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Frederick stood nervously outside the cafe. looking at the sign that read “the rainforest cafe”. He gulped, clutching his 6 centimeter long, turquoise, brown accent, dog pattern purse.
He had a date today but to tell you the truth, Frederick was more concerned about the cafe choice rather than the fact that he’s on a date with a guy he barely knows.
He observed people come in and out of the cafe, point at the fake waterfall sitting next to the cafe that would occasionally squirt water and mold on his face, and take pictures with the employee in a chameleon costume in front of the entrance.
He knew his date arrived when a cloud of green mist tickled his nose. His date smelled like fish and mold. It was a fact already known to him when he got asked out but he really didn't think that the scent would be permanent.
“Heyy.” his date smiled, showing his decaying teeth and my God was his breath worse than his smell!
“Um, why hello there Weeping Clown!” Frederick nervously chuckled and tried to look away from his date.
“You look so gorgeous..” Weeping Clown looked at him with stars in his eyes. Frederick nodded and smiled. He really didn't wanna be such an A-hole to his date.
“Let's go inside!” His date pointed at the door to swing it open, going in, Frederick following behind.
🎋🦍🦜🐊🐒🐘🦎🎋
Frederick’s stress got worse when they went inside with all the animal noises coming from the speakers stationed above their heads. They get seated next to the huge elephant animatronic that would loudly rumble and cry every now and then.
Weeping clown hands Frederick the menu before loudly excusing himself to the bathroom. Literally everyone and their mama at the café heard him obnoxiously state that “he's got the wee’s”. Whatever that means.
He inattentively examined the menu before him. All dessert and lunch options seemed pretty generic and lame for his fancypants rich mcgee taste buds.
The sound of someone taking a number 2 can be heard from the bathroom.. Frederick sinks into his seat in embarrassment when a waiter approaches him.
“What would you like to have today?” The waiter asks, his uniform as mundane as ever but his hair as lucious as ever, glistening from grease under the rainforest café’s lights(that are veiled by a shit ton of veins hanging from the ceiling) and littered with dandruff. His tired eye bags told many stories just by the looks of them . His fatigued, depressed expression sending Frederick’s heart racing. He feels inspired to compose a song about the waiter’s chapped lips.
‘Matthias’ his tag read. He will keep that in mind.
Frederick doesn’t realize that he’s been staring till the sound of thunder blasts from the speakers — they really do play the strangest sounds in this café. He clears his throat and composes himself.
“I will have the uh-“ his eyes quickly scan over the menu, pointing at the first lunch option he sees. “iggy piggy’s sandwich?”
“Cool, anything else?”
Frederick shakes his head when an obnoxiously loud scream can be heard from across. Weeping clown came back and he’s clearly unhappy. Sure, maybe Frederick was being a total prick for ordering without him but screaming in public is just outrageous!
Weeping clown marches over to their table and snatches Matthias by his collar. “How dare you flirt with my date?!” He yells, masses of spit flying all over Matthias’ face. “Sir, I work here…” Matthias defeatedly answers.
“Well that doesn’t mean you can go around flirting with people’s dates like that! I highly doubt that's part of your training.” Weeping clown pettily adds the last sentence, letting go of Matthias.
Frederick sighs. He knew Weeping Clown wasn’t a good match for him but he simply couldn’t say no to him. His botched chin is what piqued Frederick’s interest at first but now he realizes that every waking moment he’ll spend around Weeping clown he’d probably go on Twitter to suibait his 2 followers.
Frederick was bad at setting boundaries with people. He’s more likely to say yes to a date with a guy from the office who he’s only spoken to about 2 times and both times were just basic greetings rather than tell anyone how he truly feels. He pitied himself but his excessive fear of upsetting people chewed on him like the gorilla animatronic across him right now, chewing on the bamboo props placed around it.
Matthias fixed his shirt and gave both of them a nasty gaze before calling on one of his coworkers to take their orders.
Before Weeping Clown can say anything, Frederick excuses himself to the bathroom.
🎋🦍🦜🐊🐒🐘🦎🎋
Waddling away quickly into the King of the jungle, Frederick sighs loudly and sits down onto the piss covered floor. He readjusted his clip on ponytail and wiped away his tears.. Frederick really was glad to finally be away from Weeping Clown’s stench, somehow he smelt worse than the toilets. But when Frederick looks up to survey his surroundings.. His heart sinks.. Monkeys.. They’re everywhere.. Frank gripped his clip on ponytail harshly to attempt to stop the panic attack he was beginning to have but OMG the monkeys..
The monkey paintings on the wall laughed mockingly at Frederick. He couldn’t take it; it was just like when Weeping Clown had taken him to the hullabaloo circus bathroom! They had real life monkeys and Mike Morton in there!
