return to King's Landing and do his duty. 

When he tried to talk to her again in her room, Cersei only stared at the window and the ocean. She did not want to look at him but she said “You look dashing as always.” Hoping it was enough for Jaime to leave her alone.

Jaime only nodded, noticing how Cersei was distant despite her praise, “I will leave you to your respite.”

She could hear her two brothers whisper outside her room. And though she could not make out of their conversation, she knew she was the subject. 

“Leave me alone!” She shouted from her room and their voices faded. Out of all the places they could talk about her, they couldn't find somewhere away from her room.

—

When Jaime left the next morning, a raven landed handling a letter. Addressed to Tyrion. And the grave news only destroyed him.

Tyrion entered Cersei's room when he only saw her looking at her embroidery. “You always stare at your different linens, what are those?”

“Leave me alone! Why do you not knock?” Cersei glared. She stood up shoving her linens in a box.

“I have something to tell you,” he sat down on a plush sofa.

“Be quick with it! I do not need to see or hear you,” she angrily said.

“When was the last time you sent letters to Lyanna?” He asked her. 

Cersei sighed, it was indeed a long time since. The last was before Winter had landed in the North, “Before winter in the North began she sent her last letter, I sent back but never heard from her since. I believe it was the end of the year. The cold must have made them busy.”

She was met with silence and a look of worry from her brother. She asked him, “Why? What has happened?”

Tyrion only became quieter. 

“Tell me, it has been two moons since I last heard of her,” she held his shoulders. She was growing impatient and she glared at him.

He handed the letter. Cersei aggressively grabbed it and read the contents. Her expression grew more with concern, “A lot has happened, why did I only hear of this now?”

“Father did not want to be involved,” Tyrion said.

“Lyanna is abducted, her brother and father are held prisoners as traitors and you have to wait until now to tell me!” Cersei panicked. “Rhaegar? Wasn't it enough for him that he disrespected Princess Elia and Lyanna during that tourney?” 

She felt her chest tightened at how eventful the few moons were while she was disassociating and now she only felt helpless.

“I have only known about the abduction from Eddard weeks ago but this is the only time I knew about the king holding the Starks and the others hostage,” Tyrion told her.

“That man could only write to you but not to me?” She angrily asked him.

“This is only the second time he sent. It will only lead you to trouble if father finds out Eddard is sending to you.” 

“That's not fair and Jaime did not even speak about it to me!”

“Because you were ignoring him,” He shrugged. “And why would he be? He has no notion of you knowing the Starks. But as I said, father declared the Lannisters as neutral and he forbade anyone to speak about it.”

Cersei clenched her fist as she scowled at her brother. He wanted to communicate with Eddard, “Leave!” 

“Do not tell me you will send a raven to Winterfell,” Tyrion could say he knew his sister enough and her impulsive decisions.

“I will!” She was full of resolve, she had nothing more to do but give her support to him.

Tyrion was only in disbelief, “You can not!” 

“It is for Ned!”  

“Who is in the middle of a rising war!”

“I do not care! I will go beyond what I can!” She shoved him out of her way as she settled on her desk.

As he stumbled, he tried to get up and walked to her, “You are so stubborn!”

She slammed her quill on the desk and turned her head to him “Because he promised me! He promised he would return to me, and despite  this rising war I know he will return to me!”

“Hence, you need not write if you want him to survive! Once father knows you communicate with him, he will do everything in his power to halt you. Sending a letter to him will signify that house Lannister is siding with the Starks and we will find ourselves in the same predicament as Brandon and Lord Rickard.” 

“What am I to do?” Cersei had feared her brother was right. She sighed, surrendering.

Tyrion placed his hand on Cersei's shoulder, he said softly, “Just be patient and wait.”

“I have been patient, how long do I have to wait?”

A knock echoed in Cersei's room. “Enter!” she said loudly.

“My lady, I must apologize. The servants had led me here to find Lord Tyrion,” a knight bowed his head down to the two.

“Hmm, speak,” Cersei said. The knight hesitated as he looked for approval from Tyrion. Tyrion nodded only and said, “Go on.”

“My lord, King's Landing had reported of Lord Rickard and Brandon's death as executed by the King.”

“What?!” Tyrion stood up and approached the knight, “Speak clearly!”

Cersei was out of words after all the information she had learned in a very short while. The knight continued to describe the vile details of the two Starks’ deaths. Her hands covered her mouth as she could feel her gut wanting to throw up. 

The knight had knelt, “I only speak of the truth, my lord.” 

“What did father have to say?” He asked.

“His silence and neutrality remain, my lord.”

Cersei abruptly stood up making a creak sound from her chair as she walked past the knight. She did not even bother if she hit him or not. Tyrion followed her, “Where are you going?”

“To father, of course.” She said. “You need not to follow me!” 

—

Tyrion indeed followed her as they found themselves in Tywin's study. 

“Can we not at least show support to the North or mourn with the numerous deaths including the Lord of Winterfell?” Cersei pressed.

“And make the King Aenys conclude us as traitors too? Is that what you want to imply?” Tywin angrily exclaimed at her.

“I thought you always boast about your number of men and knights to protect us. And now it seems like we are acting like cowards,” Cersei cried out.

“That is enough, you only speak when you choose to be stubborn disobeying your father!”

Cersei was quiet. 

Tyrion decided to speak, “Father, have you not realized? Eddard now is the Lord of Winterfell. If it only assures you, if you consi-”

“Consider his proposal to your sister? You are indeed a fool,” Tywin looked at him with his jaw tightened at the audacity of his son.

Cersei only realized that Eddard was now indeed the Lord of Winterfell. And she thought she would be celebrating and be at peace with the idea that she could have the possibility of her father allowing them to wed. But she knew there was something wrong.

Tyrion only cleared his throat.

“Jon Arryn had already raised his banners as a form of his rebellion, along with the Baratheons and the Starks. We remain neutral,” Tywin said. “Even when the Targaryens ask for aid, we remain neutral.”

He sat back and looked at them. He then said calmly, “Though, I would consider. The North is indeed vast,” Tywin said calmly. “But the Riverrun had already secured an allegiance with his eldest to the North's eldest.” 

Cersei then scowled, “So you are saying now that Brandon is dead, it is Ned who will marry House Tully's daughter?!” 

“And if Eddard defies that who would then support him?” Tywin asked her, more of like challenging her.

“King Aenys being mad is one reason alone for Lord Arryn and Lord Tully to support the Starks!” Cersei's lip quivered and she could not understand if she wanted to only cry or lash out of anger.

“His sister is abducted and he lost his father and brother, and you think he would reject the proposal of the allegiance made by his house and House Tully. For what? For you?” Tywin angrily said to her.

“Father, you can not allow this, he said he will return!” Cersei cried.

“He will return as a married man asking for our aid,” Tywin said standing up. “To which I will still never accept. He has the reputation of being honorable and you'd think he would break an oath made by his family.”

Cersei breathed heavily and left the room. Tyrion was quiet after the tense exchange between her father and sister. 

—

Cersei's grief was immense as she may not have been quiet anymore but she would cry almost every night. And her rage doubled, what was the debt she had yet to pay just for once the heavens could grant her prayers? This rage, anger, and grief if not remedied would be incomprehensible and forever in despair. 

Her fear of abandonment always remained and now she was reliving the dolorous feeling when her mom died. She was only a little girl when she lost her world and she grew up together with the pain and the bitterness of her absence. When she thought that her chances of being happy again with the man she only adored were at their highest, her father was an impediment. Not even Eddard's title could convince him. 

She hasn't eaten for days and she would probably not. She hated everyone and everything right now. When she worried for Lyanna, she would think again of Eddard, then the reminder would only make her inconsolable even more.

The mind would always betray the heart as her heart built hope that Eddard would never wed another, yet her mind reminded her that it was not possible. Eddard always remained to be honorable and it would be unlike of him to not follow. Imagining him with another only made her throw fits and her irritation to very little things affected her. The maids recalled of the day when they tidied Cersei's chambers and all her sheets and pillows were a mess. When Cersei's jealousy grew, she would seethe more.  

It felt ghastly as her heart felt like it was dying her soul felt empty and her body felt wounded. She cried for Lyanna and how she would always have the right words as a balm. Yet, Cersei felt selfish to cry over her sadness when her dear friend was in harm. And she only prayed to the heavens to keep her safe. 

When she would recall again how she had always sinned, she confided that maybe the heavens had saved Eddard from her. Because it was true. Cersei believed she could only ruin him. And it was undeserving of her to have him. Though, she wanted him. Very much so that she would sin again if it had to happen. Her mind sometimes could not keep up with her thoughts as she screamed in her pillow.

More than five moons later, time felt slow with Cersei as she was slowly eaten up by her grief. However, one day changed when Cersei was in the library reading again when the knights guarding the room were suddenly called. Cersei noticed the knights' urgency when she rushed to the safest place she could find. She was frightened of what could happen to Casterly Rock after the war was now rising. Tyrion called out for her when she turned her head, “Hide now! You can not protect yourself, you worm. Come here!”

“What? No one is harming us,” Tyrion tilted his head.

“Uh, what happened to the knights then?” Cersei looked at them from far away.

“Father is calling upon them. The Northmen are here,” Tyrion said gently to her.

“The Northmen?” Cersei repeated with confusion.

Tyrion nodded and his eyes were serious, “With Lord Stark.” 

Cersei suddenly had that light in her eyes after her woeful days.

Chapter Text

Cersei's chest beat rapidly when she was running to their castle entrance. Tyrion followed her when Tywin was about to scold his children but was halted when Eddard's arrival was announced. 

But Cersei was expecting he'd bring his new wife. When she heard of it earlier from Tyrion, she was elated to the point it was unbelievable. He might have asked for the Lannister's aid in support of the war. Cersei has only heard of the rebellion from her younger brother. The Lannisters will remain defiant of any houses asking for help. And it made her sick if ever her father would refuse to offer just a bit of aid. She may have not married Eddard but he still returned to her, she could at least support them.

She hasn't really considered accepting the reality of it. When her eyes would fall upon the sight of Eddard and his wife, though it might drive her to insanity then perhaps the realization of letting go would occur. This was unexpected of her. If this happened to her before, she would have done so much harm to stop anyone from having Eddard marry another. Maybe kill. If it was an option. Even so, her chances were already murdered multiple times. 

When Eddard had dismounted and the banners of the North waved, Cersei hitched her breath. 

“Lord Tywin,” Eddard addressed the Lord of Casterly Rock who was unimpressed.

“Lord Stark, it is remarkable to see you visit us once again,” Tywin spoke with no regard.

Before Eddard could greet Cersei and Tyrion, Tywin called out for some of his men to escort his children inside to the solar while Tywin led Eddard into his hall. 

Cersei only frowned while they were waiting in the solar. Even Tyrion could not try to move or Cersei would glare at him out of annoyance. Her fingers were fidgeting and she kept biting her thumb. 

“Can you stop doing that?” Tyrion scowled. Cersei's eyes landed on his brother who sat across her. Her face frowned even more, “Can you stop speaking?”

Tyrion only scratched his head, “Why are you so nervous?”

Cersei stopped and she placed her hands on her lap. Sighing, she answered, “Have you seen his wife?”

“Wife?” Tyrion asked back.

“You heard me,” Cersei was already impatient when their father did not even let them greet Eddard and now her younger brother has become deaf.

There was a long silent pause when Tyrion was about to say, “I have not.” And it was only because Eddard did not bring a wife.

Cersei then tilted her head to the side, “Hmm, I see.”

“I am certain he would not bring a wife while he is in the middle of the war,” He said unsurely.

“What kind of wife does not support her husband in war?” Cersei scoffed, rolling her eyes. The thought of referring to Eddard as someone's husband made her envious. 

“A wife who knows the risk of war, I guess?” Tyrion raised his hands. 

“Are you stupid?” Cersei was about to throw a cushion towards Tyrion when the large doors opened and announced Tywin.

“Cersei, be in your most behaved state. Come with me,” Tywin called to her with a stern voice. It made her hand tremble a bit. She breathed heavily to calm her nerves. She had to question herself as to why her father would always instill fear in people with his voice.

Cersei walked out of the solar. She followed her father who was a few steps forward. “What is that you need to call me for, father?”

He looked back at her, “You are to meet Lord Stark, he requested to have privacy with you. However, there will be multiple knights just outside the hall.”

Cersei looked at him with confusion. Eddard was married so she asked again, “Is that not forbidden?”

Tywin was oblivious this time to Cersei's query, “The doors will remain unlocked.” He said plainly.

“How is that supposed to help? Is not that disrespectful to his-” Cersei paced faster to keep up now with her father.

“To his what? Do not raise any more questions, child. Enter the hall now,” he sounded so irritated. He frowned at her and it made Cersei only incline her head.

“I will, father.” She had to stop asking more questions or her father would withdraw her and the odds to speak again with Eddard would be zero. Cersei faced the doors as she nodded at the knight to open them for her.

—

Eddard could only fix his gaze on Cersei who just entered the hall. It had been almost a year since he had seen and had spoken with her. And it ached his heart as it had filled with regret. 

Cersei broke the silence when she curtsied, “Lord Stark.” Eddard shook his head as he walked to her to lift her to her feet.

“Do not curtsy, do not have these formalities with me,” He told her gently. “I am still not used to this, I am certain you have heard of everything?” 

“I did, only quite late but I did. I am so sorry for your loss,” she consoled him. 

He curved his lips slightly, “Thank you, Cersei.” When Cersei noticed their hands were still together, she let go quickly and stepped a few paces back. He is devious for touching her hands, she thought.

“And Lyanna?” Cersei asked with worry in her eyes as she wanted only to hear good news or progress in locating her.

“We still are looking for her,” he said softly.

She only looked down and whispered, “I see, I really do hope you would. Sooner.”

Eddard nodded. 

She cleared her throat, “Did father refuse you again this time?” 

Eddard noticed how distant Cersei became with how she never looked him in the eye or she had fixed her hands on her back, “I apologize if I returned later than I anticipated. For more than half a year, I have only thought of you. And how I had to mourn for my family. It is only that a lot has happened.”

“It is alright. You have returned and seeing you well, it is enough. Even though my father wanted to remain our house neutral, do know that I support you,” Cersei assured him and gave him a tight smile. What was to smile about, she thought to herself.

“And to answer your question, he gladly, fortunately, did not refuse me this time,” he smiled at her. Cersei only grew annoyed at his smile. Of course, he must have been happy. One, he was wed. Two, his men were added by the Lannister army.

“I see, I hope the Lannister men will become a stronger force in addition to yours,” Cersei replied.

Eddard tilted his head with confusion, “Lannister men?”

But Cersei was impatient as she said curtly, “Where is your wife?” 

“Wife?” His brows furrowed, and Eddard wanted to laugh. But he had to swallow it as he noticed Cersei was serious. So he cleared his throat and rubbed his jaw. 

“Yes, it is quite inappropriate that we are alone in a room whilst you are married to one of the daughters of Lord Tully,” she said as her chin raised.

To his amusement, he beamed at her and said, “I have no wife, my lady.” 

Cersei was the confused one now, she crossed her arms. “Then how did- What happened to- But the Tullys- Your family promised your brother to them, it is not in your character to break such promises.”

He only looked at her with admiration, “I am only relieved you still perceive me as honorable. And even though my brother was indeed promised to her, I, however, made a promise to you.” 

Cersei only looked at him with longing and how she could feel her eyes well with tears. She hated it. As to how close she was with the acceptance of losing him, the overwhelming emotions of having him as her own surged in her.

“Cersei, I came here to ask your hand from your father again and as I said I intend to be better,” Eddard held out his hand palms down to assure her. 

“Are you certain he said yes?” Cersei was still in doubt. Eddard walked closer to her and held her hand. 

“Yes,” he whispered. Cersei looked up at him as he looked down on her with affection. “I just might have to extend some of what the North could usually offer,” he chuckled. Cersei only scrunched her brows as her mouth was left open but she managed to let out a soft laugh. 

He continued as he held her other hand, “But I really do not mind. You're a woman of high value and raised by one of the prominent lords and houses in this land, if anything any man should extend what he has to offer to have your hand.”

Cersei only felt Eddard's fingers wipe her face, then she realized her tears were already falling down her cheeks. 

“Forgive me. I did not intend to have you wait this long,” Eddard said softly as he rested his forehead on Cersei's. 

Cersei only shook her head lightly, “Father said it could not be possible, I really thought I lost you.” 

Eddard held her face and kissed her softly, “No, I could not allow that. I will never break my promises to you.” 

Cersei nodded and placed her hand on his cheek, grazing her thumb she whispered, “Don't let us part again.” 

He held his hand on hers that was touching his face and kissed her palm, “I would not. Never again.”

—

Cersei went out the halls to see her brother and father standing. She aggressively wiped her eyes from crying. Tyrion squinted at her and said, “I'll enter the hall now to keep him company.” She only nodded as she stepped aside.

“That was quite a long privacy,” Tywin remarked. 

Cersei breathed in, “Because it was needed.”

“Very well, you are to leave the earliest as possible,” Tywin said as he guided Cersei to his study. 

“And are you to travel with us if Ned and I wed in the North?” Cersei asked him. 

“No.” He said sternly. “It is enough that I had allowed this arrangement, the war is on the rise and I shall not make any further movements to make the crown question our intentions.”

Cersei was exasperated, “Why does it feel like you are ashamed of this?”

“Daughter, I am not. If only, it made me assured.”

“What do you mean by that?” Cersei asked.

Tywin looked at her intently, “We do not know the outcome of the rising war, hence, we remain neutral. But you being the future Lady of Winterfell, we have the backing of the most vast kingdom of the realm. Lord Stark has made it clear that the Vale and Riverrun had sworn their allegiance to the Storm's End. And the North remains loyal to the Stormlands. If something were to happen, we remain assured.”

“Why did you have to let me wait this long? He said he was not wed and I am certain you know of it! You could have called upon him and hasten his return!” Cersei demanded.

“And have the King demand our heads? They are already at the peak of rebellion! He asked for Robert's and Eddard's heads to be brought to him when he had the knowledge of their intentions! Do you want your father to be called upon too? And what? Have me dead?!” He angrily shouted at her.

“You could have done anything to not let me wait in agony,” she said weakly.

“And the wait is over, what more do you want? You still do not realize that you are a symbol to this house and any significant action done by you or any of the members is expected to be known by anyone across this land. You are fortunate enough to have him come here for you,” Tywin called her out. “He has numerous houses all ready to fight with him. If anything, the ‘agony’ of your waiting has been worth it,”

Cersei frowned, “You treat me as a symbol or object due to your impartiality. What I want is for you to see me as your daughter who is almost out of sorts with a confusing mind all because of this long wait!”

“And you better sort it out for you will become the Lady of the North! You will wed and consummate, the instant you bear the heir, your position strengthens. Our house strengthens. That is your duty!” Tywin pressed to her. 

“Very well, but Ned and I shall marry here in the West,” Cersei said. “I wish not to wait any longer. The North is very distant, it will take over a moon to reach. If you intend both of us to marry there, I won't allow it.”

“Tomorrow, it will happen. With haste, I will let them know.”

Cersei breathed heavily, “I shall trust you with it.”

—

When Casterly Rock found silence in the early night. The Northern men were settled and Tywin had sent his commands to the sept for the wedding. 

Cersei was in her room with her aunt. The two were in front of the mirror when Cersei was fitting the wedding gown. 

“Cersei, dearest,” her aunt's voice was filled with authority just like her father but hers was warmer. “We will have to adjust some stitches here and there, I presume this would fit you perfectly. You need to eat more for you to conceive a child.”

“I will have to get through the wedding first, then I will think of a child,” Cersei said gently. Of course, Cersei would have lost a lot when she had no appetite to eat for the past few moons. And now her aunt has to remind her about it particularly because she was expected to bear a child.

She looked at her reflection and felt a huge lump in her throat. It has sunk in her that she would be entering a new phase in her life. 

“Aunt Genna,” she softly called. Her aunt paused from fixing the gown. “You preserved mother's gown perfectly. It really is beautiful.”

Her aunt stood up straight and looked at Cersei's and her reflection. Though the gown was still unfinished from the adjustments, Cersei could see how the gown formed on her. It was made of silk, the finest ones. There are details on the lace and the veil adorned with embroidery. Cersei touched the fabric and it felt like she wanted to cry.

“Your mother would have been proud to see you wear her gown,” Aunt Genna could also feel her eyes pool with tears and as she continued to make adjustments, she said, “You look so much like her, seeing you wear this felt like I returned to the time I had seen your mother and father wed. Though the two of them wed out of love, I hope you learn to love your future husband as well. Your father told me this decision of his was wise to form political alliances. That is always expected.”

Cersei glanced at her aunt and then smiled. She was quiet while she let her aunt do the work. 

Noticing her silence, “It is normal to feel nervous, dear.”

Cersei sighed, “I have deep respect for Lord Stark. Although, I am uncertain if I have mother's capacity to love.”

Genna held both of Cersei's hands turning Cersei to look at her, “Despite your mother dying at an early age, she was the one who birthed you and nurtured you. Ever since she carried you and your twin, you already possessed the love she has for you. And with it, you are capable of loving.” 

Cersei cried again, this time it was heavy. All her doubts and fears, she had let them all out. Genna embraced her niece, “You will be fine, dear. You are fierce. Like the lioness you are.” She only nodded and held on to her aunt. 

“I apologize for causing so much trouble as a child, I do not know what could happen to me after mother died,” Cersei managed to say while crying heavily.

Genna rubbed her back, “You were only a child. Now that you have grown into a fine young lady, you will be a great mother and wife like her. With you, her love lives.”

Cersei only nodded and cried even more. Genna pulled back and wiped her niece's tears, “Now, cease the tears. We have a wedding to prepare. You do not want to look so tired tomorrow, do you?”

Cersei laughed and sniffed, as she nodded, “Yes. Tomorrow will be perfect.”

“Good, now look back at the mirror while I do the finishing touches of the gown.”

Cersei did as she said and smiled so genuinely that it hurt her cheeks.

—

In the next mid-day, the grand sept of Casterly Rock was filled with the Northerners and the Lannisters along with their loyalists. Cersei was in one of the antechamber’s sept as she fidgeted. She could feel her chest burst, her heart was beating rapidly. 

“Calm down, Cersei,” Genna held Cersei's hands. Cersei nodded but her words were not a balm. 

Tyrion then walked towards Cersei and said softly, “I will see you inside the sept, sister.” 

“Your father will walk you to the altar,” Genna told Cersei as she held her chin. “Your brother and I will leave you now.”

Cersei smiled, “Thank you for everything, aunt.”

When the ceremony was about to begin, Cersei was guided by her father to the entrance of the sept. Tywin told her, “Always have your best behavior.” Cersei looked up at him and said, “As if I would run away.”

“Oh, would you?” Tywin raised his brow at her.

“If it's not Ned in the altar, then I will.” Cersei smiled through her thin veil. To which, Tywin returned to her.

Tywin nodded at the knights and they opened the grand door of the sept. Cersei scanned the grand sept, to her left were from the West, and to her right were from the North. Amid war, she expected that her father would plan a very simple ceremony. But the sept was decorated heavily and the banners of the Lannisters and the Starks were hung up the high ceiling. She might expect the halls in Casterly Rock would be embellished too.

She took a sharp breath as she linked her arm with her father's and they walked to the altar. Cersei's gaze landed on Eddard standing in front of the altar. 

When they reached the altar, Tywin placed Cersei's hand on Eddard's. The two lords bowed their heads slightly. Cersei kissed her father's cheek through her veil. Tywin then unveiled Cersei as he presented her to Eddard.

Cersei smiled at Eddard who had the look of admiration in his eyes. He assisted Cersei up on the altar as they faced the High Septon. 

The septon’s voice echoed as he told Eddard, “You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection.” Cersei was then cloaked by Eddard with his own. She was now covered with the cloak adorned with the House Stark sigil. Cersei felt the heaviness of the cloak but she did not complain or wince. All she could think was how she had felt overjoyed. She did not even listen to the sept’s prayers anymore as she and Eddard only stared at each other. Her cheeks ached with her smile. 

The septon walked closer to Cersei and Eddard as he tied a ribbon on their clasped hands to signify the union, “Let it be known that Cersei Lannister of House Lannister and Eddard Stark of House Stark are one heart, one flesh, one soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear them asunder."

After untying the lace of knot, the septon proclaimed, "In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity.” He returned a few steps.

Cersei and Eddard stood across each other holding both of each other's hands as they were about to recite their vows. Both of them mentioned the Seven gods before vowing. 

“I am his and he is mine. From this day, until the end of my days,” Cersei stated. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was finally contented and elated.

“I am hers and she is mine. From this day, until the end of my days,” Eddard vowed simultaneously with her.

Eddard fixed his gaze on her, to him she was the most beautiful. She was wearing his cloak and he could feel his chest tighten. She was his wife now and til his death, he shall remain hers. 

With their vows done Eddard lastly proclaimed, “With this kiss, I pledge my love.” He and Cersei kissed and both houses applauded and cheered for the new union of the West and the North.

—

The feast in the grand hall of Casterly Rock was grand. Grand was an understatement for Cersei to describe. Despite the very short time preparations, everything was exquisite. 

Eddard and Cersei sat at the head of the table. “Are you not offended at all that I had our wedding follow our tradition?” she asked him.

He leaned closer to her and held her hand, “No, but do you want another wedding following our tradition?”

“Marrying twice to you would be a delight,” Cersei laughed only to be interrupted by her younger brother.

She muttered, “Oh he is obviously losing it.” 

Tyrion held up his goblet and offered a toast to the newlyweds, “I knew I should be seeing this day. May the gods bless your union and have them gift you many children!” 

Eddard also held up his as he thanked Tyrion, “Thank you, my lord.” 

Cersei drank from her goblet as she looked at her brother with concern, “Brother, you are drunk.”

But he waved her off, “You pay no mind to me. You have to prepare, your bedding ceremony is about to happen.” He then left and mingled with the other guests. Cersei suddenly felt nervous about what she heard. She heard of the bedding ceremony and its customs. And she would not allow it. 

Eddard noticed Cersei's expression changed. He whispered to her, “You do not have to worry. I won't let them touch you.” 

Cersei grinned, “Good! Because I won't let the ladies touch and undress you either!” She then stood up and turned to look  at him, “I’ll see you later,” with a short pause she addressed him as “husband.”

Her addressing him as husband made Eddard flustered. He cleared his throat and replied, “I will, wife.” With a satisfied smile, Cersei was then led by her maids to her and Eddard's temporary chambers. Eddard only observed Cersei's retreating figure like how he once did back in Harrenhal. In Harrenhal, he had his brother and sister with him when they first encountered Cersei. And now that they married, Brandon was already dead and Lyanna was still missing. Stopping himself from being sentimental, he stood up and asked one of the Lannister men to lead him to the chamber.

—

Cersei's braids were undone by one of her maids. She also unclasped a necklace and removed some jewelry. The cloak was also draped on the chaise. She then remembered Eddard's used cloak that he draped on her when it was cold in Harrenhal. The memory made her happier as she realized how much she had liked Eddard back then. 

“Please be careful with the gown,” she said softly as the maids were helping her to undress all of her garments.

“Do you intend to keep them, my lady?” one maid asked.

She contemplated, her aunt did a perfect job preserving it so she wanted it to be kept safe by her. But she thought that no one was left to use the gown in her family anyway. “Please have it packed safe and secure. I will bring it with me.”

“Yes, my lady.” The servant then left. Cersei made a gesture to have her robe passed to her. She then lit the candles while the maids were fixing the beddings.

Once the maids were done, Cersei called out to them before they left. “Have a bath prepared for me early in the morning. Earlier than I usually have.” 

As Cersei sat down on the edge of the bed brushing her hair, there came a knock at the door. She walked towards the door to open it and she saw her husband standing there. 

“Retiring so early, Ned?” She asked playfully. Opening the door wider for Eddard, he entered and looked at her. She closed the door and walked closer.

As he cupped her cheeks he whispered to her, “Well, I brutally missed my wife when she left me back in the halls.” She only laughed which made him hitch his breath. He leaned his head closer as he kissed her. Her eyes fluttered close as she kissed him back. Then the kiss turned deeper, fervent, and intense. It felt more eager from both of them. It has been a long time since they kissed and today it felt better. Much better than they shared back in the sept. 

Eddard moved his hand on Cersei's nape and lower back pushing her closer to him. She shuddered with his touch, her robe was too thin she could feel his skin on her back. Her hand made its way to his dark hair, longer now than they first met. His tunic was grasped tightly by her when they kissed. When she finally moaned, he pulled over his tunic dropping it on the floor. A short pause only felt long to them as they kissed again and their tongues met. He moaned out of pleasure and carried her as she wrapped her legs around him. 

Cersei held arms tightly as Eddard gripped her thighs. She found herself pressed between the cold stone wall and him. Her legs wrapped around him only made him more vehement. He moved on her neck as he kissed her so deeply that she could feel him almost biting her. Is this how a wolf marks his territory, she thought to herself. She gasped and breathlessly said, “Oh, how I have missed you.” 

Eddard paused and caught his breath. He looked at her and smiled, “I missed you so much. I could not bear it anymore if we are to part.”

“We won't be,” Cersei leaned down to kiss him again. She felt his hands tighten around her thighs as she was led to their bed not breaking the kiss. Her moans only became louder, more breathless as he continued to kiss down on her neck. Lying on her back, he hovered over her as he undressed her by untying the robe. He gaped on her exposed body as he only got more aroused. Grabbing the robe and aggressively throwing it on the ground. 

He rested his forehead on Cersei's as he told her, “You are so beautiful. No one could ever compare.”

She held his jaw and rubbed her thumb as she kissed his nose, “Good. No one should be above me.” 

He chuckled at her remark and kissed her forehead, “Are you willing to do this?”

Cersei looked at him, her eyes full of affection. She nodded, “Yes.” He was about to kiss her again when she held his chin, “Just be gentle.” 

Eddard smiled and let out a breath. Nodding he said softly, “I will make it certain you will find pleasure in it.” 

He kissed her neck and collarbones and her shoulders. Her skin was full of love bites as she held her breath every time he caressed and touched her body. 

And every time he did, her lips would let out a soft, “Mmmm.” She heard him groan as he cupped her breast. Kneading one of them as his mouth moved to the other and nipped. A gasp escaped from her. She felt his teeth softly nibbling on her breast. She could not help but let out a soft cry of pleasure. He moved to her other breast as she gripped his hair. She felt his tongue play around her nip, her back arched and she panted, “Oh god yes.” She felt her nips become more sensitive as he firmly squeezed them with his hand.

He took his time before he slowly descended Cersei. She shuddered when he reached her lower stomach, his lips touching so tenderly. He reached her thighs and she could only whimper and shudder. His hot breath touched her skin as he was nibbling on her inner thighs. 

“Ned,” she panted. He did not stop, he only gripped her thighs spreading them more for him. Relishing between her legs, he settled and sucked her inner thigh. Cersei quivered. Gradually, he was nibbling on her thigh until he reached her entrance. 

Cersei gasped loudly as she gripped the sheets tightly. “Ned, oh god,” she moaned. She was squirming, trembling as his lips met her cunt. Her back arched again when he parted her entrance using his tongue. And while she shuddered, her palm slammed on the oak headboard to support her. The sheets were stretched out from her tight grip. “Ned, oh, please,” she begged the more his tongue moved inside her. 

Eddard was taking his time to pleasure her. He slowly moved his tongue around inside her cunt, savoring her every drip. 

When she looked down on her his gaze was already fixed on her. The eye contact only made both of them more aroused. She bit her lower lip so hard out of the pleasure she felt. He only flicked his tongue more and she could hear the noises of her cunt and his lips made. She was almost light-headed but she desired more, so she gripped his hair pushing him inside her.

With his free hand, he slowly inserted one finger inside. He heard her loud moan that he was certain it could be heard outside the chamber. He paused and looked up, “Does it hurt you?” He saw how flushed she was, her lips swollen and pink, her hair was slightly disheveled and he could not even stop himself from pleasuring her so much more. 

She shook her head in response and panted, “A little bit but no, I want more. Please.” 

He hitched his breath with her begging, he slid in one more finger and heard her whimper again. She felt him move his fingers inside her while he delved his tongue more, flicking it around until it reached the spot where she felt her muscles tighten. “Ned,” she gasped. He was not stopping, she wanted him. An aching pleasurable throb surged her as she cried out for him breathlessly again, “Ned, please I want you.”

He paused gradually as he pulled out his fingers gently. She could feel her chest pounding as she also relaxed her back now touching the sheets of her bed. Both of them were breathing heavily. He hovered above and gazed at her, strands of her hair were stuck on her face as she was getting a little sweaty like him. She looked at him, and she could see the desire in his eyes. His lips were glossed with her wetness. She grazed her thumb on his lips.

He whispered to her, “Did you feel good?” She only nodded and pulled his face to hers as their lips crashed and she could taste her own. She broke the kiss and asked him the same question, “How did you like it?” 

He leaned closer, their noses touched, and he answered sensually, “Gods, I only want to savor you all over and over again.” He then moved to her ear, nibbling it. She quivered and her skin prickled as she could feel his warm breath near her ear and neck, “Ned.” 

“So sweet, so intoxicating. I want you Cersei,” he whispered in her ear. 

She could only flutter her eyes closed and held the back of his neck. She turned her head, her lips close to his ears, “Take me, Ned. I want you. Badly.” 

She ran his hand through his hair and moved his face so she could look at him intensely. Pushing his face closer to her, their lips almost touching. She rubbed her nose against his. Holding his cheek, she whispered against his lips, slightly touching. “Take me now,” she grunted.

He groaned when he told her what she wanted him to do. He would always do what Cersei desired. He kissed her fervently as he unbuckled his trousers and breeches. 

She returned his kiss, her hand on his back and arms. Their moans and groans filled the room. He aggressively threw his clothes and spread her legs once more with his strong thighs. She gasped when he was between her again and she felt his hard manhood against her thigh. 

“Tell me if it hurts,” he softly said to her. When he saw her nod, he touched her cunt. It was very drenched and he could feel her clit swell. He moaned when he felt her wetness and how sensitive it was. 

Cersei bit her lower lip when Eddard touched her below. Fixing their eyes on each other, she gripped his arms as he slowly pushed himself inside of her. She gasped when his cock tried to enter. 

He was not yet fully inside but he could feel she tensed. Adjusting himself, he brushed some strands of her hair off from her face. He looked at her flushed face and kissed her forehead gently, “Does it hurt?”

“No,” she said breathlessly. “A little.” She added. 

He told her softly, “Forgive me. I’ll be careful.” 

She felt that he was going deeper inside her, and her hand grasped tighter on his arm and his hair. Slowly adjusting to his size and his movements, she spread her legs wider.

When he moved slowly inside her, he groaned. “Cersei,” he moaned, “You are so warm inside.” He did not wait for her to respond as he kissed her passionately while he thrusted.

She locked her legs on his lower back as she pushed him deeper inside her. “Ned,” she gasped for his name in between their fervent kiss. She felt how hard he was inside her, she wanted to say how good his cock moving inside and out of her but she could only moan. 

As she gripped the sheets, he grabbed her wrists and pinned it on the bed. He positioned himself to fuck her hard as her moans got louder. “Do you feel good? Do you like it?” he asked her as he rested his forehead on hers.

“Yes, it feels so good,” she whimpered. Her free hand was on his back as her nails dug in. He pulled his head back slightly to see her face expressing pleasure. She noticed her moans were getting louder and she had to stifle it by biting her lower lip. 

He shook his head and held her face, “No, don't stop. It's only us right now.” He let go of her pinned wrist and kissed her, “Moan and scream in my ear if you have to.” 

And she followed. His head was close to hers, her lips nibbled in his ears. “Yes Ned,” she cried out. She could feel his pace become faster. Both of them were becoming more sweaty and the sound of their skin hitting each other got louder. And she could feel something built up inside her. Her legs were unwrapped from him when he grabbed her thigh and gripped it. 

He loved gripping her thigh and how she moaned for his name, ringing in his ear. He felt her warmth and as he moved his pace quickly, he could feel her tighten. He pulled and straightened his back, he held her thighs as he moved inside her deeper and faster and he could see her gripping the sheet and her hand resting on the headboard. If this was his home in the North, he would have done more and destroyed the bed but he would not do that when he was in Cersei's home.

She could feel she was close to releasing, she was panting and begging, not wanting him to stop. He then leaned on her again as she grabbed the back of his neck, “Oh god yes Ned, please. He held her face, “Look at my eyes when you finish.” She nodded as she locked eyes with him.

Cersei reached her peak when she arched her back, her eyes filled with passion looking at him. “Ned oh god. It's so good, please do not stop. Ned. Ned. Ned,” she panted loudly so close to screaming. Her moans were stopped by Eddard kissing her deeply. His pace was consistent as he fucked her until she shuddered. Her thighs trembled slightly.

He called out for her in between kisses, “Cersei. Gods. Cersei.” He then looked at her, “My beautiful wife.” She looked at him and smiled and then moaned. He then felt himself building up and he fixed his gaze at her. Their eye contact, hearing each other's moans, and calling their names made him release inside her. He grunted while releasing his last fill. He slowly pulled out of her. Their foreheads rested on each other as they tried to catch their breaths. 

Eddard kissed her nose and lips softly. She smiled and grazed her fingers on his jaw. He grabbed the blankets and settled beside her. Wrapping Cersei in his arms he asked her, “Are you alright?” 

She only nodded, “But very tired.” He held her closer as she rested her hand on the crook of his neck. “Good night, husband” she faintly said as she drifted to sleep. 

He looked at how she peacefully slept. He moved some messy strands of her hair from her face. And he kissed her forehead and then went to sleep.

Chapter Text

Cersei stirred in her sleep, she slowly opened her eyes to see Eddard sleeping deeply, his arm draped over hers. She tried to wiggle out of his hold as she glanced at the window to see the sun not rising yet. Her body ached and her legs were sore. Sitting up she recalled how only a few moments earlier, she was loud enough and she wondered if people walking through the halls could hear her. She could feel her cheeks flare up.

“Cersei,” Eddard called out for her. She turned to him to see him also sitting up. “Are you alright?” he asked her, leaning his head on her shoulders and encircling his arms around hers. 

“More than alright,” she responded softly. “Now that we have more privacy, can you tell me more of your stories?” 

Hearing her enthusiasm, he chuckled and kissed her cheek. “What do you want to hear?” 

She moved from his hold and laid down on the bed, “Everything from the day you left here.” 

He returned to his position and brushed her cheeks with his thumb, “I have so much to tell you.” 

Cersei looked at him, still processing that she was his wife now. And she carries the Stark household name. Lady of Winterfell. It may be cold in the North but she believed people were warm, just like how Eddard and Lyanna were to her. She thought of her friend again. Her changed expression went unnoticed as Eddard softly asked, “What is the matter?”

She gave him a tight smile, moving closer to his face and brushing their noses. Closing her eyes, she whispered, “I only wished Lyanna was here to see us wed, she would have been so happy.”

He sighed lightly and kissed her, “I will find her, do not worry yourself.” 

She nodded and pulled back her head. “Now, tell me everything. Including the war, from how it began.” She was so particular that while he was telling her every detail of his exertion on the battlefield, she had to ask him all of their names. “Yes, I have to know. I need to know who you negotiated with and who you harmed,” she told him. “And also what happened to you after you left here, I have not heard from you since. Tyrion says you sent a few letters to him.’

“Even with how I returned back to the North?”  at her with furrowed brows. He would not want to recall the gruesome details of how he reached Winterfell. But she was so eager to learn a lot of it.

“Everything.” Cersei was always so defiant. Eddard flickered his eyes at the window to see dawn was almost approaching, he then looked at his new wife and he remembered how he always longed for her presence when times were difficult. “But if it is still difficult for you to recall them, I would not pry,” she assured him, almost regretting how she demanded answers.

He gave her a small smile and said, “Let’s start on the day when I left you here with a promise.”

—

Cersei had gathered seashells from the seaside to add more to her collection. She was carrying varieties of it when she stepped into her room to have them packed. The servants were coming in and out of her room as they had all of Cersei's belongings packed. Out of everyone, she was the most excited. 

“There is no rush, Lord Stark says we have to leave by a fortnight.” Cersei assured her servants who were moving quickly. 

In Tywin's study, he summoned Eddard and Tyrion. Eddard was still tired as seen in his heavy eyes while Tyrion was still suffering a hangover. Tywin sitting across his desk observed the two.

“You dare present yourself to your father in a drunken state,” Tywin said.

Tyrion cleared his throat, “Cersei's wedding feast was just last night and you expect me to be sober by morning?” He was sleeping soundly in his chambers when one of the servants called him and now he found himself in his father's study. Standing beside his tall brother-in-law who was also confused. 

“You summoned us, Lord Lannister?” Eddard asked, trying to break the tension. ‘Shouldn't they be served breakfast?’ He thought to himself.

Tywin heavily sighed and responded, “Lord Stark, I want to know your plans regarding Cersei.”

“Then why am I here?” Tyrion retorted as he tried to walk away.

“Stay here, Tyrion” he grinded his teeth. The dwarf paused and pressed his lips in a thin line.

“I plan to have Cersei be sent to Winterfell with my most trusted men and I shall move forward in the war, only I am waiting for the words from our different allies,” Eddard replied to Tywin, who only squinted at him.

“You will send her alone without you?” Tywin asked him.

Eddard nodded, “It is safer for her, I could not bring her with me.”

“Hmm,” Tywin only responded. He rested his chin on his knuckles and his eyes fixed on Tyrion. His dwarf son sensed something that made him tense. His eyes widened and as he was about to speak, Tywin immediately told them both, “Tyrion will be with her.”

“Father!” Tyrion complained. This made him recall when he instructed him to be with his sister in Harrenhal. 

“I will need someone to watch over her. You will return once she is installed in Winterfell,” He pressed.

Tyrion glanced up at Eddard, “My lord, how long is the journey to Winterfell from here?”

“More than a moon, my lord.” He answered to the dwarf. Tyrion could only look back at his father, “That it was quite too long father. Lord Stark just said he will send her with his most trusted men.”

“Lord Lannister, I assure you Cersei will be safe. However, if it gives your mind the solitude over her security, she could stay here until the war is concluded.” 

“You leave your wife here in Casterly Rock when she is already the Lady of the North?” Tywin raised his brows at Eddard.

“Only if you consider it as an option, my lord. It is for her wellbeing, especially, if she might… if we…” Eddard carefully chose his words, “...if we conceive a child.”

“If she does carry the heir of Winterfell, then she must give birth and raise the babe in Winterfell. You shall no longer stay here for more than a fortnight,” Tywin told him. His eyes then landed on Tyrion, “You heard Lord Stark, that is more reason for you to be with your sister.” 

Tyrion bit his tongue from making him sneer at his father. He nodded and said, “I’ll have my stuff packed.” 

Eddard inclined his head to Tyrion as the dwarf left the room.

—

Nights and days passed, and Cersei could not even stay out of their chamber long unless she needed to. But her hours were occupied by Eddard. She most certainly thought that the bed was about to be replaced once they left. 

She once reprimanded Eddard when he kept biting kiss marks on her neck, “You must stop. Do you know how my maid struggled to find me dresses that cover up my neck?” And he did not care. 

The night before they had to leave, he was still doing it and Cersei had given up with her protests. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and her legs wrapped around his. “Ned,” she called out softly. He only managed to respond with a soft, “Hmm?”

“Where is your next march?” She asked. He paused and lifted his head to look closely at her. 

Tilting his head, he asked her back, “What made you bring up this question?” 

Grazing her palm on his face, she answered softly. “Just curious. I want to know all of it.”

“I already have received word, we are to march up North but I will have to make a stop to meet with Lord Arryn, Lord Tully, and Robert a few miles from the Trident,” he answered her. She was quiet until she received a deep kiss from him. 

