Chapter Text
I’m going to die. Techno thinks, staring out through the bars. I’m actually going to die.
What an.. odd turn of events. He expected in the very least a trial. On the way here – a very terrible ride, if he might say, 1 out of 5 stars, would give 0 if possible – he’s planned a whole speech.
Guess that’s not being said now.
He’s gotten out of worse trials unscathed before. There was that time he took over the world. Comparatively, this is much less of a war crime.
He’s going to die. It’s not just a possibility, now, it’s an inevitability.
All for a horse.
This is his fault. Because, as chat has so aptly put it, he’s gotten soft.
He dropped his armor, he set down his sword, he gave up, because he didn’t want to see his horse killed.
And if that isn’t soft, what is?
Now he’s in a cage. A crowd staring at him with bloody clothes and sharp grins.
He let this happen.
He’s in a cage. And it is his fault.
LAME
no trial LAME
cage unpog L
lame
CRINGE
break the bars
lame
this isn’t very pog
EQUIP THE TOTEM
lame
(…It's been a very, very long time since he’s been in a cage.)
Fighting the urge to check if the totem is still secured inside his sleeve, Techno waits.
Tubbo is talking, something about his war crimes, and really man, are withers that bad? They’re just mobs. You can kill them. Its not like he made a world eater and sic’d it on em.
(Now that is an idea…)
He has a plan, of course he does, he just needs to actually get around to the whole anvil dropping bit to do it.
An enderpearl shatters, and there is fighting.
Huh.
Crazy.
Being blown up was not on his to-do list today. NONE of this was, man.
Punz throws unlit TNT around, and all Technoblade can do is watch.
PUNZ POG
LAME
LMAO
EQUIP THE TOTEM TECHNO
fail trial
ESCAPE
WE STAN PUNZ HERE
um
TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES
The totem tucked up his sleeve is a welcome weight, and Techno just wants to get this over with, already.
He’s not getting a trial, clearly, so his whole speech is for nothing, and now this.
“I’ll just.. sit here then.” Techno coughs, one hand on the bars, peering out across the chaos.
He glances up at Phil, tries to look like I’ve got this, man, do you really think that they can kill me just like that?
Phil looks like he’s about to throw up. Whoops. Sorry Phil.
TOTEM TOTEM TOTEM
they literally ignore wilbur did the same thing :/ cringe
TECHNO TOTEM OFFHAND
E
LMAO
TOTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Techno could speak about the totem without, y’know, giving up the only advantage he has, he’d tell chat yes I know I have a totem I don’t want EVERYONE ELSE TO SEE IT. Why do you think its HIDDEN.
Lol
TOTEM POGG
HOLD THE TOTEM IT WONT WORK IF YOURE NOT HOLDING IT
lame
lame trial
LAME
They’re going to drop an anvil on him, which means he needs to get the totem in his hand before it drops. He can do that, he just needs to watch for the lever about to be pulled.
This cage isn’t that tall. He could stand on the anvil, once it falls, and climb out.
(Punz is still playing with unlit TNT, and Techno is just watching.)
This is kinda cringe, to be honest.
Knowing he’s about to die is well, not exactly the most entertaining thing he’s done. But he has a Totem, and Kristin owes him that favor, so he’ll be fine.
Probably.
“Technoblade!” Ghostbur starts, looking up at him, seemingly unaware that he is about to die.
He’s honestly still deeply unclear as to what Ghostbur even is, but he does not have time to ponder that right now.
“Hello Ghostbur.” Techno responds.
“I’ve named him friend!” Ghostbur gestures at the sheep, and is that supposed to make him feel better?
“That’s fantastic, that’s fantastic Ghostbur, I’m about to die.”
lmao
friend pog
techno run
TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES
run while theyre fighting
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
“Okay, fuck it, fuck it, nah nah nah, I’m pulling the fucking lever.” Quackity shouts, Techno cringes, spinning around- yep yep yep Quackity is going towards the lever-
“BIG Q PULL THE LEVER.” Tubbo shouts.
