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“Be prepared, by the way.” Namjoon comments, the door ajar as he’s about to step out. “Jeongguk chose the perfect time to release his song. Half the questions will be about that – but you know the drill. Laugh and move on! And focus on the movie.”
Seokjin rolls his eyes, “I wouldn’t blame them. Are they supposed to ask me about the character I played for exactly ten minutes?”
Namjoon sighs, walking back inside the dressing room and kneeling on one knee so that his eyes are leveled to where Seokjin sits on a chair. “It’s good to diversify your career, you know.”
Seokjin squints, “I was right, then. It will kill you to criticize the company that forced me into this stupid role!”
Namjoon laughs, shaking his head.
“Trust me, if I start acknowledging all my criticism for this company, you wouldn’t have a manager anymore.”
Before Seokjin can respond further, Namjoon swiftly exits the room, leaving Seokjin all alone with his thoughts again. He groans, getting up and flopping down on the couch. He had an astonishing fifteen minutes to waste before a car picked him up to take him to the movie premiere he was absolutely not looking forward to.
And it feels ungrateful, and he knows he’s behaving like a brat, but he gives himself the sympathy anyway. He never wanted to get into all this, truly. Ever since he was a child, all he loved was music. It didn’t take a lot for the beats of the songs he grew up with to become akin to the steady beating in his chest, till he was a teenager, and then a young adult, breathing, living, and existing just for music. Becoming an idol was a secondary part of it – trust him, he knows. It wouldn’t take a lot for him to acknowledge that; he was the one spending hours upon hours in front of the mirror trying to practice a move because the music came naturally to him, but the other things didn’t.
He knew exactly then – laying on the hardwood floor of the practice room – that debuting meant he was trading a part of his soul. By allowing himself to make a career out of the one thing he loved, he was giving up his identity as an individual, and as a person. He was giving up this because he knew, even at a young age, that he could give up a lot for his music. Commodifying himself was hardly a difficult thing.
So, even as he sits, waiting to attend the premiere of a movie he’s still not sure why he was a part of, remembering the same one-liner he took twenty takes to get right, he can’t help but think… for music, and for the life he got – to share his music with the world, to have an entire nation adore his honesty, his sweetness in his music – any sacrifice is fucking worth it.
As he gets lost in his thoughts, and as the clock ticks down from fifteen minutes to five, he suddenly becomes hyper-aware of the music playing from his speaker on shuffle for the past hour as the make-up noona’s came and went and got him ready.
The only reason he’s even able to become aware of the music is because of the voice that’s ringing in his eardrums, and he immediately bites his lip.
And then, of course:
Believe me, F1 cars are faster in person,
Kim Seokjin is beautiful,
but he's more beautiful in person.
He looks up at the ceiling.
He can physically feel his cheeks heating up as he listens to none other than Jeon Jeongguk’s melodious, deep, raspy voice uttering his name. The lyric is long gone, but he can still feel the redness spread across his body as he thinks about Jeongguk.
Jeongguk, and the tattoos across his sleeve, the piercing on his lip, the flex of his arms, the bulging of his biceps, the slicked hair, the thick thighs, the chains adorning his neck, the strain of his jeans, the thin of his t-shirt, the cigarette hanging from his lips.
Jeongguk, who’s this… enigma that took the nation by storm. That took Jin by storm. With his raw sensuality, his real lyrics, his rapping ability, his sheer talent. He didn’t grow famous like Seokjin did. Didn’t grow from a million views to ten million to one hundred million and then some. It’s as though one day he decided that the world needed to hear his voice, and as he grabbed the mic to sing on it, every single person simply appeared in audience.
Jeongguk, who he can confidently call a friend now – who went from being this awkward, gangly presence amid celebrities to finding his own little group, and in the process, Seokjin, too.
Jeongguk, who upon meeting him, has never failed to include a reference to Kim Seokjin in every song he has ever released.
Jeongguk who… so casually talks about him like he’s the most attractive person to have walked planet Earth in his songs… and greets him with a headlock any time they meet.
Seokjin groans. Then sighs. Then groans again.
Oh, how he’d been starstruck the first time it had happened. How confused he’d been, how he didn’t know what to say to Jeongguk the next time they talked. How when Jeongguk had simply grinned and asked if he’d liked the song, he’d realised that it wasn’t necessarily him. It was just… writing off of your surroundings. He’d waited years, for an explanation, acknowledgement even. As to why he talked about Seokjin the way he did in his music. But it never came. And Seokjin was forced to never acknowledge it himself either, and laugh it off like it was the newest joke. He’d realised that, as they both grew exponentially famous, there was no point in acknowledging his raised heartbeat every time Jeongguk pressed near him because Seokjin had actually grown to like Jeongguk’s presence, and to ruin that for what would end up being one (mind-blowing) night is just… not worth it.
Besides, there was little to come to terms with after he realised that Jeongguk didn’t really mean all the lyrics he wrote about him, didn’t really see Seokjin in the same way he wrote about him. There was a big disconnect between the Jeongguk who was rapping about Seokjin, and the Jeongguk who he met backstage after a performance.
He wouldn’t ever admit it out loud, but that realisation had stung just a bit. It was hard for Seokjin to find someone to be truly enamoured by, and he was, with Jeongguk. So deeply. But all these indicators about Jeongguk not feeling the same had forced him to move on, ignore the new songs and lyrics and laugh them off like everybody did, ignore the blush on his cheeks, and instead start acknowledging all the men that Jeongguk did take home – after parties, during concerts, after award shows…
And accept the fact that he was not going to be one of them.
Feelin’ like Tune-y Montana,
Hope-y, he get honoured,
Agust D a headliner,
And Jinnie, he get finer,
Word!
“Seokjin! Seokjin! Did you hear Jeongguk’s new song? How do you feel about his mention of you?”
Seokjin hears the question loud and clear amongst the flicker of the camera, the screaming of the fans and the lights beaming in his face. He turns around to find the mic extended towards him, smiling until the corners of his mouth sting.
“Jeongguk is so talented, always putting out honest music.” He grins, “I am more beautiful in person!”
