Archive of Our Own ^beta

It starts with a missed lunch.

Actually, it starts with three missed meals in a row but that last instance is apparently what finally tipped Yoo Joonghyuk over the edge.

"Kim Dokja, I'm aware that you lack brain cells to nourish but don't skip meals."

"Hmm?" Dokja replies, distracted and not looking up to acknowledge Joonghyuk. "Sorry, I'll come in a minute."

Dokja doesn't move, however, and stays standing in the same exact spot as he scrolls through his phone, biting down on his thumb absently.

"...What is going on with you."

Joonghyuk says this with a concern that sounds so put upon and tense that it physically shocks Dokja, and before he can help himself, he looks up at his companion for the first time in days. He's closer than Dokja expected and they stand, chest to chest with a quick breath of space between them. There's a crease in the middle of his eyebrows and a strain in his neck that makes his jaw twitch, but it's his eyes, deep, unfathomable, searching and staring directly into his, that catches him dumbfounded.

(His knees start to feel weak and if this were a cliche romfan novel, he'd swoon into the male lead's very big and sturdy arms right about now but he isn't in one and he only felt shaky because he was locking his legs as he stood. A very rational and completely correct explanation.)

Joonghyuk looks at him as if he wants to take his time and slowly pick him apart and he waits for Dokja to reply. It's that unexpected patience that makes him want to believe that the bastard actually cares; he strangles that lingering, yearning thought before he can spiral and smirks, small and smug at the corner of his mouth, instead.

"Woah, slow down. If I didn't know any better, it would sound like you're concerned for me. Are we sure nothing's going on with you?" Dokja teases, poking once on Joonghyuk's (firm) chest.

"Stop answering my question with a question." 

The frown on Joonghyuk's face is adorable and he raises his arms to cross them and Dokja is not immune to the effects of pressure as they push Joonghyuk's chest up and strain against the strap there. If he glances down and then glances down again for a second longer, it's not his fault. Joonghyuk was a protagonist, he was written to be hot to anyone with eyes and Dokja can appreciate that chastely, like someone appreciating art - platonic. 

"Did you even ask a question in the first place?" Dokja says, trying to act like he wasn't ogling. "Most people include intonation and emotion into their speech so they can avoid things like this."

"Just shut up and come eat," Joonghyuk grits out. "I refuse to let you skip a fourth meal."

Most people would never get close enough to see this but Dokja, PhD holder and leading expert in pissing off Yoo Joonghyuk, noticed pretty quickly that if he got Joonghyuk mad enough there would be two little twin spots of pink on the peak of his cheekbones. It was strikingly charming, giving a life and youth back to Joonghyuk's too thin face, and Dokja couldn't help but try and draw it out everytime.

"Fine, fine," Dokja concedes, slipping his phone into his pocket. "I just forgot, my bad."

They're still standing too close but it may become awkward or uncomfortable if he takes a step back so Dokja had a front row view to Joonghyuk's blooming annoyance. He tries not to swoon again.

"Forgot? How do you forget something like eating, fool?"

And it's been a while but Joonghyuk is distractingly good-looking (platonically speaking, you know, like between friends and all) and the question is achingly familiar so the response automatically comes out without his permission.

"Eh, you know how it is. Pregnancy brain."

Dokja freezes. Joonghyuk, looming above him, freezes.

He didn't mean to say it and the fourth wall is already tamping down feelings of embarrassment and a stinging grief he hasn't had the time to sit with. Dokja hasn't thought of his friend in a while and it hurts more than this conversation could handle.

Choi Minah had been his neighbor first and friend second, just two years older than he was with a hard working husband, Choi Hajin, who was joy incarnate. They were normal neighbors at first, in that Dokja exchanged awkward greetings with them as they patiently experienced his lack of social life whenever they bumped into each other.

But when their child, Eunjoo (who was as adorable as she was precocious for only being three), broke open their cheap apartment doors and escaped the building while Minah was taking a nap, it was Dokja who found her and brought her back with a carton of banana milk in both their hands. 

