Archive of Our Own ^beta

☂

As little boys, they would hold hands at the beach. They would get confused when their fathers would tell them not to hold hands. It was never discussed why they shouldn't, just that boys don't hold hands. But girls hold hands all of the time when they're friends, so why can't boys do the same thing?

There was so much innocence. They ignored their fathers when they were alone. When they went on adventures, their hands never separated. They were friends, they should be allowed to hold hands.

They had learnt to hold hands while riding their bikes. And as they reached their homes, they would get told once again, you don't hold hands with another boy. They still held hands. Just more secretly now. They liked holding hands.

Now, as teenage boys, they never let go. They still don't do it in front of others to be careful, but they won't care if they get caught.

Both of them are sitting at the end of a dock, bare feet lightly kicking the water beneath them. Tyler's hands are clasped and his ankles are crossed while Josh's hands are gripping the edge and feet are freely swinging. Their thighs are touching and the swinging of their feet causes an occasional graze of their skin. It tingles. It feels nice.

"I don't think my dad wants us to be friends anymore," Josh whispers. Without the closeness of their bodies, the words wouldn't have reached Tyler's ears.

Tyler turns his head and tilts it up to look at the blue haired one. Tyler's eyes must look as if their filled with terror, "Why not? We haven't touched in front of him," He states in a returned whisper. The sun is setting and the beach is empty, but loud is wasteful when the wind is chiming and the waves are mildly calm.

"I don't know, Tyler. But, none of this will stop me from loving you," Josh says. Tyler sighs softly with a light smile, then leans his head on Josh's shoulder, "Maybe everybody thinks that I love you too much."

"Who cares about everybody? Unless everybody is someone you can talk to about anything without hesitation, then what's the point?" Tyler asks. Josh shrugs, lifting an arm to wrap it around Tyler's shoulders.

When they were little, everybody didn't matter. If they did, they wouldn't have held hands. They would have kept their distance. Everybody cared about what was wrong and what was right, but for Tyler and Josh, everything wrong seemed to be right.

"Just hold my hand," Josh mumbles in the midst of the quietness. Tyler obeys, putting his hand into Josh's. Their fingers slide between the other's and lock.

Josh pulls both of their hands to his lips, placing light kisses on the back of Tyler's. Tyler's hand burns with a nice feeling.

When the water begins to get too cold for their feet and goosebumps rise on their skin, is when the get up and pull their shoes on. They walk out to the pavement and head on their way home. They don't talk to each other, and the only noises made are from cars driving by slowly and the sound of street lights flickering.

There's an eventual stumble from Tyler as he isn't able to skip the cracks in the sidewalk. Josh smiles and shakes his head. Tyler has never been able to skip the cracks. He always tells Tyler to lift his feet while walking. Tyler replies saying that he already is in a whiny tone. It makes Josh roll his eyes, but it's so fondly.

When they reach Tyler's house, they stand face to face.

"Will I see you again tomorrow?" Tyler asks hopefully. His right foot is overlapping his left while his fingers play with one another and he loses his balance when his feet stumble around too long.

Josh smiles when he notices Tyler's nervous state, and kisses the back of his hand before pressing it against Tyler's cheek. Tyler leans into the touch on purpose, keeping his eyes closed for a second longer when he blinks.

"Why wouldn't you?" Josh chuckles lightly, letting the backs of his fingers touch the top of Tyler's jawline. His fingers linger there for the longest time, and he doesn't mean for them to. It just happens.

Tyler huffs, "Your dad," and he wants Josh to quit smiling because it's extremely rude at the moment. If Josh's smile wasn't so beautiful, Tyler wouldn't be so upset about it. If he doesn't get to see that smile again tomorrow, he may cry in bed all day long.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Josh replies. Then he places his other hand on the other side of Tyler's face, pulling Tyler closer to kiss the brunet's forehead slowly. His lips stay to the skin longer than needed just like the backs of his fingers to Tyler's jawline. There must be a connection of some sort, "I love you."

"I love you too," Tyler mumbles when Josh pulls away completely and turns on his heel to walk the other way.

Tyler faces his house and gets out the spare key, opening the door and quietly closing it. He goes up the stairs to his room and then goes to the balcony outside of the sliding doors. Josh is still on the street with his head facing downwards and his hands are stuffed in his pockets. For some reason, the blue haired one seems to sense Tyler's gaze and turns around.

They don't smile at each other.

Josh quietly walks away soon after.

Tyler stays awake in bed wondering what's to come.

;

Tyler waits at their usual spot the next day. He waits for Josh while sitting on a picnic table outside of the ice cream shop. He swirls his tongue around the mint chocolate chip delight, humming when he scoops it onto his tongue. His feet are dangling in front of the bench, not swinging this time. He's more tense than usual.

It makes him jump when his head is tipped back and his eyes are closed and he's really into his ice cream, when two hands get placed on his thighs and suddenly there's a big bite taken out of his ice cream. He pouts, looking up at the brown eyed beauty with a nose ring in front of him. The said boy's hands are still on his thighs, and they only move up further.

But there's something that makes Tyler's eyes widen.

"What is that?!" He almost squeaks, dropping his ice cream on the ground below him and using his hands to tilt Josh's head. The bruise on his cheek is more than visible, and it's so prominent that just looking at it makes Tyler feel an ounce of pain. Tyler hops onto his feet and ignores that if he leans forward less than an inch, then him and Josh will be kissing.

Josh smirks lightly, turning his head to the side without a big bruise and shrugs, "I was out too late. Doesn't matter though. It was worth it," He says like it's no big deal. Tyler frowns and tugs at the collar of Josh's shirt.

"You don't deserve a bruise just for breaking curfew! This is abuse, Josh," Tyler glares.

The blue haired boy rolls his eyes, and Tyler wants to slap him, honestly. But if he slapped Josh then he would feel bad. He doesn't want to hurt Josh just to add on to the bruise. Instead, he cups Josh's cheek lightly, just barely grazing the bruise with his thumb. His eyes begin to gloss over.

Josh quickly pulls Tyler against his chest, wrapping his arms around the back of the boys neck with one hand grasping the back of his head. He hugs Tyler gently, reaching down to kiss his temple, "Hey, none of that. If you cry then I'll be sad too," Josh whines, but it's a sincere statement. Josh never wants to see Tyler cry. He thinks it's the most heartbreaking thing.

When Josh and Tyler were ten and running around in the woods, and Tyler had tripped over a root and cut his knee, Josh started crying when Tyler did. Of course, that isn't how it is now, but it's close to that.

"I'm sorry," Tyler sniffles. Josh shakes his head and pecks Tyler's temple one more time.

"It's never going to be your fault, Ty," Josh whispers.

But it is.

Josh got hit because he was with Tyler, not because he was out late.

;

"Your face is wrecked, dude," Brendon laughs. Josh nods with a laugh and Tyler pushes past them. Both of them frown and the brunet, Brendon furrowing his eyebrows while Josh sighs, "What's with him?" Brendon asks.

"I don't know," Josh mumbles.

They're at a campfire in the back of Brendon's yard. A few of their friends are already sat on chairs around the fire, some pulling out drinks and sipping them by the food table. They do this once every two weeks, and always have since sophomore year. All of them are graduated now, and it's their last high school given summer vacation.

Josh decides to sit next to Tyler on a wooden, blanket covered loveseat. Tyler's feet are thrown over the other side, so Josh picks them up and lays them in his lap so he can sit down. He wraps his hand around Tyler's ankle and moves his hand up and down in a calming motion. He can see Tyler close his eyes and hum quietly.

"There's one month left of summer vacation," Tyler brings up softly, just so Josh can hear. He changes his position so he's basically sitting in Josh's lap. Their foreheads touch and stay against one another, "What are you going to do after it finishes? College?" He asks.

"Definitely not college," Josh sighs.

Tyler furrows his eyebrows, pulling away so he can properly look Josh in the eye, "Why not?"

Josh shrugs, "It's not for me. Maybe for a little smarty like you," He grins, leaning up to press a kiss against Tyler's nose. The brunet's nose scrunches up and the corners of his lips lift up slightly, "You're so beautiful," Josh says, tilting his head and reaching his hand up to Tyler's jaw. He lets his thumb run across Tyler's bottom lip, pulling it down slowly before letting it go. Both of their eyes are hazy, and Tyler's hands grip the sleeves of Josh's shirt tighter.

"What are you guys doing?" Ashley asks. Tyler and Josh spring apart, both making space between them while on separate sides of the chair, "You weren't about to kiss, were you?" She spits. Her stare is judgmental, along with everybody else's.

"No! That's gross," Tyler scoffs, rolling his eyes and frowning when everybody looks away from them.

Everybody didn't matter until they actually had to face everybody.

"What's wrong with being gay?" Josh asks, but it's more of a challenge to push people's buttons rather than to see the actual problem. It seems to bother some of the people around them, including Ashley. The girl still smiles at him,

"It's frowned upon in this neighbourhood. It's not normal, it's wrong. Being gay is like asking for a penalty of some sort. You might as well be jumping off of a cliff," She says bitterly, still smiling. Everyone around snickers while Tyler looks down in regret. What breaks him is when Josh laughs.

"It's a good thing I'm not gay then," Josh smiles. Tyler gets up and excuses himself, but nobody pays attention to him. Josh excuses himself too, following Tyler into the house. The brunet runs up the steps and quickly shuts the door leading to the bathroom. Josh sighs and goes up the stairs, standing on the other side of the door. He tries opening the door, but it's locked, "Open up, Tyler," He sighs.

Tyler sits against the door on the bathroom floor, wiping at his red eyes, "You told me you were gay. Are you a liar now? Just because I said I liked boys, you had to too, right? Is that how secrets work now?" He taunted. Josh groans from the other side of the door, banging his fist against it.

"I didn't mean it, Tyler. I didn't lie to you. I just didn't want them to catch on. We were getting too close out there, anyways," Josh says, his voice wavering clearly. The blue haired one leans his forehead against the door, the rest of his body leaving contact with the wood, "Please. I'm sorry," He croaks.

The knob suddenly clicks, and the door is being opened. Josh latches onto Tyler, both of them crying. Tyler grips harshly onto the shirt covering Josh's back. Both of them back up until Tyler's against the wall. The brunet grunts quietly, tucking his face against Josh's neck so his face can't be seen. Josh breathes heavily against the wall, and his fingers brush through Tyler's hair gently.

