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Nothing Hurts. Nothing is Unbearable.

Summary:

Ultimately, Levi just wants to be useful.

Canon-verse.

Notes:

Read the tags pls. Not really noncon, but definitely dubious.

Work Text:

Levi wouldn't call Commander Smith a friend of his. The man was a statement, a walking concept. You cannot befriend enigmas. Unfortunately. Oh, Levi had tried. He didn't know his way around mathematics or medicine or fuck, horticulture - things you'd find in the textbooks sitting on Commander Smith's bookshelf. Not Levi's thing.  But he understood people. Most of them. Truthfully, he didn't understand the only one of them he wished he could understand. 

Erwin was the monument at the center of Levi’s mind, being built up since the day they’d pressed blades against each other’s throats and said hello for the first time. 

Levi sat on his commanding officer's couch, his olive scout cloak draped around his body and legs crossed neatly. He didn't like to take up too much space in Erwin's presence. He wasn't sure why that was but didn't feel like analyzing or being analyzed. Erwin was behind his desk, reading glasses on, documents strewn about his desk and hands folded, chin resting on the bridge of them. "Forgive me Levi," the oil lamp on his desk burned dimly, throwing their shadows against the wall. "but could you repeat that?"

"Ah so you didn’t hear me… Deaf at thirty-five. How are you going to manage to lead an army without your hearing, Smith?" Levi's tone was laden with casual sarcasm. His body was stiff however, and he shifted uncomfortably. Nobody but the freak behind the desk would've noticed the near imperceptible movement. Levi didn't think anybody stared at him quite like Erwin did. He was never sure if the man was doing it on purpose or not.

Erwin didn't smile. His eyes remained fixed upon Levi's. His silence hung heavy. 

Levi grunted and snapped his eyes to the left, wrapping his arms around his middle. His stomach churned. He’d blush if he was ten years younger. "...That capital pig was going to tell everyone what you've been up to. You're not being as careful as you think you are. There are people who know about your fucking ... The funding, and-!"

"And you thought you'd make the problem go away for me by sleeping with him."

The worst thing in the world was Erwin's disapproval. Levi gritted his teeth.

"And you came directly to me after doing so."

"What, should I have taken a shower first? Forgive me." Levi muttered irritably. "Just keep your nose out of this shady shit. I'm ..." Worried about you, maybe, but Levi swallowed the words like five heavy stones and let them skip across his bubbling stomach acid. He could still feel Erwin staring at him. He couldn't piece together what the man was thinking. Levi was searching for disgust and disappointment in a face that was revealing nothing.

"And what did he do to you?"

Levi would admit he was caught off guard.

"...Excuse me?"

He let his eyes return to the Commander, who was peering at him with that indecipherable expression. It was stone. His full lips were pursed in a line, brow relaxed and chin still resting on the bridge of his knitted fingers. "Ah, who's hard of hearing now?" Erwin smiled faintly. The smile slipped as his lips curved around the words: "What did he do to you?"

"He..." Levi was grappling with the question, maybe trying to glean what the point of asking it had been. "He did what he wanted with me. Does it matter?"

"Yes." Erwin appeared to be patiently awaiting a full detailed report, like he thought that Levi had typed it all up ahead of time. Levi felt ill. He didn't particularly want to remember any of it. His voice remained level. "He held me down. I left after about an hour."

"As strong as you are? He held you down?"

"I..." Levi held his midsection tighter. "Allowed him to. Yeah, he held me down."

"And what did he do to you?"

The light was dying down. Erwin slipped his hands from beneath his chin as he leant back in his leather chair and dipped further into the shadows. He removed his glasses and set them on a stack of coffee stained documents. 

"He slept with me. What else do you want me to fucking say, Smith?"

"I want to know if he hurt you."

Working under Erwin was a lot like living, sleeping, and shitting in a confessional booth. No screen, no divider. Just Erwin and his blue eyes and his never satiated curiosity. "He was heavy. Overweight. Made me suck his rancid dick until he got hard enough to fuck me. No he didn't hurt me. Nothing ever hurts me, you know that."

"Of course. Indestructible Levi." Another faint smile. "I'm glad."

A few butterflies were riding with the bile creeping its way up. Levi swallowed it all back. He didn't want to think about that greasy pig's dick in his ass. Didn't want to, but found a lot of comfort in Erwin's smile. He opened his mouth, maybe to say something snide as he was never able to agree to being the leashed dog he was, not in words. But Erwin carried on.

"Did he finish inside of you?"

Levi hadn't puked in years but thought that he might, now. He hesitated. Shifted once more, eyes setting upon his thoroughly shined boots. 

"Smith."

"It’s still inside of you." Not a question, but a sighed statement. Levi thought that maybe there was a sheen of sweat to the man, a thin layer of it shining in the dying lamplight. Levi pushed himself to stand on steady legs. There was a sharp bit of pressure at the base of his spine. He wasn't in the mood for disillusionment tonight. He thought that maybe he could forget the entire exchange. The sweat was a trick of the light. The man's breathing was not as labored as it seemed. Erwin hadn't asked a single question about Levi fucking that pig. 

"I'm going to bed."