That’s just how it goes,
Got signed to a label, they got me playing roles,
Sending me to shows, telling me to train,
Then they sit me next to Seokjin,
And it’s all down the drain.
Seokjin has been sitting in the comfortable restaurant chair for exactly five minutes, before a waiter is walking towards his table, Jeongguk in tow.
They immediately smile at each other, and Seokjin falters just a bit. The younger is dressed in a fairly simple outfit, dark trousers with a long black coat over a midnight grey turtleneck, but he still manages to catch Seokjin’s breath in his throat. It confuses the elder, flabbergasted by the sheer impact Jeongguk has on him, how the smallest things about him make him blush and want to hide away like a child with a first crush.
“Oh hello, if it isn’t the most coveted actor in the nation!” Jeongguk grins, thanking the waiter before taking a seat across Seokjin.
The singer immediately groans at his words, knowing fully well that Jeongguk is aware of exactly how he feels about being forced to go on an acting stint. Jeongguk was, after all, there in the room when the CEO of his company had been giving him a lecture about how he needed to maximise his presence in the industry, how he must take every opportunity given to him, and how he couldn’t believe that Seokjin would even question the decision in the first place. The two had put him on speaker, muted the microphone and laughed about every ridiculous word uttered out of the old man’s mouth spanning well over an hour.
Jeongguk had also been on the receiving end of about a million phone calls once the shooting did actually begin, and Seokjin found it comical how out of his element he was, doing something he was absolutely not good at just because he had to. It cracked Jeongguk up on the other end, and in turn, made Seokjin feel so much better.
“Oh god,” Seokjin rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why I expected you to not bring it up.”
Jeongguk beams. “Not bring it up? Me? No fucking way, hyung. I was sitting at home and watching your red carpet premiere.” He nods enthusiastically, “I could’ve delighted in your acting yesterday itself, but someone didn’t invite me. It’s okay, though. I’ll watch it along with the rest of the world.”
Seokjin can feel his cheeks heating up. “It’s like torturing me is your second job,” he says. “And please, I would rather dance for 15 days straight before I ever let you see me act in that movie.”
Jeongguk gasps, grabbing his heart dramatically. “Ouch, hyung. You wound me.”
“Oh, shut up.” Seokjin chuckles. “Drama queen.”
“But hey,” Jeongguk begins. “In all seriousness, as we determined, sometimes… you have to do what you have to do.” He shrugs.
Seokjin sighs, then nods. The waiter comes and places the two drinks Seokjin ordered for them on the table, along with a menu.
“I know you feel shitty about being forced into it, but don’t think about it too much. You were practically an extra anyway, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Seokjin nods. “I find it hard to shake that feeling of insincerity though.”
“That’s fair,” Jeongguk agrees. “But you’ll get over it. To be in this industry you sell a part of yourself to the devil, and what not.”
Seokjin snorts.
“Don’t get me wrong, though, I still plan on watching the entire movie and analysing every scene you’re in.”
Seokjin groans. “Who made you?” he exclaims. “You are such a menace!”
Jeongguk has a shit-eating grin on his face, “I know you love me, hyung.”
“Whatever.” Seokjin blushes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Oh, I would never. All the flattery goes to you. And an Oscar too, I think.”
“I am about to jump over the table and punch you.”
Jeongguk laughs, taking a sip of his drink. “Shit, that’s strong. In our feels, are we?”
“Just… celebrating.” Seokjin clarifies.
“Your premiere?”
“A little,” Seokjin smiles. “But mostly your album release.”
“Ah,” Jeongguk nods, dragging the sound. “Didn’t know we were celebrating that. Did you not have fun at the release party?”
“Oh, I did, don’t worry.” Seokjin shakes his head quickly. “But, you know. There were so many people though. All celebrating you, which, shit, you deserve so much. But I talked to you for what, five minutes?” he says. “So, just thought I’d celebrate you again. Properly, this time.”
“Jesus, don’t go all sappy on me, hyung,” Jeongguk says, despite the growing red staining his cheeks that is invisible to no one. “But… you’re too nice for your own good.”
Jeongguk raises his glass, “I know this is about celebrating my album. But, to us?” he offers, holding the glass to clink it against Seokjin’s.
The elder smiles, and nods, bringing his glass forward. “Yes. To us.”
Jeongguk smiles, and they both drink. “You know, I am sorry about not really meeting you properly during the party. It was just – “
“God, don’t apologise, please,” Seokjin says hurriedly, putting the glass down after a gulp. “It was your party. I wasn’t expecting to have a lot of time with you anyway, you were so busy. I mean, in between your friends and your label, come on. It’s fine, you should have been celebrating. I’m at least glad I met you. I stuck around towards the end, but I think you left before I could catch you.”
“Oh,” Jeongguk blinks, looking down. “Um, yeah, uh, I think I left before they started, um, cleaning up.”
Seokjin nods. He internally smacks himself for letting that slip out of his mouth at all; he did stick around towards the end, at least for just enough time to see Jeongguk leave with another man, pressing their lips together before walking out of the auditorium. They don’t talk about this kind of stuff, and it was no wonder Jeongguk felt awkward about even bringing it up.
“I had so much fun, though,” Seokjin quickly changes the topic, grabbing the glass again. “Actually, I met one of your friends, too. Taehyung?”
“You did?”
“Yeah, I was kind of drunk by the end of it, he was such a sweetheart. Dropped me home and everything.”
“Oh,” Jeongguk chuckles awkwardly. “Really? He didn’t mention that to me.”
“Ah, I’m sure he didn’t want to embarrass me.” Seokjin blushes. “I was all over the place. But he was so nice about it! What a gentleman. He seems like a great guy, but I’m sure you know that.”
“Yeah, he’s great.” He furrows his brows, throat bobbing. “You could have called me, you know. I would’ve come to drop you.” He swallows thickly.
“Come on, I didn’t want to interrupt your night.” Seokjin smiles, “I would’ve made it home myself, too, Taehyung just –“
“You… you wouldn’t have interrupted anything,” Jeongguk interjects.
Except for your hook-up, Seokjin thinks passively.
