Chapter Text
Penelope laid in her bed for a week after her daughter's demise and only got out when she absolutely needed to. Other than that, nothing else seemed remotely important. She had received visitors, but she refused them, respectfully, of course. She would simply tell Rae to tell them she was not ready to see anyone. She ignored Alfred, even though he had done nothing wrong. The pain she felt was too raw and her wounds needed to heal. The only time she accepted a visitor was when a doctor came to examine her. He was surprised at how resilient she was, even after losing so much blood, but her resilience did not mean a thing if she was childless.
Alfred did not deserve her treatment. He would try to comfort her, but she ignored his support. He valued her need for space so much, he had moved into his very own bedchambers. Penelope did not fight this decision. In fact when he suggested it, she encouraged it. She remembered how hurt he looked when she told him it was a good idea. All she wanted was to be alone, and she got what she wanted. She was alone in a dark room. She got up and closed the curtains each day as Rae opened them. She did not want a reminder that the world around her had moved on but she was still stuck. She remained where she was. Alone, and without her daughter.
She remembered when Eloise came over the day after it happened. She sat in silence as Eloise babbled on. Her words slowly became muffled and she no longer understood what Eloise was saying.
**
"Eloise, you need to leave." Penelope said, interrupting her quickly.
"I just got here."
"I cannot deal with visitors right now. And you being here is not helping, especially since I named her after you. It is too painful." Penelope said.
"Then I will come by tomorrow." Eloise said. The book she had left by the door was in her hand as she stood up.
"Do not bother. I cannot accept any visitors. Please relay the message to my mama as well when you see her." She laid back down in her bed and covered herself with the blanket.
**
Penelope could not describe the state she was in, but she knew she preferred the darkness that had enclosed around. It allowed her to feel nothing. Feeling nothing was better than feeling everything. Alfred had brought in trays of food everyday, but she barely ate. She could feel as he paused by the door, willing to talk to her but she would not budge. In his silence, he closed the door behind him.
__
Another week passed by, the silence and darkness were still her only friends. It was not until Alfred came into her room that that she noticed the sun was out. He opened the curtains and placed a breakfast tray by her bedside.
"Good morning, Penelope." He said, and this time, he stood before her. She laid there, staring at his knees. She still did not respond.
"Penelope, you need to get out of bed, please." He pleaded, then got on his knees. He was eye level with her. "Please." He tried reaching for her hand, but she pulled away. With a deep sigh, he looked at the ground. "This is not healthy. You need to get out of bed, Penelope. I know you are grieving, but-"
"Grieving? And what do you know of grief?" Penelope asked. Her regretted it the minute it came out of her mouth. Her anger was misdirected. It was wrong.
"Do not do this, Penelope. I am simply trying to help you." He sternly said, and Penelope sat up in her bed.
"What is it that I am doing, Alfred?"
Why am I saying all the wrong things? Why am I so angry?
"For the last two weeks, you have not looked at me, and now you have the gall to ask me what I know of grief?" He asked, Penelope crossed her arms.
"Yes, Alfred. You carry on with the rest of the people in this ton. It is as if you do not care-"
No, Penelope! That was wrong to say! Where is this anger coming from?
"You do not get to make these assumptions, Penelope! Why do you think I do not care? If you have even looked at me for one second for these last two weeks, you would know that I care deeply! I lost a child as well, Penelope! I am grieving the loss of my daughter too!" He exclaimed. It was the first time Penelope had heard his voice raised. It scared her a bit.
"You do not need to shout!"
I deserved that. I am being unreasonable.
"I am angry, Penelope! There is no other way I can express my anger towards you." He replied, exhaling with a heavy heart. "I assumed we would grief together, but you wanted space. I have given you your space, but now I must simply step in. You are my wife, you went through so much, and I could not protect you from my brother, twice. I have begged you and pleaded with you to talk to me just so that I know you are getting better, but not once in these past two weeks have you asked me how I am, and that is unacceptable. You are not the only one grieving, Penelope." He replied. Penelope pushed the blankets off her. She suddenly grew hot. Her anger was the next phase in her grieving process. Now, she was livid. The voice in the back of her mind telling her she was being unreasonable faded away.
