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I'm not her

Summary:

Things have been going downhill with your girlfriend for a while now, but, when you return home early after a trip gets cancelled, you realize it's worse than you could have possibly imagined.

Notes:

Welp, I wrote this sleep deprived in two sittings while trying to get my shit together. It's a short one, but it's definitely a train wreck, so I apologise in advance.

Enjoy lovelies :3

Chapter Text

Sighing to yourself, you took a u-turn and drove your Lamborghini back in the direction you came from. You'd made plans to go on a weekend trip with your friends, Usagi and Naru, but the flight had been cancelled so the trip was postponed. It all happened with the worst timing too. You and your girlfriend, Haruka, had been increasingly off recently and you had no idea what to do. She barely even gave you attention anymore, let alone offered to take you out. She'd come home late, and every time you asked her if she wanted to do something, some emergency plan or other appeared like magic. All this was really starting to stress you out- you wondered around the house aimlessly during the day and couldn't sleep at night. Although part of you wished that she'd just leave you and rip off the band aid, you just couldn't seem to figure out what to do without her.

She was your whole world.

You'd been dating Haruka Tenoh for the better part of 5 years. Initially, your entire relationship had felt unreal. Yes, you were dating a celebrity racer, but Haruka was genuinely stunning, and not just physically so. She had the kind of magnetic personality that everyone was drawn to, and neither girls nor guys could ever seem to get enough of her. Even back when you first met, in your senior year of high school, talking to her had felt like talking to an intimate friend. The two of you had quickly gotten close - you'd cycle to school together, eat lunch in the same spot every day and hang out after school on the days Haruka didn't have to race. She started flirting with you a few months in, doing so boldly and bluntly. Haruka was the kind of woman who knew exactly what she wanted and stopped at nothing to get it. It was one of the many things that made you weak in the knees about her. About six months later, on a moonlit summer night, she'd given you a simple sapphire pendant and asked you to be her girlfriend.

At first, you couldn't believe it. You were just an average student. You were bashful, socially inept, uninteresting... the kind of person no one even gave a second glance. And yet, despite knowing she could have anyone at all, she chose you. You knew things were moving way too fast, but, by that point, you were already madly in love with her, and logic and rationality had long left your body like steam evaporating from a hot cup of coffee.

From that day on, your life was radically transformed. You were the girlfriend of Haruka Tenoh. Celebrity racecar driver, serial heartbreaker, and national sex symbol. There wasn't a person in the whole of Japan who didn't want to be you. Naturally, you ate all of the attention up, enjoying it like a part of the lavish and luxurious lifestyle you now led. After all, you would be lying to yourself if you said that you didn't feel a prick of satisfaction when the paparazzi crowded around you and Haruka, her arm slung around your shoulders or waist, and pushed and shoved for the chance to capture a hot shot for this or that gossip magazine. It would be dishonest to say you hadn't delighted in the envious glares of random girls when Haruka pulled your body against her own and kissed you, all in one swift movement.

It had never truly been about the attention or riches though.

Ever since you'd first spoken to her, you'd felt like she held a piece of your heart in her grip. What she did and said, however seemingly insignificant, took such a large toll on you that it drove you mad. When you were with her, you felt like you'd found your place in the world- like you could truly just be. She soon filled up all of your life, because even when you weren't with her, you were thinking about her. Moving in together in your pent house apartment, with its marble kitchen and breath-taking view of the city, had felt like a dream come true.

It was about 4 years into the relationship that everything started to go sour. Every day, Haruka grew a little more distant, a little more closed off. She no longer sought you out unless it was necessary, and what little affection she still offered felt like a performance deprived of any passion. Her kisses were weak compared to what they'd once been, as though an essential part was missing. You couldn't remember the last time she said "I love you".

It hurt, especially at first. Each one of these little betrayals felt like a stab wound in the heart. You tried to talk about it with her, to understand, but she always shut down the conversation brutally.

"I'm busy right now, Y/N. Do we really have to do this ?"

"God, were you always this clingy ? It's starting to get on my nerves,"

The first few times, you were left standing in shock and fighting back tears. After a while, you just gave up- maybe if you kept quiet and compliant, you could keep Haruka. The distance between the two of you was becoming increasingly large and difficult to bridge, and you knew this. Even when you say next to each other on the sofa or at dinner, it felt like she was miles away. That was probably what hurt the most- her heart was slipping through your fingers before your very eyes, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. At the same time, she still had as firm a grip on your heart as when you'd first started dating.

Parking your car and pulling the housekeys out of your bag, you made your way to the main entrance of the vast apartment complex in which you two lived. After you finished high school, Haruka had insisted on moving to one of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Tokyo.