“I didn’t… mean to offend you, or Taehyung or –“
“No!” Jeongguk exclaims, suddenly startled. “No, you didn’t. I’m sorry. You didn’t – ah, Taehyung is just nice like that. I just, um, I don’t know. I guess I wish I was there for you.”
Seokjin’s heart picks up its pace.
“Don’t apologise, seriously,” Seokjin speaks gently. “I was just mentioning it.”
“Yeah, um,” Jeongguk fiddles with his fingers. “Did he – well, he’s just kind of a fan was he – like, did you guys, um – when he came over –“
“He dropped me to my door,” Seokjin clarifies. “Just to make sure. And he left right after, I think he had somewhere to be.”
“And he didn’t like – ask you, uh, like, for your number, or anything?”
“Oh, no,” Seokjin shakes his head, then pauses. “Was he… planning on it?”
A visible wave of relief flashes across Jeongguk’s face, leaving Seokjin confused. “Um, no. Well,” Jeongguk sighs, “I can’t even lie to you, he asked me if I could make him meet you. Celebrity crush and all. He’s one of my best friends from back home, doesn’t really care about all this, but he really likes you.”
“Oh.” Seokjin blushes, and even contemplates about it for a minute. Taehyung’s face enters his mind; how sweet he’d been, how he’d leaned his head against the warmth of the younger’s shoulder, how Taehyung held his hand as he stumbled towards the elevator. He thinks about that boxy smile and the way he’d leapt into his arms and thanked him, Taehyung holding on to his waist; hands warm, big. Protective. Seokjin thought about the way his eyes had glanced down to his lips, and he’d even contemplated it for a second. But then –
His eyes land on Jeongguk’s, who is looking at him earnestly, as though waiting for a response – a confirmation, an explanation. He thinks about all the nights he’d spent falling asleep to dreams about their bodies pressed together, how it’s been almost a year since he’d been able to kiss another person without Jeongguk popping up into his head.
He doesn’t know how it’s possible.
He doesn’t know what it is. He’s never even experienced Jeongguk in that way. Ever since they met, their relationship went from strictly professional to a little casual. And now, here they are. On the cusp of being as close to someone as you can. And not once did he get to access that part of Jeongguk. That beyond playful, beyond goofy part. They went from sunbaenim to hyung-ie and that’s how it stayed, but something about Jeongguk makes it impossible for Seokjin to give up. Maybe it’s the songs, maybe it’s the false hope he keeps having. Even as he watched a plethora of guys being watched by Jeongguk in that purposeful, hungry gaze that he so wished could extend to him beyond the writer he is, he couldn’t give it up. Even when he tried. Even as a random hook-up laid next to him, breathing laboured, he couldn’t feel that satisfaction.
Couldn’t get his mind off of Jeongguk.
“Sorry,” he finally speaks. “I’m not – uh, you know. I’m not really into all of that, right now, and I’m sure he’s –“
“Please, don’t.” Jeongguk shakes his head quickly. “I get it. I get it, and he will too. He wasn’t – ah, he wasn’t expecting anything out of it anyways.”
“Right.” Seokjin smiles. “I’m glad you have company like that in your life.”
Jeongguk nods, smiling, looking proud. “Me too. I feel like I would’ve gone crazy without them, you know? Being internet famous is one thing, but when I eventually signed to my label and shit, I feel like I would’ve felt so lost if it wasn’t for Taehyung – and well, all my friends and family, really – keeping me grounded.”
“Oh, yeah.” Seokjin snickers. “You truly didn’t live up to the wild child potential everyone was expecting you to.”
Jeongguk laughs, “I just have my days.” He grins, “I never hear about you, you know.”
Seokjin shrugs, “I didn’t even get the opportunity.” He chuckles, “I feel like your celebrity experience is so different than mine, in a way. My company was always on my ass to act a certain way. I could never act up. Not that I ever wanted to, but still.”
Jeongguk hums. “You could, now,” he offers. “You’re a veteran now. No one is as popular or respected as you. You can go crazy now. You have the wiggle room.”
“At my old age?” Seokjin laughs.
“Come on, you’re not that old.” The rapper pauses. “Well, maybe just a little bit.”
“Yah!” Seokjin exclaims, blushing, a little embarrassed. “I’ll kill you, seriously.”
Jeongguk bursts out in laughter, “I’m joking, hyung. You’re barely 30. And you look 22, anyway.”
“Now you’re pushing it.”
“I’m not lying!” Jeongguk gasps, entirely serious. “You look younger than me."
“Okay, okay.” Seokjin sighs. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t have that passion anymore. When I was 25 like you, I was so into it. I feel almost lost now,” he bites his lip. “In a way, I don’t blame the company for making me act in that movie. I’ve been delaying making music for so long,”
Jeongguk frowns. “Everyone goes through these phases, hyung. You’ll find your footing again. And once you do, you’ll be releasing shit that you’re proud of. Don’t let anyone rush this process for you."
“I feel like I’ve been in that rut for so long, though,” he comments. “But, I know you’re right. I will get over it eventually.”
“That’s my actor of the year!” Jeongguk grins, and Seokjin chooses not to reprimand him, rolling his eyes.
I really gotta ease off the wine,
Which is funny because I saw Jin the other day,
And he keeps getting finer over time!
“Every time I order here a part of my heart dies,” Jeongguk sighs after they’ve placed their orders. “I’m still a Busan boy. And I’m still convinced this is a meal my bank account won't survive.”
“You should give a go at acting, with how dramatic you are,” Seokjin deadpans. “And besides, this is obviously all on me.”
“You don’t have to do that –“
“I wanted to celebrate you, stupid.” Seokjin smiles. “It’s on hyung. Because truly, Jeongguk-ah, I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m going to get so embarrassed.”
“You should, that’s my job!” Seokjin declares. “But seriously. I love the album. I love everything about it. I love watching you grow as an artist, and it’s so satisfying. You’ve always been great, but I didn’t realise how much better you could get.”
“Hyung, stop,” Jeongguk blushes. “I can’t take all these compliments. They mean too much coming from you.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not all compliments.”
Fear flashes across Jeongguk’s features, and Seokjin gasps, “I was joking!”