"I am aware you have lost a daughter too, but were you pushed down a flight of stairs? Did you lay there defenseless with women surrounding you as you went through the most excruciating pain of your life? Did you have to give birth to the most perfect girl only for her to be dead?" She said as she got out of bed. At lease he was getting what her wanted - her out of bed.
"That is not fair-"
"What is not fair is that I have never heard her voice. I have never seen her eyes. I did not get to feel her squeeze my finger. I tried to get her to do it, but she would not move." Penelope said, her anger bubbled in her chest.
"I missed out on those moments as well, Penelope! You do not get to stand here and talk just about you! What my brother did was unacceptable, and his day will come, but-"
"But what, Alfred? What?" She screamed. At this point, she did not even let him finish his sentences.
"I was going to say that I wanted to be with you as we grieve, but you cannot even see through your own grief to notice me. I will stay out of you way." In a rush, he left the room, leaving Penelope once more. His words stung deeply, but she did not care. He did not understand what she was going through, nobody else she knew would.
That was their first argument as a married couple, and it felt like a fatal blow to the head. Lethal and poisonous. Perhaps she was a little to selfish with her grief. He was right, he lost a child as well. She would admit to her mistake the next day, but in that moment, all she wanted was to lay in bed and cry herself to sleep.
__
Later that day, she was met with Rae violently shaking her awake.
"Rae!" Penelope exclaimed. She stirred in bed and wiped the crust away from her eyes.
"Ma'am, you need to come to the drawing room!" Rae said with urgency, and Penelope shook her head.
"No visitors."
"You will want to see these people, ma'am. Come, I will help you. I told them to give you some time to prepare." Rae took both her hands and pulled her out of bed. "Lord Debling is with them, but they will not speak unless you are there."
"This better be worth it, Rae." Rae dressed Penelope in a dark purple dress. She did not do much to Penelope's hair, just brushed out the curls and let her hair flow at the back. For the first time in two weeks, she looked presentable.
"Did I truly need to wear this dresses?" Penelope asked, a little annoyed at Rae's mysterious nature.
"There are gentlemen in the drawing room as well. You must look presentable." Rae replied.
"Rae, I truly do not wish to see anyone." Penelope complained once more.
"You have been in your room for far too long. You will come with me to the drawing room to hear what those visitors have to say." Rae demanded, and Penelope's eyes widened, then she started crying.
"Why is everyone being so mean today?" She rested her elbows on the dressing table and covered her face as she cried.
"Ma'am, I apologize. I should not have raised my voice." Penelope accepted Rae's little side hug, until she felt a large hand on her back.
"I will handle this. Thank you, Rae." Alfred said. Penelope looked up at her husband.
"I am the worst wife in the world." Penelope sobbed.
"No, you are not. I should not have shouted at you." Alfred said.
"No, you should have. I was acting selfish. I am sorry for avoiding you and how you were feeling. And I might still have a dark cloud lurking over me, but I want you to know that I love you. We will get through this, and we can start with a simple conversation first." Penelope said.
"That is all I needed to hear. As soon as our guests leave, we will talk."
"No, I would like to go back to sleep, and I want you to hold me as I do. We can talk tomorrow." Penelope suggested.
"That is fine with me. Can I kiss you?" Alfred asked, and she weakly smiled.
"You never have to ask, Alfred. Just kiss me." Penelope said, and he pressed his lips against hers softly. She cupped his face with her hands.
"I figured you might want some help going down the stairs." Alfred said as they broke their kiss.
"That will be wonderful. Thank you, Alf." Penelope said as she took his hand in hers. They left the room together. She took a small pause at the topic of the staircase. The memories of that day came flooding, and she felt like she was drowning once more.
"I cannot do it." She shook her head.
"One step at a time. I will be here the entire time."
"Please, do not make me do it. I cannot." Penelope softly said.
"Okay, I will take you to your study so long."
_
"Where is she?" Eloise asked with concern as Alfred returned.
"She could not take the stairs. I suggested we meet in her study." Alfred replied.
"Cressida, in front." Eloise demanded.
"I still do not understand why Miss Cowper is here." Eloise heard Alfred whisper Benedict.
"You will have to wait until we are with Penelope." Benedict replied.
