Chapter Text
It was October 14th, and Mischa was in bed with Noel Gruber, he didn't know what happened, one moment he was cuddling Noel, watching The Blue Angel, one of Noel’s favourite movies, and then they went to bed together as Mischa sobbed over the movie, and the next moment he saw Karnak and the roller coaster, it scared him, he never wanted to feel like that again, be in that situation again, he heard the screams, Karnak’s booming voice, he remembered the stuffed animal that he gave Noel, the look of the warehouse, the nervousness of Ocean as she had to vote for someone to come to life, It all came back to him in a hazed blur as he slept, he recalled going on the cyclone, as it frantically went down, he heard all the screams, laughs, and cries of the choir. The pit in his stomach got larger as the axle of the ride broke, and he saw everyone he knew die to their tragic deaths, then he was hurled to the ground as he woke up with a gasp in Noel’s bed, at 2 am,
Noel wasn't a deep sleeper. Any and every noise could make him wake up in an instant, so when he heard his boyfriend wake up in a sweat, panting and panicking, he immediately rolled over to face him, asking what was wrong as he kept breathing heavily,
“Misch, are you ok?” he said, one hand on his shoulder,
“Ангел I am fine, just, flashbacks of the rollercoaster,” he said, clutching his head, he had severe headaches and chest pains from the cyclone and the effects that it had on his body, this also was not his first time having these flashbacks,
“Misch, I'm sorry, that sounds horrible,” he said, tired out of his mind but still having the energy to comfort the most amazing person that he had ever met,
“It’s fine poet. Just forget about it, besides, this has happened so many times that I should be used to this by now” he said with a sigh, but he wasn't, even though he heard the screams over and over again it still scared him in a way that he couldn't explain like he was reliving it again, he felt as if he’d break out in tears if he heard someone even mention the cyclone, or even worse Karnak and that whole ordeal…
“This has happened more than once?!” Noel exclaimed in shock, this seemed to haunt Mischa everywhere he went, Mischa just nodded, recalling the times he cried on his mattress after the dreaded dream came again and again, but each time it always felt even more real.
“Poet, I don't want you worrying about me, let’s go back to sleep, this is a sleepover isn't it?” He said, just wanting the subject to go away, he hated the dreams, but he couldn't brush off the memories. It stuck with him like glue, but he wanted it to stay in his memories. Not to show up one day just to ruin him,
“I guess, are you sure that you want to though?” Noel asked uncertainly, Mischa could’ve been pretending to be ok, no scratch that, he definitely was, Noel saw the tears glistening in his eyes as they spoke, the best part of having a bad mental state is that you could tell every time,
“Misch, you aren't okay and I can clearly see that.” He said, wiping a tear that fell off his cheek.
“Well, I don't know what to do about that, what do I do Noel? I want this to stop so badly, but my brain keeps trying to make me think that I'm reliving the worst moments of my life,” Mischa said, he didn't know what talking about it would do because the only way to stop this would be to block out the memories, try to forget. But no matter how hard he tried to forget, it always came back to him because you couldn't forget almost dying could you?
“I-” Noel stuttered as he searched for an answer, Mischa couldn't just block it out, he didn't know what he could really do to help his boyfriend, and that made him the worst boyfriend in the world, because who wouldn't have a solution for their loved one’s problems? “Do you want some water?” he asked in a panic, he knew that when he was depressed he didn't do anything except lay in bed all day, he hoped that Mischa wouldn't do the same thing as he did, but Mischa just shook his head and pulled the covers over himself, Noel went silent as he realised that he really didn't want to talk about it, he turned over to the other side of the bed and tried to sleep the best he could, even though he was seeing his boyfriend in distress. He needed to figure out what to do next because he couldn't bear to see Mischa like this.
