Work Text:
You’re not nervous. If you were nervous, you’d be doing something weird. Like say, sweating through your shirt. Which you aren’t. In order to do that, you’d have to be pretty fuckin’ nervous, and why would you be? It’s not like you’re doing anything that out of the ordinary. You’re a smooth motherfucker, cool and confident and who the hell are you kidding you’re so fucking nervous. You desperately don’t want to change out of this shirt, though. It goes so fuckin’ good under this jacket, and when you asked (because maybe you were hardcore panicking about what to wear), Kanaya agreed that this is the jacket that looks best with your figure.
Ugh, but if you’re uncomfortable later because of drying sweat, you’ll be distracted, which is a hard no. You’ve gotta bring your absolute A-game tonight. You’re doing this for Karkat, you can’t have half your brain focused on wondering if you’ve got pit stains. Half your brain is already gonna be focused on freaking the fuck out because you’re taking Karkat Vantas on a date.
Shit, maybe Kanaya has some advice in your hour of need. Not like you can turn to any of your other friends for quality fashion takes.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
TG: kanaya are you busy
TG: actually doesnt matter this shits an emergency either way
TG: its about fashion if that helps
TG: and you fucking know youre the only one i can go to for that
TG: except i guess maybe roxy theres some decent taste goin on there
TG: but no one except you understands a true commitment to the aesthetic
TG: im begging you please i wont ask you for anything else ever again
TG: ill stop accidentally calling you hot and implying id be down to have a threeway with you and rose
GA: I Have A Hard Time Believing You Are Capable Of That
TG: okay yeah fair thats not really under my control
TG: if it was i think wed all sleep a lot better at night
TG: cause i wouldnt do it just to be clear
GA: Yes I Know
GA: Luckily For You I Am Not Particularly Busy
GA: Though I Will Also Admit You Were Wise To Make It Clear That Your Emergency Is Related To Fashion And Proper Commitment To Aesthetics
TG: hell yes thats what im talking about
TG: i know this is all for my date with karkat but youre the real troll for me kanaya
TG: lets ditch rose and karkat you and i are the only ones who understand each other
GA: Dave Youre Doing It Again
TG: fuck sorry
TG: im just uh maybe kinda nervous a lil bit sorta
GA: Yes Weve Been Over This
GA: And I Will Once Again Assure You That Karkat Will Be Thrilled At Your Romantic Gesture And You Have Nothing To Fear
GA: Though I Do Understand Anxiety Even In A Case Others May Describe As A Sure Thing
TG: haha yeah you and rose were pretty tragic on your first date ngl
TG: maybe the only time ive ever liked vriska was when she smacked that drink outta roses hand
GA: I Must Admit A Certain Appreciation For Her Actions That Night As Well
GA: Though Overall I Would Have Preferred For There To Be No Vriska At All On My Nice Romantic Evening
TG: yeah welcome to the club population every fucking person whos ever met her
TG: except terezi maybe
TG: anyway not to get bogged down by super depressing shit
GA: Yes Lets Get Back To Whats Really Important
TG: yeah the real priority here is obviously making sure my look is flawless tonight
TG: thats not sarcasm btw
GA: Oh I Know
GA: And Even If It Was I Would Ignore It
TG: this is why youre my favorite sister
GA: So What Did You Do To Your Suit
TG: why do you automatically assume this is my fault
GA: Isnt It
TG: okay yeah kinda
TG: but not cause im not bein super careful
TG: its just that im yknow sorta wicked fuckin nervous at the idea of taking karkat the love of my tragedy of a life out on a real ass romantic date
TG: which has to be perfect and that obviously includes the suit
TG: and maybe that pressure is makin me sweat just a lil bit
TG: which might possibly make me feel like i need to change my shirt
TG: except this shirt looks rad under the jacket and i dont have a good backup
TG: fix me kanaya please im begging you
GA: Hm
GA: I Know You Had Strong Opinions On Wearing The Black Button Up Beneath The Red Jacket
TG: yeah cause its my classic look maryam
TG: weve been over this
GA: And I Can Appreciate That
GA: You Know I Can Theres No Need To Be Defensive
TG: yeah thats fair i do know you of all people can fuck with rockin the classics
TG: sorry im just
GA: Nervous Yes I Know
GA: As I Was Saying
GA: I Believe The Grey Button Up Would Work Quite Well In This Circumstance
GA: It Is More Breathable Than The Black And If I Recall Correctly Includes Small Pads In The Underarm Area To Prevent Exactly This Dilemma