She moaned through his kisses as she called for his name, “Ned.” She paused and looked him in the eye, “I want to be with you wherever you go. I won’t go further without you.”

Eddard was taken aback. He raised his body to focus on Cersei's face if she was serious. And she was indeed serious. “No, you can not. It is not safe,” he told her. 

She frowned. She wanted to be with him. There were some ladies present throughout the war sometimes. They nursed, attended to the wounded, cooked, assisted, anything they could to maintain the prowess of the soldiers. Wives could come to accompany their husbands until the end of the war. And Cersei wanted to, her husband was the Lord Commander of House Stark. 

“I do not want to part from you,” she insisted.

He was not moved, “Nor do I. But Cersei, you are much safer when you are in the North. You would not be alone.”

She was not convinced. To soothe her, he kissed her on her forehead. He embraced her as he spoke softly against the top of her head, “You will not like the war. The state of it. There will be blood everywhere. Noise. Deaths. You will live uncomfortably.”

Contemplating hard, she was almost convinced. She would hate being in the days of the war and she’d rather queen her way in the North. But what of it when her husband would not be there with her? “Then who'll tend to you?” She looked up at him. 

He ran his fingers through her hair and answered, “I do not need it.” 

Her mouth twisted. What kind of man in war did not need tending? He was not some sort of god to have the immunity. “Oh, nonsense!” She pushed his chest off her, wanting to get up. 

He lay down on the bed as she sat up. “Do you want me to become a widow?” She glared at him.

“You're thinking about it too much, of course not. I will be fine.” He assured her. “Come back here,” he held out his arm on his side, gesturing to her to lay down with him. 

She breathed through her nose and pursed her lips. Eventually, she slowly returned to his arms. 

He looked at her and told her, “The journey alone is already risky but your father insists you be installed in Winterfell. You will still be with me on the way there. Given that the travel is arduous, having you in the war itself is dangerous.”

She nodded, “How many moons until we reach your stop?” 

“Not a moon but I expect a little more than a fortnight since I brought lots of men with us. Then perhaps another moon for you to reach Winterfell.” Eddard kissed her temple and added, “We will have plenty of time together, especially after this war.”

Cersei looked at him, “I am not certain how I could adjust to your home. Especially without you.”

Shaking his head, he replied softly, “They will serve you well. Do anything you want there and make several changes needed for your comfort.”

She furrowed her brows, “Would they even allow that?”

He moved his head back, “Of course, you are the Lady of Winterfell. They could not defy you.”

She smiled at his reassurance. She did not know how to act when she realized that she was the Lady of the North. But she liked it. She did not stop being ambitious anyway. Many lords and ladies would address her as such. She could be in Winterfell’s court, and she would make it happen. Even if it was small or none. 

“I will learn to adapt there,” she whispered. 

“You will also love it there,” he grinned at her. “But now we have another duty to do.” Eddard had never given her a break at all. And she was never protesting, she loved it. It was his attention and his being all over her that made her content. Whenever she felt pleasure from him, the more she wanted him—if that was even possible now that she thought she had liked him fully.

She laughs, “We will end up being fatigued tomorrow.” Fatigued or not, she still wanted to do it anyway. So she allowed him to kiss her. 

“Do you like children?” He asked her. She got annoyed that he broke the kiss just to ask a question. Especially a question that was easy to answer. 

“I do,” she said breathlessly and held his face to kiss him. He didn't respond anymore except to part her lips and deepen the kiss. He threw the blanket off her and grasped her exposed breasts. A gasp escaped from her mouth and she instinctively spread out her legs as he settled between her. 

The kiss became aggressive as they were softly biting each other's lips. He allowed her to grab his hair as she pushed him closer. As if they could get even closer. 

She felt his hand touch her cunt, he slid inside her still gently but she heard him groan when he was fully inside her. The sound of it aroused her more, she bent her knees and he raised one of her legs making her ankle rest on his shoulder. She moaned louder now as his cock would hit and fuck her in the right spot.

Eddard looked at her flushed face and her hair was messy. And he liked it when he heard his name out from Cersei's swollen lips. Hearing her plead only progressed his pace inside her. 

“Ned right there. Do not stop. Yes yes yes,” she moaned breathlessly. Her hands paled after gripping so tight on the sheets. She loved it. She felt so close to her climax as she arched her back. 

The two never broke eye contact, their grunts and moans until they reached their peak. He slowly brought down her leg. He collapsed on her and their foreheads touched. Their heavy pants and breaths could only be heard in the room. She circled her arms around him and whispered, “Let's sleep.”

—

“Why were you even sent by father?” Cersei scowled at Tyrion who joined them in the journey. She was annoyed when she saw his brother loading his final belongings into the cart.

“Do not even start, I am also not pleased by the idea,” he walked to her. He studied her and tilted his head.

Cersei frowned, “Say it.”

“You look different today. But you still look gorgeous, I just have to say that before you cut my head off,” Tyrion commented. He was careful because even though Cersei was happy at her wedding, she was still his sister who was harsh and strict to him.

Cersei's frown was replaced by a grin, “I know. I suit it well. Both houses.” She was not wearing her signature clothes that carried any hint of the Lannister house. Today, she was wearing the colors of House Stark. It felt new for her to wear grays, whites, or even a tint of green and blue in the future. She thought it was dull until she saw herself wearing it. The dark gray suited her like she felt she was truly the Lady of Winterfell. She still wore her lion head necklace and she planned to have one made but of a direwolf. 

Tyrion replied, “You will make a good lady in there.” He was relieved to have his sister marry one of the kingdoms. The North may be far but he knew she could handle it. And maybe she could make North better than it already was. 

“I know,” Cersei replied curtly. 

When they all had bid their farewells, the march of House Stark began. Cersei was very much comfortable traveling as she only slept most of the time while her husband led. 

—

After more than a fortnight, the North had arrived close to the Trident. The camp was made and Eddard was with the other lords. Eddard had caught up with the houses Tully, Baratheon, and Arryn. 

Cersei was in her own tent with Tyrion. She was embroidering the old linen that she started at Harrenhal. There was a lioness and a dire wolf. She was completing the remaining details of the wolf until she felt that something was still lacking. 

Clearing his throat Tyrion said, “Did you know how father rejected Prince Rhaegar's request for help?”

She was focused still on her needlework as she replied, “Yes, and nor do I care. The Targaryens had offended us enough and now they had to ask for more men. He can't even give his men to Ned.”

“Well, Lord Stark did not ask for men. He asked for your hand.” Tyrion replied.

“And that is good enough, father remains neutral until now but two of the Lannister children are with the rebels. He'll never side with them,” she said, her eyes not leaving her work. “Are you hungry, brother?” 

“Well, yes. Slightly. But the lords are still-” 

“Ah! Let them discuss the war, we can eat earlier than them. I am famished,” she set down her linen and told the servant to prepare food for her and Tyrion.

The meals were set out and Cersei ate more than twice what she usually did. Tyrion was surprised, more than a year ago his sister would not even eat or touch her spoon. And now her appetite has doubled to the point he even gave his own food to hers.

“You must be very tired of traveling,” he said as he poured his food on Cersei's plate. She did not complain but continued to eat gracefully.

“Hmm, yes. The servants cook good food. Do you not like it?” She asked when she noticed he was giving his food to hers. 

“I actually like it but I am quite full and I think you need it more,” he answered. But he thought his sister must be eating for two already. He did not say anything or it would sour Cersei's mood. So he just watched his sister enjoy the meal.

That night, Cersei woke up from a nap and Eddard was in their tent as he was reading. She sat up and suddenly felt dizzy and nauseated. Eddard noticed his wife struggling so he walked across the tent to her

“Cersei, what is the matter?” He asked her, wrapping his arm around her and holding her hand.

She felt something was coming up her throat, her visions blurred, and her head spun. “Ned, I need to-” 

Eddard sensed it and he immediately assisted Cersei to walk faster leading outside the tent. They reached behind it where no one else could see as Cersei emptied her gut. Eddard was already calling out for the servants as they rushed towards them. He held Cersei's long hair and rubbed her back as she spewed out all of what she had eaten that day.

Cersei was cleaned up by the servants and Eddard. He assisted her back to the tent, laying her down on the makeshift bed. Tyrion went inside to see the little commotion that had happened.

Eddard turned to him and requested, “Tyrion, can you please ask for a maester from Lord Baratheon's camp?”

Tyrion nodded and said, “Yes, my lord.” He was certain his sister was carrying, she looked pale and a little tired. 

“Ned, I am fine. It is the fatigue from traveling,” she held his hand. However, she did feel more off than usual. It was sudden and she felt nervous there was something more to this.

Eddard shook his head, “No, I can not be assured to let you travel tomorrow when we do not have someone assess you.”

One maester arrived together with Tyrion. He greeted them, “Lord Stark. Lady Stark.”

The maester asked Cersei some questions but the one that made her tense was about her moon blood. She did remember how her moon blood regularly occurs every twenty to twenty-third of a moon. And her wedding occurred days after her moon blood was done. She and Eddard stayed in the West for a fortnight and they reached their current location for more than a fortnight. She counted mentally and confirmed she did skip her moon blood. 

She noticed how she was currently eating more than what she usually did. Instinctively holding her belly, it was still flat. The maester read her pulse and said the possibility of her carrying a child was high. 

“It is still early to confirm, it is best to wait for the quickening,” the maester told Eddard. 

Cersei thanked the maester before he left. Everyone also dispersed from the tent and the two were left alone.

Eddard sat beside Cersei on the bed and kissed her forehead, “Now, I worry. You are with child.”

She smiled. “Our child,” she said as she held his cheek. “It is still early but I know something is growing inside me,” she said softly to him.

“I will have to double-check everything before you leave tomorrow,” he said to her.

“I only wish you could be with me,” Cersei told him with worry. 

He pressed his forehead on hers, “Forgive me. The timing was off.”

Cersei pouted and struck her palm on his arms lightly, “Do not say that! The child's timing is not off.” 

He immediately apologized and grabbed her hand to kiss it, “I am sorry. I meant with the war.”

She beamed at him and held his face, “I am so happy.”

“I am too,” he looked at her and smiled. “If it is a girl, what would you name her?”

She tilted her head and grinned while her eyes darted to think, “I would like to name her from my mother.”

Eddard could only look at his wife with affection as she looked so happy. And this was the only thing he wanted to see every day. During the past moons before they wed, he remembered how he always longed to see her face. The last time they met, she was on the verge of tears when her father rejected his proposal. Now, she was completely delighted and overjoyed. Much happier than he saw her at their wedding. 

“And if it is a boy?” he asked her. She bit her lower lip slightly and only asked him, “You will name him.”

He thought of a good name for their child if it were born as their son. He wanted to name him after his father but now at the height of the war, he thought of his great friend, Robert. “How about Robb?”

Cersei looked at him amused, “From Lord Baratheon?” 

He nodded, thinking she would be angry at his suggestion. But she laughed softly, “Then the babe will be named Robb if it is indeed a boy.” 

Eddard chuckled and cupped Cersei's cheeks to kiss her.

—

It was a misty morning, Cersei was heavily cloaked as a few of Eddard's men and the other servants were about to leave. Eddard held both of Cersei's hands tight. 

“Be careful. Both of you,” he reminded her gently as he glanced at her flat belly. 

Cersei was filled with worry. “We will see you back in our home. Safe.” 

He nodded and kissed her fervently. They held each other tight and it took them long enough before they broke the kiss. Their foreheads and nose touched, while the soft wind tousled their hair. 

“Come back to me,” Cersei said softly.

Eddard nodded, “I will.” And he kissed her one last time again. 

Cersei then let go and entered her carriage not looking back or she would cry parting from her husband again.”

Eddard looked at Cersei's back as she joined the troop. His worries added now that Cersei was carrying and during the most sensitive time. From Lyanna's whereabouts to Cersei's safety, and now their growing child inside her, he could not help but pray for this nightmare to end.

—

Tyrion only became Cersei's sponge when she was annoyed by anything or anyone. He was used to it. More likely, he was relieved that the reason was because his sister was carrying. The travel had been too long and Cersei's symptoms had grown worse. She also got annoyed once when she noticed her dresses went tighter. Tyrion told her that it should be a relief to her since it only confirmed that a babe was growing inside her. She smiled at the thought but she did not want to tell him that he was correct.

After days and days of discomfort, they reached Winterfell, and Cersei almost cried out of relief. She observed the castle from the distance, it sprawled massively. It was indeed the capital of the North, she thought. She stuck her face on the carriage glass just too much of a better view of Winterfell. The walls were tall but there were taller walls inside. Too much of her excitement was also matched by her uneasiness. She would be lost inside it if she were to wander alone. 

Cersei always thought that no castle would top Casterly Rock. It was close to the ocean, and it was warm and sunny. However, despite its cold, Winterfell was quiet and majestic. 

She was welcomed by the Household members, including Maester Luwin and The rest. They all addressed her as Lady Stark and told her how Lord Stark ensured her installment in the North.

Cersei felt their warmth when they had led her to the Great Keep where she would be settling in. And while she was toured by the household members, she had requested one room to turn into a nursery. However, she did not explicitly tell them that she was carrying. They were delighted to hear of the lady's request. Cersei then asked if she could have her own drawing room, just close by Eddard's solar. Maester Luwin told her if it were to Cersei's comfort, he'd have it done right away. She was told of how this maester replaced the old Maester Walys. And yet she noticed how this new one was knowledgeable already of the North.

She settled in her own chamber, she was told Eddard's chamber and hers were separate but she knew either way the two would sleep together. Her maids that she brought from Casterly Rock were slowly moving in her belongings while she lay down on the bed until she drifted to her sleep.

A knock on the door woke her up when her maid told Cersei her meal in the Grand Hall was ready. “Is it late?” she asked.

The maid nodded and answered, “Yes, my lady. Your brother and the rest of the household are waiting for you.” 

Cersei pursed her lips and said, “Grab me my coat, and lead me there.” 

Cersei still felt dizzy when she walked through the halls of the castle. She just woke up from her long nap and she wanted to collapse on her bed. But she was hungry, the babe inside her was hungry as well. When she reached the Hall, she smiled as everyone smiled at her warmly. She sat on the head of the table, already missing her husband who should have been with her.

The feast was only intimate as she had liked it. It only annoyed her if there were more people to acknowledge. She was introduced and toured to lots of people and places that spun her head. Much more than her brother was drinking again and eyeing some maids. After the hearty meal, she reprimanded Tyrion while they walked out of the halls.

“It is your first night here and you start drinking,” she said through gritted teeth.

Tyrion waved her off, “Oh, relax. I needed this after a long journey. You do not have to worry.”

“I will worry. I do not want you to ruin things here for me. Especially when they welcomed us warmly,” she hissed.

Tyrion only rolled his eyes. He told her, “I am to write to father that we arrived here well and warm. I will also tell him how Winterfell has already installed you as their lady.”

“Tell him to update us, most especially me, with all of his movements in the war. He still remained neutral. I need to know his plans,” she told Tyrion.

“How about the confirmation you are with child?” he asked.

She shook his head, “No. Do not let him know just yet. He'll use that again for his gain.” 

“Alright,” he nodded. 

“Stay here until the birth of the child. Then you can leave if you want,” Cersei told him. Only that she wanted him here because she was skeptical of her father letting her know about the war. And with Tyrion here, she knew she would have the information being sent to her brother. 

“And be your child's babysitter too?” Tyrion retorted.

“Don't talk to your future nephew or niece that way! What's wrong with staying anyway? Fine! Leave tomorrow, I will have Eddard's men accompany you right back to the West,” she angrily said.

Tyrion raised his hands and scowled, “I did not mean it. I will wait for the birth if that assures you.” 

She said curtly, “Good.” 

During her first days, Cersei tried to navigate the castle and be familiar with it. She only walked with some of the servants and sometimes her brother. She still struggled with the symptoms, and as it got worse she could also feel her belly growing too. 

She attempted to enter court as she insisted. “Ned’s court is quite small, I am certain there's room for more. Especially a seat for his wife.” Since Eddard warred in the south with most of his trusted soldiers and his master-at-arms, the castle was left with the steward and the maester. 

Though new, her presence was always known. She would often find herself in the Glass Gardens, in there it was warm and earthy and she found beauty in the varieties of flowers and vegetables and fruits. Most especially flowers, she would pick some of them and then bring it in her drawing room to arrange them. The flowers were displayed along with her seashells from Casterly Rock. 

Cersei has found warmth in the coldness of the North. It was not as harsh as people used to say or maybe it's only because Winter has not arrived. But she liked it, her cheeks and lips turned rosier than they were. 

—

Cersei went to her drawing room to embroider again, this time it was her old work of Lyanna and the wolf. Lyanna's room was left untouched as she instructed the maids to never change anything. She still believed Eddard would bring her home soon and they'll be together again like how they did back in Harrenhal. 

Tyrion rushed into Cersei's drawing room to let her know about their father's plan. “Sister. Father has finally moved.”

Dropping her work on the chaise, she replied, “Tell me.”

“His raven only just arrived and father has decided to move to King's Landing with his thousands of men,” Tyrion said. “And it is quite bad. Not quite. Brutally bad.”

“Tell me more? What has happened?” She looked at him with concern.

“Maybe more than a fortnight after the Trident Battle, father had decided to sack King's Landing,” he said. “The king was slain by Jaime.”

She was surprised, “Oh…” She was out of words, “I mean, he was a mad king but what Jaime did is…” 

Someone knocked on her door, “My lady.” It was Maester Luwin. 

“Enter.”

The maester entered and handed her a letter, “It was written for you, my lady. From Lord Stark.” He then left the room. 

Cersei looked at Tyrion, “I will have to read this later, just go on with what father has sent you.”

“Sister, he harmed, mercilessly, Prince Rhaegar's family. A child and a newborn. And the princess was violated. Just to show his loyalty to Lord Baratheon,” he said carefully. “King Robert Baratheon,” he corrected himself.

Cersei's teeth gritted “Is it not enough for them that I am married to Ned? Or your presence here to show how we are their allies” She clenched her fist, “I understand killing the enemy, they could have just done that to the King but the wife and children.”

Cersei has softened every time a topic of a child and mother was brought up in her head. If for instance, the possibility of the Loyalists sack them in Winterfell and she and the child she carried were harmed together with everyone, how would even her father react with that? The thought of the innocent mother and children being killed brutally brought shame to her. 

“I know how capable our father is, he has done so many times,” Cersei told Tyrion.

“You need not worry, King Robert has acknowledged the House Lannister as one of his allies. But you are even more secure because you are Lord Stark’s wife carrying the future of Winterfell,” he assured his sister.

She sighed and nodded, opening the letter from Eddard. She read the content, mostly it was the same information as what Tyrion had told her but at the end of the letter, Eddard sent his regards to her and the child.

Looking up at Tyrion she said, “Well, our new king and Eddard are in a rough patch as they argued about our father's ‘gift’ of loyalty.”

Tyrion only said a silent, “Oh dear.”

“Lyanna can not marry that vicious evil man,” Cersei said as her voice trembled.

Tyrion replied to his sister, “Eddard will handle that, for now, you focus on your well-being.”

—

Cersei had told Maester Luwin to always report to her everything. But the old man only expressed his concern over her, “My lady, amidst the war and Lord Stark’s absence, you carry the heir. It is vital you take more rest.”

She felt useless and bored when she just laid on her bed during most days when she could be productive and assist or do her duty, “Do not worry Maester Luwin, I am still capable.”

The quickening came around after a long stretch of days. Cersei felt something move inside her and she had the maester check on her well-being and the child. 

“My lady, it is good that you are feeling the child move. I am surprised the quickening happened a little late. It has been a little over 4 moons since you wed. Usually, it happens on the 3rd moon,” the maester assured her.

Cersei sighed with relief and smiled, “The child must have been patient. But that is wonderful, will we ever know the gender of the child?” 

Old Nan held Cersei's hand and asked her what type of food she was craving. Cersei was confused as her brows furrowed. She thought how even the food could determine the gender of the child. That was nonsense and just old beliefs. But then again, Nan had more experiences here and she had known many of the Starks before even Eddard was born.

“I notice the past few days you always ask the cook for very sour foods. You do not like anything particularly spicy?” Old Nan insisted. Cersei thought of it and it was true, she was only eating sour food. Anything a little bit of spice hurt her stomach. 

“They hurt my stomach, the smell of it already made me dizzy,” Cersei explained.

Maester Luwin laughed, “We would meet the heir of Winterfell very soon.” 

Cersei realized then that these people believed eating more sour food was to indicate she carried a boy whereas spicy food was for a girl. She only laughed at the belief because no matter the gender, she would love them equally.

—

Several moons had passed and Cersei was struggling now to walk, she was often in her chambers or Eddard's even though she was alone or in her drawing room. One night, she felt the most excruciating pain she felt since she got pregnant. Her labor pains doubled quickly, she screamed for her maids and they rushed to spread the news. Tyrion was with his sister as he watched the midwives and Maester Luwin handle the childbirth. Tyrion who had no experience to such almost fainted but he slapped his own face to pull himself together. His father was not there. Her sister's husband was not there. No one else was there to support his sister. 

He only stood a distance because he could not take sight of the blood loss from Cersei. Cersei held onto the sheets shouting, she called for the gods, cursed her brother, and called for Eddard.

“I need Ned. Please! I need Ned!” She cried as she pushed. One of the maids held Cersei's hand, the poor girl felt the strength of her lioness lady. The other maid wiped Cersei's swear. The midwives and Maester Luwin encouraged Cersei to push more. 

Tyrion rushed to his sister's side, “Sister, just push more.”

“You give birth then!” She hissed at him. Tyrion only frowned not out of annoyance but out of worry about how painful it must be for his sister to give birth.

Her short gasps filled the room and she was crying out of pain, “I could not do it! I need Ned in here!” The midwives only assured Cersei to push more. 

Maester Luwin had gently encouraged her, “My lady, you're making good progress.” He told the midwife to guide Cersei in pushing rhythmically to prevent her from passing out. 

Cersei was feeling the pain double or tripled. Why was the child so defiant, she thought. It has been hours and she has not given birth. She almost fainted but she gave her one final push to hear the piercing and loud cry of a babe finally. 

“Congratulations, my lady. It is indeed a boy,” Maester Luwin smiled at Cersei. She could only cry out of happiness. She held out her arms and received the babe from the midwife. 

Her tears flowed and Tyrion looked closer to the babe. She cradled the child, “Oh, my son. You are so loud, aren't you? And quite defiant.” 

“What a beautiful child, my lady.” Maester Luwin said in relief. This was the first child he birthed and it was the heir of Lord Stark. 

Cersei looked adoringly at her son, “Your father named you Robb before we parted. Robb Stark.” The babe had her father's face she was certain. The hair was as dark as her husband's and his eyes were gray—none of Cersei's green and golden hair. But the child had Cersei's nose. 

Cersei's green and golden hair. But the child had Cersei's nose. 

“Oh, your father would adore you,” Cersei said closely to the boy as she kissed his forehead. Only then Cersei had realized the love she was always finding. It was already inside her from the beginning and all she had to do was show them to the people that matter the most. For now, while her husband was away, it is for her firstborn Robb. The pain of bringing her son out of the world was worth it. The absence of her husband would be soon over and they'll raise their son together. 

“My little wolf,” she whispered.

The room almost felt sentimental along with Cersei, as they looked at the Lady of the North holding their future.

Chapter Text

The news of Cersei's birth had reached Tywin and his confidence in House Lannister’s stability only strengthened. As his daughter was established as the Lady of Winterfell and had given birth to the heir, Tywin had Tyrion return immediately. 

Eddard also heard of the news and was only eager to return in haste. On his way to Storm's End to halt the siege, he thought of how Tywin had killed all the Targaryen children including the mother. Eddard clenched his jaw, furious at Robert for being dismissive about it. “He is already king anyway,” he thought. 

—

Cersei cradled a sleeping Robb in her arms as she bid farewell to her dwarf brother. 

“Your travels will give you more relief now that the House Lannister is not in hiding,” Cersei said as she smirked at her brother. 

“Shall I expect an invitation for my nephew's name day?” He asked his sister.

Cersei smiled, “Of course. And I expect tons of gifts from father, he has no one to spoil in the West anyway.”

“That is asking rather a lot but I will try,” he replied with a jesting tone.

Cersei watched her brother and a few of his company, whom he became acquaintances within the North, depart. She waved her hand until they faded in the greenery. 

At night, Cersei was in the nursery. It was dimly lit as she cradled Robb gently in the rocking chair. She looked lovingly at her babe's tiny face as the light from the hearth reflected in the room. The wetnurses could not even try to convince their lady to rest or recover. 

Cersei was strict. In one instance, Robb cried and fussed from the wetnurse’ hold. Only because of the wetnurse and how she cradled the babe while Cersei was having her meal in the nursery. 

The new mother observed how the wetnurse was handling him and no matter how much she soothed the babe, Robb still cried. “I have noticed you always make him upset with your hold. Pass him to me!” She narrowed her eyes as she reached out for her son. 

“But my lady, your meal?” The wetnurse asked with concern.

“It is fine. I can manage,” Cersei said sharply as she cradled Robb while she fed herself. The babe went silent with Cersei's hold. She was struggling a bit to use her spoon with her non-dominant hand as opposed to her dominant arm that cradled her son. 

The wetnurse only answered, “I apologize, my lady.” 

After that, the wetnurses never intervened when Cersei was in the nursery or unless they were called upon by her. She was protective, meticulous, and particular in everything with how they handled, fed, and clothed Robb. 

It was Cersei who insisted she would be the only one to nurse Robb. Her nursing the babe made her more connected with the child, she wanted it to be certain that she nurtured her son. 

Robb fussed and cried gradually as it was his usual time when he was fed. Cersei gently adjusted her clothes and guided Robb to latch on to her. He suddenly stopped crying and was quietly suckling. Cersei fixed her son's hair, “Mama is always here for you.”

She missed her husband deeply. He was absent during their son’s birth and now she felt so lonely and alone. Handling a newborn child while being the new lady of a new kingdom was not an easy feat. And she was still worried about her husband's state. The war was over but she could not be certain of his safety. Sending ravens was not possible as he kept moving to hasten his return. Just recently his number of men had arrived and they told her that Eddard sent them back to the North as he went forward to continue finding Lyanna. 

—

To distract herself from Eddard's absence, Cersei was in her drawing room as she gathered the parchment papers from Maester Luwin. 

“Thank you Maester Luwin, I appreciate you compiling this,” she said softly to the old wise man. 

He inclined his head, “If you need anything, my lady, just call upon me.” Cersei smiled and nodded at him. 

When he left, Cersei sighed calmly as she studied everything. Ever since she was installed, she was already overseeing the management of Winterfell and everything outside that fell under their care. 

And this was what Cersei had wanted ever since. To have her own duty. To rule. She wanted to execute her power and influence. She was not content with just settling as some lord's wife and being useless. But with her position and status, she had everything she needed. She was married to someone who did not mistreat her and she bore him a son. After the new king ascended the throne, she was only waiting for Eddard to return and she was expecting Lyanna to be with him. He promised Cersei, and he never broke one. 

Cersei brought Robb into her drawing room as she cradled him. She drifted to a nap on the sofa and only woke up when the babe became fussy. She then shifted herself to nurse him. The hardships of being a new mother dawned on her when she was missing her husband and she was also working as the lady of Winterfell. And times like this, she wondered how her mother handled her with her twin.

Tonight, she decided to sleep in Eddard's chamber. It was completely different from hers but it felt very much like him. She carried Robb in the room too. Laying down the babe on the bed, she found one of Eddard's clean tunic and used it as a blanket for her son. Maybe her son would grow accustomed to the scent of his father and he could get used to him once he returns home. Cersei has often found herself sleeping in Eddard's chamber since then.

Cersei was sometimes still adjusting to her new home, she changed her diet and her sleeping schedule. She would never give up her style in clothes though, and while she often wore the Stark colors, she still dressed with the Lannister colors. And once her necklace with the dire wolf head arrived, she has worn it since, alternating it with her lion head.

While in the nursery, she finished her needlework. Her very first embroidery of a lion and wolf had an additional member, a wolf pup. 

Cersei still felt lonely. When the baby returned to sleep, she had nothing to do except return to work or do her repetitive hobbies. She once glanced at Lyanna's bedroom and told herself that one day Lyanna would return and stay there. She would bring light and joy as Eddard described her. Then maybe, once the siblings return, there would be no more room for loneliness.  

—

The guards had already taken notice of an upcoming small troop carrying a cart. They had alerted the castle including Cersei of the return of Eddard. She was advised to wait in the Great Keep as Eddard passed through the gates.

Cersei wrapped Robb in a blanket as she walked towards the front of the Great Keep’s entrance. She walked in haste, her smile was ear to ear.  This was her most awaited day, her husband and dear friend were finally home.

Overwhelmed with her emotions and cradling the babe in her arms, she was on the verge of tears. She stood there waiting for her husband, it had been several moon turns since they had last seen each other. The worries that had filled her dreaded days of waiting washed away from her after learning of her husband's return. 

Robb was sleeping and was not slightly disturbed by the busy castle. Cersei stared affectionately at her son's small face and said softly, “Your father is home, my little one.” 

Cersei's attention to her son stopped when she heard of several people coming. She looked up to see her husband full of dread and weariness on his face. Eddard glanced at the men following him, he gave them a look that said to leave him and his wife alone. 

“Ned,” Cersei walked up to him and touched his cheek. “You're home.” She studied her husband's face, he looked tired and heavily burdened. 

Eddard held her hand on his face and grabbed it to kiss her palm, “Cersei.” He looked at his wife and all he could think now was how to convey the news to her. Her face was full of relief and bright and he could not even bear to speak to her about everything.

Cersei smiled and held out their son Robb who was sleeping soundly in his mother's arms. Eddard could only cry as he cradled the babe, he kissed his son's forehead and said, “My son.”

And while Eddard was cooing over his son who was only sleeping, Cersei held on to her husband's arm as she held Robb's small hand and kissed it. She had never felt so relieved to have her husband return.

“He takes a lot from his father, once he wakes up you will see how his eyes are the same as yours,” Cersei said proudly. She rested her hand on the babe's head and rubbed circles on his forehead. 

“But he sleeps soundly like his mother,” Eddard smiled as he said it to her. She only laughed softly. 

“I could not wait for Lyanna to see our son,” Cersei said softly. She felt him flinch a bit, she looked up at him and her brows scrunched. She noticed his change of expression. “Is something the matter?” she asked her tone with worry.

Eddard glanced at her, his face unreadable. Cersei turned to a wetnurse waiting as she gestured to have Robb be taken. Once the wetnurse had entered the Keep the two were left alone.

Cersei then held Eddard's face. She felt nervous and was quite on the edge when the thought of Lyanna being harmed entered her mind. “Tell me, what has happened?” she asked him softly but firmly.

He sighed and held Cersei's hands from his face, “Let me bring you to her.”  Cersei's excitement earlier turned to uneasiness.

—

Eddard led Cersei towards the entrance of the crypts, and she felt a tight knot in her chest. “Why are we here?” she asked him.

He was only quiet as he guided Cersei slowly, “Don't be scared.” She only nodded but wanted to cry. She did not. Yet.

It was cold and dark, Cersei tugged her coat tighter as she held on to Eddard. He was holding a torch light to guide them to the tombs. She was in denial.  And she staggered down the steps with how overwhelmed she was. Eddard was not saying anything about Lyanna and Cersei was left with numerous conclusions in her head, and not one of them assumed that Lyanna was dead. She did not want to see that sight ever in her life. 

It was then some servants and Maester Luwin were there already as they prepared the tomb. Cersei had noticed a thick white blanket draped on a slim figure and her stomach dropped. Eddard turned to her and said softly, “Lyanna was already in her final breaths when I was able to find her.” 

Cersei's lips quivered as her tears escaped her eyes. She felt numb and in disbelief. She could not believe it. She wanted not to believe it until she had to see if it was Lyanna under the blanket. “No,” she said softly. When she attempted to walk to Lyanna's dead body, Eddard blocked her with his arm. 

He held both of her arms gently. Cersei whispered, “It must be a mistake, that could not be her. She must still be alive somewhere.”

Eddard only shook his head lightly and wiped her tears. “It is her,” he whispered. Cersei only nodded and cried more burying her face on his chest. 

“My lord, my lady, we may start the procession,” Maester Luwin told them solemnly. 

Cersei stepped back and nodded. Eddard then told them, “I will lead with Cersei, then you may follow.” 

The men then started to carry the body as Eddard and Cersei followed, behind them the maester and the servants followed. Cersei's head was still hazy. It still did not feel real for her that Lyanna was dead. 

Eddard had already grieved from the day he found her, bringing her body to the North from the South was already his procession. And Cersei only cried silently, choking in her sobs. 

The final resting place was near Brandon Stark and  Lord Rickard Stark. The men slowly and carefully laid Lyanna's body on the thick slab. They only waited for Eddard to give them the signal before closing the tomb. And when he did, the men and the rest gave their final bows to Lyanna.  

“You can rest well now, sister. You are home,” he said as he wiped some of the dust and remnants on the slab. He then looked at Cersei whose eyes were swollen. 

“I plan on having her own statue made, something only the kings and the lords of the North could have when they die,” he told Cersei. 

She squeezed his hand gently, “She would like that. She is always remembered.”

—

Cersei felt helpless and even guilty, she had not known what Lyanna had gone through. All she remembered were the letters they shared and Lyanna had gone silent after that. And she missed her. Cersei had friends before when she was a child, sometimes she'd get jealous, and sometimes she’d resent them. However, Lyanna was different. Rather, Lyanna changed her. Lyanna was a precious young girl. Ever since her first night of stay in Harrenhal, Lyanna’s presence was a balm. And now, Cersei wished she had been with Lyanna during her hard days. Just like how Lyanna did during hers.

Her fists were about to clench when they stepped out of the crypts. She could not be angry at anyone except for Lyanna's abductor. He made her captive and now she was dead. Lyanna should have been with them now, she would be so happy to meet her nephew. 

Her thoughts were distracted when Eddard called out for her, “Cersei, I would like you to meet someone.” He tugged her hand to somewhere else. She tilted her head and only nodded. But she felt nervous, thinking of whom she was about to be introduced to. Her mind was already clouded by Lyanna's death, she was about to ask her husband how he found her. And now she has to meet someone. 

She only followed, Eddard was already leading her back to the Great Keep. “We're meeting someone here?” Cersei asked him.

“Yes,” he told her.

Cersei found a wetnurse cradling a babe passing him to Eddard. Cersei clutched her coat, she did not understand what she felt. The babe was not her son. She eyed the babe and his hair was not long enough as Robb's and was tinier than him. 

Overwhelmed and confused, Cersei entered the Keep, moving past Eddard. 

“Cersei,” he called out to her but she ignored him.

She walked fast to the nursery, her mind clouded. Holding the knob she was having her doubts, she wanted to believe the babe earlier was Robb. But she was proven wrong when she entered the room and her eyes landed on her son. Her son was sleeping cozily in his cradle guarded by the wetnurses. 

“My lady?” one of them addressed, they were surprised but they stood up and were about to leave until Cersei stopped them.

“No, stay here for a while,” she said to them softly. Breathing heavily, she closed the door and rested her back on it. 

Eddard was already in the halls and holding the child, “Cersei.” She turned to him and pursed her lips and tilted her head. 

“You always surprise me,” she said coldly.

He closed his eyes and sighed, “Cersei, I was only about to introduce you to Jon.”

“Jon? You can not bring another child in here without my knowledge,” Cersei said firmly. And she only wanted to know that it was not Eddard's. If this were to happen a year ago, she would have believed that his ‘betrayal’ might be the consequence of her sins. But today, she thought differently, everything was to be blamed on Eddard.

Eddard walked closer to her, Cersei only hesitating. “I want to know who the parents of the child are,” she gazed at the child, lifting her hand and gently moving the blanket away from the babe's face. She scrutinized him. The hair was as dark and full as Eddard's, the eyes were as gray as his. His nose was not of a Stark. But Cersei was not mistaken still, this babe could pass off as Robb's brother.

“He’s a Stark.” She stated, not a question. As her chest tightened, she clenched her fist. “Who are the parents? Rather, who is the mother?” she glared at Eddard.

“Let's call a wetnurse first and I'll explain everything to you,” Eddard said quietly.

“Is it yours?” Cersei asked directly, and if she heard the answer that she did not like, she was ready to take Robb out of the nursery and ride back to the West. 

Eddard only looked at her, “Cersei, please. I will-” And she got furious, her scowl grew as she walked to the nursery. Aggressively opening the door to see the wetnurses.

“One of you, take the babe from Lord Stark,” Cersei ordered one of them. “Now.” She urged. Walking out of the room, she watched the wetnurse reaching out for the babe from Eddard. She licked her teeth and raised her brows as she grew impatient. 

If her assumptions were true that the babe is indeed Eddard's, she would do so much worse to her husband. Rolling her eyes, she said loudly out of annoyance, “Eddard! What's taking so long?” 

“Forgive me, wife. I was just checking if they know how to handle him,” he answered patiently as he walked to her.

“Of course, they would know. I have taught them enough how to handle Robb, a child of unknown parentage would not be a difficult feat for them,” she sneered at him. 

He sighed, “Let's talk in my solar.”

In the solar, Cersei did not even land her eyes on her husband. She was just staring out the misted window. Crossing her arms and biting her lower lip, preventing herself from crying again. The death of Lyanna was still fresh in Cersei's mind. She could not process it and just a few moments after they had buried Lyanna, Eddard introduced her to a babe, a Stark. She was certain it was a Stark. 

Eddard looked at his wife who was not moving from her place, she had her back turned away from him. And he felt guilty for letting her be burdened with the heavy emotions, he was more than ready to explain and speak to her about everything. It was just only, it must only be heard by his wife. No one else. He was being careful and he hoped Cersei understood. He embraced her, his arms enclosed her body. He rested his chin on her shoulder, “Cersei.”

Cersei only frowned, she wanted to move from Eddard's hold but she might have forgotten how strong her husband was. So she closed her eyes and sighed, “Is it your child? Which woman's cunt did you fuck that made you betray me?” Her words were sharp and her tone furious. “Did you forget you have a wife you sent off to North? Is that the real reason why you were so persistent in sending me here? So you could be free to meet other women?” She asked through her gritted teeth. 

“No, of course not. I could never look at any woman and have such thoughts,” he gently explained. “I would never betray you.”

She was silent, her eyes glared at the window. “Never betray me? You brought in an innocent child and now he has to suffer your betrayal. This is your fault,” she said coldly.

“I apologize, my wife. I brought him in as the child will be raised by us,” He said against her ear. She frowned even more, her lips pressed together tight. She thought to herself how she could raise a child that was not even hers.

Exasperated, she forcefully smacked her hand on his arm, “Let me go! You are so vague with your explanations!” But he only tightened his hold more. “Let me go! I will leave and bring Robb with me. You can fill your days here with your other son!” She said angrily.

“Cersei, forgive me. But you can not leave. Where would you go anyway? This is your home.” Eddard told her gently, kissing her neck. 

Cersei grasped his arm around her and dug her nails out of anger, “You can not just be affectionate with me whenever you like!”

“I will tell you everything if you are willing to listen. Just promise me that this is only ours to share,” he told her gently.

“Why would I need your explanation? Will you tell me in detail how you bedded one random woman without remorse of how you had a pregnant wife waiting for you?” she raised her voice. 

He sighed and loosened his hold on her. Cersei took the chance to walk away from him but she was stopped by her husband. He made her face him, and she could not stare at him. Looking at his wife whose disappointment was evident on her face, he had to find the right words to say. He practiced this several times when he was traveling back to the North. And he also imagined several situations on how Cersei would react. He did predict it right as she was furious at him. 

“Cersei,” he started. “I apologize deeply for bringing here a child you do not know. It is only if you allow me to clarify then perhaps you may understand.”

She clenched her jaw, “It is only I do not want to hear it.”

“You do, you loved listening to my stories,” he retorted.

“Not this time! Why would I want to hear you speak about another woman?” she only glowered at him.

“Cersei, please. Just listen, and then you can leave or ignore me the rest of our days after I tell you everything,” he pinched his nose and sighed. He may have forgotten how his wife was defiant and sometimes difficult to appease.

“Hm. I still have to ask you how you found Lyanna and what was her state before I need to hear about the child's parentage. But fine you have my ears so we can be done with this,” she glared but allowed him to speak.

He held Cersei's hand despite her defiance and breathed heavily as he recalled the day he finally found Lyanna.

—

Eddard, after surviving the combat, rushed to climb the Tower of Joy followed by his remaining companion, Lord Reed of Greywater Watch. He recalled how his steps were heavy walking up the steep narrow stairs to reach a room where he found a very weak Lyanna lying on a bed. 

The smell of blood and roses filled the room where he found his sister. It was dim, not even the scorching heat of Dorne could pass through. His heart dropped to his stomach. He hurriedly walked across the room to the corner and kneeled on the ground to hold Lyanna's hand. 

“Lyanna,” he called softly. 

“Ned,” his sister voiced out weakly. “Ned, you are here.”

“Yes. Lyanna, I am here.” A huge relief went over him.  “Let us return home, back to the North,” he said to her. The war was over as the new king was installed but his sister was still missing. He observed how she was soaked with blood, the sheets of the bed were crimson red. His voice breaking, he added to say, “Cersei is there.”

Lyanna's eyes pooled with tears, but before Eddard could say more, he only became quiet when he heard a cry from a babe. His chest felt sharp. It dawned on him how much his sister had suffered and even birthed a child. He placed his palm gently on Lyanna's forehead, soothing her.

His sister softly tightened her grip on his hand, she begged him, “Promise me, Ned.” She urged him more, “Promise me. You will protect him.” 

His brows furrowed and he could feel Lyanna's last dying breath as she with all her might reminded him to make a promise to her. A few tears escaped his eyes as he nodded quickly, “Yes. Lyanna, I promise.” 

Eddard's hand was gently removed by Reed from Lyanna's. 

—

Eddard could still remember how Lyanna's final breath sounded. It was full of relief after hearing the promise from him. “I am certain you heard of your father's doing about the Targaryen children, and Robert too. They would put harm on Lyanna's child, especially Robert, once he knows of the child's parentage.” 

He observed Cersei, and she softened. Her face earlier was full of anger but now it pained him to see that her eyes were in tears again. “Why didn't you tell me right away?” she choked in her own sobs. She could not even speak clearly as 

“I apologize for coming so late, given that Lyanna may have been alive if I arrived earlier,” he said softly.

Cersei suddenly buried her face on his chest and her body shook uncontrollably. She held on to him tight as he soothed her, rubbing her back gently. Cersei cried in grief. She knew the pain of carrying a child and giving birth. It was beyond words to describe how painful and hard it must be for Lyanna.

“It was her dying wish to have her son protected,” Eddard said softly while he continued to comfort Cersei. He looked at her when she pulled back her head slightly. “It is only ours to share. Never else's.”

She studied her husband's face, “Forgive me. I should not have accused you of such. It is only because everything today was a lot for me to take in. My mind must have been…” Out of words left to say she just expressed her pain through her tears.

“No, it is alright. The doubts and anger, I have expected them,” Eddard assured her. Soothing her as he almost cried seeing Cersei heavily in tears. He kissed her deeply and was met with Cersei's sobs.

“I am very overwhelmed, I could not process everything since you returned home this morning,” she said weakly.

He nodded and held his wife tighter, her head resting on his chest. “I know. I understand. And I apologize for not being direct about it. It was important that only the two of us could know.”

“Oh, Lyanna… she was so sweet,” she whispered. 

“Indeed, she was.” Eddard nodded as he rubbed her back.

It was quiet as the two found comfort in each other's embrace and touch. They stayed there for a while, probably minutes, or forever. They could stay like this forever. Cersei missed him deeply and she was relieved her husband came home still alive. Despite everything, she was still happy beyond words when Eddard held Robb and called him his son. 

Cersei released herself from Eddard and said, “We will raise him. He is a Stark.” He furrowed his brows as he studied her face. 

