Chapter Text
She broke it.
Of course, she did.
What did she expect?
She jinxed every job.
Jinxed all her family.
That’s why she kept her walls up.
To keep people away.
To protect them.
But she dared hope for a different result.
A happily ever after. For a monster like her.
She almost had a shot, too.
And then…
She ruined it.
Jinxed it.
Broke it.
Jinx found abandoned places to be the most appealing. All the history contained in cracked walls, left behind to fester, to create a life of its own, like her. She only wanted to be alone, to wallow in self-pity with her ghosts. A hidden ladder to an abandoned rooftop seemed like the best place for her to pass the time between classes.
Her new meds weren’t it. She felt groggy and unsteady, and she wanted to punch whoever started a conversation with her next, so, isolation was for the best. That way she could wallow in her self-pity without any judgment. But someone else found her little secret rooftop. When this happened it was usually pretty easy to carve out territorial lines, but this wasn’t a gang member or dealer trying to claim the space. It was a girl. And she was hiding, just like Jinx. She also didn’t want to be seen or followed, she just wanted to be left alone, just like Jinx. And it was so easy for Jinx to think ‘she’s like a part of me I didn’t know I was missing,’ and ‘she’s mine.’
And she smiled and told Jinx, ‘yes.’
But you broke it…
Broke it.
BROKE IT!
Distorted faces haunted her.
And the meds weren’t helping.
Scalding hot water wasn’t doing her any favors either.
It didn’t wash away the memories. And whereas before, she’d managed to separate the unwelcome touches and forceful kisses, now everything was stained, every touch, every kiss wrapped in barbwire.
And no amount of scrubbing herself raw would erase that.
Those soft, warm hands Jinx longingly held so many times now carved into her heart like shards of glass, pushing her away and holding her down, trying to escape her but never letting her go.
Tainted. Ruined.
Broke it.
“Your eyes are so cool.”
Jinx blinked and stared at Lux who was standing too close for comfort. People were already talking shit about them seeming too buddy-buddy, but if Lux didn’t mind the rumors, why should Jinx?
She made a cross-eyed gesture and Lux yelped, shoving her lightly. She was so dainty, such a girly girl, not like Jinx at all. But just like Jinx in the ways that mattered.
Jinx laughed, Lux laughed, they both laughed, and Jinx said. “You have a pretty laugh.”
Jinx’s stomach lurched violently every time Lux’s vacant expression flashed before her eyes. There was nothing left to vomit, but she had to stop and heave regardless.
With all the screeching, it was hard to focus, to think, to breathe . Jinx had to leave her. She didn’t want to, but she couldn’t stay, not like this. She had to fix it somehow—fix herself somehow.
She couldn’t make it go away, and pretend it wasn’t happening either.
It took forever, but she bathed and dressed in wrinkly laundry from the dryer. She wasted an indefinite amount of time pacing, heaving, and smoking until her hands were shaking and her lungs ached.
She couldn’t fix this.
Broke it.
Jinx was no stranger to breaking things, especially things she cared about. And people were just too damn easy to break.
The night Vander died, Powder died with him, along with Mylo and Claggor. It was an accident, and of course the Piltie police didn’t care enough to make a proper investigation out of it. Jinx learned later it was because they were working for Silco, and looking into that incident would bring unwanted attention to his business.
Despite what she said, Vi always resented Jinx for that, even if it wasn’t Jinx’s fault, it was Powder’s, she was the one who was broken and weak. She was the dead girl on the bridge..
How would one go about exorcising a demon?
How about ten? A hundred? A thousand?
Was it equally as vicious?
Was there a threshold?
She couldn’t drown them, and couldn’t withstand the flame long enough to burn them.
Smoke and blood kept them at bay for a while.
Only for a while.
But it wasn’t smoke and blood that would cleanse her.
The next time Jinx killed someone she cared about, it was an accident too. She forgot to take her meds that morning. There was so much to do, she simply didn’t think of it. Silco did, though. He was always on top of everything related to Jinx. And look where it got him.
Everything was a blur after the doctor failed her.
She’d burned down every factory she could find, or so she’d been told. And ended up in the Last Drop. Vi visited. Then sent the big guns to fetch her.
It was for the best, really.
Jinx was aimless.
She didn’t know what to do, other than punish herself.
She’d jinxed it.
And the wraith of the girl on the bridge watched her.
Dead but never gone.
“I ruined you,” Jinx murmured under her breath.
Before Jinx, Lux was perfect.
Before Jinx, she was pure.
But it wasn’t Jinx’s fault.
Not all of it.
Steam filled the bathroom, fogging up the mirror.
Jinx closed the faucet, carefully picking up the bowl.
Radiant pink looked back at her through the fog.
She wasn’t sure she could fix it.
But if she wanted a chance to try, she’d first have to pick up the pieces.