Minah refused to take his awkward denials of repaying him for all his help; too thankful that when she woke, sans young toddler and on the edge of hysteria, her daughter was already walking back up to the apartment safe, unharmed and with a snack from her shy neighbor. She forced him to join her little family for meals at least three times a week and then, sensing weakness in the water, bullied him into a friendship and occasionally, babysitting.

Unfortunately for everyone, they soon became comfortable with each other and would spend their time together bickering. Hajin-hyung bore all this with belligerent amusement, only cutting in to pat Dokja on the head and kiss his wife to shut them both up when necessary.

They were both weak to his charms in different ways, Minah-noona for obvious reasons, and Dokja because he's never had a male role model to look up to and Hajin-hyung was so cool, put together and adult in a way Dokja had been chasing his entire life - just perfectly settled in his skin, his love and his family.

Dokja only became more ingrained in their life when Minah had gotten pregnant (glowing and so so happy that it hurt Dokja to remember) and Hajin started taking construction jobs outside of the city that paid better in anticipation for the new baby. Dokja, who was shocked into tears when the couple asked him about baby names to reveal the pregnancy, helped by babysitting and by giving Minah a break and a friend; up until the scenarios, all his free time was essentially spent at the Choi household.

(Yeojin, meaning beautiful and precious, and so so so loved before she even took her first breath.)

Sometimes, however, schedules didn't line up and Dokja was saddled with overtime and he came home late to find Minah on the verge of collapse from not eating all day. "Pregnancy brain" had been her stubborn excuse and Dokja, on verge of a panic and weary from a long day at work, laughed until it hurt. From then on, any mistake was blamed on pregnancy brain from both ends.

The first time Hajin used it, absently and automatically, Minah and Dokja died laughing and Eunjoo joined in, not understanding but giggling with infectious joy.

("Dokja-ya! You forgot your laundry outside, your underwear almost blew away with the storm!"

"Ah! Sorry noona, pregnancy brain. Also, please stop talking about my underwear."

Dokja had spent his evening playing with Eunjoo, fighting with Minah-noona, and listening carefully to Hanjin-hyung as he explained how to cook samgyetang. That was the night before the world ended.)

"Pregnancy... brain." Joonghyuk sounds out the phrase with a flatter than normal voice and he's looking down at his clenched fists.

Dokja gapes, a little embarrassed and mostly struck dumb with grief, as the blank, shocked look falls into a boiling fury. Dokja is backing up before he realizes what he's doing; he has his hands up and forces himself to laugh nervously, anything to numb the sudden pain.

"Oh shit, sorry. That was just, um, something? Ah, so basically my neighbor and I! Because they needed help!" Dokja is babbling. "Anyway, I was there all the time and I don't know, we just fit together and became a family so haha, what am I even saying?"

Dokja cuts himself off and watches Joonghyuk calm himself down. He's not sure what's going on in his beautiful head but Dokja is a little busy trying to figure a way out of this conversation so he can go and cry. His furious prodding of the fourth wall yields nothing but silence and he can't help and internally curse at the lack of help the one time he really needed the emotional dampening.

"Anyway, yeah. Sorry I missed lunch, just had a lot on my mind. Headache." 

Joonghyuk breathes in a sharp breath and looks at him in the eyes again, a new curious emotion on his face Dokja can't parse, panic aside. 

"How. How long, how long has it been."

And his voice is careful and devastatingly soft. Dokja feels like he can see right through him and he has to stifle the tears already in his eyes.

(He misses his noona, his hyung and their beautiful children. He misses laying his head on Minah's stomach as she pulled him close so he could feel baby Yeojin kick for her uncle, he misses when she would pinch his cheek and call him her baby brother. He misses Hanjin's comforting voice and gentle scolding as he worked overtime for the third time that week.