“Jesus Christ, hyung,” Jeongguk breathes, eyes widened. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?”
“Sorry,” Seokjin apologises sheepishly. “But, I do have a bone to pick with you.”
“Oh,” Jeongguk blinks, “I – um… what about?”
“Your fucking release date,” Seokjin laughs. “Right before my premiere, I swear, the number of times I heard your name and was asked how I felt about the song, jeez.”
Jeongguk laughs, “I do apologise for that.”
“You should!” Seokjin nods rapidly. “Every time you mention me all people talk to me about is you and your songs. For at least a month.
“Sorry, hyung,” Jeongguk grins. “I’m afraid that’s a consequence you’ll just have to deal with.”
The waiter comes and places their food in front of them.
“I have a way for the consequences to stop…” Seokjin offers. “Have you ever thought about not mentioning me in practically all songs you release?”
“Huh.” Jeongguk pauses to think. “I haven’t, no.”
“Maybe you should try doing it, then.”
“Ah, no can do, hyung.” Jeongguk shakes his head.
Seokjin frowns. “Why not?” he asks, grabbing the fork and knife, and pressing them into his piece of fish.
“I use my surroundings to inspire,” Jeongguk shrugs. “That’s how I write. You know that.”
“Well, yeah,” Seokjin agrees. “But, you know. All those lyrics about me, it – I mean, it’s not like you mean them, right?”
Jeongguk looks at him.
Then laughs.
“Of course I mean them,” he comments casually, taking a bite. “Damn, this food is good.”
Seokjin pauses.
“No.” he shakes his head. “No, they’re like – I mean, they’re like jokes, right? You’re not serious about them.”
Jeongguk blinks, “I am serious about them. I don’t lie in my lyrics, hyung. If I’ve said it, I meant it. Every word.” He says, offhandedly. “Shit, do you think we should order dessert right now?” he says, calling for someone.
Seokjin sits stunned.
Jeongguk orders dessert. He finishes his food. He talks to Seokjin.
And Seokjin remains stunned.
Seoul traffic has the city slow,
But I had that gin with me,
And I had Kim Jin with me.
In the city glow,
With him I’m never bored,
Face has me floored,
Stuck on my mind like a disease, he just gotta say the word please,
Won't object to nothing, I’ll just be on my knees
Jeongguk never said anything. Nothing. No indications that he felt something more for Seokjin. Seokjin had spent practically a whole year trying to rid himself of the idea that he and Jeongguk had something more. Because it was a joke. It was supposed to be a joke. Jeongguk wasn’t supposed to be serious. All those times, he was finding content to include in his songs. Maybe Seokjin inspired him when he first started including his name in his songs after they met. And by the fifth song, everyone was in on the joke. And by the tenth, it was practically a ritual. But that’s all it ever was. A joke. Just a joke. That’s what it was supposed to be. That’s what made Seokjin want to snap himself out of how enamoured he was with the younger.
And now… Jeongguk puts a piece of steak in his mouth and tells him that he meant every lyric. Every word.
Seokjin stays stunned. For days.
And now… he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
All you fuckers never shut up,
Open your lips for something useful, you dunce,
And if you’re Kim Seokjin,
Close your lips and put them on mine, for once.
“Ah, hyung, seriously,” Namjoon reprimands as he walks into Seokjin’s apartment, who opens the door in his pyjamas – adorned in them for days – and immediately makes a bee-line towards his couch where the 7th season of his favourite sitcom plays. And has been playing, Namjoon assumes.
“Hyung, just because you don’t have a schedule doesn’t mean you can stay in your pyjamas and vegetate,” Namjoon comments, picking up the fast food wrappers off the floor.
Seokjin groans, lying down and covering himself with the blanket.
“Are you a three-year-old child or a thirty-year-old man?”
“I’m not thirty!” Seokjin emerges out, throwing a pillow at Namjoon.
His manager sighs, taking a seat next to Seokjin.
“Why are you this bothered by what Jeongguk said?”
“How could I not be?” Seokjin supplies weakly. “It feels like everything I know is a lie. I just – I can’t… deal with this… this whole thing. He can’t just spring that on me, you know. I was trying to get him off my mind.”
“Well, maybe you don’t have to do that, now.” Namjoon shrugs. “He gave you an open confession, essentially. Why don’t you take that and run with it? Why are you still stuck on needing to get over him?”
“I don’t know,” Seokjin whispers.
Namjoon sighs, petting Seokjin affectionately. “Hyung, have you considered that maybe what you were trying to do all this time is the opposite of what you should have been doing?”
Fuck it, me and Jinnie-jin getting married today,
And all you bitches that be hating can catch the bouquet!
“Hey, hyung!” Jeongguk exclaims over the phone. “What makes you call at this time of the day?”
The sun is setting. Seokjin had spent the whole day mentally and physically preparing himself to go see Jeongguk. He didn’t have a plan, didn’t know what exactly he was going to say – all he knew was that Namjoon was right. It had been a week since their dinner, and he hadn’t talked to anyone, really, because he’d spent so much time dwelling and thinking about what Jeongguk said, when… it didn’t make sense for him to do that. There was no point in sitting around and pondering about what Jeongguk said. If he wanted clarification, he needed to seek that out himself. And Jimin, bless his heart, was right. Jeongguk was the one who started this. He was the one who kept mentioning Seokjin in his songs. Seokjin has a right to an explanation and come what may, he was going to get one today. No more smiles and I loved your song!, no more ignoring the elephant in the room. He was going to confront what had been brewing for years, and he was going to put his mind at peace.
“Oh, I was just wondering if you were free,” Seokjin says, biting his lip as he presses his phone against his ear.
“I was just finishing up at the studio,” Jeongguk says. “Do you want to grab dinner or something?”
“No, no,” Seokjin says quickly. “Not, um… not dinner. I can come to meet you at your studio. It’ll take me half an hour. Will you be done with your work?”
“Yeah, I’ll be done by then.” He pauses, “I – hyung, is everything okay?”
“Yes, oh,” Seokjin chuckles awkwardly. “Everything is good. don’t worry.”