_
As the door to the study opened, Alfred walked in first, followed by Benedict, Colin, Cressida, then Eloise.
When did Colin come home? And why is Cressida Cowper in my home?
Penelope stared at Cressida, and for some reason, she did not think Miss Cowper was here to express her condolences. She seemed frantic and nervous.
"Cressida?" Penelope questioned. Alfred stood next to her and placed a firm hand on her back.
"She has something to confess." Benedict said. Penelope looked between the trio and Cressida in confusion, then at Alfred.
"Before she talks, let me explain why we are here firstly. Penelope, I know you said to did not want to see anyone, but I could not sleep, and I met Colin and Benedict in our garden last night. You were on our minds. We were so worried for you, and we tried looking for reasons why so many of the staff were not on duty that day." Eloise started. Penelope shook her head.
"I cannot speak of that day, not right now."
"Penelope, please listen to what we have to say." Colin pleased with gentle eyes. She looked at him for a moment. They had not seen each other in almost nine months. And now, he was in her home.
"Okay," she whispered, then looked back at Eloise.
"Did you say the staff were not on duty?" Alfred ask.
"There was nobody around, none of the footmen were there. But Cressida will explain the rest." Eloise said, then shoved back.
"Cressida, what is this?" Penelope asked with a soft voice.
"Patrick paid almost half of the staff to disappear for an hour." Cressida look at her feet as she spoke.
"How do you know this?" Alfred asked.
"Because-"
"No!" Penelope exclaimed, then stepped closer. She was right in front of Penelope. "If you are about to tell me you know Patrick and you were in on his scheme, you look me in the eyes right now and you say it to my face." Penelope demanded. Cressida's eyes slowly moved up and leveled with her. "Now speak."
"I told him about the reward money the Queen offered for Whistledown's identity. We discovered it was you together. He said we should bribe you because there was no way your husband would know, so he paid off the staff and slipped into your home with ease. We planned to run away together with the money." Cressida confessed.
At the very moment in time, Penelope was certain she had no make tears left in her tank. Just fuming fire, a red hot streak of anger. She was never one for violence, but she wanted to rip Cressida's hair out of her head slowly so she could feel pain. It still would not nearly cover the pain she went through.
"So did you both plan to have him push me down the stairs as well?" Penelope asked, Cressida looked away, but Penelope grabbed her chin.
"If you look away once more, I will rip your eyeballs from their sockets." She threatened in a low voice, but still loud enough for everyone else to hear. Penelope lowered her hand from Cressida's chin.
"No. After he had done that, I said I could not leave with him. He thought you were dead, so he wanted to run to Scotland even more. I could not run off to Scotland with a killer."
"How did he get the money to pay off the staff?" Alfred asked, stepping closer to Penelope and Cressida.
"I may have stolen some money from my papa. He gambled and doubled the money I had given him." Cressida replied. Her eyes not leaving Penelope's.
"So you suddenly grew a conscious? You could not leave with a man who had pushed a woman with child down the stairs?" Penelope asked.
"I believed I was in love with him." Cressida said as Penelope scoffed, she half turned to face Alfred, who seemed angry. Penelope shook her head in disbelief.
"Pen." Eloise popped her head up from behind Cressida. "Alfred, what will our next course of action be?" She asked, causing Penelope to look at Cressida once more.
"I have been through the worst two weeks of my life, Cressida. And all while I laid in bed with darkness all around me, you knew? If the Bridgerton's had not brought you here, would you have come clean on your own?" Penelope asked, and a tear slipped from Cressida's eye. "No, you do not get to cry. I am not even crying, neither is Lord Debling."
"I am so sorry, Penelope. Lord Debling, I am so very sorry." Her cries filled the room. Penelope turned her back to Cressida, and as she looked at Alfred, she wondered what they might do.
"How did you come to the conclusion Miss Cowper was involved?" Alfred asked.
"We were talking last night, and we tried to piece together why your brother would do this. We searched for a motive and our only lead was that he knew Penelope was Whistledown. So we followed the clues and it lead us to Cressida. We went to her house with a mere speculation, and we got a confession instead." Benedict said.