He misses little Eunjoo who couldn't sleep before story time with her Dokja-oppa and how she trusted him unconditionally, jumping into his arms and knowing Dokja would do anything to catch her. He misses them so much. Are they alive? Are they okay? Are they happy? Do they miss him just as much?)

Dokja would like to laugh this off, greatly prefer it actually, but the devastation in his heart has his voice breaking like a wave over his reply and he can't lie about this.

"Months," Dokja whispers. "I-, they were my. I- I was with them since before the scenarios, so. Since then, I guess."

He waved goodbye to them right before he left for work that morning - had it really been that long? Joonghyuk's face is suddenly furious and he closes the gap between them again with a single step. It's so quick and unexpected that Dokja lets them stand chest to chest again.

"You fool," Joonghyuk says, anger in every word as he looks Dokja over, hands hovering like he wants to touch him but can't. "Why didn't you say anything? I would have- I would've been more... gentle with you if I knew."

Joonghyuk reaches up to take his cheek in one hand and uses his thumb to dry the tears that fell before he could stop himself. Dokja is overwhelmed, emotionally and physically; they don't usually touch like this and he can't help when his heart starts to beat uncontrollably. He can feel a heat in his eyes at being touched so kindly while feeling so vulnerable.

He doesn't want it, not when he could so easily fall. He wants to be away from Joonghyuk before he does something irreparable to their relationship. So he leaves the circle of Joonghyuk's arms, featherlight like they expected him to move and didn't want to hinder him.

"Why?" Dokja replies, sardonic, already casting every wall up against his fallible heart. "We've all lost people Joonghyuk-ah, why is this any different? I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity," Joonghyuk replies, and he looks like he's holding himself back from crueler words. "Just, just shut up and come to dinner tonight. If not for your sake, then for your child."

Joonghyuk whips away, jacket blowing in the wind dramatically as he disappears into the horizon. Dokja can't help but touch his cheek where Joonghyuk held him so tenderly. The grief is still there but it's been overtaken for a moment by confusion.

"Child?" Dokja says to himself. "Is he talking about Biyoo? Maybe Gilyoungie or Yoosung-ah?"

There's a few hours until dinner, thankfully, so Dokja takes this time to get himself together and hopefully annoy the fourth wall into helping him out of any more sticky, emotional situations. He can't let this happen again. If he does sit down and cry for a while, no one except the constellations are around to see it.

He does get a ton of coins from them (Secretive Plotter, for some unfathomable reason, kept sending more the longer he cried) so he comforts himself with his shallow riches and tells himself this is enough.

"Kim Dokja is pregnant."

Sooyoung spits her drink out onto the table and coughs in the stunned silence that follows Joonghyuk's sudden announcement.

"What." Heewon says, as still as a mountain.

Joonghyuk is standing before them, completely serious, with a tilt to his eyebrows that would look like mild displeasure on anyone else but practically screams devastation on his usually neutral face. Sooyoung is getting red in the face and Hyunsung shoots up from his seat to pat at her back, fretting.

"Oh wow, am I going to be a big brother?!" Gilyoung has stars in his eyes and he's beaming. "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!"

Beside him, Yoosung scoffs but anyone with eyes can see that she's trembling with excitement.

"You're not even ahjussi's kid, why would you be the new baby's brother?" she says, airily and not like she's bouncing in her seat.

"W-well, well! You wouldn't be the baby's sister either so shut up!"

Sooyoung descends into nearly passing out in Hyunsung's arms, clutching at her throat and stomach. She's making a spectacle the room can tell is only half serious. Heewon and Sangah have adopted similar positions, with their heads in their hands and refusing to participate in the situation. Jihye, who was frozen staring at the table with enormous eyes, turns robotically to stare at Joonghyuk.

"Master," she whispers before getting up to roar at the top of her lungs. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. IN- IN THE APOCALYPSE NO LESS? A child?! Right now?!"

"It's. Not. Mine." Joonghyuk replies, short and furious.

