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"Friede, you alright? Come and relax for a bit."
Murdock's voice was soft, always contrary to his appearance– but it sounded quieter tonight. He sat down behind him on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn in hand, Friede seated on the floor staring at his Rotom phone screen. While the kids were asleep, the four of them had a chance to spend extra time together.
“Want any?” He held it out, so it was in view, next to Friede’s shoulder.
“No, I’m good.” Fatigue plagued his whole body, he was slumped over the low table. He had been nursing a headache and a sore throat all day and thought that he came out victorious– until his partners suggested they have a sleepover. If he turned them down, the jig was up. Murdock was less than convinced.
“You sound tired.” For some reason, Murdock’s comments were getting under his skin.
"I'm fine." Friede mumbled, looking ahead at the screen with his head resting on his hand. He hoped his voice wasn’t too hoarse for the others to notice, they’d be disappointed that he didn’t take the day off, let alone actually telling them.
He was reviewing Gurumin videos at Dot's request, checking that the information within the clips were correct. He didn’t have the time to do so earlier, so now he was forced to do it late at night. Just 15 more minutes of footage...
Everything blended together, only catching glimpses and snippets of the colorful Nidothing costume, a theatrical voice and Kuwassu’s own dialog overlapping it. Everything was edited, he felt he was drowning in the music in the background. Exhaustion was weighing down on his eyelids, his eyes burning the longer he kept himself awake.
Mollie and Orla were laying together, Mollie asleep with her head on Orla's chest. She reached over Mollie to grab a handful of popcorn, Murdock holding it closer to her, so it is within reach. The mechanic spoke up after a period of silence. "Friede?" His head perked up; his vision was slightly blurry. He checked the timestamp– 5 minutes remaining. Did he doze off?
"Huh?" He held his head, sighing. His head's killing him, but he can't let Dot down. Friede couldn’t hide his irritation. He tapped the left side of the screen harshly a few times until he was back to where he first zoned out. The flashing of the screen sent individual shocks of pain through his skull.
His eyelids felt heavy again, so he lifted his head from his arm and leaned forward to force himself to pay closer attention. He cleared his throat, but it provided no relief. "Gotta finish this..." Friede dismissed their concerns, to the dismay of Orla and Murdock. His voice was raspy, and they were catching onto him.
He reacted too slowly to stop Murdock from standing up to turn off the Rotom phone. In retaliation, Friede jumped up. His vision doubled. "What?!" He didn't mean to snap, let alone wake up Mollie who was certainly more tired than he was.
He couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth, he just felt so... frustrated. "What’s your problem? I really need to get it done as soon as possible! I'm fucking– I'm– I'm just… I'm not in the mood, I’m being dead serious!”
He sat back down on the floor and rubbed his eyes, exhaling a shuddering sigh that morphed into a weak cough. He held back more coughs, the uncomfortable tickling in his throat annoying him further. He didn’t have the energy to handle any of this right now.
Murdock was stone-faced, though admittedly he was a bit hurt. He sat back down, deciding to let Friede process what he just said. He processed Friede's words too. He really didn't hold back this time, and he's not really an aggressive person. He might be reckless and absentminded, but not this. Friede is always polite about losing his patience, typically retreating and disassociating himself from the situation. This might be one of the only times he's seen Friede lose his cool.
The two women sat up, Orla looking at Friede in disappointment. But inside, she knew that this didn’t just come out of nowhere. They knew each other well enough to understand. Similarly to Murdock's thought process, Orla knew that Friede preferred distancing himself from provocation to avoid reacting irrationally.
Mollie crossed her arms, stern despite the sleepiness in her eyes. It’s as if she foresaw this, maybe even orchestrated it. "Come on." Mollie urged him, patting the spot in between herself and Murdock, directly behind Friede's current location on the floor. "At least sit with us so we can see the video too. We can help too, you know." Friede didn't move.
Orla took over, sliding off of the couch to be at Friede's level. "Can you look at me?" He raised his head, his eyes shiny with tears. There weren’t enough tears to well up and spill past his eyes, only enough to make his eyes burn and his vision to blur. Enough for others to notice. "Come sit up here with us."
Mollie scooted to her partner's previous spot so that Orla could talk to Friede. Orla held his shoulder as they joined Mollie and Murdock on the sofa. Instead of turning the Rotom phone back on, Friede sat there in the dark, feeling everyone's eyes on him. His face grew hot out of shame. "Sorry." Murdock patted his shoulder gently, but firmly.