Technoblade hears the lever click.
WAIT
OH SHIT
L
FUCK
TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES
HOLD THE TOTEM
Sputtering, Techno lets the totem slot into his fist – it pulses with magic.
The redstone jumps up the tower in a few ticks.
Sorry Phil, Techno thinks, clutching the totem. I’m gonna meet your wife.
Technoblade was squashed by a falling anvil
Technoblade opens his eyes.
The first thing he notices is that he’s on a train.
The second thing he realizes is the Quiet.
“Chat?” He asks, reaching up, and-
Huh.
The Crown is gone.
…He’s alone.
Huh.
Welp. What did he expect, really, Chat are a glorified hat. Of course, they’re not here.
It’s quiet.
“Well, just me then,” He says, out loud, and the responding quiet is deafening. “Just me and…. A train. Got it. I’m on a train.”
It continues, as Techno expects, to be quiet.
“Not what I expected.” He takes a few steps forward – his legs feel stable enough beneath him.
He doesn’t feel all that crushed.
“Hello?” He calls, looking around. The train isn’t fancy by any means – seats, windows, rather plain really – and from what he can make out through the dusty glass, they’re going through some sort of tunnel.
He doesn’t see anyone.
“Hey, uh- miss goddess of death? Hello?”
It's still quiet.
Like it's only him here.
(He hasn’t been alone in 500 years.)
(It’s strange.)
“Kristin?” He calls, is it impolite to use Her name? The door to the next carriage seems stuck. He can see into it, but the door doesn’t budge.
“Uh, Misstrixtin?” He calls again – using the name he’s heard Phil and only Phil use. “..Anyone?”
…How long is he going to be here. Lame.
(He will not panic. He was holding a totem. And She does owe him.)
He is not dead.
Taking a seat, Techno begins to not panic.
It’s very quiet without Chat.
Drumming his hand against the seat, he leans back, racking his mind for anything Phil has ever mentioned about a train.
He did mention time being weird for Kristin, so that’s.. That’s what this is, surely.
...
…
…
Yeah, he’s panicking.
Standing up, Techno begins to pace, the tunnel out the window might just be a void for all he knows, and the longer he looks, the more he thinks he sees stars and-
And abruptly there is red light. The lights in the train flicker red once, twice, and then they stay red.
Techno only has a moment to worry about the sudden change in lighting, because a neutral voice begins playing over the speakers, and Techno nearly jumps out of his skin.
This station is Wilbur Soot’s Limbo. This train terminates at Bedwars.
He’s glued to the window, as the tunnel ends, then the train is pulling past a station, it’s not stopping, not slowing-
Oh. Dang.
There’s a figure, a very recognizable figure, still wearing the trench coat he died in, looking at him as the train speeds by.
It's less than 5 seconds, really, but Technoblade makes eye contact with one Wilbur Soot.
Wilbur looks just as awful as the last time Techno saw him, worse, to be honest.
His hand stretches out, expression cracking into panicked recognition, he starts saying something, he looked scared and-
And then Techno is back in the tunnel, the lights are normal, and somehow, Technoblade is panicking more.
What.
What.
That was Wilbur.
Wilbur, Wilbur Soot, Wilbur as in Phil’s son, Wilbur as in Wilbur Soot who is supposed to be with his mother.
He is not with his mother, that much is clear and that is not good, and Techno is pacing faster now, because that doesn’t make sense.
Why is Wilbur here? How is Wilbur here? More importantly: Where is the goddess of death.
He starts towards the doors between the carriages, again, trying to force it open, now, there has to be a conductor, doesn’t here? Someone is driving this thing.
He grabs the handle, twists it, and the whole thing jerks, trains aren’t supposed to veer, and-
And the train is tipping, cracks are spreading up the walls, and the darkness is pouring in, and it's not stars, it's not void, it’s something else, and-
Technoblade opens his eyes.
He scrambles to his feet, chest heaving as he looks around.
Where is he now?
And where is Kristin?
Gathering his surroundings, it doesn’t make much sense. He’s on a floating island, with a respawn bed next to him.