You’re lucky just to follow my ride,
If I let you ride alongside the Humvee,
Unless you’re Jinn-ie,
Grab you by the waist, let’s ski.
It’s half an hour and one coffee trip later, and Seokjin is standing in front of Jeongguk’s studio. He takes a deep breath and clicks the buzzer next to the door. Immediately, he’s greeted by Jeongguk in a t-shirt and sweats, hair messy and eyes a little tired.
He looks gorgeous.
He’s smiling big, lip piercing shining with the light above them. Seokjin musters a smile in response as best he can, given the ball of nervousness flopping around in his stomach.
Jeongguk gasps. “You come bearing gifts!” he says, eyes dropping down to the two drinks Seokjin is holding. “Come in, hyung.”
Seokjin nods, smile growing more authentic with fondness, as he walks into the studio, and the room is just so… Jeongguk.
In the best way possible. He’s been here before, and he loved it then, too – it’s themed black and has vinyls and posters across the opposite wall. He’s got a big screen, a comfortable chair for himself, a soft rug under, and a couch on the opposite side. He imagines the late nights Jeongguk must spend in this room – his haven – nodding along to songs, going over the same piece over and over again, laying down on the couch. This is Jeongguk; raw, open. At his core. And Seokjin finds himself suffocating just a bit.
Jeongguk gestures for Seokjin to sit down on his big chair and he does, as the rapper perches himself slightly on the other edge of the table. Seokjin moves the rolling chair so that they are facing each other, as he’s looking up at Jeongguk.
“Here,” he says, handing the cup of coffee to Jeongguk, and taking a sip of his own milkshake. “It’s decaf, don’t worry. I know it’s late.”
“Eh, I would’ve survived.” Jeongguk shrugs, grabbing the cup and sucking on the straw. He hums in satisfaction, “I can’t deal. Hyung, you’re a lifesaver.”
Seokjin laughs.
“So, what’s up?” Jeongguk asks, continuing to sip on his coffee as he tucks a piece of his hair behind his ear, piercings now visible. Seokjin’s throat dries up. “I know you said there’s nothing to worry about, but how come you wanted to meet now?”
“Nothing of worry, I mean it,” Seokjin repeats, placing the cup on the table and rubbing his hands on his jeans. “I just… had to talk to you about something. Like, ask you something.”
Jeongguk blinks. “Oh, um. Sure, what is it?”
“I’m going to be honest with you here.” Seokjin takes a deep breath, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about something you said to me at dinner last week.”
“Dinner?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen briefly. “What, uh…”
Seokjin gulps thickly. He thinks his heart might beat out of his chest.
This is it.
“When we were talking about how you mention me in your songs,” Seokjin begins, voice quiet, eyes cast downwards as he struggles to look up at Jeongguk. “You… you said that in all those lyrics, you were serious. And I – I can’t stop thinking about that.”
Jeongguk stills.
“Hyung –“
“Because I can’t explain it.” Seokjin breathes, voice louder as he finally locks eyes with Jeongguk. “I can’t – you never… said anything. Never mentioned anything, and I just – I assumed it was just jokes. Like, content for your songs and then –“ his voice cracks as he struggles to get the words out. “Then you tell me you meant all of it and I just…”
He pauses. Sighs.
“I just don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”
He can see Jeongguk’s Adam’s apple bob with what he assumes is nervousness.
“I guess I just need to know if you were being serious that dinner and if –“ he bites his lip. “And if you were…I want to know what that means for you.”
“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk begins immediately. “Hyung, for… ever confusing you, and making you feel like I wasn’t being straight up with you – I – that was never my intention, I – “
He rubs his hand over his face, blush creeping up his cheeks.
“I was serious at dinner. I mean all the lyrics,” he speaks quietly. “But I assumed you knew that.”
Seokjin blinks.
“God, this is embarrassing.” Jeongguk groans, a furious red painting his cheeks. “I – when I first met you, I was… I don’t know. I was beyond starstruck. And we had this professional distance between us and you were still so kind and just… so beautiful. And I just – I didn’t know what to do,”
“I’m not – I promise, I would never usually say I’m a nervous person. But you made me so nervous. And I just… I couldn’t be how I usually am with you. I couldn’t be smooth and flirty and suave. Because every time I looked at you my heart kind of stopped, like, jeez, you were just gorgeous. And then we became friends, and our relationship changed, and the moment had passed. I couldn’t even be like that anymore.” Jeongguk breathes, “I physically couldn’t say everything I wanted to say to you. So… I put it in a song.”
Seokjin blinks rapidly.
“And when I asked you if you liked it, you said yes. But you didn’t say anything beyond that… so I assumed you didn’t feel the same way,” he pauses. “And I didn’t – I couldn’t stop putting you in songs because I am inspired by my surroundings. I was so inspired by you. And you always loved the songs, too. So I just – I thought hey, even if he doesn’t look at me like that, I can at least put my feelings into these words and he seems to love that. And if – if that made you uncomfortable, hyung, I’m so –“
Seokjin gets up and kisses him.
Jeongguk is still perched on the table, hands flat against the surface as he leans. Seokjin grabs his face and presses his lips to the rapper’s.
He can feel the younger freeze under him, and he doesn’t move his lips. He can just feel Jeongguk against him. Chest to chest. Hands to warm cheeks. Lips to lips, the cold of his piercing pressing into his mouth.
Seokjin pulls away, gulps. Jeongguk looks at him with wide eyes.
“Jeongguk –“
This time, Jeongguk is the one who kisses him.
The younger grabs his waist, pressing their bodies flush together, Seokjin doesn’t take time to react; wraps his hands around Jeongguk’s neck and pulls him closer, kissing him fiercely.
Kissing him like he’d wanted to for years.
Jeongguk responds just as eagerly, meeting Seokjin’s rhythm, swiping his tongue against the elder’s bottom lip and pushing his tongue inside. Seokjin whimpers lightly as his knees buckle with pleasure. Jeongguk tightens the grip he has on Seokjin’s waist and lifts him up, eliciting a gasp from the elder.