"You're my best friend," Josh says gravelly, "You're the only person I don't lie to."

When they pull apart, their touches haunt each others skin. They don't pay mind to it, just hold hands until they decide that they have to go back to their friends before people get suspicious.

Josh races downstairs and grabs a water from the fridge, exiting into the back yard and unscrewing the lid.

Tyler comes out soon after, sitting on a chair opposite of Josh. The blue haired boy frowns, confused by the other's actions, but shakes it off.

"What took you two so long? You weren't kissing up there, were you?" Brendon jokes. Both boys shake their heads, not smiling on frowning. They just look at the fire while the others talk and joke around. They weren't really lying, they didn't kiss. They just hugged. And held hands. It gets strangely intimate through each time though.

They call it a night an hour later. Josh and Tyler head opposite ways of everyone else. When their friends are out of the way, they discreetly lock pinkies. Both of them have smiles on their faces, but don't know because they don't look at each other. They don't to reach home, they want to stay with each other for as long as possible.

Tyler becomes confused when Josh takes them down another road that's directly opposite of his house. Josh starts to run, taking Tyler with him. Both of them laugh from the breeze and adrenaline they get from running. Realisation hits Tyler when he hears the waves crash back into the sea, and his feet hit the sand when he takes off his shoes.

Josh walks ahead of him, discarding his shirt and unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. Tyler catches up with him at the dock, watching the blue haired one walk to the edge with nothing but his boxers on. Josh turns around and grins, "Come on. We used to do it all of the time," He says.

Tyler laughs when Josh falls back first into the water, then takes off the rest of his clothing aside from boxers. He runs across the dock and cannonballs into the water. Tyler opens his eyes when he's underwater, paddling around him to keep him steady. The water is clear, and the moonlight is visible from under. But then his head pops up from the water and he can't find Josh anywhere.

"Josh?" Tyler calls out, looking all around him but seeing no sign of Josh. It startles him when he feels fingers on his shoulders, but he doesn't say anything. Josh's fingers glide across his shoulder blades, and the coldness of it makes Tyler shiver. Tyler sighs contently when Josh places a butterfly kiss along the back of his neck to down his spine.

Then he's being turned around to face Josh. When their eyes meet, Tyler freezes all movement except for his arms to keep him up properly. His eyes flutter closed when Josh leans down to kiss the front of Tyler's neck. He moans quietly when Josh reaches his collarbones, leaving open mouthed kisses against them and sucking. Tyler puts a hand at the back of Josh's head and grips the blue hair on instinct.

Tyler's back soon hits one of the wooden columns keeping the dock up. His head gets thrown back, giving Josh more access. He has no clue of what's happening, but he likes it. Maybe he shouldn't, but he does. He can't help that.

Josh nips at one of the bruises on Tyler's collarbone before pulling back. His lips are puffier than usual and the edges are harshly red. His skin and tattoo sleeve look beautiful in the moonlight, and Josh thinks that about the dark spots that he just put along Tyler's collarbones.

"What was that?" Tyler breathes out.

"I helped paint a masterpiece," Josh whispers. He chuckles not long after, pressing his body against Tyler's. Their breathing has calmed and they just hold each other. It's nice with the water around them, and their toes just able to touch the ground.

After they get out and dry off and put their clothes back on, they head back to their houses. It's very late, but at least they have the excuse of the campfire running later than usual. Their parents will understand, but it's not like they're young teenagers anyway.

When Tyler gets to the balcony outside of his room, Josh is standing in the same place with a small smile on his face. It's more than he got last time, and he'll happily take it. He doesn't back back inside until Josh is out of sight.

;

JOSH 1:37 PM

My dad isn't home. Come over?

;

Tyler sits on Josh's bed with a game controller in his hands. Josh's legs outline his and his back is pressed against Josh's chest. Josh has his arms locked around Tyler's waist as the brunet plays a Bioshock game.

Josh rests his chin against the brunet's shoulder, watching the screen with boredom. He sighs lightly, tilting his head and pressing his lips to the side of Tyler's neck. It's just a touch, no kissing, but it makes the hairs on Tyler's arms stand up and he shivers unintentionally.

And Josh does it all over the side and back of his neck. Tyler tries focusing on the video game during it, but fails. He has to pause the game when Josh tugs on the lobe of his ear. He breathes heavily, dropping the controller and grabbing onto Josh's upper thighs. His head falls back onto Josh's shoulder, and Josh kisses along Tyler's jaw.

Everything is confusing Tyler. He doesn't understand why his best friend is doing so much but so little, because he wants so much more than what Josh is giving him. But he doesn't know about Josh liking him like that, and maybe this is a way to show that he does, but actions don't always speak louder than words.

Nothing is as loud as Tyler's uneven breathing and choked moans though.

Josh turns Tyler around so their legs over lap each other, and places his hands on Tyler's neck. His brown eyes look into Tyler's with a surprising innocence. His lips part, and he asks, "Do you want to mark me too?" and hooks a finger on the collar of Tyler's shirt, pulling down to see the still prominent bruises.

Tyler nods desperately, leaning in quickly and openly kissing against Josh's neck. Josh tilts his head to the side and sighs. Josh lifts his arms up when Tyler tugs at the hem of his shirt.

As soon as Josh's chest is visible, Tyler goes lower and locks his lips around Josh's nipple, using his thumb to rub over the other. Josh gasps, grasping onto the hair on Tyler's head and whimpering. The action is messy, but the sounds that Josh is making says that it feels good.

Then Tyler pulls alway slowly, licking a strip against Josh's collarbone. He kisses a spot before nipping at it, then sucking down on it. When he's finished, Josh pulls at his hair and then they're facing each other.

Josh uses his hand to keep Tyler's head still, and quickly leans in to kiss the brunet. Tyler's ankles lock around Josh's waist when Josh's lips lock around his bottom one. They suffocate each other of their breath but it's worth it. Tyler doesn't want to focus on his breathing if he gets to focus on Josh's lips on his. Their heads move from side to side, Josh's hand still in his hair, and his hands holding onto Josh's shoulders.

They take in much needed breath when they pull apart. Both of their lips are red, and Josh wants to tug at Tyler's with his teeth some more, but he decides not to. Tyler looks at him with wide eyes and parted lips. Josh hates how inviting they look.

There's a panic that fills both of their chests when they hear the front door open. Josh runs to his window and opens it, and when Tyler goes over to him, he pulls Tyler in for a final kiss. Tyler smiles at Josh for a little bit, then climbs out the window and runs away.

Tyler smiles as he runs away from the house. To anyone, he could look like a madman on the streets. But he's giddy off of romance and it's such a rush kissing Josh. He had never thought about it until now, but he loves it and he never wants to be away from Josh's side. It's one of the beat thrills he's had in a long time.

He stumbles along the cracks in the sidewalk while running, but the smile never leaves his face. Josh likes him.

He likes kissing Josh. All of it makes him sit down on the grass by the sidewalk with a goofy smile and heavy breathing. Now his fingers want to touch every part of Josh, his tongue wants to taste more.

Josh drives him wild.

;

When Josh sleeps over, Tyler plays with Josh's fingers as they lay in the brunet's bed. Josh's arm is around Tyler and Tyler's cuddled into his side. Tyler thinks that Josh should definitely get finger tattoos, because he loves them, and he wants one thing he loves to be on another thing he loves.

He remembers when they were little and Josh would talk about becoming muscular and getting dozens of tattoos (if his mom would let him). Now Josh has tattoos of galaxies and a beautiful sky behind a tree with it's roots inked along the skin. He's also muscular. Tyler really takes notice of that.

"Do you think we can make it as a couple?" Josh asks. His voice is croaky from being tired and he's been yawning a lot, only staying awake because he doesn't want to miss a moment spent with Tyler, "Like, nobody here supports that stuff. We'd have to move a long ways away."

Tyler lets go of Josh's hand, letting it drop on his arm. He wraps a leg over Josh's and throws his arm over Josh's torso, "We'll get out of here one day and be the best couple in the world. We'll be somewhere where we're accepted and loved for who we really are. We'll make it," Tyler reassures, tucking his head under Josh's chin and closing his eyes.

"My mom would have accepted us," Josh sighs quietly.

"She was a good person," Tyler replies.

Tyler feels Josh nod his head.

The two fall asleep after the clock hits ten P.M.

The next morning, Tyler groans when getting up, because he can't. Josh's body is on top of his and practically glued there. He would hate to wake up the blue haired one, but has no choice. He shoves Josh, pinching and poking at his back and cheek. Josh whines and tries shoving his face against Tyler's stomach, which is no use.

"Get up, you dork. My parents are probably wondering why we aren't down yet," Tyler grumbles, pushing Josh to the side. He goes to stand up, but Josh grabs onto his wrist and pulls him back down. Josh rolls back on top of Tyler and places his arms on each side of the brunet's head, "Josh!" Tyler whines.

"I heard your parents leave two hours ago. We're home alone," Josh smirks, leaning down and kissing Tyler. It's not a sweet, morning peck either. Tyler grunts into the kiss and lifts his arms under Josh's and presses the tips of his fingers in to Josh's back. He then squeaks and uses one hand to tap Josh's back. Josh pulls away with furrowed brows, "What?"

"We have to brush our teeth," Tyler interrupts.

Josh groans, planting his face in to the pillow that Tyler's head is on, letting Tyler slide away from under him and go to the bathroom. He lets himself be dragged away too, then gets out the spare tooth brush. It looks domestic when they stare at each other through the mirror with toothpaste foam in their mouths and smiling while they brush.

Once they get back to Tyler's room, Josh pulls on his shirt and jeans and watches Tyler change out of his pajama shirt into an everyday one. Josh spends too much admiring the rings around Tyler's arm and the outlined cross on his bicep, along with the chest tattoos. Tyler doesn't notice him staring.

"Wanna go to the beach?" Josh asks, picking up his car keys on then nightstand and swinging it around his index finger. Tyler smiles at him through the mirror he's looking in and nods.

They hold hands over the console while Josh uses only one hand to drive and Tyler has his other hand out the window. They have the music playing quietly but it's too quiet because the sound of the wind blocks it out. Both don't want to unlock their hands when they arrive, but they do.