"I'll let it be. But you always make us worry." Murdock said. "You don’t let us help you out… You’re allowed to trust us." He had a point, Friede would admit. But he hasn't felt this way in a long time. Everything was perfectly fine for a couple years. He felt normal for a couple years. At least, that's what he thought.
He was too impervious to the other signs. Mollie kept a record of everyone's behavior, at Orla's request, actually. It was to throw him off from noticing the log of unusually lengthy behavioral analysis. Everyone else had relatively short records, besides Dot... Whom had her own set of issues to sort out. She was coming out of her shell, which meant more notes (mostly commenting on progress). Friede's notes, however, varied.
Ludlow once reported Friede attempting a retrieval of the ship's Snorunt on the propeller. He received a rather severe concussion from getting thwacked on top of his head by one of the solid metal blades after being caught. Luckily, the edges are blunt or else the equipment would have cracked his skull in half. The Pokemon was safe where she was. She, Orla, and Murdock once found him entirely missing. It turned out that he spontaneously went grocery shopping. They hardly had the funds to begin with, and their stock was full. They chalked it up to being oblivious or forgetful. Most of the Pokemon on the ship were caught by him on a whim, some they didn't even know were on the ship.
Then there was when he randomly quit his job one day and lived on Ludlow's fishing boat for a while. When asked. he claimed it wasn't for him, or he was burnt out- but there was a certain impulsivity about his decision. Friede often collapsed from exhaustion, dehydration, malnutrition, or all of the above. This instance repeated in clusters, coinciding with some of the reckless or overzealous actions recorded in the logs already. Mollie didn't know how to bring up the possibility of other issues to him outside of neurodivergencies most of the crewmates already shared, or previously diagnosed depression.
It's a hard conversation to have with him, as with everyone. After all, he thought he was better, he thought it was temporary- but he was wrong. Part of his problem is the bizarre patterns of highs and lows, subsequently tricking himself into thinking the was feeling normal. But now wasn't the time for this conversation, he's spiraling too much.
Friede was quick to cut off Murdock at the prospect of being exempt from guilt. "It doesn't excuse–"
"It doesn't, but that's not what I mean. You can be vulnerable with us. You know that don’t you?" He was incorrect about being exempt, Murdock would be remembering this. So would Mollie, as yet another escapade of Friede's- a rather bleak one, she'd find out.
"I… I don't know." Friede finally leaned on his shoulder. "Really. I don't." His voice was emotionless and slightly gravelly from his earlier outburst despite already losing his voice. It didn't take much effort for that to happen. Murdock noticed that his partner’s temple felt warm as he leant against him.
Everyone was quiet, and apparently, there were spectators. Liko, still awake, must have heard Friede shouting. It could be assumed that Roy was startled awake by the same thing. If Roy woke up, that meant he might have been loud enough to wake everyone... The two happened to stumble upon the heart-to-heart. Friede melted into Murdock’s shoulder further in humiliation. By now, he was a puddle.
"I'm sorry." Liko murmured. "I thought something happened." Nyaoja, in her arms, trilled in greeting with her tail in the air, curled at the end into a question mark shape, and started to purr. Friede's brain immediately decoded the sounds, and observation interpreted whatever else. His eyes wandered, unable to close them. Ever so busy sensing the world around him ceaselessly. What he would give for only a minute of silence in his mind.
Roy was blinking sleep from his eyes. "Mmngh... What happened?" Hogator was nowhere in sight, assumed to be still asleep in Roy’s room. That little guy really could sleep.
Orla smiled and motioned them over. Liko and Roy sat down by the couch and looked at her with worried faces. Even Nyaoja was staring up at her. So sweet. "There's no danger. Everyone's safe."
"Is Friede okay?" Liko whispered as she glanced over, taking in the tense atmosphere, punctuated by dead silence. Friede was quiet, leaned up against Murdock's shoulder, exhausted. For a moment, his eyes were closed. "He's having a hard time right now. But don’t worry, he’ll be okay." Liko smiled, reassured. She trusted them enough to feel at ease.
"I thought... I was finally okay." Friede mumbled, keeping it at a whisper. He swallowed hard, which he regretted– it hurt his throat. He has everything he ever wanted and more, so why? Why does he feel that pit of emptiness within him all over again? He has everything, and it’s still not enough. What will be enough? When will it be enough? Meanwhile, Mollie and the others were encoding the conversation in their heads. This was... the first time in at least a year that Friede told them outright he felt run down. However, there were implications that he's been trudging through it for a little while now, that is before it blew up in his face.