Jihye falls back into her seat roughly like she had just been shot. Sooyoung starts laughing and doesn't stop even as Hyunsung gets tired of holding her body up and sits back at his spot at the table.

"Um, Joonghyuk-ssi," he says haltingly. "Are you- are you sure that's what Dokja-ssi said?"

"Yes."

"Oh my fucking God," Sooyoung cackles. "And how is the expecting mother? Glowing with anticipation? How far along is the dear?"

Sooyoung laughs so hard she's on the floor but Joonghyuk, who had seen the abject misery on Dokja's face and felt something lance his heart, grits his teeth and continues this farce of a family meeting.

"Tsk. He said since the scenarios began, so months. I don't know why he's not showing. The goddamn idiot doesn't take care of himself so I'm-."

Joonghyuk gets cut off before he can say anything incriminating.

"Joonghyuk-ssi," Sangah says, her head still in her hands. "Did he say those words exactly."

"No, but I could easily read between the lines. He was trying to hide it but the idiot eventually said that he and his neighbor were in a relationship and became a family. I didn't want to push anymore. He started looking... forlorn."

And the thought 'I couldn't push anymore, I didn't want to know if he's still in love with his ex'  hangs in the back of his head. 

"Wow, so you're going to be the dad that steps up, huh."

There's a clatter as Sangah shoots up from her seat, hands already around Sooyoung's neck.

"Do it harder." Sooyoung rasps, winking.

Sangah drops her hands and walks out of the room; no one expects her to come back. Hyunsung looks after her with misery. It's clear that he wants to go too but if he left too then there would only be one voice of reason left in the room, the rest would descend into madness.

The kids have already started getting way too enthused and have gotten the previously catatonic Jihye into a tizzy with them. Heewon hasn't moved, Sooyoung hasn't stopped laughing, and Joonghyuk is unrepentant in his idiocy.

Of course, this is when Dokja walks in.

The room falls silent and even the most doubtful cast a look over him for any hint that what Joonghyuk said could actually be true.

"What are you all looking at?" Dokja says, wary.

He looks normal, Joonghyuk notes, maybe a little swollen around his eyes but they're dry and he thankfully doesn't have to suffer through any of his painful emotions. Dokja casts suspicious glances at all of them before sitting down gingerly and with everyone's eyes on his every movement, they don't miss the quick grimace of pain as he sits.

He reaches up to rub at his lower back a little before letting out a sigh. There's a gasp. Jihye's eyes are bugging out of her head and even Hyunsung looks a little convinced. Joonghyuk resists the urge to go over and slip a pillow underneath him.

(Dokja cried for about twenty minutes before flopping onto the ground, dramatically, to look at the sky and let himself mourn. Yes, there had been a rock underneath him, yes, it dug into his back, no, he didn't do anything about it.)

"Okay, out with it. What's wrong with you all?" Dokja says, impatient as no one speaks. 

"Nothing," Joonghyuk says quickly, making deadly eye contact with everyone still in the room. "Shut up, eat."

He goes to drop a plate in front of Dokja before the bane of his existence and personal headache Sooyoung is laughing again.

"How are you?" Sooyoung smirks. "Anything you want to share with us?"

"Are you well?" Dokja asks, blank. "In the head, I mean."

"We're just worried, hyung!" Gilyoung says, doe-eyed and innocent. "We just wanted to check on you!"

Yoosung hides her face, shy, into his arm as she clings onto his side and nods fervently. "Yeah! Please take it easy, ahjussi."

"Oh my God," Dokja says and covers his face. "Joonghyuk told you."

Heewon gets up with a clatter as her chair falls back, speaking for the first time since Joonghyuk barged into the room and killed them all dead with one sentence. Because she had to be dead, it was the only way to explain what was going on.

"So it's true?!" Heewon looks agog. "You have to be fucking with us."

"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Like, I know I come off as a rat bastard according to all of you, but I'm human too!" Dokja whines, getting up to leave - he does not want to talk about his emotions, not in front of everyone.

