Chapter Text
I just don't get it.
Robby often found himself thinking, on those dark days. Those days that he found himself stuck staring at the wall, unable to listen to anyone else around him. Those days he wished he could be someone else. Those days he watched his own dad hug Miguel harder than he'd ever hugged his own son. Those days he couldn't help but wonder why he was even born.
Today was one of those days. You wouldn't expect it, a sunny summer day, with a light breeze blowing through his hair every time he stepped outside of the LaRusso household. They didn't have Miyagi-Do that day- shockingly. Mr. and Mrs. LaRusso had to do some damage control over at the dealership and Sam had gone off with Aisha. Robby didn't know where Anthony went but he never actually knew where he was anyways. He had the house to himself. Any typical teenager would be relishing in some time off, time alone. But not Robby. For him, time alone was the calm before the storm. The still, the quiet, was dangerous. Something awful and chaotic always followed. The boy can't help but think there will never be a day when he's no longer always on edge. There will never be a day where he doesn't know who's around based on the sound and feel of their footsteps. There will never be a day where he doesn't feel the need to hide when someone walks into the same room. And there certainly will never be a day where Robby feels safe enough to wear both headphones without having his back facing the corner.
I just don't get it. Living with the LaRusso's was hard. He'd never have to worry about almost being killed for flushing some pills, but it was a different kind of hard. It was gut-wrenching, seeing the way the family interacted with each other. Watching Mr. LaRusso be a real parent to Sam and Anthony- no screaming, no running off when things got hard, keeping them out of danger, the polar opposite of his parents.
So what he really doesn't get is why he's somehow an exception. What did he do that was so wrong to deserve the childhood he was given?
It's not often that Robby complains, it truly isn't. But some days he can't help but feel a deep sorrow for himself, mourning what could have- what should have- been.
While Amanda and Daniel cook for their family every day, most days Robby was lucky to have cereal in the apartment. Amanda and Daniel comfort their children when they're upset, Robby had to learn his emotions were too much for his parents and got really good at keeping them to himself. Amanda and Daniel maybe have a glass of wine with dinner or something harder that they just sip until it's gone, but both of Robby's parents were addicts. When they were around, chances are they were passed out drunk- or in his mother's case, high.
I just don't get it. Robby can't take feeling like this. Genuinely, what could he have possibly done as a child to deserve the neglect and abuse he suffered at the hands of just about every adult he'd ever met? Hell, he still is a child. But the first time he is ever seeing a healthy family dynamic in real life is at sixteen years-old. Robby feels nothing but gratitude towards the LaRusso's for disrupting his life sentence of pain and showing him there's more to the world than what he'd known. But part of him can't help but fear it's too little too late. Is he just screwed up forever? No matter how much time passes that he's safe, fed, and looked after, Robby still feels so guarded. He still feels like the biggest mistake he's ever made is being born.
Things would be better for everyone if I just was never born. The thoughts get louder. More grating.
These dark days really take everything out of him.