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Azula forgets much of what happened after Zuko and his little band of friends win the war. If she tries to remember, all she comes up with are blanks. Like a musician skipping over half of the sheet music, only playing the notes he wants to.
But the missing time doesn’t matter.
It's not like Azula was doing anything important while Zuko and Iroh were busy dismantling everything their family had worked for in the past 100 years. She was being shuffled between prisons and hospitals until Zuko finally settled on "a temporary exile" which is a nice way of saying "I don't know what to do with you so you'll have to live on this tiny insignificant island out of sight until I decide."
Azula hates it. But she supposes it's better than a prison cell and shackles like her father gets. She has caretakers who provide her with food and whatever else she needs, though Zuko unfortunately rotates the staff frequently enough that she has no hope of convincing them into a coup d'etat. They're gone before she even gets a chance. It almost makes her miss how easy things were with the Dai Li in Ba Sing Se.
Zuko visits her sometimes too, hesitantly trying to make amends and "help her to the right path." (He's clearly spent way too long with Iroh.) He's awkward and bumbling as he always has been, and most days she wishes he'd give up and at least try to throw some fire at her. That'd be entertaining, for sure.
But more often, Zuko sends his friend, the Earth Kingdom warrior girl, to come check up on her. Once a month, she shows up, without her fancy facepaint and battle armor, and spends the day making sure Azula's not plotting to kick Zuko off his throne while languishing in exile.
Azula would call Suki a thorn in her side, but that would almost acknowledge her as a major irritation. One she can't handle. No, Suki is more like a tiny wooden splinter wedged underneath her fingernail. Embedded too deep to remove. Just an annoyance to ignore and forget about.
"I brought some sort of fire tart thing?" Suki announces, clearly having forgotten the dessert's proper name. She offers up a basket as she steps onto the porch where Azula lounges in a rocking chair. "Zuko said you liked these as a kid."
"Every child enjoys sweet things," Azula sneers. "It's not special."
Suki shrugs and takes a seat in the other chair next to Azula on the porch of the quaint little beach cottage she's forced to pretend is a home.
"Well, I'll eat it if you don't want it."
"I didn't say that," Azula snaps, and snatches the basket from Suki’s hands. She uncovers the little cakes, catching the nostalgic scent of spices and sugar. She's suddenly tempted with the urge to gobble them up like she's five years old again.
But she restrains herself because she can't show any weakness to the warrior girl. She nibbles at the first cake with dignity befitting the princess she once was. Azula is in control. She's always in control.
Suki watches her, chin resting in her hand as she smiles.
"They do look tasty," she says. "Kinda similar to something we have on Kyoshi Island, but the flavor is probably different."
"Did you want to try it?"
Suki’s eyes light up. "Sure."
Azula doesn't hesitate before smashing one of the tarts into Suki’s face, smearing the dollop of icing across her lips and cheeks. And then she waits for the angry yelling, the cursing, the storming off with vows to never return.
But Suki just blinks in shock for a moment, and there's a tantalizing split-second of anger flashing in her eyes before it disappears and she calmly asks, "Do you just spend all day thinking of ways to be mean to people?"
"Yes."
"Maybe you should consider finding a better hobby," Suki suggests.
Azula watches, perplexed, as Suki, unbothered, wipes the food off her face and licks her fingers.
***
Every time Suki comes to the island, she always seems to bring something with her. Azula has no idea whether Zuko puts her up to it, or it's her own special way of irritating Azula.
"Do you want to play a game?"
"If it's pai sho, I'll set your hair on fire."
This is an empty threat – not because Azula's turned over a new leaf about causing bodily harm – but because she can't seem to do any firebending lately. She feels the flames simmering under her skin, but any attempt to wield them fails immediately. Zuko says this is normal and swears the Avatar didn't come steal her bending during those forgotten hazy weeks in the aftermath of defeat, but she doesn't trust him.
"It's not pai sho," Suki says, pulling a deck of cards from her pocket. "It's an old southern Earth Kingdom card game."
Azula turns up her nose at the idea of learning a game for dirty peasants, but she's also incredibly bored today, and so agrees to play but makes a show of how awful she thinks it's going to be.
The rules are complicated but not too complex. It's easy enough to catch on after the first round. And after a couple more rounds, she figures out how to cheat too. Suki notices but doesn't call her out on it.
In fact, the rounds become less about the game and more about trying to outwit each other and swing the game of chance in their favor. It's been so long since Azula faced any sort of decent challenge.
Azula finds herself watching Suki, studying to pick out her tells. She absentmindedly scratches her ear when she gets deep in thought over her next move. She sniffs when she thinks Azula is cheating. And whenever she's about to lay down a winning card, she can't stop the way her lips curve ever so slightly into a triumphant smile.
The information is enough for Azula to win a few rounds, but not before the distraction costs her a couple losses as well.
"You win some, you lose some," Suki shrugs as she packs away the deck before she leaves for the day.
