Chapter Text
~
Dearest Sirius
It feels so strange to be doing this again, after all that’s happened in the last year, but I felt it was poignant to send you a letter on this, the anniversary of our first ever meeting. Do you remember how our first conversation went? I thought you were horrified by my scars and you were so busy having filthy wet dreams about my fingers that you could barely function (allegedly).
I’m so glad we got past that stage, though I do miss the stuttering mess you became whenever I put something in my mouth. Maybe I should get some lollipops and take that up again, that WAS a fun week.
I digress though, the purpose of this letter is to mark a point in time when life if truly wonderful. I’m madly in love with the best looking man London has ever seen and for some reason he loves me back.
You’ve been squirrely all week so I know you have something ridiculous and momentous planned to mark the occasion of finding ‘the moon to your stars’ as you so love to say, but whatever it is (and however disastrously your over the top plans may go awry) I want you to know that falling in love with you has been the single most impactful adventure of my life. You have changed me in ways I thought I could not be changed and woken parts of me I thought would eternally slumber.
You light up my life, you are my north star, my guiding constellation and I hope we have plenty more years, filled with plenty more things to celebrate. I want so many inane memories with you that this day slips into anonymity again, so overwhelmed by all the other fantastic and wonderful memories we share. I want meeting you to one day be a small memory, a mere blip compared to all the big bright memories we make together as a couple.
The memories I make while getting to love you, the memories in which I know you, those are the ones I want to fill my life with.
Yours Always
Moony
Xx
~
Dear Remus
I know you’re upset about the dog. I realise, upon reflection and a very long very stern lecture from Lily and James (okay just Lily, James was playing with the dog) that I should have properly consulted with you before making such a big decision that affects both our lives.
Snuffles is a very cute very small puppy now but as you correctly pointed out, an Irish wolfhound, when fully grown is rather large and probably too big for our apartment.
I appreciate that me saying I will bring him to the clinic and get him trained as a therapy dog doesn’t excuse me from communicating with you or make our living quarters any more appropriate for the dog. I also appreciate that my jokes regarding you getting confused about who to kiss since you already sleep with one black dog were not funny given how angry you were at the time, and I should have reconsidered making them.
Lily says you refuse to come home and watch the dog destroy your favourite things and wreak havoc in our apartment ‘clearly only suited to contain two human people and not a large fucking dog’ which is fair, but I miss you rather desperately.
Because this is my fault and I messed up, Lily says it’s my responsibility to make things right. So I apologise unequivocally for my actions and for not including you in this important step in our relationship. You’re right, as usual. We can’t possibly live the three of us in this little place and really London is no place for a dog. So to make up for my transgressions I have purchased us a lovely little cottage in the Welsh countryside, right around the corner from your parents.
It has acreage and a sizable backyard and a lovely little second house on the property I thought we could maybe turn into a veterans’ retreat. It even has a library for all your books and its on the upper floor so we can lock it off from snuffles. I’ve included in this envelope your key and the address. When you’re home we can pack together as I value your opinion and don’t want to make any boxing decisions without consulting you first.
You’re always saying how much you miss Wales and that the air here smells funny. I hope you can forgive me my thoughtlessness and instead come and teach me how to grow zucchinis. I’ll be lost without you.
I miss you terribly. Please come home, I won’t ever buy another dog without asking first.
Yours Always,
Sirius and Snuffles
P.S. The puppy cries at night and I couldn’t just leave him in the bathroom. I think he misses you too so now he sleeps in the bed with me, and we cry together. I think it’s possible he’s learning several very bad habits without you here to be the adult. Please come back.
P.P.S Lily just proofread this and is now somehow even angrier, she’s stormed off and said I’m a lost cause and James is to deal with me. He and I have read it through twice and we can’t even see any glaring grammatical errors, so I have decided to just send this off with James and hope for the best. I love you.
~
Dearest Sirius,
Writing to you like this feels strange again, now that we share both a name and a post box, some of the magic of letter writing seems lost. It fills me with a strange sort of melancholy that I will leave this on your pillow and not stamp it or send it off with the postman. Aside from the altered delivery method living with you has made it increasingly difficult to actually finish a letter to you. Whenever I’m gone for more than 10 minutes you come and find me like a lost puppy and then throw yourself at me when you discover what I’m doing in a fit of amorous passion because it’s ‘so romantic!’ I’m two blow jobs and some couch sex down at this point and determined to actually finish this damn letter this time. You’re asleep on said couch post coitus so I’m hopeful.
So yes, it’s strange to be writing to you but I thought it might steady my thoughts and help me say what I need to. Firstly, I’m so happy Sirius, with you, us, the fucking house you bought me to make up for the dog you got yourself (whom I feed and walk and take to the vet), I’m happy with work and socially and everything really.
