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“I’m done.” Connor furrowed his eyebrows as he stared up at the ceiling in his hotel room—the one he wanted so badly to leave. He couldn’t, though, his body wouldn’t let him leave the plush of the hotel room bed and move on with the loss. He was a professional, he kept telling himself, and he should take this as a “learning opportunity.” Fuck that, Connor learned enough to know that the Panthers didn’t deserve a cup as much as the Oilers did.
He was biased but how could he not be? Connor worked so hard during the playoffs that he could’ve sworn on his life that he had reached a level he didn’t know he could. His coach was everything and his GM managed to compose a team that somehow made it work, like the missing pieces to a puzzle that has been lost and buried in the crevices of a couch. All of the lines of the roster contributed to the game and they had superb goaltending that was the cherry on top.
Connor rolled over onto his side to look at Leon, the one man he couldn’t live without—his best friend, his soulmate and his so much more. Throughout the whole playoff season, he kept thinking of how he’d be able to hand the cup over to Leon and kiss him square on the lips in front of everyone. In front of the world. It would be the only moment in his life that he’d be allowed to kiss Leon in front of millions and no one would bat an eye. Right? Players did it all the time.
Connor wasn’t so subtle, though, he kept touching Leon during games, letting his gloved hand linger on his back for a second too long or even hug him before anyone else. How could he not? It was thrilling to win games that would trail them closer and closer to the cup, being within arms length of the greatest trophy in history. He wanted to win and he wanted to win with Leon Draisaitl. He wanted to win for Leon.
“You’re done?” Leon raised an eyebrow, but the frown on his face was permanent from the moment the buzzer rang in the arena, and it was a look that Connor didn’t like to see on his best friend’s face. “You’re done… what?” He repeated, his hand finding its way to Connor’s cheek, his fingers gently caressing his over-grown beard that Connor refused to trim right away. They both refused.
Connor couldn’t help but melt at the touch, a warm feeling that washed over him despite how angry and sad he felt—he felt broken after the game. “I’m done with hockey.” He held his gaze for a moment before he closed his eyes, inhaling through his nose in attempt to calm his nerves. “I’m done with trying and I’m done with…”
“Me?” Leon interrupted, and Connor immediately opened his eyes to stare at his best friend in disbelief. “No.” He spoke, sounding more offended than anything that Leon would think Connor would be done with him over the cup. “How could I be done with you when I just got started?”
Connor could see the confused expression on Leon‘s face, like he had just said one of those stupid Canadian sayings that only made sense to, well, Canadians. “You make me nervous sometimes, Con.” He answered, slowly removing his hand from Connor’s cheek to trace circles on the sheets between them.
“You do too.”
Connor shifted to lay on his back, his eyes finding the white ceiling again as his breathing steadied, his mind traveling to different scenarios of how the game could’ve went. “You make me nervous when you’re… y’know,” Leon vaguely gestured to Connor as if he was trying to get the point across that Connor was a lot when he was defeated, “like this.”
It was like back in Vegas again, when they had been eliminated in the second round to the hands of the 2023 Stanley cup Champions. Connor was in bed beside Leon and they were laying like this, unmoving and depressed like a dog that had been waiting at the door for their owner to return home. Connor was angry then, but never like this. Emotions were a funny thing and for some reason the game he had played against the Panthers felt like he was fighting two battles—one in his head and one on the ice.
He tried so desperately to make plays, to pass the puck, to shoot the puck… anything, but he kept fucking up one way or another. Not to mention everyone was falling on the ice left and right, loosing an edge or two and that made him even more upset. Connor never just fell, it was the damn rink and the heat from the roaring crowd around them that made the quality of the ice suck ass. Fuck was it unfair.
“Sorry.” Connor finally mumbled, his hand reaching for Leon’s while still staring at the ceiling to avoid Leon’s saddened gaze. “I just… I wanted to kiss you so badly.” He confessed, the words lingering in the air for a moment too long… words that he thought Leon would not understand. “To… to have a special moment with you.”