"Nothing but the best for my baby," she used to say, her rough hand cupping your chin.

You pushed the memories to the back of your mind as you walked up the stairs. It hurt too much to remember what had once been. However, you couldn't carry on ignoring the evident decay of your relationship. You decided that, tonight, you would sit Haruka down and try to really salvage your relationship. You wouldn't shy away or let yourself be shrugged off- you would fix the problems you two had no matter how many hours it took, because you still loved her and you couldn't carry on living with only the corpse of your relationship in your life and pretending everything was fine. You made a fist around your pendant and closed your eyes, making a wish.

When you got to the apartment, the door was already half open. You let yourself in, not thinking much of it. As soon as you did so, you froze in shock, your jaw clenched, eyes wide and all your muscles tensed. You let the tears run freely, biting into your arm to stifle the sobs.

Another woman's moans were coming from the bedroom you shared with your girlfriend.

"OHH Haruka... mhhhh,"

You recognised her voice instantly. It was Michiru Kaio, the violinist. She and Haruka had become incredibly close after meeting at one of Haruka's races about a year ago. It was also around the time Haruka really detached herself from you. You'd been so stupid not to see it before.

In your mind, you conjured the image of the woman's face. She had smooth, flawless skin and a pair of intense blue eyes fringed by almost impossibly long lashes. Her hair cascaded down her back in thick waves and her body curved in all the right places. You remembered the gala a few months ago, which Michiru had attended in a skimpy little white dress. Haruka had barely been able to keep her eyes off of her. Blocking out the moans, you crept into the bathroom and really looked at yourself in the mirror for the first time in months. It was like wearing a new pair of glasses. Your hair was full of split ends and it had lost its shine almost completely, just like your skin (which was beginning to break out). The bags under your eyes were increasingly visible. Your eyes, once shining and full of joy, looked hollow and empty... you imagined yourself standing next to Michiru looking like that and bit your arm again to stifle a loud sob. No wonder Haruka made the choice she made.

Michiru's moans got louder, more frequent.

You thought back to when it had been you moaning like that in the very same room. It felt like a different life now, but the more you thought about it, the more you could feel your blood begin to boil. The rage you'd been suppressing subconsciously all this time had finally broken free and taken control of your mind, making everything else pale in comparison.

You slammed the bathroom door and marched to the bedroom, letting the tears flow freely down your face. It felt like your heart had been ripped apart from inside replaced with a cold stone. You harnessed the pain, letting it fuel your anger.

" Haruka, you fucking bitch ! I caught you !" You screeched, your voice unstable yet powerful. On the other side of the door, silence instantly fell. You heard some rustling before Haruka came to the door and opened it, her gaze meeting yours steadily. Unflinching. As soon as you saw her, your anger evaporated, leaving only a crushing desperation. Seeing her face like that made you want to cry even harder. You wanted to fall into her arms and beg her to stay. You wanted to tell her to forget about Michiru, and that all would be forgiven if she just gave you another chance. If she simply took you back.

You opened your mouth but Haruka beat you to it.

"Yeah, sorry... this isn't the way I wanted you to find out, but I'm with Michiru now. I love her, and have done so for a few months now. It's over between us,"

Your entire body started shaking as you sobbed harder and harder. Your beautiful star in the night sky... the woman you loved more than life itself... it was all being ripped away from you. Haruka looked at you awkwardly. There was a time when she could cheer you up like no one else- she'd rush by your side and embrace you hard, comforting you and making you laugh until your problems seemed minuscule.

"It can't exactly come as a surprise, Y/N. It was pretty obvious that I wasn't happy with you. I haven't been for a while,"

The ache in your chest grew sharper, all consuming. In a swift gesture, you ripped off the sapphire pendant on your neck and threw it at Haruka with all your strength. The clasp cut your skin, causing beads of red to trickle down your neck. You didn't care.

Taking one last look at the place you'd called home for the last 3 years, you gathered all your remaining strength and turned around, making for the door. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Michiru sitting on the bed, her perfect hips on display. At least she had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Wait, Y/N-" Haruka called as your hand reached for the doorknob. You turned around, a small, pathetic part of you still convinced that Haruka would apologise and ask to take you back.

"What is it ?" you said, trying to keep your voice even. Haruka's face was a strange blend of regret and relief.

"Never mind. you can leave now," she nodded coldly towards the door. You wanted to get on your knees and beg her to keep talking, even if it was just one more sentence. Instead, you embraced what little pride you had left and exited the apartment, forcing yourself not to look back. As soon as you reached the bottom of the staircase, you let yourself crumple to the floor as sobs convulsed your body violently. You no longer had the energy to care who was watching.

She had been your entire world.

And now, you were alone.