Chapter Text
Coach: Hey, y’all! We’re live from the Camp of Outrageous Legends or as you may call it ‘COOL’. This camp is located on an island somewhere on Earth, I forgot where, hell even I forgot my real name, but don’t worry, just call me ‘Coach’! Your host of the COOLest reality show ever, sixteen campers from various dimensions has signed up, don’t ask how I can travel dimensions like that.
Coach: Okay hold on, lemme see the list…
*Coach looks at the scattered files to find the guide book on how to host reality tv*
Coach: Baby that’s what I’m talking about!
Coach: *open book* Mhm, all sixteen campers will spend weeks to stay in this nice and comfortable summer camp. They will compete against each other in challenges then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers.
Coach: Every challenge, one team will either win a reward or vote off their member of their team to walk down the Dock of Shame, hop on the loser boat and leave the camp for greater good. The losers’ fate will be decided in the campfire elimination ceremony where all but one camper will receive a marshmallow.
Coach: In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded a good fortune, let’s sayyy… a million dollars. I really hope the winner doesn’t waste their fortune on stupid s*** like uhh.. you know rich stuff to show off and get ladie- oops, was lost for a moment, anyway who will be winning the fortune? Find out in Camp of Outrageous Legends!
== insert intro ==
Coach: Welcome back to COOL camp. Alright, time to meet our first 8 campers! The first one arrives right now.
**A highschooler wearing blue attire steps on the dock**
Asuka: Hey Coach, uhm… is this what you really call a ‘nice’ and ‘comfortable’ camp? (while pointing at a forest fire in the back)
Coach: Agh, goddammit! I swore on my life that my assistant can’t stop screwing things up! Anyway, good to see you, Asuka Kazama! How do you feel about joining this game?
Asuka: Er… no answer.
Coach: Awkward. Next one please.
**A man in his 30s wearing a white tuxedo and holding a suitcase leaves the boat and is surprised by Coach appearance**
Nick: Woah damn… Coach. I didn’t expect you to pull up a reality tv show.
Coach: Nick! My man! How’s it going, been long isn’t it since that… incident.
Nick: Yeppers. Not bad at all, at least I opened my new fashion business.
Asuka: *whisper* What incident?
Coach: Errr… does not matter. Now for our third camper!
**A spiky haired man in a red suit steps on the dock**
Kasuga: Good morning everybody! My name is Ichiban Kasuga, nice to meet you all!
Asuka: Ichiban? Ichiban means number one.
Kasuga: Yeah! Good to see you...
Asuka: Asuka Kazama.
Nick: Name’s Nick or you can call me Nicolas.
Coach: And my name’s Coach, although you already knew when you signed up the contract. How’re you feeling about this game?
Kasuga: Heh, feeling great.
**A geek with glasses steps on the dock with her friend**
Coach: Velma! How’s it going?
Velma: It’s incredible to meet you, Coach. We’re going to win this game.
Nick: “we”? You two?
Daphne: Oh, me and Velma have worked together for a while, ever heard of Mystery Incorporated? I’m Daphne.
Kasuga: Nice to meet you, Daphne! Also I don’t know any of this ‘Mystery Incorporated’ thing.
Velma: It’s where we catch ghosts and monsters.
Nick: I’ve faced zombies before, I don’t know if they’re real.
Asuka: Well…
Daphne: Most of the monsters we caught were a person in a costume anyway so yeah.
Nick: Must be fun to hang out with your pals to hunt ghosts.
**A short drone with purple eyes wearing a beanie steps on the dock**
Coach: Uzi Doorman, how ya doin’!
Kasuga: Woah! Is that a robot?!
Uzi: Bite me! I’m a worker drone! I didn’t ask to be in this game.
Coach: Same thing, hope you’re enjoying your stay in this- wait what’s that on your back?
Uzi: I’ll introduce you to my Sick as Hell railgun, I use this to wipe out the disassembly drones because my people are cowardly to face them and rely on my dad’s doors to keep them safe.
Asuka: Is that why your surname is ‘Door’man?
Kasuga: Wait, you can bring weapons? I should’ve brought mine.
Coach: Relaxxxx Kasuga, no bad guys around here. Uzi, I should take confiscate your railgun-
Uzi: Bite me! I worked hard to build this, no way in hell I will give it away to a human!
Nick: And I thought I was the only asshole in here.