Tyler heads right for the beach, until Josh leads him to the side. They walk until they end up at a tree that seems to be the separation of the city life versus the beach life. Josh lifts himself up to the second highest branch, helping Tyler onto his level. Both of them swing their feet and look at the view of the ocean in front of them. This area has no people around, and it's more peaceful than the open area.

"Sometimes I think we rushed into things," Josh says out of nowhere. Tyler turns his head to look at Josh, but the blue haired one is still looking ahead, "I think I was already falling for you when we were fourteen, but I wasn't for sure. I guess it just took four years to realise anything," He admits.

Tyler puts his hand on top of Josh's and smiles when Josh smiles at him too, "I was afraid of facing any of it before that night in the water."

Josh leans over and kisses Tyler's cheek.

Tyler feels content.

"We'll make it."

Josh whispers.

;

The beach is empty. The night is happening. Both boys are under the dock. Tyler shivers from being new to the water at the moment, shaking fingers tracing their way around Josh's chest. He wraps his arms around Josh's neck and lets the blue haired one swim around the area while Tyler latches on.

When Tyler warms up, he lets go and pecks Josh's lips. When Josh goes in for more after Tyler pulls back, Tyler jumps up and dunks Josh in the water. He laughs when Josh comes back up with a pout on his face, then squeals when Josh gets his payback. Josh isn't in front of him when he comes back up, but there's a tap on his stomach. He goes back underwater and immediately feels pressure against his lips.

They come back up quickly, taking in a deep breath when they come up.

"I love you," Josh says.

Tyler nods, pushing his hair back and kissing Josh again, "I love you so much," He mumbles into the kiss. Josh puts his hands under Tyler's thighs, and Tyler wraps his legs around Josh's waist. Their movements are messy and difficult due to being in the water, but Josh gets to the shore quickly. He lays on top of Tyler, one hand still under the brunet's thigh and the other keeping himself lifted.

Tyler grips onto Josh's bare shoulders, gasping when their hips rut against one another. Josh breathes a gasp into Tyler's mouth, making Tyler quickly reach up and kiss Josh again. Their hips move together occasionally, making them grunt each time.

"The car," Josh mutters, then gets up quickly, pulling Tyler with him. The two of them run across the sand, giggling and tripping when their feet get tangled and they run out of the other's pace. It doesn't help that they're very cold from the wind.

Josh gets the backseat car door open, instantly pushing Tyler inside. He gets in too, closing the door behind him and crawling back over Tyler. His fingers hook onto the side of Tyler's shorts and pull them only halfway down before he gets hungry for Tyler's kiss again. When he kisses Tyler, he moves down to the brunet's neck, sucking bruises onto the skin there, then sucking around Tyler's nipples. The brunet arches his back, leaving scratches down Josh's own.

Josh leaves open mouthed kisses all the way down Tyler's abdomen, fingers digging into the brunet's hips harshly. Tyler whimpers with each kiss, just barely feeling the pain from his skin being pressed on so hard. Then Josh pulls Tyler's swim shorts down to his knees and wraps his hand around Tyler. Tyler groans when Josh moves his hand up and down, gripping onto the top of the seats and the handle of the door behind him.

Josh lets go of Tyler too soon, in the brunet's opinion, and scoots back up again to push his own shorts down. He brings his hand up to spit on it and then reaches in between them to wrap his hand around both of their hardening dicks. He slides his hand up and down in a slow motion, not missing the whines and complains from Tyler to go faster.

Once they're both fully hard, he fastens his hand and grunts as he begins to grind against his hand and Tyler. His other hand reaches up to grab Tyler's and hold it. He watches Tyler with parted lips and clouded eyes, and Tyler's eyes are rolled upwards, and short breaths are exiting the brunet's mouth every time Josh moves his wrist differently and grinds.

"Oh fuck," Josh mutters, using his knees to push himself upwards faster with his hand. Tyler begins to grind himself against Josh's dick too, adding onto the pleasure building up in his abdomen. Josh buries his face in Tyler's neck, biting down on the skin there and smirking when Tyler cries out, "Close, baby?" He teases, rubbing his thumb over the head of Tyler's dick.

"F-fuck yes," Tyler grunts, toes curling as the heat in his abdomen grows hotter and spreads. Tyler lets out a scream and arches his back when he comes, and as he rides out his orgasm, his eyes are squeezed shut and his mouth is still open from shock, and his body becomes tense. Josh whimpers at the sight of it, coming onto Tyler's stomach, retracting his hand afterwards.

They stay in the backseat for a while after. Josh cleans Tyler up, and puts their shorts back on.

He kisses Tyler's forehead, and watches Tyler fall asleep with a smile on his face.

☂

Things do nothing but fall apart after that.

Tyler sits on his bed with three acceptance letters in front of him. He doesn't know what to think, because this wasn't on his mind really, until now. And what would Josh think? It makes him jump when there's a knock on his door, but he tells them to enter. His mom walks in with a soft smile, sitting in front of him and looking at the letters, "W-what do I do when there's someone I love, but three letters in front of me basically asking me to leave the one I love?" Tyler asks shakily.

His mom leans over to hug him, "I think you need to do what you believe is right. But, this is one girl versus three colleges," She says, pulling away and ruffling his hair. He wants to tell her that the 'girl' is a 'boy', but he can't. He just hopes that she's not right.

;

"What the hell happened?" Tyler asks instantly, running down the dock when Josh turns around. Josh is sporting a black eye and a busted lip. The red head had called Tyler only a while ago, asking if they could meet up on the dock.

Tyler's brows are furrowed as he examines the busted lip and bruised eye, glaring when Josh starts chuckling. Josh scratches the back of his head, and steps away a bit, "My dad found the lovebites you left on my neck the other day," He says, looking down and then around to avoid Tyler's eyes, "I didn't tell him if it was a girl or a boy, even if saying it was a girl would have made him leave it," He sighs.

Tyler bites his lip, holding back tears and stuffing his hands in his back pockets, "You keep getting hurt because of me," He chokes out. Josh faces Tyler instantly, looking as if he wants to reach out and hold the brunet, but he can't because of the people around them, "You say that it's not my fault, but it is."

"It isn't, Tyler, it's mine," Josh argues.

"That is a lie and you know it!" Tyler spits. He feels slightly smaller when Josh takes a few steps closer and towers over him. But he keeps his stand and pokes Josh's chest before sliding from in front of Josh to the exit end of the dock, "This was a bad idea from the start. We can't do this, this is something that isn't allowed here. We should just go back to being friends," He mutters quietly, so others don't hear.

Josh snickers though, and it bothers Tyler, "You think that we can go back to being friends after everything we've already done? That's not being friends, that's being stupid, not to mention: awkward. God, Tyler, what the hell is going on in your head?" He says all of it in such a rude tone. Tyler's tears are more on edge than they were before.

"So I'm stupid for wanting what's best for you? Before we started hanging out more and doing things, you weren't getting beaten by your father! That's not stupid, that's keeping you safe," Tyler cries. Everything comes apart, and the brunet begins to sob.

Josh's expression lightens up and he doesn't care about everyone on that beach. He takes a big step forward and takes the sobbing boy into his arms. He feels Tyler's arms wrap around him too, grabbing on as if they would be taken apart any second, "I don't care if I get hurt. I just want you to be okay," Josh whispers shakily.

"I stopped being okay when you did," Tyler breathes out.

Later, they go to Tyler's. The brunet's parents are out, and Tyler takes Josh to the bathroom. He has the red head sit on the sink, and Josh swings his feet calmly. Tyler sighs softly, opening a cabinet and pulling out a cloth and reaching behind Josh to wet it. He wrings it out before pressing it against Josh's lip, feeling bad whenever Josh winces.

Since he can't do anything about the bruise, he places a kiss on Josh's forehead above his eye. Josh smiles lightly, pecking Tyler's lips even though it hurts.

"I'm sorry I argued with you," Tyler apologizes, tapping Josh's leg so the red head will hop off. Once he does, they lock hands and walk into Tyler's room. Both of them lay on the bed, Tyler tucked under Josh's arm.

Josh turns his head to face brown hair below his chin, and locks some of the hairs between his fingers, "I'm sorry that I get mad at you, when all you do is care about me," Josh says, then turns his head to the side, breathing in and letting go as he stares at the wall, "But I can never be just friends with you again. I like it like this too much."

"Me too," Tyler says.

;

"What do you plan on doing after the summer?" Ashley asks while skateboarding down the sidewalk at a slow pace with Tyler beside her. Tyler tucks his hands in his pockets and shrugs. He really hasn't decided yet, and to everyone else it would be a no brainer. But Tyler's too hung up on the can be and could've been.

"I have three colleges that want me, but I don't think I want them," He replies. Ashley looks at him with a weirded out expression, looking away and focusing on skating when the skateboard stumbles over that same damn crack in the cement.

"Why not choose one? If you don't, you're bound to stick here. This place is boring as shit; I'd say go for it," She says. Then she stops skateboarding and Tyler stops with her, "Unless you're staying for some girl. But even then, it's not worth it," The she continues skating. Tyler pauses for a bit before catching up with her.

"That's not exactly it," Tyler mumbles. He stops when Ashley does again. She kicks her skateboard up into her grip, walking closer to Tyler. She looks around before leaning against a picket fence behind her.

"Okay, you know what? I know that you and Josh are together, hooking up, whatever," Tyler's eyes widen at her words. Weren't they being discreet? "It's not hard to tell when two guys excuse themselves and are gone for the same amount of time," She rolls her eyes.

"Honestly, I don't care. You guys are my friends, and everything I said was just a front for the others. You know how it is around here, especially being gay," She says the last word in a hushed whisper, looking around once more before turning back to the stunned brunet, "I'll support you two, but only to an extent. In the end, none of this will be worth it. You need to realize it, because I guarantee that Josh's plans are different than what he claims."

Tyler looks down. He nods, "I've been more scared the past few weeks. When it started, it was nice. I enjoyed it. But now bad things have been happening, and I don't like it," He bites on his lip, drawing blood but not caring when the substance falls onto his tongue. His words taste more bitter than anything, "I don't think I'll be able to do it much longer."

Ashley smiles at him sadly, then walks over and puts her hand on his shoulder. She single handedly pulls him into a hug, "There's your answer for what happens after summer."