The next day rolled around and Mischa was feeling a lot better, even waking up first, (because he couldn't sleep) weirdy he was very energetic at 5 am, he knew that it was earlier than the time he’d usually wake up for school but he was unfazed, he woke up with one goal in mind, making Noel a Ukrainian dish named Medovyk, he adored it in Ukraine, it was a delicious 8 layer honey cake, he felt bad for snapping at Noel last night, he was agitated and tired and he wanted to make up for it, he knew that Noel only had good intentions, but he hated whenever he kept asking and asking him if he was ok, he would just hope for the best that the flashbacks would stop one day, and he hoped it would be soon, he had pocketed money from his adoptive parents days before, just so he could have something to eat, in the beginning, they left a plate of food for him at the top of the stairs that led up to the basement, but soon they even stopped doing that, being out of town most of the time now, so one day before they left he took around 500 dollars from the woman, Hannah’s, purse, they hadn't figured him out yet, and he was glad for that, he tried to quietly slip out of the house while Noel snored in the bed, and he went to the local mall that Noel worked at,
He was there only to get the ingredients that he didn't have, he had sugar at his disposal but the family didn't have any eggs, baking soda, or honey, (he snooped around and found the flour all up in a tall cabinet) he strolled around, also finding a shiny rose he could give to Noel, just for fun, he paid for the items then started to walk outside it was the perfect time to go outside, October was a fun month, it was a bit chilly but not too much but it was hot as well, perfect ratio, also there was Halloween, and Mischa was planning outfits already. The sky represented this, it was Grey and cloudy, and Mischa was wearing Noel's hoodie he saw him in the video call, he would never tell Noel this but the hoodie he wore that said ‘cats are better than people’ was the sign that he knew he wanted to be with Noel, and not to mention all the other beautiful things about his Poet, it was like the October sky, he could say so many things about it, he was more beautiful as the cloudy sky,
As he was walking outside, he noticed how similar Canada looked to Ukraine, there were no busy people roaming around the streets or cars rushing from place to place, no, this was calm, and it reminded him of home, and how his mother used to wake him early in the morning to go shopping, there was never anyone else there because no one in their right mind would think to go and get fruits at the farmers market at 5 am except his mother, he used to be annoyed at her for doing it because he wanted to sleep, Now? Now he just missed it,
He sighed as he walked back to Noel’s house, those were more memories that he didn't want to bring up as well, what he did want to remember was his mother’s Medovyk recipe, luckily for him, that was something that he would also always remember, he tried to open the door quietly as he came in, he slipped his bunny slippers off that he wore everywhere when he woke up at two am off.
He tried his best to get the measurements correct, they already had sour cream and sugar, and he got the whipped cream for the filling, and the topping, he'd put a strawberry on top later. He thought to himself as he actually made the cake,
He stirred the honey, sugar, and butter together, he knew that cake wasn't an actual breakfast so he was also going to make Noel eggs as well. Considering he literally hadn't eaten properly this whole month, only eating what he had in his messenger bag, which was likely only goldfish or a granola bar, because he was either too busy to eat, or he just forgot, he knew he wanted to make Noel the best meal that he would ever have.
He cut the dough, listening to the song that emotionally devastated him, Same Love by Macklemore but he remembered that Noel was a light sleeper and any of his favourite raps were super loud, so he decided to stop listening to Same Love at the highest volume. Even if he was wearing headphones, he wanted this to be a surprise for him
He brought it to the oven to bake it, remembering that his mother kept the leftovers once she cut the dough in perfect circles, his circles looked more like ovals but he was sure that he was fine. He took these leftovers and crumbled them up.
There were eight little pieces of dough that were done, he took them and put the cream over each one, once the little structure was done he smeared the cream over it, then added the crumbs on top, he had this cake for most of his birthdays, but on his latest one he had to make it himself because his mother wasn't well enough to make it, he ended up just giving it to his mother instead, knowing that she wouldn't be there much longer. He hoped Noel would like it as he used to In a brighter time.
It was his favorite part, he got to finally decorate. He picked out a few fruits, blackberries and strawberries, the two fruits being Noel's favourite colours.