"Patrick is not really in custody with the Queen?" Cressida asked, wiping her tears away. Penelope immediately turned and looked at Eloise.
"I may have told a few lies to get the truth out of her. I told her Mr Debling was in custody and he planned to pin the whole thing on Cressida." Eloise shrugged. Penelope was eternally grateful to her friend for not giving up. They were one step closer to finding Patrick.
"Perhaps I should write to the Queen. She can decide your punishment." Penelope suggested.
"I agree, my love. I do not care what happens to Miss Cowper. It is my brother I want." Lord Debling responded. Penelope went to her study desk and pulled up a piece of parchment paper. She inked her quill and started writing.
Your Majesty
I am sure by now you have heard what has happened to me, but not many people are aware of the full story. Miss Eloise, Mr Benedict and Mr Colin Bridgerton has brought before Lord Debling and I proof that Cressida Cowper is involved in my accident. Justice must be served, and I am afraid my anger will prevent me from letting her experience the justice system to the fullest extent. Your advisement will be highly appreciated.
Yours sincerely,
Lady Penelope Debling.
"This will do. Have it sent out to her immediately." Penelope handed the note to her husband.
"I do not trust anyone on staff." Alfred said.
"Give it to Rae. I trust her implicitly." Penelope replied, and Alfred quickly looked at Colin.
"She has been bribed before. What if she had accepted a bribe again?" Alfred asked, and she too looked at Colin.
"She would never, not with your brother, and that was different." Penelope replied.
"Okay, I trust your judgement, but I should like to be the one to give it the her majesty." Alfred said, and she took his hand.
"I wish for you to stay, please." She pleaded, and he instantly responded by nodded his head.
"Then I will do just that. Let me get this notice to Rae immediately." He kissed the top of her head.
_
Colin watched as Lord Debling left Penelope's study, leaving just the four of them. He could not take his eyes of Penelope. Since the last time he had seen her, she had grown even more beautiful. He did not think it was possible. Somehow, it was. He watched as Penelope went back to her desk and closed the ink lid, then called Eloise aside. Benedict sat on the settee close to the door.
"Perhaps you should like to sit, Miss Cowper?" Benedict asked, and she sat on the same settee, just a reasonable enough space away from Benedict. He sat too, on a chair close to them. Colin watched as they both turned their backs to them so they could not read their lips as they spoke. He looked at Cressida as she fiddled with her hands. Her eyes were swollen red. Penelope stood strong and handled Cressida with determination and ease. Of course, he knew Penelope was upset, but she breathed fire through her nose like a dragon as she spoke. Penelope let her anger speak, and it was clear.
He wondered what she thought of him, if she still remembered their good times together along with Eloise as children. He loved her dearly, but her heart belonged to another. Seeing Penelope and Lord Debling act affectionate with one another made him feel a certain way.
That should have been me.
That was what his mind was telling him, but he missed his chance. In fact, he was a fool for letting his pride get in the way of this feelings. But in the end, he knew that he could not call Penelope his wife, at least her still got to call her his friend.
As long as she is still in my life.
Colin concluded. It was the right thing to do. Although he may never love another as much as he loved Penelope, knowing she was his friend was all he needed to survive. She was happy, not at the current moment, but she was. Seeing Penelope and Lord Debling together gave him the closure he never knew he needed.
_
"Eloise, I cannot thank you enough." Penelope immediately said as they turned their backs to the others in the room.
"Why? I was merely doing what anyone else would who loves you dearly would." Eloise replied.
"For two weeks, I was in my room. I was alone and sad. I did not ever think I would get over that feeling. Now, I am angry. Seeing Cressida and now knowing what she did has done eliminated all my tears for the time being." Penelope said. "And I am sorry for pushing you away, Eloise. You did not deserve it."
"You were in mourning. Benedict helped me see that. You needed space." Eloise replied.
"I do not wish to be alone any longer. I have pushed Alfred away as well, so much so that he has been sleeping in his private bed chambers." Penelope responded.
"Truly?"
"Yes, unfortunately. I do not cope with grief very well. In fact, we got into an argument just this morning. I kept thinking I was going through all this alone, but he lost a daughter as well. I did not see things from his perspective at all."
"I am just glad you both have sorted things out." Eloise took her hand.