“I intended on naming him Jon Snow,” he responded. His answer made her eyes widen and a scowl formed on her face until Eddard adjusted his tone, “To which… I do not plan to do now since you deserved to know the truth.” He said carefully with a smile to pacify her.

Her face relaxed and she narrowed her eyes at him, “Good. He is a Stark. Born from one. Your blood runs in him. He will call me a mother. He is your son. And my son.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her. Relieved that Cersei had understood his intentions of implying the child was a bastard. “He is. He is our son,” Eddard assured her. 

“Yes. He does look like you,” Cersei smiled. Eddard felt relieved to see his wife happy. “But I wish our future children could look like me more. Our sons favor you.” 

He leaned his forehead on Cersei's and brushed his nose against hers. “You just gave birth and I brought you a son, and now you are thinking ahead of having more children,” he teased her.

“They are a joy,” she laughed softly. A lioness and a wolf could have a pack or a pride if they wanted to. “I am glad you trust me enough to tell me this.” 

“If anything, you were a good friend to my sister as she was with you,” he said with a hint of grief. 

“In a way, father sending me to Harrenhal was his wisest decision,” Cersei told him. Her meeting the Starks was the greatest shift in her life. 

“Wisest?” He tilted his head looking at her. Almost amused, “Why?”

“The Lannisters were not supposed to attend the tourney,” she answered. “However,” choosing her words carefully, “It was only his last decision to send my brother and I. Due to him wanting us to be connected more with the other houses.”

“Well, the connection went overboard since we ended up being married eventually,” Eddard grinned at her. And he was happy he married her. Marrying her not only out of duty but out of affection. 

Cersei laughed, “And if I weren't there, who were you supposed to meet and marry?” Immediately regretting asking the question, she did not want him to answer her question. She thought it was ridiculous how she would set herself up.

He stuttered, “Uh- No. I would not know of course.” And if he did answer it with some random lady from a random house, his wife would probably not speak to him for a few days.

“I would rather not imagine that,” she narrowed her eyes. 

“And I wonder who would your father arrange you with if we did not meet,” He grinned, poking fun at her. 

Her chest rose and she hit his arm softly, “Do not even.” She was annoyed at her husband's jest. “Are you imagining me with someone else?” She twisted her mouth.

He snorted a laugh, “I was only wondering.” And if he did know of another lord who was married to Cersei, he might have held a grudge to that particular man. He would rather not think of that possibility.

“Well, stop wondering!” She glared at him, making him stop from laughing. “You would still find a way to marry me even if we have not met in Harrenhal.” She avoided his eyes. Though it might not be possible she just had too much faith in her husband. 

“I would?” He blinked his eyes, thinking of how he would do that if they hadn't met. 

She then turned her head sharply and she frowned at him, “Of course you would! Even if we had not met, it is certain you probably had heard about me from the West!” 

A soft laugh came from him, as he pulled her closer. “Ah yes, you are right. I will find you. The Light of The West.” 

Cersei finally grinned, “Good. There are no other excuses.” If he did have an excuse, she would bore hatred certainly.

Eddard kissed her knuckles, “I missed you.” He missed everything about her. Her laugh, her defiance, her smile, her voice, her comfort, even her frightening glare. Everything. As he had always said, Cersei drove him crazy. He was proud of her, often referring to her as ‘my wife’ when he talked about her to anyone. The mother of his children.

Her face softened. “I missed you too,” she replied in a whisper. “Do not leave us again.”

“I promise,” Eddard assured her, cupping her cheek and landing his lips on hers.

—

Cersei often held Jon as Eddard made up for his lost time with Robb. She even nursed Jon, surprisingly he was calm at her hold. Robb was a little fussy with Eddard. 

“Ned, he must be hungry,” Cersei told him, she stood up from the rocking chair and laid Jon on his cradle. She then reached out for Robb, his face crying out of discomfort. She then had the babe latched onto her, and he calmed down.

Eddard rocked the cradle gently and looked at Jon who was reaching out with his arms until his eyes were heavy and his mouth gave a small yawn. The babe then fell asleep. Eddard smiled and his brows scrunched up looking at his son with affection. He leaned and kissed his forehead. 

Standing up straight, he turned to Cersei who was looking at them with a huge grin on her face. Days ago, she was miserable. Feeling alone as she raised his son. But now, she finally had seen the sight of her husband who was tenderly affectionate to the boys.

She was still swaddling Robb as he fed on her. Eddard could not even begin to describe his immense happiness at seeing the sight of Cersei nursing their children. “You have been working hard,” he told her as he touched Robb's forehead and kissed Cersei's top of her head.

“It is out of affection. They are to be nurtured, they are your heirs after all,” Cersei said gently. She loved Jon equally as Robb. Jon may not have come from her but he was Lyanna’s. She thought of what could have been if she and Lyanna were able to give birth just a few weeks apart. Lyanna would make an amazing mother, she thought. And through Jon, Lyanna lived. 

—

It was inevitable to have talks about the child Eddard brought in Winterfell. People talked. The castle walls had ears. And it made Cersei infuriated. Mostly were about why the Lady of Winterfell allowed a bastard to be named a Stark or why was she raising him as her own. 

“I will have to cut their tongues if I have to!” Cersei shouted, but her patience ran out. “Why can't you discipline your people? I know they talk, they have the freedom. But what use of it if they spend it on unproductivity and gossip? Especially when it concerns your child,” she complained as her teeth clenched.

Lionesses are ferociously protective of their pride and she would not permit such talks to spread and grow, especially in her children's home. 

Eddard's mouth was left open, “Uh-”. Sometimes, he'd forget that his wife was tougher than he actually thought. They were in his chamber as they retired for the night. The children were already nursed by Cersei and were left under the care of the wetnurses. She was feeling more sensitive and everything soured when she heard of the talks. 

“Ned, I swear if the boys grow up hearing about this, I would have everyone's tongue. I do not want to hear no more about them speculating who is Jon's real mother and I will be displeased if Robb grows up being hostile about it,” She said glaring at her reflection in the mirror as she brushed her hair. 

Her husband was changing his tunic and walked to her. “The boys will grow up just fine and I will make sure they will not hear such malicious talk,” he assured her. He leaned down and kissed her neck.

Cersei smiled after his gesture but she frowned when she remembered her concerns. “You better do something to silence it,” she hissed. 

“I will, do not worry.” He assured her. Although he did not know how to start to stop people from talking, he would still do his best.

She only sighed. And he still noticed her doubts. “If you become so complacent and think that people are kind and can be fooled by your honor, it will harm you and our family,” she reminded him. 

Her words struck him, it was true. His inclination with his honor might be admirable but it could hurt her and the children. He nodded and sincerely said, “I will remember. I apologize.” He then kissed her neck but now with a little bite.

Cersei laughed and said, “Your beard is tickling me.”

“It does? Forgive me. I will have it done tomorrow,” he said to her. Standing up straight, he was about to walk to their bed when she grabbed his hand.

“I’ll do it now,” Cersei said firmly as she stood up and walked. 

“Cersei, it is late.” Eddard held her hand. 

“Then you won't be touching me tonight,” she said as she walked to the bed. 

“Wait,” he protested and she paused. “Alright, let's go.” His answer made her smile as she walked to him and grabbed his hand. 

They were in a separate bathroom as Cersei sharpened Eddard's blade. He grabbed some towels and a bowl of water. 

“Are you sure you want to do it?” Eddard asked her. Not that he did not trust her but he was much used to doing it on his own.

“Why? Are you afraid I might cut you?” Cersei said blankly not leaving her eyes while sharpening the blade.

He only stared at his wife and never said anything, if he did she might really cut him. 

Cersei walked to him and started to trim his beard, she was gentle and quiet while doing it. 

“Uh- Cersei, that's too short and clean,” he protested. 

“Cease talking,” she said clenching her jaw. “And it will be fine, you often kiss our boys on their delicate faces. This is why they are fussy when you do, and it's because of your stubble.” 

He did not protest anymore and only listened to his wife. “But you do like my stubble even if it tickles you, don't you?”

She paused and squinted her eyes at him, she tried to stop smiling but failed. And he only grinned and his body shook from stifling a laugh.

“If you do not stop, you might get cut,” she complained as she swatted away her hand holding the blade. 

He cleared his throat, “Forgive me, you can continue.” 

They were quiet for a while. Cersei was almost done when she started to speak. “Do anything you can to cease the talk. It is enough that these people know you brought a bastard, if it is to protect a child's parentage, I would be so willing to endure that. But to have them speak against my decision of naming Jon as a Stark is beyond,” she said firmly.

“Your reminder, I will not forget. You're lecturing me and I quite like it,” he replied softly. He looked at his wife who was very careful at tidying him. 

“May I remind you that you are the Lord of Winterfell, people must listen to you. You have the power to silence them especially when it comes to your children. Because if you do not, then I will take the action,” she said to him as she placed the blade carefully on the sink. She then wiped her husband's face gently.

“And if you do take the action, will you cut them with your blade?” He tilted his head and grinned.

She laughed softly, “Oh, I will do more if it is necessary.”

Since then, there have been no more talks about Cersei's decision. She had always reminded them that they were to address that Winterfell has two young boys. Everything that Robb was given will also be provided to Jon. She even raised them like the two were twins. They do look alike, it reminded her of herself and Jaime. But this time, she would not raise them like her father did. Her boys will be treated equally. None of them will face neglect. 

—

Winterfell had been so lively, the boys' name day was coming, a little over a moon away. Cersei had decided to have Robb's day to be shared with Jon's. She would refer to them as her “sons” and they would not dare to defy the Lady's orders. They did once face Lord Stark's anger when he shut down the rumors of Jon's parentage. With his reputation of upholding his honor, it was expected of them to believe that he chose to protect his son because he was his responsibility. And even though they knew that the young boy was a bastard, all of them never called him that again. For they had never seen that level of wrath from the lord; leading them to believe that Lady Stark made him more resolute and strict than he ever was.

Cersei was glad it had died down, she did hear about how her husband reprimanded anyone who tried to speak against her decision to name Jon as hers. And it satisfied her, she never knew her husband could become so angry like that. No one must have challenged her husband's honor if they did not wish death. The only one who seemed to challenge him without facing his anger was Cersei. She challenged him back at Harrenhal and all she could do was laugh softly at herself.

The sun had set and night was creeping in. As she was walking through the hallways, Cersei's reverie ended when Maester Luwin caught up to her and handed her a letter. She tilted her head to see the maester only looking at her. It was rare for Cersei to receive a letter since she was the one who was often sent to the West.

“It is from the West, my lady,” he said to her.

She slowly nodded, “I see. Thank you, Maester Luwin.” He left Cersei to her own privacy. She then opened the letter to read it was from her father. Raising her brows and pursing her lips, she read the content. It was her father writing back to her after she sent an invitation to him for her sons’ name day. She was troubled by how her father would react once he had the knowledge about Eddard's bastard and that she named him after. Though his emotions were already beyond her control, he only pushed Cersei to have more children. She frowned as she read the letter but a smile suddenly grew from her lips when she saw her father add that he'll provide both of her sons gifts signifying Tyrion had his word.   

“Who made my wife happy?” a deep voice suddenly asked her. Cersei glanced up to see her husband walk towards her. Eddard then guided Cersei to his solar as she handed the letter. He read it carefully once they reached the room. Cersei plopped down on the chaise and looked at her husband who was still frozen on his spot as he read.

“Despite your father's shrewdness, I am glad he did not push the topic on Jon,” he finally told her as he folded the letter. He walked to her and sat on the chaise where she lay.

“In the future, he might. But he would not worry about it, especially since he knows of Robb,” she soothed his arm. “And what can he do? He ensured that I was sent here right away so I could be installed as your lady and your son as heir.”

Eddard then shifted on his seat and rested his arm on the back of the chaise. Leaning his head close to Cersei he said with annoyance, “But he did tell you to have more children, if that is a balm to him to ensure his bloodline.” He actually wanted to have more and his father-in-law need not have to remind Cersei or him. Tywin was meddling in Eddard's family a little too much than he liked.

She smirked and chuckled. Encircling her arms around his neck, she whispered in his ear, “Should we? The children are almost a year old.”

“As long as it is fine with you to carry another,” he said softly. He went closer to her as he kissed her fervently to which she returned. Only she was hungrier of the kiss than him. 

Breaking off the kiss, she gave him a concerned expression and said, “I do. It is a delight to carry your children. Just be with me this time, it was difficult for me when I birthed Robb without you.”

He felt guilty after she mentioned his absence, he only nodded and kissed her forehead. “I apologize. This time and in the future, I will never be absent.” He did not wait for her to respond as he kissed her again. She was always so tempting as he raised her dress and moved his hand between her legs. 

She moaned when she felt his touch, and he shifted to hover above her. Not breaking off the kiss, her hands were quick as she tried to undo his trousers, and even so, she was hungrier of him after she heard him groan when she touched his shaft. 

They were ready to do it until a knock came on the door. She gasped and tried to sit up but he only pinned her on the chaise. Whispering to her, “Do not move.”

“What is it?” Eddard turned his head to the door's direction and said loudly with annoyance in his voice. 

A soft voice responded from the other side, “My lord, one of the babies has been feeling sick.”

Cersei's eyes widened as she tried to push Eddard's chest off her. He suddenly stood up fixing his clothes and Cersei straightened her dress. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to see a wetnurse full of worry on her face.

She asked, “Which of the boys have been feeling sick?” 

Eddard and Cersei walked to the nursery as the wetnurse told them it was Jon who was crying often. Robb was sleeping soundly despite Jon's endless crying. Eddard then instructed the wetnurse to fetch Maester Luwin in haste. 

Cersei touched Jon's forehead, “He's feverish.” Her face was filled with worry when she loosened the babe's clothes and noticed red spots on his skin were gradually showing up. 

“Ned,” she called out softly. “Observe his skin, is it a pox?”

Eddard moved Robb's cradle farther than Jon's to avoid him catching Jon's sickness. And their wetnurses were divided by him, “You will only tend to one child, to avoid passing it from one another.”

He then approached Cersei as he also took notice of Jon's skin. But before he could say anything, the maester had arrived to assess the boy. The maester inclined his head, “My lord, my lady.”

Both of them stepped away to make way for Maester Luwin, he gently touched and observed the boy. “He has the pox, my lord. It is only I could do my best to have the child make it through the night.”

“Through the night?!” Cersei cried out, “Maester, I must have misheard you.” She knew she hadn't misheard him. It was her disbelief at what he said. Eddard wrapped his arm around her to give her comfort but Cersei was still frightened.

“I fear you did not, my lady. He is frail,” the maester answered Cersei gently. Cersei forced herself to free herself from Eddard's hold as she walked closer to the cradle and soothed Jon. 

Eddard changed his mind as he instructed the maids, “Instead of having Robb on the other side of the room, have him stay in your lady's chamber.” Cersei did not protest as she did agree with her husband's decision. 

“Maester Luwin, please do whatever you can to heal Jon,” Eddard said with worry. 

Cersei stayed in her chamber for a while to nurse Robb have him fed and lull him to sleep. She sighed as her son was not showing any symptoms and was not fussy. The wetnurse had assured her that they would keep watch of the babe.

She moved to the nursery to see Jon's wetnurses assisting the maester in healing Jon. Cersei could only watch as her chest ached hearing her son cry out of pain. She walked closer to the cradle and rubbed her thumb on Jon. She cried and said, “Give your pain to your mother, little one. I will endure it.”

Cersei was on the rocking chair watching over Jon, it was clear he was struggling to breathe. She was embroidering, stitching her two wolf pups. And Jon cried again, she set aside her needlework and tried to soothe the babe. After a little while, the child went to sleep, his skin was still red from the spots. She could only cry as Jon with his small hand held tightly on her finger. 

“Your mother is here, pass the pain to me. You do not have to worry,” she whispered. She sobbed silently and prayed to the gods that they would make the child live. He was only young and innocent and had not done any sins to deserve such a painful sickness. If anything, Cersei thought it should be her who had fallen sick because she could endure. 

Eddard brought her a meal, “Cersei, you have to eat.” She looked up at him and he softened as he saw his wife's eyes. “You do not have to worry, he will live.” 

“He still sometimes cries out of discomfort,” she whispered to him. “He might be sleeping now but later on he will cry again out of pain.”

“I know, but Maester Luwin will do his best,” he assured her. He placed the meal on a small table and accompanied Cersei.

Throughout the night, they watched over the babe until he slowly recovered. His red spots gradually faded away and his fever was gone. His breaths were not heavy or harsh anymore. Cersei cried out in relief, “Oh, you're recovering well, my sweet.” A few tears came out of her but this time was out of relief. Cersei had never felt so much fear until it came to her children.

Cersei and the maester did not sleep, while the wetnurses took turns in watching over and assisting. Earlier, she convinced Eddard to sleep in her chambers and watch over Robb. 

She then went to her chamber after feeling reassured that Jon was recovering. It was almost dawn and her husband was still sleeping. She then checked on Robb, carried him, and kissed his forehead. Relief went over her to see her son was not showing any symptoms. Looking lovingly at him, her heart clenched not knowing what to do if her children were hurt. Carefully laying down Robb on his cradle, she felt tired too. Slipping in the bed not disturbing her husband, she tried to catch some sleep. Facing away from him, she felt a tight hold around her. 

“Go to sleep, my wife,” her husband's raspy voice murmured against her hair on the back of her head. She smiled and held on to her husband's arm around her and slowly drifted to sleep.

Chapter Text

The Stark boys had grown into naughty playful children. At almost two years old, they were quite a handful. Cersei could only pray to her mother and bless her with patience. The same patience her mother had when she raised Cersei and her twin. 

Lady Stark was heavily pregnant now and all she could do was rest. The farthest she could walk was the Glass Gardens but she still struggled as she was close to giving birth, she'd rather stay mostly in the Keep. 

“Was it so necessary to invite the king?” Cersei asked Eddard. She was braiding his hair and he winced at how she was tightly pulling his hair as she did her work. 

“The king invited himself, I estimate they will arrive in a few days,” he muttered. She paused, resting her hands on his shoulders. 

“Along with his family? The queen just recently gave birth a few moons ago,” she asked as she continued to tidy up her husband's hair.

“Yes, the king stated he intended to attend as he missed out on the boys’ name day last year,” he answered curtly. 

“Our boys must be so fortunate to be graced by the Majesty’s presence on their name day,” Cersei said unenthusiastically as she tied his hair. She patted her husband's shoulder as she finished. 

“Do not overwork yourself, rest if you must.” Eddard tenderly felt Cersei's belly. The gesture brought comfort to her, as her husband's absence during the war only made her feel alone. This child was a lucky one, Cersei thought. Eddard has been nothing but an attentive husband and father. 

Eddard acknowledged Cersei's worries. He fixed his eyes on hers and told her, “Anyone who would look at the boys, knows they are Starks, especially Jon.”

Cersei only gave a half smile, trusting her husband. She had knowledge about the king traveling to Winterfell. “Then Winterfell will be prepared to welcome the royal family,” she said after a soft sigh.

—

The courtyard was filled with the castle members and staff, including some Lannister men that Tyrion had brought along. In the halls, Cersei walked slowly as assisted by Eddard. She held onto his arm and her other hand rested on her belly. Her eyes narrowed at Tyrion who was lending his nephews wooden swords. 

Cersei was about to say something when inhaled a sharp breath. Eddard followed her gaze. “They are only having fun,” he assured her.

She rolled her eyes, “My brother may be the only nobleman who has no knowledge when it comes to swords.”

“The boys like their uncle,” he remarked. Cersei laughed and replied, “The boys were shy at first but he bribed them with toys.”

“Your father has spoiled them too much, don't you think?” Eddard asked her. He hardly believed Tywin was the one to dote on children but he would not complain.

“He should be! They are his only grandchildren and there will be another one,” Cersei said as she rubbed her belly.

—

Eddard and Cersei welcomed the royal family in the Great Halls. Cersei held Robb's hand who was standing between her and Eddard while he carried Jon. Cersei's back was breaking when a wetnurse offered to hold Robb for her. She was close to giving birth, and she was hopeful that the birth of the child would land on the boys' name day too. It would have been a beautiful fate. But Maester Luwin predicted that the birth would be days or a week after. 

Cersei was excused from curtsying but she elegantly greeted the king and queen. Eddard was embraced by King Robert and Cersei could only smile tightly at her intense displeasure of this man being so particularly close with her husband. King Robert had married the beautiful Lady Catelyn Tully, who Cersei addressed as, “My queen.” The queen also introduced her newborn son, calling him the future king. Cersei held an inward sigh. A babe already carrying the world on his shoulders. 

The contrast between Cersei and the queen was only the title. Cersei was never dressed humbly ever since she married. She has never given up her jewelry and her intricate braids. Even Tyrion, observing from the corner, thought to himself that his sister only lacked a crown. 

After the feast, Cersei had checked on each guest and how they were faring. One of her stops was of her twin brother who rode to Winterfell in service to the King and Queen.

“Jaime,” Cersei greeted her brother. It has been a long time since they talked. 

“Sister,” Jaime inclined his head, “Lady Stark rather.” She only pursed her lips and nodded.

“You didn't meet your nephews earlier, I expect you to at least acknowledge them the next day,” Cersei told him. 

Jaime smiled and stated, “I came here as a Kingsguard, not their uncle.”

“Hm. How goes life as a Kingsguard?” she asked, she did not really care. But she cared enough that her children could be acknowledged the least by her brother.

“Very fulfilling and venerable,” Jaime replied. They both observed each other. It felt like looking at their own reflection. She pursed her lips, there was nothing more to be said. About to leave, Jaime asked her.

“I believe this is your second child?” He eyed his sister and her belly.

Cersei held her belly and smiled at it, “My third.” She corrected him.

He only narrowed his eyes on her. “Third?” He scoffed, “Lord Stark brought you a bastard, and you claim him as your own. And you want me to acknowledge one of them?”

She suddenly scowled and sighed heavily, “Ned brought the child here motherless. I am to be his mother anyway, he is my husband's and therefore he is mine.” She squinted at him, saying it with confidence. “I nursed him, fed him, clothed him, taught him to walk. That is a mother's role. He is not a bastard.”

“You know you could have been queen. It was your husband who saw me first sitting on the Iron Throne. Is not that what you want? Was he too honorable for not taking the throne?” He looked at her intently, his brows furrowed and lips thinned.

“King Robert has the better claim to it. My husband will not covet the crown nor betray his friend,” her annoyance laced her voice. 

“But you would want to be Queen and enjoy the luxuries of the position, do you not? Instead, you're here in the coldest part of Westeros.” He almost said mockingly, thinking of how a wasted chance it was for Cersei. 

“And I am still the Lady of the North, you act as if I randomly found a man with no rank to marry,” she emphasized, her voice rising. 

She then added with a low voice, her jaw clenched, “I am more capable than any queen who is sitting right now.”

“Such a shame he would rather betray you by bringing along his babe from another woman he fucked but could not betray his friend to make you queen,” he told her smugly.

Cersei gritted her teeth, she slapped him on his face, loud enough that it echoed throughout the room. Hard enough that it hurt her palm. “Do not dare to disrespect me especially when you step foot in my region. You are fortunate Robert was crowned and he pardoned you. If it were Eddard as king, he would have uncloaked and banished you from entering King's Landing,” she said harshly. 

Jaime rubbed his jaw, processing Cersei's words. But before he could even say anything, Cersei muttered sharply, “Or he could have done worse, Kingslayer.”

She glared at him and then left his chamber, slamming the door closed.

—

The boys' name day celebration made Winterfell grand and loud. The tables were filled with food and wine. The children were running around while the adults indulged themselves with the food served. Men were mostly drunk and the women were either watching over their children or were engaged in deep conversations. And Cersei had wanted nothing to do with it. She was dreadfully tired. She sat at the head of the table beside the queen but she was not having any fun with their conversation. 

Though the castle was very festive, Cersei wanted to retire early. And it was etiquette to never retire early if the king and queen were still present but Cersei did not care. She could do anything she intended, especially when she was in her home. She instructed her maid to tell Eddard about her retiring early and that she would be bringing the children with her. The boys’ maidservants collected them to bring to their mother. 

Cersei wiped Robb's and Jon's sweaty faces. “My little darlings, it is very late and your friends are already tired. You can continue to play with them the next day.” The boys did not protest as one of them yawned, and the other followed. Cersei found her sons so amusing as she smiled at them. “Let's bid our good nights to the King and Queen then to father,” she said softly.  

The boys then walked closer and greeted the queen. The queen was only looking at them admiringly. “Such handsome boys, you do take so much from your father,” she noted elegantly. Cersei gave a proud smile, “They do, Your Majesty.” 

She was assisted by her maid to stand up. Inclining her head to the queen, she held the boys' hands and led them to the king and her husband. 

Eddard immediately excused himself from the king when the servant informed him about Cersei's plight. However, Cersei and the children were already walking towards their table. The boys were very courteous bidding goodnight to the entirely delighted king. 

“Ned, you can stay here. We will be accompanied,” Cersei assured her husband, patting his chest. 

He shook his head, “No, I will guide you and the children back.” She did not protest, she liked it anyway. His attention fully on her was Cersei's pleasure. 

On the way back, Robb was carried by Eddard and Jon by one of the maidservants. They all fell asleep not even reaching the nursery. Cersei could not bend forward to kiss the boys to sleep, she did try but it hurt her back. 

“Cersei, it is fine. They will appreciate you tucked them.” Eddard held her face, smiling at his wife. “I will lead you to your chamber, you need rest.” 

Cersei only nodded, her fatigue washed over her. They left the nursery after she gave a few instructions to the maidservants. Assisted by her husband, Eddard reached the door knob but Cersei hissed in pain.

“What is it?” Eddard asked urgently and she held her belly, her knees becoming weak. 

“Ned, I-” she said faintly. He only panicked as he looked at his wife, her face showed discomfort and pain. “The child-” she whispered. 

Eddard screamed frantically, “Someone!” He immediately brought Cersei to her chamber and led her to the bed. “Lay down here, I will call for help. It will be quick,” he comforted her but his voice was laced with urgency.

Cersei was already panting heavily, “Ned! No, do not leave me.” Eddard sat on the bed and leaned towards her, Cersei laying between his rested elbows. 

He wiped Cersei's sweat with his own palm and his other hand brushed her hair, “Do not worry. I have to call someone, just the maids in the nursery.” He kissed her forehead, “I won't leave you. I'll be here.” 

He walked towards the door. With his loud voice, he shouted, “Someone out there!” No one was still responding and Cersei's screams of pain only rang in his ears. Until one maidservant rushed out of the nursery and panicked. “You! Call Maester Luwin now! Lady Stark is about to give birth.”

It was a dreaded long night. When Winterfell heard about Cersei giving birth, the celebration halted earlier. The midwives and the maester did not allow Eddard to enter the room. “What do you mean I could not come in?” He asked them his eyes flickered on each of them. Eddard ignored Maester Luwin and Robert's advice to wait outside.

“There might be heavy bleeding, my lord. She is days early from birth and she is experiencing very quick labor, far different from her first,” the maester explained.

“Hence, the more reason my wife needs me. I have seen heavy bloodshed in war, I assure you I can be with her when she gives birth,” he pushed. 

“But my lord-” 

“Move.” One word and they all followed. 

He rushed to Cersei who was still in pain. Cersei was relieved to see her husband again. She was crying out of pain, holding out her hand to Eddard. “Stay with me, do not leave,” she said faintly with a smile. He kissed her hand and replied, “Yes, my wife. Do not worry. I am here.”

Her labor was short but very painful as before even midnight, Cersei had successfully given birth. She cried happily when she heard it was a girl. Eddard held the babe and showed her to Cersei. The babe had dark hair too but her eyes were Cersei's. Not a tint of gray. In tears, she held the baby from Eddard and kissed her. “Joanna,” she whispered. 

The first three Starklings shared a birthday. Only Joanna was two years younger. Cersei had recovered well enough that she was able to present their daughter to the king and queen a few days later. But what angered her was how Robert and Catelyn already claimed Joanna to be betrothed to their son, Hoster. Named after the queen's father. Cersei could only sneer. When she and Eddard were alone, she made him promise not to accept the betrothal. And Eddard willingly promised her. As he thought of his daughter, a babe, and to be arranged so early had only displeased him. 

“She just came from me, I carried her for nine moons. I suffered bringing her to this world and your friend and his wife already want a claim to her! An infant! Promise me, Ned. You will not allow it! Not when she is still so young!” Cersei cried out to her husband. Not even addressing Robert and Catelyn with their own titles, she could not. Her fear of being sent off to a new place, tradition, and family, all to marry for some political arrangement came back to her. But for now, it was for her daughter. Cersei only counted herself as fortunate because it was Eddard who she married. 

Eddard could only comfort and assure his wife that he would not allow it. “The king and queen did not issue an official decree, our daughter will be fine,” he soothed her.

Tywin, however, after hearing the news from Cersei, was delighted. He wrote to her how she was wise to name her first daughter after her mother. He sent many blessings his way to Cersei and the children. 

—

A year and a half later, Cersei gave birth to another son, named Rickon. He looked like Joanna still had Eddard's dark hair but the eyes were Cersei's. Maester Luwin, however, reminded Cersei to wait for another two years or more to have another child. “You need to recover your body, my lady. You're only young and blessed by the gods that you can easily conceive. You have plenty of time.” 

Cersei informed Eddard about it and it was evident that he was slightly disappointed. She laughed and kissed him, “Oh, if you could only look at your face.”

“Do you not want more children?” he asked her, brows scrunched up out of worry. He liked children, and he took pride in his family.

She held his face and moved closer to him. Their noses touched. She whispered, “I do. But we recently had Rickon. We'll have one when it is advised by the maester.”

He circled his arms around hers and nodded. His silence was only a hesitation until he said, “Two years is quite too long, don't you think?”

A soft laugh came out of her lips, “It is. Maybe I could talk with the maester and ask him if it is possible for me to have one a little earlier than he advised.”

After a long while, he finally agreed. Cersei could still not escape her husband though as he kissed her everywhere on her face, lips, and neck. His hands roamed everywhere and she only laughed. “Ned, we just talked about not having children yet,” she whispered in his ear. But it was too late since he was already undoing her dress. 

“Does that mean I can not do the act with my wife?” he asked her. She laughed at how her husband was so persistent. 

He paused and looked at her, he held tightly on her dress before it was about to fall off. He tilted his head, waiting for an answer from her. She was grinning and said, “But we have to be careful.” 

Cersei sometimes contemplated drinking moon tea but in her luck, her moonblood came regularly. 

—

The linen that had originally one lioness and a wolf have now four pups. She did stitch a new one in another linen but with four cubs this time. Cersei was rocking Rickon on his cradle. Out of all of the children, this babe was the calmest. Joanna was the loudest. Crying all night, Cersei remembered that she could not leave Joanna in the nursery for days. 

Eddard treasured Joanna too much, he adored his daughter. Telling her how she looked so much like Cersei and they were the most beautiful in the world that his eyes ever landed on. Joanna would be fussy, though, always looking for her mother. Eddard would end up bringing Joanna back to the nursery where Cersei tends to Rickon. 

Robb and Jon have started their studies and also training. Cersei was particular with their studies, putting pressure on the boys must be literate. She heavily followed her father’s standards in education. And letting Eddard handle the combat training. However, she did mention to him how she wanted them to learn more about archery and not just swords. 

When the Stark family gathered in one of the courtyards, Old Nan told Eddard how the image of his family now only reminded her of a younger him and his siblings. 

Eddard reflected on her words as he observed his children. They all mirrored his siblings and him when they were young. Four children, two elder boys, one daughter as a third child, and a youngest boy. However, it pained him to realize that Lyanna and Brandon were not here to meet his family and Benjen was far out in the Wall. 

In the privacy of Eddard's chamber, he and Cersei retired for the night. She decided to sleep there after they had tucked all the children to sleep and Rickon already nursed. 

He was in deep thought, Cersei made her way to the bed and touched his cheek gently. “What are you thinking?” 

Cersei waited for an answer but he said nothing. He only placed his hand behind Cersei's head and pushed towards him. Their lips crashed fiercely and Cersei never protested. She even taunted him more by sitting on top of him and she felt him hardened through her thin nightgown. 

Slowly breaking off the kiss, Cersei whispered, “You have not answered my question. Is something the matter?”

“There's none,” he raked his hand through her hair. “It is only that I look at our children and they remind me of my younger years with my siblings.” 

She softened at his words, she leaned and kissed him. “You take care of our children, and they love you. Even the little Rickon who could not crawl yet feels your affection,” her voice soothed him.

Only Cersei's words could make him sentimental but he stifled it. When he looked at Cersei, he could only recall the day when he first met her; the patience and persistence he had to go through to marry her; and time was moving quite fast. She had not changed at all, she was still the same Cersei he met but she's more mature, more patient, but still defiant, and dare he say even more tempting. 

He sat up suddenly, making Cersei gasp softly. He supported her back to steady her as she still settled on him. “Time passed too quickly,” he whispered. 

She gripped his hair, “We still have plenty of time,” Cersei grazed her lips against his ears. Teasing him more as she softly nipped his earlobe. She wanted to hear him groan, go wild, and not just those moans. Pulling her head back slightly, she observed her husband. Eddard looked vehemently at her and they kissed again. The moans and groans grew louder, and echoed throughout the room. Cersei encircled her arms around his neck to hold him closer. He tightened his hold around her back to pull her towards him. She could feel him harden again as she gasped, her mouth left open, feeling each other's breaths. 

“Cersei, god you make me mad.” 

“Take me again, Ned.” 

“I won't be careful this time.” He reminded her, kissing her. “I could have my fill, making your body grow another pup.” The way he said it was slightly aggressive, like he was hungry for her and his words made her weak. She was breathless. 

She kissed him deeper. She did not care. Knowing how she wanted him, “Ned, fill me. I want you inside me.” She moved closer to his ears and whispered, “The warmth of your fill, I need.” 

Eddard almost bruised Cersei's lips when he kissed her desperately, he was getting impatient he only pulled her chemise up. He pushed himself on her, Cersei was lying on her back, her head at the edge of the bed. She cried out of pleasure as he undressed himself, throwing the clothes on the ground. 

Their kisses went so aggressive that they kept biting each other's lips. He moved down her neck biting her hard, she groaned when she felt his hands forcefully tear her undergarments. 

“It's been several moons of being careful. No more now, I will fill you up every day until something grows in you,” he grunted through his gritted teeth. She brought his face to hers to kiss him again, his hand gripped her thigh. 

She felt her cunt throbbed and was drenched. Getting impatient she guided his cock inside her but he gently swatted her hand. 

“No, let me do it,” he grunted assertively. But he teased her more, kissing her again to stop her whimpers. He inserted himself in her and Cersei broke off the kiss to groan as she felt her insides stretch. 

“Ned,” she gasped. She slammed the back of her head on the bed as she moaned. Her whimpers were gradually growing loud. He silenced her by kissing her deeply with his tongue. She didn't complain, she only dug her hand into his hair and pushed him closer. 

He pressed himself deeper, she could feel his pace changing as he shoved inside her. The sound of their skin slamming into each other got louder with their moans. He brusquely repeated curses of pleasure in her ear, “Fuck, Cersei.” Locking her legs above him, he broke the kiss. 

“I am naming the child, the same child I am putting inside you,” he said in a low, grinding voice. Something in his words and tone made Cersei's insides tighten. In her last two childbirths, she both named them. Hearing him state his words with a domineering tone, made her weaker. 

She could not even muster up a single word with how her moans and groans overtook her tongue. She wanted to say, ‘Fill my womb with your heirs.” But it was already evident in her eyes, grasp, raspy breaths, and heavy pants how she desperately needed his warm fluid inside her.

Eddard felt her cunt, her insides, contract. He was almost at his peak when he felt Cersei shudder under him. His cock could feel her cunt being wet more thoroughly. And when he heard her scream his name repeatedly, he could not help but release inside her. His grunts were loud in her ears. Cersei breathlessly muttered, “Yes inside me, please.” His pace then became slower, and their heavy breaths gradually calmed. 

Cersei embraced her husband as he collapsed on her. She felt so fatigued in pleasure, that she could only kiss her husband's temple until she fell asleep.

—

Maester Luwin this time got a headache after assisting with the birth of Lord and Lady Stark’s fifth child. He emphasized heavily to Eddard that they should give more time to produce another. Given how Arya Stark was conceived only almost a year after Rickon’s birth.

He was still firm in his advice that Cersei should only carry after two years. Although, Cersei was not risking herself by drinking moon tea. 

“I asked Maester Luwin about the effects of it and I fear it might only ruin the foundation of my body,” she told Eddard. 

Eddard held Cersei's hand, “You do not have to drink those, I will be careful again.” Cersei was open to having more but she did want to preserve herself and her health, as she knew the complications of it when she might reach an age. 

She reached to his face grazing gently, she was always thankful for him. He had never left her side from all of the times she carried his children. All the children had always known their father since they came into the world.

291 AC

Robb and Jon were inseparable, they were like twins. Best friends as they refer to each other. That was how they were raised, everything Robb has, Jon received the same. If not training or studying, the boys assist their mother in the castle.

Grabbing some old parchment papers, “Do you still need these, mother?” Jon asked.

“Let me see, dear.” Cersei walked to him and looked at them closer, “That is already done, son.”

“I will have it burnt, mother.” Jon smiled at her and she nodded lovingly at her son.

Cersei would look at her sons, observing them as they moved around her drawing room, “You have grown so much, you are now assisting me.” 

Robb straightened his back from moving some old parchment papers and said, “Father always reminded us about helping you, mother.” 

“Oh, you're only young. I can call people to assist me,” she said softly as she sat on the chaise.

Robb and Jon laughed. “Mama, we're already eight,” the eldest jests. 

Cersei was taken aback, she was amused at her sons. She held out both of her hands, “Come here.”

The two wolves ceased from their chores and walked closer to Cersei. She wiped their sweaty foreheads with her hand, “Darlings, eight is young. Your father had always reminded you both are the eldest and are to protect me and your younger siblings. But you are still young children, at this time you should be playing outside.”

“But mama, we do not want to stay outside after our training. Some of the young knights were teasing Jon, saying he was a bastard,” Robb stated bluntly, looking up at Cersei. 

Cersei's anger was suddenly palpable as Jon held on to her, “Mother, it is alright. Ser Rodrik often reprimanded them. They have not said anything to me since.”

She suppressed her anger, “Don't listen to them. I am your mother. Both of you.” She kissed both of her sons on the top of their heads. “Come on, let's have some refreshments, you have worked hard today,” she smiled at the two. But in her mind, she was ready to lash out at these knights.

She did eventually know of the men from Ser Rodrik and she was hostile about it after learning from him that Jon was only quiet about it until Robb had to intervene. 

“It has been going on for quite a while, my lady. I apologize for not overseeing it earlier,” Ser Rodrik stated. 

“I trust that you had reprimanded them?” Cersei asked, pursing her lips. She was ready to slap their mouths for calling her son of such filth. But Ser Rodrik’s answer changed her mind.

“I did more of it, my lady. I assure you that they will not repeat such words.”

She breathed heavily. Her scowl was still on her face. “See to it that it must never happen again.”

Cersei had always endured when she heard people talk about her as not the real mother of Jon. However, she made sure they got the consequences for using their tongue to disrespect her. Because she was Jon's mother, only not by blood. However, she did not expect that her son would still hear it from the people despite her naming him as a Stark. And her husband had lectured the castle from talking about it. Yet, they were not gods who could control everyone's mouths from gossiping. Only she wished they did not do it where her son could hear it.  

—

Joanna grew to look so much like Cersei, her hair was of the Starks but a little lighter. She was more attached to her mother than her father. The child was spoiled, a little too much, by Eddard. Even by her grandfather, Tywin Lannister. 

The six-year-old girl was already skilled in lady manners and hobbies. Joanna was keen on reading and embroidering, she once stitched an image of her mother and father. Saying she wanted to find the same love her parents shared. 

Cersei only looked at her daughter and smiled. She thought to herself of how Joanna saw her marriage with Eddard as love. They have not said it to each other, ever since their marriage. They did commit to their vows. But they did not state those words to each other. However, Eddard's actions were more than enough. 

“How did you and father meet, mama?” the little girl asked her. 

Cersei laughed softly, “We met in Harrenhal. A tourney. Your father was friendly to me.” 

“Did you like him already when you first met?” How did a little girl get these ideas, Cersei thought.

“He was very kind. Charming. What did father say to you to ask these questions?” Cersei touched her daughter's cheek.

Joanna laughed and said, “I asked father a similar question and he said he already liked you when he first met you.”

“Oh, your father only jest,” Cersei chuckled.

294 AC

Rickon was a quiet six-year-old boy, different from his older brothers. If Joanna was a boy, it was Rickon. They look alike, they have Cersei's face and Eddard's hair. He prefers to stay indoors, not that Eddard complained about it. However, he encouraged the boy to play sword fights and taught him some basic training skills. He did train but he found respite more in reading.

Eddard often taught Rickon about the map and geography and the regions across and close to Westeros as the child had shown much interest. “You are a very intelligent young lad,” Eddard remarked once.

Robb and Jon were already at the age of ten and they had often taken the responsibility to teach or train Rickon as he was very timid with other people. Rickon was only comfortable in the presence of his family and the maester. He admired Maester Luwin and very much looked up to him when he was being taught. The maester once mentioned to Cersei that Rickon was smart as Robb. Only Robb was confident while Rickon preferred to be a shadow.

Cersei smiled, Rickon was like Eddard once. Very much like his father who loved to read, was timid, and often followed his brother rather than going on his own. “He is his father's son,” Cersei told the maester.

Arya looked so much like Eddard that Cersei doted on everything she wanted to do. The little girl often spent her time with Robb and Jon, playing sword fights, and she would observe her brothers compete over who had hit many targets in archery. At only five, she held a wooden sword that she stole from her brother's room. The septa noted to Cersei that Arya was miles different from Joanna. Joanna was more behaved and ladylike while Arya was not. She was Eddard's twin, Cersei wrote to her father once. She never forced Arya to learn embroidery, sew, sing, or dance.

When she tried once, Arya was unenthusiastic and stared out the window at the sight of Robb and Jon training with the other men. Cersei saw her younger self in her daughter. Remembering the days at Casterly Rock when she'd gaze by her room window at the scene of Jaime and her father training together. The next day, she asked Eddard to allow Arya to train with him and Robb and Jon. 

“Arya should be with Joanna and taught by you and the septa,” Eddard stated calmly. 

Cersei touched his arm and sighed softly, “Your youngest does not like what I or the septa teach her, she often looks at you and the boys train.”

“But-” 

“But she is very much like you and her aunt Lyanna, she is happy when she tries to play with the wooden sword. She'll have her lessons with the septa but I do not want to stop her from doing what she enjoys,” she cheekily grinned at her husband who only narrowed his eyes at her.

He sighed and she was only tense waiting for his answer. After moments of deep thought, he answered, “Alright, I can teach or train her but only after her tutor sessions with the septa.”

Cersei beamed widely, “Oh, thank you, my dear.” She grabbed his face planting kisses on his cheek to his whole face and lips. He could not help but chuckle and embraced his wife. “Arya will be thrilled,” she stated.

—

"Your brothers Robb and Jon started to train a little earlier than you, my sweet. But you will do great," Cersei said to Arya as she was dressing her in her most comfortable clothes. 

Arya's hair was a mess, she insisted on having her hair cut short. Above her shoulders, unlike Joanna or her mother, who have long locks. When Cersei cut her hair, Arya looked so much like Robb and Jon. Cersei only found her little wolf so endearing. 

“Arya, let me brush your hair.” She said as she cleaned the hair comb.

“No, I don't want to. It hurts when you braid my hair,” the girl complained.

“You sound so much like your father when I braid both of your hair. Joanna seems fine with it,” Cersei laughed softly. “Come here, dear. I'll be gentle.”