**A blonde man wearing shades and a black coat arrives**
Wesker: This is where I’ll be staying?
Coach: Yes, Wesker.
Wesker: I guess I’ll look forward to this game. Also treat the next guy nicely.
Nick: What the hell do you mea-
**Big mutant zombie carefully exit the boat*
Nick: HOLY S*** BIG FREAKING ZOMBIE!
*Nick pulls out a rifle from his briefcase*
Coach: Woah woah woah let go of your trigger this instant young’n. This big fellow won’t cause any harm. Also why the hell did you bring your rifle?
Nick: It’s for emergencies. Who’s this guy anyway?
Coach: Ah, Wesker informed me. His name is Nemesis.
Nemesis: Starrssss…. (waves at other camper and everyone except Uzi waved back)
Daphne: Is that actually a zombie mutant?
Wesker: Yeah, it is. Don’t worry I took care of him, he shall get along with you.
*Everyone glared at Uzi trying to shoot her railgun*
Uzi: What? Fineeee… (put her railgun on her back)
Nick: I don’t think I’m gonna last a day with this guy.
**A mechanic man wearing a cap and overall arrives with a smug grin about to reunite with his two friends**
Nick: Speaking of that… Oh come on!
Ellis: Yo, what’s up Coach and Nick!
Coach: Ellis! Good to see you buddy, how was your adventure with your buddy Keith?
Ellis: Stuff happens. *glances at Nick*
Nick: Hey Ellis… I hope this isn’t the best time to share your story.
Ellis: Man I gotta wait for everyone to show up to tell my exciting stories!
**A young prosecutor equipped with a whip arrives**
Franziska: This is it…
Coach: You good girl?
Franziska: Yeah, I’m good as ever. I’m going to prove to my dad that I’m the greatest daughter.
**A man with a big pink head and a mustache excitedly leave the boat**
Pops: Hoho! I am meeting quite some fabulous guests here.
Coach: Pops, what brings you here?
Pops: Well, I would like to have fun in this game. Here ya go! (Pops hand out his lollipop to Coach)
Coach: Thanks fella. Now go meet your fellow campers on that side.
Uzi: This guy’s weird…
???: Would you like me to remind you about your life, toaster?
Kasuga: *surprised* Woah! Who said that?
**Another drone who seem to be a lot taller than Uzi dropped on the dock**
Coach: (Slowly open his eyes while holding Pops lollipop) Oh! Serial Designation J, The ship captain informed me that you were gone when you were in the middle of ship ride.
J: It was really slow so I flew right into the island.
Uzi: Wh- wh- WHY IS SHE HERE?! AND HOW ARE YOU NOT OVERHEATING?
J: Same could be said to you.
Coach: I got my workers to rig the system so they won’t overheat anymore.
Franziska: What’s wrong with her?
Pops: Looks taller than you. Also, sick landing.
J: Well someone here appreciates my skill, unlike you.
Uzi: Bite me!
Wesker: Can we… uh.. move on.
**A short woman with a pink beanie and glasses arrives*
Meg: I can’t believe it, I already told my dad to not let me join any of these crappy games.
Asuka: I think you will be good friends with this person. (Glaring at Uzi)
Uzi: Bit-
Everyone: Okay we get it!
Nemesis: Starrs…….. *sigh*
Coach: Let’s just focus on our next camper. (annoyed look)
**Boat arrives**
(A good silence for a minute)
Ellis: Is someone supposed to be coming out of the boat?
Boat driver: Should be. (The boat driver head inside the boat)
Boat driver: Alright wake up sleeping beauty, ride’s over.
???: Oh we’re here already. Sorry.
**A man in maroon pinstripe suits exited the ship looking drowsy**
Coach: Ahahah! Akiyama!
Akiyama: Yo! Heard there’s some good stuff here.
Coach: And you came into the right place!
**A princess with an orange dress arrives and excitedly hops off the boat**
Daisy: Yahoo! Hello everyone!
Nemesis: Starrss…. (waving at Daisy)
Coach: Princess Daisy, what brings you here?
Daisy: Got to make sure I’m great at everything!
Coach: Now for the last camper.
**The final camper is a human-robot who exit the ship**
Connor: Hello, my name is Connor. I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.
Wesker: Android..?
Daphne: So… you’re a robot?
Connor: Affirmative.
