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Adrift Among the Days

Summary:

This is a day he never expected to see, and one he has no idea how to begin.

 

Fai puts himself back together after escaping Celes. Princess Tomoyo has a few suggestions.

Notes:

I found myself despairing recently about how very little interaction between Fai and Princess Tomoyo we were gifted during the Nihon arc. Clearly they should be the best of friends, and yet silly things like plot and pacing and Sakura dying kept getting in the way. And once I had scared all of my family and friends away with my ranting, I remembered that HEY! I AM BEHOLDEN TO NEITHER PLOT NOR PACING NOR DEAD PRINCESSES AND CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!

Soooo, I did. Sort of. As it turns out, the general angst of the Nihon arc does not lend itself well to the type of silly narrative I usually prefer and required a bit of...finagling. And then somehow this turned into a serious fic about Fai dealing with his shit. And somewhere along the way -- between polar mood swings of "Aw fuck, THIS is why CLAMP never wrote this part" and "Oh wow, THIS IS FUN I LOVE WRITING THIS" -- I managed to dump ~40,000 words into it. So that's fun.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it. It's a completed work (on my end, anyway...), and the remaining chapters will be posted in the coming days.

Chapter Text

Fai feels their arrival into this new world in his knees first as they slam, finally, into solid ground. His eardrums ring with a loud whine from the impact, drowning out any ambient noise around them. His palms strike next, but only for a second - there are too many things his hands need to be doing now. There is so much blood, so much blood flowing, spurting from the empty remains of Kurogane's sleeve, and the only way to stop it is with his hands. His hands that are shaking and slick, already coated red and so, so clumsy as he forces them down onto what is left of Kurogane’s shoulder and presses. Presses down, presses into the dirt, throws his entire weight onto it to pinch closed that damned stupid artery that this damned stupid fool has severed.

And even as some of the bleeding slows at his shoulder, the wound torn into Kurogane's side continues to seep dark red onto the ground below him. They're going to lose him - he is going to lose him - Fai realizes, no matter what he does now. His useless, cursed magic is tapped dry and his useless, cursed body has spent too long frozen in stupified horror to stop the inevitable. The whine in his ears reaches a fever pitch, a sob or a scream breaks from his throat, and the world goes dark for a moment.

When he opens his eye again, he is on the ground, kneeling in the same puddle of blood, but alone. The keening in his ears has died down, replaced now by a flurry of shouts and movement. Kurogane - or maybe just his body - has been lifted away by men in white masks who look like they should be running, but everything is moving painfully slowly. He shouts after them – telling them to hurry, don't let him die – but he is the most painfully slow moving of all. They've pulled too far away to hear him now, if they even had to begin with, and as they disappear from sight, he feels the ground drop out from beneath him and braces for it to swallow him whole.

Instead of falling, though, he feels a warm, solid hand grasp his arm and anchor him into place. With great effort, he manages to pull his gaze back to his immediate vicinity, and only then does he realize: he knows this person. Or knows others of her, that they've met in different worlds. Or maybe he knows enough of her from Kurogane's stories and rantings to say he's familiar with this version as well, this version where she is the Tsukuyomi, the dream-seer princess of Japan.

Princess Tomoyo. The name rings through his head but can't quite form itself on his tongue.

She smiles warmly at him, through all of the blood and tears, and somehow her voice breaks through the cacophony of shouts and blood rushing in his ears. "Never fear. Kurogane will not die."

And in that moment, he believes her, because...what else is there to do?


The walls of the castle are high and white and topped with sharp-hipped roofs. Tall, stacked towers rise to either side and cast barbed shadows into the courtyard that swallow up an otherwise innocuous entrance carved of dark wood.

Inside, the hallways are a labyrinth of repeating wood and plaster, austere and beautiful.

Everyone moves quickly, their footsteps clattering into a swirling cacophony that makes his head spin and his stomach threaten to empty. But he follows.

He follows.


His face is a battered mess with bruises purpling up his neck and onto his cheeks. There's blood – so much blood – smeared and spattered against his skin and matted in his hair.

His?

No.

Ashura.

He's lying there in a pool of it, shining and red and steaming far too gently for all the savage free-for-all that set it flowing. His lips are moving. His chest rises. And then-

The attendants here are pushy. He's tying to map out the day's carnage in the mirror but they're poking and prodding, pulling at his clothes, trying to strip them away. He should let them. He should help them. But his hair is in his face, and it is caked with blood, and all he wants is to rip his fingers through it, put it back where it fucking belongs-

Kurogane.

He's lying there in a pool of it, shining and red and seeping into the grass, draining away from him and stealing his life along with it-

No.

Princess Tomoyo–

His reflection fades away and the scenery changes.


His eyes are burning.

The light filtering in through papered windows is warped beneath the surface of the bath water. The water itself is crystal clear - he probably wouldn't notice the shift in refraction at all if it weren't for the way the water flutters hot against his eyes. Or maybe he would - the sudden rippling of the surface distorts Syaoran's face as it looms over him, looking concerned.

He blinks.

There are hands under his shoulders, dragging him back above the water's surface.