Arya sat on the stool while Cersei was standing up, brushing gently Arya's thick dark hair. Cersei observed Arya in the mirror and only thought of how she reminded her of Lyanna. 

“When will grandfather visit us, mama?” Arya asked as she contorted her face while Cersei was fixing her hair.

“He'll be here before the twins’ name day. Are you excited to see him?” Cersei said as she gently untangled Arya's almost matted hair. “Or are you only excited to see the gifts?” she laughed.

“Both,” Arya smiled.

Cersei only beamed at her child's musing. Out of them all, Arya was the most talkative. She would never run out of questions, Eddard sometimes gave up on his daughter's curiosity

—

Cersei and Eddard had a set of twins almost two years ago. They followed the maester’s advice to wait for another two years after Arya's birth. Her twins were both a boy and a girl. The boy was a young Eddard and the girl was a young Cersei. Unlike Cersei, the two were fraternal twins. They only share the same dark hair but the boy, Brandon, has gray eyes, the Stark's facial features. Whereas the little girl, Lyanna, had green eyes and a Lannister face. Eddard named the twins from his siblings. 

Before, Tywin would always encourage Cersei to have more children, when he heard of his daughter giving birth to twins he almost had a panic attack. Cersei wrote to him, “Eddard is taking care of me, father.” 

He wanted to speak with Lord Stark to stop adding more children to his family but when he visited Winterfell and saw his grandchildren all looking healthy including Cersei, he kept it hidden to himself. 

“Jon Stark, your second son.” Tywin started to speak to Cersei. She was always adamant when her father told her that her decision to name him a Stark was ignorant. He mentioned once that if Jon grows with personal interest, he could usurp Robb. And that made Cersei not speak or write to her father for almost a year. However, now, he said to Cersei, “A very intelligent and obedient child.”

Cersei smiled, “He is. We raised him that way.”

Tywin looked at her and said, “And that Theon kid?” 

She sighed, “Ned is only fostering him, father.” She drank her wine, “Initially, a hostage. But he is a good kid. Although, only I remain careful when it comes to his father and his house.”

“You should be, though fostering has its benefits, like what I have always taught you, everyone who isn't us is an enemy,” Tywin looked at his daughter. 

“I have always reminded Robb about that, and all the children,” Cersei smirked. She then gazed at her children down the courtyard playing together and enjoying their time with their uncle Tyrion. 

She breathed heavily through her nose. “Tyrion is closest to Jon. The dwarf once told me he sees himself in him. Being they share the second son title,” Cersei stated. “What would Tyrion inherit, when your heir is embedded in King's Landing?” 

“Do not think about that, I could have your son as an heir,” he was irritated by the question. 

“Which son?” Cersei asked, her head tilted. “Robb is the North's future-”

“Any of your sons. I asked Jon once if he wanted to visit his mother's home,” Tywin studied Cersei. She always hated when Tywin would not name Cersei as Jon's mother. “He said his mother's home was always here and he may not fare well in the summers of the West.”

She gave a half smile, “The North is always his home. He did hear about it. Being a bastard. And I always insisted that I am his mother. That this is where he belongs. And not only because of his father but also because of me.”

“Why did you insist on naming him as a Stark?” Tywin asked.

“It is because he is my son. He was only about Robb's age when Ned brought him here after the war. I was furious at my husband, but looking at his face, he was just like Robb but without a mother. So as the Lady of Winterfell, I had to do my duty,” Cersei answered softly. 

“Weren't you scared that one day this child would challenge Robb's claim?” Tywin challenged her. “Though I do treat him as my grandson, I just needed to understand your thought process of it.”

“I was not scared. Because like you said, anyone who isn't us is an enemy. And he was not just anyone, he's a Stark. Ned's blood runs in him. And my blood may not, but I raised him as one. He calls you as his grandfather, Jaime, and Tyrion as his uncle. He sometimes wears our sigil on his neck. But he acts like a Stark mostly, and that is no matter because I am married to one. And the Starks are the most loyal and honorable. Robb will never have to worry about his claim because I know even Jon would do anything to protect it,” Cersei explained slowly while she gazed at her children. 

Tywin only focused on his daughter. Her youthful fits had changed into maternal maturity. “Your mother would have loved your children,” he said calmly.

Cersei turned to her father and smiled at him. 

Chapter Text

293 AC

CERSEI / EDDARD

It was a cold morning in Winterfell. Eddard was adjusting the hearth, adding more wood to add warmth. He noticed earlier Cersei was snuggling more tightly than usual and her fingertips were freezing. 

When their chamber was getting warmer, Eddard returned to their bed and was careful not to disturb his wife. Cersei still snuggled tightly to him.

“Are you still cold?” he asked her. The blankets were thick and the room was warm by the strong fire from the furnace. The walls were made to keep the insides of the castle warm. And his wife clung unto him like he was her brazier. He was feeling warmer now that it became a discomfort. He wanted to feel the cool. 

“A little,” she muttered, her eyes were still closed. Cersei cursed at herself. Of course, she would be cold. Her nightdresses were always thin and she refused to add any thick layer of clothes when she slept. Holding on to her husband, “You're not?” Opening her eyes slowly and looked up at him.

He cleared his throat. She lifted her head and looked closely at him. “You're not,” she laughed softly while touching his cheek. She slowly moved from him after she planted a kiss on his cheek. Grabbing her blanket away from her, she was about to leave the bed until two strong arms caught her. 

“Ned, I will just retrieve more blankets,” she said as she laughed. 

“No, I will make you warm,” her husband whispered against her neck. She froze as she felt his hot breath on her nape. “Stay here, I missed you,” he said against her ear. 

Cersei was on her back as Eddard hovered her. She held his face and smiled at him, “How come? We are together every day.” He nuzzled on the crook of her neck and placed many kisses before he moved to her ear.

“It is not enough,” he muttered while he planted many kisses all over her neck and chest. She felt his hand move up her thigh, lifting her nightdress. She felt her skin prickled over his touch. 

“Ned, we can not,” she gasped. She looked at him as he lifted his face to kiss her. She felt him biting her lower lip which made her moan. 

He paused and asked, “Why not?” 

“We were told to give more time,” she said softly. But she also missed her husband's touch. Very much. “But be careful.” She laughed. Brushing her fingers through his hair, she said, “Or the maester will have another headache again.” 

Eddard chuckled and replied, “I have been careful many many times. It did work eventually, did it not?” 

Grabbing his face to kiss him, Cersei always found him to be so amusing. “It did work. It's just we're always so tempted,” she whispered tracing her husband's jaw.

Cersei gasped when he lifted her legs on his arms and kissed her intensely. “It's only because you are tempting,” he said as his lips grazed her ear. 

He then continued to gnaw on her inner thigh. She could feel his teeth and lips sucking unto her skin. Her breaths suddenly shortened as she moaned. She felt so much pleasure already just by him nibbling on her legs. Letting him take his time, she tried to pull her dress up until someone knocked on the door.

Cersei suddenly stopped and she tried to move under his hold. “Ned, someone is out there” she whispered.

Eddard raised his head between her legs, “It's fine. Just ignore it.” She felt him between her again, softly biting her inner thigh. As his kisses went closer to her cunt, her mouth opened and she let out a soft moan.

Until someone knocked again. “Ned,” she gasped. “Someone is…” she whimpered not finishing her words, so she softly smacked his arm. “Ned, it must be important.”

He lifted his head, “What is so important in this hour of the early morning?” 

A knock came through the door again accompanied by a small voice, “Mama?”

Cersei's eyes widened, with all her might she pushed herself away from Eddard. “It's our child,” she sneered at him. 

He could only sigh and release her from his hold. He crawled up to the bed and lay down. His gaze fixed on his wife as she grabbed her robe and opened the door. Little Lyanna was waiting barefoot and holding her doll. He softened seeing his youngest daughter still very drowsy.

Cersei held her hand gently and led her to the chaise in front of their bed. The door closed and Eddard sat up, smiling at his daughter. Cersei carried Lyanna on her lap, “What is bothering you, my sweet?”

“It is cold,” she answered. Cersei felt her daughter's head resting on her chest. “Joanna and Arya do not want me to sleep with them on their own bed.” 

Eddard chuckled, he held out his arm and said, “Come here, you can spend the morning with your mother and I.” 

Cersei laughed and carried their daughter on their bed. “Your sisters were probably deep in sleep,” she smiled at her daughter, bumping her nose at hers. 

Little Lyanna clung to her as she lay down on the bed. She gently told her, “Now return to sleep, my sweet. Your father and I will be here.” Cersei smiled as she observed her daughter slowly drifting to sleep. 

Eddard lifted himself up and grazed his thumb gently on his daughter's forehead then moved closer to Cersei and kissed her, “I hope it is warm enough for you now.”

Cersei smiled and said, “It is.”

JOANNA

Joanna and her sisters were in their mother's drawing room. Her youngest sister Lyanna sat on the thick wool carpet playing with their mother's seashells. The hearth covered the room with warmth as the night returned to its usual cold. It was quiet enough to hear the fire crackling and the sound of the quill grating on the parchment. Joanna did not struggle in writing while she looked at Arya and saw a frown on her face while transcribing the text from the book. 

“It is getting late, that's enough girls,” their mother called to them gently. Arya was delighted, her frown was a huge grin now. She dropped her quill and wiped her hand, stained with ink, against her shirt. Joanna placed her quill lightly on the table, amused at her sister's struggle to clean her hand. 

“Arya, do not ruin your clothes” Joanna laughed as she used her linen kerchief to clean her younger sister's hand. She was tenderly wiping the ink off while Arya was yawning. 

Arya grew impatient, “Joanna, hurry up.” She yanked her hand but Joanna reacted quickly, “Stay still.” She was patient with her sister as with her other siblings.

Joanna was always aware of how different she was from her sister as Septa Mordane mentioned it to her once. She was not displeased by it though.  It's only because, through Arya, she was able to see the robustness and resiliency of the North. Joanna preferred the comfort of the Keep where her mother made it warm, she'd rather sing, read, embroider, recite poetry, and other ladylike activities. Unlike Arya, her sister did not like her interests. However, Joanna did give herself a chance to hold a sword or watch her two brothers practice sword fighting but she was bored and unenthusiastic. But listening to Arya's stories about her training gave her delight. 

Every night before they slept, Arya would fill the girls’ room with her stories. And while little Lyanna was in deep sleep, Joanna would offer her whole attention to her younger sister. Arya once told her about how their father scolded their older brothers during the training. 

“You should see the look on their faces when father reprimanded both of them,” Arya snickered. “Father said I was better! I have the best stance compared to them he said,” she continued to say with a menaced grin. “You boys have the worst stances, I have seen Arya with a better stance and she only recently practiced this compared to you,” Arya deepened her voice to imitate their father.

Joanna's eyes widened at her sister mocking their brothers. She laughed and said, “Arya, that's unkind.” 

“You laughed,” the younger sister retorted. Rolling her eyes and said, “So you think it's funny.” Joanna only stared at her and Arya hardened her eyes. They were like this, fighting over small things. Frowning at each other, no one would yield between the two. One must give in first. 

Joanna counted from one to five in her head. Like how her father taught her especially when he reminded her about being patient with her siblings.

One. This was not so difficult.

Two. Arya was still staring hard. She thought she could beat me.

Three. It was unkind but it's because they were my brothers, it's counted as funny.

Four. I won't laugh. It was unkind to mock like mother said.

Five. Forgive me brothers but it was very comical.

Joanna didn't reach five because her boisterous laugh filled the room as Arya followed. She held her stomach from laughing so hard. Arya coughed from laughing too much. She hit her chest to stop herself from coughing. They continued to talk and laugh so loudly that Joanna was certain her and Arya's voices could be heard outside. Only they did not cease from giggling until someone knocked on the door. “Girls, go to sleep or I will tell your mother.”

They fell silent. It was their father. Joanna covered Arya's mouth. “Don't say anything,” she whispered to Arya. 

Clearing her throat, she said with her usual sweet voice, “We apologize father, good night.” She moved Arya to her bed and gave her a stern look to sleep. Arya moved under her sheets and tucked herself while Joanna ran to her bed and landed softly on it. It was a surprise how little Lyanna was still sleeping with how loud they were. They thought their father would walk away but after a few moments, the door suddenly opened.

Joanna tried to pretend to sleep when their father entered, “You can continue to play tomorrow. For now, go to sleep. It is deep at night. You know how your mother does not like it when you stay up late,” he gently told the girls. 

Closing her eyes tightly, she felt her father's palm on her forehead. “Your father knows who sleeps deeply and the one who only pretends,” she heard her father speak. She slowly opened her eyes to see her father and she cheekily grinned.

Joanna observed from the corner of her eye Arya laughing silently. Eddard turned his back and looked at Arya and said, “You too little wolf girl. I heard you laugh.” Completely out of her father's view, Joanna stuck her tongue at Arya who only scowled. Arya suddenly smiled when their father also touched her cheek.

After tucking them in, their father then walked to the door, turning his head to look back at them. Smiling, he said, “Do not be so loud or Lyanna wakes up.” 

Joanna said softly, “Will you tell mother?”

Their father only chuckled and said, “I won't but your mother will always know.”

Their mother knew her and all of her siblings very well. She'd observe her mother do her duty or be in court dreaming one day she would be like her someday. When a maid told Joanna that the king and queen wanted to betroth her to their son, the future heir, she was delighted. Only to know that her mother scolded the maid and she never allowed anyone to mention it again. 

Her mother told her the spoken betrothal was true, it was the day she was presented as a babe to the king and queen. But it mustn't be taken into heart as her mother was also once promised to the heir when she was young only for it not to happen. Joanna recalled how her mother said she was fortunate that the gods did not allow the marriage or her mother would have not met her father. Her mother told her that Joanna was too young to have such thoughts. 

Joanna never asked her mother about it anymore. Her mother said it would only lead to pain and disappointment. “The right honorable man will find his way to you,” she once told her.

ROBB 

Growing up as the eldest son of the Lord and Lady of the North, it was expected of him to be responsible at a very young age. Robb knew of it when their mother would tell him about his lord father's war ventures. His father often reminded him to protect their mother and his younger siblings. 

Robb was together with Jon in the halls on their way to their grandsire. They spent more time with their grandsire rather than their father when the West visited the North. It was not often their grandsire came that their father insisted on having them take lessons from their old lion.

The two ten-year-old boys were thrilled to have the lessons, it was different from the maester’s teachings and their father’s training. Their grandsire had taught them more complicated strategies and how to navigate war and politics. Robb and Jon regarded Tywin with respect ever since their mother told them their grandsire was once the Hand of the King. 

Robb along with his brother were always reminded by their grandsire that they were the heirs of both House Stark and House Lannister. 

“Your other uncle is in the Kingsguard and is committed there for the entirety of his life,” their grandsire started. Robb and his other siblings weren't close with their first uncle. They knew their uncle had slain the Mad King and that their mother never talked about him. They learned how their uncle was one of the strongest and most capable knights too. Robb and Jon did not particularly care for their first uncle unlike their second uncle, Tyrion, who they were close with ever since they were young. 

His grandsire laid out a huge map on the table while he said something about the Kingsguard. Robb didn't entirely focus on his lectures as he was distracted by the huge and luxurious detailed Westeros map his grandsire owned.

“Which means?” his grandsire asked them, he paused laying out the map and glanced up at them. 

Robb only blinked, he did not catch what the old lion said. But he tried. “He is to serve the royal family and the Iron Throne, without having to take a wife or have his own children,” Robb answered. Robb felt Jon also stiffen as their old man was also waiting for an answer. 

“And he will not inherit any land,” Jon added.

Their grandsire smiled at them, he seemed to be satisfied with their short answers, “Fortunately, I have you boys including young Rickon and young Brandon. You are your mother's children, she is of House Lannister, and not only that you are the House Stark's future. You are also my heirs.”

Robb always took pride in his father's and mother's own houses. He remembered how their mother called them cubs or pups. Sometimes, they wore their mother's house colors. And he has his own necklace of a dire wolf head and a lion head. All of their siblings have a pair of them.

The Wolfling knew the heir of the West was supposed to be their second uncle. But their uncle always reminded them that it did not matter to him as long as it was given to his beloved nephews.

Robb and Jon were attentive while their grandsire lectured by narrating his previous battles and leadership being Hand. He placed further emphasis on how he restored Lannister's reputation and honor once when his father was still alive. 

“Your mother's grandsire was not like your grandsire. He was a weak leader who allowed his court and men to overpower him. They took advantage of the West’s gold and money, leaving the house lacking in funds. Some small houses in the West denounced their loyalty to us, even revolted,” Robb observed his grandsire pointing to the House Reyne and House Tarbeck.

“Those two houses, I remember how my father was complacent and careless enough it led to a rebellion. We, his sons, were only young when we had to carry the house. He was a womanizer, he preferred women's company rather than his bannermen and council. That is the downfall of any man, holding to temptations,” Robb and Jon only widened their eyes at their grandsire's words.

“It was my brother who only assisted me in protecting the house and we have worked together ever since.  ” their grandsire turned to them. 

He clasped both of his hands on Robb and Jon's shoulders “Just like you boys, we grew together. My younger brother assisted me and I trusted him. So I want to teach that both of you must work together. Not to be separated and not to betray each other.” 

The boys nod in unison at their grandsire’s teaching. It amused their old lion that they did act sometimes like twins. 

Robb had trusted Jon the most out of all of their friends. And so did Jon to Robb. They were close to Theon, the boy their age who was fostered by their father. Theon was probably the next boy they trusted after each other.

“Even though you are mates with other boys from different houses, remain wary and careful. Never let them use your weaknesses or vulnerability against you. Be wise in making decisions,” their grandsire continued.

The boys only listened and stayed quiet waiting for him to continue. “Your grandsire along with your mother and father will guide you,” he reminded them. Robb always recognized his privilege to have both of his parents to teach them, and now their old lion, the wisest he met, was mentoring them.

“Now,” their grandsire enthusiastically said, “You boys are quite grown up enough. Let me explain to you how political marriages work.”

Robb knew that one day, he was to be arranged with someone who would provide stable backing for his house. He was to be wed to someone who would assist him in ruling the North. Their mother only brought up this topic once and said to never speak about it again until it was the right time. Yet, their old lion was here to speak about it to them. 

 TYRION

Cersei was lighting her candles placed on the corner of her table. Tyrion sat across the table, drinking from his cup. “You come at a very late hour,” his sister said.

“You have been busy,” he scowled at Cersei. Cersei's wrist hit the table in annoyance.

“I run the North along with my husband and raise my seven children. I have always been busy,” she replied. Cersei breathed through her nose, raising her brows at Tyrion.

Tyrion looked at her, “I heard about Joanna, very unlike you to detest the arrangement.”

Exasperated, she rolled her eyes. “Oh, I see where this conversation is leading.” Tyrion could only curse as to why their father had tasked him to bring this conversation with Cersei. 

Did our father believe I could convince my sister who looked like she was about to snarl at someone when it came to her children's wellbeing? 

She snarled at him, “The king was tactless, making an arrangement hours after my daughter's birth between her and his son. And I do not want her to be disappointed if ever the son weds another. She will not grieve for it like how I did.”

“I understand, but the king is friends with Lord Stark. They are like brothers, are they not? It is unlikely he'll not commit to his word,” 

His sister squinted her eyes at him, she was shooting threats with her stare. “What brought up this conversation?”

Father . He thought. “Your castle has ears and mouths, sister.”

“A wedding to the future king will only take her away from me and I have not known what upbringing the boy has. Do you even know Robert enough? I am also not familiar with the queen enough to know how she would act towards my daughter,” Cersei was clenching her teeth. A frown formed her face as she stared at Tyrion.

“You have seven children,” he retorted.

“To which father plans to send out to each kingdom? I know that Tyrion, do not pretend now. I know of it,” she responded coldly.

Before Tyrion could answer, Cersei warned him, “Father once mentioned he'll name one of my sons as heir of the West. Why won't you talk to him about that? Your birthright is being taken by my sons.”

He sighed, “I have long since accepted that father would not see me as heir but if it were meant to be one of my nephews then I'd be glad to step back.”

“That is so unlike you,” she chuckled.

“I said the same thing earlier to you,” Tyrion said and sipped his wine.

Cersei gave an irritated look, “I could not send my children far away.”

“But you would rule many kingdoms, having each of them be married to the heirs of each kingdom would make that possible.”

In disbelief, she chuckled. “It is easy as you say. I only have three daughters. They are young. They will not be used as pawns and be shipped off to other regions.”

“But your sons-”

“Robb is the North's, Jon, Rickon, and Brandon shall remain here, find a reputable lady to marry and have their family,” she pressed.

Tyrion pressed his lips and breathed heavily through his nose. He gathered his thoughts quickly before speaking. “Sister, you are smart. But sometimes it gets overshadowed by your intense love for your children. You are the Lady of Winterfell, and none of us hold the future. If you make the wrong decision, your power and title could be taken away from you. As early as now, it is best if you think ahead.”

She played with her ring, thinking deeply. “Ned and I talked about it once, we agreed the children are still young. It is only talked about when each of them reaches thirteen. My eldest sons are only ten.”

“Father might help in connecting or finding them reputable ladies and lords for the girls,” Tyrion said.

“Enough!” Cersei shouted. “My children are young. My twins are only two. Do not take any interests in arranging them that have no certainty.”

“Very well, good night.” Tyrion left Cersei's drawing room. He was frightened to provoke his sister more. His father should not have sent him to speak about this to her.

CERSEI

Cersei entered her husband's solar. “Ned,” she called out to him softly. Her husband looked up at her, “Cersei.” 

She leaned by the oak table, “Let's retire for the night.” Observing her husband still working or reading, whatever her husband did she let him. 

“Your father has listed some names of noble ladies and noble men,” he said. Cersei frowned. Her father was always advanced in everything he did.

“I am offended, not that he only sent Tyrion to speak about it with me. He also sent a list to you,” Cersei said softly. She looked at her husband who disregarded the paper. He stood up and walked towards her. “Do not tell me you're thinking about it too? We confided we're only to start when they reach the age.” 

“I am not thinking about it. In the future only, not now,” he assured her. Cersei trusted her husband more than anyone. Her hand landed softly on his face. “They are young, you do not have to worry. We have the last words, my wife,” he soothed her.

Cersei smiled and nodded, “Thank you.” She rubbed her thumb on his face, “Your stubble-”

“Should I clean it?” Eddard asked grinning at her. “The kids do not complain now.”

She laughed, “No, do not. I have always liked it.” Cersei had always found her husband charming. Ever since they met, she was attracted to him being more rugged than the usual nobleman. He was manly, brawny, chivalrous, and she might be biased to say that he was more handsome than his late brother. 

He laughed quietly and nodded, “I see. I know you do.” 

She laughed and her curls moved. Suddenly, her husband held her chin. “You're very beautiful,” he said to her. Her laugh only grew as she jest, “I know, you never fail to remind me every day.” 

Her smile suddenly faded, “I am not the girl you have met years ago. I have marks on my stomach after having our children. My bre-”

Eddard's hand touched Cersei's the back of her head as he crashed his lips on hers. Her husband was always daring to steal kisses, she was cut off by him. It did not surprise her anymore, she only reciprocated the kiss and allowed him to deepen it. 

“Do not say that again, you're always beautiful to me. The most beautiful woman I have ever met. The most bewitching and lovely in Westeros,” Eddard whispered. Cersei could feel his sincerity when they looked at each other's eyes. “Those marks on your stomach, they're beautiful. You gave me a family. Do not ever think of it again.”

She smiled and brushed her nose against his. “You always know how to coax me,” Cersei said with a soft chuckle.

“I love you, that is enough,” Eddard said wholeheartedly to her. “I apologize for not speaking these words to you before. We have been married for years but this is the first I have told you.”

She could not understand how she felt. Like a huge lump in her throat. She wanted to cry. But she did not. But her husband did not let her respond as he only kissed her again

ARYA

Arya was ever the talkative one that she kept her grandsire enthralled by all of her musings. Her mother once told her to never bother him when he was at work, especially at night but it was he who insisted that she stay to keep him company. 

Her mother smiled ear to ear, “Shall I bring the boys too?” she asked. Arya did not want her brothers here or they would steal their grandsire's attention again.

Her grandsire did not glance nor look at her mother as he was only focused on her but he answered, “The boys already had spent their day with me.” 

Arya suddenly grinned, 

“I shall leave you,” Arya heard her mother say softly. She pressed her lips on Arya's cheek with a little pressure that Arya winced, “Do not bother your grandsire the whole night. I’ll send a maid to bring you to your room in an hour.” Arya wiped her mother's sticky kiss on her cheek. She sounded sweet but Arya knew that her mother was serious when she looked at her. Her mother's eyes were making her unnerved. Arya realized then that her mother was really a lioness.

The little girl could only nod and say, “Yes mother.” Cersei's eyes once fierce immediately softened and left a kiss on her cheek again.

She observed her mother leaving the room and continued to amuse her grandsire with her various questions and stories. 

“Grandfather, mother said you have many caged lions in the Rock? Would I be able to see them?” Arya asked him. “Father said he did not see one when he went to the West, but can I?” 

“Little girl, it is dangerous. Did your mother tell you her story about how she was almost bit by one when she was your age? Only she was fortunate her twin brother was quick enough to grab her,” the little wolf girl was astonished. 

Her eyes widened, “She did?”

She looked at her grandsire who smiled and said to her, “You got your mother's playfulness and curiosity. But you are far more courageous.” 

TYWIN 

The Lion of the West had stayed in Winterfell for over a moon, he grew accustomed to its cold that he longed for the warmth. It astounded him that his daughter grew to be used to the cold. But when he stayed at the Keep, he realized how his daughter made the family's home warm. 

It was his last day in court and before he left, he spoke to Eddard. “Lord Stark, mind if we exchange a few words?” He then grabbed one bottle of wine, poured its contents, and passed the chalice to Eddard. 

“Of course, Lord Lannister,” he responded curtly. Tywin sipped from his chalice and then looked at Eddard. 

“One is not the type to compliment people, especially when they are expected to be excellent in their duties. However, I applaud how you and your wife raised your sons to be a great assistance to your house,” he stated bluntly. The boys were only ten years of age, yet they thought very maturely. 

Tywin observed Eddard, the Lord of Winterfell only shifted on his seat and cleared his throat. “They are learning well here, including the way of life and war. And also they have been honored to have your guidance, Lord Lannister. It is certain, that the boys do owe their political advantages to you.”

Tywin only let out a chuckle, “Robb and Jon have high praises for their father. I underestimated you. I have known your father, then your brother. You are entirely different from them. However, if someone is meant to be the head of a house, it will always find its way to the right person. Lord Rickard. You. Then in the future, the gods will bless Robb as the Lord of Winterfell.”

Eddard never lifted a muscle on his face, he only looked at Tywin. “The seat as the lord of any house isn't permanent. It is further moving. To secure the stability of House Stark, one only has to nurture the heir. When my lord father died including my brother who was his heir, I was catapulted into the seat immediately. Unprepared. But amidst the war, I wed your daughter and she gave me an heir. I intend to avoid that with all of my children. Robb is fortunate to have everything he has and I only want the best for him and the rest of the children when they inherit the North.”

“Yet you brought her a bastard, Lord Stark,” Tywin interjects. “It is a surprise that my daughter accepted him, knowing her I expected she'd treat the child like an outcast. I was doubtful when she sent me a letter, she begged me to accept Jon as my grandson. To treat him like Robb. She wrote to me how she became motherless at a very young age after my late beautiful wife died and she could not let the babe suffer the same.”

Tywin observed Eddard, he was only quiet but his hands were clenched on the table. The wolf sighed but Tywin continued to say, “It took me a while to accept your son it resulted in her having a long disregard for my existence. And it only made me realize that,”

The lion paused, and Eddard waited for him to continue. “Realize what, Lord Lannister?”

“That Cersei truly loves you,” he said bluntly to Eddard. His hands suddenly unclenched. His shoulders relaxed and he became quiet. Tywin thought that Lord Stark must have been bewildered at his words.

“No one had ever exceeded that devotion in her until she met you. She was a stubborn child, eager to anger her aunt. Rebellious even. She might think I do not know her pretending as her twin to train herself but I did know. She only thinks of herself. Having a bastard would bring embarrassment to her, it is expected that she'd do worse things to the child. But she did not. She treated him as hers. Hence, I treat Jon as my grandson as I already did for years,” Tywin said, nodding slowly and smiling broadly.

Eddard sighed again and smiled slightly, “Jon has grown to respect you and has only shown how truly a Stark he is. He is loyal. And if it weren't for Cersei, he would not be the boy he is now.”

Tywin stood up and Eddard followed. He reached out to the wolf's shoulder and clasped it, “I wish well to you and your family, Eddard.” He then left the hall to prepare his leave to return to the West.

JON

Jon was standing in between Joanna and Robb and the rest of his siblings lined up to bid farewell to their grandsire and uncle. Jon had always admired his dwarf uncle's wit. 

The second wolf of the Starks observed his mother embrace their grandfather as she waved to them when the Lannister entourage left. Sometimes Jon would think of why his mother named him as hers. He knew from some men how he was only a babe when his father brought him here from war and not even days later his mom already named him a Stark. And while growing up, some were teasing him as a bastard, “You think you and Robb are twins? You Jon are a bastard.”

When they were younger, Robb tried to beat up the young knight. Jon confided with his brother not to tell their mother about the people teasing him. Robb promised but instead told Ser Rodrik. Jon witnessed Ser Rodrik punishing the knights.

Jon never felt like a bastard, his siblings called him “brother”, his mother called him “my pup”, and his father called him “my son.”

He once recalled how he heard his mother cry in his father's arms when his grandsire refused to name him as his grandson. And their mother did not accept any letters or gifts from the West for almost a year. Jon recognized every effort made by his mother and father to conceal his ears from hearing that he was a bastard, but it was inevitable. Only he accepted it because he was never treated like filth. He received the same education and training as Robb. He was dressed well, and fed enough, the privilege all his siblings have was also shared by him.

When his grandsire visited before, he suddenly called Jon, “my grandson.” It was only Jon who was surprised when the old lion smiled and ruffled his hair. His uncle told him, “Our father even saw you more as his heir than I. That alone speaks volumes of his acceptance of you.” 

Jon's reverie broke when Arya suddenly called out, “When will he come back, mother?” 

“Dearest, the old lion only just left and you want him to return?” Their mother laughed, she was carrying their youngest brother, Brandon.

“It's because she only wants grandsire's gifts, mother.” Robb teased Arya. Arya was about to shove Robb but Jon stopped her.

“Hey, that's not nice,” he said gently to his sister. Joanna and Rickon giggled. 

Rickon was always the quiet one, the observant, but when he laughed Jon smiled at his brother. They continued to banter until their lord father who was carrying little Lyanna suddenly scolded them, “Children, that is enough.” 

Their mother laughed softly and rubbed their father’s shoulder. Holding Joanna's hand while carrying their youngest brother, their mother led them and said, “We must return to the keep now.” 

Jon and Robb were the last to return, they always were at the end of the line. Often they do this to keep check on their younger siblings. 

Jon was with Robb when they were walking along the halls. “Shall we pin the map grandsire left to us?” Robb asked Jon. Jon remembered the huge, detailed map their old lion showed to them. It was left to them as one of their gifts. Their grandsire had one of the best cartographers to craft the map. It had everything they had to know of Westeros. The greenery was made of wool, the waters were silk, and the snow in the North was of white velvet. 

“Is the wall in our room wide enough?” Jon asked him. Their room was made of stones, and every part of the castle was. “How about in father's solar?”

“He has his map there too,” Robb said with a grin. 

Their conversation halted when their siblings were running in their direction. “Hey! Rickon stop running. Weren't we sent to the Keep? Where are you headed to?” Robb called out.

Jon immediately caught their sister chasing Rickon, “Leave your brother alone.”

Arya struggled in his hold, “Let me go, brother. He is running to the library tower.”

“The library? What so?”

“He is about to start reading again, I want him to play with our new toys. Let go!” Arya forced herself out of Jon's hold. 

Jon asked Robb while watching their siblings run, “Should we follow them?” 

Robb smiled, “Yes, the library tower is a perfect match for the map grandsire given to us anyway.” 

CERSEI / EDDARD

“Rickon, our son, has been said to be quiet but very smart already at his age, the maester told me,” Cersei stated gently to her husband. She was leaning her head on his shoulder while her hand intertwined with his as they sat by the weirwood. When they need respite from handling the region and their children, they find solace under the thick shade of the tree. Cersei enjoyed ruling in the North and raising the children but would be lying if she did not admit how tiring sometimes her duty was. However, Eddard was supportive and for her, it was enough.

Eddard chuckled, “He is very reserved apart from our family.” He knew his son very well. For Eddard, Rickon was more of him. “Are you worried about it?”  

Cersei glanced up at him and smiled, “No, he is just very much like you. Quiet, shy, and obedient especially to his brothers.” She loved that side of her husband. Ever since they met back in Harrenhal, she observed him to be quiet and always a shadow of his late brother. But he was confident enough to approach her on the first day and escorted her since. Over the years of their marriage, she witnessed her husband stepping out of his shadow as he took on the role of the Lord of Winterfell. And how her husband had gone through the darkest phase of his life during the rebellion. 

“I do not worry because one day he'll be like you,” she brought their clasped hands together towards her lips and kissed the back of his hand. “Our children are fortunate to have you as their father,” Cersei said sincerely.

Eddard looked at his wife. Her green eyes, always so beautiful, were a little moist. She was smiling at him and her eyes and face were full of affection. But Eddard could not think straight. He was quiet for a while, only lost in Cersei's eyes. How blessed he was for having her as his wife. For giving him a family after he lost a lot. 

He shifted a bit to touch her cheek, “But I am more fortunate to have you as my wife. The children are blessed to have you as their mother. You are our pillar, without you, we would be nothing.” He has not said this for quite some time as they were busy with their own duty. Despite them sleeping in one room and eating meals together, he has not communicated his appreciation for her in a while. And so did she, she was so occupied in her duty that she has not spent most of her time with her husband.

Cersei could not prevent her tears from falling and she bit her lower lip as she did not want to cry. But she did cry. It was not because of her weariness in raising the children or her pressure to lead the North. It's only because Eddard's words were always her comfort and she had always found assurance from him. Eddard wiped her tears, “Why are you crying?”

She shook her head, “It's nothing. I am not crying.” She huffed and turned her head away as if her face was supposed to be hidden from Eddard's sight. 

Eddard laughed softly, “You are.” He tried to touch her cheek but she tried to look away again. He instead held her hand and placed his lips softly on her knuckles, “Look at me, my sweet. Forgive me, I did not intend to make you cry. I will speak my vows to you again before the heart tree if it will only assure you more.” And he meant it, he once mentioned to her when they were newlyweds that he would marry her again in the Godswood. They had not done it as Cersei was the first to arrive in Winterfell and he returned only almost a year later with his dead sister and a babe. Years passed with them fulfilling their duties, but he did not fulfill his promise to wed her one more time.

Cersei cried even more, her husband did know how to make her vulnerable. But he resorted to provoking her more, “Why are you so emotional today, my wife?” He looked at her with a grin.

She scowled, “Cease talking. It is only because of your words.” They were once young and she remembered how she tried to be adamant when it came to him, until today she still was. 

“I know you find comfort in my words,” he said softly. “But I will stay silent now, as you wanted.” With years of marriage, he certainly was used to Cersei’s unrelentless. His patience never ran out when it came to her. Especially with his number of children, his patience had doubled or tripled even. 

She cried even more, “What do you mean you will stay silent? That's not what I meant.” Eddard was in disbelief now, his mouth left open. 

His brows scrunched and his eyes blinked quickly, “Uh-” He swallowed what he was about to say and instead soothed Cersei. Narrowing his eyes at her, he wiped her tears away before asking.

“Cersei, are you…” he trailed off, waiting for the right timing. The tears stopped from coming out of her eyes. She straightened her back and looked at him.

“What, dear?” Cersei asked. He was only quiet, pressing his lips together. She furrowed her brows, “Speak.” 

“Do not be angry. I only mean well but you're so emotional lately, are you perhaps…” he tried to ask again but he could not finish. Cersei squinted her eyes at him. Eddard only fixed his eyes on her, giving her a knowing look. They were quiet and only communicated through their eyes. The time passed and they were only staring at each other. The sounds of the leaves ruffling and the wind only filled their ears. Until a dawn of realization landed on Cersei.

Cersei's brows shot up and her eyes widened, “Oh, it cannot be. It is still… We had been advised that we could not yet.” 

“Uh-” Eddard was out of words. “I am just asking,” he assured her. He did want to let out a chuckle but he was certain Cersei would be irritated. 

“No! By the gods, you were careful, weren't you?” Cersei asked him as she gripped his hands tight.

He nodded immediately, “Yes, I was.” 

A loud sigh escaped from her lips, she stood up immediately and said “But I will have the maester check on me. Come. The weirwood tree has witnessed so much from us already.” 

He stood up from his place and held Cersei's hand, “The trees had heard a lot from my ancestors down to us. Except for my vows to you.”

She laughed, “Do you really want to do it?” 

“Do you?” He asked her in return. It was only because he did not wed under his religion. Not that he wanted to force Cersei, they were married anyway. Years now.

“I do. If it is to bless and to protect our marriage more, I do not see any problem with it?” she said. Her answer was enough for him that she was dragged by him back to the heart tree. 

“Ned, right now?” She asked bewildered. She was guided by her husband and she could not help but laugh again. 

“Yes, right now. Where no one can delay us,” he turned to look at her with a huge grin on his face. Eddard was aware that once they left the grove, they would return to their duties once again, especially with their attention being divided. 

Cersei allowed Eddard to lead her like he always did.

Chapter Text

298 AC

CATELYN 

King's Landing was Catelyn's home for more than a decade now. The home of the king, her husband, was warm, bright, and pleasant. Fit for the royal family as home. Catelyn married Robert right after he overthrew the Targaryens during his rebellion. The queen vividly remembered when her father, Lord Tully, arranged her with the king. Catelyn was described to be of magnificent beauty with her long auburn hair and high cheekbones. Her beautiful features were passed on to her children, all of the princes and princesses have her shining red locks and gleaming blue eyes.

She loved all of her children. Especially her son, Hoster. Hoster was her husband's rightful heir , she'd always remind the court. Though aware of her husband's bastards, she heavily implied to never bring one in court. The king never did, not that he intended to.

Catelyn lived luxuriously, several maids and some ladies-in-waiting served her. She was dressed elegantly, her hair kept in intricate braids, and her hands and neck adorned with the finest pieces of jewelry. Her children were also the same, she ensured her sons and daughters were living well, especially in their education. The queen was once betrothed to the heir of Lord Rickard Stark. Catelyn found Brandon charming and handsome. She could recall that the day their house knew of his death, she was expected to be arranged with his younger brother, Eddard. 

However, it was late when they received news of the new lord of Winterfell venturing on his own to the West. He left the West with his new wife Lady Cersei Lannister. It was then her father told her that he would do his best to have her married to the best nobleman. It was the king.

Catelyn tried her best to make the marriage work, she has not felt that much affection with Robert, though they often minded their own business and grew respect for each other. She only much yearned for her late betrothed in their early years of marriage. Similarly with her husband. 

Through Catelyn’s eyes, Robert was also handsome and brawn. On their first night in marriage when they consummated, both of them only thought of their betrothed. Catelyn somehow resented Robert over it. She thought she was not entirely enough for him. Hypocrite, she'd described herself but only she was flawed. She was only nine and ten years of age when she became queen, she was new to navigating her life in court. There was a struggle especially since she was the first queen after the end of the Targaryen dynasty. However, with the help of her sister, Lysa, who was married to the Hand of the King, court life was less difficult. Over the years with experience in court life, she made Red Keep her home and her own. 

Catelyn's bed was never cold or empty. Robert's womanizing habits became less when he grew accustomed to Catelyn's devotion to her duty as queen. Catelyn and Robert always had a great time together in bed. Though, they never really loved each other or Catelyn could say she did not. For Catelyn it was only duty, her love was poured into her children. The court could say it was Catelyn and the Hand, Jon Arryn, who made King Robert's reign a success. For the queen gave him heirs, worked with the Hand, and educated her children politically. 

She spoke to her son many times that he was betrothed to the eldest daughter of the Lord of the North. The queen only saw the girl when she was a newborn, Lady Stark presented the girl to them. Lady Stark looked exhausted but still beautiful. Only Catelyn wondered why Lady Stark was so willing to take in Lord Stark's bastard as a son. She only thought that Lady Stark treaded dangerously as one day that bastard son might threaten the eldest place in the North. But it was out of her worries, the eldest of the Starks looked like a Stark anyway. None of Lady Stark's children got her golden hair, they were heavily wolf children. 

Whereas Catelyn's blood was stronger, all of her children were redheads, except for her third child. Only her youngest, her daughter, looked much like her husband Robert. The youngest had black hair but all of them had their father's deep blue eyes. 

The queen was in her chambers, sitting by her chaise as her son Prince Hoster was observing from the balcony. “Mother, this marriage alliance you speak of, is it with the Starks?”

“Your father had arranged it when we were in Winterfell back when you were only a babe,” the queen answered. “Come sit here with me.”

Catelyn smiled warmly at her son. She acknowledged the responsibility that her son carried, and it was important to her to cement an alliance especially since her son was of the right age which only meant, her husband's bastards may have been around Hoster’s age too. To further stabilize and protect his claim from any rebels, she believed her son's future marriage with Joanna Stark would be adequate.

“Being king requires many sacrifices, and that includes the free will to marry with your heart. Your father and I were strangers when we wed but we grew to respect each other. I have learned to love because of you and your siblings,” the queen reached for her son's hand and brushed her hand on his cheek.

“You are aware your father had fathered many bastards, though he did not legitimize them or bring them to court, we have to be careful. Bastards will always have their personal interests. If we are not careful, if we forge alliances behind time, then your claim is not stable.” 

Hoster fixed his eyes on his hand held by his mother. He pursed his lips and asked her, “The House Stark is the strongest ally of father's, including grandsire's house. Does she know how to hunt?” 

The queen tilted her head and her smile dropped, “That I am uncertain. Whatever it is required to be a lady, definitely the young lady is refined of it. She will provide you with heirs, and stabilize your place in the realm. Your duty is for the crown, your father has indulged you too much in his hunts.”

“It is only I meet plenty of people when I hunt and father teaches me well in combat. It is where I find delight,” Hoster said with a hesitant smile. 

Catelyn only sighed, “Although your father has reigned for quite some time, do not mirror his gratification that it made him overlook his responsibilities. To anyone you continue seeing may it be a maiden or other knights, cease it. You are the future of the realm, my son.”

“When shall I meet her?” he asked after a momentary pause.

“One day, soon.” Catelyn smiled warmly.

JON

Jon was with Robb, Theon, their father, and their father's entourage. It was very chilly in Wolfswood and Jon could feel the cold prickle his cheeks. They were trailing to return south from the Northern hills holdfast. Their lord father brought them along during a deserter's execution from the Night's Watch. Something caught Jon's eye and his gaze landed on a huge, majestic figure. 

They all walked towards the dead beast. Jon observed the dead creature lying on the snow bathed in the creature's blood. It was enormous, but lifeless after a stag killed it. 

“It's a freak!” Theon shouted from Jon's back. But to Jon, it was not a freak. It was majestic. 

“It's a direwolf,” their lord father muttered. “Tough old beast.”

Robb said, “Father, there have been no dire wolves south of the Wall for many years.”

Jon noticed the dead dire wolf mother sheltering five wolf pups. They were tiny in contrast to their mother, Jon heard them whimpering and crying. “The North has six now,” he said as he grabbed a pup. 

But Jon paused, “Their mother is dead, what will happen to them?”

One of the men said, “They don't belong here.”

They do.

“Better a quick death,” their father's words made Jon turn his head in his direction. “They won't last without their mother, Jon.”

Theon jumped hastily in front of Jon while sticking out his blade, aggressively grabbing the pup from Jon's hold. “Right, give it here Jon.”

