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i'll tell you i love you a million times

Summary:

The many ways in which Aye feels loved.

 

(Or: 10 times Akk shows Aye he loves him + one time he says it out loud)

Notes:

why can i not just beam my ideas directly onto the page. why must i WRITE them. what do you mean i have to give context for the situations i've written shut up

this was actually like 15 + 1 before I trimmed it down to 10 my brain is actually so full of them it's unreal

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

1
Tempted to slam his forehead to the desk, Aye sighs. The library is quiet, as libraries typically are, but it's a quiet that feels too loud, and he can’t seem to concentrate on his work at all.

Tilting his head, Aye looks over at his study partner. Akk looks comfortable, intently focused on his worksheet, and Aye takes a few seconds to just observe the boy next to him, gaze sliding over his sharp cheekbones, full lips, long lashes, the slope of his nose, his eyes -

Akk's eyes are definitely his prettiest feature, Aye decides.

Well. Actually, maybe it's his hands.

Or his neck.

Or his smile.

Or his -

Okay, all of Akk is pretty. But Aye loves Akk's eyes. They're so expressive, Aye can read his boyfriend's mood based on eyes alone. And they're such a pretty color - deep brown that darken to an inky black when Aye tilts his head just so and kisses his -

Akk turns to look at him, pausing in his work. "Aye, did you finish already?"

Aye shakes his head, but he can't help the smile that spreads over his face. "No, I was just admiring my handsome boyfriend," he replies, and watches in delight as a flush crawls up Akk's neck, a pretty red.

Sputtering, Akk flicks his forehead. "Shameless!" He tries to look mad, but his lips twitch up and his eyes sparkle with fondness.

Undeterred, Aye grins. "Only for you."

With a helpless laugh, Akk leans away, lips in a small smile. Before Aye can even begin to feel disappointed, a feather-light kiss lands on his cheek. “Focus, Shortstop,” Akk mouths, then quickly turns back to his work as if to hide his embarrassment.

Aye's heart feels entirely too big for his chest. He has no idea how to deal with his love for this boy sometimes.

 

2
Akk squints up at Aye. "Wh - you - you look like my...boyfriend."

Aye laughs, visibly delighted. "Uh, yeah, I sure hope so."

"Pretty," Akk murmurs. It makes Aye flush - he's not as drunk as Akk, but he's tipsy enough that the blush is probably clear on his face, not that he minds.

Akk slumps forward, eyes almost sliding shut. Instinctively, Aye reaches out a hand and cushions his boyfriend's head just before he hits the table. "I think we’ve had enough to drink," he says, amused. "Wanna go home?"

Akk blinks, then shakes his head, frantically straightening. "I don't wanna - I'm waiting for my boyfrien- bofrie - boyfriend. 'm not - going anywhere." His eyes narrow, glaring at Aye as if daring him to disagree.

Taken aback, Aye blinks for a moment, then snorts. "Okay, okay. I won't take you anywhere."

After a few more moments of sizing him up, Akk nods, settling back down. Taking another sip of his drink, Aye decides he might as well make the most of it. "Tell me about this boyfriend of yours, then."

At the topic, Akk visibly lights up. "He's sho- he's so good. And small. Like." He holds up two fingers, an inch apart. "Tiny. He's so good," he repeats, like Aye has to know. "And he's smart an' handsome? So smart," Akk nods. "I wanna...hug him. Forever."

Aye grins, feeling the heat crawl up his cheeks. "You really like him, huh?"

Akk pauses, as if processing the words. Then he nods. "Like him so much," he blurts, then instantly rubs a hand over his face like he's trying to scrub out the embarrassment - even drunk, he's shy. "He's like - like - th' sun,” he mumbles, still faintly red.

The delighted upturn of Aye's lips is an almost involuntary reaction. "The sun?"

Akk makes a vague gesture in the air. “He's - bright and pretty and warm and strong and - he's in the centre of my. Chest." It trails off into a mumble more than actual words, but Aye hears every single one clearly.

Almost painfully, his smile grows even wider. He tries to say something in response, but all that comes out is a fond laugh, alcohol and affection leaving Aye tongue tied. He wants to hold Akk and never let go.

After a few moments of silence, Akk tilts sideways, leaning on Aye’s shoulder. "I'm tired. G’night."

Aye bursts into helpless laughter.

(Later, Aye looks at Akk and thinks that he's wrong. Really, it's Akk who’s the sun - comforting and steady and the centre of Aye's universe.

Aye is the moon, orbiting his sun forever.)

 

3
"Aye?"

Blinking his eyes open, Aye squints at the light. "Mmgh?"

Akk laughs softly. "Come on, Shortstop, let's get you to bed." The tender look in his eyes is so strong it almost makes Aye keel over. Death by loving boyfriend, what a way to go.