He has a wooden sword in his hand.
“KRISTIN!” He shouts again, looking around, what is this?
He spots movement, there are faceless people-things rushing him, why? What?
He knocks them off the edge of the island.
What is this?
What is this?
Where is he?
In the distance, he sees more islands – the faceless ones are coming from them, and they are attacking eachothers beds.
Okay.
Okay cool.
His hell is a survival game. Cool. Tracks. Fighting for the rest of eternity.
Where did that train say the train was terminating? Bedwars?
Great.
Perfect.
He doesn’t even have Chat.
And unless Phil has been being lied too for however many thousand years, Lady Death sure is missing.
So Technoblade does what he always does. He fights. He bridges to another island, destroys a bed, bashes a yellow faceless entity to death with the wooden sword, before he trades it in for a stone one.
…
It’s quiet.
…
…
Chat would have a neat name for this, wouldn’t they?
…
…
…
He’s been fighting for a while.
…
…
…
…
…The totem had to work, right?
…
…
…
…
…
…Right?
…
…
…
…
…
…
He stumbles, falling off his bridge, and he thinks this is it, then.
…
…
He respawns.
…
Chat would have mocked him.
…
…
…
It’s so quiet.
…
…
…
…
…
He stabs a faceless, red, person thing against the rocks.
He has no idea what is happening.
He’s spoken with Lady Death. His best friend is her husband.
Something is wrong.
Something is very, very wrong.
…
…
…
…
…
What would Chat say? He asks himself. They’d probably call him a loser for freaking out, or cheer because he can endlessly kill people here. Or they’d know what is happening.
Something like that.
…
…
…
He destroys blue’s bed.
…
…
Then yellows.
…
…
…
He's beginning to get the hang of this game.
After he slashes the last bed to ribbons, it’s just him, everyone is dead, and if this is a game, he has won.
Will Kristin show up now?
Technoblade opens his eyes.
He is next to a respawn bed.
With a dawning sense of horror, he realizes this is a loop.
It’s a loop.
It’s a loop.
He keeps fighting,
What are his options? Dying again?
Whatever this is, it’s wrong. He knows it is. This is nothing like what Phil told him. Something is wrong.
(He was holding a totem.)
(Maybe totems do this? Make you prove yourself in a trial by combat?)
(But that doesn’t explain Wilbur.)
Technoblade wins the round. Again.
Technoblade opens his eyes. He is next to a respawn bed.
He fights.
He wins.
He opens his eyes. He fights. He wins.
He opens his eyes. He fights. He wins.
And again.
And again.
And again.
It’s been an hour, or so he thinks, perhaps more.
Just as he’s beginning to think that he’s actually dead- he sees it.
A spark. Golden. Jumping from his hand and skidding across the ground.
It’s followed quickly by another, and another as the world folds, wobbling around him in a haze, one second he’s falling, falling off that island, the next-
Technoblade opens his eyes.
He sees iron bars.
Oh ouch.
And then there was pain.
A lot of pain.
(He hadn’t realized he hadn’t been feeling any.)
He more hears than feels his bones cracking back together, and this sucks.
This really sucks.
Oh ow. Okay. Note to self. Don’t get crushed by a falling anvil. He thinks and braces himself for chat- for their complaints-
It's still quiet
His vision swims, he staggers to his feet, and when it clears-
Quackity is looking at him through the bars, and he is Crowned.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Welp. No time for that. He is unarmed. And they all still have netherite. One foot up on the anvil, a hand on the bars, and Technoblade vaults out of the cage.
His legs nearly give, as he hits the ground, bones creaking and cracking and snapping into place as he runs. Dream is in the distance, on Carl, and all Techno knows is he needs to get out of here.
He follows Dream, who is beckoning at him, ears ringing so loudly he can hardly hear the shouting behind them. Dream leads him into a tunnel, and Techno takes a moment to collapse against the wall and breathe a sec while Dream blocks them in.
“Wha- What's going on here?” He manages, voice shaking nearly as much as his legs as he takes Carl’s reigns from Dream.