Jon was late to hold the pup tightly as Theon already held it. “Theon, No!”

Robb immediately warned Theon, “Drop your blade, Theon.” 

Rolling his eyes and smugly smiled, “I take orders from your lord father, Robb. Not you.”

“Father,” Jon started to speak. “Since there are five dire wolf pups, maybe my siblings can have one each.” 

Their father only looked at him, not saying a word. Jon had to think quickly to convince him. “Mother had always reminded us that the dire wolf is the sigil of the House Stark. It is meant for my siblings.” Even Jon did not know why he had to prioritize his siblings. He had six siblings and there were only six pups. Though he wanted a pup, he did not mind if he could have none. 

They were all waiting for their father's permission. He was quiet and Jon waited patiently for his answer. The dire wolves were beautiful and symbolic, it is meant to be in their house. 

“You will feed them yourselves. You will train them yourselves. If they die, you will bury them yourselves,” their father's commanding voice finally gave an answer.

He continued to walk away but he paused and turned back, “And you will explain to your mother, she might be harder to convince.”

Jon and Robb collected all the pups with Theon’s help. “You could have one, one of your siblings may not take interest in them,” Theon told Jon.

“Hm, no. They are the real Starks,” he answered. 

They followed the adults trailing away when Jon heard another whimper. He followed the sound to see the runt of the dire wolf's litter. Another pup but it was white with fur, unlike the other pups.

Robb and Theon smiled at Jon. “That's yours, Jon,” Theon said. 

—

“Why did you allow the boys to bring these beasts?” Their mother sounded angry and her voice could be heard from their father's solar. Jon and Robb had introduced the pups to their siblings, and they were all delighted. But their mother was hesitant. And now they found themselves eavesdropping.

“I will explain to mother,” Robb whispered as he leaned on the door, sticking his ear out. 

Jon shook his head, “No, I will do it. I was the one who convinced father.” Then perhaps, I could convince mother.

They continued to listen to their parents arguing about the wolf pups.

“It could be a good omen since it was our sons who discovered it. The dire wolf also bore seven of them, each for our children. And the boys were eager to have them, Cersei. I did say that they were supposed to be left to die in the hills,” their father sounded calm.

“And you still allowed them to tend to the pups themselves! You must teach them, especially our youngest. And even if the boys can manage, it is only new for the North to encounter these creatures, they might also struggle.”

Robb was about to knock on the door when they heard their mother's voice start to rise but Jon held his hand and shook his head. “No, I’ll do it.”

“It is also my first encounter with dire wolves. But they are not so different from the dogs we have here, are they?” their father sounded exasperated too.

“Eddard,” when their mother calls their father his real name, Jon knew it would not always end up good. “You are aware that these beasts will grow twice or thrice in size than any normal wolves. And we will have seven. Imagine, seven! Uncaged. What would you do if they hurt our children?” 

“They are only pups. They will remain dependent on the children and will protect them. At least, they will be loyal to them, it is in their nature. They will gradually adjust to the environment. Everyone will, and our children raise each of their own pups well.”

“Talk to the kennelmaster about the wolves. I would not involve myself in it, you will handle this one!”

Jon and Robb only engrossed themselves in their parents arguing. Jon was about to knock on the door before the argument would lead to the worst when they heard their mother's footsteps near to the door. Abruptly, they stood up straight and stepped a few paces back. The door opened to their mother with a scowl on her face followed by their father.

“Boys,” she started to say. Her eyes darted between them. “I will allow you to adopt the pups.”

Jon smiled and he glanced at Robb who was also delighted. Looking again at their mother, they both thanked her.

“Thank you, mother.” Robb promised, “We will raise them well.” 

“But,” she started to warn them. “If one of these pups grows up to be ferocious and undisciplined that they could harm you and your siblings, your father will be forced to cage and discipline them until they are safe to be with you.”

Their father protested, “Why me? I thought we confided that the kennelmaster could do it” His head snapped at their mother, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“It will be you and him. You allowed them to bring the pups here, you are also partly responsible,” their mother answered, flashing her eyes at their father. 

He gave a surrendered look. “Very well,” he could only mutter.

“Now, tell me what you named them,” their mother smiled warmly. 

EDDARD

Eddard initially wanted to proceed to godswood after they returned to Winterfell but his wife already confronted him and brought him to his solar. When Cersei heard from the boys about the pups, Eddard could not escape her anger that he had to follow her. 

When his wife was already distracted by the children and the pups, he proceeded to godswood bringing his ancestral sword, Ice. Sitting by the heart tree, he was cleaning his sword. This was the fourth man he executed this year. After execution, he would proceed to the groves immediately. 

After making the most of his time, he returned to the grounds. Eddard observed his children and how well they were faring with creating a bond with the pups. His wife, however, still insisted on having the children be assisted in feeding and tending the pups. She did not allow the little wolves to stay in the Keep. Eddard left the care of the pup's home under Winterfell’s kennelmaster, Farlen, supervision. 

These wolves will grow into gigantic beasts, these were made to live in the wild , his wife reminded him often. 

“You know how my grandfather almost got attacked by a lioness? Only the Rock's kennelmaster was able to save him. If it were not for him, my grandsire would already have the lioness's lunch,” Cersei said to him. “He thought he could tame the beast.” 

He looked at his wife and saw her smirk. “That is unkind, you mock your grandsire?” He let out a chuckle and his wife only raised her chin.

“No, it is only because I remembered where I almost got bit by a lioness when I attempted to pet her nose. Like the lion, these beasts are not made to be domesticated. But these little wolves can be tamed once the children create ties with them.” 

Eddard never knew about his wife's little adventure with their lions. But he thought that his children only got their curiosity and love for beasts from their mother. “I guess you are partly responsible too,” he cleared his throat not to sound like he was mocking her.

“What do you mean? Responsible for what?” His wife suddenly held his arm and her eyes glared at him. Eddard was accustomed to her glares, it never wavered him but he was used to obeying her right away once her wounding glares would land at him.

“The children being curious about animals, they must have gotten that from you,” he said calmly.

Cersei only chuckled while she watched over their children. Eddard wanted to speak to her about King Robert's invitation to King's Landing. But he knew how sensitive Cersei was when the topic of marriage was opened.

“Cersei, can we speak more privately?”

“We can talk here,” she said.

“The children will be fine, there are plenty of people watching over.” He held out his hand to her. 

She breathed heavily and pursed her lips in hesitation. “Alright, make it quick.”

“I am afraid this is a long discussion.” He sighed, and they walked together to another private quarter. Cersei gave a quick glance to the children before she closed the door.

“Is there a problem?” Cersei asked him. Eddard looked at his wife who only frowned at him. “Don't keep me waiting, Ned.” 

“Sit here,” He pulled out a chair and gestured to her to sit across from him. She only folded her arms. “Cersei, just listen to me.” 

Eddard finally smiled when Cersei sat across from him. He gently touched her cheek, “You are so wearisome.” 

Narrowing her eyes at him, “Every time you ask for privacy with me, it leads the two of us into a serious topic. The last time we did was about Joanna's arrangement.”

He was caught off guard, and his smile faded. “Well, that is what I intend to speak to you with.”

She dropped her hand from his and closed her eyes slowly. Eddard hesitated to speak more about it. The idea of the betrothal, he never wanted to pursue. But Robert was persistent. And also the queen. Only that Eddard could not defy the crown, no matter how he tried to deviate from such a topic.

“Cersei, of course, I would not allow it.”

“Then why are we still talking about it?” She glared at him, her teeth clenched.

He sighed, “Days ago, I received word from the king and queen intending to invite us to King's Landing so the two will meet formally.”

Cersei only shook her head. Eddard tried to hold her hand again but to no avail, as she already stood up. “Cersei, it is just-”

“Just what? That you can not defy the realm, I know that. It is your honor.” Eddard knew it was true, with his loyalty to Robert, and him being king, he could not defy him.

He tried to pacify his wife. Assuring her that there is no official decree yet, “It is just an introduction. No engagement.”

Eddard stared at her. He waited for an answer. But he was certain her response would be hostile. “Eddard, where do you think that would lead? Tell me, do you want our daughter to live far from us?”

“Of course, not. She is only about to turn twelve.” Joanna is only young. She was still innocent. And he could not allow his daughter to live in a new place with strangers. 

“Oh, so you are aware. She has not even flowered yet and here we are discussing her marriage.” Eddard did not understand Cersei's euphemism. What did she even mean?

“Shall I delay it more?” It was his only response And he knew he should not have asked that. The answer would always be a ‘yes’.

“Yes, you shall. And make it clear to the king that you do not intend to have your daughter marry someone in her young age 

“Only we have another problem. Your father insisted on it. He plans on installing Joanna as the future queen by marrying Robert's son.” Eddard hated Tywin. He only respected him because he was only Cersei's father but he despised his guts. That man often made decisions for his family, sometimes it was overbearing, and it was not helping.

“Except his plans will not push through until Lord Stark has the final approval. So it still ends with your decision.” Cersei said, clenching her teeth, “My decision.”

“Lord Lannister is coordinating with the Hand and the King,” Eddard revealed to Cersei. At this moment, he was expecting his wife would throw to him the nearest object she could easily grasp. But her frown only got deeper.

“The Hand… The Arryn?” She said slowly.

“Yes, Lord Arryn.” 

“Your foster father.” 

“Yes.”

“Hm. He definitely expects you to accept it.” Cersei said coldly.

“I would not.” 

Cersei was only quiet. 

“I could still emphasize to them that the North will remain steadfast to the crown without any wedding arrangements as early as now.” Eddard could not think of any more solutions except for a talk but he knew it would not be enough, as Robert seemed to be inclined that in any circumstances Eddard would always remain loyal to him. 

“You seem to forget Ned that the reason the king wants to have our daughter marry his son is because he intends to have his house connected to yours, not just because he needs alliance,” Cersei said quietly. “And father is taking advantage of that.”

A loud knock ended their discussion. They paused and he took a deep breath. “Enter,” Eddard said loudly.

The maester opened the door, “Forgive me, my lord and my lady. But there is a letter for you.”

Cersei turned to accept the letter, “Thank you, maester. Leave us.” Eddard only waited for the maester to leave before he could ask.

She passed the letter to him, “It's addressed to you.”

“From who?” 

“The King.”

Eddard scrunched his brows and read the letter from Robert. “A message from King's Landing.”

Cersei only looked at him, waiting for him to answer.

“The Hand of the King is dead.”

CERSEI

“A whole month? With his whole family and his entourage?” Cersei scowled. The relief she felt after hearing Eddard say they were not to be summoned to King's Landing was easily washed over by frustration. 

“Yes,” her husband said curtly. They were in their chamber, she sat on the sofa by the hearth knitting a wool glove. 

She dropped her work and stared at the fire, “It is expected he would ask you to be his Hand.” 

“No, he won't. He'd probably ask your father,” Eddard answered. She turned her head to look at him with worry. Her husband was standing by their bed also giving her a worried expression. “They are only visiting.”

“For our daughter too, I assume,” Cersei replied softly. Seeing her husband nod, she sighed and tapped the sofa. “Come here, let's put the glove in your hand.”

She waited for him to sit beside her, shifting herself to a comfortable position. While Eddard held his hand to her, she gently inserted the wool glove. “Stay still, I'm about to be done with this. Does it feel right?”

He smiled at her, “Yes. It is perfect. As always.”

“Your way to coax my pessimism is always admirable,” she said gently to him. The needles clicked and the crackling fire could only be heard. “Even if the king might honor my father to be Hand and the opportunity to rule, my father would not leave Casterly Rock to Tyrion. Perhaps he might leave it temporarily to my uncle, but it is still unlikely. But I prefer it that way, I do not want you to leave.”

“Knowing your father's intentions to have Joanna be married to the heir, the possibility of him accepting it is high. I would not dare to leave you,” he responded. She only laughed softly in disbelief.

“Only if the king asks father, that is. I still believe the king will give you the honor. Why would he visit us here anyway with all of his entourage?” She only focused on her husband's hand as she finished the glove. Removing the needles, she adjusted the glove to fit his hand. “Is it comfortable, dear?”

He nodded and said, “It is. Thank you, my sweet.”

She smiled warmly and removed the glove from his. Another unfinished glove was on her hand as she tried to follow the pattern of the finish. “He'll probably visit Lyanna too,” she said, not lifting her eyes.

Cersei felt her husband's hand land softly on her head. He soothed her gently and said, “It is fine. It's only a visit.”

She was quiet. Her fear of the king tearing her family apart overwhelmed her - with her daughter betrothed to the heir and her husband might be honored to be the Hand. 

—

Cersei was braiding Joanna's long dark hair, “You will meet the royal family sooner than expected, my dear. The septa today will explain to you their family. Be attentive so you can be on your best behavior when you are introduced to them soon.” 

Joanna looked at her through the mirror, “Mama, I heard of the…” 

“The betrothal? You have heard of it since you were young. But never worry, it will not happen without your father's approval,” Cersei assured her.

“What did father say?” she asked.

Cersei never wanted to lie to her daughter, she sensed how Joanna was eager for the match. “Your father believes you're still young. He has not accepted.” 

She looked in the mirror to see her daughter slightly dejected. “Do you want to be betrothed to the prince?”

Her daughter had a faint smile and slightly hesitated before she stated, “They say he must be charming. He is a prince, mother.”

Cersei breathed heavily. She could not blame her daughter for having a shallow view of the prince, especially since she is young. After she attempted to shut off the people from speaking about the king's plan to betroth Joanna and Hoster, she expected Joanna would also stop pursuing such thoughts. Only Cersei blamed herself for not teaching her daughter.

After being quiet while finishing the braid, Cersei gently placed her hand on Joanna's shoulders.

Choosing carefully her words, Cersei reminded her daughter, “Joanna, dear, not every marriage match is blissful. We, ladies, women, and girls, exist in a society that is not kind to us. Everywhere in this world, they hurt little girls. If we allow ourselves to be blinded or to fancy men who we only know on the surface, we end up being disappointed and hurt.”

Joanna only was silent.

Cersei paced to face her daughter and crouched down. She held her face and studied her daughter. Cersei was guilty of not guiding her enough.

“It is valid to have failed marriage arrangements. Like I did once. When I was promised to Prince Rhaegar, I was elated. Father often brought me to court when he was still the Hand. The prince was charming, indeed. But I never knew him deeply, his character was unbeknownst to me. It is only after years when I realized I was fortunate enough that my arrangement with him was nullified when he was willing to betray his own wife and family over his foolishness.”

Joanna nodded. “I am glad it did or you would not have married our father.” 

Cersei laughed lightly, “I am glad too.”

Joanna's smile faded as she scrunched her brows, “Did Aunt Lyanna willingly meet the prince?”

The question angered her a bit, “Joanna! Do not ever ask that question again, to your father or anyone.”

Noticing her daughter flinched, she closed her eyes to calm herself, “Your aunt was a beautiful lady, she was the kindest and purest friend I ever had. And I miss her, especially your father. It is only the memory of hers that should remain how she lived a good life and not how it ended. Do not ask that to anyone again.”

“I apologize, mother.” 

Cersei kissed Joanna's forehead, “It is I should apologize for not reminding you.” She touched her cheek and softly said “Be patient, my darling. Everything can wait.”

But despite giving her daughter a warm smile, Cersei's worries never ceased.

Cersei was in Eddard's solar with a glass of wine in her hand. “I have no worries about the children's behavior when the royal family visits. Only I saw Joanna's disappointment in her eyes when I told her you did not give the approval of the betrothal.” 

Her husband was only reading, she hated when he was often immersed in his books rather than her. “Come here, drink with me.” 

Eddard stood and placed his book down. She smiled from ear to ear and poured wine into another glass. 

“I trust that you talked to her out of it,” he told her. Sitting close to her as he drank his wine too.

“I did, and I will continue to until she learns. How about you speak to her also? From the perspective of a father.” Cersei knew her husband doted on Joanna, perhaps a little too much that he was not courageous enough to speak to her about marriages. 

She waited for him to answer, but he only responded with a sigh.

“Ned, please,” Cersei dropped her glass on the table and scooted closer to him. Her lips landed on his and she could feel his hot breath. Their tongues tasted like wine. And Cersei touched his leg, “You are her father too, she's young like you said. Guide her.”

“You have been drinking too much wine,” he only stated. Looking directly at her eyes, he gave her a slight smile.

She laughed, their faces still close. “It is cold.”

“I will speak to her tomorrow.” He muttered. 

Good. Cersei felt like she and her husband had shielded Joanna from the realities of the world and now their delay was catching up to them. 

She smiled and kissed him before she settled on her seat, snuggling close to him. “Thank you. As early as we can, we must fully convince her not to be fooled by it. And she must come to terms with your decision.”

“I will do my best.” She did not respond.

“It is cold, you say?” he asked her. Cersei felt it was colder now than in the past years. It had been a while since winter fell. 

She observed him. Her husband wrapped his arm around her, rubbing circles on her shoulder. He was terribly busy like she was. Preparing the castle for the arrival. 

She whispered, “It is. Much colder. Do you think…” 

“Yes. It is close. Winter.” He muttered then drank the last drop of the wine. 

Cersei has not finished hers and offered her glass, “Do you want more?” He snatched it from her hand and emptied it in haste. She sensed that he was in distress, and her husband was not the type to ask for more wine. 

Running her hand through his hair, “Is there a problem? What are you worrying about aside from Joanna?” 

“One is only contemplating from what his wife had assumed the purpose of the king’s visit, I admit I only thought of him wanting to visit the Wall or check the Night's Watch,” he murmured. 

“Oh, the king would never think of such matters. He does not care, I am certain.” She groaned at her husband's foolish assumptions.

Noticing he remained quiet, she asked him. “Am I wrong?” 

“No.”

“Your friend probably wants you to rule like Lord Arryn did while he wastes his days away in his vices. Will you accept it if he does honor you?” Cersei would not accept Yes as an answer.

“No,” his answer was short but it was enough for her. “I can not leave here. Winterfell is where I belong.”

Cersei was relieved. “That is all I need to know.” If her husband had to stay in King's Landing, she would not allow it. Wherever he was, she would be there. Leaving the North, she would never dare. 

EDDARD

His wife was insisting that he must speak with their daughter. As he approached the girl's room, he could hear from afar the three younglings. 

Knocking on the door, the room became quiet immediately. He heard them shush each other which made him chuckle. “It's your father, girls.” 

The door opened slightly and he saw Arya, “Father?”

“May I have a moment with your older sister?” He expected that Arya would open the door wider for him but the cheeky girl turned her head at Joanna.

He waited for a while. “Sister says she is about to sleep as it is about to bedtime,” Arya muttered.

“Arya, do not speak for your sister. All of you are in no trouble.” He spoke gently, “It is my fault for interfering with your free time tonight, but father was busy earlier. This is the only time I could speak to your sister.”

Arya stepped a few paces back and Joanna went out of the room. 

“Father? You want to speak to me?” 

Eddard fixed his eyes at his daughter, he remembered when she was born on the same night when the boys had their name day. When the king and queen blessed her with many gifts. The bell in Winterfell rang loudly to announce the first daughter of the North. She has grown. Looked exactly like his wife except Joanna had dark hair. 

He did not know Robert's son enough or how was life in King's Landing. More so his wife going against the idea of shipping their daughter to another region. His sister was taken too early from them. Deep down, he knew Lyanna fell in love with Rhaegar. And it frightened him, not that he did not trust his friend's family. But it's only because being blinded by a fancy would lead to further pain.

Like his first attempt to ask for Cersei's hand in marriage. When Lord Lannister, that bastard of a man, rejected him he contemplated just snatching Cersei from the West and elope. But again, that was foolish. He could not wage a war in the middle of a war itself. When his lord father and brother died, he became the Lord of Winterfell. He did not ask for it. However, he did not complain when he had a bigger priority. And it was Lyanna.

When Robert wanted to make him halt and his men at Riverrun to wed the first daughter of Lord Tully, he rejected him. His first rejection to him.

“No Robert, I am to proceed to the West.”

“For the Lannister girl? The Lannisters never gave any hint to side with us. Lord Tywin did not accept your offer before, what makes you think he would this time?” Robert gave him a disgusted look.

“I made a promise to her.”

“We are about to have Riverrun's allegiance, you are to wed Lady Catelyn!”

“The Tullys had already sworn their allegiance to you.  The lady was once my brother's betrothed, it seemed inappropriate. And Jon Arryn will also wed the younger sister. They already have cemented their allegiance.”

“You are only making excuses, Ned. You only want the Lannister girl. This defiance of yours could risk our position in war.”

“Her name is Cersei Lannister. And I promised her. I could not break that. I will communicate with you, consistently. Nothing will change. Except when we meet, I am a married man.”

“Father?” Joanna called out.

He shook his head, stopping his reverie, and smiled at his daughter. “Come with me, Joanna.”

“Your mother has spoken to you about the king and queen waiting for my approval to betroth you with the prince, I believe.” They walked towards Cersei's chamber. A chamber she hadn't used for quite some time since she always barged in Eddard's and stayed there.

“It is warmer here,” she said once.

“Yes, she already did, father.” He opened the door for her. Joanna entered and sat on the edge of the bed. 

Cersei's chamber was completely different from his. This one he believed was warmer than his. His wife did not believe so. Cersei made the Keep warm, snug, and homely. It comforted him that Cersei transformed Winterfell into a home for his children.

He sat beside Joanna, “Were you disappointed by our decision?”

“No, father. I do not dare. Mother had made me understand.” She smiled at him. 

“That is only what we want, for you to understand and to be patient. You are still young, you have more time.”

“Mother said the same, she was patient. She waited for you when the grandsire rejected you once.” 

He chuckled, “Yes. Your grandfather was harder to tame. He's a lion.”

Joanna laughed, “And mother is too but you managed to tame her.”

“I only tried my best,” he said. “More than I could, I am certain you were aware of the history of the rebellion. I lost your uncle, your aunt, and your grandsire. I was about to marry someone else for an alliance, do not tell that to your mother or she will not speak to me for days.”

Joanna laughed, “She knew that already. She once told me about it.”

“Oh, she does? Still do not ever bring it up to her.” He paused momentarily, “My point is someone will exhaust his way to have you. A title is not enough, it is not an assurance. And if the prince is indeed of good character then there's a chance I could approve. Only it will break your mother's heart when you are away.”

“And mine too.” He added because it would be like losing his sister again. Only this time, he would make it certain that Joanna was safe. 

Noticing he was thinking ahead of himself, he brushed Joanna's cheek, “Your mother and I will ensure you will live well.”

She smiled warmly at him, “I prayed to have a love and happiness like you and mother share.”

“And you'll have it. As I said, you are young, you have plenty of time.”

CERSEI 

Cersei was dressing up and tidying her daughters with the help of her servants. Arya wanted to rip the dress she was forced to wear. 

“Arya, do not rip that. We can change your clothes,” Cersei said as she unzipped the back of the clothes. “Forgive me, dear. I only thought you might make an exception for today and wear something different.”

Her daughter only frowned, “It is itchy, I do not understand how you could wear this.” 

Cersei laughed, “You do not have to wear this again. We’ll wait for little Lyanna to grow into your dresses, so nothing will be wasted.”

“We need to make haste, dear. Your sisters are already done. Your brothers are probably too. We can not be late,” Cersei fixed Arya’s clothes. 

“Will we be allowed to play with the royal children?” 

Cersei smiled, “You always love to horse around, my little girl.”

“I am not little anymore, mother.” She retorted. Even rolling her eyes ate Cersei. She could only smirk at her daughter.

“You are still little in my eyes. But yes, you can be with them but as I said, be at your best behaviour.” She said with a heave as she finally was done with dressing Arya. Holding her daughter’s hand. “Now, come along.”

“Joanna, Lyanna, follow me.” 

The Starks filed a single line to welcome the royal family. She was only giving a tight smile to the king. Even more to hide a disgusted look when Robert embraced her. Eddard nudged her and gave her a look that said “ Be nice.” 

He did not have to remind her, as she tried her best to smile at the king. Hoping he did not sense her annoyance. But the queen was kind and warm to her, so she found herself at ease. 

The children looked nothing like Robert.

Thank the gods. The king has lost his charm, gotten fat, gotten disgusting! But the queen remained beautiful, her blood saved the children's looks. 

Robb and Jon were adored by the king. 

Don't you dare focus too much on Jon. 

And he did not. Good. Cersei then looked at Joanna who curtsied to the royal family. Her daughter remained polite and formal. Every one of her children was. Rickon was a little annoyed. It took much of his energy to be introduced to people, Cersei knew of it. Rickon was always a shy boy. And Arya was already eager to play with the other children. 

“Robb, watch over your siblings when they play around with the royal children,” she tapped Robb's arm while focusing on the younger ones already interested in each other. 

“Yes mother,” he said as he inclined his head. “And Joanna?”

“She will be with me and the queen,” she answered. She almost wanted to guard her daughter from everyone who would pry on her.

She observed the entourage and her eyes met with Jaime and her younger brother Tyrion. 

Father really had to insist the dwarf be brought along to the North too.

She only nodded at both of them and then turned her head to look for her husband. But he already was walking away stolen by the king and Cersei could only stifle herself from rolling her eyes. She knew Eddard was leading the king to the crypts anyway. While staring at their backs, her husband turned his head to look at her and gave her a wink and smile.

That pig stole my husband away and dared to visit Lyanna. 

Cersei could not hide the disgust on her face but she only squinted at Eddard and gave him a nod. She was pulled back by the presence of her guests. Instead, she smiled warmly at the queen and the children. She remained hospitable as she welcomed the family and led them to a more comfortable room. They were followed by the kingsguard and if the queen was not with her, she could have reprimanded her brother to leave the queen with her alone. 

EDDARD

He was amused at his wife who only narrowed his eyes at him. He was aware of Cersei being annoyed at Robert. But he only let out a chuckle when his wife turned her head away.

“I must say, Ned. Your wife keeps you happy and she still looks radiating,” his old friend had to say. 

Eddard turned to his old friend, “She does, I could say the same thing to your queen.”

The king only laughed heartily, “Catelyn is a very gracious woman. Eases me in leading the continent.”

Eddard led the king in the crypts. His recent visit here was only a few weeks ago when Cersei arranged flowers for Lyanna. 

Robert was struggling to descend but eventually made his way. After a long walk, passing the other tombs and statues of the past lords and kings of the North, they reached Lyanna’s. Eddard only observed Robert touching the statue’s cheek. Cersei would have cut the king’s wrist now if she had seen this.

“Burying her here in the cold and the dark is not fair. She must be bruised where the sun shines and the warmth touches her,” the king declared. Eddard was only observing from the back. 

“Lyanna is a Stark, was born and grew up here. This is her home, where she belongs.” He responded to the king. After all these years, his dear friend was still yearning for his sister when he already had a wife, the queen. But the queen must have grown fond of Robert despite her being betrothed to Brandon before, Eddard thought.

“I dream of killing that man every night,” Robert said with disdain. “My vengeance was not enough.”

Eddard raised his head and observed his old friend. Robert was still the man who condoned violence and his fiery wrath was still burning inside him. Before the conversation led to further astray, he told Robert that they must return to their wives.

“Before that, Ned, I have to say something to you.” Eddard paused in his tracks. 

“We both loved that man. He was not the one to die quickly but one day he was in perfect condition and within a fortnight he was dead,” Robert said to him. His hand clasped on Eddard's shoulder. Eddard had that gut feeling about Cersei's assumption.

It is expected he'll honor you to be his hand. His wife's voice echoed in his mind. But Robert would not do that. 

“Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell, I honor you to be the Hand of the King.” Robert declared. 

Eddard looked away, in deep thought. He could not accept it. So he bowed his head, knelt in front of the king, and wholeheartedly said, “I am not worthy of the honor, Your Grace.”

But Robert only laughed, “Come now Ned, I am not honoring you. I will let you run the continent while I drink and hunt. When Jon Arryn died, my wife could run but I needed a man by my side who would rule. If I fully pledge my time to rule,  my son would despise me for not hunting with him.”

Eddard, despite hating Tywin, suddenly had the urge to push him as the next candidate for Robert. But he only said, “I am unfit to rule. I have Winterfell, Your Grace.” His second rejection. 

“We are meant to rule together, your aid was the reason I was installed on the Iron Throne.”

Eddard still has not wavered. He was not convinced, that being Hand was not for him. 

Robert must have noticed his silence when he continued to speak, “Your houses are meant to be united. Your sister and I were once betrothed, I also promised my son that he'll marry your daughter. You as the Hand and our children rule after us, it is to be done.”

Cersei was right. Everything she said was right.

“Let us return to the grounds, Robert. I shall need to speak about it to my wife.” Although they had already spoken about it hundreds of times, it led to arguments. 

“The Targaryens-” Robert immediately snarled. Eddard flickered his eyes on the king. His words alerted him.

“It is done, Your Grace. They're all gone.” He curtly said. Eddard wished to never add more of the topic or it would fuel Robert's rage.

“Not all of them,” Robert only replied as his eyes landed on Lyanna's statue.

Eddard studied Robert's face. It was dark but he could read that he was still filled with anger and hunger of vengeance. Sometimes, he thought. The memory of Lyanna only sparked Robert's wrath. 

Looking away, he said softly, “Let's return, Your Grace.”

Cersei should have been here.

When they returned to the grounds, Eddard invited Robert to observe the Wall and the Night's Watch but the king only waved off the offer. 

Eddard sighed and said, “Your queen is the sister-in-law of Jon. How well is Jon's family faring?” 

“Ah, Lady Lysa fled from King's Landing, returning to the Vale. Catelyn could not even convince her to stay after I made the offer to have Lysa’s and Jon's son be fostered by Lord Lannister,” the king answered.

Eddard's brows furrowed and he looked at Robert, “Lord Lannister?”

“You still hold heavy grudges over your father in law? You have been married to Cersei for fifteen years now, and you have many children,” the king raised his brows at him.

“I respect him, only I could not trust him enough. The children although, he is warm to them.” he grumbled. “Should I foster the boy?”

Robert chuckled and shook his head, “No. You had snatched his only daughter and now you want to have the boy be taken. The boy is safe in the Vale.”

Eddard saw Robb and Jon approaching, “Boys.”

The two bowed their heads, “Father. Your Grace.”

Robert only looked at them, smiling. 

“Father, we'll meet Uncle Benjen in a few.” Ah, Benjen. 

“Very well, you can go.” He said abruptly to them. Not wanting Robert to focus too much on Jon. 

When the two were away, Robert asked him. “Your bastard son, did your wife ask you to legitimize him?”

Eddard turned to Robert. He knew his friend got plenty of bastards he did not recognize or to Eddard's knowledge to say the least. And this sudden curiosity from Robert made him a little tense, “Cersei was furious when I brought the child.”

“Did she ask about the mother? Is the mother more beautiful than your wife?”

“She asked but I never answered her. Cersei is kind enough to have the boy be named a Stark.” No one is more beautiful than his wife.

“And Lord Lannister?” 

“My wife had not spoken or written to him for quite some time when he cursed the child once. Cersei made Jon her son, so anyone who defied that will suffer the consequences of it.” He said, wishing Robert would never speak of it again.

“Ha! My wife heavily implied that my bastards should never enter court,” Robert jested. But Eddard only worried. 

Chapter Text

CERSEI

Cersei was sitting on the head of the table together with her daughter, Joanna, and the queen. The Great Hall was filled with guests from the king’s entourage and the people of Winterfell. Cersei wanted to scowl again at the sight of her husband sticking with the king. Lady Stark permitted her children to mingle around the people but seeing Jon sit away at the far end of the table made her frown. 

She called for a servant to bring Jon to the table with their family, “Tell Jon to sit close with his brothers.”

But the servant only returned apologetically, “My lady, Lord Jon insists on sitting close with Lord Benjen and Theon for a little while.” Cersei only pursed her lips, why would her son suddenly be so interested in his uncle? The servant noticed Cersei's growing face of displeasure. She added, “My lady, he assures you that he will join your family after a few moments.”

“Hm. Bring him and his uncle additional plates of the food,” said Cersei. She then faced the queen, “Is the food to your liking, Your Grace?”

Cersei observed the royal family, they seemed to relish the feast. The queen did so too. She was gleeful, thus far, especially having her son meet with Joanna. Cersei’s younger children were eating as they conversed with the royal children.  The queen’s other children were the least of Cersei’s interest, she was more focused on how the king and queen were so eager to have their son wed Joanna. And now, she was certain the king had honored her husband with the position of Hand of the King.

“The feast is immaculate, Lady Stark,” the queen complimented. 

“It is an honor to have you here, Your Grace,” Cersei smiled.

The queen shifted slightly on her seat as she held Cersei’s hand. She jolted a little, surprised by the queen’s actions. “It is only important that we visit you here. With the death of my brother-in-law, the king has no Hand.”

Cersei’s smile dropped. The queen should not be speaking about this. Was she asking her permission?

“My husband was raised by the late Lord Arryn who fostered him and the king. My deep condolences to the court and your sister,” Cersei abruptly cut the queen before she created more propositions that Cersei would not like.

“Thank you. My sister has struggled after his death, she is now doing well in the Vale,” answered the queen. “However.”

Of course, there was always a ‘however’.

“However, after his death, the king decided to pay his old friend a visit despite him inviting your family to King’s Landing. It is only because he is asking Lord Stark a favor. Two favors,” said the queen.

“It has been indeed nine years since they were together. A lot has changed since the Greyjoy rebellion.” Cersei could only answer without touching the topic of the king’s ‘favors’.

“It is admirable that Lord Stark fostered the youngest boy of the Greyjoys,” the queen looked at her. “Your acceptance of his bastard is also admirable, Lady Stark. My husband can father any children outside our marriage but does not recognize them. You seem to care for your husband’s son like he came out between your legs.” Jon. She was referring to Jon. 

Cersei must have misheard the queen. But it is womanly talk after all. She only looked at the queen. The elegant lady beside her almost became the Lady of Winterfell if she were to marry the late Brandon Stark or even Eddard. But this lady was queen now, and while she acknowledged the number of the king’s bastards swarming around the smallfolk or even under small noble houses, she still gave birth to heirs, surely she must have nothing to worry about. 

“He is my son,” said Cersei curtly. She forced herself to smile at the queen. She did not need to explain further. It all happened almost fifteen years ago when Jon was brought to Winterfell, everyone recognized she was the mother. 

It dawned on Cersei that the queen must be worried as she was in haste for the king’s heir to be wed to Joanna. Have her bear heirs, secure the position of her son. Thus, no form of rebellion from bastards with interests would happen. The queen was wise and ambitious. 

Cersei could not allow it to happen - Joanna being used as a broodmare. She drank her wine quietly.

“Your daughter takes a lot after you, such a beautiful girl,” said the queen. Cersei heard from her other side that Joanna thanked the queen. 

“Thank you, Your Grace,” her daughter started to speak. 

Cersei smiled warmly at Joanna. 

The queen then said, “My son also finds you beautiful.” Something inside Cersei ticked. She suddenly turned to the queen but maintained her smile. However, the queen still complimented Joanna more concerning the prince, “You will have good-looking children.”

Cersei suddenly chuckled. It was an empty chuckle. “My daughter has not flowered yet. Her father insists on giving the children more time,” said Cersei.

The queen only nodded and smiled at Cersei. 

—

After the queen and the royal children retired for the night, Cersei had left the Halls. She met her brother also in the hallways asking for her private time.

“Your son, Jon,” her dwarf brother started to say, “Are you allowing him to drink now?” The dwarf was pouring wine for his sister.

Cersei scowled at him, she snatched the chalice from Tyrion, “Why?” She sat down on her chair while her brother sat across her desk. “Is my son drinking?”

“He was with your brother-in-law at the feast before he joined your family, he had already drunk probably a glass or two,” he said as he poured his wine. Cersei was often permissive with her sons being often with their uncles. They did have uncles from both sides of their parents. One thing in common was the drinking.

“It is fine, I told him it can be allowed in a feast only,” said Cersei. Her sons were almost fifteen and Eddard already once gave them their first wine. “With a limit of drinking, of course.”

Her brother only looked at her blankly. “Hm. By the way, you do need to talk to him.”

“You lecture me how I raise him,” she tilted her head. “We have taught them that drinking is only for occasions until they are old enough.” But she raised her brows, “What has he told you about?”

“Your son must idolize his uncle that much. Jon is thinking of joining him,” he paused. Cersei glared at him. “In the Wall,” he urged.

The Wall, Night’s Watch.

Cersei placed her glass on the table. She twisted her mouth. She was in deep thought. Her husband and daughter had been eyed by the king and queen and intended to be taken to King's Landing. Her second son was about to leave Winterfell to join the Wall. They all belonged in Winterfell, no one should leave. She hitched a breath, “Join my husband and the king. I’ll speak to my son first.”

Tyrion nodded and stood up from his seat, leading his sister to the door. Cersei straightened her dress. The solar was now empty when she and the dwarf walked across the halls. 

“Where did you last see my son?” asked Cersei.

“Your yard,” he answered.

“What yard? This castle is humungous!” Cersei answered, very irritated. 

“Have you seen Jon?” Cersei asked a servant who flinched at Cersei's sharp tone.

“I apologize, my lady but I have not,” the servant bowed her head. 

“Go,” Cersei said curtly and the servant hurriedly walked away.

Reaching the exit, Tyrion stated. “The yard where your children often play with their huge beasts.”

“Lucky you for not being eaten by their dire wolves,” Cersei smirked. “Go now and tell Eddard to retire for the night early.”

Tyrion rolled his eyes, “He is your husband! Now do not tell me I have to babysit your husband.”

Cersei already snarled at him, “Then you supposed to talk with my son? Convince him not to leave?”

Her brother only raised his hands, “Alright, I will inform him. Only if I could pry him off from the king's attention.” 

“The king is leeching off my husband, convincing him to be Hand, I am certain. Why can't father take the position?” Cersei crossed her arms. 

“And leave the Rock to me? How convenient for father,” he was sarcastic. 

“We have uncles to act from his stead like he did before,” she said.

He sighed. “Father tried, however, the king insisted on having your husband be named Hand.”

Cersei licked her teeth, “Go. I shall see my son.” Without seeing her brother leave, she immediately walked away.

She clutched her coat as she walked towards the yard. It was cold but she was used to it. It was her home for almost her life now and she eventually loved the North, despite missing the summers of the West. Winter has not fallen for years already. But her husband said it might be close. 

There she saw her son playing with his wolf. The wolf was majestic, it was huge and a stranger would be frightened. Her son must have heard her footsteps as he lifted his head.

“I apologize, mother, I am about to return now,” Jon said, inclining his head.

She sighed and approached him, “No. I intend to talk with you in private.” She leaned against a fence beside her son. They observed Ghost just lying on the ground.

Calming herself, she swallowed a deep breath. “Your uncle-”

“Mother, whatever Uncle Benjen said, it was nothing. I took offense from it,” he cut her. She only furrowed her brows.

“Dear, I am referring to your Uncle Tyrion,” she said. 

“Oh,” Jon muttered.

What did even Benjen say this time?

He shook his head. Cersei’s worries grew. Raising teenagers was more difficult than she anticipated. She missed the days when they were children. Like those days when Robb and Jon were crying over their wounds or they fought over toys. “Your uncle Tyrion told me something. About your interest in joining your Uncle Benjen on the Wall.”

“Uncle Benjen and the rest said I am still a boy, I have no place in the Wall yet,” he said quietly and looked down.

“Why? You have a future here in Winterfell. The Wall is no place for you. You are highborn-”

“Mother, the king still recognized me as a bastard.”

“When did he say that?”

“I heard him refer to me when Robb and I walked away from them after we approached him and father earlier once. He meant no harm, he only applauded your patience for naming me as yours.” He smiled at Cersei. “The Wall is not so bad, mother. Uncle stays there.”

“No. No” he shook her head and frowned at her son. “You are to stay here. With Robb and the rest of your siblings. With your father and mother. No, I am sorry, my son. This time I will not give my permission.”

Cersei held her son’s cheek. She only thought of Lyanna. Jon is more than highborn. Son of a Stark and Targaryen blood. She only held back her tears. If only her son knew but he could not. He must not. It was for his protection. It was for his good. He could never know his true parentage, especially since Robert was in their home. None must know. It was only hers and Eddard’s to keep. The secret they would carry to their grave.

Whenever she looked at Jon, it was not Eddard she perceived. It was always Lyanna, her friend loved this child so much. “You belong here, son.”

—

After she settled all her children in their room, Cersei was led by a servant towards her chamber. “My lady, Lord Stark decided to retire here for the night.” 

Cersei only pursed her lips, she was not used in her chamber unless she needed to change or preferred to stay here when she and Eddard argued - which only happened once or twice. “You can leave now.” Knocking softly on the door, she waited for him to respond. It was quiet. She knocked again but a groan only answered her.

Heavens, do not tell me he is drunk.

Throwing open the door, her eyes landed on her husband lying on his stomach. “Are you drunk, Eddard?”

“No, I am not. Only tired,” he grunted through the bed. She sighed as she paced across the room and sat at the edge of her bed. Massaging his back, Cersei said softly, “Come, lie properly. I need to lie down too.”

She waited for him to move, and he slowly got up. “And please dear, can you change your clothes?”

He only hummed and stretched after to stride towards the shelves. Cersei rolled her eyes and chuckled. Seeing him struggle, she said, “They are on the third shelf.”

She sighed and walked to him, “Return to the bed.” Eddard did not complain and dropped himself on the bed. Cersei found a clean tunic and gave it to him. “Did Robert tire you out already for the night?” Cersei jested.

“Cersei, do not say that. An improper joke from a lady,” he mumbled. She only laughed and observed him get up and change. 

“Did he seduce you by letting you drink too much wine so you’d accept his offer?” she continued to tease him. She wanted him to be annoyed. “That I return to my chamber to see my husband already worn out,” she smirked.

Eddard gave her a look and snorted, “No one can seduce and fool me.”

“Then why are you here in my room? We often stay in yours,” she raised her brow and grinned. 

“I thought you would stay longer with the children so I decided to stay here. Your room smells much like you,” he stated.

“Ah, so you can be seduced. My room alone can fool you. What if another woman enters here? Hm?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

He groaned and frowned, placing his palm on his forehead, “Cersei.” She laughed and grabbed his face to kiss him.

“I only want to annoy you—a little bit. To make sure you are sober,” she whispered.

Eddard only looked at her and kissed the tip of her nose, “I am. Do we have something to discuss?” 

She breathed through her nose while her lips pressed tight. Hesitating a bit, she answered, “A lot.”

Cersei felt the bed move as Eddard settled himself comfortably and held out his hand, “Come here, we can talk.” She removed her cloak and undressed herself, leaving her wearing a thin linen inner dress. 

She regretted wearing her hair in braids and struggled to remove them. “Stop staring!” She sneered at him.

“Alright, I’ll return to sleep,” Eddard sighed.

Her eyes glared, “No! Wait for me, can’t you see I am struggling?”

“Let me help you,” he said gently. She dropped her hand as  she gave up and pouted, “Leave them like this.” 

She moved on the bed and snuggled close to him. But he held her arm to make her sit up.

“You do not like it when your hair is a mess when you sleep,” he said. Cersei sat on the bed instead and when he tried to touch her hair, she swatted his hand softly. 

“Let me do it, lie down.” Eddard sighed and followed. Cersei faced him while she sat on the bed, her legs crossed as she tried to unbraid her complicated coiffure. “Tell me, what did the king say to you today?”

“You were right. From him honoring me to be his Hand and his persistence to unite our houses by having his son wed Joanna,” he stated. Cersei knew there was more by judging her husband’s face. “I told him I still have to decide it with you.”

“There’s more. Tell me everything.” She sighed and moaned softly as her complicated braids were finally undone. Eddard suddenly grabbed her and kissed her.

“Your husband just had wine, everything you do and sound you make makes you irresistible,” he whispered. 