The distance from their desk to the bed seems enormous right now, but it’s Akk asking, so - "Mm, yeah," Aye replies, still half asleep. "Your work?"

A gentle hand brushes over Aye's hair. "I can do it later." Akk says it casually, like it's not a big deal, but his eyes give him away - he has a workload heavier than Aye's, so if he leaves now, he'll have to stay up late into the night to complete it. But he's willing to do that because he's worried, and Aye - he hates that, hates worrying Akk.

Trying to blink away the sleep, Aye straightens. "It's fine, you can continue -"

"Aye."

Aye tries to protest again, but Akk just stares at him with those eyes, soft and caring. He's looking at Aye like he's the only thing that matters, and Aye is absolutely, completely gone for his boyfriend. “You - that’s not fair,” he grumbles halfheartedly.

In response, Akk grins at him, earnest and bright, the same way he looks at Aye whenever he thinks he isn’t paying attention. (He always is.)

The fondness bubbles up in Aye’s chest, a familiar surge of feelings. "Don't look at anyone else like this. I'm jealous," he murmurs, an echo of the words so long ago.

Akk's laughter sounds sweeter than any melody. “Wasn’t planning on it, Shortstop.”

 

4
"Aye."

"Akk."

Unimpressed, Akk raises an eyebrow. "Get off the counter, Aye, I need to use that space."

"Hmmm." Pressing a finger to his lips, Aye swings his legs. "Let me think about that." He looks Akk up and down, grinning smugly. "No, I don't think I will."

Akk stares at him for a second, then lets out a huff of laughter. "Okay, have it your way, Shortstop."

He snakes his arms around Aye's waist, who has no idea where this is going, but he's more than happy to hug his boyfriend.

And then Akk just - picks him up.

Wh -

Huh?

Aye knows, logically, that Akk is stronger than him - he has enough bruises from judo practice to prove it. But to be manhandled so easily, picked up like he weighs nothing?

Akk gently drops him onto the couch, then grins, smug. "Be good and stay here, I'm going to finish cooking."

Aye inhales and desperately hopes this won't awaken anything in him.

(It does. It definitely does.)

 

5
Aye wakes up to a pitch black room, tears still drying on his face. The strangled cries of ‘no, please, come back’ are tangled in his throat, restricting his airway and lungs and Aye can’t breathe he cannot breathe he is drowning he can’t -

“Aye! Aye, please, Aye listen to me. Aye, you’re safe, you’re okay, you’re in bed with me,” the words finally snag Aye’s frayed attention, low and familiar. “Aye, breathe for me. With me, okay? Ready? One, two, three…”

Akk's hand presses into Aye's chest, a grounding pressure. Aye squeezes his eyes shut and tries to inhale, to come back to the present. He knows it's just a nightmare, but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier to breathe.

One, two, three -

(Uncle Dika is falling and Aye is falling too and)

One, two, three -

(Akk is crying and Aye cannot reach him he cannot comfort him and)

One, two three -

Aye squeezes his eyes shut and tries to clear his mind.

 

After what feels like an eternity, Aye feels steadier. He inhales. "Akk-"

Before he can even finish the sentence, Akk is reaching over to their side table and handing him a water bottle. "Here." With a grateful half nod, Aye takes a sip.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" Akk asks, careful eyes on him. After a moment of consideration, Aye shakes his head. Right now, he doesn't need air, he needs -

Placing the water bottle on the floor, Aye twists until he's fully in Akk's arms, head burrowed into his chest. He feels safe, like nothing can touch him here.

After a moment, Akk lifts a hand and runs soothing circles over Aye's back, and it nearly makes Aye cry again.

"I'm here," Akk murmurs, and it sounds like you need to come back to me, you're here and you're okay.

"I'm here," Akk says, and it sounds like I’m sorry this happened to you I’m sorry I cannot take away your pain I'm sorry for being a part of the system that hurt you.

“I’m here,” Akk whispers, and it sounds like I love you, I love you, I love you.

Aye's chest aches.

 

6
Halfway through Aye's science report, there is a knock at his door. "Aye? I got you something," Akk's voice sounds like an angel's chorus.

Spinning in his chair, Aye yanks the door open. "Akk."

"Hmm?" Akk blinks at him, which - yeah, that's fair. He probably looks like a disaster - he's been up for almost 30 hours straight, and he feels like he's been shoved into a tumble dryer. Which is to say, he feels terrible.

"Akk, I'm going to die." Aye stares at his boyfriend, completely serious. "The word 'titration' doesn't even look real to me anymore." Sighing, Aye slumps onto the doorframe. "This is how I die. This is it. Taken out by excess amounts of homework. Goodbye, cruel world."

Akk laughs at his misery. "You’re so dramatic, Shortstop."

Aye gapes at him. "Wow. You're so cruel to me. So mean," he wipes a fake tear from his eye. "Your boyfriend is suffering and you just laugh? Our relationship is doomed!"