“Head down the tunnel, there’s a chest.” Dream’s voice is fast, insistent, and then he’s gone. Out of the tunnel in an instant and Techno is alone again.
With no other choice, he heads down the tunnel.
There is a chest with his name on it.
Armor – iron, gapples, potions, a pickaxe, and a god apple.
He puts on the armor – surprised it fits as well as it does, equips the pickaxe, the closest thing to a weapon he has.
Oh thank god.
There is an ender chest, which means he gets his own, better potions.
There is a path for him out of the tunnel but it is far too small for Carl.
He has to mine out.
Fantastic.
Chat would be spamming L, and call this scuffed-
He hears footsteps.
He turns around. Quackity.
Ohhh. That’s not good. That’s not good at all.
He herds Carl into the corner, blocks him in, raises the pickaxe, and faces Quackity.
“What the fuck is this Techno? What the hell are you doing here?” Quackity’s voice is cold as he steps forward, ducking under Dream's makeshift barrier, stepping into the dull torchlight.
The Crown glints in the darkness, Techno’s stomach turning as he sees it, oozing blood, (his blood most likely) down the side of Quackity’s head.
“It's not what it looks like.” Techno starts, Quackity looks positively deranged as he stands there, and honestly? If the circumstances were anything other than this, Techno would not blame him.
What Techno recalls from those first few hours of wearing that thing is a haze of red and Bloodlust. But Quackity forced him here, Quackity pulled the lever. Its his own fault this is happening. He may as well have dug his own grave, Techno just needs to make him lay in it.
There will be no talking his way out of this. Not with Quackity wearing the Crown.
Speaking of the Crown, Chat must be going crazy.
Good.
They can annoy someone else for a while.
“How the FUCK, how the HELL did that anvil not kill you?” Quackity sneers, stepping forward, raising his sword – not the best sword, Techno notes, its glinting with enchantments, but nothing crazy.– like he’s going to strike.
There’s sharpness on the sword, Techno can tell by how the gleam collects around the edge of the blade, but it's negligible at best.
Welp.
Here they go again. He thinks.
Techno tosses the lead to the side, holds his pickaxe up. It's top-heavy, and not made for this, but he’ll make do.
He always does.
He has the height advantage here, and his weapon can act as a barrier between them – Quackity can’t come closer, and can’t stab around it with his short arms.
For now, they are effectively at a stalemate.
Talking him down is probably pointless, but he doesn’t seem like he’s about to spring forward.
Odd.
He must have more self-control than Techno gave him credit for. From what Phil’s told him, usually Crown bearers just go crazy and stab and slash until they themselves are either dead, or alone. Rince and repeat until someone throws themselves off a mountain with it or drowns themselves in a lake to get it away from people.
(He was lucky in that he was alone when he found it, all he had to kill were hoglins, striders and ghasts for thousands of blocks. He’d found his bearings soon enough, and he was alone enough he figured out how to calm down without killing anyone.)
Seeing the Crown outside of a mirror is odd. The jewels are a lot brighter from this angle. An it’s a lot bloodier than he’s used to seeing it.
He has over a foot on Quackity, certainly, but is that enough to make up for the sword and netherite? Over the years and spars with Philza, he’s learned height is far from everything. Against him, speed means much more than strength, and while Quackity doesn’t look all that fast, he is small.
…Currently, he’d give himself 60/40 chance of winning or losing, so a maybe, he just needs to get a chance to use the potions. Then he’s at more like definitely.
Between the totem and the god apple, he won’t die.
He just needs to win, and that will probably be easy enough. Unless, of course, Quackity figures out the Crown's more crazy gifts in the next 30 seconds, it will probably be fine.
“Did you really think, Quackity, that you could kill me that easily?”
Quackity’s wings flair out, as Techno steps forward, and it’s so Philza-like Techno grins. Avians.
Step one of winning against an opponent you’re not certain you can beat is bluffing. Making them scared. His reputation will do enough of the work.