“I get it.” He got it? Connor didn’t know if Leon was understanding what he meant by wanting to kiss him, to hold him… to be with him in their magical moment on the ice. With the Stanley cup, with the team and then head to the hotel room with nothing but excitement buzzing through them as they’d eventually pass out at 6am after many drinks.
He slowly turned his head to face Leon and he instantly regretted it because the moment he met eyes with the man he loved, he could see the warmth in his gaze. It was like getting hit with a cast iron pan in the face—simply seeing Leon’s frown falter to be replaced with adoration made him think back to when Leon comforted Connor all the times he was upset after a loss. Connor couldn’t think straight.
“Why do we need a cup to be able to kiss?” Leon asked the question like it was just another Tuesday, a question that any normal—totally—straight hockey player would say to another and mean it. If Connor was feeling like shit before, he couldn’t remember the feeling because his heart squeezed in his chest like a small reminder of his undying affection for his best friend. His love that he felt for no other.
His eyes darted from Leon’s eyes to his lips… and then to his playoff beard that he didn’t trim back yet—which he thought Leon should, but that was besides the point. They both hadn’t gotten that far.
Connor chewed on his bottom lip, unsure what to say, but Leon seemed to beat him at that race, his fingers coming to gently brush against Connor’s chin. It almost felt like he was drawing him in—an enchanted spell that made his mind go fuzzy and his body do all the work in reacting to it. As soon as their lips met in a soft kiss, Connor felt the world around him melt away. It was just him and Leon. Him… and his soulmate. Him and his everything.
The kiss lasted momentarily, his eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted slightly, his body turned to face Leon once again. When he opened his eyes, he found Leon smiling at him—like they hadn’t just lost the cup and kissed like they won. “You’re the best prize I could ask for, Connor. Sure, I want the cup, but you…” Leon’s hand trailed it’s way to Connor’s arm, then down to his hand, holding onto it like it was the most natural thing to do, “you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Connor felt his mind go blank and his world shift in a way he never thought could happen—what the fuck? He was supposed to be angry, sad and disappointed that he lost, but Leon somehow pulled an uno reverse card out of nowhere and made Connor’s emotions do a 360. What was he supposed to say to that? I love you? You’re amazing, I love you? Can we just get married already, you’re amazing and I love you?
Connor swallowed hard, a small “uh” escaping his lips as he squeezed Leon’s hand, unsure what to do. He was usually so sure of himself all the time but Leon.. oh, Leon… managed to flip the switch to Connor’s brain like it was nothing. “Canwegetmarried?” He blurted out, a mash of words that wouldn’t make sense to anyone unless it was Leon. No matter what kind of word vomit Connor said sometimes, Leon always understood his words one way or another. It was his special skill.
Leon laughed, a laugh that Connor didn’t know he needed to hear until now and all he could do is look away in embarrassment. Why did he just say that? He cheeks felt warm and his heart began picking up its pace as he started to worry he said something he shouldn’t have. But all of his worries washed away when Leon pulled him closer, his lips pressing to Connor’s in a not-so-soft kiss that should’ve stopped when Connor gripped Leon’s arm.
What were they doing?
Connor was the first to pull away, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed a deep red that seemed to be impossible to hide around Leon, and he could’ve sworn his stomach did a flip. “Did we just—?” He couldn’t even talk, his brain felt like a smoothie and his heart felt like it was going to implode. “We did.” Leon smirked, leaned back slightly to give Connor room to breathe—it was like he knew Connor would get overwhelmed and needed a little space.
Connor didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he hesitantly placed them on Leon’s chest and immediately pulled them away realizing that it was way too soon to do that. “Sorry.” Another sorry, it was almost impossible to get Connor to not say sorry around someone like Leon, an automatic word that filled in the blanks of their strange yet endearing conversations in bed.
“No, I’m sorry.” Leon had the habit of saying in return, which wasn’t something he said before—it was something he picked up over the years from being around Connor. “I just think it’s cute.”