He takes deep breaths as poop leaked out of his boyhole, why did his IBS always have to trigger when he was emotional? Tears came out his eyes like bullets from a machine gun.
The King of the jungle door opens, the employee(His name is Charles Holt BTW.) in the chameleon costume from earlier (the chameleon's name is cha!cha! BTW.) gracefully saunters in while covering his buttocks with both hands. A familiar poop stench hits Frederick’s nostrils, and he looks up expecting to see Weeping Clown standing there but all there is, is one stinky chameleon!
Charles the Chameleon looks over his shoulder to see a man sprawled on the piss covered, ant infested bathroom floors; and ay caramba.. Charles can't help but feel his heart break at the sight.
Charles the Chameleon starts stomping his feet in a rhythm that matches the loud monkey noises playing inside the café, his body sways along elegantly like one of Weeping Clown’s circus performances.
Frederick looks at him with fascination. His jaw drops to the floor when he sees the recoil of the Chameleon’s buttocks. He wishes his lower half can recoil like that! Now he’s upset, his feet trembling aggressively in envy.
His clip on ponytail starts vibrating with a loud buzzing sound. In reaction to this, Charles scratches the head of his chameleon costume and shrugs, before exiting the bathroom in search of Matthias. Frederick gives a glare to the poop that fell on the floor through the bottom of his chameleon suit.
A few seconds later, Matthias enters the King of the jungle with blood dripping down his wrists, and a bucket full of rubbing alcohol and lukewarm water. He dips his head into the bucket and starts rubbing the floors of the bathroom with his hair that is on his head.
Frederick stares at him in awe, whenever he tried doing that.. his clip on ponytail would just fall off..
Matthias gracefully shook his head, sending particles of rubbing alcohol onto Frederick’s eyes. His eyes stung in pain, it felt just like when he had pink eye all over again after his roommate Joseph had farted on his pillow. Frederick stylishly stood up, putting on his 6 cm long turquoise brown accent dog pattern purse in a rather sexy fashion to grab Matthias’ attention.
Frederick goes up to Matthias. “I need a seme to my uke~”
Matthias turns his head up towards Frederick and a sad look fills his eyes.. “I’m an uke..”
Frederick’s heart stops for a second. They lived in a world where two ukes cant be together, and two semes cant be together. He will get arrested if anyone finds out about his uke on uke relationship. Tears rapidly fill his eyes, and poop fills his pants, all whilst his clip on ponytail began its emotional vibrating session again.
He runs out of the King of the jungle and back to his table. Frederick was shocked, he couldn’t believe this turn of events. He didn’t think this would ever happen to him; the love of his life.. also being a uke? Frederick felt a real connection with Matthias only for this to happen. He just wanted to slit his wrists and die. When he returned to his table, he saw Weeping Clown with one of his feet up on the table. Not again!
“ 🍥 🌰
🍥🍓 🌰
🍥🍥🍥🌰
🍥🍓🍥🍥
🍥🍥🍥🍥🍥🍥
🏉🏉🏉🏉🏉🏉
🏉🏉🏉🏉🏉
🏉🏉🏉🏉
🏉🏉🏉
🏉🏉🏉
🏉🏉🏉” Weeping clown said.
Frederick shat back on the table they were seated at in rainforest café. Weeping Clown began to wiggle his toes “My footsies want walkies!”. Frederick nods and agrees to go on a walk with Weeping Clown.
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🎋🦍🦜🐊🐒🐘🦎🎋
To his dismay, they weren’t leaving the café; they stopped right at the Rainforest gift shop. They walk in and see the inappropriate view of two employees getting at it on the floor.
Frederick gasps, his heart rate goes up. He clenches his buttcheeks together, his chapped lips puffing for air.
His blue braces are visible. He drops onto the ground with a loud thud, he dies instantly. The two employees (Their names are Joseph and Aesop BTW.) pause their gay sex to look at the body on the ground.
Weeping clown stops in his steps and starts weeping like his name LOL.
Charles the Chameleon takes off his chameleon head in sorrow, bringing it to his chest to show respect.
Matthias exits the King of the jungle and is now met with the sight of his only love, dead, on the ground.
His heart sinks… maybe he should’ve given Frederick a chance before immediately turning him down.
🎋🦍🦜🐊🐒🐘🦎🎋
POV: Joseph
Joseph and Aesop found themselves entwined in an unexpected adventure when they stumbled upon a hidden library deep within the forest. As they pored over ancient tomes, each page whispered secrets of wisdom and wonder. Their contrasting perspectives—Joseph, with his pragmatic sensibilities, and Aesop, with his fables rich in moral lessons—merged seamlessly, weaving tales of empathy and enlightenment. Amidst the dusty volumes and flickering candlelight, they forged a bond stronger than ink on parchment, embarking on a journey not just through the pages of history, but through the depths of their own souls.
the end