Noel kept being startled awake, first by the sound of the door opening, he panicked at first but then realised that it was probably his mother coming home from work, and rolled over, not wanting to see Mischa after the dream, Mischa wanted to be alone, and Noel would respect that. He went back to sleep, and only 2 hours later he heard the oven go off, he questioned this but eventually just fell asleep again, too tired to wonder why his mother was making food at 7 am and wondered why she was even up at 7 am. Then he got too curious and wanted to see his mother until he realised that Mischa wasn't there.
He immediately got worried, getting up as soon as he didn't see Mischa, he ran downstairs knowing that Mischa Bachinski wouldn't usually wake up at 7 am, especially on a Saturday morning.
Until he saw Mischa baking a cake, he crouched down under the table just wanting to see Mischa without him noticing he was there. He was glad that at least Mischa was taking care of himself, baking something for himself instead of eating a granola bar. Like he'd done.
Mischa kept decorating until he heard breathing under him. He looked down and saw Noel’s beautiful face.
“Poet, why are you hiding?” He asked, finished with his cake, ready to give it to him.
“No reason,” Noel said, hoping Mischa wouldn't bring it up again, “are you- uh mad at me?” He asked, then promptly realizing that someone who hated him probably wouldn't call him poet.
“of course not poet, I will always love you, I even made a cake for you and some eggs… and a rose,” he said sheepishly, this was his worst fear, getting Noel to think he hated him because it would always be further from the truth, he always loved Noel over most anything else in his life, the last thing he'd do would be hating him.
“Misch that's the sweetest thing ever! I love you as well, but if you think I'm eating this eight-layer cake by myself you're so wrong,” he said with a smirk, cutting the cake in half,
“Poet!! I spent like 3 hours on that cake!” Mischa exclaimed jokingly.
“Well the purpose of cakes is to eat them, Misch, also when did we have eggs? I didn't go out shopping today!..wait, Misch, you didn't,” Noel said, hoping that Mischa seriously didn't just buy eggs for them because he wanted to make a cake for him.
“Well, you didn't have it in the first place so why not? Charles and Hannah are Rich Noel, did you forget?” Mischa said, taking a slice of his baby (the cake),
“You really didn't need to do that misch, this is one of the many reasons why you’re the best boyfriend,” Noel said, eating the cake, he heard his mother open her bedroom door, he didn't care.
“Oh yeah? What are the other reasons?” He asked, he loved seeing Noel go on and on about him, it was cute seeing him ramble about anything, the way his eyes lit up when he was talking about Monique or France and the way he got annoyed talking about homophobic bullies or Ocean, but he hated the fact that he even had to rant about bullies like that.
“well you're kind, a good baker evidenced by this amazing cake,” Mischa chucked a bit at this statement, knowing that everything he ever learned about baking came from his mother, if Noel thought he was good at baking then he should've seen his mother, she made the best food ever, Mischa was glad that he at least grew up with that, even though she eventually left him.
“You're smart, you speak Ukrainian, English, Russian, and Dutch, and like you always say not even the Dutch speak Dutch, and you learned sign language in like a week,” Noel said, he knew he was rambling but he'd always ramble forever about Mischa because he was the most amazing person ever
“You're beautiful, I could stare into your beautiful brown almond eyes forever, and we aren't even talking about your beautiful hair,” he said, starting to play with it as Mischa did a million times before. He enjoyed Mischa playing with his hair, even though he spent hours and hours doing it, Mischa loved playing with it, and Noel loved Mischa, no matter what he did, In this instance if Mischa bachinski told him to go jump off a cliff he'd probably do it in a heartbeat
Mischa was blushing like crazy as Noel said this, he just loved Noel in general, he couldn't even explain how much he loved him, he'd let the world burn for him.
He went In for a kiss and their lips smashed into each other, they felt like they would stay like that for an eternity, greedily taking love from each other, kissing and holding each other's bodies in their arms.
Until the doorbell rang and his mother in her half awoken state opened it,.it was kind of funny to see her in pyjamas when you're so.used to her being in her.scrubs most of the time..