He doesn't want it to be his answer. He loves Josh, he loves the feeling, he wants to spend the rest of his life with the boy, but it hurts knowing that he can't. He hopes that something can change his mind in the last three weeks before summer ends.

;

The next day.

JOSH 6:01 PM

I need you.

TYLER 6:01 PM

I'll be there soon.

;

When Tyler gets to Josh's place, he knocks on the door. He's scared, because what if Josh is in more serious trouble this time? Tyler won't know what to do other than call the police, but that should be what Josh does first.

Except.

The emergency isn't exactly what he's expecting.

When the door opens, a shirtless Josh pulls him by the arm into the house and slams the door shut. Tyler instantly feels his back slammed against it, grunting when the knob hits his back. He bends over in pain, and begins to laugh when Josh does. The red head has tears coming out of his eyes from laughing, but still puts both of his hands on Tyler's cheeks when the brunet stands up properly.

"I'm so sorry," Josh says with a big smile, "Are you alright?" He asks.

Tyler nods with a pout, standing on his toes to kiss Josh. Josh's smile soon fades and his actions become what they were like before the incident. The red head puts his hands under Tyler's hips, letting Tyler jump up and lock his ankles behind his back. Josh takes them to his room, kicking the door shut and letting Tyler fall onto his bed.

Tyler feels ecstatic when Josh hovers over him, kissing along his neck while whispering about how beautiful he is. Tyler loves it when Josh complements him while kissing down his body. When Tyler grips onto Josh's hair, grinding up to meeting the other's hips, he finds himself saying:

"I'm ready."

Josh pulls back, eyes slightly wide and pushing Tyler's hair off of his forehead, "Are you sure? We've only been dating a little over a month. Isn't that too soon?" He rambles, but Tyler puts his hand up to cover Josh's mouth and smiles at the red head.

"Are you forgetting that we have life long history together? I love you, I'm sure one hundred percent, and I'm ready," Tyler reassures. Josh sighs happily, kissing Tyler one last time before making the two of them sit up.

Josh's fingers reach the hem of Tyler's. He looks at the brunet with cautious eyes, "Can I?" Tyler nods, lifting his arms and feeling his shirt go up his torso. Josh tosses it to the side, then leans down to explore Tyler's upper body with his mouth. Tyler breathes heavily even though the kisses feel barely there.

Then a hand is on his chest pushing him back down into a lying position. Josh's fingers reach his pants, and the red head looks up at Tyler again. The brunet nods as confirmation again, and smiles when Josh delicately unzips and unbuttons his jeans.

It makes both of them laugh when Josh has to go to Tyler's feet just to tug the jeans off, but Tyler lifts his hips to make it easier. Then the brunet cackles when Josh accidentally punches himself in the face while taking off his jeans.

Tyler's laughter soon turns into a throaty moan when Josh palms him through his boxers, and his head digs into the pillow a little more. His toes curl into the mattress, and his fingers crumple the sheets. Josh chuckles at the sight, taking off his clothes and placing them with Tyler's.

Josh taps Tyler's hip with his fingers, then Tyler figures out that the red head is motioning towards his boxers.

"Go ahead," Tyler says. Josh obeys.

Once Tyler's boxers are pulled off, Josh's mouth takes him in. Tyler's eyes widen and his hips thrust upwards, making Josh gag and tears gather in the corners of his eyes. Tyler mumbles an apology, and Josh puts his hands on the brunet's hips to hold him down.

Josh slides down, taking Tyler in halfway, then pulling back up to suck around the tip. Tyler moans, trying to thrust up again, and whimpering when Josh pinches the skin on his hips. Josh slides his tongue over the slit, pushing farther afterwards and letting Tyler's dick hit the back of his throat. It makes him gag slightly, but he doesn't pull away. He swallows around the brunet's dick, swirling his tongue along a prominent vein.

Tyler whines, almost swearing when Josh pulls off of him. But his lips part slowly when Josh uses his hand to replace his mouth. Josh looks up at him, "You can fuck my mouth, if you think you can last that long," Josh smirks. Tyler throws his head back, nodding quickly.

Josh chuckles, letting his breath hit the head of Tyler's dick, before taking him in again. His mouth stays open, and then Tyler experimentally thrusts upwards, not letting his dick hit the back of Josh's throat yet. Josh looks up at him with a glare, as if saying to go faster. So Tyler does.

He grabs onto Josh's hair, keeping the red head in place while he fucks up into Josh's mouth. Tyler moans every time Josh gags around his dick, thrusting all the way each time. Tyler melts when Josh looks up at him with teary eyes, and the sight of his dick sliding in and out of the red head's mouth is something he wouldn't mind having framed on a wall. The sight of it draws him closer to coming, and he can't have that yet.

Tyler sighs heavily, letting go of Josh's hair and resting his hips against the mattress again. He didn't want to stop, but he wants this to last.

Tyler watches Josh remove his own boxers, the closes his eyes when the red head opens a drawer to get a condom and lube. There's a toothy smile on his face though, and he doesn't need to open his eyes to know that Josh is smiling at his happy and fucked out expression.

"Fuckin' cutie," Josh mumbles before popping the bottle cap and squirting lube onto his fingers. He snaps his fingers so Tyler will open his eyes, and when the brunet does, he asks, "I'm gonna use my fingers first, stretch you out. Are you alright with that?" To which Tyler nods.

Josh has Tyler lift his hips, then he uses one arm to keep both of them against Tyler's stomach. He brushes the first finger around Tyler's hole, slowly pushing in after a bit of teasing the area. He hears Tyler take in a sharp breath when the first knuckle goes in.

Tyler bites his lip when Josh's finger stills inside of him after entering the whole way. It feels weird and out of place, but at the same time, it doesn't hurt. It's just awkward.

It feels better when Josh's finger moves inside of him.

Tyler finds himself fucking himself down on Josh's finger, moaning whenever the red head curls his finger inside of him. When a second fingers pushes inside, it takes a bit of adjustment. But once Tyler's finished adjusting to the extra stretch, Josh's fingers move in and out of him again.

The brunet's breaths grow shallower and become pants when Josh begins to move his fingers quickly. Tyler's hips grind against Josh's fingers, and he moans when they rub against a special spot inside of him. Tyler pushes down to get Josh's fingers against that spot again, and when they do, Tyler laughs and moans at the same time.

"Holy shit," Tyler growls in pure bliss, sighing heavily when Josh slows his hand and pulls out his fingers. Tyler calms down, until Josh's fingers plunge back in and move faster than before. Tyler's back arches as he screams out in pleasure. Josh curls his fingers inside of Tyler each time he pulls them towards himself, purposely pressing against Tyler's prostate each time. Then he puts a hand on Tyler's abdomen, causing the pressure and heat to intensify, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Tyler groans, whining when Josh's fingers pull out for good.

Josh slowly rips the condom wrapper and pulls it over his dick, squirting more lube onto his hands and rubs it over the condom. He hovers over Tyler one more time, kissing the brunet deeply, "Are you really ready?"

"I am," Tyler says, putting his hand at the back of Josh's head, letting his ankles lock on the back of Josh's hips, "I love you so much."

Josh smiles, pecking Tyler's nose, "I love you too," then lines up with Tyler's hole, slowly pushing in. Tyler's lips part and his head tilts back, and this time it does hurt, because Josh is much bigger than his fingers.

Josh presses his lips against Tyler's to distract the brunet as his pushes in past halfway, swallowing the whimpers and whines that Tyler lets out. When he bottoms out, he pulls away from the kiss and Tyler's eyes stay wide, "Do you need me to pull out?" Josh asks warily. Tyler shakes his head quickly, closing his eyes and breathing in.

"You can move now," Tyler whispers.

It feels not quite painful as Josh begins to move. It feels weird, just like his fingers did, but it takes longer to adjust. Tyler's eyes stay squeezed shut and his nose scrunches up. But soon, his features soften up and the movement starts to feel good. The pain turns into pleasure, and Tyler moans softly.

"Please, go faster," He requests, kissing Josh while the red head picks up the speed, gradually slamming his hips against Tyler's. When Tyler's mouth opens fully when he lets out a moan during the kiss, Josh lets his tongue slide against Tyler's, the feeling making Tyler moan harder.

Josh grunts, stopping the kiss and putting his hands under Tyler's hips, squeezing harshly and thrusting harder and faster. Tyler moans, throwing his head back and gripping the sheets tightly. Tyler loses it when Josh pulls out until only his tip is inside Tyler, then slams back in. Josh hits Tyler's prostate, making Tyler grab at Josh's back and drag his nails down the red head's back. Josh pulls out and slams back in two more times, hitting the same time and Tyler moaning in bliss.

Tyler feels boneless, and has no control when Josh pulls him into his lap. The red head grips Tyler's hips and moves them back and forth so Tyler is grinding against Josh's dick. Tyler places his hands on Josh's shoulders, tipping his head back and moaning loudly when he picks up the speed with the help of Josh's hands.

Then he uses his knees to push himself up and bounce on top of Josh, sliding up and down, then grinding again. Josh begins to pound his hips against Tyler's, Tyler's forehead resting against Josh's shoulder when he slides back down just as Josh thrusts upwards.

Tyler's nails dig into the skin on Josh's shoulders, making Josh moan just as loud as Tyler. Tyler feels himself getting close, and stops his movements because his body tenses up.

"Oh fuck, I'm-I'm gonna come, Josh," Tyler groans shakily, in a high pitched tone. Josh moves his hips faster, using his hands to move Tyler back and forth too. Tyler begins to chant, "I'm gonna come," in multiple breaths, and soon the brunet is crying out in pleasure as his come paints both of their stomachs.

Josh thrusts up into Tyler twice more before he's coming inside the condom. He pulls Tyler off of him, tugs off the condom, tying it and throwing it into the trash. He puts both of their boxers back on before laying next to Tyler and wrapping his arms around the exhausted brunet.

He kisses the back of Tyler's head then goes to sleep.

;

"Tyler, you have to go."

Tyler groans, turning so he's on his back. His eyes open slowly and all he can see is a blot of red racing around the room. He sits up, wincing at the pain shooting up his spine. It makes him jump when his clothes are thrown on top of him.

"What?" He asks groggily. It's dark out now, but when he gets his vision back properly, he can see that it's eight.

Josh is pulling his pants on, already have his shirt on, "My dad is home. You have to get dressed and go out the window," He explains quickly, running his fingers through his hair.