"Fai?"

The air is cold and hurts his eyes. He closes them tight and tries to slip back into the water.


This room is as bright as the others, but less formally furnished with brightly colored cushions and swaths of fabric that drape from the windows. There is a low table set with ceramic tea service pieces at the center of the room. Syaoran and Mokona lean heavily against it, wordless despite the bustle of servants darting in and out to fill cups and shuffle plates of food.

"Her Highness wishes for you to rest," one says, bowing deeply in front of Syaoran, "She will be along as events permit. In the meanwhile, this herbal tea should help you relax and hopefully sleep."

Fai slumps against one of the cushions. The tea will probably only make him sick, but sleep, well


When he finally comes back to himself, the room is dark. Fai sits with a start, sucking in a loud breath as he bolts upright. He barely has the wits about him to notice Mokona as she slips from his chest where she's been resting. She lands in the crook of his elbow - his reflexes might be too sluggish to keep her from falling altogether, but he manages to catch her before she tumbles all the way to the floor. He frowns and pats her head in apology as she murmurs anxiously in her sleep.

Fai blinks a few times as his eye adjusts to the darkness and tries to assess the scene around him. The room hasn't changed apart from the time of day. There's no movement now, save for the quiet flutter of drapes against the open doors, no sound apart from the quiet breathing coming from the opposite corner. Fai's breath catches as he spies Syaoran's silhouette. It takes a few seconds to register that he's sleeping: he's sitting upright, back resting against the wall, one knee bent with the other leg crossed under, and arms folded across his chest. It's the same posture Kurogane used to sleep in during their earliest travelling days - the way he still sleeps when they're in unfamiliar or dangerous territory. Across the room and through the darkness, Syaoran looks so much like him that Fai is left doing a double-take to ensure he actually isn't.

Syaoran...

Fai's heart drops into his stomach. The past few days have been a nightmare of loss and bloodshed. They've lost Sakura - he has stolen her from them - and come within an inch of losing Kurogane, and Syaoran...Syaoran has had a front row seat for every last, bloody bit of it. And still, here he sits, taking up his mentor's mantle and offering protection to the very person responsible for all of it, even as he sleeps.

Nausea roils Fai's stomach as he grapples with his new reality. He shouldn't be here. They should have left him back in Celes. For one glorious, halcyon moment he'd truly believed they would, believed that this would be his end. An end he surely deserved, even if it wasn't the one he'd chosen. And then–

He feels some of his earlier panic rushing up into his chest, trembling down into his hands at the memory of searing hot blood splashing across his face. The dull thud of Kurogane's arm hitting the ground at his feet. The metallic clatter of a falling sword that followed and shattered whatever bit of calm he'd gathered to face his end.

He digs his fingernails in the palm of his hands and breathes. Breathes.

Because what else is there is to do?

A long moment passes before the silence is broken. "Fai?" Mokona asks, sleepily, "Are you awake? How do you feel?"

Fai offers her a lopsided smile and rubs her head. "I've felt better, Mokona," he answers truthfully.

Mokona hugs his arm tightly and looks like she might cry. "Mokona too," she says, then seems to remember something. "Princess Tomoyo wanted to talk to you," she says, "She said to call for her right away when you woke up."

"No, not now–" Fai begins.

"She said you wouldn't like it, but Mokona should do it anyway," Mokona insists, bounding down to the ground. She's halfway to the door before Fai can even call after her.

He sighs and settles back against the cushion, wondering briefly if he might simply be able to feign sleep. But that would be insanely rude to the person - Her Highness - who has not only taken them in on a moment's notice, but is also likely managing – if not outright providing –ĥ the majority of Kurogane's care. He drags himself back up, slumping his elbows onto his knees. If he can't simply disappear, he can at least try not to make their situation worse.

The sliding door cracks open, spilling dull lamplight into the darkness of the room for a moment before Mokona bounds back in. "Princess Tomoyo is waiting for you," she says softly, "There is a girl in the hall waiting to take you to her."

"Okay." Fai hauls himself to his feet, suddenly feeling as if each limb weighs several hundred pounds. His knees are still shaky, but he manages to stagger to the door without too much difficulty. He pauses, waiting for Mokona to take up her usual position on his shoulder, but she shakes her head.

"Mokona will stay with Syaoran," she says.

Fai nods, silently cursing himself for the sudden twinge of anxiety that shudders through him. He shouldn't need a crutch, and certainly shouldn't be expecting Mokona of all his companions to act as one. "See if you can get him to lay down," he says instead, "His back will hurt in the morning if he stays like that."

He slides the door closed behind him and returns a bowed greeting to his guide. She is silent as she leads him down the long maze of corridors, but he is grateful for her all the same. He has no memory of passing this way before - no memory of much of anything since they've landed, if he's honest. Only small snippets that amount to not much of anything at all. It's shock, most likely, which he has some experience with, but probably also has something to do with the massive drain of his magic, which he does not. Now seems to be fairly lucid, though, so he tries to count the doors they pass and make note of the corners they turn.