"But I won more than you did, so I'm the ultimate winner," Azula points out.
Suki laughs. "Sure, but, more importantly, did you have fun?"
Azula wrinkles her nose in disgust at the sentiment. Winning is always the most important thing and fun doesn't factor into it.
"I enjoyed winning."
In fact, during every loss, Azula consoled herself by imagining how satisfying it would be to incinerate the whole deck of cards into a tiny pile of ash which she could toss into the ocean.
Suki rolls her eyes at Azula's answer, like she's placating a small child. She bristles at the gesture.
"Well, I had fun playing against you. You're not half bad as an opponent."
"Next time I'll crush you into dirt! I'll defeat you so thoroughly that even your ancestors will weep as they witness your total failure!" Azula shrieks.
"Okay," Suki replies, nonchalant, throwing a goodbye wave over her shoulder as she leaves.
***
"We are not doing this," Azula insists.
"If you're scared, say you're scared," Suki taunts.
Azula wishes she was still able to strike fear into people. Or set something on fire to look extra menacing.
"I am not scared! I just think this is stupid."
With two fishing poles in hand, Suki completely ignores her protests and continues heading towards the island's quiet little bay where the waves aren't so rough. Azula briefly considers turning around and stomping back to the cottage, but she thinks Suki might not chase after her. She might just spend the day fishing by herself, and then Azula will have missed the one opportunity per month that she gets to speak with anybody with functioning braincells.
"We used to fish all the time on Kyoshi Island," Suki calls out over her shoulder, having noticed Azula slowly trailing behind her. "It's relaxing."
"Dearest Zuzu says I'm not supposed to have access to weapons. What if I decide to gouge your eyes out with the fishing hook?"
Suki rolls said eyes, unimpressed. "That doesn't sound very relaxing for either of us."
The response sounds exactly like something Mai would say, and Azula laughs before she can stop herself. Who knew the warrior girl could be just as entertaining as her friends?
Her... former friends?
Azula isn't sure where she stands with them anymore, after everything that happened. But she can guess.
Her only visitors here so far have been her brother and Suki.
They reach the edge of the water, with quiet waves lapping at their toes.
"Why is it you?" Azula asks, watching Suki expertly cast her fishing line out into the water.
"Hm?"
"Why are you the one who comes here to check on me each month? Did you all draw lots and you got the short stick?"
Azula grabs the other fishing pole just so she doesn't have to watch Suki think of some nice lie to spare her feelings. She has no idea how to cast the line properly, but she imitates the motions with confidence, holding her chin up like she's been fishing since she was a toddler.
The line sails through the air and then lands a disappointing two feet away with a loud plop into the shallow water.
"Actually, I volunteered," Suki says.
Azula is about to reel in her line and try again, but she pauses to gape at the warrior girl.
"Why the hell would you do that?"
Suki stares out at the water, watching the point where her fishing line dips below the surface.
"You know the first time I met Zuko, he set my village on fire trying to capture Aang," Suki says. "For a long time, he was just another Fire Nation jerk in my memories. But I ran into him again at the Boiling Rock, and he was different then. Awkward and unsure, but definitely not the same jerk who wreaked havoc on my island. Turns out, he'd been on his own journey during that time."
Suki pulls the fishing line back in – empty – and then casts it once more. The hook plunges beneath the waves and out of sight.
"I figure maybe Zuko isn't the only one changing. Even I feel like a different person than I was a year ago. We're all going through it, just like the whole world's changing right now. So I was just curious to see how you might change too. And to offer some support... if you wanted it."
Azula grips her fishing pole so tightly, she thinks the wood might actually crack.
"I'm not some science experiment to be studied," she sneers.
Suki frowns. "I didn't say that you were." She reels her line in again, repeating the whole casting process once more.
"I see how it sounded like that though," she reconsiders. "But for what it's worth, I actually have grown to just enjoy hanging out with you. I like you, Azula."
Azula suddenly feels overwhelmed by too many feelings at once and no way to sort any of them out. She throws the fishing pole to the ground and stalks off towards the cottage alone.
To hell with all this.
If anything's changed, it's that Suki’s no longer just an annoying little splinter under Azula's skin. Now she's something like a festering infection, making Azula feel like she's burning from the inside out and no way to stop it.
***
Suki skips the next month's visit. Azula isn't sure if it's because of their disastrous fishing conversation or if maybe something happened to alter her usual schedule. If something was happening elsewhere, it's not like anyone would bother to tell Azula.
So Azula turns her focus back to her firebending troubles. Her caretakers have conveniently made themselves scarce, so she has no distractions to get in her way.
She sits inside the cottage, nestled in the corner of her bedroom with a tiny candle. It should be simple enough to call forth a tiny spark to light it.
But there's nothing.
The wick remains intact and unlit.
Azula grits her teeth and tries harder. But even though her rage feels like a swirling firestorm within, none of it makes its way out.
She's powerless.