Connor chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment, his gaze glued to the fabric of Leon’s grey t-shirt that he wore, avoiding those intense blueish eyes. “You think what’s cute?” He asked dumbly, words leaving his mouth before he could relate Leon’s words with the current predicament they got themselves into.
“That you want to marry me.” Leon’s tone of voice was so different then when talking to the press, a softer undertone that made Connor smile like an idiot who had won 50$ on a scratch ticket—it wasn’t much but it was rare and a nice treat. “It’s cute. The way you say the first thing that comes to mind. You’ve always been like that and I just… I like it.” Leon mumbled the last part, his fingers tracing patterns on the small of Connor’s back.
“Fuck off—“ Connor started but was cut off with a small snort, Leon giving him a look like “I’m not messing with you” and that shut the Captain up. “Okay, okay, alright.” He spoke a little quieter when he looked at Leon, and even if Leon still didn’t answer his question about getting married, he could tell the man was holding back on saying something. “But, can we?”
Maybe Connor couldn’t fully shut up because he needed to know—he needed to know if Leon would ever marry him and make whatever they had official in their own way. He wanted to hear Leon say “yes” to hear him whisper the word and kiss him again, to hold him and stay like that in bed until one of them got hungry and wanted to get something to eat. He just wanted to hear it.
After a long moment of staring and Leon gently rubbing circles on Connor’s back, he even let out a small sigh, realizing that Connor wouldn’t let him leave the question unanswered. “Lauren… you’re, I dunno, with her.” He mumbled, and in that moment, Connor felt his heart beat even faster.
“Leon. Lauren’s just there for show.” It was true—Connor and Lauren were more like an arrangement that benefited both parties. One, Connor got a “girlfriend” that made it so people didn’t raise an eyebrow at the fact he didn’t want to date women… and two? Lauren got money, everything she needed and a huge fucking house. They were friends, nothing more, and he needed to express that to Leon even if he thought that he had made it obvious to the German Alternate Captain.
Leon’s expression shifted from confusion to understanding almost instantly, and it was obvious to Connor that Leon was relieved. “We’re… really going through the same thing? I thought… I mean, you’re serious about us?”
Of course Connor was serious and he thought he was being straightforward about it since the day they met. Hasn’t he not shown Leon enough that he had a big fat fucking crush on him? That sharing a hotel room after away games and sleeping in the same bed was just being friendly? What about all of the times Leon stayed at his place or even visited his family with him in Ontario?
“Dead serious.” Connor raised an eyebrow at Leon, almost as if challenging him. “The proposal shit? Is that what’s making this weird? Leo, I had to do that—my dad, my agent… shit, even Lauren thought it would be good for my image if I just… married her.” He didn’t like it but Connor didn’t care about Lauren to marry her for love, it was simply their arrangement. Like a prince that got paired with princess because of politics… or something.
Besides, the NHL and it’s hectic “no privacy” and “masculine gay hockey players don’t exist” made it fucking difficult for him to be in a comfortable relationship with a man… but even then—Connor didn’t want to be with just any man. Connor wanted Leon. “Think of it as.. acting?”
“Acting?” Leon appeared to be pondering on the topic and Connor died to know what was going through his mind—was he okay with that? “It’s messed up, but I guess you’re right.” Messed up was an understatement and Connor and Leon both knew that. Nothing was normal in the life of a pro hockey player. “You think we could actually…?”
“Yeah.” Connor answered too quickly but he didn’t care, he had been waiting for this moment forever. Wait, didn’t he just lose the cup? So maybe he didn’t exactly like how yesterday went and that was weighing heavy on him, but at this moment, all Connor could do was think about Leon. “Let’s get married, Leon.” Fuck the whole relationship process, right? From best friends to husbands right away. Could they even do that?
Leon shook his head at how blunt Connor was being, it was hard not to say no to Connor especially since he had already answered the question a long time ago by being his platonic partner—or whatever they wanted to call it. It was an easy yes, the one worry he had had faded away… and that void was filled with thoughts of having a happily ever after with Connor. “Okay, let’s do it.”