He turns them around and places Seokjin on the table he was leaning on, and Seokjin immediately spreads his legs to allow Jeongguk to nestle in between them. Jeongguk thumbs Seokjin’s lower stomach from under his t-shirt as their lips continue to collide – messy and raw, but somehow perfect. Seokjin feels pleasure bubble in his stomach as he pulls away to catch his breath, twisting his arms around himself and ripping his top off himself, throwing it somewhere on the floor.
His breathing is laboured and Jeongguk looks at him with deep eyes… with hunger. With want. With need. With everything Seokjin had ever wanted him to see him with.
“You are so unbelievably fucking gorgeous,” Jeongguk whispers teasingly against his lips, hands rubbing soothingly on the skin of his hips. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” he says, eyes boring into Seokjin’s.
Their lips meet again, and Jeongguk takes no time in tangling their tongues together, pressing deeper and deeper, hips rutting against each other. Seokjin can feel the younger’s need radiating off of him.
It’s addicting. It’s intoxicating.
He runs his hands across Jeongguk’s broad shoulders the muscle flexing as he explores his body – strong, big. Protective. He’s suddenly extremely bothered by the thin t-shirt restricting access to Jeongguk’s raw skin, and he tries to tug it off him, with soft whispers of off against his lips.
Jeongguk complies easily, pulling the fabric off in a swift motion, and Seokjin’s breath hitches, marvelling at the sight in front of him. He reaches out to touch, and Jeongguk shivers upon being touched by his cold hands. Seokjin traces his fingers across his body – from his flexed abs to the ink on his shoulders.
His hands reach Jeongguk’s face and he tucks a piece of his hair behind his ear, gently rubbing against the lobe and the piercings that adorn it.
Jeongguk holds the extended hand in his own, pressing a kiss to his fingers, then his palm, and his wrist, until he’s tracing his lips to the elder’s shoulder, shamelessly reaching his neck. He nibbles on the pale skin, sucking softly as Seokjin gasps above him, crossing his legs around Jeongguk’s waist, pressing their hips flush. Jeongguk sucks on the skin until he knows that there will be a proud red mark adorning his hyung’s neck, and his stomach tightens at the thought of anyone looking at him, knowing that he was the reason behind it.
Seokjin tangles his hands in Jeongguk’s hair, moaning his name. “Gguk,” he gasps. “Need – oh my god, I need you, please – I need –“
“You have me, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers. “God, you’ve had me since the day we first met,”
Seokjin feels a blush creeping up his cheeks, ears already beet red. He pulls Jeongguk in again and presses a kiss to his lips. Gentle. Soft, sweet.
“Please tell me you have lube.” Seokjin laughs lightly, tracing Jeongguk’s jawline.
Jeongguk can’t help but laugh out of embarrassment, “I do. Thank god I do.”
He slips out of Seokjin’s grasp to go towards the other end of the room and rummages through the drawer for a bottle of lube. Seokjin is busy admiring his back muscles as he jumps off the table, unbuttoning his pants and stepping out of them until he’s left in nothing but his tight briefs, right as Jeongguk turns around.
The rapper is frozen as he watches Seokjin’s long legs, the dip in his waist – god, so unbelievably tiny – the flare of his hips, his broad shoulders.
Jeongguk barely has any semblance of self-control as he saunters towards Seokjin, placing the bottle of lube on the table. His hand meets Seokjin’s bulge over his briefs, as he palms the elder purposively.
“I never thought I’d get to see you like this,” he murmurs.
Seokjin moans helplessly, “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he stutters out. “I kept thinking why he hits on me in his songs, but never in real life,”
“How could I?” Jeongguk asks, nestling his hand under the fabric until he’s gripping the length of Seokjin’s cock, who whimpers loudly, head hanging back. “Every time I looked at you I couldn’t breathe. I could barely get a word out.”
“I wanted you so bad,” he confesses, tracing the precum and spreading it across his cock. “I wanted to have you, all of you. I tried to get over needing you. I tried so hard. Fucked so many people. I couldn’t stop thinking about you,”
“Jeongguk, please…” Seokjin gasps, looping his hands around Jeongguk’s neck. “Please, please. I need you. I’ve needed you for too long,”
“You’ve got me, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, pulling his briefs down his long legs, until he’s met with Seokjin’s cock – bare, and so pretty. He grabs it again, pumping hard. “You’ve got me.”
He turns Seokjin around, bending him over the table, hands meeting his plush ass.
He grabs at the flesh, whistling softly. “Goddamn, hyung, you’re bad for my health,” he says, molding the expanse of his ass in between his hands.
Grabbing the bottle of lube, he trickles the liquid across his two fingers, pressing them against Seokjin’s hole.
Jeongguk traces his rim with his slick finger as the elder whimpers with want, prompting Jeongguk to press airy kisses to the back of his neck. He finally presses a finger into his hole, and Seokjin gasps loudly.
He slowly pushes the digit inside, immediately enveloped in the elder’s warm. His heart thrums in his chest, breath laboured in disbelief. He can’t register this to be real, even as he opens Seokjin up, stretching him out, even as Seokjin begs for more, and he adds another finger to scissor him open.
“Fuck, hyung,” he curses, pulling Seokjin up, fingers still buried in his ass. He uses his free hand to grab Seokjin’s face, kissing him, open-mouthed and deep, swallowing the elder’s moans and whimpers.
“Jeongguk,” Seokjin moans into his mouth, and it’s damn near the sweetest sound he’s heard. It spurs him to go faster, wrapping an arm around his tiny waist to hold him in place as he moves his fingers vigorously, bending and adding another digit until the pad of his finger presses against his prostate.
The sounds that then proceed to leave Seokjin’s mouth are nothing short of heavenly.
He looks so good like this, Jeongguk can't help but think, head thrown back in ecstasy, lips thick as they pout, biting themselves to redness. His neck is adorned with a couple of marks, blooming into a red hue, and he can't help but think there isn’t enough of them. Grabbing his neck, he makes sure to suck at the skin meaningfully, fingers fucking into his inviting hole.
It’s all too much. It’s everything Jeongguk has dreamed of. And now, he can’t conceptualise that he’s living this reality.