“Oh hello, ocean!” She exclaimed seeing her, she always needed a home and she found one with the Grubers, before she met Constance, her girlfriend, Noel's mother knew Ocean's parents, when she first met them they tried to make her join their pyramid scheme, she knew that Ocean was staying over, no matter how much Noel used to try and hide it she always knew, she was just too busy sobbing over her divorce to care about the ponoor ginger child Noel tried to hide in his closet when she came around to his room
Ocean stood on the sidewalk of the house she knew so well, she stood there with Penny, Ricky, and her girlfriend, this was the choir's lousy attempt of trying to explain Karnak to Noel, conducted by Mischa Bachinski himself.
“лайно, I forgot about that,” Mischa said, rushing to the door “Noel I invited the choir..we need to talk to you about something,” he said, Noel’s face turned pale, was this it? Was this the end of his relationship? He just got Mischa back, he didn't want to lose him again, he opened the door for the choir to come in, then he realized Mischa wouldn't have invited the choir to that so he sat down nervously, sinking into his brown, old couch
“Noel..we wanted to talk about our deaths,” Ocean said, standing up, and facing Noel head-on, the choir stood next to her and Mischa sat with Noel, holding his hand. ,
“What about them?” Noel knew the choir, they didn't like talking about their deaths and they bounced around the topic a lot, so why were they bringing that up right now? And why did they come over to his house specifically for this?
“Well the only reason why we’re here, alive right now, is because of this person, or machine, named Karnak,” Constance added after Ocean,
He heard Mischa’s beautiful voice after her, “Karnak made us compete against each other, he forced us to sing songs, and he said that he could only bring one person back, the funny thing is, Ocean helped break that rule, who would've thought” Mischa said, smirking at Noel
Ocean glared at him, “Well Bachinski, you should shut your mouth. I'm the only reason that you’re alive right now,” she said, annoyed that he was saying this when she was actually the reason that the choir would be brought together in the first place!
“Yada yada yapping ginger, anyways, we would've died if Ocean didn't vote for us all and if we weren't the ones that Karnak chose to bring back to life, so we’re special,” Mischa said in response,
“Wow…” Noel sucked in a breath as he imagined a scenario where Karnak didn't approach them, where they only voted one person, it made him realize that he was lucky for them to survive, that this was a once in a lifetime, lucky that they could all be huddled up in his room together,
“But instead of feeling bad that you weren't with him he started rapping about money, so you can't really trust him,” Constance added with a laugh, Mischa glared at her
“Wow, I was sobbing Misch, how dare you!” Noel said with a smirk
“Hey! I was raging, what do you do when rage? You rap, specifically about money, and Noel Gruber being your shawty-”
“mon amour, I love you but please never say that again,” Noel said, he’d like to say it jokingly, but he was pretty sure that if he saw his husband say the word shawty he’d die inside a little, guess he was going to deal with it, because Mischa showed no sign of stopping soon,
They all laughed as Noel’s mother placed the coffee on the ottoman near the couch, he looked around at the choir he had gotten to know so well, Constance Blackwood, a girl whom he barely knew, was now one of his best friends, Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg, an annoying ginger who always made him fume, well… at least now she didn't do it all the time, Ricky Potts, someone who he didn't make the time of day to know, was now someone he texted and hung out with all the time, Penny lamb, someone the whole choir didn't know, was now Ricky’s girlfriend, and someone he hung out with constantly as well, and Mischa Bachinski, an online crush was now his loving boyfriend, he loved this life, he loved this little choir family, and he knew he wouldn't trade it for the world,
Ocean and the rest of the choir had left after a while of frustrating games of Monopoly, (Noel won, as always for all of them ) leaving him and Mischa alone, they went outside, like the time when Mischa was starting at Saint Cassian’s, and they stared at the sunset, together, this time they were staring at the stars
“Hey Noel?” Mischa asked as he admired Noel, because who else would he admire? The pretty French boy.shined brighter than all of the stars in the Milky Way.