Tyler frowns, standing up and pulling his jeans on. He still feels weak from earlier, and kind of wishes that they did everything at his house. He has to leave with disappointment in his chest and there's not much love to feel, "I don't want to have to exit through the window every time I visit," He mutters.

Josh turns around to face the brunet with a glare, "Well maybe if someone had left right away, you wouldn't have had to!" He grumbles. Tyler finishes slipping on his shoes with tears in his eyes.

"I wanted my first time to be special," Tyler sniffles out, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Tyler hiccups a cry out when Josh snickers.

"If you hadn't noticed, we're not exactly the perfect couple. You knew there would be consequences with everything we do, sweetheart," Josh says.

And that's it. Tyler turns his back and opens the window, hopping out. He sneaks past Josh's dad who is getting stuff out of his truck. Once he gets out of sight, he lets out his cries. He doesn't care if he looks like some weirdo to everyone that he walks by, because he has a right to be upset. It started out so well, and now it's terrible.

He wants things to get better. Maybe Josh's anger was just an in the moment thing. The others don't have to be right about Josh. Him and Josh are supposed to be able to pull through this.

Home doesn't seem like a nice option at the moment. He ends up at Ashley's.

Tyler watches her expression as she opens the door and sees his bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks. She moves out of the way so he can walk in and shuts the door. She takes them to her room in the hall across from the front door, then has him sit down on the bed.

"What did he do?" She asks, sitting next to Tyler and putting her arm around his shoulders and pulling him against her so she can rest her chin on top of his head.

Tyler tries biting his lip to stop it from quivering, but it makes him want to cry even harder, "I-I had sex with Josh. And he k-kicked me out when his dad c-came home, h-he said so many rude things," He sobs quietly, hiccuping before certain words and gripping harshly onto Ashley's shirt.

He hears Ashley sigh and then her hand is rubbing up and down his arm, "He's just an asshole at the moment. I'm sorry, Ty," She mumbles. Tyler nods, wiping his eyes and calming himself down. Ashley gives him a soft smile when he pulls away, and then kisses his forehead, "I have news that you'll love to hear, though."

;

He ignores texts from Josh. He hasn't blocked the boy though. It's not in him to that yet, despite hurting him to an extent that make him want to shut down.

The week after, Tyler seems to be much different. He wants to not care about getting his feelings hurt. He's not moping around or crying, he's trying to be cheery, but at the same time he manages to be more bitter than ever. It seems to be a good day for everyone to be open about being together. It's almost impossible to find someone who isn't holding hands with someone else.

There is a problem though, one that he can't pass by. When he turns a corner, he sees a blur of red that's walking down the sidewalk his way. Tyler turns quickly, going to hide once he rounds the corner once more, but then there's the sound of footsteps and fingers wrapping around his forearm.

"Tyler!" Josh breathes out. Tyler glares, yanking his arm out of Josh's grip and turns around, "I'm so sorry about last week. I was just worried that my dad would walk in-"

Tyler rolls his eyes, taking a step back, "Yeah, okay, and that makes it alright to diss everything that we stand for, isn't it? You know, I love you, but I'm not going to let myself be dragged around at your expense," He spits out. Josh's frown grows deeper by each word that Tyler says, all of it sounding full of venom and knives.

"That's not what it was ever supposed to be, even now," Josh mumbles in a desperate tone, "I just want what's best for us. I don't want that to be what ruins everything," He says. His voice is wavering, and Tyler's eyes soften and dart downwards, "Can we talk this out at my house later?"

Tyler nods, then they set a time to talk at Josh's house when his father won't be home.

It's unspoken that Tyler takes too long trying to decide how to style his hair at home, to keep it flatter or fluff it up a bit. He knows Josh likes it being fluffed, but then again, Josh doesn't deserve that right now. He still does his hair that way though.

Tyler leaves his house at two thirty to go to Josh's. The walk seems shorter than usual, probably because he's dreading it this time. He doesn't know what they're going to talk about, because it's hard to apologize when you mess up so bad. Even if he does end up forgiving Josh, he'll still be mad about what happened the day before.

When he arrives at Josh's, he knocks on the door and waits. He gapes when Josh opens the door, showing a busted lip once again, and a split eyebrow. Tyler goes forward, going to cup Josh's jaw in his hand, flinching when Josh slaps his hand away.

"Don't touch me, you fag," Josh spits. Tyler takes a step back because Josh's glare is scaring him. Josh in general is scaring him right now. He doesn't know what's happened, Josh was fine a while ago.

Tyler hesitates to speak, but when he does, "W-what? But you asked-"

"Stop trying to find excuses to see me, alright? It's creepy. People like you don't need to be around here," Josh yells, walking forward and pushing Tyler. Tyler stumbles, falling onto his bottom and scraping the palms of his hands, "Don't come back," Then Josh slams the door shut, leaving a whimpering Tyler to race back to his feet.

Tyler doesn't leave without noticing Josh hug his dad from the other side of the window. He turns around and runs away from the house.

The next week, Tyler finds himself staring at the three acceptance letters again. Three weeks ago he had hoped that everyone was wrong. Now he knows that they're right, and at least he knows that he'll be making the right decision. He chews on his lip, putting the papers together and racing downstairs.

Later that night, he stands in his living room with his family and Ashley and her family. The Frangipanes haven't been over in a long time, and nobody knows why they're having a get together until Tyler and Ashley stand at the head of the living room with their families on the couches.

;

Tyler tries to make himself believe that it doesn't hurt him when Josh has a girl hanging onto his arm at the next bonfire. It was to be expected, but everything rushed from good to bad that Tyler barely felt like his experienced anything. His first relationship with a guy, someone who was supposed to be his best friend, was down the drain in an instance. He wishes that he called things off with Josh before this happened.

At the fire, they sit across from each other. It's very noticeable to everybody that something's going on between the two, especially by the way that Josh is paying more attention to his new girlfriend than anything.

Tyler can see that Ashley is looking at him with sympathetic eyes, but all he gives her is a soft smile. He doesn't want those two to ruin his night, but it seems to be working.

He excuses himself when the two start kissing deeply, and he doesn't notice the footsteps behind him. He slides open the back door, looking back when he doesn't hear it shut properly.

Brendon stands at the sliding door, shutting it quietly and flipping the switch so the house lights come on. Neither say anything, so Tyler walks into the kitchen and sits on one of the counter tops while Brendon leans against the one next to him.

"I'm gay. Do you want to take a few punches at me, now?" Tyler grumbles. He thinks he hears Brendon snort quietly, but ignores it if he does, "I like it up the ass, Josh was up my ass too. But now he's got some girl because I'm the town 'fag'," He huffs. Maybe it's rude to be bitter to someone who hasn't done anything to him, but that's not his main concern.

"Okay, first of all, welcome to the club; second of all, I know," Brendon says, pushing himself up onto the counter next to Tyler. Tyler looks over to Brendon with a raised eyebrow, to which Brendon shrugs and says, "Ashley."

Tyler rolls his eyes, because, of course she can't keep her mouth shut.

"I'm not here to make fun or judge you, I'm just here to like, console you. I don't know what's up with Josh, none of us do. He's changed majorly, and not just because of you," Brendon sighs. He scoots closer to Tyler, placing the tips of his fingers on Tyler's back, gently grazing the skin through the material of the shirt, "As for being okay, Josh is getting pretty fucked up because he's pretending to be straight. That is a very boring life, but I know that you'll be better off without him. You'll be okay."

Tyler smiles, nodding. Both of their eyes look up when Josh comes into the kitchen with a smile on his face, soon turning into a smirk. The red head shakes his head and opens the fridge to get a drink.

Once the door shuts, Josh lets out a sigh, "So once you're finished with one person, you move onto the next? Are you a slut, Tyler Joseph?" He snickers, taking a sip of the beer he took.

"You have no room to talk. You don't even like girls," Tyler mutters.

"Oh come on," He chuckles in a dark manner, "I was confused. You were just a test run. Sex with guys is a little too... shabby, especially when the guy is a bit too desperate for his own good," He shrugs. Tyler grips the edge of the counter until he can feel the wooden surface dig into his fingertips. He looks down in shame.

Then Brendon is hopping off, and Tyler only has to blink once to see the before and after of Brendon swinging his fist at Josh's face. Brendon grunts, shaking his hand out and then looking at his slightly red knuckles. Josh stands back up again, touching his lip to see blood on it, and the red head is taken back when Brendon hits him again.

Tyler bites his lip, rushing over to pull Brendon away. He wants to laugh though, but that would be quite inconsiderate. He can't hold the smile in though, and Brendon laughs when he sees it. Josh glares at the two, now with a bleeding nose as well. He stomps off soon after, making Tyler sigh in relief.

"Motherfucking cocksucker, that hoe," Brendon spews. Tyler bursts into laughter, keeping a hold onto Brendon's upper arm. Brendon snakes his arm behind the smaller brunet, pulling him in closer to his side, "Well that's taken care of," Brendon says cheerily. Tyler nods.

When they walk out, they can see Josh's girlfriend dabbing a tissue to his lip and nose. Tyler rolls his eyes discreetly, not missing Ashley's grin towards him and Brendon.

;

"Dear Josh,

   I'm not quite sure you'd even want to read this, considering how you've treated me the last few weeks of summer. But I still wanted to write you a letter, isn't that pathetic?

I know that you've treated me badly, but we've been friends for a long time as well. So I thought I should let you know that I'm attending college. With Ashley. That day I lost my virginity to you and ran home crying? I went to her. That day she told me that she got accepted into one of the colleges that I did.

It's in New York, and I'm kind of excited to become part of a city and get out of the suburb, or the blue neighborhood, as we used to say.

Anyways, I don't care if you read this letter or not. You should be happy that I cared enough to write it for you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Yours Truly,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Tyler"

☂

Tyler and Ashley go to the airport together, and hug everybody that's there for them. Everybody tears up a bit except for their dads. When their families leave, they go to the coffee shop at the corner of the airport and watch the other planes go into flight from behind the wall length windows.

Ashley sighs with a smile, turning to face Tyler who is barely sipping his coffee. She frowns at him, but reaches her hand out and places it over Tyler's.