Sure, he’s out-armed, but Quackity’s stance is child’s play at best, and he looks like he’s about to jump out of his skin as Techno, with a veneer of calm, steps forward.
Chat must be fucking with him.
“How did you do it?” Quackity asks, jaw clenched, a drop of blood rolls down his forehead, dripping down his cheek, rolling off his chin, and he doesn’t even notice. “How did you even do that?”
He doesn’t know what totems are. Techno realizes, and oh man, he can SO use that.
“You think DEATH can stop me Quackity?” Techno laughs, because if Quackity doesn’t know what totems are, he must think him immortal, or something.
Quackity growls at him, slashes his sword between them.
He’s off-balanced, and unpracticed, and Techno catches his sword against the pick. He shoves forward. Forcing Quackity a few steps back.
He might not have Chat, but he has been the Blood God for half a millennium.
And Quackity is just another man.
“You know- you know what?” Techno grins, “You know what? I’ve got- I’ve got a lot to say, I was gonna say it at the trial but we got a little bit interrupted, Quackity,”
Quackity tries to sidestep, around the pickaxe to stab him, but Techno is just herding him against the wall. It's easier to kill someone when they can’t run, after all.
“You know I tried convincing you guys that governments- that government was not the answer, that government was actually the cause of all your problems. Alright? I tried to convince you guys by fighting alongside you as brothers and you just cast me aside.”
As he talks, Quackity’s face twists into a snarl, and Chat must be mad. He needs to rile up everyone involved.
“You used me. I tried to use force, but you still formed a government, and when I went into hiding, when I retired, when I swore off violence, you hunted me down. You hurt my friends.”
With that, he has Quackity’s back to a wall. Quackity clearly doesn’t even notice.
“You don't understand Techno. You don't understand what we’re trying to build here, Techno. This is not a simple anarchy thing, Techno. That’s what you don't understand, alright? Techno you really think I give a shit about the withers? No. No, you're on the hit list, Techno you’re on the fucking hit list.”
As Quackity talks, the Crown is spewing blood – and Techno knows, knows Quackity isn’t going to be thinking about anything soon. But that, that seems important, doesn’t it? Hit list?
“What hit list?” He asks, but Quackity-
Welp. His eyes are glowing red a little bit. That’s not good. Let's hope he hasn’t figured out how to control that yet.
“I’m building a country here, what we have out there is a country, and what we need here is organization and power,”
It’ll all be Blood, for him in a minute, after all, so…. So much for answers.
“and I don't care how long it fucking takes me, or what I have to do to get you Techno, I’m going to fucking kill you.”
And he’s shaking now, looking deranged, now. Like a rabid dog, but instead of froth at the mouth it's glowing red eyes and misplaced confidence.
“I’m going to kill you, Technoblade”
“I just have one question, Quackity.” Techno asks, staring at the Crown. He wonders if it got that bloody when he was wearing it, honestly, it looks like someone hit an artery with how much gore is just, flowing out of it.
“What?” Quackity asks.
“Do you think you're enough to kill me? Even unarmed, with iron armor? Do you really think you can take me?” Techno asks, taking this last moment to put himself between Quackity and the exit.
“Oh, I do. You know what? Let's fucking find out you son of a bitch!”
“I have a pickaxe, and I’ll put it through your teeth!” Techno shouts, and even if he’s not wearing them, chat will appreciate the show.
Quackity strikes forward, throwing himself so far into the strike he stumbles, while he’s regaining his balance, Techno ducks a few paces away, splashing himself with turtle master, regen, strength, speed.
For a moment, he debates eating the god apple, but really?
This should be MORE than enough.
It’s pathetic, really, because where Quackity’s first strike only took a gouge out of his armor, Techno’s drew blood.
“YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH FUCKING DAMAGE TO EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN BUILDING, ALL A FUCKING LONG TECHNO,”
Turtle Master potions make you calm, Techno has found over the years, make you calm, certain, and feel indestructible. Combining it with strength makes you feel like you cannot die.
Techno knows better than to trust these feelings, after so many years, but staying calm is often the difference between life and death in a fight.