Cersei laughed gently then smiled, “We’ll settle that later. Tell me everything first.” She pushed him lightly towards the bed and lay beside him. 

“He mentioned the Targaryens,” he answered quickly.

Cersei scowled. Eddard felt her hand grip tight on his tunic. He covered her hand with his, “He does not know about Jon.”

But Cersei only ignored him, “Your son desired to join his uncle.”

“He does?”

“I talked to him out of it. Your friend has such a careless mouth, that he heard Robert describe him as a bastard. Jon concluded he has no future except the black” Cersei pulled herself up to look at Eddard. “Sometimes for the sake of Jon’s safety, it relieved me that he heard of it from Robert. But it resulted in separating himself from his siblings despite us naming him as a Stark.”

Eddard twisted his mouth and held Cersei’s gaze, “But he is only a boy. No, I could not allow that.”

Cersei was relieved, “If ever Ben speaks to you about it, you know what to say.” He only nodded and she rubbed circles on his face. 

She pressed her lips on his cheek and whispered, “You are tired. We shall sleep.”

“No, no one is sleeping tonight,” he grunted in her ear.

—

Cersei was with the girls when she was overseeing together with the septa the stitch work done by the girls. 

Arya was close to her, as she tried to imitate Cersei's very simple stitch. She only smiled at her daughter trying her hardest to do well. Arya was slightly biting her lip and her brows scrunched as she concentrated.

Cersei then scanned the other girls, including the princesses. They were doing well along with Joanna. The septa complimented the girls while Cersei only taught Arya the simplest stitches.

She was disturbed by a servant sent by the queen, “My lady, the Royal Highness is calling for you.” 

Cersei raised her head to see a servant escorted by her brother, Ser Jaime. Placing her linens on the table, she stood up gracefully and reminded Arya to follow what she stitched.

“Lead me,” she said.

The servant walked ahead of Cersei and Jaime. They were close to the Guest House when he opened his mouth to speak.

“You-”

“Do not say anything, my mind is already clouded with thoughts,” Cersei muttered sharply. 

“I just wanted to ask how you are faring. It has been a while since we talked,” Jaime said. He smiled at her. Cersei squinted her eyes.

“You need to make time with your nieces and nephews. Tyrion might influence them with his thoughts,” she argued.

He sighed, “They are quiet.”

“It is because you have not been an uncle to them,” she gritted her teeth. 

They were at the Guest House, close to the queen's door. Before she permitted the servant to address her, she faced Jaime. “You could at least try.” 

She entered the queen's quarters. “Your Grace,” she addressed.

“Lady Stark,” the queen called her. She was elegant. Poised. But she was doubtful, Cersei could read her face. It was very unlike her. She was often warm. Though ambitious by her abrupt decisions, she was always kind to Cersei.

But in this instance, Cersei already felt the room to be tense. “You have called for me, Your Grace?” 

The queen invited her to sit. 

“Is the room not comfortable enough for the queen?” Cersei asked.

“Your husband, Lord Stark has not yet accepted the position of Hand from the King,” the queen ignored her question. Cersei now started to understand where the talk was leading.

So she gave a tight smile, “He is undecided as he is only humble before His Majesty.”

“Our husbands are sworn brothers, they were raised by Lord Arryn. They must be devastated over his death,” said the queen.

“Lord Stark has only deep admiration for Lord Arryn,” Cersei said. “I can say he does not want to replace the reputation and fill in the seat left by the former Hand.”

“But isn't this not his first time? Lord Stark was not the heir of Winterfell but he filled in the position after his brother died.”

Eddard was sensitive when it came to Brandon. The position. The replacement. He always believed that Brandon knew what to do when he doubted himself. Cersei hated it. Only she was the one who made Eddard realize that he was capable too. Probably more than what he had imagined. 

“Lord Stark did fill the position. And he is doing better than what was expected of him,” Cersei only stared. 

The queen was quiet for a while. “How about your father, Lady Stark?  He was the Hand of the former king for years and years.”

Now, what of my father?

“He has no intention of leaving the West. So if His Grace will honor Lord Lannister the position of Hand, he might not accept.” Cersei answered, retaining her elegance despite being annoyed by bringing up her father.

“Oh, but he might, especially if one eyed the position of Hand and endangered the once holder of it.” Cersei slightly tilted her head at the subtle accusation. 

Her father could kill anyone if he liked, and he made sure everyone knew of it. He was that proud of himself. So if these accusers have to create an accusation of her father killing someone, her father had already paraded Lord Arryn's body in King's Landing. But no, he died peacefully. Something her father would not do.

But the queen smiled, “Of course, as you said he didn't intend to be the Hand, he remains honorable and an ally to the crown.”

Cersei felt her eye twitch. The queen was implying her father killed Lord Arryn. 

Cersei felt her cheekbones ache while she was forced to turn up the corner of her lips. “As I said, Lord Lannister intends to remain in the West.”

The queen still gave her a slight smile, one that any woman knew was empty, “Of course. He is. He shall.”

“If we follow the rules of succession, the son of Lord Arryn is the next person to assume his father's position,” Cersei said. Not even a question. But she was direct—implying why they have to bother her husband.

“He is only a boy,” said the queen. “A very young boy who lost his father.”

“But he can be capable if he has a mother who is sane enough to guide him,” Cersei retorted.

Cersei noticed the queen's empty smile dropped. Cersei knew she irked the queen with her statement about her sister, Lady Lysa.

The queen only became quiet but they remained in their eye contact. Tense as it was. “I must not take most of your time, Lady Stark. I hope you do consider convincing your husband to be Hand,” the queen stated.

Cersei stood up and bowed her head. “You will be the first to hear of my husband's decision after the king, Your Grace.”

She turned to head to the door when the queen suddenly said, “And the betrothal of our children, yes?”

Cersei scowled. But she gave a moment for herself to calm her nerves and forced herself to appear pleased. Facing the queen again she replied, “Of course, Your Grace.”

She only eyed the queen in front of her. Cersei wondered who brought up the accusation to her. But if the queen was so easily annoyed by the mention of her sister, Lady Lysa most probably provided the queen with the allegations. 

Leaving the room, she eyed Jaime.

“What? Dirt on my face?” Jaime asked.

“Was there a letter or a messenger sent to the queen?” she sneered at him.

“I am not particular about what you mean but one of her people entered her chamber this early morning.” 

“Hm.” She smirked out of annoyance. “I wonder if she'd still allow you to guard her.”

“What do you mean?”

She didn't want to inform him of any of it. So she found an excuse, “You randomly allow people to enter.”

“They said it was important.” He muttered.

She rolled her eyes, “I do not care. I shall leave you to your post.”

Cersei walked away without looking back. She was furious, muttering curses under her breath. The queen was a Tully. Family. Duty. Honor. 

Her family was her priority, mostly her children. Her duty, she was queen. If it meant sacrificing anything important to fulfill her honor, she would. 

But Cersei was a Lannister. She would do anything to protect her family and her pride. And despite her being married to a Stark, she was still called upon by the queen. The accusation was heavy. And everyone in her family was here. Her siblings. Her children. Although she knew the queen was incapable of creating harm, the queen was using Eddard and Joanna as her pawns to take control. 

Recognizing how weak the queen was hiding secrets, it was foolish of her to confront Cersei. 

Returning to the girls, she observed the young ones focused heavily on their work while Cersei only stitched difficult patterns now that her mind was busy. 

The queen did not directly accuse her but implications were there. 

So she continued to stab the linen, her hands were always delicate in working with the needle but now she was harsh and aggressive with it.

—

Cersei and Eddard were in his chamber at the deep night. The room was cold. But their discussion made everything warm. “Your father is indeed an evil man but I know if he did kill Lord Arryn, he would announce it to the whole continent,” Eddard said. He was pacing the room back and forth while Cersei sat on the edge of the bed observing her husband. 

Running his hand through his hair, “Like he once did with the—” Cersei immediately cut him off by reaching out to his hand. She knew what he meant. 

“You do not need to recall those memories again,” she said gently. Cersei was deeply aware that the image of the death of Princess Elia and the children traumatized him. 

“Your father is too proud of himself that he'd let the world know he removed the Hand from his position and immediately replaced him. And would have let you and your brothers know about it. But where he is now, he's spending his summers in the West.”

They were quiet, only staring at each other—as if they were looking for answers. “I must head to the South, investigate this further, and clear your name,” he declared.

She frowned, “Clear my name? I am a Stark now.”

“Yet she called for you, despite your brother belonging to the Kingsguard or Tyrion wandering around Winterfell. It is compelling that she still sought your presence about it. As long as I have Robert's trust and we follow what they want, they’ll never make further suspicions about you and your family.”

Cersei stood up in protest, “No, you will never leave. Once you arrive in King's Landing, you will be vulnerable too.”

“But Robert wanted me enough to be his Hand, if we have his word and I am in his court, no one can harm me.”

“Lord Arryn was the Hand of the King when he died! You cannot be so foolish to ride to the South.” Cersei pleaded.

“But no one will investigate his death, no one will prove it was not the Lannisters behind it. I am only considering this because you are my wife, damn with your father’s name or justice. But the queen called you, she must be suspicious of you.” He sighed, “I shall be with Robert, accept the position, and bring Joanna with me.”

Cersei glowered, “You do not dare!”

“Cersei,” he tried to assure her.

“No! You allow our daughter to wed despite the queen’s suspicions to me and my family.”

“I will not let her marry, I will bring her with me so she'll learn the court there.”

Cersei’s eyes already welled with tears, “She can learn from me! Do not take her away from me.”

She was angry with him, for not standing by his choice. She did not care if the queen was suspicious of her, the royal family would leave anyway. She could write to her father and tell him about the accusations from the Arryns.

“Tyrion-” her husband started to speak.

Pushing his chest away from her, “That dwarf will never be my daughter's guardian!”

“But he did well with you,” he reasoned.

Yes, he did. Fifteen years ago during the tourney.

“You are not traveling South to join a tourney. That was a different time. Joanna is different from me. She might not handle her uncle.”

“She can have Arya,” he plainly suggested.

“Arya?! Not my little girl too, you are doing too much! Might as well bring the twins, Rickon! The boys! Everyone!” Cersei grabbed his tunic and gripped it tight. Glaring at him but Eddard only looked at her calmly.

“Robb must never leave Winterfell. You must stay here with the other children and he'll act as the lord while I am not here,” he assured her. He held Cersei's shoulders. “You are safer here.”

“My girls, do not bring them. I could not.” Cersei felt her chest tighten. She could not breathe, her eyes blurred with her tears. “Especially Joanna, she's young. Eddard, please.” Her hands that gripped his clothes tightly slightly loosened.

She felt weak in her knees as she fell to the ground. Eddard knelt to hold her. Crying on the crook of his neck, she mumbled, “You promised me.”

His hand soothed her, “I will ride with the king. No one suspects me. It is you who should be staying here.”

She shook her head, “No. Do not leave us.”

Eddard held her face, “I have to. Someone must investigate the truth. You are protected here.”

“And you?!” She snapped. Standing up, she looked down at him and angrily said, “You are not protected there. Nor our daughters if you bring them there with you.”

Eddard stood up, his jaw clenched. “And if we defy them?”

“You have the final say. Do not tell me you are so willing to surrender over a false accusation,” she answered.

He stayed quiet. “Benjen also spoke to me regarding Jon. I rejected the idea but now I am thinking it is better for Jon to be at the Wall.”

Cersei stepped back and gave a chagrined smile, “Why?”

“No one can touch Jon there. Robert’s words alarmed me, he is still determined to eliminate all of them.”

“He is our son, none of him looks—” Cersei stopped. “Alright.” She surrendered. If it would protect everyone, if that meant parting from her, then she'd allow it.

Eddard breathed deeply and tried to say something but Cersei already pointed at the door, “Out.”

Her husband froze and she only got annoyed. “Tell your plans to the children, I will continue to please the king and queen for everyone’s safety, allowing you to leave with them but Joanna will not be a part of it.”

Eddard nodded, “Shall I sleep in your chamber then? If you intend to stay here.” 

Glaring at him, “You leave in a fortnight, might as well we get used to not being in each other's presence anymore.”

“Cersei,” he exasperatedly called out.

“Go.” She said coldly, not looking at him. She froze in her place until she heard him leave and close the door.

—

“Robb bring this along, your father might need it,” Cersei said gently while her son was preparing for the last hunt. “Your uncle Tyrion will be coming along if you need company.”

“We have the prince come with us, mother.” Robb said.

Cersei pursed her lips, “Is he kind? Is he like his father?”

Robb smiled, “He is like the king, he has high interests in the hunts, skilled in fights too. We had a spar a few days ago supervised by Ser Rodrik.”

She sighed, “But friendly? Not hostile?” 

Robb only shook his head, “Mother, you do not have to worry. He is kind.”

Cersei only observed him. “Very well then, you all have fun. Tell your father to be safe.” She smiled warmly at him and placed a kiss on his forehead. “You have grown. Quite too quick.”

Robb laughed. “I am still your son, mama.”

“How do you feel about Jon joining your uncle in the Wall?” she asked him with worry.

His smile dropped, “He wanted to do it. I tried to sway him but he reasoned it was his best assistance to our House.”

Cersei only nodded but never added anything on the topic. She sighed and hooked her arm to her son, “You join your father now.” 

They walked to the few men who would join the king to hunt. She saw Eddard only looking at her. He gave her a small smile but she gave him a nod. Robb noticed the tension between his parents. He held his mother's hand and dropped it gently, “I hope you and father reconcile to whatever it is bothering you both, mother.”

“It is none of your worries now,” she forced herself to smile. Her look was only distressed. 

She observed the children also bidding farewell, telling them to enjoy the hunt. Robb was ruffling his dire wolf, Grey Wind. Her other children were playing with the other royal children and were guarded by her twin brother. 

Cersei then walked to Jon, “Has father spoken to you?”

Jon beamed, “Yes mother. He permitted me.” He paused momentarily, “But he said you allowed it after his efforts of convincing you.”

She pressed her lips together tight. “I am not fully convinced yet.”

His shoulders slumped. 

“Unless you do not find your Uncle Tyrion's presence a nuisance?” Cersei said. She did not fully trust her brother but it was him who knew about Jon's plans. And was probably ‘nice’ enough to inform Cersei about it.

Her son grinned, “No, I do not. I think I do like it when he is with me.” He was Tyrion’s favorite after all. “I will bring Ghost along.”

She laughed a bit, “Only your brother, Rickon, will have no more company to read in the library. His uncle was feeding him with too many books. But I don't have to fret, I am not familiar with the Wall but you will have your two uncles with you.” 

“Thank you, mother.” Jon beamed again. 

Cersei touched her son's cheek. Sending Tyrion away would also make their house safe, with the suspicions these foolish and daring people made, they would grasp the chance to harm any people holding the Lannister name. It would only make them vulnerable. And Cersei could not stand vulnerability, it would only make them weak. 

She loved the North, despite the ruggedness and the cold. Winterfell made it intimidating for anyone. Her children raised their dire wolves. They grew to be majestic and huge, enough to protect them. They were fiercely loyal. And if only she could raise lions in here, she would. But her children were lions in blood, they were ferocious in their own way. 

We were not weak. Winterfell would remain unwavering. It was Eddard's. Eddard was mine. The North was mine. One day it would be her son's. 

—

It was the night before the party of the royal family would leave. Cersei was tucking little Lyanna, “Have you said your farewells to your father?” 

The little girl nodded. Cersei smiled and kissed her goodnight. “He is to leave early tomorrow, you might not catch him. Do not worry, he will visit you again tonight.” Me too. I hope. 

Cersei sat up after seeing the little girl flutter her eyes closed. She kissed Arya and Joanna's forehead and told them they could be early tomorrow to oversee the king’s entourage before they left. 

“I would, I have to bid my goodbyes to the princes and princesses!” Arya gleefully said as she lay down on her bed.

Cersei chuckled softly, “Shhh, your youngest sister is sleeping. Rest up now.” She blew the candles and the room dimmed except for the small fire in the hearth. 

Joanna was still sitting on her bed. Cersei walked across the room and sat beside her daughter, “What is wrong, my sweet?” She whispered.

“Father said he could not bring me along until you allow it.” She said silently. “And if he does know the prince better in character, he might consider the arrangement.”

Cersei sighed. “It will be alright. Robb says the prince was kind to him. Your father will have enough time to assess his decision and then he'll write to us. Do not worry. Do you really like him?”

Joanna smiled at her and shook her head. The queen could wait for as long as she could. She did not care. Cersei only embraced her daughter and kissed her cheek. 

“Good night, no worries, for now, my child.” She said gently.

Child. Joanna was still a child. Not flowered. Not mature enough. 

Cersei was in her chamber, she felt overwhelmed. She did want to write to her father, asking for aid. Regarding the accusations, she ought to let her father know. Yet, Eddard told her she must remain quiet about it. She wanted to defy but her husband was right. 

Her husband was about to leave tomorrow. And they have not spoken for days since the night he changed his plans and decided to accept the position as Hand. She felt her gut twist, Eddard was too honorable. And she reminded him that his honor always led him to further trouble. Except for Jon. That child was never a nuisance. Jon and Eddard would leave Winterfell and she could not stand it. Separation.

Cersei was curled up in her bed, holding the thick blankets close to her lips. She wanted to cry but she held it in. She raised the blankets to cover her head and block her thoughts.

A knock came through. She waited for someone to speak. It was silent. Kicking the blankets away, “What is it?” Cersei called out impatiently. “It is late at night!” 

“It's me.” Her husband's low voice mumbled.

She rose from her bed, grabbed a robe, and wore indoor slippers. A scowl formed on her face, opening the door and her eyes landed on her husband standing there. Her frown faded and turned into worry. “Eddard, what is wrong?”

“You always call me, Ned.” He said softly.

She side-eyed him. “Ned, the night is deep. You need to be in good condition tomorrow when you leave.”

He only shook his head, protesting. In his many experiences in war or battle, travel was just an easy feat. “I have not felt you in my hold for days now, I am leaving tomorrow. Can I at least sleep here?” He looked at her, his eyes were sincere, warm, and gentle. Cersei wanted to push him away. What of it? He'll leave anyway.

Cersei could not resist, so she held his hand leading her to the room, “Come. Enter.” 

Eddard smiled warmly at her but she only looked anguished. 

“Stop smiling like you really want to leave,” she said softly, her voice cracked and she could feel her tears round-up in her eyes. Her lower lip quivered. Separation was always her greatest fear.

He dropped his smile immediately, “It is only I am happy that you allowed me to retire here for the night.” 

“When will I ever see you again? Our twins are only turning seven. You were only starting to teach little Brandon to use a sword.” Cersei bawled, the last time she did was her talk with Eddard. Her days after that were just her bottling up her emotions. Her days were spent avoiding him while she portrayed an impression to avoid the growing suspicion of the queen. Her nights were spent forcing herself to sleep, drinking enough wine to avoid her nightmares visiting.

She was crying all her fears and desolation out. And Eddard allowed her. “You do not have to do this. Father can do it. He'll care, just for the sake of me and the children.”

He only shook his head, “No.” He held her tight, knowing he could never do it again for a long time, “Your father can do any damn thing he must to protect his house but I have to be there with the king before the real threat would reach him. And to avoid further speculations of you.”

Cersei pulled back and spat, “Your honor will be your death.” 

He only looked at her, he was used to her saying it. 

“But I will never allow that to happen. Once they try to defy you or even make a threat to you or the children, I would do much worse.” She sounded angry now. 

“I will kill anyone for you, for our children,  anyone who gets in my way I’ll harm,” she snarled. “My willingness to sin again in exchange for your lives is palpable.”

Eddard nodded and smiled slightly, “And I will too. With my own bare hands, I’ll kill anyone who dares touch their hands on you.” He brushed her hair, observing her gleaming green eyes. He wiped her tears away and remembered the Cersei he left once in the West when Lord Lannister rejected him. But he promised her once of his return. And he'll promise again.

“I will return to you, to our family, to Winterfell. I belong to you and the North,” he assured her.

She sneered, “With no bastards, I hope! And if any whore makes way to your bed, she will never see the light of day. And you! Including you!” She glared at him and her finger stabbed his chest.

He chuckled and it only annoyed her more. “Come here, already so wearisome.” He pressed his lips on her forehead. “I will only long for you when I am there. It will be warm there, I will miss the cold.”

“It will be cold here, the steam of these walls is not enough, no one will make it warm,” she said softly. Almost every night, she was with her husband. They slept together, she was used to his warmth and touch.

“Let's make it warm for tonight,” he whispered in her ear. 

Cersei nodded, their breaths mingled. Warm. Familiar. And she only ached for his touch, “Do not make me wait,” she whispered.

Eddard captured her lips and groaned out of pleasure. As he hungrily devoured her mouth she was left breathless and she allowed him to relish her the whole night before they would part.

Chapter Text

CERSEI

It was busy again in Winterfell after a week of the king’s party departed, the castle was flocking with knights, men, servants, and people that Cersei found so vexing. They were all equipped before they would leave for the Wall. Cersei was with her younger brother watching the men load their items. “My son,” she spoke. Her voice was shaking slightly, and her eyes, watery, were piercing at the view of the busy members of the Night’s Watch. “That imbecile of a king had called Jon a bastard loud enough for the boys to hear. And now look at what he has done,” she angrily muttered. 

“Jon is grown, his father and uncle permitted him. You do not have to be so anxious about it,” said Tyrion. 

Her head snapped in his direction, “It is only seven days since I witnessed my husband leave. I comforted all my children when they cried for Ned when he rode out with the king. Yet, no one was there for me. All I had was Ned every time I cried. Now, my son is leaving Winterfell and I have no one with me—again.” Cersei said coldly and her eyes were empty out of anguish.

Tyrion looked up at her, he saw this expression once before. It was when their father did not allow Eddard to wed Cersei at first; when Cersei doubted herself if she deserved Eddard back in Harrenhal; and when Cersei often disassociated staring at the sea by her window. It was years ago, a very very long time, yet it was vivid for Tyrion. He witnessed it all. He tried to comfort his sister, “You have your children here.”

“The children do not need to witness the sight of their mother in despair, I could never let them worry over me. They are only children, they should be happy—always.” Cersei answered, chuckling bitterly.

“Hm,” Tyrion only nodded—not adding more to his sister’s sorrow. “I’ll keep watch over him,” he said, referring to Jon.

“I could not even dare allow myself to let you watch over him or any of my children but Ned said you did well with me back then. My husband is foolish, trusts easily, and judges people poorly. But if that gives him tranquility while he is away, I’ll allow it.” She turned to her brother, her eyes were filled with worry and grief. “And Jon particularly likes you, stay with him there, while I fulfill my duty here educating Robb.”

“You have raised Robb as the future Lord of Winterfell, and father taught the boys since they were younger too,” Tyrion assured her—hoping it gave her comfort, even a bit.

“Ever since Ned left, I prayed to the gods like I did before. I told them my debts were all paid because I needed to bargain with them once again. I prayed they would guide Robb when he leads Winterfell in the place of his father or mine,” she responded, licking her teeth as her scowl grew.

“Your place?” He asked, confused. You do not mean to follow Ned, do you?” Tyrion hissed. He looked up at her again but only read Cersei’s serious expression.

She looked at him and sneered, “Do you think I will let him be alone in the South where anyone could harm him? Arryn died in King’s Landing, and, unquestionably, he was killed. Undoubtedly, a lot of people inside and outside the court have their ambitions, and whoever had killed him might target my husband too. Ned is too prideful, he believes he is protected just because the king treats him like his brother.”

The dwarf looked up at her and his brows furrowed, “Wha- Those are heavy words, you cannot just assume that the deceased Lord Arryn was killed.”

“And what if I tell you the Arryns and even the sister-in-law of the Hand suspect us, most especially, father,” Cersei gave a disapproving look at Tyrion. “What would you do?”

“Do you mean the… queen?” 

She glared at him, What a dumb question. 

“And I suppose your husband is acting as our shield? As the king loves him, I cannot say platonically either."

She shoved him, "Hush! What are you implying?" Cersei crossed her arms and shook her head, “I have to be with my husband, I just hoped the day when Robb is capable enough to act as lord here comes close.”

“And though, I agree that Robb is intelligent, strong, and seasoned. He still needs more guidance. He is only fourteen,” the dwarf responded. “Lord Stark will be well in King’s Landing, you should remain here.”

Cersei scowled at him, “Enough.” But Tyrion continued, “Your husband is capable.”

“His honor makes him incapable, his love for duty, sometimes it saves him but I fear this time it would not,” she muttered. Cersei moved from her place, the view of the people shifting from one place to another nauseated her. “One day, I’ll write to father that I’ll need his help. Or his dreams of having any of my sons as his heir will be turned to dust.

Her brother only nodded. “Father will provide you with extensive aid. And if you do make a move, you must consult him.”

Cersei let out a tired sigh. “Ned might not be pleased with it if I confide with father. But if he is to make another half-witted decision, then I am forced to request father’s intrusion to help us.” 

“You need to clear your mind for a while, that mind of yours is thinking way ahead than it should be,” he reminded her.

Cersei only rolled her eyes and scoffed. She and the dwarf walked away from the grounds, they headed the yard where the children were playing with their dire wolves. Cersei's worries were visible.

Tyrion tried to lighten up the mood, “Before Jaime left along with the king’s entourage, I made a bet on him. I told him that I would reach The Wall and piss off at the edge of the world.” He laughed and Cersei only shoved him. She gave him a disgusted face.

“You should not speak any of those filthy words in front of my children!” She angrily hissed at him and walked away leaving him alone. He watched his sister stride away while his mouth was left open.

EDDARD

Eddard saddled on his horse together with his friend, Robert. They deviated from the king's party as per the king’s request. Eddard was sweating, a little exhausted from the travels, and now he rode along with his very sworn brother. It was dark when he left his camp after Robert called for him. They galloped miles and miles from their camp. He looked back to their tents and acknowledged that they were out of everyone’s sight. And that included the kingsguard and the other party brought by the queen.

Eddard grabbed his waterskin to replenish his thirst after he rode to keep up with Robert who doubled his speed. The king felt carefree like the younger boys they were when the late Lord Arryn fostered them. He did want to return to the days when they were only boys. Days were longer as he was unburdened from responsibilities, but their lives were different now. One was a king and one was a lord. 

They exchanged a few words but most of it was Robert's rage and Eddard's patience.

“The Kingsguard is a nuisance when I pursue to ride out far and fast. My son often rides with me and my wife insists on bringing these knights along. But when I am with you alone, it is bringing me back to our younger lives,” the king huffed. He patted Eddard's shoulder and grinned at him.

Eddard looked back again at the Kingsguard who looked miniscule from his view. It's a wonder how the queen still allowed Ser Jaime to accompany Robert after her speculations. “Your Kingsguard. Do you and the queen trust them all fully? Like Ser Jaime?”

The king squinted at him, studying Eddard’s doubts. He answered, “All the Sworn Brothers are so bloody good at their duty. Ser Jaime, I trust him the most, his house and sword made me sit on the Iron Throne.”

Eddard nodded, “Hm. When I arrived in King's Landing, the Lannisters already sacked the city, I rode to the throne room. And saw the sight of my brother-in-law, holding his bloody sword. The king was lying lifeless on the edge of the Iron Throne. He even dared to call me ‘brother’.” Eddard held the reins tight out of his outrage.

Robert snapped his head at him and he looked utterly confused, “Is not that supposed to be good? Somebody has to end the Mad King's life!” 

“The Lannisters-” 

“The same house who weakened the remaining Targaryens in King's Landing and helped us to have our victory! The same house you married into!” The king bellowed. Eddard did not flinch, he was used to it, unlike any squires or cupbearers who would be quivering if they heard Robert's voice.

“They,” Eddard corrected him patiently, “married into my house. In any way, I do not favor what Lord Lannister has done to those children. He willingly savagely ruined King's Landing while my wife at the North was struggling to carry my child. That irony and cruelty, I could not stand behind.”

“Why does it sound like you do not trust your wife's house?” Robert pointed.

Eddard sighed and muttered a curse under his breath, “I do not place my mistrust on them. I did not only anticipate that the Warden of the West had to make an act of treason to the Mad King and then twisted it to swear his allegiance to you.”

“The Lannisters have already sworn their allegiance when you married the girl! It is expected that they will side with us, the decision to have the gates opened was on Aerys' foolishness and desperation! Lord Lannister is the next man I would trust after you. If you kept your foot on the ground and did not accept the honor to be my Hand, I would be forced to ride to the West.”

Eddard only shook his head. It was good enough of a sacrifice he made to be the Hand of the King. If it were Robert who rode to the West and the old lion accepted it, then the Lannisters would be heavily implied they did kill Lord Arryn. 

“You could have made the young boy of Arryn to be the Warden of the East,” Eddard noted.

“I named Ser Jaime as one and he will do fine. For an honored family man, you do not seem familiar with your wife's family,” Robert remarked.

“You might be mistaken, Your Grace. I only meant good for our late foster father, his son should inherit the Vale.” 

“Would not that be better for you? The Lannisters holding the West and East, and you of the North. Stronger allies for us,” Robert pointed out. 

“Why would you place the heir of Lord Lannister in the East?” Eddard retaliated. 

Robert proudly explained, “When the day comes, the youngest Lannister will be the heir of the Rock then Jaime is for the East. For now, Ser Jaime will remain as my knight while the son of Lady Lysa is still young, he will be the Warden of Vale.” 

Eddard scoffed and shook his head, “Lady Stark would think of what you said as a jest. There's no possibility in this world that their lord father would name Tyrion his heir. He often prides his grandsons—my sons.”

“Ah, the dwarf,” the king said. “You sent him off the Wall with your bastard.”

Eddard had no other choice, the boy was persistent, and it was only meant to protect him.

Robert continued, “The boy’s mama must be so beautiful then, you could not let go of the kid when you could have just left him with the mother during the war. She warmed your bed enough for an hour or two, you must have forgotten you were married!”

Eddard clenched his jaw. He did not dishonor Cersei. But of course, he would be a fool to think that way when he had to name Jon a bastard for the child’s sake. It was only out of Cersei's love for Lyanna that she decided to name the boy hers—even if it cost her the reputation she always preserved. 

“Who's the lowly girl that mothered your bastard? I kept thinking of any woman you took amidst the war,” the king asked.

“His mother is no common woman, his mother is Cersei.” He resolved. His friend has started to irk his nerves. Gods, I need Cersei. 

Years ago, he let Cersei travel to Winterfell while she was newly pregnant and he waged war down the South. And now, he left her again with his number of children who all wailed when he mounted his horse before leaving his home. 

“You know what I mean,” Robert urged.

Eddard looked at him, and he frowned. “I have long forgotten about her. I only recognize Cersei as his mother.”

“You have left a litter of pups to your wife, why did not you bring her along? And your daughter, who would be my son's future bride?” 

“Cersei preferred the North, she could not leave our eldest alone. There must always be a wolf in Winterfell.” Eddard sighed, and a mist formed. “My daughter, Joanna, as I said often, is still young. The day will come when she is grown enough to marry the prince. And also when the prince is mature enough to lead the continent.”

Eddard's concerns were about the prince's indulgence in his privilege of hunting with his father and meeting other people, probably girls. The prince took a lot of his qualities from his father, Eddard prayed the prince could the least inherit his parents’ capability in leading.

“This is our way to unite our houses, imagine a crowned stag wed a dire wolf born from a lion. That will stabilize the realm,” Robert enthused, chuckling.

Eddard was quiet. He listened to the birds fluttering around and the sound of the ground while their horses strode. The trees heard all of their talk and now they would leave every word they spoke here.

Robert broke the silence, “As we are speaking now of unity and marriage, the Targaryen daughter married a Dothraki leader.”

He side-eyed the king and before he could ask, Robert handed him a parchment—a letter. 

“Varys made use of that Mormont, he served as Varys' eyes outside Westeros. Particularly the Targaryen children,” Robert said coldly. 

“I remember that man very well. Jorah Mormont only tainted the North's honor,” he mumbled. “So he is your spy now?”

“If it is necessary to protect the realm, yes,” the king nodded. Looking away with anger in his eyes. “I will eliminate them if I have to!”

Eddard contemplated again. Robert's wrath was incomparable to any, especially to the Targaryens. Robert's insides were full of anger, hate, and anguish. Eddard recalled the day when his father-in-law proudly ‘gifted’ Robert the corpses of Rhaegar's family. And he could not bring himself to create different excuses for Tywin's act and Robert's dismissal. 

Heavens, the accusation to the Lannisters was foolish, a proud man like Tywin would have paraded Jon Arryn's corpse already and had installed himself stealthily on the council if he did intend to become Hand again. Yet here Eddard was, accepting Robert's offer as his Hand to investigate Arryn's death and to protect Cersei. Damn the other Lannisters, they can take care of themselves. He already did them enough favors.

“Your Grace, you are indeed a warrior with a great number of victors but I know you enough you would not shed the blood of these children.” Eddard lied. His friend, Robert, could be barbaric. He knew that it was just his denial whispering in his ear to doubt the possibility of his friend’s character.

“I will exhaust everything I can to use his knowledge to ensure the Targaryens will never reproduce!” Robert growled. “If they bear more of their dragon blood, in the future they will usurp my throne, my children's place!”

“We can further protect your position without needing to repeat Lord Lannister's cruel and savage methods,” Eddard assured him. “Your children will be safe.” 

Robert suddenly pointed at Eddard, “You! You must allow your daughter to wed my son soon enough! That must strengthen my place! It is one of the many reasons that I placed Ser Jaime as Warden of the East. The sickly good boy Robin could not manage to protect me.”

Eddard could not even say anything, if he responded that Lady Lysa could act as regent of the East, the king would only call him a fool for trusting a woman who had lost her sanity. 

“It must have slipped your mind how the Targaryens are always mad and barbarous! Remember what they did to your sister, to my betrothed! Lyanna must have suffered too much! I could only dream every night of killing that bastard of a prince!” Robert shouted angrily. 

Eddard sighed, “Your Grace.” He swallowed his pride, “Lyanna is resting peacefully after you avenged her life.”

Robert became quiet after that. “Come, Ned. We must return.” The king beamed as he rode again towards their camp. Eddard only stared at the horse carrying the king back. He thought of how Cersei was right again. This was dangerous. The more he stared at Robert's back, he realized how his friend had not changed his rage but simultaneously, he had become a stranger to Eddard. 

“I should have stayed at Winterfell.”

CERSEI 

“Benjen,” Cersei called for her brother-in-law. She was on the grounds, crossing her arms, and not a smile on her face, she said, “Please, do watch over Jon.”

Benjen only nodded, lifting one end of his mouth into a small smile. “Will do. You got my word, Lady Stark. It's also to my knowledge your brother will also be with us, I am glad to have more company.”

“The dwarf has his own objectives that I do not understand but this time if he can help by acting as Jon's guardian, then so be it,” Cersei responded. 

The imp could do anything he liked, I do not care for the life of me.

“You have no worries, my lady. Your son and brother will have the best of their time.” He said curtly. Cersei's brother-in-law was only a boy when she met him in Harrenhal. He was often with his Lyanna or with Brandon. Anyone he could find. He was playful and whimsical but after the deaths of Lord Rickard, Brandon, and Lyanna, he changed into a quiet lad.

“Very well,” Cersei said and turned away to find her son. They were not particularly close, Benjen has moved to the Wall and spent his life there but when they look at each other, they only remembered the happiest days they shared when they were children back in Harrenhal and their memory of Lyanna.

“By the way, my lady.” Benjen started to speak. He did not wait for Cersei to face him, “My brother… He…” He hesitated to speak. 

“What of my husband?” Cersei turned her head and a frown formed on her face. It was out of worry, anger, and longing. She was getting impatient while Benjen was looking for the right words to form.

Benjen only stared at her. He was only young when he met Cersei back in Harrenhal. And he knew how his older siblings were fond of her. Inside, he felt guilty of partaking in Lyanna's abduction. He remembered the night his sister talked to him in the halls about how she found Prince Rhaegar charming. And how he saw from afar her brother with Cersei approaching. 

His sister-in-law was growing fretful so he responded, “He must never reach South. The wolves have never made out alive from there. My brother. My father. And one prince took away our sister.”

Cersei put her guard down and stared at the ground. The horse's noises and snorts only annoyed her more. Benjen tried to calm him down. He was not waiting for her answer but she raised her head and said confidently, “Your brother will return alive.”

She would make sure of it.

Benjen only nodded at her but he doubted it. It was his troubled traumatizing youth and the carried guilt that made him fear the South. 

Cersei left him alone, seeing him continue his preparations. She strode along the different rooms to look for Jon. Until she found him talking with Arya, she stopped making any noise and eavesdropped. 

“Needle,” they both said. One a happy tone from Arya, and a melancholic one from Jon. Cersei only looked at her children embracing each other. The two were always the closest, Arya idolized her brother ever since. 

“I hope I also have a gift from my son,” she said gently. The two were surprised by their mother's presence. Cersei noticed a smallsword on Arya's hand. 

“Mother, look what Jon gave me!” Arya rushed to Cersei, carefully waving the sword to her. “It's ‘Needle’, I can do my needlework on the grounds and Joanna will keep her needlework with her linens!”

Cersei’s mouth dropped in amusement, “You must be careful with it. And while your father is not here, you can have Robb and Ser Rodrik teach you.” She held Arya's chin, “Go now.”

Arya dashed out of the room while Cersei and Jon observed her leave. 

“Mother, forgive me. I have not asked Mikken to wield a sword for you,” Jon jested. “You have Robb and the rest of the other men to protect you here.” 

Cersei looked at him with worry, her lips tightened. “It is not my safety here that you should worry. You must obey and listen to your Uncle Ben, he has enough experience in the Wall.”

Jon nodded, “I hope you are not disappointed with my choice to join.” 

She was disappointed at the circumstances, not at her son. Their choices were little to none, and it disheartened her to hear from her husband that Wall was the safest choice for Jon. Just a boy of ten and four.

Cersei shook her head, “I am not. I am proud of you, however, I only fear for your well-being now that you will be separated from your siblings.”

“I told Robb the day we reunite, I will be wearing all full black. I shall hope to say the same to you mother. The next I see is you will be with father here,” Jon uttered. His smile grew more and more. Cersei only nodded, preventing her tears from falling.

“And also mother, Uncle Jaime said something… about the Night's Watch,” Jon hesitated to say.

Cersei's head tilted and her face contorted, “What did he say this time?” She was annoyed by how he would never speak to Jon as his nephew, referring to him often as a bastard. Cersei wanted to slap her brother but unfortunately, he was on his travels to King's Landing. May her husband do it for her.

“It was more of him implying I might regret joining the Night's Watch. I understand it is a lifetime oath, the same way he was in the Kingsguard but-” 

“Your uncle only thought of it as him also lamenting he was knighted. He is forever committed to the King and Queen,” Cersei stated. “He is tied to them despite betraying the Mad King, fortunate of him to be not uncloaked. That goes similarly to the Night's Watch, the other members of the are not honorable. Your Uncle Ben is only the dignified one, and now they will have you. You are loyal.”

Jon offered her a slight smile and nodded. 

She only scrunched up her brows and held her son. “You will be alright,” she said gently and planted a kiss on her son's cheek. 

—

A moon and days later, Cersei received word from her husband that they would almost reach King's Landing. It was a long wait, she was in her drawing room. Lying on her chaise by the hearth, she read the letter. Cersei dropped her hand and stared at the seashells fixated on a small table, from the corner of the room. She missed the warmth and the summers in the South. 

No.

Cersei longed for the person in the South who gave her warmth. Sitting up slowly, she gently grabbed her cup of tea. It was steaming, freshly boiled, and aromatic. She did not sip it carefully, drinking the tea quick enough that she felt it burn her tongue and throat. 

Not warm enough.

She skipped wine tonight, which was a first in a while. And perhaps she should since her moon blood did not come to visit her. She felt a sudden twinge in her chest. Though her foundation was well-preserved, to have a child form inside her while her husband was away and their house was in a complicated circumstance, would be dangerous for her and the babe. 

If her speculations were true, then they must have conceived it the night before her husband journeyed away. Cersei did not want to raise her hopes, so she went to Maester Luwin on a very deep night. Carrying an oil lamp, Cersei walked silently from her drawing room to the maester's workplace. She clutched her thick robe while her long golden locks were left unbraided. One servant mistook her for a ghost even. It was deep at night and everyone was expected to be drifting off to their nights of sleep.

She knocked on the maester's door before opening the thick door. The maester was reading a book, continuing to study. He looked up at her in confusion, “My lady?”

Cersei closed the door gently before she started to speak. “Maester, I have a hunch that another wolf is forming,” she said gently. She held her still flat stomach, worry crossed her face. It has been a while since she had the twins. And like the maester once reminded her, she was blessed to have many children and she must be patient before having another one. Surely, the seven-year wait was more than just patience. Yet, she felt uneasy. It frightened her. She and Eddard once discussed having children but they both decided it was not the perfect time to have another when they were content with having seven.

The maester examined her and before he could answer, Cersei urged him. “No one must know, not when my husband is away,” her voice sounded so low. Her eyes pleaded, only you shall know. 

A sigh of relief escaped from Cersei's lips when the maester nodded, “Of course, my lady.” He continued to examine her and instructed her similarly to her past pregnancies. It was late in the evening and the castle was quiet not until her children's dire wolves started to howl. 

Cersei glanced at the maester who gave her an affirmative look. The wolves howl when they want to pass a message to another wolf. The other wolf was in the South, the others and the one forming remained in the North. Cersei wondered if Eddard could not hear the wolves, he might at least look at the moon and think of her.

“You are indeed carrying, my lady. I will ensure this child will be safe,” the maester comforted her. “I congratulate you and the lord, my lady. The future child will have a smooth life.” Cersei trusted the maester for handling her well-being, it was most of his work that made her and the children go through childbirth in a good state. 

Cersei did not sleep the whole night. Her feelings were conflicted out of happiness and fear. The Old Nan often enjoyed herself guessing the gender of the babe by studying Cersei's food cravings. Spicy or sour. And she guessed them all correctly, even for the twins. Cersei favored both spicy and sour and Nan predicted it would be twins. She once brushed it off but to their surprise during childbirth, two babes came out of her. The pain of birthing the two, she remembered it all. But the happiness she felt when she cradled them both together made everything worth it.

Now, she was carrying another half-pup and half-lion. Cersei was in bliss. She had to find herself thicker clothes, anything that would hide her growing belly in the near future. The maid gently reminded her that she had to rest. Cersei only looked at the girl who had served her for years now. 

She softly asked, “Do you want to marry soon, girl?” 

Cersei waited patiently for an answer while she arranged her dresses and clothes. The girl shook her head when she met Lady Stark’s gaze. 

“No, my lady. I am forever tied to serve you and your children.” Cersei held her gaze at her. This girl was younger than her, she prepared her baths, assisted in dressing her, and was swift in following every Cersei's order. 

A smile formed on Cersei's lips, “That is silly, I have many left to serve me. While you must not waste your prime years with me.” 

The servant was quiet but a small smile was on her face. She assisted Cersei in sorting the clothes. Cersei looked at her again and said, “I am carrying. Only you and the maester must know.”

The girl widened her eyes in surprise and also with the flattery that the lady of Winterfell trusted her that she left herself under a mere servant's care. 

“Once my husband returns and everything has sorted out, I will find you a good man in this castle to marry you,” Cersei said gently with her sincerity. “You have served me and the family, this is my grace for your service and loyalty.”

The maid was lost for words, she stuttered not finding the right things to say. Her lady's sudden generosity astounded her. But in her years of service, the lady did not forsake them unless they dared to disobey or hurt her children. The maid had witnessed many servants who were once under the lady's harsh punishments. But it was only her and other servants who remained with their lady ever since she arrived in Winterfell. 

The maid remembered she was only a little girl, a few years younger than the lady of the North when she started to serve Cersei. From her eyes, she witnessed all of the lady's days and nights in Winterfell. She remained loyal to her and her chances of marriage went out of the window until her lady offered her one. 