"We have not. We have hardly spoken about our argument at all." Eloise looked at her.
"He does not seem angry with you at all." She said, and Penelope caught a glimmer of confusion on his face.
"We are married. Married couples argue, but that does not mean we will stop loving each other." Penelope replied.
"Well, that makes sense, yes." She shrugged.
"You really are my greatest friend." Penelope lightly smiled, then placed her head on Eloise's shoulder. Their hands still intertwined.
"You are mine as well. And Pen?"
"Yes?"
"I am sorry for your loss, truly. I hope you know I will always be in your corner, no matter what life throws at you." Eloise said.
"I know, Eloise. And thank you."
_
Lord Debling made his way back to the study, seeing Eloise and his wife in a rather intimate moment behind her desk. He was glad Penelope was slowly but surely coming out of her state.
"Gentlemen, a word?" Alfred asked, looking between Colin and Benedict. They stood up in an instant. "Penelope?" He asked, and both she and Eloise turned around.
"Yes?"
"I have accompanied Rae to a carriage. She is on her way to Buckingham Palace. I would like to speak to the gentleman outside. Do you think you and Eloise could watch Miss Cowper? Or should I call for Mrs Clara?" Alfred asked.
"We will keep an eye on her." Penelope replied.
"Great." Alfred lead Colin and Benedict to another room along the passage.
"What is the matter?" Benedict asked.
"I know where in Scotland my brother may be. I will find him and challenge him to a duel. It is illegal and inhumane, but it must be done. He has dishonoured my wife and is responsible for my daughter's death. I must do it, for Penelope." He watched as Colin and Benedict exchanged a look.
"Penelope would not want this." Colin quickly said.
"And that is why I cannot tell her. What my brother did keeps me up at night and I cannot allow him to roam Scotland a free man a minute longer. Now, I am not asking for you permission, but since Penelope has no close male relatives other than me and her sister's husbands,I need to know if you both will take care of her while I am gone. I would speak to Mr Finch and Mr Dankworth, but they are new fathers. I would not expect you to prove for her financially. Everything is already planned out."
"Penelope is like a sister, of course!" Benedict replied.
"And if anything were to happen to me, all my affairs are already in order. I have been preparing for this day for two weeks now. My nephew, Patrick's son, will inherit my estate. He is a sweet boy who is nothing like his father. He will make a great Earl someday." Alfred said.
"You will come out victorious, we are certain." Colin said.
"I might, but word will get around that I have been involved in a duel. I would be banished from society."
"The Queen will give you a pardon, I am certain." Benedict replied.
"That is not the case. I may be pardoned, but knowing I have killed my brother will haunt me. Yes, it is all done for my wife's honour, but it will haunt me."
"You will need a second." Benedict said.
"That is not necessary, Benedict. I do not want anyone else around my brother. He is a dirty fighter, so I need to anticipate his moves. If this does not end well for me, I want to die knowing Penelope is protected and cared for." Alfred said.
"Yes, of course. We will do our best." Benedict replied.
"Very well. Can I trust your discretion? If you tell Eloise, she will tell Penelope."
"We cannot lie to our sister, and she will figure it out. It was her who pieced this whole operation together." Colin instantly said.
"You will not be lying. You will simply be omitting this entire conversation from her." Alfred said.
"She will know, Alfred." Benedict said.
"I suppose this private conversation will peak her interest." Alfred sighed. "Perhaps I will speak to Penelope first."
"That sounds like a good idea." Colin replied.
"But the fact still remains. Penelope will be provided for after my demise. There is a brown chest with our family crest embellished on the top. It is a sword and shield. The box I have prepared that box with instructions for one of you to follow. I will give it to you before you leave." Alfred spoke, looking at Benedict mainly.
"Colin can handle that. I am going with you to Scotland." Benedict voiced.
"Benedict, I cannot allow that."
"Penelope is the only woman who is not a Bridgerton I will go to such extreme lengths for. I will accompany to you Scotland, Alfred. End of discussion." Benedict said. He was glad he could call Benedict Bridgerton a friend.
"But brother, Anthony left you and charge." Colin said.
"And now I leave you in charge. Perhaps you might find some purpose in that."