It takes the combined effort of both children and Hyunsung physically picking him up to bring him back into the room.

"Gentle!" Jihye frets, biting at her nails. "Oh my fucking God, that's our future right there. Be so gentle right now!"

Gilyoung and Yoosung sit at his feet, resting their little faces on his knees, looking up at him with such bright and excited eyes it physically roots him to the spot - Dokja can't bring himself to leave. It feels too much like trying to move when a sleeping pet is using you as a pillow. He doesn't think he can handle it, emotionally speaking.

"Why- why are you all being so weird?" Dokja practically cries, as Joonghyuk waits on him hand and foot, pushing more food than most people could stomach in a lifetime onto his plate. "Did I slip into another universe or something?"

"Dokja-ssi," Hyunsung says, tender eyes full of wonder, and he's petting Dokja's hair in a way that makes him feel a little like a very good dog. "We're just so glad to hear the news. I am sad that you didn't feel comfortable enough to tell us directly. But please trust in us, we'll keep you - both of you - safe from now on."

"Hyung! Hyung! Do you need help picking names?"

"Oh my God, ahjussi, is it a boy or a girl?"

"Yah, Kim Dokja, you're going to have to tell me how you got pregnant in the first place because I really cannot fucking believe it's real."

Joonghyuk looms over him again as everyone pelts him with random, disjointed sentiments from all sides.

"Take care of yourself, idiot. Infants receive nourishment from their mother to grow strong; if you don't feed yourself, your child doesn't eat."

"I love my life," Sooyoung says, in a daze as she watches everything implode. "I love my life so much."

The bewildered expression stays for a moment longer before Dokja is scrambling up and screaming at all of them.

"I'm not fucking PREGNANT!"

"Ahjussi, calm down! Stress is bad for the baby!" Jihye wails, trying to get him to sit down again.

But Dokja does not calm down and turns so fast he looks like a blur to pin Joonghyuk with a face so flummoxed that doubt starts to creep in.

"I cry in front of you and you assume I'm pregnant?!" Dokja yells, voice cracking towards the end. "Yah, Yoo Joonghyuk, are you crazy?!"

Hyunsung leverages the most disappointed look a man can give another.

"Joonghyuk-ssi, you made Dokja-ssi cry? In his vulnerable state?"

"I'm going to kill myself right after this so I can die the happiest I've ever been." Sooyoung mumbles in the background.

"You told me you had 'pregnancy brain'," Joonghyuk replies through gritted teeth, telling himself that he wasn't mortified. "You told me that you and your neighbor have been in a relationship since before the scenarios and became a family. What else was I supposed to assume?"

"Something normal? Literally anything else but pregnancy? And wait, I never even said that I was in a relationship. What the fuck is happening?"

Joonghyuk ignores the burn in his cheeks and the little jolt of something like happiness in his brain at hearing there was no prior relationship to be had. Priorities, he'll examine that later. Dokja slumps into his chair and covers his eyes; Joonghyuk hopes to God he's not crying again, he won't be able to take it. Everyone is quiet as Dokja breathes and they all ignore the fact that they're hanging on his every movement as he looks up again.

"Okay. Okay. I'll explain everything and then can we please pretend this never happened?" Dokja is begging at this point; he needs any kind of normalcy back.

"Before the scenarios, my neighbor and I - who I was not in any kind of romantic relationship with - became very good friends. She was pregnant. We had an inside joke where if someone did something strange, we'd blame our 'pregnancy brain'." Dokja raises a hand in front of Jihye's face before she can ask a question. "No, I did not get her pregnant. She was happily married and he was the best and they were everything a couple should be."

"Now," Dokja says, trying not to break down into tears from the insane whiplash he just went through. "Are we all clear that I am very much not pregnant?"

[Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' offers his services if you would like to be.]

"So," Gilyoung says in the dead silence. "I'm not going to have a baby brother?"