Seokjin grabs Jeongguk’s wrist, “I need you,” he breathes. Begs. “I need you in me. Inside, Jeongguk, please.
And who is Jeongguk to deny that?
“I want to see you,” Jeongguk whispers, pulling his fingers out as Seokjin gasps at the emptiness. He bites at Seokjin’s shoulder, one arm still wrapped around his waist as the other reaches up and rolls Seokjin’s nipple between his fingers.
He turns Seokjin around, kissing him fiercely, pushing deeper and deeper like he’s trying to amalgamate their bodies into one, hips held in a bruising grip. Seokjin feels like he’s floating, can barely register all that’s going on. He clings to Jeongguk’s bicep as he kisses back tiredly, feeling nothing but the need to have Jeongguk.
Jeongguk pulls away, pressing one last kiss to his lips before he tightens the grip on his waist and lifts him up, making the elder gasp. The couch in the room is a few steps away, and it’s with utmost gentleness that Seokjin lays him down on his back. When he stands up, his breath catches in his throat again, staring at Seokjin.
He looks ruined in the best way possible; hair tussled, lips bitten red. There’s a plethora of red marks surrounding his neck, a layer of sweat making him glow as his chest rises from his deep breaths.
Seokjin sits up suddenly, grabs at the string of Jeongguk’s sweats and pulls him closer, the couch at a perfect height so Seokjin nuzzle into the younger’s pelvis. He presses a kiss the v that traces down towards his cock, taking nimble hands to pull his sweatpants off. Jeongguk swallows thickly, stepping out of his pants until he’s left in his boxers.
Seokjin looks up at him, meeting his eyes, and Jeongguk buries his hands in the elder’s hair, who presses open-mouthed kisses to his cock from over his boxers. He looks truly sinful, eyes innocent and eager as he laps at the outline of his cock, and Jeongguk is surprised that he hasn’t cum yet.
Seokjin is the perfect tease, biting at the hem of the boxers to pull them down with his teeth, and Jeongguk curses until they pool around his feet. Seokjin doesn’t stop there, kisses his inner thigh, fondling his balls slowly before he finally pulls his head into his mouth.
His tongue swirls around the tip, and the only string of coherent words that leave are sharp fucks as he thumbs at the tears pooling in the corner of Seokjin’s eyes.
“You’ve ruined me,” Seokjin whispers as he pulls his cock out of his mouth, licking his lips as he reaches his hand up to tug at his cock. “You’d ruined me before this, too. Couldn’t fuck anyone without thinking of you.
Jeongguk stops breathing, imagining Seokjin being bent over by someone else, all while the elder is occupied by thoughts of him.
“But now?” Seokjin bites his bottom lip. “Now that I have a taste, I won’t ever be able to fuck anyone else.”
Jeongguk can barely take it anymore, pulls away and kneels in front of Seokjin to make their mouths meet again, biting at the plush lip.
“Good,” he grabs Seokjin’s cock. “Good. I’m never letting anyone else touch you again.”
Seokjin has to bite his lip to hide his smile as they both pull away, and for the first time since their first kiss, they really look into each other’s eyes. Seokjin’s heart is beating at a mile per minute, and he wonders if he’s really alive, or in heaven right now.
Jeongguk takes his soft cheek in his hand, tracing his thumb across the high cheekbone. “I thought I’d freak out if I ever got the chance to actually touch you,” he admits. “Thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it, that I’d pass out, be too embarrassed.”
He shakes his head, pressing their foreheads together. “But this… this is perfect.” he breathes. “You are perfect.”
Seokjin supresses a giggle. “Jeongguk, don’t make me blush.”
The younger smirks.
“Okay, I won’t.” he supplies. “How ‘bout I make you scream instead?”
He says, and he takes no time springing into action. He turns and climbs the sofa to settle between Seokjin’s legs, grabbing the fallen condom in the process. He opens the bottle of lube again, pressing three fingers into his prepped hole.
“Look at you,” he whispers, as Seokjin lets out a moan. “So pretty. I ought to fuck you in front of a mirror sometime,” he promises, before pulling out his fingers again. He rips the condom packet and rolls the latex over his cock, as Seokjin looks at him expectantly. He pours more lube over his cock, before finally pressing the tip to Seokjin’s hole.
“Holy shit,” is all the elder says, as Jeongguk lifts Seokjin’s legs so they’re resting on his shoulder.
“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes out, barely keeping composure as he pushes further in, warm heat enveloping his cock. He thinks he might pass out, Seokjin laid out in front of him; so tight, so perfect.
“Keep going,” Seokjin gasps, holding Jeongguk’s neck. “Keep going, I can take it.”
And Jeongguk does, grabs at the elder’s thigh and keeps pushing until he’s fully bottomed out, dizzy from the heat. From the pleasure, from the moment.
Seokjin is only breathing in short gasps, and Jeongguk leans down to kiss him, while he waits for the elder to adjust.
It’s a few moments later that Seokjin nods. “Fuck me,” he says, throwing his head back.
And that’s all the indication Jeongguk needs before he’s fucking into Seokjin rapidly, pushing in until the only the room is mixed with sounds of his guttural grunts, Seokjin’s melodic moans, and the sound of skin slapping against skin. Seokjin’s hips are raised as Jeongguk adopts a brutal pace, cursing as he kisses Seokjin’s ankle from where it rests on his shoulder.
“So good,” Seokjin moans between thrusts. “Jeongguk, fuck, so good!”
“Yeah?” Jeongguk asks, pressing his hips against Seokjin’s. “Fuck, baby, keep going. Moan my name.”
And that Seokjin does.
A variety of Jeongguk, Gguk, and Kookie are all that leave his mouth as he cries out loud, screaming in ecstasy. Jeongguk grabs at his cock, leaking and painfully hard, giving it a tug and Seokjin practically collapses, voice hoarse and cheeks splotchy with red as a tear slips out of his eyes. Jeongguk slows his pace just a bit, stroking more purposefully as to hit Seokjin’s prostate each time, who sees stars as he throws his head back.