Is this the change Suki wanted to see? Watch her fall from her once-magnificent pedestal, the firebending princess prodigy unable to create even a tiny flicker of a flame?
Seized with frustration, Azula hurls the candle at the wall and storms out to the beach. She screams as loud as she can, facing towards the Fire Nation mainland in the distance. Maybe people across the water will hear her screams and think it's some sort of monstrous creature out there.
They wouldn't be wrong, would they?
Azula screams and screams until her voice gives out, and then she picks up chunks of wet sand around her feet and throws them at the ocean. A stupid pointless effort, but it's soothing to have something to tear up and destroy.
Something that's not herself.
She's already in tatters.
Too bad Suki missed seeing it.
After the candle failure, Azula spends the next few days alternating between lying in bed or walking aimlessly around the island. She's got nothing to do. Everything she's ever worked for is gone.
What's she even supposed to do now?
What did the warrior girl think a changed Azula would look like? Was she expecting Azula to suddenly develop a fondness for tea and become an awkward dorky loser like her brother?
She actually wishes Suki was here to ask.
As the days wear on, Azula finds herself thinking more and more about Suki, no matter how hard she tries not to.
Azula thinks about Suki’s eyes shining as she teaches her a new card game. She thinks about the way Suki never flinches in the wake of her threats, like a challenge she's not afraid to face. She thinks about her legs swinging back and forth while sitting on the edge of the cottage porch, leaning back on her palms as she looks up at the sky. The way she hops easily over the side of the boat whenever she arrives at the island. The stories she tells Azula about her home, even as Azula pretends she doesn't care at all.
She thinks about Suki’s laugh, like music perfectly in tune with the sound of crashing waves on the shore.
Azula didn't realize how much she'd come to enjoy Suki’s presence until it wasn't there anymore.
One night, she finds herself holding the now-slightly-squashed, almost-broken little candle again in her hands as she sits on the beach and looks at the stars. The mainland is a dark lump on the horizon, like a sleeping animal resting on the ocean surface. She fiddles with the candle wax in her hands, annoyed at the sticky texture.
For once, Azula feels like she's burned through all her anger, and now there's nothing left but emptiness.
Or maybe this is what "calm and peaceful" actually feels like.
It's strange.
Azula takes a deep breath and tries one more time to light the candle in her fingers. This time she imagines Suki sitting there beside her with an obnoxiously cheerful smile on her face, watching and waiting to see what'll happen too.
The tiniest spark pops from Azula's fingertip, looking like a brief glimpse of a firefly in the night, before it fizzles out. But that tiny bit was enough to catch the wick.
Azula laughs, looking down at the misshapen candle in her hand, little flame dancing in the beach breeze.
It's not anything like what she could do before. But it's a start.
A new one. A different one.
***
Suki’s return is without fanfare. The next month she arrives on the usual day, hopping out of the boat with a bag slung over her shoulder, bearing whatever gift she's decided to bring this time.
"I figured you got tired of me and weren't coming back," Azula says, lounging on the steps of the porch, her back leaning against the railing. She hopes she looks like she doesn't care that her visitor has returned.
"Can't get rid of me that easily," Suki says, before adding a bit more solemnly, "Sorry about missing last month."
She doesn't offer further explanation, and Azula decides that if it's important, they can talk about it later.
"It was boring here," Azula says, feigning nonchalance. "You didn't miss anything."
"I missed you." Suki fiddles with the drawstring of her bag as she sits down.
Azula scoffs, but feels the way her inner fire warms up, pleased at the implication.
"What's in the bag?" she says, steering the conversation away before she embarrasses herself.
"Oh!" Suki smiles and opens it up. "Fingernail polish. Ty Lee told me you really liked painting them before, so I figured I'd bring you some. A whole bunch actually so you have plenty of colors to choose from."
Azula isn't sure she wants to know why Suki and Ty Lee are in communication and have talked about her, so she decides that's another thing to ask about later. Instead she focuses on the bottles Suki is lining up neatly in a row across the wooden floorboards of the porch. There are several shades of reds and oranges and pinks, but a few others mixed in too. A green. A blue. A purple.
Normally, Azula wouldn't consider anything other than red or black. But... well... maybe she's more open now to the change Suki had been talking about before.
A new color can't hurt worse than anything else she's dealt with so far.
She grabs the purple nail polish.
"This'll do," she says.
"You do one hand, and I'll do the other?" Suki suggests, eyes lighting up with excitement.
Azula answers by handing over the bottle and holding her hand out expectantly. Suki laughs and gets started.
Azula doesn't look away the entire time, watching as Suki gets so engrossed in fingernail painting that she doesn't even complain when Azula makes her do the other hand too. She's precise and careful with the brush, and Azula imagines she has the same kind of focus when applying her war makeup too.
When she's done, Azula spreads her fingers out, admiring the shiny purple in the sunlight. She looks up and finds Suki watching and waiting, hoping for reassurance that it turned out okay.
"I really like it," Azula says. "And I suppose... I like you too, Suki."