"Stay." The word came a bit breathlessly. Levi remained standing, tense and rigid. He didn’t want to be in the room anymore. He obeyed regardless. "Did you think of how grateful I'd be, Levi?"

The light was out entirely now. He stood in the dark and listened to Erwin's heavy breathing.

"Yeah."

"While he was fucking you?"

"Yeah. I... Yeah."

"And I suppose that made it worth it?"

"I was doing you a favor. Don't expect it to happen again."

Levi simply didn't think about it, during. He didn't think about who that man was, the taste of his dick, the way it had felt inside of him. He'd had a consistent and unbroken mantra: Nothing hurts. Nothing is unbearable. He wrung his hands tighter and tighter and listened to Erwin sigh. The man's chair creaked. He was quiet, beyond the wet sound coming from below his desk. “Let me see what you did for me.”

Levi decided he’d walked into the wrong office and was speaking with the wrong Commander. That maybe this was a room just outside of the reality he’d anticipated and prepared for upon riding on horseback from Mitras. 

Submission was such a funny thing. 

He undressed and thought of nothing. He paused to fold each article of clothing and stacked them in a neat pile on the couch. Without the oil lamp going there was only faraway moonlight. Levi figured he looked like shit in the glow of it. 

Alternatively, like a whore.

Bruised and dirty between his legs, spotted with hickies. Cum was creeping cold along the backs of his thighs. He’d wanted a bath, but he’d wanted to report to the Commander more than that. He walked around the man’s desk stiffly. Stood before him as Erwin turned in his chair. The man’s trousers were unbuttoned. He’d never seen the man’s dick before. He had the shaft of it clenched in his fist, stroking it casually enough to make Levi’s skin crawl. The man looked so expectant. Forever patiently waiting for Levi to follow unspoken orders. 

Levi didn’t feel like the naked one between them. 

He thought maybe Erwin was more bare than he was. 

Levi mechanically stepped between Erwin and his desk and bent over the latter, chest pressing against cold hard wood. He reached behind himself and spread his asscheeks with his hands, half his face resting on an expedition report. He could smell the coffee stain. “Ah there’s so much of it coming out of you.” Levi grunted as the pad of a finger circled his anal ring, spreading old cum around the sensitive, sore skin. “You must’ve hated every minute of fucking him.” 

There was an oil painting of their king hanging above the door. Levi studied the lines and cracks along the surface of it as Erwin’s chair scraped against the hardwood floor. The man settled behind him, maybe on his knees, breath ghosting against Levi’s skin. Warm airy exhales. Levi flinched as he felt the flick of a tongue against the gaping mess of his ass. “In short I’m flattered, Levi.” 

Levi didn’t flinch a second time as Erwin’s tongue began to roll itself around his asshole. “Disgusting.” Levi muttered it blandly, staring dimly at the painting. He kept his asscheeks spread regardless of the puke clawing its way further and further up. He thought that Erwin was chipping away the monument of stone and steel in Levi’s mind bit by bit. 

Maybe what he’d secretly hoped for was the Commander saying: ‘You never have to do that for me.

So pensive while getting his ass eaten. Levi would snicker if he wasn’t so tired. Tremors had his thighs and legs shaking as Erwin forced his tongue into him. “Ngh!” Levi’s eyelids squeezed themselves shut momentarily only to wrench themselves back open. He focused on the painting. His breathing was growing louder in the dark. Erwin seemed to be set on scooping every glob of stranger’s cum out of him with his curling tongue. 

His gaze grew hazier as Erwin licked inside of him. Tongue pressing against and running along his inner walls. When he began to fuck him with it in lazy, unhurried thrusts Levi squirmed. Blood filled his cheeks and left him flushed there against the desk. Shoulders and collarbone splotched pink or red. A sharp sound scraped itself along the back of his throat and he swallowed it down. Erwin’s tongue exited him slowly, and he felt still warm spit sluggishly creeping itself down his still spread hole. 

“All clean.” 

“Disgusting.” Levi repeated it, panting now. Erect and leaking. He strained to crane his neck and look over shoulder. Erwin was standing over him, stroking his cock and staring down at Levi’s ass with a look of contemplation. The man’s chin was gleaming with spit and cum. Levi flinched as thick strands of Erwin’s own struck his ass and the backs of his hands. Levi didn’t release his grip on his asscheeks until the man seemed to be done. Erwin stroked himself even as he finished, sighing and letting his eyelids droop. A smile tugged at his lips. Confident. Maybe playful. 

Levi peeled himself away from the desk. Walked away from it, hard cock bobbing between his legs. He dressed silently as the Commander settled back down in his chair. He refilled the oil in his lamp as Levi focused on pulling on his scouting cloak with shaking hands. The fabric of his underwear stuck to his cum painted ass. 

New, warm light lit the scene. It was unwelcome.

Levi steadied his hands and made for the door, steps heavy and stride as self-assured as it had been when he’d walked into the room. 

“Levi?”

He paused, fingers wrapping around the glinting brass of the doorknob.

“You really are completely devoted to me, aren’t you?” 

Levi clenched his jaw. “...Good night, Smith.” 

He exited the man's office and shut the door with a quiet click. Leant his back against it and stared up at the ceiling. He needed a bath.