TG: yeah it does
TG: but is the grey really gonna work under the red
GA: Dave You Asked For My Advice For A Reason
TG: yeah i know i just
TG: ugh im second guessing everything
GA: Well Dont
GA: When Have I Ever Led You Astray In These Matters Dave
TG: obviously never
GA: Yes Obviously Never
TG: youre sure about the grey though
TG: cause ive never done grey and red before
TG: and im just not sure if i wanna experiment tonight of all nights
TG: like we both know karkat doesnt give a shit about fashion and its a testament to how amazing we are as people that we dont hold that against him
TG: but what if he suddenly develops opinions and hates it
GA: Think Of It This Way
GA: What Color Combination Best Represents Karkat On A Very Literal Level
TG: oh
GA: There You Go
TG: uh
TG: how pathetically cheesy is it to wear grey and red cause theyre karkats colors
GA: Oh Extremely
GA: But He Will Love It Provided He Even Notices What Youre Wearing
TG: yeah that parts a toss up for sure
TG: ugh this is such a dumb reason to do it
GA: Its Sort Of Sweet
GA: In A Lame Way
TG: oh cmon i thought you were being supportive
TG: im delicate maryam you know this
GA: I Do
GA: I Also Know That You And Karkat Are Secretly Both Sentimental To The Point Of Mild Secondhand Embarrassment
GA: It Is An Extremely Poorly Kept Secret But That Is What Makes It Work Here
GA: He Will Be Flustered Which You Will Find Charming And That Will Put You Somewhat At Ease
GA: Thus Making The Evening A Bit More Manageable For Your Genuinely Impressive Anxiety
TG: sometimes the fact that youre married to rose is really fucking obvious
GA: I Am Going To Choose To Take That As A Compliment
TG: probably for the best
GA: Now
GA: Stop Stalling And Get Ready For Your Date
GA: And If You Panic At The Last Minute And Dont Wear The Grey Shirt After All I Want You To Know That I Will Find Out
GA: And There Will Be Consequences
GA: Also I Hope You Have A Lovely Time And I Wish You Luck Though I Doubt That You Will Need It
TG: perfect mix of threatening and genuinely supportive as always
TG: seriously thanks for the help
TG: im gonna go woo karkat now
TG: hopefully
TG: hey seriously this is a good idea right like im not gonna ruin everything with my selfish feelings
GA: Oh My God
GA: Yes It Is A Good Idea Now Please Get Ready Im Begging You
TG: yeah okay
TG: thanks again
TG: hey black tie still right
GA: Yes Obviously Still The Black Tie
TG: okay yeah i thought so but yknow just wanna be sure
TG: ha
TG: shit
TG: this really is happening huh
GA: Dave I Swear To Both Human And Troll Jesus
TG: okay okay im going
GA: Thank Fucking God
GA: Have A Nice Time You Tragedy Of A Person
GA: And Tell Karkat I Said Hello
TG: will do
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
You change quickly and try not to overthink, though it’s a major effort. Kanaya’s threats are not to be taken lightly, and logically you’re aware that she knows what she’s talking about. You’re just. Nervous.
But when you look in the mirror, you find that she was totally right about the grey here. It’s a solid contrast, and well. They’re Karkat’s colors. You might not’ve noticed if she hadn’t pointed it out, but now it’s all you can see. You feel claimed in a way, except that you’re the one who chose this. It’s like you’re telling him you want to be claimed, which is as terrifying as it is thrilling.
You intentionally left yourself very little time before the actual date to try and avoid psyching yourself out, so by now it’s already just a couple minutes before you’re supposed to head out. You take a deep breath and try to center yourself.
Yeah, this is nerve-wracking, and you’re putting a lot on the line. But this is also Karkat, who makes you feel so safe and secure and cared for. It’s gonna be okay. And even if it’s not, it will be eventually. That’s how things are with you two, and you’ve spent years up until now believing in that. Why stop here?
You walk into the living room and god, there he is. He’s leaning against the couch, just mindlessly scrolling through his phone. You expected him to be about as nervous as you are, so you’re a little thrown off, but whatever. Not like it’s a bad thing for one of you to be chill.
He’s not really dressed up, though he is wearing one of his nicer sweaters. It’s one Kanaya made for him, so it actually flatters his figure instead of hiding it. You suspect she might’ve bullied him into wearing it, which makes you smile.
Like your emotions are an audible thing, he chooses now to glance up and see you. He starts to slide his phone into his pocket on autopilot, but he pauses with his hand still in his pocket.