I really am happy and I need you to know that. I love you more than anything and just having you is enough, I want so much for it to be enough. However, Increasingly I am filled with a longing I didn’t really know I had before. When we make breakfast on Sunday morning, when we walk the dog in the afternoons, every time I see you with Harry, laughing and playing, despite being so incredibly happy I find myself wanting desperately.
I want that for us, I want to watch you play in the garden with a child that is ours to share and love and raise. I know you’ve always been terrified you’ll somehow morph into your mother around anyone under the age of 22, but I’ve watched you with Harry and you’re an incredible godfather. I know you’d be an incredible dad too and I want that, I want you to be a dad, and I want to be a father. I want to be a parents and I want to do it together.
I know this is sudden and in all of our years together I’ve never mentioned wanting this before. But I never thought I could feel so whole. I was a broken man for so long, but you’ve helped me put my pieces back together and given me new ones I didn’t even know I was missing. Loving you, marrying you, coming out here to Wales and starting the retreat. I have everything I could ever want and need. My PTSD is the best it can ever be, and when I have bad days or nightmares, I know you’re always there to pick me back up. You pull me through the dark and back into the light with all the love you have for me, and every time I am grateful. Our life is full of love and I can’t help but wish we could share some of it with another life. A new life.
I want you to know you’re enough and if you aren’t ready, or never will be that’s okay too, maybe we can adopt another dog for me to coddle instead, I’m sure Snuffles would enjoy the company.
Just, think about it won’t you? I love you to the moon and back, my north star
Love, Remus
~
Teddy smiled down at the letter in his hands, he could imagine his Da pacing back and forth waiting for his dad to read the letter, Remus would have been a ball of anxiety at the prospect of having the conversation afterwards. He knew for a fact that it had gone well, after Sirius had stopped sobbing uncontrollably long enough to agree enthusiastically, they had immediately started discussing options for a surrogate, (although when dad told the story there was even more sex, but Teddy was pretty sure that was just to embarrass him).
The next piece of paper in the box was a letter confirming his imminent arrival, on the back of the envelope names were scribbled, in two different scripts. One a messy doctor’s scrawl and one calligraphic in nature, there were several crossed out options that Teddy really was relieved to see inked over and then there, near the bottom, circled and underlined was his name, Edward Regulus Lupin. Beneath it, surrounded by tiny, neat hearts was the word Teddy. He smiled down at the handwriting fondly, before reaching into the bottom of the box he had been slowly emptying of paper memories, heart clenching as his fingers scraped the wooden base before meeting card.
The last envelope was a simple gold one, a hallmark card fell out when he opened it.
~
Dear Sirius
Happy anniversary my love. 50 years! I can’t believe we are going to get a bloody letter from the Queen, proper posh stuff. Your mother would be furiously jealous. Maybe we should go and parade it in front of her grave when we next visit Reggie, Teddy always laughs at your impression of her.
I feel as though we ought to send all our cards and flowers to Lily this year, if it wasn’t for that phone call on that fateful day I might’ve just continued to drift from job to job for the next 30 years and grow old locked in a tiny apartment in London by myself, instead of this wonderful cottage in Wales with you.
Or worse I could have moved to Australia like she suggested! I shudder to think that I could be surrounded by spiders and kangaroos now, calling people ‘mate’ instead of having you and teddy in my life.
It might’ve been a nice enough life I suppose, but any life that isn’t the one we have, would be terrible to me. She saved me from a terrible fate and set me on the correct path, the one that lead to you, the love of my life and Teddy our incredible son.
You are my soulmate Sirius, I’d spend another 50 years growing even older with you if I could.
I love you my star
Moony
Xxx
There was a looping scribble on the inside face of the card and Teddys heart ached to see Sirius’ handwriting, elegant as ever.
~
Remus you foolish gorgeous man, I’ve been sending Lily flowers every year on this day since the day you said yes to dinner with me at that little Indian place on the Thames. I’m a proper posh tosh remember? I’d never slack on my flower sending and giving thanks is compulsory in etiquette savvy circles. Now get your cute wrinkly arse in here so we can have mind boggling sex or at least do that thing where we hold each other in the nude, cause we’re old and wrinkly and our bones creek with anything too rigorous.
I want to talk about it at lunch and make Teddy uncomfortable again. Usually his expressions are all you but I swear he blushes just as badly as I did when we first met whenever I talk about sex, he must have got that from the Black genes in Dora!
Love you to the moon and back,
Your North Star xxx
~
A tear rolled down his cheek as he held the card to his chest. He missed his Da, missed them both so much, but it warmed him to know that somewhere in the sky they were together again, Bones no longer creaking, having embarrassing amounts of mind boggling sex.
Together forever, chasing each other through the stars.