Akk shakes his head, laughter evident in his voice. "Well, I guess you don’t want the hot food your cruel boyfriend got you." He sighs, gesturing at the plastic bag in his hands. “Shame. Guess I’ll go see if -”

“Akk, my lovely, sweet, gorgeous, wonderful boyfriend,” grabbing him by the arm, Aye maneuvers them into the room. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

Akk's shoulders shake with silent laughter.

 

7
Picking up the box of cookies, he adds them to the ever growing pile of snacks in his drawer. “Akk,” he starts. “Can I ask you something?”

Lounging on Aye’s bed, he cranes his head up. "Of course.”

“Are you my sugar daddy?”

Akk nearly falls off the bed, gaping at Aye. "Wh- huh? I - wha-"

Aye loves his boyfriend so much. “Well, it’s just that I could probably open a small store with the amount of food you keep getting me,” he says, watching Akk’s blush grow hotter.

“Wh- you - no, I’m not -” Akk shakes his head as if physically trying to clear away his thoughts. “Aye!”

Aye laughs unabashedly, eyes glittering. "It's okay, it's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Putting on a mock serious expression, Aye nods. "I will love and support you regardless of your kinks -"

"Aye, sh- stop!" Akk interrupts, half laughing and half groaning.

Face softening, Aye shakes his head. “Seriously though, I don’t mind at all. I’m just curious, okay? No judgement.”

After a beat, Akk looks away. "I keep - seeing food that makes me think of you. And I like seeing you eat it.” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Akk flushes even harder and covers his face with a pillow.

Aye has to take a moment to just let the fondness wash over him. This boy is - unreal. “Awww, Akk!” He blows exaggerated kisses towards him. “Mwah! A kiss for my cute boyfriend!”

After a moment, Akk’s head peers out from under the blanket and smiles at Aye, ears still bright red. “Go away, I'm breaking up with you."

"You like me too much," Aye retorts immediately.

Akk snorts. "You're so full of yourself."

"I can be full of something different if you'd pref-"

"Ayan!"

"Wow, I just meant food, but you-"

 

8
Aye is starting to notice a pattern.

It's a theory more than anything, and regardless it's not a big deal, but really, Aye will take any opportunity he has to observe Akk (and his face, and the slope of his neck, and his laugh, and his hands, and -).

The thing is, Akk is a surprisingly tactile person. He's always reaching out towards Aye, almost subconsciously. He tangles their hands together under the table, and he presses a shoulder to Aye during class, and he turns towards Aye automatically like Aye is his centre of gravity. It's -

It's satisfying to know that Akk is affected by Aye just as much as he is affected by Akk. It's thrilling to feel Akk's gaze on him, heavy and soft and sweet. It's heady to know that Aye is the only one Akk trusts this much. It's -

Well, it's ridiculously cute.

 

Walking into the library, Aye grins at the sight of his boyfriend with his head down, focused on the jumble of papers on his desk.

"Hi guys," Aye murmurs, careful not to disturb the peace. Swinging his bag into his lap, Aye slides into the seat next to Akk. Thua nods in acknowledgement and Wat waves. Kan lifts his head from the desk, squints at Aye and goes back to sleep.

Akk doesn't even look up, sliding slightly to the left to make room for Aye. As soon as Aye sits down, he presses their shoulders together. "Hi," he murmurs back, still focused on his work. The touch is almost second nature, familiar and casual.

It's so sweet Aye probably gains cavities right then and there. Pressing his shoulder into Akk's a little more, he grins. Yeah, he definitely doesn't mind this pattern.

 

9
Aye blinks up at Akk. "You're unfairly pretty from any angle, you know."

Ears red, Akk leans back slightly, smiling. "You're embarrassing, Shortstop." The movement makes them both shift on the bed, and Aye laughs. Akk flicks his forehead, then reaches down to lace his fingers with Aye's - a reassurance and an acknowledgement.

In response, Aye lets his eyes slide closed, a pleased smile spreading across his face. "I'm honest."

He hears a huff of laughter, and then there's a light pressure on his shoulder, familiar lips trailing butterfly kisses down his arm. Akk kisses with a single minded determination, completely focused on Aye with an intensity that is intoxicating. He leaves trails of blazing heat down Aye's arm like a promise, or an admission.

Aye tries to keep his eyes closed, to just feel, but the allure of seeing Akk is too much. His eyes flutter open just as Akk gets to Aye’s wrist. Sensing his gaze, Akk looks up through his eyelashes. He is so gorgeous it's unreal.

At Aye's sharp inhale, Akk presses a gentle kiss to his palm, and Aye shudders. This - the intimacy, the reverence in Akk's gaze makes his knees weak. “Akk, you - come here.” Carefully, gently, Aye pulls him closer until they're face to face, flush against each other. “Kiss me?”

