Work Text:
Only street lights notice me, I am desperate if nothing else, in a holding pattern to find myself
M E R C U R Y
The city was grey and blue, filled with thick clouds of regrets and the heavy smell of rain that carried around dreams and disappointments mingled in the neon glows of a powerful thunder. The room however, hid the corpse of a story woven with the bittersweet strains of an unforgettable melody.
Felix sat by the window, his fingers tapping softly against the sill as he gazed out at the city drowning in tears, just like he was doing. Somewhere in the background was a melody from the old record player, alongside it were the phantoms of his old memories dancing on his bed that wrapped him in memories that felt both distant and achingly near.
He likes to imagine Hyunjin across town, maybe on some dimly lit bar where the air was thick with the scent of whiskey and broken promises, yeah, he was dramatic like that, sitting like a sad poet who nursed some acid drink, maybe his eyes are fixed on nothing in particular, like the memories Felix can’t escape ever since he left two weeks ago. Maybe even in this universe the same song played in the background, its lyrics a haunting echo of his own tangled past.
He was once stupid enough to think that their lives were meticulously written in the stars, that by some miracle their paths had crossed and intertwined in a dance of passion filled in the fluffy orange covered clouds that soon were painted a deep blue of pain, leaving behind a tapestry of moments that shimmered like starlight and yet burned till turning nothing but ash.
Slowly Felix traced the lines of the song with his thoughts, here, where the silence was killing him not so slowly and gently, he couldn't help but wonder about his sad love story written in between verses, Hyunjin was in there too, smiling sadly at him as he sang along with him. "And somehow I’ve fallen in love with this middle ground at the cost of my soul" he murmured to himself, a hint of longing in his voice.
Maybe in that universe, Hyunjin’s eyes were haunted by the ghosts of their mistakes, there, with the lingering smell of pain and tequila Hyunjin found a much better Felix, drinking and laughing with someone who will love him for real this time. He dreams of Hyunjin’s gaze clouded with regret and desire. "I watch for signals, for a clue. How to feel different, how to feel new," he muttered under his breath, a wistful smile playing on his lips.
How pitiful it was that he still wishes for their shared keys to jingle on the door once more? And how absurd he must look as he struggles to get out of bed and find his life again. But as days passed, they not so slowly turned into nights, and nights into days, as he navigated the murky waters of love and loss. Each encounter, each word exchanged, was a delicate dance on the edge of something profound and perilous. Something he knew he could no longer hold near his heart.
"All of this mess is just my attempt to know the worth of my life," Felix confessed one drunken evening to Seungmin, his most loyal soldier, a tear slipping down his cheek. "But now I wonder if staying with him was just another way for missed chances of finding myself."
Seungmin wiped his tears with delicate fingers, tongue tied as he suppressed the words he knew Felix doesn’t want to hear anymore. He fights the memory of Hyunjin confiding in him as he drowns in self pity and anger, his words tinged with bitterness and longing. "God knows, I am dissonance," he whispered, his eyes distant as he stared into his hands. "Waiting for him to pull me back into tune."
The pain subsides as the scars start to heal, and soon the days turn into months and the months into years before their now clean paths crossed once again, this time under the flickering lights of a forgotten alleyway where whispers of forgotten promises hung heavy in the air.
"I was ready to stay one more night and fight for us, but you decided that enough was enough," Felix whispered, his voice trembling with the weight of unspoken truths.
"Well maybe I was waiting for you to do it," Hyunjin replied, his voice a mixture of resignation and defiance. "I’m sorry if my renegade heart only knew how to push you away from me, it seems like it’s the only thing it knows how to do."
In the midst of their shared memories and shattered illusions, they found themselves standing at a crossroads. The ghosts of what once was lingered between them, haunting every step they took forward.
"You said I was the love of your life," Felix whispered, his words a plea and a prayer.
"I thought you were, you don’t know how much I prayed for that to be true" Hyunjin confessed, his gaze meeting Felix for the first time in what felt like eternity. "But sometimes, even love can't save us from ourselves."
And with that bittersweet acknowledgment hanging in the air, they parted ways once more, two souls forever intertwined by a song that spoke of love, loss, and the timeless ache of what could have been.