And in this fight, he is the calm one.
“AND IF THERE'S ONE PVP I’M PLANNING ON WINNING,” Quackity continues, he’s wobbling on his feet, mad with the Blood, and Techno just keeps fighting.
“IT'S THIS ONE, BABY, SO DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY ME,”
He lands a good hit to Quackity’s chest, and for anyone not Crowned, it probably would have knocked them down.
Quackity probably isn’t even aware he’s in pain.
“LET’S GO.”
Techno shoves him back with the flat of the pickaxe, aiming to knock him off balance.
Quackity falls against the cave wall, catching himself with one, bloodied hand. His sword arm hangs next to him, he’s entirely open.
In a single motion, Techno seizes the front of his chestplate, and heaves him onto the ground, kicking his sword away.
He plants his hoof on Quackity’s chest.
“I think, Quackity, you have something that belongs to me.”
We win these.
He raises his pickaxe up, and swings it down. Cleaving Quackity’s face in two, splitting the skull.
Quackity was slain by Technoblade
Quackity’s body dissolves into smoke, leaving everything he had on the ground.
Breathing heavily, he leans down, snagging his Crown.
“Hey, Chat.” He greets, setting it delicately on his head.
It’s warm, and slick with gore, but it’s his.
LATE
LAAAATE
LMAO
TECHNOLATE
late
LATE
lmao omg ducky was so bad at pvp
LATE
LMAOOO
LATE
LATENOBLADE
LAAAAAAAAAATE
YOOOOOO LOL
late
He never thought he’d say it, but he’s glad the voices are back.
“Thank you, thank you, I am very epic and cool.” Techno
HIII
HELLO STREAMER
TECHNOLOVE
this sucks why do you always win everything the first new host we get then its just you again :/
AAAAA
LMAOOOOOO
WE WIN THESE
we missed you!!!
“Somehow, I doubt that.”
WE DID
LMAOOOO WITH A PICKAXE
LMAOOO
we were hoping he’d kill you
HAHAHAHHAHA
WELL I MISSED YOU
LMAOOO
hello. we are chat. we come with the hat. but you know that. my joke falls flat.
PICKAXE. THROUGH HIS TEETH
technopog
It’s not quiet.
What a relief.
“I gotta get out of here, Chat,” He starts, smiling along to their gloating and laughter. Sure, they’re chanting blood for the blood god again, but for once?
He really, really doesn’t mind.
(He falls and we panic-
five thousand flapping wingscaws shake the wooden house (so little, so new),
as the Angel - the crowfather — crumples, feathers all askewOne pulls his hair - two pulls his shirt, three swarms the boy and four plays in the dirt
We scream from the rafters
We tail the one called bladeBrian twitches erratically
We are all afraidFive sees the gapple, six shoves it near, seven stares at the anklet while eight pecks Dadza's ear
It takes the work of several - together we are strong
If we do not hurry, Mumza will not be longNine helps roll it, ten clears the way, eleven settles on his chest, while twelve complains that this will take all day
The gapple shines in the light, it's skin unblemished and gold, thankfully it works, and so the gapple is rolled
Thirteen wakes him up, standing on his nose, fourteen looks concerned, the fire burned Dadza's clothes
The weakness making him shudder, Dadza takes a bite, and so the murder cheers, we have won this fight.
Fifteen pushes the gapple closer, urging him to eat more, sixteen watches intently as the regen heals the gore
Dadza moves slowly, groaning as he shifts, he slowly grabs at the gapple, finishing up our gift.
Seventeen nudges at his face, and is swatted gently away, while eighteen stares at the arrow, they are allowed to stay.
With Dadza now awake - we know he will be alright, so we settle back and watch, as he pulls himself upright
Nineteen settles on his shoulder, nuzzling into his cheek, while twenty sits on his knee, dadza sighs - still weak.
He cuts out the arrow not long later, health potions all around
carefully binds up his thigh, arrow tossed on the groundTwenty-one he strokes, telling us we did good, we are his chat, of course we would.)