Cersei noticed the girl's hesitance and silence. She only grinned at her and softly ordered, “Go light my candles now.” It was rare for her to find herself in this state of generosity but this time she owed someone something, her secrecy in carrying.

EDDARD

Eddard was in the Tower of the Hand on his very first day of arrival. The journey was arduous and tiring. The sun in King's Landing was scorching hot and he wanted to change his garments but all of his remaining belongings were still on their way to the city. And then there's this tiny steward that already annoyed Eddard. 

“Are these all the clothes you have prepared?” He complained it was hot and he was sweating and they lent him thick clothes. “Just because I live in the North does not mean the blood running in me is cold,” he reprimanded.

Gods. 

“I apologize, my lord. I will find better ones,” the steward inclined his head. The poor guy was only doing his job.

“Never mind, just see to it all my personal effects are delivered here,” Eddard said to him. “Go, leave me with my privacy. Inform the small council I will be attending.” His eyes darted to the boy who bowed his head and then left. 

He stared at the bed, it was inviting. The hours of sleep he would have after the journey would be a balm. But lest the Grand Maester already sought his attention. 

Eddard was sitting together with the small council. It was different from the North. And his wife was often with him, sometimes she'd handle everything. There were instances that the house members would directly report to Cersei, not him. He would only learn of them from his wife whenever they retired for the night. He found comfort with it, leaving North to her for the meantime while she guided Robb. Eddard hoped he could bring Cersei here. Now, he was on his own. 

He counted the members, there was the presence of the Grand Maester Pycelle who already annoyed him. Calling him for his presence right away just after his long journey. Very hospitable. Renly, Robert's younger brother, was also present. Eddard could only make out a younger Robert from Renly, the same face he often saw when they were adventuring out. 

“A poor copy, my lord,” the younger brother said flatly. 

But it was Petyr Baelish’s response that irked Eddard. He was not speaking to him but this man would always butt in, “Though the young Renly exhausts his money to spend in clothing to dress lavishly than any noble lady.” And while Renly and Baelish bantered in jest, the master of whisperers only listened. 

He was famished. Tired. Groggy. 

Cersei. Gods.

Eddard walked across the room as he settled himself at the head of the table being the Hand of the King. He scanned the group in front of him, one was missing. Renly noticed Eddard's change in expression.

“Lord Stark, my older brother, Stannis, headed to Dragonstone. We do need to make the hour of wait for him,” the young stag stated.

Eddard gave him a nod and faced the other members of the small council to wish them their good well-being. 

Baelish suddenly had to open his mouth which did not concern the continent but rather Eddard's family. “From what I have heard Lord Stark you made a huge family of your own, why leave your beautiful wife alone in the cold to raise them? King's Landing could accommodate them all well in here.”

Eddard twisted his mouth out of annoyance, but he controlled his temper. Heavens, the heat in the South was withering his patience away.

“Lady Cersei is doing fine in Winterfell, that is her home. She does not desire to be in here,” he said flatly. To his want to end the topic about his family, Eddard started to say, “I grew to understand that everyone is aware I only arrived but the urgency of this meeting, I need to know the reason.” Baelish only chuckled, he handed Eddard a parchment paper. 

Eddard sighed heavily after he read the content of the letter. The King's command was outrageous, he thought.

Renly Baratheon was the enthused one to declare the letter from the king—A Grand Tourney for the new Hand of the King. Eddard was not pleased by it. And while he continued to read the words from the king, his brows met at his confusion with the amount of money the event cost.

The members continued to argue about the tournament and the accommodations needed but Eddard only contemplated how this was all unnecessary. He pondered that the realm should not extend their funds just because he was honored to be the Hand, most especially when he accepted this only to investigate Arryn's death. He drowned in his thoughts until he heard Baelish mention the Lannisters.

“What about the Lannisters?” Eddard snapped which made them pause. “What is this debt you are all speaking about? You allowed the realm to drown in debt?”

He needed more explanation, “How much?”

“We owe millions of gold to the Tyrells, the Iron Bank, but most especially to the Lannisters,” Baelish said curtly, almost relaxed like the huge debt was of nothing to him. 

“I do not understand, the monarch before King Robert left more than enough amount of gold. Not to mention Lord Lannister saved Aerys' reign from debt, and now we are drowning more than the Mad King did,” Eddard pressed. He shook his head out of disbelief, “Lord Arryn would not have allowed this to happen.”

“Yet the King still had the control despite Lord Arryn's wisdom,” the Grand Maester remarked.

Eddard ignored it, “No matter, I will request an audience with the King. This tournament is too grand and heavy for the realm’s funds.” He stood up from his seat but Baelish grabbed his attention.

“Lord Lannister would not mind if we borrow more especially if it's for the celebration of his daughter’s husband,” Baelish remarked.

“Do not speak for my wife's family,” his tone was a bit harsh. Gods, he had to defend that dreadful man. This position of his was already grinding his patience.

They all looked at him astounded. He sighed and inclined his head before facing them again. “Forgive me, I am only tired from the journey and all this news only surprised me. Perhaps we shall gather when everyone is all in good spirits.”

He did not wait for them to answer, he licked his lips and strode to the door. He just wanted to bathe, eat, sleep, talk to his wife, and play with his children. He sighed, Cersei and his family were not here. 

Heavens, I need Cersei. I need my wife.

CERSEI

Cersei was much more attentive in handling the North, and Robb was more mature now than she imagined. Her eldest assisted her in the errands but sometimes he did it on his own. When she sent a raven to her father about Eddard accepting the King's honor of naming him as Hand, Lord Lannister sent her a letter of following Lord Stark in King's Landing in haste.

Ser Rodrik was summoned by Cersei, “Send men to bring my brother Tyrion here and inform Benjen that there is more pressure for him to keep watch on Jon.” Rodrik inclined his head, “Yes, my lady. Is it noted that I must send the fastest we could have?”

Cersei looked at him and stated, “Yes, under eighteen days my brother must be here. Urgently.”

Rodrik was about to leave when Cersei gave another command, “Also find me the fastest horses to reach King's Landing. That can accommodate my brother and I.”

“But my lady, how about Winterfell?” He faced her and his face crossed with concern.

“Robb is capable, I want you to stay here with him and guide him with the maester.” Cersei paused momentarily, “But no matter, the journey is still weeks away. I still have the time to prepare what is needed.”

Cersei further read the letter about Baelish acquiring more loans from the Lannisters for the tournament in celebration of her husband's honor of being the new Hand of the King. “Poor bastards,” she mumbled.

Her palm rubbed her belly, it was not visible and her children did not even know. When Eddard was away from her, she did not feel confident of the babe's condition that it remained hidden from anyone. Mostly when her maiden house was speculated on Arryn's death. Cersei's jaw clenched, “That Lady Lysa is full of delusion.”

And now she had to handle the Theon kid or his father would raise rebellion again when they would take advantage of Eddard's and her absence in Winterfell.

Cersei wrote to her father in exchange for her presence in King's Landing, she asked for enough amount of Lannister men to guard Winterfell further. Not mentioning the speculations from the Arryns, she highlighted it was crucial to let the realm be reminded that the North and the West were tied together. Cersei urged in the letter if her father could allow the realm to borrow their gold, then he could extend protection for Eddard and her in King's Landing and also for the children in Winterfell.

Cersei had asked Robb to speak with her that night. She held his hand and explained thoroughly the reason why his father journeyed to the South. “In a few days, I will also have to leave. It was asked by your grandfather to have me in there too. I could not bring Rodrik with me because I need him to protect you and Winterfell. He and Maester Luwin will guide you while I am not here.”

Robb looked at her with growing concern, “Mother, is everything alright? I need to know so I can make the choices that I must not regret.”

Cersei breathed heavily and said, “The Arryns, including the queen… they suspect your grandfather, me, and the Lannisters for killing the former Hand. It is known how your grandfather is ambitious and he became the Hand of Aerys.”

“That is foolish on their part to suspect the Lannisters, not when the king also asked father to be his Hand. And father is married to you. How could that-”

“Hence, I need you to never trust anyone except us. I need you to keep watch over Theon. Do not ever let him handle the North. I was called by your grandsire to meet him in King's Landing. He urged me to be with your father. You are the wolf here,” she held his hands tight. Her face was tense, full of urgency. “Promise me now.”

“I promise mother. I will be the wolf here in Winterfell and I will never entrust the North except for myself, you, and father.” Robb raised his right hand. “I would offer my blood for the North.” 

Cersei touched his cheek gently and nodded, “As I always said, you can not trust anyone who is not one of us. Your father was kind enough to accept him and foster him. But do not ever make your kindness as your weakness. He is your friend, but friends sometimes betray each other out of fealty for their name, their house.”

Robb only listened to her, he was a boy of four and ten. Eddard became Lord of Winterfell at around ten and nine. But Cersei had faith in her son, he was fortunate to be guided by the Lords of Winterfell and Casterly Rock. Perhaps, Cersei may have exaggerated her praises to her husband and father. But she always believed the North and the West were one of the regions the realm and the other regions should not mess with. Especially during the rebellion, it was the North and the West that made it possible for Robert to enjoy his throne. 

Her son absorbed her words, “I promise mother to abide by your words. My loyalty is to our house, I will protect my siblings and our home.”

Cersei could not bear to leave her children. All of them, they were only so young. But Winterfell is where they were safe. 

—

“How is my son?” Cersei asked Tyrion who looked disheveled from the hasty travel from the black. Nonetheless, he still drank his wine while his sister only sipped tea.

He squinted at her, “Since when do you love tea?” Cersei was irked that her question was answered by another question.

“Since my husband left,” she scowled at him. “Answer my question.” 

“Are you pregnant?” He asked her seriously. Cersei scowled and only rolled her eyes. Her silence was his answer.

“Jon is doing alright. He is adjusting well. Though his dire wolf attacked me after messing with him,” Tyrion chuckled.

The teacup clacked on the table. Cersei frowned at him and Tyrion was startled. She snapped, “What did you say to him?” 

“Nothing! Just dragons of Targaryens and why it fascinates me, especially when I grow to resent our family.” Tyrion protested, “And I reminded him that the Night's Watch is not the honorable act he thinks it to be, especially since it's a place for criminals and bastards.”

Cersei stood up from her chair and smacked Tyrion's head, “Dragons?” Not the dragon family, Jon must not have his interest in learning about them.

“You beast! Why do you have to remind him about it?! Jaime has mocked him already and you added more salt to the wound!” She yelled at him.

Tyrion was left aghast, “I did not mean to, the boy was just so curious why I was reading often and how it influenced your little boy, Rickon.”

Cersei pointed a finger at him, “You! You will not be allowed to read with Rickon again! 

“The boy will miss me,” he retorted.

Cersei rolled her eyes out of her impatience, “He will miss me the most.” 

“What do you mean? Are you leaving?” He asked her. The cup of wine was ignored as he walked towards his sister. Cersei handed the letter from their father to him and observed his reaction.

“You had me kidnapped from the black and traveled here in only under a week, I was nauseated, tired, and famished too just to read this letter!” He shouted but Cersei only smirked.

“Why? Aren't you known to be the best company in arduous travels?” Cersei said and laughed.

“No, King's Landing is too far away. I am tired of traveling, let me stay here in the North and serve as your children's guardians.” He pleaded but it did not work for Cersei.

She sat down again and looked at him, “I sent a raven already days ago, father is forming an army to serve Winterfell for added protection. You'd rather have your presence in the South.”

“Why?”

“So you can serve as our spy in King's Landing, you love to talk, drink, fuck women, maybe you can hear talks and whispers from people,” she answered.

He held out his hands up out of disbelief, “You are so…” He did not find the right word because his sister could not be described in one word. “You have returned to your old ways, which I like but why?”

“Oh, I am always like this. It's just that my husband always remained by my side that I did not have to exhaust myself. But he is vulnerable there, I vowed to him that I will sin again just to protect him.” Her voice was stern and desperate, she wanted the accusations to end. She wanted Eddard home.

“I see,” he sipped again his wine. “Lord Stark is Hand now leaving him vulnerable, father needed you in King's Landing, and the Arryns are accusing our house of the former Hand's death. And I have to what? Fuck women I could have? Great. My type of job on service to the Lannister House,” Tyrion noted and laughed lightly.

“It's good you fully understand,” Cersei said curtly.

“You love your family too much, what is to be expected?” Tyrion cast a glance at her. She was only staring at the window where the night was deep. “This will be the second time we journey together that you are carrying Lord Stark's child.”

“Do not tell anyone about it, I don't mind if the belly is growing, clothes can hide it.” She gave him a warning look. 

He nodded and fell silent. “So, when do we leave? How far along is the travel so I can prepare my guts?”

“Tomorrow. Fast enough that we reach under a month or less if probable” She answered shortly. Though, she knew it would be very difficult especially she was carrying.

“What?!” His palms hit the table.

Cersei only shook her head, “We have the fastest horses so we can reach the South easily.”

“Excuse me?! Fastest?” He asked angrily.

“And we will meet half of the Lannister men sent by father in travel so we are protected when we reach the South and the other half proceed to the North,” Cersei stated and stared at her brother who almost wanted to faint. He was done with traveling.

“Does your husband know?” he asked her slowly.

“And let the council be aware that the North and West are sending further protection for Eddard? No. There is one conniving individual who is wandering in the halls of King's Landing as he plots for further demise of anyone who gets in his way. And if Eddard is foolish to announce the real murderer of Jon Arryn, my husband's head will be on  a spike returning to me here.” Cersei's teeth clenched as she explained to Tyrion. 

Tyrion was quiet, absorbing everything. She continued to speak, “So you better be quiet, as my visit to King's Landing is known to be by father's urgency to use my presence as the realm's honor for loaning our gold again and also for the cause of honoring my husband a tourney.” 

“And do you believe we would catch the tourney?” Tyrion asked skeptically.

Cersei chuckled, “Oh little brother, do you think I would miss another tourney?” 

Tyrion answered and scoffed, “Of course not.” 

Cersei grinned and drank her remaining hot tea. Good.

Chapter Text

CERSEI

Cersei kissed all of her children's tears as she apologized to them for her decision. “Forgive me for doing this, it is only your old can lion, and your father needed me there,” she said, comforting and soothing all of them. Robb was only standing on the corner, observing them. He had full knowledge of his mother's plans to leave, now that it forced his mother to fetch his father. He wondered what had happened, he sensed something was wrong since the dawn of the last day of the hunts during the King's visit. 

Robb looked at his youngest siblings, the twins. They were young, and he thought of how unfortunate it was to see their parents leave. At their age, Robb and Jon have both of their mother and father together. Jon. Robb missed his brother deeply. And he knew they would meet again after a long time when everything in their lives changed.

Cersei held each of her children's faces, whispering some reminders and promises that she'd return with their father. The twins cried and wailed the hardest, Cersei broke down in tears unguarding her vulnerability. Although she did have plans to leave, she did not anticipate the urgency. 

The same morning, the maester was hesitant to allow the lady to leave Winterfell, especially as she was carrying. But Cersei assured him, “I carried five times, maester. I have my maid and my brother with me.” 

Tyrion immediately scowled at Cersei's words, he was no maester, he only read books. But the maester offered a bundle to the dwarf. Tyrion huddled the medicine and potions made by Maester Luwin on his chest. He looked at the different names labeled and it frightened him almost how his sister was making a risky trip. 

“My lady,” Ser Rodrik called out for her. “Everything is ready,” he sighed heavily. Cersei ordered him to find the fastest means of travel.

Cersei turned to him and said, “Thank you, Ser Rodrik, I trust you will protect the castle. Ensure the Lannister's arms follow your command, they'll arrive in haste.” 

“My lady, I insist I come with you until you meet the Lannisters. I could not let you travel alone with only a few of our men and your maid and brother.”

Cersei turned at Tyrion who scowled again. She snorted and faced Rodrik, “Very well. But you need to replace one of the men, I want as few people as possible. The trip must not be dragged slow by our number.”

—

To Cersei's surprise with how quick the trip was, it was days after that she was met by her lord father, who fetched her and the small party. Lord Lannister was in armor, studded with the Lannister sigil and colors. His father only gave them a disgruntled look. 

Tywin proclaimed, “You and your Northern men can return with the men I have assigned to be stationed at Winterfell. I trust they will be at your command, Ser…” 

“Ser Rodrik Cassel, my lord.”

“Ser Rodrik. Bring them to Winterfell, I will have my children now.”

Cersei scoffed, What are we? Captives? 

A small camp was set up for the Lannisters to have a respite before they continued the travel to King's Landing. Cersei was lounging while her maid massaged her legs. Cersei side-eyed her father who was glaring at her.

“Say what you need to say, father.” She said blankly. Tywin was displeased already seeing her and Tyrion when they met at Moat Cailin. While half of his men went to the North to strengthen Winterfell, the other half were with them to march to King's Landing. 

“I heard from your brother you allowed your son to join the Night's Watch. You are nothing but a fool! Why'd you let it slide?!” Her father shouted at her, and the soldiers outside could feel the lord's wrath. Cersei's maid flinched out of fear. Tyrion and Cersei only stared at each other. She sat up and urged the maid to leave them. 

“I did not allow it! Ned made the decision, I protested but it was he who allowed the boy and permitted Benjen to bring him there. My husband is foolish, yes, but he said it was to protect Jon,” she retorted. Cersei was disappointed at Eddard’s impulsive decisions but she could not help but defend him, at least.

“Protect from what and who?! No, you two are foolish!” He stood up from his seat.

Cersei could not admit it but she was indeed the fool in here. Protect from what and who?! It was no surprise her father was correct once again and her as imprudent. No one could touch the boy anyway, he was already named a Stark—looked exactly like a Stark. Not one dragon blood was visible. The children were all equal in her eyes but she placed bias in Jon’s safety. She might have been too overprotective of him. She was blinded.

Her father roared, “The king gave Jaime the East, however, a title is useless when your brother could not even enter the Vale! That Lysa Arryn made Vale inaccessible! Your husband had to tell the court that Jaime could not inherit both West and East. Foolish!”

“Father -”

“No! Do not speak or do not move without my consultation! That deranged woman of a wife of Lord Arryn already suspected us of his death, and you send your son where criminals are being sent! Lord Stark would not allow Jaime to be the Warden of the East, that leaves us vulnerable.”

Cersei became quiet, her father was right again.

“While I am alive and well, I will not allow you to add further damage!”

“I just did what I could! A fortnight before the King and Queen left Winterfell, the Queen had already expressed her suspicions to me about that damn Arryn's death. I could not send a raven to you with the risk of letting any ears and eyes know, especially when Ned told me not to-”

“I am perfectly aware, I have plenty of ears planted in King's Landing but even then, I still would like to note your weakness in discretion. How could you be a Lady of Winterfell when you do not know how to pass information with caution? Being silent gets you nowhere, hiding information from me, or making a move without my knowledge. You and Lord Stark are a foolish bunch!” Tywin pointed at her. Cersei gulped and she felt like that little girl again when her father reprimanded her. He never failed to remind her that a woman would have no place in court, politics, and war. 

Tywin turned around, his hands resting on his hips and his back facing his children, “We arrive at King's Landing and you convince him to step down and I will take his place!”

Cersei felt a bit nauseous but she forced herself to stand up abruptly, “If you take the position of Hand, that would raise the suspicions of the Queen further! That is the sole reason why Ned accepted the King’s offer, it is to stall them while he investigates.”

“Her suspicions will be mere suspicions when she has no one to back her now! The queen's brother-in-law is dead! The king mostly needs us because of our gold, the queen needed a stronger alliance for her son so she wanted the prince to wed your daughter! Her sister is back in the Vale being a lunatic, she only has her children to rely on. When I become Hand and your daughter is the future queen, she will not touch us!”

“I would not allow that! No, not ever in my life, you will have to kill me if you ship off my daughter. If the Queen believes you killed Arryn, she will mistreat my daughter.” Cersei cried out.

“Joanna will have more time to grow and spend in Winterfell and when you convince your husband to return to the North, I will replace him then I will approve the marriage.”

“No! Joanna will remain in the North! You cannot use her! Ned will not allow you to do that.”

He looked at his daughter contemptuously and sarcastically said, “If Lord Stark can send his beloved son to the Wall, he can allow his daughter to marry the prince.”

Cersei surrendered, there was no use to arguing. She needed to calm herself. Especially since she's carrying. She slowly returned to her seat and stared at the ground.

Tywin strode closer to her and Tyrion. He declared, “I sent instructions to the Lannister men, before the Arryns and the Tullys have the possibility to make a move of a war Jon will be pulled from the Night's Watch. That damnable organization is useless and has no place in your line, most especially mine.”

“But father, that is an oath for life.” Tyrion butted in. He was careful in his words, “If you can not pull Jaime out of-” 

“The Wall is different from the Kingsguard! The Kingsguard is an honor, they are cloaked for a reason. They are the finest knights of the continent, do not dare to compare them with the outcasts and criminals. That is no label for any of our family.” Tyrion only stared at his father.

“Why do I feel like I am the only one using my brain in this family?” Tywin grunted, “Those Stark brothers are nothing but bird-brained for letting the boy be there.” 

“Oh, father, please. Ned is intelligent enough,” Cersei crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Though he-”

“He keeps on making decisions that further potentially harm you and your family and my grandchildren, my heirs!” He yelled at her. Cersei only glared at the tent, avoiding eye contact from him.

“I think it is unfair to blame it on Cersei when all of us including Jaime reminded Jon that the Night's Watch is a commitment for life. Only Lord Stark had decided it. And Cersei did tell him not to take the position of Hand. She insisted to him that you must take it,” Tyrion answered calmly, trying to pacify their father's anger.

Cersei only rolled her eyes, she knew no amount of pacification would convince their father. She only cast a glare at the both of them and let them argue. She was too tired at this point.

“And was her persuasion effective?” He looked at him like Tyrion was stupid. Tyrion glowered at him and fell silent. The old lion hissed, “If it did, we would not find ourselves here.” Tywin left the tent and shouted to his men, “We are to move in haste! We must reach King's Landing as soon as we can!”

EDDARD

Varys approached Eddard while he was in the middle of working, he was making sense of the numbers needed for the tourney. Despite his protests, Robert insisted on having the tourney named after Eddard. It was a few days away and he felt anxious about balancing the funds. 

“My lord,” he said, sitting down across Eddard's table. 

Eddard did not glance up, “If there will be additional expenses, I would not entertain.” It was enough that the crown was in debt and he had to divide all the gold for the tournament's champions. This damn unnecessary tourney.

Varys sighed and pressed his mouth tight, he stayed silent for a moment. The sound of Eddard's quill grazed on the parchment. “It is not that my lord but,” he paused.

His silence and hesitance bothered Eddard, looking up at him, he said, “No more hesitations, Varys. Tell me before my patience decides to jump out of the window.” Eddard dropped his quill and leaned his back against the chair.

“The Lannisters are marching to King's Landing to attend the tourney,” Varys answered. His voice was low as if it was a secret.

Eddard only shook his head and crouched again towards the desk “That is no matter, they lent us another million of gold. Their presence is expected.”

“With the Lady Stark,” Varys interjected. The master of whisperers observed the new Hand of the King. Eddard immediately held up his gaze to him. His brows met in confusion. 

“Is Lord Lannister with her?” Tywin . He could not even muster other words now, the old lion always got on his nerves. Eddard wanted Cersei to remain in Winterfell where she was safe. 

“Yes, my lord. Their arrival is expected to be at night.” 

“Heavens,” Eddard stood up abruptly, the chair creaked and Varys had to lean back from Eddard's rashness. He was overwhelmed as he was furious at Lord Lannister but also thrilled to see Cersei again. “Damn it, where will they reside?” He asked apprehensively. 

Varys stood and inclined his head, “I will have it handled, my lord.” Eddard wondered if he could trust the master of whisperers. 

Eddard walked to his window and turned his head at Varys, “Be with Ser Jory to accommodate them. Have you heard the reason why Lord Lannister brought my wife here?”

“I have only heard from my little birds that Lord Lannister desires to have the presence of his daughter in your grand tournament,” he answered. It's not supposed to be grand.

Eddard had a scowl on his face and turned to gaze again outside from the window. I see, he is still using my wife to represent his house, he thought. He chewed his bottom lip while thinking deeply, “They traveled in haste, I believe. Did you hear anything about the number of men Lord Lannister is bringing?”

“It is quite… a handful, my lord,” Varys responded. Eddard frowned, he wanted to ask more questions however he knew the answers he needed would be given when the Lannisters and his wife arrived later.

“Never mind, I will speak with Lord Lannister when I have the time,” he turned his head to Varys and nodded at him to leave. 

—

The Lannister men had made their presence known very much to the proudness of Lord Lannister. He even brought some of his knights who would participate in the events. Eddard only grimaced, especially at Ser Clegane who savagely murdered Elia Martell’s children and her. He observed from the number of knights to find Cersei but she was the last to arrive with a wheelhouse adorned with the Lannister sigil.

Lord Tywin dismounted from his horse and grinned at Eddard. A grin he knew was always out of arrogance, “Lord Stark.”

Eddard inclined his head, “Lord Lannister. I expect you brought my wife with you.”

“Indeed, I have.” Lord Lannister answered. Eddard wanted to smack this old lion, he was particularly lucky he was his wife's father and the grandsire of his children. Eddard tightened his jaw.

“The crossing was in haste, I believe?” Eddard looked at Tywin who only smiled.

“The Lannisters have the fast war horses and Cersei was assisted by your maester-at-arms to use your best and fastest stallions. Do not worry about your children and your home, I sent additional men to add to your forces,” Tywin clasped his shoulder but Eddard only stared at him. Whenever Tywin did this, it annoyed him. Tywin always acted like he had the upper hand. 

“Lord Varys will see to your temporary chambers,” Eddard said as he nodded to Varys. 

The master of the whisperers was hospitable enough to the Lannisters and led them further to the Keep. Eddard rushed to the wheelhouse and commanded the knight, “Halt here.” The knight abruptly halted making Cersei bump her head on the roof of the carriage, her maid tried her best to use her hand to cover Cersei's head but to no avail.

Cersei cursed, “Who the devil-” She glanced at the window of the carriage and her eyes landed on her husband waiting outside. She tapped Tyrion’s head aggressively, “Wake up! Ned is here!”

Eddard opened the carriage door to see his wife with a huge beam on her face. “Oh, my dear. Finally, after a long time,” Cersei delightfully got out of the carriage to his arms. And his worries and anger dissipated. 

He held her face and kissed her fervently before he could even say that he missed her. “I have so many questions,” he said to her softly. He looked at her intensely, she looked beautiful but a little tired. 

She nodded and said, “I have so much to tell you and I want to rest.” 

After meeting their lips once again, he held her hand. “Come with me, we'll stay in my chambers.” 

Tyrion and Cersei's maid were left alone. “Uh, my lady. What's your name?”

The maid looked at the dwarf and smiled, “You can only call me Shae, my lord.” 

Tyrion tilted his head, observing the pretty girl in front of him, “Hm. Shall you follow your lady to assist her?”

Shae only smiled and shook her head, “I shall when it is her hour to eat but she is preoccupied with Lord Stark, I'd rather not disturb her peace. My lady yearned for her husband since he left.” 

Tyrion nodded, “I see, since you are a lady I could not leave you here. We'll follow my father's temporary chambers and I'll ask one from Lord Varys for a temporary room for you, somewhere close to my sister.

Shae stuttered and bowed her head, “That is too nice of you, my lord. I appreciate it.”

Cersei already knew the Tower of the Hand, she once stayed there when her father served King Aerys. Nothing much changed except newer furniture and some rugs. 

Eddard was supposed to ask her questions that ran in his mind but he could not resist kissing his wife again. He kissed her lips, she parted her mouth. His hand supported the back of her head as he pressed their lips deeper and their tongues met. A moan escaped from Cersei's lips, she held his tunic tight. He aggressively rushed to remove Cersei's cloak that covered her whole body. His hands roamed around her, from her neck to her breasts then down to the small of her back. 

He touched her everywhere while Cersei gasped out of pleasure. They never broke apart until his hands landed on her lower belly and he felt a little bump. 

Cersei frowned, “Why did you stop?” 

Eddard was out of words, he did not want to assume. He also did not want to say Cersei gained weight or she would ignore him again. Like she did years ago when he once mentioned it to her. So he safely asked, “Are you…”

Cersei's face suddenly lit up, her frown turned to a huge smile. “Yes,” she whispered happily. Nodding and repeatedly saying, “Yes, yes.” 

He grinned out of surprise. He planted kisses all over her face and she could only giggle. “When? How?” He asked her.

“The night before you left I presume if I count,” Cersei smirked and teased him. 

“Eight,” he said breathlessly. Out of awe. “I worry about your well-being, what did Maester Luwin say?” 

Cersei answered, “He prepared me enough medicines that I brought along with me. Do not worry.” She assured him, kissing his cheek. “But, do not let anyone know. Not even my father knows. Only you, Tyrion, the maester, and my maid Shae know.”

He nodded, “And if anyone notices?” 

Cersei shook her head, “Hopefully, no one does.” 

Eddard held her hands and kissed both of her knuckles, “Tell me everything, from the day I left and how your father brought you here.”

CERSEI

Cersei was in her husband's chamber the next morning, all of her belongings were brought to the Tower. She was dressed by Shae. Cersei wore something not tight around her belly, and she always had a shawl with her. Last night, Eddard was astounded and furious at Lord Tywin after Cersei narrated the days she had before reaching the South. 

Lady Stark strolled along the halls of the Red Keep while Shae and Tyrion were following her. She turned to her brother, “Why won't you assist my husband in the preparation for the tourney?” She was annoyed at him following her around, or maybe he was following her maid when she noticed he was looking differently at her. 

“And be a nuisance? No, thank you.” Tyrion rolled his eyes. “But I will leave you alone and find my own source of entertainment.” 

—

The tourney was boring. She didn't know if it was her symptoms or if the tourney did not really appeal to her, “Shae, let's return to my husband's Tower.”

“You're leaving early?” Tyrion protested not at Cersei but at the maid.

Cersei scowled and hissed, “Yes. Enjoy your time.” She pulled up her skirt and glanced at Shae, “Come, Shae.” 

Ser Jory stood up to escort Cersei as ordered by Eddard but she protested, “You can be with Tyrion, Ser Jory. You have to prepare for the event.”

On her way towards the Tower, she encountered Petyr Baelish. “Ah, Lady Stark.” A wimpy and short man, she would describe. 

“Hm. Baelish,” tilting her head, she studied the conniving grin on his face. The master of the coin has always loaned from the Lannisters for the crown. Perhaps, a little too much. Cersei wondered how this lowborn was able to keep a place in the King's small council. 

“It is good to see you with your companion,” Littlefinger gazed at Shae. The shy maid only bowed her head and curtsied.

Cersei pressed her lips and almost a scowl formed on her face, “She is my maid. If you want to speak with flattery and ambiguity, I am afraid you cannot. Her mouth is always sealed.”

“You look glowing as always, you uphold your reputation of being the most beautiful in the continent,” Baelish told her with a beguiling smile. Any lady would be gratified with his words. But Cersei was annoyed. It was hot and she wore thick clothes for a reason. 

Cersei was irritated, she rolled her eyes and complained, “I am leaving. You are only wasting my time.”  

“My lady,” Baelish called out.

Cersei snapped in his direction, “Speak!”

He eyed her, scrutinizing her presence. His eyes landed on her stomach. “You are with child, aren't you?”

Cersei clasped both of her hands and smirked at him. She looked at him, her eyes fiery. “My children are all in Winterfell ,” she said.

He shook his head and chuckled, “My lady, I meant-”

She side-eyed him. Lifting her chin and narrowing her eyes, “Are you saying that you kept your eyes on me throughout my stay here? You heavily studied my figure for what?”

Baelish reasoned, “I am only but a man, my lady. Anyone would lay their eyes on the beauty of Lady Stark.”

Shae looked disgusted at him. Cersei's frown grew and she slapped him on the face. “Do it again and I will have my husband pluck your eyes out,” she threatened him.

Baelish was quiet, he rubbed his jaw. “I would not dare to offend another Stark again, my lady.”

“Hm, I am glad we come to an understanding,” she smirked and gave him a slight nod before leaving. Shae trailed after checking on her.

Tyrion from the corner saw the commotion, he observed his sister with her maid walking away. He approached Baelish and squinted at him.

Baelish only looked at him, “Lord Tyrion-”

“Ah. Ah.” Tyrion silenced him as he raised his hand, “If you angered my sister, I do not wish to hear or to be a part of it.” 

Tyrion looked at him with disdain, observing Baelish who was still aching from Cersei's hit. The dwarf pursed his lips, “If there's anyone you wished to offend, it is not my sister.”

He shook his head at Baelish's stupidity and then doubled his pace to catch his sister.

In the private audience of the Tower, Cersei told Shae, “It's growing quickly, do we have looser garments here?” Cersei was rummaging from her clothes and so was Shae. 

“My lady, I remember you're still so early. Why is the babe growing very quickly?”

“The maester never mentioned anything about it,” Cersei was getting dizzy. Shae assisted her to sit and then poured her a glass of water. “It can not be twins again, oh goodness. But little Brandon and Lyanna did not grow this quick before, you remember?”

Shae nodded quickly. “Do not fret, my lady. I will loosen the stitches from all your dresses. Shall I call for the lord, my lady?”

Cersei shook her head lightly, “No, it is fine.” 

Until someone knocked on the door. “Who is it?” Shae called out.

“The Imp,” Tyrion replied. Shae turned to Cersei waiting for her permission. Cersei closed her eyes and nodded.

When Tyrion entered, Cersei immediately asked his reason for the visit. “We just left you with Ser Jory, what do you need?”

Tyrion sat on a chair across from Cersei and groaned, “I do not wish to be surrounded by them anymore. We are not young anymore, I do not enjoy such events. The best tourney remains to be Lord Whent's in Harrenhal.” He chuckled but Cersei was not amused.

“Are you calling me ‘old’?” She glared at him. “I am young and still beautiful, please. Speak for yourself.”

Tyrion scoffed, “Of course, I am speaking for myself.” He stared at her and she rested her hand on her belly. “Littlefinger offended you. Was it about the child?”

She was biting her nail and looked at him, “Littlefinger?”

Tyrion gave her a knowing look, “Petyr Baelish, that's what they call him.”

“Such a pity. What a horrible nickname,” Cersei remarked. “And yes, he asked if I was carrying as he was studying my figure.” 

Tyrion stood up from his seat and scanned the room, “Does your husband have any wine here I can grab? I’ll pay for it.” 

Cersei clenched her teeth, “My husband is here to work, not to drink his way while he rules the continent in the stead of that useless pig of a king.” 

“Speaking of the king, he was drunk again on the podium while the queen looked stoic and regal as always,” Tyrion continued to open some shelves. He seemed to realize something when he paused and turned to Cersei, “Do you know that Her Grace grew up with Littlefinger back in Riverrun?”

“I do not care who the queen's childhood friends are,” Cersei groaned. But Tyrion tilted his head and scrunched his brows at her. And Cersei responded with a grin, “Oh so they are familiar.”

“More than familiar, I presume. That includes the crazy Lady Arryn of Vale,” Tyrion said as he returned looking for a bottle of wine. 

“Hm. That must explain why he always had that different admiring look towards the Queen. I only assumed it was him currying favor. It is actually more than that,” she snorted.

Tyrion staggered on a chair, helping himself up. “Yes. He is a pathetic man, isn't he?”

Cersei stared at the horizon and shook her head lightly, “Eddard likely trusts Baelish. He's being too friendly again.”

Tyrion gave a celebratory laugh as he found a bottle, he lifted it with his short arms and asked Cersei with a huge smile on his face, “Who’s getting friendly?” He hopped off the chair and said, “Forgive me, I was too focused on this bottle.”

“My husband,” Cersei answered scowling at him. She focused on the bottle, “Lord Arryn must be drinking a lot here, that bottle is covered with thick dust. If I were you, I would not drink that.”

Tyrion was already pouring the contents on a chalice, “Why? Can't I have my belly filled with wine? You have a child, I have wine.”

Cersei grimaced at him, “Whatever, do what you want.”

Tyrion did not feel anything off at all after drinking the wine. Cersei thought to herself that she was just overthinking. 

The dwarf enjoyed the wine, “Mm. The late Hand seemed to have good taste in wine. Do you get it? Taste. ”

“Your jests are not amusing me right now,” she stated flatly. “Where is my husband?” 

“I do not know. Probably investigating and not enjoying the tourney made for him.” Tyrion still sipping from his wine made Cersei so annoyed. 

“I should write to Robb and tell him about father's instruction to retract Jon. And also a letter to each of my children,” Cersei said as she stood to sit on Eddard's desk. “Maybe to Ser Rodrik and Maester Luwin for further instructions. Actually, everyone in Winterfell. I need every word from them.”

Tyrion observed her, “You really make a good queen, I have been telling you that since.”

“I am a Lady of the North, that's equivalent to being queen,” she retorted while she wrote carefully. “Especially if we count back before Aegon's Conquest.”

“I wonder what would happen if you were finally allowed to exert your power in having your children wed across the different kingdoms,” he said as he lounged. 

Cersei looked at him and he was almost close to losing it, “You're drunk. Be careful about the words you speak. You are lucky you are only in my presence.”

“Just wondering,” Tyrion said slurring.

Cersei made a mistake in the letter, she crumpled it and aimed at Tyrion, “Keep it in your head!”

She began writing a new letter again. While writing in silence, she said softly, “I want to return to the North right away. I can not stand it here. Eddard is just too stubborn.” 

“I fear Eddard still has that unspoken tension between him and father. He could not allow father to do the job again especially given their history,” Tyrion said.

“I shall speak to him about it,” Cersei responded while she focused on writing the letters.

—

“I do not trust Baelish. He's a greedy bastard, exhausting father's gold. And he made a comment about my body today,” Cersei stated bluntly to her husband. Eddard was tired, he wanted the tourney to end. She snuggled up to him.

“What did he say?” He asked her, his hand resting on her small belly. 

Cersei gazed at his hand massaging the bump, “He asked me if I was carrying.”

Eddard pulled back to look at her, “Is it noticeable?”

“I believed it was not, with the amount of people I met today and the past days, they have not spoken about it,” she answered but with worry. “He reasoned out that he only asked because his eyes were fixated on me.”

“Fixated on-” Her husband suddenly sat up. Eddard snarled, “He better sleep with one eye open before I strangle him!” He sounded very angry and it made Cersei laugh. There was always something in his anger when it comes her that made her whirl. 

She sat up and rested her head on his shoulder, “You are here to investigate about Arryn's death and now you're planning to add more trouble.” 

“I am willing to do it without hesitation especially when it concerns you,” he retorted. He glowered and said, “He actually has the impression of being pleasant, only to turn out to be a creep.”

Cersei nodded, “He hides his intentions much because people think he is friendly. But he actually has eyes on the Queen.”

He looked at her in disbelief, “What do you mean? The Queen? Robert's wife? Queen Catelyn?”

She chuckled, “You sounded doubtful.” She lifted her head and held his chin, “I am a woman, I know when a man's gaze is menacing or admiring. He looked at me like he was conspiring against me.”

“Hm. I see,” he nodded and dropped his head. “I will pull his eyes out with my bare hand if I ever notice him staring at you again,” he insisted. 

Cersei laughed again, “I know, I would do the same or the worst.” She looked at him, “To be serious, I do not trust him. I hope you cease being too friendly and trusting to other members of the council.”

Eddard only nodded. But Cersei was persistent again, “Do not trust him. Do not tell him or anyone about your further investigation of Jon Arryn. Be subtle about it.”

He looked at her and smiled, “Thank you for the reminder.

“Have you considered what father said? Like I told you, he could handle this on his own. We should be at North,” Cersei pleaded him again.

“If your father takes this position, I might offend Robert. The queen and her sister might do the worse now that the suspected killer of Arryn is sitting in his position. And when the queen would tell Robert about her suspicions, he might do the worst of his anger. He loved that man,” he told Cersei, hoping she would understand.

But Cersei shook her head, looking at him with her eyes begging him to listen to her, “Then why is the Queen not letting the King know? What's hindering her from telling him about their suspicions?”

Eddard was quiet. Cersei soothed his arm, “You and father need to speak.” Shifting on the mattress, she sat on his lap gently and circled her arms around his neck. “I know you despise my father but–”

He groaned, “Cersei.” He did not want to hear about it again, he knew where it was leading. She would urge him again to listen to her father.

She held his face gently, “I am not saying that you must follow him, but maybe you could compromise?” Her brows furrowed and her eyes beseeched him.

She felt him relax under her. She said softly, “I understand you loathe him. I really do. But each of you leads the West and the North, with the respect you have left for him and the love you hold for me, maybe could you work together? Now that the East is suspicious to us, I do not need the both of you to have unsettled tension.”

Brushing his cheek gently, she smiled sweetly. “I need both of you to confide and this time maybe set aside the pride that you bear. For our family.”

Eddard looked at her, she possessed the same smile she would give him whenever he was angry. The same smile when she enjoyed seeing people punished for dishonoring the North too. He chuckled, his wife did know how to convince him. But he became serious again and nodded, “I will speak to him tomorrow.”

“Thank you, I will let him know,” Cersei said gently and pressed her lips on his. 

EDDARD

Eddard entered Tywin’s temporary chambers, “Lord Lannister.”

“I see my daughter has sent for you right away,” he looked at Eddard. Eddard wanted to get into the discussion right away.

“Lord Lannister, I could not step down until I found the real culprit after Jon Arryn's death.” He declared.

Tywin relaxed on his seat but his mouth twitched, “You are only treading yourself dangerously. The more you dig deeper into his death, the more you find yourself being in danger. I told my daughter-”

“I have heard all of it the first night you have arrived,”

“Hm. Good. So you both have come to an understanding.” He said and clasped his hands together, his elbows resting on the armrests.

Eddard shook his head, “No, not all of it. The only circumstance I allow is you pulling my son out of the Night's Watch, despite breaking an oath.” He noticed a satisfied smile on Tywin's face, “Cersei pleaded for it and Jon Arryn was my foster father, I have to find the real reason for his death. And to clear my wife out of the prying eyes of the Queen.”

Tywin raised his eyebrow, “That is our responsibility, though I respect and commend your determination to protect your family, I could not trust you enough that you can do it.”

“King Robert trusts me the most,” Eddard retorted.

Tywin sighed and looked at him intensely, “You are definitely aware of the history of your family here in King's Landing. Do not ever bring the same bad luck to my daughter and my grandchildren.”

Eddard's jaw clenched. His father-in-law was a difficult one. He could not confide with someone who was as blunt as this. 

Eddard reasoned, “You cannot command me, Lord Lannister.”

Tywin glared at his statement until Eddard added, “But I am willing to confide with you if you are also open to it.”

“Hm. What are you offering?”

“I still insist that Jon Arryn's son shall be the Warden of the East. But give me enough time to find the reason for Arryn's death then I will return to the North. With no hesitations, I will directly resign and recommend you to the King,” he gambled.

“There's no such enough time, Lord Stark. Either you do it now or never,” Tywin stood up while Eddard straightened his back. “Because while you investigate, I will also do it on my own.”

“Why could we not confide and do it together?” Eddard proposed.

And while Tywin got irritated working with another lord, he stayed silent and contemplated. He amended, “Tyrion will do it in my stead while I campaign and prepare for the possibility of the East surging a war. Or we might start one if they start plotting against us if you move ploddingly.”

Eddard nodded, “I will be working with your son and your daughter.”

“Cersei? Since when was she involved in war and politics?” Tywin almost mocked his daughter.

Eddard felt frustrated, “Cersei has always been involved in everything.” Eddard knew she was, her father had been using her name and presence when it was convenient for him—even her marriage to Eddard was Tywin's key to connect the West to the North.

“Once you step out as the Hand, I need you to inform me right away so I could install myself here before they try to fool the King and name that wimpy boy as Hand,” he proclaimed.