He realizes, as they shuffle into a much larger room, that he has no knowledge of court etiquette beyond what he's been able to glean from Kurogane (which is very little and questionably appropriate at best), so he simply decides to ape his guide and prostrate himself on the floor. He looks up when he hears a stifled giggle. The serving girl is gone, and he is alone with the princess and her single guard. He sighs and rises to his knees, unsure what he should say.

She smiles and takes the burden of speaking first. "Wizard Fluorite," she says kindly, "My sister, the Empress of Japan, is abroad on state business at the moment. But even were she seated here beside me, there would still be no need to be so formal in my sitting room. And certainly not at three in the morning."

Three in the morning? Fai sees then the weariness in her eyes, the dark circles hanging beneath them, the worry in the lines creasing their edges. He sighs. She's been awake and attending to their every need since they fell into her courtyard and he's been sleeping like he hasn't a care in the goddamned world. He should be the one coordinating doctors and healers, he should be the one suffering through exhaustion, and carrying on with with burning, tired eyes-

"Are you alright?" her tired eyes are suddenly and impossibly filled with more concern as she lunges toward him. "I am so sorry," she frowns deeply, "You're still in shock and pain, and I probably should have left you until the morning. But I felt it was important to speak with you and inform you of Kurogane's status as soon as possible."

Fai tries to ignore how her words punch into his gut like a fist. He swallows thickly and nods, "Thank you, Your Highness. I appreci–" His voice cracks before he can finish the sentence.

"Please," she says and motions to a low table sitting a few paces away, "Do you think you can make it to the table? Souma, fetch some cushions for him to rest on."

"Don't–" he starts to say, but she is already encouraging him to his feet and leading him back toward a low table. He goes without a fuss and leans heavily against the table. Its edge is sharp and digs in just below his ribs.

Princess Tomoyo settles at the opposite side of the table and folds her hands on its surface. "Can I send for anything?" she asks, "Do you eat?"

"I–" Fai stumbles over the strange wording of her question, but sets it aside. It's three in the morning, after all. "Please don't trouble anyone. I’m not hungry," he says truthfully.

She nods and frowns at him. "I'll be as concise as I can, then. You are still very much in need of rest."

Fai lets the table dig deeper into his side and longs for the floor to swallow him.

"Kurogane is out of immediate danger," Princess Tomoyo continues gravely, "He cut his arm far enough from the shoulder that the doctors were able to find and close the major arteries almost immediately, but..." She trails off, eyes pinching closed. Fai holds in a breath. "But the damage to the joint and surrounding muscles was too great, and they ended up taking the entire arm."

Fai exhales. "But he's–"

"Yes," she breathes, a small smile finally creeping back onto her face, "He will survive. But his recovery will depend on a great many things. Including yourself, Wizard Fluorite."

Fai cringes. He's done enough to put them in this situation already. "What can I do?" he croaks miserably.

Princess Tomoyo raises a hand. "First you need rest," she says matter-of-factly, "In the morning, I will take you to see him and the doctors can give you a full assessment. You'll be working directly with them."

Fai bristles at this. "Many thanks, Your Highness, but I believe you will find that I have no talent when it comes to healing."

"Nonsense," she says in a tone that brooks no argument, "I believe you will find you are far better suited for some things than even our doctors. But for now, you are injured as well, and you must care for yourself. Trust us to handle Kurogane for the night."

"I–"

"You've spent most of the day floating in and out of consciousness, Wizard Fluorite." Her voice is stern, but her face is kind. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, especially considering the death of your king prior to you arriving here. But in your efforts to escape, you seem to have depleted most of your magic and possibly dipped into your very life force."

He feels his mouth fall open. How-

"You saw," he realizes at last. He's forgotten, in the moment, that she is a dream-seer. There is an immense power radiating from her – so immense it must have clouded his senses, because "dream-seer" doesn't even register as part of the whole.

She nods. "I see much," she admits, "Though, much of it is colored by the dreamers I visit."

"Ah." He stares at the table.

Do you eat?

He's a fool. An idiot of the highest fucking order. And she knows. She knows so much, and yet she treats him with kindness. What is the point of it?

Hot tears prick at his eye, and he is helpless but to let them fall.

Why?

"Let us return you to your bed," she says softly, "The morning is not far off, and we will all be better for some rest. We will talk more, and I can answer any questions you have then."

He nods and stands, but then remembers: “What of Princess Sakura?”

Princess Tomoyo’s eyes close, and she breathes out a sad sigh, “Her body is resting comfortably,” she says, “However, it seems that her soul is elsewhere.”

Fai nods. “In a dream,” he confirms, and winces as he sees her expression fall ever-so-slightly. “She won’t wake.”

“I see,” Princess Tomoyo says with a frown, “In that case, I shall move her to rest somewhere with more favorable spiritual energy, and we will pray this helps to sustain her until her soul can be returned.”

"Thank you, Your Highness," he manages.

"It's only a temporary measure," she says sadly, "But I pray it will buy us enough time. Now please, return to bed and I will send for you in the morning."

Fai nods and takes his leave, eager for the emptiness of sleep to claim him once again.