The question is one they both know the answer to, but Aye likes to ask anyway because it makes Akk swallow, leaning down to finally capture Aye’s lips.

And maybe this is Aye's favorite feeling in the world - Akk's hands burning hot on his waist and neck and hair and face, and his lips -

Aye pulls back slightly, pressing their foreheads together. "If you keep kissing me like that, I'm going to lose my mind," he says, and it's not that much of an exaggeration.

Akk's eyes sparkle. "What are you gonna do about it, Shortstop?" he breathes out. It's a challenge, plain as day, and it makes Aye grin.

Inhaling, he presses a kiss to Akk's neck, feeling his pulse jump. Then he opens his mouth, puts the slightest pressure on the smooth skin, and -

Akk shakes. "Aye," he says, like he can't remember how to say anything else. "Aye, Aye, Ayan-"

Pushing gently, Aye twists until their positions are reversed, Akk splayed on the bed under him - and he pauses, just taking in his boyfriend. Akk tilts his head up, gaze lidded and cheeks flushed. He looks up at Aye with complete trust in his gaze, and he is so ridiculously beautiful in this moment Aye isn't sure what to do except inhale deeply, to pull in oxygen before he gets completely drunk off of Akk.

Akk reaches out to tangle a hand in Aye's hair. "You're the pretty one, you know," he murmurs, and pulls him down into a kiss.

Aye follows, helpless.

 

10
Akk steps onto the roof, lost in thought. It takes him a few moments to spot Aye, but as soon as he does, he relaxes, something in the tense line of his shoulders softening. He smiles, soft and small like a secret just for Aye.

Lifting his hand in a wave, Aye watches as Akk walks over and sits down next to him. They don't say anything, just existing in the same space together. After a few beats, Aye tilts his head back and closes his eyes, smiling.

“Aye?”

"Hm?" Aye responds, opens his eyes to look at his boyfriend.

"I want to kiss you," Akk says, sweet and low, and Aye feels his smile grow even wider. He never gets tired of this, never gets sick of the way Akk still, after so long, looks at Aye with reverence and promise. He still asks for kisses sometimes, like he forgets that he can just take them. Like he thinks Aye could ever refuse him anything.

(Aye's always loved, and loved, and loved - but to be loved back in complete sincerity and gentleness, to be looked at like he is something to revere?

It's terrifying, it's heady, it's disconcerting.

It's amazing.)

“Of course,” Aye says, and Akk’s face lights up. Aye thinks he could spend forever basking in that smile, the small laugh that comes after.

Aye could spend forever with anything Akk wanted to give him.

 

+1
Akk pokes his head around the doorframe. "Aye?"

Humming, Aye lifts his head from the bed. "What's up?"

"Can you -" he holds out something small, a familiar shape. It's a ritual, almost - like an exchanging of wedding rings, and it makes Aye grin.

Hopping off the mattress, he reaches out for the pin. "Of course. C'mere." The pin exchanges hands, fingers brushing against each other.

Akk huffs in amusement as Aye leans up slightly. "Are you sure you can reach that high?"

"Hmm," Aye sways closer, gaze purposefully flickering to his boyfriend's lips. "I can reach high enough."

And Akk flushes, red travelling down his neck - even after so long, he is so easy to fluster. Aye loves it, loves him.

"Shameless," Akk murmurs.

"Only for you," Aye singsongs, finishes pinning the small symbol and adjusts it. "There, I'm done." Grinning, Aye takes a small step back.

Akk stares at him for a moment, expression unbearably soft. "Aye?"

“Hm?”

Akk smiles, simple and fond. “I love you.” Eyes soft, he continues, "I know I don't say it enough, and I'm not good with - words, but - Aye, I love you so much. You're - you mean so much to me."

The words aren't a revelation or even a confession. They both know this already, as solid as the earth under them - Akk loves Aye, and Aye loves Akk. But still, it makes something slot into place in Aye's heart - to hear it said out loud with that smile fills him with a fondness that feels too big for his body.

Aye smiles back helplessly, leaving a feather light kiss on Akk's lips. "You tell me you love me in so many other ways." A kiss on Akk's cheek. "With your habits." A kiss on Akk's other cheek. "With your eyes." A kiss on Akk's forehead, though Aye has to go on his tiptoes. "With your kisses." A kiss on Akk's nose. "With your comfort." A kiss on his lips again. "With your -"

"Aye!" Laughter spilling over, Akk pushes him back slightly. "Okay, okay, I get it! You're so -" He's blushing red, radiant under Aye's palms.

Aye's responding smile is so wide it makes his cheeks hurt. "I love you too."

Notes:

hajfosjdkdjc I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE EXPLICIT SCENES PLEASE FORGIVE ME

 

also come say hi to me on tumblr (@distant-screaming)! I'm constantly thinking about little gay people in my screen <3