“You’re in a dramatic mood if you’re going full suit.” He scans you up and down, and you can tell he’s going for a wry, unimpressed look. Too bad for him, because you can totally see the flush of red on his face. Ha, score.
“I’m gonna take that to mean you agree I look smokin’,” You say. He rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree, which means he does in fact think you look good. Yes, fuck yeah, thank you Kanaya. Oh right, speaking of.. “Also, Kanaya said to tell you hi.”
“Oh, so she helped you. That explains why you actually look half decent.” He starts to smirk, but then something makes him pause. He stares at you again and after a few seconds, his face turns bright fucking red. You think maybe he picked up on the color scheme going on. Maryam, you sly motherfucker.
Now you’re the one smirking, though you don’t rub it in. You’re still kind of embarrassed about it too, and besides, you’re ready to actually go out and do this already. If you stay here for another minute, you’re pretty sure you’re gonna go back into panic mode.
“Ready to go?” You ask. He startles briefly, then nods. You offer him your arm only half-ironically, and he rolls his eyes. He still takes it, which feels like a victory. God, every second of time spent with him feels like a victory. You know that’s some lame-ass sappy shit, but with him next to you, you really don’t care.
The restaurant is a newer Carapacian place, which means the food’s a mix of weird but good, normal, and literally deadly. They’ve gotten better about labeling the shit that’s toxic to non-Carapacians, so that’s nice. You both order, and you do your level best not to be an awkward asshole. Karkat still seems less nervous than you, so you cling to his lead and try to hold normal fuckin’ conversation.
At one point, your hands nearly touch, and something electric goes through you. You want to grab his hand. It feels like the right move, a romantic cliche, holding hands across a restaurant table, but he pulls away. It’s the first moment where he looks unsure, and you force yourself to just breathe and not freak out. You’re not the only one without any frame of reference here. This is all just as new for him.
Despite the ever-thickening romantic tension, you have a pretty good time. You taste each other’s food and bitch about your friends and gush about how cool it is that this is the Mayor’s favorite place to eat, according to the gossip rags. Your anxiety fades with every laugh you share, until it feels like a pretty normal time. You’ve gone out to eat with Karkat dozens of times before. The only difference here is that you’re finally not shoving any of your feelings to the side.
And it feels really good to let yourself be openly fond without being afraid that he’ll figure out what’s just under the surface. You let yourself stare at him and smile and just…love him without hiding.
After you finish eating and pay the bill, you finally work up the courage to grab his hand. He looks at you with surprise, and all you can do is grin nervously back.
“C’mon dude,” You murmur, pulling him along gently. “Let’s just…go for a stroll.”
He meets your eyes and considers you for a moment that stretches long enough for a hint of panic to come back. But then he just nods and grips your hand tighter. “Lead the way.”
You walk almost aimlessly, though you do in fact have an idea of where you want to end up. Still, it’s nice to wander a bit beforehand and just relax into being how you’ve always been, but with just a hint of something new. He keeps sneaking looks at you, which you only know because you’re sneaking looks right back.
He’s just so goddamn beautiful, is the thing. Like, what exactly are you supposed to do with this red-eyed, grey-skinned troll, all soft and fierce and sweet and angry and he’s got this crooked grin with one tooth that tends to poke out farther than the rest and—and—
You’re losing your train of thought, but that’s kind of the point. You’re lost in him. It’s a familiar territory, though you’re still working on the map.
Eventually you get to the hill you staked out beforehand. It’s far enough from any buildings or trees that the whole night sky is visible, unblocked and laid out before you. It’s a clear night, and the stars above are nearly as bright as the ones you know are in your eyes. You lay down and tug his hand so he comes with you.
You aren’t capable of losing track of time. You never really have been, even in the stretches of discomfort and pain when you really fucking wanted to be. You know exactly how long you lay there with Karkat, murmuring gently and staring up at the stars. You know the number of seconds down to decimal points, and for once you’re glad of it. You like that you can put numbers to these feelings, these moments of loving him. Karkat’s an insecure bastard, and you know that sometimes he’s going to need proof of how you feel for him. It’s nice to have these data points, facts and figures you’ll be able to lay out and point to, charts and graphs for how thoroughly you care about him.
You know your nerves are going to come back. You’re gonna panic about not being enough, and you’ll need reassurance just as much as him.
But right now, every molten, lovely piece of adoration in your cells is arranged into the same constellations you’re looking up at, and you don’t care about the fear. How can you worry when you've got Karkat by your side?