“Do you mean Petyr Baelish?”

Tywin nodded and said, “Yes. No one else fits that description.”

ROBB

Robb blocked the gates before a good number of Lannister men were allowed to enter. He received word from his grandsire about the men he sent to further protect Winterfell, and he waited too long for the Lannister men to arrive. He had all of the Stark men check individually the new knights, and it would take more than an hour to have them meticulously inspected.

“My lord, they are from your mother's house, the inspection is tedious,” Ser Rodrik noted.

Robb looked at him and pursed his lips, “No matter what house Ser Rodrik, I have always been reminded by grandsire to never trust easily despite them armored as friends or alliances. Someone might have infiltrated, especially when they continued here without the old lion.”

“Very well, my lord. They will be under your instruction.” Ser Rodrik left and had the inspection start. The Northern men flocked and made their way to the gates.

Theon once noted that Robb had become arrogant while they were growing up. Probably a Lannister thing.

He mentioned it again today. “Your condescendence knows no bounds. Why do you insist these tired and dazed knights be assessed particularly?” He said this while observing the Northern men inspect the agitated Western men.

Robb squinted at him, he said annoyingly, “Not everyone can be so trusted easily, Theon. My mother and father had left me here to watch over my family and the castle. I only remain careful. And if being condescending is required of me to protect us, then I shall continue to be.”

—

Robb held an audience with the Lannister men who claimed to have been instructed by Lord Lannister to fetch Jon at the Wall.

He declared, “Grandsire did not mention it in his letter, where did his instructions say?”

Silence was their answer. He sighed and scowled, “I fear I have no power to have that done without a written word from my father or grandsire. Stay here until I receive one. For now, stay and protect Winterfell as you were instructed.”

A maid of the children entered the hall to call Robb's attention, “My lord, your siblings-” 

Robb's head turned aggressively, “What has happened?”

When Robb reached the Keep to see Arya and Rickon fighting over Needle. Rickon was not interested in sword fighting but he suddenly got the urge to learn rather than stay in the library.

“Give me that! That is all Jon left me!” Arya shoved Rickon and made him land on the ground. 

The smallsword was sheathed which made Robb clutch his chest out of relief. But he further walked towards them and shouted, “Enough!” 

Arya was pulled by Joanna, “Come here!” Arya stuck out her tongue at Joanna while the older sister only rolled her eyes. She turned to Robb, “I will bring her to the septa.” 

Robb nodded, “Yes, make sure the septa disciplines Arya.”

“What?! That's not fair! He stole Needle,” Arya fussed under Joanna's hold but Joanna only held her hand tighter. “Let me go!”

“Arya, I saw you pushed Rickon, go with your sister.” Robb reprimanded and Arya only scowled at him. 

“And Needle?!” She protested.

“I will have it returned to you once you are done with the septa,” he promised.

Arya gave Rickon another glare until Joanna tugged her hand. “Come on, Arya.”

Robb and Rickon observed their sisters walk away. Robb approached Rickon and helped him to stand up, “Why did you steal Needle from Arya?”

Rickon was the quiet one, even little Brandon was more playful than him. Their father still taught Rickon to use a sword but he was often in the library with either their Uncle Tyrion or Maester Luwin. Today, Robb surprised him. 

“Jon is gone, Brandon is still young. I only want to learn more. Mother told us to protect each other, I could not protect you with books,” his little brother’s lips trembled and big tears came out of his eyes. 

Robb led his brother to a seat and wiped Rickon’s face, a little too aggressive than how their mother did as it made Rickon wince. “There is nothing wrong with reading, you can protect us by following our directions and staying often in the Keep. I am here to protect you all.”

Rickon nodded, only a boy of one and ten. “I want mother and father here. Why did they have to leave?”

Robb's chest clenched, he also wanted his parents to return. Even Jon—if that was a possibility. He felt tears cloud his eyes but he shook his head and smiled at Rickon. Wrapping his arm around him he soothed his weeping brother, “Rickon you have to understand that our family will always have the duty to commit to the realm. Father and mother are only doing their duty, as we do ours here. They'll return, like they promised.”

“But why did the grandsire send his knights? Are we in trouble? Or vulnerable? Is not that what it means when there are added men? We have enough men here, why did they send more if we are protected enough?” Rickon looked up at him, his eyes were red.

Robb's mouth slightly opened with shock. He thought his brother was reading too much because how could an eleven-year-old be this articulate about these circumstances? “They are only here to serve us, nothing more. Do not overthink,” Robb smiled at him. 

Rickon nodded and then handed Needle to him, “I should not have stolen this from Arya.” Robb accepted the smallsword and studied it. It's perfect for Arya but Rickon should have his own.

He ruffled Rickon's hair, “I'll have Mikken wield you a sword, something you'd like.”

—

Robb handed Needle to Arya who was with her dire wolf, Nymeria. “Rickon will come to you and apologize,” he said gently.

Arya crossed her arms and looked away. “I do not want to see him,” she said angrily. 

Robb softly unfolded Arya's arms and laid Needle on her hand, “Rickon only wanted to try your sword. But do not worry, he'll never touch yours again.”

Arya pouted and said, “Good.” 

He chuckled, “You can teach him, you know? You're good with the sword, he can learn a lot from you. You are better than I was when I was your age.”

Arya knew he was not serious, only flattering her. “Liar!” She yelled but a smile formed on her face. Robb found his sister amusing. Robb chuckled and patted her messy hair. She swatted his hand, “Stop messing my hair.” 

It was already a mess.

He leaned back on a post, “Jon and I were always partners in learning, you and Rickon are close in age, you should be learning together.” He nudged her when he did not receive a response.

Arya only nodded, “I miss Jon. I do not understand why everyone has to leave.”

“A few of the Western men told me they were commanded by grandsire to pull Jon out of the black,” Robb said as he stared at the grounds. It used to be lively with all of them playing but now it was just the number of knights guarding every corner of the castle. 

Arya glanced at him, “Really? When?” She has a wide grin on her face. “How about mother and father?”

Robb shook his head, “I do not know. We still might have to wait, do not tell anyone about it.”

“Is grandsire coming here too?” She asked.

Robb looked at her apologetically, shaking his head, “No. He is not, not this time, Arya. He has other important things to do in the South. He has his other duties.”

Arya's mouth twisted at the thought of her rising hopes, “I see.”

CERSEI

Cersei felt trapped again, her chest was tight. Her breathing got heavier, she touched her face and felt a streak of heavy tears from both of her eyes. 

She had a nightmare again that she had not experienced ever since for years. And now it frightened her. Eddard was not by her side on the bed, he was out investigating once again. 

No. It must stop. 

Cersei walked out of the room and called for Shae to bring her a lamp, but it was no need when every corner of the castle was heavily lit. Shae tried to protest to bring Cersei back to her sleep but the lady was already walking hastily from the Tower.

Cersei thought she was foolish again to wander in the castle. The last time she was in here was when she was young and her father was still Hand. On her stroll, she stumbled upon her brother who looked at her confused.

“What the heavens are you doing here late at night?” He hissed and observed her. She was tear-streaked, he thought.

Through gritted teeth, she answered, “I am looking for my husband.”

Tyrion sighed, ever since their father instructed him days ago, he and Eddard have been looking for more evidence that would deviate Arryn's death from the Lannisters. “He is on his return, only a few things to fix.”

She shook her head, “Where is he? I need to see him. Is he well?” 

“He is more than well. His head still attached to his body if I last recall,” he tried to jest.

But he did not expect Cersei to shove him aggressively, “Do not repeat what you had just said!” This was the worst time for her to hear a jest like that from Tyrion because she did see it in her nightmare. With the sight of her husband beheaded in her sleep, she could not contain her fears.

Tyrion frowned, “What is the problem? Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

Cersei then realized tears were falling on her face again. She sniffed, “It is nothing!”

“What do you mean-” Tyrion gave up reasoning out. It must have happened again. Her terrible nightmares. It would always happen at this hour of the night. He remembered it vividly, and once again he saw himself in Harrenhal drunk and dazed and Cersei was comforted by the kind Lyanna. 

“He will return in a while,” Tyrion said gently. 

“My lady, perhaps we must return?” Shae asked while she tightened Cersei's cloak. 

“No,” she said weakly. But she sat down on a chair near them, “I do not like it here. I want to return to North.” 

The three were silent until they heard heavy footsteps across the hall. They all turned their heads to the direction and saw Eddard walking.

“What happened to Cersei?” He asked with worry as his pace doubled. Tyrion and Shae could not even answer. Eddard had already helped Cersei to rise from her seat. “Let's return to our chamber.”

It was a long walk when they returned to the Tower. Cersei cried again when she begged Eddard to return to Winterfell. “Why are you so stubborn? We can no longer stay here,” she was scared, especially after her nightmare.

“Can you tell me what has happened?” He held her face and wiped her tears.

Cersei asked him, “Do you even feel safe here? I do not. I feel everyone has their eyes on me when I walk, eat, drink. I have only been here for a few weeks but I could not stand it here!” 

Eddard sighed, “Cersei, we discussed this.”

She pulled herself from his hold and stepped back, “You can not be this ignorant! This has to stop! Father will have it done and we must return.”

“To whoever mistrusts your family or me, they could not touch us, as long as I am here,” Eddard answered.

Cersei was not the one to believe any omen or signs or symbols, or whatever they may be but her nightmare was something she wanted to bury in her mind. It meant nothing. But it could be anything if they continued to stay here.

“Do you want them to have your head?” She sharply asked him.

“What?” Eddard tilted his head, his mouth open in confusion.

Cersei scowled, “Your mind is so full of this obsession to find Arryn's true reason for death when we can just let father do this on his own. If you continue this long and arduous task of yours, it will not be too late for the real culprit to discover your true intentions here until they come to terms to quickly silence you!”

Eddard was silent. He looked at the ground. Every word that came out from Cersei held the truth. 

She still was not done, she was full of it. All of Eddard's obsession with being honorable may lead him to his own death. “I have never failed to remind you every day that your brother and father's persistence cost their lives. Your inclination to be too loyal to Robert is half-witted. Your loyalty should be with me! Your children!”

Eddard reasoned, “I am! That is why I am doing this, so the suspicions of your family will cease! So they will not ask for your father's head!”

“You can not be this disagreeable! How many times do we have to remind you that father will work on it?” She yelled at him. “Our children are left under the care of our castle members! I have heard from Robb that the children are always crying, and fighting, and he has to handle it on his own! Robb also complained to me that Jon's return to Winterfell was difficult to appease as they needed word straight from you and not me or even father! Have you written a letter as I told you? No!” She exclaimed, her arms waved in disbelief.

“I am carrying your child and the longer we stay here, the more people notice!”. Eddard only listened, he was silent most of the time they argued anyway. 

“Robert sends people to harm the remaining Targaryens.” He said flatly.

Cersei was quiet and her brows scrunched, “What? How?” 

“The youngest carries a child, and Robert wanted them all dead. We argued in the council just today, hence, Tyrion and I were up late. It delayed us,” he said and twisted his mouth. “I knew he was always the wrathful and vengeful man I went to war with. But when he proposed to have a teenager, only two years older than our eldest, to be killed because she was pregnant, I lashed out at him.” 

Cersei continued to listen, she held her belly and urged him to speak again. Eddard was almost convinced every day by Cersei that they must leave but the whole meeting with the council earlier concluded it.

“I removed my badge and dropped it on his table, in front of everyone.” Licking his teeth, he ran his hands through his hair, “I am no longer his Hand, I fully stepped out of it. And his obsession with the Targaryen’s death is also similar to mine to find the truth of Arryn's death.”

Cersei clenched her teeth and scowled, “You are beating a dead horse. In one way or another, the opposing side will still pursue conflict against the Lannisters. What we need to do is return to the North and do our duty there.”

Eddard let out a sigh of regret, “And you are right, ever since Robert entered the North, I have been making reckless decisions that I have fully regretted. I miss the children and the cold. I missed you. I regret not taking care of Jon as of recently, I broke my promises to Lyanna. I also broke my promises to you. That is not what an honorable man should act as I had claimed to be.”

Cersei held his hand and pursed her lips, “We should return to Winterfell tomorrow.”

“I'll inform Jory to have everything prepared at the earliest. I will write to the North and send out the fastest raven. Our daughter will not marry Hoster, that's the final decision. They will never have to wait, including your father. I do not give a damn about who he will find to assert control but it's not our daughter,” he said.

Cersei smiled and nodded, “Lord Stark has finally returned.”

—

Cersei was offered wine the next day when the council invited them to have lunch together before the Stark entourage leave. Baelish passed the chalice to her, and Cersei could only smirk out of anger. But before she could say anything, Eddard accepted the cup and drank from it.

He looked scornfully at Baelish, “The sun is out early and you offer my wife a glass of wine.” 

Baelish only smiled and said, “My apologies. Forgive me, Lord and Lady Stark.” 

Cersei only looked away and ignored the conniving man. When Pycelle tried to reason to Eddard that he might need to speak again with the King about his decision to quit, Cersei almost screeched. Eddard was done arguing with them after he surrendered yesterday. But Cersei still wanted to speak, “Grand Maester, I assure you my husband's decision was final,” she said. Cersei snorted and scanned everyone at the table, “Weren't you all against my husband's advice to the King? Why are you so suddenly inclined to convince him not to leave?”

Pycelle swallowed his food and answered, “We only lost Lord Arryn as recently, another exit of the Hand will also trouble us in transitioning-”

“Lord Lannister is willing to take the place, he has experience in managing the continent when the Mad King was drowning in debt. And he upholds the reputation that he made the reign prosper. As of currently, the master of the coin and the rest of you also milked out our gold leaving King Robert's reign in debt again. If anyone you need to choose, it is my father who is the best candidate,” Cersei stated sharply. 

Baelish decided to speak, “King Robert only wished the good for the continent, that is why he has exhausted the funds for everyone to prosper.” He tried to convince everyone by spreading his arms out of his enthusiasm.

Cersei was not convinced and she grinned, “Lord Lannister will see to it, he has left King's Landing but his return will be immediate. As of our return to the North.”

—

“Tyrion, do not tell me you have the hots for my maid!” Cersei hissed at her brother when Tyrion tried to convince her to bring him to the North. 

He shook his head, “No, of course not! It is only I have no place in the West because our uncle already made sure they will work in father's stead. And I have no place in this court.”

“Oh, do not lie to me, I see the way you look at her.” She huffed, and it was painfully obvious too that Shae felt attracted to Tyrion. But Cersei felt Shae deserved someone who is not a drunkard or a whoring man. “You have a place in the court, you will serve as my eyes and ears here,” Cersei said to him.

“You are such a witch, father will only torment me here! The least, in the North, only you can torment me but your children are good kids,” He spat. 

Cersei scowled, “Do not use my children as your leverage! Now, go! And make sure father's installment as Hand is well.”

Tyrion grumbled and walked away. Cersei only side-eyed him until he turned his head and shouted at her, “And yes! I do have the hots for your maid!”

Cersei almost growled as she stormed towards him until Eddard held her and said gently, “Come now. We'll have to be on the ship on time. We'll hear from your brother soon.”

Cersei looked at Eddard and nodded. She smiled and sighed in relief. She hated King's Landing to the core, she did not feel safe in there. In every corner, there were eyes and ears. And this journey of hers to fetch her husband was risky enough that she was with child. 

Yet Eddard was already with her and she felt the safest with him.

Chapter Text

CERSEI 

We should not be aboard a ship. Cersei thought angrily while she wiped her mouth. Shae was massaging her back while Cersei vomited as she gripped the chamber pot. She started to regret their mode of transportation and she would rather endure the long travel on land than by sea. Her head was spun and she promised that this was the last child she’d carry. Aside from the Stark family already having many children, she thought her body could not manage anymore. Eddard, damn you!

Cersei was mad and annoyed, she had to suffer the tiresome journey from the South to collect her husband and be under any watchful eye in King’s Landing for weeks and now she was in this ship that made her seasick. 

She remained in the cabin for days and never went out until they had arrived at the docks of White Harbor. Cersei could only thank the heavens but curse the sea for making her sick most of her time in the travel. Yet she was all smiles when she saw from afar Ser Rodrik followed by the carriage and horses. Cersei could only cry out of relief. 

Her husband held her when they stepped down the docks. Ser Jory was with them throughout the journey. “All the Lord and Lady Stark's belongings be loaded in the cart,” he commanded some of the good sailors. The city was lively still, full of people either buying or selling in the markets.

Cersei wrinkled her nose at the smell of the seafood, specifically the fish. Bloody and unpleasant. They need to be salted, spiced, grilled right away. Salmon would taste good. The goat cheese with bread too. She stifled a smile. 

The Lady of the North wore a thick cloak outlined with sable fur. Eddard fastened her cloak right below her neck with a wolf brooch. Cersei had it made years before, a pair for her and him. Her inner dress was crimson and her pearl-outlined bodice this time was not hugging her torso. Let them know I carry another Stark child, I have no more to worry. I am home now.  

Eddard gently placed her fur-trimmed headdress, she pulled some strands out of her discomfort. “Don't place it too low on my forehead,” she complained. 

“Forgive me,” he said gently. “You look fine and warmer now. We can leave. Or do you want to look around and buy anything you might need?” 

Her husband had enough produce needed for another journey to return home. Yet, she still complained on the ship about not being served good meals. Eddard remained patient though. The docks will have better food we can buy, he promised her days ago when she pushed the plate with bland meat. 

But she was impatient and wanted to ride away, she shook her head and pulled a tight smile. “Looking around and smelling the stench would only nauseate me but you can have the men buy us more meat and fish to buy. Salmon , please.”

Eddard grinned and held her chin, “You will have it, my lady.” 

Never in her life, she'd thought the cold of the North would provide her comfort. Her younger self would curse at her for loving Winterfell. She remembered once how she loved the court in King's Landing when her lord father was once the Hand. 

Lord Lannister was the Hand again, but Cersei despised the South this time. That wretched place only made her paranoid, her nightmares grew worse there too. Her belly swelled—twice the size it should be. And she wondered how it could happen. Did the food in the South make me big?! 

On the contrary, she thought the North would make her sluggish because of the cold while the South would force her to take walks and soak under the sun. Yet King's Landing made her lethargic so she often stayed in the Hand’s Tower, while the North had her feeling brisk. Her meals in the South were served as the same ones given to her husband, she had Tyrion once eat her meal. She decided she could trust the royal kitchens when the imp did not choke. They did serve her tea at every meal as she requested. The teas are good, refreshing, and aromatic. 

Cersei believed it was too peculiar for Baelish to be too informal with the queen, who carried the king’s many children, that he was knowledgeable enough to notice a woman's early symptoms. Creep. And she prayed he did not suspect it. No one did. Hopefully. Gods, keep me sane.

Eddard led her down the steps and she met Ser Rodrik. “I trust the return was well, my lady?” Ser Rodrik asked. She twisted her mouth to answer. He only inclined his head and led her to a carriage. Eddard was loading the belongings into another cart, he complained that everything was doubled ever since his wife followed him in the South. 

“Are all Cersei's effects in the freights?” He called out to one of the men as he patted the cart to move. 

“Yes, my lord.” A young sailor rushed to him to answer. He was carrying a finely crafted box, the lid was edged with gold. At the center was the sigil of both Baratheon and Tully. “This was included in your trunks, my lord. A good sailor mentioned that a squire sent this moments before you shipped off from the South.”

Cersei turned away from Eddard's direction. She wanted him to decide. She betted he'd accept it. Cersei did not need any gifts from the king and queen, or the royal court. 

She stepped foot in the carriage and before Shae could follow her, the Lady of the North told her, “Tell Lord Stark that his wife is in a hurry.” 

I just want to return to my children, send my husband to the wall to fetch Jon, apologize to each of them, and kiss their tears away.

Shae returned with the oak box and apologetically said, “My lady, we are now about to leave. Lord Stark has now mounted on his horse but he had told me to carry this since the carts were all tied up and covered.”

“We'll look into that later.” Cersei made herself comfortable and the maiden pressed her fingers gently on Cersei's free hand. She had her do it ever since she started feeling nauseous every time she sat for a long period. 

“Does Tyrion bother you?” Cersei asked in the quiet, her eyes still closed. She could vomit anytime now but she still had to ask her maid that question. Before they left Winterfell, she promised a knight to marry her and provide a good life in the North. The maid only rejected it as she committed her life to serve Lady Stark. 

Cersei believed there were still plenty of servants she could find. A loyal one, although it was difficult to find. And to lose the very loyal one over that dwarf who was a drunk and a womanizer, she could not allow it. That imp has gotten too comfortable in my region, in my castle, in my kingdom. 

She almost wanted to laugh, having Tyrion around was convenient but not to the point she'll have to see him every day in Winterfell. Or he'll take Shae away to the summers of Casterly Rock. 

The maid was now soothing Cersei's numb legs, “No, my lady. Lord Tyrion is good-natured.”

Oh, this innocent girl. She forced herself to sleep this time, hopefully, she would wake up seeing the high fortresses of Winterfell and her children at the gates. Gods, please do not give me nightmares. I am coming home now. It is safe there.

But she could not sleep, instead, she saw the faces of her children and the guilt washed over her. Robb wrote to her many times that Ser Jory’s task had doubled to watching over upcoming birds. Her eldest son had expressed his struggle to control his siblings, despite Joanna's and Septa’s assistance, the younger ones would still cling to him. Cersei remembered she cried once after she read the twins stayed and slept in her empty chamber. My poor darlings, they must have missed my presence. 

Cersei felt her insides twist after realizing she dropped huge responsibilities to her fourteen-year-old boy. When Robb wrote he missed Jon, she wanted to claw her chest and eyes out. The guilt ate her so much that Tyrion had to pull out Eddard when he was in one of his meetings. The month-long stay in King's Landing almost killed Cersei. 

I pray you forgive me, my children. My Robb. My Jon. My Joanna. My Arya. My Rickon. My Lyanna. My Brandon. And to my little babe growing inside me for having you go through so much in the journey to fetch your father, please forgive me. 

Then she fell asleep. 

EDDARD

“My Lord,” Ser Jory called out to him. Eddard was tired. Throughout the days of the journey, Cersei had made several stops to empty her insides, and he worried about her state. His wife had made plenty of sacrifices, and he felt useless. When he soothed her back as she was spewing out, he felt more guilty.

“We're close to Winterfell now, tell the gates to ready themselves. Including Robb,” Eddard turned his head and commanded Ser Jory. When he left, Eddard assisted Cersei. He wiped the corners of her mouth gently with a clean cloth. She looked really tired, but beautiful regardless. He'd rather not say she looked haggard or she'd glare at him and not allow him to hold her.

“I want tea.” She said helplessly. 

We have salted meat, cheese, bread, and other produce but she wanted tea. We have none.

“Could you settle for a honey drink, my sweet?” He asked her. His wife only frowned, she stood up from her knees and he assisted her. 

“I do not want any drink, I can't even swallow water. I want hot and simmering tea.” Eddard noticed his wife was not eating much lately or she was too particular about how the meat was supposed to be cooked. It was expected that she had struggled in intaking the food, it was often like this every time she was with a child. Another pup, she proudly said to me once.  

Shae was rummaging through some of their packed produce. She did not find anything. 

“Shae, check in the medicine compartment. The maester may have something. Anything.” Cersei said as she waved her hand. 

The girl did as she was told, the carriage was wobbling from her movements. Eddard was getting impatient too, but Cersei only held on to him. It was breezy and he tightened her cloak to prevent her from the chill. If Cersei was not carrying, she would be drinking wine in the light of the day. She'd insist on him too like she always did. 

The sound of dropped boxes and objects came from the carriage. Cersei almost growled. “Now, what has happened in that tight carriage?” Cersei muttered. 

Eddard calmed her, “I'll see to it.” But before he could let go of her, her maid came out with the opened oak box.

“My lady, it seems the oak trunk given to you by the king and queen is a gift of your favorite tea herbs from King's Landing.” She said gleefully. 

The opened box spread the scent of fresh herbs. The different ingredients were arranged meticulously inside their own pouch. It smelled minty and sweet. 

Robert's kitchen is quite thoughtful and generous. 

“Hm. How considerate” said Cersei, though unenthusiastic. Cersei looked up at him with suspicions in her eyes, her eyebrows scrunched.

“It's from the royal kitchens,” he said, assuring her.

Cersei surrendered. She covered her mouth as she gagged. “Anyway, it's the same tea I had been drinking during our stay there. I turned out alright.” She croaked.

Eddard did not protest anymore, he told the maid to have it prepared for the lady. He led Cersei to the small tent he had his men set up. “Let's stay here a little longer for your respite. Home is close, anyway. I could not allow us to continue if you still feel sick.” 

Since Cersei had sipped the tea, he believed it was the cinnamon one, she had twice the appetite for the meal served to her. She even asked for another serving. Eddard allowed her to indulge herself, she had been picky about her food. “I am glad you are eating well,” he touched her cheek.

She smiled sweetly, “Your child is quite fond of hearty meals.” 

—

Eddard could see Winterfell from the distance, and the bells rang. Every time he returned from war or when he was once fostered in the Eyrie, he'd see only the grays of the castle—the banners, the sigil. Today, it was gray and red. The wolf was accompanied by a lion.

The number of knights guarding the gates was doubled and he could see his eldest on the front. Robb had a huge grin on his face. His hair was already reaching on his shoulders. Eddard swore it was similar to looking at a mirror.

My son has grown so much. I have only been away for a few months, and it seemed I lost sight of him for years. 

Eddard felt the horse was galloping rather too slow. He wanted to have the sight of all of his children that he left alone. 

The rest of the children must have grown a lot too. Joanna may have longer hair now. Arya might be neater now and her once disheveled and matted hair must be braided. Rickon might be taller. 

Eddard thought of his regrets about leaving his twins, he feared he may not recognize him.

And Jon… My son, forgive me for letting an old friend's judgment cloud my choices for you. Lyanna might not forgive me either... I'll have you returned to our home.

When they reached the gates of Winterfell, it was his wife who went out of her carriage first. The horse had not even halted fully yet, and her maid chased her. “My lady, wait!” She tried to catch up with Cersei’s fast steps. She had shoved past the armored knights to reach their son.

Eddard chuckled, he dismounted from his horse and left instructions to Ser Jory and Ser Rodrick. 

“Oh, my son. I am glad you are safe and well,” Cersei cried out to Robb who she held tightly. The Young Wolf only closed his eyes and embraced his mother tight. “I missed you so,” Cersei said silently. 

Eddard lifted his hand to touch Robb's head, the boy’s hair was longer and thicker. His son even had a growing stubble. He only looked younger when I left, I must have lost my wits to leave my boy to lead a region on his own.

His wife planted a kiss on their son’s temple. “Where are your other siblings?” Cersei asked Robb. 

Robb gave her a sympathetic smile, “They are in the Keep, Mother. They are safe there.” He glanced at his Eddard. “My siblings are waiting for you there, father.” 

Eddard could not contain his pride towards his son. He only grabbed him closer and held him tight. Eddard recalled the first time he held Robb. It was the day he returned from war, and Cersei stood by the Keep’s entrance. It did not feel different now. He embraced him like he once did when Robb was just a babe. To him, despite Robb's growth over the years, he was still that young son who waited for his father from the South. 

After a long while, he felt Cersei's hand on his arm. “Ned, we must be at the Keep.” She reminded him gently. 

The Keep was so lively and loud when Eddard's little wolves lunged at him. Arya was the first to jump on him and he had to find his balance. 

Cersei kissed Joanna's cheek and held her hand, “You have grown too much, how are you? I only heard about you from Robb.” Her hand caressed Joanna’s dark hair.

Joanna brought Cersei's hand to her cheek, “Mother, I am well. Robb has taken care of us.” The eldest girl curved her lips and embraced her mother. 

Cersei kissed her young boy, Rickon, who proudly told her about him learning to use a sword. “You have your older brother to thank, my young cub.” She told him with her sweetest and gentlest voice. 

The twins climbed on Eddard's arms and his fatigue from the arduous journey was all long gone. The sight of his children and his wife in his home was all he needed. 

Except he had to make a journey to the Wall.

When Eddard and Cersei had settled the children and the rest of the castle, that late night they went under the crypts to visit Lyanna. Cersei insisted on it. 

He placed her arm on his, hooking it. She was leaning her head on his arm as they strode from the Keep. “When will you collect our son?” She asked.

He sighed and a cold mist escaped. “I have to make the arrangements, the earlier the better. I have made Ben aware.” 

Eddard felt Cersei roll her eyes, “They need not to have you be there but that sworn pact of theirs demanded to have the Lord of Winterfell’s presence.” 

Lord Lannister once told him that throughout his life he met many lords from different regions and Eddard made the unwisest decision. “Your father mocked me for it.” 

Cersei looked up at him, “We share the same mockery from him.” 

The response made him chuckle. He peered at her other hand, she carried a bundle of flowers. “Those are beautiful.” 

She held her hand up front of her to gaze at them. “Your sister deserves the best,” she said softly. “And I have to apologize to her for my foolishness.”

He planted a kiss on top of her head. “I will correct what I have allowed to happen,” he murmured against her hair—hoping it brought comfort to her. He thought he did because his wife smiled. And his children's wolves howled for the night too. 

CERSEI

“It must be a boy,” Arya cheekily said. The young girl was lying on Cersei's bed with her. 

“A girl,” Joanna glared at her younger sister. Cersei smiled. She missed hearing her girls banter. Rather than the court full of airhead council members, she believed only her father was the smart one in the bunch. Though, Varys was a good company for her short stay in King's Landing. 

“You'll love the babe, regardless,” Cersei said softly. Her hair was left unbraided, and she wore her thick maternity clothes. Arya snuggled closer to her and said, “I lost two teeth again.” 

Joanna was knitting, she shifted on her seat by the hearth and looked at her mother, “Only because she hit her head on the hard ground chasing Nymeria, Mother.” 

“The hard gr-” Cersei sat up straight, the bed creaked. “What were you doing while I was gone, Lady Arya Stark?” She almost scolded her.

The girl gaped, she glared at Joanna and then fixed her gaze at Cersei with her innocent stare. “I was only playing, Joanna is overreacting.” She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

Cersei pursed her lips, she held Arya's jaw gently. “Let me see, open your mouth for me.” 

The girl followed and she did have a huge space in the lower right of her mouth. “It is unnoticeable, but I will have the maester make you a medicine if it hurts.”

“The maester had one ready for me. He says they'll grow quickly when I recite more of the poetry.” The girl pouted. “How does that even happen? But I am practicing in front of the mirror every day so they'll grow out.”

Cersei laughed and Joanna giggled. The innocence of Arya was still in her and Cersei was relieved none of her children had changed much. And soon enough she'll be reunited with Jon again.

Eddard almost went emotional to her that same night, expressing his regret for leaving his family. “Robb has grown up too quickly, I have never seen the boy so serious.” She was sitting on his lap as they stayed by the hearth to warm themselves in the deep night. “We were gone for a long time, I could not imagine how much we have missed out.” 

He sighed. “I regret leaving North. I know of Robert's wrath. You are aware of it too. His Grace and I grew up together but he turned to be a stranger after the years we had gone apart. I could no longer serve him as a Hand. Not when your father always torments me until I step down.” 

Cersei pressed her lips on his temple. “I have told you Father will ensure both of our houses’ safety.”

“With bloodshed, I hope not. Lord Lannister has some fascination with it,” he said. A bad jape? No. Cersei was aware of her father's actions. His cruelty is hidden behind his forced legacy of being a great ruler.

She had balanced her opinions when it came to her husband and her father. Eddard hated brutality to the innocents. Whilst her lord father would never care for them, if they offended him, death and humiliation were their answer regardless. And though Eddard did have blood on his hands, it was for the greater good. To protect what was his and who he loved. Lord Tywin had blood on his hands too, even his mouth, if Cersei had to be honest. He made commands to kill people, to ruin the innocent. 

“Father's priority is to eliminate people who had made their accusations to the Lannisters while he rules the continent and your dear friend indulges himself in his vices,” she whispered. She expected his disapproval. But he only smiled faintly.

“All I need is for you to be unharmed from the speculations of those people. And if your father may find the real culprit, Lord Arryn shall have his justice,” he said.

“Father being Hand would certainly create a spectacle.” She laughed. “I hope it will crack the queen when she realizes father knows to place his authority.”

“And what would make your lord father crack? Eddard asked her, curiosity on his face.

“The only day I saw him vulnerable was the moment my mother died in childbirth,” she answered silently. I saw a glimpse of sadness on his face but the rest of it was anger. “No one can make a lion quiver in fear.”

“You are the testament of it,” he chuckled, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

Oh, Ned. You are wrong this time.

Cersei pulled back slightly to study her husband's face. She held him, he smiled at her. This smile charmed me when I was seventeen. He asked for my hand from Father who rejected him. But he promised for his return. He married me when I was nineteen. His heir was convinced right after. When he lost his family, I gave him many children. Ned gave me a castle, a kingdom, and I gave him a family. We have been married for almost fifteen years. Ned is my desire, my every bit of temptation, my love, my soul. To lose him over his facade of loyalty to his king, I could not allow. Ned’s loyalty must be to me, to his children, to his home. He is mine. And mine alone.

“I fear I would,” she said softly. “We have many children. And I love them all completely, I carried all of them, fed them, nursed them, not even you could get a hold of them from me when they were only newborns.”

“You have nothing to fear, I am here.” He comforted her. 

She shook his head, “Our family is my source of strength, however, the more people I love, the more I become vulnerable. If one of them is hurt, including you, I would crumble.” 

“None of us will be hurt. The children are perfectly safe in here,” he whispered in her ear. Ned's palm covered her whole cheek. “I would not allow it.”

This must be the nature of a woman. When she carries, she becomes emotional. I was fine earlier and now I want to weep.

“Our son, Jon. Bring him home,” her voice soft.

“And I shall. I'll take him home and we'll meet our child soon.” Cersei would be content with those words if Eddard would fulfill the promise.

—

Cersei was eating double the amount she usually does. A fortnight ago, Eddard left with Ser Rodrik and a small party to lead themselves to the further North. “I will have our son be home with us soon,” he promised her with a kiss. They must return sooner here now. Just a little wait , she thought.

When she and the children were done with their midday meal, she asked for tea. Then after a little while, she sent Shae to the kitchens to fetch her a few snacks again. Cersei was in her drawing room when the maid entered with the maester. 

“Maester Luwin, what brings you here?” She asked, sitting up slowly. Shae was quick to place the tray on the table and grabbed a small pillow resting it on Cersei's lower back. She immediately reached out for the steamy cup of tea.

“Forgive me, my lady. But I had noticed your maid fetching you another tray of snacks for you when I was treating Arya,” he paused after. Do I have to limit my intake now? I have a growing child! My belly is swelling. 

She swallowed the annoyance in her voice. “Does something matter?”

The maester entered the room with the box of tea the king and queen gifted to her. Her brows raised in suspicion. “You only had your meal a while ago, my lady. You're eating again now, you might get bloated.”

“Hence, the tea I had asked to be made in every meal or snack.” She said as she sipped from the cup. “The tea from the South is good, I am afraid to admit I prefer it more than what is usually made by the kitchens here.”

The maester was silent. Cersei wanted to send him away but something occurred to her, “I have been eating a little more than I do. I am always famished, I do not know.” 

“I advise you, my lady, that we need to watch the amount of food you provide for yourself and the child,” he said too carefully.

The cup clanked loudly against the table. Her teeth clenched, “A child is growing inside me. Why would I deprive my child?” 

“My lady, allow me to assess you first.” The maester examined her. Cersei was used to it. He had done this many times. And the pattern was the same. This old man worries me.

“The babe is quite bigger in size compared to your past pregnancies, my lady.” He informed her.

“And what of it? It's growing inside me, it is well. Growing well . It is dependent on me and what I feed it.” Cersei's heart pounded. It's perfectly fine. Growing, moving, and kicking inside. I have done this before. She made the lives of the seven children, she even had twins, and this was no difficulty. 

“Of course, my lady. It is only unusual, and I fear it might not fare well for you. It might be difficult for you once you give birth if the child is larger than it is supposed to be,” he said as he stood up and stepped back. 

Cersei chewed her lower lip, she stared at the ground, and caressed her belly. It was quiet in the room for a while. 

“It is a matter of life or death, my lady.” The maester said quietly.

The Lady of Winterfell rose just like her anger did. Death? I would not die in childbirth like my mother did. “No, you must not allow for the latter to happen!” Cersei snarled.

If I die, the children will grow up without a mother. Like I did once. And if I die, they might blame their youngest sibling like I did to Tyrion. My poor child will be despised and ignored if I perish. 

“I will do everything needed to preserve you and the babe's life, my lady.” The maester said in a rush, bowing his head not meeting Cersei's burning gaze.

It was a first for the maester to express his fear of the situation. He was usually confident. Cersei had a sour face but she swallowed. No. What the lady could not afford now was to cower in fear, lest she would die in the cold. She needed everyone in the castle to be confident and urgent in her state. 

She drew a breath. “Do whatever you can, maester. Ensure my child and I survive,” her voice was stern. “Tell me what not to do and what is to be avoided.”

“On the way here I had inquired about the maid of your intakes and meals since you graced South,” Maester Luwin exchanged a look with Shae. 

The maester sighed, “I would advise you to stop taking this tea for a while. The tea gifted to you by His and Her Grace.” 

Of course. The queen. Her court. Baelish. Maybe the lunatic sister too.

He nodded to the set of ingredients from the South. “I believe it is counterproductive. You have been contingent on it. And instead of just helping you feel unstuffy, it also increases your appetite.”

Queen Catelyn has many children, her weakness was her eldest heir. And that boy being a copy of the irresponsible king, though the boy is kind, it feared her position in court. She had ignored her other children to be raised by her Septas. Did Her Grace want to pass her worries to me?! Is that what she wanted? Is this her gift of return after Ned and I rejected her arrangement with her son and my daughter?!

The lady clenched her jaw. Her nails dug in her palm. Oh, how could I be so stupid? “And my meals? Shall it be changed?”

Cersei wrinkled her nose at the sight of the tray, she had lost all her appetite and cravings. The maid was too familiar with Cersei, she had disposed of it right away. The tea was exceptionally good when I had morning sickness. A pity how something so good is harmful. Cersei would dread her mornings drinking the bitter and strong concoction from now on.

A mother was eating for two for crying out loud!

“No, my lady. Only the portions of it. We must control the growth of the child,” said the maester. He knelt in front of Cersei, and the poor old man bowed his head. “Forgive me for the overlook. I have not paid enough attention to your progress, my lady.” 

“Keep the box, do not throw it.” Cersei forced her feet and legs to support her. She walked to her desk and grabbed a parchment and quill. “Maester, do examine every ingredient from it. I will write to my brother and father to let them know.”

Cersei retracted Shae’s hold to assist her. Her hands were shaking out of anger. She wrote every word of rage, the letter addressed to her father.

Father. The same people pointing their fingers at us for Arryn's death had overstepped. I fear for my life. They intend to make you and Ned vulnerable by harming me. I need their tongues out. Their heads on a spike. Have Tyrion serve as my eyes and ears. 

She was paranoid again. Those people wanted to harm her. Her family. The Lannisters. Her little cubs and wolves. Even her husband. 

“I will send word, my lady.” He gently grabbed the parchment from Cersei. “I will have a raven send this. The fastest we have.”

Cersei was nibbling her thumb, “Do you need to say more?” She felt uneasy. Her mind felt more disturbed that she preferred to have her nightmares every night than face the reality of her and her child in harm. 

Of course, there was more to be said. But the maester only reminded her. “Nothing more, my lady. I will investigate then I will inform you the earliest I can. I will attend to you urgently as it is needed.”

Cersei nodded. She suspected the queen wished to confirm Cersei’s pregnancy by speeding up the growth of the child. Baelish must have fucked a whore from the kitchens to extract every bit of information about me. Over tea?! They suspected over a refreshment?

Since that damn pig of a king and that cunning of a queen graced Winterfell, Cersei thought her life had been full of nuisance. She made impulsive and foolish decisions that she believed were justified. Yet, I was wrong, it caused more harm. 

—

Cersei stood by the balcony, her hand resting on her swelling belly. Winterfell was aware the lady was carrying. There is no more point in hiding when I am home and safe. Yet, my carelessness and passiveness brought harm to me. 

She was observing her children play and train on the grounds. They wore their fur cloaks, and her children's cheeks were flushed from the cold. It would be hers and the children's first heavy winter. When she arrived fourteen years ago, it was summer . The North is cold, regardless. Ned told me that winter will be arriving soon. 

Cersei was new to this, the transition of the summer season to harsh winters overwhelmed her slightly. Though her husband had promised his quick return to take responsibility for any preparations needed.

The castle started to become pale except for her and the children's clothing. They all wore bright reds and golds. The wolf on their fur cloak was etched too. 

The dire wolves were growing larger. Cersei was frightened and astonished at the same time when she returned. However, her fear faded when Joanna's direwolf once sniffed Cersei's belly and rubbed its head on it. 

Robb was standing beside her. He was taller than her. Much taller before she left him. Ned was right, she thought. Robb has grown too quickly. She held her son's hand. “My sweet boy. Your father and I are proud of how you have grown,” she said gently.

“You and Father placed your trust in me. And my siblings only have me to rely on. Grandsire also wanted me to lead the men he sent. I only did what is and should be expected of me,” said Robb. 

She sighed, a mist forming from her mouth. She then held his cheek. His son had a growing stubble too. “I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you. You have me and your father now.” 

She embraced him tight and soothed him. “You will lead the North like your father did but I know you need me too. You're only a boy. I will not leave you and your siblings again.” 

Pulling back, she smiled at him. “I do not like it when you call me a boy. I am grown.” Robb said. Slightly annoyed but he smiled regardless.

Cersei frowned playfully and chuckled, “Oh, nonsense. You are a leader in the eyes of your people and a hero to your siblings but your father and I see you as the boy that I cradled when your father returned from war.” And he brought Jon. Oh, my sweet Jon.

Her smile faded. “Father will have Jon return here soon, Mother,” Robb assured her, clasping both of his hands on hers. He truly was her son, how could he have known all of her worries?

Robb then asked her, “Is there something troubling you? Mother, you need to stay in the Keep. You seem to be struggling to walk nowadays.” 

“I am perfectly fine. Sometimes a walk is good if a woman is carrying a child.” Cersei said. Her son was not convinced. 

“It would appease me Mother if you tell me who and what troubles you, I am blatantly aware that we can still be vulnerable at times and must be ready,” said Robb with worry in his eyes. “At least, that is what our old lion has written to me as recent.”

But she adamantly assured him, “It is just a reminder from him. No more. Do not worry about it. It must be your father and I who do the protecting. You can assist but my utmost priority is your well-being, happiness, and safety.” She kissed his cheek.

“Join your siblings now.” She gently held his chin. Robb casted her a smile. My first-born. She had watched him leave and meet his siblings on the grounds. Cersei loved the sight of her sons and daughters together. Headcounts became her habit ever since. Six. Soon it'll be seven. And eight after I gave birth.

Cersei's hands were gloved, she wore a headdress, and her fur robe was thick. Winter is Coming, her husband always says. Although winter had not touched the ground, the cold was creeping up. The last few days, she sometimes found respite in the Glass Gardens where warmth was constant. The flowers were beautiful to look at too. Cersei had them picked but Eddard warned her to not enter the crypts without him before he left. Her visits to Lyanna had gone to nothing but she would speak an apology to the Winter Roses, to her late friend. My sister.  

“My lady,” someone called out. She turned her head to see Maester Luwin. 

Her face washed with worry, “What is it? Have you learned something?” 

“I fear I have but you might not be chuffed about it, my lady.” He said solemnly. 

Cersei calmed herself but her nails were digging harshly on her palm. She felt her rage consume her. She did not find the right words to say, so she only nodded at the maester before they left and went to his study. 

By the gods save this innocent child, Cersei thought. Or cities will be burnt and I'll show no mercy.