Immediately, Roy stood up and approached their side of the couch. "I don't know what it's like, but we’ll get through it together, whether you like it or not." Friede emptily chuckled at his words. A warmth wrapped around his heart. "...Alright, firecracker. Thanks." He swallowed back a fit of coughs, not wishing to worry them further with the knowledge that he felt ill. Worrying them is the last thing he wants to do, whether it's to his detriment or not.
Roy beamed, seeing his words brought a smile to Friede's face. It was brief but uplifting, like the sun peeking out from behind dark clouds. Liko was moved too, now feeling confident enough to speak her mind too. "I... I want to help however I can. So please, tell me what I can do!" Determination was written all over her face. It made him crack a smile again.
The blonde sighed deeply, softly coughing into the back of his hand. "Let me see…" He watched her waiting with bated breath. "...Just keep being you, Liko." Friede smiled warmly at her, though with sad, tired eyes. Liko paused with a puzzled look before nodding, a tiny smile crossing her features. Hearing that made her feel better, that she was helping by just being herself. Still, she had the resolve to do more.
He fell silent for a moment. Everyone wondered if he fell asleep. "I don't know what I did to deserve you guys." Friede continued, still disheveled and fighting against fatigue. "You all deserve better." Everyone temporarily went quiet, the kids were caught off guard. Compared to his absentminded and adventurous persona, the subdued and frankly depressed Friede was something they’d never been allowed to see. Even Murdock, Orla, and Mollie– unknown to the kids that the four were in an established relationship– were also kept somewhat in the dark when he felt like... this.
"But we've stuck with you for this long, haven't we? Give yourself some credit, Friede.” Murdock spoke. Maybe it was too soon, and the venomous words Friede spat at him earlier still weighed on his conscience.
"I'm sorry. I really am." Friede sounded pretty awful as he said it.
"I know." Murdock rubbed his arm with a sigh. He meant well, but yeah, it might have been too soon. He had seen Friede in a slump before, but not to this extent. This must be a more intense episode than the last. I should make a note of this. "Get some sleep, you'll feel better after some rest."
"Can we sleep out here too?" Roy rubbed his eyes. Friede softly sighed, almost content, but mostly tired. "Yeah." Without hesitating, the boy hopped up, now officially pinning the two men down by laying over their legs. Somehow, the weight over Friede's legs was sort of calming to him. Maybe that's the appeal of weighted blankets.
Liko wriggled her way between Orla and Mollie, Nyaoja curled up on their laps already, kneading. A pleasant smell wafted through their nostrils, courtesy of Nyaoja's kneading. It was very soothing, soothing enough to instantly release all of the tension. Thankfully, most of the tension had been resolved, this was just the icing on the cake.
Orla glanced over and smiled at Friede as she scratched Nyaoja’s ears. "For a captain who preaches about teamwork, you need to learn to rely on us more… Let’s work on that together, m’kay?" He simply nodded, rubbing his eyes to stop the burning and alleviate his headache even slightly.
"You need to work on not being my most frequent patient too." Mollie said flatly. Friede nodded at that again, not offering up any reaction. She smirked, placing her hand on his arm and rubbing a couple circles before leaning back again. "You know I mean it lovingly. But you still consume the most medical supplies… Not to mention an entire notebook dedicated to your risky behavior." She paused, deciding to withhold her concerns about the mood swings for another day when he feels less unstable.
Murdock was quiet other than wrapping an arm around him, humming. Friede leaned in closer, admittedly comfortable. "Does that feel any better?” Friede nodded with a tired groan. He thought that was the end, but Murdock spoke again. “Huh, come closer for a second.” When Friede shuffled upwards a little more, he felt a hand against his forehead, he flinched slightly at the contact. When Murdock removed his hand, he settled down again. “You’re warm.”
“Am I?” Friede mumbled. “Maybe don’t touch me then. I don’t wanna infect you with anything.” He pulls away but is stopped by Murdock's embrace. Friede didn't have the energy mentally or physically to resist any further. Murdock also noted how quickly Friede nuzzled up into him.
“Well, now I don’t have a choice.” Murdock feigned despair. Between Roy laying over his legs and Friede snuggling into his side, he was trapped. Speaking of Roy, it appears Hogator awoke alone and was now rapidly approaching with heavy breaths, appearing excited to see everyone in one place, hopping up onto one of the arms of the sofa. Murdock let him curl up against his elbow as the fire Pokemon started to hum with tranquility.
Friede was already asleep.