"How are you holding up?" She asks. All she gets is a shrug out of the brunet, and then he pulls his hand away and puts both of his hands in his lap, messing with his fingers, "You'll find someone new. College is going to clear your mind from Josh, especially with all the work. But I'm sure there's some cuties in New York," Ashley grins, trying to lighten the mood.

He shakes his head, "I'm sure there is, Ash, but you can't just expect me to-"

"I don't expect you to do anything. But this is what you need to do. Being hung up over an asshole who is only an asshole because he found out he likes dicks himself, is not healthy. That is poisonous and draining," She argues softly, "I know that forgive and forget may be a tough thing, and I'm not saying that you have to. But you need to forgive yourself for whatever reason you're blaming yourself for, and forget what you can."

"I wish I could," Tyler mutters, "It's just weird thinking that there are people who aren't like me; ones who can forget about someone the second they're out of the picture. I could never manage that," He sighs. Then their flight is being called, and they throw their coffees into the trash and head to the other side of the airport.

Josh breathes heavily as he watches the two go through the terminal. If only he had gotten the letter sooner.

;

One year later.

Tyler sits at a table in a little bakery, Ashley and her girlfriend in front of him sharing a muffin. It was honestly adorable when they giggled when feeding each other a bite or two, but Tyler still felt bitter. He just kept smiling at the two though. Plus, Lynn seems to make Ashley happier than she was before, and that's most of what Tyler could ask for.

It's also around Christmas time, and it's different to what Tyler is used to, but for being in New York for over a year now, he's adjusted nicely. It feels nice to be coddled in his tightest pair of skinny jeans and a plain, black long sleeved shirt. The beanie on top of his head sits nicely as well.

His elbows are rested on the table with fingers slotted together as he looks outside at the snow falling down. He didn't get to go home for the holidays last year due to having a lot of left over work. Ashley had offered to stay with him, but he declined, leaving him to be the only one on campus during Christmas.

He hopes that he'll get to go back home for Christmas this year, since it's been over six months since he's last seen his parents and friends. There was no sign of Josh though, and even though he felt relieved, he felt disappointed as well. What if Josh still had a girlfriend? What if things have changed? It's only been a year, but a year is all it took for Tyler to realize how much he can change between small time periods.

"Are you ready to head out, Ty?" The black haired one asks. Tyler nods to Ashley's question, the three of them leaving a tip on the table and exiting the bakery. Tyler shivers violently when the cold air blows through the material of his clothes, tucking his hands in his pockets and looking down at his feet while he walks in the snow.

Ashley and Lynn hold hands in front of him, smiling and laughing at what the other says. He sometimes smiles along too, but mainly focuses on the snow crunching in his footsteps. When they get to the end of the sidewalk, Tyler doesn't hear Ashley and Lynn yell out at him. He stays focused on his feet, only looking up when he hears tires screech and the end of a car barely hitting his leg.

Tyler's breath holds, and the blood drains from his system. He pauses in his step, not registering when Ashley and Lynn race to pull him away. The person in the car quickly pulls over and hops out, racing over to the three of them. Tyler doesn't know how to feel, because he thinks he wouldn't have cared if he had gotten hit.

"I'm so sorry!" The person exclaims worriedly. Then someone is right in front of him. Tyler's dazed focus doesn't process them just yet though.

"You should be, asshole, you almost ran over my friend!" Ashley yells.

Tyler shakes his head, looking towards Ashley, pushing her back a little. Her glare is strong, practically stabbing the person with it. Lynn goes over to her and soon puts an arm around her shoulders and looks at the person with caution.

"It's-it's alright. I'm just a bit shaken up, but thanks for actually caring," Tyler mumbles. The guy smiles at him lightly, nodding and just standing there. The tension is very awkward, but then the guy shuffles around.

"My name's Ryan," He says shyly.

"'M Tyler," Tyler replies, "That's Ashley, and that's Lynn," He points to each to add emphasis. Ryan nods and smiles at the two girls who still don't seem very pleased with him. Tyler doesn't expect them to. He almost got ran over by the guy, he's not even sure that he fully forgives Ryan yet.

"I can drive you guys to wherever your headed? To make up for it-" Ryan starts.

Ashley butts in, stepping in front of Tyler with her hand raised and pushing against Ryan's chest, "Okay, no. Stranger danger is still a thing, and we can walk just fine. So just go by yourself, buddy," She snarls. The guy looks almost terrified, but nods.

Tyler huffs, reaching forward and gripping Ryan's wrist in his hand, "I can't say I disagree with her, but I will take your number," Tyler says, looking to the side. He hears Ashley gasp, but ignores it. Ryan nods vigorously, giving his phone to Tyler who takes his own out and copying the number to his contacts. Once he returns Ryan's phone, he smiles, "Bye, Ryan. I'll text you later."

Once Ryan drives off, Ashley shoves him lightly, "I can't believe it. It's almost like you purposely tried injuring yourself just to get a cute guy's number," She spews. But she almost sounds impressed.

Lynn snorts, "Tyler Joseph, you savage," and Tyler laughs, Ashley soon joining in. It feels nice being three friends who laugh with each other, not Ashley and Lynn laughing with him trailing behind.

When they get to campus, Tyler parts ways with the two girls and heads to his dorm. Patrick is at his desk with work sprawled all over, but looks up at Tyler and smiles. Tyler nods at him as a greeting, kicking his shoes off and flopping onto his bed. Patrick is a nice roommate, he doesn't disturb Tyler. But they barely talk.

Tyler pulls his phone out of his back pocket, unlocking his phone and staring at Ryan's contact. He hits the "send message" option, but takes a long time to actually send one. He sighs, going for a simple:

TYLER 4:04 PM

Hey :) It's me, Tyler. The one you almost ran over today.

He regrets hitting send as soon as he does, because what a way to guilt trip the guy.

RYAN 4:05 PM

Sorry about that :( But hey, I didn't think you'd end up texting me

TYLER 4:05 PM

Well I didn't want to pass up on someone cute

Tyler groans, making Patrick furrow his eyebrows at the brunet and then look back at his work. Tyler would never be this confident in person, and being behind a screen is cursing him.

RYAN 4:06 PM

You're pretty cute too ;)

Tyler's face heats up, and he shoves the side of his face in his pillow.

They end up texting until seven. It's the longest amount of time that Tyler hasn't thought about Josh.

;

One week before Christmas.

Tyler stands around the huge Christmas tree in the corner of the apartment living room. Him, Lynn, and Ashley are at Ryan's Christmas party and the place is filled with people. It's something to have friends around before everybody leaves to visit their families.

Ashley ends up sitting on the couch next to Ryan with Lynn on her lap. The three of them get along pretty well despite having a rough start, and it shows whenever they laugh at what another says.

Him and Ryan occasionally flirt still, but Ryan is more of a friend than anything. Tyler smiles when Ryan beckons him over, then squeals when Ryan pulls him into his lap. He wraps his arms around Ryan's neck and stays there for most of the party, just talking to the other three. When people begin to clear out is when they move onto the floor.

Tyler sits between Ashley and Lynn, same for Ryan. He smiles at all of them, making them smile back.

"What are you guys doing for Christmas?" Ashley asks.

"I'm going to my parents. They're having some huge celebration limited to family only," Lynn informs, rolling her eyes at the end, "They'll probably ask if I've gotten a girlfriend yet, to which I can finally say yes," She grins. Ashley covers her face with her hands because of her face heating up.

Tyler tries to smile, he does, but he can't. Lynn's parents accept her, whereas his would probably make him fly back to New York. He really is excited to see his family again as well, but at the same time he wishes he would be able to stay somewhere where he's not bound to be hated on for something that's natural now.

"My plans consist of hot chocolate and Star Wars," Ryan sighs, leaning back on his hands with a sad expression. He covers it up with a tight smile, but Tyler and Ashley see that it's fake.

Ashley looks back to Tyler who looks at her with pleading eyes. She furrows her eyebrows, then realizes and glares at him. She shakes her head while he nods, then pouts his lips at her. She rolls her eyes, groaning lightly.

"Would you like to come with me and Tyler?" She asks, "It's nowhere special, but it's by the beach. I'm sure our families would love you."

Ryan's eyes light up, and he sits upright and places his hands in his lap, "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" Tyler grins.

After Ashley and Lynn leave, Tyler sits on Ryan's counter and swings his feet. Ryan hands him a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows in it, and Tyler smiles at the warm drink that tastes nice.

"I can't wait to meet your family," Ryan mentions. Tyler laughs nervously and nods, sipping his drink and setting it down next to him. Ryan furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head slightly.

"My family is nice but... I haven't come out to them, and I don't know if they're accepting or not," He mutters. Him and Ryan already told each other their sexualities, Ryan being bisexual. He wishes he could expose the other one to an open and accepting family, but he can't in case something bad happens.

"It's alright," Ryan says, patting Tyler's arm, "What they don't know won't hurt them," It makes Tyler smile and nod his head.

He hasn't told Ryan about Josh. He doesn't want Ryan to know that much about his past, and it really doesn't hurt to not mention him. In fact, he's glad that he's somewhat getting by without thinking of Josh.

;

It feels refreshing to see his family again. As soon as they get off of the plane, his and Ashley's families come rushing towards them with open arms. His mother smothers him in kisses and his father hugs him tightly. His parents seem to like Ryan, and his dad can't seem to stop talking to the other brunet about their common interests. It makes Tyler twitch considering Ryan was supposed to talk to him the most, not conversate with his dad mostly. But he's already had a few weeks with Ryan, so he can't really be greedy about it.

On the drive home, Ryan brings up how nice the neighborhood looks, and how he'd definitely enjoy going to the beach during his stay considering it's warmer in the area than at New York. It's still a bit cold, just not as much.

Tyler nods and smiles at everything Ryan becomes fascinated about, knowing that there was nothing really special about anything here. Most of the memories he had here were ones he wishes to forget about constantly. But he's keeping up a smile for Ryan's sake.

When they get home, Tyler sees that their house has been perfectly decorated and different colored lights have been placed everywhere. The same goes for the inside, lights being along every half wall and along shelves. The brightest source of all is their fairly large Christmas tree. Tyler takes all of it in because he absolutely loves the holiday.

"Guests will be arriving later tonight since it's Christmas Eve. Everybody missed you last year!" His mom says, going to the kitchen and getting some things out of the fridge to start cooking.

"I haven't been to a Christmas Eve party since I was little," Ryan chuckles.