J: Guess that makes three of us. Wow, it’s kinda weird.
Nick: Hey, don’t forget you got a big mutant zombie behind ya. (He pointed back at Nemesis who's behind him)
Franz: And a big headed man.
Pops: Hello.
Coach: Every camper has arrived! Before we begin our game, let me give you a tour of this island.
**Coach and the campers stumbles to his assistant who is a yeti wearing a jeans**
???: Hey, Pops.
Pops: Ohohoh! Skips! What’re you doing here?
Skips: Figured my boss needed some help so I came here to fix the problem, Coach I cleared the forest fire.
Coach: Proud of ya buddy. Now these are the cabins where you will be sleeping, then this is the cafeteria yadda yadda…
(The tour goes on until they arrive at campfire)
Coach: Hope you guys enjoyed the tour, before you start running around. I’ll assign the sixteen of you campers into two teams of eight. Teams will be decided by picking the colored card from the box. Connor, you go first.
Connor: (picks up a Bronze card) Brown.
Coach: If you get a Bronze card - or Brown card I guess, or a Silver card you will stand on your matching color mat. Asuka, you’re up.
Asuka: Silver.
Coach: Nick.
Nick: I got a silver card.
Coach: Ellis.
Ellis: Well, we were about twelve years old and had this crazy idea that we'd build the fastest go-kart anyone had ever seen.
Coach: Ellis..
Ellis: Keith managed to snag an old lawnmower engine from his uncle's shed. We spent weeks piecing together parts, scavenging from junkyards and neighbor-
Everyone yelled: ELLIS!
Ellis: Okay, okay. I’ll get my card…
Nick: Please don’t be silver, don’t be silver, don’t be silver…
Ellis: That’s wack, I got a bronze card!
Nick: (sigh in relief)
Coach: Wesker.
Wesker: Silver card.
Coach: Uzi D-man.
(Uzi picks up a bronze card and head to Connor without saying anything, looking unamused)
“Daphne!”
(Daphne picks up a bronze card and head to Connor, Ellis and Uzi)
“Ichiban Kasuga.”
Kasuga: Nice, a silver card.
Coach: We’re at halfway point now. Uzi, Connor, Daphne and Ellis are on the bronze team. Asuka, Wesker, Nick and Kasuga are on the silver team. J, you’re next.
(J picks up a silver card and head to her teammate)
“Nemmie!”
(Nemesis frowned as he picked up a bronze card separating from Wesker)
“Pops!”
Pops: Jolly good show! (he picks up a silver card)
“Von karma!”
Franz: Silver… hmph.
“Akiyama!”
Akiyama: Alright, guess I’ll be staying with the bronze team.
“Daisy!”
Daisy: I got a bronze card! I hope we will do great as a team!
Nick: Trust me, you wouldn’t last a day teaming with Ellis.
Coach: Oh shut up Nick. Velma, you’re up.
Velma: Hey a bronze card, I’m in the same team as Daphne.
Coach: And lastly… Meg. That means you will be staying with the silver team.
Meg: Okay, whatever.
Coach: Now you’re all set. I will be naming the team! Bronze, you will be the Bold Bears, and for Silver, you will be the Rowdy Rhinos!
Bold Bears: Connor, Shun Akiyama, Nemesis, Ellis, Velma Dinkley, Daphne Blake, Uzi Doorman, Princess Daisy
Rowdy Rhinos: Albert Wesker, Ichiban Kasuga, Nick, Pops, J, Franziska von Karma, Asuka Kazama, Meg Griffin
Uzi: Can we switch our team name? I don’t like it.
Coach: You will get used to it. Now you can go explore, chat or eat stuff from that cafeteria. First challenge will be tomorrow.
=== Rowdy Rhinos side ===
Meg: So… Rhinos, how’s it going?
Kasuga: I’m going on an adventure in the woods.
Asuka: Are you sure it will be safe going there alone?
Kasuga: I can handle it on my own.
Coach: Oh yeah, forgot to tell you. You can’t go into the woods… yet.
Franziska: What are those for?
Coach: You will see.
Meg: Yeah I can tell it’s for a challenge. Now where were we?
(Everybody disappears and heading into different places)
Meg: Ugh.
=== Bold Bears cabin ===
Connor: No sign of danger, this place is looking comfy.