“Yeah?” Noel said as a response, he thought the stars looked beautiful this night, but everything failed in comparison to his Mischa. Even the glorious stars, if that wasn't saying anything Noel didn't know what else he could've compared.him too, the stars used to be the most beautiful thing he ever knew . But his mischa was pure beauty he locved the hot Ukrainian so much
“Do you believe in happy endings?” He said lying down on the messiest blanket that Noel owned. And the only blanket he'd allow on the disgusting dirt driven grass.
Noel paused, he knew that he’d love to believe in one, he knew that he would love to settle for everything being perfect, no hardships, a perfect happy ending but he also knew the cold hard truth that life didn't have a sitcom ending, that there wouldn't be a happily ever after.
“Well, in all honesty, I don’t believe in it Misch, I'd like to, but I know that it'd never actually happen, like the day you asked me out? I thought my life would be happily ever after, and then the next day came, and I was treated the same way in school,my life was basically the same, but seeing your face always made me happy no matter how many times I heard homophobic slurs whispered in my ears, and the night you died I thought I was over, I thought my life was over..and then another day came and life kept coming, whether I wanted it to or not, this period of my life will change, and I have to be accepting of that because our life changing is what brought us to this place, and even if we get married, get a cat the whole ordeal, I know that we wouldn't be happy forever, I know that there’s going to be more hardships in the world, maybe even in our relationship, but, like Ricky said, at least we’re in this together” He said after a while of thinking about the question and in this moment, Mischa realised why he was a poet, he chose his words carefully, but they were always meaningful, sure life was all just a uncut, unclear mess, but, they all were in this together, and they had to realise that.
They continued sweetly staring at the stars, sometimes sneaking glances at each other, until Mischa finally found something to say to that beautiful ramble, a peck on the cheek, nothing like he wanted to do, but it'd suffice as Noel laid in Mischa's arms under that disgusting blanket, he knew that it was his mother's and that his grandmother gave it to her, so the blanket was old and disgusting. That was great.
He heard his mother come outside, “Noel! Honey, come bring Mischa with you! I made dinner” she exclaimed to the two love birds who probably weren't even listening. Too busy playing with each other's hair and looking at each other sweetly.
Mischa adored Noel’s mother, she reminded him of her own dead mother, and was a lot better than his adoptive parents, Noel however was adapting to the new change, it felt like a day ago she'd be at work right now stuffing her schedule without remembering that she had a child at home, but that was 2 months ago, and right now she was cooking lasagna so that was amazing. He didn't understand the shift, he didn't understand why, He had a thought that it was because he was struggling immensely last month. And what mother would leave her child in that situation alone? Well all he could say is that he appreciated it, especially after the choir died, if it wasn't for her (and Mischa afterwards) he would've died of starvation, thirst and overconsumption of coffee.
They had finished their meal like 30 minutes ago, but suddenly Mischa was acting weird, like, he kept clutching his hand and his chest, he seemed distant, didn't talk to Noel or his mother after the meal. Then he said he needed to go home, to his adoptive parents house, that got Noel even more worried, he usually avoided going there.
Mischa kept getting flashbacks, it made.him feel insane, no one else who went through the exact same experience as him had flashbacks? So why did he? What was wrong with him as a person that his brain was the only one who wanted to put him through this torture? He felt horrible for leaving out of the Blue, he just mentioned to Noel that he didn't feel and ran out of the house .but he needed somewhere he could cry, not in Noel's household. He never wanted Noel to see him cry, that had only happened twice and he was hoping it wouldn't happen again.
But as he walked through the rainy night in Noel's sweater still, he remembered Noel's words that he said on the exact same day, that they were all in this together, maybe he shouldn't face this alone, maybe he should cry in Noel's arms.
So that one fateful phone call is why he was in Noel's bed again, refusing to stay in his adoptive parents house. (He never wanted to see that place ever again. ) they had a talk together about his flashbacks, Noel recognized that they hurt him, physically and mentally. That made his heart ache, he still didn't know what to do though, maybe all they could do was wait it out, hope that it goes away..
They were all in this mess called life together, and maybe (if the author doesn't screw this up) they could have a semi happy ending, with several ups and downs, but the only thing that would stay the same would be the fact that they'd stay together, in every universe.
They'd always be together.