Tyler frowns at that, but pats Ryan's shoulder, "They're fun. Just ignore anybody who says something offensive, alright?" He instructs, making Ryan nod.

It's 8 P.M. when the Frangipanes come over, and Ashley, Ryan, and Tyler all sit in the living room while playing a game of monopoly. Other guests fill in the room, the adults getting wine and other drinks and the younger kids playing tag or hide and seek.

Brendon and his family soon arrive at the scene, him joining in the game of monopoly. Tyler takes glances between him and Ryan, noticing the two looking at each other time to time. He smirks, and makes his next move on the board game.

When the game finishes up, they're asked to take the game somewhere else. Tyler groans, getting ready to head up the stairs when he sees it. Bright and vibrant purple hair in the dining area. He breathes in deeply, racing up the stairs before they see him. He puts the board game in the storage closet, slamming the door shut afterwards and banging his forehead against it.

"What's up?" Brendon asks, and Tyler jumps from the sudden voice. The brunet turns around, tugging on the sleeves of his large sweatshirt and biting his lip. Brendon's eyes widen after a few seconds, and he leans in closer, "Is he here?"

"Yes," Tyler mumbles as soft as he can so at least the music doesn't drown him it, "I don't know why. I thought he would stop after what happened," He says worriedly. Brendon sighs, running his fingers through his hair and looking to the bottom of the stair case.

"But who cares, right? I can ignore him. What needs to be focused on is Operation Ryden," Tyler jokes.

"What?" Brendon asks.

Tyler mutters "nothing" and goes back downstairs with Brendon to the others. Ashley is competing against one of the nine year olds in a round of Mario Kart, and Brendon goes straight for the beer in the fridge.

Ryan is sitting on the couch on his phone, so Tyler goes and sits next to him. He doesn't talk to the other brunet until he sees Josh's face appear in the crowd in the living room. He dodges Josh's eyes when the purple haired one looks at him, instead latching his hands onto Ryan's arm and peeking over at his phone screen.

Ryan laughs when seeing Tyler being nosy, pushing Tyler away with the palm of his hand, "You nerd," He chuckles. Tyler smiles innocently and stays cuddled into Ryan's side. Luckily no one thinks anything of it. Except Josh, "Um," Ryan speaks, "Why is that guy staring at us?" He asks, occasionally glancing at Josh who is still looking at them.

"Not sure," Tyler says with a fake confused tone, "I'm sure it's nothing. But I'm gonna get a drink, want anything?" He asks. Ryan shakes his head but saying a thank you to Tyler.

Tyler nods and makes way to the kitchen when he gets pulled down the hall and to their office area in the house. The door slams shut behind him and he winces, then glaring when seeing Josh's face in the moonlight in front of him. Josh traps him between the door and his body, and Tyler hits at Josh's chest to try and hurt the purple haired one.

"What?" Tyler asks rudely, resting his hand on the door knob without Josh knowing, "Are you here to apologize? Because it's too late for that," He spits. Josh frowns, backing up only a little, still keeping his hands on each side of Tyler's head.

"What do you mean?" Josh mumbles.

Tyler hesitates for a bit, not knowing what to say. He bites his lip because there's nothing left to say.

"I'm not here to give myself back to you," Tyler says shakily. He closes his eyes and takes in a breath, sighing in relief when he feels Josh move away completely, "I'm here for my family and friends, of which you stopped being a long time ago. I only have two weeks with them, so please, I don't want to do this."

"Did you miss me, though?" Josh asks warily after a while of silence. Tyler chuckles dryly, going over to sit on top of a computer desk. Josh watches him every step of the way, turning around and leaning against a wall that's to the side of the brunet, "I didn't expect you to, but I realized all of the shitty things that I did when I read the letter."

"I went to the airport but you left before I could reach you. I dumped my girlfriend later that day and like, just sobbed in bed all day," He laughs, but it's weak and insincere, "You affected me more than I thought you did."

Tyler holds onto the edge of the desk and crosses his ankles, looking down at his feet because it's too awkward to look anywhere else, "Of course I missed you. I just didn't miss what you were doing to me, how you were treating me. That wasn't fair to myself," He sighs. His eyes are wide when Josh appears in front of him, and then arms are wrapping around him and pulling him in. He hates to admit it, he wants to let go, but he enjoys it for the moment.

Maybe missing Josh isn't in past tense. He always misses Josh, he just tries to push all of it behind. But hugging the purple haired one brings all of it back and impossible to push away. But he knows that he can't be doing this.

"We need to go back," Tyler says. He pulls away in a hurry, hopping off of the desk and going to the door. Josh tries to catch up, but he's frozen in his position and doesn't leave until Tyler's fully down the hall.

Tyler walks until he's next to Ryan, who's talking to one of the adults at the party. Ryan turns to Tyler with a smile, eyes darting down and noticing that Tyler does not, in fact, have a drink in his hand, "No drink?" He asks.

Tyler jumps, looking down at his hands and shaking his head, "Got caught in a conversation. Guess I forgot!" He laughs it off, relieved when Ryan does too. Tyler spots Brendon coming towards their direction, and he pulls him into their little group, "Brendon! Get to know Ryan some more, he's a nice guy! See you guys around!" He cheers.

Tyler skips off to the staircase, sulking his way up once he's out of sight. He opens the door to his room and shuts it, thankful that the music is muffled from downstairs. He kicks off his shoes and falls onto his bed. Maybe it's depressing that he prefers just staring up at the ceiling rather than being with his friends.

He looks towards the door to the balcony that he used to watch Josh leave from every week. It used to be nice, no problems and being free. Now there's none of that and Tyler feels a bit hurt every time he looks out from it. But he gets out of bed, and opens the door.

It may be his luck, because Josh is getting ready to cross the street just as he gets outside. He tugs at his hair, hesitating but calling out anyways, "Josh!" Then watches Josh turn around slowly, "I want you to give me a Christmas present," He says.

Josh walks closer to the balcony, "Excuse me?" He questions.

Tyler rolls his eyes at himself, looking right down at Josh, "Tomorrow night we're going to Ashley's for gift exchanges. You owe it to me, so you better be there," He orders. Josh nods, smiling lightly and turning around. Tyler goes back inside right after.

Waking up the next morning makes him feel more refreshed than usual. He's not waking up in his dorm with a pile of work to do, but rather in his own bed with his family downstairs. He gets out of bed, pulling on a shirt and skipping out of the room. He gets downstairs to see his dad and Ryan sitting at the dining table and his mom cooking breakfast. The sight makes him smile because Ryan might as well be a part of them.

"Morning!" He cheers, then skips around the furniture and plops down next to his friend, "It's Christmas!" He giggles out loud, resting his elbows on the table and grinning widely. His parents and Ryan laugh at him.

"Once you guys are finished up at Ashley's, all of us will be down at the beach for a bonfire," His mom tells him. Tyler nods, taking the plate full of food that his mom gives him.

He's starting to regret inviting Josh to Ashley's, but it's something he needed to do. He needs the answers that he deserved over a year ago, and now may be his last chance to get them.

Later in the day after watching his parents open gifts he got for them and ones they got for each other, him and Ryan end up walking the isles of a store full of Christmas and present-y junk.

Ryan seems fascinated by it, grinning at every wooden Nutcracker placed on the shelves, and tapping every ornament hanging on a rack.

"Have you never experienced anything Christmas related before or something?" Tyler asks. Ryan turns around and pauses in his step. His smile falters and the sparkle in his eyes fade out, "Uh, nevermi-"

"Not for a long time. I haven't had anyone to spend it with, aside from those parties," Ryan admits. His head hangs low with his lip between his teeth, and fingers locked together in front of his waist. Tyler goes to nod and hug him, but Ryan takes a step back and shakes his head, "I-I'm not allowed back home, so I kind of lost my Christmas spirit. Until now, of course, because I'm not alone this year."

"That's great, but why aren't you allowed home?" Tyler asks. Ryan opens his mouth, but is interrupted when someone comes into the isle and observes the ornaments. Ryan sighs with a soft smile, shrugging his shoulders and walking in the direction he was before. Tyler just stares, coming out of his trance state and soon walking alongside Ryan, "You should get Beebo something," Tyler suggests smugly.

"I've known him for less than a day, how am I supposed to know what he would like?" Ryan whines.

"With me!" Tyler says. He takes Ryan to the music section, skimming through the different kinds of CDs, "He's a sucker for Queen. One time in fifth grade, this girl he liked gave him a cassette tape with Bohemian Rhapsody on it, and only that. He ended up enjoying it and listening to the rest of their music," Tyler mentions.

Ryan nods thoughtfully, looking up to the highest shelf and picking out a three disk deluxe pack with Queen's greatest hits. He examines it while looking at every side of the pack, smiling and keeping it with him.

"Maybe he'll even sing some of the songs for you," Tyler says, nudging Ryan's arm. Ryan snorts, shaking his head and walking to the other side. He sorts through My Chemical Romance CDs, not buying any since he already owns all of them, "I wasn't joking."

"To me, Brendon's just going to be another pretty face. I'm not close to him like you are, but I could only hope. Thanks for your encouragement, though," Ryan hums, walking out of the isle with Tyler tracing behind, "Anyways, what's up with you and that creepy guy?"

Tyler's eyes widen, "Nothing-"

"Okay, so, I know you acted like you didn't know him and everything, but that's a lie. I understand if you don't want to tell me, but don't lie to me about it," Ryan says, muttering the last part of it.

"That's Josh. He's my ex," They walk to a cashier and Tyler puts what he bought for the others on the belt, along with Ryan, "We used to be life long friends as well, but then he became a douche," Once their stuff is bagged and paid for, they go to Tyler's car and drive back home, "Basically I gave him my heart and he crushed it."

"Or gave it away," Ryan snickers, turning to look at Tyler who's glaring, which makes his own smile fade, "Bad choice of words. But that sucks, man. I'm sorry. Does he still bother you?" He asks.

Tyler stops at a red light, taking the time to close his eyes. Does Josh really still bother him? Last night was obviously involved, but Tyler didn't exactly mind it. But, Josh seemed to be forcing his way back into his life. Or, Tyler was just letting him back in too easily.

"Yes and no," He says, "No, he doesn't bother me by being clingy or trying to be forgiven, but, yes, he bothers me because his smile and his warmth still make me want to never leave his side."