Seokjin presses his hands against Jeongguk's chest, out of breath as he pushes him back. Jeongguk pulls out, a little confused, and Seokjin manhandles him so he’s seated on the couch, back resting on the backrest, while the elder straddles him.
Seokjin has both legs around Jeongguk’s side as he hovers over his cock, and the younger immediately grips his hips. Seokjin grabs his cock with one hand to push it against his hole, while the other grips Jeongguk’s neck.
“You wanted to see me, right?” he murmurs, stealing a long kiss from the other. “Now you can.”
He pushes the hard, pulsing cock inside himself, and Jeongguk practically screams out. Seokjin throws his head back, thighs burning as he bounces on Jeongguk’s cock. The younger has a tight grip on around his waist as he guides him up and down, gyrating his hips to match Seokjin’s pace.
“Fuck, you’re so good,” Seokjin moans. “S-so good. So much better than I dreamed of,”
“Yeah?” Jeongguk grunts. “Look so good bouncing on my cock, baby. Keep going. Tell me how good it is. Tell me how much you love my cock.”
“I love it,” Seokjin gasps. “Love your cock, Gguk, shit, so much –“
He blabbers, rambles barely forming coherent sentences as he feels every inch of Jeongguk pumping inside him, deep, so deep, so pleasurable.
Jeongguk hasn’t even touched the elder’s cock, but he can see as it twitches and he puts his mouth on one nipple, rolling the bud around his mouth, and Seokjin moans as loud as he ever has, arm locked around Jeongguk’s neck as the younger grips his ass in a bruising grip, knowing there will be hand shaped prints around it the next morning.
The thought sends him into overdrive, to have Jeongguk on him, beyond this night. He isn’t sure if Jeongguk means all of it, people say a lot in the heat of the moment. He doesn’t expect it to actually mean anything. But the thought. The thought of Jeongguk’s touch being on him beyond today, beyond this night is so exhilarating. He wants it, he realises. Wants Jeongguk. Wants reminders of him. On him. He’d stay in the moment forever if he could.
“So good for me, hyung,” Jeongguk rasps. “You’re so good. So perfect for me. Just for me.”
They’re kissing again, and Seokjin can feel Jeongguk so much, the praise sending him into overdrive as his movements slow down.
“’m gonna cum,” he cries out.
“Cum for me, baby. Come untouched.”
Seokjin gasps, stilling, face buried in the juncture between Jeongguk’s neck and shoulder, painting ropes of white between their stomachs as the younger rubs the small of his back soothingly.
It takes moments for his breathing to slow down after he comes, and he gets off Jeongguk’s still hard cock sluggishly, Jeongguk’s hand steady on his body.
“Are you okay?” he whispers softly, voice gentle and caring. Seokjin nods, breathing deeply before getting on his knees in front of Jeongguk.
“No – hyung,” Jeongguk stops him, cupping his face. “I can finish myself off. It’s okay.”
“I know,” Seokjin looks up at him. “I want you to come on my face.”
Jeongguk’s breath hitches.
“Please?”
“Yeah,” he nods, trying to hide his intense arousal. “Fuck. Yeah. Shit.”
He mumbles, cursing as he takes the condom off his dick, throwing it to the floor as Seokjin rubs his thighs. He grips his dick in his hands, still wet from the lube, jacking himself off, Seokjin waiting expectantly in front of him, looking pliant and beautiful. His doe eyes look up at him, and he looks gorgeously fucked out, lips red and inviting, and this is something he’s wanted for so long, and now he has it, he has it in front of him, and Seokjin’s touch is on him, hands soft against his thigh, and he’s not surprised that it doesn’t take a lot for him to finally come, thick spurts shooting across Seokjin’s face, painting him white.
He tries to concentrate it carefully but it goes on his cheeks and lips, brushing his nose as some drips out to his neck. Jeongguk is breathing hard by the time his cock finally begins softening, laboured breaths as he comes down from the high.
Seokjin looks beautiful.
There’s a sense of pride that maybe shouldn’t be in himself as he sees the elder painted in his come. And he’s overcome with this feeling of that’s me. I did that. He wanted me to do that. And it’s so inviting. So inebriating.
Especially as Seokjin sticks his tongue out to lick the liquid, scooping the rest that he couldn’t get with his finger.
“How are you real?” Jeongguk marvels, unable to pull his eyes away from the man.
Seokjin laughs, a little embarrassed, before standing up and waddling to get his clothes. Jeongguk bites his lip, not sure what he should do, or say. It’s late, but not too late. He doesn’t know what Seokjin wants. He doesn’t know if he should tell the elder what he wants.
“Thank you for that,” he supplies dumbly pulling his sweats back up as Seokjin dusts his t-shirt off.
The elder only smiles. “Of course.” He pauses, biting his lip. “Well, I guess I better leave now. I don’t want to keep you.”
“You’re not keeping me!” Jeongguk exclaims, grabbing Seokjin’s forearm. “You’re not keeping me.”
He rubs circles into where his hand touches Seokjin’s skin, and the elder looks down, then up at Jeongguk. Jeongguk walks closer until they’re both eye to eye, and he sighs.
“Hyung.” He whispers, voice soft. Scared. “Please,” is all he says, pressing his forehead against Seokjin’s.
“Please,” he repeats, catching the elder’s lips in a soft kiss, so precious and loving. It lasts only a second, and it has Jeongguk missing his lips immediately after the singer pulls away.
“I want to stay,” Seokjin whispers nervously. “I don’t – I don’t know if you want me to. You thought that since I didn’t react to the songs, I didn’t feel the same way. I thought that since you didn’t say anything outside the songs, you didn’t feel the same way. I don’t… want that to happen again. So, I’m letting you know. I want to stay. And I don’t know if you wa –“
“I want you.” is all Jeongguk says, pulling Seokjin into a hug, burying his face in the elder’s neck. He smells clean, subtle. Soft. Precious. “I want you. To stay, to be mine. I want you, hyung.”
I’ve done nothing to deserve a love like this,
He had me in it before the first fucking kiss,
When I’m with him it’s nothing short of bliss…
I could pinpoint when I knew my life was gonna begin,
And shit, it's when I first met Kim Seokjin.