Akiyama: Nice. (Immediately went to bunk bed to nap)
Daphne: You’re asleep already? We haven’t introduced ourselves.
Uzi: Yeah, nice to meet you all. I’m Uzi. (leaves the cabin to somewhere else)
Velma: What’s wrong with this toaster?
Uzi: I heard that!
Velma: Sorry.
=== Cafeteria ===
Nick: You know… I’ve seen various seasons of Total Drama and the food there sucked. I’m surprised by how good this meal is!
Wesker: Agreed. Who made this meal?
(The Merchant from Resident Evil 4 pops out the table, jumpscaring a several campers)
The Merchant: It was me, stranger!
Coach: Yeah, that’s right. It’s this guy who provided you with a nice meal.
Kasuga: Got a name?
The Merchant: I got no name, stranger.
Meg: Why do you keep calling us Stranger?
J: Because we just met. (facepalmed) I don’t know any of you guys besides the toaster.
Meg: Are you both rivals or something?
J: Yeah, you can say that.
=== Somewhere near the woods ===
(Nemesis and Pops was seen talking to each other)
Pops: Do you enjoy nature?
Nemesis: Starrss…. (shrug)
Pops: Oh look it’s a butterfly!
(The butterfly notice a big mutant zombie and immediately frightened and flew away in flash)
Nemesis: Starsss….. (sad sigh)
Pops: It’s okay, Nemesis. Not many appreciate your looks but you have me.
Nemesis: Starrrs…. (happy)
=== Back in Bold Bears cabin, also night time ===
Daisy: Oh hey, Velma, Daphne! What’re you doing with that laptop?
Velma: Oh we’re trying to call our gang to see how we’re doing.
Daisy: Isn’t this a reality tv show? They can just watch it from their TV.
Connor: Okay, how are they going to communicate?
Daisy: Woah, you scared me a second where did you come from?
Velma: Oh, since you’re an android. Mind telling us what you do?
Connor: I am designed to work with police investigations, I can scan the area and reenact the scene from the samples I picked up, not to mention licking the blood.
Velma: Licking the… you what?
Connor: Have any of you seen the purple robot wearing a beanie? I got something to ask her.
Daphne: Uzi? I don’t see her anywhere.
Daisy: Should we go look for her?
Connor: No, I’ll go.
=== Rowdy Rhinos cabin, male side ===
Pops: So gentlemen, what do you do in your life?
Kasuga: Hmm… I work at Hello Work where I give ex-yakuza a legitimate job to turn their lives around after those great dissolution.
Nick: Just living with my business selling a nice suit. I joined here because I need some vacation time.
Wesker: Does joining a reality tv show and get taken into a random island where we never heard of count as a vacation?
Nick: Sort of, what about you, shades? And your big friend Nemesis?
Wesker: It’s complicated.
=== Rowdy Rhinos cabin, female side ===
Asuka: Prosecutor at 13? I can’t believe that.
Franziska: Okay, now what do you do?
Asuka: Go to highschool, go home, break up fights in the neighborhood, repeat. Also I enjoy fighting. What about you, pink beanie?
Meg: I am Meg, just a student like you.
J (hanging from the ceiling upside down): Ugh, quiet down. I’m trying to rest here.
Franziska: Didn’t think we would have a bat in our team.
J: Excuse me fool, I am Serial Designation J and the highest and best product of JcJenson company!
Meg: Never heard of it.
Asuka: Ego much, what do you do anyway?
J: I kill the corrupt worker drones and drink their oil to keep us alive in Copper-9.
Franziska: Worker drones like… that beanie drone?
J: Yeah that little toaster, I wanted to get rid of her. If only the audiences are fine with robot gore.
Meg: Why do you hate her? Is it the railgun or something?
(J whips out a sharp claw)
Meg: I think I’ll stop asking and forget everything.
Franziska: Yeah, real nice. I'm off to sleep now.
Asuka: Same, have a great night.
(Everyone head to sleep)
Sixteen remain.
Bold Bears:
- Connor
- Shun Akiyama
- Uzi Doorman
- Nemesis
- Princess Daisy
- Ellis
- Velma Dinkley
- Daphne Blake
Rowdy Rhinos:
- Nick
- Albert Wesker
- Serial Designation J
- Franziska von Karma
- Pops
- Asuka Kazama
- Meg Griffin
- Ichiban Kasuga
TO BE CONTINUED