Ryan smirks, "You still like him."

"More like love," Tyler mumbles quietly.

;

When the two finish up wrapping and taping the presents, their fingers are red and sore. There's not long left before they have to get going either. Tyler may just walk in the cold since his fingers are too hurt to hold on to a steering wheel, and his parents aren't home to take them.

Tyler lies back on his living room floor, stretching out like a starfish and groaning. His body hurts as he relaxes it, making him wince until it doesn't hurt anymore. Luckily, he already wrapped Ryan's gift while the boy went to get more tape, so nothing's been exposed.

He gasps as a body falls on top of his, then listens to Ryan laugh loudly. They don't even hear the front door open.

"This is looking pretty gay, right now," Brendon calls out, making Ryan jump and roll off of Tyler, "But come on, gaybies, we have gifts to unwrap, and I'm driving," He informs, swinging the key chain holding his car key around his finger and grinning at the two.

After they get ready, Ryan walks in front of Brendon, and Tyler behind the ebony haired one. Tyler rolls his eyes when seeing Brendon check out Ryan's ass.

Brendon and Ryan take the front seats, leaving Tyler in the back. The brunet huffs from the backseat, crossing his arms and leaning his head against the window with a pout. He always got the front seat.

When they get to Ashley's, she lets Ryan and Brendon pass through, but stops Tyler by placing her hand on his chest, "Why the hell did I have a certain Josh Dun come into my living room, invited?" She grumbles. Tyler chews on his bottom lip, pulling her hand off of him and walking by. He hears her sigh and close the door.

Josh is found sitting on the couch, Brendon and Ryan on the floor and Ashley going up the stairs to get the presents. Tyler ignores everybody's stares, going to next to Josh on the couch. Josh doesn't even look at him, and it makes Tyler frown. He just watches Ryan and Brendon sit next to each other without talking. It's all awkward.

"I shouldn't even be here. It's not like they're going to have presents for me," Josh spits, slouching in his seat. It's quiet enough that only Tyler hears. The brunet rolls his eyes.

"You're here for us to talk. If you're going to purposely make this your pity party, then leave," Tyler replies rudely. He's definitely second guessing everything now. Ever since Josh made a fool of himself, he's been an oddball. Tyler may have been the one to leave, but he left with a piece of him there. Josh left entirely, without even moving away.

Josh sighs, standing up and pulling Tyler with him. Tyler yanks his hand from Josh's, walking behind purple haired one with a glare. He keeps his arms crossed as they walk into the kitchen. Josh goes to speak, but Tyler cuts in.

"You fucked up, you need to face it. I know it was a long time ago, but hell, everybody says forgive and forget only if it's a trial against them. I need a proper apology and explanation, not some self pity yelp making me look like the bad guy. This is not an apology by you because you want sympathy, this is an apology for me because of what you did."

Josh's eyes water, but he doesn't cry. He leans his side against a counter to keep himself from losing his balance while feeling guilt, "I know. And I am sorry, Tyler, but I can't explain-"

"Explain why you asked me to come over just to push me to the ground, then go and hug your father? Explain why you suddenly had a girlfriend, only breaking up with her when I left to make everything seem like some tragic romance novel? Just because you broke up with someone -who you never would have even loved- doesn't make things okay! I gave you what I could, and you didn't even care," Tyler sniffs, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his eyes.

"Maybe I should date Ryan. Maybe he won't toss me away after we fuck. I bet he would fuck me nice and slow, becoming rougher as we-"

Josh presses him against the counter behind him, and his hands grip onto the edge of it. Josh has his hands on the cupboard above Tyler, keeping the brunet as close to him as possible. He leans down to Tyler with his mouth right beside the brunet's ear, "I loved you and every second of what we did. I would be so much better than Ryan," Then moves his hands to Tyler's hips, "If you want fucking rough, then I'll give it to you, Princess."

Tyler shivers. His eyes shut as Josh's lips hover over his, only separated by a simple breath.

"I didn't hear an explanation."

Josh pulls away after Tyler says that. The purple haired one gives up, walking out of the kitchen and leaving Tyler to his own thoughts. Tyler quickly exits the room, going back to the living room where the presents have been laid out. The brunet decides to sit next to Ryan this time.

A few hours later after gifts are exchanged, Tyler, Ryan, Brendon, and Josh head down to the beach in Brendon's car. It's awkward, because Tyler and Josh are forced in the backseat just so Brendon can be next to Ryan. Although, he wasn't going to put Ryan through sitting next to Josh himself.

When they get to the beach, Tyler sees his parents and some of their friends. He hops out and jogs down to hug his parents, standing by his mom with his hands tucked in his pockets as the other three make their way down. He watches and sees that Josh keeps a distance between himself and the other two.

"Have you had a good Christmas, boys?" Kelly asks. Ryan nods, making his way next to Tyler.

"Only a few things would be able to make it better, but it's already going great," Brendon says, biting the inside of his cheek and side glancing towards an oblivious Ryan.

Tyler huffs quietly, "I'll be back," He mumbles, turning away and walking along the sand. If anyone saw him, it would look like a scene from a dramatic movie. It definitely feels like one. His life was good in New York, it was a fresh start. But he decided to come back and he let himself ruin everything. Maybe it'll be alright when he goes back.

"Ty."

Tyler sighs, turning around and facing him. Josh comes up to him and stops as soon as he's right in front. Tyler lets out a puff of air and turns back to walk with Josh beside him.

"I want to make things better," Josh says, "I do. But the reason why I did everything was selfish and petty. I was always the strong one and I didn't want to become weak in your eyes."

Tyler crosses his arms and looks at Josh incredulously. He didn't understand how Josh's mind worked sometimes, but maybe Josh is the kind to destroy everything while thinking he's saving it, "In my eyes? Who the hell cares. It's alright to not be strong, and it's not like I'm just skin and bones, I could have been there for you. And do you think I'd care if your reasons are stupid? I've wanted an explanation for over a year now," Tyler mutters. The adults are still in hearing distance.

Josh holds his breath for a few seconds leading into silence. It bothers Tyler, because the silence came to bother him a while ago. He hates it, "My dad found out about us. I accidentally blurted it out in the middle of an argument. And when you came over, I didn't think he'd be there. But he was. If I had let you in, both of us would have gotten a harsh punishment," He explains, "As for the girlfriend? I tried changing myself to things that just can't happen."

"Oh," Tyler whispers, "Where's your dad now?"

"In the cemetery," Josh replies easily, with a shrug. Tyler gapes at him a little, almost missing the pier from how shocked he is. They walk to the end of it like they always did, and face each other, "He had alcohol poisoning and I wasn't there in enough time to save him."

"You're not sad about it?" Tyler asks.

Josh tilts his head a little, "I don't think I could be. He beat me for something I couldn't control. He's why I made us lose this," Josh puts an emphasis on 'this', taking Tyler's fingers in his hands and then lightly letting slip away, "He was my father, yeah, but just not a very good one."

Tyler bites on his bottom lip out of habit, keeping his fingers clasped to nervously twiddle them. Josh looks down and balances on his heels for a bit before letting the fronts hit the pier again. Both of them are so nervous. Neither know what they're doing, what they're going to.

"Tyler," Josh croaks. Tyler looks up and sees Josh holding in tears.

The brunet doesn't hesitate. He reaches to hug Josh. His hands bunch up Josh's jacket in his hands, and he stands on his tip toes just so his chin can rest on Josh's shoulder. He hears Josh let out a quiet sob, the feels Josh wrap both of his arms around his neck.

"Stay with me," Josh sniffs, "Forget about New York. Forget about here. We can go somewhere else like we wanted," He pleads shakily. Tyler's hands let go of Josh's jacket, and he slowly walks back. Josh retracts his arms and wipes his eyes.

"I-I can't. My life is in New York now," Tyler strains. But he feels guilty because all Josh wants is to fix things, and he would love to do that, but what he needs is in New York.
There's not a chance Josh would go to New York, "You can a-always come with me."

Josh shakes his head, "I have to go where I know I have a chance. New York isn't that," He looks at Tyler sympathetically, "How long are you staying until?" He asks.

"The second of January," Tyler answers.

Josh comes closer, placing his hands on Tyler's hips, more gentle than earlier. Tyler inhales deeply, this should not be happening. But it is. Tyler's not sure if that makes him feel electricity in his bones or if it makes him want to step back into the water.

"I can't do this again, Josh," Tyler mumbles, stepping away from Josh's grasp and pretending to ignore the hurt expression on his face, "I can be friends with you, just not what we used to be."

"I understand," Josh replies, "Platonic bros. the broest of of bros, right?" The corners of his lips tilt up, and so does Tyler's.

"The broest of bros," Tyler giggles.

Later on, Tyler goes to bed with a smile on his face. Him and Josh had exchanged phone numbers again, and he can't forget how sad Josh sounded after finding out that Tyler had deleted his number. Neither commented on it since Josh became cheerier after singing (terribly, at that) Christmas carols around the fire.

Strangely, Brendon and Ryan weren't there once the two returned from the dock.

Tyler jumps a little when hearing the front door open. He gets up so his parents don't have to deal with it, and tip toes downstairs. He rolls his eyes when seeing Ryan at the doorway, trying to take off his jacket and kick the door shut that the same time. Tyler huffs, walking over and shutting the door and pulling off the jacket. Ryan whines at the action.

"Thanks," Ryan mutters and begins to walk up the stairs, Tyler trailing behind. He already answers any questions Tyler has for him, "I had sex with Brendon. I gave him those Queen CDs and then I was being dragged to his car. We had sex in the drivers seat of his car, and then at his house, again," Ryan says. As they turn a corner, Tyler can see that he's trying to hold in a smile.

"What a romantic first date, honestly," Tyler spits, "It's midnight, you fuck, you should've just stayed at Brendon's," It sounds rude, but the two of them get that Tyler just doesn't want any disturbance, especially when Christmas has just ended. All he wanted was to fall asleep peacefully.

Ryan stops at the guest bedroom door, snorting and turning to face Tyler who's arms are crossed. He looks like a stern mother, "Don't be mad just because you and Josh made up and didn't fuck. That's your fault, not mine," He holds his hands up in a defense motion, "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

"Jesus," Tyler mumbles, shaking his head as Ryan shuts the bedroom door, then walking off to his room again.

;